Yesterday was a wonderful Thanksgiving. I had both of my daughters home, and other friends and family. The food prep felt almost effortless, and everything was delicious. I gave some friends a few WW recipes and was amazed and pleased at how yummy and undietish it tasted. We had a creamed spinach that was absolutely decadent: and only one point!

I woke up early and went to a Turkey Trot organized by some other local WW leaders.  Around 60 people showed up and we took a lovely trot down the shoreline. The weather was chilly but sunny and really perfect. I think the course was around 5k. I walked out, enjoying a nice chat with one of the members from my Mon night meeting. When we got to the turnaraound point, I was feeling nicely warmed up and was really in the mood to try to run. I told myself, I’ll go until it doesn’t feel good. Well it felt GREAT the whole time! My ankle did not hurt or feel the least bit unstable. (I was wearing my brace) This made me very happy and something good to feel thankful for (among many).

The rest of the day was wonderful. Great food, laughing and a hilarious game of Apples to Apples.

This morning, though, I woke up and had a very sore throat. Wah. I haven’t been sick in so so so long. But here it is. I’ve had a regular flu shot but not an H1N1. I am hoping for the best. I hope I am well for my WW meeting on Sunday morning –this is not a good time to try and find a sub!

I crept out to a Nia class at 9am and took it easy- I felt like I needed to stretch and move, but when I came back that was definitely the big energy expenditure of the day.

Can you believe we had NO – I mean NO turkey leftover? 15 lbs for 15 people, and it just vanished. This made me feel bereft. All that stuffing (pans and pans!) and gravy and potatoes and EVERYthing — but NO TURKEY. So I stopped at the grocery and bought a 5 lb turkey breast and just roasted it. YUM. (why don’t I do this more often? It’s so easy! and yummy!) It was even better than the big turkey yesterday.

Is it starve a cold, feed a fever? Whatever it is, I am in eating mode.  YUM TURKEY.

And then… nap. Ahhhhhhh.

PS. Anybody have any ideas for leftover shrimp? We had shrimp cocktail as an app yesterday, and there’s about a pound leftover. I thought… shrimp salad, for sandwiches? Any other ideas?

“Be generous with your insights and delights. Instead of fearing that they’re going to slip away and holding on to them, share them.” – Pema Chödrön

I struggle with the fact that food (in general) is my real passion in life but is in no way my profession.  I often romanticize about starting a butcher shop that specializes in local, sustainable meet products and sandwiches, but I’ve never gotten the gumption to do something about those fantasies.  However, the realities of life keep holding me back.  Questions nag at me when I think about his dream.

What would I do if I didn’t make money?  What if the business totally failed?  What would my hours be like?   What would we do for health insurance?  401K?  How do I reconcile this kind of business with a growing sense that I should eat less meat, or even completely go vegetarian?

Inevitably these questions and self doubt are too heavy for me to make the change.  Perhaps someday.  If not now, when?  When I’m fifty?

I’ve been reading a lot of books written by Buddhist practitioners.  They offer practical advice and guidance for living a life that is both physically and spiritually healthy.  I came across the quote at the beginning of this post in a book called Start Where You Are.  There are many ways I can live these words.  It occurred to me that sharing my cooking is one way to practice this teaching.

I spent the bulk of the week cooking for the Thanksgiving feast.  Since I have a bum left hand right now, the cooking was slower than usual and I needed to get some help from my family.  (I farmed out sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes, both of which were lovely when they arrived at the house already prepared.)  I started on Monday, took Tuesday off, and then cooked most of the day on Wednesday and all day on Thursday.

Wednesday, Mrs. TKD wanted to get take out for dinner, to give me a break.  But I was determined to make a meal for our guests.  After all, they had driven between 5 and 9 hours to get to our house.  I thought they deserved a good meal prepared fresh, rather than some take out.  I knew that they’d appreciate a home cooked meal, and indeed they did.  And it didn’t take too much more energy out of me.

Thursday was, of course, a marathon of cooking.  Not only was it Thanksgiving, but it was Mrs. TKD’s birthday.  I started cooking at 7:00 AM.  Scones, pancakes and bacon for breakfast.  Then I started cooking Thanksgiving dinner.  It was an all day affair, even with the advanced cooking and farming out of some of the sides.

Before we sat down to dinner, I offered a blessing of sorts.  I’d come across these words in my readings over the summer.  When I was reading In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan, I was struck by his recommendation to offer a blessing at every meal.  I’ve not been a good practitioner of this suggestion, but I do like the suggestion.  The blessing need not be tied up with religious imagry.  They following words will do just fine:

Eating with the fullest pleasure — pleasure, that is, that does not come from ignorance — is perhaps the profoundest enactment of our connection wtih the world.  In this pleasure we experience and celebrate our dependence and our gratitude, for we are living from mystery, from creatures we did not make and powers we cannot comprehend. — Wendell Berry

These words remind us of our connections to the earth.  They remind us that eating is pleasurable, and rather than deny that pleasure, we should celebrate in this fact.  They also remind us of the gratitude and debt we owe to the creatures that sustain us through out our lives.  It was quite a feast, and everyone enjoyed it, as witnessed by the silence that fell across the room as we ate.

Well, away, of course. Both literally, and I guess, figuratively. See, I’ve been very busy with Stuff. And Things. And even with Activities. Which is usually quite unlike me – I’m a bit more slothful, generally, but for once in my life, I can be one of those people who says “You know the last month has been just hectic” and it’s kind of true.

Let’s see what I did in the last month:

I finally finished the huge, beautiful crocheted blankie for my dear sister who lives all the way in Japan and suffers terribly from the cold. To call it a labour of love would be an understatement – I’m not sure how many balls of wool went into it, or the final cost in South African Rands, but I can tell you that an entire box-set of the West Wing was consumed in the making of this blanket:

I’d never actually crocheted anything before but somehow the spirit just moved me. After spending most of this winter knitting, and trying very hard to be a responsible lady and live with the delayed gratification that knitting expects, I just thought that something a bit more immediate was needed. So crochet it was. Plus, I just love the cosy, retro, heirloom feel that you get with crocheted things.
And, lucky for me, the online craft revolution, which I consider to be the most wonderful collision of the digital and analogue worlds, came to my rescue. Thanks to YouTube videos, and the wonderful, talented, generous Lucy over at Attic24, I managed to figure it our quite quickly, and was hooking away in a couple of days.

I just love the way this project grew, from little teeny squares that took me ages when I started, but, by the time I was nearly done were just flying off the hook:

As you can see from the yellow one, in the bottom row, I was a bit wobbly at first, and things looked a little odd. But you can see the pretty flower pattern emerging quite nicely, and by the time I was joining them into groups of four, I was feeling a bit more confident:

I didn’t really use any logic in the planning of the colour combinations – I just kind of put things that looked nice together. But I did make sure that the groups of four had matching outer colours – otherwise, with some of those oranges and purples, it would have been a bit much. All in all, I’m very chuffed with how it all turned out. And, most importantly of all, Baby Sister seems to love it, and has said that she would rather leave her passport in Japan than leave the blankie there when she packs her bags to come home. So that’s a happy thought.

I’ve also just realised that as I’ve been sitting here, putting this post together and digging through my photos, I’ve found the source that inspired the colour choices I used. Remember a couple of months ago, when I uploaded the picture of the amazing ranunculi?

Well, looking back, I think this is where it must have all begun – these three little flowers. Which makes me very happy – I love the idea that, in deep, cold Japanese winter, my dear sister will have a little splash of South African summer sunshine.

Sjoe, but this post is long. You’ll have to read the next one, to see where else I’ve been.

Often, we find ourselves dwelling in dark places, with little joy, and we find it difficult to recognize the true gifts we have in life.  Perhaps these gifts are our parents, our children, or our spouse.  Perhaps these gifts are friends or teachers who have helped us along the way.  Maybe these gifts are simple pleasures in life, like a few minutes to relax after a long day or week, or a sunset (or even a sunrise).  We all have gifts in our lives, but sometimes they are easy to forget; and as a result we fail to give thanks.

We live imperfect lives –  in imperfect times.  One of our challenges, is to seek a path that does not aim to perfect but rather to accept life’s imperfection while working to improve life, to reduce suffering.  There is a great deal of suffering in this world.  Very likely, you suffer.  We all do in one way or another.  Your suffering may be physical.  It may be mental or emotional.  It may be caused by an ailment or a relationship with another person.  Suffering is the human condition.  And yet, we can work to reduce suffering, in our own lives, and in the lives of others.  One way is to give thanks.

When we give thanks, we acknowledge that our suffering has been relieved in someway.  It feels good to give thanks.  We smile when we say thank you.  It reduces suffering, not only for the person who is giving thanks but for the person how is being thanked.

This year, on Thanksgiving, I am thankful for many things.  I’ve got good health, good family, good friends, and all the things for which we are usually thankful.  But what I’m most thankful for, is that I’ve discovered some ways to be more mindful in my life and these practices are making a difference.  I am thankful that I am feeling more joy and wonder even in imperfect times in this imperfect life.

It still amazes me that Americans have come up with a holiday entirely devoted to the act of stuffing your face. Not that Halloween, Christmas, the Forth of July or Tuesdays are any different…
I think the main problem I have with the holiday is not the premise, because I find it hard not to appreciate being thankful for things and appreciating what you have. It’s also great to get friends and family to sit down at the dinner table and actually feel like they should talk for once.
Honestly, what I hate about Thanksgiving is the complete lack of gift giving. Now this may make me sound selfish, but I’m a Christmas kinda girl. I love caroling, and snowmen and stockings and Santa and the feeling you get around Christmas. Sort of bubbly and and warm, like a mug of hot apple cider. And Thankgiving, for all the days off of school and turkey and family, doesn’t involve tearing wrapping paper, or sitting under a tree, or the excitement of the night before.
I also have a teensy problem with a holiday that was celebrated right before those involved decided to massacre the others involved, but as my friends have pointed out to me, most holidays are based on some kind of death or overhaul of someone or another. Hell, Easter, July 4th, Guy Fawkes Day, Halloween, Cinco De Mayo, Martin Luthor King Day and yes, even Christmas are all surrounded by death.
The only holiday I know of that is completely devoid of death is Boxing Day, which despite it’s violent sounding title got it’s roots from nobles giving presents to the less fortunate after Christmas was over. That to me is the epitome of giving thanks, by truly showing your thankfulness, and not just saying it around the dinner table. And look, GIFTS!

Happy Thanksgiving. I’m revolting. By that I mean I am going to revolt against tradition, not that I’m disgusting. Although I might be disgusting- I don’t know- I did shower today. Anyway…

I holler Uncle. While I like the idea of a day of thanks, I really, really hate all the foods and gluttony associated with this day. I don’t like Turkey, marshmallows are disgusting, and they are in everything, from the yams to the jello to the pumpkin pie- which all three of those food, even without the marsh of mallows, would still be on my Hate-It food list. Stuffing and gravy can bite me. Mushy, soggy bread with turkey fat? How many ways can I say “No thank you!” Yes, I even hate pumpkin pie. I know. So sue me. I’m really sorry if we can’t be friends now- I promise I won’t care what your oddities are. I’m a picky eater. Oh yeah, that and the wheat allergy. Look around at your table and figure out what a Celiac could nosh… Yeah. Slim pickins.

The idea of getting out the good dishes, setting the table and putting on the pomp and circumstance of a formal holiday was just more than I could bear. Things are NOT normal, and no amount of pinecone centerpieces and orange cloth napkins is going to cover the fact that there is a permanent empty spot at our table. I’d rather not draw too much attention to it.  Believe me, no one forgets anyway.

So I’m revolting.

We are having a Mexican fiesta. I’m fixing pulled pork tacos, tamales, relano pie, guacamole (which you know I own) and even homemade corn tortillas. Nothing makes Beanie happier than squashing masa on the press. My single nod to tradition is a tiny, teeny little pumpkin pie I picked up for Jared, since he was in Iraq last Turkey Day. Otherwise, all bets are off.

Happy Turkey Day everyone. Count your blessing, name them one by one…

I am alive I swear! I’ve just been ill or busy, or you know, lazy! Need to work on that last one, but I have been ill and tired and sleeping and busy.

I have a job again! At a cinema yay! I randomly checked online if they had anything while checking out film times. If they do its only for a few days and I think I saw the online application form on the first day it went up. So I applied, and a few days later I got a phone call.

Now, remember, I’ve been ill! I had a bad throat for about two weeks and for about three days I didn’t have a voice at all! So odds are, that’s when a potential employer will phone me (he emailed some, phoned others, why couldn’t he email me?). I can’t even really remember what I said, I had to whisper and say, “sorry I have a sore throat!” but it was fine and then I had an interview a few days later. Luckily my voice came back by then, phew and in the interview he remembered I had no voice and laughed, but it meant he remembered me so that’s good? I don’t think he really remembered that many people since it would have been a few.

I was nervous for the interview, in my last job I didn’t really have an interview, and I’ve only had them for college and/or uni so there were a few people there too. I hung out with my ex flatmate before we went, and probably annoyed him by asking if I looked okay and presentable about a hundred million times I swear. I saw my friend and her boyfriend just before I went in when I was on my own so that was good.

Anywho he told me I’d find out by the weekend, but I got an email days before that so I emailed him back and oh induction the week after and hello I have a job! It was all pretty fast (to me anyway) considering I was just looking there on the off chance so I feel lucky. The places I applied to via handing in CV’s didn’t contact me at all. Except one place. I handed my CV in a mere hour or two after my friend at Paperchase. She got the job I didn’t. Then they phoned me weeks after since they needed someone for Thursdays and I could do them except for once a month (uni) and the manager said she’d get back to me and she didn’t and it went to someone else after they put a new “Jobs available” sign out, grrr *shakes fist*.

I’ve done Indcution, where three other guys were starting. I got on with one really well, the only one my age 19, there was a 21 year old who was nice but a bit quiet and a 24 year old who…well, he’s okay but… the way he was acting seemed like he’s a tricky person to get along with and work with, but I haven’t seen him since.

We were all scheduled to work on different days or same day different shifts and I was first, on the weekend. The weekend after New Moon (which I’ve seen and might write about soon) opened, and omg the people! Everyone kept saying to me “You picked a great time to start work here” to me. It was maaard.

I’ve done two shifts and half the time I spend cleaning the screens with others and you only have a little time to do that between film showings, and the other half standing at gate collecting peoples tickets and telling them where to go. Its all right. I am either boiling or freezing depending on what I’m doing and I should have till training on concessions next week, eeek. Oh I did screen checks the other day and I am so glad I’ve already seen New Moon, because it was showing at the same time in about five screens. So each time I’d walk into the next screen I’d see a section twenty or so minutes ahead of the last screen I went into.

I get on with the people I’ve seen, mostly different people but its only been two days and there’s one girl who was there for both and she’s really nice. Let’s see what else. I’ve only had a few annoying/angry people and I get others to help! Oh some young girls wanted to see a 15 and they didn’t have ID on them and got reaaally aggressive and luckily the security guard was there so I sort of shifted backwards haha. The radio scares me! I cut my hand in the middle of my palm on my right hand and I’m right handed >.<. I’ve only seen one person I know and he’s like a friend of a friend there. There’s a cute guy working there (who I’ve been served by before) but I still haven’t met him yet. A girl I know from college works there and I talked to her nan, and a girl from my school works there. She messaged me but she only works one day a week and I haven’t done that yet.

Perks of it are good. Moula! For one, I get more than I did at the Supermarket so that’s good, also once a month I get free tickets which I can give to family and friends (only when its like not that busy). Free promotional shirts you can keep after a film comes out, 25% off food and drinks and staff previews! I can see a big film the night before it comes out and invite two people if I want. Other good things are they have staff nights out etc, and there’s a lot of people my age as opposed to the supermarket, so it’ll be easier to get on with people. Not that I didn’t there, but I felt really young sometimes and I was usually on my own working, when I’ll only be on my own sometimes at gate.

Well this is a massive post! I’ll wrap it up with another (probably giant) paragraph saying I’ll try to write more, like every day for the rest of this month. I’ve been meaning too but life got in the way. Also my last post was about Nanowrimo and well…. I’m waaay behind on that. Damn you life, I want a free copy of a finished novel that I wrote! That doesn’t suck like it will do waay more if I try to catch up now. I’m working tomorrow, Friday, Saturday and Monday so not much time to catch up in the next few days really. I might write more about work another time, and oh yeah! Christmas is a month away today!!! Can you believe it! Yay I love Christmas and not just for the presents =D

Damn! I feel good today. Absolutely good. I’m going to keep this feeling too.

Between the training I’ve been getting for my position and a great conversation I had today from the Genius, I know I have that ability.

So, I’m loading up my Donovan Leitch albums (Cosmic Wheels and Barabajagal) and dressing my hair before I go walking my ass out into all this lovely rain. Call me what you will. Those albums just f-ing rock.

But first, I must dance. Go Frohike.

Tonight on Biggest Loser, Amanda (while bawling her eyes out) said, “I’m the happiest I’ve been in my whole life.” Ironic and odd, but true. I found myself nodding.

The conventional wisdom says that overweight people (who? Santa Claus???) are “jolly.” But you know, I had a cloud following me around during all of my overweight years. The heavier and less in-shape I was, the more unhappy I was. I’d say that I felt fairly grim much of the time, and had glimmers of happiness now and then.

I can pretty much say that this past year has been one of the happiest years in memory. I’m happy pretty much every single day. I’m smiling like a fool a LOT. I laugh out loud every day. I have some hard moments, but THOSE are the moments in an overall sea of feel-good. I think I must be just zipping along on endorphins or something.

I didn’t do a whole recap of BL tonight but I did watch. It was the 11th week and man was it moving. They kept flip-flopping between the before and afters.It was so moving. You know people have all kinds of disparaging things to say about this show. It’s “exploitive.” But do these people who went from wheezing, unhealthy and absolutely MISERABLE feel exploited?? Hell no. They feel like they’ve been given a second chance at life. And they HAVE.  And from previews of the “Where are they now?” show (airing tomorrow) I do think that more than 50% of them have managed to keep their weight off and stay healthy. I hope I can be one of those people, a year from now.

Speaking of a year from now, one of my newest goals is to qualify to join the National Weight Loss Registry. This is a group of people who have “lost significant weight and kept it off.” You have to have lost at least 30 lbs and kept it off for more than one year. If I can manage to maintain my loss until next August, I will be eligible to join this special group. I really, really want it. And it’s a great “eye on the prize” thing to keep focused on.

Tomorrow is my first WW group’s first weigh-in. I am excited for them, and nervous for them. I hope they get good news. I hope they had a good week. The thing that is cool about these at-work meetings is that everyone starts on the same day, so they are going along all at the same pace. I’m going to give them a big pre-Thanksgiving pep talk, but also remind them to enjoy Thanksgiving without guilt. I was interested to read the WW CEO’s take on Thanksgiving. I think it makes sense and goes along with my “be mindful and don’t suffer” motto.

I am excited about Thanksgiving. SUPER excited. My girls will be coming home, and friends and family will be visiting. We will have a combination of delicious low-point dishes, and some extra- decadent desserts (my girl is making Nutella pecan pie! YOW!). I plan to enjoy myself thoroughly.

I am so thankful this year. I am incredibly thankful. For my health, for my family. I am thankful that I chose to give MYSELF a second chance at life, instead of sinking low when I got that diagnosis. I am thankful to my awesome trainer. I am thankful to the myriad of great friends who have supported me during this journey, and who continue to stick by me. I’m thankful for my new job, which inspires me every day. And for the members I meet who are on the path. I’m just thankful for life. It’s really good.

————-Edited to Add:

I’ve mulled this over quite a bit since writing it last night. And I have come to a different conclusion. I’m not happier because I’m THINNER. I’m happier for two reasons: one, I am fit and healthy (and yes, filled with endorphins). I’m also happier (way happier) because my relationship with food has changed. I’ve been this weight before, and still tortured about food (I’m remembering this now). This is BIG. It’s HUGE. So it’s not about what size I am. It’s that my whole outlook on all of it has changed dramatically. Huh. I’ve never been in this place before, in spite of years of therapy and compulsive-food support groups and a million books read, etc.

So it’s not about being thinner. That just happens to be a coincidental byproduct. It’s more about how I approach ALL of it. Light bulb moment!!

Saturday night’s screening at the Center for New Media and the Arts in Bethel, CT was a huge amount of fun for a very small number of people.  Including me, Mike, my friends and family, and the Center’s staff, there were fifteen people at the screening.  Apart from me, Mike, my friends and family, and the staff, there were two.  But those two really seemed to enjoy it!  And, for that matter, so did the rest of us, so all’s well that ends well.

It never did get much more full ...

It was interesting for me to watch all the films in order — something I’d never done before.  It gave me the opportunity to relive the summer’s madness in a compressed, unstressed, reflective sort of way.  I kept thinking to myself, We did this. We set out to do it, and we did.  The films aren’t perfect (well, not all of them), but they exist, and that’s a bit of a minor miracle, when I think about it.  Also, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed “The Jogger.”  At the time, it felt like an afterthought, but as a coda to the whole experience, it holds up remarkably well.

Me, Robb, Stephen Snow, Mike, and Rob Tawse, posing victoriously after our Connecticut début!

Our thanks to Stephen Snow and Catherine Howard of the Center for New Media and the Arts.  It’s a great space they have up there, and we’d love to come back and show the films to even more people.  The sky’s the limit!

Posted by Keith on his birthday

I’m leaving for Hawaii on December 26. The most common response I get when I tell people this is: Hawaii? Wow? I want to come. I say buy a ticket. They say I don’t have any money.

In some respects, I don’t have a lot of money. My salary is average. However, I live a frugal life and allow myself to save money. I have 3 months savings. I pay off my credit card quickly. I expect to have money to do things. Somehow, quite often I’m not sure how, it just works out.

Preparing for Hawaii now. Chile later March/Early April.

LIFE IS GOOD.

Tude has taken the dog for a gallop around the bush and I am sitting here trying to digest an enormous brunch. I really should have gone with them but I am running out of time to do the other stuff I had planned like writing this.  The other thing is that it is really hot today and so climbing hills does not seem like such fun. I will walk to the felting course this afternoon as a token gesture and then walk home again, this will help to make me feel slightly virtuous.

Today’s post is on a subject close to my heart – Christmas.  Even though I am a pagan I love it. Actually because I am a pagan I get two celebrations at once. If I am in New Zealand I get to celebrate the Summer Solstice, the longest day, around the 22nd December. Or if I am in the U.K. I get to celebrate Yule, the shortest day. The U.K. is best for celebrating Christmas I think because it is actually cold there. It is appropriate to eat roast dinners, whereas in N.Z it is usually B.B.Q weather. And I even don’t mind that it seems to start earlier each year.  Some of the shop windows in Carterton already have their Christmas trees up.

• Sparkley Stuff – I love tinsel and decorations. I love visiting other countries near Christmas and seeing the different decorations. I am unable to stick with a theme to decorate trees so mine always look a bit mad.
• Lights.  I have never decorated the outside of my own house but I love other people to do it. I like to walk or drive around and see what mad decorations have gone up.  When I lived in Swansea I used to walk to work along a hill. One of the houses I passed had the large window of its lounge hard up against the pavement and the people who owned it would decorate the room beautifully.  Every morning I would walk past and they would have lit their fire and switched all the Christmas lights on. I never saw anybody in it. As it was still dark and cold out, it was a wonder to behold and I would give myself a treat and a warm by stopping and gazing in for a minute .  They always had their curtains wide open and no nets so I used to be sure they did it for me and others, trudging along to work.
• Being around children who still believe in Santa is pretty cool.
• The peace and good will message.  The world can’t be reminded of  that enough.
• I have a huge fondness for carols. Possibly because I used to be in a church choir and loved to sing them. Just luuve Bing Crosby’s White Christmas as well.
• Don’t ya just love holidays – community holidays, where you know pretty much everyone is not working. I like going for a walk on Christmas or Boxing Day and just hearing the hush. And seeing the kids playing with new toys.
• Presents.  I love them. I just do. Giving and getting, it’s all good.
• Food and parties – what’s not to like?