Phase 4:

I’m finding it’s much easier to write about the past than the present. The past has context, perspective, distance, closure. What’s going on right now has none of that. I’m also finding it’s very hard to put the resolution of every struggle I’ve had with Christianity, all the ways my questions and fears were answered, into a single, all-encompassing post. The phase I’m entering right now is where I hope to be the rest of my life, and it will take the rest of my life to figure out what it means and how to do it. And the best part is, I’m really ok with that now. So rather than trying to wrap it all up here, I will continue to spell it out, piece by piece as I move forward. I reserve the right to change my opinions as I go. Hopefully they will get better with time.

I haven’t cared about much for a long time.

My life, for the most part, has been about nothing. I could cheat and say it was about my family, but that’s mostly a cop out. It certainly hasn’t been about work (and all my co-workers scream, “You got that right!”). I’ve had some small goals, some worked out and some didn’t, but no big vision. At one point I thought it was about God, but that was more just role play (see Phases 1 & 3). I don’t know how to explain this, but I don’t really need to because I think most people live here. With the absence of a meaningful story to live, I have filled it with distraction and recreation.

Spiritually speaking, I was at least willing to call myself a Christian for the last few years, but I was fully aware of the fact that it didn’t really mean anything. I thought about God, but only in a casual “I’m sure I’ll be a better Christian in 5 years”, much the way you say, “I’ll weigh less and be in better shape in 5 years, I’m sure of it”. I wanted to get started, but the second I would think about it, all these visions of what I was going to have to do, what I was going to have give up, the perceived loss of being honest, the faking I would have to start doing, the guilt for screwing up….it effectively ended those aspirations.

My “big moment” is going to sound very anti-climactic. Don’t get too excited. I don’t want to get your hopes up. It was a strangely simple thing that made me change everything. There’s nothing new about the grand revelation I had. There was no special knowledge or profound discovery involved. It’s just an old cheesy concept, that for no good reason, finally sunk in.

Some friends told us about a presentation of Handel’s Messiah put on by the Ft. Worth Symphony Orchestra and the SW Baptist Theological Seminary choir. They said it was performed at the seminary on Thursday for free, and then Friday and Saturday it moved to Bass Hall downtown and cost a bunch of money. I, of course, attended Thursday night. It seemed like a very Christmasy thing to do.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Handel’s Messiah before, I never had, but it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. I really don’t know what I was expecting, but whatever it was, this wasn’t it. The whole thing is basically telling the story through song about the promise of the Messiah, the arrival of the Messiah, the death of the Messiah, and the resurrection of the Messiah. But the way they do it is to break the story down to about 40 sentences, and then they just sing each line like a thousand times each. It really has the potential to be kind of irritating, to be honest (at least to the un-cultured like myself). I even looked over at my wife early on when the guy sang, “He is like a refiner’s fire!” 57 times in a row and said, “Ok, jeez, we get it already….”

But as it went on, something about the story, and the repetition of the lines, really began to get me. For no real good reason, I’m actually starting to get a little emotional sitting here watching this thing. A good thing to remember when you’re sitting with your family and you start to tear up for no apparent reason is to keep your face forward at all times, avoiding eye contact at all costs, and for god’s sake, don’t sniff….it’s a dead give away.

Although I couldn’t really explain what I was reacting to, something about this very basic story was really starting to have some meaning for me. In the Old Testament, Israel was waiting for the Messiah to come, and once he gets here, he will be the answer that the people need. There was so much expectation, so much longing for the one who will change everything. And two thoughts occurred to me.

First, they were waiting and waiting and longing and aching for this one they didn’t know about, and I’ve known about him my whole life and never really cared. I had a total lack of appreciation for it because it had been thrust into my face since childhood.

And second, the verse, “The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: and they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them the light has shined” I heard as though I’d never heard it before. There’s no way I can explain this in a way to make it as meaningful to you as it was to me, but it suddenly meant something deep to me. I was living in darkness. And by that, I don’t mean I was living in wickedness and evil and sin (although I do my fair share of that, don’t get me wrong). I was living in the dark, lost, bored, going nowhere, living for no reason, just totally dead inside place. And this image of a light breaking through into that kind of darkness just really did something to me. The one that they were waiting on to come shine the light into their hopeless situation was standing there ready to be the same light to me.

Once this concept had cracked the ice, so to speak, I sat there and listened to the rest of the story as though for the first time. The very basic story that God came down here, put himself through all sorts of crap he didn’t have to go through, and died, for me, hit me hard.

The message that was being repeated a thousand times over and over in my head, just like the lines from this performance, was, “God loves me”.

There’s something about the phrase, “God loves you” which has always seemed so completely cheesy to me. In fact, I sort of feel cheesy having just written it. But what was echoing in my mind was that God loves me, and it was dawning on me that I’ve never really felt that before.

It was very much like the climactic scene from Good Will Hunting. The one where Robin Williams is telling Matt Damon that his abuse was not his fault (“It’s not your fault” “Yeah, I know” “It’s not your fault” “Yes, I heard you” “No, it’s not your fault” “Hey stop screwing with me” “It’s not your fault” “sob, sob, sniff, hug” “It’s not your fault”). That’s exactly how the conversation was going in my head:

“God loves me”

“Ok”

“God loves me”

“Yeah, I know, I get it”

“No, God loves me”

“Yes, I know, that’s not a new idea”

“God loves me”

“Thank you, now shut up”

“God loves me”

“Why are you doing this?”

“God loves me”

“So, wait, what are you saying?”

“God loves me”

And then it was like the dam just broke. God loved me. He’s always loved me. He loved me when he made me. He came here because he loved me. He died because he loved me. He wants me to come to heaven to hang out with him because he loves me. He’s interested in what happens in my life because he loves me.

That realization changes everything. I’d never really felt that before in my entire life. I understood the concept, like I said, there’s no new information here. But for the first time ever, God showed up and looked me in the eye and said, “I love you”, and I believed it, and it was real to me.

My perception of my and God’s relationship up to then had been like a friendly boss and a former employee. The boss says, “Hey, I’ve got your job waiting if you ever want it back”, and you say “Great, thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” But your boss isn’t exactly sitting around crying that you’re not there. He doesn’t love me.

But when I thought about my relationship with my kids, it was totally different. If one of them was suddenly gone, I would be totally distraught. And if I they called me for help, all I need to know is, “Where are you? I’m on my way.” I don’t care why they left, I don’t care what they did, I don’t care who they’re with, I don’t care who I have to hurt to get to them, I’m leaving immediately and going to go get them because I love them. And it suddenly occurred to me, that’s exactly how God feels about me, only a whole lot more.

Like previous times when I’d thought about starting up a relationship with God again, immediate questions jumped into my head. Questions about what to do next. What was I going to have to start doing? What was I going to have to stop doing? How was I going to have to start acting? And this time I had to pointedly tell myself, I’m not going to worry about that. I’m not going to go to the “So what do I have to do now?” place. I’m just going to stay here in this place for a while. If I rush ahead and don’t get this, I lose it all, and none of the rest of the pieces will fit if this piece is not there first.

I’d decided if I ever got back with God that I wasn’t going to subject myself to this big “sinful living purge” out of duty and the feeling that, “well, I guess I shouldn’t do that anymore”. But many of things I really didn’t want to give up, I don’t even really have any interest in anymore. I know I’ll still fight with sin and temptation, I’m not an idiot, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it, and getting rid of the sin in my life is not going to be the number one goal. In fact, I’m not sure it’s even going to be on the list anymore.

God loves me and that’s it. I love my kids and their behavior doesn’t change that. God loves me, and there’s nothing I have to do to keep it that way.

It’s only been a few weeks, but so far the genuine feeling of this little spark of awareness hasn’t gone away. It hasn’t diminished at all. And it’s changed everything. It’s already had an impact on my relationship with my wife, and that’s something I’d thought would never change. I know I don’t have to do anything to keep God happy with me, but suddenly there are all sorts of things I want to do because he loves me.

For the first time, what I need to do, how I need to live as a Christian suddenly makes sense, and will have to be the topic for another post. But none of it is out of duty, none of it is because I have to, none of it is forced, and none of it is false. I want to live like I’ve never lived before because I have a whole new perspective of who I am. I am someone that God loves.

CHUCKIE

My fuckin’ back is killin’ me.

A passing SHEET METAL WORKER overheard this.

SHEET METAL WORKER

That’s why you should’a gone to college.

WILL

Fuck you.

CHUCKIE

Suck my crank.  Fuckin’ sheet metal pussy.

(beat)

So, when are you done with those meetin’s?

WILL

Week after I’m twenty-one.

CHUCKIE

Are they hookin’ you up with a job?

WILL

Yeah, sit in a room and do long division for the next fifty years.

CHUCKIE

Yeah, but it’s better than this shit.  At least you’d make some nice bank.

WILL

Yeah, be a fuckin’ lab rat.

CHUCKIE

It’s a way outta here.

WILL

What do I want a way outta here fore?  I want to live here for the rest of my life.  I want to be your next door neighbor.  I want to take our kids to little league together up Foley Field.

CHUCKIE

Look, you’re my best friend, so don’t take this the wrong way.  But in 20 years, if you’re livin’ next door to me, comin’ over watchin’ the fuckin’ Patriots games and still workin’ construction, I’ll fuckin’ kill you.  And that’s not a threat, that’s a fact.  I’ll fuckin’ kill you.

WILL

Chuckie, what are you talkin’…

CHUCKIE

Listen, you got somethin’ that none of us have.

WILL

Why is it always this?  I owe it to myself?  What if I don’t want to?

CHUCKIE

Fuck you.  You owe it to me.  Tomorrow, I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be fifty and I’ll still be doin’ this.  And that’s all right ’cause I’m gonna make a run at it.  But you, you’re sittin’ on a winning lottery ticket and you’re too much of a pussy to cash it in.  And that’s bullshit ’cause I’d do anything to have what you got.  And so would any of these guys.  It’d be a fuckin’ insult to us if you’re still here in twenty years.

WILL

You don’t know that.

CHUCKIE

Let me tell you what I do know.  Every day I come by to pick you up, and we go out drinkin’ or whatever and we have a few laughs.  But you know what the best part of my day is?  The ten seconds before I knock on the door ’cause I let myself think, I might get there, and you’d be gone.  I’d knock on the door and you wouldn’t be there.  You just left.

(beat)

CHUCKIE (cont’d)

Now, I don’t know much.  But I know that.

-Ben Affleck and Matt Damon (Good Will Hunting)

Here’s a looksie back on the first 25% of the year that is passing by oh-so-quickly.

2009
January
Well the New Year started in a snow-storm, and included ‘House’ and chickpea casserole and cuddling with Gina and Lesley. Shabby? Not at all.
LEARNED: All about being a gym-rat. I hired a personal trainer. Like, for actual. My quest to not being so scrawny began last year.
DISCOVERED: ‘Bringing Up Baby’…Joan Baez…ok I’m a few decades behind here. And I was taken to the magnifique Comedy Bar.
SCENE STUDY: 2-part series of ‘DOGFIGHT’…I got to cuss a lot in the first one. And make-out a lot in the second, which also marked my first ‘good-bye’ scene.
SAW: ‘East of Berlin’ at the Tarragon Theatre. Droool.
FACEBOOK STATUS OF NOTE:
-meghan’s favorite customers are the charming gentlemen who pay for the newspaper and then let meghan keep them. the papers, she means.
-meghan accidentally ate the sticker off of a kiwi. twice.
-meghan is going into cardiac arrest because she just fucking talked to JUDITH THOMPSON omgomgomgomg what the what?!?!?!?!!??!?!?! FANGIRL OMG.

NEW YEAR’S EVE!

FEBRUARY
LEARNED: about my bio-siblings! Well, MORE about them.
DISLIKED: North York Hospital.
DISCOVERED: Just how difficult class was going to be on my heart.
ADVENTURED: To UTM where I was puked on by my dear Alison. No one had ever puked on me before nor have I been puked on since!
SCENE STUDY: A BEAUTIFUL MIND.
Also…’50 First Dates’…my second good-bye scene. There is about to be a trend in class of me crying and kissing.
FACEBOOK STATUS OF NOTE:
-meghan is stock-piling for her life!
-meghan is dick van dyke’s valentine
-meghan read once that craving spicy foods is a sign you are emotionally empty and need the spice to fill up. meghan eats a lot of curry after acting class

siiiiiigh

MARCH
“don’t go fighting against the spring”
LEARNED/DISCOVERED: The difference between ‘theatrical’ and ‘dramatic.’ And ‘art’ and ‘entertainment.’ Or how I personally would express this. Now when I go to see plays I think about the theatrical aspects, sets costumes lights physicality…and dramatic, the innate mythic (hopefully) STORY. Story story story. And ART, an expression of feeling, taking us to places and emotions we have been and felt before, and entertainment, which in contrast is an escape from reality. Escaping versus facing.
SAW: ‘Ubuntu’ at the Tarragon…which is what got the conversation of theatre vs. drama going in the first place. ‘Poor Boy’ aka Zuppa Theatre came to Toronto and brightened my life.
ALSO Rebecca Higgs at the Horse Shoe…epic frigging fantastic amazing.
DISLIKED: Epic nights of insomnia. TORONTO. I got reeeaaall mad with the city. And real home-sick.
ADVENTURED: To ImpromTuesday, a drop in class at the Second City. Kayla Lorette was teaching, fucking rad. It was my first time doing any sort of improv in a long time. I liked.
SCENE STUDY: 2nd pass of ’50 First Dates’…first work of ‘AMERICAN BEAUTY’…finally, a FUN scene and I don’t have to kiss anyone! Plus this lead to the friendship of Bianca and I. Rad.
FACEBOOK STATUS OF NOTE:
-meghan is trying to figure out what pair of underpants to wear in front of her scene study class today
-meghan – oh soy bacon, you are my only friend
-meghan is wishing for the dick van dyke to her mary tyler moore

here’s something that happened in march!

APRIL
SAW: Fiona Reid improvise a Tennessee Williams play with 2/3 of The National Theatre of the World. Pardon me? Your life sucks and my life is amazing? Yes. That’s what I thought you were saying. Oh, Fiona Reid, no one can compare to your Martha in ‘Who’s Afraid’.
SAW: UM OH I ONLY JUST SAW KRISTEN THOMSON PREFORM ‘I, CLAUDIA’…fucking…unreal…
ADVENTURED: To ImpromTuesday once more. This time we did long-form. Matt Baram sort of kicked our asses. I improvised giving birth to Frederic’s still-born baby.
APRIL was also the month in which Amanda, Skye and I sat in Fran’s for 10 hours.
DISCOVERED: SYLVIA PLATH POETRY. I had read a few before but in April I bought her complete poems…Life hasn’t been the same since.
LIKED: Kim visiting me!!! There was never more wine drank in my apartment than that glorious 4 days. Best night of all: Frederic and Raquel coming over while she was there. Good good night. ALSO LESLEY CAME TO VISIT…so many shades of necessary! (Necessary?!)
SCENE STUDY: First work of “White Oleander”…and then my partner left class. I’d love to do that scene again…OH! YEAH! Then I did “Hard Candy” which was my first POWER SCENE. Oh…and the GOOD-BYE SCENE FROM HELL…”Good Will Hunting.” The flightiest fight for my life. When I think back on that scene I just see Kit’s arms, his back, his angry angry eye…glass shattering, a shoe flying, and then I stop remembering and feel like weeping all over again.
FACEBOOK STATUS OF NOTE:
-meghan – torturing pedophile, brb
-meghan gets weepy about a club foot, laughs into her wine glass thus the wine explodes into her eyes, then gets on the street car really late
-meghan is the only person who could show up at the gym having forgotten her socks.

The Stones
By Sylvia Plath

This is the city where men are mended.
I lie on a great anvil.
The flat blue sky-circle

Flew off like the hat of a doll
When I fell out of the light. I entered
The stomach of indifference, the wordless cupboard.

The mother of pestles diminished me.
I became a still pebble.
The stones of the belly were peaceable,

The head-stone quiet, jostled by nothing.
Only the mouth-hole piped out,
Importunate cricket

In a quarry of silences.
The people of the city heard it.
They hunted the stones, taciturn and separate,

The mouth-hole crying their locations.
Drunk as a foetus
I suck at the paps of darkness.

The food tubes embrace me. Sponges kiss my lichens away.
The jewelmaster drives his chisel to pry
Open one stone eye.

This is the after-hell: I see the light.
A wind unstoppers the chamber
Of the ear, old worrier.

Water mollifies the flint lip,
And daylight lays its sameness on the wall.
The grafters are cheerful,

Heating the pincers, hoisting the delicate hammers.
A current agitates the wires
Volt upon volt. Catgut stitches my fissures.

A workman walks by carrying a pink torso.
The storerooms are full of hearts.
This is the city of spare parts.

My swaddled legs and arms smell sweet as rubber.
Here they can doctor heads, or any limb.
On Fridays the little children come

To trade their hooks for hands.
Dead men leave eyes for others.
Love is the uniform of my bald nurse.

Love is the bone and sinew of my curse.
The vase, reconstructed, houses
The elusive rose.

Ten fingers shape a bowl for shadows.
My mendings itch. There is nothing to do.
I shall be good as new.

Vai Džeisons Borns atgriežas?Nē, bet atgiežas Mets Deimons un Pols Grīngrāss ar jaunāko filmu Green Zone.

Abu pieminēto sadarbība jau cieši nostiprināta strādājot kopā gan pie otrā, gan trešā Borna – Grīngrāss kā režisors un Deimons galvenajā lomā. Mets Deimons šogad redzams divās filmās: jaunākajā Klinta Īstvuda biogrāfiskajā drāmā Invictus, kas izvirzīta trīs Golden Globes nominācijās, ieskaitot nominācijā, labākais otrā plāna aktieris Mets Deimons, kā arī filmā The Informant! – divas Golden Globe nominācijas, Deimons nominēts kā labākais aktieris. Ar filmu Green Zome Mets Deimons atgriežas mums ierastjā Borna spriedzes filmu ampluā, lai gan jāpiemin, ka viņš nav aktieris, kas tikai prasmīgi māk izdauzīt uz ekrāna sejas, to pierāda gan lieliski nospēlētās lomas pieminētajās šī gada filmās un atzīmēšu, ka viņa konā ir dalītais Oskars ar Benu Afleku par scenāriju 1997. gada filmai Good Will Hunting (“Krietnais Vils Hantings”).

Režisora Pola Grīngrāsa kara spriedzes drāma Green Zone ir par mūsdienās aktuālu tēmu – masu iznīcināšanas ieročiem. Scenārija autors ir oskarotais scenārists Braiens Helgelands (L.A. Confidential -1997.gadā Oskars-), kas balstīts uz Rajiva Chandrasekarana romāna. Filmu producējuši ievērojami producenti: Tims Bevans, Ēriks Fellners, Lloids Levins u.c.

Katrā ziņa, zinot pieminētos personāžus, noteikti nepalaidīšu šo filmu garām.

Going to see Invictus made me realize that the onslaught of  big Oscar players had begun. Know this upfront, I am a big Clint Eastwood fan and in general consider his work absolutely great. Of course how can you not with a track record of Mystic River, Unforgiven, Letters From Iwo Jima, and last years Gran Torino just to name a few.

This film begins just as eventual South African President Nelson Mandela is elected. The first portion of the movie deals with the taking of office and setting the stage explaining and understanding the problems of South Africa. The Nations Rugby team isn’t playing all that well, and viewed by the nations black population as a sign of apartheid. So literally the home team was being booed every time out. Mandela decides to use the Rugby team and it’s entrance into the world cup to begin to heal the racial hatred that exists in his country, and everything culminates in the finals match against an unbeatable New Zealand team.

Well, what was my take on the movie? Well, let me say, this is a very entertaining film, and I was never bored with it, but to my disappointment I can’t say that I think this is a Best Picture caliber film. It almost seemed that there was a struggle of what type of film this was, whether it is a political film or an inspiring sports film. With not having a true direction, neither sports or political story were told in enough detail or depth. At times I was wanting more from the political side, but during the second half when the Springbok Rugby team was in the forefront, I felt like I had missed out on character development and the sport of rugby. The only character that was developed at all, was of course the Matt Damon (Bourne Supremacy, Good Will Hunting) Francois Pienaar. I am a big sports fan and know some basic rules about rugby, but when it came to the final match against New Zealand, I wanted to know more details about how the game is played, and extra character development would have helped in in caring and cheering for them that much more in the end. I really wanted Best Picture material from this film and it didn’t quite get that high.

As far as performances, Nelson Mandela is played by Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption, Million Dollar Baby, Unforgiven). Of course he does a good job playing the character and does everything necessary for the film, but having such high standards for him, this isn’t the best performance by him. Matt Damon also, is adequate for the role, but doesn’t really bring much to the table. Don’t get me wrong, they are not terrible at all, just nothing that si jumping off the screen screaming Oscar.

I normally wouldn’t make to much of a comment about music unless it moved me one way or another. I think Mr. Eastwood as a director should keep more of an open mind when it comes to the score of a film, and realize that his Malpaso piano “interludes” and solo horns don’t work for every film or in the same way it worked for Unforgiven and Gran Torino. You would think that a film about South Africa, you wouldn’t have music that was poignant and soft. Although there were poignant and touching spots in the film, overall I don’t think his music worked well at all. The only point where you hear anything bold was when the Springbok team goes for the 6am run. I definitely would have prefered a soundtrack a bit more primal or native sounding.

Ok, back on a good note. Would I recommend this film to friends, yes, absolutely. It really is an enjoyable film, especially the last 45 minutes when the main focus seems to shift from politics to the Springbok rugby team. It is a feel good, uplifting film that can be enjoyed by all.

One day, I will get my revenge

The orange accents, the blue border, and the ever-so-fine type lining the screen. For those unaware of what I’m describing here – it’s my Gmail Inbox, and it’s haunting me. In my dreams (or my nightmares rather), the Inbox counts backwards until it contains zero messages. Zero! When I’m at Whole Foods picking up groceries, the 93% next to the grass-fed chopped meat stares at me, implying that I’m using far too much of my allotted e-mail memory, or even worse, that I’m only giving the job search 93% of my efforts. “What else do you want me to do?!” I scream at the chopped-meat.

Going to the bathroom becomes Sophie’s choice (bad comparison, I apologize in advance). “Do I go now, or should I wait just two more minutes until they’re definitely at lunch,” you think to yourself. While strengthening your core with Wii Fit, you tilt the computer screen ever so carefully, so when you are Downward Dog you can still acknowledge that no one wants to speak with you. “Is that first line bold, or is all the blood rushing to my head?”

For those on the unemployment line, or those just waiting for an important e-mail, this may sound all too familiar. You can’t leave your computer for a second of any given day, because on that given day when you do leave your Inbox unattended, you’ll get the e-mail you’ve been waiting for. If you’re not there to respond in that instant, well – this will happen.

It’s not in your Spam folder, so quit checking. You didn’t accidentally trash it, you’re too careful for that. It will come though; trust me, and when it does – do me a favor. Come to Whole Foods with me so I can slap a print out of my Inbox, Matt Damon style, on the display case housing that chopped meat.

“How do you like ‘dem apples?”

As I wash down two pieces of toast and peanut butter with a good old cuppa my hair all over the place as I’ve just been woken up by the sunrise across a really still ocean, I look out and think how far away are we? According to Google at least 4500 miles. So I thought it about time to sit and catch up on the blog – an opportunity to feel closer to a world I was once familiar with.

I can’t believe I’ve not written for so long, 17th November was the last entry and that was a delayed article for Miamiartzine…that never did get published. I’ve taken a bit of a knock the past few weeks. Not that anything that terrible has happened at all but it’s just the process of learning the lessons of settling into a new place where I have no reputation, no identity, no past and, to be honest only a short future. It’s easy to blame and moan about the lack of process here, I guess it’s just magnified in a place I don’t know.

Whilst my wish list of places we must see while we’re here keeps growing Mark’s has been shrinking as he has managed to pack in hundreds of airmiles through work trips. China, India, Europe…I can’t wait for it to slow down a little bit so we can discover South and Central America and of course some of North America too. We’ve a bit of time so I’m not worried just yet. Mark and I hope to be back in the Peaks come 2012 but before then we have a whole new country (plus a few other countries) to explore.

At the risk of just listing a bunch of experiences and not explaining the rich and diverse cultural experiences in any real depth I’ve hyperlinked each ‘thing’ so, should you wish to do so, you can go and explore each of them in a little more depth.

The great highs these past couple of weeks have included; revisting Soyka with Vera for a wonderful lunch after a long run over the Venetian Causeway, getting to know the high school I’m volunteering at a little better and experiencing the Wolfsonian’s library and private book collection with the ‘Page at a Time‘ class; doing a little private yoga at a quirky, hidden studio with a lovely new friend followed by really yummy raw food at Om Garden; finally getting out and mountain biking at Oleta State Park…and now that I’m fitter, really enjoying it! Running the Turkey Trot 5k in the rain after listening to a kid sing a particularly wobbly version of the American national anthem and then crossing the finish line to bright blue skies and a very excited husband; experiencing our very first Thanksgiving with fantastic company, a self-playing grand piano and copious amounts of gorgeous foods (like cinnamon baked yams covered in marshmallows – AMAZING), discovering a little french bakery and sitting outside with a glass of wine, cheese and great company – in November too, meeting our landlord (a very gorgeous model) and taking him to the amazing opening of the British Prints exhibition at the Wolfsonian drinking fabulous cocktails amongst now 7mth old lovely companions, meeting an inspiring and fantastic artist Janet M Mueller and trading art for lessons in adobe, a delicious Mongolian dinner at a hidden little restaurant on north beach with another two lovely friends; cleaning and drying 20 excited and lovable dogs all ready for adoption and scrubbing the house from top to bottom for Save a Death Row Dog; attending an amazing Art Basel kick off party at the Bakehouse Art Complex (BAC) with a really diverse group of people, great live music and so much incredible art work only to also discover that Janet was being awarded with associate artist that evening so she can exhibit her work there – fantastic news! And finally, the little (just as important) moments that should not ever be forgotten…driving through neighborhoods that are so vast and varied from Brickell (high rise and polished) to Wynwood (residential and edgy); walking on the sand and feeling the sea wash over my toes, a little cooler now we’re in winter; laying on the beach with a chai tea and reading Catch 22, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade on NBC while ripping and sticking inspiration into a sketchbook; getting snuggle-buggles (AKA cosy) and finally finding the time to watch – Annie, Good Will Hunting, The Birdcage, Funny People, Away We Go, Stranger than Fiction amongst many other DVDs from Blockbusters on Alton and 15th and loving the depth and breadth of all these films I’ve missed out on because I’ve always chosen to watch the cheesy flick – the easy option – to zone out to when I was absolutely shattered; sharing in a glass of wine with a few new friends, going to the cinema and inhaling the smell of sweet, salted hot popcorn and watching The Men who Stare at Goats with Vera in the local Regal Theater (always ensuring we go and have a nosy in Anthropologie next door before or after the film it doesn’t matter just as long as we step inside for a few minutes to smell candles and dream up our wish lists), wobbly seats and tables at The News Cafe and fresh food and big aisles at the new Publix on 5th and Alton filled with all those once unfamiliar brands and products now looking a little more familiar and not so scary – dare I say it…I’m finally feeling a connection with Publix very similar to the one I had with Waitrose or Sainsburys back in the UK. It makes life a little easier and a city feel a little less like a stranger when you know where to go to get some comfort.

As my heading suggests it is most definitely easier to breathe now. The humidity has cleared and a huge weight has been lifted from Miami’s shoulders as Hurricane Season is now officially over and the city breathes a sigh of relief. If I’m honest, a little part of me is also finding it easier to breathe and only now am I taking a little weight off my own shoulders to find success here. What will be, will be. If I struggle to earn money here at least I know I can trade in my skills the old fashioned way, it doesn’t sound so bad if I fly away from Miami a fit-spanish-speaking-yoga-stretching-raw-food-eating-event-going-dog-loving-art-collector. The only issue is trading in expertise doesn’t pay the bills.

As we begin to feel something towards this city called Miami, prepare for friends and family to visit us and enjoy the wonderful weather, I’m inhaling one deep, deep breathe right now, and…well…we’ll just have to wait and see what comes next.

Dans mon billet précédent,  je vous parlais des nombreuses vidéos vantant les mérites de Google Wave.
En voici quelques unes très bien réalisées qui s’inspirent de films cultes comme Pulp Fiction de Tarantino (avec entre autres Samuel L. Jackson et John Travolta (qu’on en entend dans la première vidéo) ou encore de Good Will Hunting de Gus Van Sant (avec Matt Damon et Robin Williams).
Enjoy !

Google Wave Cinema: Pulp Fiction

Google Wave Cinema: Good Will Hunting

Sources:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VD0wzo_Gw4&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcxF9oz9Cu0&hl=fr

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110912/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119217/

I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.

- City of Angels

A heart can be broken; but it keeps beating just the same.

-Fried Green Tomatoes

You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other.

- Good Will Hunting

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love – well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

-Meet Joe Black

Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they’re gone.

- The Notebook

I’ve kissed a guy… I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing…. That thing… that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time.

-Never Been Kissed

“We are family….”

The Birdcage is a remake of the French classic, LA CAGE AUX FOLLES, and hopefully will be become a comedy classic all its own. Armand and Albert are a gay couple running a night club in Miami, and Armand finds out his son is getting married. It just so happens he is getting married to an ultra-conservative Senator’s daughter. The Senator is in search of some good PR as his political companion was found dead with a minor prostitute. A wholesome family wedding seems to be the Senators answer for the media, and Val, the straight son, is worried about the Senator meeting his gay parents. Hence the attempt at a transformation to be a straight couple, complete with redecorating their home and changing the way they act…and finally the dinner with the parents.

I have heard a few complaints that all the characters are stereotypical and over the top. Yes, they are. But this film works for that very reason. It is not a film that is begging to be taken to seriously. Even though over the top, the characters are well-developed and likable. Robin Williams (Best supporting Actor Good Will Hunting, The Night Listener, One Hour Photo) give s a spot on performance as Armand and Nathan Lane (The Lion King, Nicholas Nickleby) is perfect as Armand’s mate and star of the Birdcage nightly drag queen show, Starina! Gene Hackman (Best Actor The French Connection, Unforgiven) is a nice casting choice for the conservative senator. The final scene with Gene Hackman dressed in drag and attempting to sing We Are Family, is worth the price of a ticket, or a rental in this case. Ok, since we are talking about performances, by the show stealer is Hank Azaria (Run Fatboy Run, Along Came Polly) who plays the very feminine butler Agador. He nails his performance right on the head. If he is in the scene, he is stealing it! Just a wonderfully funny performance!

Overall, I would highly recommend this film. It has many laugh out loud moments and truly priceless scenes. Mike Nichols (Charlie Wilson’s War, Closer) does a wonderful job of directing this talented cast and keeps this a very colorful and bright film. Visually and emotionally. If you haven’t seen it, do so! As for me, I’ll watch it again, probably for the 15th time.

posted by: chemalopez

♣ El indomable Will Hunting

Good Will Hunting, (1997)

Discursos inolvidables

Si hace algunos años,  en algún momento de tu guión – un punto de giro, quizá, un story beat de importancia – dispusieses de un discurso hecho para marcar un antes y un después en la historia,  te hubiese recomendado la voz y presencia de Robin Williams. Al Pacino mediante.

El joven e ilusionado profesor del Club de los poetas muertos es ahora un hombre maduro, encerrado en sí mismo bajo el peso de una profunda crisis existencial. El bohemio (y sí, también altruista) profesor y psiquiatra conocerá a Will, con quien desarrolla una relación de tira y afloja dialéctico y emocional que es la verdadera riqueza de la película (los secundarios, cumplen; el final, previsible; la historia de amor, obligada y raquitica subtrama).

Quizá, lo realmente interesante aquí, es la metaevolución (no busquen la palabra, que no existe) de Williams, de aquel club de poetas pasados a mejor vida, a través del tiempo, desdoblado en dos personajes “diferentes” – que no son más que el desarrollo del mismo – en una línea cronológica natural hasta volver a guiar al más brillante de sus alumnos y, ahora sí, salvarse a sí mismo.

El Indomable Will hunting es la notable ópera prima como guionistas de Matt Damon y Ben Affleck (el último quizá debió replantearse la interpretación). Llevada a la pantalla bajo la dirección de Gus Van Sant, que pisa terreno “comercial” para repetir más adelante con un producto del mismo estilo: chico superdotado de barrio marginal y conoce a quien será su mentor-salvador (Finding Forrester, 2000).

Debajo, una de mis escenas preferidas. El brillante monólogo del profesor Williams ante un atónito Damon, cuyas palabras considero que forman (además de una verdad como una catedral) un momento memorable en la  historia del cine reciente.

I’m not sure exactly how many films I’ve seen in my lifetime.

It is probably over a thousand, the list below barely scratches the surface of all the films I’ve seen and it was surprisingly easy to come up with. Rather than systematically list films by era or genre I got my brother’s girlfriend Dawn to call out any films she could think of.

I thought of this idea about five minutes before I began typing and Dawn rattled off films as they came to her while I typed out brief verdicts for each one. I initially intended to create a system for rating but found it too restrictive so I just wrote a brief instinctual verdict for each one.

I have included a link to Rotten Tomatoes and the score of each film, I haven’t seen some of these movies in a very long time…

NOTE: The percentages at the end are not my scores but the percentage of positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.

1. Men in Black (1997) – meh (91% – seriously?!)
2. Fight Club (1999) – brilliant (80%)
3. Unforgiven (1992) – immense (96%)
4. Shaun of the Dead (2004) – decent (gets worse every time I watch it)
5. Memento (2001) – pretty good (93%)
6. The Departed (2006) – good (92%)
7. Aliens (1986) – the best sequel ever made (100%)
8. Reservoir Dogs (1992) – great characters and dialogue (95%)
9. American Beauty (1999) – uplifting, brilliant (the stupid bag scene apart) (89%)
10. Goodfellas (1990) – excellent (96%)
11. Predator (1987) – one of Arnie’s best (76%)
12. 12 Angry Men (1957) – captivating (100%)
13. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – meh (78%)
14. Shawshank Redemption (1994) – really, really good (88%)
15. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) – better than I expected (90%)
16. Sin City (2005) – flashy trash (78%)
17. Toy Story 2 (1999) – yep, it’s good (100%)
18. Bambi (1942) – I remember it being good (much to the amusement of Dawn and Sean, many gay jokes followed) (89%)
19. Final Destination (2000) -guff (30%)
20. Edward Scissorhands (1990) – pretentious crap (90%)
21. Stranger than Fiction (2006) – Surprisingly good (72%)
22. Shallow Grave (1995) – okay (71%)
23. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1996) – facepalm (49%)
24. Man on Fire (2004) – underwhelming (39%)
25. Ocean’s Eleven (2001) – meh (81%)
26. 28 Days Later (2003) – meh (88%)
27. Casino Royale (2006) – surprisingly really good (94%)
28. Psycho (1960) – I was expecting it to be better (98%)
29. The Flintstones (1994) – Jesus wept (18%)
30. Aladdin (1992) – good (92%)
31. Jackass: The Movie (2002) – hard to class as a film really, hit and miss(48%)
32. E.T (1982) – good (98%)
33. Independence Day (1996) – a glorified B movie (61%)
34. Titanic (1997)  – Good (81%)
35. Ring (2002) – fairly decent (71%)
36. Pulp Fiction (1994) – Tarantino’s best film by a long way (97%)
37. Hot Fuzz (2007) – fun (90%)
38. Monty Python: Holy Grail (1975) – classic (94%)
39. Good Will Hunting (1997) – good (97%)
40. Heat (1995) – pretty good, not great (89%)
41. Zodiac (2007) – boring (87%)
42. Little Mermaid (1989) – decent (90%)
43. Ghost (1987) – crap (80%)
44. Dirty Dancing (1987) – utter shit – that women like this film makes me wonder if they actually deserve equal rights (67%)
45. The Terminator (1984) – the best Terminator (100%)
46. Bean (1998) – a test of mental endurance, awful (41%)
47. The Mask (1994) – rubbish (76%)
48. Frailty (2002) – ridiculous (74%)
49. The Day After Tomorrow (2004) – shite
50. Donnie Darko (2001) – overrated pish (84%)
51. Apollo 13 (1995)– crap (96%)
52. Deep Impact (1998)– more crap (46%)
53. Volcano (1997) – even more crap (40%)
54. I know what you did last summer (1997)– yet more crap (36%)
55. The Matrix (1999) – first half decent rest shite (86%)
56. Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (2002)– boring (96%)
57. Addams Family Values (1994) – some good moments (74%)
58. Nightmare before Christmas (1993) – overrated, largely guff (97%)
59. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983) – (see earlier blog) (75%)
60. Three Men and a Baby (1987) – sickening  (78%)
61. Transformers: The Movie (1986) – decent (haven’t seen it in 10 years) (50%)
62. Cruel Intentions (1999) – trash (47%)
63. Lock Stock and Two Smoking barrels (1998) – good if a little overrated (71%)
64. Clerks II (2006) – absolutely fucking diabolical (62%, seriously what the fuck?)
65. Baby’s Day Out (1994) – horrific (23%)
66. Home Alone 2 (1992) – decent (17% – that seems harsh!)
67. Liar Liar (1997) – pretty bad (84%)
68. Babe (1995) – Jesus wept (98%)
69. The Simpsons Movie (2007) – unfunny crap from a show that is a pale shadow of what it used to be (90%)
70. Mr Nanny (1993) – a holocaust of a film (7%)
71. The Thing (1980) – really tense, really good (80%)
72. Blair Witch Project (1999) – doing something different doesn’t make it good (85%)
73. Run Lola Run (1999) – see above (92%)
74. The Santa Clause (1994) – crap (Dawn: “What’s the film with Tim Allen dressed as Santa Claus?”) (79%)
75. Silence of the Lambs (1990) – they really should have just stopped at this one, a fine film (96%)
76. Matilda (1996) – another crap Dahl adaptation (89%)
77. A Bridge too Far (1977) – the quintessential war movie (67%)
78. Rocky V (1990) – laughable (21%)
79. The Sting (1973) – really good (91%)
80. The Sword in the Stone (1963) – good (73%)
81. The Witches (1990) – crap (100%, what the fuck?)
82. Starship Troopers (1997) – entertaining trash (60%)
83. Love Actually(2003)  – hated it (63%)
84. White men can’t jump (1992) – I liked it despite itself (78%)
85. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1999)– a pointless sequel (48%)
86. A Bug’s Life (1998) – meh (91%)
87. Hollow man (2000)– hollow is an appropriate adjective (but I like Bacon’s character) (27%)
88. Jaws (1975) – good but overrated (100%)
89. Jerry Maguire (1996)– oh Christ (84%)
90. Dawn of the Dead (1978)– awesome (95%)
91. Drop Dead Fred (1991)– mindless crap (still haunted by my little sister’s repeat viewing of this monstrosity) (9%)
92. Braveheart (1995) – good (it’s a movie, not a history lesson) (76%)
93. Saw II (2005) – crap (35%)
94. Mouse Hunt (1997)– hated it (really wanted the mouse to die) (44%)
95. The Mummy (1999)– didn’t like it (54%)
96. George of the Jungle (1997)– crap (53%)
97. Leon (1994) – ludicrous garbage (74%)
98. Death becomes her (1993)– had its moments (56%)
99. Meet Joe Black (1998) – meh (49%)
100. Dog Soldiers (2002) – entertaining (79%)
101. Cool Hand Luke (1967) – the best film ever (100%)

… să scriu despre filmele care le văd. În principal, fiindcă nu văd multe, dar şi pentru că multe nu sunt excepţionale. Bune, da… dar nu excepţionale. Desigur fiecare are părerea lui despre ce înseamnă “excepţional”, dar cum blogul ăsta este “Ceferistu”, o să aflaţi doar despre ce găsesc eu excepţional.

Plictisit de jocuri şi de facultate (ca orice student, de altfel), am zis să îmi dedic câteva ore pe noapte să mai vizionez câte ceva. Am văzut Terminator 3 şi 4, filme bunicele. Am treminat de vizionat Seinfeld ( în sfârşit). Finalul a fost… ciudat. Un serial bun, dar parcă totuşi îi lipseşte ceva. Am văzut District 9, un SF de asemenea bunicel. Însă nu despre astea vreau să scriu.

Ce vreau să vă recomand este alt film, anume Good Will Hunting. Cei care au văzut Finding Forrester şi au fost încântaţi de el, cel mai probabil vor fi încântaţi şi de Good Will Hunting. O combinaţie ciudată de actori s-a regăsit în acest film şi sincer chiar nu ştiam la ce să mă aştept. Rol principal Matt Damon (despre care chiar nu am mai auzit) iar două roluri secundare Ben Affleck şi Robin Williams. Ben Affleck fiind şi unul din scriitori, chiar nu aveam idee cum va fi filmul.

Finding Forrester m-a încântat de 3 ori până acum, şi deşi sunt sigur că aş putea să îl vizionez de cel puţin încă 10 ori fără probleme, parcă totuşi nu aş face-o. Este ceva care vrei să ai doar din când în când, ceva care să pară mai exclusivist, să fie mereu aproape o noutate. Este prima oară când am văzut Good Will Hunting şi sigur nu va fi ultima oară.

Şi dacă trailerul nu v-a convins să îl vizionaţi, am să vă spun o glumă auzită în film.

Un pasager într-un avion stătea şi îşi vedea de treaba lui. La un moment dat, intercomul din cabina pilotului se deschide, iar acesta anunţă pasagerii că se află la altitudinea de 35.000 metri. Pune microfonul jos, dar nu îşi dă seama că nu l-a închis. În momentul următor se aude cum îi spune copilotului:

-Ce am acuma nevoie sunt un sex oral şi o cafea.

Auzind asta, stewardesa fuge spre cabina pilotului să îi spune să închidă microfonul. La care pasageru se ridică şi-i spune:

-Nu uita cafeaua.

Vizionare plăcută.

P.S. Este ora 2.02 am, deci fiind trecut de 00.00 ţin să urez La Mulţi Ani bunului meu amic Iulius. Să trăieşti să obţii tot ce vrei, şi să bei un pahar şi pentru mine.

I’ve had this song in my head all freakin’ day! All because I watched Good Will Hunting a couple of nights ago, which truly fantastic film by the way! This video isn’t the greatest quality, but I really like the arrangement so I figured I’d share!

The passing of Elliott Smith still makes me sad to this day. His music is an inspiration, and he seemed like such an incredible person who I would have loved to have been able to meet.

HIGHLIGHT:

Gestern gab es eine neue Folge POPSTARS – DU UND ICH auf Pro Sieben. Das bedeutet, dass sie ab heute kostenlos im Web ist. >> Popstars online gucken >> Klick hier

Und es gibt ein paar NEUE FILME (Wie alles bei uns kostenlos und legal!):

GOOD WILL HUNTING

EVE UND DER LETZTE GENTLEMAN

BEAUTIFUL BITCH

CROCODILE DUNDEE 3

MR. NICEGUY und

THE 13th FLOOR

Wir wünschen euch viel Spaß beim Stöbern auf unseren Seiten und beim Gucken von tollen Serien, Shows und Cartoons im Web.

One of my favorite movies is Good Will Hunting.  In one of the pivotal scenes in the movie Matt Damon’s character is repeatedly reminded by Robin Williams’ character that the abuse he suffered from his foster parent is not his fault.  I have not included the clip because the language is very graphic.  It is available on YouTube if you are interested.

Here is my paraphrase:

Sean: It’s not your fault.

Will: I know.

Sean: It’s not your fault.

Will: Yeah, I know.

Sean: It’s not your fault.

Will: I KNOW!

Sean: It’s not your fault.

Will: Don’t mess with me Sean!  Not you!

Sean:It’s not your fault.

Will:  [Breaks down.  They embrace.]

Every day we must adopt the strategy of Sean in reminding ourselves that the Law is not the Gospel.  Human beings were created to live in obedience to God’s commands in every detail.  We do not need someone to explain to us the concept of Law.  It is innate within us.  Unfortunately, due to Adam’s sin, we can no longer keep the Law because every aspect of our being is now corrupted by sin.

The Gospel is a different matter.  It is foreign to us.  We need to have the Gospel preached into us every day, multiple times a day.  If we do not, inevitably we revert back to our created condition of law-keeper, thinking that our obedience will make us right with God.  “If I could only do a little more, maybe then God will smile on me,” we tell ourselves. 

We must constantly be reminded of the Gospel, especially the fact that the Law is not the Gospel.  No amount of good works can make us right with God.  We need the work of another.  Christ kept the Law perfectly on behalf of sinners who are not able.  He imputes the righteousness that he earned to the account of those who believe, so that when the Father looks on them, He only sees the righteousness of Christ, not our inadequate attempts at keeping the Law ourselves.  We can now rest in the finished work of Christ.

Be like Sean and remind yourself that the Law is not the Gospel. 

The Law is not the Gospel. 

The Law is not the Gospel. 

The Law is not the Gospel. 

The Law is not the Gospel

The Law is not the Gospel.

The Law is not the Gospel….