AUSTRALIAN soccer has lost another member of the history-making 1974 Socceroos following the passing of Ivo Rudic…. From The Australian. Full story

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Today seems like a good day to stop. Enjoy summer.

At this very moment, I’m loving this song very, very much. It feels really good to listen to the words in this song. Listen closely and maybe you’ll understand.

Lyrics to Goodbye

It’s a shame that it had to be this way
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry

Maybe I’m to blame
Or maybe were the same
But either way I can’t breathe
Either way I can’t breathe

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

I’m alive but I’m losing all my drive
Cause everything we’ve been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

And every, everything isn’t only
What it seemed so hold these
Words that you never told me
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Goodbye

Bye

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

- whit3puppy

The Pussycat Dolls are no more (sniff sniff), the other four are fed-up (jealous) of Nicole Scherzinger being in the centre of attention and going off around the world doing her own thing with Little Lewis…

Maybe they should have raised their complaints at this photo shoot!!

Melissa Delicious wishes them all well and expects to see them all  in 2010 on the latest US reality TV show!!

I can’t sleep. I really should get to bed because I have to be awake in five and a half hours. Urgh.

It’s Thanksgiving break. I cannot believe this semester is over…I mean, it’s not yet. But after Thanksgiving the time is going to race by. And that makes me sad.

I wished college away. Ever since I started at Texas A&M back in 2006 I just wanted to be finished and out in the real world. I felt so restless and unhappy and thought I would never see the end of school.

But now? Now I’m at the end. Not only does that scare the pants off of me, it makes me regret wishing everything away. What did I miss out on? What kind of friends did I miss out on making because I made the choice to sit in my room on a Friday night instead of going out?

I feel I have remedied that this semester; even just a little. I finally got my feet underneath me, found jobs I enjoyed. I made a few new friends, and my old friends became better friends. Best friends.

So I guess I’m sad because I finally figured out how to be comfortable and content in college–for the most part. I wish I had more time. Even as I type those words though, my chest tightens at the thought of actually staying another semester. So maybe I am ready to move on. I think I’m sad at the thought of saying goodbye to some wonderful people. And I’m sad to say goodbye to my “security blanket.” College is safe. College is a bubble. Especially one like Texas Tech.

Moving to Boston is getting closer. I can almost stretch out my fingers and touch it, feel it. I’m beginning to get more nervous. In fact, I had a small breakdown last week. I started panicking, thinking, “What the F*** am I doing, packing up and moving to Boston? Am I CRAZY?”

And maybe I am crazy. Maybe I’m being hopelessly naive about this entire thing. But I don’t care. I love it when people react to my news of leaving. Most people are so supportive of it, and that makes me feel so much better about it. I had a friend say to me today how excited he was for me that I was leaving and doing what I want; taking a chance. And that? Pretty much made my day. It’s good to be reassured that maybe I’m not a crazy freak who can’t be happy in Texas. Of course, he hates Texas too, so that probably went into his comments.

Enough about Boston for tonight.

My heart hurts, for a few reasons.

I disappointed my parents this past weekend, and I hate myself for it. I don’t want to explain everything that happened, but basically, I messed up. I have never felt so terrible about something in my life. And I don’t know how to rectify it. How do I show my parents how sorry I truly am? I’m terrified about facing them tomorrow.

The second reason my heart hurts is because of someone who has become very special to me in the last two months. I’m sad because I’m leaving, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see him again. It’s hard. It makes me angry not only because I have to leave him, but because I wonder why I didn’t get to meet him sooner.

I can’t sleep tonight, partly because of that. I can’t stop thinking about everything.

I say to myself each day: “You’ll forget. You’ll forget the boy who made you laugh. Forget the boy who made your heart light, who made your eyes dance. Your heart will stop hurting.”

It’ll happen for me someday. I’ll figure it out. For now? Boston is my true love. It’s what I want, more than anything else in the world. I’m not considering giving it up.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t hurt like hell about it. Cry, too.

I’ve decided to have a picture in each entry and my first one didn’t have one! So here is the picture of the day and my little blurb to go with it:

This is some of the best advice I can give when it comes to choosing the perfect polish. Now I know this is going to contradict what I said in my last post about using polish to express yourself… But, if you are in a bad mood, don’t go straight for a shade of black. Pick a colour that will cheer you up when you look down at your hands! That’s what I did the day I moved out of my condo that I loved ever so much. It was a sad day but my light lavender nails made me feel better about moving.

A little polish can make a sad wave goodbye that much more bearable.

Maybe it can work for you too when you’re having a bad day! The least you can do is give it a try. It doesn’t have to be lavender or something just as cheerful – pick a shade that makes you happy! Who knows, it might make your day a bit better. I know it does for me.

xxoo thebigbadwolff

It’s time to say goodbye, and I’m unafraid. I’m actually quite giddy.

Excited.

For what, I’m sure you’ll be wondering, but I can’t really tell you what I’ll find.

Why?

Because I don’t know. But I’m going looking.
Looking for myself, looking inward by looking out.
Looking out for myself, looking out for my best friends,
Looking out for people I don’t even know, or know I’ll know.

It’s probably naive.
It’s probably just another echo.

But here it is.

I relinquish everything I have. Every regret, every sad moment. My whole past.
Who I was, before I started saying this.
I embrace the new, the changing, the future,
and I embrace it now.

I am working on a project,
maybe it will be a book, one that actually gets finished this time.
maybe it will be a collection of poems, no lame binding of glitter-bleeding eyes.
maybe it will be an escape from myself.

Whatever I find will be mine, because I can’t own it.
Because no one can possibly own it.

And Whatever comes looking, I’ll guide.
because it’s time.

It’s time to say goodbye.

One last time.

Setting Up A Ftp

Well, since many of us have always wondered this, here it is. Long and drawn out. Also, before attempting this, realize one thing; You will have to give up your time, effort, bandwidth, and security to have a quality ftp server.
That being said, here it goes. First of all, find out if your IP (Internet Protocol) is static (not changing) or dynamic (changes everytime you log on). To do this, first consider the fact if you have a dial up modem. If you do, chances are about 999 999 out of 1 000 000 that your IP is dynamic. To make it static, just go to a place like h*tp://www.myftp.org/ to register for a static ip address.

You’ll then need to get your IP. This can be done by doing this:
Going to Start -> Run -> winipcfg or www.ask.com and asking ‘What is my IP?’

After doing so, you’ll need to download an FTP server client. Personally, I’d recommend G6 FTP Server, Serv-U FTPor Bullitproof v2.15 all three of which are extremely reliable, and the norm of the ftp world.
You can download them on this site: h*tp://www.liaokai.com/softw_en/d_index.htm

First, you’ll have to set up your ftp. For this guide, I will use step-by-step instructions for G6. First, you’ll have to go into ‘Setup -> General’. From here, type in your port # (default is 21). I recommend something unique, or something a bit larger (ex: 3069). If you want to, check the number of max users (this sets the amount of simultaneous maximum users on your server at once performing actions – The more on at once, the slower the connection and vice versa).

The below options are then chooseable:
-Launch with windows
-Activate FTP Server on Start-up
-Put into tray on startup
-Allow multiple instances
-Show “Loading…” status at startup
-Scan drive(s) at startup
-Confirm exit

You can do what you want with these, as they are pretty self explanatory. The scan drive feature is nice, as is the 2nd and the last option. From here, click the ‘options’ text on the left column.

To protect your server, you should check ‘login check’ and ‘password check’, ‘Show relative path (a must!)’, and any other options you feel you’ll need. After doing so, click the ‘advanced’ text in the left column. You should then leave the buffer size on the default (unless of course you know what you’re doing ), and then allow the type of ftp you want.

Uploading and downloading is usually good, but it’s up to you if you want to allow uploads and/or downloads. For the server priority, that will determine how much conventional memory will be used and how much ‘effort’ will go into making your server run smoothly.

Anti-hammering is also good, as it prevents people from slowing down your speed. From here, click ‘Log Options’ from the left column. If you would like to see and record every single command and clutter up your screen, leave the defaults.

But, if you would like to see what is going on with the lowest possible space taken, click ‘Screen’ in the top column. You should then check off ‘Log successful logins’, and all of the options in the client directry, except ‘Log directory changes’. After doing so, click ‘Ok’ in the bottom left corner.

You will then have to go into ‘Setup -> User Accounts’ (or ctrl & u). From here, you should click on the right most column, and right click. Choose ‘Add’, and choose the username(s) you would like people to have access to.

After giving a name (ex: themoonlanding), you will have to give them a set password in the bottom column (ex: wasfaked). For the ‘Home IP’ directory, (if you registered with a static server, check ‘All IP Homes’. If your IP is static by default, choose your IP from the list. You will then have to right click in the very center column, and choose ‘Add’.

From here, you will have to set the directory you want the people to have access to. After choosing the directory, I suggest you choose the options ‘Read’, ‘List’, and ‘Subdirs’, unless of course you know what you’re doing . After doing so, make an ‘upload’ folder in the directory, and choose to ‘add’ this folder seperately to the center column. Choose ‘write’, ‘append’, ‘make’, ‘list’, and ’subdirs’. This will allow them to upload only to specific folders (your upload folder).

Now click on ‘Miscellaneous’ from the left column. Choose ‘enable account’, your time-out (how long it takes for people to remain idle before you automatically kick them off), the maximum number of users for this name, the maximum number of connections allowed simultaneously for one ip address, show relative path (a must!), and any other things at the bottom you’d like to have. Now click ‘Ok’.
**Requested**
From this main menu, click the little boxing glove icon in the top corner, and right click and unchoose the hit-o-meter for both uploads and downloads (with this you can monitor IP activity). Now click the lightning bolt, and your server is now up and running.

Post your ftp info, like this:

213.10.93.141 (or something else, such as: ‘f*p://example.getmyip.com’)

User: *** (The username of the client)

Pass: *** (The password)

Port: *** (The port number you chose)

So make a FTP and join the FTP section
Listing The Contents Of A Ftp:

Listing the content of a FTP is very simple.
You will need FTP Content Maker, which can be downloaded from here:
ht*p://www.etplanet.com/download/application/FTP%20Content%20Maker%201.02.zip

1. Put in the IP of the server. Do not put “ftp://” or a “/” because it will not work if you do so.
2. Put in the port. If the port is the default number, 21, you do not have to enter it.
3. Put in the username and password in the appropriate fields. If the login is anonymous, you do not have to enter it.
4. If you want to list a specific directory of the FTP, place it in the directory field. Otherwise, do not enter anything in the directory field.
5. Click “Take the List!”
6. After the list has been taken, click the UBB output tab, and copy and paste to wherever you want it.
If FTP Content Maker is not working, it is probably because the server does not utilize Serv-U Software.

If you get this error message:
StatusCode = 550
LastResponse was : ‘Unable to open local file test-ftp’
Error = 550 (Unable to open local file test-ftp)
Error = Unable to open local file test-ftp = 550
Close and restart FTP Content Maker, then try again.

error messages:

110 Restart marker reply. In this case, the text is exact and not left to the particular implementation; it must read: MARK yyyy = mmmm Where yyyy is User-process data stream marker, and mmmm server’s equivalent marker (note the spaces between markers and “=”).
120 Service ready in nnn minutes.
125 Data connection already open; transfer starting.
150 File status okay; about to open data connection.
200 Command okay.
202 Command not implemented, superfluous at this site.
211 System status, or system help reply.
212 Directory status.
213 File status.
214 Help message. On how to use the server or the meaning of a particular non-standard command. This reply is useful only to the human user.
215 NAME system type. Where NAME is an official system name from the list in the Assigned Numbers document.
220 Service ready for new user.
221 Service closing control connection. Logged out if appropriate.
225 Data connection open; no transfer in progress.
226 Closing data connection. Requested file action successful (for example, file transfer or file abort).
227 Entering Passive Mode (h1,h2,h3,h4,p1,p2).
230 User logged in, proceed.
250 Requested file action okay, completed.
257 “PATHNAME” created.
331 User name okay, need password.
332 Need account for login.
350 Requested file action pending further information.
421 Too many users logged to the same account
425 Can’t open data connection.
426 Connection closed; transfer aborted.
450 Requested file action not taken. File unavailable (e.g., file busy).
451 Requested action aborted: local error in processing.
452 Requested action not taken. Insufficient storage space in system.
500 Syntax error, command unrecognized. This may include errors such as command line too long.
501 Syntax error in parameters or arguments.
502 Command not implemented.
503 Bad sequence of commands.
504 Command not implemented for that parameter.
530 Not logged in.
532 Need account for storing files.
550 Requested action not taken. File unavailable (e.g., file not found, no access).
551 Requested action aborted: page type unknown.
552 Requested file action aborted. Exceeded storage allocation (for current directory or dataset).
553 Requested action not taken. File name not allowed.
 Active FTP vs. Passive FTP, a Definitive Explanation

Introduction
One of the most commonly seen questions when dealing with firewalls and other Internet connectivity issues is the difference between active and passive FTP and how best to support either or both of them. Hopefully the following text will help to clear up some of the confusion over how to support FTP in a firewalled environment.

This may not be the definitive explanation, as the title claims, however, I’ve heard enough good feedback and seen this document linked in enough places to know that quite a few people have found it to be useful. I am always looking for ways to improve things though, and if you find something that is not quite clear or needs more explanation, please let me know! Recent additions to this document include the examples of both active and passive command line FTP sessions. These session examples should help make things a bit clearer. They also provide a nice picture into what goes on behind the scenes during an FTP session. Now, on to the information…

The Basics
FTP is a TCP based service exclusively. There is no UDP component to FTP. FTP is an unusual service in that it utilizes two ports, a ‘data’ port and a ‘command’ port (also known as the control port). Traditionally these are port 21 for the command port and port 20 for the data port. The confusion begins however, when we find that depending on the mode, the data port is not always on port 20.

Active FTP
In active mode FTP the client connects from a random unprivileged port (N > 1024) to the FTP server’s command port, port 21. Then, the client starts listening to port N+1 and sends the FTP command PORT N+1 to the FTP server. The server will then connect back to the client’s specified data port from its local data port, which is port 20.

From the server-side firewall’s standpoint, to support active mode FTP the following communication channels need to be opened:

FTP server’s port 21 from anywhere (Client initiates connection)
FTP server’s port 21 to ports > 1024 (Server responds to client’s control port)
FTP server’s port 20 to ports > 1024 (Server initiates data connection to client’s data port)
FTP server’s port 20 from ports > 1024 (Client sends ACKs to server’s data port)
In step 1, the client’s command port contacts the server’s command port and sends the command PORT 1027. The server then sends an ACK back to the client’s command port in step 2. In step 3 the server initiates a connection on its local data port to the data port the client specified earlier. Finally, the client sends an ACK back as shown in step 4.

The main problem with active mode FTP actually falls on the client side. The FTP client doesn’t make the actual connection to the data port of the server–it simply tells the server what port it is listening on and the server connects back to the specified port on the client. From the client side firewall this appears to be an outside system initiating a connection to an internal client–something that is usually blocked.

Active FTP Example
Below is an actual example of an active FTP session. The only things that have been changed are the server names, IP addresses, and user names. In this example an FTP session is initiated from testbox1.slacksite.com (192.168.150.80), a linux box running the standard FTP command line client, to testbox2.slacksite.com (192.168.150.90), a linux box running ProFTPd 1.2.2RC2. The debugging (-d) flag is used with the FTP client to show what is going on behind the scenes. Everything in red is the debugging output which shows the actual FTP commands being sent to the server and the responses generated from those commands. Normal server output is shown in black, and user input is in bold.

There are a few interesting things to consider about this dialog. Notice that when the PORT command is issued, it specifies a port on the client (192.168.150.80) system, rather than the server. We will see the opposite behavior when we use passive FTP. While we are on the subject, a quick note about the format of the PORT command. As you can see in the example below it is formatted as a series of six numbers separated by commas. The first four octets are the IP address while the second two octets comprise the port that will be used for the data connection. To find the actual port multiply the fifth octet by 256 and then add the sixth octet to the total. Thus in the example below the port number is ( (14*256) + 178), or 3762. A quick check with netstat should confirm this information.

testbox1: {/home/p-t/slacker/public_html} % ftp -d testbox2
Connected to testbox2.slacksite.com.
220 testbox2.slacksite.com FTP server ready.
Name (testbox2:slacker): slacker
—> USER slacker
331 Password required for slacker.
Password: TmpPass
—> PASS XXXX
230 User slacker logged in.
—> SYST
215 UNIX Type: L8
Remote system type is UNIX.
Using binary mode to transfer files.
ftp> ls
ftp: setsockopt (ignored): Permission denied
—> PORT 192,168,150,80,14,178
200 PORT command successful.
—> LIST
150 Opening ASCII mode data connection for file list.
drwx—— 3 slacker users 104 Jul 27 01:45 public_html
226 Transfer complete.
ftp> quit
—> QUIT
221 Goodbye.
Passive FTP
In order to resolve the issue of the server initiating the connection to the client a different method for FTP connections was developed. This was known as passive mode, or PASV, after the command used by the client to tell the server it is in passive mode.

In passive mode FTP the client initiates both connections to the server, solving the problem of firewalls filtering the incoming data port connection to the client from the server. When opening an FTP connection, the client opens two random unprivileged ports locally (N > 1024 and N+1). The first port contacts the server on port 21, but instead of then issuing a PORT command and allowing the server to connect back to its data port, the client will issue the PASV command. The result of this is that the server then opens a random unprivileged port (P > 1024) and sends the PORT P command back to the client. The client then initiates the connection from port N+1 to port P on the server to transfer data.

From the server-side firewall’s standpoint, to support passive mode FTP the following communication channels need to be opened:

FTP server’s port 21 from anywhere (Client initiates connection)
FTP server’s port 21 to ports > 1024 (Server responds to client’s control port)
FTP server’s ports > 1024 from anywhere (Client initiates data connection to random port specified by server)
FTP server’s ports > 1024 to remote ports > 1024 (Server sends ACKs (and data) to client’s data port)

In step 1, the client contacts the server on the command port and issues the PASV command. The server then replies in step 2 with PORT 2024, telling the client which port it is listening to for the data connection. In step 3 the client then initiates the data connection from its data port to the specified server data port. Finally, the server sends back an ACK in step 4 to the client’s data port.

While passive mode FTP solves many of the problems from the client side, it opens up a whole range of problems on the server side. The biggest issue is the need to allow any remote connection to high numbered ports on the server. Fortunately, many FTP daemons, including the popular WU-FTPD allow the administrator to specify a range of ports which the FTP server will use. See Appendix 1 for more information.

The second issue involves supporting and troubleshooting clients which do (or do not) support passive mode. As an example, the command line FTP utility provided with Solaris does not support passive mode, necessitating a third-party FTP client, such as ncftp.

With the massive popularity of the World Wide Web, many people prefer to use their web browser as an FTP client. Most browsers only support passive mode when accessing ftp:// URLs. This can either be good or bad depending on what the servers and firewalls are configured to support.

Passive FTP Example
Below is an actual example of a passive FTP session. The only things that have been changed are the server names, IP addresses, and user names. In this example an FTP session is initiated from testbox1.slacksite.com (192.168.150.80), a linux box running the standard FTP command line client, to testbox2.slacksite.com (192.168.150.90), a linux box running ProFTPd 1.2.2RC2. The debugging (-d) flag is used with the FTP client to show what is going on behind the scenes. Everything in red is the debugging output which shows the actual FTP commands being sent to the server and the responses generated from those commands. Normal server output is shown in black, and user input is in bold.

Notice the difference in the PORT command in this example as opposed to the active FTP example. Here, we see a port being opened on the server (192.168.150.90) system, rather than the client. See the discussion about the format of the PORT command above, in the Active FTP Example section.

testbox1: {/home/p-t/slacker/public_html} % ftp -d testbox2
Connected to testbox2.slacksite.com.
220 testbox2.slacksite.com FTP server ready.
Name (testbox2:slacker): slacker
—> USER slacker
331 Password required for slacker.
Password: TmpPass
—> PASS XXXX
230 User slacker logged in.
—> SYST
215 UNIX Type: L8
Remote system type is UNIX.
Using binary mode to transfer files.
ftp> passive
Passive mode on.
ftp> ls
ftp: setsockopt (ignored): Permission denied
—> PASV
227 Entering Passive Mode (192,168,150,90,195,149).
—> LIST
150 Opening ASCII mode data connection for file list
drwx—— 3 slacker users 104 Jul 27 01:45 public_html
226 Transfer complete.
ftp> quit
—> QUIT
221 Goodbye.
Summary
The following chart should help admins remember how each FTP mode works:

Active FTP :
command : client >1024 -> server 21
data : client >1024 <- server 20

Passive FTP :
command : client >1024 -> server 21
data : client >1024 -> server >1024

A quick summary of the pros and cons of active vs. passive FTP is also in order:

Active FTP is beneficial to the FTP server admin, but detrimental to the client side admin. The FTP server attempts to make connections to random high ports on the client, which would almost certainly be blocked by a firewall on the client side. Passive FTP is beneficial to the client, but detrimental to the FTP server admin. The client will make both connections to the server, but one of them will be to a random high port, which would almost certainly be blocked by a firewall on the server side.

Luckily, there is somewhat of a compromise. Since admins running FTP servers will need to make their servers accessible to the greatest number of clients, they will almost certainly need to support passive FTP. The exposure of high level ports on the server can be minimized by specifying a limited port range for the FTP server to use. Thus, everything except for this range of ports can be firewalled on the server side. While this doesn’t eliminate all risk to the server, it decreases it tremendously.

For anyone watching ‘You’re Beautiful’, the word A.N.JELL will make sense to you. It’s a created idol band for the kdrama which stars Jang Geun Suk, Park Shin Hye, Lee Hongki, and Jung Yong Hwa. The group had to film another scene for the drama of having a concert, so they held another mini concert. They’re gaining quite a bit of popularity; when they held their first mini concert (before the drama even aired), 1400 fans showed up. Obviously this is due to JGS and Hongki’s solid fanbases. So imagine this 2nd mini concert! Anyway, here’s fancams!

Jang Geun Suk with ‘Goodbye’

Lee Hongki + Jung Yong Hwa with ‘Promise I Do’

More vids under the cut!

As Ever

Jang Geun Suk with ‘What Do I Do’

It lied there. Forgotten, caked in the dried blood of what may have been a Russian Cossack, or a British Dragoon. Perhaps, it was the blood of a general or, perhaps, just of a simple infantryman. The soft grey blade rested amongst the stems of grass, it’s grim ornamentation glistening in the noon sun.
I touched the hilt and felt the twisted leather’s rough texture underneath my palm. I pulled it free from it’s prison and raised it above my head. Unlike what I had heard from those who tell stories, it did not shine brilliantly. The only thing that happened was that more light was cast upon the scratched, bloody surface.
I wondered, with some childish excitement, who could have held a sword as fine as this. It could have been a  mounted cavalryman or an officer, perhaps even a general! I lowered it and dragged it’s edge along the grass, watching the grass bending underneath the blade. Holding it in my hand, I could feel the power, the essence of it’s glorious owner overtaking me. I imagined that I was the Emperor himself, riding into battle, the cavalry of the Guard struggling to keep up with me and artillery firing in the distance, the loud explosions frightening man and beast alike. Of course, that’s not how it happens. He doesn’t ride into battle like a suicidally brave soldier. He stays behind the lines and plans, thoughts and strategies swirling in his mind, until he comes up with something so perfect that it cannot fail. And, usually, it doesn’t. He has tasted defeat, of course, but not nearly as much as his enemies.
Slowly dragging the sword behind me, I left the field and stood on the road that led to a city. I imagined that along this road with me walk the grenadiers, fusiliers and many other soldiers, the music of the drummers ringing in my ears, the song of these frightening citizen-soldiers striking fear into the hearts of the enemy.
I sang with them that day. I walked along the dusty dirt road and sang every song I knew, whether it was a marching song I heard from the storytellers or a lullaby my mother taught me.
I could see the ghosts of the past coming back to life in the fields around me. Tens of thousands of soldiers rose from the fields, like armies doomed to fight for an eternity. To my sides stood the fusiliers, the glorious Guard, the cuirassiers  and carabiniers with their shining armour. On the opposite side stood the the vile enemy, who only come to burn the land, steal treasure and enslave us.
As quickly as they appeared, the ghosts vanish. I sit down in the shade of a tree and wait, minutes passing slowly as I lean on the sword, staring at a ditch in front of me. Perhaps, this reality is better than the one I imagined. It is peaceful now. The sea is not far. Birds sing as they soar across the sky and the lazy spring dust settles upon the road I’ve walked since I was born. The snow had already melted and the may sun sends it’s warmth down to us earth dwellers.
I heard something and looked to the skies. It sounded like a dragon, roaring and spitting fire, but there was nothing.
I stood once more and walked into the centre of the road. Dust was  being raised in the distance.
This was something I had not seen before.
Slowly, it was moving towards me – the cloud of dust, so thick I couldn’t see anything. It was frightening, but I held firm the sword and stood my ground. It was closer now and I could make out what was coming.
Barrels jutted like spikes from the cloud as the tanks neared, the black crosses on their sign appearing as the eyes of the beast. Tracks pressed into the dirt, but the war machines moved swiftly.
My father had spoken of them. He saw some, in the War. The roaring returned and I looked up. This time, the sky was filled with dark shapes. Many dark shapes, similar to still birds, their wings extended. Hundreds, maybe.
The dust cloud was now only a few kilometres away and I could see the trucks, the war machines, artillery. I stood on the side of the road, to let them by.
The steel beast passed me, it’s dark grey frame like a monster from ghost stories. They were all grey. The machines, the trucks, the artillery and even the soldiers. A single man broke off the final column and approached me. He asked me what was I doing here and I answered, with unnecessary bravado, that I was watching for the enemy and defending my homeland. He just laughed.
He removed a small blue helmet from his side and placed it on my head. Now, I was a real soldier. With another laugh, he stood back up and appeared much taller than he was before. He grinned down at me and said, with a heavy accent:
“To protect your homeland, you’ll need a lot more than a stick and a helmet.”
And then he left, running after his platoon. I dropped the stick, which until now was a sword, and ran towards home. That day, I learned a lesson. Sometimes, the enemy is far closer thank you think. And sometimes, he is not even my enemy.

Late last night, I decided, once and for all to do away with Twitter. From day 1 I wasn’t a fan. I’ll admit though that during my usage it grew on me a bit, it had it’s moments. But for far too many reasons to list WLGJr deleted his Twitter account, sorry folks.

For those of you that loved following me on Twitter, stay tuned. I may or may not break out a new account specifically as an extension of SquintedVision.

          I made the decision.  I’m counting you out now.  I’m cutting the tie.  I’ve grown weary of being forgotten, ignored, and belittled.  Sorry my socioeconomic status makes you think of me as some lower life form.  Sorry I call things like I see them and am not afraid to do so.  Sorry I’m honest with you. Sorry you can’t take the SLIGHTEST amount of criticism.  Sorry you can’t take any credit for MY song.  Sorry that money has really warped your sense of reality.  And I’m sorry your precious book is all you have.  May you make millions of empty dollars… I could go on, but there really is no need – you are already discrediting this entry as being something only a peasant would do.  And we wouldn’t want to associate with those, now would we?  Have a blessed day!

My Grandmother died last Friday morning, aged 100 years and 8 months old! I am sad. I remember her fondly as a frail little woman, bearing in mind that she was 65 when I was born! She liked ginger in chocolate, she collected souvenir teaspoons until she ran out of space to keep them. My mother says she was heavy-handed with the Bailey’s in her coffee and she polished off whisky in a quiet, but determined fashion. She crocheted ‘Granma’ blankies by the dozens, even though she couldn’t see a foot in front of her for most of my life; blankies that have seen our family through our baby years and sickness and just made us feel good.

She was born in March 1909, that is unbelievable to me. She saw so much happen and so much change and understood life’s secrets. One of which was: Oranges! She was a big orange eater. The other was Bowling, Ten Pin bowling, which she took up at 80 odd and had a ridiculously high score over 200. I remember she would watch the cricket and tennis on the TV even though she couldn’t see the screen, let alone the game, and knew more about players and scores than I did. She always knew what was going on, no matter how frail she became she was always sharp as a tack.

She was reputedly a tough woman and I remember stories of my Father talking back to her and that he immediately received a metal bowl or some such thing in the back of his head for his trouble. She was a very good shot according to my Father. He has scars on his knuckles where he cut his hand with an axe and Granma threw a tea towel at him and told him to wrap his hand up and put his head between his legs and if he fainted she would smack him. Today he looked at those scars and smiled. To me she was my little old Granma, who apparently mellowed with age.

The thing I remember the most was her laugh. I remember telling her jokes and can picture the twinkle in her murky eyes, before she would scoff and say “Oh Sean” and then have a good old chuckle. A chuckle that she seemed to swallow, like she was keeping the happiness inside for another day. She was an amazing woman; a tough woman who had her flaws, as we all do, but she was loving and caring in her own way and she was our Granma.

You will be missed, but I know you are in a better place!  You are the wind that blows the leaves, the sun that peeks behind the clouds and the snow that falls on my face. You are still there for us all. Be free.

Love,

Sean.

Tinha deixado aqui na Porta 10A o ‘tiser’ para a entrevista que Paulo Bento deu ao Record, publicada na sua edição de Sábado. Esperando que seja a última dele relativa ao tema Sporting, desejo também não voltar a comentar mais nada que o senhor venha a dizer

Os post-its da primeira página do pasquim até são um bom resumo do seu interior. A coisa prometia e Paulo Bento lá navegou por todos os temas, mais ou menos duros, mais ou menos polémicos, mais ou menos actuais. Acho que da entrevista pouco sobra de grande relevância e que não se soubesse. Diplomacia quanto baste, muito centrado ‘ nos outros ‘ e nos que tinham ‘ estratégias concertadas ‘ , poucas explicações para a incapacidade de dar a volta aos maus resultados, poucas razões dadas para os ‘ casos do balneário ‘ que viveu e respostas pouco convincentes quando confrontado com algumas das suas escolhas e decisões.

O que fica?

Ao que parece Ricardo Sá Pinto é considerado o ‘culpado’ da sua saída e dos problemas que se viviam no seio da equipa há muito tempo.

Parece também que Rogério Alves tem culpa no cartório e era ele que dava a ‘táctica‘ para os jogos.

Pedro Barbosa e todos os restantes eram muito fiéis, muito leais e muito competentes, pelo que não se percebe porque ‘ já não éramos capazes de meter medo ‘ ou num assomo de coragem dizer que ‘queríamos muito mas já podíamos pouco‘. A equipa também jogou noutros sistemas, mas ninguém reparou. Se nos reportarmos aos jogos que fizemos desde o inicio da época, qualquer que fosse o sistema o resultado era o mesmo: mau. E foi preciso tanto tempo para descobrir isto? Paulo Bento admite, mais uma vez, que esteve 4 meses a mais no Sporting e que dificilmente voltará ao clube. À evidência junta-se a revelação estonteante. Agradecemos.

PB pede a José Eduardo Bettencourt para não perder a coragem. Também espero o mesmo. Que faça o que tem a fazer, que trabalhe incansavelmente para o clube, que encontre as melhores soluções financeiras e desportivas, que consiga unir a família Sportinguista à volta da sua equipa e que coloque um ponto final sobre este assunto. O Paulo Bento ‘ forever ‘ é passado e há que olhar para o futuro. Enough & goodbye.

Paulo Bento não perdoa e eu também não o consigo perdoar e pronto, fim da estória.

A murder of crows
Dimly lit room, pitch black night
See you in heaven.

I am leaving town on Thursday. Going home to be with my friends, and I might not come back in the near future. Now that I’ve quit my job, I’ve got nothing holding me to this town. So now I am saying goodbyes. I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect it to be so hard. Perhaps because it was just low on the priority list, and I had bigger fish to fry. But now that so much of it is behind me, I am available to experience some other emotions.

It started with saying good bye to our apartment. When all of the boxes were in the car, and I sat for a second to breath, I think it finally sank in. I was not going to be in this apartment that I really loved anymore. I started crying and crying… It was strange to grieve a place this way, I usually don’t get attached this way. The next day, I said a semi-goodbye to my therapist. I was very emotional and just wanted to get on the first airplane to Israel so I wasn’t sure at the time if it was the last session or not. It was very hard & emotional. Now that I got my tickets for Thursday, I know I am going to be here for another session if I wish to, but I am simply not sure if I can go through this again. She has been my rock throughout all this, and I will miss her input very very much. I also said goodbyes to people at work, both congregants (I work in a Jewish temple) and colleagues. I said goodbye to the staff at my favorite vegan restaurant, where I get my lunch once every week for three years now. am also saying good by to the city: the beach, the heavenly weather, the local cuizine, and the little perks of living in America that I can probably never afford back home. I also shop a lot; all kinds of little things that I’ve been postponing for too long and I know if I postpone it any longer I’m just not gonna have it because it’s either hard to find or too expansive in Israel. I am considering if I should talk to people in the shul we used to go to, and to friends that I see less frequently, or just let it be. I am also considering what to say on my Facebook page; I am not one to hold things inside, but I am really not in the mood to handle everyone’s questions.

Yesterday I actually bought the airplane ticket, and it suddenly hit me, that I will really not see him for a while. And I really want to say goodbye to him, I really want to close it in a mature way. I wish we could just sit for coffee, talk about just stuff, hug and say goodbye. But I know that the more likely outcome would be wither that he will try to convince me to get back together, or he’ll be mean to me. Not being able to say a proper goodbye hurts so much. Disconnecting everything so suddenly and sharply must be hurting him even more then it hurts me, because he didn’t have time to prepare. It was done a bit like a sudden death. And although I did have time to prepare myself, I still hate this, and I want some closure so badly. Thinking about it brings up so much pain, I literally sob every time I am thinking of the very likely option of not seeing him before I go. I hope we can, perhaps, do this at a later time. Perhaps in a few months, after the dust settles. Somehow, it doesn’t really console me.

Trans and gender variant folks are an irreplaceable part of our communities. Those individuals we seek to honor tonight, who have had their lives taken from them, teach us how far we are from goals of creating an environment where personal safety is not dependent on one’s gender identity. But the fact that we are here, that we think this is an important way to spend our time shows us that there is progress. We make progress when we open our hearts and listen. Tonight we are opening our hearts. I am so thankful that we have the ability and agency to do so. In the face of these unspeakable truths, truths that must be spoken, we must do our best to understand and love one another.

Thank you.

Heute.. auf Quelle. Über einen Newsletter habe ich doch geschaut was es die letzten Tage noch so bei Quelle gibt. Ich habe mich für diese Unternehmen nicht wirklich Interessiert da sie A. Zu Teuer waren, B. Hauptsächlich dinge Angeboten haben die mich kein Stück Interessieren.. und ich dafür dann auch vom Hermes Boten Belästigt werden muss.

Aber gut zu einem anderen Thema..

Heute… Dinge die die Welt bei Quelle braucht.

1. Tiger Battle Claws
 

Schnall sie dir einfach um deinen Arm und du bist stark wie ein Power Ranger. Mit drei Kampf-Soundeffekten und Tigerflammen.

Betrachten wir dieses Kind müssen wir zu erst Feststellen das es sich um einen

• Kevin
• Cedrik
• Marvin
• Yustin
• Sören

handeln muss. (Sogn. Arschlochkinder). Ich frage mich einfach warum es Eltern gibt die Ihren Kindern die “Super Powerranger Turbo Fury Action Tiger Battle  Claws” kaufen. Der kleine Kevin wird nicht mehr so lustig lächeln wenn er sich mit der Powerbrille mal Power auf die Fresse gelegt hat. Aber so oder so, spätestens im Knast hätte sich sein lächeln auch Schnell gelegt.

Wie muss man sich das nun Vorstellen? Kommt Mutter Sandy dann, läd Kevins Freund Marvin ein und beide hauen sich mit ihren “Super Powerranger Turbo Fury Action Tiger Battle Claws” auf die fresse?

2. Street Trooper PT-808

Nie war es lustiger sich die Augen anzuschießen.
…Mit dem neuen PT-808.  Der Ultimative Lach- Flash- Pfeiler für deine Augen.

Beschreibung:
Auf Knopfdruck verwandelt sich das Fahrzeug in einen Roboter, der bis zu 5 Pfeile abschießen kann

Ja Kevin.. Statt Hartz4 gibs jetzt 100% !

3. Das Reifenbergrennen *mystisch red*

Auf diesem spiralförmigen Track-Set geht die Post ab! Für aufregende Kopf-an-Kopf-Rennen einfach zwei Fahrzeuge von oben starten lassen.

Leck mich Fett ist das ein Spielzeug. Wer wird wohl Gewinnen? Echt schwer die Frage.. manchmal glaube ich aber, dass  irgend etwas merkwürdig ist, es ist fast so, als ob der erste, der das Auto Reinwirft gewinnt.. aber nunja das werde ich noch genau Erforschen.

3. Baby Brooky (Nennen wir es Broklyn)

Das coole Rapper-Baby!

Okay bin ich der einzige der merkt das dies doch so ein wenig mit Vorurteilen behaftet ist? Das einzige Dunkelhäutige Baby mit Basecap?
Was kommt als Nächstes? Bronx das Lustige klau Baby mit vielen tollen Extras wie Goldkette, 9mm Knifte und genug Munition um Barbies Puppenstube auszurauben? Als besonderes special.. das Crack Pfeifchen mit super Rauch Effekten…

4. Familienabend bei Familie Goodbee.

Familienabend im Puppenhaus Mrs. Goodbee.

Familienabend der Vati alleine vorm Fernseher.. Gott das ist mal Sozialkritisch und Ironie Pur. Alleine vom Namen “Goodbee” > “Goodbye”. 

Kombiniere , auf Lustigeweise erzieht hier Quelle die Mädels. Kind bekommen, Vatti verlassen, neuen Stecher bekommen und nun macht Familie Goodbye nun alleine einen TV Abend. Nicht einmal ein Bier hat er der Arme

Demnächst auch neu:

Familie Goodbee macht einen Ausflug zur Brücke über der Wildwasser Schlucht. Mit im Familienset enthalten:

Vater Goodbee
Brücke
Steine
Seil mit Schlinge

Toll!

5. Monchichi Boy

Monchhichi, die süßen Plüschäffchen sind wieder da. Ihr Markenzeichen ist ihr Schnullerdaumen.

Was die Chinesen sich nicht wieder so einfallen lassen. Nach den ganzen Bleifarben Skandal.. machste einfach nen Warnschild drauf..passt!

The final work day has come and gone. We finished the quad area and it was good to see the windows and doors fitted alongside the guttering. There is still quite a lot to do in the dining room – which will be for week 12 to complete. It’s amazing looking back over the old blog photos to see how the whole site has been transformed.

The brick wall on the outside near the entrance has the signed bricks and there will a glass panel with the names of the volunteers and the community workers etched into it to be seen for years to come. Who knows what future generations will make of it?

Since the builders were laying the tiles in the dining room while we finished the quad, I think they got a bit fed up of us keep walking through so you can see the makeshift arrangement that just shouts out “NO ENTRY”.

There was a nice sense of completion as the team finished their alloted tasks and many of us went around taking photos of the site. It was pretty happy crowd for the team photo. You can also see a photo of Steph,a volunteer at the school, who is a med student in New York who is teaching the children English until Christmas. She is pictured alongside Patti, who with Vanessa, did a brilliant job of translating all the time for those of us who couldn’t understand much or speak coherently either – AH! the British abroad!

At the leaving ceremony the children danced for us which was great (see photo) and we joined in of course. We also gave a spirited rendition of the BUPA words version of YMCA – a scary thought for the faint hearted, although Freddie gratiously said it was as good as he had seen. What we lacked in talent we made up for in enthusiasm and gusto. The words, music and actions were a sight to behold – sadly the video may be released quite soon!

It’s odd to think that I won’t see Robin or any other of the other children in the near future. So leaving was a very sad experience and there were tears on the bus as we drove away. If you are not convinced that Robin is lovely, see the picture of his really cute niece who was gorgeous and shook hands with everyone in a beautifully gracious way. After speeches and presentations, we had a group photo of some of the school and the team (see photo) before leaving for lunch at the volunteers house in a nearby town (see photo).

There we met Lupita, who had made all our lunches throughout the week, and we were able to thank her. The volunteer house is where Steph is staying and it use to be Martha Estrella’s house and is filled with poignant reminders of the work and the family’s commitment to helping the people in Ecuador. We had a wonderful lunch once again cooked by Lupita.

What has struck me thoughout this trip is how the people have worked so hard alongside our faltering efforts to make a difference. They have not chosen to wait for help but are actively engaged in the programme, which will make a difference for generations to come.

Tomorrow, some of tjhe team are off to climb Cotapaxi, the volcano, while others (me included) are going to the huge market and leather town. Who knows, we may even see guinea pig for sale….

Mark Ralf