WEDNESDAY 18th NOVEMBER

 
 
 
 
I’m a lion, apparently. I’m taking a journey on the yellow brick road. Let’s hope the Wizard of Oz can cure this problem I supposedly have.
 
*****
 
A clarification.
 
I wasn’t describing people who play computer games as “utter sad twats” in the blog last week – it was aimed at those who queued at midnight when the new ‘Call of Duty’ game was released in the shops.
 
Couldn’t you wait until lunchtime the next day? Or the next week? Or wait to get it as a Christmas present? Did you really have to have it there and then, race home and get playing at 1am in the morning?
 
Well it appears that many people did. I personally find that extremely sad – just my opinion.

*****

That said, I suppose all these people acting out their solo fantasies in front of a computer screen is not dissimilar to my favourite hobby before going to bed…
 
*****
 
I had to laugh at this from the BBC website last week:
 
“Thousands of gamers may have been cut off from Microsoft’s online gaming service Xbox Live for modifying their consoles to play pirated games.”
 
I’m struggling to find any sympathy.

*****
 
This is what happened on Wednesday 11th November 2009:
 
Geoff Peters, aka Mr DJ Wanker, described X Factor in his blog as “karaoke for a thick generation.”
 
Gordon Sumner, aka the singer Sting, described X Factor in a newspaper as “cynical televised karaoke.”

*****

Another clarification.
 
I mentioned last week that I thought it was a bit sad that so many people update their Facebook status, expressing real anger, when the X Factor results come in on a Sunday night.
 
I like people expressing an opinion although I prefer it when they make it reasonably constructive. Then again, I don’t really expect constructive criticism from the primarily young Facebook generation.
 
*****
 
Facebook status:
 
<name removed> “is starten 2 realise alot of fings right now… “
 
That she needs a dictionary for Christmas?

*****
 
Some guy called Ian offering some girl called Katie advice on blokes via Facebook:
 
“dnt try looking 4 a relationship cz u rush in2 fings wiv sum1 dat u really dnt want so sit bk,relax n i bet u dat mr right wil cum 2u”

*****
 
Even more from Facebook this week:

Belinda “grrrr y do ppl fukin interfear all da bastard tym, get on wit ya own lives n let ppl b fukin appy”

Craig “dont worry about it baby…as long as u r happy then we’ll be fine init”

Belinda “yea i am appy but y do ppl av 2 interfear all da tym.. fuk um 2bh u no who ur friends r.. cnt ova ppl b appy”
 
Craig “well there u go we’re happy so take no notice babe let them say wot they want i know ur not doin it and so do u so we’re fine aint we”

Carly-ann “beathe lol”
 
Katie “Some ppl r only happy when there stirin with other ppl aslong as u 2 know the truth just ignore every1 else”

Belinda “i no thxs it jus fuks me off wen ppl av 2 try n make fings difficult 4 ya, but if dey wana bull shit up 2 dem.. n oh C apparently i messed J n A around lyk fuk did i… mre lyk otha way around. i ay fukin laughin.  if it carries on am jus deletin face book cnt b arsed gotta beta fings 2 do den let ppl gossip bwt me fukin lyf”

 
Okay, we’ll leave you guys to it.
   
*****
 
I was getting jiggy with a fat girl once, many years ago.
 
She said: “You know what I want, don’t you?”
 
I replied: “Yes, the whole fucking bed!”
 
She might not have been the best looking woman but beauty is only a light switch away.

*****
 
So how was Dr Who for you then?
 
I think the ‘Waters of Mars’ special on Sunday was one of the best since the show returned in 2005. They could, perhaps, have trimmed it down to 50 minutes to make it tighter but that would be the only tiny criticism.
 
I was sat on my sofa transfixed by a thrilling plot and cracking dialogue, not knowing how they’d get to the end and set up David Tennant’s final two shows.
 
It was a real shock to the system when The Doctor turned into a megalomaniac which certainly didn’t sit comfortably with how he’d operated before. I thought Adelaide was going to shoot him. Then it twisted back again as she killed herself and Tennant produced a couple of minutes of inspired acting, facing the Ood, fearing his song was going to end there and then.
 
I like Dr Who because it combines drama, comedy, emotion, underlying subtexts, plot arcs which stretch over different series, subtle nods to the past and there is that quintessentially English feel about it.
 
You can probably tell that I’m quite looking forward to the Christmas and New Year episodes…
 
*****

Full credit to Sammy Dolan from Telford who is doing rather well with his own clothing label. You can check out his fine range of gear at www.letthekidsdance.co.uk – it’s way too cool for someone like me who shops at Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, BHS, Primark and Burton et al.
 
The company has been featured in the Sunday Express as well as Front magazine and FHM.com.
 
PS. Some of the men’s t-shirts are fantastic and not expensive either. Sam has promised a discount for blog readers so message me if you’re interested.

*****

The big chests were out in force at Pussycats last weekend. I even had customers saying they wanted me to take photos of their bouncing bazookas for my website. See for yourself in the gallery at www.djwanker.com – I’m liking this new trend and long may it continue.
 
That said, I prefer a woman to have a cute ass rather than great breasts. I accept I’m in a minority of men with regard to that. Although a man of my age and average looks has to be grateful for any offer these days.
 
*****
 
On the subject of enormous jugs, I see that Katie Price – erm I mean Jordan, erm I mean Katie, erm I mean Jordan… okay, that talentless oxygen thief – has gone into the jungle on ‘I’m A Celebrity’. You can’t blame her – she’s getting the thick end of half a million quid if the tabloids are to be believed.
 
The money is not her inspiration, of course. She’s gone there after a difficult year to “get closure.” Let’s hope she gets closure. Stay there you terrible woman and we’ll close the door behind you.
 
Peter can keep the kids as he seems like a decent bloke.
 
*****

Thanks to everyone for their feedback about the blog last week especially with regard to ‘The Sperminator’ aka the shag-happy Telford internet love-rat. Most people agreed with my assertion that while he was obviously a reckless twat, the gullible women involved also lacked responsibility.
 
The Princess Diana joke raised an eyebrow or two (come on, it’s 12 years since she died, let’s get over it, none of us knew her personally…) and this was my favourite message: “Bad taste about Diana – but I nearly pissed myself laughing.”

*****

There were a couple of army guys in Cats on Saturday in full military uniform. They’d been to a wedding, I think. One had ginger hair and I pointed him out via the microphone.
 
“Ladies and gentleman, Prince Harry is here.”
 
I probably shouldn’t have followed up with: “How’s your mum? Oh shit, sorry.”

*****

Men vs Women – Part 4 of 6

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

 
Part five in this series next week.

*****

A friend of mine is trying to raise funds for the Neuroblastoma society after a nine-year-old boy she knew died from this rare cancer. For more information go to www.nsoc.co.uk and www.justgiving.com/stephanie-poole.

*****
 
Plucking fantastic.
 
I think Trudy at Tantalize really enjoyed ripping out my eyebrows last week. I’m in for a back wax this week. I think they take pleasure in seeing a grown man wince and groan. It’s okay though; I take a sadistic pleasure from having it done!

*****
 
From the letters page at Viz magazine: “A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that ‘God would make her better.’ Presumably that’s a different God to the one that almost killed her with a tornado.”
 
*****

And finally… news on Jimmy Carr’s new diet book. He’s calling it: “Put that down, fatty, you’ve had enough.”

 
  
 
 
 
Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker

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I know, I know.  It’s shooting fish in a barrel with a grenade launcher.  But still…

But Sting is serious in his belief that Obama is the best leader to navigate the world’s problems. In an interview on Wednesday, the former Police frontman said that he spent some time with Obama and “found him to be very genuine, very present, clearly super-smart, and exactly what we need in the world.”

“I can’t think of any be better qualified because of his background, his education, particularly in regard to Islam,” he said.

Still, Sting acknowledged the president had a “difficult job” ahead of him.

The British singer, who released the seasonal album “On A Winter’s Night” this week, said he’s fascinated by American politics, Obama, and also by Obama’s opponents on the right.

“It’s aggressive and violent and full of fear,” he said of the backlash against Obama. “They don’t want change, they want things to feel the same because they feel safe there.”

I know that The Police were a great band back in the 80’s.  I understand that a lot of people think Sting’s solo material is very good as well.  I realize he went to the rainforest and he took part in Live Aid and he practices tantric yoga and he’s got a British accent.

For the life of me I can’t understand how all those things qualify him to expound on the American political scene.

Sting is of course dazzled by Obama’s big brain.  But Sting’s characterization of the American opposition to Barry is just pathetic.  The singer has absolutely no understanding of the US political system.  Just like nearly every other mouthy celebrity jag-off.  Congratulations Sting, you’re a less corpulent clone of Michael Moore.

Thanks to Gateway Pundit and his Twitter feed too.

Acoustic concert Sting and Edin Karamazov on the Esplanade Concert Hall, December 8, 2008 at 07.30 local time, opened with the choir, which sings songs early 20th century. Sting singing the gap after the concert with the duet with Edin Karamazov, telling songs are the same in the previous session.Core song is about the life of the bearer of inspiration, John Dowland, the original singer named Gordon Sumner. Songs diversified classic epic, be slick with Edin Karamazov with two guitars. Along with the songs, Sting read the lyric-versification of John Dowland.Later, Sting also entail “Message in the Bottle,” “Field of the Golds” and a rhythmic blues song as cover.

* I can’t post the video from Singapore due the restrictions from the official concert. Perhaps someone have it? : D

I’d only had a passing acquaintance with Reggae courtesy of a college friend who introduced me to Bob’s “No woman no cry” back in the Seventies, and, truth be told, these uneducated ears (at least back then) couldn’t deal with it. But, fast forward to the punk explosion and a bit of bandwagon-jumping by three newly-peroxided punk masqueraders. and Reggae, albeit a radical version -  was served up again, and consumed with relish. I still believe The Police laid the path that joined Marley’s Reggae with the rest of the world, a “back door” if you will, through which we could explore it further.

Sting, in conjunction with the wonderful syncopated rhythms of Stewart Copeland, left acres of space across the sonic landscape I had never encountered before. Sparse, beautiful bass lines, weaving in and around those luscious hi-hats and Summer’s expressive guitar tapestries.

He could write a mean lyric too. but when you crown this package with a totally unique vocal delivery, you have a world beater. All I can say is, if Sting doesn’t deserve a place in this series, I don’t know who the hell does.

A comeback World tour with his original partners in crime (or should that be against crime?) shows that he can still bring it to the table.

Recommended listening:
Spirits in the Material World – Try playing the bass line to this and singing it at the same time. You WILL go insane. It is pure genius.

Walking on the Moon – Less is more. Three bass notes, some hi-hat, and THAT voice, voila: Gold Dust!

Kev Moore

They were one of the movies’ most successful and best-loved comic duos probably because their irresistible slapstick antics were underscored by an indomitable optimism. Beginning with shorts made at the Hal Roach Studios Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy struck a universal chord by sharing a contentious yet benign friendship that always survived whatever indignities their mutual bumbling brought upon them. This TCM Archives two-disc collection focuses on the team at their zenith during the sound era and spotlights two features produced by Roach for MGM. The Devil’s Brother (1933) (also known as Fra Diavolo) is a laugh-filled adaptation of the Auber operetta in which “Stanlio” and “Ollio” tangle with a notorious robber baron. The delightful Bonnie Scotland (1935) is a misadventure that takes the boys to Scotland and India.

TCM Archives – The Laurel and Hardy Collection (The Devil’s Brother / Bonnie Scotland) is available at Amazon for $29.99. To Order click here
Amazon Product Pages contain a lot of other details on this product as Customer Reviews, Sales Ranking, Special Offers, Alternate products that customers are going for and much more.Want to read these details? click here

Want to get some other Format / Binding / Version? You can search for them from here

Other Products of Interest

• Laurel and Hardy Collection, Vol. 2 (A Haunting we Will Go / Dancing Masters / Bullfighters)
• Laurel & Hardy II (Way Out West / Block-Heads / Chickens Come Home)
• Laurel and Hardy Collection, Vol. 1 (Great Guns / Jitterbugs / The Big Noise)
• Laurel & Hardy – Air Raid Wardens / Nothing but Trouble
• The Laurel & Hardy Collection

Repeat post…or blurb?

I just feel the need to reiterate the hotness that is Sting.  I got to see the Police in concert last night and they were amazing. At 57 years old, Sting is in awesome shape, and his voice is just as alluring.

Parmi les effets collatéraux de l’activisme écologique, retenez que tous nos faits et gestes seront analysé et comparé avec notre discours. Le chanteur Sting vient d’en faire les frais. Depuis plus d’une décennie, il fait l’éloge de l’écologie et de la protection de la forêt amazonienne. Chacun de ses spectacles est teinté d’appels à la réduction des gaz à effets de serres. La presse s’en prend ce matin à ses nombreux déplacements en avion privé. Particulièrement un récent voyage en Allemagne au cours duquel il a préféré voyager seul, laissant 14 sièges vides.

On peut difficilement trouver meilleur contre-exemple. Il y a quelques années, son association commerciale avec Jaguar avait aussi été critiquée. Peut-on exiger de ses fans qu’ils modèrent leur consommation énergétique tout en se déplacant en jet privé et en Jaguar 8 cylindres?

It’s a pun. If not very punny…..

On Tuesday evening this week I took C to see The Police in concert at the Manchester Evening News Arena. This would not have been my first choice for a concert, but it was a birthday wish for C, a life long Police fan who had, unfortunately, managed to avoid seeing them live in their hay days of the 70s and 80s. And she fancies Sting. She fancies Sting big time.

As it happens, the concert was 8 months late. It had been postponed on the original date because Sting had a sore throat. Bless. This added to my general dislike of the guy, putting him firmly in the camp of wuss/big girl’s blouse. This, being just one of the labels that I have tagged onto Mr Gordon Sumner - “Destroyer of the Planet” (we could not visit the amphitheatre at Ephesus in Turkey because it had been deemed unsafe due to the cracks allegedly caused by the Sting concert there, ironically as part of his “Save the Planet Tour” with that indian guy with the big lips) and “Pillock”, for being oh so up himself with his bloody medieval lute playing palaver……

 Actually, I think I just dislike the guy because C (and millions of other fanciable women who should only have eyes for yours truly) fancies him. Indeed, we have a clause in our wedding contract that allows C to leave me, with no hard feelings, (and no alimony) should she and Sting get it together. So Tuesday was quite a high risk event for me personally. I have a reciprocal clause, however, which allows me to leave in the much more likely event that I get it on with Kylie Minogue. Sex on a stick. And, I have come so close already. Well, I almost got her telephone number. Almost…..

It was beginning to feel like fate was about to deal a strange card when I noticed that the sex kitten herself was coming to the MEN in July. I hadn’t booked tickets (her vocal capabilities are not exactly what attracts me to her) but I did think that it would be a useful fall back position should the evening not go so well and I was forced to leave C with the Sting.

And so, we set off for Manchester fairly early in order to secure a parking place at the venue. Sat Nav delivered us to the very (barriered) steps of the Arena, and I then had to resort to “the Force” (it was not with me) and the scarce brown tourist signs to find the entrance to the car park. Unfortunately this meant that we were some 10 minutes or so later and we ended up on the 7th floor.

After a quick cigarette outside – I think C was just “hanging” in case Sting walked past – we joined the queue and soon found ourselves on the inside. C went to the loo while I ordered two pints of watered lager in plastic glasses. Consumption of the lager prompted a second toilet visit for C before we took our seats (which were excellent) and waited for the support act. We waited and we waited and we waited. They were 45 minutes late.

But, the delay did not cause our spirits to flag. We people watched. We actually felt very young and fashionable compared with our fellow concert goers, many of whom were stuck in 1979 or so. We also wondered why so many people felt it necessary to wear sunglasses indoors. If nothing else, it must be a health and safety issue on the steep stairs. We also mocked the rather too many people who were picking up leaflets for the 50th Anniversary Cliff Richard Time Mchine Tour. Well, at least when he’s in Manchester he is not troubling small boys in South Africa

We were pleased to note that the support act was not in fact Sting’s son’s band as it had been scheduled to be back in October. The support group was very good. While I did, tentatively, identify them as Starsailor, it was clear that their identity was lost on most of the middle-agers in the. At least my “hip” and “cool” credentials were intact. I am positively “down” with them “man”.

And, I have to say that The Police were, well, awesome. Sting is a much better vocalist than I had imagined…..and looks far too good for his age, the git. Actually, I have to say that he seems to have gone for a very striking bearded look not unlike my own! If you forgive his sweaty armpits and the rather too many twiddly guitar solos from Andy Summers, it was very, very good indeed.

After several encores we left rather later than expected. As all the eateries were closed, we returned to the car and joined the long queue to exit the car park It took about 45 minutes or so and by the time we exited the Sat Nav was very, very confused…..

Sorry Kylie, maybe next time.

Related posts:

 Kylie

Han necesitado más de 20 años para volver a unirse y tan sólo diez horas para vender las 55.000 entradas de su único concierto en España, que se celebrará en Barcelona el jueves 27, porque The Police sigue siendo referencia para millones de personas.

Puede que Gordon Sumner -Sting-, Andy Summers y Stewart Copeland no estén teniendo el mejor de los regresos como banda -a juzgar por la duras críticas hacia sus propios conciertos que su batería, Copeland, vierte en su propia página web-, pero la breve carrera musical de este trío, que se formó hace ahora treinta años, sigue creando espectación en 2007.

Desde su álbum de debut, Outlandos d’Amour (1978), las influencias del reggae han dotado de personalidad propia a las melodías del grupo, aunque ha sido la forma tan peculiar de tocar sus guitarras y la textura de voz de Sting las marcas de la casa que hacen que su sonido sea único, explica el cantante David de María.

Ahora, el grupo resume sus seis años de carrera, con cinco álbumes que alcanzaron el número uno en la listas británicas, con un doble disco recopilatorio, titulado The Police, editado en España por la discográfica Universal a principios de mes.

Fue el tema De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da, de su tercer álbum, Zenyatta Mondatta (1980), el que volvió loco a Javier Álvarez, reconocido “melómano compulsivo desde que tenía uso de razón” y otro fan declarado del grupo.

De María, quien asegura tener todo lo que el trío británico ha editado en formato CD y DVD, “e incluso algún que otro vinilo“, destaca la capacidad del trío por “hacer de cada uno de sus conciertos todo un acontecimiento con poco más que una voz, una guitarra, un bajo y una batería” como podrán demostrar de nuevo en España, donde no actúan desde 1985.

Por su parte, Every breath you take se ha convertido en un tema reconocido mundialmente y una perfecta pieza pop que es referente musical para toda una generación, posiblemente entre las mejores de la historia.

Fuente: EFE