According to investigators, 16-year-old Madison Fogle was last seen on July 30 at her home on Green Street in Dunbar Township.

She is described as five-foot-six with curly brown hair.

State police say it’s believed that Fogle left her home with a male and may still be somewhere in the area.

They may be driving an older model, two-door Ford Escort with pin stripes. The last four digits of the Pennsylvania license plate are “1964.”

Anyone with information on Fogle’s whereabouts is asked to call State Police in Uniontown at 724-439-7111.

RELATED LINKS:
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Callie’s having some “adjustment issues.” She’s not always so sure the floor is the best place for her as Lil’ Man might see her.

I’ve missed you all! But, after some major screw-ups by U-Haul and having to wait an extra day for some day labor guys to help us unload the truck, Marianne and I (and Callie) are more or less settled into our new place in Greenville.

At our old place, Callie was the top (and the only) cat around. Here’s she got a new “friend” named Lil’ Man who, currently unbeknownst to her, is the sweetest cat ever. She’s mostly an indoor cat and Lil’ Man comes and goes when he pleases. At this point she hisses when she sees him and he just kind of stares blankly before turning his head and walking away. Luckily he’s got claws, so all it took was one swipe to the nose for Callie to realize that fighting with him would not be a good idea and she should probably just put up with him, because he certainly doesn’t care one way or the other about her. She’s just a new body that’s about his height who’s hanging around. And who wants to share his food bowl.

All this to say, Callie is making an issue out of a non-issue.

Which is also what most of this country seems to be doing in the Chick-Fil-A “controversy.”

To recap: Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy says his company supports the biblical definition of marriage and actively gives money to the company’s charity which supports, among other things, marriage-strengthening retreats, Exodus International which is a group who (used to) try to “pray away the gay,” and other anti-LGBT organizations.

To be sure, I don’t support Dan Cathy’s position or the charities to which he donates his corporations profits. Which is why I don’t eat at Chick-Fil-A. And why I try to educate others about why they should think twice about eating there as well.

What I won’t do, however, is violate what Ragen Chastain calls “The Underpants Rule:” what is right for me and my body (life) may not be right for your body (life). It means that while I get to choose what I want, I have no right to tell you what to choose for your life. All I can do is educate you about my experiences and then let you make your life decisions based on the new information you have.

Chastain says that if you are about to say any of the following:

• People should
• Everyone ought to
• What people need to do
• We should all
• Nobody should
• You shouldn’t
• blah blah things that have to do with underpants that aren’t yours blah blah

you are probably about to break the underpants rule and should probably just not say whatever it is you were about to say.

With that in mind, I want to address a number of my Facebook friends who have recently posted statuses concerning Chick-Fil-A and how folks who eat there should probably just defriend them. While the underpants rule certainly applies to you and you are allowed to do whatever it is you please, I want to offer an alternate option: not defriending people who don’t think like you.

At Green Street, our reconciliation statement includes the phrase “We believe we can love alike even though we don’t think alike,” and that’s true here. By defriending folks who don’t think exactly like you, you lose the opportunity for dialogue. There are some folks who are not open to conversation and maybe they’re a separate issue, but the majority of your friends probably wouldn’t mind having a conversation about why this Chick-Fil-A issue is so important to you.

You also lose out on relationships with people who are funny, or witty, or loving and caring. Some of my family (and high school friends) doesn’t think that what Marianne and I are doing in October will constitute a “real” marriage, but that doesn’t mean that I have to cut all ties and not enjoy their company when I go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Each person must make their own decision here, so as not to violate the underpants rule, but personally, I will not be asking anyone who doesn’t think exactly like me on the issue of marriage equality to defriend me anytime soon on Facebook. With that in mind, I ask that all my blog readers also reconsider their moratorium on all friends who aren’t up to your speed on marriage equality just yet.

Copyright issues mean that I can’t legally draw what I wanted to draw. If I did, I’d immediately get into trouble. Instead, in the spirit of guerrila illustrating and sticking two fingers up to the controlling forces of this planet, I have chosen to draw 5 interlocking triangles which may or may not represent a very famous symbol connected with this blog post

I’ve personally always struggled with the amount of money that the Olympics costs to host/produce, and the fact we’re in a recession did mean that when preparations kicked in, I had a good old moan about it. However, this post is not about moaning, it’s about celebration. No matter what your stance on how the transport network will cope, or some of the dubious sponsors connected with the games, tonight’s opening Ceremony was impressive, if only for the amazing lack of knowledge that the commentators possessed about precisely what was going on. Here are my more positive highlights.

1: This post starts with a personal highlight. Before the Ceremony started, an old-fashioned English ice-cream van came slowly down our road, complete with Croatian driver. I purchased a 99 Flake for the first time in years and my sister, who is visiting, told me an outrageous story of how she dropped her last 99 Flake the second after she bought it. A bad way for a 99 Flake to go. You know you’re getting old when a 99 Flake story sounds outrageous…

2: Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins came on and rang a massive bell to mark the start of the Ceremony, doing so casually, almost as if he was sleep-walking or thought this was a dress-rehearsal (or maybe both combined).

3: The Tolkien-esque hill with spiral path and ancient tree, surrounded by a traditional old English village. I loved it, but what I loved more was when the tree took off like the world’s slowest rocket and then, surprise!, loads of miners came crawling out to mark the dawn of the Industrial Revolution. It really reminded me of Ghostbusters, actually, when all the ghosts walked through the city. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what Danny Boyle had in mind.

4: The general dream-like atmosphere of it all. Again, it doesn’t matter what your opinion of the Olympics or elitism or dodgy sponsor associations is – it was one hell of a history lesson.

5: When the giant Olympic rings showered rain-light and an impressive lava-stream weaved its way across the ground. I imagine mums and dads all over the world had to field a lot of questions when this happened, like “Daddy, how did they do that?” Makes me feel lucky that I haven’t had children yet, because if I had of done then I have no idea what I’d have said to them. I’d have definitely had to lie.

6: The recorded bit where Daniel Craig – sorry, Bond – met the Queen. A nice surprise. The camera-people seemed to be obsessed with the Queen’s corgis, and this fixation remained until we followed Bond and the Queen into a helicopter…which the Queen then parachuted out of with comic effect! (It was genuinely funny, actually.)

7: When the floor was turned into a giant hospital with beds everywhere. It did seem to be like one enormous advertisement for the NHS, but despite this, it made being sick seem fun again, so there’s something to be said for that.

8: The weird demon creatures that appeared to mark the amazing history of Great British children’s literature. Each one looked to be modelled on the creatures from British hit film Attack The Block. Or at least how those same creatures might look if you starved them for several months and gave them only sugar.

Diving superstar Tom Daley in an alternative universe where the aim is to create the biggest splash using just your belly and under-arms

9: The ingenious range of creepy giant monsters on display. A terrible and hastily designed/constructed 20-foot Voldermort from the Harry Potter films and the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang promised enough nightmares to last a billion children an entire life-time.

10: One of the commentators claiming that all the dancers were NHS doctors and nurses. Er, no they weren’t. At least not all of them. I didn’t see one person who looked like a clueless dad there and you’re not telling me the NHS doesn’t have a few hundred-thousand of them.

11: I kept wondering if the cast of Hollyoaks would appear and that was not a highlight, I can tell you. It really shouldn’t be on this list but I’m sure you’ll agree, it was distressing.

12: Learning French while watching pure TV excitement. I’ve forgotten it all now, but as they kept announcing things in French I was sure that some of it was sinking in. One day it’ll come out, probably at exactly the wrong moment.

13: This one’s debatable: Mr Bean – played by Rowan Atkinson – playing the fool sitting at a keyboard, as the London Symphony Orchestra played a classic tune which I cannot remember the name of. I am expecting a backlash for writing this, but I stand by this statement: I loved growing up with Mr Bean as a role-model.

14: All the amazing British music and actors and songs which were played throughout the ceremony. It really is incredible how much good stuff has come out of Great Britain since…well, let’s not be stingy here. Since forever!

15: Loads of people looking like they were genuinely enjoying themselves. It was great TV, even for cynical people.

16: When they played the West Ham football club anthem from classic hooligan boys movie Green Street, while, on screen, a female and male actor pretended to meet for the very first time. This was a bizarre contrast, since Green Street is to violence on British film what Blue Peter was to being selective about handing out badges. It was also followed by a montage of kisses which surely must have made the Queen go “Danny…Oh!”

17: Dizzee Rascal. He lit the place up.

18: Sir Tim Berners seated behind a desk in front of a computer. And no, I didn’t have a bloody clue who the hell he was either and yes, I felt ashamed. Sir Tim Berner is a downright genius for developing the basis of the Internet, it has to be said, but not exactly the kind of bloke you’d want to bump into at the supermarket after not seeing him since secondary school and you both started talking, as you do, about what you’d achieved since being 16.

19: The 2 minute silence to commemorate the brave men, women and children who lost their lives in the World Wars.

20: When Muhammad Ali came on at the end…

21: No big accidents, incidents or anything bad going wrong.

22: 80,000 people waiting for Steve Redgrave to deliver the Olympic torch after its journey of 12,800 miles.

23: Learning that “Olympism” is actually a real word.

24: The construction workers of the stadium being acknowledged.

25: All the blue lights and surreal undersea-atmosphere reminding me of Avatar.

26: The lighting of the cauldron. A gorgeous idea…footage that will truly live forever. There really is very little point in me attempting to explain it here for people who didn’t see it, but let’s just say this: if modern art was always like this, life would be amazing…

27: Hey Jude…

DISAPPOINTMENTS OF MAGNITUDE

1: All the nations coming on with their flags in a way which seemed a bit lazy to me. Most of the people carrying the flags look drugged, or as if they’re off out on a Las Vegas Stag Party. A few of of them must have been drugged to have been coerced into putting on some of those outfits…

2: Disappointingly, shockingly, there was no ode to a) fish and chips, Great Britain’s best and most extravagant fish-based meal, b) grumpy old men like you can find in an English pub, c) our love of moaning about the weather, or d) the Loch Ness Monster. Come on, you can’t forget the Loch Ness Monster! Also not featuring, unless I missed it, were e) Jimmy Saville & The Crankies and f) Cilla Black. I was really hoping she’d sing “surprise, surprise, the unexpected hits you between the eyes!” from hit 1980s/90s show Blind Date. Lastly, completely missing were g) sighing and queuing – two things which we are experts at. It seems a shame to miss them both out, don’t you think?

3: No Mr Blobby!

NOTE: sometimes writers make mistakes, publish a blog then wake up in the morning and realise that hundreds of people from across the world have witnessed and probably laughed themselves silly at those mistakes…for example, in the original version of this blog post, I inexcusably said that Voldermort was a character from The Lord of the Rings. Well, as Elessartelkontar thankfully pointed out in the comments section below — along with some other good points — he quite clearly wasn’t, he was from the Harry Potter series and called Lord Voldermort. That was just my  brain getting things mixed-up. Thanks to her for saving me from possible massive embarrassment! In future, I’ll learn to double-check…

I’ve also been super-scattered because my wedding/event/thing is feeling more like a wedding/event/thing and less like a lesbian, political wedding/event/thing.

Which is fine.

Except that I don’t want to write (and you probably don’t want to read) about the fact that I can’t find wedding shoes or my almost meltdown because my rib cage won’t suddenly shrink and allow me to fit into a size 10 wedding dress and admit that maybe, just maybe David’s Bridal sent me the wrong size dress and I just didn’t suddenly get fat. Must channel my inner Jessica Coyle and her fabulous martial arts plan here!

What I will do, instead, is point you to a fantabulous blog post about What Really Matters.

From the post:

I would love to romanticize marriage as a transformative process, but the truth is, my relationship with Crystal is no stronger or more committed than it was before we were married. It did not signify monogamy for us, nor did it imply I would be popping babies out any time soon or at all. The impact of our marriage was not on our relationship, it was on our family

For the writer (and for me I think), marriage is a way to become understood by our respective families. Marianne and I and most of our friends understand our relationship, but for some folks in our blood-related family who don’t follow us on a daily basis and who aren’t heavily involved in our (or any) activist politics, marriage serves as a way to bridge a cultural (mis)understanding.

Marriage is part of a language they understand – tradition, culture, ritual – and it allowed them to feel included in our very non-traditional lives.

Sometimes, I feel torn between “buying into” the heteronormative marriage idea and raging against it – Cognitive Dissonance – but the post’s author helped me work through some of that.

How do we translate “queer” to our parents? Capture the politics of it, and explain how it deconstructs more than our sexuality? I am still figuring that out, but I don’t feel the need to reject my culture in order to be a radical queer.

Maybe I don’t translate queer.

It’s not that my parents wouldn’t understand it if I sat down and explained it, it’s just that it doesn’t really matter to me if they get it or not. What matters is my mom posting condolences to Marianne after her father died, my dad always asking about Marianne each time he calls, both of them wanting to come visit us in our new house in Greenville.

What matters is that they’re going to be there on the biggest two days (ha! we get two days!) of my life up until this point. And it’s going to be awesome!

Totally ready for a small ceremony and reception at Green Street.

Every once in a while, usually after I’ve watched too many “Say Yes to the Dress” episodes or visited the most gorgeous wedding/reception venue ever, I start to want a lavish wedding that costs waaaaaaay more than we can afford and one that requires me to dance (however badly) at my reception which includes a super-duper high cake.

But then I read an article today from a really smart Website called LearnVest: Why I Think Weddings Are Totally Stupid.

For the record I don’t think the author, Amy Keyishian, does actually think weddings are stupid, but I do think she thinks paying too much for them is really dumb.

I’ve had two weddings. One cost about $20,000 and had 150 guests. It was really fun, and I cut a lot of corners, and was proud of how little I (my parents) spent. The second time around…the total cost was $6,000, it was just as fun, and we had the rest of our savings for the three months of unpaid leave I ended up having to take a few months later to care for our premature baby.

Most times, there are better things you can spend your money on than a single day that could, potentially, cost more than a down payment on a house.

According to CostOfWedding.com, which is produced by a market-research company collecting information for the wedding industry, the average wedding in the U.S. costs about $25,631, possibly more depending where you live (here in the Bay Area, it goes up to more than $40,000). That is a down payment on a very nice house here–or the whole house, in large swaths of the country–and an amount many claim they just can’t manage to save up.

Also,

According to the Association of Wedding Professionals, the wedding industry nets about $86 billion per year. That’s billion with a B.

Obviously, LearnVest is geared toward getting me on the right path to a healthy relationship (with money, because M and I are good), so the piece ends with a bit of practical advice.

It’s an industry. It wants your money. Don’t give in to it. This idea that you deserve a wedding is not the point; of course you deserve a wonderful day. But what you deserve even more is financial security and a debt-free future. So plan a wedding based in reality, and who you are and what kind of wife you want to be: supportive, smart and with two feet firmly in reality.

Now that is some advice I can dig.

Callie does not want to move – she’s decided her best option is to hide until it’s all over

This will be a quick post – mostly to fill you in on all the wedding planning I’m not doing because of other real life stuff that’s happening. So maybe you’ll forgive me when most of my posts come off as trying too hard.

First, we’re moving. We’ve got about a week (okay exactly a week) before we pack the U-Haul and move to Greenville so Marianne can start school and I can start my work as the education reporter for The Daily Reflector. We’re moving into a house owned by a friend so although we can keep most of what we own now, we’re being forced to evaluate – right now – what we’re going to need when we get there and what we can put store in the attic. All I know is that the waffle iron better find its way into the kitchen.

Last time Marianne and I moved we about killed each other. Mostly because she had to pack and I had to kind of sort of help her when I could while also still working full time. This time we’ve got more time to get ready and we now understand Kelly’s Rules to Fighting Fair. These rules actually work really well for communication in general…but I’ve also learned to just say “yes” a lot and purposefully checked my attitude and tried (really, really) hard to work as part of the Marianne and Me team.

Second, it looks like our name change will happen in Greenville, not in Winston like we wanted. We still don’t have our Federal background checks back and nothing can happen before then. Fortunately, we had a friend of ours who lives in Greenville go through the process already so she will (hopefully) guide us through the process. I assume it’s pretty much the same as here, I just hope any judge we have to speak to will not ask too much about why I want to change my name. We’ll see.

Third, Marianne’s father passed away this morning. He had been sick, but I still don’t know that anyone was really ready for it. In between packing and moving and my trying to train the new guy at work, we will be making a trip back to Tennessee for the funeral and for M to be with her family. Prayers and good thoughts are appreciated.

In good news, we’ve got our wedding cake tasting tomorrow with our friend Deese who’s making the cake. We also talked with Angela Yarber, one of the pastors at Wake Forest Baptist Church, on Wednesday and she’s agreed to do our vows and ring exchange ceremony on the night before we have our big ceremony at Green Street. Looks like our ceremony timeline is finally falling into place.

I am currently on the hunt for wedding dress shoes. I’ve got a dress fitting coming up and have yet to find a pair.We’ve also got to start thinking about ordering our actual wedding invitations, I don’t know if we’ve decided to continue the Civil Disobedience theme or not. Regardless, the invites have to go out in mid-September. You know, right when Marianne is beginning her schoolwork and I’m still trying to find the rhythm of my job.

I’m tired, but I’m ready. I’ve got a helmet and I’m considering some elbow and knee pads, just in case Life decides to throw something else at me too…

—————

Don’t Forget! Support the name change!

As an update, we’ve gotten back our state background checks back and are now just waiting on the Feds. Come on, USA! Once that’s done, we’ll starting moving forward with the actual paperwork filing.

Any amount is helpful, we’ve got until the end of July to raise the money…we’re still sitting at $237 which gets us two sets of fingerprints a piece, covers the cost of the federal and state background checks for both of us and gives us money for one of the name change application. We’re still looking to cover the other $120 for the second application and some money for dinner… We’re looking to raise $375 – only $138 to go!

The youngest victim was just 13 years old. The boy was shot multiple times while standing on a porch around 9:25 p.m. Wednesday in the 2400 block of West 47th Place, just west of Western Avenue, in the Brighton Park neighborhood.

A man, whom the boy did not know, came out of a gangway and opened fire, police News Affairs Officer Hector Alfaro said.

He was shot in the chest, arm and hip and taken to Mount Sinai Hospital in stable condition, Alfaro said.

An earlier shooting wounded a 16-year-old boy around 5 p.m. Wednesday in the 10300 block of South Wallace Street, in the Fernwood neighborhood. He was shot in the leg and was taken to Roseland Community Hospital in good condition, Alfaro said.

A 19-year-old man was wounded in another incident around 7:55 p.m. in the Oakland neighborhood. He was in the 4000 block of South Ellis Avenue when someone approached and shot at him, police said.

The victim suffered a graze wound to the elbow and was treated and released at an area hospital.

A shooting on the cusp of the Morgan Park and Roseland neighborhoods wounded an 18-year-old boy around 9:30 p.m. Wednesday. He was standing in the 10800 block of South Green Street when someone fired shots from a gangway, wounding him in the right leg, police said.

The victim was shot in the leg and taken in an unspecified condition to Roseland Community Hospital, police said.

Another shooting around 10:40 p.m. Wednesday wounded a 17-year-old boy in the Back of the Yards neighborhood. A dark-colored sedan sped past as the boy walked down the 5000 block of South Wood Street, and someone inside shot the boy, police said.

The boy was taken in good condition to Holy Cross Hospital with a gunshot wound the right knee, police said.

There were three other shootings reported in the overnight hours. In one incident around 9:35 p.m., a 24-year-old man was wounded in a drive-by shooting in the 6500 block of South Lowe Avenue in the Englewood neighborhood.

He was shot in the leg and taken to Stroger Hospital in stable condition, Alfaro said.

A man in his 20s was grazed in the head by a bullet in the 1800 block of North Washtenaw Avenue, at the southern edge of the Logan Square neighborhood, around 8:45 p.m. He was taken to Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center in stable condition, Alfaro said.

Another man, 28, was also grazed by a bullet overnight, this time in the Jeffery Manor neighborhood around 11:55 p.m. Someone in a passing vehicle shot at the man in the 9600 block of South Merrion Avenue, grazing him in the left side of his torso and the forearm, police said. He declined treatment on the scene.

The Sun-Times Media Wire contributed to this report.

So I was curious beyond belief to see they created a wedding line. I was hoping it was a bit more upscale, but I was totally wrong. So…for the bride who truly has it all (already) and just has to add more to “accessorize her big day” to quote the Web site, I gave you the Top 5 Things from the Oriental Trading Company that would totally make your day even more “perfect”:

Personalized just married Floor Clings

Because nothing says “Congratulations” like walking (perhaps even dancing awkwardly?) all over the new couples names. 27×27 feet for only $18.50.

Personalized 2 Hearts Pencils

“Add a personal touch to your wedding reception with these lovely Two Hearts pencils!” Or your second grade Valentines Day party…whichever. Only $7.50 for two dozen.

Fall Wedding Facial Tissue Packs

I mean I guess Oct. 27 is high time for allergies, right? Or not. Apparently tissue packs are super popular though, because searching for them (alone) on OTC brings about 19 results with decorations including a cross, tissues in hot orange, pink, and blue [packaging, and a “rustic western wedding” pack. Good news, they’re only $4.25 for 10 packs (8 tissues in a pack, now that’s a bargain!)

Silver Chandelier

Bring on the elegance (?)… with a silver streamer “chandelier!” Nobody’s reviewed it yet so I can’t say for certain how it’s going over, but for only $$26.50 it’s a steal of a deal! (For you more adventurous types, they also sell it in gold…just an FYI)

Birch Bark Candleholder with Elk

Last but not least (and I swear this was in the “wedding” category), there’s this lovely birch bark candleholder. I can’t think of any wedding that wouldn’t be complete without it! $15 reduced to $9.99.

O, Oriental Trading Company, how did I ever plan my wedding without you! And you’re offering free shipping on orders over $49? Y-E-S! After ordering about 15 items, I might actually meet that requirement.

Ready.Steady.Go!

—————

Don’t Forget! Support the name change!

Any amount is helpful, we’ve got until the end of July to raise the money…we’re up to $137 which gets us two sets of fingerprints a piece, covers the cost of the federal and state background checks for both of us and gives us money for dinner.. We’re looking to raise $375 – only $238 to go!

That’s one part of a three part chant we do every Easter at Green Street and it’s been running around in my brain recently, I think it’s God’s shorthand way of reminding me that…well…exactly what it says.

After everything that’s happened in the last few months – from losing the Amendment One battle to watching the whole United Methodist Church take a vote at general conference to exclude me – again – at least for the next four years – I was just done and the article I read on Tuesday just kind of sent me over the edge.

Funny that to pull myself back I would go hang out with a whole bunch of church folk.

Currently the Western North Carolina conference of Methodists (of which Green Street is a part jurisdictionally) is meeting for their annual conference in Lake Junaluska, close to Tennessee and about two and a half hours west of Winston-Salem. As part of the week-long meeting, the folks with the Reconciling Ministries group usually organize a worship service to remind the larger denomination that everyone (including gays and lesbians who already exist in the church anyway) needs to be fully included.

This year it was at 9 last night.

So, after work yesterday, about 15 of us made the 2.5 hour journey through the North Carolina mountains to add our support and be lifted up in the knowing that we are not alone. Considering the Green Street is the only  reconciling congregation in the Western NC conference, coming en masse seemed appropriate.

It was awesome. I have been feeling very hurt by the larger world lately and I felt sort of vulnerable last night. But to be at Lake Junaluska, surrounded by other people I didn’t know from churches I didn’t recognize (even though they were all Methodist), reminded me that the larger world is full of good people too.

There are always going to be folks who don’t like who I am or what I stand for, but last night I caught a glimpse of the fact that there are some people that do. And who want to work alongside me in the creation of a better world, both inside and outside the church.

I needed to be reminded. And I was. And it was awesome.

I am…not…alone…I live in God’s crazy, mixed up, wonderful, diverse, noisy, amazing world. And I, along with anyone else who wants to work with me, am going to make it better.

Click here to view.

This last year has been pretty amazing. It was my first year out of school in a little over six years and although I thought I might get to take a break, I think I gained more knowledge this year than through most classes I’ve taken. I learned that I have a little light inside of me and, when given the chance, that little light can glow pretty bright.

I had no idea I was (or could be) an activist, but then I somehow pulled together a vigil in a little less than two weeks that gathered more than 250 people;

The ENC equality vigil I organized in September

I wore my politics on my sleeve (or my signs, whichever);

NC Pride in Raleigh…I made the sign, M came up with the slogan!

I found my allies;

The Straight Brides for Gay Marriage float at Winston-Salem Pride

And I cried with a whole bunch of people when 60 percent of the 30 percent of registered NC voters thought it was okay to enshrine hate and discrimination into our state constitution. I also decided that no gets to decide who is or isn’t my family.

You do not get to define my family

My point here is not to pat myself on the back. It’s to remind you that you have a light and you need to let it glow.

It’s scary at times, but I’ve seen crazy change when it happens. At the very beginning of the whole Amendment One campaign, I had one woman ask me not to be so political at church. The very last Sunday before the vote she wore a “Vote Against Amendment One” T-shirt to church. I had another women mention that she was never comfortable putting a family picture of her and her partner up on Facebook, but when she saw how Marianne and I lived our lives so honestly it made her a bit braver and last I checked she has her family portrait as her profile picture.

Regarding my upcoming wedding yes, I am absolutely doing it because I get to marry my best friend, but I am writing this blog because I think all the events leading up to it matter. Everything is not cake and roses, but I keep pushing because things change. And they change when folks meet others who are different from them in their everyday life. When they realize the feminine-looking woman they work with is a lesbian with a wife or the tattooed, leather-wearing, motorcycle-riding butch they were scared of before is perfectly ordinary and maybe even grooms poodles on the weekend, things change.

Marianne and I were in Greenville this past weekend and we ended up the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship service on Sunday morning. The pastor read a quote by author Marianne Williamson about our deepest fear not being that we can’t measure up, but that instead it’s that we are so powerful we don’t know what to do with that power. Part of that quote seems fitting here:

…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

So you, yes you, live your life exactly as you were meant to live it. Figure out what makes you passionate and do that thing. Be honest about who you are and others you meet will follow suit. No more hiding. No more apologizing, just truth. And light.

IWC’s first U.S. flagship on Madison Avenue, New York City

The Latest openings from Armani Casa, Vacheron Constantin, Roger Vivier, IWC and Jimmy Choo, in Miami, Beijing, Costa Mesta, Milan, New York & Hong Kong

Cautious whispers of a slowdown in China have rippled through the luxury industry, despite the stellar performance of luxury goods in 2012. Ledbury Research recently confirmed the increasingly wary attitudes of luxury brand CEO’s, and pointed out that while sales have increased, in many cases market share has declined.

CLSA Asia-Pacific Markets explicitly disagrees, saying Chinese consumers will continue to purchase watches, handbags, jewellery and expensive clothes. “Wealthy individuals won’t slow down their spending,” remarked CLSA analyst Aaron Fischer to the Wall Street Journal. Barring a terrorist attack, pandemic or corruption crackdown, China will continue to lead the boom in luxury goods for years to come, according to the firm’s research.

And if brick-and-mortar store openings are anything to go buy, the luxury industry still believes in the promise of China. Vacheron Constantin this month opened its third boutique in Beijing alone, as Michael Kors launched in the city’s Shin Kong Place shopping mall and Roberto Cavalli in the Peninsula Hotel. Zegna moved into tier-2 city Shenyang, as Lancel launched a new concept store in Shanghai.

Armani Casa, Miami

Armani Casa has moved into Miami’s new design district, with a 340sqm space at 10 NE 39th Street. It is the first Armani Casa store in Miami and the third in the United States. The store will house a range of furniture decor, tableware, decorative accessories, fabrics, ornaments, lighting and bathroom and kitchen products, as well as offering the brands “made to measure” interior design service.

Website: armanicasa.com
Source: WWD

Dior Homme, New York

Dior Homme has launched a pop-up space in New York’s SoHo, whilst its 57th Street undergoes renovation. The Greene Street location features ready-to-wear, footwear, eyewear, leather goods, watches, jewellery and fragrance. Creative Director Kris Van Assche has selected a piece by Robert Montgomery to display in the boutique.

Website: dior.com/homme
Source: Fashion Windows

Jimmy Choo, Hong Kong

Jimmy Choo has unveiled its first dual gender store, after expanding and renovating its boutique in Hong Kong’s Elements mall. The storefront features side-by-side entrances for women and men’s, each with its own dedicated shopping environment. The reimagined store is the first retail opening managed wholly by Jimmy Choo Hong Kong Limited, the venture created following the acquisition of the shareholding from joint venture partner Bluebell.

Website: jimmychoo.com
Source: Choo Connection

IWC, New York

IWC Schaffhausen has opened its first US flagship in New York City at 535 Madison Avenue. The NYC store is the first of its kind, presenting the company’s watch families – Aquatimer, Pilot’s Watches, Portofino, Ingenieur, Da Vinci, and Portuguese – in themed settings that reflect their individual character.

Website & Source: iwc.com

Lancel, Shanghai

Lancel has launched a concept store in Shanghai, designed by Christopher Pillot, who dressed the Champs-Elysees maison. The boutique features a handcrafted Murano glass chandelier and stained-glass panels, hand-painted by French artist Caroline Pregermain. Elsewhere oak flooring, brushed metals, LED lighting and vegetal furniture leathers house the brand’s accessories.

Website: lancel.com
Source: Luxury Insider

Lamborghini, Moscow

Lamborghini has contracted with the Burevestnik Group, a luxury automobile and yacht retailer located in Moscow, to become Lamborghini’s first official dealership. A temporary sales operation has been launched in the Crocus City Mall whilst the group finalises construction of a Moscow showroom. The completed dealership will house sales, service and accessory sales for the complete Lamborghini product line-up. (Newport Beach dealership pictured)

Website: lamborghini.com
Source: Motor Authority

Max Mara, Bucharest

Max Mara has launched a flagship store in Bucharest, which houses the Max Mara line alongside SportMax. The brand formerly operated a small store on Calea Victoriei in partnership with Alsa Group, but this new launch makes its presence in Romania one of its largest in Eastern Europe. (Paris boutique pictured)

Website: maxmara.com
Source: CPP Luxury

Michael Kors, Beijing

Michael Kors has opened his first store in Beijing and its largest in China, located in the Shin Kong Place shopping mall. The 225sqm store retails accessories and ready-to-wear from both the main and diffusion lines and features a large format video screen showing the designer’s runway shows.

Website: michaelkors.com
Source: WWD

Odin, New York

Niche perfume brand Odin New York has opened its first pop-up shop in collaboration with Snarkitecture. The pop up shop will remain open for six weeks, and will include all six of Odin’s unisex and home fragrances. The aim of the boutique is to showcase the product design by inverting the darkness of the packaging resulting in a bright, clean space.

Website: odinedt.com
Source: Bois de Jasmine

Prada, Porto Cervo

Opening its second store in the Italian holiday destination of Porto Cervo, Prada has inaugurated a 95sqm space dedicated to menswear and accessories on La Passeggiata, the town’s luxury shopping street.

Website: prada.com
Source: CPP Luxury

Roberto Cavalli, Beijing

Italian fashion designer Roberto Cavalli has opened the first phase of his debut store in China, within the arcade of the Peninsula Hotel, Beijing. The 300sqm space houses women and men’s ready-to-wear, as well as accessories, eyewear, perfumes, timewear and kidswear collections.

Website: robertocavalli.com
Source: Fashion United

Roger Vivier, Costa Mesa

Roger Vivier has opened its third U.S. boutique, and its first in California, within the South Coast Plaza luxury mall in Costa Mesa. The 92sqm space features the brand’s seasonal footwear and accessories collections, as well as the limited-edition Rendez-Vous line for traveling.

Website: rogervivier.com
Source: WWD

Salvatore Ferragamo, New York City

Salvatore Ferragamo’s largest boutique – its Fifth Avenue flagship – has reopened following 13th weeks of renovation. The 1,900sqm space features womenswear, menswear, accessories, shoes, and also the recently launched fine jewellery collection. The brand also used the occasion to debut the Travel Luggage Collection, set to launch this summer.

Website: ferragamo.com
Source: Style Rumor

Shanghai Tang, Hong Kong

Shanghai Tang has launched a three-storey Mansion in Hong Kong, celebrating modern elegance and fashion through colours, exquisite fabrics, unique designs and prints. Womenswear occupies space on the ground and first floors, featuring a curved ceiling, a peony brass-inlay on the wooden flooring, fan-patterned screens and semi-circular seating.

Evoking a discreet gentleman’s club in warm hues, the calm, masculine Men’s wear floor offers ample leather seating, as well as an embossed dragon, a Chinese symbol of power.

Website & Source: shanghaitang.com

Sotheby’s, Hong Kong

Sotheby’s is soon to open a 1,400sqm permanent exhibition space in Hong Kong, and will celebrate with a string of exhibitions running through the end of May. The gallery will occupy the entire fifth floor of One Pacific Place, the massive space will become a sort of HQ for the global auction house to expand its presence in Asia beyond its current biannual auction series in April and October.

Website: sothebys.com
Source: Jing Daily

Vacheron Constantin, Beijing

Vacheron Constatin has unveiled its third flagship Beijing, on the ground floor of Beijing Macau Center, bringing the total number of stores worldwide to 30. The opening also coincided with the arrival of three special edition watches in Beijing and at the store, including the newly launched Patrimony Traditionnelle 14-Day Tourbillon, Métiers d’Art Kalla Haute Couture à Pampilles and the Patrimony Traditionnelle Calibre 2253.

Website: vacheron-constantin.com
Source: Luxury Insider

Zegna, Shenyang

Ermenegildo Zegna recently celebrated the opening of its fourth China flagship, in the north-eastern luxury hotspot Shenyang. The 505sqm space within Shenyang’s MixC mall has been designed by architect Peter Marino, divided into three sections for each of Zegna’s brands: Ermenegildo Zegna suits and accessories, Z Zegna, and Z Sport.

Website: zegna.com
Source: Jing Daily

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For more in the series of The Latest Boutiques, please see our most recent editions as follows:

- The Latest Boutiques: Chanel, Tom Ford & Valentino
- The Latest Boutiques: Céline, Chaumet & Elie Saab
- The Latest Boutiques, Burberry, Bally & Boucheron

The park opened in 2009 and boasts some of the best outdoor design I have seen. The mix of wood, concrete and beautiful landscaping  makes for some beautiful architectural elements. Seating elements include the park’s signature “peel-up” benches and riverview sundeck chaise lounges, and at night the lighting adds another dimension of beauty to the park. Definitely one of the places to visit on my bucket list!

A similar concept called The Low Line park is currently under development also in New York. It will be an underground park as the title suggests. The space to be used is a 1.5 acre terminal built in 1903 for trolley trains that shuttled passengers. The trolley service ended in 1948, the terminal closed and has been empty since.

Being underground, the location has no natural light so the LowLine will rely on fiber optic cables to transfer sunlight below ground. According to the designers of the underground park, this transported sunlight will also be able to support the growth of plant life. Below is a pictorial representation of what the park will look like.

If they pull this off it will be quite a visual feast!

Sources: The Guardian, The High Line park website.

Another interesting place I discovered is Green Street in Porto Alegre Brazil. Unlike the High Line Park this is a random production of nature. The street is called Rua Goncalo de Carvalho and 500meters (0.3 miles) of is is completely blanketed in Rosewood trees. The trees were planted in 1930 and over the years the rosewood grew and covered everything in its path turning the street into a pocket of green within a concrete jungle. The street is now a protected Latin Heritage site as of 2006.

There is something extremely calming about seeing so much greenery in one area. Must be a wonderful street to take walks on on summer evenings.

Aerial view

Sources: Funsterz, Twistedsifter, Walltowatch.

The rules for fair fighting currently hang on our kitchen door. After last night, I think we ought to frame them.

Or maybe just Marianne’s and my relationship, but close enough.

It happened last night, over dinner, mostly because we were both cranky and exhausted from the whirlwind Camp Out Memorial Day experience. But we still had to buy groceries so we were at dinner beforehand talking about the upcoming changes with the move and Marianne starting school and my needing a job and we ended up arguing about something.

Now we don’t usually argue much anyway, but when we do it tends to drag on longer than it should just because one (or both) of us refuse to give an inch. That and we make things about more than what we’re talking about. Essentially we practice “unfair fighting.”

Okay Katie…I get it. I think. But then what is the opposite of that? What does “fair fighting” look like?

Glad you asked. The last time we met with Rev. Kelly, he gave us five points to always keep in mind. Ready? Here goes:

1. Use “I” language not “you” language

• “I” can only say with confidence what “I” feel;
• “I feel like you are being a jerkface” is not an appropriate “I” statement, because it still tells the other person how they are feeling;
• “I feel sad/mad/hurt/angry/annoyed when you…” is a much better “I” statement.

2. Feelings are always right. No one can tell someone else how to feel.

• This is what I did last night, I wanted Marianne to be super excited about the changes and believe I said something like “everything you want is being handed to you – graduate school, it being paid for, having a job – why can’t you just be excited for once?”;
• It’s not that she’s not happy, she just expresses it differently than I do and thinks things through more thoroughly – my telling her how she should feel just encourages her to shut down the line of communication which is not what I (or she) really wanted.

3. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Understanding must precede agreement.

• I think most people try to do the first part but never really get to the second point;
• Until you understand the other person, you just keep running in circles and end up frustrated;
• Once I understood that Marianne will never be as super-duper-over-the-moon-joyously-jump-up-and-down excited as I get sometimes because that’s just not her personality, I was able to reframe my focus on how she actually felt (not how I wish she would feel);

4. Practice Mirroring: “Let me see if I hear you right: You are saying…….”

• This gives the other person the opportunity to clarify  their position;
• It also aids in understanding;
• “I hear that you are excited but also feeling nervous/cautious/unsettled…”

5. State the other person’s position to their satisfaction, then you can disagree or share your opinion.

• This can take minutes or hours;
• Until the other person feels that you understand what their position is, the conversation cannot move forward;
• “That’s not how I’m feeling at all, I’m feeling…”
• (Back to #4) “I hear you saying…”
• “Finally…you freaking got it!!! Now we can talk about…

I think steps three through five are sort of all one giant step, but are all important to mention on their own. Once we made a point to use these steps in our argument last night, it died as quickly as it had flared up. Five minutes and done.

I think it also helps that we’re both getting better (and quicker) at apologizing for (un)intentionally hurting one another with our words. It’s amazing how far an “I’m sorry for…” can move a conversation forward.

No matter what happens, never, ever,ever, ever, never ever forget the “I Love You” at the end of it all

John Denver – basically amazing. (Photo from Rolling Stone Magazine, Michael Ochs Archive/Getty Images Images)

So it seems our ceremony is coming full circle.

When I first started this blog, I named it Poems, Prayers, Promises and Politics after the John Denver hit of the (mostly) same name. Details about the reasoning are in my very first post.

Now it seems out actual ceremony will have a John Denver feel to it.

And by that, I mean that my dad has agreed to sing one of J.D’s songs at the ceremony. Since he just agreed to it last night, I have no idea yet what song he’ll choose, I just know it’s going to be awesome.

Growing up, some of my most favorite (and most vivid) memories were of Sunday mornings when I would wake up to find my mom and dad on the back porch playing guitar and singing just about anything from the 60s. John Denver, Peter, Paul and Mary, Joni Mitchell – all of them filtered into my little 7-year-old consciousness and cemented that type of music to all the very best feelings in the world.

One of the very first songs I learned to play on my guitar was J.D.’s Leaving on a Jet Plane and that’s usually what my dad starts with when he and Marianne sit down to play when he comes to visit.

I’m excited. This will be good. And I am so thankful that my dad wants to be a part of our day.

Now, for your pleasure, I give you John Denver, harmonizing with The Muppets.

I call it “clean eating” where ( more or less) if I can’t pronounce it, I don’t eat it. It’s amazing how much it’s changed my taste for certain foods. Like tonight, after I bikes 25 miles as part of a fundraiser for The Shalom Project, all I wanted (after a nap) was a dinner of tofu and mushrooms over a bed of spinach. That and some mashed taters and green beans.

I announce this on Facebook and immediately my friend Alex chimes in

You are a hippie. A big one. A typical one. And a slightly raving one. And we love you.

Thanks Alex.

But she’s right. I’m a hippie at heart, so I’m trying to embrace that in planning the wedding. luckily, fall means an abundance of natural color, so I can use the abundance to in the decorations.

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It’s for an awesome reason though. Marianne got into graduate school at East Carolina University where they are offering to pay for school and give her a job on campus. She’ll be in a Sociology Master’s program with the intent to graduate and continue to a PhD and eventually be a professor.

Ideally, I will work for another two years and then also get a PhD (in Women’s and Gender Studies with a focus in history? History with a focus in 2nd wave feminism?) and teach as well.

We’re going to end up an old, married, professor couple…how much fun is that!?!? (Madelyn Detloff, I’m channeling you and your significant other here – minus the old part).

I am so so SO excited and happy for her, maybe even more so than when I got accepted to my graduate school in 2009. Probably because I know she’s wanted this for forever.

Which is also why I’m not freaking out about the move. This is exactly what she wants and we made a (sort of un)official pact back in 2009. I would get my master’s, she would get hers, then we would go to school together. So now it’s her time.

Marianne has a super-bad habit of giving things to God in prayer and then taking them back, so in January, we created a “God Box” with the idea that once you put something in there, you have to leave it alone. She asked God to help her get into graduate school and help her find a way to get it paid for. Boom! Look what happened!

I’m also a big believer in the fact that God doesn’t just lead you somewhere without resources. Moving to Greenville, which is three hours east of Winston-Salem, should be like moving to another country but…turns out we have friends there. Older friends, with roots, and resources, and community connections. And there have been a number of job openings that would work for me.

I just really don’t things could be working out much better.

It’s weird, but this is quite possibly the first time ever I’ve been super excited for a partner of mine to be chasing dreams that have nothing to do with me. I mean seriously, I am completely content to uproot what we’ve got now because it’s exactly what Marianne wants. I’m content to just figure things out as I go for myself because I so believe in her and what she’s doing and what her goals are. I really like this feeling.

On a different note, it does complicate the wedding planning (not the actual plan though). By the end of July, we should have most things settled, we will just have to come back for the ceremony. We’ll drive in Thursday evening, have the ring exchange on Friday evening, the ceremony/celebration/Green Street piece on Saturday, church on Sunday and then back home. Oy vey!

Did I mention how excited I was to have a wedding planner? Again, God doesn’t put things (or people) in your life for no reason. We may not have known back in February that we could use one, the the big cheese upstairs had a plan.

Well played God. Well.Played.

Five months till I’m married to my most favorite person ever!

Well hello.

Some of you came to this blog totally excited about seeing a lesbian wedding develop but…with all this Amendment One hullabaloo it sort of took a back seat.

Well.

Worry no more!

I am now back to wedding planning (more or less) full timeish. So, here’s what I know so far:

• We actually get two wedding celebrations. Since the United Methodist folks won’t allow Rev. Kelly to perform an actual wedding ceremony we’re having to go to Wake Forest Baptist church the night before to do a short, simple ring exchange ceremony and then Saturday we’ll have a big ceremony/party/”celebration of committed relationship” (as the Methodists so lovingly allow us to call it).
• I have a dress. Cutest thing ever!
• I have a wedding band! Marianne does not, but we’re working on that.
• We have a caterer.
• We actually have a wedding planner, which is super-weird because I never though we would have enough money to afford one but it’s making life SO much easier.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Which is to say, not much. But we’re continuing to meet with Rev. Kelly to design our celebration/ceremony and he’s like a last minute planner for everything so it’ll all work out in the end.

O, and we’re moving to Greenville, NC at the end of July. Which complicates matters just a bit, but it’s for absolutely the right reasons so we’ll work it out. More on the moving a bit later.

So, seriously, never fear if you found my blog by accident or some stroke of serious good luck. The wedding planning will be picking up soon enough. Especially because the knot.com keeps sending me countdown emails. Five months, I get it.

Holy crap!

The shooting occurred in the courtyard of the Fairmount Manor Apartments at 7th and Green Streets in the Spring Garden section of the city. The male victim, who was shot multiple times, was transported to Hahnemann University Hospital in critical condition.

Police have no suspects and have not deciphered a motive at this time.

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This gritty thriller, which plays against the backdrop of London’s mean streets, stars Adam Deacon (Kidulthood, Adulthood, Shank, Anuvahood) in the lead role, Nichola Burley (StreetDance, Donkey Punch, Wuthering Heights), David Ajala (The Dark Knight, Hamlet, Adulthood), Leo Gregory (Green Street, Cass, Stoned), Anna Popplewell (The Adventures of Narnia, Mansfield Park) with special guest appearances by football legend Sir Geoff Hurst and radio’s DJ Spoony. Written by Danny Donnelly & Jenny Fitzpatrick. Released 4th June 2012 to DVD, Blu-Ray, Download & On Demand by Revolver Entertainment.

Adam Deacon scooped the Orange Wednesday Rising Star BAFTA Award, voted for by the public, beating high profile competition from Eddie Redmayne (My Week with Marilyn, Birdsong), Tom Hiddleston (War Horse, Thor), Chris Hemsworth (Thor) and Chris O’Dowd (Bridesmaids).

With nearly 100,000 social media friends and followers, including an array of celebrity friends including British boy band JLS, singer Leona Lewis, Tulisa Contostavlos (of N-Dubz), hit producer Labrinth and UK stars Professor Green, Tinchie Stryder, Tinie Tempah, TV chef Jamie Oliver, it’s easy to see why Time Out has named Adam as the ‘New Face of Youth Cinema‘.

PAYBACK SEASON follows Jerome Davies (Deacon), a young man from the tough streets of London, who has beaten all odds to escape the council estate where he grew up, to make a success of his life as a professional footballer.

The story is set against a backdrop of an interview he is doing with old flame Lisa (Nichola Burley) about his lifestyle, and how he escaped his past, which ironically all comes back to haunt him.

PAYBACK SEASON was filmed using the very latest digital equipment, the RED camera and Sony FX D-Cam.

A Day in the Life of Filming – PAYBACK SEASON

Location: Millwall Football Club – August 2011

Period dramas, once the staple of British production, are SO last year – the urban thriller has quickly become one of the UK’s fast-growing cinematic avenues. So in a corner of South London, a cast and crew of experienced veterans and newcomers have been defying the riots to create a story that blends football, gangs, bullets and temptation to the screen.

A police car goes by in the distance and just for a faint second everybody glances first in the direction of the sound and then at each other. It’s less than forty-eight hours after London experienced the worst riots in a generation and everyone gathered at Millwall Football Stadium knows that although things appear to have calmed down, it’s wise not to take anything for granted.

Today, the stadium is almost empty apart from the film-crew, actors, the occasional security-guard and the lone groundsman carefully trimming the blades of grass in a set pattern and stopping every five minutes when the cameras roll (he’s not a stunt groundsman, he’s the real thing). But the day before things had been different. Shooting out in the streets of North London, producer John Adams admits that everything was ‘under advisement.’

The day before had been fairly nerve-wracking when it fell to the filmmakers to make the decision as to whether they filmed or not. The cast and crew were in Hoxton Square, which is around the corner from where the rioting had been the night before. The decision was ultimately made to film during daylight hours and see how things progressed.  Extra security was organised for the day, and when the Metropolitan Police came along and said ‘You have to close down now as it’ll be dark soon…’ everyone left quickly.

Inside the Stadium, Deacon is kicking a ball around by the very edge of the pitch – the lawnsman glancing nervously from time to time to make sure his handiwork isn’t being undone.

Between takes on Leo Gregory is demonstrating a not-unimpressive technique with the ball himself – ranging from basic ‘keepy-uppy’ to bringing the ball down neatly onto the back of his neck then flicking it back into play.  Nearby in the stands, director Danny Donnelly is making sure the extras appearing as training team-mates, know their positions and movements for a pitch-side scene. It’s a short scene, but the past week has been a busy one and with only a few days left of principle shooting, he’s determined to get it all right.

As the crew get ready to film another shot, the lawnsman brings the grass-cutter to an emergency  stop and the actors get ready to start their lines… there’s suddenly the sound of a vehicle from somewhere outside the stadium. For another second there’s a faint pause, as… an ice-cream van’s melody fills the air. Everyone breathes out then begins laughing. No more sirens today.

“Tell ‘em mine’s one with a flake!” Leo Gregory laughs.

Released 4th June 2012 to DVD, Blu-Ray, Download & On Demand by Revolver Entertainment

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