So, I’ve got a feeling 2010’s going to be good, good year. In fact, I’m making the decision, right now, that it will be. Actually, I decided that a few months ago.

You see, in less than three weeks, I’ll be turning 30. Thirty. XXX (oh, wait, that might give the wrong impression …). That’s a big one, people. I’m not saying it’s old (because it’s not), but to quote one Posh Spice, it’s mayjah. Until now, I’ve been able to say that I’m in my twenties, which, theoretically, could lead people to believe I’m in my early twenties — still in college, even. Hey, maybe I can’t even legally drink! What’s that young lady doing with a vodka tonic in her hand! Call the authorities!

When I tell people I’m thirty, well … that kind of gives it away, doesn’t it?

But, back to the main point — why I decided it would be a good year. For one thing, the last couple of years have been hard. Jared and I have both had professional victories, and many, many wonderful things have happened. But we’ve had some really big, really horrible things happen, and those will forever be the events that define 2008 and 2009.

Barring any tragedies (and I’m knocking on wood with one hand while typing with the other), I feel like I have two options when approaching the big 3-0. I can whine and moan and continue celebrating the __ anniversary of my 25th birthday, which is what I’ve done since I turned 25. Or, I can embrace it. I can acknowledge the fact that I kicked some ass in my twenties, that in some respects, I’ve accomplished more by now than I ever thought I would, and feel my heart start to pitter patter at the thought of what I might do in my thirties.

As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one logical choice.

Don’t misunderstand me — I’m a little nervous about the fact that 30 is my official Grown Up age. As a kid, I always pictured 25 as the age at which I’d begin growing up and do things like get married and get a real job (I was only a year or three off in both), and 30 was when I imagined I’d settle down, have kids, and become successful. I’m not so sure about the kids part, but the rest? Abso-freakin-lutely. It’s gonna be great. I mean, I already have plans to go on a cruise, go to Austin, and go to New York (more on all this coming later, I SWEAR). And that’s just the spring and summer. How bad can it be?

Now, just check back with me on January 24th and see if I’m still this optimistic …

When I was a kid, I watched my Mom and my Dad and began to itemize things that proved you were an adult.

Here is my abridged list

• You are up before anyone/everyone else
• You sigh at foolishness, tomfoolery, lolligagging or general ridiculosity
• You wrote checks
• You can stay up late
• You can seemingly buy whatever you want because you made the money
• You seem to know everything about everything
• You have the power to bring children to tears with one stern look
• Your joints crack
• You also sigh right after you stand because you are now on your way to something that stole your resting time
• You possess the ability to fall asleep in 2 minutes once in bed
• You possess the ability to fall asleep when seated in your favourite chair in 1 minute
• You have a pronounced Adam’s apple (if you are a dude)
• You seem to always have something heavy on your mind
• You seem to always be doing something to take your mind off of heavy things
• You are affected adversely by certain foods
• You affect everyone adversely because you ate a certain food
• You could care less that GI Joe the television series was interrupted by the top story on the 5 o’clock news
• You have a perpetual saved seat in your recliner, and no one can buck that system
• You don’t play with matches after your kids go to bed unlike your kids who turn into pyros once your bedroom light is off
• You really need glasses or people could die
• You secretly wish you could be a kid again

My wife and I like being grown ups. Actually, maybe we like being adults, because as our three year old pointed out to us today, we are done growing. All grown up, while she is still growing, as is her little brother.

And I would love to grow another inch or so.

But adulthood, we are reveling in that right now. As our generation (and the one before us and the one after) seem to flee it, we just giggle at the thought of two mortgages, of two kids, of the impending 23-hour plane journey to Arizona.

Not that it is easy. It is not. We do not sleep. The baby threw up all evening. The toddler has decided to cancel Christmas, both sullenly and loudly. And so on.

But this is our life. We made it ourselves. We chose it with care – the small apartment in the city, the summer house in the country, the two kids, no car, the reduced work schedules, the big travel plans, the budget priorities.

Now I am four days from parental leave. We are spending five weeks in sunny Arizona and California surrounded by family and friends. E will study this spring. I will write more (here and elsewhere). We will spend huge chunks of time out in the country. We are giving ourselves space as a family.

The beauty of these choices crystalized for us in the falling snow of the countryside this weekend. We had avoided the summer place all fall – too sick (mostly), too busy, too comfortable in the city.

But we went up for a day over the weekend. I took the kids myself on the train, and we got off into the first snow of the season, big soft flakes floating to the forest floor. E waited for us with a fire going and the house warming up more than we thought. We had family over for a Christmas fika. We put away all the summer things, finally.

It was ours. And we loved it. Then the children slept poorly, and I had to get up at 4:30 in the cold, and it is a long way to walk to the bathroom (in the barn) in the cold. So we left after a day.

Because we could.

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I’m all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end oh,
This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something shiny
Wrapped beneath the tree

But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
Oh, This is my grown up
christmas list

What is this illusion
called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind
belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up
christmas list
This is my only life long wish
This is my grown up
christmas list

I have been hearing this song a lot this season. It made me think ( Whoa, what a headache!), what would be on my “grown up Christmas list”? I have been having the hardest time answering when people ask me wht i want for Christmas! But here it is, my Grown Up Christmas list:

1) Someone to clean my bathrooms, really, it’s gross & I don’t wanna do it!
2) Concrete cleaner & a big broom to get up all the oil stains in my driveway.
3) A couple of those big metal shelving units for our storage area so that it can be a bit more organized & not so much wasted space.
4) My husband to stop being a jackass
5) Bookshelves that dont fall apart ( I have those cheapie ones that have the cardboard backing that falls off everytime I move them, there are so many holes in the back that I can’t even try to nail them back on anymore)
6) Family pictures where everyone is smiling and looking in the same direction.
7) Really good dish sponges
A new shower scrubbie thingy
9) Really good shampoo
10) New towels, matching, giant fluffy ones that cover my ginormous belly!

What’s the #1 think on your grown up list?

I may or may not have just scared 79 sixth graders out of wanting to grow up. Hear me out.

My sixth graders are currently working on an essay about a savings account. The idea is that their parents would match any amount they put into it over the next ten years.  Once they graduate college, they would get the money. The essay is asking how much they would save during the decade and what they would do with the money once they got it.

So, I assign this essay and after about five minutes, a student comes up to me and asks me if $1000 is too high of a goal. As in, is it possible to save $1000 after ten years. In assigning this essay, I didn’t even think about the fact that a grand seems like a lot to an eleven year old. In my next period, I decide to start out the lesson by first explaining all the things adults have to pay for (rent, utilities, insurance, this and that).

My thought process was that it would put things into perspective and help them to decide what their goal should be in the essay. Instead, I got students with frightened looks on their faces and eyes widening! One kid’s proclaiming that he could go without cable/internet, and another asking me how minimum wage is! Other questions surfaced that sixth graders should not worry about like “What about heating and cooling?” or “Could I just live in an RV and knock out car and house?”

I’m asking myself: did I just rip away a piece of their youth or give them a needed reality check?

H, out.

i floated for a couple of days on a high driven by the sound of a voice.

i believed… am not sure what (to be truly wanted maybe? understood? )

i voiced my fears, my concerns, my hope, my reaction… it was a mistake.

i should have know,i am my worse enemy sometime.
There is simpler out there, that don’t require any adjustment.
i realized something from answer get elsewhere…  if somebody truly wants you it feel different. (???)
i can’t be an afterthought, i don’t want to.
so now i go curl up in bed a bit more.
i think i skip work tomorrow… or maybe i put all this in a piece.

I’m done.

I’m through.

It’s over.

I’m finished trying to run, finished trying to control, and finished trying to be independent. Trying to be a grown-up. Let fate fall where it may, and I guess I’m leaning against the old fallback of “if God wills it.”

But seriously. At this point, if God wills it, I’ll be one intensely blessed grateful dumb shit.

I’m done.

I’m done with pretending that I’m an adult. I’m not, okay? So get over it and leave me alone. I’m struggling to get into a college that I know I’m not prepared for in a competitive world that’s waiting with eager, dripping jaws to eat me alive. I’m not ready.

I’m through.

I’m through sitting back and letting my hundreds of responsibilities run amok over me. It’s partially my fault through disorganization, partially my fault through neglect. I’m doing so much I can’t focus on the important things. If something doesn’t go, I will. I’ll go insane. So I’m through being trampled by my own many loves and passions, and I’m through being choked and hung by the dramas of my friends and school life. I’ve got to distance myself from it, before it gets me. If I don’t focus, and work my ass off on the thing that is most important, I won’t get anywhere. Ever.

It’s over.

So it’s over, kids, and here I am typing as a shakily resolute and keenly terrified individual who’s not grown up and who’s ready to practice and who really just wants to stay home and love her life and her family in peace.

But Time and Nature won’t allow it. So ready or not, I’m out in less than a year. If I go to a shitty school, well hey, that’s my own fault. Goodbye, Eastman. Nice looking at your name on the website, C.I.M. I wish I would have been good enough. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Heather. I’m deeply sorry, Mrs. Ripley.

What happens, happens. If I can’t contact anyone and have them be my savior with my transcript and SAT score report today, then I am fucked. And who can or will help me, the irresponsible procrastinator who is falsely deluding herself that she can make it in the vicious world of music?

I just want to sing. And that will probably never happen now, because I’m a fucking retard.

So guess what.

I’m done.

Hi

Here is one interesting “Motivation picture” from the Blog of Garry Canavan- I don’t really know who the author is, but it’s worth showing:

I really agree with it. You should never forget about the child in you and may be trough your children you’ll pass it forward…

Best regards,

your  little older coping koala

You may be packed, but are you ready?

Congratulations, freshwomen; you’re almost done with your first semester of college! Finals are coming faster than you can say “blue book,” but before you get there, you have one last big hurdle: going home for Thanksgiving. If you haven’t been home yet during the semester, odds are, you’re excited to see your friends and, though you’d hate to admit it, your family. Keep in mind, though, that your glorious homecoming might not be as bright and shiny as you imagined.

Remember to keep breathing.

The moment you step in your house and drop your bags onto your trundle bed, you’ll grab your parents’ car keys and meet up with your high school friends. These meetings are going to be your refuge from what’s happening at home, but they are also going show you how much you and your friends have changed in those few months at school. When you come together (at your old favorite restaurant/in someone’s basement) you will immediately compete one another with your “craziest college story EVER” and share new life experiences (“Wait. You did…it!?”). It may seem like everyone has changed, but things will fall right back into place when you reminisce about old times by your lockers and talk about all those weirdos who never left your hometown.

There will of course be uncomfortable run-ins with the people you were dying to get away from after graduation, the people you didn’t like that much to begin with and exes. These potentially awkward situations don’t have to be so bad if you remember to wear makeup be nice. It’s entirely possible your time apart has made things better. And if it hasn’t, well, just remember your breathing. And pretend you’re on the phone with someone and don’t see them as you scurry off in the opposite direction.

If you’re a town mouse who’s learned to make her way in the big city over the last few months, your town may feel small when you get back home. (Especially when you realize the only food that comes in the form of delivery is pizza…and only until 9pm.) The time between move-in day and Thanksgiving has flown by, and you’ve grown in leaps and bounds. Your new-found sense of freedom, your worldliness, and your social habits may not go over well. Mom and Dad are expecting to pick up their baby from the airport, not a young woman equally familiar with Marx and Long Islands. Let them let you go in their own time. They will keep telling you what to do and when to be home. They will keep talking to you like you are their baby. Just keep breathing, deeply. It will take some time for them to loosen up.

But that’s really the least of your problems. Your parents–nay, every adult family member–will want to know what your plans are. Do you have a major? What do you think you want to do after graduation? If you don’t know yet, tell them, “I think about being a [blank] major, but I’m still exploring my options.” Most are quick to back peddle and say, “Well, I guess you still have time.” Be prepared to answer the same questions about your major, your friends, your roommates, and your dating habits many, many times. This is perhaps one of the toughest parts of Thanksgiving. Try to talk to groups of family members at once to cut down on the number of times you have to explain things but do not, under any circumstances, show that you’re annoyed. Take a bite of mashed potatoes, swallow, and smile.

Somewhere between all of this you will have to fit in some reading/studying for your Monday classes. Just don’t bring the books out in front of the family; unless, of course, you want to answer 25 more questions on what you’re learning and how you’re doing in that class.

Eventually, with a full belly and a massive headache, you’ll it to Sunday. Pack up your leftovers (don’t forget the stuff in the freezer!), the things you forgot in August (like your high school yearbook), and hug your family and friends tight (promising to “be a lot better” about those weekly phone calls). Take a deep breath and head back to the sanctuary that is your college life.

And with that you’ve made it through your first Thanksgiving. It may have been tough at times (like when your parents made you come home on Saturday night by 11), but just indulge in that leftover stuffing and know that this was only a test run for the real race: Winter Break.

DO keep your eyebrows groomed.  It’s the easiest way to look polished.

DO moisture skin before putting on concealer.  Under-eye flakes are never sophisticated.

DON’T skimp on hair-cuts.  Getting a trim every couple of months is a professional necessity.

DO use a natural color on your lips if you’re going for strong, smoky eyes.  Loading up on make-up can add years.

Remember 3LW? What about Cheetah Girls?

Well somebody’s grown up, Can you say Rihanna much! Check out shots from Adrienne’s sizzling shoot in YRB Magazine below:

Those fluffy boots are F-A-B that shot is killing it, However they remind me of this advert i’ve been seeing on MTV with like this gorilla walking and his fur keeps changing lol, Loves it though!!

So odd to see her like this…its been a long time coming, now for the other Girl from 3LW. Mmm Hmm

Styling: Darius Baptist

Photography by: Mike Ruiz

IMG|SOURCE: Yrbmagazine

One day I woke up and I had an epiphany. “I’m 24 years old,” I remember thinking. “I’m a grown-up.” It was a horrible feeling. The life of a grown-up is too damn stressful. You have to worry about bills and money and work and too many other things. When you’re young, you never believe your parents when they tell you to enjoy being a kid. Being an adult looks fun because you can do whatever you want. Little do you know that freedom only applies to people with money.

I have no freedom because I’m broke as hell. My bed is held up by books on one side, I haven’t gone out in months, and my car… My poor car… It just ain’t right. At least I like my apartment, but I need more than that. I need a new damn car, a bed with four legs, a night life, and let’s throw in a Labrador for good measure. Why? Because Labradors are cool. What I need is money.

I’ve read a few “How to get rich” books, so I know the basic plan to gain wealth, but it’s easier said than done. First, spend below your means. Second, invest. Third, stop working for the man and become the man. Easy, right? That’s why everyone is a millionaire.

However hard it might be to get wealthy, I need to do it. I want my new car and my Labrador.

First, I’d like to see the hands of anyone with a 2 year-old at home… yup! I figured it was a lot! You all are excused from this next bit, then–I’m sure you’ve got your hands full right now, anyway!

For the rest of you, I should explain why I had exactly THIRTY SECONDS from the front door of the studio to my on-air cue. My alarm gets me up roughly two hours before The Good News Show starts. Now, you would think that would give me plenty of time to grab coffee, shower, dress, toss on some make up and get out of the house, right? Aha! That proves you really don’t have a toddler at home   ‘Cause now you have to factor in a few minutes on the potty (don’t want to swerve off the learning curve!), a diaper change, playing with the jammy zipper, “helping” with the make up, chatting about what Dolly’s up to, high-level negotiations to determine whether the next few minutes will be occupied with a really big pile of books, or just Piglet and bunny…so, there’s where the time shift happens. Something in clock-land just warps and morphs and kaleidescopes into shiny bits. The Grown-Up Chronoshpere just can’t stand up to Toddler Time!

Well, I DID manage to cue my first song and open my mic on time (that’s Radio Time in this case), and only can pray that the eternal basis for the following hour will place each song, melody, lyric and message into just the right moment.

Here’s this week’s song titles, the artist/group who sang or played the song, and the CD from which I played it:

• Oh Draw Me Lord – Selah
  CD: Press On 
• Hallelujah – Newsboys
  CD: Adoration: The Worship Album 
• Hallelujahs – Chris Rice
  CD: Deep Enough To Dream
• I Love You Lord – Salvador
  CD: Salvador * Worship Live 
• Carried Me – Jeremy Camp
  CD: Carried Me * The Worship Project 
• Good News – Wes King
  CD: A Room Full of Stories 
• We Will Glorify – Twila Paris
  CD: Greatest Hits 
• Children of The Living God – Fernando Ortega
  CD: Hymns of Worship
• Much of You – Steven Curtis Chapman
  CD: All Things New
• Humble King and
  Make Your Home in Me – Vineyard Music
  CD: hungry [falling on my knees] 
• Let Your Day Begin – Tree 63
  CD:  The Answer To the Question
• Give Me Jesus – Jeremy Camp
  CD: Beyond Measure
• Gentle Savior – David Phelps
  CD: Life is a Church
• His Eye is on The Sparrow – Selah
  CD: Greatest Hymns 

I hope and pray that each week’s selections, and this blog, are even a small part of the encouragement you receive each week. You are really precious–REALLY–and in spite of whatever surrounds you right here, right now, the mystery of God’s grace and provision remains unchanging and ever-offered. This is your invitation.

How would you describe your family dynamics?  Critical, achievement-oriented, efficient?  Warm, secure, caring, stimulating?

Which would you prefer?  Which would you strive towards?

The latter, most likely.  We all thrive in warm and caring environment — children, especially.

So, how do we get there?

• Meet Needs—Give attention, security, a sense of belonging, touch, affection, and stimulation.
• Know Your Child—Play!  Be a good listener.  Spend deep, quality time.  Enjoy your child(ren).
• Believe in Your Child—By doing so, parents provide opportunity and courage for her to fulfill your new, positive expectations.
• Allow Independence—Teach your child to think and take personal responsibility.
• Remain Calm and Detached—Empty ourselves of anger, resentment, fear, and guilt.

Here are concepts in action:

Child:    I got a bad evaluation from the teacher today.  If she was any good, I’d ace this class! (Negative invitation)

Parent: So she’s good at preventing her students from learning?

Child:    Well, she doesn’t help me learn!

Parent: So what would help you learn and do well in her class?  (Positive invitation/Problem-solve)

Child:    I don’t know, maybe a tutor.  (Response)

Parent: We could find a tutor for that class, but what about missed assignments?

Child:    Yeah, I’ve missed some.  I’ll finish them.

As always, thanks Dr. Reynolds! 

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie.”  (Robert Ebert)

Do you agree or disagree?

We can’t take our emotions for granted.  They govern our behavior, even when we don’t realize it.  Immature families, especially when under stress, communicate that feelings are wrong.  Family members react to each other.  The overriding message is, “You shouldn’t feel what you’re feeling.”  (Dr. Randy Reynolds, child psychologist)

I hear ya!  Emotions—especially strong ones—intensify and magnify issues.  Emotions, at times, finger point—”It’s your fault, not mine!”  

“Emotions, however, when handled appropriately, can promote positive change.”  (Dr. Reynolds)

Really?  How?

• Empathize.  Validate your child’s feelings but stand firm on your decision: “It sounds like you’re frustrated because I won’t let you wear jeans today.  I know that’s hard for you, but I’m not going to change my mind.”
• Discipline, don’t punish.  Discipline is patient and goal-oriented; punishment is motivated by anger or reactivity.

 What else?

• Affirm, acknowledge, respect, create a sense of belonging, and appreciate each other.  Full emotional tanks give members room to express themselves.  Relax.  Enjoy simple pleasures.
• As families mature, they shame each other less; respond to each other more.  They listen to others without reacting.  They assert without antagonizing.  Families set realistic expectations.  They know they’re interdependent, and flex with the normal stresses of life.

“Learn to own your feelings.  Don’t blame others when you communicate.  Begin sentences with ‘I’ messages, not ‘you’.” . . . “‘I feel . . . when . . .’“

Empathize, affirm, discipline, “I” messages—Thanks Dr. Reynolds!

Underage drinking seems to be a common theme in my blog. But, I mean it is just a part of becoming a grown up (I love using the word grown-up because I dont believe that exists, no one ever grows up.) Health Teachers always claim we are just experimenting with alcohol, FALSE we are finding your new hobby with alcohol. Anyways. This story goes out to my friend Clarissa. I owe Clarissa because she gives me my only Emergency Room story.

It was May of the 20th- year -of our lives. Rayon Wet Seal dresses and sexy sandals on- and- We decided to head to a hole in the wall bar (read: no ID’s required). We claim our land next to the Jute Box, my favorite place at any drinking establishment. A person is always so creative with choosing songs while intoxicated. Hanson always sounds like gold after 6 vodkas.

Well Clarissa was a tad bit over served (read: Clarissa was one touch away from going home with a local tow-truck driver). We decide it is time to take Clarissa home before she gets Herpes. Step one pry her away from her boyfriend at the bar, step two ease her lips off her margarita glass. We think we are on a roll. We get her out the door and heading to our DD’s car. Clarissa goes and steps off the curb and all of a sudden- She is lying on the ground. We are all laughing because we think drunk-face slipped. We looked down and it turns out Clarissa stepped on a broken bottle. BLOOD EVERYWHERE. It takes her a while to realize what has happened. Then like the Civil War (What?), She is screaming, blood is squirting. A man with three fingers tries to calm her down. She is drunk, blood is thin and EVERYWHERE. Three fingered man wraps her foot with a beach towel. Clarissa is freaking out, she is yelling about AIDS- she thinks she is going to get aids from the broken bottle. She is Hysterical, we decide the best option is to go to the Emergency room, her cut was deep -even soberface thought so. Clarissa is underage, she can barely formulate a thought. She is mumbling, she is crying, she has margarita spilled all over her. (get the picture) We buck it up and go. We pull up to the ER, Clarissa decided to tell everyone that she was not drunk and was not drinking that evening (She could not have fooled Helen Keller with that one). She fills out paperwork, pretends she doesnt have insurance- so she doesnt have to call her parents. With assistance the forms are filled out. By this time everyone is sober, except Clarissa- who is still crying. The doctors brings us in to the room, she goes right for the “free cotton balls” and starts to put them in her purse. At this point the doctor know she is not sober, and now things she is a 70 year old jewish woman stealing medical supplies. He looks at her foot and she is convinced there is still glass in her foot. They offer her X-rays. She decided that would be a good option, we disagree. The doctors and nurses keep coming in and out, probably to gather in the break room and talk about what an idiot Clarissa is. The doctor looks at her wound, cleans it out. By this time it is 5am. I fell asleep in the room. Finally, the doctor gives her three stitches and we are heading home.

Life lesson: Always carry your insurance card. You never know when you will have to get three stitches in the arch of your foot. Buh.

Which would you honor — obedience or respect?

• Obedience – “Do it!  I said so!”
• Respect – good listening + trust + give children two choices you can live with

Respect, bar none!  I can’t make anyone do anything willingly.  You can’t make me, either.

Yet, when under intense stress, I find myself demanding unconditional obedience from my children, not respect.

It’s time to change — to recognize and minimize counterproductive behaviors. 

How, Dr. Reynolds?

• Respect grows when parents listen instead of just hear.  Value what your child says and attempt to understand his reality and his feelings.  Reflect (“So what you’re saying is …,” “I see you’re …”).
• Respect requires trust.  A child cannot trust the parent who does not listen.  Personal responsibility and interdependence — each person doing his part to keep the relationship healthy — is essential for building trust.  Hold children accountable.  Communicate with conviction, “You can do it!”                                                                     

Okay, but I need concrete tools.  How do I continue building trust and earning my children’s respect?

• Talk directly with the person — child or adult — who upsets you rather than to someone else.
• Too overwhelmed to talk?  Find a neutral third-party to coach you.
• Child/Parent conflict?  Encourage your child to talk directly to your spouse; not through you.
• Do not rescue or interfere with your spouse’s parenting, even if you disagree.  Discuss differences privately.  Form a united front.
• When you discipline, spend one-on-one time with your child.  Secure your bond with him. 

THANK YOU, sir! 

We humans — regardless of education level, status, wealth, or lack thereof — are all equal; messed up emotional creatures! 

Save face.  Discipline with dignity. 

Can’t wait to enjoy my family today!

Which types of parents raised you — the overprotective Rescuer who assumes too much responsibility, or the Reactor; critical, under-involved, and the distant?

Child psychologist, Dr. Randy Reynolds states, “Both Rescuers and Reactors present strategies for failed parenting.”  No wonder I’m screwed!  My mother was a Rescuer, my father, a Reactor.  I was raised by both!

So how did I learn (and continue to learn) what my parents failed to teach me? 

SOCIETY — the school of hard knocks!

I want more for my two sons — way more.  With my husband, I want to work on creating healthy family dynamics and healthy individuals.

When parents succeed in creating individuals, their children will be:

• Cooperative
• Compassionate
• Maintain relationships even during tough times
• Take care of themselves without imposing on others
• Live with convictions
• Willing to suffer discomfort to accomplish personal goals
• Define who they are without succumbing to peer pressure                       (Dr. Reynolds)

Compassionate, hardworking, problem-solver/life-long learners . . . the character traits I wish for my kids.

SO, what are my husband and I to do? . . .

Dr. Reynolds to the rescue!

• Communicate clear expectations.  Help children reach their potential.
• Allow children to take risks.  
• Set realistic but challenging expectations for your children.  Help them push through their doubts as they move from incompetence to competence.
• Hold children accountable for their responsibilities.  Empower them to grow.
• Validate your children.  Make them feel important.
• Parents ought to focus on their own goals, well-being, and self-definition.  Don’t live through your child.  Children are not extensions of their parents.
• Pray for your children.

Whew!  So much to understand, internalize, and apply . . . for me, anyway. 

Better late than never!  One step, one moment, one day at a time! 

Enjoy parenting!  Enjoy life! 

“I’m not a child, but my heart still can dream. So, here’s my lifelong wish, my grown-up Christmas list; not for myself, but for a world in need . . . “

Christmas — the most wonderful time of the year; full of good cheer, family bonding and renewed affirmations of forgiveness, acceptance and tolerance.

So, in keeping with the aura of the season, it’s only fitting that my annual Christmas list (yes, I still make a Christmas list. Save your judgment!) is reflective of the seasonal intention.

So, here’s my very brief Christmas Wish List . . .

• Despite a supposed upturn in the economy, there’s far too many individuals, families and organizations still reeling from the effects of a multi-year recession. It is my sincere prayer that stability and prosperity make a reoccurrence in the new year.

• We live in the richest country in the known world, yet there are people wondering how their most basic needs are going to met. They’re hungry; they’re homeless; they’re hurting; they’re without hope; and they’re at their breaking point. May this season give them the inclination to persevere, in spite of their circumstances, until they reach their breakthrough.

• Everyone doesn’t live, believe and act as we think they should. Intolerance is a cest pool of hatred, prejudice and bigotry. Perhaps the season of perpetual goodwill and forgiveness can allow us to be little more compassionate to those that fall short of our morality standards.

• Regrets have the capacity to incapacitate our lives, and our potential, with encompassing shame. Too many people are suffocated by past mistakes and are paralysed in mediocrity as a result. The past may change the course of the future, but it doesn’t have to dictate its order. With hope, this Christmas season will find one with the strength to forgive, begin anew and walk into their purpose.

So, there it is. My Grown-Up Christmas List. I’m not quite as self-absorbed as you thought, huh?

Yeah . . . you’re right, I really am; but I DO have an earnest desire to aid the less fortunate — whether they’re lacking in resources, physical capability or emotional and mental stability.

So, if only for a moment, let’s give thought to someone other than ourselves this Christmas season. It may be the only moment some are afforded.

Happy Holidays! XOXO.

P.S.: I’d also like a black, white and pink accented polka dot skateboard and the Wii Fit Balance Board Plus. KThanksBye.

It’s natural for parents to become overly involved in their children.  Family is important; however, when parents look for their identity needs to be met in their children – meaning, purpose, challenge, and joy – family friction and codependency take over healthy family dynamics.  (Dr. Randy Reynolds, Child Psychologist)

In other words, parents, don’t live through your child.  Get a life.  Work on issues, challenges, dreams, goals . . . Hmm . . . Much easier said than done. 

Taking risks, changing, (possible) failure . . . they CAN be scary.  It’s easier to blame someone else (e.g., a strong-willed child) for life’s difficulties than own up to our deficiencies.

But life’s lessons we choose to ignore will resurface until we learn.  Do we learn now, later, or never?

Healthy parents, healthy kids — happiness!

I want to LIVE my life; my goals.  I want my family, too! 

Gonna get ‘em all! 

CHARGE!!!