Who do you quote? Seriously. Think about it. We do a lot of talking, texting, emailing, tweeting daily and sometimes we’re just not that original. Well I think I am. Because people steal my jokes, sayings, updates, tweets all the damn time! But it’s cool. I’ll take it as a compliment. Until I find you. And I will cut you. My friends steal that from me all the time. So again, who do you quote? I’m not talking about deep, profound life changing inspirational quotes. Hell I hate those. So annoying. So aren’t women who quote Sex and the City or Marilyn Monroe by the way. It’s weird. And you also tricked yourself into believing Prince Charming is going to find you and treat you like a princess because you are the greatest thing ever. Yeah. Keep telling yourself that. Enjoy life with all your cats. Nutjob.

On any given day I quote movies. Especially comedies, gangster movies and sports movies. What? I’m an Italian guy from Boston who writes movies. What did you expect? I believe there is a movie quote reply for every situation. Check it out!

At any football game:
You say “I haven’t seen a tackle like that since Joe Montana.” Your friend says “Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot.” You then say “I said Joe Mantegna.”-The Waterboy

While playing any card game when you’re losing:
You say “I’ll stay” while waving your hand over cards. “I too like to live dangerously.”-Austin Powers

Looking to hookup. Fast.:
You say “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.” Get a disgusted look? Say “What? I’m a cocksman.”-Wedding Crashers

When you’re the drunk one in the bunch:
You say “What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So say goodnight to the bad guy.”-Scarface

At the grocery store:
Go up to any person who works there and say “Arugula?” Don’t even let him answer! Just say “It’s a vege-ta-bull.” And when he later says “Have a nice day.” Be sure to reply “Fuck you.”-My Blue Heaven

On a first date with a woman:
First thing that comes out of your mouth when you see her “What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?”-Dumb & Dumber

When she wants you to get your act together:
Look her straight in the eye and say “I guess what I’m trying to say is. If I can change. And you can change. EVERYBODY CAN CHANGE!!!!!” Preferably sounding like you had a stroke and hire someone who speaks Russian to translate for more of an effect. Then just for the hell of it, raise your hands in the air and shout “DRAGOOOO!!!!”-Rocky IV

So you see? There’s a movie quote for any situation. Just make sure you use the right quote for the right situation or else you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot. And if we learned anything from the movie Goodfellas it’s “All right so he got shot in the foot, what is it a big fuckin’ deal?” Yes Joe Pesci. It is.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Fellas and Lesbifellas, do you look at t.v for the T and A or the entertainment?  It dawned on me that I only stopped the channel search to check out tits and ass.  When the eye candy disappeared, I continued to change the channel.  I was sitting there, loafing on my butt, scratching, thinking erotically about all the women that came across the tube, you know- man stuff. when I joked to myself, that there were hardly any chicks on t.v. I wouldn’t do.  I was inspired by Dana Jacobson, the host of ESPN’s show First and Ten.  She has been somewhat decent as a host and is a decent looker, but on this day, her blouse was tighter than normal. Thats the reason I took notice.  She isn’t a particularly voluptuous woman, but her tits were perky enough to inspire a morning touch session (I’m human).  I rubbed one out and continued to listen to the latest news in the sports world.  It made my cable bill worth it. Seriously,  Sportscenter is so much better when Hannah Storm in hosting.

I went through the channel for a few hours the next day writing down the names of women I saw on the tube.  Unfortunately, I did notice there were alot of women I wouldn’t do anything with.  I couldn’t find the mood to get it on with Dana Jacobson again either so I made this list instead.

Below is the list of women I compiled. I put them in best order possible from hottest to not hottest.  How low would you go? I have pals that would do the complete list of women, but my penis won’t perform in every storm, not even with liquor. I know I misspelled a few names, so sue me.  Leave a comment on this one.  Let me know how low can you go.

1. Hally Berry

2. Giselle Bunchen

3. Eva Mendes

4. Melissa Ford

5. Beyonce

6. Angelina Jolie

7. Kim Kardashian

8. Cassie

9. Lauren London

10. Rihanna

11. Alicia Keys

12. Gwen Stefani

13. Ajia Nicole

14. Andressa Soares

15. Selma Hayek

16. Hayden Panitierre

17. Anna Nicole Smith

18. Jessica Simpson

19. Cameron Diaz

20. Rashida Jones

21. Megan Fox

22. Tyra Banks

23. Britney Spears

24. Keri Hilson

25. Paris Hilton

26. Christina Applegate

27. Roxy Reynolds

28. Jennifer Aniston

29. Heather Graham

30. Katy Perry

31. Olivia Munn

32. Christina Aguilera

33. Isla Fisher

34. Eve

35. Angie Martinez

36. Pink

37. Mila Kunis

38. Shannon Sossyman

39. Sage Steele

40. Whitney Houston

41. Amanda Peet

42. Taylor Swift

43. Pinky

44. Vivica Fox

45. Madonna

46. Avril Lavigne

47. Norah Jones

48. Muffy Cupcakeopia

49. Sarah Jessica Parker

50. Uma Thurman

51. Linda Fey

52. Lisa Ling

53. Rachel McAdams

54. Sarah Silverman

55. Chelsea Lately

56. Rachel Nichols

57. Jennifer Hudson

58. Hannah Storm

59. Laila Ali

60. Sharon Stone

61. Sandra Oh

62. Soledad O’Brien

63. Rachel Maddow

64. Joan Cusack

65. Phyllicia Rashad

66. Oprah

67. Monica Lewinsky

68. Monique

69. Wendy Williams

70. Brittany Griner

71. Linda Cohn

72. Robin Quivers

73. Joy Behar

74.  Justice Sotomayor

75. Nancy Grace

76. Whoopi Goldberg

77. Rosanne

78. Greta Van Susteren

79. Sally Jessie Raphael

80. Martha Stewart

81. Hillary Clinton

82. Kathleen Turner

83. Kathy Bates

84. Susan Boyle

85. C. Delores Tucker

86. Maya Angelou

87. Linda Candellini

88. Barbara Bush

The world is a changin’. Things were a lot different about 10 years ago. But you either embrace change or get run the hell over by it. One of the biggest changes has been getting to know people. How technology has changed getting to know people really. You see, I’m old school when it comes to meeting people. Especially women. Even though I own a social media company, social media is not meant to replace good old-fashioned socializing. It’s meant to compliment it. Face to face socializing is going the way of the do-do bird between texting, iChatting, tweeting, etc. I don’t want to get to know you from your facebook. I want to get to know you from you! Let’s get to know each other in the real world a little bit. But it’s not like that. Facebook has changed the dating game. Completely. And while I love what it can do for business and staying in touch with old friends and family, I hate what it has done for dating.

Back in the day you went out. You meet a girl. You smile. She smiles. Introductions made. Conversation takes place. You ask her for her phone number. You make the call. It goes well. Dating ensues. Today? Shit. You don’t even have to go out! Odds are boy and girl already know about each other without even ever physically meeting each other because you see that you already have 50 facebook friends in common. So now you send a friend request based on that. Said request might get accepted. Once it does? You poke her. She comments on your wall with a “;) lol”. You let her know you like one of her sexy drunken pics. She comments “thanks”. Late night facebook chatting then occurs. Then finally, you meet at the same club or bar that you, her and those same 50 facebook friends happen to be at. At that point you both already know at least this much about each other from facebook: Friends; family; education; job; likes; dislikes; vacation places; music; movies; hobbies; where you grew up. So are you dating without dating??? Because this information exchange usually takes place over the first few months of dating. But that was then. This is now. Well you know what? I’m not down with that anymore! I’m bringing old school normal dating back! That’s right. I’m starting the “Meeting In Real life is Always Cooler and we’re dating so Lets Engage in Sex” movement! Or MIRACLES if you will.

Look. When I’m out and having a good time and an attractive woman catches my eye, I’m going to smile at her. And if she smiles back, I’m going right up to her and introducing myself. We’re going to have a drink. Maybe a few. We’ll do some chit chatting. We’re going to laugh. We’ll flirt. We’ll touch each other nonchalantly. Then I’m going to ask her for her phone number. Hopefully she’ll oblige. She better not say “Just hit me up on facebook”. I’m not going to hit you up on facebook. I asked for your number and I’m going to use it dammit! I plan on talking to you. We’re not going to get to know each other like a couple of robots exchanging information through computers! I want to talk to you obviously! If we have a nice conversation on the phone, we’re going out. On a real date. Then maybe another. And another. Drinks! Dinner! Pool! Bowling! Movies! Friggin’ mini-golf! All that corny, cheesy dating shit that people used to like to do! And from all that, we’re going to learn about our likes, dislikes, tastes in music, favorite tv shows, last time we went on vacation, family, job, hobbies…..get it?! Then we can become facebook friends. Because now we really are friends. Because we’re actually dating. Or maybe we’re friends with benefits. Either way now it’s ok to do all that facebook stuff. Hell, we can even poke. A lot. But not on facebook. In real life. Because after all, I believe in MIRACLES. And you should too!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

I’m a sports fanatic. Actually a Boston sports fanatic. Actually more like a Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins fanatic. I could care less about the Revolution. What? It’s soccer. Or the Blazers. I don’t acknowledge lacrosse as a sport. It’s too easily confused with women’s field hockey if you ask me. Anyways. Being the fan that I am, I go to a lot of games. A LOT of games. 99% of them with my bro-in-law or with one of my sports buddies. But every now and then, I take a date. Whether it’s because one of my usual game partners in crime isn’t available or it’s because I’ve actually got past enough dates with a woman and deemed her “game date” worthy. And sometimes there is an entirely new unbelievably drop dead sexy woman who loves a certain “hot” player (Tom Brady/Jacoby Ellsbury/Milan Lucic are always mentioned) and she just wants to be seen at a game wearing her “cute pink jersey/t-shirt/hat” abomination and taking her will most likely help get me to the promise land. Every sports guy does it. We all play by the game date rules.

We rather go to a game with our buddies 9 out of 10 times because one, we want to enjoy the game without any stupid annoying questions. Two, we want to get drunk. And three, we are automatic targets for fights when going with women. All this is true. Seriously. I just gave you a peak behind the guy wizard curtain. Now some women do know sports talk but we don’t want to talk sports with you in public settings. It’s just weird. And some of you may like to get drunk at games but then we can’t get drunk. We can barely get ourselves out alive when drunk let alone the two of us. So when you get drunk, we have to stay sober. And that sucks! And while you’re drunk, hooting & hollering at Jacoby Ellsbury wearing your pink hat with your ponytail through it, we’re looking three rows back waiting to see when those four guys who have been staring at us the whole game and have been saying how they can’t believe a woman like you is with a guy like me are going to start a fight with me every time you get up showing off your ass in those tight low-cut jeans. Because when we’re not with you, we are those guys!

So ladies, don’t get mad at us when we don’t want to take you to games. We have our reasons. We have our rules. But if there is that rear or possible impending sex occasion that you do happen to be a game date to a regular game or something special like a Red Sox/Yankees game with first place on the line, remember, don’t wear anything pink. Or sexy. But don’t look ugly, find a happy medium. Have one beer and one beer only. Do not make eye contact with any other dudes. Please just look forward and barely move at all. Don’t bust out Brady’s college stats if other people besides us can hear you. Be ready to drive because we’re going to drink like a fish. And definitely, without exception, expect to take us down to the paradise city as soon as we get home. Because after all, we just went on a game date. And thems is the rules.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Wow, these things are versatile! I can’t wait to try the shotgun one.

Hmmm. I better tell the wife first, though. Otherwise she might wonder what I’m doing buying condoms.

Ever go somewhere and come across the most annoying/drunk/pitiful/weirdest dude you’ve ever met? Better yet, have you ever gone somewhere only to find out the next day that you were the most annoying/drunk/pitiful/weirdest dude that those people have ever met?! Yep. We’ve all been there. Don’t deny it. We’ve either crossed paths with or have been at one time the person some of us label as “That Guy”. Nobody likes running into “That Guy”. And surely nobody ever wants to be “That Guy”. And the only way to avoid being “That Guy” is to warn others to “Don’t be That Guy”.

There are a lot of different types of “Don’t be That Guy” categories that you never want to fall under. These categories will also help guide you and let you know what to avoid when out in the wild. I’m here to help you thanks to my years of experience in life. Heed my words wisely. Here are some of my “Don’t be That Guy” categories. Some even have sub-categories or related categories. All of it is information that will help you improve yourself. Ladies, this will benefit you as well!

“Gym Douche” guy:
This is the guy who’s only goal in life is to make your workout as uncomfortable as possible. He walks around for hours talking on his phone getting in your way. He is most likely wearing a wife beater and an Ed Hardy bedazzled hat or an Affliction beanie. He looks at himself in the mirror all the time. Even when texting. Dude, who are you texting at the gym?! “Yo bro! Just maxed out at 275. Sickkkkk!” He walks around with a protein shake. Really dude?! You can’t have a shake after your workout like the rest of us? Or are you afraid that “Does Everything Naked Gym” guy will brush his junk up against your shaker in the bathroom. That I understand. And please stop using 7 things at once! It’s impossible to work your legs and shoulders at the same time when the squat rack is on the other side of the gym even if you left your towel there only to run back and say “I was on that”.

“Blame the Single Guy” guy:
This guy is either married or in a serious relationship. This guy has no balls. None. Because every time he goes out and either comes home late or drunk or smelling like a strip club, he blames his single guy friend. Man up dude. Your girlfriend already hates your single buddy as it is you dick! Your single guy buddy didn’t pour that fifth shot of patron down your throat. You did! He didn’t make you go drink a few after the game got out. You’re the one who didn’t want to go home to be with and I quote “My miserable wife”. And your single guy friend didn’t order you another lap dance. That was most likely “I Blow My Check at Strip Clubs” guy or maybe “I Pay for Sex” guy who did.

“Sports Stats” guy:
Whether you are at the game or watching it at home or at the bar, don’t be the guy who gives every single stat on every single player, game, team, coach, field, cheerleader, ref, mascot….whatever! Shut the hell up! I’m watching the game! (Also see “I Could’ve Made That Play” guy.)

“Drunk as Fuck” guy:
This guy is a mess. Plain and simple. Dude, do us all a favor and just eat and pound a lot of water before you go out. That’s it! What the hell is your problem?! Because of you we get into fights. Get kicked out of places. Scare off hot women. Eat shit food at 3AM and get fat. Have memory problems. Have to take one for the team with ugly, huge chicks. You’re a mess and you need help! We’re still going out Friday night though right?! Sweeet.

“I Ignore my Round” guy:
You are “Drunk as Fuck” guy’s evil step brother. You know damn well when it’s your turn to buy the next round! But yet you strategically disappear when it’s your turn but somehow reappear when somebody else is ordering. It doesn’t matter if you are dead broke or make $150K a year. It’s the principle. When you go out with your boys each of us takes a turn buying the next round. Claiming to have bought shots for yourself and 3 dirty sluts at the bar over there does not count as your round if your buddies didn’t get a shot stupid. And I don’t care if you drink Captain & Coke every single round and then get yourself a Coors Light when it’s your turn to buy. As long as you buy your round, we cool!

“Occasional Stalker” guy:
Man, you have to learn how to take a hint! She doesn’t like you! Finding her number on facebook does not count as getting her number. You following her on Twitter does not count as dating. You finding out where she is going from her status update or tweet and then showing up at that club does not count as talking to her! And stop hanging out with “Forms a Circle to Watch Hot Chicks Dance but Never Dances With Them” guy. We know you’re lonely. And that you mean well. But you’re killing us “Almost Normal, Just Have a Few Issues to Work Out Then I Can Commit” guys!!!

I hope this was informative. And I expect to see some improvements. Thank you.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Whether this little stunt ever happened or not, I know it’s theoretically possible. Theoretically. If nothing else, they did a great job of making it look real. I’m still trying to get over how cool the car looks. Sounds wicked too. I want two of them. Okay, just one then. 

If nothing else, these guys get maximum points for style…

That reminds me: Does anybody need a slightly used tree? I still have one I’ll let go for cheap!

They’re not very good at parking, are they?

I know, I know. I’m a sexist pig. So sue me. It was probably a man anyway.

But of course, you knew that, right?

I was impressed.

So in an effort to keep my resolution for this year, I am going to put it out here on the internet, so that I can’t go back on it (that and my friends will keep me honest). I am going to try to accomplish two things this year, 1) get myself in good enough shape to complete the marine physical training test and 2) get myself organized both in my work and personal life. I will be writing posts over the next year about how my progress is going and what kinds of techniques I am trying out to accomplish these goals.

Now that I’ve got that song stuck in my head, let’s see what Bubba’s having fun at today!

Wheeeee!

I can’t help it. Red Green makes me laugh every time.

“Who wants some mower coffee?” Get it? Nevermind.

I can’t believe it’s taken so long! If we can solve this “problem”, can peace in the Middle East, the end of poverty and hunger, and the Cubs winning the World Series be far behind? Nope.

I feel like I should start a sub-category for “Guy Stuff” and call it “Ultimate Guy, If Not Dangerously Stupid Guy Stuff”. This would qualify, hands-down.

Now, obviously this project needs some work. Namely: more accuracy. That can be solved fairly easily (or at least greatly improved). If you notice on the replay, one of the rockets hits the camera that was filming it, then ricochets and almost hits the rider!  This is not acceptable. Still, I see a great future for this kid in weapons development. If he lives.

*update* I guess Youlube™  removed the vid. I’ll fix it as soon as it re-surfaces, unless the ATF asks me not to.

*Update* Here’s a working link.

This is to all guys:

Is it really necessary to leave the middle urinal open when there is a dude on either side of you?  You aren’t gay if you use it, I PROMISE!  Just look straight ahead, look down occasionally to see if you’re not splattering, and for goodness sake don’t talk to the guy next to you!

find this at www.marilynkeepsakes.com!

So, I thought this would be an appropriate first official post, given the season, so yes, I am targeting the guys today! Sunday (and Saturday, oh and Monday) night football has gotten the best of our men — they just can’t help it. And I know as brides-to-be, the planning never ends. Has he stopped talking wedding and started talking field goals? Well, unfortunately brides, hes not coming back…until after the Superbowl that is.

So, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Get involved in his football frenzy and post-season he will get back into the wedding game. Men like it when their women enjoy the things that they enjoy. So throw on a replica jersey (which he’ll think is sexy ) and watch the game with him.

For now he won’t be helping out as much. But take this time out to plan the things men don’t particularly enjoy anyway, like flower arrangements or bridesmaid dresses. Believe me, bombarding your fiance with questions while refs are reviewing plays will only bug him. Wait the season out, watch some games with him, and you’ll see how willing he will be to engage in wedding planning after football season.

xoxo
Lover's Leap

I’ve been out in the online dating world for about 6 months now.  I started in soon after I split with my Ex.  I really didn’t see a reason to wait for a formal resolution to my soon to be divorce as in my mind there was no going back.  I’d been married to the same woman for a long, long time and we’d been through a lot together.  So if things had reached the stage where one or both or us needed some “time and space to rethink things,” the marriage was over.  But apparently, that’s not quite how women seem to view things.

Being an honest guy, I set up my profile on a few sites using my true age, reasonably current pictures and my marital status as “separated”.  After all, I wasn’t “officially” divorced – although I had filed my papers to start the process – and I wasn’t single, so there weren’t many other choices.

For a guy, listing yourself as separated is like placing yourself in an online dating abyss.  No woman wants to knowingly date a guy that’s been married and isn’t yet “officially” divorced.  She doesn’t want to deal with possibility of you going back to your Ex and all the garbage that comes with finalizing the terms of the divorce… and there’s probably a good chance she’s gone through the experience of dating a guy that’s been “separated” and it didn’t turn out well, so now every guy she dates that’s in that situation has to suffer.

When I first got on the internet sites, I was pretty proactive about contacting women.  I thought I had a pretty decent profile, was a decent looking guy and simply playing the numbers game, I should have had at least a few responses.  As it turned out, I didn’t get one positive response.  I did get a few “thank you, but no thanks” but most were just completely ignored. 

What I did get was a few inquiries from women who saw my profile and contacted me… apparently not noticing my status.  We’d meet for coffee and the question would come up how long I’ve been divorced and the next thing I new I was talking to an empty chair.  On occasion, we’d hit it off and manage to get past that issue, at least temporarily, but it was always in the back of their mind.

But I really don’t get it.  Sure, I can see how a guy might say he’s going back to his wife or use it as a crutch to keep from getting too committed to someone, but he could just as easily say he’s going back to a former girlfriend or that he’s never stopped dating and has found someone else he wants to be with more…so why focus only on one possible risk factor.    And yes, if you’re dating someone during that reasonably short period after the breakup and before the divorce is final, you might be the rebound lover, but again that can happen as a result of any breakup…whether with a “divorced” partner, with one waiting for the process to run its course or even a single guy who has never been married.

If you’re concerned about the possibility of things not working out after investing a little time, effort and emotion into a relationship, then you’re never going to have a satisfactory relationship because you want to know what the final score is going to be and who the winner is before you even play the game…You’re probably the type who reads the last chapter of a book first to see how it ends before you even know who the characters are.

So ladies… take a breath.  Look at the big picture.  Don’t label us as off limits just because we’re honest about where we are in life.  As guys, we certainly don’t place the same emphasis on your marital status as you place on ours, so let’s just even the playing field and take things at face value and one day at a time.  (We may have issues with young kids as part of the package, but that’s a completely different thing.)   I’d be far more concerned about the dishonesty of a man not being forthright about his situation and trying to game the system just for a date than whether he’s divorced, separated or single.  Let’s get our priorities straight.

I’ve suddenly found myself in the enviable position of dating more than one woman at a time.  When I started dating again, I had decided that I wouldn’t do this, but of course that was when things were a bit slow and there usually weren’t any other women in the picture.

I used to date two or three women at a time when I was in college.  Back then, no one was looking for a long term commitment…or at least I certainly wasn’t.  I swore I would never do that again after finding myself in a rather difficult situation having called one woman I was dating the name of another at a rather inopportune time…Peggy, Patty…Patty, Peggy…you can see how it would be easy to mix things up, particularly when the brain is engaged elsewhere.  Good thing I was pretty nimble back then because it didn’t take but a few moments after my slip up before the books and shoes were flying fast and furious… and my dorm room wasn’t very big!

I’ve since discovered, as I had feared, that some things don’t change and there are still some major landmines that need to be addressed when dating more than one woman at a time…and I’m only talking dating right now…I’m not even going to discuss sex in today’s blog!  (I’m still trying to figure that one out.) 

So here’s some landmines to be wary of… 

     – Did I already tell that story to this one or was it the other? 

     – Did I already call her just to say hi today, or was it the other? 

     – Who did I send that last email to, Peggy or Patty? 

     - Which one likes roses and which one likes tulips? 

     – Which one prefers steak and which one prefers fish? 

     – And…perhaps one of the most important tidbits to keep straight…other than the names of their kids…is which one is allergic to peanuts!  You definitely DO NOT want to get that one wrong!

I’ve been debating whether to mention to one or more of them that I’m seeing other women…with the addition of a hopefully anger diffusing comment like “But while I’m with you, you are the most important thing to me” (shades of TV’s The Bachelor…note to self…it’s a TV show Bozo, not real life!).  But things are nice and a lot of fun, and I’m not sure if I want to (a) risk the loss of one or more of the relationships, (b) risk having my head torn off if they don’t take it quite the way I had hoped, or (c) relieve myself of the burden of secrecy by being open and honest with each of them…versus just keeping my mouth shut and seeing where things end up naturally.

Obviously, or maybe not so obvious to some, I’m not the kind of guy that would maintain multiple serious relationships if one was getting really serious and just felt really right.  Once I’m committed to an exclusive relationship, I’m committed (remember I was married for 28 years…and if that’s not committment, what is?), so sooner or later, things would have to change…or at least that’s my outlook as of today.

As a fairly jealous guy, I guess I’d feel uncomfortable competing with other guys for the affection and attention of “my” woman, so I would imagine a woman – or women – on the other side of the relationship would probably feel the same… and maybe more so…

And of course, then there’s the other guys.  I like my baby blues and I really don’t want to suddenly find myself with a pair of black eyes having to explain what happened to friends, neighbors and most importantly the women I’ve been dating.

I guess to some degree it all depends on the people involved and what each is looking for.  I suspect the best thing to do is to discuss it right up front.  Ask them what they’re “looking for” and what type of relationship they would expect to have with the men they date.  That would certainly make things easier…but a lot less fun 

You’ve gotta see this. Seriously, you have got to see this.

Told ya.

You know you’ve spent too much time on online dating sites when you begin to recognize the women whose profiles you’ve been reading walking at the park or dining in a booth across from you.

It started about a month ago.  I was at an event, and low and behold in the front row was a woman who I recognized immediately as being on at least one, if not two of the dating sites I subscribe to (I’m up to 5 so far with not a lot of luck!).  I have a pretty good eye and memory for faces, even those who I haven’t seen for many years, but as vast as the internet is, I never thought that I’d actually run into these people “in real life.” 

Last week while I was at the dog park playing with my dog (it’s becoming a great regular hangout for me, but I’m mostly there for the dog), I was chatting with a woman when I began to realize that this was a woman who had blown me off online for no apparent reason maybe 4 or 6 months earlier.  We never made it past the email stage so I’m not even sure she had paid much attention to my photograph…or now me, live and in person, but here I was actually talking to her.  Obviously since we didn’t hit it off online, I was pretty sure we wouldn’t hit it off in person, so I didn’t even mention to here that we had had some earlier conversations through an online dating site.  And by the way, in this case, her photo – as bad as it was – was much better than seeing her in real life…which is not always the case.

The latest episode happened in a restaurant.  I was deep into conversation with my date (ironically, an old fashion “set up” and not thru the internet) when this woman gets up from the booth across the way, spins around and heads off to what I could only presume to be the ladies room since her dinner mates were still at the table.  At first I wasn’t quite sure, but when she got back, I got a better look at her and sure enough…she was one of my Match.com matches.  Here again she wasn’t looking nearly as good as some of her photos, but since she had put a variety of both more-flattering and less-flattering photos up, one was pretty close to what she looked like that night.

I guess it’s a bit like living in the Twilight Zone.  You see a face in a book and voila, now you see them walking down the street.  Kind of like catalog shopping for new friends.   

It would certainly make for an interesting ice breaker to walk up to one of these women and say, “Hi…I’m (my profile name) I saw your dating profile on (dating site name).com.  How’s that working out for you?”  

I suspect that as more people are spending time on dating sites and as people propagate multiple sites with their profile (as I said earlier I’m up to 5), you’re not only going to start seeing the same people over and over, but if you’re targeting a reasonably small geographic area, it’s only a matter of time before you start running into them at Starbucks or a restaurant without even offering them the invitation first.

I often wonder what attracts men to women and women to men. Okay, so I don’t really have to think very hard about what attracts a man to a woman, but the reverse is a bit more complex…and perplexing.

You don’t have to be an anthropologist to understand that there are basically two things that drive a man’s desire for a particular woman…at least at an age where all the plumbing still works (with or without assistance).

The first one is purely visual. A man is going to be attracted to a woman based solely on looks…whether he’s attracted to a pretty face, her rack, her butt, her legs or in some cases her size (as in slender and tiny or thick and obese). There’s no intellectual stimulation baloney… It’s looks, pure and simple.

The second element of “attraction” is “acceptance.” For whatever reason, a woman is interested and attracted to you regardless of how much of a slob you are. Basically, if she’ll have you, there’s a connection. (Sad state of affairs if you ask me, but in the beginning of many relationships, this is why a woman is in control.)

From the woman’s point of view there are many factors that come into play. Looks is obviously a big one, and probably still the number one factor in any relationship and at any age…although as with anything having to do with a woman, there is no single set of criteria about looks that stimulates her…one could be attracted to tall and thin guys, another could be attracted to bald guys, another could be attracted to tattoos or guys that just carry themselves in a very self confident and positive way…it just depends. And then there’s intelligence, financial stability, family orientation, celebrity, status in the community, status in the business world, to name just a few other factors that all play a role in a woman’s selection of a man.

So you just never know what may be attractive about you to a woman as one woman’s criteria may be completely different to another’s…and because we’re dealing with women, it may change over time!

The question is, do you try to do anything about it to try to make yourself more attractive to the type of women you want to meet (if trying to target a particular type of woman is even a good strategy) or just go about being the normal jerk that you are seeking out attractive women in the hope that one will find something about you interesting enough to strike up a conversation?

In my limited dating experience since splitting with my Ex, I find that the less I try to control who I meet or the type of woman I’m looking for, the more women I meet and the more interesting and fun it is.  It’s like that extraordinarily perceptive philosopher Forrest Gump says…life is like a box a chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.

We could have used one of these last winter. I’m not sure what for, but we’d have found a use. It would have been great for making beer runs, if nothing else.