Gwynnie is out promoting another ‘rich person’ cause on Monday, November 23. She seems to be doing more of that (oh, and writing her lovely GOOP blog) and a lot less of acting in good films and being involved in causes that actually means something.

I used to like Gwynnie, she wasn’t bad in ‘Shakespeare In Love’, which is one of my favourite movies of all time. But now I just find her extremely annoying. She hasn’t been in any good movies since. She has this ‘Minnie Mouse’ whiney voice, but I also can’t stand everything about her. Even the fact that she’s got a beautiful body, her gorgeous hair and her amazing designer clothes. Hey, I have an excuse. She married Chris Martin, whom I completely adore:) I guess I’m just jealous.

Bleep!!!!

Welcome to the fourth installment of five questions with people I follow on Twitter. They are a diverse group and I wanted to give more insights into the wonderful cross section of talented, exciting, people in the world.

I met @Brianistuft while he was doing a drop-by to pick up my then co-worker, TeeBee. We bonded instantly over Project Runway and how much we were both addicted to calling people “a hot tranny mess” at the time. A friendship born out of a fierce meeting of the minds.

I love that Brian’s interest in celebrities has led him to taking photos with some of the hottest names out, helping him to achieve his own cult following. He’s like Perez Hilton, only fashionable, funny & intelligent.

Location: Queens*, New York *The Median Borough
Vocation: Becoming America’s Next Top Model
Sign: Aries

Whenever it is a celebrity or a star of a show or movie I particularly enjoy that is of course always a powerful motivator. But, when there is an opening or a party I like to think of the turnout possibilities. I hate going to things where EVERYONE and their mother will be there, I love when the turnout is light, the champagne never runs out and you get face time with the stars. As for sets I’ve only ever visited two, Gossip Girl because I love it so very much and Remember Me an upcoming movie with Robert “Edward Cullen” Pattinson for a friend.  Let me tell you, that was truly a hot mess. I’ve never seen anything like it, he has such a young and obsessed fan base that there was never not a crowd or mob scene. But, once I got to meet him I saw that he was just a neurotic kid with a twitch and lots of hair. Which is why I like meeting any celebrities to see what they’re like in person, up close and persona-free.

The long answer? Fabulous is defined as so amazing it borders on being unbelievable. I think that’s pretty accurate, to me being fabulous is all about the person’s social skills. When you’re at a party or having dinner and the person you’re talking to is whip sharp and knows who they are there’s nothing better. To me being fabulous is all about being witty,outgoing and being able to keep afloat when the conversation drifts into pop culture and current events. Give me someone confident who is able to make a joke about Barack winning the Nobel Peace Prize AND the John and Kate debacle and I’ll show you someone fabulous. It goes without saying that being open minded, intelligent and positive is required. Nothing is less fabulous than someone who uses attacks on others to make themselves look better, sorry Perez Hilton.

Do you like any? suggest me some combos

Flora Emmeline

Flora Allison

Flora Bellamy

Flora Delphine

Flora Eibhlin

Flora Evanthe

Flora Evangeli

Flora February

Flora Gwendoline

Flora Gwyneth

Flora Georgette

Flora Iseabail

Flora Jillian

Flora Katherine

Flora Marisol

Flora Meredith

Flora Murielle

Flora Keren

Flora Magdalene

Flora Mathilde

Flora Esylt

Flora Rosemary Ellen

Flora Beatrice

Flora Lucienne

“Fuck the haters!” Gwyneth Paltrow said in the March issue of British Elle. “I saw this blog of people writing horrible things about me and for a second your ego is so wounded … How could people hate me, my intentions or what I’m trying to do? I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world.”

Hey Gwynnie, that’s not exactly the motto of your lifestyle website, GOOP, “nourish the inner spirit.” Yet, I can’t help think that it is. Tell those haters to shove it because honey, you have an Oscar. Why are all these people hating on Gwyneth? Yes, she says high brow pretentious things all the time, but I take pure joy in hearing them. People often wonder is she in on the joke?  I think she is the mastermind of the joke. Perhaps, like one of my boyfriends you feel you need a dictionary to understand her.  We’re too damn sensitive all the time and she calls us, America out on it. Gwyneth has an opinion and she’s not afraid to speak her mind.

I get asked ad nauseum why exactly I like her. According to my sister, I’m the only one she knows who likes Gwyneth. She’s wrong, Dr. Mom likes her too! As I do seem to always like the esoteric aka ‘difficult’ ones, I’ll give you insights into why I get a kick out of Gwyneth.

Gwyneth had a number one hit for singing ‘Cruisin’ with Huey Lewis. Yes, it was in Australia, who also are the only country to release The Hoff ‘Get Into My Car’…..but also the home of INXS, Jimmy Barnes (his daughter Eliza is the muse of Liam Finn), John Farnham, and of course, hello the one and only Eric Bana. Eric deserves his own ramble so I’ll move on now.

Which she and hubbie, Chris Martin sang at a friend’s wedding. She sounds vocally better than CMartin on this one (vocal imperfections make me, yeah love Coldplay!)

She’s married to the aforementioned Chris Martin, another person people seem to think is far too serious. Ricky Gervais’ interview with Chris sheds some light on that one:

and her man beats up the paparazzi for her when she’s been in hospital for fasting too much:

Oh, you thought I was going to say he also wrote a number one hit “Fix You” that is now a Coldplay classic? Well, yeah that too. He proves in this bit, that he rushes home for Gwyneth’s cooking.

Which takes us to Gwyneth’s cooking videos on GOOP. Who doesn’t need to know how to properly debone a chicken?

Not only did I find that video useful and I want to make some yummy chicken, I dearly love to laugh just like Elizabeth Bennett in ‘Pride & Prejudice.’ GP’s first cooking video took a lot of heat and even sparked this hilarious send up on Funnyordie.com

and Little Britain

If you can inspire in song and laughter how bad can you be?

Still not convinced? She let’s her kids listen to Uncle Jay-Z “99 Problems.” No? How about GP went on Conan with actual GOOP all over her fabulous legs? Thanks Gwynnie for posting exercise videos from your personal trainer so we can all try to get our legs looking that fabulous.

Gwynnie is just an Oscar winner trying to give back. She was charming in ‘Emma’ and renewed my love for that book. I thought Miramax should’ve campaigned for Joseph Fiennes’ eyes to win for ‘Shakespeare in Love’ but GP made it up to him by getting him cast in ‘Running With Scissors.’ GP is good to her friends, who mostly happen to be famous. How could they not? She grew up with a father who was a director and Blythe Danner for a mother? Even her brother, Jake is now a director.

(Photo: Jenny Gage & Tom Betterton)

I adore Gwyneth because a) her line in ‘A Perfect Murder’ delivered with disdain: “That’s not happiness to see me.” Response:”Try surprise.” b) dig the reading reccomendations and advice through GOOP, which lead me to ‘Drink, Pray, F@ck’ which sends up the horrid whine, whinge, whine and repeat boo hoo I’m the victim book being made into a movie ‘Eat, Pray, Love.’ c) admire her for being able to wear those wonderful ankle breakers. She was the first one photographed in them and now I bet you have some version of that in your wardrobe as a must d) she gets to make babies with Chris Martin e) when she gets a mother-daughter photo, it’s taken by Annie Liebovitz

(Photo: Annie Liebovitz)

I’m also really glad that GP recently said she wasn’t going to start making kids films in lieu of accepting creative movie roles that speak to her. It’s annoying how parenthood has done that for some stars who used to be ‘edgy.’ People seriously want to bend the truth and take it out of context that she’s against kids’ films are seriously just haters. More press for Gwynnie, better movies for us! Go GP! (p.s. I picked that quote link since it links to an OLD! photo of Coldplay. Hahaha.)

Finally, I got a cheap thrill out of the fact I turned my friend Brian onto loving Gwyneth. He now goes around qualifying people with “she’s so not fabulous, she’s not being followed by GOOP on twitter.” In closing, it’s because GP is not Flawless, makes her appealing to me. I also have a few suggestions to give her for increasing GOOP’s traffic but it seems she’s already got Corporate America knocking on her door to partner with her so I’ll have to save that for the day when I either get to interview her or vice versa. GP let’s get together to do some cooking. I’ll introduce you to pre-marinated salmon from Trader Joe’s and help you deal with your reconstruction hassles in London. You can let me wear your accessories and do my Chris Martin dancing impression. It’s about perfect for a person who with one good ankle. Nourish that inner funnybone!

29 October update: Great quote from GP on the red carpet last night only proving my point Gwyneth is fabulousity personified with a great sense of humor.

“Oh we love movies at our house, and we get everything. Everything! Every children’s movie, every documentary, every drama, every indie, every porn–just kidding about the porn!” –Gwyneth Paltrow on her love of all film genres during the Valentino: The Last Emperor DVD launch party last night in New York. *from Fashion Week Daily

Discreet, comfty and perfect Gwyneth Paltrow.

Alice Willow Beatrice

Alice Honora, Alice Magnolia, Alice Marigold,

Alice Juniper, Alice Jemima, Alice Seraphine,

Alice Violet, Alice Cecile, Alice Maude,

Alice Rosamund Frances

Alice Bathsheba Jane

Alice Ruby Guinevere

Alice Magdalena Pearl

Alice Virginia Frances

Alice Beatrix, Alice Bellamy, Alice Clementina

Alice Fenella, Alice Gwyneth, Alice Heatherly,

Alice Juliet, Alice Bathilde, Alice Cordelia,

Alice Katherine, Alice Lucille, Alice Margaret,

Alice Poppy Jane

Alice Virginia Rose

Alice Victoria Belle

Alice Ruby Jessamine

Apparently the lovely Gwyneth Paltrow is giving advice to the lovelorn on her blog.  I believe it’s eldritch, or occult, or Kabbalah based advice.  Or Something.

Long Term Relationship Advice

Images of Gwyneth

GOOP

Bing

A different kind of diet

Delicious Monsters

Lying is an Art

Probiotics and Prebiotics

@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beer and Burgers Diet

Etiquette

Artsy Fartsy

H1N1:  Swine Flu

I’m about to discuss something that has already been covered rawther extensively throughout this magical thing they call “the internets,” but which I myself hadn’t had the pleasure experiencing until very recently. And you know what they say…”If you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!” (Remember when NBC adopted that motto during the summer a few years ago? WORST MARKETING CAMPAIGN EVER.)

At any rate, I’m not talking about porn. I’m talking about GOOP.

For work, I was asked to sign up for many a so-called “lifestyle” listserv, covering a diverse array of super hip and trendy topics. GOOP is one of the few I not only enjoy reading, but actually actively look forward to receiving in my inbox. GOOP happens to be Gwyneth Paltrow’s own lifestyle e-newsletter; once a week, she (and, I assume, a large staff working under her) send out an e-mail discussing things  to “Make,” “Go,” “Get,” “Do,” “Be,” and “See.” All in an effort to help you “nourish the inner aspect.” (I’m not even joking, “nourish the inner aspect” is GOOP’s tagline.)

GOOP’s articles seem to elicit pretty negative reactions within the blogosphere. (Yes, I’m talking to you, Jezzies.) Sure, some of her suggestions are ridiculous. And she’s clearly out of touch with the average American woman’s experience. But so are about 90% of lifestyle/fashion/beauty media outlets currently in existence. Many have built incredibly successful businesses around selling brief glimpses into the lives of the rich and famous (Celebs! They’re just like us!) And really, there ain’t nothin wrong with looking at pretty people and things, or enjoying a little vicarious fine living. (Example: I probably won’t be able to afford to stay at the Ritz Paris anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy looking at pictures of it.)

Some of you may think this makes me a gigantic douchenozzle, and in all honesty, you may be right. Regardless, I think we can all agree that: GOOP isn’t as evil as it’s made out to be. Also, sometimes Gwynnie has really good recipes! I made cookies from a recipe in GOOP a couple weeks ago, and they wound up being super sick nasty (in the best way possible, obviously.)

Gwyneth gave me the gift of cookies and thus, unable to reciprocate with an equally glorious(/tangible) present, she’ll have to settle for my undying love and admiration, a love that will never, ever fade. No matter how many times she tries to tell me to make an appointment with her acupuncturist, or touts her (controversial) personal trainer’s services.

Korkeimmassa tuomioistuimessa adoptio -oikeuden saanut megatähti Madonna sisustaa nyt kotonaan New Yorkissa makuuhuonetta uusimmalle tulokkaalleen, Mercy-tyttärelle. Madonna haluaa, että Malawista syntyjään oleva Mercy tuntee olonsa prinsessaksi uudessa kodissaan ja perheessään.

Lähde kertoo, että “Gwyneth Paltrow asuu lähellä Madonnaa New Yorkissa ja Madonna oli niin vaikuttunut nähdessään Gwynethin tyttären, Applen(5) huoneen, että hän pyysi Gwynethiä auttamaan Mercyn makuuhuoneen sisustamisessa.”

“Madonna haluaa Mercyn tuntevan itsensä prinsessaksi.”

50-vuotias Madonna on törsännyt dollarikasoja Mercyn uuteen elämään. Luksusvaatteita vaatekaappiin ja huoneeseen, sopeutumisen edistämiseksi kalliita koriste-esineitä, joihin on sisällytetty kuvia uusista perheenjäsenistä. Madonnan toinen tytär, 12 -vuotias Lourdes on kovin ihastuksissaan tulokkaasta. Varhaismurrosiästään huolimatta hän on heltynyt käyttämään taskurahojaan Mercyn hyväksi.

Mercy saapuu uuteen kotiinsa yksityislennolla.

Lähde: http://www.exposay.com ,

(MTV3)

Did you see on the tonight? We just watched it and can’t figure out what the hell was going on with her legs in the first segment! Now we know that there’s all sorts of doctoring and prepping that goes on backstage with celebrities before they walk out on stage, so it’s likely that Gwyneth or her assistant lathered up her legs good with lotion before she went out, but this was a little over the top. And as , someone must have taken a towel to her in the second segment, as evidenced by the photo on the right in which she’s lacking the blinding sheen she had in the first. Naturally, we turned to Twitter to see what others were saying about all of this, and as of now it seems as though the “lard theory” seems to be taking root. We just want to make more jokes right now, but we suppose the title filled our quota, so we’ll just let this one go.

I feel reverence to article: here

The one on the left is Abby, named for Abigail Schuto on NCIS. The other one was going to be Ziva, the trained assassin, but Jenny has a bias against boys with girls’ names and insisted he be called Zorro.  When he’s really annoying, he becomes Zero.  Here are some interesting kitten factoids specific to these two kittens:

• Maggie calls them Cupcake and Squidget
• Squidget, er, Zorro, has already been trapped in the refrigerator. Obviously he has figured out how to zip through doors when nobody is looking.
• I now compulsively check the freezer every time I open it.
• Because I scream so loud when they try to climb my bare legs, they are both learning the words NO and DOWN
• Good Dog Gwyneth thinks they are her puppies. She grooms them and follows them around to keep them safe.
• Sophie, the evil cat, is starting to be sort of interested in them.  Mostly to hiss at them, but sometimes to stalk them.
• Abby loves to play. Zorro not so much.
• Abby is clearly the smarter of the two. Zorro is the lover.
• Unlike every other cat we’ve had, these two love yarn, sleep in yarn, climb on the loom, chew on the drive band on the spinning wheel. I think they’ll love it the next time I dye….painted cats anyone?

Este mês, Portucalis, ilha “vivíssima da silva”, celebra o 2º aniversário de existência.  Assim sendo, o calendário das aulas na Academia tem algumas particularidades. Ora vejam:

Na 1ª semana temos a continuação do Curso sobre Sculpties dado pelo M2life Paravane. Este Curso foi iniciado em Maio e terminará no dia 4 de Junho.

Depois…. ah! Maravilha! Esqueçam aulas! Portucalis, no seu todo, está a preparar uma agenda fantástica para celebrar o seu 2º aniversário. O schedule destes eventos será anunciado em tempo útil! Preparem-se para surpresas!

E depois, retomando as aulas na Academia, temos uma nova formadora que todos conhecem. A Gwyneth vai ensinar-nos o que ela tão bem domina: LSL, ie, Linden Scriping Language. Será um curso composto por 4 aulas, como se pode ler na pic das aulas de Junho deixada neste post. Há pré-requisitos para este curso. Nomeadamente, ter conhecimentos rudimentares sobre programação.

Esperando que a agenda vos agrade, contamos com a presença de todos nestas aulas…. assim como, na semana dos eventos!

I have two words for you: Hot Diggity. Describes yesterday’s hot dog at your Memorial Day BBQ (or fancy bacon grilled onion hamburger if you are of the culinary crowd), as well as the new Gwyneth Zola Sandal now available at Barefoot Tess.

Sandals are abundant this time of year, but gorgeous beaded suede sandals are one in a million. Add a cushion for comfort and a style to kill for and we believe we just might have stumbled on the perfect summer shoe. It’s a big claim. Then again, it’s one heck of a sandal.

Check out the new Zola and all sorts of other shoe goodies at Barefoot Tess!

I came back from the dry cleaner’s last week and on the approach to my house I saw a crowd of people outside, mostly midgets.

When I got to the front door I realised it was Angelina Jolie and her children.

I froze, with all the cellophane-wrapped hangers sliding off my arm. But I soon remembered myself:

‘Please, come in. I’ve just picked up some stem ginger biscuits from Sainsbury’s.’

Angelina didn’t say anything.

‘From the Taste the Difference range,’ I reassured her.

I knew it wasn’t the best introduction but, to be honest, I was worried about all the Jolie-Pitts fitting into my mouse house.

In the event, Bruno organised them into a football team so Angelina and I could get better acquainted in the kitchen.

I asked her if she flew herself over because I know she’s got her pilot’s licence. But she said her Cirrus SR22 only has 4 seats and the gang wouldn’t fit.

‘I’m hoping to use it more in my humanitarian work,’ she said and looked like she might like to continue on the subject.

So maybe, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have jumped in:

‘Or you could do your own aerial recces when you’re looking for another baby to buy.’

After that she sort of turned her head and stared in the corner for a while so I guessed she wanted to have a look at the cookbooks in the cabinet.

I told her all about Delia Smith and Jamie Oliver. She seemed interested. (Either that or she’s a good actress!)

The truth is I can’t make bechamel sauce without thinking about her because I read recently that she only likes to introduce another baby to the family once the new one has been absorbed.

So lasagnes remind me of her and Jen Aniston at the same time now, which is bizarre.

I thought about fessing up about the mock blog dialogue I did between her unborn twins in the womb but decided it wouldn’t do either of us any favours.

Instead we talked about fishing regulations in the Norwegian sea, dolls house miniatures and Winona Ryder.

All the way through, she wore the same expression as the one at the Oscars. And in The Changeling. And in photos of her with Brad.

When I considered her difficult relationship with Jon Voight, self-harming, two divorces, bisexual affair, 6 children, multiple tattoos and the vampire/incest/adultery rumours that have hounded her, it struck me how calm she was and then out of nowhere,

‘Do you believe in aliens?’ I said out loud.

‘If people want to believe in aliens, good for them.’

God, this woman is liberal and traditional and open-minded and monogamous all at the same time. Amazing.

We took a stroll around the garden and I couldn’t help staring at all the tattoos on her back. I was particularly confused by one that read, ‘Quod me nutrit me destruit’.

Now I know it means, ‘What nourishes me destroys me’ but at the time I thought it meant, ‘Kick me. I’m nutritious but destructive’.

Finally, I plucked up the courage to ask her a naughty question:

‘My friend was at a screening of ‘The Bone Collector’ and the wife of the Australian DOP shouted out, ‘Struth, she’s got lips like a vagina!’

Does that shock you?’

‘Nothing shocks me. Brad loves my mouth.’

‘Maybe it’s for the same reason,’ she added mischievously.

I went bright red and pointed to a cat in the garden.

Presently, Bruno brought the little ones downstairs and helped them into an electricity-fuelled limousine.

We had a hug and then she grabbed me with five of her bony digits.

‘One last tip. When Gwyneth gets in touch…’

‘But –’ I protested.

‘Don’t pull any of that Hugh Grant crap with me. You know she’s gonna call…

Just watch the potty mouth. She’s a PAP and she’ll think you’re vulgar.’

I appreciated the word of warning and yelled, ‘Thanks, Ange!’ after the car.

Then I added ‘elina’, because all of a sudden I had a nasty image in my head of Den Watts’ pikey wife from Eastenders.

For some time now I’ve been begging for kittens. We have Good Dog Gwyneth, and we have Sophie, the cat that hates me, and I wanted some kittens that would like me. As I speak, the little boy is sitting on my shoulder, grooming me. I think he likes me. I know he likes Gwyneth. The girl is a bit more standoffish, and not quite so sure what to make of the dog, but she’s tucked under my desk close by. She pokes her head out to check on Gwyneth from time to time, but doesn’t seem inordinately upset by the dog. Gwyneth thinks the kittens are the best toys ever. Sophie, of course, has her nose out of joint and is ignoring the office party.

A friend and I were on our way to our silent writing group and Jenny called to tell me she had just passed a sign reading “Free Kittens.” Should she stop? YES! I came home to these two. So far they are unnamed. Jenny has suggested Adam and Eve, Samson and Delilah, Abelard and Heloise (I MIGHT go for Abeloise and Heloard), and something else equally biblical-ish. I’m thinking Frick and Frack. But nothing is decided. The boy is a lover. He’s the one on the right, with the darker, more pronounced markings. The little girl is still skittish but puts up nicely with being held….when you can find her.

I’m in kitty heaven. THANK YOU, JENNY! (and they are both grey, Lisa!)

Hollywoodin ja Lontoon suunnalla kuntoguruna vaikuttava Tracy Anderson käyttää tunnetuista asiakkaistaan aina joskus melko tuhtia kieltä.

Andersonin papereissa Madonna on ihan hillitön kuntosalinörtti, kuntoilufriikki. Gwyneth Paltrow puolestaan keskittyy melkein liikaa omiin pakaralihaksiinsa ja niitä jalostaviin liikkeisiin.

- Molemmat olivat aiemmin intohimoisia joogaajia. Laadin molemmille uudet kuntoiluohjeet. Nyt he treenaavat tiukasti ja voivat syödäkin aika runsaasti. Minun sanani on laki, Anderson viestittää Daily Expressissä.

Andersonin mukaan Madonna pistää harjoittelussa aina piirun verran ööveriksi, koska ei usko tehneensä tarpeeksi.

Chi lo ha detto che fare il blog è solo un modo di farsi conoscere? Ci sono star e starlette che di fama ne hanno già ma si dilettano a twittare o a bloggare con i loro fans. Uno dei primi casi celebri è stato il blog di Gwyneth Paltrow con cui l’attrice condivide ricette e l’esperienza di essere mamma.

Ora anche Misha Barton ha la blog mania addosso e compila con dedizione ogni attimo della sua giornata tutto a favore dei propri fan. Il suo amico Ashton Kutcher ha appena festeggiato il milionesimo fan su twitter.

Il blog non è solo uno strumento per incrementare la propria popolarità, lo ha capito presto Natalie Portman che in collaborazione con altre star sta mettendo su un vero business un portale web per gli appassionati di cinema “making of”. Qui potrete scoprire i segreti e le passioni di registi tecnici ed attori, collaboreranno nomi come Ron Howard e Bob Thornton.

Insomma il business blog ha toccato le stelle!

Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves.

Avril Lavigne

“I’m with you” on how most of your songs are about girl problems to which every teenager can relate. And I love how you have other gigs too, like co-writing “Breakaway” for Kelly Clarkson and even recording The Spongebob Squarepants Movie theme song (my little bro totally agrees).  But I’m pretty sure that hot pink hair, combat boots, and thick-enough eyeliner to paint a mural were out of fashion like 10 years ago. You remind me of the wanna-be punk-rocker chicks at my old high school who stood in their corner by the snack machine and talked about how “complicated” their life was and how their parents didn’t understand them. You’re married now, for goodness sakes, so do your husband a favor and stop wearing pink angel wings and acting like a “sk8er boi.” Oh, and learn how to play the guitar for real. You’re kinda getting “under my skin.”

Coldplay

The first time I heard “Clocks,” it changed my life. And continued to do so for the 100 times I listened to it on repeat afterward. You should even see my wall – there’s a giant banner that shouts, “viva la vida,” my adopted mantra para mi vida. But enough with the same gloomy, sad looks while you play haunting, heart-wrenching melodies on the piano, Chris Martin. I’m wondering if you’re able to play some different chord progressions as well, since you only seem to stick to one particular one on every. single. bloody. song. Can we maybe change it up a bit, with chords and tempos and basically not have the same harmonic patterns last throughout the whole album? Or four? Keep the accent though, please. Oh, and tell Gwyneth to lose the GOOP.

Simple Plan

My friend saw you in concert in Japan, and just like her, I must say: I’m “addicted” to your music. In a “perfect world,” I would hang out with you guys all day and do crazy stuff like dye the neighbor’s pool yellow or something, because, let’s face it, “I’m just a kid.” You seem like a bunch of cool, fun kids just making music because you can, and I love that about you. But unfortunately, you kinda remind me of blink182. But not in a middle-school-memories, emo-phase, dress-like-a-punk, nostalgic sort of way. More like a trying-a-little-too-hard, bad-album-titles, life-is-so-unfair-let’s-cry-about-it sort of way. Skateboarding is a sport, not a prop, and yelling at your parents on a rooftop in the pouring rain? Effective, but kinda cheesy I must say. Maybe there’s a reason you’re “still not getting any”…

Miley Cyrus

My guilty pleasure of all things guilt-full and pleasurable is “See You Again.” It’s on my workout playlist, my clubbing/dance-party playlist, and my blasting-in-the-car playlist. To the point where I’m headbanging and screaming out the lyrics with my girlfriends, and looking like a mad woman to the car next to us. But oh mah gah. There is so much advice and wisdom I wish to impart upon you that’s long enough to last a whole Oprah episode. You’re obviously not as big as a band, but your ego is big enough compete with one. Can you please act your age and stop dating older men that are probably not into you and more into your…assets? And stop taking those trashy MySpace pictures that even my 12 year old cousin knows not to take? You’re probably one of the reasons sexting is such a problem these days among teens. Or maybe just why television shows are going down the drain. Whatever happened to old Disney classics like Even Stevens and Sister, Sister? Dump the TV show and the drama queen act and just behave more like the role model you’re supposed to be for young girls. Then I won’t be so embarrassed when someone sees you on (every single one of) my iPod playlists.

Love,

Your (Not-So-Secret-Anymore) Admirer

“Hyvät ystävät ovat kuin lyhdyt tiellä
- eivät lyhennä matkaa, mutta tekevät sen valoisammaksi kulkea”

It was all a matter of time….

Molly is finally tired of Jason's drama

It has been reported that The Bachelor’s Jason Mesnick and 2nd runner-up Molly Malaney are on the outs.  According to In Touch magazine, the more she gets to know him, the less she likes him and there is also the fact that she doesn’t completely trust him yet.   I wouldn’t blame her — this is the same guy who dumped his first choice, Melissa, then made out with Molly on the same couch 10 minutes later.  Fantastic! Karma came back to slap him in that plastic, tear-stained face of his.  The show is over, but it’s okay — all is good in my reality land. Melissa is dancing on Stars and the next Bachelorette series will be hitting my Monday night dry spot in May. Can you think of a better way to spend the worst day of the week? That’s why I love this show in the winter — the cat fights are all worth it.  How can you not love the rejected girls crying or the really crazy ones who try to get back into the rose ceremony after they didn’t get a rose.  I know that must sound harsh, but come on!  They know what they are getting into — after the 10th season, please!

We can only hope there will be a reality show waiting for Molly once she officially dumps Jason.

Of course Jimmy Kimmel does the best interview with Mesnick.  Watch Kimmel’s reaction when Mesnick suggests that he and Melissa might one day actually be friends.  I Love Kimmel!

Jason Mesnick on Jimmy Kimmel

What Women Want

Well, this woman wants a divorce — and she just happens to be the long suffering wife of Mel Gibson.  After meeting on a blind date about 28 years ago, Robyn Moore is finally sending Mel packing.  She knew Mel before he was famous — she was the woman who bore his seven children for crying out loud!!  Mel pulled the original Tom Cruise — he owns that title.  He created CRAZY way before Tommy outed himself –  Mel has the DUIs, taking pics with random girls while drunk and making anti-semantic comments to cops while drunk.   Let’s not fail to mention that he’s also being sued by his co-writer for Passion of the Christ because Mel reportedly failed to pay up, even after the film grossed over $200 million.  Although Mel is claiming that he and Robyn have actually been separated for two years, this could be the messiest and the most expensive divorce in history (he is reportedly worth $640 million)… Could be interesting to see how this plays out.

In the Thank God I was wrong news: Kate Moss is not writing a cookbook.  All lettuce and cigarette recipe jokes can cease.  Supermodels can relax too…they didn’t lose Kate to food. Start counting those calories again!

In adoption news: Uh oh… adoption(s)  is in jeopardy.  Angelina has threatened Bradly that if they don’t adopt another baby she’ll dump him and go adopt one anyways.  For now, he must sleep on the couch and think this over.

Stay tuned for a guest appearance by Angelina on Octomom’s new reality show.

In American Idol history news: It was quite the nail-biter as the final two came down to Lil’  Rounds and Matt Girard.   Yes, believe it or not the two most boring contestants, Anoop and Chris Allen, or, as my boyfriend calls him — “melba toast without the cheese whiz”, both remained safe again this week.  One bad week and Matt is eliminated???  He is a solid singer –  Timberlake with the looks of Michael Bublé.  He is cute.  American Idol audiences (okay, mostly 12 -13 year olds) will run out and buy records and teen magazines of him.   Lil Rounds is okay– I agree with Simon, she hasn’t figured out her best song yet — but she is a great singer and it’s just a matter of time before she hits that right performance.   But, the amazing part of the whole night was the excitement of the judges as Matt blew them away with his Please save me performance.  I thought Kara was going to choke Paula in her excitement.  So, it remains, that no one was eliminated,  but that only means two will be next week.  It takes a lot to get Simon really committed to liking a performance — there is no doubt he loves Adam (we love Adam — my mother and I have to hang up when Adam comes on TV).  I can’t wait to see what he does each week.  It’s called originality.  Also…is it just me, or was he the lead singer of  Styx…?

If you want to see Simon impressed, watch this amazing performance by Susan Boyle, a little lady who lives alone with her cat and appeared on Britain’s Got Talent — I’m sure you’ve seen it, but I’ve watched it a dozen times and each time I get goosebumps. Watch! I love this little lady — called “Cheeky” by Piers Morgan  and “A little tiger” by Simon.  You’ll have tears — wait and watch her little dance at the end.

Susan Boyle Video — click here for youtube.com

P.S. — you must read Goop.com – Gwyneth Paltrow takes a swipe at a best friend she refers to as “frenemy”.  This is coming in last minute, so I don’t have time to explain everything.  But, we all know about the fallout between Paltrow and Wynona (Wino) Ryder.   Backtrack:  Gwyneth gets the lead role in Shakespeare in Love, apparently after stealing the script off Wino’s coffee table.. fast-forward a year later and Gwyneth wins the Oscar.  What happens to Wino?  She is arrested in 2001 for shoplifting and her career has never been the same since…  Mmmm…everyone is speculating… is this “frenemy” Wino?

The Bachelor images via The Tottle
Mel Gibson images via www.scumdoctor.com
Kate Moss images via City Rag Blog
Brad and Angelina images www.celebrific.com
Gwyneth and Wynona Ryder images via Time Inc.com