6. J’ÉCRIS UNE LETTRE

J’ai une lettre à écrire. Je prends une feuille de papier à lettre et je la pose devant moi sur la table. Je prends un porte-plume, je trempe ma plume dans l’encre et j’écris. Je sèche l’écriture avec du papier buvard. Je prends une enveloppe, je l’ouvre, je plie ma lettre en deux, je la glisse dans l’enveloppe, je ferme l’enveloppe et j’écris l’adresse. Je colle un timbre dans le coin droit supérieur de l’enveloppe et je jette la lettre dans la boîte au lettres.
(D’après Gouin)

—from Short Stories for Oral French,
by Anna Woods Ballard, p. 8

*

A new mailbox has appeared on my street. I find an envelope in my desk and wet a stamp; it sticks crookedly on the upper right corner of the envelope. I write my professor’s address, which I found on an old receipt in his handwriting. The receipt had been lying in a book of correspondence between my favorite poets, one on the cusp of divorce, the other flirting with madness. I fold a sheet of matching stationery in half, then press it back open. My pen is new. It is poised above the sheet of paper, the letter poised on the tip of the pen. A drop of ink settles into the crease in the middle of the sheet. I dry the drop with my lips—the perfect blotter. Which one of us is mad this time? No matter; I have a letter to mail.

2009's first write-in at Genuine Joe's

I hated Brownies, Girl Scouts, and Girls’ Club. After-school clubs, organizations, or whatever you were supposed to join to add sparkle to your college application–no. And sororities? They scared the hell out of me. Anything that comes with a cheer is instant soul-sucking death. I might have shortened my life expectancy by going to a Mary Kay meeting once. And the facebook groups I have joined and even created make me feel like I’ve gone down a wrong path.

I am not a joiner.

But I love NaNoWriMo. It is the first group thing I’ve participated in that is filled with people I could’ve been friends with in high school. It is temporary. One month and you’re done. I now know people I see once a year–and that’s the way it should be. It is free.

Where else do you get a group of people together with a similar goal/interest/passion, and yet each person goes about it in his or her own unique/quirky/absurd way? Reach 50k or don’t. Nobody cares as long as you’re writing. I know participants who never intend to write fifty thousand words. There is no rule about what to do next. Edit and try to be published. Publish yourself. Hide it away. Delete the whole thing. One fellow finishes his novel and come December first, he deletes the file. He doesn’t write again until November the next year.

The first novel I wrote took years. It was like slogging through a swamp of words in a dense fog. That NaNoWriMo goal, 50k in 30 days, is sunshine on a path. There is no edit and create at the same time. The goal isn’t write a great novel in 30 days. I couldn’t do that. I might never do that no matter how many days I’m given. I’m rewarded and approved of for quantity! That I can do.

The rest of the year is for quality. Hours spent picking over sentences and cutting out scenes and wondering what the point of it all is. Maybe I could say that 11 months of the year is like being a soldier getting ready for inspection and November is shore leave.

What goals do you need to help you write? When was the last time your imagination ran around loose on the page?

Oh my, my legs are really aching today.  No way I would be playing football tonight, I think they would fall off! I ran yesterday, around 3.5 miles I think but I was aware my legs were already quite achy so didn’t want to overdo it in case of injuring myself.  I also didn’t have my favourite running attire available, which always puts me off kilter.  I had my hoddie on but it doesn’t have any zip pockets only one ‘pouch style’ pocket which my iPod was intent on escaping from, so that was quite off putting.

However, I have to keep at it, I believe it was Aristotle who said ‘We are what we repeatably do.  Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit’ or something along those lines.  I guess it’s a rather more profound way to say ‘practice makes perfect’ but there we go, if we are to excel we have to be tenacious and committed! Simple really but not a mantra for the lazy.

Anyway enough philosophy for today.   All the best, CJ xx

PS. I will put some more pictures on soon, and maybe a video if I see fit.

My years attending college in the States were a lot of fun. I had a large group of friends. Some of these friends have found me on facebook which is a wonderful way of getting back in touch. Some of my best friends were Spanish, American, Israeli, Russian, Greek, Asian, German, Dutch, and Norwegian.

Why have I suddenly remembered my good friends from back in the day?

They were the sweetest people ever and we had so much fun together. Today I received a comment from one of my German readers that I would be biased against Germans because German press had hardly criticized Turks on a case. At first I was appalled with this comment for multiple reasons.
I allow all kinds of comments be posted on my blog including those that actually call me personally “stupid”. This should be a clear indication that I am not the kind of person that will be easily shaken by negative comments or inclined to respond negatively whether they are about me or my nation. Secondly all the fun that I had with my friends from college flashed right in front of my eyes. My best German girlfriend who was about 8 years elder than me was a lawyer attending the master law program in my college. We lived very close to each other and she used to come over for coffee all the time. She had to come over, for me to check her outfit before she goes on a date, as she liked my taste in clothes. We were typical girly, girls having a good time.

Every nation has their known aspects. One of the things that Turks are known for is hospitality. I was a typical Turk in that sense, everyone would stop by my apartment for a chat over dinner or some snacks. As a nation we have to push food down the guest’s throat or we do not feel at peace. Felix was another good German friend of mine who used to take me sailing in the Bay area. My American mommy comes of German descent and taught me how to bake cakes and cookies German style. All such nice and cozy memories.

The Germans that I personally knew so far were such, nice and open minded people. Yet here I am being accused of acting biased against Germans.
Then it hit me, we had one thing in common with the other students in my college, our parents had the vision and financial ability to support our education and life in the States. The Germans I know came from a more privileged back ground just like me. They do not necessarily represent the commoner. Still in 2007, I took a short business trip to Düsseldorf. It was only for a few days but people seemed really nice. I enjoyed the not so healthy but very tasty Bratwurst….yummy!!

Still the comment of one of my readers was right. German press can be harsh about Turks.
I can understand that German’s have an issue with Turks in their lives as there are about two million Turks who live in Germany. It must be difficult for them to realize that there is no such issue about Germans for Turks in Turkey, as we do not have to live with Germans. The German prototype in an average Turk’s mind is the working class tourist that will wear black socks with sandals and have pale legs, which create an interesting contrast with the black socks. That’s about it! No deep, hidden issues as there is no reason for concern.

The more I thought about it I recalled one of my Greek friends telling me how we get along in spite of the ways of our upbringing. I could not understand that comment either back in the day as there is really no anti Greek policy in Turkey. Greek Taverns to this day are filled with Turkish clients. Atlas Jet is a Turkish airline that has weekly flights to Mykonos and they are booked throughout the summer season as Turks enjoy going to the Greek Islands like any other tourist. Yet the Greek might have a certain prejudice against Turks.

Then it hit me again. Turks have ruled over Greece and have oppressed the nation. They have a good reason to resent us while we have no reason to be offended by them.

Getting back to the point of why the German press can be harsh against Turks in spite of all the Turks who live there was hard to understand. In today’s society, American press would never be harsh against their minorities, in the name of being politically correct. This is one of the many things that make America special I think. So why would Germans not care to be politically correct.

I guess they feel invaded by the Turks.

Historically Turks are known to invade and rule over anywhere they go. Only a hundred years ago they were the rulers of the Ottoman Empire. Italians still scare their kids with the ancient proverb “Turks are coming”
Turkey is referred to as a regional power in more articles lately, published in places such as the Financial Times.
“As a regional power, Turkey will want to act independently and avoid antagonising its neighbours.”*

Of course the Turks who live in Germany went there as immigrants but clearly did not so much care to obey or abide by the rules of the nation. From a much unbiased point of view, I can see how annoying that must be for the land’s actual owners. It must be impossible to understand why Turks do not try to fit in.

The answer is actually simple. Traditionally the Ottoman Empire used to spread its territory through invasion and Turks coming from a migrating lineage used to move around within the Empire. It was very common for them to move to a region, where the majority of habitants would be of a different nation. The Ottoman system was federal therefore the Empire did not force the regions to change their language or religion when they conquered an area which is why most of the places that the Ottoman Empire ruled over for hundreds of years, did not loose their identity. So to live with foreigners is something Turks are accustomed. The major difference is of course that Turks are used to be the rulers of the land.

I guess force of habit does not wash away so easy. Even when they are immigrants they are the descendants of rulers and part of their tradition is not being ruled.
I can see how absolutely annoying this must be for the rest.

Sarkozy or Ms. Merkel is opposing the idea of Turks becoming part of Europe. Herman Van Rompuy, the Belgian prime minister chosen as president, said Turkey “is not a part of Europe and will never be”.

I can understand their opposition. The historical enemy is difficult to accept as part of the Union especially if there is a risk of the enemy gaining power as a leader within the Union. The irony is that the regional power Turkey is turning towards the east as the west recently went bankrupt and lost a major part of its appeal.

Still all politics aside I will not let some discussion over any case get to me and cloud my judgment on any nation. God did not create nations; it is humans who created those differences.

*Ottoman mission
FT. Com
By Delphine Strauss
Published: November 24 2009 02:00 | Last updated: November 24 2009 02:00

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/56bc021c-d898-11de-b63a-00144feabdc0.html?nclick_check=1

Sleep is the method most complete rest, the system first, the best effect, is the most important content of nursing science students. However, there are some bad habits are susceptible to sleep when not good for health and beauty of you again.

1. Sleep wear watches

Someone like wearing watches while sleeping, this not only shorten the service life of the clock, but not healthy, it has complex radiation on the surface, but is weak but the cumulative long time there cause bad performance.

2. Wear dentures when sleeping

There are a number of people with dentures when sleeping, when deep sleep is not always aware in the direct swallowing, hook iron dentures can cause tearing of the direct circuit, making blood flow more dangerous to life. Therefore before going to sleep should remove dentures to clean, will benefit oral hygiene, just safe.

3. Wear bra when sleeping

As the study has many girlfriend’s bra over 12 hours in the day to breast cancer 20 times the girlfriend’s bra or not wear a chest in a short time. Women wear a chest to chest tops are more beautiful face and chest protection, but the evening does not need to wear it, most comfortable when you go to bed nhé.

4. To phone near bed

Apes are known for convenience a lot of people put the phone next to the bed. Experts pointed out that electronic devices such as refrigerators, televisions, mobile during use and operation are electromagnetic waves, may affect the nervous system and physiological features of, although the release of extremely small but not without precaution.

5. Do not bleach before going to sleep

Skin also may need to breathe healthy.

Do not bleach before bedtime will rule pores, hindering the distribution sweating, preventing respiratory cells, long time will make acne bran degrade the beauty.

Therefore before going to sleep, then washed in bleaching is necessary, can be timely to prevent irritation of cosmetics for skin, skin to absorb fully, keeping the skin soft and good night’s sleep over.

By Xinh Xinh

Happy Thanksgiving!

We hope you all have safe travels, whether you stay close or travel far. Relish these coming days of spending time with friends and family and take a moment to recall all the things you can be grateful for in your life. And before you fill your plates with turkey, taters, and green been casserole (oh, yes…our favorite!), strap on your running shoes or roll out your mats and move your body a little. It doesn’t take much. Just consistency. Think about it…most of us wash our face every morning and every night. It’s routine…habit. We do it because it’s important to us to take care of our skin and ensure that it maintains a healthy glow. So think of your fitness in the same way…a little each day goes a long way. Make it a habit because we all know that once something becomes habit, it’s hard to break! Wouldn’t it be cool if one of our habits was moving our bodies and putting yummy, nutritionally sound food in them every single day? Can you imagine how you would feel…look…the energy and confidence you’d have? Uh-huh. That’s what we’re talkin’ bout!

When you all return, we’ll have a full week of classes waiting for you to get your booties back in action. You can also look forward to some unique fitness programs combined with yoga – no gym necessary – that will kick your ass-ana! And with that, CLICK HERE…it’ll pump you up!

You’re stupid. You’ve admitted it, and now you’re seeking help. I want to congratulate you! That’s the first step towards making your stupid life better.
First thing’s first though; you are stupid and will be forever. This book will not change that. This book will however, mask your stupidity from the rest of the world and may lead to promotions, dating, new job opportunities, more friends, and definitely more confidence!
It’s not easy to fool people when you’re stupid. Especially people who aren’t stupid. Let’s call this type of people “Smart” people, shall we? Smart people are very quick to pick up on the fact that you’re stupid. You’ve got to be perfect from the beginning around them, or else they will see you as a sheep in wolf’s clothing. That’s an example of a “smart” idea: a truncated and intentionally-reversed extended metaphor using the structure of a simile. You scoffed at things like this in school, but metaphors, similes, and other clever literary devices are a fundamental part of smart people conversation. Similes and metaphors are discussed in detail later in this book, so we won’t worry about them now.
Instead, what we’ll focus on now is the face you made after reading that sentence about the wolf and the sheep. You scrunched your nose tightly and rolled your eyes around in the hopes that your brain would explain why I was talking about animals. If you are smarter, but still stupid, you waited to make the face until I started talking about all that simile and metaphor stuff. This frowny-eye-rolling is a common face that stupid people make when presented with something that bores them or something they don’t understand. This book is about fixing stupid habits just like that face!
Most of the stupid habits you have are based on your stupid instincts. Right now, I want you to close your mouth, and breathe through your nose. TRUST ME, you won’t suffocate! Go ahead and try it. You see? Now you know you can trust me.
It’s not necessary to understand WHY I want you to do the things I want you to do. The important thing is that you DO them and practice them, over and over, for the rest of your life. Most of these things will be difficult. Breathing through your nose alone will take years for you to master. You currently breathe through your mouth because the “instinct” part of your brain is looking out for your survival. This is because the cognitive or “thinking” part of your brain isn’t capable of making good decisions. Stupid people like yourself are prone to doing things directly opposed to your own survival. For instance, I’m sure you’ve found yourself at one time or another in a single-person competition for stuffing the most miniature marshmallows into your nose to see how many will fit. Since this is literally smothering yourself for no reason, your brain makes you breathe out of your mouth, since it figures you’ll live longer that way.
Don’t worry! You will still be able to indulge all of your fun, stupid impulses. I’ll simply teach you how to save them for “private time”, or “stupid friend hang-out time.” when you’re around other people as stupid, or more stupid, than you are. This book is full of helpful, good habits like “stupid friend hang-out time”. However, every habit will take practice to master, so I want you to make a promise with me.
Go ahead and read this out loud: “I promise that I will follow the instructions in this book. I promise that I will practice every day, and that I won’t give up, no matter how frustrating it is for my stupid brain. Sincerely, me!”
There. You’ve just made a promise to both you and I. You said it out loud, so you have to stick to it. It’s too late to turn back now, which is wonderful, because you’re going to have a great new life! (if you think you and I are the same person, or opposite people from when this introduction began, you’re still reading out loud. Please stop reading out loud.)
To create a sense of familiarity, which will subconsciously compel you to finish the rest of the chapters through recognition, despite your short attention span, Just for fun, I’ll give you a brief overview of the topics we will cover in-depth during the rest of this guide.
The first half of this book is all about breaking down and hiding the stupid things you do:
Chapter 1 is what you’re reading right now.
In chapter 2, I will tell you tricks to keep your stupid life separate from your new smart life. This will be an ongoing process. You will learn to enjoy top 40 music and Michael Bay movies secretly while alone or with a few select stupid friends, instead of loudly and in front of everyone.
In chapter 3, I’ll teach you how to shut your mouth before it says the stupid thing you just thought. You’ll learn to use silence with making faces to pretend that you’re deep in thought.
The second half of this book is all about the tricks you can use to pretend you’re smart:
In chapter 4, we’ll reread the first half of the book, because you’ll have skipped ahead, thinking you didn’t need to learn those techniques and “do homework from a stupid book”.
In chapter 5, you get a makeover! As fun as it seems, this will actually be one of the hardest sections of the book, and one of the most important. You will learn to dress in a “nerd costume” for the rest of your life. Calm down! Stop wrinkling your face, stop chewing your lip, quit punching whatever you’re punching, and listen up. You know deep down that “nerds” are the very smartest of smart people. The benefit of looking like a nerd is that smart people will assume you are socially awkward instead of stupid and will therefore more readily ignore whenever you slip up and do stupid things.
In chapter 6, I’ll discuss using props to appear smart. We will discuss scavenging techniques for smart props, including making habits for success. You’ll learn how to search local coffee shops every morning for partially-completed crossword puzzles to spend the rest of the day pretending to fill out. Tips like this will give silent proof of your “smarts” when people might otherwise see through your smart costume.
In chapter 7, I’ll help you get into the habit of saying smart things and inventing opinions. It DOESN’T MATTER what your opinions are. The only important thing is to NEVER CHANGE YOUR MIND about your opinions. You’ll learn to be condescending about other people’s opinions. I’ll even teach you phrases to use if you get into hot water with someone such as “I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree!” You’ll also learn to memorize a single generic quote to use at parties and whenever you want to impress someone of the opposite sex.
The third half of this book is all about using your newfound techniques to SECURE your future:
In chapter 8, I’ll give you a lie detector test to be sure you’ve read every chapter thoroughly. If not, i’ll remind you that you made a promise to me, and make you go back and read what you skipped.
In chapter 9, I’ll teach you about material investments. It’s important to invest in “things” and “stuff” that will make you appear smart for the rest of your life: a modestly large house, a slightly above-average car, and many more material things. Your stupid thinking is right in assuming the more things you own, the better; but you have to own the RIGHT KINDS of things! Filling your house with the right long-term props is very important. You’ll learn about chess and backgammon boards. You’ll check prices on pianos and expensive-looking (but not extravagant!) artwork.
In chapter 10, you’ll hire an accountant and do EXACTLY what they tell you do with your money. I’ll tell you briefly what a saving account is and why it’s better not to run out and spend every paycheck immediately on liquor and clubbing. Even though you won’t understand right away why this is bad; when you see how savings and investments lead to MORE liquor, you’ll be happy you listened.
In chapter 11, you’ll invent a new category of people you can look down on for the rest of your life, like “Liberal Elites” or “Right Wing Fascists”. This is a prime time to hire a writer to write a book with your name on it! Tell everyone you wrote the book. This is key.
In our last chapter, chapter 12, you’ll make the most important investment in your future; tricking a beautiful INTELLIGENT person into loving and marrying you. This will be the most difficult thing you will EVER do and it will take all the resources you’ve built and all the techniques you’ve learned. You will master keeping your stupid life and your smart life separate by passing off your stupidity once and for all as something else. We will discuss faking Asperger’s Syndrome, Social Anxiety Disorder, and the like.
By the end of this book, you will be a new person; a person you’ve invented. You will be successful beyond belief, and you’ll have someone who loves you for the rest of your life.
Does this sound too good to be true? Well guess what? I’M A STUPID JUST LIKE YOU! Or at least, I used to be. But following my own system, I’ve made a wonderful, explosive new life as a SMART! I’m CEO of my own Fortune 500 company, I have a syndicated talk radio show, I’m married to a supermodel, I live in a mansion in Beverly Hills, and I have three somewhat intelligent children. I’m sure you don’t believe me, but it’s true. All the “smart” phrases I’ve used in this book were painfully constructed over several years using a dictionary, a smart writer friend, and the help of my brilliant wife. My system worked for me! IT WILL WORK FOR YOU!!!

At least three times a week I take over a small booth. I cover its tabletop with magazine clippings, notebook papers, scribbled on articles and my laptop. The humming atmosphere does not distract me, but instead keeps me writing. Chirping women, and playing children, they all add to the aesthetic of writing outside of my home. Coffee in hand, and my fingers tapping away at my laptop keys; this outside atmosphere inspires me to keep jotting down words, and ideas.

Once upon a time, I took over a table at Starbucks. Much to my surprise, not only would I have to pay $3.19 for my grande non-fat green tea latte, but also $3.99 for two hours of Internet use. Why not just buy two teas and travel on home?

Personally, two hours of Internet does me no good. I may as well stare at a blank page. I need time to think, and let what I see on my screen grow in front of my eyes and steep in my mind. Two hours provides none of that. Yes, if you buy in to the Starbucks Gold Card you will get two hours free day. I pay for an Internet membership at home. No, thank you.

Now one must think. All those hipster writers that flock to Starbucks with their expensive laptops and cliché ideas, where does their endless stock of money come from to support not only their expensive coffee habit, but their expensive Internet habit? Or, are those iconic cups really empty? This is why writers starve. Trendy writers that is. I go for the deal.

I sit in Panera, the delectable soup, and sandwich and salad chain. It is cozy, and lacks the bothersome employees many places seem to have. They let you sit for hours, writing and doing as you please. The menu is affordable and the Internet comes free.

As I near my graduation date, I am reminded of the importance of goal setting.  Goal setting has been an integral part of my life through all levels of studies and athletic endeavors, and as I have experienced life, the depth and breadth of my goals has changed dramatically.  As the quality and nature of my goals changed (winning first place at the conference track meet to creating study strategies for learning the nerves of the human body) I realized that they were really rungs on a ladder to my higher Purpose, the self I wanted to create and the world I wanted to influence around me. 

Goals and Purpose are not one and the same- your goals should reflect and strengthen your Purpose, and your Purpose should inspire your goals. If you are looking to define your life purpose to inspire your goals for success, start reading!  Albert E. N. Gray, who has passed away, served as an official of the Prudential Insurance Company of America and became an influential writer and speaker in the insurance world.  He has inspired and challenged me with his words and thoughts.  I wanted to share some of his insights on success, goals, and Purpose with you.

The secret of success of every man who has ever been successful—lies in the fact that he formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.  It is true, and just as simple as it sounds. This particular tenet, though not popular, particularly with people who are not succeeding as well as they would like, has stood the test of time and is almost universally true.

So what is it that failures don’t like to do?:  The same thing that successful men don’t like to do, but successful men do it anyway.  But if successful men don’t like to do these things, then why do they do them?  Because by doing the things they don’t like to do, they accomplish the things they want to accomplish.  Successful men are influenced by the desire for pleasing results.

Why are successful men able to do things they don’t like to do while failures are not?  Because successful men have a purpose strong enough to make them form the habit of doing things they don’t like to do in order to accomplish the Purpose they want to accomplish.

But what happens when I’m in a slump?  Even the most successful men get in a slump.  When it happens it simply means that he has reached a point at which, for the time being, the things he doesn’t like to do become more important than his Purpose.  Regroup, get centered, recall your Purpose and remember why your goals and hard work are important.

Before you decide to adopt these success habits, please strongly consider the importance of habit to your decision.  Any resolution or decision you make is simply a promise to yourself, which isn’t worth anything unless you have formed the habit of making it and keeping it.  Any resolution or decision you make today has to be made and kept again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and the next, and so on.

When habits are made you become the master of yourself and master of your likes and dislikes by surrendering to your Purpose in life.  That is why behind every success there must be a Purpose.  But as long as you live you will never succeed beyond the Purpose to which you are willing to surrender.

Live with Purpose–

Kristen Watts, Chiropractic Intern

Brian Solis tells us in his post  “Guess how many tweets fly across Twitter each day” that

According to new data from Pingdom, Twitter users are averaging 27.3 million tweets per day with an annual run rate of 10 billion tweets.

So with 27.3 million tweets per day, how much of an impact can one of your tweets have?  I mean really.  27.3 million.. and you put out even 10 tweets a day, that’s like 0.000037% of the content on Twitter in a day.  And tweeting 10 times for many people is alot.  But what if you’ve got 301 people following you?  All of a sudden, your world is a whole lot smaller.  Hubspot says the average number of tweets per day per user is 4.422.  So if you’ve got a community following you of 301 people and we assume that they see the average number of tweets from the people that they follow, there are 1,331 tweets a day for them to read.  Now you’re 0.07% of what they see at 10 tweets a day.  It still doesn’t seem like a lot, does it?

I’m going to make some assumptions here based on my own behaviour on Twitter.  Let’s assume that out of the 400 people you follow, you actually only pay attention to about 20-30 people on a regular basis.  This happens in any crowd, you’ll naturally tend to draw a few people who pay more attention to you than the masses.  To the masses, your tweet probably isn’t that important.  But to the few who follow what you say more closely, your tweets are everything.  Knowing who these people are is important, it’s identifying your influencers, your torch carriers.  And if they don’t like what you say, I can bet you’ll lose them over time.  And online, that time can happen fairly quickly.

How important are your torch bearers?  I’m not sure.  That depends on you and your goals.  It depends on where you want to take yourself.  The influencers you have today may not be the correct ones.  If this is indeed the fact, spend some time changing your voice and your message.  Decide on who it is you want to build closer ties with and then talk like them, because if the internet has proven anything to us, it’s that like will always find like.

Take a good look at your objective with Twitter.  Is your purpose to self promote?  Is it to add value and share information?  How do you want to be seen?  Do you toot your own horn a lot?  Or are you more subtle and let your good work speak for itself?  Think a little bit about these things as your looking at your network and your tweeting habits.  In a world where all many people have to go on are the updates and information you share via platforms like Twitter… Are they helping you?  Or are they hindering you?

Epictetus once said, “It is impossible for man to learn that which he thinks he already knows.” This quotation sums up why so many of us are not experiencing contentment or serenity in our lives. We think we possess knowledge that we actually haven’t yet acquired. And where our ignorance has the most devastating impact on our ultimate outcome is when it pertains directly to ourselves.

If we think we know ourselves, yet we have never taken the time to understand ourselves, then it will never be possible for us to live an authentic life.  What is an authentic life?  It is a life in which we are making the decisions that are in keeping with what is best for is. It is a life where the opinion of those around us matters a great deal less than the opinions we have about ourselves.

To live authentically, you have to strip yourself of everything that is not genuine. You have to let go of learned behavior that does not match up with who you really are. And you have to get to the point where you would rather disappoint everyone else in your life than to disappoint you.

Some people would say that such a philosophy promotes selfishness. But what it really does is enable you to give others the freedom to be authentic, too. Once you cease meeting or trying to meet the expectations of others at the expense of your own needs, they will be forced to gain clarity about themselves and what their needs may be.

I have spoken about the potency of habits in a previous blog post. And I want to delve more deeply into the way that habits can negatively impact both your life and the lives of those around you. When William James wrote his chapter on “Habit” in his Principles of Psychology, there were many things about human behavior that had not yet been discovered or analyzed. James encouraged people to allow certain actions to become habitual, such as eating a meal or taking a bath.

The problem is, even these seemingly innocuous activities should actually be engaged in while we are thinking about them. Why? Well, the more we get into the pattern of doing things without engaging our mental faculties, the more inclined we are to not use those faculties at times that it is essential for us to do so. Now, there obviously are habits that have a positive influence on our lives. But sometimes we need to make sure that the habits we think are positive actually are.

For example, if we have a habit of repressing our true thoughts and opinions in order to be accepted by others, is that really a good habit?  Or does it simply appear to be good on the surface? And, even if we do win this much sought-after acceptance, is it really worth very much if we had to pretend to be someone other than ourselves in order to gain it?

Let me ask you something. If someone told you that he or she would write a book under your name and that it would be a best-seller, would you think that was a tempting idea? Even if you did, would the accolades that you received when the book was published mean nearly as much to you as if you had written the book yourself? Or would a certain part of you feel like a fraud?

When people told you what a wonderful writer you were, would that mean that you would actually believe them? Or is it possible that you could get to the point where you actually believed that you had written the book? If you answer no, I challenge you to reconsider your reply. Although you may think that I’m taking things too far by using this example to illustrate my point, you probably at least concede that it would be possible for some people to buy into their own fraudulent identity.

Sometimes it is easier to get trapped in a life that is compromised of learned behavior patterns and assumed opinions than it is to explore our own authenticity as an individual. To conform to what others think we should be does not require courage or conviction. What it does take is a self-image that is not clearly defined. I am often told by people who cross my path that they would finally have happiness or contentment in their lives if they could just find the right career or if the man or woman of their dreams would miraculously come into their lives. Although I empathize with such thought patterns, I think that they are both unrealistic and dangerous.

For one thing, such beliefs prevent us from taking the time to work on ourselves. They remove the necessity of personal growth because we are looking at  something outside of ourselves to make us complete.  And, when that person or that career fails to live up to our idyllic fantasies, we are left feeling even more dissatisfied than we were before. In a way, it’s like someone with an eating disorder attempting to “cure” the problem without getting to the root of what is causing it.

When I was thirteen, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. The illness itself harmed me far less than the way the doctor I was seeing at the time treated the illness. Rather than taking the time to analyze and examine what was causing me to deprive myself of nourishment, she blamed me for not eating and seemed to subscribe to the erroneous assumption that I was making a conscious choice not to eat. If you know anything about anorexia, you understand that it is not a choice. Even though those who are anorexic often use starvation as a coping mechanism to handle the fact that certain aspects of their lives seem to be beyond their control, they are not consciously engaging in this behavior.

Similarly, if you are unfulfilled or unhappy and you are seeking a relationship or a career to escape from the emptiness within yourself, you may not be doing this intentionally. When we feel a void within us, it is only natural that we might have a frantic need to fill that emptiness.  It’s interesting how quick we are to talk about connecting or reconnecting with our bliss. But is there still not the assumption that we have discovered our “bliss”? Emptiness and bliss are not compatible. Thus, as long as we have a nagging sense of dissatisfaction within ourselves, we are not only not connecting with our bliss–we have not found our “bliss”.

Of course, like the word happiness, bliss is also a word that can be defined in many different ways. However, I have the sense that it conveys the essence of elation or exuberance. If we use that definition of bliss or even partially subscribe to that definition, then we must also admit that there are not many people whom we have ever known who have seemed very exuberant or elated. Does this mean that it is unrealistic to expect to ever feel bliss? No. But it does mean that we may have to redefine the word. The other option is that we will have to accept the fact that, even though we want to believe we are connected to our bliss, we are actually still pursuing it.

One assumption that prevents us from living authentically is the idea that happiness or bliss is a destination that we will someday reach. Perhaps, some of us even think that if we feel loved and appreciated enough, contentment will be ours. But what sort of contentment are we seeking? If you are honest with yourself, I think you’ll admit that you are not looking for the temporary feeling of rapture that comes from devouring a piece of chocolate cake.

Chocolate cake is wonderful, but once you’ve eaten it, it’s gone. If you pursue the wrong type of bliss or if you are not clear about the type of bliss that you won’t, you may end up with a lot of what I would call “chocolate cake” moments but no lasting feeling of fulfillment or significance. Is that what you want? Even if you could exist on a diet of nothing but candy, cake, and cookies, would that ultimately satisfy you?

To me, the satisfaction that comes from lots of  “chocolate cake moments” is a bit like the happiness that is derived from buying clothes and jewelry or taking a trip to some country you’ve never traveled to before. Sure, there is enjoyment–but how long does it last, and how profound is it? Your soul is never going to be content if the only nourishment it gets are from things that have no lasting value.

At the end of your life, knowing that you have lived authentically and honestly is going to mean a great deal more to you than how many pairs of shoes you have in the closet or how many trips to Europe or exotic locales you have taken. And unless you are living authentically at the time that you enter into a relationship or marriage, you will not find happiness in that partnership, either. For no matter how much love, admiration, and acceptance you get, if it isn’t the authentic you who is being accepted or loved or admired, how can it make you happy?  

An actor I once knew told me that he believed that nearly all people are wearing masks and that only when we get to the point in our lives where we are willing to take off our masks will we be at peace with ourselves. It is somewhat uncomfortable to accept this concept. For, if we do, we have to wonder how much of the behavior we are witnessing on the part of those around us is sincere.  But when we understand the reason why we wear masks, we can embrace the idea without it making us feel overwhelmed, confused, or uneasy.

Usually, we put on these masks at a very young age. Why? Because when we are children, we start being told what behavior is “acceptable” and what behavior is “unacceptable”. Our hands are slapped when we touch the hot stove, and we get a spanking when we decide to stick our finger in an electrical outlet. We hear so many “thou shalt nots” that, merely for the sake of ease, we repress our needs and desires and modify our words and actions in order to please those around us.

The problem is that we carry this repressed behavior into our adult life, and, instead of the masks getting more transparent, they oftentimes get more opaque. Eventually, separating our real faces from the masks that have been covering them for so long becomes almost impossible. For one thing, the masks have become our security blankets. As long as we are wearing them, we are able to face the world without having to constantly worry about being rejected. Even though we may get rejected when we wear our masks, the real persons being rejected are the persons we’re pretending to be.

In a way, wearing a mask not only protects us from being hurt but it also means that many of the negative judgements that are made about us can be disregarded. We can tell ourselves, “Well, that person didn’t really know me. If  he had, he wouldn’t have rejected me.” Yes, this  may be the case, but is it not better to be rejected for ourselves than to be accepted for someone we’re not? 

If we do not give other people the chance to see and get to know the true individuals that we are, we are inadvertently forcing them into the role of unwitting conspirators in our  elaborate attempts to weave a life built upon half-truths and lies. So, we are both failing to connect with our own authenticity and encouraging others to be inauthentic as well.

As I learn more and more about human behavior and examine with growing clarity the role that our mental conditioning and our learned patterns of behavior play in our success and happiness, I realize that as much as an artist works to perfect his paintings or a pianist works to polish his or her technique, we must work at mastering the art of living.  Once again, I turn to Epictetus, who said, “For as carpenter’s material is wood, and that of the statuary is copper, so the matter of the art of living is each man’s life.”  In the end, each of our lives if what we have made of it, and we can either choose to master the art of living or we can always be stuck in a never-ending cycle of lies, destructive patterns, deception, emotional pain, and learned behaviors. Which choice will you make?

Until soon,

Alexis, the SuccessDiva

This page and all written material at the SuccessDiva pages is written by Alexis Wingate. All rights are reserved. (C) Copyright by Alexis Wingate, the SuccessDiva

so today seemed loooooooooooooong…i think i actually looked down at something and instead of seeing the food, all i saw was numbers flashing up and down (like in those sci-fi/digital/computer geek computer screens- we’ve all seen them)

i’m beginning to see things in points and numbers, i don’t know if that’s a good thing.

although i stayed within my points, i don’t feel all that great about what i ate. i basically engorged myself on these ’sweet rolls’ that the Caribbean is famous for. I had like 6 today . hopefully i can get back on track with diversifying my diet tomorrow.

here’s how i did today:

I’m getting back in the habit of doing Smoker’s Hack again.

Chelsea fans might be celebrating being top of the Premier League but they are struggling to give smoking the red card…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: soccer cleats. The blog is also related to: soccer betting.

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

Adam and I were driving to visit his family last weekend when Eminem’s “Lose yourself” came on the radio. I teased him that he needed to pull over so I could get out and start running. This song, perpetually included on any triathlon video or photo collage, is one of those that gets me moving every time. I’m like Pavlov’s dogs when I hear music from my workout playlist; I MUST MOVE.

That’s why I love to listen to my iPod when I’m cleaning (not to mention trudging up a hill). It helps me stay on my feet, have some energy, and get things done a little quicker. My brain is just conditioned to move my feet when I hear those songs.

I’m not claiming that my taste in music is impeccable and that every artist on my playlist has talent. My only requirement for workout music is that it helps me keep chugging along, whether it’s with motivating lyrics or a fast, steady rhythm.

Other than “Lose Yourself,” just a few of the songs that make me pick up my pace every time they come on include:

• “Mr. Brightside” – The Killers
• “Break your heart” – Get Set Go
• “Runnin’ Down a Dream” – Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
• “Check Yes Juliet” – We the Kings
• “Here it Goes Again” – Ok Go
• “Move Along” – The All-American Rejects
• “Bleed it Out” – Linkin Park
• “Waking Up In Vegas” – Katy Perry

I’m always looking for fresh songs to change up my mix a little bit, so I’d love to know: What gets you moving?

- albledsoe

Another Leaked Track From Ne-Yo “Bad Habit” Not Sure If It’s From The New Album But Check It Out..Listen Inside

Ne-Yo-Bad Habit …::LISTEN::…

Habit is the killer of every positive feeling. Can you prevent to get used to all things that you love (to do)?

Change your habits.

Changing habits can become habit too!

Do you want to change relationship after Marriage&Children?Prefer to stay single instead?

Choose Job and Lover once and forever, and get used to them ;D.

The vicious circle of luck and bad luck aka

your life.

Nicole Miller Stretch Crepe Dress: This sleeveless dress has an asymmetrical ruffle neckline and an exposed back zipper, so current for the season and perfect for any event, yet remaining comfortable with a stretch material. Available at Twilight.

Don’t forget: workshop with PranaVayu Founder-David Magone this Saturday, November 21 at 1:00pm – 4:00pm Stil Studio, 740 Legacy Place, Dedham, MA 02026

NEW! A line of Hindu-inspired bracelets by Shashi. Vamped up with glittery stones and colorful strings, the bracelets symbolize Friendship, Love, and Good Luck. Shashi bracelets are casually elegant and make the perfect accessory for a subtle day time look or layered to make a statement for a night out on the town. Available at Injeanius.

TONIGHT: Twilight is hosting a “New Moon” premier party. Sink your teeth into Red Velvet Cupcakes and sip blood red punch. Plus giveaways.

TOMORROW: Don’t miss Boldfacers’ Little Black Dress Pop-Up shop. Participating boutiques include: Riccardi, Matsu, Stels, Portobello Road, Holiday, Stil, Habit, The Tannery; local designers: Daniela Corte, Sam Mendoza, Nirva, Millie Boutista.

Nail biting generally results in the transfer of germs from your nails into your mouth. It is the same at nail salons also. When nail salon tools are used on different persons, it could lead to infection. People generally find using the hands a lot more difficult due to biting nails. Most of the compulsive nail biters find it difficult to write, draw, drive and type. Sustained biting for long period of time could also lead to substantia adamantinea of the front teeth which could lead to caries.

It is quite surprising that there are many who claim that hypnosis proves quite useful to stop nail biting. There are many who claim that sheer will power could also do the trick. There is one more popular option. It is using nail biting creams. You need to paint your nails with this very bitter tasting nail cream and you are never going to put your nails in your mouth once you do it.

These quit biting nails creams boast of some good characteristics. Creams to stop biting nails generally contains aloe and vitamins A and E and all the ingredients being used are natural. Stop biting your nails creams also works wonders for your cuticles making it all smooth and makes your nails stronger. And there is no age bar as such for using these creams.

Despite all such good effects of stop nail biting creams, the problem is that it is not a permanent solution. You apply the cream and its disgusting taste doesn’t allow you to put the nails into your mouth. But once you stop applying the cream what happens? Yes, you revert back to the same old habit of biting your nails and all the good effects that your nails and cuticles experienced vanish.

It might sound surprising but there are many types of medications available to stop nail biting. Some of these medications like some of the recent anti-depressants prove very effective. The same medications like fluoxetine, clomipramine, paroxetine, sertraline, fluvoxamine, escitalopram, citalopram, nefazodone and venlafaxine also prove effective in treating Trichotillomania (the compulsion to tear or pluck out the hair on one’s head and face and often to ingest it) and OCD.

These anti-depressants might be used with anti-psychotics in small amounts to enhance the effectiveness of anti-depressants. Anti-psychotics like olazapine, risperidone, quetiapine, aripiprazole and ziprasidone are generally used to cure schizophrenia. But this doesn’t mean that if you are being treated to stop nail biting with these, you are a psychotic. To stop biting nails, your physician might use B vitamin inositol which enhances serotonin activity in the brain resulting in lessening of nail biting tendencies.

With medication one could also go for behavioral therapy to stop biting nails. It starts with Habit Reversal Training (HRT) which includes four parts and intends to make you stop biting and if possible make you learn a better constructive habit. Then you have the Stimulus Control therapy which is used to recognize and remove the stimulus for nail biting.

Various aversion therapies exist to stop biting ones nails. It might be coating the nails with some kind of special nail polish which tastes bitter. One could war a rubber band on the wrist. Friends and family members could also point out whenever and wherever one starts nail biting. Eating chewing gum has also helped some to stop biting my nails. If you keep a record of your previous bites, it might reveal the reason for it.

Anyone who has known nail biting would vouch safe for the fact that biting nails is a habit that is not easy to break. But if you really want to bust this habit. You should try some of these techniques. It is bound to stop nail biting which generally results in split and fractured nails, infections, sometimes even bleeding and pain.

Talk to yourself about this problem of biting. Look at your nails consistently and tell yourself the problems associated with it.

Think how healthy nails would look on you

Try with one nail. Try to save that nail and after a few days look at it and ask yourself if you do not want all your nails to look like that one.

Go on with one nail at a time and see the result for yourself. You might like to have a photo album of your nails and its condition. Before and after pictures would do the trick.

And once you think you can stop nail biting you should include calcium and magnesium rich products in your diet. It would help your nails to repair and grow quickly. What is more, it has been found that in certain cases biting your nails is due to lack of calcium and magnesium in the body.

If you have the habit of nail biting, dont think you cannot get rid of the habit. Remember where there is a will, there is a way.

When you look at the world with the help of your senses it gets formulated with our experience, values, beliefs and assumptions. And when we act it is dependent on our perception and not on the real world. What NLP does is that it helps you model your highly structured language and behaviors into a more reproducible form. So this modeling could be done to the more successful part of your behavior and apply it to the less successful parts. It can actually improve functioning.

So, if you find someone excelling in some particular field you can observe it to learn what actually makes them tick and that could be imbibed. NLP contains many techniques such as hypnosis which is considered as an effective way to change the thinking and learning communication skills of a person.

There is one very simple as well as very effective technique in NLP called anchoring. Suppose something made you very happy in the past. Now go back to the same image again and try to make it more vivid. Try to listen to its sounds and try to make the images brighter and larger. And it is certain to bring smile to your face.

This could well be used to bust bad habits like nail biting. If you need to stop nail biting you need to concentrate hard and use NLP techniques. It would allow you to change the way you perceive the world. That would change your behavior which would help you stop nail biting.