I need to find Robitussin DM, or anything with dextromethorphan. Know of any cough syrups available here that have it? If I don’t find it I’ll have to resort to Ascodex, since Corex D isn’t available anymore. I have this sudden urge to just trip out of my mind, but I don’t want to fall over, I don’t even want to move. Not physically, though.

I want to step out of my mind and take a walk around the air, hang on the ceiling and sleep on the fan. I want to drift in the wind, and brush past the leaves, speak to the squirrels, and live in the trees. More than anything I want to escape, I need to escape. And this is just one way, and I’m determined to do it. Let the trip begin.

This insanity plea isn’t too far from the truth.  Islam is the contrivance of a schizophrenic, megalomaniacal, pedophile, so it’s logical that those dumb enough to follow it suffer from a form of  psychosis (a mental disorder characterized by symptoms, such as delusions or hallucinations, that indicate impaired contact with reality).

Psychotic people are a danger to society, and must be rendered harmless.  What steps must be taken to render them harmless depend on the depth of their psychosis.  What do you do to make sure a psychotic doesn’t hurt you?  First you have to keep an eye on them all the time.  If they do anything dangerous, you lock them up.  If they try to hurt you or others, you defend the innocent and shoot the nut.

Are all muslims dangerous psychotics?  Probably not, but there is always the possibility.  I have witnessed muslims, whom our side thought could be trusted, for one reason or another turn on us with deadly results.  I was there when an American patrol training Iraqi security teams came back with 3 dead soldiers because one of the Iraqis they trusted turned out to be al-Qaeda, shot three of our soldiers, and ran away.  I have witnessed the dishonesty and deceit in their culture.  I’ve read enough of their satanic verses to know that a fervent follower believes that I am an infidel, a kafir, and must be killed. How can I trust someone who professes a religion that makes us sworn enemies?

More importantly, why should our military or government trust them and allow them to infiltrate the ranks of our institutions? The truth? They shouldn’t.

Alleged Fort Hood shooter might plead insanity

November 23, 4:57 PMLA Military Headlines ExaminerMark Nero

The attorney for the alleged Fort Hood shooter, Maj. Nidal Hasan, says his client may cop an insanity plea.

Hasan, an Army psychiatrist, will not plead guilty to killing 13 people at the Texas Army post on Nov. 5th, his attorney, retired Army Col. John Galligan has told the media over the past two days.

During an interview on “Good Morning America,” however, Galligan said that an insanity plea is possible.

Hasan’s first court hearing was Saturday in his hospital room at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, where Hasan is recovering from gunshot wounds received in the incident.

Galligan, whose private practice is in nearby Belton, Texas, met with Hasan for the first time Nov. 9. He has asked that his security clearance be reinstated so that he can review all the evidence against Hasan.

A brief clip showing negative hallucination (invisibility) obtained using the Hypnosis Without Trance method. This is an excerpt from a longer HWT session, and was built to using the principle of the ‘hypnotic ladder’.

Mon corps est là
Ma tête n’y est pas
Un regard un peu flou
L’envie de me blottir dans ton cou
Les heures s’écoulent,
Une esquisse de moi un peu saoule

Hallucination !

Je n’habite pas là
J’habite dans tes bras.

Je vis dans un monde parallèle surprenant
Fait de : quand ? de si, et de “Attends”
Ma peau et mes sens gorgés de toi
Doivent vivre dans ce décor sournois

Absurdité !

Je n’ habite pas là
J’ habite dans tes bras

Qui pourrait comprendre ?
Je suis une autre à s’en méprendre !
Et ce silence qui me pèse
Contient les mots de mon malaise
Week ends pervers empreints de ton absence
Me plongent dans l’indolence

Monchalance !

Je n’habite pas là
J’ habite dans tes bras.

En sjuk hallucination vision återskapad i photoshop..

I remember when my life was fuck.
I remember so well when I had
that black hair.
I was scared.
And the love outside had no meaning.
All words on paper, books, pencils hade no meaning.
The music was raw.
My behavior was no good.
More open wounds. More scars.
It’s was the only as had meaning.
Safety.
The voices in my head had power.
Hallucinations.
I got medications.
While the life ticked on, I was in my room and nothing get crack.
My eyes was bleeding.
I was sure that nothing had meanings.
I belived my lie.
Some more medications, depressed Vanjavit.
My new name.

A lie.
They said other voices had meanings.
A lie. A lie. A lie!
They said they will crack my broken life.
But my fucked life was the safety.
I had controll.
HAHA!

After years.
After medications.
After hospitals.
After this all.
Can I crack that window sometimes.
And i can smile.
Vanjavit

When I was a teenager, tormented as I was by hormones, hallucinations, and the blossom of madness, I most often found refuge in music. Plugging in my headphones, I could drown out the carnival sideshow of my mind. Innately, I began to sort music according to my mood; shoe-gazer ditties for depression and uptempo Brit-pop for mania. I listened intently, repeating songs compulsively to make out the lyrics.

Losing myself in the scenes and stories articulated in the songs, I felt a nascent kinship with the people responsible for producing the music with which I identified. In retrospect, I believe this is what prompted me to start writing. I imagined, vividly, being a singer/songwriter, playing to an adoring audience, perfecting my onstage persona in front of the mirror. Though I have little, if no, musical ability, I wrote my angsty teenage heart out. I played (badly) in several bands and became more adventurous in my musical selections, listening to anything and everything, even if only once. Purchases at the record store were made on the basis of cleverness of band name, color of album art, and more than once, completely at random. My life unfolded against a backdrop of almost constant sound.

By the time I’d made my way to the University of Illinois, the fury of seeking out new music subsided. I played The Beautiful South and The Trashcan Sinatras religiously, and the few additions to my collection generally came as recommendations from friends. Whatever was played, was played softly so as not to intrude upon the meaningful, philosophical conversations we seemed always to be having. Upon returning to the city, influenced as I was by the drug-induced expansion of my mind, I routinely set the radio dial to classic rock stations. There was also music played at parties, of course, but I was generally too drunk or too libidinous to notice much in the way of details.

When I finally met and began living with my ex-wife, we spent more of our time snuggled on the couch, reading or watching movies and discussing them afterward. As the years went by, we incorporated more television into the regimen and read before going to sleep. After the birth of our daughter, everything was a blur of lullabies, rattles and the occasional crying. The music of my youth had vanished and I failed to notice. This is not to say that I felt the lack of it, simply that it wasn’t a priority. I was happy in my life and occupied with being a husband and a father.

After my hospitalization, I shambled about my apartment in abject stupefaction and silence, wishing and waiting to die. Having no attention span whatsoever, I found myself sitting for hours, staring vacantly at the walls. When at last I found that I could manage to do something, I drank and smoked. Progressively though, I killed more of my time online and began playing music to soften the oppressive nature of the quiet. Tired of the old standbys, I set out to find new music for moping. With the cost of CDs higher, and the general quality of music lower than when I was in High School, I was opposed to shooting in the dark and purchasing blindly. I was delighted (as much as one can be while depressed and suicidal) to find the prospect so effortless.

Before the proliferation of the internet, there were listening carrels in which to preview music at the end of the aisles in record stores. The options were limited to twelve or so selections and usually of the most commercial variety. Far from ideal, one had to stand there wearing grimy headphones and navigate the offerings on a push button menu similar to a jukebox. I was awestruck then, at the volume of music that could be searched for, sampled and streamed online nearly instantaneously. I was like a kid in the proverbial candy store, finding myself feverishly clicking the “similar artists” link on music sites.

Thanks to the internet, I’ve discovered scores of bands whose work has moved and motivated me; inspiring and invigorating me when my spirit has flagged. I cannot think of the last year without recalling specific songs. These days, I seldom go for very long without indulging, though I still have a tendency to moodsort.

Some of my fondest memories of childhood are of waking up on weekends to a house filled with music as my mother cleaned. Though the years have passed, I still feel a warm regard for those old songs when I happen to hear them. In my recent visits with my daughter, I have made an effort to include more music into our time together. Hoping to share a similar connection, I will often turn something on during our play time or baths. She loves to sing along to the things I play and I love to listen to her. As far as I know, she’s the only 3-year old M. Ward fan.

Helicopter – M. Ward

( Credit )

I’m certain of one thing that many of you assume that ghost exist in a supernatural ways that can’t be explained by plain words but evidence. Perhaps your assumption might be true or false? Lets begin with a simple explanation with common sense and logically, there’s some scientific proof to support the reasons that ghost does not exist  but it does in your mind. What I’m trying to voice out is that the point is, ghost is just a hallucination that is made by a strong electromagnetic field that mess up your thoughts & perceptions which was coherent to speak of. Such explanation was came from Professor Michael Persinger (Laurentian University, Canada), have speculated that changes in geomagnetic fields (created, e.g., by tectonic stresses in the Earth’s crust or solar activity) could stimulate the brain’s temporal lobes and produce many of the experiences associated with hauntings.

This theory has been tested in various ways. Some scientists have examined the relationship between the time of onset of unusual phenomena in allegedly haunted locations and any sudden increases in global geomagnetic activity. Others have investigated whether the location of alleged hauntings is associated with certain types of magnetic activity. Finally, a third strand of work has involved laboratory studies in which stimulation of the temporal lobe with transcerebral magnetic fields has elicited subjective experiences that strongly parallel phenomena associated with hauntings. All of this work is controversial; it has attracted a large amount of debate and disagreement. Sound is thought to be another cause of supposed sightings. Frequencies lower than 20 hertz are called infrasound and are normally inaudible, but scientists Richard Lord and Richard Wisemanhave concluded that infrasound can cause humans to experience bizarre feelings in a room, such as anxiety, extreme sorrow, a feeling of being watched, or even the chills. Carbon monoxide poisoning, which can cause changes in perception of the visual and auditory systems, was recognized as a possible explanation for haunted houses as early as 1921.

Critics of “eyewitness ghost sightings” suggest that limitations of human perception and ordinary physical explanations can account for such sightings; for example, air pressure changes in a home causing doors to slam, or lights from a passing car are reflected through a window at night. Pareidolia, an innate tendency to recognize patterns in random perceptions, is what some skeptics believe causes people to believe that they have seen ghosts. Reports of ghosts “seen out of the corner of the eye” may be accounted for by the sensitivity of human peripheral vision.

Green fairy. Wot a bizzum.

This is not a good reason to believe in God at all. But, I’ve heard many theists use this like it’s their trump card. “I’ve had some experiences that have convinced me of God’s existence.” That’s great. But, what does your testimonial have to do with reality? How can you possibly jump from “crazy experiences” and go straight to God?

We have made some large leaps in the field of neuroscience and we now know many ways in which the brain can trick us. When our brains become deprived of oxygen (e.g., in a centrifuge) it will enter an emergency state that creates hallucinations. These situations are responsible for many of the so-called “near-death” experiences that people have claimed to be real. And during sleep we can have “out-of-body” experiences when functions go awry in our right temporal-parietal junction, which is important for the sense of spatial location of the self.

It is always more rational to have a natural explanation than to claim a supernatural one for any “crazy experience”. And even if there is no natural explanation, it by no means gives credence to any supernatural explanation. Like I have said before, a bad explanation is not better than no explanation.

In addition, the use of this kind of justification is just another mark of close-mindedness. This is because it is not a falsifiable claim. And usually the person who uses such a justification will readily admit that there is nothing that would change their mind of what is responsible for those”crazy experiences”.

Ritual Use of Psilocybe mexicana & Lophophora williamisii in North America

The use of hallucinogens in religious ceremony is an ancient practice that has appeared numerous times throughout human history and into modern day. Throughout Mexico and into the southern United States the now famous Peyote (lophophora williamisii) and hallucinogenic mushrooms (Psilocybin mushrooms) have been used in indigenous ceremonies since pre-Columbian history. Both of these hallucinogens are said to produce visions and profound mystical and transcendental experiences that connect the user with the divine. They are used by religious cults to strengthen the connection with, and promote the understanding of, a greater force or power within the natural and cosmic world.

Brief History of Psilocybin Mushrooms

Archaeological evidence suggests that as early as 1,000 B.C.E mushrooms were being used by Mayan and other Latin American cultures. At least 400 pre-Columbian mushroom statues have been found from as far north as southern and central Mexico to as far south as Honduras and El Salvador. A majority of these figures were recovered from the highlands of Guatemala. A statuette dating from ca. 200 AD was found in a west Mexican shaft and chamber tomb in the state of Colima. This statuette strongly resembles the common hallucinogenic mushroom of the area; Psilocybe mexicana. Conflicting beliefs exist as to whether these statuettes suggest an actual worship and ritual use of the mushrooms or not, but later evidence from Spanish written records and the Aztec Codex suggest it is a very strong possibility.

Drawings indicating mushroom worship in central Mexico date back to as far as 300 AD. In the Mixtec Vindobonensis Codex and Aztec Magliabechiano Codex sacred mushrooms and their use make an appearance. Tepantitla frescoes of Teotihuacan also depict similar mushrooms in such a away as to infer that they were used in a ritual context. Piltzintecuhtli, one of the many gods of the Miztec culture, was responsible for hallucinatory plants and worship, particularly pertaining to psilocybin mushrooms. The Aztecs also had a similar god by the name of Xochipilli who was the divine patron of the “flowery dream” which was the name given to hallucinatory trances. Psilocybin mushrooms were often served with honey and chocolate at many of the holiest Aztec events.

When Spaniards first arrived in Mesoamerica they were astounded to find such a wide variety of plants being used for both medicinal and religious purposes. The Aztecs were using Psilocybe mushrooms which they called “teonanácatl” which is Nahuatl for “god’s mushroom” or “flesh of the gods” a combination of the word “teó” meaning “god” and “nanácatl” meaning “mushroom.” The Spanish priest-historian Bernardino de Sahagún reported ritualistic use of teonanácatl by the Aztecs and that teonanácatl was served at the coronation of the Aztec ruler Moctezuma II in 1502.

“The first thing to be eaten at the feast were small black mushrooms that they called nanácatl and bring on drunkenness, hallucinations and even lechery; they ate these before the dawn… with honey; and when they began to feel the effects, they began to dance, some sang and others wept… when the drunkenness of the mushrooms had passed, they spoke to one another of the visions they had seen.” – Historia General de las cosas de Nueva España by Bernardino de Sahagún.

The use of mushrooms at religious ceremonies were seen as unchristian and were quickly pegged as “pagan idolatry” by Spanish missionaries. These practices as well as other indigenous beliefs were quickly suppressed by the Spanish who forced Christian ideologies on the native populace, ending the widespread use of Psilocybe mushrooms among indigenous peoples. But more remote regions have retained their mushroom ritual and continue into modern day. These include the Mazatec, Chinantec, Zapotec, Mije, and Mixtec of Oaxaca; the Nahoa of Mexico; and possibly the Otomi of Puebla and the Tarascana of Michoacan. Species of Psilocybin mushrooms currently utilized in religious ceremonies in these areas include: Conocybe siligineoides, Panaeolus sphinctrinus, Psilocybe acutissima, Psilocybe aztecorum, Psilocybe caerulescens, Psilocybe caerulipes, Psilocybe cordispora, Psilocybe cubensis Psilocybe fagicola, Psilocybe hoogshageniii, Psilocybe isauri, Psilocybe mexicana, Psilocybe mixaeensis, Psilocybe semperviva, Psilocybe yungensis, Psilocybe zapotecorum. The varieties most likely to have been used by the Aztecs were probably Psilocybe caerulescens and Psilocybe mexicana. The now popular Psilocybe cubensis was not introduced to America until after the arrival of Europeans and their cattle. This strain of mushroom preferring to grow near fertile manure.

In more recent times the use of Psilocybe mushrooms came to the attention of Westerners by the Mazatec people of the southern state of Oaxaca who in June of 1955, in the village of Huautla de Jimenez, allowed R. Gordon Wasson to participate in a ceremony known as velada. Velada is the modern vestige of the ancient and sacred use of teonanácatl. It was Wasson’s account of this experience that initiated the rebirth of the sacred mushroom in modern times as a recreational drug rather than a ceremonial one and initiated the study of such mushrooms and their effects.

The Experience

When Psilocybin is ingested it is broken down to produce psilocin. Psilocin is the substance responsible for producing the hallucinations which participants experience. The intoxicating effects generally last from about 3 to 7 hours during which time the user experiences a wide range of physical, emotional, and sensory effects. About thirty minutes after ingestion there are noticeable changes to audio, visual, and tactile senses. Shifts in perception, visually, including enhancement of color, changes in surfaces (I.e rippling, shimmering, breathing), and the appearance of halos or auras. Objects morph or change before one’s eyes, a feeling of melting into surroundings, and trails may occur behind moving objects. Hallucinations with eyes opened or closed, flourishes of color and patterns can be experienced.

Once in this state of mind a person becomes very open to suggestion. Words or other cues can set off complex visions or hallucinations. Depending on the users frame of mind these can be exhilarating or frightening. Many people, whether participating in a religious ceremony, or a more recreational experience, often relay or claim to experience an understanding of a force larger then themselves whether it is of God or the cosmos.

When put in a ceremonial context with the enhancement of drums, language, or other cues one can be transported to a parallel plane, so to speak. Experiencing what could be relayed as the divine or an infinite understanding. The Mazatec shaman Maria Sabina, who allowed R. Gordon Wasson to participate in the Velada, relays the experience of teonanácatl by saying:

“The more you go inside the world of teonanácatl, the more things are seen. And you also see our past and our future, which are there as a single thing already achieved, already happened…. Millions of things I saw and knew. I knew and saw God: an immense clock that ticks, the spheres that go slowly around, and inside the stars, the earth, the entire universe, the day and the night, the cry and the smile, the happiness and the pain. He who knows to the end the secret of teonanácatl can even see that infinite clockwork.” – Maria Sabina

Hallucinations and the experience of Psilocybin mushrooms are also seen as not only a cosmic experience but a self reflection and inner lesson as well. Fears are often brought to the surface if a person is not of a positive frame of mind and can be quiet frightening and engaging. These types of experiences are often seen as an emotional and religious trail when used in a ceremonial context. While vomiting is not common with Psilocybin mushrooms as it is with Peyote (Peyotl), the act is still viewed as a physical reaction of the cleansing of a person’s soul. Overall the experience and use of Psilocybin mushrooms is seen as a positive intellectual and spiritual journey among pre-Columbian and modern hallucinogenic drug cults.

Legality in Modern and Ancient Times

As mentioned earlier, after the arrival of Spanish conquistadors the use of psychedelic mushrooms as well as other ritual hallucinogens were forcefully put to a halt because of the view that they were sacrilegious and non-Christian. In remote regions they continued on outside the reach of their European conquerers and into modern day when R. Gordon Wasson was invited to a ceremony in 1955. After he relayed accounts of this experience many foreigners came to Oaxaca in search of “magic” mushrooms, but they did not come without attracting the attention of the Mexican authorities. But even this has not completely halted the use of such mushrooms by individual indigenous groups. There are laws protecting ethnic minorities in Mexico and their right to practice their religion.

In the United States psychedelic mushrooms are categorized as a Schedule I drug. Schedule I drugs are drugs that are considered to have a high potential for abuse and that have no recognized medical use. This though has come under some criticism as Psilocybin mushrooms are considered to be among the “softer” drugs. It is a common misconception, even among the professional fields, that the effects of “magic” mushrooms are due to a poisonous nature of the compound. But the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, a branch of the Center for Disease Control, rated psilocybin less toxic than aspirin.

Brief History of Lophophora williamisii

Two archaeological specimens of Lophophora williamisii, more commonly known as peyote, were recovered from Shumla Cave No. 5 on the Rio Grande, Texas. The two specimens were Peyote buttons, or dried tops of the cactus, and were both dated by professionals independently. The results dated the specimens to between 3780 – 3660 BC producing sound evidence that native North Americans were using the cactus as early as 5,700 years ago. A burial cave in west central Coahulia, Mexico also produced specimens of Lophophora williamisii. The specimen from this site is associated with radio carbon dates of AD 810 – 1070.

Lophophora williamisii also appeared in art throughout Mesoamerican history. Archaeological mortuary ceramics depicting the cactus were found in western Mexico and dated to about 100 BC to 300 AD in the state of Colima. But the primary source of accounts of the use of Peyote, or Peyotl, appear in post-Colombian times.

Bernardino de Sahagún also mentioned the use of a ceremonial drug known as Peyotl among the Aztecs, in his Florentine doctrine.

“There is another herb like tunas [Opuntia spp.] of the earth. It is called Peyotl. It is white. It is found in the north country. Those who eat or drink it see visions either frightful or laughable. This intoxication lasts two or three days and then ceases. It is a common food of the Chichimeca, for it sustains them and gives them courage to fight and not feel fear nor hunger nor thirst. And they say that it protects them from all danger.” – Bernardino de Sahagún.

This drug too was used in a similar way as Psilocybin mushrooms and was quickly deemed unchristian in nature. Peyotl’s use also suffered with the implement of the conquistador’s laws which prohibited the use of all intoxicants other than alcohol. Shortly there after, the drug and its users disappeared into the mountains, hills, and deserts of Mexico.

But the use of Peyote did not die there. Although the cactus only exists naturally in southwestern Texas and Northern Mexico, the use of peyote has extended as far north as Canada in the last few millenniums. Peyote is known for its healing and ceremonial properties and has been implemented by native North American tribes for its medicinal and therapeutic properties. It was believed the spread of peyotism was spurred by the initial efforts of the Apache.

Today more than fifty Indian tribes practice peyotism through the Native American church and there are believed to be somewhere around 250,000 followers. Beliefs vary from tribe to tribe and church to church, but generally use a mixture of Christian ideologies and more traditional Native American beliefs. The ritual use of Peyote, or peyotism, is at the center of a successful and thriving modern drug cult.

The Experience

Mescaline is the property in peyote which gives it its intoxicating nature. An effective dose of mescaline is about 300 to 500 mg (approximately 5 grams of dried peyote) and the effects last between 10 to 12 hours. The use of peyote often induces intense stimulatory effects and intricate hallucinations. Vivid patterns such as stripes, checkerboards, multicolored dots, angular spikes and very simple fractals which often turn evermore complex, have occurred. Such patterns have been relayed as resembling light passing through a colorful stain glass window.

The top of the cactus known as peyote buttons are ingested to trigger the experience. Because of the bitter taste of these buttons sometimes involuntary vomiting can occur. When put into a ceremonial context this is often seen as a process of cleansing the soul. The buttons can be ground and put into pill form to avoid such an occurrence, but this is not commonly done by those using peyote in a ritual context.

Since so many tribes within the Native American church practice peyotism the actual ceremony and beliefs vary from area to area. But generally the ceremony occurs within a tepee, hogan or other traditional structure and begins in the evening on a Saturday and ends with breakfast in the morning on Sunday. There is generally a fire which the participants sit around in a circle or semi-circle. The ritual includes prayer, the ingestion of peyote, peyote songs, sometimes water rituals, and deep contemplation. The goal of such rituals is generally to commune with the Spirit or Creator or in some cases the deceased, and to give guidance, power and/or healing.

In areas of Northern Mexico, local indigenous groups such as the Huichol, not only think of the use of peyote as ceremonial or ritual but the collection of the cactus has its own significance and meaning as well. Small groups go into the desert to collect the cactus in a very practiced and formal way. The cactus is very fragile and if not harvested properly the plant will die. Peyote cactus take a long time to bloom and are a very delicate plant. Many of the modern users of peyote, who do not deem the plant as sacred and are careless with the harvesting of peyote, have put the cactus in danger in areas of southwestern Texas and northern Mexico.

Legality in Modern and Ancient Times

In 1620, with the Inquisition of New Spain, an order was published prohibiting the use of peyote and other drugs, besides alcohol, for any purposes. Although this order failed to stop the use of peyote completely, particularly among the Huichol and Tarahumara in Northern Mexico, it did stop its widespread use.

Peyotism survived among the Huichol and Tarahumara of Northern Mexico into the 1800’s, when the Lipan Apaches were driven from Texas and took refuge with the Comanche, Kiowa, and other tribes. It was with these tribes that the Lipan Apaches discovered peyotism and were converted. And the religion began to spread once again from there.

From 1886 to 1932 extensive measures were taken by the Bureau of Indian Affairs and traditional Christian missionary societies to end the use of peyote for good. They implemented federal prohibitions but these failed in halting the use and they resorted to moving the attempts to the state level. By 1837 at least 14 states had outlawed the use of peyote, but Natives in Oklahoma, in 1918, succeeded in keeping their use of peyote by implementing it within the Native American Church.

Members of the Native American Church believe that peyote was put on earth by God or the Creator in order to help the Native Americans, and for this reason it is considered sacred. Peyote is considered a divine messenger and medicine and aids true believers in receiving knowledge and advice from God or Jesus. Jesus is mentioned fairly often in hymns and prayers. The general rules or guidelines of the Native American Church state that alcohol is an evil and to be avoided, the family is to be sanctified, and the earth and all natural products are to be respected.

Conclusion

The use of peyote and psilocybin mushrooms is an ancient practice, found sacred to many indigenous groups. Although numerous attempts have been made to halt or terminate their use, they are so deeply embedded they continue to be used into modern day by select indigenous groups throughout Mexico and the United States. With the implementation of an organization such as the Native American Church, it looks unlikely that peyotism will die in the near future. Such a belief has survived this long, it is hard to conceive that it will disappear anytime in the near future.

According to the medical model hallucinations and delusions are separate symptoms of mental disorder. However this is not the only way to think about them. Many people argue that hallucinations are a response to stress and that delusions are a way to make sense of perceptions or to protect our self esteem when the world seems to contradict our cherished beliefs.

This model suggests that both hallucinations and delusions are actually thoughts just like any other – albeit in an unusual form.

That’s why auditory hallucinations are mood congruent. Mood congruent means that what the voices say matches the mood of the voice-hearer. So when we’re sad the voices tell us upsetting things about ourselves or characterise hopelessness and helplessness. They match our mood just as any other thoughts do – and they can be dismissed just as other thoughts can.

Delusions are an attempt to make sense of the experiences we have. So if the voices talk about secret things it seems reasonable to believe that they belong to telepathic beings simply because they know what we’re thinking.

Since telepathic beings aren’t common in everyday life we then have to come up with a context for them – aliens from a distant galaxy might be telepathic. Ergo – the voices must belong to aliens.

The prodrome and the delusional mood

So the ‘holy grail’ of formulation is to capture the ‘delusional mood’. This is the mood of the person when the voices first began. Often the first hallucination is such a profound experience that people never forget it. If you can discover what was happening at the time of the first voice, what it said, how the person felt you might have found the key to the entire formulation. You might also have found the key to recovery.

Disempowering voices

Professor Marius Romme and his partner Sondra Escher began exploring voice-hearing following a conversation with voice-hearer, Patsy Hagen in Holland in the early 1980s. Their subsequent research has identified three ‘top tips’ for taking the power out of voices.

They found that those voice-hearers who did not report problems because of their voices used the following strategies:

1                    Attribution – attributing the voices to something benign or controllable (such as your own thoughts) is the most effective way of dealing with them. Many voice-hearers use this strategy and by attributing the voice to their own thinking they are able to take control of them just as they would with any other type of thought.

2                    Social rank – If you perceive the voices to belong to someone or something less powerful than you are then you can ignore or dismiss what they say without fear.

3                    Systems theory – The part of the system with the most choices has the most control. The voices may tell people what to do but they have no power over how or when it is done.

Dear Dad,

Last night I went out for the first time in a long while. You’re always telling me I’m young and I should do more, so here I am, wasted and naked on a crucifix fashioned from Hematite. The people who put me up here have gone for another drink and I don’t know when they’ll be back.

We went to a club that was full of blood and I think a little mescaline mixed in with the tears of those sad, deranged eyes I saw that night. Leaning against the bar was a suspicious looking jackalope talking to my ex-girlfriend who I was sure wasn’t here but in another room in another part of town maybe a cellar or an alleyway now, Tuesday.
In my head I was still in the toilets hiding from the slavering jackals that had chased me across the light-up dance floor. Although I knew I’d escaped them and I was out here my mind was in a cubicle and so I was rather vacant for a while.
My eyes came to rest on a group of men pretending to be gay who would cower and spit and disgust at the thought of any veins of truth running through their jokes. A lone escapee from the sixth form scenesters danced with his eyes closed, tapping his feet to a Beat that wasn’t there anymore dreaming of the time when he could have gone to jazz clubs and driven across America on a hundred dollars. Now all he has to look forward to is overdrafts and a big lump debt for trying to make something of himself.
A bouncer was screaming at a customer “I don’t want to see you spiking any more drinks or I’ll have to throw you out.”
The jackalope had got bored of the girls and moved on to the heterosexual men. They liked the attention.
A girl in a business suit shook hands with six men sharing a Mexican wrestling mask and that was enough for one night.

Detective Inspector Ian Rutledge brought a cranial stowaway home from the trenches of World War I. Forced by the rigid statutes of military procedure to field-execute a broken man for his refusal to participate in another horrific run at the enemy, Rutledge has his men form a firing squad. In a bit of battlefield irony, due to fatigue and lack of heart, and despite the small target pinned to the large target’s chest, Rutledge must deliver the coup de grace himself. Thus dispatched, Corporal Hamish MacLeod finds continued life in the tortured brain of his dispatcher and, while having a Scotsman’s voice offering running mental commentary doesn’t sound half bad on the face of it, this proves problematic for Inspector Rutledge as he attempts to resume his career with Scotland Yard.

He is unaware that his colleague, Inspector Bowles (who seems to have a few invertebrates in his family tree), has set about engineering the hopeful failure of that attempt as a means to clear the field for his own ambitions. Recognizing the better man, though Rutledge has returned somewhat the worse for wear, Bowles contrives to send him on a politically delicate case involving the gruesome murder of a respected officer at the probable hand of another. For the War Office, and the Monarchy, such an outcome would be a public relations disaster; even if the right suspect turns out to be the one with all the medals, it could be a career-ender for the detective in charge. But on the rainy drive to Upper Streetham, Rutledge is only mindful of his own painful memories and the pithy voice in his head that he desperately hopes he won’t actually answer in front of anyone else. Adding to his discomfiture is the fact that, although ‘shell shock’ appears to be a medically accepted and well-treated condition, it is little understood or tolerated by the public. And so he arrives to sort out the villager’s stories and slights, real or imagined, struggling to uncover the truth about a murder even as he tries to hide the truth about himself.

My inner clinician is curious to know how Rutledge will continue to deal with Hamish’s observations and wry asides. Despite the obvious annoyance, Hamish seems to serve a therapeutic purpose as a sort of caretaker for the instinctive assessments Rutledge was known for before the war but was sure he’d lost. This is the first book of eleven in the series written by this (surprise! American) mother-and-son collaboration. It is a worthy addition to the genre of wartime mysteries that couple the psychological and moral adjustments imposed by war with the more mundane murderous impulses that appear to seethe beneath the quiet façade of normal English life.

Gitte Jungersen is an artist from Denmark that is very active in the Danish experimental ceramic scene. She creates other-worldly landscapes with crater-like surfaces. The objects placed in these landscapes are often animal figurines taken from children’s bedrooms or found in second-hand shops. Much of her work deals with hallucinatory imagery, the psyche, and an invitation into a dream world where logic no longer exists and anything is possible.

Rikke Rosenberg, curator at The Danish Museum of Art and Design writes: “Gitte Jungersen is a player on the younger ceramists’ scene who has consciously chosen to challenge ceramics’ traditions, both before and after modernism, with new techniques and artistic strategies. Her pieces are polysemantic conceptual works – which carry references to primeval history, fairytales, fables, pop, surrealism and science fiction. High culture and popular culture enter in on an equal footing in Jungersen’s works. In doing so, her pieces lay down a gauntlet before the trappings of “good taste”. In a singularly wonderful way, Jungersen is linking up galaxies, dream scenes, everyday life and metamorphoses in her ceramic landscape sceneries. With a special signature admixture of childlike innocence, grotesque dreams, crack-brained weirdness and cosmic hallucinations, she is transforming the ceramic object into the stuff that dreams are made of.”

Schizophrenia is a mysterious mental illness of delusions, hallucination disorder thought and feeling and a broken will. Some times the grip of schizophrenia calls “the cancer of mind”. Schizophrenia is a mysterious condition was first described in 1806, but no one is certain whether the illness – or more likely a group of illness – existed long before then but had escaped definition. Schizophrenia has a tendency to run in families, but hereditary alone apparently cannot explain why a specific individuals develops the full-blown illness. The term schizophrenia in 1908, describes a  specific type of alteration of thinking, feeling, and relation to the external world. The term refers to a splitting of psychic function, a peculiar destruction of the inner cohesiveness of the psychic personality. The person experiencing early symptoms, there is a dislocation of every faculty of time, space, and body, hearing voices, bizarre delusions extreme apathy or agitation, coldness towards others – taken singly unique to the illness, symptoms vary so much between individuals & over time for the same individual that the notion of a “typical case” is virtually non-existent, even the degree of disability far more severe, on average varies wildly. The defining characteristic of the illness is the profound feeling of incomprehensibility and inaccessibility that suffers provoke n other people. Psychiatrists describe person’s sense of being separated by a gulf which defies description from individual who seems totally strange, puzzling, inconceivable and incapable of empathy, even to the point of being sinister and frightening the onset of the illness dramatically intensified a pre-existing feelings that essentially disconnect from them and deeply unknowable.

I tap roughly on my keyboard. At this very moment he is staring out of the window taking notes. For the last few months he has appeared at random. He never acknowledges me. Sometimes he shuffles around on his tiny feet for hours. Other times he munches his pencil and stands there staring at some mundane object as if it is part of some grand experiment. I’m sick of his scribbled red hair and his thick glasses. I’m sick of his gloves and his boots and his lab coat. Why won’t he leave me alone? Why won’t he go away?

I don’t even remember his name. I only saw the show once or twice when my daughter was growing up. It was a cartoon about a secret laboratory. Why is it him? I don’t understand what significance this could possibly have.

I finally found the courage to see someone about my hallucinations. Charles Bonnett syndrome. This is what has been happening to me. It occurs when a person loses vision. My vision is weak and I am blind in one eye. It seems that the part of my brain that processes cartoons and the cells that are associated with Dexter from Dexter’s Laboratory in particular fire randomly. The condition is common I am told. It is still quite a queer experience. I suppose I will adapt.

For more information: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/oliver_sacks_what_hallucination_reveals_about_our_minds.html

The following handout was written by Stuart Sorensen and used in training or clinical work with service-users, relatives and others. Please feel free to use it either for training or for clinical work so long as you credit it as follows:

© Stuart Sorensen www.amjcaretraining.site50.net 
When psychiatry began a furious argument raged between people with very different opinions about the nature and course of mental disorders. On the one hand, psychiatrists like Eugene Bleuler believed that recovery was possible and indeed likely for the vast majority of people suffering from serious mental disorders like schizophrenia (then called dementia praecox).

On the other hand, psychiatrists such as Emil Kraepelin insisted that recovery was impossible and that sufferers would never recover. Indeed he believed that their condition would get worse throughout their lives. Kraepelin won the debate and the idea of permanent illness and disability has formed the basis of mental health services ever since.

People with … schizophrenia and bipolar affective disorder can and do recover and go on to lead useful and fulfilling lives.

Many people argue that this was a mistake. People with serious mental disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar affective disorder can and do recover and go on to lead useful and fulfilling lives. This handout provides a brief overview of current thinking about recovery.

The International study of Schizophrenia (Harrison G. et al 2001) is a long term study of the nature and outcome of schizophrenia in many countries across the world. It ran for around 25 years and has produced some remarkable results.

It seems that the rich industrialised nations of the developed world, in spite of our sophisticated treatments and drugs, have some of the worst records in terms of recovery rates from serious mental illness. Other places such as rural India have much higher recovery rates – as much as 90% in some places. It is not possible to say with confidence exactly why this might be but there are a number of possibilities which seem to fit the research.

Expectation

People who live in cultures where they are expected to recover tend to be much more likely to do so. In the West, where we tend to expect people to deteriorate they tend to do worse. It seems that whatever a person is encouraged to think about themselves will probably come true. This is called a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ and is a regular theme in this series of handouts.

Acceptance

It’s much easier to live a relatively stress-free life in a society which accepts us. Cultures which accept or perhaps even value people who have suffered episodes of mental disorder (shamanic cultures for example) tend to have much higher recovery rates.

By way of contrast, popular Western culture, fuelled by misleading media hype about people labelled as ‘mad, bad and dangerous’, tends to avoid and isolate people with diagnoses of serious mental disorders. This makes it much harder for them to develop effective social networks and make friends.

Occupation and work

People are much more likely to recover if they are engaged in productive work. Apart from the effect that this has on a person’s self esteem it provides them with something to think about other than illness. Work also gives people the opportunity to mix with others who may not have had mental health problems – thus helping them to maintain links with mainstream society.

Recent studies in Britain have shown that people diagnosed with serious mental disorders tend to find it extremely difficult to find work. In fact the trend is for people to lose employment after diagnosis rather than gain it.

Interpretation

For every person distressed by their voices there are many others who aren’t.

Everyone has good and bad days and normal mood fluctuation is a part of life. However people diagnosed with serious mental disorders often believe that the slightest change in mood is evidence of relapse. This can also be true of their families who sometimes become extremely sensitive to even normal changes in mood or behaviour.

Often people become so worried about these normal fluctuations in mood that they become extremely stressed and so bring on an episode of illness which wouldn’t otherwise have happened. Cultures which are more likely to accept people’s changes in mood tend to have the best recovery rates.

Even the more serious ‘symptoms’ of mental disorder such as voice-hearing don’t necessarily mean relapse. A recent study in Holland (Romme M. & Escher S. 2001) found that although many people heard voices only a fraction had a problem with them. To put it another way – for every person distressed by their voices there are many others who aren’t. The handout on hearing voices in this series has some interesting information about how and why people can cope with their voices.

Three types of recovery

It’s important to be clear about what we mean by recovery. Many people would argue that there are actually three types of recovery and if a person can achieve any two of the three then they have recovered. The three types of recovery are:

1. Social recovery

This is to do with acceptance by the community in which a person lives. If the people around us don’t have a problem with us then we have achieved social recovery. We become productive members of our society and contribute to the social structure around us.

2.Psychological recovery

If we are not distressed by our ‘symptoms’, such as the voice hearers in Holland, then there is no problem. This is known as psychological recovery.

3.Medical recovery

This is to do with the signs and symptoms which doctors use to diagnose mental illness. If we are free of symptoms of mental disorder then we can be said to have recovered – so long as the symptoms do not return. This is why mental health professionals who are interested in recovery work hard on ‘relapse prevention’. If a person never has a relapse of their mental health problems than that must equal recovery.

British outcomes

In Britain, as in many other developed countries, the course of illnesses such as schizophrenia and bipolar affective disorder can be divided roughly into three equal groups:

• About a third of people recover completely.
• About a third of people continue to have the occasional relapse without getting any worse.
• About a third of people do indeed deteriorate throughout their lives and never really become well.

This is much less positive than the outcomes in the developing world, possibly for the reasons outlined above.

What can we do about it?

If we believe in the possibility of recovery and actively work toward it who knows what could happen?

It’s extremely difficult to have any real impact upon the culture as a whole. However there is a great deal that can be done to change the outcome for individual sufferers. By working on interpretation and expectation it is possible to greatly impact the effects of illness. Work aimed at helping the person find an accepted place in their community, perhaps with meaningful employment to boot, is likely to make a huge impact upon their individual outcomes.

The important thing is not to accept the old ideas. If we believe in the possibility of recovery and actively work toward it who knows what could happen?

This has been a very brief overview of the notion of recovery from serious mental disorder. Further information can be found in the work of recovered ‘schizophrenics’ such as Rufus May, clinical psychologist or Ron Coleman, founder of the Keepwell organisation.

References

Harrison G. et al (2001) Recovery from psychotic illness: a 15- and 25- year international follow up study British journal of Psychiatry Number 178 pp.506-517

Romme M. & Escher S. (2000) Making Sense of Voices MIND Publications, London

The following handout was written by Stuart Sorensen and used in training or clinical work with service-users, relatives and others. Please feel free to use it either for training or for clinical work so long as you credit it as follows:

© Stuart Sorensen www.amjcaretraining.site50.net 

Loosely defined, ‘psychosis’ might be described as ‘loss of touch with reality’. Certainly this is the traditional view. In recent years, however, the notion of ‘reality’ itself has been challenged and, with it, the concept of psychosis too. 

The argument goes something like this: 

“If psychosis is loss of touch with reality and yet reality is changeable depending upon a person’s individual perspective, then how can the notion of psychosis have any validity in the first place?” 

Regardless of these philosophical and sometimes even metaphysical musings the majority of people believe that reality can be defined and explained scientifically. This idea is known as ‘modernism’ and it also insists that there can be only one reality and that the only way to understand it is by adopting scientific principles. Modernism explains the heavy emphasis upon scientific method and the tendency of doctors and other professionals to dismiss other ‘ways of knowing’ that are thought to be ‘less worthy’ of consideration. 

Unfortunately, even with the aid of scientific research, it has proven impossible to define reality or even adequately to demonstrate the nature of mental illness despite the huge amounts of time, effort and public money which have been showered upon the search. This is why many people reject the modernist/scientific view in favour of a more fluid explanation of both reality and mental disorder. 

It is not necessary here to champion any particular theory. Instead we will look at some different perspectives but concentrate fundamentally upon what works. So, with that in mind, let’s begin with the traditional, medical view of psychosis. 

Positives and negatives 

Positive symptoms are those symptoms that exist ‘in addition’ to the norm. For example visual hallucinations are extra experiences which most people do not have

Negative symptoms are detractions from the norm. For example apathy is a negative symptom that represents a lack of ‘normal’ interest in life. Lethargy is ‘lack of energy’. 

So positive symptoms represent ‘extras’ and negative symptoms represent ‘absences’. 

Hallucinations, Delusions & Thought Disorders – the three ‘legs’ of the psychotic disorders:

Hallucinations

Hallucinations are sensory experiences in any modality or sense (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell) that don’t seem to have any empirical (real world) cause. For example an hallucination may be a voice which no one but the voice-hearer can hear or a vision which only they can see. 

Interestingly, many of the chief religious and political figures across the world achieved their status precisely because of experiences such as these and yet many less influential people who display the same characteristics are defined as mentally ill and treated (sometimes against their will) with powerful medications. Jesus, Joan of Ark, Sister Fatima, Moses, Saul, Samuel, Noah, Martin Luther King, Hitler, Alexander the Great, Various Catholic saints including the virgin Mary, and of course her husband, Joseph all reported visions or voices that others did not experience. 

Delusions

According to traditional thinking on the subject Delusions are ‘fixed, false beliefs’ which are ‘not amenable to reason’. To put it another way, the client believes something that the doctor does not and the doctor cannot get him to change his mind. 

Some people argue that where the early observers of delusions fell down was in their prematurity. They weren’t able to reason people’s beliefs away because they didn’t know how to. Furthermore they failed to appreciate the symbolism of these beliefs, how they protect the individual or even the possibility that it may, actually be they who were wrong and not the hapless inmate of the asylum.

Examples of delusions include: 

• ‘Persecutory’ or ‘paranoid’ delusion – someone or something is ‘out to get’ the client – a belief that is often based on little or even no evidence that makes sense to other people;
• ‘Ideas of reference’ – ordinary things appear to have significance for the client – they ‘refer’ to him. For example a pigeon landing on a tree top at a particular time of day may suggest the presence of an international espionage ring plotting to kill him;
• ‘Delusions of grandeur’ – the belief in one’s own importance. For example clients may consider themselves to be Jesus or the world’s greatest pizza maker or anything which has an air of ‘specialness’ about it. Arguably paranoid delusions (see above) are also grandiose as they imply that the client is important or special enough to have others plot against them in the first place;
• ‘Delusions of guilt’ – clients believe themselves guilty of some crime (known or unknown) despite contrary evidence;
• ‘Hypochondriasis’ – the belief that one is unwell (even possibly terminally ill) without any real-world evidence;
• ‘Somatic delusions’ – relating to bodily changes;
• ‘Nihilistic delusions’ – relating to the death of all or part of the body. Clients may believe that their intestines are turning to stone for example or that they are actually dead themselves.
• ‘Religiose delusions’ – also often grandiose – clients may believe that they have a special role in religious matters. Perhaps they must save the world or battle with the Devil for example. Or maybe a particular demon is trying to kill them to prevent them from developing into the next Messiah.
• ‘Passivity’ – the client believes that they are being externally controlled – rather like a puppet. Passivity delusions include:

1. automatism – physical movements controlled by external force
2. thought insertion – thoughts inserted by external force
3. thought withdrawal – external influence robbing the client of thoughts
4. thought broadcasting – external forces broadcast client’s thoughts to others.

Work in Europe – particularly in the UK and in Holland is said to have overturned the assumptions of ‘fixed false beliefs unamenable to reason’ as clients with delusional beliefs have entered into discussion with skilled therapists and reasoned themselves out of their delusions. This is often done without the aid of medication – even by reducing or withdrawing medication. 

Delusion formation

In the fictional book ‘1984′, George Orwell coined the term ‘doublethink’. His is the ability to hold two or more conflicting beliefs in your head at the same time and agree with them all. Everyone is able to do this and most if not all of us do from time to time. This is particularly evident when people are describing themselves. 

For example, a man might believe himself to be fair and reasonable in all things and yet still make snap judgements whenever his children are accused of wrongdoing. This is because he is emotionally involved with his children and so his decision-making becomes less fair and reasonable and much more unfair.

He can be very well aware of this bias and admit it to himself and others in certain circumstances but at other times he simply ‘forgets’ the uncomfortable truth and will genuinely believe himself to be fair, perhaps when speaking to his boss or some other authority figure. 

The man is not being dishonest – he’s just using ‘doublethink’. 

An example that may be more relevant to social care would be the service-user who believes on one hand that all care workers are cruel but on the other hand believes that one particular worker, John, is compassionate and caring. So he has three beliefs:

1. John is a nice bloke;
2. John is a care worker;
3. All care workers are evil.

He can continue to believe all three things (maintain the beliefs) provided that he doesn’t think about them all at the same time. He sets up a ‘mental barrier’ that keeps the ideas separate.

 One way to get people to re-evaluate their beliefs is to get them to think about their conflicting beliefs at the same time. This could be as straightforward as asking the service-user how his belief that all care workers are evil fits in with his opinion about John. Usually when this is done the service-user modifies or changes one belief to fit another. So he may decide that some but not all care workers are evil – that means that he can start to see people in a fairer light.

Be warned though – the other idea might change instead. He might just decide that John must be evil too which would be rather less positive. 

This principle, known as ‘belief modification’ is used by therapists to reason with delusional service-users and it can be extremely effective. However unless you have been trained specifically to do it, it would be inadvisable and possibly even dangerous to attempt it. However it’s good to know the basic principles so that you can support service-users while suitably trained clinicians do the therapy itself. 

Belief modification techniques should never be ‘forced’. This is a gentle process – the service-user will modify his/her beliefs if they’re ready to but not before. 

What conflicting beliefs do you hold?

Thought disorders 

There are many types of thought disorder. These tend to be differences in the ‘process’ of thought itself rather than in the ‘outcome’ of thought. Thought disorders include:

• ‘Flight of ideas’ – thoughts rapidly replace each other in the client’s mind, often with only very flimsy links to each other;
• ‘Clang association’ – clients associate different concepts or subjects because of links such as rhymes, synonyms, or puns. For example;

“I’m telling you – ewes are female sheep and He is a very sheepish man but you shouldn’t eat a mandrake – male ducks don’t lay eggs”;

• ‘Poverty of thought’ – absence of thoughts;
• ‘Thought blocking’ – the client’s chain of thought abruptly ceases;
• ‘Knight’s move thinking’ – in chess the knight moves one square forward and one diagonal – to put it another way he ‘goes off at a tangent’. Thought and conversation make apparently unconnected leaps from one topic to another ;
• ‘Word salad’ – a jumbled mass of apparently unrelated and incoherent words;
• ‘Neologism’ – The client uses words they have just invented as though they are part of normal vocabulary;
• ‘Perseveration’ – similair to obsession – particular thoughts or perhaps even phrases or syllables repeat in the mind and/or conversation over and over again. They ‘persevere’;
• ‘Concrete thinking’ – inability to think abstractly;
• ‘Over-inclusivity’ – the client includes a great deal of insignificant information when speaking. For example an account of a walk to the shops may contain a lengthy description of the sound the front door made as it closed behind the departing client, which ultimately adds nothing to the real information in question. 

Specifics and ‘one-offs’

• Othello syndrome – a delusional jealousy. Named after Shakespeare’s Othello who, becoming jealous of his wife smothered her with a pillow. In fact Othello’s wife, Desdemona, had not been unfaithful but Othello refused to believe that.
• Cap Gras syndrome – the belief that one’s loved ones or familiar associates are imposters. Think of the film ‘invasion of the body snatchers’ to get a feel for this syndrome. It seems to be a way to make sense of the fact that people don’t ‘feel’ familiar any more. This might be the result of a communication problem between various physical centres in the brain.
• Folie a deux – literally ‘foolishness shared by two’ this is a delusional belief shared by two people, generally close to one another such as lovers.

 Psychosis is the main feature of serious and enduring mental disorder (SEMI) like schizophrenia. For a long time workers believed that recovery from psychotic illnesses such as this was impossible but modern methods are overturning that belief. For more information about the nature of recovery and how it is achieved have a look at the handout ‘Understanding Recovery’ in this series.

The effects of LSD can be described as drug-induced psychosis-distortion or disorganization of a person’s capacity to recognize reality, think rationally, or communicate with others. Some LSD users experience devastating psychological effects that persist after the trip has ended, producing a long-lasting psychotic-like state. LSD-induced persistent psychosis may include dramatic mood swings from mania to profound depression, vivid visual disturbances, and hallucinations. These effects may last for years and can affect people who have no history or other symptoms of psychological disorder.

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The wire which sings

and the voices of conversing women
pumps adrenaline
through veins that flow
with decomposing gold.

This life
this skein woven of time and beauty
devours willing emotions
like black stars in a white night sky.

A veil of goofy illusion
floats from my eyes
to hang over my head
allowing small changes
that add up to everything
that there is
and sweeps all
perception under the mat.

We ourselves
sleep on he whole
sunstar.

As I strolled down the lane, my trusty rat terrier, Randy, bounced ahead of me, ducking in and out of the low bushes, stopping here and there to deposit his watery mark.

Several weeks prior, God had revealed to me my Purpose In Life. I was The Chosen One, charged with the special duty that would unlock the secrets of the universe to the mass of humanity inhabiting out tiny planet.

Contemplating how I would fulfill my  mission, I came to the realization that I had absolutely no idea how to accomplish my God-given task.  Distractedly, I walked along the lane, looking at, but not really seeing, the scenery as I contemplated my undertaking. The majestic cedars and stately pine trees swayed slightly in the wind, but I didn’t really notice.  I was too bent on looking from a sign from God.  Everywhere I looked, I saw nothing to help me. How was I supposed to proceed?

Coming to a stop in front of a large tree at the end of the lane, I stared hard.  A tree. A tree? A TREE!

When I first look at that tree, I saw a relatively inanimate object.  It swayed in the wind, but it didn’t  budge on its own. Why would it need to?  Everything it needed to survive came to it.  Food and water came to it.  Pollination came to it.  And when I got down to it,  its ability to absorb nourishment from sunlight made it superior to me.

But did trees have souls? Did they get lonely, longing for the company of others trees?

The answer to those questions, it became clear to me, was found in the world of dimensions. Relegated to the realm of algebraic equations, dimensions held no life-affirming purpose in my life.  What did they mean to me?  I lived in three dimensions. The only dimensions I needed to survive.  Or were they?

To quote Oprah Winfrey, my “ah-ha moment” came as I stood face to face with that tree. Turning on my ESP, I held out my hands, palms up, as I slowly circled the tree, feeling its vibration as the energy flowed from it to me and back. The tree was talking to me.

Moon Model Prepared by Johann Fried, Germany, in 1898. Made of 116 sections of plaster on a framework of wood and metal. Field Columbian Museum West Court Alcove 103. 1898.

The Field Museum Library

LOLA moon model at Langley near Hampton (Virginia), foto of 1.8.1965.

http://history.nasa.gov/SP-4308/ch11.htm

Nej, jag är inget uppslagsverk.
Så ni kommer istället få läsa om mina egna erfarenheter om Aspergers Syndrom …

När jag var tretton år eller mer exakt, tretton och ett halft år så slutade jag i högstadieskolan.
Det halvåret när jag gick i skolan var suddigt. Otydligt.
Som om jag var under vatten.

Allting var skrämmande, och jag menar ALLT.
Vara i de stora nya korridorerna.
Att sitta i det nya klassrummet.
Att träffa främmande ansikten som såg ut som aliens.
Att hitta till klassrummen.
Att lära sig de nya läxorna.
Att komma ihåg att ta med sig läxorna.
Att prata inför den nya alien klassen.
Att äta med de nya alien klasskamraterna.
Allting var skrämmande.

Jag visste inte riktigt hur jag skulle ta kontakt med de nya klasskamraterna.
Som de flesta av de andra av mina klasskamreter lyckades med.
Jag stod helst i bakgrunden. Gick helst längst bak i ledet. Som jag inte visste hur jag skulle göra, för mig var det inte nartuligt att prata med främmande människor om ingenting.
För hur skulle man börja prata? Vem skulle börja? Vad skulle man prata om? Vad händer sen? Är man vänner sen?

Min försvarsmekanism startade.
Ångestattacker.
Panikattacker.
Hallucinationer.

När jag slutade högstadiskolan var jag apatisk.
Medicin blev utskriven

Punkter:

Det är vanligt för flickor att diagnosen Aspergers Syndrom inte märks föränn tonår.