At Bra Genie, I deal with a LOT of ladies asking me for one thing, every day: a smooth bra. No seams, no lace, no lines, nada. Now, this makes me giggle a bit, because almost 99% of the time I am wearing a bra that is either lacey or embroidered, and ALWAYS seamed. I’m a big fan of the cut-and-sewn because they make my 38 G chest look more shaped and defined – and since most of my clothing is patterned or dark, they don’t show under my shirts. Not that I care if they show…I wear really nice bras and if they show, at least they’re pretty.

However, I’ve been on the lookout for a good light-colored molded cup bra. I have the Parfait Casey, which I love for it’s pulled together cleavage-tastic look, but sometimes I just want a smooth full coverage style. Most stiff molded cups just make me flop in there, which looks weird under clothes. However, we’ve been getting more spacer fabric styles at Bra Genie, which is really nice because they feel lightweight but are shaped like a molded cup. Not only that, but the fabric lets your skin breathe and helps to keep you cool – a total necessity in August heat.

I’ve been putting the Fantasie Rebecca on ladies since it came in earlier this year, and I love it on others. It’s not droopy at all – in fact, this bra really lifts and separates for being so lightweight. I finally got around to trying it on yesterday, and I love it. It felt really comfortable on and it still gave me lift and support. I think it may be my next bra purchase.

However, this is where I need your HALP. The Rebecca comes in two colors – white and nude.

White:

Nude:

I tried it on in white and I really liked it. The white was really fresh and clean-looking! I don’t have a white bra – the closest I have is a Panache Andorra in ivory. However, the major drawback is that I would have to wear this with nothing but white or very light colors, since it would stain really easily. The nude wouldn’t show so much under light shirts (which I only have like two of), and it wouldn’t get so dirty, but nude is just…meh. I have the Casey in nude – do I really need another nude bra?

HALP! Which color do you think would be best? Leave a comment and tell me what you think!

$67.49 – Strandbags

Bagworld.com.au – $71.40

Bagworld.com.au – $68.00

Lonsdale – $99.95

So – for me – these are all lacking something. I cant tell you what, they just are! What do you think? Where do you think I should be looking? Would love some advice fashionistas!

Amy

xo

Yesterday I took the kiddos to Oaks Park. It’s an amusement part next to the river that was actually pretty fun. The rides were very state fair-ish but the whole thing was fun… oh how I miss Six Flags. But we did have a great time.

I am a huge thrill seeker when it comes to my rides. If my hair isn’t messed up by the end of it, I didn’t have fun. Two years ago I couldn’t even get my kids on a mini drop ride. This year, one of my kids was all for the spinning and bouncing and woohooing. But the other kid… not so much. He was almost too scared to go on the kids spinning teacup kind of ride. So when my thrill seeker mini asked to go on a ride that spun alternating directions and bounced higher than a two story house, I knew as a mom, I honestly couldn’t force the other kid to get on. We asked, he said no. I said it was just like the first spinny ride but it bounced high… he said no. I wasn’t going to make my kid cry so I said “You know bug, sometimes you have to face your fears to realize you had nothing to worry about. But if you’re too scared right now, I’m not going to make you get on it.” Full House Danny Tanny sappy music was playing for this parental speech by the way, followed by an awwwwwww from the audience. Just kidding. I think Free Falling was playing in the background on the Screaming Eagle ride to be honest. But needless to say, thrill seeker, who had already jumped in line for the spider and was jumping up and down waving for us to come over, was crushed we weren’t going on.

Something I love about my kids is that they protect each other. They feel each other’s pain. When one is sent to his room, the other worries about him the entire time. They bicker like all kids and there are times you’d think they hated each other. But when you get to the heart of it, they’d die to save the other one if they had to. We walked to the other side of the park. Sadly it was all thrill rides and we had already done all the kid rides. I was about to tell the boys we’d go do the kid rides again, but then my kid who isn’t into thrill rides suprised me. He said… word for word… in the goofy style that he’s known for… “Well I guess I gotta face a fear. To the spider!” and started running back towards where the spider was. It was a proud mama moment.

In the line, he faced about 30 changes of heart. It didn’t help that adults were getting freaked out in line and leaving.  I kept telling him we’d stay in line and if we got to the front and he didn’t want to go on, we’d head straight for the exit, but I also said if he faced his fear he would be really proud of himself. We got to the front of the line. He didn’t panic. We got on the ride. He didn’t panic. The ride started moving and I could literally FEEL him shaking next to me. I had a safety bar crushing the air out of me so I couldn’t exactly move to console my kid.

First the car started spinning. I looked over at him and he looked almost puzzled. After the first bounce, I could see a grin. Second bounce, he laughed. Third bounce, he was cheering with his brother. As a mom, of course I was about to start crying like a baby at how proud I was of my kid. But then the nausea kind of crept in from all the spinning. In the 2 minute long ride my NEW thrill seeker was cracking jokes about being Tigger and doing the “Hoo hoo hoooooo” with a few of the bounces. They he said we were Xtreme pogo sticking. The kid was going crazy over this ride. And the previous thrill seeker was laughing and giggling but also pale and extremely nautious like I was.

Right after the ride, my kid who faced his fear wanted to go on it AGAIN! His brother and I… wanted to vomit.

Moral of the story- Don’t share a gatorade with your thrill seeker son right before a spinny bouncy ride. The person who doesn’t drink will have the most fun. Drinking and riding is bad mmmkay.

Bigger moral of the story- Face your fears. If the statistics are in your favor that it’s not going to kill you, and isn’t bad for your health,why not try it?

Your challenge for the day is to think about facing/face a fitness fear. If you’re afraid of a group exercise class but really interested in what the class is… seek one out and give it a try. If you want to try to water ski… put together a group and go. If you want to wear spandex and don’t want to be giggled at for the wobble wobble of your butt… who cares? Shake it till you make it. Afraid your family won’t like your new healthier version of lasagna? They can make a sandwich. They’ll be ok. Try it anyways. Want a friend to come exercise with you but afraid they’ll turn you down? The worst thing they can do is say no, right?

I’m going to follow through with this one also. I have avoided getting a speaker system to teach Hip Hop Hustle at my apartments like they’re going to make me battle zombies in the process. I know I can do a warmup. Why not be the actual leader of the class? I can do this! I’m going to have hubby take me TODAY to go pick out something that will play the music and learn how to yell over it.

Feel that adrenaline pumping? Run with it. Work yourself up. Get excited. Be a nine year old kid with his fist held high and charge towards the Spider.

But not like this guy…

Sorry. I should explain. It’s just hit six o’clock on Friday June the 1^st 2012, which means that as I write right now, I’m putting words toward a count of 30,000 words, along with dozens of others across the country. Again: thirty thousand words. I’m going to spare myself the pain of checking the word count too frequently, but I’m guessing I haven’t done 0.00001% of that. And also, my mathematical capabilities are not so great. Lucky I have words. Words!

Hey, so now the frantic initial rush is beginning to wear off and I’m getting into a groove. So I think now I’ll write out some of my plans, hopes, goals and other scattered thoughts. Apparently I will be writing out a lot of my thoughts as they arise. This is good. This is progress. This is pure. First thought, best thought, Allen Ginsberg said. I think. But then I think Ernest Hemingway said something about the first draft of everything being shit and there’s probably a really smart quote from a woman too, but I don’t know it.

No. I must resist the urge to read over what I’ve just written. At least until I get to the 6.25pm mark. This is because I’m using the Pomodoro technique. I would add a hyperlink there, but I’m sure you can track down details about it if you’ve not heard of it before and I’m not about to waste time with hyperlinking and stuff. That comes later. As does tea and biscuits and stretching and checking and updating my progress on the social networks. Who knows what things are currently blazing past like a waterfall on fire in the middle of a tornado? Not me. Because I am writing. Okay, you get it, I get it: I’m writing. Good.

If in doubt, answer rhetorical questions, no matter how lazy a technique it is. Why am I doing this? Well, Phil English of Toothsoup put me up to it. There are apparently various other incentives and rewards for various word counts. It’s an interesting experience. I get to work on all sorts of writing projects (both shortish and rather longish) that I’ve had sitting in my notebook and on scraps of paper and in my brain, little  ideas that now get a bit of expansion. And I thought it’d be an interesting challenge. Something I’ve never tried before. As I think I already mentioned, I’m a notorious over-editor and a slow writer. This is all about stretching unfamiliar muscles, mostly in the brain (metaphorically – I know the brain does not have muscles. My knowledge of anatomy is close to my knowledge of mathematics, but I know that much) but also in the fingers. I may get back pain as well. I just cracked my neck. It’s just as well my girlfriend is in the next room and the door is closed. She hates when I crack my neck. She wasn’t happy about this challenge either. Funnily enough, my girlfriend likes to spend time with me on the weekends. Ah, the eternal balancing act between competing loves.

That’s about ten minutes. Let’s sneak a look at word count shall we? 500 words, almost exactly! That’s 1000 words in 20 minutes, and 3000 words in an hour! Surely I can’t keep that up. I’ll probably slow down a little and take a little more care once I get to fiction writing. I only really wanted this to be maybe 1000 words max, so I’d better move on. I wonder how everyone else is doing?

So yes, I have some short story ideas, some potential novella ideas, a few blog post ideas beyond this one, a couple of reviews, some poetry, maybe a little non-fiction, maybe 1000 or so words of pure stream-of-consciousness writing (because what better time than now?) and who knows what else will emerge? After two hours of this tonight I’ll have dinner, maybe write a little more into the late hours. Then it’s up bright and early for a full day of writing tomorrow. That’s the true marathon section. I have no real commitments then (well, except for my aforementioned girlfriend – oh my, she just came in as I wrote that [I scrolled the page down to blank and she accused me of not having written anything; “copy, paste, copy, paste,” she mocks] and showed me this amazing craft project she’s been working on for me. Ah! I am not worthy! BUT DO NOT INTERRUPT). And then on Sunday I have work, which knocks off about 7 hours including travel time. So a bit more writing before work, and then after work it’ll be a final dash to the finish line at 8pm Sunday.

I already have a slight headache, but that might be the sugary tea and biscuits I gorged on beforehand. And there’s more where they came from. Woah, and just about time for my first Pomodoro break! The action, it simply does not stop!

I feel a lot of this is babbling, and would probably otherwise be edited out but I don’t think it’s utterly terrible. I wonder if I continue writing like this, whether the raw, unedited stuff gets better? I think I need to find a balance slightly more geared towards quality, while maintaining quantity. I think a real benefit of this (and the Pomodoro technique) are that they just force you to write. Not sit on Facebook. Not umm. Not ahh. Write. And the good stuff will come. Hopefully.

Thank you and my apologies if you’ve read this far.

What else do I have planned? Experiments with listening to music while writing (I’m usually the silent type) and updates on Facebook and Twitter (#rabbithole and #ewf12). What else?

Well, this and many more questions will surely be answered as I go deeper and deeper down the Rabbit Hole.

See you on the other side.

Wait, so then it’s more of a Rabbit Tunnel?

Again, all will be revealed.

Okay. That’s more than 1000 words now. Just gotta do that 30 times.

I think I’ll go and write a novella. brb.

But after reading his ideas on the sugar detox I had to give the guy some credit.

While folding laundry I turned on the tv and started skimming through shows. In the details box I saw “Dr. Oz, sugar detox.” I figured it’s funny that I’ve been posting about this, I’ll watch it.

But the detail box lied! The show had something about vitamid D, though, so I stayed on it.

My last blood work showed that everything is in a very healthy range, but my vitamin D, as usual, is low. For me that’s normal. I work nights. The best sun hours of the day I spend sleeping in a room with blackout curtains(which really doesn’t matter because the ultraviolet ray benefits can’t penetrate glass, GO OUTSIDE!) .

Why is D so important? Read.
 There’s a ton to D. Like an uber ton. But today I’m going to focus on the weight loss benefits of it.

• Vitamin D affects your insulin levels which affects people who are diabetic or borderline diabetic. It is very important that they keep their vitamin D levels at a healthy range.
• Vitamin D activates your fat cells to help you burn calories (raises your metabolism) which in turn helps make them smaller, especially fat cells around your stomach and hips because of their link to the liver.
• Vitamin D helps your body stimulate and release Leptin which is protein hormone that tells your brain you’re full.
• Vitamin D (mostly taken from sunlight) reduces side effects of depression, resulting in more activity, more want to exercise, and better eating habits.
• Vitamin D stimulates the immune system which means less sluggish days and less days where you’re too sick to be active.

Just in case you’re confused, much of your vitamin D comes from absorbing sun rays. But before you head outside and start worshiping the “sun god” for hours at a time, remember you only really need 10-20 minutes of sun exposure WITHOUT sunscreen. After that, put the sunscreen on. If you are petite and fair skinned, keep it closer to 10 minutes. The larger you are or the darker you are, the more you need to get closer to 20 minutes.

But with it only taking about 10-20 minutes outside to get a decent amount of vitamin D each day, why are so many people still deficient in vitamin D? Because we don’t go outside anymore. Most of our waking hours are spent in the car, in the house, in the shade, in the not where the sun is. Add to that the lack of inner health that we face. Our bodies aren’t processing and using vitamin D like they should. So how do we get more Vitamin D without too much exposure to the sun?

Well, you still need to go out in the sun. You just have to. BUT you can add a little extra D to your diet. That’s right, food. MMMMMMMMM. We all know cow milk is a great source of vitamin D.

Here’s some of them that this book they showed on Dr. Oz goes over.

If you haven’t read product labels lately, you’re missing out. Many foods (eggs, breads, cereals, ect) now have a big “fortified with vitamin D” picture on the front of them. While I’m not a fan of modifying natural foods, this is an option. (Yes, I know, I’m an organic nerd, but it works for me.) I’m a fan of Simply Orange Juice with extra C and D but that’s not on my sugar detox diet right now so it’s a hush hush thing for me right now.

Milk… of course is full of Vitamin D. Now add to it, fish. Yep, the nasty smelling slimy water lovers are an amazing source of Vitamin D. Go for the fatty versions of the animals. I know that sounds horrible but they produce the most vitamin D.

But lets say you’re a vegetarian and you don’t eat things that moo or bawk or things with hearts (personally I’m a fan of bawk and moo, sorry. I just pretend they don’t have hearts), and you don’t want to take in a ton of carbs? Mushrooms. They soak up the sun just like we do. In fact, they are the only freggie (fruit or vegetable) that contain vitamin D.

Mushrooms aren’t enough to get that extra D? Daily vitamins. YOU KNOW IT’S COMING- organic daily vitamins. But most of them only contain 15-40% of your D so you can’t fully rely on those.

Now look me in the eyes and tell me you’re going to start taking care of your D. DO IT! I know you can’t see me, but I’m doing the concerned mom look, so you do the “Ok Mommy” look back at your screen and nod your head. K? K.

The book they were talking about is called the Vitamin D diet. It’s a 5 week diet where they say you can lose 15 lbs. Screams crash diet to me. But since I used her info from the show for a lot of this info, I will give her credit by putting a link to her book. If anything it will at least shed some light on Vitamin D (pun intended, ha, get it? get it? light-vitamin D… ok I’m done) Link here

Note because I’m a turd like that: A healthy diet is a lifestyle change, not a 5, 6, 7, 90 day plan for fast weight loss. If you are going to do a specific diet (soup diet, vitamin D diet, whatever diet) it needs to be something you can maintain. As soon as you go back to your old ways, you WILL gain the weight back. So learn from these diets. Incorporate them into your daily if you feel like doing them. And remember that most of the weight you lose in the first few weeks is waste. YAY POOP!

I definitely have a DeviantArt, Fanfiction.net (see the links in the previous blog post), apparently I have tumblr (that I have abandoned, ha ha…), pretty sure I have a Twitter…geh, I need to be better organized.

Been thinking of picking up my VN projects again, haven’t touched them for the past few months (whoo…). Also thinking of starting a Pokemon Webcomic. So who knows where that’ll get me?

But for a fat kid, that was a lot of work. Volleyball was much easier. And hanging out with my friends was even easier than that as I got older. Dance just kind of went to the back burner.

Fast forward to my senior year in high school. AJ Hoenigman (Yah, I can spell that) somehow wins my heart and talks me into going to a rave. Don’t gasp at me, I’m not the go get wasted on E kind. I was curious. What happened? I was hooked. The music was great, you could dance like an idiot and get away with it, and for 4 straight hours I was complimented on how I danced. I was complimented by strangers. That’s huge for me. All I knew was that I was moving to the music. Even my “Molly Ringwald in the Library” dance was considered genius. You can imagine that all went to my head and raving became my world. Unfortunately so did drinking and hanging out with idiots and I pretty much grounded myself for life. Parenting, my parents did it right.

Wasn’t that a nice little story? Yah, I figured you’d like it. Anyways, what I wanted to get across to you was that dance does something for my confidence. It’s pretty apparent that I’m extremely insecure. Spending most of your life feeling obese, balance challenged, and ugly will give you a kick ass sense of humor but a really bad self esteem issue. So when I dance it’s like I can see what others see.

I kind of fell into Hustle. I started with Zumba, had fun. Went to a cardio dance party class, liked it. Then went to another dance cardio class that was actually a HUSTLE class and loooooooooooved it. That inner confidence was there again. I was able to learn the moves and dance with everyone at the end with no fear. I forgot the rest of the class was even there. That was heaven for me. And this was when I was still 275 lbs. Again, after class, I was immediately praised on my dance style.

Taking instructor training was a no brainer for me. I knew I wanted to start working in the fitness industry and that subbing as an instructor would be a fun way to bring in a little extra cash to start going back to school for nutrition.

What stopped me? I was dancing, a friend was saying they couldn’t wait to take one of my classes if I ever got hired, and the lady behind us says to her friend “I don’t think I could take someone’s class if they were bigger than I am.” Have you ever been punched in the back of the head, kicked in the shin, and then had your heart brutally ripped out, followed by someone spitting on you? Yah, that’s pretty much what it felt like.

So I didn’t put in my application to the gym, I stopped working on Phat Girl Hustle, I tried to push it from my brain. I was going to wait until I lost more weight (had lost 80 by then) and then think about it again. In my head, she was right. Who would take a class instructed by someone who still needed to lose 50 lbs?

Then I really become friends with a lady named Delia. She’s a real life person but when times get hard she’s also the angel that sits on my shoulder and screems “Hell yah!” when I need a confidence boost in dance. She tells me how much she loves that I make the moves my own. I may not look like a perfect dancer but she can tell I really feel the music and put my heart into it. Hustle isn’t really hip hop (don’t ever tell Chalene I said that) but I’m a firm believer that you can even take a ballet piece and add the dirty to it. And Delia sees that with me.

She invited me to a hip hop class that was a blessing to me. It showed me what I lacked, that I’m not an over average dancer. It showed me that I will never be on America’s Best Dance Crew or in music videos. AND THAT’S OK. Because I don’t dance to be great. I dance because I love it. I can’t pop and lock. Who cares? That’s not the class I want to teach. It gives me ideas and it builds me so that I can make Hustle my own and reach out to someone else like me.

So I have my confidence back? Nope. In a few months we’re moving to Oregon. I had it in my head that I would be quitting the post office and getting into the fitness industry. We started making these plans in Feb. and I was playing fantasy in my head that we could survive off Josh’s paycheck and the tiny income I would get from working at a gym and maaaaayyybe instructing. But reality has set in. We really can’t afford for me to not be sure I can make a living off this.

I can do the Hustle moves and put a little swagger to them. Does that make me a great dancer? HELL NO! I really can’t do anything better than club dancing and putting a little grime to cheerleader pop hop. Other than “Jazz” I’ve really had no instruction. Not even ballet. Do you know what it’s like to be a white girl who couldn’t tell you what a plie is? (Had to look up how to spell that.)

Then I go to this hip hop class lately and it’s becoming a curse. I feel like I’m being judged through the whole class. I stopped going for a few weeks but every dance class became that. I’ve lost my confidence with dance.

We can say that lady at the gym who said I was still too fat was wrong. We can say I should get over it. But the fact is, I’m going to hear that a lot. If I can’t get over it now, what’s going to make me get over it later. What if someone says it in the middle of a class and I freeze? You can’t tell a crazy person not to be crazy and you can’t tell me just to get over it. And who really wants an instructor who can’t take it to the next level? This is where my head is at right now. I miss Hustle just being fun.

Would I make a great instructor? Without a doubt.

Can I make it as an instructor? The answer to that is frustrating me.

to be an instructor by kwehkweh