Maybe acting like you’re happy–declaring it to others–is another key to being happy. You begin to believe it.

On another note–Jesus, these former “friends” of mine.

cica e o leapsa, pe care am primit-o de la nimeni. am vazut-o pe un blog, mi-a placut si, nu cred ca omor pe nimeni, daca o postez si eu.
deci, pe birou meu se afla.
*monitor
*boxe
*ghiveci cu flori
*inca un ghiveci cu flori
*maus
*tastatura
*3 lumanari parfumate
*2 creme pentru ingrijirea picioarelor, cica
*ulei de masaj cu esenta de lavanda
*chestie de aia care sta in priza ca sa omori tantatii, sta acolo din septembrie.
*niste pietricele care stau langa lumanarile parfumate intr-o farfurie transparenta
*cartea Azi ca maine si ca poimaine
*o carte a lu mami
*chibrituri
*un caiet [care nu e pentru scoala]
*pixuri
*chei
*etui pentru ochelari
*aparat foto
*cutia de la aparatu foto
*pixuri
*un banut de 5 mii
*vata roz
*cablu usb de la aparar
*cablu usb de la mp3
*ciocolata cu menta
*albalaje de la ciocolata cu menta
*propolisu
*ruteru
*3 CDuri
*un sapun micut intr-o carcasa micuta[sapu pe care-l iau eu la scoala]
*ochelari de soare
*ochelari de vedere
*incarcator de baterii.
*incarcatoru de telefon
*casti
*unitatea [ care de fapt, sta sub birou.]
*revista foto-video

birou meu e full.

It’s kind of terrifying how often I go “Huh, I don’t like this day. I think I’ll go shopping” nowadays. I think I inherited my mother’s impulse-spending habits. D: (But dude, aside from those bangles up there, I got a new pair of shorts for just a little over P200. SCORE.)

Another thought that occurs terrifyingly often nowadays? “I want froyo. Or Starbucks.”

Also, “I think I’ll take a cab.” and “Rockband tayo sa Katips!”

…And this is why I wiped out half my bank account since the semester started, omg. T___T

yeah, I do have a baby in my belly and is time to celebrate and be happy!

i wanted all things to seem to make some sens, so we could all be happy, yes, instead of tense. and i made up llies, so they all fit nice, and i made this sad world a paradise….

!!!

Happyness,  fullfilment, are you  understanding how creativity can feed your emotional brain and help you to resolve your problems and answer our needs.   Are you believing in  life destiny our is it your inspiration guiding you to accomplish your goals in life?  Is creative people more in touch with happyness? Is it personal growth the better way to find happyness?

.. de O-zone

It must be a happy coincidence that this song has been playing at lots of places I went this year. At two different events. It popped up on Facebook feed today (which I must stay has become one of the major sources of entertainment in my boring life – everytime somebody asks me what else is up apart from work and the usual, I have started telling them upfront, there is nothing else.). It helped that I was in the mood for a little music today.

Go listent to it here.

♥

S

My friend Kristen, over at http://midnightcry.wordpress.com, is once again sharing her journey through a topic that touches my soul, and kicks my mind into high gear.

You can read the introduction here – http://midnightcry.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/loneliness/

And the most recent update here – http://midnightcry.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/loneliness-from-the-beginning/

In the way my mind wanders as I read I sometimes find myself mentally in a completely different galaxy by the end of a text, than the author intended me to be. So if you will allow me, I am going to lament on Loneliness a while longer here today, and share some of the revelations that come along with that. If we would all be so blessed as to hear God speaking to us on this matter I encourage you to share either here or on the Midnightcry blog.

The Wilderness is something that constantly lives in my mind. I ponder the years I have spent living in the wild. How God was amazing enough to allow me to experience that for all the good, the bad and the ugly that could be found there. I believe those were necessary years in my life, as those were the years that took me from dust, added enough moisture to turn me into clay and began to form me into the creation that will leave its memory on this earth.

Sometimes I would take the reins and add a little moisture on my own and be turned into a sticky puddle of mud on the floor, or stand in the sun for too long, only to find that I had turned to dust and blown down the road in the wind. Sometimes I would even jump directly into the fire and start to form that hard outer shell. God has always taken me back out of the fire and lovingly turned me back to dust and added just the right amount of moisture again.

I tell that little story like I have reached the end of the wilderness, but that’s not the case, and that’s where the revelation comes in. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will screw up again. Somewhere, Sometime I will do it, and I will do it in a big way. Even as I try to walk with God, I will hose it up somehow. So that means, I am not really out of the wilderness. I bet I am not even as close to the edge, as I imagine myself to be. In reality, when looking at the breath and the width of mans ability to walk with God, I am guessing that all I have done is reduced the leaves in the canopy of my own personal wilderness by about tenth of a percent. 

I feel like I am panting this in a negative light, and maybe that’s a good thing, but that’s not the point I am trying to get to here. What I really want to say is there are times in life where we need to shed those earthly relationships and be truly, physically alone, because those are the times when we finally can come to know ourselves. To know who we really truly are, and to know God in the way that he longs to know us.

Natives call it a Vision Quest. I call it the Wilderness. You can call it whatever you want, but the fact is that’s It’s like a city dweller standing on the outside looking at Sherwood Forest. It’s a darn scary place, until you muster the courage to step across that border and venture into uncharted territory. And there is always the chance you won’t like what you find when you get there, which I think is what holds most people back in the first place. The second time is a little better, but still very hard. Each time after gets a little easer, until it becomes a place of refuge, and eventually a place if intimacy with God.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me, this wilderness isn’t the same as that of the lost years, but more of a place that is separated from earthly desires and distractions. It’s not our permanent dwelling place on earth, but a place of safety, a place of understanding and intimacy.

I encourage you to seek this place out sometime soon.

How?

Well, one way that works for me is taking a fishing pole and tackle box out and sitting on the shore for a few hours, alone. No ipod, no phone, no books, no distractions.

Pastor Steve does it with a tent, some water and a bible.

You have to find your own way, but the idea is stop feeding and let it start to work on its own for a while.

Maybe this will make sense to someone

God Bless

It’s noisy, smelly and cluttered. You stub your foot constantly on scattered toy trains, cars, buses and planes as you shuffle across the colourful carpet. From the lounge room you hear the voice of the Fat Controller telling Thomas off for yet another transgression, and you smile to yourself. You remember how much you used to like Thomas the Tank Engine. Specific episodes, events or snippets of dialogue escape you, your memory long since hazed over by the myriad of other experiences that have built your life to what it is today. Nonetheless, you’ve learned from an early age that the memory of Thomas was inextricably linked to being happy. Not just content, but well and truly happy, joyful even.

The smell of home-made cooking snakes its way through every room, under every door and smacks your nose with the goodness of tomatoes, pasta and onion. It’s a familiar smell, tied as well to the notion of being happy. Spaghetti Bolognese was… is your favourite food, and has been since you learned to appreciate as well as remember taste. It’s so simple, but that’s the beauty of it; easy to make, wonderful to eat.

There’s a shuffling, then a roar as a waterfall of toys is unleashed after a determined toddler topples over a storage container. Cars, dogs, horses, sheep and boats, as well as cottages, farmhouses and fire stations all spill over one another and the young child squeals in delight. You’re sitting in your room but regardless you hear the noise. There are screams of delight as the other one, the middle brother, notices the mess and dives in head first. Cars are smashed into walls, driven over hapless cows and collided with trains, and amidst this devastation are two careless and carefree kids, and your memory is jumpstarted by the scene as you descend the stairs. You remember toys of your own and for a split second wonder if you still have them, stored away under countless other forgotten memories. Then you shake that thought free and head to the kitchen, reaching for the spaghetti scoop – which you didn’t know the name for until you started writing this story – and uncover the deep stainless steel pot, unleashing aromatic delight into the kitchen and the dining room. You quickly scoop a generous serve onto the plate, knowing that there is always enough for everyone, regardless of the amount of people we may be having over for dinner, and head to the table.

You’re used to everyone eating at their own time. The kids usually eat before everyone else, as they have to go to bed sooner than the rest of the family. Mum is too busy with cleaning up to be eating with the rest of us, and Dad just eats whenever he feels like it. It’s the same with you too; you eat whenever you feel like, so long as it’s not too late.

It’s noisy, smelly and cluttered. There are toys everywhere, but it’s home, and you’d never trade it for anything.

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Every single day I lose a bit of the unhappyness battle. I try for routine, I try for order, I try for the familiar and the comfortable. But I forget not to dwell in the past, I don’t know how not to be cynical, I am self-obsessed and not in a very happy way. In the way that I pull myself apart day after day. The odd thought has gripped me that if I have some time away from everything I’ll be able to sort things better. I always feel tired and exhausted. I fight the loneliness so much, I’ve been told I seem to have reached a stage of self-sufficiency. I possibly can’t fool myself into believing this is normal. I don’t want this normal.

S

I THINK I JUST DIED AND WENT TO BOOTIE HEAVEN.
i can’t stop drooling and i can’t decide which pair to get.
this is starting to become an obsession, hahaha.=p

Birthdays are great.  They are the one excuse to be the centre of attention.  This year, I’ve been feeling extra special because I have been able to spend quality time with the people that mean the most to me.  The fact that they have been able to take time out of thair day to spend with me and make me feel special has been a great boost.  All this pampering and attention has gotten me thinking…

How many years has it been since I actually paid attention to myself?  Why is it that I have to wait a whole 365 days before I think it’s valid for me to pay attention to myself?  Why has it taken me THIS long to figure it out?  In the last nine years, I was so busy proving to everyone that I was a strong female powerhouse capable of EVERYTHING that is thrown in my path,  I totally side stepped taking care of myself.  I guess it’s that female wiring that makes us believe that we have to put everything ahead of us and prove to the entire world that we are capable of the world. 

I guess what I’m trying to do is make a few promises to myself:

1. Put yourself first… self love makes loving others easier.
2. Take care of your soul… get in touch with your spritual side.
3. Take care of your body… it is the entity that houses the soul.
4. Exercise your brain… it deserves stimilation.
5. Take it easy on Him… you know he’s earned it.
6. Learn to trust… just because it hasn’t worked in the past does not mean you lose faith.  

I think that this year is going to be great.  After the amazing weekend I’ve had to kick off the year, I can’t emagine it any other way…

I am truely lucky.

Lets hope that I can keep these promises!

e weekend, am temele facute pentru toata saptamana asa ca .. am drepturi.
in primu rand, am dreptu sa intru pe net si sa stau pana soarele rasare.
si uite asa, netuind am dat peste asta:

have fun. >:D<

every time i’m out in the pool/sea
every time i’m out on my bike
i remember what i really love doing.
i’m not too hot on running. but i run because the Run is essential in tri.
and triathlon is, really, my first love.

i should know.   that’s how Mike won me over…    lookin thru some videos of him sangin’ and just got reminded on why i fell in love.

a few years back just jammin at a friend’s house

3/5 of ComposurE singin for a family function.  (album drops soon.  dont sleep)

and sometimes, we even like to jooet.  lmao.   (duet for you non-fobs)

Excitement would have to be the word. 

This month is my favorite month… cliche as it may seem, because it happens to be my birthday month.  I have always enjoyed birthdays and have looked forward to them.  whether it be mine or someone else’s, i find there is no better day.. then a birthday.  Waking up and feeling like it’s YOUR day… to spend the way YOU want!  On that day, everyone takes a momment to to keep you in their thoughts.  Thoughts that would otherwise be preoccupied with some other more important thing.  You have an excuse to go out and eat cake, or other sugary caloric items.  You pamper yourself and take care to make sure you look and feel your VERY BEST.    

There is no better day then a birthday.  I truely believe this.  So Why cant everyday be my birthday?  Ok maybe the cake and extra food would be overkill… but the other side of things.   what about that??

• The waking up and feeling like it’s YOUR day?
• Going about life the way YOU want to?
• Having people that want the best for you? 

Why must it only be on birthdays that we feel so great about ourselves?? I want this for my DAILY life. I think thats the biggest realization I’ve had in the past few days. 

Since my birthday is so close, I think it will be fitting if I make a resolution: This next year… I am going to focus on being the best me.  I am going to make strides in feeling good about myself because enough time has been wasted feeling the opposite.  Enough time has been lost waiting for my birthday to feel special.  I know that I have a lot of good things to give and I have to stop short-changing myself and give myself some credit here.  I deserve that…

We can all remember what it was like to be a kid in the old days. We ran outside with no shoes on, played in the creek, went to the mine and explored. One time, one of the children fell into the water by the mine. We tried to pull him up countless times but couldn’t do it. Who knows why, maybe because we were all under 7 years old? Who knows, but we were pretty determined to do it ourselves because each and every one of us had been warned not to go there. The water was dangerous and the poor kid was getting scared. We finally did go get a parent to help and I can’t remember if we stopped frequenting the mine though. I doubt it, there was allot of Iron Pyrite there Fools Gold and we were young and foolish, so it was right up our ally. We played where ever we wanted to because the town was our playground. We ran around the neighbourhood as much as we wanted to and it was normal.

I used to live in Lynn Lake Manitoba when I was a kid. I guess I was about 5 or 6 years old at the time. We were one of the few families in my group of friends that had TV. During the day in the summer while our parents were at work my sister and I would invite the kids in the neighbourhood to watch with us. We weren’t allowed to have anyone inside the house so they watched from the doorway.  I can still remember the look on their faces as they watched TV standing by the door hoping we would give up and invite them in. There was a forest behind our house on Silver Street that we would play in. We ran around there to our hearts content. One time we were running away from some drunks in the forest and one of my friends fell and got glass in their eye. I will never forget watching her dad use his tongue to lick it out. We were all thoroughly grossed out and fascinated all at the same time. If we got bored we would draw pictures and sell them door to door in town for a nickel. We felt rich after selling just a few pictures because in those days you could buy a piece of candy for a penny. Every When we had sold all our pictures or got tired of going door to door we would just go to the local candy store and fill our pockets with candy. We were alone during the day, no babysitter. My sister who was in grade 2 at the time babysat me during the day. If we got hungry she would whip up some oatmeal on the stove. That is until the kitchen caught fire. The tea towel was hanging too close to the element. It was an honest mistake that anyone could have made. we were very responsible little girls. I remember it very well. When the flames started licking at the wall we calmly went looking for the animals that were in the house then once they were found we went to the neighbours( it was an main floor in a house) and told him that the kitchen was on fire. My mother quit her job in the jewellery store after that. I remember being very proud that I knew how to walk from one end of Lynn Lake to the other. It was a safe little town, bliss for a kid at that age or was it just an average town and the real bliss was the freedom to explore and be free. I asked my mother about it years later and according to her there were allot less child molesters and criminals in those days. I think not.

The media and the global network makes news easier to spread. I highly doubt that 33 years ago my mother would have heard about a child being raped and killed in Saskatoon or in Toronto. But today in our modern society if we as mothers hear about a child disappearing in Utah or Edmonton and we pull our children closer. Our grip tightens and our fear grows. I moved to Iceland in part because of this. I had become one of those parents who wouldn’t let my child walk to the park alone. I barley let them play outside, and felt that allowing them to walk the 10 minutes to school by themselves was a big thing. I felt my anxiety grow with each kidnapping, killing rape and murder that I heard about in the media storm that is unavoidable these days. When I moved here to Iceland things changed pretty fast but that is another story all together. I was inspired to write this post after reading www.FreeRangekids.wordpress.com

I am not done with this subject but I am done with today.

Drifa Ulfarsdottir

I was supposed to spend today (er, yesterday, since it’s 1am now) with my blockmates.

But plans got messed up by my horrid sleeping habits, as all my plans are wont to do. By some happy coincidence, I ended up spending the day with someone else, who my friendship with has been on the rocks for the last six months. I could’ve still spent the day with my blockmates, but when she asked, it was no contest, really. These opportunities don’t come very often these days, and I missed her. It was just the two of us, something we hadn’t done in a long time. I didn’t think it was going to be as comfortable as it was, seeing as we’re still (re)testing the waters. But it was, and it was nice.

awesome day w/ @eeeek! spent 3 hrs waiting in line at d uni, 3 hrs deciding where to eat, 3 hrs shopping for school supplies. good times!

There are definitely worse ways to spend my last day of freedom. Good times, indeed. ♥

http://www.mediafire.com/?yjcfhmjt13mawesome day w/ @eeeek! spent 3 hrs waiting in line at d uni, 3 hrs deciding where to eat, 3 hrs shopping for school supplies. good times!

the genius who thought up the toffeenut latte is a, well, genius. every year since 2006 i have been drinking starbucks’ toffeenut latte at year end. for me, it brings back memories of late-night cram sessions at the airport when i was a footloose/fancy-free theatre genius in NUS. and every year since its inception, i have waited for november/december so that i could traipse excitedly into a starbucks outlet to order my toffeenut latte. genius, really.

not so genius, however, is not being included in the main team for november’s race. it is not a good feeling to be excluded from the elite boat. geeeeeeziz i know i’m much, much stronger/faster than team B! a little part of me keeps screaming that this is the sign- that rowing is after all, not my first love.

anyhoo. back to clearing my work email inbox. i am on a roll and nothing can stop me!

it might be the work of my toffeenut latte.

Early tomorrow morning. To a city which I have no connections, no relationship with. Bangalore. For four whole days.

I have been there on a whirlwind day trip once in the past.

I’m looking forward to it.

Travel almost makes up for the time I spend in office and away from a real life.

S