The writer-in-residence, Deborah Cooke, a best selling fantasy romance author, invited two panels for the event on the “Business behind Romance Writing”. These two guests sat before a microphone on either side of a long table at the front of the auditorium (I felt like I was at a press conference! It was so exciting!). The lady on the left was Brenda Chin, the senior editor of Harlequin (Blaze). The lady on the right was agent Amy Moore-Benson who sold manuscripts to major publishing companies and had formerly worked for Mira Books for twelve years.

One of the questions Deborah opened the conference up with was whether there were any “trends” in romance novels these days. Brenda replied that the role of the hero since 9/11 had change significantly. The trend was now ordinary men who were heroes, like firefighters and cops. A hero any woman might find in their ordinary lives and have their own (as Brenda put it) “Sexily-ever-after”.

What is it that agents look for in novels? Amy’s answer was that she was looking for “freshness” in the voice of a novel. The confidence in the writing and characterization needs to shine in order for her to take a work on. Another thing I learned from her has helped me a lot in dealing with formal rejection letters: She mentioned that she sometimes receives 20 submissions in 2 minutes! She only asks to see 10% of the query letters she receives. She only takes on 24 clients, never more.

(Intermission: At the moment there is a shortage of books being published for the ‘Love Inspired’ imprint of Harlequin. So for anyone writing in this genre you would do well to submit your work there! It’s not impossible to get contracted without an agent. Brenda mentioned having taken on several first time writers.)

When I mustered enough courage to speak (after which I kept raising my hand hahaha) I brought up my issue with being unable to start another project after spilling and twisting every drop of me into ‘The Runaway Courtesan’ (the historical romance I’m querying for) and thus cannot seem to start a new project. The answer I received somewhat saddened me. Writing is a business, especially romance writing, for in order to establish yourself you need to publish at least one book per year (unless the book is really, really, superbly good, then people will wait a bit longer). The editor mentioned that when there was a hole in the schedule at Harlequin, there was a writer (whose name I didn’t catch) who agreed to write a book to fill in that space. So in the matter of three weeks she completed a novel and it ended up becoming one of her best sellers. To become an established writer, I learned, requires a lot of discipline. Deborah added that we should (I’m paraphrasing here): just WRITE…even though it’s total crap…and leaves us having to revise the story for the next two years. Everyone broke out laughing here.

What turns off publishers? Brenda replied that it was: Not knowing your target audience and a first chapter that does not sing. Amy’s response was: Writing that doesn’t seem natural, which is an issue among many romance writers as they sometimes try so hard to write a romance that their writing ends up with a stilted falseness.

There was the grumbling me from days ago complaining about agents and editors. My impression of them hadn’t been too pretty. But the conference ended on an eye-opening (or rather, a heart-opening) note. Deborah said: “We forget that agents and editors work long drawn hours from morning till night to get a book out without ever seeing the reward. We need to remember that they love books as much as we writers do.”

Agents and editors, I salute you.

I’m going to close this post with a question I’ve been wondering all day. Deborah Foong, a romance writer I sat and talked with for a while, mentioned how romance books were not respected among the critics. Let’s say you (writers or publishers or agents of romance) were being interviewed, how would you defend romance novels?

P.S. Don’t forget to check out our blog LET THE WORDS FLOW

If there’s one thing that really bugs me about books, it’s heroines who are what’s referred to in the romance genre as TSTL–Too Stupid To Live.  You know who they are even if you don’t read romance, because you probably watch TV or see movies or even see advertisements for romantic comedies where girls trip all over themselves for some guys and for some reason don’t break their necks.

But what I can’t figure out is if it’s MORE annoying when they’re TSTL from the start, or if there’s a bait-and-switch with the stupidity later in the book.

The book I’m reading right now has 80 lovely pages of Claire, a competent, funny woman.  Around page 80, she suddenly becomes *DUN DUN DUNNNNN* Too Stupid To Live.

I think maybe it’s the latter, because at least with the former you know what you’re getting into.  But here, you’re just happily going through the book, wondering why you don’t remember liking it very much, and then it hits you: Ugh.

UGH.

I think I generally prefer recapping books I like to books I hate.  Not that this falls into either category yet, so let’s amend that: I’m sick of being angry at everything all the time.  I get sick of putting things down, not because the snarking isn’t fun (it always is) but because I’m disappointed by my younger self’s interests, or the book’s popularity, or that someone’s going to see what I saw then instead of what I see now.  And in a way, I guess that’s okay because someone might see new things and come to realizations because I’ve changed their viewpoint.  That’s neat.  People change my viewpoint all the time, for good or bad (mostly bad).  It’s not JUST power of suggestion, although that’s part of it.  It’s being open-minded enough to be willing to see something else.  I can generally get behind that.

But the fact that people write these things, that no one says “Did you ever think maybe we shouldn’t publish a book that makes women look like idiots?”  That hurts, and it makes me angry.  And I’m sick of being angry.  And that’s why I’ll keep recapping Night World for a while instead of going right back to The Vampire Diaries.  It’s better to share joy than stupidity.

I hope this girl comes to her goddamn senses fast.

You know, I get this whole concept of the ’80s mom, writing romances to help pay the bills and for her own satisfaction.  And I get that not everyone wants to write about what they know, that sometimes you want to write about someplace else.  But choosing a city at what feels like random, and doing no research on the place, so that it may as well be Cleveland as San Francisco, really bothers me.  I know it’s a cliche, and it’s probably not even half-accurate, but when I imagine the more homebound of the Harlequin readership of a few decades ago, I would think they’d want to know SOMETHING about the city in which the book takes place.  They want to be transported.  I know I did, when I read these books the first time.  There may not be flat-out inaccuracies in this book, but there’s nothing AUTHENTIC either.  And that bugs me, especially since the setting is Philadelphia, MY city–or at least the one closest to me.

But this should really be stuff I complain about when I recap this book.  I just needed to get that little bit out now.

I know, I know, The Struggle first.  Let me get caught up with some schoolwork and then I’ll do a recap.  Might be posted tomorrow though, depending on how much gets done.

A Man She Couldn’t Forget  by Kathryn Shay

Harlequin Romance

Clare Boneli has felt like a stranger to herself ever since the night an accident took her memory. The night she made a choice between two very different men.

Both Brady Langston and Jonathan Harris are good men. But their versions of her are so opposite, it’s as if she’s two different people. One man holds her career future and one man seems to hold her heart. Because when she’s with Brady everything feels so true, so right. As she moves closer to the truth about that fateful night, Clare has to choose again. To stick with the life she’s made for herself. Or listen to what her heart’s been trying to tell her…

What a fantastic book. I found myself throughly engrossed by the story in A Man She Couldn’t Forget. As I read, I kept thinking about the television show Samantha Who? and her retrograde amnesia along with the movie Regarding Henry which the book refers to. Ms Shay did a fabulous job of research when it came to her subject matter. Not only about the subject of amnesia but also in regard to the recipes used as Clare cooked.

I liked the character of Clarissa Boneli. As I learned more about her, I truly began to care for her and her life. I hoped that she would continue to be nice and not go back to snubbing her family and friends. I wanted her to continue to pick her home life and what I thought was her ultimate happiness with her friends as opposed to her work and ambitions for a national television show. I liked how Clare was naturally drawn to Brady and how she learns of their friendship.

I thought Brady Langston was a dreamboat. He did everything for Clare after she had amnesia. After I learned how she had treated him previously, I was surprised that he let his love for her show  in everything he did for her. Brady is too good to be true at times. I don’t know how he was able to hold back pushing Clare for a more intimate relationship or pressing his advantage when Jonathan wasn’t around. He not only loved Clare but he was a true friend through the entire story.

I thought Jonathan Harris was true to the character that was written for him. He loved Clare and wanted to do whatever he could to further her career and her life with him. Jonathan is not only rich and handsome but he is privileged and  it shows in all that he does. I think Jonathan’s only fault is that he wants Clarissa to marry him and he doesn’t want to wait for her to regain her memory or share her with anyone.

I found all the character to be fully fleshed out and a vital part of the story whether they were a main character or a minor one. Little Donny Kramer played as important of a role in the story as Lillian or Lucinda. Anna Summers, as Clare’s doctor, is the perfect psychiatrist. As I said before, I could see the amount of research that went into this story.

I enjoyed the references throughout the book about contemporary times. There were references to J K Rowling, Paula Dean and even Wicked. These made the story more relevant for me and the recipes sounded delicious. Ms. Shay states on her livejournel that they are her own family recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation  and can be found on her website. What a generous gift to give all her readers.

I recommend reading this wonderful story about second chances, friends and lovers. I know A Man She Couldn’t Forget is one story that I won’t forget anytime soon.

Thursday, September 3

Texas Sheen
Chemically Imbalanced Theater
1420 W. Irving Park Rd., Chicago

Chemically Imbalanced Comedy opens their 10th season with the original parody Texas Sheen based on Harlequin Romance Novels by Anthony Ellison. As WWII is ending, the discharged Elroy McSheen returns to his hometown, Pecos, TX, to pay off his brother’s debts. Lacking the money to repay Jud Lawson, Elroy agrees to work off the debt on Jud’s farm. Jud’s beautiful daughter, Lilly, falls in love and lust with Elroy causing trouble for the whole family.

Show begins at 8 p.m. Followed by a wine and cheese reception and talk-back with the playwright, director and cast.
TICKETS ONLY: $25
For reservations call 800.838.3006 or visit www.cicomedy.com.

A Man She Couldn’t Forget  by  Kathryn Shay

Harlequin Romance

Clare Boneli has felt like a stranger to herself ever since the night an accident took her memory. The night she made a choice between two very different men.

Both Brady Langston and Jonathan Harris are good men. But their versions of her are so opposite, it-s as if she-s two different people. One man holds her career future and one man seems to hold her heart. Because when she-s with Brady everything feels so true, so right. As she moves closer to the truth about that fateful night, Clare has to choose again. To stick with the life she-s made for herself. Or listen to what her heart-s been trying to tell her…

What a fantastic book. I found myself thoroughly engrossed by the story in A Man She Couldn’t Forget. As I read, I kept thinking about the television show Samantha Who? and her retrograde amnesia along with the movie Regarding Henry which the book refers to. Ms Shay did a fabulous job of research when it came to her subject matter. Not only about the subject of amnesia but also in regard to the recipes used as Clare cooked.

I liked the character of Clarissa Boneli. As I learned more about her, I truly began to care for her and her life. I hoped that she would continue to be nice and not go back to snubbing her family and friends. I wanted her to continue to pick her home life and what I thought was her ultimate happiness with her friends as opposed to her work and ambitions for a national television show. I liked how Clare was naturally drawn to Brady and how she learns of their friendship.

I thought Brady Langston was a dreamboat. He did everything for Clare after she had amnesia. After I learned how she had treated him previously, I was surprised that he let his love for her show  in everything he did for her. Brady is too good to be true at times. I don’t know how he was able to hold back pushing Clare for a more intimate relationship or pressing his advantage when Jonathan wasn’t around. He not only loved Clare but he was a true friend through the entire story.

I thought Jonathan Harris was true to the character that was written for him. He loved Clare and wanted to do whatever he could to further her career and her life with him. Jonathan is not only rich and handsome but he is privileged and  it shows in all that he does. I think Jonathan’s only fault is that he wants Clarissa to marry him and he doesn’t want to wait for her to regain her memory or share her with anyone.

I found all the character to be fully fleshed out and a vital part of the story whether they were a main character or a minor one. Little Donny Kramer played as important of a role in the story as Lillian or Lucinda. Anna Summers, as Clare’s doctor, is the perfect psychiatrist. As I said before, I could see the amount of research that went into this story.

I enjoyed the references throughout the book about contemporary times. There were references to J K Rowling, Paula Dean and even Wicked. These made the story more relevant for me and the recipes sounded delicious. Ms. Shay states on her livejournel that they are her own family recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation  and can be found on her website. What a generous gift to give all her readers.

I recommend reading this wonderful story about second chances, friends and lovers. I know A Man She Couldn’t Forget is one story that I won’t forget anytime soon.

Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe (By Bill Bryson)

Whoops! And it’s already been a week since I saw you last!

It’s weird how each day inches so s-l-o-w-l-y by while the years (or a week, in this instance) just seem to up and run. Anyhow, this past week has been full of ups & downs. The first part was more down than up, and even though things were really picking up on the work front, other things were sliding waayyyy down to their lowest ebb ever.

Why so low then? For one thing, being a moody person isn’t as great as those eccentric geniuses make it out to be. You never know when a sad/ weepy mood is coming on. One moment you’re feeling all superior, looking down on that part of the world that takes immense literary pleasure in reading Mills & Boon and other Harlequin Romances. And the next you surprise yourself by weeping uncontrollably over the death of the heroine of the most non-thrilling thriller/ suspense book you’ve ever read. (If you must know, the book is ‘Odd Thomas’, authored by none other than the paranormally-obsessed, prolific Mr. Dean Koontz). It doesn’t help that the heroine is described more or less as a walking candy stick, with her pink cap, pink skirt and pink-and-white blouse cutting a very ‘hot’ picture (at least in the eyes of our hero).

Okay, so why am I rambling on about a book I don’t even intend to recommend to you guys? God knows about that, but there is one I do wanna recco. Recommend, and how! If some of you (like me) have been foolish enough not to have read Bill Bryson, do it now! Do it yesterday. The guy’s a happy-go-lucky genius and, if he hadn’t been older than my father – not to mention married – you’d have been reading Mrs. Bryson’s blog right now.

I’ve just been introduced to Bryson by a friend (thank you, thank you, J) and I started off with his ‘Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe’. The man is so chilled-out, so ready-to-go-with-the-flow and, most importantly, so observant of people, places, things…that it’s a real pleasure to forgo Internet and television and only curl up with him in bed. (That sentence was about to end with: ‘…that it’s a real pleasure to read him’ but then I thought to make it an itsy-bitsy more fun than that).

Now that you have my book/ author recommendation for the week, I also highly recommend a mini vacation – the likes of which I am all set to go for tomorrow. Just grab a pal (as I did) and jet off to one of the tiny hill stations scattered all over the place. The rainy weather makes it all worth it. Don’t know about you but there’s something about water falling unbidden from a zillion faucets that makes me want to sing and dance madly. And since quiet office aisles & cramped city sidewalks are not the place to do either of those things (sing or dance), I figured it’d be better to make it happen in a place where only the trees and the birds could bear witness.

So off I go tomorrow. But don’t you worry – I’ll be back just a day later on Sunday. And this time I promise not to be so lax about posting…

We were never good friends in college, though the few times we did share a meal in a dining hall (she lived in the dorm across the street), we were always surprised we didn’t speak more often.  Like me, she appreciated the beauties to be found in both science and literature.  We didn’t necessarily like the same books, but I respected her enthusiasm for reading books that challenged her and her aesthetic awareness in general.  She wanted to specialize in plastic surgery and I convinced myself, noting her flat appearance, that she must want to give a new life to impoverished children in third world countries by repairing their cleft palates.  I try to put the best face on plastic surgeons when they’re friendly.

She went on to medical school and even ended up doing her residency in plastic surgery.  We made the faintest show of friendship after college: one of us friended the other on Facebook.  I unfriended her some time after, during one of those phases when I confronted what a farce it was to consider myself friends with someone with whom I never shared messages even.

When a college friend of hers whom I’d been neighbors with died, I learned she was holding a memorial for him during our five-year college reunion and friended her again as we corresponded about how I’d gotten to know him before college through a series of nerd-oriented events and because of our shared need for a cab due to physical disability.

The Supposedly Shared Sorrow of Magdalene and the Crocodile, by Carrie Ann Baade

It was through her continual update feeds (who knew there was so much time for masturbation during medical school?) that I learned she was in fact the heroine of a Victorian romance novel, where everything was tragic and sumptuous, leaving her in an ecstatic swoon always.  Ah, her life was glorious.  I enjoyed sharing these updates with Frank until her delirious narcissism became increasingly maddening.  I was forced to confront the fact she really did deluse herself into believing she was a beauty, compounded by a divine beneficence that urged her to enable genetically inferior creatures to attain her own perfection.  It was an especially condescending update feed that drove me to unfriend her yet again, though I immediately regretted it, thinking what a loss it would be not to be able to follow her pathological confessions.

But thanks to the grace of mutual friends, I was able to get a reminder of what bile I was missing when a former classmate, also in medical school, noted how he’d pronounced his first death that day.  And after a series of condolences, including mi, I read this response from the harlequin heroine:

“the one time i did that (in the middle of the night), it was such a charade. anybody could tell, looking from the door, that this guy was dead. he’d been terminally ill anyway. but i had to go through the motions.”

I can’t decide what disturbed me most: her complaining about having to perform this duty at an inconvenient time, her self-pity about having to go through the motions of work best left to idiots, her suggesting that someone’s being “terminally ill anyway” was tantamount to his already being being, woe is she. Either way, she makes me shudder.

P.S. She doesn’t deserve a requiem, but if she did, it’d be Requiem Pour un Con (Reqiuem for a cunt) by Serge Gainsbourg.

P.P.S. Good Facebook friends keep you updated onimportant life events and introduce you to good music, timely articles, even amazing art, like that featured in Hi-Fructose Magazine (providing such visual stimulation as the piece by Carrie Ann Baade).  Bad friends, well, they’re just sick and masturbate on others’ update feeds.

How do Elephants Make Love?:

The Narrative Mechanics of Political Courtship

The changing demography of America makes it increasingly necessary for Republicans, who currently rely upon an overwhelmingly white base of support, to diversify their constituent body. In early 2009, newly elected Republican National Committee (RNC) chairman Michael Steele announced his intention to “take the GOP’s message to the black community” by “show[ing] up, spend[ing] time, and spend[ing] money,” officially declaring the party’s renewed desire to ‘woo’ a demographic held for some time by the Democratic Party (Nelson 2009: 98). What I wish us to consider, rather than dwelling upon the quantitative success of such attempts at the polls, is the particular genre and mode within which coalition efforts operate. How are they written? How should we read them? Considerable attention has been given to democratic theory’s use of romantic language over the years and, consequently, the idea of coalition building between two distinct demographic groups can be imagined as a form of political courtship. Considerably less attention, however, has been given to the particular romantic mode that such coalition efforts operate within, let alone the theoretical consequences each method of ‘pitching woo’ has on the minority group being pursued. Therefore, rather than addressing the ‘value’ of a coalition from a quantitative standpoint, I wish to consider the qualitative impact of political courtship. Toward this end, I present three modes of the romantic genre that coalitions could theoretically operate within: Harlequin romance, gothic romance, and rakish romance. Having established their characteristics, I will then explore the effect each mode has upon the sought after group, and consider the GOP’s recent coalition attempts in each of the three romantic modes. I conclude that, although not necessarily the GOP’s intent, the functional reality of democracy and coalition building rewards rakishness. The political impact such behavior has upon the African American community further damages future prospects at true inclusion and incorporation within America’s political parties.

Michael K. Fauntroy observes that, starting in the 2006 midterm election, America’s Republican Party began to drastically change its tactics in an effort “to win more African American support,” (2008: 49). While past efforts were characterized by “largely symbolic” activities, and were executed “without much consistency or resources,” the 2006 election had three Republican African Americans running for statewide offices: Michael Steele in Maryland, Kenneth Blackwell in Ohio, and Lynn Swann in Pennsylvania (ibid.). In the end, all three lost their respective races due to “macro-level political realities” that harmed black and white Republicans equally, but the election did mark, according to Fauntroy, a new beginning in the GOP’s long-term strategy (ibid.). Although there was an acknowledgment of this reality before 2008, which was reflected in the party’s 2006 attempt at attracting African American voters by running three black candidates in statewide elections, the most recent presidential election drove the point home: the Republican Party lost considerable ground with non-Whites between 2004 and 2008, the Hispanic vote reportedly dropping from 44% to 31%, and the black vote dropping from 11% to 4% (Wickham 2009: 11a). The manner in which the Republican Party attempts to represent the African American community must therefore be addressed.

Katherine Tate clearly explains the different ways one can be represented in Black Faces in the Mirror, employing Hanna Pitkin’s distinction between descriptive and substantive representation. Being descriptively represented means “the representative belongs to [one's] social or demographic group,” while being substantively represented means “the realization of [one's] political needs” by one’s representatives (Tate 2004: 13). A constituent may be one, none, or both of these, depending upon the circumstances, but descriptive representation without substantive representation is purely symbolic (ibid.). Similarly, one can make the distinction between symbolic and substantive legislation: substantive legislation causes something—be it tangible, such as money or housing, or abstract, such as a right—to change hands or be extended to a broader group; symbolic legislation, on the other hand “do[es] not distribute or redistribute any public good or regulate in the standard sense, but reflect[s] their constituents’ interests and concerns” (ibid.: 98).

This should not be misunderstood as Tate passing a value judgment upon descriptive or substantive representation, for she does not. Her purpose, in fact, is to address the opinions of those who dismiss the symbolic as meaningless. Seeing another in a position of power whom one considers to be like one’s self is exceptionally valuable, and “blacks are not alone in their strong appreciation of being descriptively represented; all Americans place a strong value on it” (ibid.: 6). Symbolic legislation is similarly important, for although it “neither distribute[s] nor redistribute[s] tangible public goods,” it does provide “special recognition on persons or groups” (ibid.: 81). Indeed, being symbolically represented may be more important in the eyes of some minority voters than having a party one identifies with in power. Although party affiliation “mattered when it came to judging the legislator’s performance” in a 1996 approval survey, “race mattered a great deal more” to the African Americans who were polled (ibid.: 122). To simply write off the descriptive and symbolic reveals an inability to comprehend the emotional consequences of political invisibility. As Tate argues, “in the marketplace of ideas and ideologies, this voice and recognition [of blacks and poor Americans] has potent currency” (ibid.: 110). Both descriptive and substantive representation will therefore be considered equally in our examination of the GOP’s courtship practices. First, however, we must give special attention to a concept so common we rarely consider what it means. What, exactly, is ‘romance’, and how does it have anything to do with politics?

Democratic coalitions, like democratic institutions themselves, generally operate in a romantic mode. Romance, however, can and has meant a wide variety of different things at different times to different people, making a clear explication of what I wish ‘romance’ to signify throughout this paper very necessary. Romance, in the most general, contemporary sense of the genre, denotes narratives about “passionate love prevailing against social, economic, or psychological odds,” and is therefore fairly all-encompassing (Murfin and Ray 2003: 415). By not limiting itself to normative sexuality or particular conventions of courtship within a given period, the romantic genre can be stacked with other modes as well. Consequently, there are seemingly innumerable variations within the genre: chivalric romances, romantic epics, gothic romances, Harlequin romance novels (which, as we will later discuss, borrow heavily from chivalric romances), romantic comedies, and so on. Indeed, depending upon how one defines ‘passionate love’, even narratives about homosocial friendships—the modern notion of ‘bromance’, for example—could fall within the romantic genre. In short, the romance of which I speak is about achieving union between two or more individuals, be it sexual, social, political, or any other form which one may think of. In a sense, therefore, all democracies and coalitions operate in a romantic genre.

While romantic narratives are stories about love and union, they are also stories of power, dominance, and control. They come into being among various other institutions—the state, the family, religion, and, most blatantly, the institution of gender—and must successfully navigate the pitfalls created by these established and influential bodies. Simultaneously, however, romance is also a narrative of creation: marital unions create new families, (hetero)sexual unions create subsequent generations, and political unions create new parties, states, or national identities. The creation of the new, however, is often premised upon the dissolution of the old: creating a new family may require one to cut ties with past sexual and/or social relations, just as creating a new state requires one to detach one’s self from the institutional structure and identity with which one has long associated. Romantic notions of union require one to commit, and the easiest way to demonstrate commitment is to sever other ties.

In addition to the external struggles over power and association in romantic narratives, which serves to make something ‘at stake’ for the characters and audience, there is a similar struggle within the romantic relationship itself that, depending upon the particular type of romance one is dealing with, may not be given proper attention. Very few romantic narratives present equalitarian relationships, and instead order individuals into dominant and supportive positions. Since heterosexual relationships are the historic norm for the romantic genre, it is worthy to consider which groups are presented as being masculine (i.e., better positioned to direct the collective action of a coalition and, consequently, are better positioned to reap the benefits of that collective action) and which groups play a stereotypically feminine role (characterized by dependence upon a masculine figure and consequently pushed into a supportive role within the coalition). Since we are examining coalition efforts as a form of political courtship, we must consider the gendered position of various groups and the consequences of that position in each of the romantic modes. Approaching the issue from this understanding of gender roles, blacks fall into the feminine position. This is for multiple reasons, including numerical inferiority (a key consideration in democracies) compared to the white-dominated Republican Party, historic disadvantages (exclusion from institutions such as the state tend to set one back a bit), continued racial biases (be they intentional or not) on the part of other racial demographics, and unequal economic standing.

The first romantic mode that will assist us in understanding the intent behind political courtship is Harlequin romance. In the concluding chapter of Democracy and the Foreigner, “The Genres of Democracy,” Bonnie Honig notes that this is arguably the most common romantic mode in which Democracy operates. “Harlequin romances,” says Honig, “trace the transformation of the young heroine’s feelings for the hero from fear into love,” (2003: 110). Approached in this manner, political courtship invariably ends happily; although facing hardship and initially apprehensive of potential suitors, their “preoccup[ation] with ‘getting a man’” wins out (ibid.). This is made easier by the suitors’ honorable intentions, for there is no subterfuge or deception, and “eventually the right match is made and the newly wed couple is sent on its way to try to live happily ever after,” (ibid.: 109). In many ways, Harlequin romances work with the same gendered assumptions as chivalric romances. The struggle is not between the man and woman, but rather the man and “a variety of fantastic antagonists and obstacles,” (Murfin and Ray 2003: 255). The woman’s role in such a struggle is peripheral; she is the object he fights for, but does nothing particularly noteworthy other than show an unwavering devotion for her virtuous hero.

Although not officially sanctioned by Steele’s campaign, the National Black Republican Association (NBRA) created and ran a controversial radio ad in Maryland that perfectly captures my point regarding the problems of Harlequin romance narratives in political courtship. Designed to recruit African American support for Steele, the one-minute radio spot takes the form of two black women having a conversation. “Dr. King was a real man,” says the first woman with admiration, unaware that her mind is about to be blown by her friend. “You know he was a Republican,” the second woman responds. “A Republican?” exclaims the first. Oh yes, answers the second, going on to explain that it was the “Democrats [who] passed those Black Codes and Jim Crow laws, . . . started the Ku Klux Klan, . . . fought ALL Civil Rights Legislation from the 1860’s to the 1960’s, . . . [and] released those vicious dogs and fire hoses on Blacks” (NBRA 2006: n.p., emphasis in original). “Republicans,” on the other hand, “started the NAACP, affirmative action and the HBCUs [Historically Black Colleges and Universities]” (ibid.). The ad concludes with the first of the two women saying that “Democrats have bamboozled Blacks[,] . . . trying to keep us POOR and voting ONLY Democrat” (ibid., emphasis in original).

Steele’s reaction to the ad was reportedly mixed: before he had actually heard it, he said he was happy Republicans were asserting “their real place in history,” but upon hearing the ad, he issued a press release stating that “NBRA’s current radio ad is insulting to Marylanders and should come down immediately. . . . [T]here is no room for this kind of slash-and-burn partisan politics in the important conversation about how to best bring meaningful change to Washington” (Brynaert 2006: n.p.). Steele’s labeling of the ad as “insulting” is spot-on, although for more reasons than his public statement acknowledges: it is premised upon the belief that political party ideologies possess temporal homogeneity; it ignores the events of 1968, which led to the mass departure of Dixiecrats from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party; and, most important to our discussion, it’s operating in a Harlequin romantic mode, and marginalizes African Americans in the process by positioning them as occupying a stereotypically feminine position.

First, the ad is spoken by two women, which is important because they are, quite literally, preoccupied with Dr. King as a ‘real man’, presumably because they feel that ‘real men’ are lacking in their life. The revelation that he was a Republican simultaneously changes the topic toward politics while also directing their gaze to a different group of people where ‘real men’ may be. It is then that the antagonist is introduced in the form of the Democrats, who are responsible for innumerable villainous deeds against African Americans, but who have been resisted at every turn by heroic Republicans such as Dr. King. It is at this moment that the first woman realizes she’s been wrong her whole life; the political partner she believed to be a caring protector—the democrats—have actually been keeping her blind and in a cage of poverty. Initially skeptical, her affections shift toward the Republican Party who founded the NAACP, affirmative action, and the HBCUs. “Democrats have talked the talk,” explains her friend, “but Republicans have walked the walk,” (NBRA 2006: n.p.)

Political courtship written as Harlequin romance is dreadfully offensive, but it is not the only manner in which one may read or write political coalition narratives. Because of the shortcomings of these Harlequin romances—their falsely happy endings which prioritize the masculine position over the feminine—it would be beneficial to consider another mode, proposed by Honig, in which political unions can be read: gothic romance. Within this genre, although “a mysterious foreigner [might] appear on the horizon to rescue these wayward people from their misfortune,” it counts on “the reader’s uncertainty as to whether that apparently rescuing foreigner is really a hero or villain” (Honig 2003: 109). The key element to gothic romance is doubt, which does not mean to suggest that the relationship need be loveless; one can love another without being blind to their machinations.

“What [female gothics] provide us with is not a sense of paralyzing paranoia in the face of monstrous forces beyond our control, nor a clear distinction between the forces of good and evil, but a healthy caution to be wary of authorities and powers that seek to govern us, claiming to know what is in our best interests. From female gothics, we get a valuable exhortation to take matters into our own hands[,] . . . becom[ing] less vulnerable to their husbands (good or bad) because they have learned their powers.” (Honig 2003: 118)

Gothic romance remains gendered in the sense that it acknowledges that one has more power than the other, but it doesn’t suggest that this must or should be so.

Two major examples arise regarding gothic romance, one being Steele’s relationship with the Republican Party, and the other being black voters’ relationships with Steele. “When I disagree with the president,” says Steele, “I stand up and [say] so” (Steele, in Dingle 2006: 109-111¹). “Hurricane Katrina was our [the black community's] 9-11. . . . When President Bush went to New York after the terrorist attacks, he did not just fly over, he got on the ground and met with those affected by the attacks. . . . He should have done the same in New Orleans,” (ibid.). Steele goes on to criticize other aspects of the Republican Party, including “the need to increase the minimum wage . . . and place individuals on the path toward greater earning power” (ibid.). He has also been warned by his friend, Curt Anderson, of the precarious position he and all African Americans occupy in relation to their party affiliations. “By virtue of being a Republican candidate for office,” Steele explains, “there’s an automatic outreach from me to the people,” and this is increased by “being an African American Republican” (Combest 2006: 6). What is important to Steele, however, is that his Republican-ness and his black-ness are distinct; he need not sacrifice one in order to remain the other.

Like the concern that “the increasing number of Blacks [in] the House would undermine the political solidarity of Blacks [by bringing] into Congress diverse views and perspectives, “ the same can be said regarding the rise of Black Republicans (Tate 2004: 109). However, as Steele argued in his 2006 interview in Essence, his candidacy as a Republican is “really about looking more broadly at how a community of people can get the best benefit out of a relationship that has been lopsided,” (Hira 2006: 98). The former Lieutenant Governor of Colorado (and black Republican) Joe Rogers makes a similar argument in support of diversifying Black eggs into multiple party baskets:

“There ought to be no place within American society in which we do not have a presence. And clearly in the context of both political parties in the United States, we have to have not just the presence at the Democratic Party table, but we ought to have a presence at the Republican Party table. That way, our interest are consistently protected as a people regardless of which party is in power.” (Dingle 2006: 106-109)

Based upon Steele’s and Rogers’ stated positions, their support for Republicans is not due to a belief that the party will act as a hero for the African American community, but rather that, within the party, they have the opportunity to equalize a political structure in which blacks are disadvantaged.

Steele continually denies that his nomination “had [any]thing to do with race,” but his rise as the RNC’s first black chairman is noteworthy due to its narrative purpose. What was the Democrats’ moment becomes the nation’s moment when Steele draws the comparison between himself and Obama: “[h]aving a black president of the United States and a black leader of the opposition is a wonderful testament to our country,” (Lawrence 2009: 6a). Unfortunately for the GOP, however, the Democratic Party can employ a similar, ’steal the moment’ tactic in regards to any legislative efforts designed to woo African Americans in the next election. Due to the party’s minority status, there is very little the Republican Party can do in the way of legislation that would woo African Americans, for there is little they could take credit for; if the Democrats vote in support of Republican-drafted legislation, it becomes a bipartisan, national achievement, removing the sought after feather from the GOP’s cap. A legislative competition for the affection of black voters could be extremely lucrative, politically speaking, for the African American community, but this can only happen as long as both parties believe their efforts could be successful. Keeping two parties equally enticed is a difficult prospect.

While Steele’s position as RNC chairman is an important symbolic step of the Republican Party, the fact that Katon Dawson was his primary competition—a member of a whites-only country club until just before he announced his candidacy for the chairmanship—demonstrates just how far the party has to go to rid African Americans of their (warranted) distrust for the GOP. Republicans have done very little over the last forty years to earn anything but suspicion from blacks. As one of the few high-profile black Republicans in the country, Steele is best positioned to serve as a descriptive representative of the black community despite the fact that he steadfastly holds that his chairmanship had nothing to do with race. What it did have something to do with, according to Steele, is building a bridge between Republicans and (unnamed) other groups. “What the party cares about right now is coalition building and grassroots and getting our message out[, a]nd they felt I was the best person for that,” (Nelson 2009: 98). This has not spared him, however, from allegations of being an ‘oreo’—a derogatory slang for those who are racially black but culturally white. The “healthy caution” Honig supports appears to be in abundance.

Unlike the previous two romantic modes discussed, the last of the romantic modes is exemplified by a stock character—the rake—in romantic literature. Traditionally, rakes act as the antithesis to chivalric protagonists, and are immoral, aristocratic figures who use their wealth and charm to woo virtuous young women, usually impregnating them before pursuing another sexual conquest. The female equivalent to the rake, the coquette, is an attractive but non-committal woman who flirts with men in order to gain their favor. It is not my intent to apply these stock character traits to those who engage in political courtship; to do so would be highly tendentious of me and largely unproductive in its returns. What I wish to point out, however, is that the American political structure lends itself particularly well to such behavior, possibly even rewarding it. Before this line of thought is pursued, it would be beneficial to more fully outline the defining characteristics of rakes and coquettes, and so I will turn to a classic, early American novel that is sympathetic to, although not encouraging of, the feminine position in courtship: Hannah W. Foster’s The Coquette.

The Coquette is an epistolary novel following the life of Eliza Wharton who, upon the death of her fiance, returns to “the busy scenes and active pleasures” of social life (Foster 1986: 7). She meets a young gentleman named Mr. Boyer, who begins courting Eliza with the intention of marrying her. Shortly thereafter another man, Major Sanford, enters the picture, and attempts to woo Eliza as well. Her friends favor Boyer, believing Sanford to be a rake (which is confirmed by Sanford’s correspondence with a friend), but Eliza does not wish to marry anyone. “Marriage is the tomb of friendship,” Eliza explains to her friend Lucy, in which “former acquaintances are neglected or forgotten[, t]he tenderest ties between friends are weakened, or dissolved[,] and benevolence itself moves in a very limited sphere,” (ibid.: 24). Eventually, Boyer gives up on Eliza, calling her a coquette. No longer challenged by competition over Eliza’s time and affection, Sanford disappears, only to return some time later married to another woman. Even married, however, Sanford does not stop pursuing Eliza, continually expressing the deepest affection for her until she finally succumbs, gets pregnant, and flees her home, only to die in childbirth “far from every friend” (ibid.: 169).

One may notice multiple similarities between this story and the behavior exhibited by Republicans in an effort to woo black voters. A disturbing reality may very well be that, despite the wishes of certain Republicans such as Steele, there may be no serious desire in much of the Republican Party to win the black vote and support black interests. In the opinion of Ron Walters, the director of the African American Leadership Institute, the Republican Party has no wish to win the African American demographic; “traditionally, the strategy has been to try to get a sliver of the Black vote,” for “if they could get at least 15% of [it] then they can cut into enough close races and cost the Democrats the victory,” (Dingle 2006: 105-108). If Walters is correct, the GOP has no intention of ‘marrying’ African Americans, and instead simply wish to sully their relationship with the Democratic Party. From a standpoint of personal interest, it makes the most sense due to limited party resources; why do anything more than the bare minimum if all one needs to do is disrupt the voting behavior of a demographic?

While I’ve reserved my comments to Republicans due to their high-profile attempts at political courtship in recent months, I do not mean to suggest that Democrats are innocent or appropriately represent their African American constituents. Steele and other black Republicans are probably right in their belief that the Democratic Party takes the black vote for granted. If The Coquette stands as a decent allegory of political courtship, however, African Americans stand to lose the most from this game. The gentlemanly Boyer abandons Eliza for a more submissive bride, and the rakish Sanford only seeks to manipulate Eliza into sex without extending the relative security provided by a marital union. Such a situation inevitably leads to coquettish behavior, for the black community—or any minority group, for that matter—cannot afford to lock themselves into a relationship; doing so would provide no guarantees that their interests will be pursued. The Congressional Black Caucus’s motto is arguably most revealing of this point, for “Black people have no permanent friends, no permanent enemies . . . just permanent interests,” (Tate 2004: 105).

Both the Harlequin and gothic romantic models we’ve examined come together in this final example of romance. On the one hand, there is the possibility of a chivalric masculine figure who will protect the weak so long as the weak accept a submissive role, and on the other hand there is the possibility of untrustworthy monsters who one cannot feel safe from no matter how cautious one is. Stuck between the two options is an independent figure who wants nothing to do with either, but grudgingly accepts that such a decision must be made if they are to remain a participant within the institution. The problem is not that one party is the former while the other is the latter; nor is it that both parties are unconsciously chauvinistic or deliberately selfish. The problem is that abstract institutions in which members come and go don’t have collective personalities, meaning that both parties have the capability to be either or both at any point in time. Those minorities who seek inclusion within the political system have no reliable way to incorporate themselves into the political process without placing themselves at risk, and so long as this is the case, there will remain such a thing as ‘black interests’ which are separate from traditional party politics. I, too, “recoil at the thought of . . . forming a connection, which must confine me to the duties of domestic life, and make me dependent for happiness,” (Foster 1986: 29). If remaining single is to work, however, it will require close friends.

Works Cited

Brynaert, Ron. 2006. “Black Republican group’s ad accuses Dems of starting KKK, claims MLK was Republican,” The Raw Story. Site: www.rawstory.com/news/2006/Black_Republican_groups_radio_ad_accuses_0921.html.

Combest, Kevin. 2006. “Steele Brings Common Sense to Maryland Senate Race,” Human Events, 62(33), p1, p6. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

Dingle, Derek T., Hyacinth B. Carbon and Tennille M. Robinson. 2006. “Rise of the Black Republicans?,” Black Enterprise, 37(4), p100-114. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

Fauntroy, Michael K.. 2008. “Afros and Elephants: Black Republican Candidates Running Statewide in 2006,” Western Journal of Black Studies, 32(2), p41-50. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

Foster, Hannah W.. 1986. The Coquette. Intro. Cathy N. Davidson. Oxford University Press, New York and Oxford. Paperback, 169p.

Hira, Nadira. 2006. “The Right Stuff?,” Essence, 36(11), p98. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

Honig, Bonnie. 2003. “The Genres of Democracy,” Democracy and the Foreigner. Princeton University Press, Princeton and Oxford. Paperback, 204p.

Lawrence, Jill. 2009. “RNC’s new chair comes out swinging,” USA Today, February 2, 2009, News, 06a. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

Murfin, Ross, and Supryia M. Ray. 2003. The Bedford Glossary of Critical and Literary Terms, Second Edition. Bedford/St. Martin’s, Boston and New York. 540p.

National Black Republican Association (NBRA). 2006. “Groundbreaking Radio Ad Released by Black Republican Group.” NBRA Press Release, September 7, 2006. Site: www.nationalblackrepublicans.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=pages.PressReleaseRadioAd&tp_preview=true. Last Accessed May 12, 2009.

Nelson, Sophia A. 2009. “Fade to Black,” Essence, 39(12), p98. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

Tate, Katherine. 2004. Black Faces in the Mirror: African Americans and Their Representatives in the U.S. Congress. Princeton University Press, Princeton and Oxford. Paperback, 213p.

Wickham, DeWayne. 2009. “Steele the right guy to pull GOP out of its nose dive,” USA Today, February 3, 2009, News, 11a. Retrieved May 11, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.

I was discussing with Frank what to tentatively title the Angela chronicles and we brainstormed for a bit on the range of possibilities. (I don’t want “The Angela Chronicles” to be the title, not that her name creeps me out or brings up emotions, but I’m looking for something more interesting than the obvious.)  My two rules were to have something that a guy wouldn’t be embarrassed mentioning and something that won’t stale (impossible to predict, I know). Ah, the options.  “Powdered Milk” perhaps?

There’s “The World Returns,” but that sounds too spiritual.  “Welcome Back to Earth,” which is a key statement in the end, but that sounds too loopy, which it was.

Frank offered up “Twunt,” but that’s not very Yulia.  Neither is “Pretentious German Bitch that I Loved”  I’m not offended by the word bitch, but wouldn’t use it in connection to her.  “Pretentious German Bird that I Loved”?  Now that has potential, though bird may be substituted with nut, drama, and any number of Angela signifiers.

He also came up with “Classical Lessons in Sapphic Obsession,” but that seems to take itself too seriously and doesn’t have my voice to it.

There’s “Beautiful Decaying Things,” which is what I was once compared to but may be too much like the movie titled “Dirty Pretty Things.”  Erg.  And it seems there’s a magazine by the name of “Beautiful / Decay.”

And then there’s one I loved last night but don’t know how I’ll grow into, a Frank original of course: “Creepy German Love Rituals.”

Yes, I think he’s onto something.

P.S. Should all else fail, there’s always “Variations on a Circle,” a phrase that my mom concocted last weekend, not referring to anything I can remember.  It stunned me with its profound nonsensicality, its brilliant meaninglessness.   It has nothing to do with the story’s arc or energy, but then geometry is life.

I’ll be taking a break from Fictionpress, and this is my reason why:

FictionPress 
noun.
1. A growing network over 1 million writers/readers,
and home to over 1,200,000 original works.
2. An addictive drug for writers and readers  

Hell hath no fury like a writer who was once-addicted-to-getting-reviews-from-FictionPress-but-is-no-longer-receiving-any.

Ever since the day I completed TRC, ever since the day I took it off the site due to plagiarizm, I’ve only been receiving reviews once in a blue moon for the one chapter I left up. I’ve actually read through all of my 1110 reviews on FP, sighing and reminiscing. At times I feel like I would do anything to get my writing noticed again. I’ve wasted hours, meant for revising TRC, so I could start a new project I didn’t have my heart set on (When Angels Fall).  All those precious hours, with which I could’ve improved TRC, gone, for the sake of receiving reviews from my readers again… I had to strangle and suffocate my own need to continue on with TRC, because I’m a writer who can’t invest myself emotionally in two projects at once. But I’ve discussed this on-going battle of mine (TRC, or reviews, TRC, or reviews..??!!)with my editor and she tells I need to relax. Breathe in and out, slowly, and remind myself that finishing TRC is more important that receiving reviews. Remind myself that the value of who I am, a writer, is not measured by the number of reviews I get. So, sorry to those who have set their hearts on When Angels Fall, but I won’t be continuing it until I feel that TRC is polished enough to move on. And when I do return back to WAF (which will probably be LONG later–a year, even), I intend to do a major fix up of its plotline, and change it so that I don’t end up writing a Harlequin romance. This might be politically incorrect to those who enjoy Harlequin romances, so let me add that I don’t condemn these books. I just think there needs to be another romance genre that portrays love in a way that doesn’t require high sexual tension and graphic sex scenes.

Anyone catch Nightline on ABC News the other night? They ran a piece on Harlequin’s 60th Anniversary and the success of romance novels during the Recession, and featured an interview with paranormal romance author Gena Showalter! Our CEO Donna Hayes is quoted as saying, “in the case of Harlequin, the must-have in the formula is that you must have a happy ending. Trials and tribulations as you date and break up, argue or all those things, but at the end you are going to be together with the love of your life and you are going to feel really good about it. So that’s the key and that’s why people love to read our books.”

So what could be better in tough times than a little romance and the certainty that things will all work out? It’s like comfort food for the soul.

If you missed it, you can watch the video online here and read the accompanying article that includes more quotes from Gena. The Romantic Readings by various celebrities are hilarious, I loved Wolfgang Puck, who was YOUR favorite?

Jayne

Way, Margaret. The Australian’s Society Bride. (New York: Harlequin, 2009). ISBN – 9780373175659. Harlequin Romance #4075, February 2009.

Main Characters: Leona Blanchard and Boyd Blanchard

Description from book:

Dynasty and diamonds . . .

Parties at the luxurious Blanchard estate draw the cream of society. Dressed to impress, glamorous women swathed in diamonds and designer outfits make a beeline of Boyd Blanchard, heir to the family business – and the most eligible bachelor in Australia.

Leona has known Boyd since she was a child, and he still has the power to turn her emotions inside out. But he is so out of her league that she carefully hides behind a wall of cool indifference. Until the kiss that sets the tongues of society wagging and gives Boyd the means he’s been waiting for to make the stubborn, sensual redhead his . . .

My Thoughts:

I have to count Margaret Way as one of those feel-good authors from my youth – much like Diana Palmer. I don’t even bother to read the descriptions of her category romances. I generally always buy Way’s books when I run across them (I don’t actively seek out her work like I do with Diana Palmer’s ). I absolutely adore her stories about ranching dynastic families in Australia. This one was no exception.

Boyd was a typical Way hero – the rather larger-than-life character who has it all. Leona is billed as the poor (but not really poor, just so in relation to Boyd’s branch of the family) relation who feels a bit overwhelmed by her big-name relatives. She secretly worships her distant cousin Boyd, but desperately tries to hide it. Boyd, however, has waited long enough to make Leona his. The family, especially Boyd’s father, is not terribly happy about the match.

One thing that I did like about this particular story was Leona. Often, Way’s heroine’s are easily swayed by the mean-spirited relatives who seek to break up the happy couples. Leona was certainly susceptible to the lies spread by her mean-spirited relatives. However, she seemed to have the inner strength to stick around and deal with the issues. She stood up for herself and her relationship with Boyd. I appreciated this fact.

I will say that I was a bit surprised with how far Boyd’s father was willing to go to break up Boyd and Leona. I didn’t buy that his supposed love for Leona’s mother could be used as justification for his opposition to Boyd and Leona’s relationship. That was a bit odd.

Read first March 2009

I “stumbledupon” this site today and it just hit me funny so I had to share it with you!  Here are two of the re-imagined book covers in Longmire’s collective satirical look at romance novels. I would consider him a master at re-imagining concepts and readers who enjoy a little wordplay now and then will likely enjoy his other collections as well including: 
Rejected Wheel of Fortune Puzzles - See some word puzzles that never made to TV! You’ll never watch Wheel of Fortune the same way again! 
Longmire does Romance Novels - Romance Novel cover titles rewritten the way they oughtta be. After all, love stinks, right?  
Change One Letter - Changing one letter of the wording on signs, buildings, whatever, to totally ruin them. 
Planet of the Apes…funkified! - I’ve taken the classic sci-fi film and turned it upside down, inside out, slapped it in the face and stuck gum to the bottom of its shoe. Three chapters are ready so far.

It sounded like a good idea when Pablo, my personal dental flosser, first suggested it. And, after bribing my wife with sex coupons, she was still reluctant (about the surgery and the coupons) but on board none the less.

Now on the surface, you may chalk this up to pure unadulterated vanity. But, I assure you, my vanity was never in question. No, I was doing this for one simple reason: To fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a nipple model – for I have truly spectacular nipples. Not too big. Not too small. Always perky. Alas, the surrounding areas, namely my man breasts, have always stood in the way of this dream becoming a reality. But no more. It was time for action. It was time for a visit to Dr. Showenwiess.

Needless to say, he was more than happy to take my money, and then draw on me with a tickly marker. And I was one step closer to living my dream.

Of course, having a new chest would bring about certain lifestyle changes. So in the days leading up to the surgery, I busied myself with these preparations. First, I bought tons of v-neck t-shirts – the male equivalent of the swooping neckline favoured by large chested women – that would highlight my man cleavage. Next, I began sourcing photographers to help me build a portfolio. Finally, I called every Chippendale who had ever laughed at me during an audition and told them exactly why, in 10 days time, they could suck it. (The figurative it, not my nipple.)

Surprisingly, when informing people of my news, I received many more laughs and awkward looks than I did congratulatory high fives. Normally I would brush this off as petty jealousy. But you never really know how hurtful it is to be called “a phony Ken doll” until you hear it from a 6-year old boy.

Naturally, I told the little bastard he was adopted; then ran off when he started crying. Afterwards, I fell into a shame spiral when I considered the consequences of my actions. Was it really weird for a man of my age, or any man for that matter, to get pectoral implants?

My therapist suggested the procedure was a way for me to cope with my fear of oatmeal. My proctologist gave me his therapist’s number. And my dentist speaks Latin, so she had no idea what I was saying.

I finally got some perspective when my hair stylist pointed out that, with all the exposure I planned on giving my new chest, it would probably look even better if I waxed or shaved it. As my chest hair is one of my most prized possessions, this would be a decision that required some deep thought.

Upon further review, the repercussions became crystal clear to me: If I shaved my chest, I’d have to start oiling my chest; once I began oiling my chest, I’d have to start tanning that shit too, and Coppertone skin requires long, flowing golden locks. And that’s when it hit me. That’s when I realized what I would become:

Mother-fucking Fabio.

A male titty model.

I know what you’re thinking, “This is your dream. Your nipples will be living the life. You’ll grace the covers of countless Harlequin Romance novels. You’ll have the second most famous cleavage this side of Pam Anderson. You’ll have your own slushy machine. It’s everything you’ve every wanted.” And this is all true. But at what cost I say? I’m not about to give up my chest hair (and whatever dignity I have left) to become some self-loathing, wannabe Lothario in make-up and fruity pirate clothes. If there were an eye patch involved, maybe I’d consider it. But I’d only wear it when brushing my teeth, so probably not.

No friends, unfortunately this was yet another dream I would have to let die. Like my short lived synchronized swimming career, psychic hotline, and animal whisperer clinic, it wasn’t meant to be. But don’t worry, some good news has come from this ordeal. I’ve learned it’s not always reasonable to dream big. And, in the after math, I’ve decided to re-focus all my energy on pursuing a more attainable goal: Becoming a body hair model.

I wish I could say that I fell in love with books by reading A Tale of Two Cities or Tom Sawyer or even The Count of Monte Christo (0ne of my favorite books of all time).

No, I fell in love with books, with reading, by reading romance novels.

Not Romeo and Juliet, not Wuthering Heights, Gone With the Wind or even Pride and Prejudice; no, the romance novels I fell for were the monthly publications of Harlequin Romance.

This year Harlequin Romance is celebrating 60 years of making us blush, dream and fantasize about the super macho man of our dreams and they’re giving away free books!

Here’s the link to get yours-

Free Harlequin Romance Novel

Congratulations Harlequin! And thank you!!!

Well I received rather good news today.  My erotic/horror novel “The Curse of Albrecht Manor” placed tenth overall in Preditors & Editor’s 2008 Reader’s Poll.  It’s sequels “The Hound of Doom” landed at 13th in it’s category (erotic/thriller), and “Those Dangerous Times” finished up at 18th in erotic/mystery.  It’s times like these that make me happy to be an author. 

My novelette “Jen’s Tale” (a erotic/romance/sci-fi) is undergoing its second round of edits with Red Rose Publishing.  Nocturne Bites (a Harlequin imprint) received “Love Bites Back” another short novel and the before mentioned Red Rose was sent “Deviant Ark” another erotic/sci-fi/romance. 

In the months to come I expect several more novels to come out and hope to put out a few more while I’m waiting for real work to come my way.  See, sometimes being unemployed has its advantages!

To thank our many readers for taking us into their hearts and homes for 60 years and making us the world’s leading publisher of romantic fiction, Harlequin is giving every woman in America a free book.

In fact, we’re giving away 16 free Books that readers can download by visiting our special Anniversary Hub at eHarlequin.com and there’s a wide variety of books to choose from:
• Tender romances
• Suspenseful adventures
• Heartwarming stories
• Tales of passion
• and many more…

Download, read and share your favorites now! Plus, learn more about all of our 60th anniversary celebrations.

Some folks in the digital space have been surprised at how innovative and fully engaged we are in this arena (we publish 100% of our frontlist titles as eBooks along with original digital publishing; and then there’s our rocking online community; where we have acquired 54 debut authors via online initiatives. We are also actively engaged with social media tools like Twitter [twitter.com/harlequinbooks], Facebook, Myspace, podcasts and blogs) but then Harlequin has a long standing tradition of always being wherever women are. So I hope you’ll help romance novels become the viral story of the year by downloading and enjoying the books.

Here’s the list of free books available for download:

Harlequin American Romance, Once a Cowboy by Linda Warren
Harlequin Blaze, Slow Hands by Leslie Kelly
Harlequin Historical, His Lady Mistress by Elizabeth Rolls
Harlequin Intrigue, Crime Scene at Cardwell Ranch by B.J. Daniels
Harlequin Presents, Price of Passion by Susan Napier
Harlequin Romance, The Bride’s Baby by Liz Fielding
Harlequin Superromance, Snowbound by Janice Kay Johnson

Silhouette Desire, Baby Bonanza by Maureen Child
Silhouette Nocturne, Kiss Me Deadly by Michele Hauf
Silhouette Romantic Suspense, Stranded with a Spy by Merline Lovelace
Silhouette Special Edition, Dancing in the Moonlight by Raeanne Thayne

Love Inspired, A Very Special Delivery by Linda Goodnight
Love Inspired Historical, Homespun Bride by Jillian Hart
Love Inspired Suspense, Hide in Plain Sight by Marta Perry

Kimani Romance, Irresistible Forces by Brenda Jackson

Nascar, Speed Dating by Nancy Warren

You have to admit that is one compelling line up of great books! You can download the books as a PDF or as an eBook. Moreover, in a couple of weeks you will be able to download a version for your iPhone from Stanza.

And we have lots more celebrating planned throughout the year for our 60th anniversary including:

• The Harlequin Famous Firsts Collection – In March, June and September, look for reissues of some of the very first series books written by current New York Times bestselling writers
• The Heart of a Woman: Harlequin Cover Art 1949-2009 – We’re sponsoring and exhibition of original cover art at the Openhouse Gallery, May 29 to June 12 in New York City.
• Series Spotlight – Every month a different series is in the spotlight. Look for diamond-themed miniseries, series stars and more from all the Harlequin and Silhouette lines.

Little did Richard and Mary Bonnycastle know what they were starting 60 years ago when they founded Harlequin, but we’ve been satisfying women’s desire for romance, speaking to their hearts and transporting them beyond themselves ever since.

We hope to spread this joy of reading far and wide – please feel free to contact me if you would like further information.

Happy Reading!

Title: Strangers in the Night
Author: Kerry Connor
Publication Info: Harlequin Intrigue 1067, June 2008
Genre: Romantic Suspense
Rating: <3 <3 <3 <3

I was having some book apathy, not finding anything that cought my attentions, reading a few pages and tossing them aside, when I picked up (er…opened up the ebook file) Strangers in the Night by new author Kerry Connor. From the first page I was hooked. Pulled directly into a riveting plot with engaging characters, I didn’t put it down until the last world entered my enchanted brain. Ms. Connor’s deft writing style whipped me along in a way none of the other books I’d tried was able to do – making me forget that I was reading and instead making me lose myself in the story. Best of all: I never saw that twist coming. I am delighted to be surprised!

Gideon Ross is a cynical, world-weary bounty hunter called out of retirement to catch the man who killed his mentor–the one that got away. After years of escaping the rap for murders and illegal dealings, business mogul Price Chatlain is finally on trial for a murder with evidence enough to stick. His right hand man–who killed Ross’s mentor–has skipped bail and fled. Ross tracks him to Chicago, only to find that Taylor is hunting someone of his own. Allie Freedman is on the run for her life. She’s learned the hard way she can’t trust anyone after anyone who tried to help her has ended up dead. When Ross catches her she knows he’s either in league with her pursuers or about to become expendable. Ross doesn’t know if the woman is in league with Chatlain or not, but he knows he can’t let her go and he can’t help her if she refuses to tell him the truth. He’s set on bringing her back to New York despite her constant escape attempts, and he’ll do everything in his power to bring her back alive despite the two hired killers on their tail.

Mass Market Paperback: 384 pages - Publisher: HQN Books (September 1, 2006) - Language: English - ISBN-10: 0373771037 - ISBN-13: 978-0373771035

On The Edge

by Pamela Britton

‘Nascar’ series Book #2 (although, in my opinion, it should be Book #3)

Unknown NASCAR driver Adam Drake has some of the best moves Rebecca Newman has ever seen, both on and off the track.

But she can’t afford to feel anything but respect for the new driver she’s hired to pilot her race car. With the financial team hanging in the balance and everyone in the series thinking she’s nuts, the last thing she needs is lust getting in the way of logic. Too bad Adam has other ideas.

Adam isn’t afraid of a challenge, but getting close to his new owner is proving to be a tougher road than some of the superspeedways he’s driven. It’s going to take a secret weapon – his daughter. Soon his precocious ten0year-old has Rebecca on the run – straight into Adam’s arms. But can he convince her to stay with him, and leave behind the ghosts of her past once and for all?

Review: I’d adored In The Groove, so I decided to continue reading her series when they came out.

Another awesome book in the series! I’m more of a drag racing fan (1/4 mile straight track), but I watch NASCAR every now and then.

Britton know hot to connect her characters, and make the reader feel the connection. Even though Britton’s books are more romance than anything (HQ), there is still suspense attached to it, like the racing, the maneuvers, etc… She’s got an eye for detail, and her descriptions make you feel like you’re actually there, at the track, feeling the truck/car engines rumbling. I think that’s what I like most about the series. Britton’s spent most of her life at the track, she knows what she’s talking about, and if she’s not certain, she asks for advice.

I adore the series, and hope that she’s got plenty more of her NASCAR series to come!

Rating:

I was going to do a Batman post?  Oh heck.  I totally forget what that was going to be about.  See, I had to go back to find the post where I talked about the most influential books of my childhood, so you could read it if you hadn’t before.  And now I see I made another “promise” that I didn’t keep.  *sigh*  Okay, will have to get back to that one.  On to My Most Influential Books, Tween/Teen Edition.

As you probably figured out from my previous post, I was a precocious reader with almost no censorship whatsoever.  Now that I’m a mother, that kind of freaks me out, but okay, let’s just go with it.  I’m going to try to remember the books that really struck me, and that’s pretty easy because if I’m 31 and they’re still coming to mind, they MATTERED.  So yes, my criteria for this list is I Still Remember Them.  There you have it.  As the last list ended around 1985-1986, this one begins around 1988.

1) I’m going to cheat again and talk about more than one book, in this case by Christopher Pike.  Not every Pike book hit it out of the water, but there was a set of them between 1988 and 1992 that scared, thrilled, and challenged me.  These books were Last Act, Spellbound, Remember Me, Scavenger Hunt, See You Later, Sati, and Season of Passage.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some good books in that time period I haven’t mentioned, especially Fall into Darkness, but they don’t have what the others did.  Really, it’s a set of two things, which some of the books have both of but some only have one.  The first is a sort of eerie flatness that I completely associate with the 1980s.  In my head, it’s jumbled up with the flatter colors in the TV shows and the movies, which we can see on the DVDs or on random television channels on Sunday afternoons.  Last Act and Spellbound are best for this, especially Last Act because it’s not really supernatural (unless you count the dreams, which could go either way).  The generic names and the ridiculous clothes and the weird, old-fashioned towns where everyone has something to hide–you know, it’s probably a rant for another day but newer works never seem to have that sense of history that older works do, where you feel like you’ve stepped into something that existed before you came and will exist after you leave, not just something that’s RIGHT NOW and ceases when the last page is turned/credits roll.  But I digress.

The second part of the set is just the outright weirdness.  There seemed to be no place that Pike wouldn’t go: time travel, murder, incest, superintelligent reptiles, the nature of Man and God.  If you could think of it, Pike hit on it somehow, from astral projection to reanimation to vampires on Mars.  But, within these weird worlds was so much food for thought: Sati and See You Later, especially.  Season of Passage terrified me and made me afraid of death, while Sati and Remember Me gladdened my heart and made me think there was something more on “the other side.”  In retrospect, when we re-read these books (or read about them for the first time on blogs like Like Pike), the weird threatens to overshadow the ideas, the creativity, but we should not let this happen.  All good sci-fi/fantasy/speculative fiction/whathaveyou has as its basis ideas, not plot.  Christopher Pike was a master at this.

2) A House Like a Lotus – I have mentioned Madeleine L’Engle before, but this book is different.  For one, it is not supernatural, at all.  It was totally mind-blowing to find that Meg O’Keefe had 1) ended up beautiful with 2) a godzillion children yet 3) managed to keep them away from all the weird stuff she’d gone through in her younger days.  (This changes later, with An Acceptable Time, but still.)  As much as I loved Meg, I also loved Polly.  I absolutely need to reread this book from an adult perspective.  I do remember at the time that the two most important things to me in this book were Polly coming into her own and Polly’s conflict with Max, who turns out to be A LESBIAN.  OMG THERE ARE LESBIANS IN THIS BOOK.  (Hey, I was like twelve, okay?)  Considering that around this age I was just starting to figure out some things about my own sexuality, this book was part of a series of eye-openers (LESBIANS EXIST!  THAT SINGER THAT NO ONE BUT MY AUNT HAS HEARD OF, MELISSA ETHERIDGE, IS ONE!).  I really need to re-read and spotlight this one, but I remember it being my favorite coming-of-age book at the time.  It seemed so realistic, especially all the stuff about Polly and the play and the way she interacted with adults rather than people her own age.  My copy might be downstairs.  Hmm.

3) Dicey’s Song – I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a copy of Dicey’s Song in this rack–there’s probably a name for it where it’s just like, a table that’s designed to hold books, but if there is, it’s eluding me right now–but I never picked it up, either because it was a sequel or because I never did.  (I never picked up Little Women, either; I guess I was too busy with SVH.)  But in middle school, I was a part of Battle of the Books, and I read Homecoming, the first book in the Tillerman series, which meant I could finally read Dicey’s Song. This book KILLED me.  It was so beautiful and so sad and so hard and real.  Years later, when I passed through the area where the book was set, I was just…so sad and so happy at the same time.  By this point, I was getting into sort of this strange place where I was either reading soap opera -like drama or really depressing books.

4) Interview with the Vampire – By the time I was nineteen, I hated myself for ever liking this book, but when I was twelve and saw a copy of it on my aunt’s shelf, I had to read it, and read it the whole way home from her house in the Poconos.  By this time, I was a total vampire freak ANYWAY, but this was superemodrama.  Of course I loved it.  I am so embarrassed.

5) A Novel Approach – This was my favorite romance novel.  I was sure I was going to be Dani when I grew up.  But I’ll talk more about that when I recap the book.  Oh yes, it will happen.  I swear.

I feel like I’m missing something big.  I could say Pillars of the Earth, which I read on a teacher’s recommendation in 8th grade (ha ha, newbs), but that was less about the book itself, although I thought it was awesome back then, and more about the teacher’s faith in me.

Oh well.  It’ll come to me, then maybe I’ll spotlight it.

Chapter two of Evil Ear Tar (now known as E.E.T)

Looking Elsewhere

heaped high was the
whole of her life and from
time to time her attention
was focused
and not sitting beside her
at all.

Silent Warnings

To Fill the awkward silence,
I can assure you I don’t need a
great source of comfort.
A quarter hour… I don’t feel any different.
An unspoken warning was being tactless,
and when it was clear they were nearing
their destination,
she acquiesced.

touch the sweet

Pull down her skirt, and not fuss
when arriving with a plenteous bosom.
Misinterpreted if you do not have the
temperament for it.
sounds as if you doubted
nothing

Emot-o-bomb

The best
The decisions
made not because of a feeling,
but only for the next steep
drop under the arch of
two turrets.
A monument to the tenacity
indomitable resilience.

The Cat

Once curious,
eager to learn with the idea
of the most splendid places.
Now, however…
What on Earth had she done?

A nifty book that was once called The Devil Wears Tartan is now called Evil Ear Tar.
Once a thrilling story of Scottish Lust is an obliteration of short poems.

Chapter 1

Wanting a Favor
Fine and clear. The air carried the
freshness of spring.
The serenity, in approval, surveying the
emotion who was unaccountably gone,
promising explanations in the morning.

Bane of Society

A piece of furniture
How very annoying!
forbidden society’s company
to be labeled and be pointed at.
.Children.

Foolish strange and not wanted

her own foolishness was expected of her
gone to her downfall her anticipation,
a rather startling reality.
Being a spinster, she alone was
a strange color of Scotland’s sky.
A voluptuous woman masked a
will of iron

Wording

The second part of the sentence
would escape with a series of:
hand gestures, pursed lips,
and headshaking,
how much rebellion do you expect
with only a few hours notice?

All the same it was an expression.

A Glass Half Empty

A good thing is an empty church,
one that is not only entertaining, but gives lessons.
Overlook your brilliant future since
you heard the rumors
for concern.

Long Wanderings

There is nothing for you… unless, of course,
you become a long way toward the question.
If we had a talk no nerves might become acquainted.

Because I do not

Cease talking by the rustle
of silk created.

the dismal nature of
horns of logic was fortunate

a tinkling little bell of
admirers.

End of One

wait for the next installment of Evil Ear Tar!