Last month, New Zealand’s number one student magazine Salient put out the last issue of the year. Here is the column reviewing the year in film (despite the fact it was only October).

2009. It’s not over yet, but it might as well be considering this is the last issue (the ultimate issue, if you will) of Salient. Hells teeth, where do I begin. Has 2009 been a good year for film? Well, I would say yes. It was certainly a damn sight better than 2008 but still perhaps not as good as the No Country for Old Men-There Will be Blood-Zodiac trifecta that ruled my 2007. I always keep my movie stubs so the following is an attempt to try to make sense of the little torn up pieces of paper, which are the only physical reminders of the things I saw on the silver screen this year.

For starters, Hollywood was up to its worst tricks again. The big Blockbusters came in the stupidly long Transformers 2 and the just plain stupid GI Joe. Once again animated films like Up proved that Pixar is pissing all over everyone else when it comes to good storytelling. A little film called Bruno pulled no punches in making Americans look like fools (again), and managed to fill the screen with a giant talking penis. Michael Mann disappointed me greatly with his sub-par Public Enemies, while Tarantino divided critics with Inglourious Basterds.

At the Oscars, Slumdog Millionaire, a terrible picture that everybody seems to love won way too many awards. I’m sorry, but the ending was nonsense. Its main competition The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was rubbish too, a shame because Fincher’s Zodiac was so unbelievably good. Leonardo DiCaprio was at his best in Revolutionary Road but didn’t even get a nomination (nor did the very solid film for that matter). Instead Sean Penn’s Harvey Milk trumped Mickey Rourke’s stellar comeback in The Wrestler. Kate Winslet hoisted the Oscar for her role in The Reader and Heath Ledger became only the second actor to win posthumously for his superb turn as the Joker.

Some cool people died this year too. Patrick Swayze (above) lost his battle with cancer, as did Farrah Fawcett. English rose Miranda Richardson and old timers Henry Gibson, Dom Deluise and Karl Malden all said their last goodbyes. John Hughes left, taking with him part of my adolescence. David “Kill Bill” Carradine died in bizarre circumstances (Bound for Glory jokes aside). And of course they’re still talking about some small timer named Michael Jackson.

In July the festival came with swag of good pictures. Antichrist was not one of them—I hated it. Ponyo was Miyazaki in fine form. Che was a brave, often fascinating four-hour masterpiece. Palme d’Or winner The White Ribbon was near perfect. Aussie classic Wake in Fright had the most beer and Kangaroo wrestling I’ve seen in any film. I still haven’t made heads or tales of Jarmusch’s The Limits of Control, but Chris Doyles photography was beautiful. Moon was as good a sci-fi as I’ve seen in years.

Writing for Salient has been great because Uther was radical enough to let me scribble about stuff I really like, in the hope that maybe other people will like it too. Hence I blabbed on about my New Hollywood favourites like Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia and Two-Lane Blacktop, mainly because they both star Warren Oates. Go watch them, they are the best. I also got to write on the greatest television show of all time, The Wire, which even proved a hit in the Salient office. If you haven’t seen it yet, sheeeeeit, make sure you do.

So what does 2010 bring? Well, if Avatar lives up to its absurd hype, cinema might ‘never be the same again’. Frankly, I think this is nonsense. Even if the 3D experience is amazing the film looks like a ten-foot blue turkey. Expect Transformers III and GI Joe II. As long as people keep going to these movies, Hollywood will keep making them. Expect all the best movies to come in the festival and expect them to have subtitles. Expect Megan Fox to make her relationship with Nic Sando official. Expect there to be too many movies to watch, and not enough time in the day.

In proper Salient/High Fidelity tradition here are some top fives.

Top 5 films of 2009 (that I saw)

1. The White Ribbon
2. Che
3. The Wrestler
4. Revolutionary Road
5. Ponyo

Top 5 films I saw in 2009 (from any old year)

1. Happy Together
2. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia
3. Opening Night
4. A Taste of Cherry
5. Being There

Top 5 films of 1971 (for my loyal readers)

1. Two-Lane Blacktop
2. The Last Picture Show
3. Harold and Maude
4. McCabe and Mrs Miller
5. The Hired Hand

Top 5 movie quotes

1. “If I’m not grounded pretty soon, I’m gonna go into orbit.”
2. “Get the meat.”
3. “If you keep looking at me you’ll see me kill you.”
4. “Pipe dreams Dad, I’m a barber’s son.”
5. “GARBAGE DAY!” or alternatively “CARPET DAY!”

Top 5 other things…

1. The video for ‘Welcome to Heartbreak’ by Kanye West.
2. The trailers for Must Love Jaws, Brokeback to the Future, and Shining.
3. Alexander Skarsgard (above).
4. HSX.com.
5. My blog! therushmorefilmsociety.wordpress.com.

Every week we will feature a new entry in our 70’s Superstars Series. Collect ‘em all! Just like Wacky Packages except with more polyester and cinematic iconoclasm…

This week’s 70’s Superstar is Hal Ashby.

Born William Hal Ashby in Ogden, Utah, Ashby experienced a tumultuous childhood that included the divorce of his parents, his father’s suicide and his dropping out of high school. Ashby was married and divorced by the time he was seventeen. Ashby moved to California where he became an assistant film director, winning the Academy Award for film editing. Ashby has often stated that film editing provided him with the best film school background outside of traditional study and he carried the techniques learned as an editor with him when he began directing.

Ashby directed his first film, The Landlord, in 1970. He soon embraced a counterculture lifestyle, became a vegetarian, and grew out his hair long before the ridiculous little ponytail on men look. Over the course of the decade, he directed several acclaimed and popular films, including Shampoo, The Last Detail, the still brilliant, off-beat romance Harold and Maude, and the social satire Being There, which resuscitated the career of Peter Sellers, who many had written off as a lost cause. He also directed the Woody Guthrie biography, Bound for Glory, which has a distinction of being the first film to use the Steadicam. However, his most commercially successful film was Coming Home, one of the first films to deal with returning Vietnam veterans; Jane Fonda and Jon Voight won Best Actress and Best Actor awards, and Ashby was given his only Best Director nomination.

After the filming of Being There, Ashby became notoriously reclusive and his behavior eccentric (he would pacify former girlfriends by hiring them as film editors or refused to eat food in the presence of others). As studio executives grew less tolerant of his perfectionism – he was scheduled to direct Tootsie – he found offers being refused and grew antagonistic towards production policies. Eventually, his later films were shelved or subjected to massive re-editing. In an attempt to revive his career, he discontinued his drug use, cut his hair, and began to frequent Hollywood parties as to suggest that he was once again ‘respectable. Unfortunately, his reputation preceded him and he never worked in film again.

Hal Ashby died in December of 1988 of pancreatic cancer. However, today he stands as an underappreciated auteur of the New Hollywood era. Earlier this year, a tribute was held to honor his work. The event, hosted by Cameron Crowe, featured appearances by Bud Cort, Jon Voight, Judd Apatow, and others, as well as a rare musical performance by Yusuf Islam, then known as Cat Stevens, who proclaimed, “The impact of my musical legacy was due in part to the fact that Hal Ashby embraced my albums and used them (as a soundtrack) for his amazing film Harold and Maude. People are as tied to that film as they are to my music and this event is an opportunity for me to honor the memory of the man.”

The Exorcist trailer - Saw this in a college class and then had to walk home across campus in dense fog. Didn’t sleep a wink that night, nor did most of my friends. Yes, it was a Jesuit college.

Halloween trailer - I saw this screened at a NACA convention in a small classroom with about twenty people. At a critical point in the movie – when you could hear a pin drop - the guy next to me goosed the girl in front of him and she rocketed skyward with a bloodcurdling scream, which made most of us soil ourselves. Then a walk back across a foggy campus where the film distributor hired a Michael Meyers lookalike to drop from a tree. (I’m still washing that pair of shorts.)

The Blair Witch Project trailer - The very last scene makes no sense if you didn’t pay close attention in the beginning. If you did pay attention, it will scare the shit out of you. Kudos to the creators who took a shoestring budget and made one of the best viral movies ever, with special thanks for making that scary ending so subtle. Hope the creators of Paranormal Activity are slipping these guys a few bucks. 

House on Haunted Hill trailer - Where I grew up in NYC there was an afternoon matinee called Million Dollar Movie that aired from around 4:30 until 6:00. Occasionally they would show the same film Monday through Friday. I remember watching this film every day for five straight days and still jumping ten feet in the air every time scene with the “floating woman” came by…god, that still creeps me out! Starring Vincent Price at his smarmiest and featuring the always willing to chew scenery Elisha Cook, Jr. They have remade this movie several times but nothing touches the original.

Session 9 trailer - Contemporary horror movies are mostly gorefests. This was a thinking person’s movie, where the horror was deeper than any axe blade could cut. I thought David Caruso might even have resurrected his film career with this one, but I guess I was wrong. Subtle and pensive but very, very creepy.

The Shining trailer - Ever watched someone go insane right before your eyes? (Married people, step back.) Jack Nicholson channeling palpable dread… tempered only by the fact that I wanted to kill Shelley Duvall myself. Redrum!

Psycho trailer - Alfred Hitchcock’s movie trailers are better than some people’s movies. The screeching score was as much a part of the fright as the visuals. A landmark classic.

Rosemary’s Baby trailer - The scariest films are sometimes the ones with the most plausible characters (apart from the whole Satanic thing, of course). What brilliance to cast condo dwellers as the evil ones? Conspiratorial horror. I never looked at Ruth Gordon the same way again (even in Harold and Maude I wondered if she would snap Bud Cort’s neck and eat him).

Night of the Living Dead trailer - Yep, no big names, cheesey by modern standards, but at the time one of the creepiest movies ever made. You don’t spawn that many sequels and imitators by sucking!

Phantasm trailer - Speaking of cheeseball, some of the sets and (lack of) costumes will make some think it’s a lame movie, but when The Tall Man enters the screen, all bets are off. The last scene of this movie is one of the scariest moments on film. And has there ever been a better horror movie name than Angus Scrimm? Ice cream trucks, ponytails and the sphere.

Mental Floss

“A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they’re not dead, really. They’re just… backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt, even! Play as well as you can. Go team! GO! Give me an L! Give me an I! Give me a V! Give me an E! L. I. V. E. LIVE! …Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.”

Ruth Gordon (1896 – 1985) from Harold and Maude

how would things be
if seagulls were seen as glorious birds
dandelions were hearty flowers
city smells were worth capturing

how would things be
if sad memories didn’t stop us from full lives 
the living didn’t wear black to funerals
old men didn’t send young men to war

how would things be
if we all learned to dance when young
we all learned to sing when young
we all learned to play when young
and didn’t forget when we grew old

Le conseil de la semaine : ruez-vous dans la salle la plus proche pour voir Funny People (si ce n’est pas déjà fait). Parce que nous, on n’a qu’une envie : y retourner ! C’est un fait : Judd Apatow, élu un peu vite nouveau roi de la comédie américaine, se bonifie à chaque réalisation.

Si Funny People a tendance a noircir un peu le tableau (ça reste du Judd Apatow, tout de même) avec son personnage principal (Adam Sandler, bluffant) totalement incapable d’être heureux, il faut se tourner du côté des influences du cinéaste, récoltées au détour de ses films et de quelques interviews, pour comprendre cette nouvelle direction. Les choix d’Apatow en matière de films sont révélateurs puisqu’ils lorgnent franchement vers la comédie, d’une part, mais sont aussi d’une grande puissance émotionnelle, d’autre part. Une combinaison qu’on retrouve notamment dans son petit préféré : Bienvenue Mister Chance avec Peter Sellers…

1. Bienvenue Mister Chance (1979) d’Hal Hashby

“C’est le genre de film que j’espère être capable de faire un jour” déclare Judd Apatow à propos du film d’ Hashby. Surtout connu pour le changement de registre de Peter Sellers dans son dernier grand rôle, Being There (son titre original) suit l’ascension d’un simple jardinier dans les hautes sphères publiques, la faute à un fort pouvoir de persuasion de la télévision.

2. La dernière corvée (1973) d’Hal Hashby

Vous l’aurez compris, Apatow est fan d’Hashby. Le poster de The Last Detail (titre original) trône même dans l’appartement d’Ira (Funny People). Jack Nicholson y joue un marin, chargé d’escorter un jeune prisonnier en compagnie d’un collègue. Les trois lascars décideront plutôt de prendre du bon temps à la place. “C’est à la fois bouleversant et hilarant, mon cocktail préféré.” Apatow dit aussi apprécier le ton cru du film, plutôt révolutionnaire à cette époque. Shocking !

3. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) d’Amy Heckerling

“Un de mes films préférés de tous les temps.” Pas étonnant. Ambiance teenager assurée sur fond de discours sur l’avortement. On aperçoit également le poster du film chez la bande de jeunes comiques de Funny People. Si vous considerez que Sean Penn est le meilleur acteur du monde, vous ne devriez peut être pas regarder ce qui suit…

4. Tendres Passions (1983) de James L. Brooks

5 Oscars, rien que ça, pour le drame de Brooks, Terms of Endearment (titre original). On y retrouve aussi Nicholson, chouchou d’Apatow, en astronaute. “Une grosse partie du film traite du cancer. C’est fait avec réalisme et il contient de grands moments de comédies. Ce n’est pas du tout un film larmoyant.” Ça ne vous rappelle rien ?

5. Seize bougies pour Sam (1984) de John Hughes

Souvent comparé à John Hughes, Apatow avoue une sincère admiration pour le réalisateur regretté, que ce soit pour Sixteen Candles (titre original) ou Un ticket pour deux (Planes, Trains & Automobiles) dans lequel joue un autre de ses héros, Steve Martin. Apatow a d’ailleurs produit le sous-estimé Drillbit Taylor en se basant sur une ébauche de scénario signée Hughes. Dans Sixteen Candles, John Hughes filmait  les péripéties sentimentales d’une ado dont tout le monde a oublié l’anniversaire…

6. Broadcast News (1987) de James L. Brooks

Encore Brooks, encore les coulisses de la télévision et toujours Nicholson, dans un rôle anecdotique de présentateur télé. Difficile de ne pas penser à Présentateur vedette : La légende de Ron Burgundy, farce géniale écrite par Judd Apatow des années plus tard.

7. Harold et Maude (1971) d’Hal Hashby

Troisième nomination pour Hashby dans cette liste. Ce classique de l’humour noir s’attaque à la différence d’âge dans la relation amoureuse. Harold a 19 ans mais aime Maude qui en a 79. L’ainée des filles Apatow récoltera d’ailleurs le prénom de cette vieille bique pas du tout acariâtre.

8. Bienvenue dans l’âge ingrat (1995) de Todd Solondz

Teen movie trash, Welcome to the dollhouse (titre original) inspirera Apatow sur sa série télé Freaks and Geeks. “Heather Matarazzo, dans le rôle de Dawn Wiener, est l’un des plus grands nerds jamais vus au cinéma ou à la télévision.” Wiener, c’est aussi le véritable nom de famille du personnage de Seth Rogen dans Funny People. A propos du cinéma de Solondz, il avoue : “Je ne pense pas qu’on ait la moitié des couilles de cet homme ! “

9. Tootsie (1982) de Sidney Pollack

Celui-là, on le connaît tous (merci TF1 pour ces multi-rediffusions). Dustin Hoffman se travestit pour trouver un rôle, ett une nouvelle fois, on entre dans les coulisses d’Hollywood. “Tootsie est un film parfait. Je le revois dès que je peux.”

10. Frankenstein Junior (1974) de Mel Brooks

Un autre Brooks cette fois puisqu’il s’agit de Mel et de son délirant Young Frankenstein (titre original), qui parodie les classiques de l’horreur. Il s’agirait d’un des préférés d’Apatow qui en a profité pour afficher de vieux posters horrifiques dans l’appartement de Steve Carrell (40 ans toujours puceau).

On aurait pu également citer des films plus récents comme l’excellent Punch Drunk Love, premier réel contre-emploi pour son buddy Adam Sandler ou, plus étonnant, Brokeback Mountain, qu’on aperçoit en arrière plan dans En cloque, mode d’emploi.

Judd Apatow, de passage à Paris pour une drôle de masterclass, évoquait également linfluence des Marx Brothers (“Je regardais les Marx dès l’âge de 10 ans.”) mais aussi celle de Woody Allen :  “Woody Allen est un roi, nous sommes tous d’accord. Je n’arrive même pas à admettre que nous faisons le même métier.”

Sources : Rotten Tomatoes, IMDb, Technikart n° 136.

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

Chorus:
You can do what you want
The opportunitys on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see ah ah ah
Its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
cause theres a million things to do
You know that there are

Chorus

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

So I attended exercise group again yesterday.  Ow.  I’m so sore.  My lower back, my legs, my arms — my whole body is mad at me.  I think it should be mad at the woman leading the group, but it doesn’t work that way.  I did try to take it easy.  I walked the laps, and I often only did half the amount everyone else was doing.  Still, ow.

I took the Purple Lady to the eye doctor yesterday, too.  That was an experience.  She had purchased three pairs of sunglasses (from TJ Maxx) to choose from for the frames of her new glasses.  It’s cheaper that way.  At least $50 cheaper.  She hadn’t been able to find any purple ones, so she settled for some snazzy tortoise shell models.  One pair (Liz Claiborne) featured rhinestones in a design along the stems.  Another (Baby Phat — same brand as her current purple glasses) had a gold logo on either temple.  The third pair (Jessica Simpson — and may I say how hilarious it is that an 88-year-old woman is wearing Jessica Simpson sunglasses?  Not that she knows who Jessica Simpson is…) was relatively plain.  Alas, they were the most suitable for converting to prescription lenses.  I assured PL that we could make a stop at Hobby Lobby and buy something sparkly to glue on the plain frames.  We wound up purchasing some plastic, purple gems.  I’ll superglue them on for her as soon as her new glasses arrive.  They should be suitably outrageous.  I’ll have to take pictures.

PL recently loaned me one of her favorite movies:  Harold and Maude.  Maude could have been modeled after PL, if you ask me.  PL says she saw the movie three times when it was in theaters.  BratzBasher watched it with me.  (I’m hoping all the yikes! moments went over her head.)  We were both laughing so hard, I’m sure Merkin was wondering where we’d come up with the nitrous oxide.  If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it.  Just be prepared for a few yikes! moments.  Harold is at least 18 (because his mother is trying to marry him off — or get him enlisted in the army), Maude is turning 80, and they actually become lovers by the end of the movie.  (Nothing graphic, I assure you — unless you count the scene with the giant wooden sculpture that resembles parts that should not be mentioned in polite company.  I doubt BB recognized it.  It was a stylized representation, after all.)  One of the best things about the movie is Harold’s various faked suicide attempts and his mother’s lack of any discernable reaction.  Apparently, she’s become used to it.  Then there’s the adventure with the stolen tree.  You’ve just got to see it.  I couldn’t begin to do it justice.

Wow.  It’s 10:00.  I guess I should do something productive — like take a shower, or put in a load of laundry.  Okay, Merkin, you can stop laughing now.

I seem to be cursed lately. I’m not sure what’s been going on, but every time I turn around I manage to spill another drink all over the place. This has happened twice in the bedroom (in the middle of the night, which is even better– groggily running to the kitchen to grab a towel), twice at work and, the other day, I spilled my entire glass of water on a stack of Harolds I’d just sewn. Thankfully, because all my stuff is synthetic felt, they dry out without any harm. However, it got me thinking– what if I did use real wool felt, the kind that shrinks all up when it gets wet…

Ah well, I guess I didn’t have enough to do this afternoon but play around in photoshop, but whatever– this picture cracks me up. They’re actually pretty cute, don’t you think?

“A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They’re just backing away from life.” ~~Maude Chardin

Director Hal Ashby announces his intentions for “Harold and Maude” in the opening scene, and those intentions are, shall we say, a wee bit impish: Bored, rich, purposeless 20-something Harold Chasen (Bud Cort) swings from a noose while his mother (Vivian Pickles) can’t be bothered to end her phone call. Staged suicides, we learn, are common in the palatial Chasen homestead and no cause for alarm — just annoying interruptions in mom’s quest to marry off her son. Those young adults, the things they do to stave off ennui.

And so begins “Harold and Maude,” an unconventional romantic comedy where the pursuit of life trumps all that mushy love stuff (yippee). But perhaps “unconventional” isn’t the right word to describe Ashby’s movie, for it hardly captures all the wild weirdness that makes the movie — based on Colin Higgins’ novel — such a strangely moving affirmation of life.

First, though, there’s the lovely mishmash of bizarreness to muddle through. It’s no wonder everyone calls this one a “cult classic”; “Love Story” it ain’t. (Chorus from Broken Record Girl: yippee.) Harold’s got absolutely no interest in life. But he’s cheeks over teacups in love with death, or at least the idea of it, so he spends his time staging elaborate suicides (the human torch bit is a personal favorite) and attending random funerals. It’s there, in a graveyard, that he meets Maude Chardin (Ruth Gordon), a 79-year-old widow with an irrepressibly optimistic worldview and a knack for lifting cars. She senses Harold’s stuck in limbo, so she befriends him, slowly wearing down his resistance. At first Harold is simply a tagalong in Maude’s madcap adventures — including the liberation of a potted tree that ends in a side-splitting car chase — but gradually he becomes a participant. The shift is subtle, but when you do take notice it’s so powerful that it almost knocks you over.

Which is true of “Harold and Maude” as a whole. At its core the film is a beautiful message movie, a retelling of that time-honored “carpe diem” speech. It’s the unusual script, however, that makes the message seem fresh. Higgins’ novel dials down the sentamentality and avoids cliches, and so, too, does Ashby’s film. Ashby elects to bury the insights underneath all the blackly funny suicides and Maude’s antics. (The scene where she plays war protestor to Harold’s gung-ho recruit? Priceless.) Instead, Ashby lets the insights emerge in quieter moments, like the one where Maude, desperate to save that potted tree from its stifling life of city servitude, tells Harold: “Grab the shovel.” It’s a little scene, a throwaway little line, but what punch it has. ”Harold and Maude” is jam-packed with these kinds of brilliant moments. And like any truly great movie, there’s just no end to them.

Those moments probably wouldn’t mean much without Cort and Gordon, who turn in wonderful performances as good today as they were in 1971. It’s a tricky dance, shifting from dark comedy to drama and back, but these two do it beautifully. Cort’s Harold is a strange creature, a boy who can’t fully embrace life but lacks the guts to commit suicide, and that is off-putting at first. But there’s a deep current of fear in Harold that Cort makes painfully real. “I haven’t lived. I’ve died a few times,” he says. What 20-year-old, staring into that void between youth and adulthood, hasn’t felt the same? Gordon plays nicely off that negative energy, making Maude less a lover (though there’s a scene that suggests she is) than a teacher. She wants to reach Harold, show him what it means to take that fear and use it, channel it. But she’s no soapbox preacher. She couldn’t give a fig about morality: ”It’s best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life.”

That, you see, is Maude’s gift to Harold and Ashby’s gift to us: the reminder that backing away from life is its own kind of suicide. Call me sentimental, but when that truth’s hidden in a film this haunting, poignant, comical and original? I’ll fall for it every time.

I’ve been at Dan’s house for over a week without my computer. I’ve had a week of pictures on my camera and no way to put them on Flickr. Completely horrifying, I know. I’m a little worried of my camera freaking out again and deleting all of my pictures for no reason. It did it one time before, right after my sister graduated from high school. Like 15 minutes later. I was the only one in our family with a camera. It completely sucked. Fortunately, my pictures stuck around this time. I’m not sure if a week-long hole in my 365 project would be that noticeable or not, lol.

Anyway!

This week, in no particular order, I:

-saw Moon with Dan in the afternoon on the first day of school which meant Tecumseh was a lot more tolerable that usual. Generally if we go to Lakeshore theatres, there are bugs and Hollister-clad teenagers all over the place.

-went to Sand Point Beach for the first time since infancy. I guess this isn’t really anything to brag about since the name “Sand Point” tends to make people go “D: UGH GROSS” but it didn’t seem as terrible as people have lead me to expect.

Sand Point has swings and sweet playgrounds. THEY EVEN HAVE A BEE WHICH MEANS DAN WAS SAFE ON HIS BEE:

-took some more of those sky photos that people seem to like (myself included). I’ll post them soon!

-took cliche toothbrush pix for the first time because I left 365ing until right before going to bed in the morning.

-cried for a minute because it was the anniversary of 9/11, which means it’s also the 8th anniversary of my life changing. r.i.p. grandpa, lucky and mookie<3

-had a dream that I had a sweet room which is really making me want to clear out my existing room and paint the walls and rearrange everything.

-went on an algorithmic walk/photographic scavenger hunt with Dan, brought to us by Broken City Lab. We had to talk to and take photos of STRANGERS D: It was a lot of fun, though. We even got sweet planters, which we stuck on our bikes to bring home : )

-ate a lot of chiggy figs aka chicken fingers

-finished watching Spaced! D: I’m really going to miss that show as it was what we would watch while eating chiggy figs.

-went to Mike’s Fuck Back to School party and took pictures of a possum in his tree and drew a meta picture with Dan. Meta is probably my favourite term ever.

-visited Dan’s cousin’s house and looked at her record collection while his dad picked pears from the trees in their backyard. I ate two during the weekend and they were amazing. I definitely would not hate to have a pear tree in my backyard.

-drove with Dan for the first time as he practiced the night before his test. YOU ARE A GOOD DRIVER Too bad the testers are on strike and the test was canceled.

-held a David Bowie record and then dreamt about another one.

-watched Factory Girl which confirmed my suspicion that if I ever learned anything at all about Andy Warhol, I would become enamored. I’ve been reading about him, and want to read more, because it’s always fascinating when you find someone who shares your views about art and the world almost uncannily. I mean we both had scarlet fever in childhood. How common is that?

-also watched Harold and Maude, which I’ve been dying to watch for years and years. It did not disappoint : )

-made a facebook group to help spread the word about Morsbags and to help to get a sewing group together. It’s been pretty good so far. I wrote quite a bit about the subject in the group page, perhaps too much, and it made me miss school a lot. It’s silly. I enjoy writing and I can write a ton about basically anything, but the thought of writing papers in university completely discourages me from trying to get in. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT.

-talked with Dan and some friends about college vs university and how useless college is/was/would be for the most of us. I still regret going to St Clair last year since I’m in crazy amounts of debt now, but I think it was good in a way because I saw how completely unsuited the way college is set up for the way I learn, or would want to learn. I just hope that my expectations of university aren’t so great that if I ever get into the U of W in the future that it will also disappoint me. I just want to feel intellectually challenged. I’m been craving throughout my entire educational history. It’s frustrating to see so many intelligent people suffer through high school with low grades (myself definitely included) because the work is so pathetically easy that it feels insulting for us to be asked to spend our time on. I’m sure other people have felt this way.

I feel like I’m ranting, so I’ll leave you with this picture:

were donated to decorate the halls of local community colleges. “You have to start by measuring your own footprint, then reducing it, whether through using alternative fuels, reducing electrical loads or combining trips,” said Shelley Billick, vice president of environmental initiatives at Warner Bros. Entertainment. “It’s too easy to write a check, pay thousands of dollars and say, ‘I’m climate neutral.’” Last year, Fox parent News Corp. set a goal of being carbon neutral by 2010. To further that goal, Fox Broadcasting chose its popular “24″ series as a case study and to serve as a model for other television productions. Diesel generators that power the show’s lighting were switched to a mixture that uses 5 percent biodiesel fuel. That percentage will be increased in coming years. The show also has secured energy from solar and wind generation from a local utility for its soundstages. But News Corp. has a more ambitious goal than simply reducing its own carbon emissions. “We knew from the beginning that if our goal is to make as many carbon reductions in the world as possible, probably the best way we can do that is through our audiences,” said Rachel Webber, director of energy initiatives for News Corp. The company concluded that worldwide, it produced the equivalent of 641,150 tons of carbon dioxide. But a rough estimate revealed that the people who read its newspapers, watch its TV shows and browse its Web sites use about 7 billion tons. “That’s the greatest potential to reduce carbon, but we have to get our own house in order first,” Webber said. To reach the wider audience, Webber and a climate expert from Harvard University met with show writers and executive producers earlier this year to brainstorm on ways to integrate environmental messages into show plots. But Webber said Fox is not forcing “tacked on” messages into its shows, but rather offering resources should writers choose to address the issue. “We can’t use this in a way that doesn’t fit into the show,” Webber said. “It can’t be Jack Bauer driving in a car he otherwise wouldn’t drive in.” Ultimately, any steps Hollywood takes, big or small, to reduce emissions are positive, Begley said. “There are different shades of green.”

With Hollywood becoming environmentally-friendly….?
Celebrity Computer Viruses Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer. Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. Britney Spears virus: Your two 3.5 inch floppies turn into 36D floppies. Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. Ellen Degeneres virus (AKA the Rosie virus): Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC. Titanic virus: Makes your computer go down. Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care. Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there. Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week. Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. NFL Blackout virus: Will only let you run progams on a remote terminal that’s more than 75 miles away. Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities. Bill Clinton virus: Your computer displays only porn and emits cigar smoke. Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn’t appear to really do much of anything. Dick Vitale virus: Makes your computer very loud and obnoxious, detracting from the program you’re actually trying to view. Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files. Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you’re really enjoying it. Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone. AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

“star” if you like this Celebrity computer virus?
Monica Arnold and Brandy Norwood

Do you think Bianca from America’s Next Top Model looks like…?
Jigsaw vs. Ric Flair Hilary Clinton vs. Monica Rupert Murdoch vs. Bill Gates SpongeBob & Patrick vs. Ren & Stimpy Stallone vs. Arnold

Who would win in these 5 mega fights (pt. 2)?
1. “I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.” – Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2. (On the difference between men and women:) “On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.” – Bruce Willis 3. “And God said: ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.’” – George Burns 4. “What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.’” – Sandra Bullock 5. “The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you’ve got millions of pals out there. Type in ‘Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire’ and the computer will ask, ‘Specify type of goat.’” – Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld) 6. “Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.” – Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner 1996) 7. “There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” – Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State) 8. “My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.” – Dan Rather (News anchorman) 9. “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?’” – Arnold Schwarzenegger 10. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Courtney Cox (Monica on “Friends”) 11. “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” – Tiger Woods 12. “I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.” – Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead) 13. “I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” – Axel Rose (Guns’n'Roses) 14. “Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.” – Rev. Jesse Jackson 15. “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b****.” – Jack Nicholson

Life’s Insights………?
I asked a question stating why some people think that black women are less attracive or uglier than other women, giving examples of beautiful black women. It got deleted. Why is this? http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimages%26imgsz%3Dall%26vf%3Dall%26va%3Dmonica%2Barnold%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3Dslv2-%26b%3D21&w=174&h=200&imgurl=www.nepotista.com%2Fimages%2FMonicaArnold.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nepotista.com%2Fboards%2Findex.php%3Fshowtopic%3D535&size=33.7kB&name=MonicaArnold.jpg&p=monica+arnold&type=jpeg&no=21&tt=364&oid=95523359a4d5818e&ei=UTF-8 http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimages%26imgsz%3Dall%26vf%3Dall%26va%3Dvivica%2Bfox%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3Dslv2-%26b%3D21&w=600&h=921&imgurl=images.absolutenow.com%2Frp%2F6175_fox_vivica_34.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.absolutenow.com%2Fphotos%2F6175_fox_vivica_3http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimages%26imgsz%3D%26imgc%3D%26vf%3D%26va%3DSanaa%2BLathan%26fr%3Dslv2-%26ei%3DUTF-8&w=180&h=180&imgurl=www.mtv.com%2Fshared%2Fmedia%2Fnews%2Fimages%2Fl%2FLathan_Sanaa%2Fsq-sanaalathan-somethingnew.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mtv.com%2Fmovies%2Fmovie%2F276516%2Fnews%2Farticles%2F1523048%2Fstory.jhtml&size=22.1kB&name=sq-sanaalathan-somethingnew.jpg&p=Sanaa+Lathan&type=jpeg&no=7&tt=1,882&oid=745a2423a76e9768&ei=UTF-8&src=p

Why did my question get deleted?

Does the R&B artist Monica Arnold have any kids?

did monica arnold have a baby?
My idea for the cast of a live action Alley Oop movie Alley Oop: The Rock Oola,Alley’s Girl friend: Lucy Lawless King Guz:Bill Goldberg Queen(I forget her name) Kathy Kinney The Grand Wizer:Rowan Atkinson Oola’s Best friend(to be named): Nikita Ager To be Named Villian : Bruce Campbell To be Named Henchwoman:Monica Belluci To be Named Henchman:Tom Arnold Cameos by various other stars What do you think of this who would you cast?

The classic sunday funnies comic strip Alley Oop. How does this casting of a live action movie sound?

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As I was walking through the main house tonight getting home from work, I heard strains of “If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out” by Cat Stevens. Its in an iPhone commercial (or maybe it was an iTouch, I’m not sure). This resulted in a bonding moment between myself and my landlord, who was a self professed Cat Stevens “groupie” back in the day.

I love “Harold and Maude” (the movie that made the song so popular). My dad was always so great about exposing me to amazing things at a younger age than most parents would, and I think I really benefited from it, as well as it having a large hand in how my future “tastes” were developed (My favorite book “The World According to Garp”, I originally read after seeing the movie adaptation, and dad saying he “wasn’t sure I could follow it”. My love to prove people wrong runs deep

This was one of the very first songs that I learned how to play on guitar when I was 14. While a lot of Cat Stevens music brings up a ton of nostalgia, this song in particular….well, it made me happy, thinking of my dad, and singing the same song over and over again, just because.

“If you want to live high, live high, and if you want to live low, live low.”

I should follow that advice

I’ve been listening to Cat Stevens since watching Harold and Maude yesterday. I’ve also been listening to Souls of Mischief. Interesting mix. I’ve decided that I want an old lady friend like Maude. Except for the whole ‘falling for the old woman’ thing. That’s wrong on so many levels.

I used to teach film studies at Ventura Community College.  I fell into the job when the previous teacher took a sabbatical.  Somehow, I convinced the dean that my appearance in a Japanese potato chip commercial at age 17 qualified me for the position, and I soon found myself possessed of a lecture hall packed with eager students every Thursday at 4 PM.

I learned a great deal about film from the textbook I’d assigned, and discovered how the careful study of a movie can better our own writing.  In pausing the DVD player on the scene in Harold and Maude in which Harold takes Maude’s hand as they watch the sun set over the bay and glimpses the tattooed numbers on her arm, I saw how carefully the director composed the shot so that viewers could smell the ocean, hear the cries of seagulls, feel the shock running through Harold’s body as he realizes the significance of the tattoo.

In film, directors make use of a concept called mise–en–scène.  It refers to the way visual elements appear in each shot and includes the placement of characters, set pieces, lighting, weather details, etc.  I’ve been thinking a lot about mise-en-scene lately, as I edit manuscripts for aspiring authors.  In two such manuscripts, I’ve penned “show us in a rich, full scene” into the margins ad nauseam, but scene setting is critical in fiction writing and memoir.

Here’s an example of what I mean.  In one of the manuscripts, a scene goes something like this:  “My brother, traumatized,  wouldn’t stop calling at midnight, and again at five in the morning, and finally, I had to tell him to stop or I’d disconnect the phone.”

That’s narration.  It’s informational, but it doesn’t build character and it doesn’t make readers feel like they’re right there with the narrator who’s dealing with the conflict. Here’s one way to expand upon this narration and create a  brief, more evocative scene:

“I’d been dreaming about swimming with sharks when my cell rang–the theme song from The Lion King.  Eyes closed against the street light just beyond the stained paper windowshade, I flipped open the phone.  “George,” I muttered.

“But you don’t understand.”  My brother’s high, frantic voice sent the sharks swimming for safety, and I snapped fully awake.

“I do understand,” I snapped.  Suddenly, the down comforter smothered me in the tiny, arid studio apartment and I kicked it off along with my pink wool socks.  I jammed my index finger toward the phone, putting my little brother on speaker, and lit a Camel.  “I understand that you lost your pet chinchilla,” I said and inhaled, pondering my next words.  “I understand that you need to get a prescription for sleeping pills.”  I snatched up the half-eaten peanut butter sandwich on the milkcrate that served as my nightstand.  “And I understand that I need to change my freakin’ cell phone number.”

This re-crafted scene appeals to the reader’s five senses.  We get the smell of cigarettes, the taste of an old sandwich, the feel of a hot stuffy room, the sound of a young man’s despair, and visual details that give us clues about the narrator’s financial and emotional status.  We also get dialogue which reveals the brother’s motivation for calling, and the narrator’s mounting frustration.

My graduate school advisors, years ago, used to write in the margins of my own manuscripts, “Take your time.  Trust your material.”  Kirkus Review came out with a review of Gringa last month.  “The book is filled with detailed conversations and particulars of dress, mannerisms and facial expressions that give it the feeling of a novel,” the reviewer wrote.  I felt like I’d finally succeeded in scene setting.

My favorite films for studying mise en scene:

Everything is Illuminated

Let the Right One In

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Harold and Maude

and, with apologies to my husband, The English Patient

Update: I have already changed it. Dahr.

So, for the last month-ish I’ve been trying to unload a couple of pieces of furniture. The orange club chair and couch. Even with all of the thinking about it, I didn’t really think about it. Then this week, I rather impulsively listed the set on Craigslist and it pretty much immediately sold.

Thusly, I didn’t have something in mind to fill the empty space the couch left behind. I had something for the chair’s spot for awhile — an Ingmar Relling chair. Click here to see the before set-up with the new chair.

Being the kind of gal that can not have a gaping hole in the home set-up, I spent my afternoon rearranging the dining room. This is what happened. I am not super fantastic into because it’s kind of Hey! Hey! Look at all the shell chairs! But, it’ll do for now.

That's Henry the dog statue.

Hey!

The instructions are easy: list 25 movies that say something about you, then tag the friends you think are most likely to do it, too. Also, tag the person who sent this to you.

Oh, wait, this isn’t Facebook? And the meme isn’t movies, it’s 25 random things? Oh, well, my column, my rules.

1. FIGHT CLUB (1999)
Shows my complexity—sure, I’m generally a pro-Ikea, anti-violence kinda gal, but something about Brad Pitt and Edward Norton beating the crap out of each other without shirts is, well, fine with me.

2. HAROLD AND MAUDE (1971)
“That’s wonderful, Harold. Go, love some more.”

3. UHF (1989)
Shows my undying love for Al, plus my childlike whimsy. And I adore the commentary—Victoria Jackson cuts the call short because she’s making scalloped potatoes.

4. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (2007)
The Simpson family are a huge part of my life, and in the movie, Marge swears in anger and we

I wish Bruce’s name was in my secret notebook. Oops. wrong movie.

see Bart’s doodle.

5. THE JERK (1979)
The first time I laid my eyes on Steve, I knew what romantic love was and although I was only 6, I don’t think my understanding has grown all that much more sophisticated in the almost 30 years since.

6. STRANGER THAN FICTION (2006)
Did you ever imagine Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson, and Queen Latifah in the same film? Me neither, but strangely, it works.

7. OFFICE SPACE (1999)
TPS reports, flair, guarding our cake, working 45 minutes a week. Yeah, it’s touched us all.

8. EDDIE IZZARD’S DRESS TO KILL (1999)
The best of all of Izzard’s standup collections, and has taught me most of what I know about teaching.

9. WAITING FOR GUFFMAN (1996)
What is a small town without a Dairy Queen? Absolutely nothing.

10. DOG PARK (1998)
“Owen” is the saddest name in the world? I guess it is, but it had never occurred to me until I saw DOG

If you don’t well up when he says “don’t die, Champ,” you have no soul.

PARK.

11. Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN (2001)
I’ve been leery of public swimming pools since.

12. SCHOOL OF ROCK (2003)
It’s how I justify to myself my unorthodox teaching practices. I mean, at least I tie the music to the lesson plan.

13. SiCKO (2007)
If my raft made it, I wonder if a kind, generous Cuban surgeon would remove my tonsils?

14. FRENCH KISS (1995)
Makes me feel triumphant!

15. AKEELAH AND THE BEE (2006)
I saw this movie, went home, and subscribed to dictionary.com’s word of the day. If I don’t know it, I try to use it at least once that day. (The word of the day for Saturday, February 14: myopia. The Spanish word of the day: ganar).

16. SHORT CUTS (1993)
If you gotta go fishing, why not use your local fishin’ hole?

17. MARTY (1955)
Seeing this movie taught me not to take my feminism too seriously: Sometimes, we are just plenty of ripe

In 1965, she coulda painted anyone’s wagon.

tomatoes.

18. TORTILLA SOUP (2001)
I have the crazy down pat. Now, if only I had the metabolism to keep up, I’d fit right in with those hermanas locas.

19. SAME TIME NEXT YEAR (1978)
This movie showed me that it’s still possible to have a fulfilling life, even if things don’t work out the way you planned.

20. MAGNOLIA (1999)
The number one reason I still haven’t seen THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

21. A BRONX TALE (1993)
When I like a guy, I reach over and unlock the driver’s side door. I’m a keeper.

22. THE CHAMP (1979)
In my heart, Ricky Schroeder is still that sad, sweet, tow-headed little boy, and not a Republican.

24. PAN’S LABYRINTH (2006)
Everyone needs a healthy fantasy life.

25. CAT BALLOU (1965)
When I was little, my parents let me watch it whenever it was the Saturday afternoon movie, even though in retrospect, I realize that hearing Jane Fonda’s voice probably made them cringe.

Important moments in our lives become imprinted. For example, I remember with distinct clarity where I was when I read those books of profound importance to me. Or in which theatre and with whom I saw the most impactful movies. The stunning Colorado scenery out the window of the family car when my parents argued so harshly I thought I’d soon be asked to choose. (Oh, they’re fine, btw; they just had their 45th anniversary). And every minute detail, every smell, sound and sensation, surrounding the events of what I believe was my first (and, God willing, only) panic attack.

This image may as well be surrounded by amber: I can clearly envision myself lying on the floor, circa 1981: light blue corduroys that match the living room carpet, my adored “Everything boys can do girls can do better” t-shirt (the twerps’ version of the famous “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle” slogan, albeit less true), and a pair of bright orange headphones: I was listening to Steve Martin’s A Wild and Crazy Guy. This was how I spent the hours between school and supper, originally probably because I was defeated by my brother in the television wars, but soon thereafter out of choice. I had the album memorized, but did I get it? Probably not much of it. I’m sure I didn’t discover Steve straightaway. My parents and sibs had a fair bit of vinyl, and I liked Queen, The Smothers Brothers (knowing what I know now, I can’t help but wonder what my parents were doing with a Smothers Brothers album, and I certainly didn’t know Steve worked on the show). There was a Pat Benatar album and I sang “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” as plaintively as I could muster to give Meat Loaf a run for his money. I’m sure we were both convincing.

And as for the big books: Deenie, sitting against my favorite reading tree, front yard, childhood home in Minnesota. Jane Eyre, ditto. And then in high school, and then in college, and then again in grad school, and then again a couple years ago when I taught it to unwilling freshmen. Breakfast of Champions, sprawled on the grass in The Mall, East Bank, University of Minnesota. Shopgirl, third Tallahassee bedroom, the townhouse off the canopy road with the sadistic spider that messed with my mind for weeks, disappearing during my hunts to find a suitable weapon. Why I didn’t just leave a shoe in the bathroom, I’ll never understand.

CAMELOT was my first live, professional production, Ordway Theatre, St. Paul. I think I was around 10. It was a rare, girls-only outing: my mom, my older sister, and me.

The movies:
HAROLD AND MAUDE, my then-boyfriend’s double wide on the property of the rancher he worked for: housing was included with his job

tending to the horses. I was in 11th grade. I eventually ditched the boyfriend, but have clung to HAROLD AND MAUDE.

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS –with my parents! I remember being horrified and more than a little embarrassed.

THE JERK: I’ll be honest: I don’t remember a time before I’d seen THE JERK. But I remember the last time; it was probably a year and a half ago. My boyfriend was sick and trying to sleep with his head on my lap. Whatever we were watching ended, and I realized with dread that I couldn’t get the remote without disturbing him. I thought I’d heard the announcer say something about JOE DIRT. As if by divine intervention, the next film was actually THE JERK, and both of us stayed put for the duration. Joe only woke up once, because I was singing along too boisterously with Steve: “I’m picking out a thermos for you . . .”.

ROXANNE and ALL OF ME: when my brother was in college at the U of M and I was a ‘tweener, we had many outings– Vietnamese food on campus and several PG movies.

And why am I thinking about Steve Martin, a married and ridiculously famous man, while I have a delightful match sleeping just a staircase and a room away? Besides the fact that I always thought Steve would wait for me, he’s on my mind because I cannot sleep and it’s his fault. I put his book Born Standing Up down two hours ago. I know Steve Martin better now than ever before. It’s now 4:26 a.m., central time, and I can’t help but wonder if the universe got it wrong on this one. Why was he born in Waco, Texas, in the forties, while I was born in Coon Rapids, Minnesota, in the seventies? It just does not compute. But to risk sounding like a Pollyanna, I’m just happy with what I do have: his films, his SNL appearances, his albums, and his books.

You’ll love Born Standing Up, and now I’m picking out some movies for you:

THE JERK (1979)
As a child, something clicked with me in Navin’s naiveté, his colorblindness before the term became a cliché. I’m confused on why I don’t remember a time before THE JERK, as I’m sure my parents didn’t take me to see it in the theatre when I was 6. Maybe I remember my brother quoting it until I actually saw it on TV or the VCR. Hmm. Steve mentions in his new book that he was disappointed that during the “Tonight You Belong to Me” scene, moviegoers hit the snack bar. That makes me sad, too, as it’s my third favorite part of the movie.

¡THREE AMIGOS! (1986)
Parody, Chevy Chase, and hijinks! Hilarity ensues!

PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES (1987)
Hilarity ensues again in this John Hughes classic where Steve Martin’s character Neil, an ad exec who just wants to go home to–wait for it–Chicago, for Thanksgiving (is that too much to ask?) finds

himself unable to escape a bumbling shower curtain ring salesman played by John Candy. I particularly enjoy watching Neil try to dry himself off with a small washcloth after a particularly disastrous motel shower.

L.A. STORY (1991)
Of course Steve wrote this movie. From the British accent of “that phony Winston Churchill” and the special beaches just for twirling, this film has more than enough quotable dialogue, which anyone who knows me knows I adore, and features the loveliness of Martin’s own style of magical realism (the freeway sign!). An underrated classic.

LEAP OF FAITH (1992)
Steve Martin’s background in magic makes him particularly believable as faith healer Jonas Nightengale in this, again, underrated drama. The film offers a terrific supporting cast including Debra Winger, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Meat Loaf (and if I could please interrupt myself here to mention how odd I find it that I haven’t thought about Meat Loaf since the last time I caught FIGHT CLUB on cable, yet here he is mentioned twice in one column); together the cast and story analyze the bad idea that is blind faith and the godless trickery of those who exploit it. Along the same lines: The Simpsons episode entitled “Lisa the Skeptic.”

A SIMPLE TWIST OF FATE (1994)
Another thing that Steve and I have in common is our appreciation for George Eliot. The cat in my novel is named Eliot, and I brought Middlemarch for some light reading during my stay at my parents’ for Christmas. Steve wrote A SIMPLE TWIST OF FATE, inspired by George Eliot’s novel, Silas Marner. It may be a little dramatic and predictable, but it’s acted very well, offers a nice mesage, and is not unbearably cute.

NOVOCAINE (2001)
A biting dark comedy, filmed just a hop and a skip from me in charming Cedarburg, Wisconsin. NOVOCAINE is right up there with U TURN as a film that made me feel more and more uncomfortable and nervous as it went on. I wanted it to be over but I couldn’t have left early if I tried. Probably the best movie that I’ll never see again, mainly because of my irrational and unhealthy animosity towards Laura Dern.

SHOPGIRL (2005)
You know when academics and posers automatically chant that “the book was better” whenever a film is adapted from a book? Yeah, I hate that, too, even though it is usually true. It is not true in this case. The film is great, the book is great; they’re just different. I was skeptical at first of the casting of Claire Danes and Jason Schwartzman, but they ended up being lovely. Danes wasn’t the Mirabelle I had created in my mind, but there can be two Mirabelles. There can be infinite Mirabelles, if you think about it. The film doesn’t replace the novel, nor does it try.

I think I’ve just seen the best movie ever made, “Harold and Maude”. It’s a film from the 1950’s about a young boy, Harold, who continually attempts to fake his own death and suicidal tendencies. He meets an old lady, Maude, at a funeral and is taken about by her overwhelmingly optimistic and carefree style of life. They end up having a love affair and their relationship grows throughout the film. Aided by an entirely Cat Stevens soundtrack featuring some of his most classic songs (including “trouble”, one of my all-time favorites) the movie is a delight to watch and will have anyone of any age glued in to what happens in the story. I strongly recommend this movie to those who enjoy a calm, carefree film.