 “The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.” – Mulan
True or false? When do you bloom best?
Today’s post was recommended by Christina of http://www.stickwithitsugar.com

I do believe that we “bloom” in the face of adversity.. but I believe that we would not have bloomed if given the choice..

I guess I “bloom” best when I have faced discrimination .Generally, I have faced a large bouts of discrimination at school, and I have found it has changed me as a person.. I am now very active in meetings with my teachers, school admins and changes to my adaptations..

Sorry for such a short blog post today! I am swamped with homework!

Today’s challenge is whether we believe that the quote from Mulan above, is true or false.  My initial reaction was to consider my son and daughter, both of whom face adversity because of their food allergy and Type 1 diabetes, respectively.  But I also began to wonder which flowers bloom the best under adverse conditions.  So I did a quick google search and came up with the Crown of Thorns…..and I thought….wow, here it is a Sunday morning and the symbolism of “crown of thorns’ is even more impactful for its association with Jesus Christ.  And I just finished watching a Rick Steves’ program about Edinburgh that described the St. Giles Cathedral with its ornate spire designed to look like the crown of thorns.  Another example of Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which occurs when a person, after having learned some (usually obscure) fact, word, phrase, or other item for the first time, encounters that item again, perhaps several times, shortly after having learned it.  I was just telling another T1 parent about this phenomenon the other day, as an explanation for why we seem to learn of so many other Type 1 diabetics after our own child’s diagnosis.  And I just remembered that my son watched Mulan in 2 classes this week–weird, huh?

So here I am in this surreal loop this morning….and am reminded of when I taught a class on archetypes and symbolism to high school students.  They fought against the concept of symbolism:  ”Mrs. C, can’t a tree just be a tree?  How do you know it means anything else?”  And my response would be that if the tree were merely mentioned in passing, then yes, it was just a tree.  But if the writer drew your attention to that tree over and over again, then the tree was symbolic and therefore, had greater meaning.  Today, the “crown of thorns”  appears to have meaning for me.

And yes, I truly believe that survival against adversity makes one more beautiful…makes the victories that much sweeter….

Have a blessed Sunday!

Wego Health’s prompt for the beginning of the third week gives us that quote, then asks:  True or false? 

It’s hard to grow a tender shoot in rocky, arid soil. Flowers don’t sprout at the top of high mountains, where the timber line thins out with the air. There’s only ooze at the deepest parts of the oceans’ depths, fertile for marine life but not for vegetation.

Right now, in the Diabetes Online Community (DOC, for short), I am finding that a flower is blooming in adversity. There is an online petition to change the names of “Type 1 diabetes” and “Type 2 diabetes” to “reflect the nature of each disease”. When I first read it, my reaction was much like Lee Ann Thill’s in her blog post. She states:

With all due respect, if anyone thinks a name change is going to mean they’d eventually catch a break and not have to explain, they haven’t really thought this through, or they haven’t had diabetes long enough to appreciate how this history of name changing has played out and affects people over time.

She and I are both juvenile diabetics, IDDM, Type 1 (you know, the one where the pancreas is broken big time and we’d be taking dirt naps without insulin?) and have both answered some inane questions. The petitioners are parents of younger Type 1 kids and I can see why they are frustrated. I am not a parent who has to worry about a soccer coach or a teacher or someone who cares for my T1 child when I am not around and doesn’t understand the difference between the different types of diabetes.

But I will tell you this. If it wasn’t for an American Diabetes Association “public service” advertisement in Time magazine in 1983, I may have been kicking it six feet under. The ad asked if I had any of the symptoms that many of us have come to know so well: increased urination, increased hunger, blurry vision, fatigue, etc. – because all diabetics have these symptoms regardless of “type”. I checked off every single symptom and knew that was what I had (even though I had no idea what was in store for me). The advertisement was not geared to the small population of Type 1 diabetics in the country. In fact, I’m sure they were trying to reach the Type 2s (’cause, you know, how many kids read Time magazine cover to cover?), but it grabbed me in the wide net they cast, and I’m grateful.

I know a lot of Type 2 diabetics. Do I think they have it “easier”? That my type of diabetes somehow matters more because it’s rarer? Nope. They struggle with many of the same issues that we do. They worry about complications and food and misinformation just like me. While the petitioners wrote their missive with pure hearts, they forgot that a lot of Type 2s (and other types of diabetics – MODY, LADA, gestational) have hearts, too. Mine broke when I read Bob Pedersen’s beautiful response to the proposed name changes. 

As the days pass, what has blossomed from this has been an outpouring of real emotion as all diabetics, no matter what flavor, have come together. This is where I get to quote Shakespeare:

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

This flower can blossom in the desert. On the top of Everest. At the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Because it transcends the condition that separates us from the rest of the world by….bringing us together.

There is a new petition begun by Scott Strange that I support. It’s not about changing a name of a disease. It’s about respect and support and education for people living with it – and focusing our collective energy on that. And I will nurture that seed for all it’s worth.  You can sign it here. This is what you’d be signing:

 

To have empathy, no matter the type.

To advocate for those with this condition, whatever the type. To pledge to educate about diabetes, regardless of the type.

To correct misinformation and stereotypes that are so common in society and the media.

To recognize the hurt that misinformation and stereotypes cause people everyday. Hurt that is both emotional and physical.

People, who for what ever reason are affected by these stereotypes on a daily basis. People who just happen to live next door, who just happen to come to your family picnics, who happen to be among those you care for. People you’ve never met, people with families and loved ones.

People who happen to have diabetes.

We’re people.

People just like you.

No matter the type.

This is the flower that is the most beautiful of all. And it came out of our own adversity.

(Hey! I quoted Shakespeare on my website. Crossing that off my bucket list…)

Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based upon prompts given.

Today’s prompt reads as follows:

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all” – Mulan.  True or false?  When do you bloom best? 

I do believe the above quote is true – replace the flower with a person and put them through various life’s challenges; some despite the challenges will continue to persevere and flourish whereas as others will become bitter and wither.  I would like to think that I am the former – that I am a flower that has bloomed despite the adversity that has befallen me.

Many of us battling chronic illness; whatever condition that might affect us; have instead of wallowing in self-pity and misery have instead turned illness into something positive by writing about our experiences with illness and spreading awareness to others.  Going through illness is not easy – it is often exceptionally difficult,; symptoms overwhelming our bodies and mind.  However, all those difficulties; all the difficulties that we face every day makes us stronger and determined.  Determined that despite the illness, and the restrictions it places upon our lives, we will rise above them and live the life in the best way that we can.  We appreciate all the good days so much more than perhaps healthy people, as often we rarely experience the good days.

Very often, being chronically ill, we are more sympathetic and emphatic of the struggles that others face.  We are often more caring of others, and love nothing more than to support others’ facing similar adversities then our own.  This is certainly what I have found since joining Twitter.  If I am having a bad day, or facing some other difficulty, I am inundated with tweets of support from fellow ‘spoonies’ and other people whom I am honoured to call my friends.  Often, we are more non-judgemental than most; especially considering invisible illnesses and disabilities, as we can appreciate that every person has their own struggles and inner demons, and are aware that although we may not be able to see all illnesses it doesn’t mean that they do not exist.

We bloom despite our personal adversities by all joining together; regardless of gender, race or even by diagnoses.  We form communities and by supporting each other, and offer comfort when needed, we not only bloom and grow individually but also have the honour to see the entire plant, and group bloom also.  We all bloom and soon an entire garden is filled with the most beautiful of flowers.

Just like flowers; a group of chronic illness sufferers bloom into a beautiful garden

So, how does adversity affect my life?  For starters, it often stops me from doing all that I want to do in life.  Often, fatigue overwhelms me and as a result all I can do is lie on the sofa watching TV or a film.  Adversity has touched my life, as dizziness and vertigo affects my daily life, in a completely negative way; because of these I find it difficult to go into shops that I may want to visit, or I became extremely unwell and nauseous within a blink of an eye and need to go to bed.  The spastic paraparesis has adversely affected my life as I am not able to stand for very long; I lose sensation in the legs (and sometimes even my hands); often experience tremors in the legs and hands or very often they will just collapse from under me.  A few years I never envisioned myself needing to use a wheelchair, however now I have one and will often need to use it.  Chronic illness is like that though; like a snake it often creeps toward you, never noticing it is even there, until it bites you, and your life has instantly changed.

Personally, the adversity that the health condition has placed upon my life has affected me psychologically and socially – often I become down because of all the symptoms that I experience, and how often I am unable to complete tasks or go out.  And it has also affected friendships; people do not understand the limitations that the condition has placed upon my life; and so friends have come and gone, often with no warning and some who never contact me, or invite me out with them.

When do I bloom best?  I have to say this is a very hard question to answer!  I am really not sure when I bloom best; often it just seems I am muddling along in life, and attempting to do my best to keep living despite battling with the condition in which I am afflicted.  I recently found a love of the water; now with the support of a Personal Assistant, I am now able to go swimming, and I am loving it!  I am pain-free, and if my legs do give way the water supports my body weight and they are able to give way with no injuries!  I feel that I also bloom when I am determined and set my mind to something; for example, I recently managed to sit through a screening of Les Misèrables.  Previously, I hadn’t been to the cinema in some years, as the cinema experience can trigger episodes of vertigo and nausea, however, as I really wanted to see the film in question I managed to push through all of the horrible feelings, and managed to see the whole film.  I find often, that because of my condition and the places which can trigger them (such as high ceilings and open spaces), and as there are plenty, I have to push through the dizziness and vertigo a lot of the time, and when I do manage to do it successfully a real sense of accomplishment is felt and I bloom even more so!

Do you think the above statement is true?  How does adversity affect you?  When do you bloom best?  Please share any comments below; I always love to hear from my readers so please get in contact….

For me, true. It’s an interesting thing because I certainly think I bloom best in adversity. While I might not know that right away, it does become true. It’s easy to get stuck on all the negative things. For the flower, the rain, the dry soil, the lack of gardner. For me, the hospital stay, the surgery, the embarrassment, and the life changes. But the flower that figures out how to survive and me who learns from it all. All of these adverse experiences have shown me how strong I am and everything I’m capable of doing.

I’ve learned a lot about myself as an individual. I’ve become an active member of the health advocacy group and the IBD community. I am sharing the word and taking steps for others to learn about CCFA and the IBDs.

 Write about burnout. What does it feel like? What are your burnout triggers?

 What gets you OUT of the pit of despair when nothing is going your way?

Burnout feels like foggy-brain, like tiredness, fatigue, an inability to think and conceptualize a physiologic sense of heaviness or the desire to run from what I’m doing. My burnout trigger is working too long on the same issue without getting any kind of results or information, only frustration; for example trying to get my scanner to scan a picture for an hour to no avail.

Stopping what I am doing. Physically distance myself from it and go outside. Physical activity will release of the tension and fatigue. I will take a walk around the block. The in-motion body thinks differently. The alternating right foot-left foot stimulation helps to change the way we were thinking and move us from negative to positive. 

Burnout

Write about burnout. What does it feel like? What are your burnout triggers?

What gets you OUT of the pit of despair when nothing is going your way?

Basically, burnout is burnout. You don’t want to pick yourself up out of bed, or make an attempt to get dressed really nice, or try to tackle all the tasks you have to do. Maybe you have homework to do, or you made plans with a friend, or you have to clean up. These tasks can be big things or they can be really small things. For me burnout is caused by working too hard/ stress. I am a perfectionist, and it really hurts sometimes. If you are a perfectionist, you know what I am talking about. If I have a lot of homework, I like to do it to the best of my ability, which means I spend a lot of time on it. Then I get tired, and if things aren’t working out, stressed. I know I have other triggers but sometimes I just don’t know exactly why I do feel burnout, I just feel it.

Basically, some things that get me out of my pit of despair are:

• Music! I don’t know what I would do without it. I bring my Ipod with me everywhere. If I am down, sometimes I like to listen to upbeat and inspirational music. My favourite songs that cheer me up are, Jimmy Eat World- The Middle, Imogen Sleep- Speeding Cars, and Imagine Dragons- On Top of The World.

• My family- Honestly, sometimes I wonder what I would do without them. They always seem to make me laugh and laughing removes tension and stress from life. I love them to bits.
• Drawing- Drawing really is like therapy for me. If I am angry or upset I go right to the sketch pad. It’s an activity that requires a lot of attention to detail, so it’s very distracting and that helps when I have a lot on my mind.
• Taking a break and exercising- I like to bike ride in the summer and that is an activity that I also find relaxing and helpful.

Well, I hope that a “burnout” is a flare? I will assume yes, and continue!

Well, since being diagnosed in May of 2011, I have only had 1 official flare.. and I am currently in my second:(

I know many times before being diagnosed with chronic pain, that I have had flares, I just never accounted for them..I Just assumed I was having a crappy couple of months, as I didn’t know the full spectrum of my disorder.

So in September of 2011, I was feeling GREAT, my pain was at an acceptable level, I was living a really great life, so I decided to get back into volleyball. I used to be a very dedicated player, played on a very competitive team, for the first year of my illness, then I couldn’t cope with the requirements anymore, so I had to stop.. But I decided to join the B team at our school, no stress, low chance of injury, sounded like a good fit for me, so I joined, and I realized how much I missed the sport, but sadly, during one of the games I fell directly onto my chin, and received a fairly serious concussion.

This concussion started what would be 8 weeks away from school,and a flare that hasn’t really ever gone away since then.. the intensity has stayed the same, but the locations has diminished..

enough of my rambling!

What gets me out of the Pit of Despair? 

Rules of the next section! Every time I write “PIT OF DESPAIR” you must say it in an evil villan voice. My blog. my rules;)

-Getting out of my house.. sounds so trivial.. buts it’s so true!

-Being around people who won’t focus on my flare, or the state of my appearance.. because I am not cute when I am in a flare..

-Listening to music( I prefer classical)

-Trying to forget about the “PIT OF DESPAIR” and focus on the positives, no matter how small they are

-Learn a new skill. Knitting helped me increase my concentration that I recently lost from starting a new medication! It really helped me, and it works for taking your mind off things

-Take each day one at a time. Don’t rush them,

-Last, but certainly not least don’t stress out .

Parents of children with Type 1 diabetes are extremely susceptible to burnout due to sleep deprivation and constant worry.  While T1 is a disease that can be successfully managed, parents of CWD feel great pressure to keep their kids safe, to get achieve good blood glucose numbers, to have tight control over the disease.  And we parents often put our own needs on the back burner.  Our relationships with our spouses/partners can suffer and also our relationships with our other children.  But what are we to do?  The reality is that Type 1 is a 24/7 disesase and depending on the age of the child with T1, the parent’s job is also 24/7.

According to Helpguide.org, we need to remember the 3R’s:

• Recognize – Watch for the warning signs of burnout
• Reverse – Undo the damage by managing stress and seeking support
• Resilience – Build your resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health

I admit that I am exhausted most days.  I try to go back to bed after my T1 goes to school so I can get at least a couple hours more sleep…but that disrupts my day and prevents me from accomplishing as much as I would like.  But I think a rested mom is better than a spic and span house.  I try to schedule one big chore per day to spread out the tasks–but life often gets in the way.  I also try to do things I enjoy–crafts, reading etc. when I can.

My husband and I try to carve out small units of time together.  It may be a simple as driving together to get gas and leaving our son to watch over his T1 sister or we just sit on the porch, drink in hand, and talk for 15 minutes.

My non-D son and I are trying to play Scrabble together a few times a week so that he get positive attention from me.  One thing we have always done occurs when one child is out with friends–we take the other child out for time alone with both parents.

And my greatest anti-burnout tool has been the DOC.  Some days, I probably spend too much time interacting on-line with other D-mamas, but it is cheaper than therapy!  I do not know what I would do without the friendships and connections I have made in the DOC.

Well, if are “chronic” (love my play on words there eh?) reader of my blog, you would know that I am a big supporter of anonymity with my blog and twitter account, so I didn’t participated in the last posting idea that also included posting a picture, but today, I am to give you a little rant..

Again, I am sorry this post is late! I’m having lots of pain lately!

————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Yes I have a migraine.. No I can’t take tylenol or Advil 

I get this almost daily.. and sometimes I feel like I may t punch them directly in the face.. But, I know that they are only acting with kindness, and not with spite. I remember the days when I had “just a headache” and I took 2 advil, and *poof* no more headache! well gone are the days of that magic, now I take mylan-rizatriptan ODT.. yeah try saying that 10 times fast!

Sometimes its just the little things that get at me, that that phrase, reminds me of everything I lost..

What are some of the little things that bother you?

Wego Health month challenge continues with a subject near and dear to my heart: burnout. I’m supposed to talk about how it feels, what my “burnout triggers” are, and what I do to get out of that mindset. 

Sisyphus by Franz Stuck

Sisyphus. Poor guy, doomed for eternity, grunting and groaning, rolling that huge boulder up a hill only to reach the top and watch it slip right back down. His one job, his only task, and he can’t ever get it right. Ever.

Do you think he stopped at the bottom sometimes, put his hand on the cursed rock, and say: “Naaahhhh. Not feeling like it today. Maybe I’ll sit hang out here for a while.”?

I am Sisyphus.

There have been times in my life when I just sat, looking up at the summit, and said: “Screw it. I’m tired. Every day, blood and shots and mathematical equations and food and judgement and…” I worried so much about getting it wrong that I felt like I could never get it right, so I’d give up.

My burnout triggers? Easy. Being injured. Being sick. A bunch of really bad lows. A bunch of really bad highs. Stress from work. Stress from relationships. Stress over money. Cold weather. Breathing.

I’m telling you that the triggers are always around us. We all have issues. But sometimes it just pigpiles on and I can’t get out of my own way. The cognitive behavioral therapy self-talks start to sound fake and cheesy. The coping mechanisms break down with overuse. I get frustrated. Tired. Depressed. And the fire that is normally lit under me fizzles and sputters and then grows cold.

I stop testing as often. Ignore how I feel. Eat what I want. Indulge. I couch my excuses with smirks and rolls of my eyes, flashing a “YOLO” hand gesture at the concerned people around me. (Or sometimes, another hand gesture altogether.) I get flippant about my health, because I feel like nothing I do ever makes it right. I’d like to kick that gargantuan ball of granite that is my illness off a cliff, not up a hill.

There is never an epiphany. I don’t suddenly see the error of my ways, throw off my mantle of despair and cheerfully whistle my way to the apex. No Greek god smites me for not pushing my rock, either.

It just stops sucking as much. Or hurting less. I’m not sure which, but the realization that ignoring my diabetes won’t make it go away (I’ve tried that route. Trust me. It doesn’t.). Denying it exists doesn’t work. I can be angry at the disease, but not with myself, and taking it out on me is counterproductive. The spark of anger begins to smolder and smoke. I only have one body that needs me to fuel it for a long time to come. And that rock isn’t going anywhere. I don’t have to like it, but I do have a choice.

I choose to push it up again.

Something ignites inside me and the stone is not quite so heavy. The tune may change tomorrow. For now, the hill is still there, but this time, I dance up it, singing “Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno...”* as I go.

* Click the link. You get to see a little Saturday Night Fever action…

Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists. Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based upon prompts given.

Today’s prompt is as follows:

Write about burnout.  What does it feel like?  What are your burnout triggers? 

Ah, burnout!  I am finding that I am experiencing burnout more and more frequently. For me burnout feels like overwhelming fatigue seeping from my every pore.  So fatigued, that even raising a finger feels like the utmost effort. On the very bad days when my ‘burnouts’ occur; my legs become extremely weak; resulting in me unable to stand let alone walk.  The dizziness and vertigo can also be very bad on my ‘burnout’ days; leaving me in bed for all of the day wrapped up in a blanket with only the TV for company.  Also spend time sleeping; or at least trying to sleep as the dizziness can be so intense that it often stops me from doing so.

Triggers are harder to discuss.  Life is unpredictable; and my condition is no different.  Burnouts can appear out of the blue; like an uninvited guest.  And burnouts are very much an unwanted guest.  As time goes on however, I have noticed certain factors in my life that can exacerbate symptoms; meaning a burnout is more likely to occur and these can include such things such as:

1. Overdoing things – if I take on too much or do too many chores or have undertaken too many activities on a given day
2. If I stand for too long – my weak legs really do not like me standing for too long as it often leads them to give way
3. Flashing strobe lights
4. Stress – let’s be honest everyone can relate to this one!
5. If I’m tired

So, a burnout leaves me weak, fatigued, leaves my world spinning and basically leaving me unable to function.  On the worst burnout day, whilst both my parents were working, I was left alone and was so weak, I was even unable to leave my bed to get myself a drink.  As I was alone for several hours it also left me dehydrated.  Obviously, as I am unable to get out of bed; I am therefore confined to my bedroom, and this can be exponentially lonely – no one to talk to, just me and my television.  And when there is nothing decent on to watch on the television, I am just left alone with my thoughts and misery.

However, instead of concentrating on the miseries of burnouts associated with chronic illness, I thought I would share all the little things that make me feel better when these occur:

1. I would be last without my iPad!  There are many applications that I have downloaded that helps me pass the time.  For example, I have Netflix downloaded so I am able to watch some films or television dramas when I am confined to my bed.  Alternatively, I have some of the TV catch up applications such as the BBC iplayer and Demand 5 so that I am able to catch-up on the programmes that I have missed throughout the week.  Then there is a jigsaw game that I love and keeps me entertained for hours.  As well as keeping me entertained, I am also able to access Facebook and Twitter so that I able to keep-up to date on all the goings on and even talk to someone when I am feeling lonely or low
2. My dog Honey!  Pets are amazing and sensing when we are feeling fragile and unwell, and Honey makes sure that I have plenty of hugs and kisses when I have a burnout.  If I am on my own however, she will often be found lying by my bedroom door, keeping an eye out and generally protecting me
3. And when I am having a bad day there is always my ‘comfort box’ filled with everything that gives me comfort and joy!  On my bad days I get it out and just smile at all the little bits and pieces in there!  I have a certificate of my sponsor dog from ‘Dogs for the Disabled’; DVD’s of Grey’s Anatomy and my favourite feel-good comedy film ‘The Proposal’; a couple of cute little bears from the ‘Me to You’ range as well as a present from a great friend of mine (a gorgeous butterfly brooch)
4. I have a gorgeous print by a local artists sitting on my windowsill (still need to put it up on a wall!).  The artist incorporates beautiful and uplifting quotes within her art work and the one I purchased features a butterfly with the words ‘Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly” – it’s a beautiful reminder as to the importance of positive thinking as well as giving me hope of a better tomorrow

I’m not going to write about my own burnout because I think for everyone it is totally different. It can sometimes hit me suddenly or I can tell it’s coming. Little comments or just things I have to deal with take over and hit me hard. The tears come. I lay in bed. And just sleep.

To get out of the pit of despair it’s a mixture of alone time and the right comments. I love my alone time and depend on it sometime. At first, there was nothing better than just laying under the covers and crying it out. Sometimes I will listen to music and try out turn off any thoughts. It also helps to prepare for these burn outs by allowing for alone time. I love an afternoon when I don’t have classes, instead of gaining anxiety over work, I’ll just watch a TV show or a movie. I love to watch Friends, Disney movies, and Law & Order: SVU. A trip to Target or some online shopping will do the trick too. It’s a horrible method, but it works.

The other part is surrounding myself with people that get it. The other day I had a really tough day about starting to wear a bathing suit. But, my friends got it and made just the right comments to make me feel better. They also let me talk whenever I need it. My boyfriend is also an amazing resource for me. He lets me cry, and though he thinks it’s silly when I’m embarrassed, he lets me be. Furthermore, knowing that there are other people out there and around that are experiencing the same thing and need support helps me keep going!

This topic got me thinking a lot.  Well, more or reminiscing.  It wasn’t that long ago that I was at my burnout point.  January 2012.  By now if you are a regular reader you know the date.

There I was, constantly running to the bathroom, dealing with cramps, having no appetite and ready to give in.  I was sinking into depression and wanted an end to it all.  Well, not all…I didn’t want to committ suicide..but it did enter my mind.  What I wanted was to be done with my Crohn’s.  I wanted to call my dr and tell him to yank my colon out.  I had had enough.  No meds were working.  I saw no relief ahead and I had no fight left in me.

Basically, I was burned out.  Over the years I have had some depression every now and then.  There were days where I had no energy and didn’t want to get out of bed.  Everytime that brick wall hit, I would just try to keep positive thoughts and would get myself out of my funk quickly.

This time around was different.  I couldn’t think of any reason to go one.  I was dealing with too many emotions and couldn’t handle it.  I felt like a crash test dummy hitting the wall at 100 mph.  My body was giving up and so was I.

And then, as many of you know, I found myself.  I found my voice.  Basically, I found my community.  Where I saw no future for myself, I now saw warriors fighting back and saying “I won’t give up”.  I watched videos from Sara, Kelly and Maggie (you know the names by now) and they showed me that I CAN’T give in.  My life was worth so much more than my disease.

Over the past year I have been doing pretty well.  There have been some times when the diseaes brings me down and I jump back to my community.  So the answer to what gets me out of despair….is YOU.  My IBD community.  Whether it is on Twitter, a group on Facebook or some posting on a IBD website.  My fellow Crohnies (and UCers) help me recover and get my sense of worth back.

Thank You.

Sorry for the late post! Bad pain day:( I know this blog doesn’t follow the que 100% but its stil relative!

I have lost many friends growing up as a teenager with a chronic health condition.. Canceling plans last minute numerous times over is a killer for most people. Which in some cases I can understand.

But many time I find that if I am having a bad pain day I can act out in anger or frustration because it can sometimes feel as though everyone is acting against you even when they are trying to help.

I think that we all have these moments, anyone who has a chronic illness of any type, or anyone with some type of chronic stress is going to have some “minor blow ups” but keeping them under control and remembering to apologize when they go over the top is a must!!

Both of these pictures are either from the summer of 1998 or 1999 post diabetes diagnosis in January of 1996. Bits and pieces of my wardrobe clue me in, but that is all I have to go by. The first picture I want to say was the summer of 1998 because of the thinness of my body, tends to make me think that is when my thyroid went bunk. The second picture would than make me think summer of 1998 because there is a little more of me at that point. All guesses though.

I know I know, I look so young. It is amazing what 12 or so years does to ones body.

Wego Health asked: Post a vintage photo of yourself with a caption about the image and where you were in terms of your health condition.

It’s a BOGO Day for you. (Buy One, Get One…) I wanted you to see the before and the after… I’m sitting in my chair at the kitchen table with the bay window behind me, but I’m no longer the same.

My twelfth birthday, less than nine months before my diagnosis.

Sixteen months after my diagnosis.

Notice the Medic Alert bracelet shackled on my wrist. Yes, I did intentionally use “shackled”. 

Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists. Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based upon prompts given.

Today’s prompt is as follows:

Post a vintage photo of yourself, with a caption about the photo and where you were in terms of your health condition 

What better vintage photograph then one of me as a newborn baby?  A picture of me 27 years ago.  Here is a picture of me on the day I was born.  A picture of me after the damage was done – after the brain stem lesion had formed but would be left undiagnosed for another 24 years.  A picture of me where I was a blank slate – nothing bad had ever happened to me, nothing exciting never happened either, I had never hurt or been hurt.  A whole lifetime was still ahead of me.  My parents dreamt of a life where I fulfilled my potential – university, a career and then starting my own family.  Back then, none of us could foresee chronic illness, dizziness, vertigo and visual disturbances as permanent fixtures in my daily life.