“O Messenger of Allah, what about when one is alone?“

The Prophet said:

“Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the people.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

Aishah narrated that the Prophet (saw) said:

“Every woman who removes her clothes other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and Allaah.” [Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]

Umm ad-dardaa narrated that the Prophet (saw) said:

“By the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before Ar-Rahman.” [Ahmad: Saheeh]

As salamu alykum,

I came across this beautiful article on ‘Hijab’.

Here is a ppt on Modesty —- PPT & PDF

May Allah (subhana wa ta’la) make us all practicing & God-fearing muslims….Aameen.

“And the purpose of the commandment for wearing the Jilbâb is to cover the beauty of a woman. So it is not sensible that the Jilbâb itself should be attractive! And this is as you see very clear and self-evident.” 

[Taken from the book entitled: جلباب المراة المسلمة في الكتاب والسنة - The Jilbâb of the Muslim woman as in the Qur'ân and Sunnah, pg.74. Authored by Al Imâm, Al Mujaddid, Al Muhaddith, ash-Shaykh Al-Albâni]

Fellow Muslims! The religion of Islam was revealed complete in order to perfect Allah’s blessings on mankind, and guarantee the highest form of grace and kindness. It orders that conditions be improved, and that people be generous. It warns against useless and time-wasting speech and actions. It brought all that can beautify the slave of Allah, and decorate him, and all that can distance him from anything that may defile him and disgrace him.

The Prophet said,

“Allah is generous and gracious, and he loves the generous, gracious people, and He loves the ones who strive to better the state of affairs and He hates useless and time-wasting speech and actions.” (At-Tabarani)

One of Islam’s greatest goals is to establish the abstention from what is forbidden, create virtuousness, purity and to implant good-doing and charity in the community, and the distancing from vice and indecency. And from here Islam has been careful to distance people from their animalistic desires and Satanic manners.

Allah says,

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them of His Bounty.” (An-Noor 24: 33)

He also says,

“But to refrain (i.e. not to discard their outer clothing) is better for them. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (An-Noor 24: 60)

Ibn Abbaas narrated in his account of Abu Sufyan and Caesar,

“Abu Sufyan said, ‘And he orders us to worship Allah without associating any partners with Him and forbids us from worshipping that which our forefathers worshipped, and he orders us to perform prayers, give charity, be chaste, keep our promises, and to return trusts to their rightful owners.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

At-Tirmidhi relates that the prophet said,

“The first three to enter paradise were shown to me: A martyr, a chaste person, and a slave who perfected his worship of Allah and remained faithful to his master.”

The chastity of Islam is what restrains the human behaviour from deteriorating into the following of despicable desires. It looks after one’s interests, curbs one’s desires and prevents one from slipping into error and lack of discipline. This chastity finds expression in human decency and there appears in it purity, and human virtue.

This chastity is related to the achievement of manhood and authority. At the time one’s spirit is strengthened by performing good deeds, good personal manners, good habits, leaving behind the filth and immorality, tolerating its observance in keeping up good habits, and leaving the degrading and despicable.

Islam concentrates on the foundation of chastity to protect honour and majesty. At that time the human will remain strong-willed, and courageous. So don’t yield to your desire, and don’t obey it.

Brothers in Islam! If we talk about these above-mentioned descriptions in Islam, they are self-evident for the intelligent open-minded person. They glorify the good things of this religion and have raised its learning to a dignified position. One may look in different countries of the world which we know today. Chastity has been lost, and it is darkened by shamelessness and immorality, and no one shows any respect, people have rough manners, and disgraceful practices, knowing no honour or chivalry, and bearing no characteristic of courtliness or kindness. Freedom to follow desires, legalisation of transient things of the world, and a loss of humility and decency, no feeling jealousy for one’s close female relatives, no disgust from immoral or unlawful deeds. What do you think brought about this dissoluteness? What caused these manners which left chastity behind and destroyed purity and humility? It was brought about by immorality whose damaging effects know no limit and result in various pains, hurts and sorrows, and destructive conditions.

O slaves of Allah! The Shari’ah was revealed in order to bring about chastity, purity and the spreading of humility and virtue on the individual level as well as on the level of society. It’s definitive orders came specifically to the Faithful Muslims, and to the Muslims generally to guard their chastity.

Guarding chastity from immorality is one thing that can purify the soul, bring peace to nations, and maintain security.

Allah says,

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts.” (An-Noor 24: 30)

Allah praised those who guard their chastity, and made that a sign of supreme success. Allah says,

“Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer their prayers in al solemnity and full submissiveness. And those who turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk, falsehood, and all that Allah has forbidden). And those who pay the Zakat. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts.).” (Al-Mu’minoon 23: 1)

The Prophet said,

“Whoever guarantees for me (that) what is between his legs and what is between his two beards (i.e. between the left and right sides of his beards: meaning his mouth)[i.e. will perform no act of indiscretion]. I guarantee for him paradise.” (Bukharee)

He also said,

“If a woman prays five times daily, and fasts her month (of Ramdan), and guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘Enter Paradise by any door you like.’”

Fellow Muslims! The greatest thing that destroys this guard of chastity is fornication, so it is one of the biggest sins and greatest transgressions. Ibn Al-Qayyim said,

“In His book, Allah specifically labelled the association of partners with Him, fornication and homosexuality, with impurity and filth… and no sin is worse for the heart and religion than those two great sins – fornication and homosexuality – and for them is a characteristic in distancing the heart from Allah. If the heart acknowledged them, it is distanced from Allah.”

And Allah warned against fornication and described its awful description and it’s result of utter destruction, He says,

“And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such person as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse – and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide there in disgrace. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds…” (Al-Furqan 25: 68)

He also says,

“And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a transgression of Allah’s limits, and an evil way.” (Al-Israa’ 17: 32)

Fellow Muslims! Fornication is incompatible with the characteristics of the faithful believer and repulsive to the pious and the God-fearing. Allah says,

“The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah (polytheist woman) and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Mushrik (polytheist man). Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” (An-Noor 24: 3)

The Prophet said,

“When the fornicator is committing fornication, he is not a believer.” (Bukharee and Muslim)

And he said,

“If a slave of Allah commits fornication, his faith leaves him through his head and when he turns away from her, his faith returns again.” (Abo Dawood)

O slaves of Allah! Fornication is usually associated with the performance of other acts of disobedience to Allah and it guarantees all forms of harm. By way of fornication, mortal diseases become prevalent in the community, and different kinds of afflictions and trials appear, and the good god-fearing family is non-existent, blessings become scarce, not to mention the estrangement and enmity between human beings, the spread of multifarious diseases.

O slaves of Allah! Listen, then, to the light of the Prophet Muhammad’s revelation; it speaks about these evil effects and warns against these dangers and evils. The Prophet said,

“My nation will remain well as long as there is not a prevalence of children born out of wedlock, and if there is such a prevalence they will be on the point of receiving Allah’s punishment.” (Ahmad)

And the Prophet said,

“If there is a prevalence of fornication and usury in a nation, they have legitimised for themselves the punishment (of Allah).”

He also said,

“(Allah’s) covenant is never broken in a nation but there spreads amongst them killing, and there never appears immorality in a nation until it is announced to me except there spreads among them plague and diseases that where not known in past generations…” (Ibn Majah, Al-Hakim, Adh-Dhahabee)

Fellow Muslims! Remember that fornication is but a few moments pleasure which people are driven to by their base whims and desires, and its perpetrator shall be punished. It is a short-lived pleasure, yet it’s long term effects are evil. Fornicators are swift to laughter, but remain disgraced and dishonoured, and Allah’s is angry with them.

The Prophet said during part of a longer narration,

“… and so we set out and came to something like a kiln narrow at the top and wide at the bottom, there came from it sounds and voices. He said, ‘We looked inside, and there were naked men and women and there would rise up fire from beneath them and when it reached them, they screamed, and I said, ‘Who are these (people) O Jibreel?’, He said, ‘These are the fornicators.’” (Bukharee)

So fear Allah, O slaves of Allah, and stick to His orders, and stop at His limits, and you will prevail, you will win and be happy.

Brothers in Islam! If the way of error is not easy for a Muslim, and it is not easy in today’s world, and if the ways of immorality are not widespread and multifarious, then the faithful Muslim urgently needs to remember that The Creator can always see Him and pursues a revival of fear of Allah. And Muslims can be reminded by the Prophet’s words,

“Allah will shade seven in His shade on the day when there will be no shade but His shade…(and one of them was)…a man who is approached by a beautiful woman, and he said, ‘I fear Allah.’”

So see, O you who have reached a respectable advanced age, it is the time of the youths and it is filled with sin and wrongdoing, remember the greatness of the affair and the result of a bad end to life and the life after death. The Prophet said,

“On the day of Judgement, there are three groups of people whom Allah will not speak to, nor make them flourish, nor will He look at them, and for them is a painful torment: an old man who commits fornication, a king who is a liar, and a poor people who are arrogant” (Muslim)

Source

Transcribed by:Umm Hasna Firdous Bint Jabir

Overview :

This is a lecture that should put the heart of every woman at ease. Though the life of a woman in Islaam may seem difficult to some who have no knowledge, or insight, Allaah Has promised Paradise for His righteous servants.

The brother starts the sermon with – Khutbatul-Haajah –

Today’s Khutbah is a reminder for myself and everyone else who is sitting here and all those who may hear about this khutbah and i.e. the prohibition of Ikhtilaaq – of freely mixing between male and female. Al Islaam has placed before us the ways to reduce the temptations of the fitnah of Nisaah and that is this ikhtilaaq (is freely mixing between a man and a woman) — a woman mixing with a man who does not have a mahram and this is prohibited in Islaam. This is the ways that destroys the society and this is the reason why we are going to speak about this today because it is the women who build the society. When you look at the society of today, we see that the women, they are amongst the people that are destroying the society. Because the strongest evidence that prohibits this mixing between men and women when Allaah Azzawajal says in Kitaab al-Azeez i.e. the Quraan :

“Allaah tabarak wa ta’ala commands the women to stay in their houses and He prohibits them from making this dazzling display of themselves.”

Why did Allaah tabarak wa ta’ala inform us thus? Why did He encourage them and command them to stay in their houses? It is because they will not be molested and they stay in their houses and remember Allaah subhana wa ta’ala and they will be protected in their houses. So that they can be protected from all of the evils that occur when they leave their house.

Yes, when we look at this ayat, look at today’s society na’am when you go and buy airline tickets, whom do you see? except women.

When you go to the bank, whom do you see? except women.

When you want to buy a car, whom do you see? except women.

When you want to pay your electricity bill / gas bill whom do you see? except women.

Na’am, they are the o­nes who are destroying the society. They are the o­nes who are allowing the destruction of the society. It is because we don’t want to listen to the guidance of Allaah subhana wa ta’ala. Because if you listen to the guidance and heed the guidance and implement the guidance and disseminate this guidance amongst the people we will be amongst the people who are successful.

Na’am the above ayah is about what? It is about women staying in their houses. Staying in their houses and not making a dazzling display of themselves.

When Allaah tabarak wa ta’ala says : “Ask them from behind the hijab.”

Why? Because when you ask them from behind the hijab it is better and it will conceal the disease of that person that is asking. Like the words of the Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam : It will conceal, it will protect them from their disease because they don’t see them.

And the other ayat that proceeds this is :

And when the women speak from behind the hijab they are not going to speak to try and tempt you or allure you or attract you to that temptation. But because we are far away from the guidance of Allaah subhana wa ta’ala and we want to be o­n something that is not right.

Na’m when we talk o­n the telephone and we want to ask about a brother : “is he home?” We want to get all personal with his wife : “How are you doing? I heard you were sick. How are the children?”

This is not the place for you to be asking her. You should ask her husband when he returns and you catch him and you are able to talk to him.

That is why the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam told to ask from behind the Hijaab so that it can protect her.

The wives of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam were knowledgeable in that community, not like our wives. They do not know even know how to perform their salaah properly.

First of all look at our children. That is why keep them in their house.

When you keep them in the house the children will benefit. Not like today when the children come to the Masjid, when they see the other Muslims (elders) they don’t give the salams. The hadith : the o­ne who is riding should give salams to the o­ne who is walking. The o­ne who is walking gives salams to the o­ne sitting and the o­ne who has small amounts give it to the o­nes with larger amounts and the youngsters give salams to those who are older in age.”

How come our youngsters don’t initiate the salams with the o­nes older in age? It is because our women are not in the house, teaching the kids the Book of Allaah and the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. It is because the women, the wives of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam were commanded them to stay in their house and to recite kitaab ul-Hikmah. What is Kitab-ual-Hikmah? It is the Book of Allah subhana wa ta’ala and the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. The wives of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam did this. They didn’t read some Greek Aristotle’s. They didn’t recite anything that would keep them away from the remembrance of Allah.

They are going to remember Allaah.

They are going to remember Allaah by reciting that which He sent down and implementing that which He sent down. Likewise we need to teach our children. Now, how can we teach our children if the woman is outside the home always?

They don’t know. Kids don’t know, we have to teach it to them.

When the husband comes home from a hard days work what is the first thing she (the wife) does? How would she know to attend to his needs if the woman is not at home to receive her husband?

We are not here to entertain anyone. This is Yawm-ul-Jummah. If you come to Yawm-ul-Jummah it is obligatory upon you all to know the etiquettes. This is not to entertain anyone or any of the children. It is there to remove some of the diseases that reside in the hearts and to benefit from the reminder so that we can implement it in our life-styles.

So what is it when the women stay outside of their houses? She’s not like that the woman. When her husband comes home after a hard days work, the first thing she would do after she gives you salams is to take off your shoes. She gives him something to drink. She comforts him. She wants to know how his day was at work. She asks him if there is anything that she could get him.

She has his clothes ready for the next day by ironing them etc. So that when the children see this they know that when the daughters get married they are going to treat their husbands exactly like that or better than that. Because they are witnessing the guidance of Allaah in their hearts. Not like our children. We don’t teach them anything and the cause is because our women are outside their house.

When they are outside the house, they don’t know the Shaitan, he beautifies them. “I don’t care if you are wearing all black, he beautifies you. So much that if there is disease in his heart or anyone else that black is going to look good for him. And he will say that he wants someone just like that. The lady he sees is wearing nothing but black and he can’t see anything except the eyes may be uncovered. Now, you want to see the eyes. When you look her in the eyes, now you are finished. Because the disease is just coming out. That is why we have to teach our women that when they come out for something that is a necessity, they must take care of that business and get back into their house.

Not like the women of these days in time. Because the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that the whole body of a woman is her private part. He didn’t make no exceptions. He didn’t say except her face and hands, he didn’t say except her feet, except her eyes. He said the whole body of a woman is her awrah.

Not like our women, when they come out they don’t know about the guidance of Allaah. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam prohibited the women from walking in the middle of the streets and when you tell them, they don’t want to adhere to that. They want to adhere to their passing desires. “I ain’t walking in the sides of the street.”

When the sahabiyaats were walking in the middle of the streets the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said: “Draw back now. Draw back and walk in the sides of the roads and don’t walk in the middle of the roads. ” So much so that when the walking their body was scratching against the wall because they were adhering to the guidance of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.

I command all of you to follow the guidance of Allah, to follow that has been revealed to the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.

So we have to know that if the woman comes out, even if you are taking her and you are driving and she is sitting in the car with you, it is best for the woman to sit at the back instead in front. And it is best she doesn’t speak unless there is a need for her to speak. Because when she speaks and she is controlling the conversation and you have a friend in the car, what does that do except produce some disease that may reside in your heart, that may stay in the heart. And you may start thinking something bad and it starts rusting may be that her voice may have attracted you. We don’t think about that. When there is no need she shouldn’t talk. Why? Because the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said : “Shyness doesn’t come except with goodness.” Let her not speak unless there is a necessity since her voice may attract a non-mahram man.

When I was growing up years ago, the women used to wear skirts and long dresses. They didn’t wear pants because they felt shy to wear pants. But now they have no shyness. They have gone from skirts and long dresses to wearing pants. And when they used to wear skirts and long dresses and they needed to bow down or bend down to pick up something, they used to do it with modesty. But now the bend down to pick up something wearing pants, with no modesty, exposing it all so much so that the people around them would be affected.

Know that the woman, they need to stay in their house and teach our children. So that they wont lure and tempt us. Because every single place you go you have a woman right in front of your face. The airport, the market place, the cashier, the register clerk in the hospital, when you go to pay your gas bill, your water bill. Every place you name it they have a woman right in front of your face.

And how many of us want to go to a store and buy something now because we saw a beautiful woman walking. Apparently she is beautiful? But in actuality she is not beautiful. So much so that even if a woman is wearing all black they want to have some type of fashion with it. Why black? Because it is the purpose that it serves, it is supposed to turn us away from them. But now like other sisters they wear all black and they want to wear red with it. A red hand bag and red shoes !!!

Before we entered Islaam that was the furthest thing that turned us away. We went far away from this as this didn’t look good.

The woman is a fitnah so protect her. If you protect her you protect the society, you protect your children and without a doubt you are protecting yourself. Because when you come home from a hard days work she will take off your shoes and socks and will give you something to drink. Your children are going to do the same thing. You are teaching them how to be obedient to your husband. How to treat your husband, so much that when she is about nine years of age she knows majority of the things as to how to please her husband, how to stay with her husband, how to call her husband, how to be obedient to the husband, to help o­ne another in good and righteousness and not help o­ne another in sin and transgression.

So we have to learn and we have to teach our women to stay in their houses and don’t come out except when it is necessary for them to come out.

Part 2

The importance of this khutbah is what? To protect ourselves and our women because the women make up the society. Majority of men is where? In prison. Majority of men are drug addicts but you have an abundance of women out there. Like in Egypt 16 million people in the main city and 85% or 90% are unmarried and the dowry is sky high. So what does that produce except homosexuality. That is what it is going to produce because the men can’t get married. These days we don’t have the Imaan like the Imaan of Imaam Ahmed Rahimullaah. He didn’t even get married until he was 40 years of age; na’m why?? Because he was busy with seeking knowledge. Seeking knowledge so much so that even when he went to Makkah and he was with Yahya Ibn Muaid Rahimullah he told him that after his Hajj he wanted to go to Yemen so that he could meet up and take knowledge from Imaam San’aali. Na’m today we have a Sheikh Muqbil bin Hadi rahimullah a Muhaddith in Yemen and we don’t even teach our children about him. So that when it is summer we don’t put them in the day care and your wife says: “I have saved up all the money that you have given me and I would like you to take off from your job and take my children up to Yemen so that they can benefit from the Sheikh before he dies.” We aren’t thinking like that.

Every single time you come to the Masjid the woman is right there too as though it is obligatory for her to make salaah in the Masjid. You take her to a place like this. We say the Masjid is packed and the men can’t get in there and there is no place and it is not obligatory for the woman to come to the Masjid. For whom is it obligatory? It is obligatory for the men who are responsible to perform Yawm al Jummah in the Masjid. But our women every single time there is a class or something or Yawm al Jummah, they are at the doorsteps or the doorways of the Masjids so much so that when it is time to make Salaah and you come late she makes Salah outside the door where everyone else is praying. She doesn’t know “Shyness doesn’t come except with goodness.”

If your not eligible to make salaah why do you have to come to the Masjid? Why?

When I was a Kaafir I used to be ashamed to go to the store to buy those personal things for my mother. I used to hide it in everything else. Now you got the best thing you want to let everybody know. You go to the Masjid and don’t pray you want everybody to know because you are facing the direction the brothers come in. You tell me that this ain’t temptation. I don’t care if she is wearing all black, a man can go through that, a man is weak, a woman you have to caress her to get he into the mood to be intimate but a man he gets excited and is mesmerized easily. Go to the airport, the bus stop, the gal who is driving the bus you see the woman right in front of you. They have so much of the finest women in front of us and you tell me that this ain’t gonna change us? All of a sudden we want to buy that ticket because we want to stand in her face.

Likewise our Muslim women want to be outside doing the same thing. So my reminder to all of us is what? If the woman comes outside let her adhere to the guidance of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Because during the time of Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam they had two different doors, a door for the woman to go in and a door for the man to go in but it didn’t stop there. The women knew that the front line is the worst row for the woman and the worst row for the men is the last row.

When the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam finished making his salaah he was sitting in the direction he was praying so that he gave the women enough time to leave. Last month when I did that, o­ne of the brothers said : “You are supposed to turn around right now.” So I had to explain that the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam and the sahabas did that to give the women enough time to leave. But now a days even if you do that the woman is still standing in the doorway.

So I ask all of you’ll to protect your wives, to protect your children. Keep them inside their houses except when there is a need for them to come out. And when they are in the house command them to remember Allaah subhana wa ta’ala and to raise the children upon the obedience of Allah subhana wa ta’ala and don’t be amongst the people who don’t raise them o­n the obedience of Allah subhana wa ta’ala.

‎[Tirmidhee (1173) and Ibn Khuzaimah in his “Saheeh” (1685). Authenticated by Shaikh al-Albaanee in “al-Saheehah” (2688) and “Saheeh al-Targheeb” (346). It was also authenticated by Shaikh Muqbil in “Saheeh al-Musnad” (881)]

Shyness is of two types:

1. What consists of character and disposition and cannot be acquired. Shyness is the behavior Allah granted the servant. The Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam said ” Shyness brings about nothing but good.” It prohibits a person from committing despicable actions and displaying degrading behavior.

2.What is attainable through knowing Allah and knowing His greatness as well as His closeness to His servants.His overseeing them, and His knowledge of what deceives the eyes while being hidden in the chests.

Shyness from Allah may be caused by witnessing and reflecting over His blessings and the shortcomings associated with being thankful for them.

The praiseworthy shyness is the behavior that encourages the performing of commendable actions and abandoning the wretched.

Concerning the statement : ” If you do not feel shy then do as you wish .” One meaning is that it does not command to do whatever you wish, but it conveys a meaning of blame and prohibition. One way of interpreting it is that it conveys a threat/warning. The second way to interpret it is that it is a way of conveying information. The thing that prohibits a person from doing bad actions is shyness.

An-Nawawee said , The Scholars said that the reality of shyness is the character that encourages the abandonment of despicable actions and prevents against negligence concerning the rights of the people who possess rights over others.

Aboo Al Qaasim al Junayd said Shyness is recognizing Allahs favors, meaning His blessings and the recognizing of ones own negligence in light of them both.

When shyness is lost, every type of evil is committed.

There are five signs of wretchedness :

1. The harshness in the hearts
2. The unflinching eye
3. The lack of shyness
4. The seeking of worldy pleasures.
5. Longevity in life

An example of shyness is Asmaa bint Aboo Bakr in the hadeeth where she carried the date stones and was offered to ride behind the Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam but was too shy.
Source: My Advice to the Women – Umm Abdillah al-Waadi’iyyah – pgs 253-259

Please benefit from the following document. It is a poster with invaluable summarised tips on safeguarding oneself from the sin of the eye, based on the book Hayaa aur paakdaamni by Shaykh Zulfiqar Ahmad (damat barakatuhum).

May Allah protect us from all sins of the eye and make all acts which are detestable to Allah, detestable in our hearts too. May Allah shower His Mercy on those who were involved in the production and propagation of this work. Ameen

The poster is available in English and Urdu. It is advised to use the PDF files for printing on A3, and the JPEG images for electronic distribution.

[PDF] Unlawful Gazes – Tips for safeguarding oneself from the sin of the eye

[PDF] Urdu version

“In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not.“

By Amatullah Islam

PART 1 – Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under ‘lock and key’. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of “no boyfriend” when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or ‘an affair’. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases – the list goes on.

We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage:

Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim].

But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished – he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim].

Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon:

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

You must teach him or her to:

1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.

2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts…” [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “…do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look.

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]

3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahram. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) “…do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you…” [33:32]

4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with T-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.

5. It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha’ Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called ‘the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship’.

PART 2 – How to deal with a Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship?

In the last article the author talked about taking preventative measures to ensure that when your child is older, he or she will not be caught in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. However, if your child is already a teenager or those methods did not work, and you are now facing this dilemma, there is still hope of rectifying it. Most parents react with extremity upon discovering that their daughter is in a girlfriend-boyfriend situation: they lock her in her room and forbid her to see the boy again. What would be the reaction from the girl when she is faced with this? She would rebel. That is, she would do the opposite of what the parents say and, in extreme cases, run away from home. If this is not how parents want it to end, they must tread lightly. Do everything with a light touch because teenagers respond better to it. At any signs of heavy-handedness, teenagers rebel.

The first step in any bridge-building is to talk. Calmly talk to your daughter to understand why she is having a boyfriend.

What led to this?

There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at, is the girl’s raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.

Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl’s behavior?

Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a “geek”.

Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends. Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy. Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.

Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents. There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.

How to approach them?

When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative (“You did this to…”) and judgmental (“You are so…”), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation (“Why did you…?”). This only adds to their daughter’s defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using “should”, “don’t” and all other negative words. Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it (“Do you mean…?”), acknowledge it (“You feel… because…”) and empathize with it (“You sound really…”). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practicing these skills.

Insecurity

Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her “bad” behaviors, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviors and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter.

Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).

Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam’s position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.

Don’t forget about the boys

Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worse position, the same parents are complacent,. feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honor of the family.

Honor needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honor. If the father or mother loses his or her honor then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honor and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.

Abu-Mujahid

Source

1) Modesty upon sins
2) Modesty upon shortcomings
3) Modesty upon knowledge
4) Modesty upon generosity
5) Modesty upon decency
6) Modesty upon despise
7) Modesty upon love
8] Modesty upon enslavement
9) Modesty upon dignity
10) Modesty upon one’s self

We are born with the Fitraah, but trust in Him we must learn. He is our purpose on this earth. To be consciously aware of that, to implement it by means of obligatory and voluntary actions while seeking His Face, is the meaning of life. Let us build on that meaning. Because wallaah thumma wallaah, if we struggle to attain the power to Trust Him fully, the power to Fear Him at all times, He will open many a doors for us that will help us unto salvation. Regardless of the obstacles, hindrances, and calamities that may befall us, and regardless of the times we may break, but continuing to return to Him whilst falling apart, He will construct for us a much more beautiful form of ourselves.

To all those who want to wear the niqaab, stop waiting and just go for it. There isn’t time to second guess the life that awaits you. Nothing must weigh you down. If anybody comes between you and the things you love, politely ask them to move. If anybody comes between you and Allaah, do nothing but MOVE them. Indubitably, the road of life has its twists & turns and no two directions are ever the same. Therefore, let the niqaab be part of the many you give back to Him as a sign of gratitude. Let it be part of the lessons you learn and incorporate into your life.

Indeed, ladies who commit good deeds in this dunya will pass the hoor al ‘ayn fil akhiraah. And Allaah knows best.

Baas, yellaah, go make a gray day, pretty! =]

By Imâm Al-Haram, Husayn Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Azîz Aal Sheikh

All praise is due to Allah. I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. May peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, his household and companions.

Fellow Muslims! The religion of Islam was revealed complete in order to perfect Allah’s blessings on mankind, and guarantee the highest form of grace and kindness. It orders that conditions be improved, and that people be generous. It warns against useless and time-wasting speech and actions. It brought all that can beautify the slave of Allah, and decorate him, and all that can distance him from anything that may defile him and disgrace him.

The Prophet said,
“Allah is generous and gracious, and he loves the generous, gracious people, and He loves the ones who strive to better the state of affairs and He hates useless and time-wasting speech and actions.” (At-Tabarani)

One of Islam’s greatest goals is to establish the abstention from what is forbidden, create virtuousness, purity and to implant good-doing and charity in the community, and the distancing from vice and indecency. And from here Islam has been careful to distance people from their animalistic desires and Satanic manners.

Allah says,

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them of His Bounty.” (An-Noor 24: 33)

He also says,

“But to refrain (i.e. not to discard their outer clothing) is better for them. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (An-Noor 24: 60)

Ibn Abbaas narrated in his account of Abu Sufyan and Caesar,

“Abu Sufyan said, ‘And he orders us to worship Allah without associating any partners with Him and forbids us from worshipping that which our forefathers worshipped, and he orders us to perform prayers, give charity, be chaste, keep our promises, and to return trusts to their rightful owners.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

At-Tirmidhi relates that the prophet said,

“The first three to enter paradise were shown to me: A martyr, a chaste person, and a slave who perfected his worship of Allah and remained faithful to his master.”

The chastity of Islam is what restrains the human behaviour from deteriorating into the following of despicable desires. It looks after one’s interests, curbs one’s desires and prevents one from slipping into error and lack of discipline. This chastity finds expression in human decency and there appears in it purity, and human virtue.

This chastity is related to the achievement of manhood and authority. At the time one’s spirit is strengthened by performing good deeds, good personal manners, good habits, leaving behind the filth and immorality, tolerating its observance in keeping up good habits, and leaving the degrading and despicable.

Islam concentrates on the foundation of chastity to protect honour and majesty. At that time the human will remain strong-willed, and courageous. So don’t yield to your desire, and don’t obey it.

Brothers in Islam! If we talk about these above-mentioned descriptions in Islam, they are self-evident for the intelligent open-minded person. They glorify the good things of this religion and have raised its learning to a dignified position. One may look in different countries of the world which we know today. Chastity has been lost, and it is darkened by shamelessness and immorality, and no one shows any respect, people have rough manners, and disgraceful practices, knowing no honour or chivalry, and bearing no characteristic of courtliness or kindness. Freedom to follow desires, legalisation of transient things of the world, and a loss of humility and decency, no feeling jealousy for one’s close female relatives, no disgust from immoral or unlawful deeds. What do you think brought about this dissoluteness? What caused these manners which left chastity behind and destroyed purity and humility? It was brought about by immorality whose damaging effects know no limit and result in various pains, hurts and sorrows, and destructive conditions.

O slaves of Allah! The Shari’ah was revealed in order to bring about chastity, purity and the spreading of humility and virtue on the individual level as well as on the level of society. It’s definitive orders came specifically to the Faithful Muslims, and to the Muslims generally to guard their chastity.

Guarding chastity from immorality is one thing that can purify the soul, bring peace to nations, and maintain security.

Allah says,
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts.” (An-Noor 24: 30)

Allah praised those who guard their chastity, and made that a sign of supreme success. Allah says,

“Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer their prayers in al solemnity and full submissiveness. And those who turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk, falsehood, and all that Allah has forbidden). And those who pay the Zakat. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts.).” (Al-Mu’minoon 23: 1)

The Prophet said,

“Whoever guarantees for me (that) what is between his legs and what is between his two beards (i.e. between the left and right sides of his beards: meaning his mouth)[i.e. will perform no act of indiscretion]. I guarantee for him paradise.” (Bukharee)

He also said,

“If a woman prays five times daily, and fasts her month (of Ramdan), and guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘Enter Paradise by any door you like.’”

Fellow Muslims! The greatest thing that destroys this guard of chastity is fornication, so it is one of the biggest sins and greatest transgressions. Ibn Al-Qayyim said,

“In His book, Allah specifically labelled the association of partners with Him, fornication and homosexuality, with impurity and filth… and no sin is worse for the heart and religion than those two great sins – fornication and homosexuality – and for them is a characteristic in distancing the heart from Allah. If the heart acknowledged them, it is distanced from Allah.”

And Allah warned against fornication and described its awful description and it’s result of utter destruction, He says,

“And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such person as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse – and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide there in disgrace. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds…” (Al-Furqan 25: 68)

He also says,

“And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a transgression of Allah’s limits, and an evil way.” (Al-Israa’ 17: 32)

Fellow Muslims! Fornication is incompatible with the characteristics of the faithful believer and repulsive to the pious and the God-fearing. Allah says,

“The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah (polytheist woman) and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Mushrik (polytheist man). Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” (An-Noor 24: 3)

The Prophet said,

“When the fornicator is committing fornication, he is not a believer.” (Bukharee and Muslim)

And he said,

“If a slave of Allah commits fornication, his faith leaves him through his head and when he turns away from her, his faith returns again.” (Abo Dawood)

O slaves of Allah! Fornication is usually associated with the performance of other acts of disobedience to Allah and it guarantees all forms of harm. By way of fornication, mortal diseases become prevalent in the community, and different kinds of afflictions and trials appear, and the good god-fearing family is non-existent, blessings become scarce, not to mention the estrangement and enmity between human beings, the spread of multifarious diseases.

O slaves of Allah! Listen, then, to the light of the Prophet Muhammad’s revelation; it speaks about these evil effects and warns against these dangers and evils. The Prophet said,

“My nation will remain well as long as there is not a prevalence of children born out of wedlock, and if there is such a prevalence they will be on the point of receiving Allah’s punishment.” (Ahmad)

And the Prophet said,

“If there is a prevalence of fornication and usury in a nation, they have legitimised for themselves the punishment (of Allah).”

He also said,

“(Allah’s) covenant is never broken in a nation but there spreads amongst them killing, and there never appears immorality in a nation until it is announced to me except there spreads among them plague and diseases that where not known in past generations…” (Ibn Majah, Al-Hakim, Adh-Dhahabee)

Fellow Muslims! Remember that fornication is but a few moments pleasure which people are driven to by their base whims and desires, and its perpetrator shall be punished. It is a short-lived pleasure, yet it’s long term effects are evil. Fornicators are swift to laughter, but remain disgraced and dishonoured, and Allah’s is angry with them.

The Prophet said during part of a longer narration,

“… and so we set out and came to something like a kiln narrow at the top and wide at the bottom, there came from it sounds and voices. He said, ‘We looked inside, and there were naked men and women and there would rise up fire from beneath them and when it reached them, they screamed, and I said, ‘Who are these (people) O Jibreel?’, He said, ‘These are the fornicators.’” (Bukharee)

So fear Allah, O slaves of Allah, and stick to His orders, and stop at His limits, and you will prevail, you will win and be happy.

Brothers in Islam! If the way of error is not easy for a Muslim, and it is not easy in today’s world, and if the ways of immorality are not widespread and multifarious, then the faithful Muslim urgently needs to remember that The Creator can always see Him and pursues a revival of fear of Allah. And Muslims can be reminded by the Prophet’s words,

“Allah will shade seven in His shade on the day when there will be no shade but His shade…(and one of them was)…a man who is approached by a beautiful woman, and he said, ‘I fear Allah.’”

So see, O you who have reached a respectable advanced age, it is the time of the youths and it is filled with sin and wrongdoing, remember the greatness of the affair and the result of a bad end to life and the life after death. The Prophet said,

“On the day of Judgement, there are three groups of people whom Allah will not speak to, nor make them flourish, nor will He look at them, and for them is a painful torment: an old man who commits fornication, a king who is a liar, and a poor people who are arrogant” (Muslim)

Source

Woman’s Reflection On Leading Prayer, By Yasmin Mogahed

(Friday 25 March 2005)

“Given my privilege as a woman, I only degrade myself by trying to be something I’m not–and in all honesty–don’t want to be: a man. As women, we will never reach true liberation until we stop trying to mimic men, and value the beauty in our own God-given distinctiveness.”

On March 18, 2005 Amina Wadud led the first female-led Jumuah (Friday) prayer. On that day women took a huge step towards being more like men. But, did we come closer to actualizing our God-given liberation? I don’t think so.

What we so often forget is that God has honored the woman by giving her value in relation to God-not in relation to men. But as western feminism erases God from the scene, there is no standard left-but men. As a result the western feminist is forced to find her value in relation to a man. And in so doing she has accepted a faulty assumption. She has accepted that man is the standard, and thus a woman can never be a full human being until she becomes just like a man-the standard.

When a man cut his hair short, she wanted to cut her hair short.

When a man joined the army, she wanted to join the army. She wanted these things for no other reason than because the “standard” had it.

What she didn’t recognize was that God dignifies both men and women in their distinctiveness–not their sameness. And on March 18, Muslim women made the very same mistake.

For 1400 years there has been a consensus of the scholars that men are to lead prayer. As a Muslim woman, why does this matter? The one who leads prayer is not spiritually superior in any way. Something is not better just because a man does it. And leading prayer is not better, just because it’s leading. Had it been the role of women or had it been more divine, why wouldn’t the Prophet have asked Ayesha or Khadija, or Fatima-the greatest women of all time-to lead? These women were promised heaven-and
yet they never lead prayer.

But now for the first time in 1400 years, we look at a man leading prayer and we think, “That’s not fair.” We think so although God has given no special privilege to the one who leads. The imam is no higher in the eyes of God than the one who prays behind.

On the other hand, only a woman can be a mother. And God has given special privilege to a mother. The Prophet taught us that heaven lies at the feet of mothers. But no matter what a man does he can never be a mother. So why is that not unfair?

When asked who is most deserving of our kind treatment? The Prophet replied ‘your mother’ three times before saying ‘your father’ only once. Isn’t that sexist? No matter what a man does he will never be able to have the status of a mother. And yet even when God honors us with something uniquely feminine, we are too busy trying to find our worth in reference to men, to value it- or even notice. We too have accepted men as the standard; so anything uniquely feminine is, by definition, inferior. Being sensitive is an insult, becoming a mother-a degradation. In the battle between stoic rationality (considered masculine) and self-less compassion (considered feminine), rationality reigns supreme.

As soon as we accept that everything a man has and does is better, all that follows is just a knee jerk reaction: if men have it-we want it too. If men pray in the front rows, we assume this is better, so we want to pray in the front rows too. If men lead prayer, we assume the imam is closer to God, so we want to lead prayer too. Somewhere along the line we’ve accepted the notion that having a position of worldly leadership is some indication of one’s position with God.

A Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God as a standard. She has God to give her value; she doesn’t need a man. In fact, in our crusade to follow men, we, as women, never even stopped to examine the possibility that what we have is better for us. In some cases we even gave up what was higher only to be like men.

Fifty years ago, society told us that men were superior because they left the home to work in factories. We were mothers. And yet, we were told that it was women’s liberation to abandon the raising of another human being in order to work on a machine. We accepted that working in a factory was superior to raising the foundation of society-just because a man did it.

Then after working, we were expected to be superhuman-the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect homemaker-and have the perfect career. And while there is nothing wrong, by definition, with a woman having a career, we soon came to realize what we had sacrificed by blindly mimicking men. We watched as our children became strangers and soon recognized the privilege
we’d given up.

And so only now-given the choice-women in the West are choosing to stay home to raise their children. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, only 31 percent of mothers with babies, and 18 percent of mothers with two or more children, are working full-time. And of those working mothers, a survey conducted by Parenting Magazine in 2000, found that 93% of them say they would rather be home with their kids, but are compelled to work due to ‘financial obligations’.

These ‘obligations’ are imposed on women by the gender sameness of the modern West, and removed from women by the gender distinctiveness of Islam.

It took women in the West almost a century of experimentation to realize a privilege given to Muslim women 1400 years ago.

Given my privilege as a woman, I only degrade myself by trying to be something I’m not–and in all honesty–don’t want to be: a man. As women, we will never reach true liberation until we stop trying to mimic men, and value the beauty in our own God-given distinctiveness.

If given a choice between stoic justice and compassion, I choose compassion. And if given a choice between worldly leadership and
heaven at my feet-I choose heaven.

Source

Brain
Memory tests performed on the men showed that most of them best remembered photographs of headless women in bikinis despite viewing each image for only a fraction of a second.

Anecdotally, Muslim women often speak of feeling “protected,” “safe,” and “respected” when they wear the hijab (religiously mandated modest dress that covers the shape of the body and includes the headscarf or veil). Now there may also be evidence to show that their feelings are rooted in scientific fact.When psychologist Susan Fiske and a team of researchers at Princeton University performed MRI brain scans on heterosexual men who viewed a series of images showing both scantily clad and fully clothed men and women, they found that the men had an unmistakable response to women wearing less clothing.

The less they wore, the more likely it was for the premotor cortex and the posterior middle temporal gyrus to light up. These are the areas of the brain associated with tool use, hand manipulation, and the urge to take action. (Cikara, Dell’Amore)

“It was as if they immediately thought about how they might act on these bodies,” Fiske explained during the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science which was held in Chicago, February 12-16. “They are reacting to these photographs as people react to objects,” she said. (Nicholson)

Memory tests performed on the men showed that most of them best remembered photographs of headless women in bikinis despite viewing each image for only a fraction of a second. (Landau)

Fiske and her team further examined the men for hostile sexist attitudes. They found that those rated as more hostile had little activity in areas of the brain that are associated with considering another person’s thoughts and feelings (a phenomenon called mentalizing) when looking at sexualized photos of women in bikinis. “They are not thinking about their minds,” said Fiske. (Cikara, Dell’Amore, Landau)

More…Sexualized Women Viewed as Less Human
Several studies further demonstrate the link between viewing pornography and committing violence against women, including rape and sexual assault.

According to a lay summary of Fiske’s study provided to IslamOnline.net, when a man’s mentalizing network shuts down, this means he views sexualized women as “less human.” (Cikara)This type of dehumanization is something Fiske says has rarely been observed in the laboratory setting-only “once before,” according to a recent National Geographic article, which cited a study in which people were shown “off-putting photographs of homeless people and drug addicts.” (Dell’Amore)

In the case of scantily clad women, however, men do not demonstrate the same feelings of avoidance as they do with populations like the homeless, which are often shunned by society. Instead, they wish to act on them as one would “push,” “handle,” or “grab” an object-first-person action verbs that men associated with the images of women in swimsuits. (Dell’Amore, Landau)

Mina Cikara, a Princeton University graduate student who was involved in conducting the study, added that men do not view their wives or sisters in the same manner they view sexualized images of women. In addition, men associated the images of women who were more fully clothed with third-person verbs, such as “she pushes,” “she handles,” and “she grabs,” which, according to Fiske, implies that men view fully-clothed women as having more command over their own actions and not as objects to be manipulated. (Eshleman, Landau)

More Clothing, More Respect
“One of the main objectives of hijab is to safeguard women from the gazes of people of weak morals.”

According to Fiske, the results of the study have important implications for women, especially in the workplace as it has previously been shown that viewing sexualized images of women can affect how men perceive women and interact with them afterwards. (Landau, Sample)A sexism study conducted by Lawrence University professor, Peter Glick, also found that professional women who wear provocative attire in the workplace are perceived by their co-workers as being less competent and less intelligent, especially when they are in positions of power. According to DiversityJobs.com, Glick’s study suggests that “women in higher level and high power jobs may need to dress more modestly and conservatively to win the respect of their colleagues.” (DiversityJobs.com)

Several studies further demonstrate the link between viewing pornography and committing violence against violence, including rape and sexual assault. In the wars of Bosnia and Iraq, soldiers who committed atrocious crimes and dehumanized the other side were often found to be regular consumers of pornography, even viewing pornography on purpose to “psyche themselves up” for the work of killing. (Chew, Rejali)

Fiske compared the results of her study to studies showing that viewing television can desensitize one to the effects of violence. “You have to be aware of the effect of these images on people,” Fiske told The Daily Princetonian. “They’re not neutral. They do have an effect on how people think about other women.” (Eshleman, Alleyne)

Dignity and Confidence
“There were times where I wish I was covered up more so that I could just get home without worrying about who might be following me.”

Despite mounting evidence showing the benefits of modest and conservative dress, media portrayals of the hijab frequently depict Muslim women as victims of oppression, mind-control, and abuse. Karen Danielson, however, maintains that wearing the hijab gives her both dignity and confidence. Danielson, an American living in Jordan, first wore the hijab more than two decades ago, shortly after embracing Islam in 1983.

“When I walk in public, I cannot be looked at or judged based on my sensuality or lack of either, or how I attract or not attract men,” she explained to IslamOnline.net. “I define myself based on my upright behavior and intelligence-what my dress upholds-and I am humbled in my modest dress.”

“I feel that I can be myself, a unique individual with her own voice to speak,” added Sumayah Finnigan. “I am not conforming to the majority in what they say and wear and thus I am me – which is thoroughly liberating.”

Balqees Mohammed, an American who embraced Islam in 1979, holds similar views and told IslamOnline.net that the hijab “promotes modesty…for the woman as well as all those around her.”

Mohammed, who lives in Saudi Arabia and covers her face in addition to the rest of her body, says that her way of dressing “causes others, particularly men, to not be so free to engage in unnecessary discussion.”

Hijab and Safety
“The message that the woman gives when she wears Islamic dress is as follows: ‘Respect me for who I am. I am not a sex object.’”

“I definitely feel safer wearing hijab and dressing modestly in general,” Cari Abudeyeh, another American living in Jordan and a practicing Muslim of twelve years told IslamOnline.net.”I feel it is my barrier against men staring or disrespecting me and my boundaries. It is a barrier to prevent or change that first instinctive look men give you to check you out and see what you are ‘about,’ a barrier to prevent sexual feelings you didn’t intend them to feel or ideas in their heads that are created by dressing provocatively.”

She went on to say that “It’s a protection against men approaching you in an inappropriate manner, helping to influence their decision in the way they stand by you, talk to you, look at you, or even prevent them from touching you.”

Finnigan, who is from London, contrasts wearing the hijab, which she describes as “an act of obedience to the Creator” that “makes women safer in both the literal sense and the spiritual sense,” with the feelings of vulnerability she used to experience before accepting Islam and the hijab in 1999.

“There were times where I wish I was covered up more so that I could just get home without worrying about who might be following me,” said Finnigan. “Every night I would venture out and return home always looking over my shoulder, afraid I would be attacked or raped.”

“There will always be those who will or may attack women regardless of their manners or style of dress,” acknowledges Mohammed. However, she sees the Muslim hijab as “an added help to ward off possible physical approaches.”

“One of the main objectives of hijab is to safeguard women from the gazes of people of weak morals and from those seeking to indulge in unlawful worldly pleasures,” says Sheikh Riyad Al-Musaymiri, a professor at Al-Imam University in Riyadh. (IslamToday.com)

“The Muslim woman is distinguished from the impious woman, for which she deserves respect.” (Al-Musaymiri)

According to IslamToday.com, some Western observers have assumed that the head covering of a woman is meant to show her inferiority to men.

“This could not be further from the truth. The Qur’an explicitly states that the reason for her dressing this way is so that she will be respected. The message that the woman gives when she wears Islamic dress is as follows: ‘Respect me for who I am. I am not a sex object.’” (IslamToday.com)

Taken from Sheikh Yusuf from altranslators.com

Source

{{Before one reads this article, one needs to realise that hijaab is not simplay a cloth one uses to cover ones hair. Hijaab is a complete code of living. There is hijaab of the clothes, hijaab of the way you act, hijaab of the way you conduct yourself in public, hijaab of you voice, hijaab of the character etc. As for the hijaab of the clothes, it is mainly made up of six criterias. If ones clothing (all of it – not just the cloth used to cover the hair) fulfils these 6 criterias, THEN one can say she has adopted the hijaab of the clothing. The six points of hijaab of the clothing are:

(1) The clothes must cover the entire body, some scholars have excluded the face and hands.

(2) The clothes must not be see-through.

(3) The clothes must not be so tight that it reveals the figure. I.e, so the shape of ones body is known.

(4) The clothes must not be so glamorous that they attract the opposite sex.

(5) The clothes must not resemble that of the non-Muslims. I.e, wearing a cross for example.

(6) The clothes must not resemble that of the opposite sex. I.e, wearing of trousers/shirt by women.

I hope this helps, and now to the article:}}

1.An act of obedience.

The hijab is an act of obedience to Allah and to his prophet (pbuh), Allah says in the Qur’an: `It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His messenger have decreed a matter that they should have an option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, has indeed strayed in a plain error.’ (S33:36).

Allah also said: ‘And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc) and not to show off their adornment except what must (ordinarily) appear thereof, that they should draw their veils over their Juyubihinna.’(S24:31).

Juyubihinna: The respected scholars from As-Salaf As-Saleh (righteous predecessors) differed whether the veil cover of the body must include the hands and face or not. Today, respected scholars say that the hands and face must be covered. Other respected scholars say it is preferable for women to cover their whole bodies.

2.The Hijab is IFFAH (Modesty).

Allah (subhana wa’atala) made the adherence to the hijab a manifestation for chastity and modesty. Allah says: ‘O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) over their bodies (when outdoors). That is most convenient that they should be known and not molested.’ (S33:59). In the above Ayaah there is an evidence that the recognition of the apparent beauty of the woman is harmful to her. When the cause of attraction ends, the restriction is removed. This is illustrated in the case of elderly women who may have lost every aspect of attraction. Allah (swt) made it permissible for them to lay aside their outer garments and expose their faces and hands reminding, however, that is still better for them to keep their modesty.

3.The hijab is Tahara (Purity).

Allah (swt) had shown us the hikma (wisdom) behind the legislation of the hijab: `And when you ask them (the Prophet’s wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and their hearts.’ (S33:53).

The hijab makes for greater purity for the hearts of believing men and women because it screens against the desire of the heart. Without the hijab, the heart may or may not desire. That is why the heart is more pure when the sight is blocked (by hijab) and thus the prevention of fitna (evil actions is very much manifested. The hijab cuts off the ill thoughts and the greed of the sick hearts:

`Be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy or evil desire for adultery, etc) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.’ (S33:32)

4.The hijab is a Shield.

The prophet (pbuh) said: “Allah, Most High, is Heaven, is Ha’yeii (Bashful), Sit’teer (Shielder). He loves Haya’ (Bashfulness) and Sitr (Shielding; Covering).” The Prophet (pbuh) also said: “Any woman who takes off her clothes in other than her husband’s house (to show off for unlawful purposes), has broken Allah’s shield upon her. “The hadith demonstrates that depending upon the kind of action committed there will be either reward (if good) or punishment (if bad).

5. The hijab is Taqwah (Righteousness).

Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an: `O children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves (screen your private parts, etc) and as an adornment. But the raiment of righteousness, that is better.’(S7:26). The widespread forms of dresses in the world today are mostly for show off and hardly taken as a cover and shield of the woman’s body. To the believing women, however the purpose is to safeguard their bodies and cover their private parts as a manifestation of the order of Allah. It is an act of Taqwah (righteousness).

6.The hijab is Eemaan (Belief or Faith).

Allah (swt) did not address His words about the hijab except to the believing women, Al-Mo’minat. In many cases in the Qur’an Allah refers to the “the believing women”. Aisha (RA), the wife of the prophet (pbuh), addressed some women from the tribe of Banu Tameem who came to visit her and had light clothes on them, they were improperly dressed: “If indeed you are believing women, then truly this is not the dress of the believing women, and if you are not believing women, then enjoy it.”

7. The hijab is Haya’ (Bashfulness).

There are two authentic hadith which state: “Each religion has a morality and the morality of Islam is haya’” AND “Bashfulness is from belief, and belief is in Al-Jannah (paradise)”. The hijab fits the natural bashfulness which is a part of the nature of women.

8.The hijab is Gheerah.

The hijab fits the natural feeling of Gheerah, which is intrinsic in the straight man who does not like people to look at his wife or daughters. Gheerah is a driving emotion that drives the straight man to safeguard women who are related to him from strangers. The straight MUSLIM man has Gheerah for ALL MUSLIM women In response to lust and desire, men look (with desire) at other women while they do not mind that other men do the same to their wives or daughters. The mixing of sexes and absence of hijab destroys the Gheera in men. Islam considers Gheerah an integral part of faith. The dignity of the wife or daughter or any other Muslim woman must be highly respected and defended.

Source

Al-Hayat daily, who published the story on Monday, said they tried to contact Haya’a offices and spokesmen in Dammam and Riyadh for comments but none of them returned the calls or text messages. Probably we were overoptimistic when we hoped that the new head of the religious police would keep his men under control. Probably.

UPDATE 23/12/09: According to al-Watan daily, the girl has been released. The newspaper quoted security sources who said the girl was arrested based on the suspicion of a khulwa, while the boy who allegedly was with her managed to escape. The haya’a in the EP declined to comment on the case. The police said they received the case and they are searching for the boy.

THE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP

“In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not.“

By Amatullah Islam

PART 1 – Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under ‘lock and key’. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of “no boyfriend” when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or ‘an affair’. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases – the list goes on.

We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage:

Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim].

But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished – he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim].

Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon:

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

You must teach him or her to:

1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.

2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts…” [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “…do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look.

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]

3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahram. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) “…do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you…” [33:32]

4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with T-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.

5. It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha’ Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called ‘the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship’.

PART 2 – How to deal with a Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship?

In the last article the author talked about taking preventative measures to ensure that when your child is older, he or she will not be caught in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. However, if your child is already a teenager or those methods did not work, and you are now facing this dilemma, there is still hope of rectifying it. Most parents react with extremity upon discovering that their daughter is in a girlfriend-boyfriend situation: they lock her in her room and forbid her to see the boy again. What would be the reaction from the girl when she is faced with this? She would rebel. That is, she would do the opposite of what the parents say and, in extreme cases, run away from home. If this is not how parents want it to end, they must tread lightly. Do everything with a light touch because teenagers respond better to it. At any signs of heavy-handedness, teenagers rebel.

The first step in any bridge-building is to talk. Calmly talk to your daughter to understand why she is having a boyfriend.

What led to this?

There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at, is the girl’s raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.

Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl’s behavior?

Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a “geek”.

Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends. Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy. Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.

Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents. There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.

How to approach them?

When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative (“You did this to…”) and judgmental (“You are so…”), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation (“Why did you…?”). This only adds to their daughter’s defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using “should”, “don’t” and all other negative words. Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it (“Do you mean…?”), acknowledge it (“You feel… because…”) and empathize with it (“You sound really…”). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practicing these skills.

Insecurity

Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her “bad” behaviors, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviors and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter.

Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).

Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam’s position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.

Don’t forget about the boys

Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worse position, the same parents are complacent,. feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honor of the family.

Honor needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honor. If the father or mother loses his or her honor then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honor and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.

Abu-Mujahid

Source

1) Haya’ Jinaya
2) Haya’ Taqseer
3) Haya’ Ijlal
4) Haya’ Karam
5) Haya’ Hishma
6) Haya’ Istisghar lin-Nafss Wa Ihtiqaran Laha
7) Haya’ Mahabba
8] Haya’ U’budiya
9) Haya’ Sharaf Wa I’zza
10) Haya’ Al-Mustahyi Min Nafsihi

1) Modesty upon sins
2) Modesty upon shortcomings
3) Modesty upon knowledge
4) Modesty upon generosity
5) Modesty upon decency
6) Modesty upon despise
7) Modesty upon love
8] Modesty upon enslavement
9) Modesty upon dignity
10) Modesty upon one’s self