Study:  Think about a “cross” that you have had in life.  Reflect on how you were able to carry it.

Pray:  Bring your “cross” to the Cross of Christ.  Ask him for the strength you need.

Serve:  Perhaps there is someone in your life who is carrying a heavy cross.  How are you being called to help?

12th Sunday Readings

Jesus answered his question “Who do you say I am?” with a commentary.  The Christ of God came to endure suffering, pain, rejection, and death.

In short, he came to carry a Cross.

I often find that as a priest one of the most gifted times in my ministry is when I have the opportunity to offer the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.  I pray with people, often during painful and agonizing moments, and extend the comfort and grace of Jesus Christ.  It is a powerful, moving, and humbling experience.

As I leave, I often am led to gratitude.  It is easy for me to get caught in my own challenges and stresses, to be sidetracked by my own frustrations and issues.   I find that when I confront the crosses that others carry I  begin to count my blessings rather than my problems.

The fact is, we all carry crosses.  Some are small, some are large.  Some are with us only a short time, others last for years.  Yet as we embrace the challenges and difficulties of life we remember that God meets us where we are.  Jesus did not avoid his Cross, and he will walk with us as we carry our own.

Furthermore, the Cross is not the end.  The death and resurrection of Jesus transform the Cross into a sign of hope.  We face our struggles with the promise of God’s redeeming help.  The Cross directs us to face our fears and trust that the Lord’s grace is greater than any darkness in this world.

So what crosses do we confront today?  What challenges do we face?  As we remember the Cross of Christ may we ask the Lord for the help and strength we need today.  Mindful of the blessings God has given us, may we embrace our own cross and trust that God will help us along the way.

I can’t remember where I heard it, but it resonates so deeply within me as being true for me…..wherever you buy your first home, that is where your heart is.

That is the place that you decided to lay down roots so to speak, and call home.

Now this doesn’t work for everyone, because I know lots of people who have bought a home and then moved somewhere else and bought a different home.

And then there are the really lucky ones who get to buy a couple, or several, homes in different states!

But for me, it is Virginia.

I bought my first home in Virginia.

And I bought it all by myself.

But then I went and had to sell it nine years later, and I am still not over that.

I still go to the place where I have spoken with God on several occasions no matter where I happen to be living, and say the same thing when faced with making new choices (although at this point in my life, they don’t feel so new anymore!!!):

Dude, I have no idea what the one who got away in my world did with his life, nor do I care, although I do hope he is doing well.  But um, I am not finished yet and I still want what I want out of me and my life, so can you please help me.   And um, could you PLEASE erase him from my memory and all the plans that we made together, because those memories show up at the worst possible time, and no one has ever come anywhere close to the image that I have built up of him in my mind anyway!!!! hahaha

So, for the five hundredth time in my life, I walked along the River of Change today hoping it takes!!!

I was even willing to risk life and limb, as in dodging lightening bolts on the way back to my car if need be since it was stormy today, because I am ready for a River of Change in my life.

But I am ready for the, this is the way up little lady, because I have been working my way back up for quite a few years now!!!  hahaha

And may I just say the River of Change, The Potomac River at Great Falls from the Virginia side, simply breath taking.

Although I am sure it looks equally pretty from the Maryland side too.

Sorry.  I just happen to be a little bias! hahaha

Pictures below and slightly out-of-order because the rafters were kids and they did not go through the rapids.  But come to think of it, I probably picked them out-of-order when putting this post together without thinking, because I personally soooooo want to go rafting over some rapids!!! hahaha

Personally, I felt like I could not date after the loss of my spouse.  The most important thing I felt called to do was to dedicate my time to my son.  This response, or the one of feeling like you cannot do it all on your own are both very common.  Believe me there have been many days when I have broken down from the stress of doing it all alone and wished I had a partner to help me maintain some balance.  Balance is always something I am striving for in life, and it is my belief that we should all be working toward balance in all we do.

Closing your heart off after the loss of a partner is a fairly typical response and we need to be careful here for this is where we can become hardened to life.  It is important to keep an open heart, to think more with the heart than the head in order to achieve balance.  Again, this is a place where I have gotten stuck.  I have closed my heart off so much from the pain of it all that I have often been stuck thinking only with my head, and that is dangerous place to exist! Thinking from the head only can lead to making one hard.  Again, balance is key.

We can practice all the spiritual rites and rituals, be the best parent, work tirelessly at our jobs and it doesn’t mean a thing if we don’t have Love in our hearts.  It is in our being that we find our purpose and ourselves.  All to often lately I am experiencing people living their grief with a closed heart, myself included in this process.  Consider opening up your heart and letting love in, from family, friends, and possibly another relationship if it feels right.  Do not limit yourself, but rather allow yourself to spontaneously celebrate love in all its glorious aspects.  Set an intention and affirm that it is safe to love and be loved. 

 If you are waiting for anything in order to live and love without holding back, then you suffer. Every moment is the most important moment of your life. No future time is better than now to let down your guard and love.

~ David Deida

We are the ones who broke rank years ago and have been trying to survive on the fringe – knowing in our hearts that it IS possible. Amanda Palmer (below) is demonstrating to all of the ones on the fringe that it truly is possible. I know that you will find this inspiring too – whether you are happily ensconced in the system or not.

I love sharing on this blog. I love writing, recording and performing new songs and poetry. I love providing inspiration and demonstrating how we can all break free of the fake world and fully live on Earth – NOW. As hard as it is, I need to ask for help. The last time I checked, AT&T won’t accept a song from me in exchange for cell service. The local gas station won’t accept a poem in trade for fuel so that I can drive 60 miles away to continue filming the Natural World healers who have much to share with you – simple healing practices with plants, herbs, teas, tinctures, and energy that our grandmothers practiced with quite successfully. Mother Earth has been available to help and heal all along… until she was silenced in the 1920′s… I want to tell you about that fascinating history in the documentary as well.

I am building a crowdfunding campaign, but I still need footage to create the 3-minute trailer. If you have something to offer in the form of a Paypal donation to the right of this page, I would be most grateful. And, if you’re in the same cash-less boat as me, well God/Goddess Bless you. I love you. Keep smiling. Hang in there. We’re going to make it through this awkward phase. I promise you.

Thank you Amanda Palmer. You are friggin’ amazing… and you inspired me, and gave me the courage to ask. If for some reason I receive more than I need right now, I will pass some along to the bloggers who have performed an amazing, heart-full service and have re-blogged some of my posts all over the world. They could use a little help right now too.

We cloak them with a smile
keep them hidden from view
but occasionally they reveal themselves
no matter what we do

Each wound is meant to teach a lesson
each scar – to remember – to grow
they’re not meant to be an ugly mark
but an avenue for beauty to show

The prayer of Jabez is exactly the same.

A good friend asked me about this prayer this morning and I’ve been thinking about it today.

Jabez asks to be blessed; we are blessed with all spiritual blessings (Ephesians 1 v 3).

God only wants good things for us (James 1 v 17) and only has a good plan and purpose with which to bless us (Jeremiah 29 v 11).

Jabez asked to be made more prosperous (or have his coast enlarged); we are blessed with prosperity through the finished work of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 8 v 9).

God wants us to be blessed with prosperity (3 John v 2).

Jabez asks for the hand of God to be with him; God promises uner the new covenant never to leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13 v 5).

Jabez asks that evil would not fall upon him and give him pain (he was asking to be well and not ill); God has already provided healing for us through the finished work of Jesus (1 Peter 2 v 24)

We already have all that Jabez asked, and we have it as a gift through faith in Jesus; we live under the new covenant and do not need to ask for these things anymore

Living under the new covenant means we have blessings, prosperity, healing and His presence as a free gift through Jesus.

What a good God we serve; we have all we need to live a full and godly life without even asking for it (2 Peter 1 v 3); He has given it to us with His good will.

Speak this out today…..”Thank you Lord for the new covenant and all that we are provided with through the finished work of Jesus Christ”.

1 Chronicle 4 v 10…..And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou would bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.

TSH = 2.7 (normal is 0.27-4.2)

T4 = 14.7  (normal is 10.5-20.0)

Holding steady at normal ranges. Really good news. Praise God!
I need to have normal ranges for two solid years before the disease is considered to be in remission….so, I’m a quarter of the way through. Doesn’t seem that much more to go, but so much happens in 1.5 years….so continuing to pray for healing….and many THANKS to those who have been walking with me in prayer as well!

Cuz I also really really really want to eat seafood.
(ok I confess, I’ve snuck a few tiny bites of fish…but I was in Maui!! And those were really tiny bites.)

Paulette Pfeiffer

Executive Director of Silent Victims of Crime

Art And The Natural World 1

“In life, art and nature continually feed and nourish us, through these roots; we receive the necessary inspirations and reassurance, which we find lacking, in an increasingly arid western society. Through nature, we find our roots, connecting us to our inner creative child, from this; we discover the illimitable expansiveness of the Cosmos itself.

The importance of creative play, in a natural setting, for children and adults alike, enables each to interact, in an atmosphere of mutual joy. Through learning new skills together; painting, making objects and music, telling stories, having fun, we develop an awareness of ourselves, each other and for our environment. This plays a crucial role in keeping the creative spark fanned within us.

In bringing out latent talents, we stretch each other, creating the dynamics for a more beautiful world. With close observation of our natural habitat, we see the infinite diversity of structure, which underlies everything; this connects us to our own internal rhythms, cultivating our sense of naturalness and wonder, for the abundance, within everything.

Art should mirror these resonances, to reveal life’s extraordinary variety, through colour and light, in a subtle manner, which touches for all, the essential oneness of life; this is the healing essence, of art, through nature.

Art has the capacity to reveal universal truths, which awaken the individual to curiosity and helps them find a clearer picture of life. As individuals awaken to the truths within themselves, it enables them to connect to their essential role in life.

Educationalists and politicians want to manage society, yet they fail to understand our fundamental needs, which are creative self worth, through real work. Neither point is being really addressed. As we use our brains and muscles less, as computers and robots marginalize us, we feel neither needed nor wanted, with no jobs, or hopes for the future.

This leads to torpor in the individual, with the malaise transmitted, from adult to child. Seeing life has little meaning, with no respect from society, drives us to the fringes, isolated and alienated. We need, at this time, to learn from indigenous cultures.

In Aboriginal society, which preceded western cave man art, by at least ten thousand years, they took only that which was needed, in order to sustain life. They were sustained by elaborate rituals and myths, Working within, the cycles of nature, as well rounded, individuals, they were capable of telling stories, making music, and creating images in a unique, interaction with life and the cosmos, truly, a high culture.

The development, of the unique creative individualism, of our children should be axiomatic to our educational system. For once a child is nurtured, to develop their intuitive/creative faculties, they have a centredness, a true sense of self esteem and worth, allied to a wholesome self discipline, they open their minds to innocence and the beginnings of an intelligence unhindered by social patterning and conditioning comes forth.

They have the capacity, through the artistic mind, of design, building, repairing, growing, healing, awareness, expansiveness, to roam freely and without prejudice; these skills are needed more than ever.”Au

Blessings
Alasdair

Living in denial of the abuse I have had to endure makes me feel like a cheat and a liar. The different levels of abuse and denial only cuts deeper each time I choose to ignore it so today I am taking account of where I have been, the many troubles I have seen and my journey to true liberation. Why should I have to silently ask all these questions that sometimes keep me up at night. Why should I allow my pain hold me back from enjoying what I desire in life? Why should I project upon somebody the hurt caused by another? That ain’t right. And in the process of healing and moving past limits, I choose to channel the energy for good rather than hurt. I choose to use my pain to create healing for others like me who suffer in silence. I choose to be the one who says ‘enough of this conspiracy of silence.’ I choose love, freedom, laughter, and light. I am Ese Walter and today marks the beginning of the rest of my authentic life.

Without going into unnecessary details, I would try to point out what I have come to understand as my abuse. Many years ago, my first boyfriend used to hit me. And why? Because he expected me to act in ways that pleased him and each time I failed to do that there were consequences. He would throw things at me, slap me around and even on some occasions put his hands around my neck. I never would forget the day he spat in my face. There I was trying to apologize for making him upset over something I said and he, in an attempt to push me away, spat in my face. It’s weird how I got on my knees and kept begging. This was someone who was supposed to love me. I was terrified of him and I couldn’t understand how my heart held fear and love in such a perfect balance. I was beginning to suspect something was off. He had grown up in a house where his dad would constantly beat him mum and sometimes the kids too. The parents were separated by the time we met but he had so much resentment for his dad and couldn’t help replaying what he saw growing up as a child. As a 19 year old girl, I really didn’t know better than to stay and allow myself become a punching bag and outlet for his rage.

Three years later, I did escape my abuser but ran into the arms of another one. This was even worse because he was from a family of drunks. He needed alcohol like oxygen and couldn’t function without it. One night he came back late and I was already upset over something he did and wouldn’t let him sleep. He got out of bed, pulled his belt and beat me up until I couldn’t cry anymore. His neighbor had to break the door down to tear him off of me. The next day I saw a different person beg and help me nurse my wounds. I had all these scars over my body but it wasn’t my body I should have been worried about because years down the road I was still carrying all the pain. It wasn’t so much about why these things had happened but why time and time again I kept attracting those sorts of men. I knew something was broken in me but I didn’t know what.

Somehow I had come to a place where I was completely numb. I really couldn’t feel anymore. Whatever self-esteem I had was snatched and I started living in my head. Completely withdrawn and feeling like it was somehow my fault men saw me as a punching bag. I did encounter ‘good’ men but I was too broken to be able to function in a normal relationship. The drama and fights had become my normal and I had internalized all the pain and appeared ‘normal’ to unsuspecting eyes. It was only upon a closer interaction that my real substance came out. I was broken and there was no saving me.

There were some who wouldn’t lay a finger on me but would devalue me with words and strangely, the feelings of the physical pain was nothing compared to the mental torture. I didn’t know my worth. Well, to be honest, I was pretty sure I wasn’t worth much so what was the point? I went from relationship to relationship looking for someone to heal me. Someone to fill the empty void I had on the inside. A sort of Knight in shiny armour to kiss all the pain away and make it all right. My Knight didn’t come and I was running out of excuses and time. I realized one day that sometimes nothing is supposed to save you. Sometimes you have to live through the pain and come out on the other side. My writing seems to be the vehicle that would get me through it all so I can come out stronger, not just for myself but also for the many women who suffer abuse needlessly.

In the past few weeks I have delved into a study on abuse and I am surprised to see that I can relate to almost every sort of abuse mentioned. From physical abuse to verbal abuse, mental torture, manipulation, you name it. I have traveled that journey with my eyes wide shut. I have buried the pain and told myself it was in the past but the past I seem to be running away form has been living on the inside of me. As I read those articles and findings on abuse, I could feel all those old resentments bubbling inside of me. How could this be? I must be a natural actor to be able to internalize the pain and play Mary Poppings to an audience that never gets satisfied with my acts.

Without making any excuses for my vices, or myself it all explains the drinking, the smoking, the men, the highs, all of which were ways to numb the pain. All of those worked for a while but like I said earlier, sometimes nothing is supposed to save you. It is my desire that as I pour my heart out on these pages, I would come to learn to love myself, know my worth and appreciate my journey thus far.

In the next few weeks, I will be running a series on Femina Speaks radio talk show on abuse. It is my intention to bring to the awareness of young women the nature and patterns of abuse. I want to kill the conspiracy of silence and create a platform for true healing. I am on my path to complete freedom and I do not want to do this alone. Abuse is not just physical violence as we would learn in the next few weeks and it can come from anywhere: Boyfriend, Mother, Father, Friends, Pastors, Children, Siblings and even self.

If you are in Abuja, join me on 104.5 FM at 2:05pm tomorrow as we introduce abuse and begin a series that has the possibility to save you or your daughter or daughter’s daughter. Hehehe. Do you live outside Abuja? No worries, you would be able to join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and Sound Cloud. I look forward to connecting with you and I know as we start this journey together, we would help each other find peace, love and healing.

My name remains Ese Walter, I am WOMAN, I bend, I don’t break!!!

Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.

I love to witness change when it is a good change and when it is in others. For myself I struggle with changes, but living among another culture for over a month has been working nonstop on that issue. I do however love to be able to look back at a time in my life to realize how change was a positive thing.

Today I got to witness change. For the second day I had the opportunity to work with a group of women from Invisible Children in the forest of The Recreation Project. Our program focused on team building, communication, and trust. Let me share with you the changes I witnessed today.

I got to facilitate the activity called Bull Ring. There is a small ring that has ten different sized strings attached to it. Each string is held at the end by a person and a ball is placed on the ring. The group has to work together to get the ball into a tin can that is placed wherever I place it.

The first group went and it took many tries, but soon enough the ball made its way into the can. So I had the group do it again this time blindfolding a few of the members. They too missed a few times before getting the ball into the can. Then I had the group do it with a few blindfolded, and only one of them was allowed to talk the group through the process. Again they struggled to get the ball into the can, but I witnessed changes as they went from all talking and shouting ideals, not listening to one another or cooperating as a group, to one person leading the group, everyone being respectful, listening, suggesting ideals, and working together as a team.

After that group completed the Bull Ring, I had another group come and again I lead them in the same activity This group instantly had good teamwork skills as one of them out-spoke the others. They took the challenge with excitement and accomplished it in one try. So I then blindfolded one of them, the one who was leading before, and placed the tin can in a stump that was off the ground a bit. They again took on the challenge with excitement and completed it in one try. So we did it again this time I made them go passed many trees to another trunk where the tin can was. They were too good for my challenge and completed it in one try. So I had them come together and blindfolded a few of them, told them they couldn’t talk and that is when they began to struggle.

Some of them spit out words knowing no other way to communicate, some of them would sigh, do movements to others in frustration that they were not allowed to talk. The ball hit the rim of the can and rolled away, the entire group sighed and some of them threw down their hands to the ground. They tried again and not being able to communicate to each other well, the ball missed the can again. They looked as if they wanted to give up, but they tried again and completed the challenge.

I watched this group start off great, but then I had to find a way to stump them and I did, I took away their strength. I took away their ability to communicate as they had done so well at. Why? Because there are many ways to communicate and each person communicates in his or her own way and we were focusing on teamwork and communication. I watched this group go from strong, cooperative, and energetic, to frustrated, challenged, annoyed, and ready to quit. But let me tell you when they got the ball into the tin can after failing to do so a few time they rejoiced and celebrated together.

I watched both groups change as they learned to work as a team and communicate in new ways.

The women from Invisible Children doing the activity called Bull Ring

The Invisible Children’s group getting the ball successfully into the tin can in the trunk of a tree!

I also witnessed change today in the area of trust. We did the trust fall with them. You know, where you get a partner and fall back into their arms and they, hopefully catch you. We did good, only one person was not caught, but with another try trust was re made. However, if you were to look closely at them as they did the trust fall you would see them begin by bending at their hips to lean back. They didn’t fully trust the person behind them to catch them, so they didn’t want to fall with their full strength and weight. Then after a few times they would stay stiff and fall back into the arms of their partner, fully trusting that they would be caught. It was neat to see them build that trust.

One of the women in the group doing the trust fall with one of the leaders of the group.

Another witnessed change in trust was on the leap of faith. We hadn’t planned to do the leap of faith with this group, but they asked about it and a couple wanted to do it, so we decided that because a couple wanted to we may as well. We kind of all expected that they would be fearful and that only a few would do it, but to our surprise over half the group went. The leap of faith is a thirty some foot tall stump that you climb up and stand on, then you jump from the stump to a bar hanging about six feet away from the tree. They saw the first person jump and realized that they would be safe. That if they missed the bar they would not fall thirty some feet to the ground, but that they would be caught by their harness and the rope that Charles so greatly held onto. To see woman after women jump from the stump some catching the bar, others not, some standing in totally excitement, while others stood motionless in fear, it was a sight my mind could not comprehend in the moment. These women had so much trust formed from seeing one person jump from the tree and successfully making it.

Enjoying friendship after not making it to the bar, but getting down safely.

Do you question why it is called the Leap of Faith

It was two days of witnessing change in these women. Two days that I hope they never forget, and two days that I know I will never forget. I saw these women bring out a childhood that likely none of them had as not only did they grow up in a time of war, but they too are women that had been abducted by the rebels during the war and later rescued. There is nothing better than childlike faith to bring one closer to the Lord.

Group picture with Mend from Invisible Children

The movie Pay it Forward is about a young boy named Trevor McKinney [played by Haley Joel Osment]. Trevor is troubled by his mother’s alcoholism and is afraid of his abusive and absent father. But something happens in school that changes his life and the lives of many others. One of his teachers, Mr. Simonet [played by Kevin Spacey], gives his social studies class an intriguing assignment. The homework: think of something to change the world and put it into action. Trevor takes it seriously. He comes up with the idea of paying it forward—in other words, he will do a good deed for 3 people in need. Each person who is the recipient of his good deed must pay it forward three times to three new people. Trevor’s idea and his own attempts to pay it forward cause a revolution in his mother’s life [played by Helen Hunt] and the lives of many others.

In the clip you are about to see, Trevor’s mom Arlene seeks out her homeless, alcoholic mother, Grace [played by Angie Dickinson]. Arlene actually struggles with alcoholism herself and of course has experienced the abuse of Trevor’s estranged father. She blames her mom, though, for all that has happened to her. The two of them have been separated for years. Trevor does not even know his grandmother. But Arlene is inspired by her son’s idea to pay it forward and she decides to follow his example. She must help someone who cannot help herself. Here is Helen Hunt and Angie Dickinson, mother and daughter.

We are walking through Luke’s Gospel again, and yet another healing story, but this time, a healing that we often overlook. A forgiveness story, but a healing nonetheless. We are in the house of Simon. This story is found in the Gospel of Mark and Matthew, too, but those two Gospels place this story at the end of Jesus’ ministry, right before he was killed. But here in Luke, it is at the beginning of his ministry. In Mark and Matthew we know the place—it is Bethany. Luke is not so concerned with that fact, but Luke’s version of the story is double the length of the other two Gospels. Let’s take a look at Mark’s version of the story [which is almost identical to Matthew’s]:

And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. But there were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment thus wasted? For this ointment might have been sold for more than three hundred denarii, and given to the poor.” And they reproached her. But Jesus said, “Let her alone; why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you will, you can do good to them; but you will not always have me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burying. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.[1]

I have mentioned before that each Gospel, when they present the same story, presents a different view of that story. This does not mean that the story become less valid or ambiguous. We do this all the time. Ask long-time friends or life partners about experiences they have had together. Each friend or partner will tell the same story, but from their perspective. Is their perspective of the story less valid? No. The Gospels are like this. They each tell the same story, but with different perspectives.

Luke tends to focus on reaching a larger audience—namely those who do not identify as Jewish. He also focuses a lot on those who are often overlooked and not heard from. In this case, he focuses on women. The story begins with a meal in the house of Simon, a Pharisee. Luke uses the word “Pharisee” three times, just in case we miss it. Why? Because Luke’s Gospel tends to downplay the role of Pharisees in Jesus’ death.

Who were the Pharisees? Great question.
In the scope of Jewish history, the Pharisees were a political party, a social movement, and a school of thought within Judaism. There are even some scholars who believe that Jesus was a Pharisee. Paul, an author many letters in the New Testament, was indeed a Pharisee. Look, it is all about perspective, so I will say this. Today in 2013 as we look at Gospel passages with added historical and cultural insights, we are starting to see that the Pharisees were not the “bad guys” they are often portrayed as in our interpretations of Gospel stories.

From my point of view, I see that Jesus tried to include the Pharisees in much of his teaching and ministry. And I think this is part of the healing forgiveness offered to many sides in this story.

The setting is a dinner at the house of Simon. Now people of this time and of the Greco-Roman culture were used to dinners that included discussion of issues and sometimes even a lively debate.[2] Contrary to how we prefer for politics or religion to stay out of our Thanksgiving or other holiday meals—people in Jesus’ time embraced it. But the dinner is interrupted by an unexpected character—a woman from the city, called a sinner. She crashes the dinner party, an alabaster box full of perfume in hand. To Simon and the Pharisees, she is unclean. Her mere presence has ruined everything in a lovely evening.

But this woman, called sinner, stands behind Jesus, crying her eyes out. Thanks for the details, Luke.

The woman stand behind Jesus–as if she were following him.

She cries so much in fact that her tears drip on Jesus’ feet. So as she wipes her tears, she anoints Jesus with perfume. In the Greek language, the verb used here for crying, kissing, and anointing is ongoing—meaning that this woman repeatedly cried, wiped Jesus’ feet, and anointed him.

So beautiful, isn’t it? We cannot imagine anyone actually disapproving of such a thing, right?

But the Pharisee speaks up and even criticizes Jesus. How could this so-called prophet not know that this woman was a sinner? In classic Jesus fashion, he tells Simon a story—a parable.

A man lends money to two other guys. One guy owes 500 and the other only 50. Eventually, they are both down on their luck. But the lender forgives the loan, surprisingly. So, Jesus asks Simon: which guy is more grateful to be out of debt? Simon answers with the obvious response: the guy who owed the most. Jesus then addresses Simon by his name, showing respect. And Simon seems open to a new teaching.

Teacher, speak.

No longer fitting nicely into the category of Pharisee, Simon is listening.

But just then, when everything seems to be just right, Jesus shocks everyone with a question.

Do you see this woman?

Do you see this woman?

Remember, Jesus was in Simon’s house. Simon was the host. Did Simon put water on Jesus’ feet? Did he give him a kiss? Did he anoint him with oil? No. But the woman, the one Simon called a sinner, most certainly did.

For this reason, I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, because she loved much.

Jesus turned to the woman. Not only was she not a sinner now, she had already been forgiven. Her loving actions, performed in front of Pharisees and Jesus, were an expression of forgiveness received.

Gratefulness.

In life, we tend to believe that forgiveness is granted only to those who do something amazing to deserve it. We tend to think that we are forgiven if we are somehow better people or if we have more faith. But Jesus contradicts this. People are forgiven before they blink—before they have a chance to pray or before they show their faith. They only have to recognize forgiveness–accept it, and live it. And then their gratitude shines through.

In this story, and in our story, forgiveness is healing. It is restoration. Someone who feels that he/she owes something in life is released from that debt. Debts of any kind in relationships can be forgiven. Forgiveness is about releasing another person from the guilt of some past injury or harm that he/she has caused.

Forgiveness also restores your own self. When you feel guilty, like you owe people things—maybe you start to feel that you owe society, or your family, or the church, or even God things. This becomes your life. You are in debt. Guilt fills you. It traps you. You cannot move forward.

Simon teaches us this. He cannot admit that he himself needs forgiveness. That is why he does not accept the woman’s gratitude. That is why he cannot see her. She is an instrument of God’s grace and Simon calls her sinner.

Friends, forgiveness is not earned.

Any debt that we feel we owe God is already forgiven.

Mercy is mercy for a reason—so we don’t elevate ourselves above others.

And we are called to apply this to our relationships. Forgiveness is everything.

Admittedly, there are people in our lives who are hard to forgive. There are some we do not see, because we do not want for them to be forgiven. The hurt is real and the debt hovers over us. But I wonder, what if we chose to forgive? What if we forgave debts? How would that transform our relationships? Our communities? Our churches? For when we forgive, we not only forgive the person, we claim forgiveness for ourselves.

We should not take this lightly. We should not underestimate the worth of forgiveness.

It is powerful.

It is healing.

And friends–it is possible. Amen.

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There are many broken hearts and lost souls that are ready to give up on their lives for simply not having the meaning of LIFE. I used to be one of them. And just to mention, I suffered from depression AFTER I got born-again. It’s because I kept on sinning willfully and thought that being saved by grace and through faith means we can sin and we’d STILL be accepted in the sight of JESUS, it’s a lie. I kept sinning more and more each day and walked away from the LORD. I’d feel convicted, deep inside, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I felt shame, guilt, and fear. That’s how I dragged my self down to that dark pit of depression. I’d go looking for healing in the wrong places, I went back to seeking love from MAN. I’d cry to JESUS to save me from my depression but then go and sin again, it was horrible. I felt so alone, scared, hurt, unworthy, unloved, and lost. I knew the LORD back then, but I walked away from HIM. I’d still go to HIM in prayer every night asking for help and deliverance, but I still felt something was missing : I didn’t repent of my sin. That’s what created a barrier between me and my Creator JESUS CHRIST. By that time, I had heard about a friend of mine, who lives away,  that she tried to kill herself. Now I have never thought of solving my depressive periods of time by suicide, but I believe that the same demons who whispered lies into my friend’s ears have done the same to me. Now I’m not trying to say I am irresponsible of this, because I have gave them my ears and believed their lies too, that is caused by the lack of having a relationship with JESUS (which includes trusting in HIM). That’s when I started seriously thinking of committing suicide and just ending the pain. Everything and everyone seemed to be going down around me : school, home, friends, family etc..I’d spend my free time sleeping, and when I’d wake up, I’d wish that I’ll never wake up again the next time I go to sleep. I lost my reason to live, and I thought by killing myself I’d be with JESUS and get rid of this world and all the heart ache it causes.

But one day, I started looking up on the internet for ways of healing depression through JESUS. I came across this video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYGdDp6dHew

I felt like my understanding was being opened up and my spirit waking up. I contacted my sister in CHRIST who made that video, and she prayed for me. At the same night, I prayed to JESUS with all of my heart, I asked HIM to do whatever it takes to heal me and HE did. The next morning, I felt new and restored. JESUS has removed all the burdens I’d carried around for such a long time and placed them away. HE healed me!!! Satan still tries at times to whisper those suicidal thoughts into my ears but all I do now is say : “Shut up Satan in JESUS’ name! ” and he obeys.

I thank the LORD so much for having mercy on my soul, and I pray that you guys trust in HIM no matter what. HE cares to know the way you feel and about your heart issues and problems, HE CAN HELP!!

JESUS loves you so much, go to HIM for perfect healing

I feel sorry for her because she thinks she can change him, placing all her energy at his disposal, answering to his every beck and call, always there first, praying things will get better as things progressively get worse

I feel sorry for her because she is possessed and controlled by a man causing her nothing but stress, made to carry the burden of his weight upon her shoulders, he admires her beauty whilst cracking the whip of oppression so hard, that the scars visible on her skin are appealing compared to the ones she hides inside

I feel sorry for her because she carries a life he helped to create but has no intention of parenting, creating offspring in an attempt to compensate for his inadequacies he breeds, while she like the others is left to pick up the pieces of another broken family

I feel sorry for her because she has forgotten her true beauty and hoped to find it in those without a reflection, He hoped She would make him look beautiful, instead, she became ugly and gained his approval

I feel sorry because each message I sent him venting the fury of a woman scorned meant that behind closed doors he took his frustrations out on an unborn child and a defenseless woman

I feel sorry because I may have been the cause of their arguments, and allowed my torment to become the torment of somebody I’ve never met, both of us willing in a seemingly unfortunate experience…

I feel helpless as I watch on behind the scenes knowing what difficulties await the strength of her spirit yet comforted by the possibility that like me, the test will make her stronger then she could have ever previously percieved and, like me, she will know a power that only ever comes as a result of painful growth

She was me, and to her, I apologise…

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Katherine Graham
 

Katharine Meyer Graham was an American publisher. She led her family’s newspaper, The Washington Post, for more than two decades, overseeing its most famous period, the Watergate coverage

So back to the dream, when I heard my father’s voice I immediately turned away from him so I never saw him in the dream.  Then there was a little girl who was standing on the porch with me. I didn’t recognize her or know who she was, but I was under the impression that she was somehow connected to my Father. Well, he wanted to take her somewhere, and she didn’t want to go with him. I found myself trying to convince this little girl that it was okay to go with him. Then, she needed an eye patch but didn’t have one with her, so we went in the house to see if we could find one. (I wore a patch over my right eye when I was very little, like maybe ages 5-6.) Anyhow, we knew that my adhesive patches would be long gone, but I had a special patch that my great uncle got for me to try to make wearing a patch a little more fun, it looked like a patch that a pirate would wear. I was trying to find that patch for her, still trying to tell the little girl that it was okay to go with my Father. And then I woke up. I realized immediately that the little girl was me. I was trying to convince myself that it was safe to go with my Father, despite the fact that in the dream, the adult version of me was still still trying to avoid him like the plague.

There is a real life update to this situation. I decided a few days before father’s day that I wanted to send him a message. I believe very much that life is about love. And I want the vibration that I send out into the universe to be that of love, so how could I feel that way and still harbor just harsh feelings about this individual and a past situation. It was a revelation of put your money where your mouth is! I was about to go to sleep, and noticed that it was after midnight: it was officially father’s day. My heart started beating so fast and so hard. It was fear. Yet I knew I had to go through with it. I laid in bed, and reminded myself that no matter what happened, it was okay. I had no expectation of his reaction or lack of reaction. I kept repeating to myself that this step was solidifying my forgiveness, for both of us. Finally, I sent the message. It may seem impersonal, but I sent the message via facebook. Honestly, it was the only way I knew how to get a hold of him. I’m sure my Mother and some of my brothers have his phone number, but I don’t. I knew two of my brothers were connected to him via facebook, so I knew I could find him on there. It was such a simple message: Happy Father’s Day. Only three words, but they were symbolically three of the biggest words I have ever communicated. I then curled up, and went to sleep. When I woke up. He had replied, “Thank you. I hope all is well with you.” I felt a little bolder and sent another message consisting of a few lines saying how things are going for me, and included how he has been on my mind lately. And after awhile, he responded with a similar message about himself. He also included a thank you for helping to make my Father’s Day special.

I have no idea where this will go, if anywhere. But it has already served its purpose: forgiveness. And I attribute a lot of my taking an action step to that dream I had. Realizing that I couldn’t face him in the dream, and still doing my best to convince the little girl that it was okay was huge. I woke up realizing that I was trying to convince myself to act. And within a few short weeks of that dream, I did act.

Just wanted to share that story as a reminder that GOOD is always present if you look for it. So why not look for it?

Something to ponder: what if looking for goodness actually attracts more of the GOOD to you….

We sometimes take life for granted and don’t realize how much we really have.  I do have a lot and again I am grateful for it all.

My Gratitude List:

I am grateful for my parents

I am grateful to be able to be able to go to doctors and not have had to work for so long

I am grateful for my friends

I am grateful I have enough strength and fortitude to get through this.

I am grateful that this will pass and is only temporary and not life threatening.

I am grateful for C.

I am grateful that I can take care of myself through this, cook, take walks, journal, go to appments etc.

I am grateful for my car.

I am grateful for my brother.

I am grateful for myself and love myself and thank myself.