Heather Mills has almost decided to pull out of Dancing On Ice before the show even begins because of severe pain in her stump, it has emerged.

The 41-year-old Mills is one-legged and is believed to have told bosses that she is “struggling” even during the rehearsals, reports the Sun.

The ex-wife of Beatle Sir Paul McCartney, Mills has trained for the ITV1 show beginning in January, for almost three weeks.

Although, she had been completely at ease with grooving on America’’s Dancing With The Stars in 2007, ice-skating is proving difficult for her.

“Ice skating is much more demanding,” the Sun quoted an insider, as saying.

The source added: “Heather is suffering a lot of pain.”

Police say a one-legged suspect was caught after only one shoe went missing in a store in Belgium.

An amputee was an immediate suspect when a store attendant found one shoe missing from a shop in the western Belgian town of Maldegem.

Police spokesman Rik Decraemer said Monday authorities were alerted and quickly found the man who fit the description by shopkeepers. The shoe was also recovered.

// The suspect, a Russian asylum seeker, faces possible charges and was handed over to judicial authorities.

OUR TOWN: Currently on screen as Graham Abbey’s ex in the crackerjack CBC thriller The Border, Julie Stewart has made some interesting choices since

STEWART: on stage tonight

her CTV Cold Squad series was detoured by CBS. She’s currently on stage here at the Factory Theatre starring in Brad Fraser’s rave-winning new comedy True Love Lies. Be warned: Fraser’s new eyebrow-raiser closes in two weeks, so order those tickets now … writer-actor-vintner Dan Aykroyd and his pop Peter Aykroyd, a father-and-son duo to celebrate, sit down with Indigo chief Heather Reissman tonight at 7 pm at the Manulife store to discuss Aykroyd Sr.’s new book, A History Of Ghosts. Sounds like a sensational gift for Hallo’een … and director Ruba Nadda told audiences at the opening of Cairo Time here

AYKROYD: at Indigo tonight

last weekend that shooting the romantic drama in Egypt was a logistical nightmare, made even more excruciating by the extreme heat. “Much of the time when we were shooting,” she recalled with a grimace, “it was 50C.”  However, she added, while the rest of the cast sweltered under a relentless sun, the film’s star Patricia Clarkson continued to remain calm, collected and, well, almost cool. “Patricia is a southerner, born in New Orleans,” Ms Nadda explained admiringly. “The woman doesn’t perspire!”

PRIVACY POLICY: During her visit to T.O. last week Meryl Streep said she has always strived to keep her private life private. “I just have never been

CLARKSON: no sweat

comfortable using my children as little props to make me interesting or darling or whatever I’m supposed to be,” she told interviewer Johanna Schneller. Streep, who is married to sculptor Don Gummer, said she’s unhappy when journalists ask her to talk about him. “Don doesn’t want me to talk about him in a ladies magazine, you know. He’s a serious artist who has a life that doesn’t deserve to be reduced to a caption.”

La Streep is en route to Rome where she will be awarded the Marcus Aurelius award for lifetime achievement at the fourth annual Rome Film Festival. She’ll

STREEP: off to Rome

participate in an onstage conversation about her career spanning back to her very first film, 1977’s Julia. Jane Fonda was already cast as Lillian Hellman when legendary director Fred Zinneman flew Streep to London to test for the title role. When he gave it to Vanessa Redgrave instead, he asked Streep if she would be willing to play one of the smaller roles. “And of course I would have been willing to do their laundry!” And the rest, as they say, is history.  Previous recipients of the Marcus Aurelius award include Al Pacino and Sean Connery, and Czech director Milos Forman is president of the six-member jury. The festival, also known as the Rome Film Feast, opens tonight.

IT’S NOT ALL THAT FUNNY TO HIM: Monty Python alumnus-cum-laude John Cleese, back on the boards in a blatantly autobiographical one-man show,

CLEESE: on tour

calls his new theatrical venture his “How to Finance Your Divorce Tour.” He says he needs money because of the expensive divorce settlement with Alyce Eichelberger – but is he bitter? Well, okay, maybe a little. “I’m paying $20 million to a woman I believe is the love child of Bernie Madoff and Heather Mills!” snorts the 70-year-old funnyman. “Imagine how much I would have had to pay if Alyce had contributed anything to the relationship – such as children or a conversation!”

Ouch!

TOMORROW:

Roseanne’s TV sibling returns to the Great White Way.

-/-

What a thrilling climax to my three-day working week. An unforgettable day was spent inputting letters, written by mentally-retarded readers who were as accomplished at spelling, sentence structure , punctuation and grammar as a giraffe (apologies to my many intelligent readers amongst the giraffe community), into a computer.

I have the letters here and am tempted to share  them with you but this would probably get me into trouble and cause your brain to pop and fizzle like a short-circuited television set suddenly giving up the ghost in the middle of Heartbeat, so lamentable is the quality. Suffice to say, one bloke scribbled incoherently about Britain’s membership of the European Union and told Gordon Brown – an avid reader  of The Leader – to remember the words of US President Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg over 150 years ago – “Thou did not die in vain”. Who died when fighting for the EU? What has Lincoln got to do with the EU? Why am I wasting my time at The Leader?

At least I got my first article published – a TV review of The Graham Norton Show – alongside a sexy photo of yours truly. I am not overly happy with the review that was published as many of the best bits from the original have been edited out to make room for inferior text. As a treat I have included the original review below for your perusal. I am sure anyone who has read the newspaper review will agree that this one is better and if you haven’t then don’t worry, I know a giraffe that’ll be happy to share his copy.  

During my student years, before I developed any sophisticated semblance of taste, I was persuaded by my friends that it would be a good idea to traipse to Manchester to be part of a retarded studio audience for a recording of the popular celebrity sound-a-like show, Stars in Their Eyes.

Once the excruciating show was over, won by a pretend Suzi Quatro (a shop assistant from Cleethorpes), I spent over an hour in the studio toilet in an arduous attempt to stop my ears bleeding. After the ringing sound in my ears subsided I re-entered the studio to find it deserted bar a few suspicious looking characters by the lift.

To cut a long story short, I caught the same elevator, it suddenly stopped working between floors and I spent 45 mind-numbing minutes stuck in a lift with a selection of fake celebrities – a half-cut Rod Stewart, an orange Julio Inglesias and a flatulent Meatloaf. The resulting conversation was stunted, awkward and embarrassing. It was diabolical discussion like I’ve never experienced before, until I was asked to review The Graham Norton Show(Monday, BBC1, 10.35pm).

The smutty Irishman has been promoted from BBC2 to BBC1 and began the 13-week series (shoot me now) with genuine celebrity guests such as Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne, the clearly uncomfortable Ricky Gervais who left half-way through proceedings and Olivia Newton-John. Only Gervais had anything interesting to say, despite being asked a succession of empty questions.

Thankfully, on this evidence, Norton has toned down his act considerably after his cross-channel promotion but unfortunately he has brought his chaotic, immature audience with him. This raucous bunch, who laugh hysterically when the king of childish innuendo points out that Newton-John made her film debut in a production called Funny Things Happen Down Under, make a group of football hooligans look civilized in comparison. Why roar in appreciation when the self-styled King of Darkness recounts tales of attending a driving test with a bottle of vodka in his pocket? Without wanting to sound like a moral crusader, I thought the BBC was supposed to be the home of socially responsible programming.

Norton’s jokes are dated (Heather Mills described as a gold digger et cetera), his interviews are sycophantic and shallow and what we are left with is a hideous piece of bubblegum television that should be shown, if at all, late on a Saturday night not a Monday evening.

Next week, Norton’s special guests include actress Anna Paquin, comedy duo Mitchell & Webb, singer Paulo/Nutini and a shop assistant from Cleethorpes. 

Heather Mills (Paul McCartney’s ex-wife from the UK. No? That one chick with the one leg from Dancing with the Stars? I guess.) recently opened up a VEGAN restaurant, V-Bites, in the Bronx.  V-Bites also donated $1 million dollars worth of vegan food to underprivileged children/families in the “poorer areas” of the Bronx.

No offense to Heather Mills or V-Bites, but what made them think that the ideal spot to start their US takeover was in the BRONX? Obviously after lots and lots of demographic analysis, it must’ve been an easy DUH (or not), but seriously, the BRONX? Since when did the BRONX need Vegan assistance? Maybe Brooklyn… MAYBE Queens… and um, why didn’t they think of Manhattan? But really again… the BRONX?

Let’s review the Webster’s Dictionary definition of the word “vegan”:

a strict vegetarian who consumes no animal food or dairy products

And just um, wondering, but um… isn’t a good 70% of the Bronx … Latino? And what kind of well respected and culturally legit Latino consumes NO animal food or dairy products?

‘They just think that it’s boring nut roasts and lots of hippy people but that’s not what being vegan is about. It’s about being animal friendly, saving the environment and the planet. The biggest contributor of global warming is the consumption of meat and dairy, but of course they are not going to tell you that.’

- Read More

And just trying to think logically about these “poorer areas” of the Bronx… what makes them think that those living in those “poorer areas” would even consider spending more $$$$ just on VEGAN ingredients?

We’re just really confused, obviously.
Check out their menu: HERE.

]]> http://inquisidor71.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/esposas-y-parejas-villanas-de-los-estrellas-del-rock/ Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:09:16 +0000 inquisidor71 http://inquisidor71.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/esposas-y-parejas-villanas-de-los-estrellas-del-rock/

A veces las parejas o musas de los grandes estrellas del rock se convierten en villanas, ya sea porque cometieron actos desleales en contra de sus famosas parejas o porque simplemente el público sintió que no era la mujer adecuada para su ídolo.

Aquí tenemos un listado de esas mujeres que los fans nunca aprobaron ni aprobarán.

Yoko Ono: Cuando John Lennon le anunció al mundo que la mujer de su vida era la artista japonesa de vanguardia Yoko Ono, sus fans, los Beatles y todo Inglaterra puso el grito en el cielo.

La indignación llegó a un punto en que los diarios londinenses calificaban a Yoko como una “mujer fea”, lo que enojó en múltiples ocasiones a Lennon.

Cuando John autorizó a su mujer a dar su opinión musical en las grabaciones de los Beatles, se ganó la enemistad de los otros miembros, en especial de Paul McCartney.

La leyenda cuenta que ella fue la causa de la separación de los Beatles, pero la realidad es que fueron motivos financieros lo que originó la ruptura, además de las ambiciones por crear música en solitario, un anhelo que tenía con más fuerza McCartney.

A Yoko Ono nunca la quisieron los británicos

Courtney Love:  Si pones en un buscador de Internet, en la sección de fotos,  el nombre de la viuda de Kurt Cobain, la mayoría de las imágenes la muestran ebria, drogada o en una actitud desafiante pero llegando al punto del ridículo.

Con esta imagen tan deteriorada, un documental hecho por un ex periodista de la BBC, la ubicó como la presunta causante de la muerte de su famoso esposo, ya que se obtuvieron declaraciones respecto a que ella anduvo buscando un asesino a sueldo para matar al creador de “Smell like teen spirit”,  lo que levantó grandes sospechas contra ella.

Desde que Kurt Cobain abandonó este mundo al suicidarse – es la versión oficial- Love ha gozado de la gran fortuna que dejó el músico.

 Para empañar más su prestigio, una niñera (en el mismo documental) aseguró que Kurt y Courtney llegaron a discutir en muchas ocasiones acaloradamente, porque el músico tenía pensado borrarla de su testamento.    

Courtney Love en una pose de diva

Heather Mills: La hermosa modelo británica que cautivó a Paul McCartney por levantarse ante la adversidad, superando el trauma de perder una pierna, nunca gustó a la prensa británica, ya que siempre fue considerada una arribista y comparada constantemente con la imagen intachable de Linda Eastman, la primera esposa del bajista de los Beatles.

Los hijos de Sir Paul tampoco les gustó la idea de que se casara, pero el cantautor no vio nada de malo en compartir su vida con ella y estaba tan enamorado que tampoco separó sus bienes en su unión matrimonial.

Su vida en pareja fracasó con un divorcio millonario, donde Mills simplemente pedía lo que le correspondía como esposa, por la gran fortuna de McCartney, pero las constantes quejas del músico provocó que todos se pusieran de su parte y vieran a la rubia modelo como una mujer avariciosa que había encontrado en el beatle, la forma de vivir comodamente hasta su muerte. 

Heather Mills es la última villana de un rock-star

Monika Dannemann fue la última persona que vio con vida a Jimi Hendrix,  fans y escritores la han considerado como sospechosa de la muerte de este innovador guitarrista.

Se le cuestionan las diversas versiones que dio, momentos antes de llamar a la ambulancia que llegó por el músico, ya que cayó en constantes contradicciones. A pesar de que la policía volvió a investigar nunca fue detenida por la muerte de Hendrix, que según informes oficiales, murió tras atragantarse con su vómito, luego de mezclar alcohol con pastillas para dormir.

En el libro Rock Roadie, existe la versión de que el manager de Hendrix, Michael Jeffrey, confesó al técnico de guitarra del creador de “Hey Joe”, que  junto a Dannemann hicieron tragar al guitarrista las pastillas para dormir con vino tinto, con la finalidad de provocarle la muerte y con esto cobrar una millonaria póliza de seguro. Tanto Jeffrey como Dannemann ya murieron.

Dannemann fue el último ser humano que vio con vida a Hendrix

Valerie Bertinelli: La actriz que compartió gran parte de su vida con Eddie Van Halen, tuvo un divorcio común y corriente con el virtuoso guitarrista.

Todo estaba tranquilo, hasta que en el show de Oprah Winfrey, confesó que había compartido los mismos excesos de drogas y alcohol con su esposo, llegando a liberarse de la cocaína con duros tratamientos y que además le había sido infiel al compositor de “Eruption”, lo que provocó que la prensa rosa estadounidense la viera como una especie de Courtney Love pero más elegante.

Recuerdo que cuando David Lee Roth salió de Van Halen en 1986, algunas estaciones de radio llegaron a informar que la separación había sido causada por un affair del vocalista con la esposa de Eddie, pero esto jamás fue confirmado. El propio Roth en una entrevista para Rolling Stone en 1985, manifestaba que si había visto a Bertinelli una vez en cinco meses, fue demasiado.

Valerie Bertinelli le fue infiel a Edward Van Halen

 Dionne:  La misteriosa novia -ya que no existe una foto de ella- de Rikki Rocket, baterista de Poison, tuvo un affair  con el guitarrista Ritchie Kotzen, quien había entrado a sustituir a C.C. Deville, lo que provocó que despidieran al virtuoso músico, en plena gira del álbum “Native Tongue”.

 Esta infidelidad le costó caro tanto a Poison como a Ritchie, porque a pesar de que este álbum no estaba vendiendo, ante la explosión del rock alternativo o grunge, las críticas habían sido favorables, porque Kotzen había influido muchísimo en el estilo de la banda,  lo que quizás les hubiera generado una continuidad musical más respetable a largo plazo.

A Ricky Rocket le pusieron los cuernos

Paula Yates: Esta comunicadora inglesa, más que villana entra en la categoría de irresponsable y falta de espíritu. Aún no comprendo cómo decidió quitarse la vida tras el suicidio de Michael Hutchence, cuando tenía cuatro razones por vivir, los tres hijos que tuvo con Bob Geldof,  de los cuales perdió la custodia, ante la falta de atención que les tenía, además de la hija que tuvo con el extinto líder de INXS.

De una vida exitosa pasó a tener una depresión grande que ya no le hizo ver la realidad de las múltiples cosas positivas que tenía en su vida, por lo que hipotéticamente podría manifestar que pudo haber sido una pesadilla para Geldof  o Hutchence, convivir con ella.

Paula Yates tuvo un final lamentable

Nancy Spugen: La novia presuntamente asesinada por el propio Sid Vicious, bajista de los Sex Pistols, siempre fue considerada un parásito por el líder de esta banda, el enojón Johnny Rotten.

Existen versiones de que ella arrastró totalmente al abismo de las drogas a Vicious, aunque él ya era un drogadicto declarado.

La relación entre ambos, aunque se ha querido ver como un gran romance, la realidad es que parecían dos payasos viviendo del rock, con un Sid totalmente influenciable, mientras que Nancy le sacaba todo el dinero que podía. Al final el destino para ambos fue fatal.

Nancy y Sid fueron una pareja fatal

Stevie Nicks: Fue pareja de Lindsey Buckingham, mucho antes de que ambos se unieran a las filas de Fleetwood Mac. Cuando ya estaban dentro de la banda terminaron su relación, pero el momento amargo de este rompimiento llegó cuando Nicks decidió andar con el líder de la banda, Mick Fleetwood.

Stevie Nicks narró en un programa para la cadena VH1 que fue difícil para ella y Mick sentarse ambos  a explicarle a Buckingham, la nueva relación amorosa que tenían. El guitarrista manifestó sobre esta dura confesión, que había vivido tantas cosas en la vida, que no le sorprendió que su pareja lo cambiara por otro músico: “Sabes, uno ya está curtido”. 

A pesar de la incómoda situación, Fleetwood Mac continuó en los setentas sacando exitosos discos, aunque por dentro siempre vivieron momentos personales dramáticos. A final de cuentas, Nicks tampoco hizo vida con el baterista Mick Fleetwood. 

Stevie Nicks pasó de un guitarrista a un baterista

http://www.vbites.com Heather Mills is bringing healthy vegan food to the public with her Vegan Restaurant in Brighton.

Heather Mills now lives purely on a plant based food diet as she is painfully aware of the brutal treatment of factory farmed animals in the UK and around the world.  Her interest in the benefits of holistic nutrition was first stimulated in 1994 when a strictly organic plant based raw diet healed a persistent infection in her leg where prescribed medicine had failed. She is now bringing this form of healthy eating to the public with VBites, an innovative new community café at Hove Lagoon in Brighton, England. VBites will suit all, from families on a day out to those popping in for coffee or an evening of relaxation.

 
 
I think the best blogs are when I’ve got something particular on my mind. Like when my blood is boiling. Like when someone has crossed me. Like when people are doing such ridiculous things. This week, however, I don’t really have much of a beef with anyone or anything.
 
Yes, I was disappointed when Leicester City saw their unbeaten home run come to an end last Saturday – especially as they’d not lost at home for over a year – but then a largely unexpected win at Middlesbrough on Tuesday night soothed my football woes.
 
No-one has particularly pressed my emotional buttons in the past week although I do get rather irate when people who can’t drive properly do it right in front of me. It surely can’t be that hard to use the inside lane when it’s available or indicate at 300 yards from a motorway junction they wish to use or… well… you get the idea.
 
So it’s fair to say I’m not at my blood-pumping best (or worst, depending on your view) at the moment – hence why the blog is not filled with such hate and anger.
 
I do, however, enjoy and appreciate your feedback – good and bad – because if you give it, you have to be able to take it.
 
*****
 
There’s something wrong with my toenails. They’re all clean and clear. Yes, after four months of being pink, they are now as nature intended. Although not all my friends (and enemies) agree, I think it’s been a worthwhile experiment.
 
They’ve been a talking point – especially in Ibiza – and the subject of breast cancer awareness has been raised on numerous occasions. I may have them painted pink again in the future. The girls at Tantalize (the best beauty salon in Telford, by the way) have offered their magnificent services and I may take them up on it. It’s not like having a permanent tattoo which is with you for life and can be embarrassing if the design/name becomes obsolete for various reasons.
 
On the subject of which, I see that Jodie Marsh has further ruined her skin by adding a carrot on her arm. I’m not joking. She already has a sprig of broccoli as well as designs of Michael Jackson, Buddy Holly and Chuck Berry.
 
When I’m in full spleen-venting mode another time, I’ll tell you what I really think of tattoos and people who have ridiculous stuff on their bodies – although you can probably guess I’m not a fan of them.
 
*****
 
Decent telly alert: returning to ITV1 this week (Friday 9pm) is Benidorm. The first two series were excellent, as was the one off special earlier this year. Let’s hope they’ve maintained the quality – even if we have to again suspend our disbelief regarding the same people going back to the same hotel at the same time each year.
 
Then again, there are people who think EastEnders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale et al are documentaries rather than soaps.
 
But don’t try to convince me that Dr. Who is not real. The TARDIS can take you anywhere. I believe that. I’ve seen it on my telly box thing. Although I’m a bit baffled how Jon Pertwee could be Dr. Who AND Worzel Gummidge. It’s magic – I can’t explain it. Hey ho… that’s just the way it is.
 
(I’m assuming you realised the last paragraph was coated with a dollop of sarcasm but just in case you didn’t, press Alt+F4 on your keyboard now. Bye!)
 
*****
 
Further to last week’s suggestion of chartering a small boat and sending the oxygen thieves who choke our society into the sea without any aid, I would like to add Trinny & Susannah to the passenger list. Others will follow when they spring to mind.
 
*****
 
I’m well aware that most of you come here for the vicious stuff rather than for the clever bits or political satire or football chat – stick with it, you might learn something, stop skim-reading – but I had to laugh when Gordon Brown spoke at the Labour Party conference this week.
 
He told delegates: “We have changed the world before and we will change the world again.” Yes you are right, Gordon – it has changed for the worst since your mob came into power in 1997. [Opinion/fact]
 
Brown also said: “We will not stand by and see the lives of the lawful majority disrupted by the behaviour of the lawless minority.” Now that’s fine to say – but then you have to ask what the f*** have they been doing to sort out the scum of society over the past 12 years as it clearly hasn’t worked.
 
They’re such a morally bankrupt lot that Peter Mandelson, sacked three times from Government office, is now one of their chief flag bearers.
 
*****
 
I was further amused when ‘The Sun’ announced on the evening after Brown’s speech that it would ditch Labour and urge its readers to vote Conservative at the next election. They backed Marvellous Maggie [opinion] in the 1980s and even John Major in 1992 – every time they supported the winning candidate.
 
They changed allegiance in 1997 when the leading snake oil salesman Blair brainwashed the nation but now they too have had enough of Labour. Symbolically, it’s a big thing. Sun readers are essentially working class – so many will traditionally vote Labour – but supporting David Cameron could easily sway a few wavering voters.
 
Trust me… when this lot get their marching orders and we get a return to centre-right politics and the freedoms that comes with it, I will be first at the bar with a celebratory vodka or seven. I might even buy you one.
 
You’ll have forgotten I mentioned that come election time (probably May/June next year) but if you haven’t, I’ll get Derren Brown to come around and stick you to your seat.
 
*****
 
Rumour has it that Heather Mills is being lined up as a contestant for the ‘Dancing On Ice’ show. I’m way too lazy to write some gags about the one-legged, Beatle-leeching money-grabber being suited to a cold environment but I’m sure you can think of your own.
 
*****
 
Certain companies have started making a big deal about their products “not being on comparison websites” and I wondered why. Well that was until I was sorting out home and car insurance for my parents. I went to these companies (Direct Line and Aviva) and they were much more expensive than going through the comparison sites.
 
They may be cheaper for some people, of course, but they weren’t in this case. If they truly believe they offer the best service and value, then surely they’d have nothing to hide by being compared to other companies.
 
Right, let’s spend five minutes comparing Meerkats…
 
http://www.comparethemeerkat.com/my-movies  
 
Try not to laugh during the last of the out-take bloopers. I dare you.
 
*****
 
News from the Sugababes – Keisha has now left meaning all three original members have gone. It reminded me of Trigger in Only Fools And Horses winning an award from the council for a lifetime sweeping the streets of Peckham and telling Del Boy that he’s had the same brush for 20 years, adding: “This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in it’s time.”
 
Maybe the original members – Siobhan, Mutya and Keisha – should reform in another band. This, however, is highly unlikely as they all left the band in the first place because they hated each other!
 
*****
 
I’m looking forward to the opening of our new club, bar and restaurant in Telford next week. I will be DJ-ing in Vox bar on Wednesday night but not under the guise of djwanker – I will be plain, old Geoff Peters, leaving the Tourettes at Pussycats. This is because the new place will magically attract a better class of clientele and they might be offended. And we can’t have that.
 
I will be ‘warming up’ for the main attraction – DJ Shuttsie in Club Crush – and I hope to see some of you there.
 
You’ll still find me being vulgar and crude (as well as playing all the big tunes you know and love) in Pussycats every Friday and Saturday night. Head to the gallery at www.djwanker.com for my latest selection of photos from the club.
 
The new Chinese restaurant looks bang on although I’m not into that kind of food. They’re bound to sell steak and chips to I’ll have a bit of that. If it’s on the menu, it’s in stock. If it’s in stock, it needs to be eaten. I’ve only ever had a Chinese meal once before – I was in the company of Nasty Nick from Big Brother and a couple of others in London about five or six years ago but that’s an anecdote for another time – and I didn’t really enjoy the grub.
 
I also got the breadsticks and chopsticks mixed up which was a little embarrassing…
 
*****
 
Stolen from the letters page of Viz magazine:

”The person who coined the phrase ‘as different as chalk and cheese’ obviously hadn’t tasted the cheddar at Asda.”

”If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn’t it about time that the city of Wolverhampton received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?”
 
*****
 
And finally… you didn’t really press Alt+F4 earlier, did you?
 
 
 
 
 
Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker

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Hi friends! This here web log has had it’s best month, in terms of hits, thanks primarily to three regular readers and several hundred perverts. As previously mentioned, I’ve gotten quite a bit of what I like to call ‘pegging traffic’; that is, people who have used a search engine to find information or images of the sex act of pegging and ended up here. I suppose it’s the tasteful watercolor depicting pegging that I posted here, twice, but still I ask, “Where are the people searching for the intermittent ramblings of a reformed lunatic?” It’s sad when all the pearls fall upon deaf ears, to mix some metaphors.

That said, here are a few more images of pegs throughout the ages.

A Clothing 'Peg' or Pin

A Feeding 'Peg' or Stent

Peggy 'Peg' Bundy

A 'Peg' Leg or Heather Mills

'Pegging' You Filthy Animals

An example of Yoko's "art"

Species Name: Lunaticus Bandwreckerus

With the recent releases of the remastered Beatles albums and “The Beatles: Rock Band,” it only seems fair to focus on the Japanese banshee witch that broke up, arguably the greatest band of all time.  Now, some people say that Yoko gets a bum wrap, that the writing was already on the wall for the Beatles before she ever came into the picture, blah, blah, blah, cry me a fucking river.  Here’s the deal, the Beatles were a band before Yoko fucking Ono came into John Lennon’s life, and after, they weren’t.

During her reign of terror, Yoko introduced John Lennon to heroin, co-wrote the worst Beatles song of all time, “Revolution 9,” and even felt compelled to give her feedback to the band during recording sessions that no wives or girlfriends were even allowed to be present for.  WTF?!  Who the fuck are you to criticize the motherfucking Beatles?!  Guess what?  If you wanted to make yourself useful, you should’ve jumped in front of Mark David Chapman’s gun.  It would’ve been a win-win.  A music legend gets to go on living, and the world rids itself of Yoko Ono…in fact, let’s “Imagine there’s no Yoko, it’s easy if you try…”

In a world where Yoko Ono wasn’t around to make our ears bleed:

• Spending a week in bed wouldn’t be called avant garde, it’d be called lazy.  Get a job!
• The Beatles would’ve reunited, and a whole new generation would’ve had the opportunity to see the Fab Four play live.  Thanks devil whore.
• Fake Artists, or Fartists, everywhere would still be making shitty art that they think is so fucking meaningful (some things will never change…)
• We all would’ve been spared from…whatever this is…if you can make it all the way through without your head exploding…I commend you.

• War, hunger, racism, and sexism would cease to exist because no one would have to listen to Yoko whine about it anymore.
• We also would’ve been spared from pretentious garbage like this load of fecal matter…if you can make it through this without committing hari kari…I commend you.

• Suicide rates all over the world would drop dramatically because people would have to listen to the tortured guinea pig mating calls that this dirty cooze calls singing.
• Paul McCartney would never have married Heather Mills in a quest to be the Beatle with the most bat shit crazy wife.
• John Lennon would’ve fallen in love with another crazy broad…hopefully she would have had at least a shred of talent though.
• Finally we would’ve been spared from this eye gouging gem…if you can make it through this without wanting to drown a puppy…I commend you.

Based on Exhibit’s A, B, and C, it’s clear that a woman capable of that kind of cacophony, has no place in the world.  And don’t buy the whole “she’s an artist who has never given up on what she believes in” argument.  She’s a glorified trust fund baby who spent the first half of her life living off her family’s money and the second half living off John Lennon’s fortune.  To top it all off, she just publicly admitted to not being familiar with any of the Beatles songs…are you fucking kidding me?!  You couldn’t take time out of your busy, unemployed schedule to listen to a few tracks?  No, of course you couldn’t because you too busy making shitty performance art, shitty music, and a shitty existence.  If only you and all your blind followers would disappear forever.  However, the sad truth is, we’ll all be privy to Yoko’s every move until the day she dies, which will probably be at the long overdue age of 112 years old.  Maybe we can get Mark David Chapman out on parole for a day to finish the job…

One has to have dreams right?

The sun is back! Hurrah! No need for any tantalising tidbits of property gossip or news of the best products to cheer you up then, is there? Oh, there is? Go on then – you’ve twisted my arm…

The Telegraph: We love this new geometric coffee table

Image credit: The Telegraph

First up is this brilliant coffee table, spotted in The Telegraph by our intrepid news team. With its deep, espresso-coloured wood and quirky, retro shape, it’s a definite nod to the 70s trend our resident stylists have picked up on. Team with a Solitaire vase in red from Dotmaison to hit yet another of our favourite trends – ‘raw materials and glossy brights’.

The Telegraph: Crisis at the Royal Horticultural Society

The Telegraph: Anna Friel takes on the role of Holly Golightly

Design Week: RCA art bar gets a revamp

Trendhunter: 98 futuristic ideas for home decor

Check out this great trend spotting website that Steve, our resident online marketing guru,  has found. Top of my futuristic wish list is the sofa that climbs walls. Very cool.

The London Paper: The ‘riot Hyatt’ has a makeover

Interior Design: Wastepaper wonders from eco-artists

Image credit: Interior Design

Who says print is dead? Eco-artists have found a more creative outlet for wastepaper and junk-mail than the recycling bin. This amazing collaged canvas from Sandhi Schimmel Gold is currently on show in Los Angeles at the Loft at Liz’s. Get more tips on making your home eco-chic in the eco section of our style magazine.

Interior Design: The camp fire goes chic

Interior Design: Who needs a lamp when you’ve got a luminous bedside table?

The top drawer of this lacquered wood nightstand from Brion Experimental pulls out to reveal a glowing, LED-illuminated acrylic box. Given my current obsession with lacquer, I’m very tempted by this little beauty. The only downside is that it makes buying that Graham and Green Jewel lampshade less easy to justify. I’m in quite the pickle.

The Real Estalker: Heather Mills ups sticks

Image credit: The Real Estalker

The lady the nation loves to hate, Ms Heather Mills, is selling her apartment on Bishop’s Avenue having owned it for less than a year. It’s a luxurious pad with marble floors, state of the art Poggenpohl kitchen and a master bedroom with a balcony. However, it seems Mills has followed other hapless celebs into the beige abyss, kitting the flat out in floor to ceiling neutrals. What has caused this celebrity aversion to colour? Not that it matters to Mills. Seemingly able to sidestep the gloomy property market, she stands to make £850,00 if the property sells at its asking price of £3,750,000. You’ve got to hand it to her – she certainly goes after what she wants.

The Evening Standard: The best new autumn homes

The Daily Mail: Erin Boag looks for The Good Life in Surbiton

BBC News: Warhol art collection is stolen

It’s the real life Thomas Crown Affair! A collection of 10 pieces worth several million dollars has been stolen from the house of businessman Richard Weisman. The portraits, created in the late 1970s, depict famous athletes including Muhammad Ali and OJ Simpson. A $1m reward has been offered for information leading to their recovery. Get your detective caps on pop art lovers!

Former Beatles wife, Heather Mills, walked away from her split from Paul McCartney as another rich, blonde divorcee. But now she thinks she can spice up her single life with a new auburn wash but I feel she looks more like an Alice in Wonderland character than a distinguished redhead.

As Alice timidly asks, so do we: Why does your cat grin like that?

I’m the saddest little music scribe y’ever did see, ’cause tomorrow’s Beatles Day, and I ain’t got no Beatles.

It’s not fair. All my other critic buddies received copies. They’ve been frothing over the remasters for weeks up and down Facebook and in and out of my Hotmail. Sometimes they “accidentally” forward me their real-time revelations in breathless superlatives: “OMG, ‘Please Please Me’ just baked my fantasies into a melodic pecan pie, using the harmonica’s new clarity as whipped cream! Destination: Delish!”

Even my mom scored the monaural box, and she hasn’t whistled past a music department since Bonnie Tyler stopped releasing albums on cassette. She got in on some “First Flush of Beatlemania” discount given to anyone of age who’d purchased the records new or screamed themselves into orgasmic comas from nosebleed cocoons at any of the band’s shows. Now she talks like an audiophile. “I’m glad they were reissued in mono,” she sniffed when the discs arrived, massaging her rusted MARRY ME MACCA button. “They have a warmth and intimacy missing from the more aggressive sonics preferred by today’s uneducated ear.”

Being that my mom was part of an initial fair-weathered wave that had split by Rubber Soul, when the ex-Fabs got “too weird,” I implored her to at least sell me the remaining titles since she wasn’t going to listen to them anyway. “How much?” I asked, unveiling my bankbook. I thought maybe she’d decline money and haggle it down to a lunch or two or a few more regular phone calls. But to my surprise she jabbed a stiletto under my bottom lip and seethed through a hateful clench, “How much you got?” I opted to pay my rent instead.

Desperate, I called my man at Capitol. First I finessed past a wily secretary feigning the worst French accent I’d ever heard. When I trapped her on her sloppy conjugation, she tried to convince me the label had outsourced its publicity department to India. Calling her bluff, I demanded digits. She gave me a toll-free number that connected me directly to Jim in Billing at the Bozeman Gazette. When I called back, she pretended to be speaking through a thick mustache. “I dunno, I just empty the wastebaskets, they don’t tell me nothin’ around here,” she said.

Finally, I got through to Terry. “Capitol Records, Publicity, this is Terry,” Terry chirped.

“Terry! My knizzave!” I clucked. “I’m calling about –”

Terry cut me off. “I’m sorry. Did I say ‘Capitol Records, Publicity’? I meant ‘SlapZappy’s Pest Control.’”

“Aw, dude,” I whined. “You didn’t gimme this much grief on that gloomy post-Heather McCartney.”

“Our office hours are 8 a.m. to the moment you called. If you know your party’s extension, please press ‘pound’ now.”

“Don’t do me like this, brah. It’s the Beatles!”

“Oh, my God, I’m about to get sideswiped by a gas truck! AAAAAHHHHHH!”

The line went dead.

I rang Apple but ended up talking to a youngish girl mostly about giraffes. “Yeah, giraffes are cool,” I said, attempting a patient segue. “But I’m calling about the Beatles.” “Beeeetles?” she asked, confused. “Yes,” I replied. “They’re a rock band.” “Oh!” she said. “My dad’s in a rock band, and my mom did a movie with Ben Affleck.” Great — I’d been given the private cell of Gwyneth Paltrow’s kid.

Next call: Yoko Ono, who chuckled, “No, I don’t even have copies yet, if you can believe that.” I didn’t. In the background I could hear her late husband hit that glorious “cry-hy-hy-hy” in a sparkling “This Boy.” “What’s that?” I demanded. “I rented Backbeat,” she stammered. “Oops — muffins are done!” CLICK.

Well, shoot. What am I gonna do with all this pent-up gush? Waste it on the Season 5 boxed set of The Office? Sweet-talk a strumpet out of her gin-stained tee? Commend a local pizzeria? Where will I go with my effusive words of love?

It seems Heather Mills has finally moved on after her split with Paul McCartney, as she was recently spotted with a guy who is a rookie driver in the ARCA stock car series.

The former model came to Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge at Blue Star Jets Field in New York’’s Hamptons, where she evidently loved talking to Tim George, Jr.

“Now that Paul has moved on with his girlfriend, Nancy Shevell, Heather thinks it’’s about time she moves on, too,” a source told FOX411.

The insider added: “She was so into Tim, chatting with him, smiling ear to ear and hanging on his every word. They posed for photos together and kind of watched the match, but they were busy talking up a storm.”

The two reportedly met once again the same night at Social Life Magazine party for the mag’’s August issue, which features Tim on the cover.

The source briefed: “Heather was definitely into Tim, and it seemed he was into her, too, from how easily their conversation seemed to flow. They were inseparable!”

Heather Mills continua incomodando seu ex-marido, Paul McCartney. A última foi viajar para Hamptons onde ele estava passando o feriado com sua namorada Nancy Shevell, 47.

‘Heather tem feito coisas que incomodam Paul”, diz uma fonte.

É que o ex-Beatle também se irritou com Heather porque “ela fica na sua cola. Ela quer abrir um restaurante vegetariano em Nova Iorque ao memos tempo que ele está promovendo sua campanha “Segunda Sem Carne” nos EUA.

FONTE: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1206849/Paul-McCartney-needs-Help-ex-Heather-Mills-turns-functions-singer-girlfriend.html

Ela pode ser a herdeira mais jovem dos Beatles até aqui, mas Beatrice, a filha de 5 anos de Paul, gosta de curtir outra banda lendária dos anos 60.

Shawnee Smith & Kevin Dillon

The Blob is a 1988 American monster horror film distributed by Tristar Pictures. It is a remake of the 1958 film of the same name, which starred Steve McQueen. The film was written by Chuck Russell and Frank Darabont and directed by Russell. The shooting took place in Abbeville, Louisiana.

Far more deadly than ever!, THE BLOB has returned in this horrific tale about a vile, malignant life-form that crashes to earth in a cozy, rural American town called Arborville. Untroubled by conscience or intellect, the Blob does only one thing ? and does it well. It eats anything and everything that moves: men, women, children. And tonight it wants to swallow Arborville whole.

The Blob (1988) on DVD

The original version of The Blob thrilled and terrified audiences back in the 1950s. Now the oozing, gooey killer is back with a whole new high-tech look. What was once only suggested now comes to life in this visually gut-wrenching thriller in the tradition of such classic remakes as The Thing and The Fly.  Starring Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith, Donovan Leitch and Jeffrey DeMunn. 

Tagline: Scream now, while there’s still room to breathe.

Make Up Department
  Max Alvarez … wig maker: makeup effects crew
  Evan Brainard … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Theresa Burkett … foam sculptress: makeup effects crew
  Michael Burnett … special makeup effects assistant
  John Caglione Jr. … makeup effects: New York
  Mark P. Case … makeup effects technician: makeup effects crew
  Cynthia Cerceij … makeup effects coordinator: makeup effects crew
  Todd Chaney … materials fabricator: makeup effects crew
  François Dagenais … foam technician: makeup effects crew
  François Dagenais … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Janeen Davis … assistant hair stylist
  Janeen Davis … assistant makeup artist
  Mitch Devane … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Kathryn Miles Kelly … key makeup artist
  Steve Frakes … mechanical constructor: makeup effects crew
  Steve Frank … hair stylist
  Cynthia J. Gardner … makeup effects coordinator
  Tony Gardner … special makeup and animatronic effects designer
  Tony Gardner … special makeup and animatronic effects supervisor
  Tony Gardner … special makeup designer: makeup effects crew
  Loren Gitthens … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Chris Goehe … key moldmaker: makeup effects crew
  Chris Goehe … makeup effects shop foreman: makeup effects crew
  Morton Greenspoon … contact lens consultant: makeup effects crew
  Melinda Kennemore … wig maker: makeup effects crew
  Andrew Kenworthy … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Michael Maddi … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Shawn McEnroe … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Michael O’Brien … assistant makeup effects coordinator: makeup effects crew
  Becky Ochoa … wig maker: makeup effects crew
  Dwight Roberts … mechanical constructor: makeup effects crew
  Mark Siegel … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Mike Smithson … makeup effects key artist: makeup effects crew
  Mike Smithson … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Marlene Stoller … wig maker: makeup effects crew
  Bill Sturgeon … makeup effects shop foreman: makeup effects crew
  Tommy Turner … makeup effects technician: makeup effects crew
  Christian Wabschall … special materials technician: makeup effects crew
  Brian Wade … makeup effects key sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Brian Wade … special makeup effects artist
  Chet Zar … makeup effects key painter: makeup effects crew
  Chet Zar … makeup effects sculptor: makeup effects crew
  Tim Turner … special makeup effects assistant (uncredited)

Special Effects Department
  Jan Aaris … mechanical effects technician
  Peter Abrahamson … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Eric Allard … mechanical effects: post-production
  Richard Alonzo … blob sculptor: blob effects crew
  Philip Bartko … special effects supervisor
  David Beasley … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Nick Benson … special effects
  Gary D. Bierend … special effects technician
  Evan Brainard … mechanical effects designer: makeup effects crew
  Erin Brasfield … blob painter: blob effects crew
  Sheri Brooks … purchasing coordinator: blob effects crew
  Virginia Buck … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Ken Clark … mechanical effects: post-production
  Lyle Conway … “blob” creature effects designer and creator: blob effects crew
  Bill Corso … blob effects designer: blob effects crew
  Chuck Crisafulli … blob wrangler
  Robert DeVine … special effects
  Joe Dolinich … lead moldmaker: blob effects crew
  Roy Downey … mechanical effects technician
  Marilyn Dozer-Chaney … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Loraina Drucker … blob painter: blob effects crew
  La Rae Eicher … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Noelle Eicher … blob fabrication supervisor: blob effects crew
  Jim Eustermann … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Jeffrey S. Farley … creature effects crew
  Troy Farmer … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Terri Fluker … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Scott Forbes … mechanical effects: post-production
  Donald Frazee … mechanical effects technician
  Logan Frazee … mechanical effects technician
  Terry Frazee … mechanical effects supervisor
  Christopher Gilman … special effects supervisor: meteor effects
  Dale Gordon … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Phillip Hayman … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Todd Heindel … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Camilla Henneman … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Adam Hill … blob shop foreman: blob effects crew
  Bryant Holt … lead moldmaker: blob effects crew
  Michael F. Hoover … lead painter: blob effects crew
  Kent Jones … blob sculptor: blob effects crew
  David Kindlon … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Patricia Kowchak … blob effects coordinator: blob effects crew
  Bruce Kuroyama … mechanical effects: post-production
  Julian Ledger … blob sculptor: blob effects crew
  Louis Lindwall … mechanical effects: post-production
  Scott Lingard … mechanical effects technician
  John Lundberg … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Curt Massof … blob painter: blob effects crew
  Dave Matherly … blob sculptor: blob effects crew
  James D. McGeachy … blob shop foreman: blob effects crew
  Bob McKee … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Mike Measimer … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Mike Meinardus … mechanical effects technician
  David Mesloh … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Hal Miles … animatronic technician
  Andrew Miller … special effects technician
  Dean W. Miller … special effects
  Ralph Miller III … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Heather Mills … blob effects coordinator: blob effects crew
  Donald Myers … mechanical effects technician
  Becky Ochoa … special effects hair
  Gary Platek … additional blob projects: blob effects crew
  Gary Platek … special creature effects
  Bradford Plows … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  D. Kerry Prior … special effects artist: Dream Quest Images
  Joe Ramsey … mechanical effects: post-production
  Al Rifkin … mechanical effects: post-production
  Wendy Ripley … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Phil Rodriguez … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Doreen Sachartoff … blob fabricator: blob effects crew
  Mark Setrakian … head mechanical designer: blob effects crew
  Richard King Slifka … creature effects crew: blob effects crew
  Bob Spurlock … mechanical effects: post-production
  Trey Stokes … blob movement designer: blob effects crew
  Bill Sturgeon … mechanical effects designer: makeup effects crew
  Sally Syberg … blob effects coordinator: blob effects crew
  Douglas Turner … blob sculptor: blob effects crew
  Wim van Thillo … blob designer: blob effects crew
  Joe Viskocil … mechanical effects: post-production
  Harold Weed … blob designer: blob effects crew
  Tom Williamson … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  AJ Workman … blob fabrication and puppeteering
  AJ Workman … special effects
  A.J. Workman … blob mechanic: blob effects crew
  Mark Yuricich … mechanical effects: post-production
  Stuart Ziff … additional creature effects designer and creator: blob effects crew
  Yancy Calzada … puppet repair (uncredited)

The Blob Movie Poster 27x40