Being rather tired yesterday afternoon, I fell asleep on the couch next to my partner.

I was only asleep for about an hour, but had quite an extensive dream, which I do still remember today (though not all of it in great detail)

The dream follows as below:

I was in the house that we rent, and had gone through to the kitchen to get a drink. Upon returning to the livingroom the house looked completely trashed. Stammering and unable to believe all this happened in around 2 minutes I tried to find out what was going on… Going back into the hall I discovered several people of whom I do not know wondering around, moving furniture and chatting. I asked who the are and what they were doing here, I was certainly in a state of confusion!

In response to the question I was told the landlord was using the house for a charity event for mentally disabled children, which was quite the shock seeing as we knew nothing about it! After milling around looking for the landlord (to no avail, though I was assured he was in the house) I decided to go out into the garden where my boyfriend was having a cigarette. He was sat on a swing chair out there and when I spoke to him he didn’t talk back, though I believe this was because he was looking at something.

I stepped closer and peered down to where his gaze was fixed, and saw a tiny little baby hedgehog! It was cute Then my attention turned to the left where there was a dad hedgehog pushing a pram with another little hedgehog in it. It then turned into a scene that was displayed almost cinema screen style (ie not me standing watching little animals from a human perspective). A badger walked in and the daddy hedgehog squared up and barked at it (I have no idea if hedghogs actually bark btw, but it did) . I thought they were about to fight when suddenly a little chick popped its head up between them and started wobbling its head about. The chick looked more like an animated version you might see on kids tv, not quite like a real one, sort of scraggly and long-necked…

And that is when my partner woke me up!

I hadn’t watched anything containing any of the animals, nor seen any animals during the day, so not entirely sure where it came from!

Okay looked up an online dream dictionary (http://dreammoods.com) to add a bit of psazz to this so here we go:

Hedgehog – To see a hedgehog in your dream, suggests that you are being overly sensitive. You tend to take everything too personally. Alternatively, it refers to losing your soul.

Chicken – To see chickens in your dream, symbolize cowardliness and a lack of willpower. The dream may be a pun on being a chicken or chickening out of some situation. Chickens also represent excessive chatter and gossip. Listen closely to what people may be saying about you or what you are saying about others

Badger – To see a badger in your dream, signifies your persistence and final victory over your opponents. The dream may also be a pun on badgering and aggravating others.

Swing chair – To see a swing set in your dream, indicates memories from childhood. You may feel a need to escape from your current responsibilities and relax

See,  I don’t even know what to name the title of this post… I really don’t want to write at this moment, but I want a new FRESH blog post on my page… If  that makes any sense?

So since I’m really not in the mood to write anything interesting at this moment,I will post funny/cute/creative pictures up because I have nothing better to do… I’ve been wanting to take some pictures of my new work but I’m without a camera at the moment. I really should be resting up for school tommorow morning but..ugh.

BRING ON THE PICTURES!!

1.) A hedgehog.

2.) A little kid in a Motorhead T-shirt.  (In this town, that’s not common, so just roll with me here.)

3.) A giant strike in the center of the town. (Ok, so I didn’t really see it… I was late and all the people on strike decided to stop burning and rioting.  Instead, they went home for a nice dinner, apparently.)

verfasst von Joe

Wenn man im Bus oder im Zug sitzt, auf etwas wartet, oder gerade auf dem Heimweg ist, dann ist die beste Möglichkeit, Zeit totzuschlagen eindeutig Gaming. Wenn man dann noch seine liebsten Retro-Titel unterwegs zocken kann, dann fängt der Spaß erst so richtig an. Ich liste euch heute ein paar meiner Retro to go Games auf.

Dragonball Z Buu's Fury

Mein erster Tip ist gleichzeitig ein Geheimtipp. Mit Dragonball Z Buu’s Fury ist nämlich eines meiner liebsten GBA Spiele erschienen. Das tolle Action Kampfsystem mit den Rollenspielelementen und der Dragonball Saga rund um Buu macht diesen Titel für mich zu einen wirklichen Hit. Ich habe viel Zeit mit diesem Titel verbracht, auch nach dem Story Ending war es spaßig, die Charaktere hochzuleveln, die Welten noch ein bisschen zu erforschen und neue Fertigkeiten zu lernen. Sehr cool: Man kann zwischen allen Dragonball Z Charakteren, die in diesem Teil der Saga tätig sind, spielen und wechseln nach Lust und Laune.

Final Fantasy IV Advance

Ein weiteres Rollenspiel darf hier in diesem Artikel dabei sein. Dabei handelt es sich um Final Fantasy IV Advance, welches ich schon seit SNES Zeiten gut kenne. Damals hat mich das Spiel schon begeistert, heute laufe ich noch gerne mit dem Gameboy Advance herum und spiel den Teil. Busfahrten werden so nie langweilig und auch der ein oder andere Sitznachbar ist sofort still und schaut gespannt auf dem Bildschirm um die sofort ergreifende Story mitzubekommen, oder die toll gemachten Kämpfe mitzuverfolgen.

Klar, es gibt noch viele andere Final Fantasy’s auf dem GBA, aber die müssen nicht alle genannt werden. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance etc. sind alles wirklich gute Titel, aber das hier ist einfach das beste Handheld Game der Reihe!

Mega Drive Collection (PSP)

Um auch eine gelungene Collection zu erwähnen, bringen wir diese mit ein. Schon allein die zwei Phantasy Stars (II und IV) berechtigen den Kauf dieser Collection allemal. Die anderen Titel sind auch wirklich gut. Wer mehr Info’s zu den einzelnen Titeln will, sollte einfach auf Amazon nachschauen…

Castlevania - Aria of Sorrow

Auf sämtlichen Handhelds ist Castlevania nun schon erschienen, aber auf keinem konnte es mich mehr überzeugen. Aria of Sorrow ist eines der wenigen Titel, dass die Elemente von Videospielen so gut verbindet wie sonst. Die RPG Elemente und das gut umgesetzte Metroidvania Prinzip, sowie die Liebe zum Detail seitens Konami machen den Titel unheimlich gut. Man spielt ausnahmsweise keinen Belmont und peitscht auch nicht in der Gegend herum, stattdessen sammelt man verschiedene Waffen und Seelen und läuft im Schloss von Graf Drakula umher, besiegt gigantische Bossgegner und erkundet die Umgebung.

Meiner Meinung nach eignet dieser Teil sich sowohl für lange als auch für kurze Sessions, da man jederzeit in Speicherräumen sein Spiel absichern kann, jedoch auch einfach fortfahren kann.

The Legend of Zelda - The Minish Cap

Schade dass ich Minish Cap erst jetzt nachhole. Denn hätte ich dieses Zelda Abenteuer früher gekannt, wäre ich wohl öfter mit dem früheren Bus gefahren,  um dann vor der Schule sitzend Zelda zu spielen. Stattdessen darf ich jetzt daheim spielen, weil ansonsten keine Zeit für das langwierige Adventure bleibt.

Ich habe übrigens bewusst zu Minish Cap gegriffen, da mir dieser Teil von den Handheld Zelda’s am besten gefallen hat, neben Phantom Hourglass. Aber Phantom Hourglass ist noch kein Retro Game, von daher…

Pokémon - Silberne Edition

Diese Videospielreihe prägte mein Leben als Gamer. Dank ihr spiele ich jetzt Rollenspiele, durch sie hab’ ich lesen gelernt und mit ihr gehe ich gerne auch heute noch aus dem Haus. Zwar nehme ich, um nicht mit dem klobigen Kultklumpen Gameboy aufzufallen, lieber meinen GBA mit, allerdings kann es schon oft passieren, dass genau dieses Spiel im Slot steckt. Die unheilmich gute Spielmechanik packt einen unheimlich gut, man kann allerdings auch jederzeit speichern und dann ausschalten.

Wer mehr über die Pokémon Reihe in Erfahrung bringen möchte, kann sich auch gleich die Retro-Perspektive dazu durchlesen. Hier hat Edgar mit mir über die gesamte Pokémon Reihe gechattet und wir konnten neben hilfreichen Details auch einiges an Material und Zusatzwissen bieten.

Hier zur Retro-Perspektive!

Jetzt seid ihr an der Reihe, was sind eure Lieblingsspiele für Handhelds? Wo und wann spielt ihr? Postet eure Geschichten einfach in die Comments!

Sonic the Hedgehog themed Sackboys will be arriving for LittleBigPlanet later this year. As you see above the pack will contain Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles, Tails, Sonic the Werehog and Eggman. Painting Sonic black will give you Shadow too.

They will all be available on the 17th of December. Currently this release date has only be confirmed for Hong Kong but I’ll keep you updated on any information I find.

Intestinal disease genomics and how hedgehogs cause arthritis…

Genetic Clues to ‘Belly Aches’ in Children: The largest genomic investigation into early onset inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) including Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis involved the efforts of an international research team.  In total, genetic information from 3,400 children with IBD and 12,000 healthy children were compared.  This study resulted in the identification of five genetic regions associated with susceptibility to pediatric and adolescent IBD.  The team is now taking a closer look at these regions to try to identify the specific proteins that may explain why or how the disease develops.  Another question that they would like to address is why some individuals develop IBD early whereas others develop it later in life.  Two Toronto researchers, Dr. Anne Griffiths (Sickkids) and Dr. Mark Silverberg (Mount Sinai Hospital), contributed their expertise to the study, which appears in this week’s issue of Nature Genetics.

Colon Cancer Susceptibility Genes: In another intestinal disease research project, scientists noticed that different strains of mice exhibited different levels of resistance or susceptibility to colon cancer induced by a chemical carcinogen.  Using genetic studies, the determining factor was mapped to a specific region in chromosome 3 that they designated as colon cancer susceptibility locus 3 (Ccs3).  Within this region are about 94 known genes and they have identified a subset that are expressed at high levels in the colon.  What is also interesting is that Ccs3 in mice is homologous to regions in human chromosome 1 and 4, which also contain genes known to be associated with inflammatory bowel disease and colorectal cancer.  This mouse model will be a very useful tool for future studies on the pathogenesis of colon cancer.  Dr. Philippe Gros led the research team at McGill University and published the study in the journal Oncogene.

Hedgehogs are Key to Osteoarthritis: An unexpected discovery may hold the key to solving painful osteoarthritic disease.  Elevated expression or activity of a group of proteins called Hedgehog resulted in the development of osteoarthritis in mice.  In simple terms, the balance of this signalling pathway in chondrocyte cells determines whether they go on to make cartilage or bone.  In the animal model of osteoarthritis, Hedgehog levels are high and there is less cartilage being produced from the chrondrocytes.  Obviously, Hedgehog becomes an immediate pharmacologic target for the treatment or prevention of osteoarthritis.  You may find it strange that this study on a disease primarily affecting adults is from The Hospital for Sick Children but it just shows that research is full of surprises and you never know where it may take you!  Dr. Benjamin Alman and his research team reported their study in the online edition of Nature Medicine.

Pathway Signalling Antibody Production: A key signalling pathway required for the efficient production of antibodies was identified recently and verified using knockout mice.  A receptor on T cells called ICOS (Inducible Costimulator) is required for their conversion into a specialized type of T cell called Tfh cells (follicular B helper T cells).  As the name implies, their role is to help B cells make the right antibodies to the target.  Dr. Woong-Kyung Suh’s team at Institut de recherches cliniques de Montréal discovered that ICOS activates an enzyme called phosphoinositide 3-kinase (PI3K), which eventually leads to the release of factors that trigger the formation of Tfh cells.  With this knowledge, researchers may find ways to tweak the system to suppress (in autoimmune disease) or enhance (in infectious disease) antibody production as required.  The study is reported in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Haciendo gala en el primer número de la nueva revista de Bajo Control aparece este pequeño Cómic simplemente titulado “Planes Futuros” – Creo que la ilustración habla por si misma.

Para verla en tamaño completo denle click!

Como esto es una Crónica Vicino, iré más allá de la pura imágen que ven justo arriba de esto. Así que como el conocimiento es de todos, les compartiré un poco del proceso de creación de la imágen. Si no les interesa aprender a ilustrar digitalmente, pueden irse hasta al final y solo dar click al último link donde pueden ver la ilustración en un tamaño mucho más grande en mi página de Deviant Art (y comprarla si les gusto!) ^_^ – Cabe notar que la forma en que lo hago no es ni la única, ni la mejor, pero si la que yo uso, así que a quien le interese, puede partir de ahí y luego adaptar esto a su estilo!

Todo empieza en papel...

Como (casi) toda ilustración, todo comienza en un pedazo de papel, y con un lapiz a la mano. Nunca está de más decir que lo más importante es la idea. Si no tienen la idea, es dificil plasmar algo en el papel, asi que ponganse a hacer notas, vean otras revistas, otros comics y de pronto como por arte de magia mientras estamos en lugares inesperados – !! – Llega la idea, y entonces sí, es hora de plasmarla en el papel.

Escáner + Wacom = Tinta digital!

El siguiente paso, es normalmente entintar las líneas para que estas resalten y la ilustración se vea más limpia. Gracias a la magia de la tecnología, esto se hace puede hacer digitalmente, escaneándo primero la imágen, y luego usando una maravillosa tabla Wacom se entinta todo directamente en Photoshop a mano (al menos en mi caso, con esta ilustración) – El tip #1 es: Entintar en una capa diferente a la de la imagen escaneada y usar la herramienta de “Brush”, en un tamaño de 3 pixeles. Lo demás, es pura práctica. El tip #2 es: en la parte superior de la sección de capas, viene un textito que dice “Lock”, si le dan click al primer recuadrito (que tiene cuadritos blancos y grises), su capa queda “transparente” y pueden cambiar de color cualquier linea con solo pasar el “pincel” encima. Esto es muy útil al final del proceso.

Y se hizo el color!

Una vez entintada nuestra ilustración en una capa nueva, generalmente debajo del entintado, empezamos a poner los colores base de cada cosa. Para que quede mejor, lo hago a mano con el pincel (con un tamaño mucho mayor) y me encargo de que no quede ningun “hueco”, incluyendo el color blanco. Es importante que no queden huecos, porque en el siguiente paso, eso nos va a alivinar la vida enormemente.

Es importante saber la fuente de luz - Para ver las sombras animadas, da click en la imagen -

Una vez teniendo un color base en toda la ilustración, sigue el famoso sombreado. Lo más importante para generar sombras, es SABER de donde viene la luz en la ilustración. Para fines didactico-explicativos, lo señalé literalmente en la ilustración. Teniendo eso en mente, entonces empezamos a sombrear. En este tipo de ilustraciones, y normalmente hago 2 “niveles” de sombra, y no esta de más decir que cada una, tiene su propia capa. El tip #1: Para sombrear con más facilidad, usa la “varita mágica” de photoshop, seleccionando alguno de los colores base, y ya teniéndolo seleccionado, pintando, en la capa correspondiente, la sombra (de este modo no te “sales” del area, ya que esta seleccionada). El tip #2: Para seleccionar los colores de sombra correctos, usa la herramienta de “cuentagotas”, seleccionando el color base, y despues cambiándolo por algún tono mas oscuro en la gama de colores. - Da click en la imágen para ver la colocación de sombrados animados –

Ahora agregamos brillos... - Para ver los brillos animados, da click en la imagen -

El siguiente paso son las luces y brillos, que basicamente, son lo opuesto a las sombras que ya hice. No es algo que se tenga que hacer siempre, pero en este caso, me latio hacerlo y use 2 capas para “brillos” o “luces”, una más brillante que la anterior. La forma de hacerlo es exactamente la misma que las sombras, pero con su obvia distinción. Una vez terminado esto, sigue lo más importante: Los detalles. - Da click en la imágen para ver la colocación de brillos animados -

Los detalles pueden hacer LA diferencia - Para ver los detalles animados, da click en la imagen -

Los detalles son la parte que le dan vida a la ilustración y la hacen ver más allá de un simple dibujo. En realidad no hay mucho que hacer más que practicar para saber donde van, que se ve mejor y como hacerlos. En este caso, lo primero que hice, fueron las luces, que no son más que círculos blancos, con cortes para simular la proyección de la luz, y borradas a mano, con diferentes opacidades de la herramienta de la goma para simular que la luz se hace “menos intensa” según se proyecta. Los letreros no son más que recortes pegados y modificados con la herramienta de “Transformar” y los brillos de los letreros de la pared, son hechos a mano con el pincel blanco a diferentes opacidades. Al final, la nieve, no es mas que usar la herramienta del pincel en diferentes tamaños, y con estilo degradado. Como siempre, mi recomendación, es usar un layer, por cada “detalle”, tal como van apareciendo en la imagen. - Da click en la imágen para ver la colocación de detalles animados -

La versión final...

Para finalizar la imagen, añadí los textos necesarios, el globo de texto y como debe ser, mi firma digital. Si les interesa ver esta ilustración en un tamaño mucho más vistoso, chéquenla en mi perfil de Deviant Art AQUÍ. Un último tip, es que al final se pueden retocar las líneas del entintado, pintándolas de diferentes colores. Por ejemplo las líneas que se cruzaban con las luces del fondo, decidí pintarlas de un color gris/blanco, para que le dieran más intensidad a la luz y pareciera que la orilla se perdía en la luz. Del mismo modo se pueden colorear dichas líneas de cualquier color, siempre y cuando, hayan seleccionado el cuadrito de las opciones que menciono al principio de esto.

¿Qué les parece? – Espero sus comentarios! – Tanto de la ilustración, como de la revista!

So post number three is a hoghedge, or more commonly known as a hedgehog, but whatever.It belongs to my friend Clare, he lives in their garden and eats cat food. We scared him away, I hope he finished his food…..

New image in the repetitive patterns photography contest

Cropped …
Hedgehog photography picture

Dear Reader,

Princess headed off on an adventure earlier this evening, and she decided to drive to this adventure in my car [Amber], on account of how Amber uses less fuel than her station-wagon, and we’re trying to save the planet and all that bullshit.

I went out to wave her off, on account of how we’re close, and fond of each other, and so on and so forth.

We kissed through the open car window with the engine running, and she pulled out into the street. As she changed to second, it occurred to me to ask if i could have a Magnum, the same as she’d had for dessert. You know, on account of how she might be reserving the Magnums [Magna?] for something that i was unaware of.

“Sure, Honey,” she called back, accelerating away, “Have two if you want.” She clutched for the change to third, a good way down the street now. “And make sure you ask Tess for a headjob, too…”

And then she was in third and gone. By fourth she was far too far away for me to check on what i’d heard.

I went back inside the house.

Tess was lying on the couch under the aircon, trying to keep cool in jogging shorts that gaped open at her upper thighs, and a tank top that left her well ventilated. Big Bang was playing on the disk. Sheldon was enjoying the company of Leonard’s mother, the psychoanalyst.

“Tess,” i began, a little uncertainly. “What did you and Princess do today?”

She paused the hilarity. “Princess did a shitload of washing and i helped her hang it out. Why? Is this an OCD thing?”

“No… Did you do anything else?”

She thought about it for a second. “Oh, we made slice.”

“What sort of slice?”

“Hedgehog.”

“Cool. Could i have a Hedgehog, please?”

Awkward moment: averted.

Hedgehog

0.5 cup butter
0.5 cup sugar
3 tbsps cocoa
1 egg (chicken)
250g Marie™ biscuits

Place butter, sugar, and cocoa in a saucepan over low heat. Undo blouse.
Stir occasionally and when sugar is dissolved, remove blouse and take saucepan off heat. Add egg.
Combine with crushed biscuits while unclasping bra. Press mixture into flat tin and remove bra.
When mixture is cool, ice with chocolate icing and cut into squares while jiggling naked breasts.
Variation: 0.75 cup mixed fruit and nuts may be added.

Chocolate icing

1.0 cup icing sugar
2 tbsps grated chocolate or 1 tbsp cocoa
1.5 tbsps water (desalinated)

Sift sugar and put in saucepan with chocolate or cocoa while removing pants.
Add the water and stir till warm, removing undies.
Pour over slice butt naked while doing a little dance.

Allow to set and serve, cowgirl style.

Yours psychoanalytically,
Gullybogan

It’s well known that Sonic the Hedgehog hasn’t aged very well. His recent games have been anywhere from mediocre to absolutely terrible. But I’m not here to talk about those. I’m here to talk about what many consider to be the last of his great games, Sonic Adventure 2.

Another thing I really like about this game is the mission and ranking system. Every level can be revisited to complete 5 different missions. These missions can range from collecting 100 rings to completing the level under a time limit. For every mission you complete you get a letter grade from A to E based on how well (or poorly) you completed your objective. This is a great little system that encourages you to replay the levels in different ways and goes a long way to increase the replay value of the game. Plus, if you get all “A’s” on every mission you unlock the coolest bonus level in the history of mankind.

The game also has a pretty fun multiplayer component where you can, with a friend, either race through the Sonic stages, have a mech shoot out, or be the first to find all the treasure pieces in the Knuckles and Rouge levels. All the modes are pretty fun and they have plenty of power-ups and special attacks to keep things interesting. In the Gamecube version of the game you can even play as extra characters that have different abilities and traits. The multiplayer won’t keep you playing for hours on end but it is still pretty fun.
And last but not least, the Chao garden. If you’re a fan of games like Animal Crossing and Viva Pinata you will love the Chao garden. In the game levels, there are certain keys you can collect to take you to the Chao world. This is a Chao.
Isn’t it adorable? Anyways, you raise these Chao in the Chao Gardens. You can do pretty much whatever you want with them. You can pet them, you can give them objects you collect in the levels to raise their stats and change their appearance, you can partake in Chao minigames and, if you’re particularly sadistic, you can attack them and throw them against the wall. They integrated so many different things into the Chao Garden it’s almost strong enough to stand out on it’s own! For something that seems so simple on the surface, it’s actually quite complex. Your Chao will change and even die depending on what you give and do to them. There are 2 minigames you can play with your Chao. Chao Race and Chao Karate. Neither of them require that much input from the player. But in Chao Karate you get to see your Chao kick the crap out of another poor soul’s Chao. That’s awesome. Overall, the Chao Garden goes a long way to add replay value to the game. I found myself in the Chao Garden more than I was playing the actual game!

Despite the quality of Sonic and Shadow’s stages. They unfortunately compose only 1/3 of the main game. The shooting stages are pretty dull. They’re uninspired and usually consist of you walking forward while pressing the B button a lot. The treasure hunting stages fare a little better, but not much. A lot of the time you’ll simply be gliding around the level 100 times waiting for your radar to blink. And I wouldn’t really mind this if it was like the original Sonic Adventure where you can pick and choose who’s levels you wanted to play. But they’re unfortunately all grouped into 2 big stories here. The game controls fine, but the camera is another story. The camera isn’t really a problem in Sonic’s pr Tails’ since it’s pretty dynamic and changes with the level. So you don’t have to worry about it much. But in Knuckles’ stages where you have to explore, that’s a different story. Check out the Dreamcast controller.
Notice something about it? It only has one stick. Which means that the camera is controlled by the triggers. The system is awkward to control and the camera will often get stuck behind walls and glitch out. It’s incredibly annoying. You’d think they would have fixed it in the Gamecube port. Nope, it’s still the same. I also noticed in Sonic’s levels the homing attack doesn’t always work. It misses it’s target a little too often and really becomes a problem at some tricky parts later on where you’re doing several homing attacks over a bottemless pit. Other random glitches happen as well, although it’s not as bad as Sonic 06, you’re likely to run into a few by the time you finish the game.

Sonic’s second 3D adventure is a good game, but it certainly has its flaws. If there were more Sonic and Shadow stages and they had some more time to nail the camera glitches the game could’ve been even better. Still, the Sonic stages that do exist are fun and the Chao Garden is excellent. So this and Sonic Adventure are probably the only recent Sonic games I would recommend to anybody. Sega would do well to look at what worked and what didn’t work in this game and use that knowledge to make the next Sonic game better, but they don’t seem to want to do that.

New image in the camouflage photography contest

the one I met in the forest near the place I live …
hedgehog photography picture

He’s finally in the shop – http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33614880

We spent the lovely sunny afternoon today visiting one of Ezra’s old workmates and his family. Sitting about in the garden eating lots of delightful food, meeting the pet bunny and cats. A very nice way to spend an afternoon!

WARNING: Some readers may find some content offensive.

Todays topic, my lovelys, is inappropriateness where children are concerned. I have three examples that i have come across in the past few days that are representative of this. If anything they are bloody funny…

Number one: Today i got back from uni, and with my to do list bleeding guilt at me every time i looked at it, i just couldnt be arsed. So like all good people i watched a good hour of The Wild Thornberrys. Fundimently this is a childs program, it’s a cartoon to educate small children of different types of animals and their living habits and the importance of conservation, right? I’d say it was for an average age of ten-year olds? What i was doing watching it is not relevent at this time. So Eliza met a lioness that wanted to eat her. Woah! To much already. She says to the lioness she would help them hunt instead of be hunted and the lioness says ok, it will be easy as soon as you pierce the skin, rip it open and gnaw at the jugular!! Ok, maybe not the jugular bit. But still. Not content with filling children’s minds with some sort of wildebeest massacre, the lioness then goes on to say, ‘Spunk’. No explanation… just spunk. Was this some sort of question, was she offering a tasty appetizer to Eliza before they set out on their murder spree? I hope to god it wasnt fresh.

Number 2: I read somewhere a school teacher asked a student, no older than five, “Why do earthworms need the soil?” The kid answered, “He needs it for privacy, because he is always naked.” Now, Who told this child this?? Was it the family’s kooky uncle, did he demonstrate with his little naked earthworm? Have i gone to far? haha…

Number 3: Picture the scene, Tor and i ditch uni, we skip merrily to the train station, for today we were going to the zoo for a day of fun, animals and innocence. Along comes Hans my Hedgehog. Tor and I got on the train and we found a book of fairytales, children’s fairytales. The story is first of all about a child that is born, from human parents, who was upper half hedgehog and lower part human. Wait, What?? How the fuck did that happen?? What is wrong with this woman, Hans real farther must have been a hedgehog, i am not even gonna mention the size difference. Sadly, it gets worse.

Here are a few of the worst extracts from the story;

“…His mother could not nurse him because she might get stuck with his quills. So he lay behind the stove for 8 years, and eventually his farther grew tired of him and wished he might die, but he did not die. He just kept lying there.”

Wow. Thats a bit hard-hitting isnt it? 8 whole years? Bloody hell. Where were child services? His own farther wanted him dead! Surely he should be on the at risk register at least???

“One day there was a fair in town, and the farmer asked his son, Hans my Hedgehog, what he would like to have. “Father,” he said, “Just bring me some bagpipes.”

What? From a farmers market? WHAT?

“Hans my Hedgehog had his rooster shooed, and he mounted it, as if it was a horse and rode away to never come back, with only some donkeys and pigs with him.”

Wait…  A shooed rooster???
I’d like to say that the story was just a mess of wierd shit like this, but it’s about to take a sinister turn.

“Hans My Hedgehog mounted his rooster, drove the pigs ahead of him into the village and ordered the slaughtering to begin. Whew! There was such chopping and butchering that the noise could be heard for miles around.”

Right. Ok, so this is obviously not a fairytale for young children, and defiantly not a bedtime story. What the fuck do you do when your child wakes you during the night crying because the pigs wont stop whimpering?!

“Then they said goodbye and drove away, and the king thought that would be the last he would ever see of his daughter. When they had gone a little way, Hans my Hedgehog took of her beautiful clothes and stuck her with his quills untill she was covered with blood.
“This is what you get for being so deceitful!” he said.”

RAPE? Hedgehog rape in a childs fairytale??? I wouldnt have been surprised if he had spat in her face and started calling her a slut, while quilling her.

It ends with him marrying a princess (not the one he so viciously raped) and he rips his skin off and burns it in a fire and becomes a handsome young man. So, a more sexually violent and brutal version of Beauty and the Beast then.

As a treat, because i know after reading this you have probably fell in love with Mr. Hans, here is a lovely picture of him. Right click and save…..
(Please note, the look of sheer distress on the Roosters face. He has seen things a rooster should never see. Ha. Says it all really.)

Jag påstår att jag inte kan gråta. Och det kan jag oftast inte. Men så finns det tillfällen när jag blir så glad att det börjar sticka i näsan och ögonen tåras. Som idag när jag (likt varje dag) läser vilsnafarsans blogg: jag tror att det handlar om mig, och det är så fint och jag blir så stolt att jag fäller en liten tår.

Många undrar hur man kan lämna ut sig till gud och hela världen på en blogg och då kan jag bara säga att gud bör väl veta det mesta redan och resten av världen tror jag inte har ett dugg intresse av mig och det jag skriver.

Sen finns det andra som man kan beröra, som känner igen sig, som skrattar och upprörs av samma saker och som man hittar ett speciellt band till. Vilsnafarsan är just en sådan, liksom fina Vick2ria, Mazarintanten, franska Sara och tagg-Sara med flera fina andra. Utan bloggen hade jag nog aldrig kommit i kontakt med dem och det, det hade varit en verklig förlust!

Today I brought ZuZu downstairs for the first time after school (usually she’s asleep at this time.) I wanted to watch TV and hold her while I was on the couch. I expected her ball up and that’s exactly what happened.  I played with her a little and did my homework and some of my math workbook and I answered a comment on my blog.

I’ve had ZuZu for 3 weeks now. I’m feeling that she’s getting to be part of the family now.  She’s getting used to her cage, downstairs, my room, and the bathtub. She doesn’t ball up that much anymore which means she’s getting more and more used to the hand that’s coming toward her and scooping her up.

I introduced ZuZu to the dog and the cats, but I kept her at a safe distant because the Lucy, the white cat, might swat, or Grayson, the gray cat, might try to paw at her. Reba, the dog, loved ZuZu the minute she met her. Lucy was sleeping on my bed yesterday while ZuZu was in her cage. Grayson just jumped up on my desk.

[Click to embiggen!]

Well, the painting I mentioned all the way back at the start of September is finally ready to have photos taken and be put into the shop! Hopefully I’ll manage that before another month flies by….

I found a spider had spun “Lenny Henry is hilarious” across my doorway. I got stuck in it. Trapped in a web of lies.

My mate called his ex a snake. To be fair, he was complimenting her on her ability to dislocate her jaw.

The 3 Wise Men brought gold, frankincense, & myrrh. To be polite. Before shuffling off saying “To be honest, we’re with Dawkins. We are wise men after all.”

And Jesus said “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”, before someone else shouted “You’re just trying to queue jump!”

My girlfriend had an infection but I still went down on her. I’m Scottish. We’ll eat anything with batter on it.

I was in a boxing match with a hedgehog. He won on points.

Postal strike. Like a nuclear strike, but taking up to 5 working days for the deadly payload to be delivered.

Griffin says KKK leader “almost totally non-violent”. In much the same way that Peter Sutcliffe left over 99.9% of world’s female population unharmed.

Susan Boyle was at Celtic Park for the Hamburg game. Mowbray trying in vain to show McGeady that ugly people can produce beautiful performances?

Susan Boyle’s 1st sighting at Celtic Park on Thursday. Coincidence it’s when she was told there’d be 2000 Hamburgers there?

Morton FC admit red away kit turns pink in the wash. Polite of the club to pretend residents of Greenock wash their clothes.

British Army v Taleban. Next month is a good chance to settle things without fighting. Whoever sells most poppies is the winner.

New research claims Lenin died of Syphilis caught from a Paris hooker. Killed by capitalism.

Nick Griffin says Churchill would join the BNP. If an insurance-selling cartoon dog is the best he can come up with…

When asked about Griffin’s comments, Churchill replied “Oh no, no, no, no…”

Sarkozy’s son withdraws from application to be head of £100m a year public agency over claims of nepotism. And to let Carla apply instead.

Lil Wayne has been charged with “attempted weapon possession”. Which does sound like he tried to pick up a gun but dropped it.

New study says cheese helps you lose weight. True. Joe Pasquale’s act gives me the boak.

A 23stone mum has had her 6 kids taken into care as they’re all obese. At least she’s not battering them. And serving them with chips.

Home Office employees are having a sports day. Their relay’s a bit different, they don’t pass a baton. They pass the buck.

New US embassy in Iraq’s turns out to have rigged up the air conditioning pipes to the sewage system. Not the biggest surprise to hear the words America, Iraq, and “shit hitting the fan” going together.

Sven’s had 30 mirrors put up in his new Nottingham flat. He’s such a shagger it’s now hard to say whether him or Ikea are a better example of Swedes providing easy bedding options.

Thankfully when my Ryanair flight ran into difficulties there were lifejackets available. Unfortunately I didn’t have £1 on me to buy one…

McDonalds are opening dual-lane drive-thrus in the UK. They’re now so involved in road construction they’ll soon be getting bypasses. Like their customers.

The UK now has 1400 branches of Greggs. Driving a steak bake through the nation’s hearts.

If you’d like to pass on any of my gags, I’m happy for that to happen, but could you please mention me, my blog, or my twitter in doing so? I post these up for free so I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Please don’t post them to any gag compilation websites though. Thanks.

You can see me on Thursday 29th of October headlining Hootenanny’s in St Enoch Square, Glasgow. You can also hear me on BBC Radio Scotland on Friday 30th of October 11.10am-11.30am.

Teddy x

This guy’s style caught my eye as I was out a’strolling this afternoon.