An ultra-pasteurized blend of cream, skim milk …

that night, alone on the kitchen tiles,
all product gone, I sucked the white nozzle -
astonished by the rush: I giggled; this is
where clouds grow, I thought,
and dropped the can – cream’s secret life shown.
Blood sang like bugs in my ears and crotch.
It passed quicker than a shadow on the sun,
and I was back – fridge still humming
the same bass note – tins of beans still sleeping in rows -

… sugar, corn syrup …

so I did it again,
re-entered this ozone of fluttered lids,
home of all things too fleeting to catch:
a lost friend’s face, churchbells,
butter smells of forgotten recipes -
a chord from a song I forgot to record
or remember the name of; drops falling from reeds.
I breathed in all that blows over a grass field and leaves -

… whey, mono- and di-glycerides …

All discoveries happened like that.
Everything that was innocent still is innocent:
orgasm before it had a name;
the tiered clouds on my sundae as I twirled
on a stool, toothless, watching the ceiling spin.
I licked cream from my fingers, plucked the too-red cherry—

… natural and artificial flavors, carragheenan …

and still nothing’s changed: the same clouds float past the
sun – the cream on my sundae the same whipped cream -
Uncover the switch, decode the treasure.
Then hide it – a jewel zipped in your cheek.

… hush.

© Sarah Noack 1995

Excerpts from GLOBAL WARMING IS A MYTH

IS CARBON DI OXIDE THE VILLAIN?

Such terms as carbon credit find a place in newspapers almost daily. I don’t know what is all this about. To me CO₂ sustains life on earth. Has the level of CO₂ in the atmosphere gone up? Has it been proved experimentally?

 Before Industrialization

The whole of America and most of the old world were inhabited by a comparatively small population, a majority of whom depended upon meat and fish. Farming depended entirely on rain water as big dams were unknown. The grasslands of America and Australia didn’t produce food grains. Coal and other fossil fuels were not commercially exploited. In those days we may presume that a proper balance existed between CO₂ and other ingredients of the air like N₂ and O₂ in spite of forest fires, the like of which we witnessed in California recently.

After Industrialization

Commercial exploitation of coal began first followed by oil and natural gas, resulting in increase in the level of CO₂ in the atmosphere. Simultaneously two other developments followed: increase in population (both human and animal) and corresponding growth in food grains production. Big dams were constructed and more and more areas of land were brought under cultivation. Mechanization and the use of artificial fertilizers made leaps and bounds in production of food grains, fruits and other commercial crops. The Prairies of North America became the granary of the world. Compared to grass, food grains and sugar fix a large quantity of CO₂. The major items responsible for such CO₂ fixation are:

1. food grains like wheat, corn, rice, oats, soybean etc
2. underground vegetables like potato, tapioca, beetroot etc
3. fruits like apple, grapes, banana, dates, cherry, pineapple etc
4. sugarcane etc

Experts can calculate the total quantity of CO₂ produced by industry and that absorbed by vegetation as mentioned above and the marine vegetation in order to find out whether the net balance is favoring CO₂ concentration in the air. An easier way would be to experimentally ascertain the percentage of CO₂ in the atmospheric air (being heavier than air CO₂ is available near the surface of the earth). If CO₂ level increases O₂ level should decrease. In my childhood (I am 70+) O₂ level was 20% as mentioned in my text book. Has it changed? An atom of carbon combines with two atoms of oxygen to form CO₂ which is absorbed by the leaves of the plant to form starch. In the process two atoms of oxygen are released into the atmosphere. We may say that each carbon atom burnt ultimately results in the release of two atoms of oxygen, thus resulting in increase in the level of O₂. Level of CO₂ dissolved in the ocean water should also be checked. If this level increases, fishes would die en mass. Has this happened? If the level of CO₂ dissolved in ocean waters decreases, plant life in the ocean cannot produce enough starch by photosynthesis. This will be a hazard for fishes and other marine life.

The volume of animal and hence plant life in the oceans is much more than that on the continents. This is because the area of the oceans is seven times the area of the continents. Also, the oceans are deep. Hence the volume of water is very much more and can contain a large population of marine life. The necessary starch has to come from plant life. So, the total bio mass in the oceans is considerably higher than that in the continent. The carbon di oxideàPlant starchàAnimalsàCarbon di oxide cycle is there in the watery medium, just as in our atmosphere. All the gases, including nitrogen, will be present in dissolved state in the oceans too. Here industrialization has not affected the ‘atmosphere’ of the ocean. This fact has to be recognized in any discussion on Global Warming.

[The percentage of various components of atmospheric air as obtained from the websites is given below:

Nitrogen 78.1

Oxygen 20.9

Argon 0.9

Neon 0.002

Helium 0.0005

Krypton 0.0001

Hydrogen 0.00005

Carbon di oxide 0.035!!!!!!!! (Poor, innocent CO2 has been maligned unnecessarily)

Methane 0.0002

Ozone 0.000004

This would suggest that the percentage of oxygen has slightly increased. If this is true it augers ill, as forest fires may become uncontrollable with increase in the level of oxygen in the coming years. Therefore, this line should be investigated separately by experts. My guess is that with unchecked use of nitrogenous fertilizers, the total bio mass in the earth could have increased. The requisite extra nitrogen must have been drawn from the atmosphere along with CO₂ releasing extra oxygen into the atmosphere as pointed out above.]

The importance of proper scientific study cannot be over emphasized. Mother Nature maintains her balance, whatever her children may do!

“The Vengeance Formulation”

November 23rd, 2009

Last week, the show chose to split its story between something that works (Sheldon and Penny) and something that doesn’t (Leonard, Wolowitz and Raj on their own), resulting in an episode that was a mixed bag (although perhaps a bit better than I gave it credit for, as my distaste for the latter perhaps overshadowed the strength of the former).

This week, however, the show returns to more of an ensemble structure, and while nothing reaches the heights of adhesive ducks it’s a solid episode as a whole because it manages a reasonably emotional Wolowitz storyline with a cheap but not ineffective Sheldon storyline. There was every chance for these two elements to go off the rails (based on both the show’s tradition of misusing Wolowitz and the presence of Kripke), so the fact that they stayed moderately in orbit makes this a victory, if not exactly an overwhelming success.

When it comes to Wolowitz, I strongly believe that less is more, unless the show decides to do what they did here and turn Wolowitz from obnoxious to introspective. While interacting with a fantasy version of Katee Sackhoff isn’t genius or anything, it allows Wolowitz to stop acting like he runs the joint and actually come to terms with his delusions. The naked bathtub fantasy version of Katee Sackhoff spoke the truth, and while there were signs of the old Wolowitz (feeling more slighted by the fact that Sackhoff’s date was tall as opposed to handsome, since he actually believes he is handsome) for the most part he was honest with himself. Sure, he messes up his romantic overtures to Bernadette, but he was legitimately charming during his tone deaf wailing at episode’s end, and the fact that Howard was given any continuity at all in terms of a relationship is such a huge step forward that I think it’s commendable.

It also shows how even Howard, who to this point one couldn’t imagine in a relationship, is effectively getting the relationship stories that Leonard has been given in the past, except ones that are actually funny. While Sheldon in a relationship might be too ludicrous, and Raj in a relationship has been made impossible by the alcohol gimmick, Howard and Leonard are both effectively eligible, but the show has always resisted treating Howard seriously (by having his actual skills be so outmatched by his capability), sending him off to gothic night clubs and moving him away from legitimate couplings. However, while Leonard’s relationships tended to be neurotic and sort of dull, Howard’s relationship is (to use his own word) quirky in a way that adds a fun dynamic to the show. Sure, I’m not a huge fan of his relationship with his shrill mother, and I could have used less talk about what he was doing in the tub, but for once the show didn’t actually treat him like a horny 15-year old, and for this I was most grateful and certainly entertained.

As for the other half of the episode, it really comes down to how funny you find someone talking in a high-pitched voice and how you feel about Eric Kripke. Twitter user SnowDan mentioned that he likes Kripke because it’s ironic that the university bully has a lisp (which would, outside of that world, make him subject to bullying), but I’ve always felt like that joke has been long ago used up in favour of dialogue that calls attention to the lisp unnecessarily. The idea of Sheldon having a nemesis is funny on its own, which is why Leslie Winkle was more interesting to me (especially because the gender politics of it all wreaked havoc with Sheldon’s already problematic ability to respond in kind) than someone both more dully mean-spirited and less witty. Beyond the broad irony, that for me was not clever enough to sustain the character beyond a first appearance, the character is a normal guy who has a lisp, and most of the humour derived from the character has been through how he says it rather than what he says.

But I thought that this week’s story was less let down by Kripke (who on only a few occasions fell into traps like “Wiot”) and more by a single decision. I like the general principle of the storyline, with Sheldon’s big moment turning into an embarrassment and his attempt at vengeance going horribly, horribly wrong. There’s something very solid about that, and even when I know that we’re never going to get to see the aftermath (since everything will, conveniently for Sheldon, reset next week) the uncontrollable chaos of the final sequence was even communicated through webcam. However, where the storyline suffered was that the joke of Sheldon and his high-pitched voice didn’t appear to actually be Jim Parsons with helium, nor Jim Parsons faking such a voice. Unless I’m mistaken, the voice was looped in during post-production, which if true is a huge disappointment, and took me out of the scene regardless.

There were a number of things in this episode that bugged me a bit, like how the other guys so quickly joined in on laughing at Sheldon on the radio (as it was national radio, after all), or how Raj was too busy making fun of Sheldon to help Leonard try to get him out of bed, or how Penny’s self-awareness about her relationship with Leonard didn’t extend to her realizing that they have no actual chemistry and that sitting in close proximity to each other does not a relationship make. But none of these elements felt like they were the point of their respective storylines: Sheldon’s embarrassment was necessary to get to his vengeance gone awry, and Penny needed to be aware of her own relationship so she could objectively view Wolowitz’s and be able to ward off Bernadette.

And those two storylines worked, coming to solid conclusions that were either narratively satisfying or humorously destructive. They didn’t offer any particular comic highs, but they didn’t offend any of my sensibilities either, so I can’t really complain.

Cultural Observations

• Katee Sackhoff in the tub makes me realize that some part of me feels obligated to watch 24 this season with her being part of the cast.
• It says something about the show’s conditioning to not bother remembering things from previous episodes that it took me a while to figure out if Bernadette was actually the person on whom Wolowitz went on a double date a while back. However, I’ll give them this: her trait of not getting Wolowitz’s jokes was memorable enough that I was at least 75% sure.
• While some small moments bugged me, I thought Sheldon nailing the whoopie cushion gag on Leonard really did prove its comic validity.
• And just in case we weren’t sure, apparently Raj is delicious caramel.
• If Sepinwall writes a review, I think “as soon as I play Cylon and Colonist” seems like the obvious “after the jump” line. We’ll see if I’m right.

Chip Chantry conducts this week's interview.

This week, Chip Chantry was kind enough to conduct an interview for our blog.  While the name Chip Chantry is most likely very familiar to any Helium fan, Bing Supernova may not be as recognizable.  Making appearances at Helium’s Tuesday Night Open Mic Extravaganza and shows throughout Philadelphia, Bing has started to earn a cult following.  In the following interview, Chip attempts to find out about Bing’s background and work in show business.

If you enjoy this interview (which I’m sure you will), be sure to check out Chip’s MySpace page or follow him on Twitter.  Bing Supernova can also be found on Twitter.

Bing Supernova

COMEDY LEGEND: This term elicits names as Hope, Bruce, Carlin, Pryor, Cable Guy, and Seinfeld. But in the world of comedy, there are other distinguished individuals who may not be a household name, yet possess a body of work so extensive, so exquisite, that the word “legend” surely applies.

Merely a local Philadelphia comedian with only a few years experience, I was honored to have the opportunity to sit down with a man who has, in fact, risen to legendary cult status in the comedy community. The following is a rare glimpse into the life of comedy legend, BING SUPERNOVA.

I told Mr. Supernova that we could meet at the restaurant of his choosing for the interview. He chose the lunch stand on the corner of Broad and Race. Mr. Armanjani, owner and operator, was kind enough to let Mr. Supernova and I cram into the aluminum trailer, pull up two milk crates, and get down to business.

CHIP CHANTRY: How did you get your start in show business?

BING SUPERNOVA: (As he reached for a powdered donut wrapped in cellophane while Mr. Armanjani wasn’t looking) I was drawn to the stage while attending Harvard University in the late 1960’s. My roommate, future Vice President Al Gore, encouraged me to act. Already a football star at Harvard, I decided to give it a go. I relocated to New York , and the rest is history.

CC: That wasn’t you. You just described actor Tommy Lee Jones.

BS: You have done your homework, young man. You’ve passed my test. NEXT QUESTION.

CC: OK… Onstage, you have a very commanding presence. But you never smile; in fact it looks almost as if you are not enjoying yourself up there.

BS: (after a few moments of silence). Oh, I’m sorry. Is there a question involved? Because I DO NOT ANSWER STATEMENTS.

CC: My apologies, sir. Do you enjoy yourself while onstage?

BS: Quite honestly, my boy, no. I do not find any of my “jokes” humorous. (Mr. Armanjani angrily grabbed the donut out of Bing’s hand. Bing defiantly licked his fingers). But for some reason, the imbeciles in this town find me hilarious. I merely state fact, and the masses laugh hysterically. Sheep!

CC: Well, then what DO you find funny?

BS: On summer days, I drive around in an old ice cream truck. Children hear me and come running. The little devils then order from the menu. I take their money, and instead of serving them their treats, I hand them a piece of paper that reveals the truth about Santa Claus. The looks on their faces are simply hilarious. I also greatly enjoy the 2nd season of Who’s The Boss. That Jonathan is quite a pip!

CC: Were you inspired from a young age to pursue a career in show business?

BS: Yes. As a young man, I would watch the film The Wizard of Oz over and over again. I would even recreate scenes with my sisters in our basement. My favorite scene was when Joan Wilder first meets Jack Colton in the Columbian Jungle.

CC: Excuse me?

BS: Yes, you remember- Joan’s bus breaks down, as she is heading to Cartagena to find her sister who has been kidnapped by Columbian drug dealers.

CC: That’s not the The Wizard of Oz. That’s the plot to the movie Romancing the Stone.

BS: It certainly is not! It’s the classic children’s story of a young girl named Dorothy, played superbly by the talented Kathleen Turner, who lands in a strange-

CC: No. Kathleen Turner is in Romancing the Stone. With Michael Douglas. Judy Garland was in The Wizard of Oz.

BS: You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. The Wizard of Oz stars Kathleen Turner who, while in a strange land, befriends Michael Douglas, and they meet a munchkin played by Danny DeVito. At the end, the Wicked Witch has her hand bitten off by an alligator.

CC: If you say so. So, let’s-

BS: Was that sarcasm?

CC: What? No. I was just say-

BS: I was just saying-

CC: Let’s just move-

BS: Let’s just move on.

CC: Are you mimicking m-

BS: Are you mimicking me?

CC: Are you seri-

BS: Are you serious?

(We stared at each other, for what seemed like an eternity.)

BS: NEXT QUESTION.

CC: Fine. You are an actor as well as a standup comedian. If you could work with any comedic actor or actress, who would it be?

BS: It is my goal to someday work with the talented John Ritter. His brand of physical comedy is like none other. I have actually written a one-act play with he and I in mind. It’s an up-to-date Odd Couple meets Rent.

CC: You are aware that John Ritter passed away, right?

BS: What?

CC: Yes. He died in 2003. Here- look. (I showed him Ritter’s Wikipedia page on my iPhone).

BS: Surely this is some sort of… cruel joke. I… I… CURSES!!!!! ARRGGHH!!!

(At this point, Mr. Supernova, in a blind rage, leapt up and began tearing the lunch wagon apart. Mr. Armanjani, covered in ketchup and pieces of omelette, forced the two of us out of the trailer, while screaming something in his native language. Mr. Supernova was screaming back, also in a foreign tongue. The two men had a heated discussion, and then Mr. Supernova ran off.)

I caught up with him about a week later, in the front lounge at Helium Comedy Club.

CC: Do you have any regrets about your career?

BS: For six years, I only spoke in haiku form. What a waste. Oh, and I did a short time for involuntary manslaughter. I’ll never be able to look at a Christmas tree the same way again.

CC: If you could give some sound advice to the young comedians reading this, what would it be?

BS: One word: HYDRATION. Also, empty out a small tube of toothpaste. Refill the tube with cookie dough. Then tuck it into your sock. You’d be amazed at how many times this can get you out of a jam.

CC: Well, thank you Mr. Supernova. It’s been-

BS: And remember! Stop by the Hydrogen Comedy Club soon to witness Bing Supernova onstage! Can we take a caller?

CC: We’re not on the radio, sir.

for Sandesh

Blizzard in a doorframe—
parked car,
the hush of white snowdrifts.
I found you in the Yellow Pages,
“Massage therapists.”
“Come on in,” you said.
In your eyes were moss,
rain,
forgotten ancestors —
a shared Tatar slant in our smiles.
“You were in such a rush!” you laughed later,
after the snow had melted.

I knew you’d be my friend,
but never that you’d stay so long
or were so old —
mehendi ghosts from ancient weddings
forgotten at birth,
faded frescoes of last suppers —
too many lives, loves foolishly spent,
white outlines of loss tracing our embrace:
the more I know of you,
the deeper I find my silence goes.

One moment, an eyeblink later
rain was falling,
whispers in a womb—
pre-dawn grey, spring, fragrance of lilacs—
your arm around me in sleep.
Painful peace,
fulfillment so fragile—
these moments laced finely with spider’s silk,
those times we connected.
Life is short:
the next morning,
a kiss at the train,
a flash of copper, your car slipping onto the horizon.

That was just our greeting.
Another eyeblink, hot August night —
3am in my kitchen, mango peels everywhere.
“Let’s take a walk,” you said,
“I hate being inside!”
Holding my hand, you rushed me to a hilltop,
where we sat, out of breath on a rock,
touching heartbeats in silence.
For once, I felt our dance stop.
A white flower opened,
too perfect for words,
for lust,
for tears.

When you cross oceans, nothing changes —
my tea still boils, lovers come and go.
You live so easily inside me,
a ghost in my cochlea,
whispering guileless mischief, and outside —
thunder in summer after a drought,
a nude prayer in rain.
You’re embedded so deep in my code —
constant, invisible, holding my hand.
How could I long for you, then?

Still,
your passion breaks my silence —
cracked shells of little white lies beside me,
my heart opens —
each time
emerging, trembling, a wet-winged nymph.
You stop me in my tracks,
incense me.
We bicker on bandwith like children.
We coax each other’s tears, then lick each other’s wounds,
bitch like sisters, too alike;
mooning about mangoes and sex,
raves and austerity —
stretching the edges of experience, restless.
You know we’ll never settle down.
When we’re old,
our hair white like falling snow,
you’ll still hold my hand, help me from my chair —
no matter who’s beside us.
I love this knowing.
After lifetimes of misspent love, we’re here,
past guise, karma, beyond color’s prism —
in this white eclipse of light, and still young.
We have this whole gift of a life to watch each other grow —
love, breed,
mourn, wizen.
We hug shadows, exchanging rays —
two bright holes in the dense cloth of matter.

All I can say is this.
Little brother, mother, guru, fool —
cultivate your white flower,
because it’s become so precious to me.
It lives in my garden now.

All I can say is this:
We’re not islands,
but clouds —
two empty dreams,
drifting and merging in silence.

© Sarah Noack 1998

In amber follicles, love grows—

silent, spun like syrup under skin.

A street calls rain. Lilacs shiver.

Droplets punctuate the brick
in concentric ripples;

clouds of rose quartz
embrace grey sky. 

It’s May, late: the game is over.

The sky opens. Puddles play,

finally alive—the follicles ripen,

pale skeins of dreams

unfolding in streams behind me,

a trail of crumbs
to carry my heart back home.



The dogwood sighs,

releasing a carpet of stars.

Everything falls.
Broken petals leak nectar;

worms languish in water.

I breathe in pink—
my chest tightens.



Nothing pink can last;

I can’t hold this moment

between living and dying,

when the earth overflows

and falls inside me

like a secret hope. 

Hair wet, I walk to class late—
I’ll say it was the rain.

© Sarah Noack 2006

pace me pace me,
watch where my feet fall
one after another and holding hands
skip me over the cracks where I could so easily fall into
superstitious avarice; the world is long,
and jellyfish memories fondle the space
between two faces that see
and tongues that feed pearls to ears
and search ardently love and we are eternal and forever intact—
allow so me to unwrap your infinite layers
with grace and tact, youth upon age
upon layers of why and wonder, cautious
giving, gentle trespass, forgiving and giving into
word to write or song to sing—
this thing that leaves my voice
slipping through me too fast to catch
like ash from my fingers like minnows ticklish insights silent
stealth, double helix and fireworks alight a beach,
passion’s unzipped thieving—

Patience! Call me back—
pace me, pace me:
this is no race.
I only have myself to give,
and if I lose that, I am no longer valuable
to you, to me or the world
and I’d run too fast,
breaking pink shells
with my indelicate feet,
losing everything we’ve made
from the pourcelain of our speech—

I don’t want devour and dive and feed,
but this freeze-frame stop-action regard
of worth and wow:
a slideshow of stations
to pull and emote at will,
remember in star-years.
Change in my pocket,
wind on my hair,
these fine small things of You and Me:
how your lashes flutter my cheek
like the wingbeats of birds,
how touch cheeks lunar and shadows
and the webs of crossed fingers
lingering on texture and tremble
and the lichen scent of your hair,
pink conchshells of your ears.
Story my tongue with ocean waves,
wordless lyrics of your lips—
wriggling newts in the smallness of your ribs
exhaling, inhale me—

ah, pace me, pace me!
I’ve stolen the spaces
where your lips fell silent.
Each room of your house
is a secret country
in which I am guest
and you are ambassador:
and I’m in no hurry
to get back to the hotel
and ignorant sleep, nor am I
after conquest
of palace and grail
for your soul is a holy dham
and I, its diligent pilgrim
all footsore and a grinning and
diligently circumambulating the contours
of your temple, scrubbing floors and washing feet
looking in closets and drawers,
offering light from my irises
for you to cherish in silence—
an inner wilderness too precious to discuss
or plunder

Let this be art and not taking,
love and not making
you into me, and me into you:
when the work of like souls
unfolds truly, worlds stop turning,
hell itself stops burning to let
this grace manifest:
a planting and harvest,
invest of love’s toil,
worshipping elements
that ache your soil,
blossom the bruise-blue heart:
sun, wind, sky, skin, high
above the angels do the same—
converging in tangled glory,
rending the fabric of one
and braiding the silver filaments of twin intent
that cause the world to continue—

and in a morning with no night they awaken,
watching us talk from each others’ arms
as the moon leaves
and the ocean sleeps
in waves beneath the alchemy of our speech.

© Sarah Noack 2006

I thought I could just let you go,
but now I know
how the wind itself remembers
this silver thread
connecting you
to me

eternally—

you never needed shelter
and I never detained you
in your flight to the stars,
yet here you are—
following me like the tethered moon
across the pale blue morning.

you are pure helium,
floating and drifting
along the glittering edge
of akasha,
playing in treetops of my highest canopy
where rare birds nest,
whose feet evolved
in spiderweb delicacy
from lack of contact
with the earth—

you are the guardian
of my breath,
home of my laughter,
resting-place of my secrets—

and because of this,
you will always follow me:

I who grasp the thread,

because you ask this of me.

Have you mistaken me for the star
you were programmed to seek?

Each time I release you,
you keep returning
with stories of heaven
for which you show no awe—

forsaking its splendors
for the earthly warmth of my hand.

© Sarah Noack 2008

They began as simple toys. Helium balloons that where slightly larger than normal ones and which used a thin metal instead of plastic or rubber of any kind. Over time the balloons became larger and more complicated. Soon any Hindenburg-esque fears of gas filled airships were put aside. The children rose up against there adult masters and 100 years of steampunk pirate tyranny ensued.

Name: Jarno Maaniemi

Age: 22

Born: Jyväskylä

Been in Porvoo since 2009

Started school 1/2009 at BUFFE and restarted at LIIPO  8/2009

I quested to HAAGA-HELIA end of summer 2008 outside of official applying time.  It was quite comical situation. I was working at a golf club in Muurame and my parents really wanted me to apply to a school.

We had quiet day and I tried finding if there is still a school place open, because it found out that all the exams for year 2008 had already been arranged. So I was late and badly late.

I typed into google search something like ‘liiketalous haku’ and first link was to HAAGA-HELIA website and it said that there had not been enough applicant to swedish line of business studies. It was also that the second exams had also been arranged like week or two ago.

Well, I decided to try my luck and called to Point-house and asked for free spot. They replied to me “actually we still have few places for swedish studies, is that something you might be interested?”, I freeze. “Ummm… I don’t speak sw… yeah, I’m interested.. when is the exam?” and they reply “we can arrange to end of this week”. It was Tuesday that day, I think. I end discussion, “Okay, let’s do that!”. And think to myself, what the f*** did I just do???

After few days, I drove from Jyväskylä to Porvoo and the exam time was set to nine. I wake up 3.30 am and drive down here for 3 straight hours. It was said to that I need 5 points out of the exam to get into the school.

There was absolutely zero guarantee for my passing or getting any points. My swedish was really rusty that time and still is. I managed to get total of 9 points of the exam. 4/5 of english excercise and few points of a swedish essay, which I by the way copied straight from the small text that was given there to write from.

After the exam it was time for the interview part of the exams. Oh man! This lovely lady talk swedish to me for about 10 minutes and to be honest… I didn’t understand a sh*t of that. My eyes was popped fully out and mouth wide open ears shut. I just kept saying, ja ja ja ja, which means yes yes yes.  In the end she asked me that “DO YOU REALLY WANT TO START AT THE SWEDISH LINE?” – Ja!

As I started studying in HAAGA-HELIA and to be exact in Porvoo Point-house, I was wondering at the corridors for several days trying to find a right class and people. The thing was considering me that I started at january and all the other students started at autumn. And all the information have been given that time. I didn’t know which was my class and actually I didn’t want to, because I knew it would be swedish one, doh!

So, I was walking around the school trying to find classes and then two girls tapped me to shoulder and asked that what am I looking for. So I stated that this spesific class. They gave me instructions and after that asked, if I’d be interested joining the student board of that time and that they are having a meeting later that day. I agreed, why not?

And the story continues but gets to it end.

At the moment we have me and two guys, and one interested to join, in the board. Empty table and fresh look.

Helium needs new, active and open-minded members!

I’d promised my five readers that I would give some more details about the freelancing experiences I’ve had so far. So here goes:

I first dipped my toes in the water with a site called Helium, and after about a week, I found the site to be more trouble than it was worth. I don’t have the space here to go into Helium’s detailed system of stars and rankings, but after producing six articles in one week, I’d failed to garner a high enough ranking with any of my articles to earn the one rating star I needed to start earning money. And while this will sound like a case of sour grapes, after reading some of the crap that was outranking my articles, I decided that I would be better off credibility-wise taking my writing somewhere else.

Writers earn money on Helium by writing articles on the topics provided on the site; Helium users are then asked to read articles in a title against each other and decide which article they found most helpful. As articles rise within titles, writers earn writing stars and can then earn money based on their number of writing stars (again, I’m grossly oversimplifying this). The philosophy is that quality articles will rise to the top and will then be able to earn more (thanks to web traffic and advertiser interest). I don’t claim to know how their algorithm works, but I’ll relate this story: I wrote an article in a title that had two articles already (so I would have more chance of my article rising to the top, but I was still writing in what Helium considers a “competitive” category–another condition of earning stars). I wrote an article of approximately 500 words that included outside links and book research, and my article is currently the lowest-ranked article in the category. The highest-ranked article is two short paragraphs with no introduction or conclusion, and at the end of the article, the writer addresses the reader with “hope this answered your question” and a little winky emoticon. If that’s quality rising to the top, then I think I”ll take my writing somewhere else, thanks.

Helium also provides topics for writers to address (although writers can suggest them), so I found myself wasting valuable time searching the site for topics I could write about quickly with minimal research. And I found some of the topics, frankly, quite baffling. A Guide to Lollapalooza 2009? Should Britney Spears or K-Fed be awarded custody of their children? I guess these topics would still get search engine hits, but they’re not exactly fresh.

I have no doubt that some people are probably making money on Helium, but I just didn’t find it to be worth my time.

The next freelance site I turned to was Suite 101, and this is where I’ve been spending most of my time (and, yes, I just linked you to Suite 101 via my profile information. Sneaky, huh?). Suite 101 proved itself to be miles ahead of Helium in that they vet their writers through an application process and have a team of editors who flag articles that don’t meet their standards (the editors are also helpful if you’re just learning how to write search engine-optimized articles). Writers can choose what to write about and can upload articles to a variety of categories and subcategories. Patience is a virtue with Suite 101, as they pay according to a residual-based system–writers earn a percentage of the ad revenue generated when readers click on ads on their article pages. So the higher your article views, then the more likely readers are to click on the revenue-generating ads attached to your article, thus earning you money*. Suite 101 certainly isn’t a get-rich quick site–trust me, I won’t be buying Christmas gifts for anyone with what I’ve made in the last month–but as articles earn money for as long as they are accessible on the Internet, a high volume of articles combined with high traffic could generate writers some decent income over time.

I’ve also been using Xomba, which is a sort of combination article/social bookmarking site. Writers can write “xombytes,” which are 150 word-minimum articles on whatever the author chooses to write, or they can write “xomblurbs,” which are 50-word minimum summaries of websites, articles, videos, or other information found on the Internet with a link to that material. I’ve been using “xomblurbs” to link back to my Suite 101 articles, but as I’ve been focusing more on building my base of articles on Suite 101, I haven’t been concentrating much on Xomba. I do think, however, Xomba could have some earning potential (like Suite 101, writers earn revenue based on ad-clicks) as most people can write a 50-word summary and/or 150 article with little effort (and, like Helium, Xomba doesn’t vet its writers, so anyone can sign up).

I’m discovering new sites every day, but I have yet to try out any that pay per article (another reason for concentrating on Suite 101 is that I can build a portfolio of sorts when I apply to other sites). If anyone has experiences with the sites mentioned here, or if they’ve had good or bad experiences with other freelancing sites, feel free to share in the comments.

*Fair warning: clicking on ads on your article pages will get you booted from these sites, so don’t do it.

Willis Eugene Lamb Jr.

He was born on July 12, 1913 in Los Angeles, joint winner, with Polykarp Kusch, also of the U.S., of the 1955 Nobel Prize for Physics for experimental work that spurred refinements in the quantum theories of electromagnetic phenomena.  He joined the faculty of Columbia University in 1938 and worked in the radiation laboratory there during World War II.

The lines that appear in the spectrum (dispersed light, as by a prism)  of hydrogen are not simply single dark lines, as they appear, but actually are composed of many lines that are extremely close together.  This hyperfine structure was predicted by the quantum mechanics of the noted English physicist Paul A.M. Dirac, but Lamb applied new methods to be slightly different from what had been predicted.  This necessitated a revision in the theory to fit the facts.

While a professor of physics at Stanford University, California (1951-56), lamb devised microwave techniques for examining the hyperfine structure of the spectral lines of helium.  In 1956 he became professor of theoretical physics at Oxford University and in 1962 was appointed professor of physics at Yale University.

Yesterday… and Tomorrow’s Shells [2000] <- Download

Nos anos 90, Ash Bowie foi fundador do Polvo, em que tocava guitarra e cantava. Também participou do Helium, de sua então namorada Mary Timony, assumindo o baixo a partir de 1994. Este currículo já deve ser o bastante para que você releve a capa pavorosa do único disco do Libraness, projeto solo de Bowie. Yesterday… and Tomorrow’s Shells, lançado em 2000 pela Tiger Style, é composto por 14 faixas, produzidas ao longo de sete anos na casa do ex-líder do Polvo. Entre experimentações barulhentas, que não deixam de ser interessantes, encontram-se pérolas lo-fi de todo tipo: Face on Backwards é incrivelmente grudenta para uma música tão ruidosa e fragmentada; No Separation entraria bem em um disco do Folk Implosion; e a viajada Hit The Horizon se destacaria numa coletânea da Flying Nun ou da Elephant 6 — só para citar algumas.

Libraness - Face on Backwards
Libraness - Hit the Horizon
Libraness - Totempole

for G

orphan at the end of an unfinished 
sentence,
I’m aching underneath blue 
sheets of rain
that followed me home
today,

I just want to play 
with you again, land my plane
along the blue runways of your precious
veins carrying poems to me on silver

platters, nothing else matters
today



but the pitter-patter of your
fingers trembling down my 

vertebrae, branding signet imprints

in the melted wax of my skin that lets you
in and in, enveloping all your letters and
tucking them into the blankets around

my heart’s cave—mistress of missives,

healing scores of missed connections

with a single kiss



and the important thing is this:
I just have to see you soon,

because I’m floating in this drifting space
of waiting room in the sky, and while pixel pillows
are dandy, it’s not the same as the candy

of your hand in mine, reminding me you’re 
not a dream—

If I should die tonight
it’s not too late 
to take me home
in the warmth of your car

under 3am stars
through sleepy bright highways
so far 

and away
to new jersey—



and if the blue dye of you

should get on my pink skin
as we play in the clouds
like overdrawn dolphins

who jumped so high
they thought they could fly
and couldn’t return

to the ocean,

then let’s invent a new color

and give it a name

because I know with this kiss
my life has just changed
and if the words on our tongues

erupt into songs
then come back home to my lips

where you belong—


and if the strands of our mind-skeins

are the new braids of Isis,

I’m starting to think
we’ll transcend any crisis…


… where have you been

all my life? hermit-sea-monk

of a thousand hands, each open-mudra

fist offering gifts—
what have I done
to deserve this? And when can I see you 

again? This waiting is pain—
I need to remind my eyes of your fading face
that time’s starting to erase—I’m hurting to
taste you, embrace you, not just

myspace you…



these city sidewalks feel too hard tonight

and the air under my umbrella’s too cold

without you here giggling, singing

The Police—replayed from my relayed head-meanderings

that morning, “everylittlethingshedoes
is magic, magic, magic—”



and it’s a big enough umbrella
for us both to end up getting wet
so I hope you’re ready-set

for this storm—

I’ve set a place for you here,

so come stay here, my dear
in the crook of my arm

where it’s soft and warm
(and we’ll make up the lyrics

as we go along)



© Sarah N. 2008

for Jeni

After a day like today
of wrestling with your curls,
washing paint from your shirt
and dirt from your hair

After a day like today:
a two-bath day of noise,
tears and no, muffin crumbs,
a nap truncated by the runs—

is the perfect day
to remember you just so:
standing on a hearth,
belting “My Funny Valentine”

in toddler lisp
as a party crowd smiled
in hushed bliss

or the way you dance
like your body is wind,
and smile like your face
is a broken urn
spilling sunlight

little miracle
of braids and curls
and storms and tantrums:
little girl—

the way you pick
at cake like an epicure,
commenting on each crumb
and ripple;
or search for the moon
behind a cloud

or sob at the thought
of hurting a cow,
or at your face in the mirror,
“I look like a mask!”
black-markered
after an experiment
in self-adornment—

the way you sigh
and enfold each bear
in its own tiny womb;
“Shhh, they’re tired,”
and sleep with no blanket
at the foot of the bed

or croon
Charlotte Gainsbourg
in the back seat of the car,
“I’m dead,
and I’m perfectly content,”
in the cheeriest
of copped French accents—

little worry,
little love
I cannot always find
the place in me
that speaks to you
as the soul you are—

that understands all
you bring
that knows you are wealth,
you are starlight

little teacher, you are patient
and I am old.
We chose each other:
let’s stay this way.

On a day like today,
let me hold you
and smell your dusty hair,
remembering the day
you came into this world:

small as a star,
fragile as pink dawn—
universes breathing
from the orb of your open lips.

© Sarah Noack 2007

for G

when you whisper in my other ear
and the ocean’s roar is all I hear,

I’m afraid 
you may just be enough



when your undertow destroys me
so effortlessly

I’m afraid

it’s too late to call this off

and when your silver tendrils

lock around my helm

and port and starboard
and everything in between

glitter fingers
rainbow kisses
and kelp-heavy treasure chests spilling 

Wonder Wheel wishes,

I’m afraid

we may just be making history—
and knowing the moment while making it is such luxury

even if all that matters
tonight
is that
I am happy



I told you that sometimes

memories take time to rise,

so you took my hand,

led me out on the sand
and we just walked along the tide

oh it’s strange,

this art of making waves—

how conscious and divine,

to feel my cells shifting
to welcome your drifting

from the country of yours
to the island of mine

and when the horizon lights 

disappear and salt spray battens 

your picture windows, I’m still here—
I am the sand you’ll write your name on with your toes

and the ocean who swallows you whole.
You are the dolphin with secret teeth,

belly upturned at low tide
who flips, presenting dorsal fin. I ride. you.
Who knows—in a thousand years

when you put your ear to a shell

you may still remember me 
the day I fell
asleep by your side

under tiny blue lights

in your moon-quilted ashram by the sea.



© Sarah Noack 2008

Een tijdje geleden had ik het over hoe je een simpele viral maakt door gewoon 100 virals samen te gooien in 1 filmpje. Wel, Brussels ‘Alternative Marketing Agency’ Sponge heeft nog een betere manier gevonden om jouw bedrijf zo snel mogelijk in de virale wereld te gooien: de add-your-logo-technic

The Helium + Chewing-gum experiment

After the Coca + Mentos cocktail, we tried Helium + Chewing-gum. And it seems to work just fine

More seriously, this clip is a viral-test : the first viral & customizable clip for every brand (add-your-logo-here technic). Sponge tried it… and love it. Try by yourself here! > viral-test.com/

Natuurlijk moeten we dat eens proberen hé. Voorlopig nog maar 1 frame, maar zodra het filmpje klaar is krijg ik een e-mail. We wachten vol spanning af.

Nu had ik toch beter ook ergens een link in mijn ‘logo’ gezet…

So I went to a blogging class given by one of my favorite authors, Hollis Gillespie, and Michael Alvear and it was a lot of fun. One of the suggestions was to upload a video of yourself so readers can get to know you better. So here’s the wonderfully weird Tracy and a helium balloon. Seriously, just give me a balloon and I’m entertained. I’m very simple like that.

feeling alone...

mencoba menonton film yang dibintangi oleh sam rockwell ini, bercerita ketika bumi sudah mendapatkan energi yang didapatkan dari permukaan bulan, energi yang disebut helium-3, sementara itu di bulan, energi ini diambil dengan cara diharvest, oleh seorang manusia, yaitu sam bell yang diperankan sangat apik oleh sam rockwell, yap, dia sendirian diatas bekerja untuk menambang energi untuk dikirim ke bumi.

kesendiriannya dengan ditemani seorang robot pembantu yang setia yang ternyata diisi suaranya oleh kevin spacey bernama gerty. 3 tahun sam berkerja di bulan, dan ketika 2 minggu lagi tugasnya akan berakhir, dia mulai menemukan fenomena aneh, ketika itu dia melihat orang lain, padahal disana hanya ada dia seorang, siapakah orang yang dilihatnya itu, apakah sam berhalusinasi? jawabannya akan anda temukan ketika menonton film sederhana tapi mengagumkan ini.

kesendirian di film ini digambarkan begitu apik, hehe, bagaimana tidak, saya hampir merasakan bagaimana rasanya bekerja diatas bulan sendirian selama 3 tahun, mungkin itu bisa membuat saya gila, tapi sam rockwell yang notabene dia kebanyakan bermain di film ringan dan komedi menunjukan bahwa akting kesendiriannya disana bisa diacungi jempol, yap, jika anda ingin merasa sendirian dulu, coba saja tonton MOON ini.

“Natrum Muriaticum: The primary characteristic underlying the Natrum mur. pathology is introversion arising out of a feeling of great vulnerability to emotional injury… they create a wall of invulnerability, become enclosed in their own worlds, and prefer to maintain control over their circumstances.”
- George Vithoulkas, homeopath (www.vithoulkas.com)

I want summer
and all that is golden
right now
in my eyes
on my tongue
like the way your hand feels
holding mine in my pocket

I want sky and clouds
and the white squint of light,
not this hollow gray night
rent through with a whistle
but the salt truck came again
today
and yesterday too:
my shoes crunch on the crystals
collecting in drifts
and I’m tired of running
past shanties and tracks
on an electrified bridge
trying not to step in the cracks,
and wishing I could just
get back home
to you

like a child,
poems don’t heel—
they just feel
and come at the most inopportune
moments

I’m tired of fighting with the sun
it’s so simple, but it overwhelms me now and then—
even in my polar remoteness,
you find me
(and bring a coat)
and in this northern light,
you can see any color
and there are no numbers and shapes,
even this you and me is just
a phenomenon
of magnetic friction—
the music of the spheres
cast before us like dice,
painting this glittered world
of snow and ice
these cities and lights
reflect so plaintively—
but darling, don’t let me forget
to be lonely
because it’s these moments
only,
these split seconds of transcendence
that heliport us out of codependence
and make me remember
why I summoned you in the first place.

I want blue days
with white cumulus stories
working their lazy ways
across our fields of vision.

I want summer
and the blue playground of your eyes
as my personal sky
to write on

because your mind
is so full

and so beautifully empty,

a canvas for our dream-clouds

that drift and merge
through various stages
of yours and mine,
twisting through lazy incarnations
from swirling polar color-cupids
into tempera hues
of the temperate zone

like living shapes of abundance
who,
schooled by the wind,
learn to breathe on their own.

© Sarah Noack 2009

Hello, my name is Jarno Maaniemi and this blog is made for HEPO Ry, which will be the new board for Porvoo Campus students. First of all, I am not that good at english writing but let me try my best.

As I said, Hepo will be the new board of Helium Ry and Pomy Ry members – He Po. At the moment I am president of Helium. Jenni Mikola is president of Pomy.

For starters I will be posting articles as president of Helium and all that are been said here does not represent Hepo Ry.

If you wonder why I use this blog for briefing about Helium issues… well, I don’t have good answer but it is a lot easier than making a new blog etc. Anyway, the blogs idea is to raise discussion among students.

For what I see, one of the biggest problem is inactivity among most of the students that studies in Porvoo. I don’t want to blame you guys, seriously. I feel that the inactivity occurs because we, at least Helium, are quite inactive. How many even know what Helium is for, or what have even Helium done to bring some serious activities?

I think most of you are aware of student parties that are about twice in a month. How about something else? Nothing that comes into my mind. Interesting, right? I’ll explain you how things are in Helium at the moment.

I am second newest member in Helium. I started in Helium in the beginning of 2009. Our newest member joined to board few months ago. So, how much do you think I can learn in half-year if we have 4-6 meetings and most of those are considering about ending Helium, which is by the way to happen sooner or later? Not much, as I didn’t have any responsibility. Now, when this school year started and we had our first meeting of the year. Most of the current members (8/10) says that they are no more interested of taking care of Helium. So, obviously Helium needed a new president. Okay, my call. I say that I will take care of ending Helium.

At the moment, I feel that I have pretty truthful picture about Helium and its problems. When I started as president, I was aware that our bookkeeping have some holes in it. Accounting have become the biggest problem and hardest to solve. We have lost all bookings of 2007. Today, we have a solution, which might cost a lot! What comes to other problems, I feel that I have taken care of them. You can get your sticker for your student card from the office. I can also help you getting a student card and solve some other small problems you might have. Just visit the office when I am there or send me e-mail: jarno.maaniemi@gmail.com

But, I am not pleased. I think we have to do better to make school environment better. One of the biggest concepts is uniting native students and international student together. I have had discussions about this, and how can we get people together better, with a pleasant student Ogunbowale Olalekan. He is in group called FACES and in a Symbio group. I don’t know anything more about those groups, though. We had an idea that he writes his thoughts to this blog after I have made this post.

This leads to the trivial question, why I write in english and not in finnish? Well. We come to conclusion that the information should be in english, so everybody is able to join the discussion. You can give your opinion about this one. HAAGA-HELIA is after all an international school and we have variety of foreigners and cultures in our school. Me and Lekon are hoping to bring this source of variety to publicity for everyones ears and eyes.

Okay, that is our goal, one of the many goals that should exist. My personal hopes are loaded for these questions.

What would you like us to do to make your student weekday more fun and relaxing?

What would you like to see us to have or do in our school?

Please, give your honest wish how-to improve Helium and becoming Hepo.