For more on the Single Mom Card Deck go to SMORE for Women

Appearances do matter…

especially to the male viewer.

~

Am I enhancing my assets?

Contact Gail

First – The decision

Run it through a process. Ask yourself:

• What is the origin or need for a decision?
• Do I have intuitive reservation or hesitation about it?
• Am I believing thoughts that are counter productive in my situation?
• What are the possibilities of different choices?
• How might my personality type play a part in my decision? How does my distinct way of being affect my decision-making?

Second – Gather information.

I’m often amazed by how people jump into making a decision based on their feelings or impulses. Asking questions doesn’t cost a cent. Answers to questions provide information that make planning and decision making easier. When you gain facts about your situation you are better able to make right choices. Now a day’s information on every subject is at our fingertips, literally. Once you gather information from a variety of sources, including trusted friends and family, you can analyze your options.

Third – List Pros and Cons

In real life no decisions are totally without some questions. Most have pros and cons. It helps to list them. Simply make two columns, one with heading Pros and the other with Cons. When both sides are written you can read and see your options clearly on the page. Don’t hesitate to ask others for input. Trusted friends and family may see things you miss.

Finally – review and pray. Look over what you have learned by gathering your thoughts and information. Ask God to direct your path.

We plan the way we want to live, But only God makes us able to live it.

– Proverbs 16:9

Do I need a plan?

After you have made a decision you may need a plan. Planning can be simple or complex depending on the situation. Once again look at your unique personal qualities. Always, always put it down on paper. Use a list or mind mapping. It doesn’t matter so much how you do it, just that you do. Sleep on it. Do not act impulsively.

~ ~ ~

When my children were nine, seven, and six years old, I made the decision to return to college. I was a teacher and the only avenue for higher income was to have a higher-level degree. It seemed like an adventure. Then I looked at the whole road map. The thought of moving three children to another city, locating daycare, and a place to live for three months in the summer, and paying for it all was an overwhelming leap of faith. So I just took one baby step at a time.

The process was not all smooth travels. There were some potholes along the way.

You will know you are on the right path when your steps are blessed.

Christmas was always a challenge when my children were growing up. Don’t get me wrong, we were thankful for so much. I was blessed with two beautiful, intelligent, and well-behaved children. We always had an abundance of love and that can never be replaced or wrapped up and put under a tree.

The stark reality was that my many challenges with Christmas seemed to begin in August. You see, I was barely making it pay check to pay check as it was. When August rolled around it was time to buy new school clothes,supplies, books, and fees. I would try to work overtime or pinch pennies where I could with what we had, but often times what I had just didn’t cut it even for the most basic of necessities. The bills would get behind and late fees would pile up and heaven forbid a bounced check, that would just send me further into a financial tailspin. My son’s birthday also falls in November and then before I knew it, the Christmas season was upon us. I was in a position to take extra call at the hospital to make extra money, but that too left me with another set of challenges. More time at work = Less time with my children More time at work =babysitting issues More time at work = an overwhelmed, over stressed, and overly emotional mother alone to figure it out.

Many days it was a struggle just trying to figure out what we were going to eat. I was truly in survival mode. What bills I could put off, I would put off. I would put whatever was immediately in front of me on the top of the list and do my best to take care of it. Unfortunately, often times my best just wasn’t good enough. We would come home to no electricity, notes on the door from bill collectors, or even worse people waiting on me to get home from work. It was embarrassing and I felt like we were criminals at large many days, hiding out.

I had quit trying to seek assistance of any sort many years before. The fact was I was going to school and working three part-time jobs, and that made me ineligible to receive assistance with child care. It had taken every bit of pride swallowing that I could handle to apply, and they made me feel dumb because I was trying to work. They told me that if I wanted to take my ex husband back to court to try to get him to pay his child support, I could hire an attorney ( with my money) and take him to court. I did try that. He of course didn’t show up, I was out $500 for an attorney, a days wages, and worse off than I was before. I just began to feel more and more alone.

I did know that God was with us however, at this point in life I felt that we ( my kids and I ) were being punished for the poor choices that I had made in life. So, I just resolved that I would do the best I could for us, and that was all anyone could do.

I made the choice to not let my children go without on Christmas, and pay my car payment the following week when I got paid again. I was to get paid on December 31st, and I would go make that payment on January 2nd when they opened again. Unfortunately things didn’t go as planned and a tow truck pulled up on New Year’s Eve, and started loading my car up. My children and I ran outside. I had cash in hand to make the payment. I tried to explain it to the tow truck driver and he said “sorry ma’am” and pull ed away with our only form of transportation. The kids were crying and I was panicking. (especially since I was on call for surgery)

This is not only a harsh reality of what life was like for us at Christmas but in day-to-day life. There are 17 million single mother homes in the United States, many of them may be going through a situation similar to or even worse than this. I just spoke to one today that is being evicted from her home and having no place to go just days before Christmas. That number is growing everyday with divorce rates and unwed pregnancy rates being so high. Chances are that you know a single mother that may be struggling financially, emotionally or otherwise. If you are in a position to help them financially, God bless you. There are many other ways to bless a single mother a simple phone call, offer to babysit, invite them over for dinner, or just take them a plate. You never know she may have just asked God how she was going to feed her children. Invite them to church, let her know it doesn’t matter if they have fancy “church clothes”, introduce them to others in the church. Out of those 17 million single mother homes over 67% of them do not attend church, that includes the over 20 million children they are raising! If you are looking for a way to be greater and haven’t figured out quiet how to do it, this is a great opportunity to put what we have been learning in our OBS into practice. Share the indescribable gift of Jesus with them not just through the holidays but always.

If you are a single mom and you believe that you deserve what you are going through right now, please know that God’s plans are not to harm you, but to offer you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11The same way that you want to give great gifts to your children, God wants to give you great gifts! Matthew 7:11 Luke 11:13 He loves you so much that he gave up his son for you. John 3:16 If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior,you are not condemned because of your past! Romans 8:1 If you have not accepted Jesus and you would like to, I would love to say a prayer with you. Romans 10:9-10 Please comment below or email me at Melissa_07@charter.net YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Hebrews 13:5

Merry Christmas

• Tune up your car so its ready for the trip.  Make sure it’s a certified mechanic and ask them to check the fluids, air-conditioner, belts, fluids and battery.
• Check safety locks for children, doors and windows.

• Cellphones are fully charged with an emergency charge pack for the car just in case you leave your car charger.

• AAA for long distance trips or Onstar would be good a good backup plan if you didn’t bring a emergency kit for the car.  A monthly payment of $20 is nothing compared to the safety of your family.

• Jumper cables and a jumper battery.

• A good Spare Tire along with the tools to change the tire.  It should already be in the trunk of the car.

• Water bottles, packaged snacks with a long shelf life just in case the kids get hungry.

• Hand cranking flashlight and emergency blankets.

• Hats, shades and sunscreen for the kiddos.

#1) Are they busy?  An empty shop should say something.

#2) Are they fluctuating with the prices?  Saying one thing when your there an another when you leave?

#3) Are they trying to scare you into more work?

#4) Are they accommodating for you and your children?

#5) Did they discuss the services or problems with the about your car?

#6) Do they have the right certifications?

#7) Check for reviews on the car repair or auto shop.

from My Own Worst Enemy by Janet Davis

How do you feel about telling your story? Dreadful, indifferent, shameful, or grateful?

What have you learned from your story?

Join us Sunday at 9:15-10:15, Calder Baptist for our small ecumenical group of single moms because Sunday School is still very important. In fact, Sunday School is crucial in our world of chaos and confusion.

Many single mothers find themselves in a difficult situation: They need to provide daily care for their children while at the same time financially support their family single-handedly.

With all of these responsibilities, probably the last thing many single mothers are thinking about is getting a college degree. Yet a college diploma can substantially increase your earning power and put you in a position to get a better job and make more money for your family’s future well-being.

Applying for Financial Aid

College tuition is expensive. Fortunately, there are many Financial Aid packages available for prospective students, including single mothers. The first step in applying for Financial Aid is filling out the FAFSA form online. This is the document financial aid departments use to determine how much financial aid you qualify for. To fill out this form, you will need all of your tax records and possibly other financial forms.

If you know where you would like to attend college, make an appointment with that institution’s financial aid department. Every college and university has financial aid counselors available to help students navigate their way through the complicated financial aid process.

Type of Financial Aid for Single Mothers

There are a variety of financial aid options available for single mothers. Perhaps the most common is the federally guaranteed student loan. This is a government-backed student loan to cover your tuition and in many cases your books, room and board. While eventually this loan needs to be paid back, there are options to defer payment of interest and principal until after you receive your degree, when you presumably will be earning more money.

Other types of financial aid include grants and scholarships, which are monetary awards to cover tuition, books, room and board that do not need to be paid back. Financial aid counselors at your college or university can be very helpful in helping you apply for grants and scholarships.

Private Organizations and State-Specific Programs

 In addition to the traditional student loans, grants and scholarships, there are some private institutions that can provide tuition help for single mothers regarding college education. These include Raise the Nation, a national group dedicated to funding education for single mothers.

Similarly, some states such as California have programs that waive tuition fees for single mothers attending community colleges. Check with the financial aid counselor at your college or university to see if this type of program is available in your state.

For single mothers, choosing to pursue a college diploma is a great way to ensure the financial future of her family. The wide variety of financial aid programs available to single mothers can help ease the financial burden of paying for an expensive college education.

Each month we will feature a leader &/or author who is influencial in their

work on behalf of  single moms.

____________________________________________________________________________

DENNIS FRANCK, DIRECTOR, Single Adult / Young Adult MINISTRIES

for Assemblies of God

Dennis Franck

With compassion for single and single-again adults and an understanding of young adult and single adult issues, Dennis emphasizes becoming a whole person spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. He has two chapters in the book, Singles Ministry Handbook, and chapters in Single to Single and Counseling Single Adults. Dennis writes articles on single adult living and leadership issues for many ministry publications, and completed his first book, Reaching Single Adults-An Essential Guide for Ministry, which was released in January 2007 by Baker Books. He speaks for conferences, retreats and leadership training events of various church backgrounds. Dennis was appointed National Director of Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries for Assemblies of God in 2000. His ministry includes the development of Single Adult and Young Adult Ministries on the district, regional, and national level.

 Church/Ministry: Assemblies of God National Office

Websites: www.singles.ag.org www.youngadults.ag.org

Address: 1445 No. Boonville Ave, Springfield, MO 65802

Phone: 417-862-2781 x 4125

Email: dfranck@ag.org

(across from Dunkin Donuts)

10:00-2:00

Agencies Represented include:

• Buckner Family Place
• Catholic Charities
• Christian Women’s Job Corp
• CHRISTUS Live Well Women’s Network
• Coaching Women 2 Wealth
• Family Services-Women & Children’s Shelter
• Health & Human Services
• HOPE Women’s Resource Clinic
• Samaritan Counseling Center
• Some Other Place
• Texas Workforce-Job Search
• Texas Workforce Center-GED
• Ubi Caritas Dental Clinic

Come learn more about SMORE and find resources for you and your children.

http://www.biblicalparenting.org/pr-singleparenting.asp

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thanks!

It’s true that there are men who run the other way when they see a single mom because they simply don’t want to have to deal with kids, but did you know that more men are likely to be attracted to a single mother?

When a man sees a wonderful woman with her child(ren) or listens to her speak of them, he instinctively feels drawn to her because men were made to pair up with women who would be good mother, so they are naturally attracted to those women that seem as if they would be a good mother to their children. Another reason that men are attracted to women with children is because they see them as nurturing and loving which is especially important to a man who is looking to settle down. There is something about a woman with kids that makes her seem grounded and stable and strong—also very appealing qualities to a man.

There are also physical attributes that mothers have which other women don’t; sometimes it’s a rounder belly, a fuller chest or just all out more womanly and we know men love that! Women who have had babies radiate a certain sexuality that other women don’t. It’s not so much a physical thing as psychological because to have gotten pregnant, we’d of had to have sex obviously and since women were created to have babies and men to spread their seed so-to-speak; a woman who has kids has obviously lived up to her role successfully. Men don’t consciously think this of course, but just the same way that a man instinctively feels the need to protect and hunt, he also on a deep level is drawn to a someone who can successfully have his babies.

Now that I’ve covered all of the subconscious stuff, I can break it down into terms that we all can relate to. A man wants to feel like a man as much as possible and this includes everything from being with a woman who sings his praises and tells him how great he is, to competing with other men to be better than they are and win the affections of a woman who may be hard to get and offer a challenge. As a single mom; you have been there and done that. Some other man managed to make an honest woman of you and make you a mother to his children but then didn’t succeed as a partner, so automatically this causes a bell to ring in a man’s brain that tells him that he wants to win you over, take care of you and your child(ren) and prove to you, himself and everyone else that he is not just a better man than you last, but THE man. It sounds egotistical and pretty strange, but again, it is just the way men happen to be wired and they do this naturally without even realizing it.

Anyway my sexy DIVA, be proud of who you are and of your children and allow yourself to be loved. You deserve it.

I’ve also touched on the subject of checking him out thoroughly before bringing him around your kids, using any method that you can; from talking with his family, coworkers and exes to even doing a background check on him. I’m not saying this needs to be done before they ever meet, but you shouldn’t be bringing just anyone around your kids in the first place and don’t even consider leaving him alone with them until you’ve had him checked inside-out!

Bringing a man home to meet the family is a huge deal and even more so when it’s your child(ren). There are feelings and certain reservations that they will have when it comes to the mere idea of their mom dating someone, but it really hits home when they see it first hand and are able to put a face to the boyfriend, who in their eyes, may seem as though is trying to take their mommy away. You need to be sensitive from day one when it comes to your child(ren)’s feelings and deal with things with as much caution as possible. It’s your responsibility to protect them from everything whether unnecessary discomfort associated with your love life to the dangers of jumping too soon and trusting the wrong men around them.

If you’ve met a man that makes your heart jump and makes you feel alive and better than you dreamed possible after your last heartache; it can be easy to give into the temptation to introduce him to your loved ones right away. And when it comes to finally having sex with a real live flesh and blood man instead of your Rabbit vibrator; your hormones may make it even harder to resist bringing him home, but get a good babysitter and check into a nice hotel, but don’t bring him home until things are truly solid. Trust me on this one.

We want to believe that we have great judgment and can tell a good apple from a bad one, but we’re only human and we can find ourselves misled by sweet talkin’ men who give good game and know what to say to get us to let our guard down. If you look at some of the most notorious criminals throughout history; many of them were sweet-faced, charismatic charmers who seemed to be well spoken and all around good guys; yet capable of rape, murder and other heinous acts. These are not men that we want to waste a moment thinking of, but they are the ones that we need to learn from so that we can keep ourselves and our children safe.

Learning to listen to our gut instinct can make a huge difference in the type of men that we end up with and ultimately bring around our kids. Your gut instinct is a sign that something is off and you need to learn to trust it as opposed to brushing it off as being paranoid or a reaction to having been hurt in the past. It can save you a lot of suffering if you learn to place more trust in your own instincts.

Regardless of how great your new boyfriend may seem, you should consider the fact that all you know about him is what he has told you. Unless you’re dating a man who is related to a good friend or has been a family acquaintance for years; you need to do a little digging to make sure that he is on the up and up before you bring him home to meet your kids or even trust him alone with your kids. I know that this isn’t quite as romantic as you dream of when thinking of meeting Mr. Right, but it is necessary.

Paying attention to how he interacts with others can give you a lot of insight into what he’s about, especially when he thinks that no one is looking. Take any opportunity you can to meet his friends and family and encourage conversations about his upbringing and past so that you can look for any red flags. And finally, it’s worth investing a few bucks to do a background check if you’re getting serious enough that it’s time to bring him home to your precious child(ren).

A little caution will go a long way in protecting your children and your peace of mind.

Men are not always the most expressive, so when he goes out of his way to do something kind for you, you need to lose the chip on your shoulder that’s telling you ‘I don’t need a man to do anything for me!’ and let him show you that he cares for you in the way that he knows how!

When you’re a single mom who is self sufficient and accustom to doing everything for yourself, it can be hard to let someone in at all let alone allow them to help you, do things for you and try to take care of you, but you need to realize that by letting him in and allowing him to take care of things sometimes doesn’t make you any less independent. A good, solid relationship is about helping each other and expressing your love and you need to open yourself up to that if you really want to be in a loving relationship.

There is such a thing as being too independent. When you start to push someone away by making them feel like you don’t need or want them around all because you’re afraid of not looking strong; you run the risk of ending up alone and never being able to really hold a deep and honest relationship because you then start to make them feel unappreciated.

You need to see the kind gestures for what they really are: an expression of his love for you and his instinctive need to want to take care of the woman he loves so much because he sees that she is strong and independent. He does these things because he loves you and not to take anything away from you.

Men will come up with all kinds of excuses as to why you should live together first; can’t afford a big wedding yet, it’s a good way to see how things go before taking the plunge, blah, blah, blah. First of all; if you really can’t afford a big wedding, then why not have a small one since the wedding really is about two people pledging their love and officially becoming a family. And as for using this as a trial to see how things go; if you’re not one hundred percent sure that you want to be together, then you’re not ready to live together either! He is either sure he wants to make that commitment or not. There is no in between here.

As a single mom, dating a man who offers to live together can be hard to turn down when you’ve been raising your child(ren) alone and having to work extremely hard to make ends meet. The idea of having this man that you are in love with, there to help you and being able to have someone to share expenses with can be hard to resist, but if you believe in marriage and want it with all of your heart, then you need to hold out for that and not settle for less. If he loves you and is sure he wants to be with you forever, then he will want to marry you. Anything less is an indicator that he is not quite sure or not willing to truly commit and you should not just sit along for the ride while he figures it out. That’s not fair to you or your child(ren).

If you are already living with your man and he’s been putting off marriage, then maybe you need to consider looking for your own place so that he can figure things out. As long as you’re already living there and playing house; he really has no reason and no incentive to take it all the way. Why should he when you’ve made it so easy for him to have what he wants without a true commitment?

The cow and milk analogy is one that you should think about because it does ring true; why should be bother buying the milk??!

Check out my story and see what makes me so sure of all this: Single Moms Guide to Catching the Man of Your Dreams in 30 Days

Now, where does a fabulously sexy single mother go to meet men? Everywhere! Armed with that open mind, you could stumble across Mr. Perfect-For-You just about anywhere. Putting yourself out there though takes more than just walking with your eyes wide open and there are methods that you can enlist the help of to increase your exposure to possible sweeties that just might be worthy of you. One of the best ways is to talk to your family and friends who are like untapped resources! Let them know that you’re looking for a good man, because as friends and family, you know that they would not want to see you with anything less than a good person and you can count on them to be selective for you.

Think about men and where they like to go in groups; ruling out the local strip joint or nightclub of course. Sports bars are great because they’re like one big man-buffet! You can pretty much guarantee that all eyes will be on you when you walk into a male dominated place like a sports bar! I personally would rather have a man who is into sports than just drinking at the local bar anyway. (I give my theory on the whole meeting-men-in-bars thing in my book, The Single Moms Dating Guide to Catching the Man of Your Dreams in 30 Days)

There are also things like online dating sites or singles functions like speed dating. Stop rolling your eyes and hear me out! As someone who not only knows what it’s like to be a single mom dating, but a single mom dating after divorce; it can be tough to really get yourself back out there, so creating an online profile and just browsing through the available men can be a really good start. Another great thing about it as that you get to be really specific about what you want and you can be as selective in your process as you like. As for speed dating; don’t knock it till you try it! Remember; you need to keep an open mind and at the very least the experience could be fun. Besides, since you’re only spending a few minutes at a time with each guy, you won’t have to tolerate the ones you don’t like for long! Another good thing about online dating and speed dating is that the men who have enrolled themselves in either are out there looking for a relationship too so at least that is one thing you’ll have in common from the start.