When I read He’s Just Not That Into You, I loved it except for one thing: so many of the scenarios aren’t applicable to college girls. I mean, just because a guy isn’t asking to marry us right now does not necessarily mean he has no interest in us!

So here’s my gift to you: He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition. Use this and figure out if he’s really into you, or just really into getting in your pants.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s “too busy for a girlfriend.” Um, we’re in college. We’re all really busy. I have to go to classes, do homework, attend meetings, hang out with friends, write for this here publication, the list goes on. But when I like someone, you can bet your pretty little face I’ll make some time to hang out with them, and eventually date them if I like them enough. Boys, as weird as they may be, will do the same.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t ask you questions about yourself. I use this one to do a little test to see if a guy actually likes me. I’ll mention something about myself when it fits with the conversation we’re having. Like, if we’re talking about blogs I’ll say “Oh, I write for an awesome website.” If the guy just nods then rambles about some blog he frequents, I’ve got a huge hint as to his feelings about me. If he asks which fabulous site I write for, what I write about, etc. then I assume he actually cares. (And then I edit what I write about him on the site…. he’s gonna be reading it now, after all!)

He’s just not that into you if: he knows you know about other girls he’s messing around/trying to mess around with, but he doesn’t stop. I know, it’s college and hooking up is a popular extracurricular activity. But if a guy wants you to take him seriously, he won’t like that you have to hear about him hooking up with other girls. More importantly, he won’t want to hurt you. And no, ladies, this does not mean that if he tries to hide this from you, he likes you.

He’s just not that into you if: he puts you down. I’m not talking about teasing, which can be a fun way to flirt. I mean “you’re fat,” “you have no friends,” “I’m always the better one in this relationship,” type stuff. Don’t put up with that from a guy, ever.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s all over other girls in front of you. Yes, guys can be extra friendly. They can also be audacious enough to hit on other girls in front of your face. At times it can be a fine line, but it’s not a good sign when they cross it.

He’s just not that into you if: you guys haven’t been hooking up for very long and he doesn’t care about grossing you out/being rude. I was lying in a guy’s bed, about to drift off when he decided it was the right time to tell me he farts in his sleep (which wouldn’t be well timed, like these). Completely unnecessary, but hey, thanks for giving me a good reason to get the hell out of there!

He’s just not that into you if: he only focuses on himself during sex. When you like someone, you like to please them, plain and simple. He might be nervous that he’s not a sexual savant but if he likes you, he’ll want to try.

He’s just not that into you if: he pretty much kicks you out of bed the next morning. If he wakes up, looks at you, and the first words out of his mouth are “When are you leaving?” (or some variation with the same message) you can assume he doesn’t have a burning desire to date you.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t say hi to you when he sees you somewhere. No, he’s not nervous. No, he’s not trying to come up with the perfect opening line. No, he’s not waiting until he can go check his hair in a mirror. He might not remember who you are (not a good sign), or, worse, he might just not care.

He’s just not that into you if: he only mass texts you. You open a text and see “Hey grl. Wat r u doin? I’m bored, wna come watch a movie?” Your friends all open their phones to the same text. Charming. If this happens, shoot him an “LOL” and be done with it.

He’s just not that into you if: he only texts you, period. I don’t care if he has unlimited texts, guys will take time to call the girls they like.

He’s just not that into you if: he has to get drunk every time you hang out. Think about it: if he was completely hammered at that party you went to together last night, more than buzzed at that dinner a few days ago, and stumbling over his words at breakfast a week ago…you have a problem on your hands. Or maybe he has the problem and should be referred to AA.

He’s just not that into you if: he hits on your best friend. It’s unlikely that he’s trying to make you jealous. When I’ve explained this hopeful theory to my guy friends, they stare at me like I’m a moron and then say “Zahra. We’re too simple for that. He’s hitting on her because he likes her, not you.” Ouch.

He’s just not that into you if: he talks about his ex-girlfriend and you can tell he’s not over her. There was one guy that rapped (yes, rapped) about his ex-girlfriend when I was alone with him. Do I even need to explain this one?

The bottom line is, boys that like you are supposed to treat you well. They’ll show an interest in you, the things you like, and will want to make you feel special. So, if he repeatedly makes you wonder if he’s really into you, he’s not worth it! Move on and find someone you like who actually wants to be with you. You’re fabulous, you deserve it.

rented more movies again!!! gosh i really do love my movies and tv shows… why didn’t i enter the movie industry??

Just finished watching Night at the Museum 2… i reckon it was really good for a sequel… loved the first one… and the second one is just as funny!!

Movies Galore!!

This day has been good I got up and watched the movie He’s Just Not That Into You and then just did forever for a while and now I’m on the computer and I’m about to get off so I can eat so peace out! ~beautifulballerina15 aka Cassie

This will probably be very short considering I don’t want to leave a long blog entree. Yesterday me, my sister, and my mom and dad went down to Monroville to go Applebees and Cd Warehouse to get some dvds and to trade some in. It was a fun day, and today has been fairly fun I got up at 10 this morning and watched He’s Just Not That Into You. Then later on I ate lunch and watched another movie, She’s All That. Tomorrow is the last day I am off and then its back to school. So thats it. So peace out!~beautifulballerina15 aka Cassie

I recently watched the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I’m not a chick flick kind of girl, but I liked this movie. I could relate to the main character’s overwhelming sense of neediness. She was constantly being rejected by guys, and she was clueless as to why she couldn’t snag one.

I used to be boy crazy. I don’t know when this actually started, but I was pretty little. I recently came across a note I had written in the first grade telling Tim Crane I loved him and asking him to marry me. When I hit puberty, I would try to get boys’ attention by being loud and doing stupid things. During this time, I acquired a camera and started taking pictures of guys that I liked when they weren’t looking. Sometimes they would give me dirty looks because I wasn’t quite as subtle as I thought I was, and they got tired of me stalking them with my camera. I recently read part of my old diary where I wrote this, “I broke up with *Kyle today. I feel bad about that. But now I think I like *Bobby, and I wouldn’t mind getting with *Ryan.” I was so needy that one boy didn’t seem to satisfy. After tenth grade, when one of my boyfriends broke up with me, I stalked him and would just happen to appear different places where I knew he would be. I can tell you, my neediness didn’t draw his heart back to mine…

In college though, I found a guy who enjoyed talking with me for hours on end, and I married him. Jeff and I still talk for hours, and he enjoys it because he loves me and we’ve always been great friends, but there is a limit. We have to eat; we have to sleep; we have to take care of our kids; we can’t talk all the time. It’s just not possible. Jeff’s good at helping me process through the stuff in my head…but sometimes he’s simply not available to do this. And then I feel rejected, but it isn’t because he has rejected me. It’s because I have such neediness, and he can’t meet all my needs. He’s not supposed to.

A while back, as I was wallowing in a sad and lonely time after I had been to a friend’s house, and I had stayed a little too long, it hit me that I can NEVER wear out my welcome with my Abba. He loves me when I’m sad and lonely and needy and ugly and unloveable. I was so excited to realize that He never gets tired of me…no matter what sin or issue I’m struggling with at the time. He actually wants me to come to Him…be with Him…need Him…struggle through my stuff with Him. This gave me great hope because I don’t have to be so needy with people. Abba can handle my neediness…my loneliness…my sadness…my need to be wanted. In fact, He’s in a love affair with me. I John says, “We love Him (only) because He first loved us.”

In Matthew 11, Jesus offers this invitation, “Come to me.” And He’s not asking those who have it all together. He’s actually talking to those who are weary and burdened…the needy ones…the ones who might talk a lot, and He offers us rest. And yet so many times, I still look to other people to meet those needs. No wonder the Rolling Stones wrote the song “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.” They were right. We can’t get the satisfaction we long for in other people. It’s not possible. People just cannot satisfy the deep longings we all have…to be affirmed…to be loved unconditionally. And it’s when we realize that and walk in that, it’s at that moment that we can finally hold people loosely.

So, back to the sappy chick flick…I was happy to see the girl get the guy at the end of the movie. But it was only when she released and let go and didn’t expect another person to fill the void was when the right guy came along and got all worked up over her. It made me happy for all of us needy human beings.

Henri Nouwen says in his book Spiritual Direction “If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we’re going to expect someone…to make us feel special and worthy. Ultimately, they cannot.” Nouwen goes on to say that we need to forgive each other for not being God. I’m coming to realize that when we put our hope in other people to provide what they cannot, when we expect them to meet our needs, then we miss seeing Jesus right there willing to meet our deepest longings…our deepest desires.

*names changed to protect the innocent and to not embarrass myself more than I already have

I love to make things from scratch for the holidays, and with the holidays upon us, I am off to the store to buy all the ingredients I will need to bake my ass off again this year. Much of it will be shipped to friends and family across the country, some of it will be offered as gifts to our new friends in our new home. As it turns out, the phrase “from scratch” also applies to my love life. I’ve got a fresh start here and I can pick and choose my own ingredients for whatever recipe for love I decide to cook up!

The dream recipe for my guy has taken years to perfect (in my mind). He’s around 5″11, beautiful smile, strong features, and amazing hands that fit perfectly in mine. He’s usually bald, or salt and pepper, little dimples, and it matters little what he does for a living or what his body type is, because when I am with him, the whole universe evaporates anyway. I am safe and warm and I fantasize (see my blog Destiny—- from August 2009) he is the one I run into in my new downtown on December 15th. He’s the guy that will pick up my bags as I clumsily drop them enroute to my car (or something like that!).

But in all actuality, what if he’s not there? What if I have to continue to bake this dream, define it, test it in the kitchen before I can offer it to someone else wrapped up with love along with all the other homemade confections? As I “cook up” this fantasy of finding my dream man in the beautifully decorated streets of my town, what if he’s still in the oven? What if he’s still friggin married, separated or recently widowed? Crap, what chance do I have then? My warm, chewy, delicious gingerbread man, isn’t running down the street away from the little old woman looking for his wonderful new woman, he’s still laying on the cookie sheet in a toasty 350 degree oven…..wait for it….. getting crispy and perfect without ME! But, but, I’m ready NOW! Out of the oven, dammit, I’ve waiting long enough to frost your cute little face!

Baking is an art. Finding the love of your life is evidently a culinary art of its’ own. You don’t just throw some flour and sugar and a couple of large Grade A eggs into a bowl, mix for 4 minutes or until smooth, and roll it all into Mr. Perfect! Even on my best baking day, I couldn’t pull THAT off! It’d be nice… but that’s another blog entirely…

I’m going to bake this year. And as the eternal optimist I am going to be on that square on December 15th. I will look fabulous – for me. I’ve accomplished all I’ve ever wanted so far in life and being here only solidifies my certainty that I will very soon fufill the rest of my dreams. Of course they include my dream man, but I’ve been “baking” long enough to know that even if I am “done”, he might not be. He might need some more time in the oven so to speak. He might need to catch up with me, like the gingerbread man in the book begging all to join in the chase for the elusive warm cookie.

My melt in my mouth moment has already happened. I am living it every day of my life. I savor in every bite, enjoy the flavor, and go back for seconds, just because my life is sooo delicious right now!

I’m going to look for love – from scratch this time. I love the possibilities it offers. Like a recipe, I will try to follow the directions, I’ll put alot of love into the bowl of life, and hopefully if it all makes its’ way into the oven and I time it just right, the end result will be a perfectly baked love – from scratch!

I am exactly the girl I knew I would be when I was five. The trick is finding the guy who makes this cookie feel “whole” and frosted from head to toe – with love. I pray for all my readers to find the “sweet love” of their life!

Love,

Mel

She wants to know “What’s so wrong if I like him?”.

The “Christian” guy cheated on her. But this guy is nice, they’ve connected. She trusts him.

He wants to know “So what if “he is a really nice guy”, he treats you well, you won’t date him?”

The “Christian” guy hasn’t made the move. But this guy is nice, they’ve connected. She trusts him.

If you are single, and have been around the Christian bubble for more than five minutes, you’ve heard the verses, and with the best of intentions recited them yourself.

Guard your heart. Don’t be unequally yoked. He will give you the desires of your heart.  Paul even said it was better to be single. Run after Christ, and when you turn and see someone there next to you – That’s “him”.

When the cliches wear off.  What will stop the lingering looks and flirtatious touches?

It’s Christ.

And Only Christ.

Is Christ the center?

Is Christ the treasure?

Is obedience to Him and bringing Glory to Him the highest calling?

Rest knowing that you are Loved even in your loneliness.

Remember whose you are, and all He has brought you through.

If that’s not enough, you’re looking for fulfillment in the wrong relationship.

We’ve all had a serious crush.

The kind where you write their name in your notebook while your taking notes in class (admit it, you’ve done it). Or you check your phone every 15 minutes to see if they’ve called … or sent a text. You check their facebook even though you were there just 10 minutes ago. And when you see them at work,  you go out of your way to talk to them. You’re so nervous that you crack stupid jokes that aren’t funny. You’re so wrapped up on your feelings that you can’t tell if she likes you. You think she does.

Hours later you’re still thinking about her. And you’re still beating yourself up about that stupid thing you said to her earlier that day.

Yes, we’ve all been there. And we all are familiar with that same devastating pain when she doesn’t call, doesn’t text. She doesn’t initiate a hello. You feel like you’re giving so much energy and time but for what? You want to write her a letter PROCLAIMING YOUR PASSION SO THAT SHE UNDERSTANDS! You want to call her. You have to see her.

Let me get one thing clear…

Crushes like this? It’s all in your head. This really has nothing to do about the person your in love with. It’s all about you and your infatuation. You don’t even really see the other person and what they want. And if you could, you’d find that chances are she thinks your a nice guy but in all honestly really doesn’t give a shit.

So for heaven’s sake, learn to separate yourself! Acknowledge when you’ve gone too far. I like to believe that this is something we all learned back in 10th grade when we sent an angry message over myspace to the jerk who blew you off after you hooked up at a friend’s party. Hopefully a month later you read that message and thought “ya, I went too far with that….”

Bottom line?

Don’t send enraged and overly passionate e-mails to a crush.

]]> http://criticadecinema.wordpress.com/2009/11/27/ele-nao-esta-tao-a-fim-de-voce-2009-hes-just-not-that-into-you/ Fri, 27 Nov 2009 03:23:25 +0000 roberta vieira http://criticadecinema.wordpress.com/2009/11/27/ele-nao-esta-tao-a-fim-de-voce-2009-hes-just-not-that-into-you/

Filme Para Mulheres… Só Para Mulheres Mesmo! Proibida a Entrada de Homens!

 Gênero: Romance, Comédia, Drama
Censura: 12 anos
Duração: 129 min
Direção: Ken Kwapis
Com: Ginnifer Goodwin, Kris Kristofferson, Kevin Connolly, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck.
Local de Filmagem: Baltimore, Maryland, USA; Beverly Hills, California, USA; Burbank, California, USA; Formosa Street, Maida Vale, London, England, UK; London, England, UK; Los Angeles, California, USA; Madras, Oregon, USA; Maida Vale, London, England, UK; Portland, Oregon, USA e Venice, Los Angeles, California, USA.
Produção: Nancy Juvonen
Roteiro: Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein, baseado no livro de Greg Behrendt e Liz Tuccillo – "He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys"
Fotografia: John Bailey
Trilha Sonora: Cliff Eidelman
Distribuidora: PlayArte Filmes
Estúdio: Flower Films

SINOPSE:
Gigi, interpretada por Ginnifer Goodwin [Day Zero (2007), "Big Love" como Margene Heffman  (34 episodes, 2006-2009) e In the Land of Women (2007)] é uma romântica incorrigível que sai com Conor, interpretado por Kevin Connolly ["Entourage" Eric Murphy como (66 episodes, 2004-2008), The Notebook (2004) e The Ugly Truth (2009)] que é o tipo de cara que nunca liga no dia seguinte.

Um dia ela resolve encontrar com Conor “acidentalmente” em um bar que ele costuma freqüentar, e acaba conhecendo Alex, interpretado por Justin Long [Jeepers Creepers (2001), Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008) e Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007) (voice) como Alvin] que é o sujeito que divide o apartamento com Conor, e que tem uma visão muito clara sobre o mundo, cuja qual ele decide compartilhar com Gigi numa viagem ao complicado mundo da mente masculina.

Depois de “cair na real”, segundo as revelações de Alex, Gigi percebe que ao invés de correr atrás dos homens com quem tivera um encontro apenas, bem como ficar tentado interpretar os sinais que os mesmos dão durante esses encontros, ela resolve desencanar e não correr mais atrás, nem o telefone deles ela passa a anotar.

Mas o que Gigi não percebe é que ela caiu exatamente na mesma ladainha, mas dessa vez foi com Alex, que de fato passou todos os sinais de que ele estava afim, mas…

Bom essas sinopse será um pouco mais longa do que eu gostaria que ela fosse. Mas vale a pena ler…

Nesse bolo de Gigi, Conor e Alex, temos outros encontros e desencontros, por exemplo: Conor não liga de volta para Gigi porque ele é apaixonado por Anna Taylor, interpretada por Scarlett Johansson [Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008), The Island (2005) e Iron Man 2 (2010)] que está apixonada por Ben Gunders, interpretado por Bradley Cooper [Yes Man (2008), The Midnight Meat Train (2008) e "Nip/Tuck" como Aidan Stone (6 episodes, 2007-2009)] cujo qual ela conheceu na fila do caixa do supermercado e que é casado com Janine Gunders, interpretada por Jennifer Connelly [Blood Diamond (2006), House of Sand and Fog (2003) e Dark City (1998)].

Por sua vez, Janine trabalha com Beth Barllet, interpretada por Jennifer Aniston [The Break-Up (2006), Marley & Me (2008) e Along Came Polly (2004)] que é “juntada” com Neil Jones, interpretado por Ben Affleck [State of Play (2009), Smokin' Aces (2006) e Pearl Harbor (2001)]. Janine e Beth trabalham também com Gigi, e passam o dia todo debatendo seus relacionamentos e o dos outros.

Neil e Ben são amigos e compartilham suas fobias de casamento juntos, tanto os deles quanto os dos outros.

Já Beth vive um dilema com seu “namorido”, pois Neil se recusa a casar com ela, alegando que já vivem a tantos anos juntos que casar poderia estragar tudo, além dele mesmo ser contra a oficialização perante as leis civis e religiosas.

E para acabar com esse super bolo de encontros e desencontros, Conor contrata Mary Harris, interpretada por Drew Barrymore [Music and Lyrics (2007), 50 First Dates (2004) e Charlie's Angels (2000)] para realizar seu marketing pessoal, pois Conor é corretor de imóveis e quer aumentar o número de visitação das casas que ele é responsável pela venda ou locação. Já Mary só namora “on line” e espera conhecer ser príncipe encantado, seu par feito…

CRÍTICA

Do mesmo diretor de “Licença Pra Casar” – 2007 (License to Wed) e Quatro Amigas e Um Jeans Viajante – 2005 (The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants), Ken Kwapis acertou mais uma vez na receita do bolo, e que bolo!

Recém saído da telonas, agora é aguardar a chegada nas locadoras, ou procurar pelas salas de cinema que ainda estejam com o longa em cartaz para assistir ao drama romântico que mostra com clareza o mundo complicado da mulheres e suas infinitas ladainhas.

Quantas vezes ouvi minhas amigas dizerem que o “cara” não me merecia, ou que o cara não ligou pois estava com algum problema, em fim, sabem quantas justificativas cretinas já ouvi de amigas, tias, mães e do próprio “cretino” que ele não me ligou por algum motivo idiota, que está na cara que era uma puta mentira deslavada e ninguém, ninguém mesmo teve a “porra” da coragem de dizer que “ELE NÃO ESTAVA TÃO AFIM DE MIM”…

Conflitos amorosos, brigas homéricas entre namorados, traição, cara metade, alma gêmea, fofocas, etc. Tudo que envolve o relacionamento entre homens e mulheres é mostrado nesse longa de uma forma esclarecedora, sincera e um tanto engraçada.

Não é um filme para homens assistirem, mas sim, para homens corajosos o suficiente para enfrentarem as mil e uma “ladainhas” femininas e de uma vez por todas, descobrirem alguns dos vários segredos das mulheres… É vocês vão poder ver com os próprios olhos o que as mulheres fazem (pensam) no primeiro encontro, o quanto as mulheres imaginam (viajam), fantasiam (sonham) sobre os homens…

Estou exagerando um pouquinho para vocês leitores entrarem no clima, afinal é um filme para mulheres, mas os homens devem sim, assistir. O filme é bom, boas atuações, ótimas sacadas e excelente roteiro. Não vai agradar a todos, mas com certeza vai agradar o público feminino, pelo menos a parte que tem plena consciência de que as mulheres são sim mais pré dispostas a abrirem seus corações do que os homens.

O amor pode estar em qualquer lugar, mas na maioria das vezes, ele se mostra nos momentos menos esperados… Basicamente é disso que o filme se trata. Não adianta nada escolhermos o par perfeito, a pessoa certa, o cara ideal, a mulher dos sonhos, ou como já ouvi por aí, a  “mulher da minha vida”…  Pelo amor de Deus, como ela pode ser a mulher da sua vida se você a viu somente uma vez?

São as pequenas coisas, os gestos, as atitudes, as palavras, que definem a essência de uma pessoa, de fato Conor acaba percebendo isso no final da história, quando sem ter uma puta idéia, ele acaba esbarrando naquela que seria sua mulher e mãe dos seus filhos, e ironicamente, eles já se conheciam…

bom filme…
roberta vieira
http://www.hesjustnotthatintoyoumovie.com/

CONFIRA O TRAILER ABAIXO:

]]> http://musingsonlifeandlove.com/2009/11/26/the-mercy-of-gift/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:00:19 +0000 Dennis Hong http://musingsonlifeandlove.com/2009/11/26/the-mercy-of-gift/

Image by Clipart.com

Ashley is a smart woman—a software developer, in fact. She’s attractive, she’s athletic, she’s outgoing, and she’s witty. And now that I’ve opened this story by telling you how smart, attractive, athletic, outgoing, and witty Ashley is, you can probably guess where this abject tale is headed….

You see, Ashley also happens to be hopelessly infatuated with Martin, a man she has been sharing the stuffing with for over a year now, and yet, a man who refuses to commit to her. As reasons for his waffling, he explains that he barely survived the bitter and traumatic breakup with his last girlfriend. He is still recovering from the experience, he reveals, and he just doesn’t know if he is ready to get involved in a serious relationship.

Ashley assures Martin that she understands. She tells him to take as much time as he needs. She will be supportive, and she will be patient. In the meantime, they continue to see each other once or twice each week, and she continues to let him candy her yams with each soiree.

Ashley’s friends express concern. They suggest that Martin might be leading her on, intimating that he’s just not that into her while waving He’s Just Not That Into You in her face. Undaunted, Ashley defends Martin, repeatedly and vehemently. She explains that whenever he travels, he often brings back a gift for her, whether a trinket, jewelry, or a funny souvenir. And whenever he cancels on a date at the last minute, or just fails to show up, he knows how to apologize….

“He is thoughtful,” Ashley maintains. “I know he can be flakey, but he’s really busy. And when he does flake on me, he always knows to bring me flowers the next time.”

Six eyeballs roll in unison.

“He’s totally playing you,” one friend mutters.

“He’s only buying you these mercy gifts to keep you roped in,” points out a second friend.

Between crinkled brows, a third friend wonders rhetorically, “what do you see in him, anyway?”

And so, the melodrama continues. From the perspective of Ashley’s friends, Martin is merely dangling carrots in front of her. They know that his gifts require miniscule thought. The effort he invests in purchasing a dozen roses amounts to the same effort required to stop by the grocery store and buy a pre-packaged pie on the way to a Thanksgiving potluck. Yet, these mercy gifts are enough to keep Ashley at his beck and call whenever he feels the need to get his turkey basted.

By now, Ashley’s friends are left wondering if she will ever realize the futility of her hope, at the same time pondering the growing inaccuracy of the phrase “hopelessly infatuated.” Perhaps “hopefully infatuated” would more accurately describe Ashley’s state of mind, they muse. At a loss, they vent to a male friend, hoping a man’s perspective can help them convince Ashley that she deserves better.

Suddenly, it has arrived. My great opportunity. My opportunity to do what a man is wired to do. My opportunity to execute that manliest of man-tasks:

To fix broken things. And what could be more broken than Ashley’s feelings?

Leaping from my seat with sheer aplomb, I bound over the coffee table and plant my fists onto my hips. In eager anticipation of my insight, the women sit transfixed. I imagine them gawking at my fluttering cape and the glistening “S” stretched across my spandex-enshrouded chest. My mind moving faster than a receding mullet, I instantaneously devise the most profound, the most brilliant, and of course, the most manly, of solutions….

Unfortunately, my suggestion to tell Ashley to “man up and grow a spine and a set of balls” begets only an encore round of eyeball-rolling. Forced to regroup, I must instead offer Ashley these creamy chocolate-coated thoughts:

Perhaps a better measure of how much you mean to your insignificant other lies not in the gifts that he lavishes on you, but in the effort that he devotes to you. If you want to focus on gifts, does he buy you gifts that show thought and consideration? Or are they gifts that he can pick up at any random store whenever the idea springs into his head that he should probably get you something? Consider his actions thusly, and maybe you’ll be able to figure out whether he’s truly giving you his affections or merely giving you the mercy of gift.

In the meantime, Ashley’s friends have thrown up their arms in frustration. Anyone want to offer their own suggestions? This manly man is fresh out.

I was at the airport this morning and I looked down at my feet and saw a black leather suitcase. Upon opening it I discovered a thick manuscript titled ‘Twilight 3: Scrappy-Doo Makes A Boo-Boo’. Obviously someone had made a huge mistake and left an item of great value behind.  However a quick skim and I found out that in a jealous rage Scrappy attacks Edward with a meat cleaver and then forces himself on to Bella. Now I thought this was odd as Scrappy, other than being an asexual minor, was in fact a fictional cartoon character. Would it be like when Paula Abdul danced with MC Skat Kat in the ‘Opposites Attract’ film clip? It just wouldn’t work. Surely this version was a clever decoy to keep the “Twihards” guessing. So I installed the latest copy of Microsoft Decoder on my laptop and proceeded to retype the whole script. A day later when I hit DECODE I was presented with ‘Twilight 3: Hot Runnings’. I noticed it was fairly similar to that Disney movie about the guys that form a Jamaican bobsled team, except this was set in Iceland and Edward, Bella, Jacob, Hitler and Gandalf form a relay team that hopes to compete in London 2012. Hilarity ensues when Gandalf realises he was in a superior movie trilogy and plots the deaths of his teammates. After succeeding he has a tea party with Jude Law and Bono. Ha! Nice try, I figured this was also a decoy script as there would be no way Gandalf would let this pass – he would not kill off Hitler and then dine with Bono.

Even though both decoys proved to be of a higher quality in comparison to Twilight 1 and 2, I was still sick of being stuffed around by jackass writers. I was ready to give up. But I decided to give it one last go. Luckily as the true plot was revealed titled ‘Twilight 3: Edward vs Dracula’. Edward is enjoying a quiet nighttime read of ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ at a local beatnik cafe when the Count comes up behind him, taps him on the shoulder and asks him “are you serious with all this shit?” before ripping his head off and feasting on his jugular. As the petrified cafe patrons look on Dracula boldly declares: “Who is glittering now, bitch?”. The end. Turns out it’s a short film that they plan on running during the halftime show of the 2010 Superbowl.

In conclusion how much did my blog hits just go up? Would it be as much as a post titled ‘2 and a Half Men Is  Abreast Of The Rest’? Results in a few days.

Monday night I watched the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and, admittedly, it got to me. In addition to humorously portraying the communication challenges in any relationship (romantic or otherwise), it also struck me with its very honest portrayal of the lies we often tell ourselves to make us feel “happier.” But I digress because, in addition to causing some self-reflection, the movie also sparked my memory about a band that I fell in love with about 5 years ago…Keane.

The very last song before the credits rolled was one of my favorites from Keane: “Somewhere Only We Know” . The three-piece British, piano-playing rock band hammers out deliciously heart-felt ballads that blend the soulful vocals of singer, Tom Chaplin, with the powerful instrumentals of bassist/pianist, Tim Rice-Oxley and drummer, Richard Hughes. And, at the end of the day, they’re all very sweet guys (I was fortunate enough to have met them after a concert they played in Cleveland, Ohio and they graciously signed autographs and took pictures with their adoring fans).

The band isn’t on tour right now, but they recently released a delux edition of their “Hopes and Fears” album (that debuted in 2004). In addition to the original 11 songs that appeared on the album, the delux edition features 26 additional tracks, including live versions of some of the original songs from “Hopes and Fears” and other great tunes like Snowed Under. Here’s a fun video of that song from a live performance Keane did in Glastonbury in 2005.

Click to enlarge and read Jelena’s story. For context, she is responding to an article entitled “How to Tell if a Guy Likes You, Five Signs He’s Interested.” I don’t think he’s interested, Jelena.

Appesa. Come queste paia di scarpe. Le guardi e non capisci perchè siano lì, chi ce le ha lanciate e perchè. Le guardi e ti domandi per quanto rimarranno aggrovigliate lassù, in balia del vento, o quanto tempo impiegheranno, eventualmente, a cadere.

E’ come dice Drew Barrymore.

“I’ve had a guy leave a voicemail for me at work, and then I call him back at home, and he emails me to my Blackberry, and then I text him to his cell and then he emails me to my home account from the plane phone — and it just totally gets out of hand. I miss the days where you had one phone number with one answering machine that housed one cassette tape and either the cassette tape had a message from the guy or it didn’t. That’s it. Now you have to go around checking all your portals and get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.“

E comunque è vero. Di nuovo, non ci sono sfumature di grigio (o di rosa). E’ bianco. O nero. E’ come dico io. La verità è che non vuoi saperlo. Tanto sarebbe ugualmente estenuante.

It’s a myth that people often repeat- “Guys just don’t know how to use their phones!”

This. is. false.

Some men prefer to speak in person, or don’t really like using the phone as much as other forms of communication. But, men know how to answer and return calls.

Think about it. You say your man is TOO busy to call? Too busy to call and say, “Hey baby I’m too busy to talk but I promise I’ll get back to you when I’m not, probably tonight or tomorrow. I love you. Bye” That takes about 1 minute provided that the girl understands this and says, “Hello? Okay, I love you. Be safe/work hard/don’t stress out. Bye.”
Please. Most of us stand in front of the vending machine and try to pick between m&m flavors longer then that.

Look, men who are constantly busy and working LIKE to take minute moment breaks to be happy. &if he was into you, guess what? You’re a bright spot in his day! Hearing your voice should be enough to relax him slightly, especially if he’s having a stressful and busy day. This would be one of those days he would NEVER be too busy to call, because he honestly wants to be happy for a few moments.

FIVE BULLSHIT EXCUSES MEN GIVE ABOUT CALLING

, when it really just mean that they just aren’t into you.

1. But he’s been traveling a lot!

Look, when a man is really into you, he wants to spend time with you. &if you see him less then once a week, you can bet he’ll want to talk to you every other day or so, especially when he can’t physically see you. Hell, a guy who REALLY REALLY loves you will probably call you EVERY DAY.
With the new and improved internet, there are a million ways to reach others for pennies. Are you worth that 5 dollars he will spend to use skype and call your cell and just say hello, i’m safe, good night? He WANTS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE if he loves you. Think about it. Your voice should make him smile, ESPECIALLY if he’s in a foreign place with strange languages and people everywhere.

2. But he’s got a lot on his mind.

Yes, honey, and shouldn’t you be one of them? This excuse is NOT OKAY when he “forgets” to call you.. say, to tell you he can’t make it to your pre-planned date because he and the boys decided to play a game of football. Any event scheduled beforehand. If he has a lot on his mind and he calls you half an hour later then you were expecting, then it’s understandable. But NEVER think that this excuse is okay (with the exception of real emergencies. Like 911 omfg I/someone I love is going to die).

3. He never calls on time (like weeks later).

Yes, people constantly say things they don’t mean or forget. So if he doesn’t call when he promised? Well, you should be with a guy who MEANS what he says to you.

4. Maybe he just hates the phone and I love it. We’re different.

Okay, space is good in a relationship. Actually, it’s crucial. However, even if he hates talking on the phone, if YOU love it, he should compromise a little, if only to make you happy. You love chatting for hours everyday, he grunts monosyllables only when his ferrari dealer calls. Example of a compromise? He’ll answer the phone when you call, especially if you two see each other less than once a week. You, however, will limit your convo’s to 15 minutes (or whatever you two agree on).

5. But he’s a very important person (and has no time for me).

I don’t think I really even NEED to say much on this, but here’s a pretend letter that some of you might be thinking about writing to me.

Dear Sophii,
You’re retardedddd. I am dating this super important director that makes tons of money and is really hot! He is never available, because he’s super busy, and sometimes has no reception for hours! But, I put up with it because I know he’s just doing it for me. Why do you make us all sound like needy little clingers?

Men are never too busy to call, especially if it’s calling to get what they want (except bootycalls. He’s not into you, he’s into the service you provide his dick).

BEING TOO BUSY IS A LOAD OF CRAP.

He might be too busy to go over to your place and watch a 2 hour movie with an hour of cuddling and sex time. But he will NEVER be too busy to call and say, “I’m going to be home late,” “I’m busy RIGHT NOW but I will call you -within a reasonable amount of time.. say, 2 days?-”

How to know if a guy is into you…
1. You won’t stare at your phone praying he’ll call.
2. You won’t check your messages constantly hoping he texted.
3. You won’t hate yourself for calling him when your gut feeling is screaming no.
4. You WILL be treated as respectfully as any customer is treated.

Think about it. If the rapist/murderer is allowed a phone call once a day to his lawyer, why aren’t YOU given the same right with the man who “loves” you?

In Mike’s last post, he questioned whether love was really love if it went unreturned.  It’s a question I’ve heard debated many times, but I think it’s a silly one.  Love isn’t dependent on getting what you want; love is the opposite of “what’s in it for me?”

I think this question is a reflection of the sad fact that we’ve largely twisted the definition of love to mean something like “something that makes me feel good”.  Of course, love can make us feel good, but there’s much more to it than that.

If my adult child decides that she hates me and huffs off to never speak to me again, will I love her any less?  When my beloved grandmother’s senility eroded her brain to the point that she didn’t recognize me, did I stop loving her?  Of course not.  So why would the standard be different for love that included an element of romance or sexual desire?

The important question that seems to be raised in Mike’s post is a different one altogether:  “Should I continue this relationship?”

The answer to that question is probably crystal clear, but it’s not dependent on what that other person might or might not feel.  It’s dependent on what you need to be satisfied with the relationship and whether or not you’re getting it.

You’re not going to bring him around.  You’re not going to wear him down.  He’s not going to learn to love you if you just stick around long enough.  He’s not going to see the light and realize that you’ve always been the best thing that ever happened to him like some teenager in a John Hughes movie.   It is what it is and it’s up to you to take it or leave it AS IS.

I’ve discussed this issue with a lot of people, and there seems to be a general assumption that “take it or leave it?” in this context is somewhat rhetorical, that if you truly accept that you’re not going to get what you want, walking away is the only thing that makes sense.  I don’t necessarily think that’s true.  In fact, sticking around has worked very well for me.

For years, I had an on-again/off-again relationship with a man who loved me far less than I loved him.  For the first six months or so, it was painful, and it might have seemed the wise thing to just walk away, but I made a different decision. I decided instead to embrace reality.  What we had together was wonderful.  It wasn’t what I’d originally hoped for and never would be, but when I removed my goals from the mix and looked at the situation as it really was, it was all good.  We learned from one another, supported one another, played well together, thought well together and really, truly enjoyed each other’s company.

“So what was the problem?” you might be asking.  I certainly asked that in the beginning.  But I quickly recognized that it was the wrong question and abandoned it.  The idea that there was a problem was born entirely of the fact that things weren’t proceeding according to my original goals.  In other words, that I hadn’t been able to bend him to my will.   The reality was simple:  there were things about our relationship that really worked, but he wasn’t ever going to marry me.  He wasn’t ever even going to be my boyfriend.

If having someone in my life full-time had been important to me at that stage, then it would have made a lot of sense to walk away.  If you know what you want and it’s clear that you’re never going to get it, there’s little to be gained by hanging around beating your head against the wall and hoping that at some point it will stop hurting.  But that wasn’t how it was for me.  I was happy with where I was in life and he added to that; he wasn’t standing in the way of anything I especially wanted or needed.  In that context, it made sense to simply take it for what it was–and what it was was good for a long time.

But you can’t have it both ways.  You can’t play at accepting the way things are but secretly keep hoping that they’re going to change.  You can’t say “friends is better than nothing” when you really mean “friends leaves me in a position to keep hoping things will change”.  Reality is.  Start there, and it won’t matter in the least whether you decide to name it “love” or not.

It started out just like any other typical HELP ME WITH THIS GUY PROBLEM convo. One of our friends was asking us for advice about the behavior of the man she liked. He was giving her mixed messages – she was confused. We were happy to pitch in and pick apart all the signs and signals of his actions. &just like every other day, after TONS of analysis and debate, we concluded that she was perfect and he must be scared. But this one day, a casual friend of a friend was also listening, and said to the woman in question… “Listen, it sounds like he’s just not that into you.“

We were appalled, shocked, horrified. We never considered this. But, we thought, there’s no way you, who doesn’t even know the guy, could possibly understand my unique, very busy, complicated potential future boyfriend. We all have excuses for these men.

All these years I’ve been complaining about men and their mixed messages, and now I saw they weren’t mixed messages at all. I was the one that was mixed up. Because these men had simply not been that into me.
Dear lovely ladies,

Does that sound like something you could have said yourself? Men, do you ever hear your lady-friends say such things? If so, immediately go get :

“He’s Just Not that into You” by greg behrendt & liz tuccillo.

&if the answer to the question is no, good job! Glad you figured it out on your own.

It is a very funny and cute book to read.. but most importantly, most of this book is true.

I bought it for 84 cents and it was one of my better investments.
In case the economy is getting to you, though, I will begin by summarizing part of the book so you can start getting advice RIGHT AWAY.

he’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out

because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

The whole “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. Here’s the truth. Guys don’t  mind messing up a friendship if he really likes you, because part of really being into someone is wanting to go past a friendship. Sex definitely “could” mess up a friendship. This excuse is never used by someone who actually means it. If he’s friends with someone and is attracted to them, he’ll want to take it further. &please don’t try to convince yourself he’s scared. The only thing he’s scared of – and we say this with as much love as possible – is how not attracted he is to you.

The following SIX excuses are pure bullshit. They are as follows:

1. Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship.

>Really ? See above.

2. Maybe he’s intimidated by me.

Yes, countless men complain that if a girl is too pretty, he’s intimidated by her or feels he has no chance.

Now, tell me, do you REALLY want to date such a ball-less, insecure guy? No. Of course not. If a guy is really awed and wowed by a girl’s appearance so much that he won’t approach her, he sucks. &that sounds a little shallow. If he already knows you and thinks you’re so wonderful and awesome, he probably ALSO knows whether or not you are single, and if he really liked you, he’d go after what he wants. That’s how men are. &if he’s too much of a pussy, don’t date him. He’s probably a self-proclaimed “nice guy.” &those creatures are evil and you must stay away from them. There will be posts on this.

3. Maybe he wants to take it slow.

If a guy truly liked you but for personal needs and reasons really did want to take it slow, he will let you know immediately. He will NOT keep you guessing, because he wants to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.

4. But he gave me his number.

DON’T LET HIM TRICK YOU INTO ASKING HIM OUT. When men want you, they will do the work. This sounds old school ? No, it’s a golden rule. Men will ask out women they like.

5. Maybe he forgot to remember me.

If he has your number and wants to call you, he will. If he likes you, he will still remember you after a flood, tsunami, or USC/UCLA loss. If he doesn’t, he’s not worth your time. Know why? You’re amazing and awesome. Drop that sucker.

6. Maybe I don’t want to play games.

Does this sound like you ?

Dear Idiot-person-who-wrote-this-stuff,

YOU ARE DUMB. I am a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN *roar*. I call guys all the time because fuck these double standards! I don’t want to play silly games. I call guys tons of times. Why do you think we can’t ?

=strong independent woman

Dear SIW,

Guys who like it are full of themselves or lazy. DO you want to be with those types of guys? Look, I’m not saying we should go back to Victorian times. But guys chase girls. You should be more realistic about how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drives men. Or maybe you’re the chosen one.

love,

us

We know that women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, raising wonderful children.. sometimes all at once! But it’s simple.

It’s an infuriating concept, that men like to chase and you have to let them do so. It even seems unfair. But look. If you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you.

You may be wondering, what? The guys get to pick? Why don’t we just wear little dresses and do our hair and bait our eyelashes? HOPE they choose us. Fuck, why don’t we just lace up corsets a little too tight and faint in front of his carriage. Hopefully he’ll scoop us out of the way.

Look, women don’t like to do nothing. I know. We like to scheme.

But seriously. Remember this. Don’t scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask you out. You’re fantastic.

Watching women let men have all the control in a relationship has a personal effect on me. When I listen to how my friends let a guy determine all the terms of a relationship, when they speak, when they get together, when they sleep together and when they actually commit to one another, actually makes me want to start a women’s dating revolution. Why don’t women know that they have a say too?

We’ve all been there; liking a guy so much that you are scared to communicate what you want for fear that they don’t share those feelings in return and will end things. You feel that any relationship with them is better than no relationship. But didn’t people read the book “He’s just not that into you”? Because it was meant to empower you. Don’t women know that they can hang around a guy forever driving themselves crazy because he doesn’t call when he says he will or won’t commit for whatever reason. Well, if things start off that way they 99% of the time won’t change. The best that you can hope for is that 2 years down the road, once removed from the situation, they will have some sort of revelation and give you a call to reconnect (and by that time you’ll be thinking “why did I even like this guy?”)

But unfortunately the chances of a revelation are slim and I rather not torture myself in the meantime. So if I get any of those early warning signs I make the choice to end things. It is my decision not theirs because I’m not getting what I want out of this. I have been criticized of getting out too fast but it’s just that I’ve tasted the other side and I know that when someone likes you and you like them, this bullshit (pardon my language, I don’t mean to sound like a jaded scary bitch) doesn’t happen. It should be easy and women shouldn’t feel insecure especially at the beginning, that’s when they are supposed to be gagagoogoo over you!

So instead of waiting for him to contact you…tell him “I’ll call you next week” or “Stop calling me altogether.” Take it. Own it. It’s yours.

I still think about him. It’s been a little over 4 months since we’ve last talked, since the ambiguity of our relationship 1.5 year relationship was cleared and it ended. It’s been 4 months and I still think about him every day. Many have asked me whether I have talked to him. The answer is no. I figured I would be ok to talk to him soon since we officially ended almost 5 months ago, but I don’t think that’s true. I thought I was strong, but I still need more time. I know that when I am able to stop thinking about him every day that things will be better. It is normal for me to feel this way, I think. He did have an impact on my life and now… well, now I still have to get over him.

Why do women make excuses for men? Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo published a liberating novel titled “He’s Just not That into You” and freed many women from this ridiculous tradition of making excuses for why men weren’t doing this that or the other. I only wish every woman I knew would read this novel, so I wouldn’t have to spend so much time shooting down excuses women make.

But I’m not sure the book addresses why we make the excuses. It’s probably simple: we’re trying to justify why a guy we like isn’t toeing the line so we can perpetuate our false fantasy of happily ever after. That assertion is a sad one, when considering the logic (or ill-logic).

Some very popular excuses for why a guy isn’t calling or asking a girl out include: He’s not looking for a relationship right now, he’s really busy with work, maybe he’s just shy or nervous, he doesn’t want to ruin a friendship.

No, no, no, and no. Let’s flip the situation for a minute.

The past few months have been hellishly stressful: busy with work, busy with the move, dealing with the loss of my beloved sheltie. If the perfect man had come into my life then, would I have turned him down because I was too busy? Because I wasn’t in the mood for a relationship? Nervous? No way Jose.

So why do we make the same excuses for men? And why do we play that game with our girlfriends?

Successful and happy relationships have no excuses. Married women don’t talk about how their spouses were too busy or stressed to date them. They don’t reference some discussion they had with their future spouse about the chances of ruining their friendship if they dated. There are no tales of shyness or nervousness that indefinitely delayed a man asking out a woman.

Intense interest and attraction inspire men and women to do great and brave things for each other. Love stories are about overcoming obstacles, not creating them. If Mr. Right comes into our lives, we make time to see him. We can’t wait to hear his voice, we can’t wait to see his face. Why would he be any different?

It’s time to get off the excuse-making, energy-draining, emotionally-exhausting roller coaster ride of theorizing men’s behavior. Men are refreshingly simple. They want what they want and will stop at nothing to get it. It’s what makes them great leaders: they have one track minds and I’m not just talking about sex. When they see something they want, they pursue it. If they’re busy, they make time. If they’re nervous, they get over it. He turns a friendship into a relationship. Men are competitive, they are urgent. When they want us nothing will stop them from getting us.

Furthermore, why do we want to be with men we have to convince to be with us? It’s like that pathetic new Taylor Swift song: “If you would only see, you belong with me.” Yuck. Everytime I hear it (while flipping channels) I want to scream at her: “He doesn’t like you!” Why do we want to be with men who don’t like us as much as we like them?

Love inspires! A woman should never have to question if a man is interested in her or not. He will go to great lengths to impress her, he will cross oceans to see her, call her whenever he gets the opportunity, smile at her whenever he sees her, compliment her whenever he can, make her feel special and beautiful.

Women need to instill this into our friends and stop going along and playing this game of “Why is he acting like this, and what does it mean?”

Spare her the agony and the emotions and just tell her the truth: He’s just not that into you. And don’t you want to be with someone who is?

This is a trailer for the recent movie He’s Just Not That Into You and was found on YouTube.

So here’s what I learned from this trailer:

1. The women are all insecure and operating on social principles learned in preschool (?) in the hopes of getting married, and appear to not even have considered the idea that not being married is a valid status for a meaningful relationship.  They’re pretty much all neurotic and need men to find value in themselves.

2. The men are also somewhat neurotic, but less so, and mostly find the women baffling.

3. Nobody is genuine, ever.  They’re all too busy overthinking everything to be able to honestly interact with each other.

4. And since women are apparently crazy and obsessed with marriage while men are clueless and unable to follow the clues the women give (which, admittedly, kinda suck), everybody’s confused and unhappy.

5. And the bonus lesson: Technology is bad and has made human interactions messier and more painful.

Conclusion: this movie is clearly more understanding to the guy mentality (even though the title would suggest that it’s going to be the opposite) and generally thinks everyone is crazy.

Of course, this is a movie based on a nonfiction self-help book, so of course everyone’s crazy.  If they weren’t, they wouldn’t need self-help books!  But the ad really didn’t make me care much about anyone involved, it pretty much just made me go “ya’ll are crazy” and I felt perfectly happy to go on my way without ever having any inclination to watch the movie.  And this is coming from someone who generally enjoys romantic comedies.

Seriously, Tiffany, THIS is your argument? I just want to point out that Greg Behrendt, author of He’s Just Not That Into You, is a comedian. The book is a comedy written by a comedian and not a self-help book written by a psychologist who might actually have some facts or studies to back up their findings. And yet, this book was hailed as being the Holy Bible of the dating world because Greg worked as a consultant on “Sex and the city”. It’s the need to ease the frustrations of dating with comedy that is really feeding the relationship delusions. And this is a big part of the reason why both men and women have their misconceptions about dating baked right in.

The advice that people get on dating, whether it’s from a comedy writer or friends, is typically what causes relationships to fail or not develop in the first place. We’ve all heard these little gems of wisdom but we don’t think about the message they really send. The most popular advice for when someone gives you their number is, “Don’t call too soon, it makes you seem desperate” which send the message, “Their just not that into you”. Or the ever popular, “You have to play hard to get” which send the message, “Their just not that into you”. The advice that I hear from my guy friends on how to get a woman is, “You have to be a little mean to her, women like that” which sends the message, “He’s just not that into you”. Are you starting to see a pattern here?

So, the truth is not that if a guy wants to call…he calls. He probably wants to but the majority of advice that he gets is to play hard to get or don’t act like you are interested. Women do the same thing. It’s beautiful irony that we think the best way to show someone that you are interested is to act like you are not. Heck, I could write a whole book about that and call it, “He’s just not that into you”. Women would buy up every copy trying to figure out where they went wrong after doing exactly what their friends advised them to do. “I acted like I wasn’t interested and he still never called”, …Duh. Now go brush yourself off and get back in the saddle so you can repeat this process and wonder why it didn’t work THIS time.

I’ve actually had a few women tell me that they wanted to call me but didn’t because they were taking advice from their friends. What am I supposed to think when I ask a woman out and she says that she is too busy but will call me when she is free and she never calls? I think that she is telling the truth, she is too busy and I would just be bothering her by calling. Honesty is simply not a widely accepted concept when it comes to dating. It’s asinine but we are taught that we have to play the game rather than just communicate honestly. With this in mind, it doesn’t matter what I say because her natural assumption is going to be that I am lying.