Many of you have noticed that I have not been posting to my blog as regularly as I had been in the past. If you are a regular reader, I apologize. It seem that as the title states “My hands have been silent”.

 The reality of it is that I have struggled recently with being able to put into words my emotions and thoughts. Since being in a major car accident in September, my routine seems to have me out of sync. Although my faith in God has not faltered, my willingness to call on him for strength seems to come only after I have carried my burdens farther than I should have on my own. I know better than that. But I also believe that as a human being many of us have a habit of leaning on ourselves first, and God second.

Psalm 121:1-3

A song of ascents.

 ¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

 ² My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

Our Lord is with us every second of every day. He never stops standing guard. He never lets go of us. It is we who forget, we who let go of God, not the other way around.

Prayer: Precious God, thank you for always being there beside me. Even in the toughest of times you are there. When my struggles are at their peak, you are there to carry my burden. Remind me oh God of your great strength and the shield of protection you offer me from my faults and my demons. Help me to lean on you first, and make myself a distant second. In the name of your son Jesus I pray. Amen

I think a lot of people, myself included, get into ruts at the gym because we tend to do the same workouts every time we exercise. Instead of mixing up workouts, we end up only running on the treadmill or only lifting weights. We tend to not have the time to mix up the workout with some cardio and weight training.

The lack of combining weight training and cardio slows down progress but with a Healthworks BURN class you can amp up the workout and see results. BURN classes are small group workout sessions with an emphasis on interval cardio and strength training. (Definition). Fortunately, for each new member at Healthworks, they receive a complimentary BURN session.

This past week I tried out Jakki’s BURN Baby, BURN class that is offered Tuesday nights at 7 p.m. in Cambridge. A personal trainer and Ride instructor, Jakki exudes energy and inspiration, so I was excited to train with her. Here’s a look at the one-hour work out we completed.

To start the workout, Jakki had us do a light warm up on the treadmill getting the heart pumping and blood flowing.

Then we started a speed drill on the same incline of about 1.0. For BURN classes and many other Healthworks workouts, your personal Rate of Perceived Exertion (RPE), on a scale of one to ten, sets the tone of your work out. On a treadmill, a three is usually a light jog/recovery pace and a nine or ten is a full out sprint. For the sprint workout, we worked on sprint intervals, staying at the same interval but slowly building up to the sprint.

We then got off the treadmill and started work on stability balls. Lying with our backs on the ball and our legs pulled out creating a tabletop, we did an alternating chest press with ten-pound weights. After completing a set of reps for 30 seconds, we flipped over onto the ball and got into plank position. First we held the plank for 30 seconds, and then we made circles with our elbows while staying in plank. (This is really hard but really good!) Alternate 30 seconds each making circles clockwise and then counterclockwise.

After completing the exercises on the ball we got and did ten burpees. These are challenging yet fun exercises. First you jump up with your hands in the air. When you land you put your hands to the floor by your feet. With your weight forward on your hands, jump your feet back and then forward and stand back up. From here you repeat the exercise jumping.

Following the burpees, we did squats with smart bells. For a minute, we squatted down with the bell between our legs and then pulled the bell up to chin level.

Then we repeated the entire circuit (whew!)

After the strength circuit we hopped back on the treadmill and worked on hills. To do this we kept the speed consistent and worked on building up the incline to the top of the hill every 60 seconds. We ran this segment for about ten minutes.

When we finished the hills, we started working on core strength with the stability ball. Lying on a mat we lifted the stability ball up into the air at a 45-degree angle. Then to mix it up we repeated the exercise with one leg lifted in the air and then alternated after 15- 20 reps. To finish we stretched our legs and arms out while lying with our backs on the mat. With the stability ball in our hands, we lifted our arms and legs into the air meeting above our bellies and moved the ball from our hands to our legs and then lowered back to the beginning position. To finish the rep we brought our legs (with the stability ball) and our arms back together and passed the ball back to our hands. We completed the core workout by doing 10-12 reps of this exercise.

After this workout, I could really feel the “BURN.” (Pun intended, hehe) It definitely shook me out of my normal treadmill routine and worked muscles I had forgotten even existed. I’ve also learned a new set of moves to try when I am working out on my own so that I don’t get into the same rut.

If you want to mix up your workout routine, ask your Healthworks front desk to sign you up for your complimentary class.

-Kate

Do you have a favorite BURN class that I should try?

I finally got a chance to shoot what I wanted, the way I wanted in a small Transylvanian village called Holbav. That’s where the photo of me in the oxen cart was taken (last post).

Though Holbav is only about 20km away from Brasov (the region’s largest city) it is a world away in terms of everything else.  Not much would have changed here over the last 100 years or so. Incredibly, there is still no electricity, no running water and none of the other comforts taken for granted in the “modern” Europe. In other words in many ways the village is representative of what a lot of Romania must have been like a long while ago. This is exactly what I wanted to photograph.

My time in Holbav, though very short, was intense. There are times when I want to limit what I know about a place. I think not knowing helps me to be open to only the positive aspects and to concentrate purely on my photography. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case here.

It’s a long story not worth getting into on the blog, but the bottom line is, I found out too much. That the place is not perfect, that life there is hard and the hardships sometimes have a negative impact on people, naturally. Though my experience was 99% great, being aware of the brute, savage and cruel qualities that occasionally come out of the local population was not something I wanted.

In any case, here are some images from this fascinating village.

Dominicu collecting hay, which had been drying for a couple of weeks prior.

Tony packing hay for winter storage.

Ioan and his oxen. Apparently they are pretty old. Ioan used voice commands and beat the crap out of them to get the desired results. It was often a pitiful scene, which is better communicated through video, which I also made, but cannot share until I reach a fast internet connection.

I don’t remember this old gentleman’s name, though I met him twice. He was a lovely fellow, but sure looked like he was drinking a lot, the second time I saw him.

No electricity means that kerosene lamps. replace light-bulbs. Here Ioan hangs the lamp on one of the few hooks that exist around his house.

Next stop – Maramures – supposedly it’s a photographer’s paradise in many ways. We’ll see.

Lake Mead Sunset, originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl.

Feeling the need for some sun and warmth, hence this post of a photo from a warmer locale.

Demi recently uploaded a video from her birthday celebration that took place in the famous Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, California. Enjoy.

Crystal Palace’s youth academy has been credited with producing a number of talented youngsters in recent years; but for many non-Palace fans, the opportunity to see such talent in the flesh has been limited. With many similar-sized clubs loaning their youth products to lower-league sides, it seemed that the Eagles were missing out on an opportunity to give their players more game-time.

This has changed in recent weeks however, with a number of youngsters spreading their wings and parting the nest for more match practice. With Lee Hills at Oldham Athletic, Kieran Djilali at Chesterfield and Kieron Cadogan at Burton Albion, Palace fans have been given an extra incentive to stay up a little later to watch ALL of the Football League’s somewhat turgidly presented highlights.

Those who did stay up for the majority of tonights show will have been delighted by the sight of Djilali scoring to put Chesterfield 3-1 up against Darlington. John Sheridan’s side went on to score a further two goals in a convincing 5-2 win.

Meanwhile, Cadogan’s influence led to his Burton Albion side winning 3-2 against Hereford United. Albion were tied at 2-2 when a foul on Cadogan gave the side the opportunity to score the winner from a free-kick in the 85th minute.

As for Hills, the Palace left-back started for the Latics. It was his 77th minute replacement, Ryan Brooke, who went on to score Oldham’s equaliser. The Lancashire-club also featured Daryl Flahavan in goal.

Neil Warnock will no doubt be pleased by the way his younger players have already adapted to competitive matches. There is no question that the three of them will profit from their moves.

I participated in a walk/run today. It was called a “Skedaddle 5k” and it was approximately 3.2 miles. We ran/walked on the USCA Cross Country course called “Pacer Path.” Here’s my number:

It equals 13, gasp! Funny story about that: I’m born on June 13th, my brother and I are thirteen months aparts and he’s born on July 13th, a friday on which he was birthed. Yeah, so that’s an important number for me.

There was a very large hill near the end. Almost killed me. Found a group to run with though so… go us! Haha I sprinted the last .2, crazy me. I finished in 44:31 minutes. Hoping to improve that but since this was my first race my two objectives were to a) finish b) not be last place and I accomplished both! ^_^

What have you guys and gals done that you can be proud of? Could be some small act of kindness or curing H1N1… one or the other. Your pick.

How do all those rich and famous women from Beverly Hills stay looking so beautiful? Although some turn to expensive and potentially dangerous plastic surgery, many of these ladies use natural, simple and effective methods to stay looking young. Here are three of the best Beverly Hills skin care tips that can help you look younger and healthier no matter where you’re from.

Tip Number 1: Enjoy The Sun Responsibly

Despite what you seem to hear everyday about how dangerous the sun is, especially to your skin, the fact is we need some sunshine to keep our skin healthy. Yes, too much sun can be dangerous – so can too much of just about anything. Slathering yourself in too much sun-block or trying to avoid the sun altogether is just as bad. The ladies in Beverly Hills know that spending a bit of every day basking in the California sunshine is not only pleasant, but also healthy and relaxing. Just don’t overdo it. If you are going to spend more than fifteen minutes exposed to direct sunlight – then you’ll want to make certain you are using a bit of high SPF sun-block.

For the record, if you insist on having a real tan and are concerned about wrinkles down the line – develop it slowly in natural sunlight and avoid the tanning booths.

Tip Number 2: Why They Don’t Smoke In The Movies Anymore

In the old days, you use to see actresses smoking in the movies very often. Not anymore though. Of course we all know that smoking massively increases your risk of developing cancer – and that should be enough of a reason right there to avoid it. If you need a short term excuse to quit though, you should know that smoking damages your skin faster than you can imagine. As your body tries to flush the toxins out, your skin loses its natural glow, and the suppleness disappears, leaving wrinkles in it’s place.

In Beverly Hills, smoking has long-since fallen out of fashion. If you care about your skin health and overall health, don’t smoke – and avoid being around those that do. Second-hand smoke won’t help your skin either.

Tip Number 3: Don’t Stress Out

If there’s one thing the women in Beverly Hills are really good at, it’s relaxing. These ladies know that it’s important to take time out everyday to just kick back and take a time out. Too much stress causes chemical reactions in your body that can age your skin. If you want to avoid wrinkles for as long as possible, make sure you learn to take it easy too.

Some quiet time by yourself in the morning, a soak in the tub in the evening, a short walk during the day; any of these can bring down your stress levels, relax your body and help keep your skin looking young and healthy.

Bear Mountain 10K from Grounded Media on Vimeo.

Today’s workout was AWESOME!  A nice 13.7 miles on the bike.  It was a scenic and hilly route that exhausted my Oh S*@%, another hill supply.  I wasn’t expecting so many hills as I like to set out and make up the course as I go along.  (Not always recommended.)  I do have a general idea of the length of the ride, but I have no idea what terrain to expect.  Which, is part of the excitement of biking for me.  Being surprised and challenged really motivates me…

Before I set off, I had some bike issues.  Soft tires that I had to pump up with a hand pump!  Whoa…  That, my friends, is a great workout for the forearm, bicep and shoulder!  Who would have guessed?!  And I always thought you only worked out your lower body on a bike!  Ha.  Let your tires go soft and you have a workout for the upper body too!  After 10 minutes of pumping and cursing, I checked the breaks to make sure they were working.  (Safety first!)  The front left brake pad seemed to rub against the rim, and I (being a novice) had no idea how to fix it.  I scrutinized a few screws and a bolt, thought I could fix it, but thought better of modifying anything.  That’s a job for the bike shop…

46 degrees, partially sunny and full of energy…

I climbed my first hill just out of the driveway.  Then another less than a mile away.  And then another, and another and…  (you get the picture)  They just kept coming.  So, I made it a technical game.  To teach myself when and how to shift at different points of the hill.  I found that if I tried to rush the hill at the beginning, then I was left fatigued and my legs felt it before I peaked, forcing me to shift down to an easier gear, of which I’m certain I didn’t needed to.  In contrast, if I didn’t apply enough power and waited too long to rush, then the climb became laborious.  No doubt I worked way too hard on those hills.   And after the upteenth hill, I think that I figured out the right combination of when to power up, when to shift down and how to adjust my bum on the seat to make for an effective and “efficient” climb.

An entertaining and fun game of strategy.  Pretty soon, I’ll be popping hill pills like a real biker!   Hill repeats anyone?!

Check out Mile 13 split! Sub 3 min!! Whheeee...

After the bike ride, I hopped off, and took flight in my Brooks defyance (okay, it was more like a waddle) for one mile.  I started off real slow.  My legs felt like tree trunks and jello (if that’s possible).  Heavy to move and wobbly too!  It was a cool feeling!  I now understand at least 2/3rds of the TRI experience.  It’s way too much fun and I can’t believe how good I felt.  I finished out my run with a very respectable 8:51 min/mile pace.  Having started out with a 9:30 pace and finally falling into a comfy 7:45 min/mile pace by the end of the mile.  Running is my drug!  And it seems to be enhanced after a great hilly bike ride.

Post Bike Mile!

The smile on my face is just too big to post!  It would seriously blind you! I had a great ride and run today and I’m feeling like a mountain goat on wheels!

Ride Long, Run Happy and SMILE!!!

“You don’t suffer, kill yourself and take the risks I take just for money. I love bike racing.” —Greg LeMond

“The glory of sport comes from dedication, determination and desire. Achieving success and personal glory in athletics has less to do with wins and losses than it does with learning how to prepare yourself so that at the end of the day, whether on the track or in the office, you know that there was nothing more you could have done to reach your ultimate goal.” —Jackie Joyner-Kersee

I stare at paintings
of places never seen
by my
eyes
and recognize
the hills
and rivers of my heart.

Sometimes you just can’t go hiking.  There are a lot of reasons this might be the case.  You could have a full-time job, for example.   These tend to keep people busy during the day, and create rush hour madness making it very difficult to get out to the mountains when we all get off at the same time – “Rush Hour.”  This is even more true now that the sun has set by the time most people leave work.

Worse, there could be a storm.  Last night’s wasn’t as severe as the previous night’s storm, with wind speeds reaching an astonishing 80 mph in Seattle.  ( That’s according to the radio weather report I heard, anyway. )  Normally a bike ride is a very tempting form of exercise within the confines of a city, but less appealing in the rain, and even less so in the wind.  Biking against the wind is as strenuous as going up hill, but less rewarding – though I guess you don’t sweat as much.  On the other hand, nobody wants to go for a long walk, in their neighborhood or in one of our countless parks, when it’s miserable out.  A lot of people can be bothered to get out for some exercise, but want to stay close to home.

So what’s the answer?  A gym membership?  Hardly.  I have one of these, and use it occasionally ( so as to feel like I haven’t wasted my fees ), but gyms are indoors.  I love exercising, and do it for its own sake, but I’m a hiker and not a weight lifter because I have a strong need to be outside.

Fortunately, Seattle is a hilly city.  I happen to live at the bottom of one.  Last night, I identified a three-block hill in my neighborhood, with nothing but minor streets to cross.  I walked to the top, and down to the bottom, 16 times.  This added up to a very small 4 miles, and 1,200 feet of ascent ( give or take – this is from memory ).  Walking laps up a hill isn’t entertaining in the least, and the scenery doesn’t change, but if you like hiking in the alpine country, this is good practice.

That’s my meager suggestion for the day.

This is week four of my hill repeat sessions. As always, a 3.5K warmup, this time followed by eight sets of hills of 400 meters each, then a 3.5K cooldownrun home. It was 0C and cloudy when I set out at 7:00 AM.

A truly wonderful run! I’m still not entirely sure why it was so very good, but it was one of those runs where I felt, by the time I got to the third set of ups and downs, that I was nearing a state of grace. Honestly! And that was with putting real effort in hills six through eight.

I’m doing something right…

Hills behind Hearst Castle, originally uploaded by Kelson.

Taken in February 2009, just after the rains came through and turned the hills green.

Mya is a perfect 1o on 'DWTS' with Dmitry

Mya has totally won over judge Len Goodman, who had been a consistent harsh critic of the pop and R and B star singer.

Tonight on the ‘Dancing With the Stars’ semifinals she danced away with his heart and mind as she scored an almost perfect 87 our of 90 points from the judges for the three dances she performed with her professional dance partner, Dmitry Chaplin, besting all of the other fabulous stars in this season’s competition, and they are all formidable, so she better not slack off or let it go to her head.

I would say that the model Joanna Krupa is in second place, Kelly Osbourne is in third place, and Donny Osmond is in fourth. This was also reflected in the judges scores for tonight’s performances.

Sexy Joanna Krupa will be on the cover on the December Playboy issue, which I will run to the store to get a copy to review. She has a compelling family background and biography which we got to see tonight.

Her sister is also a beautiful woman as well.That seems to run in the family.

It is amazing to see how humble Mya has been throughout the competition, and tonight we got a chance to get a glimpse of her mother and father, and to see a little about her background.It was an impressive story, and from a young age, Mya has been very focused with developing her talents.

She has put in a lot of hard work, and we are seeing the results of that work, by her performance in this competition.

Mya’s and Dimitry’s salsa was the standout dance of the evening.

There was a lot of precision of passion in her salsa performance, and it featured a very hot solo number that lit the stage on fire.It was the only memorable solo performance of the evening. I suggest watching this performance on-line if you missed it, Mya is built for this classic Latin dance.

Judge Len Goodman declared that he was disapointed….disapointed that it did not go on longer.

His next line will be the most memorable comment from a judge this season, topping even Bruno, which is hard to do.

Before giving the Salsa performance a 10, he told Mya …”Tutti Fruiti, oh what a Booty”,…and the ”I could not keep my eyes off of it”…

I don’t blame him, because he was expressing exactly what I was feeling. Mya is a smart and charming young lady,but ,just keeping it real…the girl is hot and it does not hurt to look.

I am looking at her the same way Len is, and I will keep on looking. I just won’t say it out loud.

Mya and Dimitry’s salsa netted a perfect score of 30 out of 30 points.

Hopefully, they will give us a repeat performance of the  dance on Tuesdays results show, it is truly worth repeating.

Make sure you tune in to the results show on Tuesday, as Alicia Keyes and Leona Lewis are scheduled to perform, so if you are like me, I am trying to see Mya, Alicia Keyes, and Leona Lewis all in the same evening.

Thank you ‘DWTS’ producers for another night of quality entertainment that truly speaks to me. Someone on your staff really understands my personal taste,and it is dead on accurate.

Call in and support team Mya…you know you love her like I do….

To vote for Mya, call: 1-800-868-3411

http://abc.go.com/shows/dancing-with-the-stars

Just under one year ago, I hauled my ass 300km South of Liverpool to the City of Bath. Discounting my stay in “The Flat” (as it shall forever be known), this is my first time living alone really.

“The Flat” was where I spent the first year of University; it really was the stuff of legend. Given that even legends can get a bit too messy, loud and annoying from time to time, it was nice that my real home was never far away.

Well, that was then and this is now.

If I want to go see my parents nowadays, it’s a £47+ rail ticket and a 3½ hour journey. At first, I was back in Liverpool every few weeks. Its not easy letting go of your childhood home.

Apart from one or two bad months though it’s been a good move! By “bad months” I mean I had to sell my guitar, my amp, and my electric piano to sort out some debt, but I’m finally settled. I’m making more money than I made in Liverpool and I have a raft of new shit that I probably shouldn’t have wasted money on!

So what’s happened in the year Nov 08 – Nov 09?

I’ve had a few new flatmates – Damien, Pete and Pedro – all of which have been cool. We had the heaviest snow in years back in February. My cousin Michelle got married in May. In July I walked through the Mersey Tunnel and my baby nephew, Cameron, was born. I had a pretty awesome summer… I got smashed to the point of forgetting things during the Mathew Street festival in August. I went to see Stonehenge and the village of Lacock in September. I went to see Little Boots… In the course of the year, I’ve walked and cycled far more than I care to write about. Me eyes have taken in some awesome sights, and I’ve barely left my surroundings! See the gallery below for pictures of my first year in green green Bath.

View Full Album

Thanks to the hilly nature of Bath, I’ve also lost over 2 stone since moving here. BONUS!

So was it worth the move? Yes
Do I miss Liverpool? Yes…

…and no. One big reason I left Liverpool was because I’d made a real mess of things. I’d made a mess of Uni, made a mess of my relationships with girls, made a mess of some of my friendships… I’d fallen out of love with everything and everyone and didn’t know what the hell I was doing with my life. I’m so much happier here and like the Cylons, I have a plan.

As the boy Dylan once said – “Times they are a changing”. With current and future governments wanting to make “efficiencies”, I’m starting to rethink working in the civil service. But for now, I’m going to stay put and gun for another promotion while I try and save up, sit some certification exams and get a move into IT. I’m going to use my free access to Rosetta Stone and learn German. I’m finally going to do something with InviteMii.com and SoSayWeAll.co.uk. I’m going to see more, do more and be more. I’m going to do as much as I can possibly afford. I might even learn to drive (yeah right!)… And hopefully, I’m gonna have a bad-ass holiday in California or something next Summer. We’ll see!

Tom

A few pics my daughter took on Corndon last year just because I like them. Click the link to view slideshow

Corndon

New image in the typography art photoshop contest

…
the hills. photoshop picture

 Long ago, I read a novel about life in the Appellachian mountains in the United States.

The theme of the novel is the fate of two children, whose writer father dies in a car accident and mother becomes paralytic, unable to respond even. So from New York, the children are transplanted to the primitive life in the rugged hills, where their grandmother lives, whom the kids have never seen!

I immensely enjoyed the novel.

When the grandmother wakes up the girl (the younger one is a boy) and tells her, at five in the morning, it is time to milk the cow, the girl protests: why can’t the cow sleep for some more time?

The have a negro boy as friend and guide, who will show the way to cross the valley and reach the next mountain which, by road will take half a day to reach. The boy dies in an accident, caused by illegal blasting of a tunnel, by a company producing oil. They want to destroy the hill to get oil.

A lawyer friend of the grand mother regularly comes and reads the bible, sitting by the side of the immobile mother, without even caring whether she hears it or not.

Once the children go to the lawyer’s office in the far away town, and are surprised to see plantains, pumpkins and other vegetables in the office. THEY WERE TOLD THAT VILLAGERS GIVE IT AS THEY DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO GIVE AS FEES!

The hill contains oil. All others agreed to sell land to the oil companies, but the grandmother refuses. In the end, the court decrees against her. She breaks down in the court; but the children become millionaires!

As usual, the lawyer reads the bible and in the end he conveys the news to the immobile mother. She smiles and tries to get up, something no one could believe. I think the lawyer  marries her.

Today I read in the science section of the Times Of India, that a patient supposed to be in comma for twenty three years, woke up to tell that he was fully conscious and used to hear their talk.

I was reminded of the novel!

You’re stupid. You’ve admitted it, and now you’re seeking help. I want to congratulate you! That’s the first step towards making your stupid life better.
First thing’s first though; you are stupid and will be forever. This book will not change that. This book will however, mask your stupidity from the rest of the world and may lead to promotions, dating, new job opportunities, more friends, and definitely more confidence!
It’s not easy to fool people when you’re stupid. Especially people who aren’t stupid. Let’s call this type of people “Smart” people, shall we? Smart people are very quick to pick up on the fact that you’re stupid. You’ve got to be perfect from the beginning around them, or else they will see you as a sheep in wolf’s clothing. That’s an example of a “smart” idea: a truncated and intentionally-reversed extended metaphor using the structure of a simile. You scoffed at things like this in school, but metaphors, similes, and other clever literary devices are a fundamental part of smart people conversation. Similes and metaphors are discussed in detail later in this book, so we won’t worry about them now.
Instead, what we’ll focus on now is the face you made after reading that sentence about the wolf and the sheep. You scrunched your nose tightly and rolled your eyes around in the hopes that your brain would explain why I was talking about animals. If you are smarter, but still stupid, you waited to make the face until I started talking about all that simile and metaphor stuff. This frowny-eye-rolling is a common face that stupid people make when presented with something that bores them or something they don’t understand. This book is about fixing stupid habits just like that face!
Most of the stupid habits you have are based on your stupid instincts. Right now, I want you to close your mouth, and breathe through your nose. TRUST ME, you won’t suffocate! Go ahead and try it. You see? Now you know you can trust me.
It’s not necessary to understand WHY I want you to do the things I want you to do. The important thing is that you DO them and practice them, over and over, for the rest of your life. Most of these things will be difficult. Breathing through your nose alone will take years for you to master. You currently breathe through your mouth because the “instinct” part of your brain is looking out for your survival. This is because the cognitive or “thinking” part of your brain isn’t capable of making good decisions. Stupid people like yourself are prone to doing things directly opposed to your own survival. For instance, I’m sure you’ve found yourself at one time or another in a single-person competition for stuffing the most miniature marshmallows into your nose to see how many will fit. Since this is literally smothering yourself for no reason, your brain makes you breathe out of your mouth, since it figures you’ll live longer that way.
Don’t worry! You will still be able to indulge all of your fun, stupid impulses. I’ll simply teach you how to save them for “private time”, or “stupid friend hang-out time.” when you’re around other people as stupid, or more stupid, than you are. This book is full of helpful, good habits like “stupid friend hang-out time”. However, every habit will take practice to master, so I want you to make a promise with me.
Go ahead and read this out loud: “I promise that I will follow the instructions in this book. I promise that I will practice every day, and that I won’t give up, no matter how frustrating it is for my stupid brain. Sincerely, me!”
There. You’ve just made a promise to both you and I. You said it out loud, so you have to stick to it. It’s too late to turn back now, which is wonderful, because you’re going to have a great new life! (if you think you and I are the same person, or opposite people from when this introduction began, you’re still reading out loud. Please stop reading out loud.)
To create a sense of familiarity, which will subconsciously compel you to finish the rest of the chapters through recognition, despite your short attention span, Just for fun, I’ll give you a brief overview of the topics we will cover in-depth during the rest of this guide.
The first half of this book is all about breaking down and hiding the stupid things you do:
Chapter 1 is what you’re reading right now.
In chapter 2, I will tell you tricks to keep your stupid life separate from your new smart life. This will be an ongoing process. You will learn to enjoy top 40 music and Michael Bay movies secretly while alone or with a few select stupid friends, instead of loudly and in front of everyone.
In chapter 3, I’ll teach you how to shut your mouth before it says the stupid thing you just thought. You’ll learn to use silence with making faces to pretend that you’re deep in thought.
The second half of this book is all about the tricks you can use to pretend you’re smart:
In chapter 4, we’ll reread the first half of the book, because you’ll have skipped ahead, thinking you didn’t need to learn those techniques and “do homework from a stupid book”.
In chapter 5, you get a makeover! As fun as it seems, this will actually be one of the hardest sections of the book, and one of the most important. You will learn to dress in a “nerd costume” for the rest of your life. Calm down! Stop wrinkling your face, stop chewing your lip, quit punching whatever you’re punching, and listen up. You know deep down that “nerds” are the very smartest of smart people. The benefit of looking like a nerd is that smart people will assume you are socially awkward instead of stupid and will therefore more readily ignore whenever you slip up and do stupid things.
In chapter 6, I’ll discuss using props to appear smart. We will discuss scavenging techniques for smart props, including making habits for success. You’ll learn how to search local coffee shops every morning for partially-completed crossword puzzles to spend the rest of the day pretending to fill out. Tips like this will give silent proof of your “smarts” when people might otherwise see through your smart costume.
In chapter 7, I’ll help you get into the habit of saying smart things and inventing opinions. It DOESN’T MATTER what your opinions are. The only important thing is to NEVER CHANGE YOUR MIND about your opinions. You’ll learn to be condescending about other people’s opinions. I’ll even teach you phrases to use if you get into hot water with someone such as “I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree!” You’ll also learn to memorize a single generic quote to use at parties and whenever you want to impress someone of the opposite sex.
The third half of this book is all about using your newfound techniques to SECURE your future:
In chapter 8, I’ll give you a lie detector test to be sure you’ve read every chapter thoroughly. If not, i’ll remind you that you made a promise to me, and make you go back and read what you skipped.
In chapter 9, I’ll teach you about material investments. It’s important to invest in “things” and “stuff” that will make you appear smart for the rest of your life: a modestly large house, a slightly above-average car, and many more material things. Your stupid thinking is right in assuming the more things you own, the better; but you have to own the RIGHT KINDS of things! Filling your house with the right long-term props is very important. You’ll learn about chess and backgammon boards. You’ll check prices on pianos and expensive-looking (but not extravagant!) artwork.
In chapter 10, you’ll hire an accountant and do EXACTLY what they tell you do with your money. I’ll tell you briefly what a saving account is and why it’s better not to run out and spend every paycheck immediately on liquor and clubbing. Even though you won’t understand right away why this is bad; when you see how savings and investments lead to MORE liquor, you’ll be happy you listened.
In chapter 11, you’ll invent a new category of people you can look down on for the rest of your life, like “Liberal Elites” or “Right Wing Fascists”. This is a prime time to hire a writer to write a book with your name on it! Tell everyone you wrote the book. This is key.
In our last chapter, chapter 12, you’ll make the most important investment in your future; tricking a beautiful INTELLIGENT person into loving and marrying you. This will be the most difficult thing you will EVER do and it will take all the resources you’ve built and all the techniques you’ve learned. You will master keeping your stupid life and your smart life separate by passing off your stupidity once and for all as something else. We will discuss faking Asperger’s Syndrome, Social Anxiety Disorder, and the like.
By the end of this book, you will be a new person; a person you’ve invented. You will be successful beyond belief, and you’ll have someone who loves you for the rest of your life.
Does this sound too good to be true? Well guess what? I’M A STUPID JUST LIKE YOU! Or at least, I used to be. But following my own system, I’ve made a wonderful, explosive new life as a SMART! I’m CEO of my own Fortune 500 company, I have a syndicated talk radio show, I’m married to a supermodel, I live in a mansion in Beverly Hills, and I have three somewhat intelligent children. I’m sure you don’t believe me, but it’s true. All the “smart” phrases I’ve used in this book were painfully constructed over several years using a dictionary, a smart writer friend, and the help of my brilliant wife. My system worked for me! IT WILL WORK FOR YOU!!!

That title is for the folks at Language Log, a blog that has nothing to do with hiking, or being outdoors at all.  Still, it provides entertaining reading about how language works.  Unfortunately comparing Kerry Park to Switzerland is a bit ambitious, especially as it isn’t even the highest point in Seattle – the reservoir in West Seattle is.  But it might well have the best view around.

Shockingly, it’s usually very easy to find parking within a short, level walk to Kerry Park.  But that would defeat the point, wouldn’t it?    Kerry Park is midway up Queen Anne Hill, and the best way to get here is to park at the base of the hill and hoof it.  The ascent is about 1/10th of what you would encounter on any respectable mountain trail, but a good workout ( or warm up ) nonetheless.  Depending on where you park, you’ll be walking up hill for as long as 15 minutes, which will get your heart pumping a bit, and make your doctor happy, as well as giving you the feeling you’ve accomplished something.

Below is a map;  there are two red push pins that show Kerry Park.  Pin “C” is the section of the park most locals are familiar with, while Pin “A”, on the other hand, is a bit closer to the childrens’ playground which is a less well-known part of this park.  Kerry covers an entire block, although it’s along a steep hillside, so most people are only aware of the top “strip” of grassland, the one with the phenomenal view.

How to find Kerry Park

This is a terrain map, and you can see from it that a steep hill begins near Roy or Olympic.  The map doesn’t show well that even this is not the base.  I recommend starting from Western or Elliot Avenue, wherever you can find parking.  This will add about a mile to your trek, but will also force you to climb perhaps another hundred vertical feet.  Also, parking near Mercer can be quite difficult, thanks to its proximity to the clubs and restaurants of Lower Queen Anne.

Here is a panoramic format photograph I’ve borrowed from Wikipedia, showing the daytime view from the park.  In the background, one can see the glaciated peak of Mount Rainier, reminiscent of Switzerland, which leads to the title of this blog post.

Kerry Park Daytime Panorama

For what it’s worth, this photograph is by a person named Forrest Croce, who seems to have a more interesting night image of Kerry Park, which isn’t available on Wikipedia.  ( I look to Wikipedia, Dear Reader, with the knowledge that I can’t be sued for using images I’ve found there. )

I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that this is an illusion – Kerry Park is the one and only place where it looks like the Space Needle is actually in the middle of downtown.  In fact, it’s several miles away – but here, it’s between the viewer and the sky scrapers.