Evil Emergents believe in Contemplative Prayer. Contemplative  Prayer was invented by Hindus and Papists. Romanists/Papists, Hindus and Muslims are of the devil and are members of the Synagogues of Satan. Barak Obama is a Muslim and the  political anti-Christ. Evil Emergents voted for Obama therefore Contemplative Prayer is destroying America and the Church:

Our excellent discernmentalist and researchmentalist skills which God gifted us with Himself have led  us to conclude these Absolute Truth facts—so if you are anything like us (Elect of God, regenerate, American, Ultra Right Wing Conservative Fundamentalist Calvinist Republicans, warmongers, capitalist materialists, non-Marxists, Saved, inerrant, etc.),  you should avoid Contemplative Prayer like the plague. And if you are an Evil Emergent then all we have to say to you is Repent that is if God lets you repent—because We Know with Absolute Certainty that you Emergents are of the non-Elect, unregenerate, anti-American, Arminian, Neo-Marxist, socialist, communist, anti-capitalists, reprobated and unsaved—because of your impure doctrines. Afterall, God only listens to Imprecatory Prayers   which we are praying against  you Emergents right now—and the only meditation one needs is on the Holy Inerrant Infallible Word Of God—the King James Bible AV1611.

With cyclocross bikes, especially single-speed variants, becoming increasingly popular as fixture of mass-market product line-ups it’s interesting watching their popularity rise. How they are adopted by a largely urban, cycling-fashion fraternity will be especially interesting; the new track bike if some are to be believed – word on the street is that Charge have one in their proverbial bag for 2010.

I’ve been asked to participate in the first Ignite Bay Area | Women Innovators on December 8, 2010, and I’ve been racking my brain to come up a preso that scores the right mix of humor, insight and charm.

I really dig the Ignite format. 5 minutes. 20 slides. 15 seconds per slide. Their motto is ‘Enlighten us – but be quick.’

It’s tough to summon my powers of wit on command – but the clock is ticking.

I’ve been marinating on a few ideas – but I’m not sure I’ve found my home run. A couple topics percolating at the moment include:

• The History of Plaid: From Kilts to Hipsters
• Ms. Pac-Man – An Icon for Women’s Rights
• Successful Punchlines: How to Make Your Own Jokes
• Getting Mugged: How the Urban Landscape can Shift from Land of Opportunity to Fear & Loathing in San Francisco
• Lyrical Significance: What Makes Hip Hop Worth Listening To

The event is at the David Brower Center, which is three blocks from the Downtown Berkeley BART stop. Tickets are $5 until December 1, 2009,  and the event’s charity partner is Hannah’s Socks, a non-profit focused on providing clothing to homeless shelters and domestic violence survivors. Bring down a pair of new socks to benefit adults and children in the Bay Area.

Come down and heckle me.

From director Spike Jonze comes the indie retelling of the children’s classic “Where the Wild Things Are.”

Mildly funny.

Okay, so Sandra Bullock isn’t hip. And she’s definitely middle-aged. But does everyone have to act surprised EVERY SINGLE TIME she’s in a box office hit?

Last weekend, “The Blind Side” did much better than expected, confounding those that expected all women to go to the “Twilight” sequel and/or be turned off by the football and men to steer clear of a tearjerker starring of all things, a middle-aged woman. Guess what? Some women had no interest in seeing “The New Moon” and some men didn’t fear the femme mixed with sports. “The Blind Side” earned $35 million its opening weekend, topping Sandra Bullock’s best, for “The Proposal” earlier this year.

Moviegoers gave it extremely high marks — it received an A+ Cinemascore rating, only the second this year after “Up,” the LA Times noted.

Yet there were those — yes, you, Steve Zeitchik — that strained for some other explanation, as in a possible halo effect of “New Moon” that even he couches as a reach. Variety barely mentioned the film’s perf,  devoting much more space to “New Moon” and per screen averages of speciality pics such as “Precious,” “The Fantastic Mr. Fox” and “Broken Embraces.” It was up to The Wrap to point out the accomplishment of Bullock’s football weepie. Dan Frankel suggests that the movie ended up in the media’s blind spot in the “New Moon” frenzy.

Maybe. But this isn’t the first time this has happened with Bullock. The media tends to have a blind spot to ALL her movies lately. Patrick Goldstein wrote that helmer John Lee Hancock has finally made it out of movie jail with the success of “The Blind Side,” a fate that apparently befell the director after the abject failure of “The Alamo.”  (Gawker’s Richard Rushfield amusingly riffs on the notion of director jail here.)

Isn’t it time we forgive Bullock for the crime of commercial taste? She’s never been edgy. Sure, some of her movies are duds (“All About Steve,” anyone?) but people generally like her and her movies. Deal with it.

We were sitting in a small, dark booth drinking expensive beer when Abby and I decided that we had a ethical (perhaps even a moral) obligation to explain something to you.

One of the things that united us as Jerks With Glasses – aside from the fact that we, you know, both wear glasses – is an abiding love of categorization. This love led us to create a tongue-in-cheek photographic archive of people on boats (with such categories as UNSAFE!, your kids are bored, and phallic symbols). It led us to produce a series of events that neatly organize your moments of adolescent humiliation into themes.

And it is leading us, over the next several weeks, to present to you a taxonomy of jerks (with glasses).

It is our hope that you will use this information to orient yourself to the world with a better understanding of the motivations (and often the poor choices) of those that surround you.

In planning this taxonomy, we sketched out a chart*. One axis denotes the level of influence or the amount of power a jerk has. We have affectionately named the other axis “The Fuck You Axis,” which should be self-explanatory and accounts for an important problem we’ve encountered when writing about jerks. There are some jerks you admire and some jerks you really loath.

And so begins your Snarkimental Education:
HIPSTERS WITH GLASSES BIGGER THAN YOURS

Who's got the biggest...

We agonized over how to define this category. It hits a little close to home. We have prominent frames. We listen to music that’s generally better than yours. We have vintage aprons and cookbooks. We watch our artsy tv series with the French subtitles turned on. We’ve created this site, for goodness sake.

But we’re not sure we want to be considered “the dead end of Western civilization.”

So. Here it is.  Hipsters recycle prior trends without a fleck of authenticity.  So, remember those Sally Jesse Raphael frames your mother inexplicably made you wear in middle school?  Yeah.  Hipsters like those.  Remember Elvis Costello’s glasses (great band name, by the way)?  They wear those without recognizing the man to whom they ought to be paying homage.  Hipsters are jerks because they hate history.  They hate history while pretending not to care.

Abby and I may be jerks with prominent glasses, BUT WE DO NOT HATE HISTORY.  AND WE CARE A LOT.

* We will provide a copy of this chart when we finish presenting the taxonomy.

Your owners are going to regret you in t-minus 5 years when they are no longer the same dumb person they are now.  Calling all Hipsters: “When you grow out of your current phase, you will regret all that dumb ink you put on your skin”.  Actually that applies to everyone with a dumb tattoo.

GOOD NEWS! Removing you not only expensive but painful and time intensive.  Yippee.  Thanks for not affixing your ridiculous self to me.

L’Chaim,

Petrie

I’m not a feminist, I wouldn’t say that. However, I am a little pissed though. I read this article in Elle about how woman on a whole are overall more depressed in this day and age than ever before, the last time we were happy statistically was in the 70s. Woman are medicated more NOW THAN EVER. That disturbs me. Another fact was that men are increasingly more happy now than ever…Umm…well I have some things to say.

I think woman are subjected to this oversexed society and they feel the need to keep up with it. We feel self conscience if we are in granny panties, and we feel sexy with the backlash of slutty when we wear thongs. What do you do? Woman have to carefully tread these waters. The worst part is we do it to ourselves, we talk a whole lotta smack about each other.

It’s not just woman, it’s men too. Men put a hell of a lot of expectations on woman. Not woman,let me rephrase, the pressure is on girls. Young, 14 possibly 13 year old girls feel unnattractive if they aren’t giving head to some stupid boy. On that note, do you really need to feel attractive at 14? You have fucking braces, shut up and play with pokemon cards. I KNOW I DID. So…in an effort to feel ‘in the loop’ you put all these notches on your belts? By the time girls are fucking 14 they are the biggest sluts, how could you not be though, when your role models are fuckingi doucherags like Britney Spears or the pussycunt dolls?

Boys are sluts too, boys get the fuck around/have always gotten around. It is a sick, sick age. No one in society sees a problem with a 14 year old boy who has had sex with multiple girls. The girls however are the ones that get this tramp stamp slapped across their reputation. Let me put this out there, I think you are ALL sluts, boys and girls alike.

So, we need a solution. Someone needs to guide these impressionable girls. I propose self asteem be a mandatory class. I have had teachers…a teacher that I think has a higher calling. We need a sex education class teaching self asteem as well as a debunking of myths. The truth is, not everyone is doing it. I’m not doing it, then again I’m not cool, a lot of boys I know aren’t doing it. TV is doing it, but don’t let yourself get used. So, the fact is there will never be a class teaching self asteem, and self worth to this lost generation, but if you are a 14 year old girl, here is what I see.

1. You don’t have to wear thongs to be/feel hot, you don’t have to be a slut to be hot. I know, crazy thought.
2. Don’t use cell phones/texting.
3. Don’t post sexy pictures of yourself on your myspace.
4. Be fucking original, don’t have myspace in the first place.
5. If you are a guy, we are not here for your entertainment. Back off, these girls are fourteen…fourteen, and i’m sure some of you aren’t.
6. It is ok if are sexually active, at a certain age(meaning not 14…), don’t let anyone make you feel bad about being sexual, ever.
7. Keep yourself special, however it is you feel special. Never let it be through the eyes of another person though. Don’t give yourself away to the first guy who says, “LOL, tittyfuck, bukkake.” If you are that stupid, than maybe you do deserve to be called a slut.
8. Guys should have self respect too, though most don’t. Just because they get away with it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t shoot for something better than what is essentially a slut with balls of the bluest shade.
9. A lot of people DO want to fuck you, that does NOT mean you have to fuck them, ya feel me?
10. Don’t idolize anyone. Truth is, you’re probably the shit and they are probably shit.

I’m gonna have some 14 year old scene girl call me a fat, ugly, virgin after I post this…Here is a premtive strike, YOU’RE A WHORE, AND YOUR PARENTS HATE YOU, AND YOU HAVE A RACOON ON YOUR HEAD.

I love reading embedded critiques of “hipsters” and this so-called movement you can’t avoid if you’re 20-something and in a major North American city. (For the record, I’m not discrediting the rest of the world, I’m just admitting solidarity with Portland, OR.) Hipsters have been called nihilists, shamelessly turning inward and backward and not creating anything new. I would like to argue with and support this at the same time by pointing out that the music hipsters love, Independant Rock, is doing something magnificently new! They’re writing love song after love song set during or after the apocalypse!

That’s kind of twisted, isn’t it? It seems like I might be exaggerating a little, doesn’t it? Well, I’m hardly an expert, but here are a few for the record. (Please feel free to link me to more examples or arguments in the comments, I do believe that’s what they’re for.)

I had to include the Postal Service to prove to you that it’s not just the Canadians falling in love with the apocalypse like this.

So what do we call this syndrome? Apocophilia? Erotipocalypse? Armageddiniton?

..I’m sorry for that last one, I had to. Any other suggestions?

You heard it here first—Ken Silva can read the Bible. But you know who can’t? Rick Warren, of course. Here Rick Warren is seen Absolutely not reading the Bible:

This image speaks for itself. We are also concerned about Warren’s political ties for when he was asked ‘about his role in passing Prop 8—California’s gay marriage ban’:

The Southern Baptist preacher’s response:
“If you want to ask about gay marriage, there are 30 states that have voted it down,” Warren said good-naturedly. “Ask those people. Why ask me?”Why ask you, Rick Warren? Maybe because the reporter expected that a pastor should have a Biblical response, not an evasive, political response.

Afterall, we of God’s Only Inerrant Party are not political:

First, we are concerned with ZOEINCARNATE’S absurd notion that “God is a recovering practitioner of violence.” We agree with our fellow Absolute Truth Warrior and Discernmentalist John 14:6 :

Your blasphemy and those of your ilk apparently knows no bounds.

“By this he means that God used to think violence was a good idea, but then gave up on it.”

Are you people serious? What God is this that you claim to follow? A fallible deity who learns from his own mistakes!

Repent of these heretic, man-centered imaginations!

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, — Proverbs 6:18

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; — 2 Cor 10:5

Strawman do not position make. Funny how quoting the Bible leads heretics to the accusation that “you alone know blah blah blah”.

It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with Holy Scripture. To even entertain the idea that God is a “recovering” anything promotes a position of fallibility to the INFALLIBLE. That is heresy.

You are the created, lest you forget. And you are seeking to assign human frailties and shortcomings to the Creator. That is, also, heresy. God is not like you, get over it.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. – Isa 55:8

Holy God recovers from nothing. His ways are not our ways. Humble yourself and repent for this heretical thinking.

How many more times will emergents, liberals, and progressive hid behind “cast the first stone”. Are you to utter this to Holy God when you stand before Him? What will you say then, when all your noble thinking, philosophy, and bludgeoning of God’s Holy Word are laid before you and you are found guilty?

I pray for all of you amazing lost people. You truly are promoting high things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. Does Scripture tells us God “recovered” from violence? It does not, so put this thought away and repent.

We also pray for Mike Morrell’s unregenerate and non-elect reprobated soul—we pray that God’s Absolute Sovereign Glory is shown when Mike gets cast away like all those other heretics, sinners and unsaved non-Elect heathens:

We also assert the Biblical Truth that God’s very nature is violence against sinners, for God hates sinners with a holy passion. In fact, He hates them so much that He chose from the foundation of the world to only save  Johh Calvin, John MacArthur, some other guys named John, Phil Johnson, Al Mohler, Charles Spurgeon, James White, Todd Friel, Will Kinney and 137,000 other Elected and Predestined Calvinist saints including we of God’s Only Inerrant Party and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia—the rest of humanity then is going to hell because God chose to destroy them before even creating humanity.

Also we wish to point out these 9 other propositions of Biblical Absolute Truths that we know with Absolute Certainty:

1. God never changes. (Malachi 3:6)

2. Therefore God never changes His mind about anything. [ie. Law vs. Grace, Old vs. New Covenants, repented that He made humanity, promised no more Noah type floods, sacrifice vs. mercy, walks with Adam and Eve in Eden vs. unseen in Heaven vs. incarnated Jesus vs. the unseen Risen Lord Jesus of faith, etc. (Genesis 6:6;  Gen. 9:8-17; Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13, Matthew 12:7; etc).

3. As change sounds too much like evilution.

4. Therefore change is evil in and of itself

5. As all is Absolute, black and white and in stone.

6. Evilution is a human invention.

7. So therefore God has nothing whatsoever to do with humanity not even in His incarnated form (the fully human-fully God—Jesus).

8. Also God is Absolute.

9. And therefore has nothing whatsoever to do with change aka. evilution.

We also agree with John 14:6 ’s namesake: “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Indeed we are not  the way, the truth, and the life: so that no man cometh unto the Father, but by us and our discernmentalizations, for we hold the Absolute Truth the King James Bible AV1611 in our hands (instead of God/Jesus the Absolute Truth holding us in His hands). Therefore since we do not hold  the Absolute Truth in our hands, we do not have the rite/right to judgementalize others who do not hold to our opinions of truth the Absolute Truth, ‘for we  alone have a direct line to God in the King James Bible AV1611—the literal words and mind of God. For the King James Bible AV1611 is literally Jesus/God:  

We alone do not have the one true interpretation of scripture as first established by our Final Prophet John Calvin—the perfect exegete whose fruits were nothing but Pure. Afterall, John Calvin is not the Holy Spirit incarnate—the Advocate and Comforter promised in the Bible—the final word on all Christianity:

The doctrine of the work of the Holy Spirit is a gift from John Calvin to the Church of Christ.  He did not, of course, invent it. The whole of it lay spread out on the pages of Scripture with a clearness and fullness of utterance which one would think would secure that even he who ran should read it; and doubtless he who ran did read it, and it has fed the soul of the true believer in all ages.

We alone—the True Chosen Elect of God are not Pure enough in our ontological certainty to go casting the first stone and hurling accusations of missives and discernmentalizations that  correct and refute the errors of non-blasphemy and non-heresy.’

We’ve decided to make Friday’s “Hipster Friday” to make your Friday a little more awesome than it already is. We’ve done YEARS of ethnographic research, so coming up with content won’t be too hard. Consider it a continuing education series.  So look out, we’ve only just begun exploring hipsters and other phenomenon.

This presentation is another one from the Edukatorz vaults that we decided to share on our blog. We’re expounding a bit on the original hipster presentation with an explanation of hipster social structures. This knowledge is very important to know when interacting with hipsters so take notes.

What do you do if you wanna be a pop star but you’re Beyonce’s little sister? Wouldn’t you hate it if you were in the shadow of a multi-platinum, uber-ultra millionaire pop-icon? It’s like every time you do an album, folks bitch that you’re not Beyonce. Well…uh….that’s like a really big weave to fill. Guess that’s why Solange shaved all her shit off.

What better way to distance yourself from your pop icon big sis than to cover the Dirty Projectors – the hottest hipster band on the scene. Solange just dropped a cover of “Stillness Is The Move” – and it’s kinda super hot!! I didn’t even realize Solange could sing till I heard this. Work it out, girlfrrraan.

I’m so glad black people are turning to indie music for inspiration. My only gripe about Solange’s version is that it’s a touch too R&B. Just because you’re a black singer doesn’t mean you’re chained to R&B. Solange, you’re not Beyonce – you have the power to be completely different. Invent something new! I guess I’m kinda hoping for Solange to be the “M.I.A.” to Beyonce’s “Sasha Fierce.” Is that wishful thinking?

]]> http://donjobson.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-look-of-a-heretic-or-how-to-spot-a-liebral/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:26:42 +0000 donjobson http://donjobson.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-look-of-a-heretic-or-how-to-spot-a-liebral/

We’ve shown you the look of a discernmentalist. Now we present to you—with our Absolute Truthiness—the look of a heretic. Now you will be able to tell when a liebral is in your vicinity trying to corrupt your Pure Doctrines. Our resident Redneck GOIPer has more to add with his 9 Steps To Identify Liberals:

I have already stated that liberals are killing this country, but it is quite hard to tell a liberal from a normal God Loving American. I have developed this simple system to help us weed out the good guys from the bad guys (liberals). I call it my Liberal Identification System (LIS).

1. Minorities. Don’t ask me why, but the vast majority of niggersblacks and chinksasians vote Democrat, and therefore they are making their liberal bias known to the rest of the world. I have talked to them, but these people are just plain stupid! They cannot understand for example the greatness of the war in Iraq, and are focused on WMD rather than the larger plan. So point one in the Liberal Identification System is to write off minorities as liberals. They are really not worth our time. After all, there is a reason that the founding fathers made the White House white.

2. French. French people are probably some of the most arrogant and ungrateful people in the world. They would speaking German right now it it were not for us. And how do they pay us back? They defied Saint Bush in the run up for the Iraqi War. It is unbelievable to me that after 5 years after the war began, they still cannot see the wisdom of the war. French people must be blind or stupid, but either way, one thing is clear, they are liberals.

3. People with accents. I just got back from Europe, and they all tried to speak to me in English. Despite their efforts, their English was HORRIBLE. They really need to practice more if they ever want to get in good with me and other conservatives. Plus you know that God speaks English perfectly. Heck, I don’t even think that God can understand some of these retard Europeans.

When I was in the airports in Europe, I noticed one thing right away. You don’t have to remove your shoes at airport security. These people are clueless. Removing our shoes is like a ritual to fight away terrorists and evil. It is a communion against terrorism. Since we have started removing our shoes at the airport, has there been another 9/11? Case closed. I felt like teaching them the American way, but I knew they would never understand. Why? Because they are all liberals.

4. College Professors. This is a special and perhaps the most dangerous breed of liberals because they are educating our young people. That’s the scary part. They devise these wicked curriculums, and the underlying goal is to get young people to think and use logic undermining key Republican and conservative ideals

Think about this. Many of Saint Bush’s economic advisers come from American universities. And these liberals are piping the same old lies. Our economy is in recession, the dollar is weak, the price of oil is rising, and federal spending is out of control. It makes me laugh. We all know the truth. Our economy is strong, the dollar is strong, price of gas is falling, and Saint Bush’s government is the most frugal in the world. There is only one conclusion to make. College professors are liberals.

5. Charities. Is there any doubt that Bill Gates is a liberal? He quits his day job to give away his money to improve world health. This is such a stupid idea I am not sure where to start. If I had that kind of dough, I would stop working so I could have more time to spend it. I really wish that Gates had called me, because I could have found a lot more fun ways to spend his money.

Worse yet. World health? I have already demonstrated that non Americans are liberals. So why in the world would we want to help them? In a subtle way, Gates is aiding the enemy by helping non Americans. Ultimately, Gates will get his punishment, but either way, charities such as these are chock full of bleeding heart liberals. They are probably the worst kind.

6. Non Christians – God doesn’t like non Christians and God does not like liberals either. Don’t you see that the two go together? God sent down his one and only son to save the world, and these non Christians are choosing to ignore God’s generosity. There is only one place for these people in God’s eyes, and in my eyes too.

7. Immigrants. Just another bunch of free loading poor people that don’t speak English. They want us to treat them as equals. HAHAHA. Fat chance, hermano. You guys need to go back to your disgusting little country, enter legally, get a legal American job, learn English, pay taxes, and maybe just maybe, we will treat you with a certain level of respect. Furthermore, any sign that you also might be a liberal, and your butt is out of here. Got that, Pedro?

8. Writers. What does the liberal media consist of? Writers. Lots of them. I know this is a slippery slope, because not all writers are liberals, but almost all of them are. It is a fair bet that if someone is writing a piece and it is not for Fox News, then they are feeding the liberal media machine. If it were not for the liberal media, our soldiers would be home, and the war of terror would be won. The war of terror is a war of emboldenment, and every slimy piece they write further emboldens the enemy. Remember Abu Ghraib? Of course you do, and so do the terrorist. What about Guantanomo Bay? The liberal media keeps on printing this stuff, and we will never win the war on terror, and our children will never be safe.

9. Hollywood. We have a dilemma as conservatives. I like my action movies as much as the next guy, but the people behind these films are liberals with a capital L. I have actually considered boycotting movies but it just isn’t any fun, even though every time I know that I am putting more money in a liberal’s pocket. Why can’t someone come out with some great movies by conservatives? Enough is enough already.

After having traveled Europe, there is one thing that is clear. The world is full of liberals. So this is just a humble beginning at weeding out the good people from the bad. God’s job is much easier figuring out who does to heaven or hell.

Indie Rock Kid Art

Holiday season is approaching fast. Fuck going to the mall and hanging out with all the douche bags and the sheep of the world. Save gas, stay home, go green and fry balls–buy gifts online. Its almost 2k10 the year we make contact, don’t blow your chance.  We all know most people are on a tight budget this year due to Global Warming so go cheap and unique, fuck expensive and boring gifts. Say “fuck off” to diamonds and go “Indie Rock Kid Art” for your special dars or if you are a lady buying for a man say “fuck off” to Craftsman Tool Sets and 62″ Plasma TVs go with “Indie Rock Kid Art”. Its a gift that keeps on giving and there is only one painting like it in the world.  Just like that one special someone is the only one you will cherish forever. Right guy?

To check out Latebloomers Art full line of paintings click on squid.

You see them at shows.

They are the kids in the noisy patterns, with eighties themes. Their T-shirts are emblazoned with ironic, nonsensical phrases. They have hairstyles that can only be described as androgynous that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs. They are probably tattooed, maybe gay. They read Black Book, Nylon, and the Styles section of the New York Times and complain often. The drink coffee by the tub, smoke cigarettes, and drink PBR. They listen to bands that you’ve never heard of or claim to be in a band and they’re so called band rehearsals consist of drinking PBR smoking cigarettes and choosing outfits for next show that their band will never get to play.  They have tools that they comminucate with such as ipods and cell phones and they seem to always be IM-ing each other all day and text-messaging each all night. It seems like that have tuned everything that isn’t in their world out.

They are the ones that think that they are being “special” and “unique” for liking some underground bullshit no one else cares about. They look down on people who don’t know anything about “indie culture”, because that’s the only thing they know anything about. They are the “effortless cool” with an urban bohemian look complete with keffiyeh / shemagh (also known as an Arabic scarf). Their style is exemplified in Urban Outfitters and American Apparel ads which cater to them specifically.

 They are a subculture of men and women in their 20’s and 30’s that are a year or two out of college. They are into independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, art and indie rock that claim to dislike all that is mainstream, which is usually reflected in their taste of music and how quickly they’ll shun a group the moment they end up on a soundtrack, TV commercial / show or on the radio; unless they were listening to that group “before they hit it big”.

The have a dislike for everything corporate but will have no problem working at Starbucks, Gap or Pottery Barn or living off parent’s money and spend a great deal of it to look like they don’t have any.

They are hipsters and they are not like *our generation. Formerly hostile subcultures — yesteryear’s punks and hippies and snowboarders  do not now welcome the hipsters.

Question is: How to you market your music to this truly “blank genration”?  One answer: If you can’t beat them, join them.

Product seeding is a cheap way to advertise and it’s what we use to market on-line.  It’s similar to celebrity endorsements, evangelist marketing, or grassroots/ viral way of planting a product so that it can be seen by important or influential people. An example of product seeding would be getting a celebrity to wear a certain hat or to hold a particular drink when being photographed or interviewed. Product seeding also can be done in smaller ways online, such as visiting forums, tweeting,  updating statuses on facebook and myspace, IMing, texting, and other forms of on-line viral marketing to get your music out.

Knowing the technology within this realm of marketing your music is something that you have to teach yourself and stay on top of.  Something as simple as using a small feature of YOUTUBE to get your music out can even help you build a following without people even knowing the wiser that they are being marketed to.  As an example, my youngest son and I were in the computer room and he proudly told me that the video that he posted for his “band” has recieved over 12,000 hits. How can this be, I thought to myself, they are a kid band, never have played out before and spend all the time in our garage arguing with each other.  His “band” consist of two other kids that can barely play their instruments and have never played out before, although I will admit, they are eager.  The video is simple, they set up a camera in our garage where they practice and recorded themselves covering “Smells like Teen Spirit”—poor light, white walls, junk in the corner of the garage, piled up boxes, no effects, no nothing, no flashy lights or cuts—Just a very, very simple one-shot video of  3 kids playing a song—and over 12,000 hits compared to my band’s video, where it was professionally shot, has editing, effects, nice lighting and shot in aa cool location and yet had only recieved  652 hits. Here’s the kicker, we posted BOTH band videos up about the same time. I asked him how he managed to get 12,000 hits so fast (within a few months). His reply? Lyrics. Apparently, people troll youtube and other video sites and look for videos with lyrics in them. He told me that people “like to know what the singer is singing and learn the lyrics”. So I paid him to type in the lyrics to our song on our video and repost it. The outcome? Within a few short weeks we had 1,357 hits on the same video. Lesson learned? Always look at the small features that appilcations and websites offer and use them to thier fullest extent.

Word -of-mouth is very important with product seeding, that should go without saying; but we also rely on texting, IMing and updating social websites statuses as much as possible without being annoying and asking our friends to resend. Blogging as well as leaving replies on blogs is another effective way to get the music out. We use blogger.com and blogged.com (as well as WordPress.com) to keep an on-line journal of the band’s moves and happenings–not to mention myspace, facebook, twitter and other social networking websites.

In short, we use what hipsters use to get our music out. And we’re learning more everyday, the list of product seeding with today’s technology could go on, and on, and on, and on. Since we use the “tools” of the hipster market, does that make us hipsters or just hip?

The movie BUG.  Not many people really know about this movie and for obvious reasons.  It blew.  Seriously, blew.  It was like accidentally stopping on softcore on your house TV thinking your parents are asleep, but they’re awake.  True story.  Awkward.  This movie, BUG, was supposedly some awesome play and then got made into a movie, great idea, and I just wasted 90 minutes watching this junk.  90 minutes I will never get back.  You know what you can do in 90 minutes?  Watch 3 episodes of Always Sunny In Philadelphia, bang-have a sandwich-bang- and get yogurtland.  You can also play and entire world cup soccer game! Yet I watched this movie BUG.  This is the last time I watch a movie recommended to me by some hot artsy chick I met in a coffee shop before an audition.  I just wanted to talk to her and sound intellectual, but obviously I lost in this situation.  I mean I didn’t even get her flipping number, she had some “BOYFRIEND”.  That just proves a few points that a hipster friend of mine usually points out.  One, I think inside the box about a lot of things especially lame a** cultural BS.  And two, hipster girls see me as some version of “The Man” who won’t buy their homemade painting using recycled heroine needles.  My bad, sorry for not appreciating such art.  Now can we bang?  No?  Okay, I’m out!

But onto BUG.  First let me say the only reason I give this movie even a thought of decency is because you see Ashley Judd fully nude 2 times, albeit the 2nd time she is pouring gasoline on herself about to commit suicide, it’s still hot.  However, in said suicide scene, you do see some side bush, which is a way more rare than side boob, as Steve Lutsk can attest to.  This movie poster describes it as the scariest horror movie you’ve ever seen?!  Really, I wasn’t scared, I was really confused, and then I just felt awkward cause the acting was just so weird.  It wasn’t bad per say, but just weird.  And poor Harry Connick Jr.!  I mean that dude is my idol.  He can walk into a room and just point at a girl and in under 5 seconds she’s naked and with child.  I mean he is just that good.  And he played some ex-con domestic violence loving jerk!?  Come on casting, what are you doing?!  Don’t we have other dudes for this role, like Chris Brown?  Too soon?  I really don’t know what else to say, but to really just tell all the people out there, not to watch this movie.  And all you hipster girls out there, who are hot, don’t think I live inside a box, if this is outside the box I’ll gladly stay inside and watch me some Step Brothers.

QUESTION #1: Who thought this was a good idea? It is not. It is actually a very bad idea. Sort of like this. I am aware of Movember and realize that it is probably necessary to fund men’s health in light of the current health care crises, and of course the cessation of funding to education, which actually – believe it or not – contributes to the sorts of stuffs people need to know in order to make discoveries to help men’s health… but I digress. Am I:  A woman who loves a Mo and wants to support the efforts of a Mo Bro in their life?

Not a whole lot of love for the Mo going on up in here.

[QUESTION #1 part 2: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? For real.]

QUESTION #2: If you are clearly a hipster by visual design, but you did not accomplish this momentous feat intentionally, it just kind of happened, are you in fact, a hipster?

QUESTION #3: Sarah Palin? Seriously? I stand by my assertion that one should not use words they can neither spell nor define. You are out on called strikes Palin. How Glenn Beck of you.

QUESTION #4: Why can’t I get this in Hong Kong? I feel cheated.

QUESTION #5: What is the meaning of life? I suppose this is as good an answer as any. Unless it is yoga. Then I like that answer better.

And on that note: I am thankful for the infinite ways that my students make my days unique, challenging and interesting… giving hope that there might be more than “bugger all down here.”

Dear Middle-Aged Man…

Yes, you, the one who is wearing a black polo shirt neatly tucked into navy blue cargo shorts with converse and sport socks. Buying a case of Natty Light at Rite-Aid at 1:43 pm on a Tuesday.

I feel like this is the start to a great joke. But I don’t know what the punchline is. Or rather, maybe you are the punchline, but I don’t know what the set-up is. So instead I will end with a question:

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE?

Best,

MM