There is a particular channel that can easily be referred to as the anus of TV shows. A channel that has excreted the swill of humanity. I am of course referring to MTV. It is completely dominated with shallow, fickle, reality television mush that has the power to turn anyone watching it into a gibbering simpleton.

The shows that are featured on this channel are nearly all reality TV nonsense. That provides no real entertainment or enlightenment in any form. One of the shows titled The Hills is a shallow freak show that follows the escapades of a few spoilt American teenagers, all of which are shallow, self obsessed morons. All the girls are plastic barby dolls all obsessed with their own self image and dreary lifestyle. The boys are all ‘jocks’ who all seem to be metro sexual and like the girls have an unhealthy obsession with their appearance. Both sexes are obsessed with their fake love lives, which are anything but genuine. The boys want a trophy girl, who they will more than likely cheat on when the opportunity arises. The girls all want some fake-tanned hunk to show off to their friends. Neither enters a relationship because they like the person’s personality. The same can be said with their friendships, where friends are not judged on personality but on similarity of looks and appearance. This show has nothing but an army of spoilt, self obsessed, plastic brats who seem to have no positive factors to their aura and have too much money and time on their hands.

Another show is the dismal Hogan Knows Best which follows the dull escapades of an aged wrestler and his equally dull family. Hulk Hogan does nothing but displays his grotesque bulk of flesh whilst shamefully exposing the life of his dire family. He clearly did not make enough money in wrestling if he had to sink to this level. Every episode features some painfully boring triviality that moustachioed Neanderthal has to sort out. The worst form of entertainment ever!

Perhaps the biggest lump of excrement in the septic tank is My Super Sweet 16.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b7mwTK564o This video by Charlie Brooker shows that the show is full of undeserving, vain brats who have extravagant coming of age parties. It draws on nothing more then the awful selfish, spoilt aspects of a capitalist society. Parents spend millions of dollars on some brat to have a party so extravagant that even the Royal Family could not compete with it. It gives viewers aspirations they have no chance of achieving and appeals to peoples’ greed. The best thing to happen to this show would be a sudden cockroach infection.

MTV stands for Music Television perhaps a more suitable name would be Mindless Television. There is nothing positive or creative about it. It just encourages people to be passive consumers whose interest revolves around the acquisition of nothing but cheap material goods. It doesn’t encourage people to be creative or search for spiritual fulfilment. It teaches them to be shallow and materialistic and to only make friends with people if they have the same amount of wealth and identical appearance, essentially promoting some of the worst traits of society. MTV is capitalist American vomit being dispatched across the globe in order to turn everyone into unthinking clones who only dream of a Porsche, a mansion and some girl with a plastic face and breasts. It is utter garbage and anyone watching it should consider doing something better with their lives before they start buying fake tan and starting every sentence with “Oh my God”.

So what celebrities got engaged during the month of November 2009? And does anyone really care?  Of course we do!  Hey, weddings are a big deal around here.

1) Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart

While most twilight fanatics are screaming foul play and refuse to believe it’s true, Robert Pattinson confirmed the rumor as true to Matt Lauer on the Today Show.  However, some say that even though he admitted it, that it was done jokingly and that it probably won’t happen because he’s been pretty much dating non-stop and it just doesn’t seem realistic.  Well, believe it Team Edward fans. There’s even been a lot of “I’ll believe it when I see it” stances as well.  You gals are hardcore about this man. He’s on the market until he says I Do! – Source

2) Hulk Hogan & Jennifer McDaniel

Assuming that he actually does know best, the Hulkster has decided to get engaged to a woman who disturbingly looks like a hybrid of his ex and his daughter.  Hulk Hogan pointed out the engagement ring to TMZ photographers at the LAX airport and said that she could be the next Mrs. Hogan.  Her name is Jennifer McDaniel and she even showcased a “lovely” tattoo of his first name (Terry) that she had tattooed on her right wrist. The couple has been dating since 2008 which is only 4 months after Hulk’s divorce from Linda Bollea.  Some guys never learn. – Source

3) Chelsea Clinton & Mark Mezvinsky

Being the daughter of a former president qualifies for you for celebrity status. When photographers follow you to the bathroom stall, you’re a celebrity.   Chelsea made the announcement via email during Thanksgiving to friends and family.  The couple met in Washington DC and have been dating since 2005. They simmered the relationship at Stanford University and he’s now an investment banker while Chelsea finishes up her studies at Columbia. – Source

4) Penelope Cruz & Javier Bardem

While Penelope Cruz refuses to confirm the rumor, we’re going to push it as fact simply because she refuses to deny it.  When asked directly by David Letterman during her late night appearance if she was engaged, she simply said that she refused to discuss her private life.  But when she appeared at a premiere with a sapphire and diamond engagement ring on her ring finger, it was her way of letting people into her private life. Women get ridiculously excited when they get engaged, so this was her way of publicly gushing.  If she simply said, “I’m not engaged”, then that would have been that, but the very denial is a confession!  So stop being silly Penelope.  We’re actually still happy you didn’t stay with Tom Cruise. – Source

5) Jensen Ackles & Danneel Harris

photo from JustJared.com

The Supernatural star Jensen Ackles has confirmed that he and longtime girlfriend Danneel Harris from One Tree Hill are finally engaged.  Even though the public says that it doesn’t appear that there’s a lot of passion between them, source from both parties have confirmed the rumor.   The couple have been dating for about 3 years now, but have been friends for almost a decade.  He confirmed it to JustJared.com and she confirmed it on her Twitter account. – Source

Other notable wedding engagement news:

• Tara Ried says that even though she’s wearing an engagement ring on her finger that she is not engaged…yet.  People
• Eminem’s mom got engaged to her bisexual agent, Neal Alpert. Why they felt that detail was important was apparently important for some reason. China Daily News
• Mickey Rourke & Elena Kuletskaya are NOT engaged and he’s telling everyone and carrying on as if he’s single.  Besides the fact that she is engaged to another man. Hmmm. Zimbio
• Playboy Bunny Stephanie Adams is engaged to…a man.  ‘The Man” wasn’t named, but the big deal is that Stephanie is a lesbian and even came out at a Pride parade, so that’s why they simply say “a man”.  Hey, it happens.  Can you say “Anne Heche”? SheWired.com
• and finally, Robbie Williams denies that he’s engaged. Daily Mall

Know of any November wedding engagements we missed?  That’s what the comment box below is for. But which one of these top 5 engagements is the biggest deal to you?

Hulk Hogan tells all in his book “My Life Outside the Ring”.  He talks about how his ex wife Linda is dating a 19 year old, and how his son Nick was in jail.. having a series of bad events happening he entered a depression stage, where he says he drank Xanax and Rum and was ready to pull the trigger. Thanks to Laila Ali, she convinced him it wasn’t worth it.

Wedding rings aren’t cheap and they signify something a tad more important than just being jewelry.  While Jon Gosselin is off partying with Lindsay Lohan’s father in the Hamptons for some reason, his wife Kate has put her ring back on.  Apparently Kate is trying to keep herself together and her kids heads on straight.  She is the only glue in these kids lives, so why she’s still wearing the ring is a mystery.

On the flip side, LeeAnn Rimes who was caught in a scandalous affair with costar Eddie Cibrian has separated from her husband and has decided to finally take her wedding band off.  As a result, Cibrian’s wife has apparently decided to take a marital break also since the affair was uncovered by the press.

While divorce seems to be the hip new trend in Hollywood, many people have begun to notice that when you invite cameras into your home, divorce is closely behind.  Just ask Jon and Kate (Jon and Kate Plus Eight), Hulk Hogan (Hogan Knows Best), Nick and Jessica (Newlyweds), Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro (Til Death Do Us Part), Britney and Kevin (Chaotic), Travis and Shanna (Meet The Barkers), Whitney and Bobby (Being Bobby Brown), and Danny and Gretchen (Breaking Bonaduce).  There are very few marriages that have withstood the glare of the lights and walked away unscathed.  Hail Snoop!

While Americans have an insatiable appetite for reality television that invades the lives of interesting characters, at what cost is enough too much?  Is it necessary that we see how celebrities live, what they eat, what brand of toilet paper they use, and to see every argument and failure?  Is it to prove to ourselves that they are just like us by watching them fail in various aspects of their lives?  Is it to live vicariously through them by following them on shopping sprees, drinking binges and temper tantrums?  What is the fascination that keeps the ratings skyrocketing and ruining lives and marriages one after the other?  While to some degree TV and movie stars are “asking for it” and give up their privacy to some extent when they sign on for the job, where is the line to be drawn and will we ever be able to draw it?

I’d like to get a look at the contract that these reality TV stars are signing because apparently when they sign up for the 15 episodes of 30 minute air time at $150,000 per episode, they miss the part about the termination of their current relationship!Apparently reality shows are having a negative affect on the relationship of their stars. Starting with America’s sweethearts and the original reality romancers Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, whose separation seemed to be the start of a continuous downfall in reality romance.

            Obviously Hulk Hogan didn’t know best when it came to his marriage. Because after 24 years it ended during the filming of their reality show Hogan Knows Best. Their marriage was hanging on by a thread but when it became public on their TV show that was the last show.

            Even reality stars who weren’t celebrities couldn’t survive the reality rollercoaster. Jon and Kate Gosselin who initially appeared to be madly in love during the initial seasons of their show ended their ten year marriage in June of this year.

            Lauren Conrad and Jason Whaler’s relationship carried on through two reality shows; Laguna Beach and The Hills but unfortunately came to an end in 2006.

            Speaking of The Hills, Heidi and Spencer Pratt are Hollywood’s newest and most criticized couple. The whole world is waiting for their marriage to fail and reality TV just might be the solution to our problems!

-Breanna H-

Yesterday I received this tweet from an online buddy of mine:

DonCortez@onyxparadise you losin’ cool pts. with that B. Hogan commentt smh

Allow me to explain.  In the last week or so, I’ve been notching up the ipod plays on Brooke Hogan’s new mixtape Judgment Day. I downloaded her first album Undiscovered when it came out, and it took me until a trip to Paris and the Virgin Megastore on the Champs-Elysées (where I also finally managed to pick up Tamia’s stellar Between Friends album, and Lumidee’s Undiscovered which was a surprisingly strong listen) until I could get my hands on the cd.  By this point, some of the album was admittedly filler but other songs had revealed themselves to be pleasantly solid :

Those are my two highlights from the first album.  At the time, Brooke Hogan was being compared with Paris Hilton, who had also come fresh off reality tv success and had just released a pop album.  Both albums pretty much bombed on the charts, but the feeling was that Paris’ album was the better of the two because the songwriting was so solid.  When it came out, I played Paris’ album quite a lot and the songs were guilty pleasures, but nowadays Brooke Hogan is the one that I’m still playing. The two songs above are examples of solid contemporary R&B/Pop songwriting, and I still play them regularly today.  Vocally, Brooke Hogan isn’t going to be Mariah Carey or Christina Aguilera anytime soon, but she can sing rings round Paris Hilton, and on her new album The Redemption it’s apparent that her vocals have improved.

IMO, some of the songs on the mixtape are better than some which made the album.  The Judgment Day mixtape has more of a credible urban feel, whereas The Redemption album proper is more poppy, though there are still some R&B tracks to be found.  Between the two, there is an album’s worth of strong material, and I’m definitely going to get repeated spins out of them. I think that although I’m more or less oblivious to what happened on Hogan Knows Best and Brooke Knows Best, and although my knowledge of her rift with her mother (explored on the album’s incendiary “Dear Mom…”) is limited since I stopped reading Perez Hilton (and you should too, he is a prize fool), I enjoy what I enjoy and Brooke Hogan makes solid music and has a serviceable voice, whatever her reputation.  And that is what’s most important to me when I’m listening to someone on my ipod, because although it’s inevitable that we want to know the background to our favourite stars and new celebrities alike, it’s not their reputation who sings on the record or crafts their beats.

So I just thought I would defend myself against my friend’s lil’ comment at me, haha, and also dedicate some time out of my own personal life to promote Brooke Hogan, because if I were in her shoes, I would appreciate some helpful promotion so that my music got heard.  After all, I’ll be in that position soon enough, here’s to hoping!

To close, some of the best new songs from the Judgment Day mixtape (the first two videos) and Redemption album (the last three).  Check them out!

by Hydro033

YAY!!!!! it’s finally over! Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit!

Oh, you don’t know what I’m talking about? Jon and Kate Plus 8, a popular TV show on TLC features Jon, Kate, and their 8 children. It’s dumb and now the parents are getting divorced because they couldn’t handle it. I was so sick and tired of hearing about this stupid family. Jon still thinks he’s young and hip. In the divorce episode, he repeatedly kept stating how young he is. He clearly isn’t ready for family life. So fuck him. Kate is the traditional psychotic mother that is never happy. They divorce! Yes, boom! It’s all over. Hopefully the show gets taken off the air also!

Kate feels terrible because she sees their divorce as “another statistic.” Well, yes they are. Most parents of multiples do get divorced and they are just supporting that evidence. I do feel for the kids. It sucks, but man eight kids is off the wall. Kate made a big mistake using so many fertilizers and whatnot. Look what happened. Not only is her life in shambles right now, her kids have to grow up with divorced parents. No kid should have to go through that.

Another thing that pisses me off is the show in general. They had a bunch of kids, so they get a tv show. Not to mention, people give them free shit all the time! They have a HUGE house and HUGE property. They’re have everything under the sun… but one thing. Yes, you guessed it – HAPPINESS! Yay! I have it! Do you?

Tons of families have tons of kids. Just go over to the Middle-East. I bet you can’t find families with less than 4 kids. They don’t make shows about them though. “Oh but these are sextuplets!” So what? My ass is more interesting. What a dumb show. Now, tons of shows are featuring families with many kids. What is this stupid reality TV family monitoring boom we have here. The Hogan’s got fucked up real bad, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie hate each other, and now Jon and Kate got divorced. Who wants to risk ruining their life for some money? Any takers? I’m sure there are millions who are still willing. I think Ozzy Osbourne is the only one to survive the reality treatment. Doesn’t surprised me after the shit he’s been through.

Yay… I’m done ranting now.

Mr. Christopher once again taking a break from planning weddings to bring you some more celebrity rumors.   While I’d like to do these as often as possible, sometimes there just isn’t enough juicy stuff to make it worth reading. Luckily for you, that has changed and here they are.  5 more sweet rumors.

Let’s face it.  Michael is simply an amazing performer.  One only needs to listen to anything up to Thriller to know that.  But his personal life is an absolute mess and it is has caused him internal psychological warfare that has had an inevitable effect on his writing.  The biggest of which is his appearance which has been butchered by California’s worst.   Quack after quack has had their way with Michael’s mug and I would be shocked if he didn’t have skin cancer.  But this rumor started as Michael has been seen visiting his long time dermatologist Dr. Arnie Klien several times a week. Not once a week or a couple times a week, but several times a week. I’ve always loved Michael’s music, but I would be shocked if it wasn’t true, so we’re going to start the mill and say that..

This rumor is: Highly Possible That It’s True. I don’t want it to be true, hope that it’s not true, but all signals point to true.

Singer Kelis hasn’t been on the road for over a year and is about to give birth to another spawn of arguably one of the greatest rappers of our time, Nas.  She has filed papers to the courts documenting her financials so that she can get child support from Nas.  Her bills are exceeding $80,000 per month.  Yes, per month. When her and Nas were together, they collectively brought in more than enough to cover those bills, but now, sniff, she’s only bringing in a mere $20,000 per month.  That’s only $240K per year.  What’s a girl to do?  How can anyone live on such a paltry amount?  The documents state that her mortgage alone is almost $15,000 per month!   So let’s get real.  She may not be raking in the cash that she was making previously, but everyone reading this would strangle relatives to be clearing almost a quarter of a million a year.  It’s insulting.   She can still live large in the regular world.

This rumor is: False. By Hollywood standards maybe, but normal people standards, she’s far from broke.

This was a rumor that people were quick to deny to try and protect his career (as if anything could derail it).  When wife Tameka was asked about the rumor, she was totally blindsided and had no idea what they were talking about.  It was all speculation.  Well speculate no more.  The papers were officially filed in Georgia in Fulton County and Usher showed up without a ring on his finger at LAX.

This rumor is: True. The naked ring finger happens often, but official government ordained papers don’t write themselves.

Hey, I don’t just make this stuff up.  A half a million dollars in jewelry went missing after a photo shoot for ELLE magazine.  One of the suspects?  Miss Lindsay Lohan.  Scotland Yard is investigating the disappearance of the super expensive jewels and Lindsay is cooperating.  New details have emerged from ELLE magazine that have come to Lindsay’s defense indicating that they “have no reason to believe” that Lindsay is involved in the hiest.  But until it gets resolved, we’re going to with our gut reaction and say that…

This rumor is: Most Likely False. Obviously, stranger things have, cough, Winona, cough, happened, but Lindsay is on a mission to revive her career and I’m confident she wouldn’t sabotage it for some bling.

Oh Gawd.  Who really cares what that nutbag chick does?  That whole family is whack.  But we have to do our job.  Hulk Hogan pays his estranged wife Linda a whopping $40,000 a month in alimony and multiple witnesses are on board ready to attack her as a druggie who is blowing that cash on blow, pot and the painkiller Roxycodon.  Her hairdresser is claiming that Linda comes in to the salon to cash checks there so she has some green to buy her favorite pot and Roxy combo.  And another unnamed truck driver says that he has seen her snort blow on a boat before. So, hmm, we’ll say that…

This rumor is: True. Let’s face it. Divorces are ugly and there are tons of false accusations and lies that surface when there are tens of thousands of dollars being forked out.  But when you add multiple witnesses, you better have a crazy good alibi.

Legenda wrestlingului Hulk Hogan a făcut-o lată. Soţia s-a hotărît să îl lase baltă, iar acum urmează un mega-proces pentru averea uriaşă a lui Hogan. Wrestlerul a făcut zilele trecute o declaraţie şoc, care a pus pe gînduri America: “Acum îl înţeleg şi eu pe OJ Simpson”. Hulk avea şi o emisiune pe MTV, de fapt încă se difuzează în România, “Hogan’s knows best”.

Hollaatyourgirl.com reports:

Bwoy, looks like Hulk Hogan doesn’t always Know Best!!! The old time wrestler sat down with Rolling Stone and casually chatted on how he thought about murkin’ his ex-wife! Man, this dude just doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut!!! Here’s a quote from the interview:

“I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody’s throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000 sq ft home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife. I totally understand OJ. I get it,”

DANG!!! That’s some next level Chris Brown bullsh*t!! His new wifey better keep her eyes out for any white gloves hanging ’round the house, dagnammit!!

This is the claim that Linda Hogan is making with her lawyers.  She says that Hogan is selling off his trademark and brand name rights – including Hollywood Hulk, Hulkster and Hulkamania – to avoid paying assets to her in the divorce. The trademarks were sold to Hogans best friend Eric Bischoff for a fraction of what they are worth.

Because Brooke Hogan just won’t go away, here she is dressed like she’s about to go on stage at the local go-go bar in promo photos for her hew show Brooke Knows Best. Maybe they’ll be a “very special episode” where she’s reunited with her brother when he’s released from jail.

The effects of ”Reality TV”, which has had an inexplicably long life span, is obvious in many areas of society today.  People who otherwise have no talent whatsoever suddenly feel as if they can be a “star” simply by displaying their boring day to day activities for everyone to see.  The victims of this sort of stupidity are mostly younger people who have grown up with the Reality TV culture.  They actually think it’s interesting and entertaining to watch their favorite ”reality stars” drone on through the mundane and useless events of their daily lives.  Websites such as “You Tube” offer the opportunity for people to take their best shot at reality stardom.  The really nauseating thing is that all of these wannabe “reality stars”, in the most blatant display of narcissistic egomania, believe that they are somehow so interesting and adorable that they will stand out from the crowd and become famous. And the effects of the stupidity known as “Reality TV” also extends to the blogging world of the web.  Among the millions of blogs throughout the internet, a large number of them seem to have been created by people who have apparently been influenced by Reality TV.  A quick blog search will reveal “reality posts” from people who seem to think that their boring daily activities of doing their laundry, attending a party, grooming their dog, eating ice cream, riding their bicycle, going on a date, and any number of other boring subjects are somehow interesting and entertaining.  All of this stems from the Reality TV culture that has put the idea into people’s heads that ANYONE cares what you did yesterday!  But amazingly, there ARE people who care!  People who have been trained like sheep to believe that somebody else’s ordinary, mundane, meaningless daily routine is somehow stimulating.  I have attempted to watch Reality TV many times.  After only a few minutes I get a feeling of “why am I wasting my time watching somebody else’s life?”  And no, the reality shows   featuring celebrities like Hugh Hefner, Gene Simmons, and Hulk Hogan aren’t any better.  In fact, they’re worse.  Besides the obvious fact that what you see in those programs may or may not be “real”, the celebrity reality shows only prove that even watching rich and famous people live their lives from week to week is BORING!  And am I the only one who finds Hefner’s three blonde airhead ”girlfriends” to be sickening?  As for the bloggers who think that reporting the exciting escapades at their brother’s outdoor barbeque is somehow worth posting for everyone to read,  here’s a clue; NOBODY CARES!  At least, anyone with a life doesn’t.  So who knows when or where it will end.  When will people grow tired of watching other people do all the things that they could be doing if they would just put down the potato chips and soda and get off the couch.  Given the current tremendous lack of talent and creativity in the entertainment world today,  something tells me it’s going to be awhile.

As the insanity surrounding the divorce of Hulk and Linda Hogan continues to swirl, here is the latest bit of celebrity injustice…

It appears that the couple put down almost $850,000 for a down payment on a $4.2 million dollar condo in Las Vegas before Linda filed for divorce. Hogan did not want the condo afterward, but Linda wanted to seal the purchase.

A divorce lawyer sided with Hulk that he did not have to make the purchase, however the real estate company will only return $200,000 and is keeping the other $650,000 for liquidated damages.

Now, both Hulk and Linda attorneys are fighting over who will absorb the monetary loss. But which Hogan attorney knows best?

The OC Blunderguff Presents:

Brooke Hogan