The DeAndrea family of five...soon to be six!

This is one big-time, “Wow!” email I got from a great voice-over talent with whom I work from time to time. He sent a little note earlier this month to say that if there were any recordings I needed, I’d better send over the script soon because he and his wife were headed to Ethiopia! They were planning for an early May trip to meet and then bring home their adopted daughter!! Their last hurdle before taking off to Ethiopia was a court date, where 50% of adoptive parents pass/don’t pass the first time. I just got an email saying they’d “passed” their court interview and were now officially Fasika’s new parents!! Congratulations!! I’ll make some updates once they bring 10 month old Fasika home!

Srsly.

I am in my 30s so are most of my friends. My IRL friends, the ones I grew up with. The ones who would lie on the grass with me and stare up at the big blue sky and talk about when we have kids. 2 girls and 2 boys. We would raise them like this and not like that. We would dress them in adorable clothes, pick adorable names, and receive lots of kisses on our perfectly understanding of children cheeks.

Except it didn’t work out like that.

I had my baby. Of the girls I was closest too, am the only one. Not only am I the only one, but the others are facing the reality that those dreams of children are disappearing into the ether.

I asked Cara about it recently, did it bother her? I mean I can ask myself, I wanted lots of children and it didn’t work out like that for me either. My answer was a lot like hers, yes it does hurt at times, a poignancy that visits at times but we focus on other things in our lives.

Cara did mention that now that it didn’t seem likely that she would have children that she would get a nose job. Why? I asked incredulously, I mean she is beautiful. She has always wanted a cute little button nose though.

“Are you just looking for some way to dispose of income?” I asked. “No” she laughed, “I just didn’t want to bum out my kids if they were born with my nose and I was trying to tell them it looked great on them, but I couldn’t live with it”

I thought that rather thoughtful.

It is a point of interest to me though, all the reading I have done on infertility, how people claim it is worse than death and at the same time, not a single one of my friends claims a loss of meaning in their lives or even mentions except to note children aren’t in the cards for them.

It is relieving as trying to make up to my amom for her infertility was such a cross for me. I hope to lay it down soon.

I have too much time on my hands.  I actually check my blog stats.  They are disheartening.  Not because I don’t have enough readers, I have those, but who is reading me.  

Over the last few months the posts that get the most hits are those about my Holt Adoption Camp experience.  This tells me more folks are googling Holt International, Adoption Camp, or “how do I get me one of those neato orphans?” in disturbing numbers.  

That ain’t good.

You know what else isn’t good?  If you check Holt International on Twitter, they are following this guy….

http://www.amazon.com/Snowball-Factor-Create-Avalanche-Profit/dp/1432728717/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239586759&sr=1-1

That’s right, “How To Create An Avalanche Of Profit”.  

*sigh*

It figures.

He also offers this little gem…

http://www.90secondwebsitebuilder.com/

“My nine-year-old just built my website for me”

Great.  

One wonders where exactly he got this 9 year-old.

I think that each and everyone one of us has the capacity for change.  Heck change is what I’m all about, and what this blog is all about.  I an an Adult Adoptee Advocating For Change, after all.

It’s not just me, I feel change in the air.  We are all growing, all changing, maybe we’ll all be better for it.   

Change takes inspiration and no one has inspired me more than Marley today.  Just to think a year ago her position on adoption agencies went like this…

Records and identity access is about our rights and has no connection with the marketing schemes of adoption agencies. BN has a long-standing, hard-line policy of accepting no support from the adoption industry. Bastard Nation specifically, and the adoptee rights movement in general, cannot and should not be co-opted or used by the adoption industry to promote its own agenda. We disavow all industry involvement in our work. Any entanglement with the adoption industry endangers the integrity and credibility of the adoptee rights movement.

And today when she says, in reference to her groups partnership with Holt International, commenting on my last post….

 We are partners with many groups with CalOpen. 

This includes 3, count them 3, adoption agencies, by the way.

I’ve always said that in order to get records opened up we must work with all kinds of people and organizations related to adoption, and here’s Marley living by that example.  

And I can only think that her presence will go on to inspire more good things.  More openness at Holt, an easing in the attitude that they display to natural mothers, a brand new day at Holt International.  I’m sure Marley, above all others, is working to make Holt the kind of adoption agency we’d all like to see.  Gone will be the days of half truths and difficulty reuniting.  

Change is good and I’m proud of you Marley.

I want to do so many things.  I want to direct you to my other blog and show you all the fiber arts stuff I’ve been up to.  But I haven’t been up to much.  I want to tell you about the reunion I have working in my life, but that is sort of on hold too.  I’d also like to be on a beach with my toes in the sand and a drink in my hand.  This is  the least likely to happen anytime soon.

So I’m going to hit the high points here.  

As some folks are aware, my state, Missouri, has at least 2  birth certificate access bills at some stage in the legislative process.  Not to mention a couple of more bills that pop up here and there that could have some effect on adoptees.  The only bill that is still breathing is far from perfect, and has, at present, one of the craziest contact preference clauses I’ve ever seen, here’s the summary in it entirety, with the contact preference section bolded….

SB 53 – This act modifies provisions regarding adoption records. The State Registrar shall develop and, upon a birth parent’s request, distribute both a contact preference and a medical history form to the birth parent. The contact preference form allows a birth parent to list his or her preference for contact by the adoptee. If a contact preference form is filed with the registrar, a medical history form shall also be so filed. Upon receipt of the forms, the State Registrar shall attach such forms to the original birth certificate of the adopted person. 

This act allows for an adopted person, the adopted person’s attorney, or the adopted person’s descendants, if the adopted person is deceased, to obtain a copy of the adopted person’s original birth certificate from the State Registrar upon written application and proof of identification. The adopted person shall be 18 years of age or older and born in Missouri. The adopted person shall also agree in writing to abide by the birth parent’s contact preference, if such preference is included with the adopted person’s original birth certificate. The State Registrar shall also provide a medical history form, if such form was completed by the birth parent.

The provisions of the act shall not apply to adoptions instituted or completed prior to August 28, 2009, except that a copy of the medical history form, which has had all identifying information redacted, shall be issued to such adopted person. For adoptions completed prior to August 28, 2009, the state registrar shall release the original birth certificate only if the birth mother is deceased. If the birth mother is not deceased, the state registrar shall, within thirty days of application by the adopted person, contact the birth mother via telephone, personally and confidentially, to obtain the birth mother’s written consent or denial to release the original birth certificate.

This act is identical to SCS/SB 1132 (2008) and similar to SB 322 (2003)

I was not aware that the telecommunications lobby was so strong to even reach into the area of adoptees rights.  I assume this means that they will call the first parent on the phone and then send out a contact preference formhat’s what I call reaching out and touching someone.  Okaaay….whatever.   

And yes,  this is the same old tired hag of a bill that has been floating around for years.  

At any rate, Paula Benoit is coming to Missouri very soon to lobby legislators very soon.  I’m seeing this as a bright spot.  

If you’re not familiar with her work in Maine, check here….

http://www.adopteecare.com/paula/

Now that’s what I’m talking about.  A good clean bill.  

Paula has offered to keep us that aren’t hooked up with the super secret workings of the inside scene of Missouri Adoptee Rights activism up with the goings on of her visit.  If you’d like to be inclued, just leave a comment here or drop me a line and I’ll get you hooked up.  The more folks that we can get on this the better.  This means everybody.  

And yes, those who know me have already guessed, politics is making for some strange bedfellows here.  But that’s par for the course in Missouri.  Maybe not so much everywhere else.  Just to tease you a bit, what would make an adoptee rights organization who claim to be the top dog (or should I say top bastard dog) in all things adoptee rights partner with an imfamous adoption agency?  Do they want an invitation to camp too?

I don’t know.

But I am mulling it over.

It seems that everybody is asking me for money these days.  Jimmy Carter wrote me a letter about building affordable housing, The  Willdlife Fund has assured me that every last panda on Earth will be exterminated unless I send them $25, and for some reason if I don’t send the DNC more money, our very way of life will come to an end.  I thought the DNC should be in pretty good shape, but I was mistaken.

This is a normal day for me.  I send out little dribbles of money to save the world.   It’s not something that I would even mention if I hadn’t received an appeal from another organization.

It started off like this, and I quote….

Your gift to Holt’s Special Needs Adoption Fund will help to offset the adoption expense for a waiting child, and immediately help to make sure the children are united with the loving families they desperately need. We are asking you today for a gift of $50, $100 or more to help a waiting child be adopted, or consider a special gift of $1,934 to help place one child with a loving family in 2009. Your gift will make a huge difference for these children and families!

OK, they want me to give money to help special needs kids around the world.  Who could possibly be against helping special needs kids?  Certainly not me.  I’m all for helping special needs kids.

But wait, this money doesn’t go to the kids, it goes to potential adoptive parents….potential adoptive parents that can’t afford their adoptions.   Even special needs adoptions that cost substantially less.  It doesn’t go to orphanages to pay for doctors, or therapists, or surgeries.  One wonders if they will be hearing from this loving family in the future, after all taking care of a special needs child ain’t cheap.  If $1,934 is all that it takes to get the kid home, where are they going to come up with the costs for care, even if they have insurance?  Let’s face it, if they can’t put a couple of grand on their MasterCard, how good could their jobs be, even if they have benefits?  I really don’t want Holt selling them my name for future reference.

The money goes to some wannabe “family” that doesn’t seem to be aware that there are a whole load of special needs kids that you can adopt for what amounts to almost free.  That’s right, if you really took a bath in this recession, there are places that will let you save a kid right here at home.  They even come in a variety of colors.  Heck if you don’t tell the neighbors, they’ll never know that you got them on the cheap.  Just teach the kids a few words of the exotic language of your choice and send them out to play.

No, the money doesn’t pay for help for the kids, it offsets the cost of airfare and a couple of weeks in some Americanized pseudo luxury hotel, and a barbie doll.  If they think I’m going to help pay for some entitled potential adoptive parents to stay in accommodations I can’t afford, they are dreaming.

But wait, there’s more…

Charlie was born premature at 28 weeks weighing 2.4 pounds. He continues to have global delays. Charlie will develop more rapidly in the love and nurture of a permanent family and your gift will make a huge difference in our ability to find him that family.

Things do sound bad for Charlie.   I’m not really sure why I can’t just give some money to help out Charlie.   I think the first thing I’d like to pay for is a name change, he really doesn’t look like a Charlie, that could do wonders for his self esteem.  As I’m sure they tell all the potential adopters in pre-adoptive classes, self esteem is key in development.

I think I’ll pass on this one.  I still want to help special needs kids and adoptees, but I think I’ll cut out the middle man.  There are tons of charities that do great work in every single country that Holt is doing business.  Many of them might have even been able to get poor Charlie some help without going through all the trouble of adoption.

I want to help adoptees too.  I think I’ll send some money here.

Adoptee Rights.

If anyone has been wondering, yes I’m still alive, and still adopted.  

I’ve been busy, alright.  Things to do, people to see.

I wanted to update on a few things that I have been neglecting.  First My favorite Ungrateful Little Bastard would kill me if I didn’t plug the demonstration (have you noticed there’s a demon in every demonstration?).

Go here…

Everything you need to know about the Adoptee Rights Demonstration

Sign up. Donate. Attend. Let your adoptee flag fly.

Second, there’s an  in Mother Jones about corruption in international adoption, called “meet The Parents”.  It’s is written by this dude, Steve Carney, who seems to know his shit.  It should be available online soon and it promises to get even more interesting from there.  

Third, as I said before I’m still adopted.  Not everyone seems to understand this, I’m on Holt Internationals mailing list.  They seem to think that I still want to go to adoption camp.  I’m thinking of taking them up on it, as an adoptee.  They didn’t have that kind of thing when I was a kid.  I wonder if they have a pony rides?

Each of our children have helped orphans from around the world the past three years. The $30.00 we give each month supports a child as they wait for adoption. Once they are adopted we take on another child. It is a great way to be the hands and feet of Jesus around the world.

Take a look at their site here. If you wait to have enough money to do this you won’t. For us it means going out to eat three fewer times each month. So Rib Crib doesn’t get our money so that a child in the world has what they need. Seems like a great trade to me.

Take time to pray about this. Jesus challenged us to care for the widows and orphans. You can’t get much closer to his words than this.