Who's talking with Hammerin' Hank?

It’s easy to identify Major League Baseball’s legitimate home run king in this photo. That’s Hammerin’ Hank Aaron of the Milwaukee Braves sitting to the right of today’s mystery person. See if you “old timers” can identify this face from 1960 and what television show this picture was taken from.

HINT: He’s not an Alamedan… and it’s not Victor Conte.

THE ANSWER: The host of this short lived but classic television show is Mark Scott. Home Run Derby aired in syndication during the 1960 baseball season from April to October. The show featured the greatest home run hitters of the day competing head to head for nine innings at Wrigley Field in Los Angeles… yes, there have been two Wrigley Fields (both owned by the Wrigley family of newspaper and chewing gum fame). Slugging stars that appeared on Home Run Derby included: Aaron (who won $13,500 during the show’s run), Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Duke Snider, Frank Robinson (McClymonds High), Ernie Banks, Jackie Jensen (Cal), Al Kaline, Eddie Matthews, Harmon Killebrew and Gil Hodges.

Sadly, Mark Scott died of a heart attack shortly after the conclusion of the initial season.

Shaquille O'Neal and Albert Pujols - Image courtesy of SI.com

In the third episode of “Shaq vs.”, Shaq challenges 2-Time National MVP Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals in a home-run derby. Who will win the battle of the MVP’s?

When this episode was filmed it was stated that Albert Pujols has had 350 career home runs. “Pujols is at the top of his game.” This is why Shaq wanted to challenge Pujols. Shaq was a little nervous for this episode and it begins with Shaq talking to his trainer Mike on a jet about this latest match. When the jet approaches St. Louis, Shaq looks out the window and sees the St. Louis Arch and says “that’s the biggest golden arches I’ve ever seen”. I really hope that was a joke because that’s just sad if Shaq thought the St. Louis Arch was a McDonald’s.

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

The Meeting
Shaq heads to Busch stadium and throws the first pitch to Pujols at a game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Cincinnati Reds. Shaq then grabs a mic and announces that he challenges Albert Pujols to a home run derby. Pujols accepts and wished Shaq luck and added “Bring it on”! Shaq watches the rest of the game while chatting with Albert Pujols’s wife. Shaq tries to pick her brain in order to size up his opponent.

It’s training time!
Shaq first hits the batting cages with John Mabry (former teammate of Albert Pujols). Shaq is swinging away (but not well) and starts to work up a sweat and jokes that he now knows why professional players like Derek Jeter, and Albert Pujols get the big bucks because “it’s hard work”. Later on Pujols and his son (Albert Pujols Jr. aka AJ) stop by and help Shaq on his training. What great sportsmanship! Shaq takes a break and little AJ puts in a little cage time. Shaq says to AJ that every time he makes contact with the ball he can hit Shaq (light tap) on his butt with his baseball bat. Little AJ makes contact with every pitch so he gets to hit Shaq a few times. haha. After the batting cages, Shaq then trains with a Little League team. Shaq doesn’t do so well and he asks the kid playing the catcher’s position “do I suck?” and the kid responds with an affirmative “yes”. Ouch! Shaq is also heckled by one of the outfielders as he teased that the fence was “over here” (since Shaq kept hitting grounders that wouldn’t make it over the fence). Shaq shakes his head that even a 9-year-old was trash talking him and he looks at the crowd of parents and tells them to “discipline their kids” (in a joking manner). After a while, Shaq is able to hit a couple of home runs. Afterward Mabry says to take a break and they’ll practice some more. Then Shaq points to an Ice Cream truck and yells “ICE CREAM”! Shaq then treats the kids and himself to some ice cream. Aww…how nice!

Press Conference and Downtime
On to the press conference with Shaq and Pujols. A fans asked Pujols if he would take an easy on Shaq, and he says “no” because they are professional athletes and they are both competitive. Plus “if” he lost, he would “never hear the end of it” from his teammates. There are no side bets in this match, it is all about bragging rights unlike the “Shaq vs. Ben” and “Shaq vs. Misty & Kerri” episodes. After the press conference, Albert takes Shaq to his restaurant and there are kids there from the “Pujols Family Foundation” which is dedicated to the care and development of people with Down syndrome and their families. The kids are all excited to see Shaq and Shaq compliments Pujols on his foundation and how great it is as professional athletes to be able to give back to the community and perform charity work. Shaq then asks Pujols what inspired him to start his foundation and he says that he has a daughter with down syndrome and that was what inspired him to start his foundation.

It’s Game Time!
The showdown takes place in T.R. Hughes Ballpark. Shaq has a few handicaps in this match-up. He gets 10 outs while Pujols has 5 outs. Any hit that is not a home run is considered an out. Also, Shaq’s field distance (for a home run) is shorter than Pujols’s. Shaq’s fence is 250 ft to center and 200 ft at left field, where as Pujols has to hit the full distance where center field is 382 ft and 310 ft at left field. There are two rounds, and whoever hits the most home runs wins! Shaq is up first. Shaq is able to get his first home run on the 2nd pitch and then his bat cools. Little AJ comes out and gives Shaq some advice and with 1 out to go, he is able to get 4 more home runs in a row before he struck out making his first round total 5 HR’s. Pujols is up next and he is able to hit 4 HR’s with 2 outs remaining. The crowd collectively cheered “MVP” a few times, but Pujols ends up tying Shaq’s 5 HR’s in the first round. On to round 2, Shaq calls his shot like Babe Ruth and is able to hit a home run on the first pitch. Afterward his bat started to cool again but he manages to hit 5 home runs in the 2nd round bringing his grand total to 10 HR’s. The pressure is on Pujols as he gets ready for his 2nd round. Pujols’s first pitch in the second round is a home run! He is able to hit a few more HR’s but with one last out, the score is tied. One more hit for the win, and with the next pitch Pujols is able to hit a home run! Albert Pujols wins the battle of the MVP’s and now the score is 11-10. Everyone cheers and for the fans, Albert gets set to hit some more (since he still had one more out). Pujols is able to hit 5 more home runs before he hits his last out bringing his grand total to 16 home runs. On his last out, Pujols was able to hit 6 consecutive home runs for the win with a final score of 16-10. Shaq then jokes that “if you can’t do it, then shut your *darn* (edited for clean content) mouth”! Shaq then thanks little AJ and congratulates Pujols and Pujols has one final bet for Shaq. He bets Shaq that he can’t strike him out. Shaq rises to the challenge, and on the first pitch [to Pujols] – *BAM* it’s a home run. Shaq concedes and runs (like he was scared) off the field. Funny stuff…

Next week is Shaq vs. Oscar De La Hoya. Here is a preview of the episode from TMZ.com. Stay tuned for the recap! If you missed this episode or want to watch it again, the full episode can be seen on ABC.com.

At last week’s Media Homerun Derby, my wife was in charge of getting some video of Team Bus Leagues in action.  (In the first email he sent after I informed him that I was in, Eric ordered us to get video documentation.  He used all caps when making the demand, so I knew he meant business.) 

What you are about to see isn’t the greatest quality – my wife was sitting in the shade and decided not to venture out into the sun-splashed seats closer to the field – but it’s enough.  You can still witness my painful-looking swing (it’s kinda obvious I hadn’t swung a bat in awhile), my Prince Fielder-like girth (I think that’s partially why the swing looked so awkward), and the crowd reaction to my one big hit of the day (my mother-in-law was more excited about the fact that Jamie Staton high-fived me than anything else).  Also, there’s a sort of bonus feature included: live audio commentary from my father-in-law.  My favorite part is when I get five pitches deep in the finals without doing much and he chuckles and says, “Just don’t choke.”

The Fuel Manufacturing crew decided to dip out of work early and head over to the local softball diamond for a healthy dose of Homerun Derby. Unfortunately, the fence was a hefty 310 feet from home. To put that in perspective, right field in Yankee stadium is 314 feet, and I am no Babe Ruth. Mathews, an avid softballer who plays in at least 13 leagues during the year, came in confident that he would take down Casey. Casey was a pitcher in JuCo as well as Division 1 at Tennessee Tech (where he suposedly threw a no-hitter). Seriously, this guy is legit. So he says.

I matched up against Cheek (who took it upon himself to break the $300 borrowed bat by taking a hack off the hozzle) and we both displayed our warning track power with a couple of one hoppers to the fence. Neither of us cleared the fence. Mathews was up next with the same results, zero home runs. Casey came up last, knocked a few off the fence in the air, and finally cleared one over the left field fence, winning the contest 1-0-0-0…how lame. We are now in search of a good little league field where I can put up some Josh Hamilton numbers (2008 J.Ham of course).

On Monday, August 10th of 2009, Vladimir Guerrero blasted his 400th home run of his illustrious 13+ year career.

Not only would his blast eventually lock up a win for the Angels against the visiting Tampa Bay Rays, it also virtually locks him into being a future Hall of Famer after the “Big Daddy” decides to hang ‘em up.

Vladdy became the 45th player in Major League Baseball history to reach the 400 home run plateau. Of the other 44:

- 23 are in the Hall of Fame

- 8 are still playing

Ken Griffey Jr., Alex Rodriguez, Jim Thome, Manny Ramirez, Gary Sheffield, Carlos Delgado, Chipper Jones, Jason Giambi

- 1 will be eligible for being elected this year

Fred McGriff

- 7 aren’t yet Hall of Fame eligible as of 2010

Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Frank Thomas, Jeff Bagwell, Juan Gonzalez, Mike Piazza

That just leaves out Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Dave Kingman, Andre Dawson, and Darrell Evans as the only members of the 400 home run club who have not yet been enshrined in Cooperstown.

Let’s take a quick look at some of Vlad’s career numbers:

- 2004 American League MVP

- 8-time All-Star

- 7-time Silver Slugger Award Winner

- 2007 Home Run Derby Champion

His best year can be debated between 2000 with the then-Montreal Expos:

.345 avg./.410 OBP/.664 SLG/101 R/197 H/28 2B/11 3B/44 HR/123 RBI

or in 2004, his first year with the Angels, in which he won the AL MVP award:

.337 avg./.391 OBP/.598 SLG/124 R/206 H/39 2B/2 3B/39 HR/126 RBI

My vote would have to go to the year where he put a team on his back and single-handedly willed himself and his team into the postseason, with that year being 2004 in Angel red.

Vladdy has posted years of a .300 batting average, 30+ home runs, and 100+ RBI in 10 of 11 seasons where he appeared in over 112 games.

Despite being arguably the biggest free-swinger the game has ever seen, Vlad has hit over .300 in every full season’s he’s played in (.302, .324, .316, .345, .307, .336, .330, .337, .317, .329, .324, .303).

To go along with his “hack away” mentality, Vlad has never struck out 100 times or more in any season, a rarity that possibly may never be seen again.

To-date, the injury-plagued 2009 season could mark the first year where Vladdy’s batting average falls below the .300 line… and he’s batting .299.

He posted 2 years of 30+ home runs and 30 + stolen bases back in 2001 and 2002 with Montreal.

Entering the 2009 season, Guerrero’s career numbers ranked pretty high up on the all-time lists:

- #13 all-time – slugging percentage  (.575)

- #43 all-time – batting average (.323)

- #99 all-time – on-base percentage (.389)

Although his current career statistics are so staggering, the thing that makes Vlad so special is that he is more than a rare breed of a hitter.

Sure, there have been hitters before Vladdy who could turn their wooden bat into a 9-iron and literally golf a pitch that bounces in the dirt, 430 feet away to straightaway center. Sure, there have been hitters before Vladdy that make you feel the breeze from every swing he takes… even if you’re sitting in the cheap outfield seats. Sure, there have been hitters before Vladdy that make you marvel at the raw strength that they possess to muscle a ball in off their hands, to the deep power alleys of a ballpark.

Sure, that puts Vlad in rare and special company, but the thing that makes Vlad so unique, is that he has the uncanny ability of turning a pitcher’s best pitch into a ball that lands deep into the left field stands.

Growing up in the Dominican Republic, Guerrero would play stickball with his friends, a game where a thin stick would be used as a bat, and a rock as a ball. The object, like baseball, was to hit the rock into play, but there was a catch… you had to hit the ball, regardless of where it was thrown. Vladdy’s roots haven’t left him.

A sharp-breaking 12-6 curveball could start right in the middle of the plate and drop down to his shoetops, but Vlad, the great “bad ball” hitter that he is, uncoils that powerful swing of his, and makes his way around the bases, giving the fans in the cheap seats a souvenir.

A 100 mile per hour fastball could run inside on him, but he’d get the bat out in front and send a 450+ foot mammoth blast sailing into the night.

And he’s been having fun all the way through. His big smile could light up a dark room with ease.

Here’s to the guy who truly deserves it.

A once-in-a-generation type of hitter who swings at everything, and hardly misses anything (as Rex Hudler says, “from his nose, to his toes, that’s how Vladdy goes!”).

(Here’s a funny video of a guy spot-on imitating (duplicating sounds about right) Vlad’s quirky stance/swing… in front of the man himself!)

A player who was both a contact and a power hitter.

A player with one of the best cannon arms to ever play right field (as ESPN anchor Stuart Scott said following Vlad gunning a guy out at third, “he’s a mutant!”).

A player who could do it all.

Here’s to you, Vladdy. And as much as it’s hard to believe after your remarkable 13-year career (and still going), you will continue to be on your way to bigger and better things.

The baseball world congratulates you on reaching another incredible milestone.

MLB Babble has now moved to the Most Valuable Network. The URL is still the same—http://mlbbabble.com–but I will no longer be posting on this WordPress blog. I have placed this update on all pages in an attempt to redirect visitors to the updated blog. Again, the URL is the same—http://mlbbabble.com. Thanks for reading!

After the All-Star break, Pujols has 2 HR and 5 RBI. Here are some splits before and after the break (total numbers):

So, clearly, Pujols is in a slump. Here are three possible causes:

1)    Mechanical – he’s just in a funk
2)    Home Run Derby – it has affected his swing
3)    Injury – he has an affliction that the team is not reporting

You would think that, with the addition of Matt Holliday, Pujols would be thriving; that is evidently not the case. I doubt that Pujols is simply in a funk: it has been too prolonged (around July 22 – present). The HR Derby is certainly a possible contributing factor, however. Many guys have not had the same season since competing in the event. It’s plausible that, given how much that Derby meant to Pujols since it was in St. Louis, he is still feeling some after-effects. Perhaps he tried to hard. He ruined his swing. Maybe.

But maybe Pujols has experienced a re-aggravation of his right elbow. He has a history of injuries to that area and it is possible that is the cause of his recent struggles. Remember: In Pujols’s first game after the Derby, he belted two home runs. So, that note may throw the Derby cause out the window.

Although I doubt he is simply in a funk—he’s too good of a hitter to be in one for this extended a period of time—it is possible that is all it is. That being said, he may be hiding an injury. I wouldn’t fault him for it, but it’d be nice to know.

I’m not a big golf fan, but I watched the final round of the British Open because the Tom Watson storyline was that compelling. Here was a 59-year-old leading a whole field of golfers–several of whom were less than half his age–in the final round of one of golf’s most prestigious tournaments. His glory years long past, Watson has won eight majors (and five Open Championships), but all before 1984. He hasn’t won a Tour tournament since 1998. Yet while even Tiger Woods failed to make the cut at Turnberry, this agèd master held off the grasshoppers for 71 holes.

After Watson went into the clubhouse with the lead after three rounds, I really started to think about how I’d feel if he were to go on and win. Would I gain immense respect for Watson for an absolutely amazing sporting achievement à la Rocky Balboa (perhaps the most remarkable performance in golf history)? Or would I lose all respect for golf as an athletic competition for letting a 59-year-old win one of its major professional events?

I was talking to a pro about this on Saturday night, and he was explaining why this was the kind of strange-seeming phenomenon that could only happen at the Open Championships instead of the other three majors. The American courses are designed in ways that emphasize excellent shot-making (longer, more narrow, sharper doglegs etc.). However, the rugged links courses of Scotland play much differently. With their rolling hills, harder ground and pronounced grains–not to mention the sharp wind gusts coming off the sea–links courses can take a shot that’d be technically perfect in calm conditions and turn them into disasters.

On a course like Turnberry’s Ailsa, the strategy and tactics change. All of a sudden, a new, intangible quality becomes paramount: knowing the lay of the land. Low, solid shots can fight off the wind and roll far along the hard fairways (Tiger owned St. Andrews in 2000 hitting his 4-iron off the tee) . Shot accuracy’s importance diminishes in favor of course knowledge as players factor in the wind and where the ball may bounce after it lands. A golfer needs not only read the slope of a green in the short game, but must also factor in the wind and had better be sure he knows where the grain runs.

Watson had established himself as a links master a generation ago with his Open Championship success and a memorable 1982 U.S. Open win at Pebble Beach. He’d won a classic at Turnberry before … in 1977! But for nearly an entire weekend, Watson rediscovered his glory days and held on to them–and his cool–en route to what could have been an epic victory, but will now just be a nice story.

I couldn’t help but root like mad for Watson during a tense final round that was full of changes on the leaderboard. But with nobody was able to do just enough to steal the show and the lead. Not Chris Wood, who finished -1 after a stellar final round 67, garnished with an eagle on 7. Not Lee Westwood, who held the lead for one shining moment, only to finish the last four holes -2 for a 72-hole -1. Not Stewart Cink, whose wild back nine saw four birdies–including a clutch put to birdie 18 and finish -2–yet three bogeys.

Watson stood well-positioned on the 18th fairway, one stroke ahead of Cink, one short-iron shot away from the green, one par away from the Claret Jug. However, in a lapse so uncharacteristic of Watson this weekend, the leader’s 8-iron struck the ball too hard and too thinly, and the ball rolled off the back of the green.

Perhaps the gravity of the moment finally struck Watson. Perhaps the adrenaline rush that’s so hard to resist in such crucial moments added another club to his 8-iron. Yet there was still no need for panic: Watson could have still got the ball up-and-down and won the championship.

The fringe put, though, rolled nine feet past the cup–yet Watson was still left with a very makeable par putt to clinch the title. Alas, Watson tensed up, his knees stiffened, his putter face opened and his stroke was abbreviated. His putt was pushed well right, never on line.

Perhaps nerves may have hit Watson again. He may have held back, fearing he’d overhit the put as he did his two previous strokes. One thing that was certain, however, was that on his 277th stroke of the tournament, Tom Watson finally broke down. The putt that should have been the ending of a golf fairytale became instead a true sports tragedy.

The four-hole playoff between Watson and Cink was over before it began. Watson, who was all smiles for the first 71 holes, looked dejected while Cink, blessed with new life, was pumped up. Watson was all over the place on 5 and bogeyed while a cool, confident Cink scored par. Both golfers parred 6, but a ragged Watson pulled his drive well left into the deep rough on 17 and needed two shots to get back onto the fairway. Realizing his chances of winning the title were all but erased, a crestfallen Watson trudged down 17 en route to a double-bogey, looking as if he was holding back tears if he weren’t crying already.

Watson’s finish became even more pitiful on 18, as he took his second shot into the bunker guarding the green’s left and bogeyed in front of a stunned crowd. Stewart Cink finished the playoff with great aplomb, -2 on the four holes, for a great victory. But in a surreal scene, Cink was the one receiving the polite applause and sparing claps while the Turnberry crowd doted the defeated Watson.

On Monday, I was talking about Major League Baseball’s Home Run Derby, which takes place the day before the All Star Game. We all remember Josh Hamilton’s superhuman first-round last year where he blasted 28 home runs on 38 pitches. Add Hamilton’s remarkable recovery from the depths of crack addiction to the story and it becomes that much nicer. Hamilton, however, finished as runner-up. Who won the Derby that year? I didn’t even remember. I had to look it up and I’d already forgotten it until I just looked it up again (Justin Morneau). The MLB.com article about the 2008 Derby doesn’t even mention Morneau until the end of its fourth sentence.

I compared this year’s British Open to last year’s Home Run Derby and Cink to Morneau, the forgotten winner stuck in the shadows of a story far bigger than the competition’s results. But so far, Cink is getting it even worse. Sportswriters and bloggers are worried that Cink may be cast as a villain in this story who stole the title from our hero. His win was described by ESPN.com as “tarnished” earlier Sunday before the headline and content of the article were changed. Surely Cink does not deserve this–not only does he have a reputation of being a very amicable fellow (check out his Twitter page), but he was just doing his job the best he could, playing fairly and playing to win. That’s the least we ask of professional athletes.

Yet with the sports world’s heart fully behind Tom Watson and with the title all but in Watson’s hands, fans and sportswriters could see the end of the story in their minds. In this case, a choke job or a 59-year-old man’s natural limitations fail to explain adequately the story’s ending for many who followed the tournament. How else could a feel-good story can take such a turn for the worse without the work of an evildoer?

For those of you who think that being a vegetarian makes you weak, take a look at Prince Fielder. Prince is a vegetarian and he just won the Home Run Derby.
And a little fact, St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa is also a vegetarian.

So, I was watching the Home Run Derby (on ESPN) and I noticed when you watch sports on ESPN, your getting 1/3 of the sport you’re trying to watch and 2/3 crap interviews. It’s annoying, and I’d even say that’s an understatement. I missed seeing Adrian Gonzalez, which we all know I’ve been waiting to watch (if you’ve been reading), and Albert Pujols. Not cool. It’s either they’re in a little box in corner of your screen, or they’re just not there at all. I’m not looking forward to any Chargers games on Fox or ESPN, I’ll only see the last minute of it! Ok, now I’m just exaggerating. But I don’t know anyone who likes seeing interviews instead of the event you tuned into Fox/ESPN/NBC to watch.  

Kid jumps into a dumpster.

Barack Obama almost bounced it. I think he was too busy checking out butts.

At Least We Know He's Human

No fucking way there is a Gian Carano sex tape. No fucking way. I still haven’t found Leighton Meester’s sex tape (virus free and dollar free) but now this jumped to number one on my to do list. In more than one way. Wakka wakka wakka.

Richard Jefferson broke up with his fiance at the alter. I’m sure this will turn into a made for TV movie or something.

The All Star game was last night and I actually meant to post about this by itself but let me just rant about it right here. So, everyone is all up in arms about this game and how it’s unfair to the NL due to the dominance of the AL in the All Star Game over the last 13 years now. I kind of like the idea of having it decide home field advantage but I understand why people are going crazy about it. The rotation idea is stupid. Bud Selig says that there needs to be an idea of who is going to host which is bullshit because it limits it from 8 teams to 4. He says they need to schedule hotels and what not which is also bullshit because hotels probably will drop anything for the MLB. That’s a pretty big client. Plus, the NBA and NHL both do it with about a week preparation. So either those leagues have atom splitting scientists working their offices of the MLB is a bunch of kangaroos trying to organize the World Series. Some people are proposing to have it be the winner of interleague play which is a great idea. It would be decided during mid-July just like the All Star game but makes more games meaningful. But this would hinder the audience of the All Star game significantly which has been on par with the actual World Series since the change. Others are saying to do a neutral site which can be decided before the season starts like the NFL. I think this would be the best idea. BUT to keep the All Star game interesting, why not have it decide whether or not the teams will use the DH or not? I think my idea is best and Bud Selig should give me a modest $100,000 for it. Oh and the Home Run Derby blows.

Pedro Martinez signed with the Phillies today and was immediately placed on the 15 day DL. I think this move was kind of stupid considering his stats have significantly fell off since the 2006 season with the Mets. I wouldn’t put it past you to say he was on steroids. I mean you have to have some kind of rage to fight Don Zimmer. Well, the douche is getting $1 million for the season plus he could make another $1.5 million in incentives. I think incentives are the best way to sign a player. If I was an NFL GM I’d give the guy $100,000 for every win and double it after each play off win. Baseball would obviously need a less number but that would make the players try harder in EVERY game. Plus if they don’t play, they don’t get paid that game.

Wow. This is Mark Teixeira’s wife?

The World’s fastest everything. If you just didn’t try that clapping thing, I’ll eat my hat.

Zach Galifianakis motivational posters.

By the way, I’m watching The Hammer and it’s terrible.

Guy headbutts a windshield.

Jenya (NSFW)

Dinosaurs shouldn’t do crack

Great CRACKED picture submissions. Stuff that got thrown away and changed the world.

Best One.

Nikki Case (NSFW)

Jayden Cole (NSFW)

Great martial arts fails. Amazing. Please watch all.

Boobs in slow motion (NSFW)

Bad Boob Jobs (SFW)

Jenna Presley (NSFW)

Violet’s video (NSFW)

Anna AJ (NSFW)

and best for last Amber Jay (NSFW)

Remember when the Home Run Derby didn’t suck?  Is it just me, or is it impossible to watch?  Let’s just say if I had to choose between watching the derby or any Vin Diesel flick then I would hate my life.  I remember back in my younger years when it was exciting to watch and it was awesome.  Now it has become boring and stale so I’m going to fix it.  Listen up MLB/ESPN because as always, I am here to help.

1. No more Brandon Inges. I don’t want to see an 0  for in the Home Run Derby.    In fact I don’t care if the guys who participate in it are even All Stars.  Give me Adam Dunn, Mark Reynolds, Russel Branyan and the biggest mashers you can find.
2. No more “Swing Off”. All it does is tire out the competitors.  Biggest bomb advances, thats what we’re here to see anyway.
3. Shorten It. This thing lasts longer than Hanukkah.  I don’t need to see a concert on the field, especially by whoever that was on Monday.  I also don’t need to see Albert Pujols take 43 pitches trying to win some guy a car.  Let the guy hit the ball from home, go pick it up and hit it again from where it landed.  If it goes out he wins.  If not, he can play for the Natinals.
4. Get rid of Chris Berman. This goes for any broadcast, not just the derby.  But this is even worse because he feels as if he has free rein to ramble on and on using terrible nicknames.  How does someone get such a high profile job in sports without knowing anything about sports?  It’s like letting Helen Keller teach Spanish.

That is it.  My new Home Run Derby.  Enjoy.

~ Jjaks Clayton

Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.

So, I don’t have much of an excuse for not blogging much in the past two weeks. In that time, I’ve missed talking about a number of sports stories, which I would like to cover in very abbreviated versions right … about …

NOW!

• I missed nearly all of the classic match between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick at Wimbledon on July 5 as I
  

  Enjoy it while you can.

  was flying from Orlando to my new-old home in Southern California. When I got in, it was already 9-9 in the fifth set.

The match equaled two qualities from last year’s final between Federer and Rafael Nadal: Tremendous overall play and my feeling about Federer at the end. Granted the result was different, but I couldn’t help but think about the slow decline of Federer, even as he raised that trophy.

Before this latest Wimbledon final, Roddick and Federer had faced each other 20 times professionally. Federer won 18 of those matches, and in their eight previous grand slam meetings, Federer had won all of them in fewer than five sets.

And now, not only does Roddick push Roger to a fifth set, but they play an unprecedented 30 games in that set? Yes, Federer still won, became the most accomplished tennis player in grand slam history and reclaimed the ranking of No. 1 in the world, but this was just another sign that we have seen the best from the sport’s greatest player.

Man, I am pessimistic!

• The Cleveland Cavaliers gave how much money to Anderson Varejao??? Really??? $50 million for a player whose biggest on-court quality is hustle.

You know another player’s whose best on-court quality was hustle? Mark Madsen.

First Shaq, now this for the Cavaliers. Cleveland is setting itself up very well for a deep run into the second round of the NBA playoffs in 2010. If this is all the Cavs are going to do in an effort to “improve” the team, why don’t they just release LeBron now and save everyone in the city the trouble of waiting another through disappointing season to find out from which squad King James will be tearing their hearts out in 2011.

How did he not get $50 million?

• UFC got exactly what it did and did not need during its pay-per-view bash on Saturday night. UFC 100 drew nearly 11,000 fans in Vegas and more than one million buys at home. It showcased it’s biggest stars to many people who were giving the sport a shot for the first time.

The problem is that the sport’s biggest star — Brock Lesnar — completely lost his mind at the end of his title match, putting on a show that was more representative of WWE than UFC. He head-butted the cage, flipped off fans and drank Coors beer on a show sponsored by Bud Light. Hmmm, eerily reminiscent of a Stone Cold Steve Austin performance.

Lesnar later apologized.

But this is a sport that has eyes on being among the most popular in the U.S., up there with basketball, baseball and football. For that to happen, it has to become more, yes, fan-friendly with people other than just the 16-39 demographic. I’m sure hardened UFC fans loved Lesnar’s display. It was aggression at it’s testosterone-packed, no-holds-barred best.

But outside of that niche, the sport still has a lot of growing to do. Somehow in the future, the sport will need to sell out in order to get where it wants to be in the mind of sports-hungry America. Lesnar better get on board.

• Roy Halladay said he would consider a trade to the National League because he “rather hit than face (Derek) Jeter, A-Rod, (Hideki) Matsui and Teixeira.”

Halladay is 16-5 in his career against the Yankees with a 2.90 ERA. I think what he meant to say is that he would rather be anywhere in two weeks than Toronto. The Yankees aren’t his problem.

• San Fransisco Giants pitcher Jonathan Sanchez threw a no-hitter on Friday. He’s always had good stuff and the ability to strike batters out at a good clip, but you don’t see a lot of no-hitters from pitchers who were about to lose their job.

And really, no-hitters are a great event when they occur, but it can be a little misleading. Can you tell me who were the three pitchers that threw no-hitters in 2007?

If you can, good for you. You watch too much baseball. That’s an oxymoron.

It not, see for yourself.

That performance earned Sanchez about six to eight more starts in the Giants’ rotation and a spot in the MLB record books. Not bad for the present.

• Allen Iverson doesn’t fit into anything the Clippers like to run. He’s not the player he used to be on offense or defense. He isn’t a good influence on a young team that is rebuilding (again) with Blake Griffin.

And the Clippers will definitely sign him.

Who cares how he plays? It's all about the Benjamins to Donald.

Yes, for everything on the floor, it makes no sense. But don’t forget that this is a team owned by Donald Sterling, a man who is more concerned with money than the IRS. And I’m sure that some people in L.A. will be interested to see what Allen Iverson can do in a Clippers uniform and with Griffin.

And to Sterling, that could mean money. Higher attendance, more concessions, more promotions, dolla dolla bill, y’all!

It would only cost the Clippers the mid-level exception of $5.8 million to sign Iverson. A far cry from what he could bring the team financially in one season. In the end, it’s a big name and a profit. To Sterling, that will always be more important than winning a championship.

Much like Al Davis with the Oakland Raiders, the Clippers will not even come close to sniffing a possible NBA title until Sterling gives up majority ownership or dies.

• The MLB can’t have a home run derby that last for three hours. Maybe 10 years ago, that could work, but not anymore. This country has been too spoiled by the home run. The inflated rates at which the ball leaves the yard has fans seeing the home run as an expected part of the game, not a treat.

And when you combine that attitude with less-than-marquee participants such as Nelson Cruz, Joe Mauer, Carlos Pena and Brandon Inge, you are going to get a lot of people tuning out what used to be a fantastic spectacle during the All-Star break.

Unless a performance such as Bobby Abreu in 2005 or Josh Hamilton in 2008 comes along, there just isn’t anything special about the home run derby any longer.

The only thing saving the derby right now is that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else to watch in the world of sports on the Monday before the All-Star Game.

At least Cruz and winner Prince Fielder hit some pretty majestic shots.

Oh, and Brandon Inge, thanks for playing.

• I haven’t been on a bike since nearly puncturing my left temple on some sharp rocks as I fell off my red tricycle as a 4-year-old, but I’ll still say this: Lance Armstrong better win this Tour de France.

I’ve heard people debate about whether or not it would be OK if he wasn’t wearing the maillot jaune at the end of the Tour. What would that accomplish? Let’s say he finishes where he is right now in the Tour: third. Some people will call it quite a comeback for a man who had taken four years off before coming back to the sport’s most prestigious race.

But you know what a I call a third-place finish for Lance Armstrong? A third-place finish. He has to win. That’s what Lance Armstrong does at the Tour de France. If he takes second or anything less, he certainly won’t be satisfied and neither should we.

• And lastly, no matter how unappealing the end of his life was, …

... rest in peace.