Or, you could fly to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl, and pay $990 for a room that normally goes for $66 a night. Yep. According to a survey conducted for CheapHotels.org, you’re going to pay through the schnozz to stay in Indy this weekend.

The survey found that, at the America’s Best Value Inn in East Indianapolis, rates have … for some strange reason … inflated by 1,400%.

Could it have anything to do with the game, and dozens of fans wanting to be there, although from our perspective, they could see the game better on the big-screen TV in our lobby, and the beer is cheaper?

Naaahhh. The Best Value (ironic name, yes?) probably jacked the rates up because it got … new towels?

According to HotelNewsNow.com, the Knights Inn Indianapolis is boasting an even bigger increase of 1,759%. It’s near the Indianapolis airport, and will be charging $725 for a room that normally goes for (wait for it now) … $39.

Yikes. Aren’t you glad you can get to Hood River for the game?

That’s right, the Hood River Hotel is primed, primped and covered in lipstick this week as we take the spotlight in the Hood River County Chamber of Commerce’s Winter Getaway promotion.

Remember, you can enter at the Chamber web site, or at its Facebook page. Enter once, and you qualify for each of the weekly drawings that will continue through the end of February.

AND, you can use the prize pretty much any time during the year (always subject to availability).

This week’s Winter Getaway Package puts the focus on “relaxation”:

• Two-night stay at the Hood River Hotel
• Dinner for two at Nora’s Table restaurant
• Wine tasting for two at Syncline Winery

Here’s a brief video providing a glimpse of what’s in store.

Ugh.

At the Hood River Hotel, we were lucky not to have lost power. For people who had been – and sometimes for several days — our dining room became an oasis on the morning of Saturday, Jan. 21. Also known in these parts as “a day that shall live in infamy.”

Imagine the mind meld. Dozens and dozens of people, all with the same thought, at roughly the same time: “Hot coffee? Hot food? Let me at it.”

The result? It’s like all the runoff and logs and boulders arriving downstream at the same time. Whooosh — SPLAT!

Packed dining room.

Packed mezzanine.

Packed lobby, full of people … eager for a table … eager to be warm … eager to eat something from a plate instead of a can … eager to chitchat with the staff while they waited for their table, a bit unaware that said staff was head down, butt up and rootin’, scootin’, running — literally — to stay just ahead of the lapping leading edge of the tsunami.

Our apologies if, to anyone, we seemed a little less than cordial. It’s the nightmare of food service — more customers than you have capacity to serve with time and grace.

It made us think of that famous scene from the old “I Love Lucy” episode. So, for your enjoyment, here’s a clip. Imagine the conveyor belt as our dining room, and the chocolates as our customers, and Lucy and Ethel as … well, our staff.

Looking to hold a party with bar service? Contact us to arrange a menu. The area around our bar can seat 30 people comfortably.

As a result, as this article in the Wall Street Journal details, hotels all over the country are changing how they position their dining rooms for the marketplace.

At the Hood River Hotel, we’re changing, too.

In response to public demand, we’ve taken on a two-pronged approach to use of our dining room. We continue to deliver delish breakfast and lunch menus from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. daily. After that, our dining room is closed to walk-in diners — and wide open for groups wanting a place to hold an evening meeting, party or business dinner.

To make it worth our while, we require only that your group include at least 25 diners. To arrange a menu that fits your budget, simply contact general manager Cathy Butterfield or at 541-386-1900.

We have a couple of different seating options.

1. Downstairs — The area off our lobby near the bar can comfortably seat 30 people.
2. Mezzanine — Overlooking our lobby, this area also seats 30 people. It includes a wide-screen HD TV and a sofa, if you want to create a more casual, social event.
3. Of course, you can combine both areas to serve up to 60 people.
4. For groups larger than that, we can arrange service in our private Landmark Room, which seats up to 150 people.

Seriously. Every week through February, Hood River lodging, dining, wine and ski partners are joining hands to offer Winter Getaway packages.

This week, the community is giving away a Relaxation Package that includes two nights — one each at two different B&Bs — plus dinner for two at the Waucoma Club Bar and Grill, and wine tasting for two at The Pines 1852 tasting room in downtown Hood River.

You can learn more about the package in this YouTube video:

http://youtu.be/4550-h8DhmQ

Entry is FREE. You only have to enter once to remain qualified for selection to win future getaway offerings.

To enter, just go to the entry page at the site of the Hood River County Chamber of Commerce.

Or, you can enter at the Chamber’s Facebook page.

Imagine: Hood River … for FREE. Easy as you please-y. All partners have set expiration dates on their contributions, but most prize elements are good through the end of 2012. In other words, if you win, you don’t have to visit in the winter — but we would encourage it, because Hood River is awesome at this time of year. Try us and see.

For future reference, the Hood River Hotel has a contribution in the pipeline — the week of Jan. 30, we’re partnered up with Nora’s Table restaurant and Syncline Winery.

Tasty.

Hood River is giving itself away. True. In concert with the Hood River County Chamber of Commerce, several Hood River lodging properties, restaurants and recreation providers are teaming up to offer tasty Winter Getaway packages as prizes. All you have to do is register for a chance to win.

The Chamber will be giving away an action or relaxation package EVERY WEEK during January and February. Multiple prizes, multiple chances to win. The Hood River Hotel will be part of a future package, but that’s no reason to wait — the Gorge has several great places to stay (including ours), dine and have fun. We want you here, period.

Action Package includes:

• Two nights lodging
• Two Mt Hood Meadows lift tickets
• Wine-tasting for two

Relaxation Package includes

• Two nights lodging
• Dinner for two
• Wine-tasting for two

You can register at the Chamber page, or at its Facebook page.

1. Art. Our two favorite destinations are the Columbia Arts Gallery, and The Pines 1852 Tasting Room, curated by John Roz.
2. Frisbee Golf. OK, disc golf. We’ve got a great 9-hole course through the trees at the northwest corner of Wasco and 20th streets. Bring your own disc.
3. Get wet. Hood River’s covered swimming pool features water much warmer than that of the Columbia River. Swim some laps, or just bob around. It’s free for kids 2 and under. Adults pay as little as $2.50. We know: That’s not FREE. But try swimming in a cup of coffee, which costs as much.
4. Walk to Mosier and back. Park at the Hatfield Twin Tunnels trailhead and start walking along the car-free Historic Columbia River Highway road surface. Great views. Waterfall. Tunnels. Turn around when you’re half as tired as you want to be at the end of your walk.
5. Read magazines, local and national newspapers or your favorite Hood River Hotel blog posts at the Hood River Library. The reading room features comfortable chairs and a great view of the Columbia River. Library cards cost nothing. Grab exchange books and magazines for free from the pile downstairs.

Some of us are  historic people.

Some of us historic people remember when there were, like, five bowl games, all on New Year’s Day. Cotton, Sugar, Orange, Rose and … well, maybe it was only four. Our memories are historic, remember.

It’s kind of nutty what has happened since the late 1950s. The last week of 2011 and the first few days of 2012 look like the opening weekend of college football season. Just a bunch of inter-league games, involving units with losing records, all wrapped up in ridiculous sponsorship bowls in third-tier cities. The Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl, anyone?

Ugh. For a laugh, take a tour of the lineup at ESPN.com.  From our perspective (residing in Oregon), the only one that matters is at 2 p.m. Jan 2, when the University of Oregon returns to the Rose Bowl in search of its first victory there since 1917. The University of Wisconsin Badgers bring the opposition.

If you’re looking to join a party, join us in our mezzanine where we’ve got a big screen TV, which will be tuned to the game. Our crew will be glad to bring you great snacks — Hoisin Chicken BBQ Drums? Yu-UM! – and cold brews.

Forget the shopping list.

Forget the stress and the family feuds and the expanding waistline.

Boil the Christmas season right down to its essence, and you have the Christian celebration of Christ’s birth, and the latter-day personification of goodness incarnate, Santa Claus.

Throw in some kids and dogs and you’ve got the essence of innocence — and the scene on recent holiday Saturdays in the lobby of the Hood River Hotel.

It is all part of Santaland, a holiday partnership between the Hotel and the local Adopt A Dog program.

To raise funds for the care of animals at the Hukari Animal Shelter south of Hood River, volunteers with Adopt A Dog enlisted volunteer Santas to have their picture taken with kids — and adopt-able dogs.

Parents get keepsake photo. Adopt A Dog gets (hopefully) a $5 donation. Killer combo, and (we’re glad to say),  it’s working.

The group had raised well over $1,000 as of Dec. 17, and will have Santa and puppies on hand for the last time from  11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Christmas Eve, Saturday, Dec. 24.

No reservations needed. But it’s probably a good idea to have some kids. Of course, adults can sit on Santa’s lap, too, although …

As Christmas rapidly approaches, all you parental types out there will want to tap every possible opportunity to link the young’uns with old graybeard hisself.

The Hood River Hotel, working with the Hukari Animal Shelter and the Adopt a Dog program, is again hosting Santa for photos with kids and dogs. It’s a fund-raiser for the folks who work so hard to link lovely pets with loving homes. That means a $5 donation will be gladly accepted.

No reservations necessary. Just show up in the lobby of the Hood River Hotel between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17, and (last-minute change), Dec. 24.

Drawing on her Italian heritage, Hood River resident Lucia Von Flotow has recently finished “Calabria,” a cookbook full of tasty treats.

And now, in partnership with the Hood River Hotel and Cornerstone Cuisine Chef Mark Whitehead, Lucia is bringing her recipes to our plates.

It’s all part of  New Year’s Eve (Saturday, Dec. 31) prix fixe menu offered only in a single seating.

It starts at 6 p.m. with a Fireside Fondue Dip and Sip in our lobby. Lucia will talk about her new book while guests dip into a classic cheese fondue and sip Prosecco.

Then, at 7 p.m., everyone grabs a seat in the Cornerstone Cuisine dining room, and tucks in to a five-course dinner, based on recipes from the book and prepared by Whitehead and his kitchen staff.

Cost is $50 per person (gratuity not included). A wine bar will be available at separate charge.

To reserve space, call the Hotel at 541-386-1900. Now, the menu …

Antipasti Appetizer

• Arancini (stuffed rice balls)
• Involtini di melanzane con patati (eggplant rolls stuff with potato)
• Bruschetta con sarde (sardine bruschetta)

Zuppa (Soup)

Zuppa di fagioli con cavoli patati e porro (Roma bean soup with kale, leeks and potatoes)

Fruita di Mare (Seafood)

Salmon con fica balsamico (roasted salmon with fig balsamic)

Carne (Meat)

• Maiale ripieno (stuffed pork loin)
• Arrostiti cavoletti di brutelles (roasted brussel sprouts)

Dolci (Dessert)

Crostata di Prugna (Italian plum tart)

Hood River Hotel servers Whitney Munoz, Mike Ellingson, and Ashley Heck get festive before taking part in the recent Holiday 5K in Portland.

Around the Hood River Hotel, we’re nothing if not fixated on the local beer scene. So, if you’re looking for a great Christmas gift idea, and know someone who loves beer, we might suggest you check out the insulated six-pack holder from Full Sail. Pretty … cool.

So, we’re walking down the sidewalk toward the Hood River Hotel this morning, and look up just as an Hispanic couple approaches going the other way. They’re both a little chunky, the sense of which is magnified because they’re bundled in bulky jackets against the winter chill. He’s got a dark beard.

And way too late to get our smart phone out, we notice that he is carrying a portly pug — dressed in a Christmas sweater, sitting upright, high on its owner’s chest, as if it were his child.

Which, come to think of it, is precisely the role that little guy fills.

Nice.

First, she’s driving her kids to a nearby town for its Christmas festival, and they see a shooting star disintegrate in the night sky out the windshield. She asks her kids to make a wish. “I want a teddy bear,” Oscar says.

Three days later, he’s playing in his room, falls and hits his head on the headboard. It splits his scalp. In the emergency room, after getting four stitches, he looks over and, voila, sees a bin full of teddy bears for younger patients to choose from.

“Can I get my teddy bear now?” he asks his Mom.

Well, duh. What some kids won’t do for a teddy bear, huh?

Then, on Monday Dec. 5, Dawn is chatting with one of the guys who makes deliveries to the Hood River Hotel. He tells her that his brother and sister-in-law had just hit a deer with their car. Dawn says she’s been lucky to hit nothing larger than a rock, and even then, she hasn’t had a blowout.

The next day, Dawn is driving to work and hits a rock — and blows out the left rear tire on her car.

Ahhh, the power of suggestion.

Scott and Barbara Palmer of Pendleton, Ore., relaxing and rooting for their respective teams during the Civil War game Nov. 26 in the mezzanine viewing area of the Hood River Hotel. (Photo courtesy of Hood River News)

Scott and Barbara Palmer were planning a rendezvous with Scott’s son over the weekend of the annual Civil War Game between the University of Oregon and Oregon State University.

They live in Pendleton. Scott’s son lives in Portland. So they decided to meet mid-way (sort of), and catch the Nov. 26 game in Hood River. They wanted to be downtown, so they called the Hood River Hotel.

Our staff told them that, yes, we have a lovely new big-screen TV and a comfy sofa in our mezzanine that would make for a perfect place to whoop it up — and get regular snack service.

Heckuva way to honeymoon. Yep, Scott and Barbara were newlyweds of just one month when they decided to take their football rivalry public. She, a former teacher, went to OSU. Scott, executive director of the St. Anthony Hospital Foundation, is a die-hard Duck.

Uh-oh.

Well, not to worry. We’ve got the same split on our staff. Chef Mark Whitehead? Duck. Servers Ashley Heck and Whitney Munoz? Beavers.

“They were all decked out in Beaver stuff,” Barbara recalls. “We were the only ones in the mezzanine, so we kept ordering stuff, so the staff could come up and watch the game.”

She said the staff did a great job of recommending downtown restaurants for dinner.

“We would do it again and again,” she says.

The thing is, there’s room for more than two on Civil War weekend. Will we see you, too, next year? Reserve now.

Dan Buettner, author of “Thrive: Finding Happiness the Blue Zones Way”, has a pretty good idea.

Buettner has made happiness the focus of his work, through the Blue Zones web site. He identifies six components of every human life that can affect our level of happiness.

Yes, read the book, but if you’re too eager to get to the happiness place, check out brief discussion of his six “thrive centers” — community, workplace, social life, financial life, home and self.

Good stuff.

And when we at the Hood River Hotel look out our door every day, we realize we live in a really happy place. Join us, if only for a few days.

Or when they arrive, and turn their dogs and children loose in our lobby to run all over the place, convert our historic elevator into an amusement ride, and turn our staff into a police force — to the detriment of other guests.

Or when at least one of their number, after consuming far too much alcohol, decides to play his trumpet at 3 a.m. in the parking lot below the rooms of other guests trying to sleep.

And, when one of these other guests yells out the window at this oaf to “Go to bed — we’re trying to sleep!” , he yells back, “Go f- yourself, you old man!”

We’re sorry. We try to be open and accommodating to anyone and everyone. But some people, obviously, just don’t know how to return the favor.

“They’re not coming back,” General Manager Cathy Butterfield said. “They were out of control.”

So, for anyone who was inconvenienced by these hooligans, we’re sorry. It won’t happen again.

Yuck. Sticky, and pretty durned tough to remove. Where’s the turpentine? (Uh, who has turpentine lying around?)

Soi we’re smearing the pitch all over with a wet towel when general manager Cathy Butterfield notices — and instantly solves the problem with an oh-so-great old-school remedy.

“Oil,” she says. “Vegetable oil.”

So we borrow some from the kitchen and, voila!, it works like a charm. Dissolves the pitch into nothingness.

Too cool. Who knew?

“My grandfather,” Cathy says. “He didn’t use olive oil. Just any vegetable oil.”

When it comes to removing pitch from your hands, you may want to default to olive oil. It’s great for the skin.

You’re welcome.

1. You wake up when you want to, not because your mother is shaking you by the foot.
2. Your hair does not contain turkey gravy.
3. No one is beating you over the head for possession of the pants you already own and are wearing, thank you very much, in the comfort of your own, private room.
4. You are not looking at massive carcass dripping with potential finger snacks, and fighting the temptation to actually have one.
5. You do not find yourself tiptoeing toward the car parked in the driveway to make your escape before anyone can implore you to “stay, stay, just one more day.”

Whatever your reasons, we at the Hood River Hotel and Cornerstone Cuisine are here for you on Thanksgiving. In addition to our regular menu, we’ll be adding the full enchilada turkey day menu (how’s that for a multi-cultural mixed holiday feast metaphor?).

From noon to 3:30′ish, we’ll dish up roast turkey, sage sausage stuffing, cranberry relish, garlic mashed potatoes, roasted root vegetables and rosemary gravy. All that, for a paltry $19 per person. Add pumpkin pie for $6 more.

The total budget bite? $25 — well worth considering in lieu of all the time and mess and conflicted agendas and weapons and intra-family carnage that could ensue if you decide to cook for yourself.

We’re at 102 Oak Ave. in downtown Hood River. See you Thursday.

Things were quiet the other morning when we passed by the subterranean tasting room of our newest tasty neighbor — the Stella Fino winery tasting room, at 2nd and Oak below Shortt Supply. It’s got limited weekend hours, so check the web site before visiting.

Downtown Hood River now has eight tasting rooms (woo-hoo!) and is the hub on a wheel that spins many more in our orbit — a great reason to visit and explore all the varietals and blends emerging from the greatest ground on Earth.

To aid your planning, definitely check out our friends at the Columbia Gorge Wine Growers Association web site. They’ve got a full lineup of Thanksgiving holiday weekend open house events, following on the heels of their currently busy time of harvest and crush. If you visit now, you might see winemaking in action — or even get enlisted to help out (if you want, that is).

We’ve got no proof of it. A few people have commented about something mysterious happening during their visits to the Hood River Hotel. Just as likely, they were sleep-walking or conflated dream space with reality. Maybe a breeze dusted their cheek.

In short, none of our guests — none, to be precise — has been 1) chased by a ghost, 2) attacked by a ghost, 3) massaged by a ghost. If we’ve got a ghost, she sure isn’t making anything like regular visits. “Knock-knock.” “Who’s there?” “Candygram.”

In fact, even if we did have a ghost, we’d guess she’s moved south to Palm Springs for the winter (it’s hard for ghosts to keep clothing on, so they get cold at this time of year).

Even so, the mere mention of a ghost can … spook some folks. So it was recently, when someone who had checked in at the Hood River Hotel heard this bit of lore about our resident spirt. That was all she needed. “I’m outta here,” she told the front desk.

We called a neighbor property and asked if they had a room. Nope. Full. Big business meeting. But, when they shared the situation with one of their guests, he chivalrously volunteered to give up his room, and take one of ours, so the ghost-a-phobic lass could sleep easy.

He, by the way, reported no ghostly encounters. But maybe he wasn’t Ola Bell’s type.

“Do you know a great place for breakfast?” someone will ask.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, we do,” we’ll say. “Lunch, too.”

Now, this may strike you as self-promotional (it’s our blog, after all), but we eat here, too, and happen to think you can get the best breakfast or lunch in town at the Hood River Hotel’s Cornerstone Cuisine.

We bring this up, because Chef Mark Whitehead has recently tweaked the menus. File for future reference.

First, the Luv Grub breakfast menu. From 7 a.m. seven days a week, we dish up a full menu of breakfast combos, benedict plates, omelettes, flat-top fare such as pancakes and French toast, and treats designed to unscramble your pained brains from the night before (OK, it’s out “hangover cure menu,” but everyone knows the best cure for a hangover is never getting one in the first place).

What might “cure” a hangover? Our chorizo sausage scramble, or the “S.O.S. Biscuits N Gravy” for starters. Or, straight from the Islands, a hamburger “loco moco” — with pan gravy on a fried egg atop mushrooms, onions and jasmine rice. Da kine, brah.

Late risers can tap our morning happy hour menu from 10 a.m. to noon. It includes the “loco moco” and “S.O.S.”, plus four other items not found on our regular menu — the Kountry Skillet, Billy Goat Omelette, Johnny Apple Seed Pancakes, and “Farm It” (vegetarian) Benedict. The thing about the Happy Hour menu is that all items are $8, a deal by any stretch.

Happy hour — without drinks? Of course not. Our beverage bar has been expanded to offer a variety of bloodys — or Marys — depending on your brand of shorthand. There’s the classic, or course. Or the Cornerstone Bloody, with shrimp on the stick. Like bacon? Love the Bakon Mary with  spicy Lyle Style mix, and real bacon with celery and stuffed olive garnish. We also offer Mimosas, screwdrivers and the Greyhound Bus, for people who need their citrus with a bump.

At 11 a.m. daily, our Gastropub lunch menu becomes available. It includes 15 tapas plates — try the bacon wrapped figs, or the Housin BBQ chicken drums (Or is that “drumettes”? Hmm).

For bigger appetites and broad budgets, the lunch menu also includes full plates ranging from the butternut squash soup for $6 to the Mixed Island Lunch of kalua pork, BBQ chicken drums, mac ‘n’ cheese and jasmine rice for $14.

There’s more, of course, but the point with which we’d like to leave you is, you’re not going to find this stuff at your drive-thru. Buon appetito.