Here is some Thanksgiving food for you

Un verdadero “hotdog”

Via: Mi GReader magic explore

there haz 2 b a catch here somewherez…

iz classic!

Picture by: dunno source Caption by: dunno source via Loldog Builder

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Video TLV wisely convened at the Dancing Camel last night. They understand that people are always more lively and interested when there is good alcohol about. I was excited to get out in the middle of the week to a nice evening of video trends and good brews, but the food pretty much blew me away.

Nestled in the heart of Tel Aviv in an old grain storage facility built in the 1930’s, the Dancing Camel is Israel’s first Micro brewery. Having met and the owner on numerous occasions, David Cohen, he consistently puts out superior products because he loves what he does. So when he started the new menu I was intrigued.  Between me and my husband we ordered a foot long and the Ibn Givrol sandwich (corn beef on gibbeta). When the food arrived, I had realized we order too much, the sandwiches were huge (we trying to diet although this was not our night for lower calorie consumption).

The hot dog was big and meaty, but I must admit  the corn beef over shadowed the hotdog and  was just a dream. First the bread was fresh and lightly toasted, you wouldn’t believe how many restaurants forget the bread is there not only as a place holder. The meat was lightly toasted making it melt in your mouth soft and there was a tantalizing smoky flavor permeating the meat.

After we had dived in to the food, the cook came up and asked us how we liked it. We of course gushed to him how great the food was. And his reply with a big smile on his face was “of course it is I made it myself.”  There was such pride in his statement, he knew he had put out good food and was happy that we were enjoying his work. I believe this kind of attitude stems from the David, who makes all of his products with a passion for greatness.  I had a wonderful night punctuated with great beer, food and atmosphere.

We all know the song from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”. So I made a full recovery from my swine flu and am back so school and work. We all have our days and when I was at work this lady was definitely having hers. So I am a cashier at Martin’s Food Markets and today we were having an offer where you get a free pack of hotdogs so we were really slow and this lady was walking back and forth in front of our end aisle displays then she comes through my line and begins to check out. So i say “Hi did you find everything you were looking for and she says “yea everything except for the hotdogs”. So I reply “O they are right there at the end of my register. She laughs the way most elderly women laughs and goes and grabs a pack of hotdogs. So that brightened my day a little. I thanked the lady for her time and she went on her way but it goes to show everyone has an off day.

It’s turned into a beautiful afternoon after a grey start to the day.  The dogs and I had a nice walk in fine, autumnal sunshine during which I managed to get my head completely around some ambiguous structuralist theory I’d been  fighting for most of the day.  Then I just enjoyed being out in sunlight that was just strong enough to take the chill off the occasional wind.  Afternoons like this are one of my favourite aspects of the season.  Then I saw a tin of ‘American Hotdogs’ someone had discarded and I was reminded of one of my least favourite aspects of this time of year: the televisual reality slop known as the X-Factor.

My objections to the show are numerous and, when my wife, friends and family have the show on, tend to be rather loud and angry as well.  I’m not going to enumerate them all in this posting.  That would be bad for my blood pressure and would take up too much time and space.  I am dubious, at best, about how much talent any of the contestants actually have, can’t stand the judges and am incapable of comprehending why otherwise intelligent people spend money voting for a criminal aberration like the Jedward double act every newspaper and social networking site seems to be screaming about.

So what do hotdogs have to do with all this?  Well, in 1970 in an article that was originally published in Scanlan’s Monthly and later anthologized in The Great Shark Hunt entitled ‘The Temptation of Jean Claude Killy’ Hunter S. Thompson made this observation about the famous skier cum Chevy spokesman’s fame:

his name is immensely saleable on the marketplace of a crazily inflated culture-economy that eats its heroes like hotdogs and honors them on about the same level.”

Elsewhere, I’ve written at great length about how Thompson had in his consideration of Killy presented his readers with a very astute analysis of the production and worship of fame and celebrity in the United States.  I think that the implications of his observations are just as relevant today and in are by no means restricted to the USA.

The thing about hotdogs is that they are cheap to produce, well-suited to quick consumption and made from all sorts of meat production by-products that nobody wants to name or to think about.  The whole point of a hotdog is that it providing a feeling of satiety even if it doesn’t have great nutritional qualities.  You also can’t tell what’s in it by looking at it and, if you’re eating one you really don’t care.

We all seem to want something similar from our celebrities and shows like the X-Factor are great at providing it for us.  We don’t care why someone is famous as long as they appear to be a celebrity something that this show and others reiteratesevery time they air.  Who cares if Jedward has talent or has actually achieved anything; if they’re kitted out in all the trappings of a celebrated performer and put at the centre of some stage spectacle then people will keep tuning in week after week to enjoy the spectacle of an empty, transitory fame.  We’ll settle for a cheap knock-off rather than the real thing.  Somewhat paradoxically viewers are told that, through their votes, they get some say in who achieves lasting fame and stays famous.  Then the entire process starts all over again because the hotdog celebrities don’t actually satisfy a very human desire to witness greatness in action.

Cheryl Cole herself is a product of the hotdog factory that Simon Cowell and others have erected to keep the masses fed in the way they find most convenient while we, the viewers and consumers keep coming back to the corner where they erected their hotdog stands rather than walking a few more blocks to the gourmet food store.  Cole’s only real value, if you can call it that, as a member of Girls Aloud and as a solo artist is to perform pop music that doesn’t offend too many people while giving them something to spend their money on all the while displaying the material success and wealth that we all like to think is the reward of true talent and greatness.  She’s a manufactured star and, frankly, part of me can’t blame her for taking the opportunity she was offered not by Simon Cowell but by a culture that would rather have a mass-produced hotdog than something more rare and exotic.

I’m also intrigued by the fact the Cole, one of the most successful products of the X-Factory system, one its most visible hotdogs now has a role in the production of the last batch of processed celebrity hotdogs being crammed down our willing throats.

A: Ein Schokoriegel
B: Sex mit drei Personen
c: Ein HotDog

Hier die Videoauflösung:

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Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom- Theodore Isaac Rubin

aaawwww I wish I could say something smart with my minty fresh breath

parlez vous hotdog? that was random…. and unsmart…

do you speak hotdog? what is going on in my head?

alice xx

For the Cavs‘ home opener on Tuesday, a few of us headed over to Cleveland’s Detroit-Shoreway neighborhood to check out the Happy Dog. The flat screen tvs at the cozy corner pub on Detroit and W 58th are a relatively new development, but not as new as the radical change of menu that took effect this month when Eric Williams (of the wonderful Ohio City mod-Mex restaurant Momocho) came on board. (BTW, everything I have read suggests a new name for the bar is in the works, but I didn’t see any clues that night as to what it would be called.)  

Happy Dog trimmed its menu to “choose-your-own” gourmet hotdogs and one of two sides–french fries or tater tots. So, you get to pick either an all-beef Chicago-style hotdog or, if you’re a vegetarian like me, a veggie sausage, and as many toppings (“within reason” our bartender/server noted) as you’d like using a checklist and one of those mini, putt-putt scorekeeping pencils. Then, you flip the sheet over to pick your optional side and mark what you’d like to accompany your tots (oh yeah, you know we rocked the tots . . . no doutbt a carryover fav from the old Happy Dog menu) or fries.

Now, as simple as this sounds, it ends up taking a lot of time. Faced with topping options like spicy Korean kim chee, masaman curry or chunky peanut butter, it’s hard for non-gourmets like us to decide what might go well together. In future, it might be a good idea to have a few stock “specialities of the house” for novices ready to tempt fate but without the culinary background to do it tastily. While the boys added full pickle spears and vodka sauerkraut to their dinners, I played it safe, dressing my faux hotdog with chipotle ketchup, dijon mustard and Spanish onions. When it came to the tater tots, however, I dunked in a devil’s hot sauce that made my fellow diners wince.

I found the hotdog buns to be a little soft and squishy for my tastes, but no one else at the table seemed to mind. One hotdog and a side was certainly enough for dinner (dogs are $5 and sides are $2.50) and the $2 happy hour tall beers kept the tab well within reason. If you’re in the neighborhood, stop by to hear a little live music, grab a drink or watch a game . . . and definitely try your hand at designing your own signature dog. –Submitted by AK

This one makes sense on one side, and then performs a fail-flip on the other. Yes, I’m terribly confusing and should just get on with it, I know.

Anyway, there’s about 10 hot dogs in a pack, correct? These meat tubes are neatly shrink-wrapped and sold for a fairly inexpensive cost-per-dog amount. The rational, as I’ve seem to stumbled across, is that there’s about 10 dogs to a pound. That way, if the company notices they’ve sold 400 packages, they’ve sold 400 pounds of meat. Easy.

Just make the amount of each even!

Let The Lackluster Amount of Buns For The Amount of Hot Dogs Die!

(That idea well, it’s a-drying.)

Nachtrag von gestern, voll vergessen.

This is the first year I’ve had my dog Libby.. I really couldn’t resist the obvious…

The Ridgeway Grandfather clock is one of the most unique trophies in NASCAR (Getty Images)

Martinsville. The name suggests bumping and banging, close quarters racing, the immortal Martinsville hotdog, and a test of survival. This weekend, drivers will be racing for the Ridgeway Grandfather clock that the winner gets to take home. Thats’ right, the trophy is literally a grandfather clock from Ridgeway!

Looking at this speedway, NASCAR’s smallest at .526 miles, there are two drivers that automatically need to be mentioned. First and foremost, Jimmie Johnson. He has won five of the last six races here, and with an average finish of 5.3, Johnson is the favorite to win there on Sunday. Jeff Gordon is the other driver, with seven wins and an average finish of 6.8. These Hendrick teammates have both won ten of the last 13 races here, dating back to April 2003!

Other drivers that might have a chance at the win are Denny Hamlin and Tony Stewart, who each have a win during the recent Hendrick spree. Dennys Chase is pretty much done for, so he will be going for a win in his home state of Virginia. Tony, on the other hand, is still in contention, and a win would be a huge boost for the title.

Martinsville is often referred to as a paperclip-shaped track, with two dragstrips and two U-turns. (Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

- Starting from the provisional pole last March, Jeff Gordon led 147 laps enroute to a fourth-place finish. If Jimmie has trouble, look for Jeff to contend for the win.

• Joey’s pick to win: Jimmie Johnson. I hate to do this, but it’s Martinsville, it’s the Chase, and Johnson reigns supreme.

Nagyjából felgyógyulva a betegségből (persze így egy nappal suli előtt, hogy nehogy már “lógós” legyek) újra írok valamit, bár még nincs sok erőm hozzá, ezért inkább a HD profilomról másolom amit oda egyszer már beírtam. Magamról azért csak lehet “lopni”

Világnézet: Hát, igen ez a mai korrupt világ, vagy headbanger vagy, vagy emo, esetleg Discos…és persze mind3 utálja egymást, mert hogy “alja rocker” “disco Patkány”..”Buzimo” és nem jönnek rá, hogy az ember nem ettől függ, mindenki más. De persze nálad mindenki feltétlenül hülyébb…és ha tényleg az akkor mért azt vágod a fejéhez és mért nem azt amiben több vagy, hogy tanulhasson ? Valaki azért lesz emo mert így jobban néz ki? Valaki azért mert tényleg komolyan gondolja? A világ szar, meg kell halni? Igen pont ezért szar mert fekete fehéren látják az életüket és a legnagyobb értékeket azt, hogy lehet gondolkodni és SZERETNI azt lese szarják…Az emberek kezdenek lelketlen kövek lenni, érzések nélkül…És a legfontosabb lesz a bánat és a fájdalom. Mert ott tartunk, hogy hülye zsidó, cigány, rocker, emo, diszkós… Mindenki egy állat, de az állatok legalább szeretik egymást és nem irtják. Ember vágd ki az összes fát, mérgezd meg az összes folyót, halászd ki az összes halat, és jöjj rá, hogy a pénz nem ehető. Szeress és gondolkodj és ez az élet értelme. Minek úgy élni, hogy a szemed sír, csak az arcod nevet? Jó ha mást megaláznak? És ha téged? Te más vagy, vagy több? Szeretetből leszel, és törekedj szeretetként meghalni is!

És egy kis ráadás….mert, a szó elszáll, az írás megmarad.

A boldogság részben szomorúvá tesz, a szomorúság részben boldoggá. De melyik az igazi boldogság? Amikor belül emészt a vágy, vagy a fájdalom,az arcodon látszik az ártalom? Vagy amikor az emlékek nyomasztanak, vagy csak a vágyak hajtanak a lehetetlenbe, és te csak futsz a bizonytalanért, és elveszted majd, ami biztos? Mért játszol mással, ami neked fájna, lehet neki még jobban fáj. Mért kell, hogy minden fájjon? MIÉRT?…Próbálj meg nevetni és őszintén, ne szólj be másnak csak viccből, mert legkeserűbb elválni a drága baráttól. Hát ne érd el.

Ha azt akarod, hogy szeressenek, szeress! Ne csesztess, ne cikizz, neked is vannak hibáid. Mindenki más, mert ha ugyan az lenne minek élnél? Légy önmagad, bárki bármit mondd.
By Beedy Hotdog
És még egy kis önreklám? XD nane

With college comes drama and with drama the drama llama comes to visit.  I happen to acquire herds of drama llamas on the weekends…well and during the week.  I wouldn’t classify myself as a drama queen, but I do tend to manage to get myself into some very dramatic situations.  The following conversation doesn’t involve my life, but one of my best friend’s life.  Being that it is one of my best friends, her situation has put some stress on me in the last few months.  It’s hard to not get involved, even just on a listening level, if you care about someone.

Before reading here is a bit of background on the situation that happened to come to a pretty high climax in San Francisco this weekend: My friend started seeing a girl who has a girlfriend a few months ago. Not only did she have a live in boyfriend at the time (he’s now moved out and they broke up amicably), the girl also lives with her significant other and still does.  My friend is a bit crazy, so it wasn’t surprising to me when this situation started.

Disclaimer: I completely and totally love my friend, but I don’t think that this situation is right on any grounds.  I’ve tried to be supportive as possible despite my own misgivings.  I do not think cheating is okay, I have cheated before and I regret it.  It was not the right way to end my relationship.  We all do things we regret, we learn from them and make apologies to the people we hurt and to ourselves.

Oh and I also realize that spelling and grammar are not up to par in the following.

Kat: xoxoxo

how was weekend!?

me: it was good until midnight on saturday

Kat: ?

me: tashas birthday was sat night

2:02 PM

Kat: righhht

me: everything was going great until we went to gay dance club dyke night, tasha’s gf’s gf was randomly there

shit storm

and of course out of the 8 people that were in the group I was the only one with tasha when gf’s gf appeared

everyone had either gone to the bathroom, an atm, or to get a drink

tasha became HYSTERICAL

2:03 PM

sobbing into my chest while in the club

Kat: ugh

me: I’m trying to down my drink and get her out the door

horrible I know

but shit i paid for it

Kat: psh

whatever

drink your drink

me: so rest of group appears, thank god

we get her downstairs

2:04 PM

the fucking stupid gf that I now hate come down and is like I had no idea blah blah

tasha at this point is talking her friend sarah away from the group

everyone else is like omg wtf happened

the gf goes to talk to tasha, I’m like leave raschelle

you need to fucking leave

she doesn’t

crying on both sides

blah blah

2:05 PM

Kat: how dare she

jesus christ

its not bad enough!? seriously?!

me: meanwhile heather is trying to get ahold of her bf to tell them we are not in the club

finally her bf finds us and he has a town car so 5 of us pile in the car

leaving racshelle, tasha’s new housemate and her bf on their own

2:06 PM

which I guess they were pissed about because they had no money or something

anyways before that tasha’s gf was crying to me about shit outside the club while tasha’s housemate natalie, whose one of my girls, was walking towards us, looks at her and calls her a bitch and goes off

so I tell natalie, fuck that shes my friend, racshelle is not

2:07 PM

so we get home and natalie goes off, understandable, shes in her house and shes pissed

and guess who walks up the stairs to hear her?

yeah the GF

Kat: wow

me: who comes in like a bat out of hell saying “LETS DO THIS”

and they fight, tashas goes to her room and is sobbing on the bed demanding more coke

2:08 PM

then they stop fighting and natalie goes to her room

raschelle to other roommate’s room (rashcelle, other roommate, and tasha work together)

then magically they pretend like nothing happened

2:09 PM

finish coke and drink more vodka, but then the GF confides in me because I’m sneaky and got her to

tells me shes 60/40, the 60 being staying with her gf

goes off about how she tried to break things off and blah blah

tells me shes going to find who told natalie she called her a bitch and punch them in the face

because she didn’t say that

2:10 PM

ironic because it was me

Kat: ugh shit storm for suuure

me: I also talked to natalie, who was much more logical and had way more valid points and it made me sad because natalie and tasha’s friendship is def going through some tough times

2:11 PM

then I was like eff this and passed out with sarah, the only sane one, on the futon

where we both declared that we would go home if we could

Kat: understandable

me: and then in the morning sarah and i woke up watched tv, ate, and left

2:12 PM

tasha said she didn’t remember much

whatever

I hate her girlfriend

pos 30 year old loser

Kat: yeah

well

she shouldnt be dating someone with a girlfriend for 1

me: waiting to tell tasha what she told me

today is her actual bday

Kat: but that girl shouldnt be dating tasha to begin with

Shes telling her today?

me: no no

2:13 PM

I am

later

Kat: eeesh

me: when its not her bday

Kat: yes

that makes sense

me: oh like her girlfriend would say anything

Kat: hah

she needs to dump her

me: but she told me

sometimes I don’t get why people tell me things, like people that I don’t like

Kat: hahaha

2:14 PM

good point

this needs to be a blog post dude

EPIC

and crappy

im so sorry for tasha

School Update: My group presentation in one of my classes went really well and I got an “A” in my portfolio check!  I need to talk to one of my professors regarding how horrible I’m doing with the work load in the class.  I am terrified and worried.

Back to work.

Oh I walked into my art class today and there was a massive painting of a huge floating hotdog over a river/nature landscape with deer and trees. It was amazing.

I wud likez te buy ALL of yer hotdogs, pweas!!

how much monies u gotz?

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Hey There,

Another hot day as we traveled south again to Hiroshima.  The Hiroshima Toyo Carp, whose cap logo is pretty much identical to that of the Cincinnati Reds, play in the newest ball park we visited, the Mazda Zoom Zoom Stadium.  Toyo is the original name of Mazda (not to be confused with the current Toyo, which is a tire company).  From our seats, we had views of the Shinkansen tracks and the hills and mountains beyond.  Thankfully, our seats were in the shade, since it was a hot and sunny day.  While still a bit sticky with the humidity, the shade made our seats more comfortable and we had more fun.

It was at this game where I bought my first Japanese hot dog.  Japanese hot dogs are a cross between a traditional hot dog and a sausage.  I think some of the spices are different as well, so while they may look like typical hot dogs, they taste a bit different.  While the Japanese hot dog is an acquired taste, I’d say that they were pretty good.  At a Japanese ball park you can get all sorts of food, include Ramen (noodle soup), but it was entirely too hot for that.

Unlike the Buffaloes, the Carp and the Tigers are both competing for spots in the Climax Series, which is the Japan Pro Baseball version of playoffs.  The Japanese like to use English words from time to time and are used to create mottos and slogans, without much care about what the words actually mean in English.  You can imagine how odd some of their slogans sound when shouted out.  The top three teams in each league make the playoffs.  The first round involves the 2nd and 3rd place teams, who play a best of three game series (meaning you have to win two games to move to the next round).  The winner of that series plays a best of seven series against the 1st place team.  The catch here is that the 1st place team is given a one game advantage in that round of the playoffs.  So, the 1st place team needs to win just three games to advance to the Japan Series.  In the Japan Series the winner of the Pacific League plays the winner of the Central League in a traditional best of seven series, where the first team to win four games wins the series.

In my post about the Giants game, I explained the Cheer Sections.  While the Tigers had a much smaller section than the Carp, they were a lot louder.

Tigers Cheering Section

Carp Cheering Section

The Tigers, who became my favorite Japanese Baseball team during this game, beat the Carp pretty easily.

Rengeteg közösségi oldal van amelyeknek különböző funkciókkal vannak ellátva. Alapvetően az elsődleges cél a régi barátok/haverok/iskola társak/tanárokkal való egyszerű kapcsolat tartás. Egy levelezési zárt levelezési rendszeren, és az hogy magunkról megoszthassunk alapvető információkat. Legyen az régi iskola, munkahely, fotók, melyek a portálok nagy többségén korlátlan mennyiségbe tölthetőek fel szinte, akkor a “Magamról” részben lehet írni minden fajta dolgot: idézetek, személyiségre jellemző, párunk nevét. stb stb.
A további funkciók különböző alkalmazások használata. Legyen az egy kedvenc zenéink lejátszásra alkalmas program vagy egy mini játék amelyet a felhasználók millióival is játszhatunk. Akkor rengeteg ember használja társkeresésre a közösségi oldalakat.
A közösségi oldalak nagy hátránya hogy rengeteg olyan dolog a napvilágra kerül amit az emberek nem biztos hogy látni szeretnének vagy, az hogy például egy 10éves kisgyerek fejlődésére káros lehet.
Ilyenek például a 1000hajszínben tündöklő emo/scene/saucy emberkék…akiknek nem elég a feltűnő kinézete még gyakran olyan képeket is megosztanak ahol ruha nélkül főleg póló, lányok esetében fürdőruhás/fehérneműs képek, meg saját nemmel való smárolás. Itt szeretném le szögezni nem vagyok semmilyen dolog ellen! De ami otthon a 4fal között elfogadott az egy közösségi portálra nem való!!!
Ha már ennyire rájuk tértem akkor kedvenc szövegeim amiket olvastam.
-Tolerancia mindennek felett.
-Nem vagyok emo.
-Scene vagyok.
-Akinek nem tetszik takarodjon! (kedveseim ha toleráns vagy hogy írhatsz ilyet)
-SxE vagyok. (De a bulin azért ott fetrengesz részegen megint csak Paradoxon)
-Hoolie-Th-NoThanx-Afc forever jajj de cukcsik vagytok.( Hoolie megnéztem elolvastam a blogját érdekes egy személyiség embernek nehéz lenne nevezni,No Thanx benne van a nevében: NEM, Kösz…, AFC kezdeti punkosabb számai közül még hallgatok is párat de mióta eladtak a lelküket a Vivának hogy befussanak azóta inkább mellőzzöm még azt is)
és még sorolhatnám. De majd folytatom az EmoPart-ot.
A másik nagy csoport a Fakek a különböző közösségi portálokon. Ezekről tudni kell hogy minden féle szép srác/csaj képét leszedik és a sok hülye tudatlan meg írja nekik hogy jaj de szépek vagy, meg huuu de meg… pfff
Ez nem elég akkor ahogy már írtam ami az emóknál is előfordul a saját nemmel való smárolós képek. Kedves Melegek és Leszbikusok arra szeretném felhívni a figyelmeteket hogy ami otthon a 4 fal között elfogadott az egy közösségi portálon nem , mert bármilyen fiatal láthatja és hogy befolyásolja már az a fejlődését , ha esetleg úgy gondolja hogy ez is normális. Nem vagyok ellenetek de szerintem ez abnormalitás…és ha valaki azt mondaná nem vagyok toleráns elmondom nektek a kedvenc idézettem a toleranciáról:

“…tolerálj, persze, de ne mindent. Attól, hogy elfogadunk valamit még nem biztos, hogy egyet is kell értenünk vele! A tolerancia annyit tesz, hogy beletörődünk valamibe. Tolerálni mindent lehet, a síró gyerektől a taknyos nátháig, de ettől még ugyanúgy bosszanthat minket.”

Vannak még a raj cigányok akik a felvett hitelekkel arany lánccal késekkel szamuráj kardokkal és egyéb nyalánkságokkal pózolnak és  a kép címeként a “megyek magyart ölni” felirat sem ritka…

Persze én is használom a közösségi oldalakat és ott is ahogy vannak hülye emberek ugyanúgy megvan a normális réteg…

Just because it's thick doesn't make it "Deep Dish"...

So, in case you haven’t noticed – I have been away.

Yes, without sounding similar to something you’d find on the side of a cereal box, I have been doing exciting and wondrous things that you probably wouldn’t believe if I told you.

Hint: It may or may not involve Handel’s Messiah sung entirely by a collection of women, all of whom missed out on the chorus-line for Cats.

A funny thing happens when you’ve been away from something for a while – even if it’s something you reckon you’re pretty good at: you lose your mojo. Or at least, you think you do. And then suddenly you’re paranoid you can’t do it anymore – that the knack has left you for lack of repetition, which would go some lengths to explaining my sex life in 2007.

The long and the short of it is that the intrusion of metallic birds on a kind of stick thing, slow-motion babies, some people getting married and a kid with a golf-club has meant that I haven’t chopped, diced, burned, or roasted a single thing in my kitchen for over three weeks now. Not even to peel a banana or open a packet of Big Korn Bites.

I have however been eating enough fast-food to cause kidney problems in a weekend conference of CTM Sales Executives, the highlights of which have included: never-before-tried Chicken Licken slyders (which make me feel dirty but at the same time gave me the impression I’d just ascended to a small piece of heaven and weirdly enough it looks like a mini-burger), Kuai wraps, Roadhouse BBQ burgers, KFC hotwings (before which I don’t think I’d ever truly understood the meaning of the phrase ‘ring sting’, and now that I do I’m not sure I’m a better man for it…), Cheese Chip ‘n Dip, hotdogs bought from a very suspicious man at the cricket, deep dish pizza from Romans (which should actually be re-named “pizza ingredients on bread”), Wimpy combos, a Cornish Pastie from the Sasol Garage and a pink coconut thing which I don’t want to talk about.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. And possibly will again....a lot.

Incidentally I’m thinking of pitching a show called “Jono Eats the Whole World” and seeing how it flies.

So, if change is as good as a holiday, then I’ve just done the culinary equivalent of a dirty German sex-vacation in Mexico.

Now that I’ve come out the other end of this pornographic excess, this new week is going to be dedicated to erasing the memory of Things I’ve Put In My Mouth That Make Me Ashamed and losing the 3 kgs I’ve put on while doing it. Hopefully some of this will stack up in my karmic favour and I wont have to spend the afterlife shaving Julius Malema’s back.