After so many years of sharing houses with people I think I am finally realising that I actually want to live on my own. Don’t you just hate snidy remarks? And the innuendos? I rather people just had the courage to come out and say what’s bothering them face to face. A couple of years ago I was a little bit scared of living on my own but when you’re in your house you make the rules. Maybe that doesn’t stand me in good stead for a relationship but I just hope the woman I find is ad courageous and upfront as me, and accommodating as well, life is about compromises right?

Well hello again readers, I’m back. As you may now have guessed, I managed to escape the grasps of madness, depression and alcoholism that tried to render me useless the other week. The issues that were raised in last week’s edition have been dealt with and things have moved on, for the better? Only God will know for sure, but seeing as he doesn’t return my emails anymore (bastard) I guess only time will tell. I did mention that I wasn’t mad right? Anyway, I’m feeling good about the future, well slightly – of course financial constraints will, of course, forever have me worried about something or other. However the other major issues have been dealt with, and without the use of spade, some soft ground and a good lawyer. So things are looking up.

Since my last post there have been long discussions between me and her (I won’t say the name, even if you all do know it – like to keep things impersonal) and we’re back together. I think this time we have a chance, mainly because we actually talked about things (how mature is that!) and therefore we know what to change. Anyway enough about my love life – even though it does seem to get me ratings – because even more has happened since my last posting here, well in truth not much has happened in the grand scheme of things but they were important to me. First, I have returned home for the Christmas period and beyond and as usual I left some things behind. When I say ’some things’, I actually mean a lot of things including; my phone charger, my 360 Ethernet cable, my old passport and a plug board. I really wish that after all this time, I’d actually remember things that I need – come on 6 weeks without a phone charger, even the most powerful phone in the world won’t last that long. Secondly, well actually I don’t really have a secondly come to think of it. So moving on…

As Christmas approaches I find myself wondering the same question I did last year – why do people celebrate an event that didn’t happen, based around a religion that most people don’t believe in more than their own personal birthdays? I know it’s a commercialised world out there, but Christmas hype is just pure insanity. Kids these days think that Christmas is the time when Santa Claus comes and gives them shiny playthings and they have no idea who Christ is/was supposed to be. Saying that, kids these days think that Adolf Hitler was the coach of the German National Football Team (link) – I wonder if exams really are getting easier every year?

Oh yeh, while I remember – I found possibly my favourite song ever; Gravity by Embassy. It’s a great song and was featured in the Stargate Universe trailer at Comic-Con 09 and you can hear it on my Myspace page (see contact page). Perfectly executed link. I’ve been using Myspace again and was hoping to try and recruit people back. Seeing as the only reason that I still use Facebook being to play Bejewelled and Happy Aqurium, I thought I’d return to the place where customisation and individuality was the name of the game rather than bland mindless conforming to the standard.

I’ll leave you and hope you’ll consider joining me on Myspace.

CraigE

Hey guys,

Been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately. Sorry about that. I have been resting my arm mainly, but have been spending a lot of time with Jay as well and trying to get myself sorted for my trip over Christmas.

I’m still pretty bruised up at the moment, but I don’t feel as sore which is good. My black eyes seem to be getting worse before they get better, but the cuts and stuff are healing nicely. People keep asking me if they can sign the plaster on my wrist. It makes me laugh, I didnt think people did that outside of highschool. I feel like a nob anyways because it’s illuminous yellow plaster, so I figure a few autographs can’t hurt.

I spent most of the weekend with Jay. As I mentioned on saturday, he cancelled his trip away to look after me, so I stayed there friday night, then went back staurday night and stayed over again. That one was a last minute decision. I was going to just have a quiet night in but he asked me to go back over, and I was more than happy to do that. I came home Sunday night and I havent seen him sinse. Sad times. I do miss him when I dont see him, but I dont want to see too much of him incase we end up getting on each others nerves. Besides, I like that build up of not seeing him for a while and then how excited I am when I get to finally see him again. I am meeting him tonight from work and I can’t wait. We are heading for a meal in the Quays, and then off to see a film. Its becoming a bit of a Wednesday tradition now, and I like that.

We have booked tickets to see Avatar when it comes out on Friday. We have booked a midnight viewing and from what I understand, it is quite a long film, so hopefully I will stay awake. I will be staying with him for the night and then that is the last time I will be seeing him until the new year. That’s going to be a hard one, but between the phone and internet I guess I will at least be able to speak to him loads.

I have decided to move out of my house. I realise I am starting to hate the people I live with, and I dont want to ruin any friendships (except smelly Gav, who I couldnt give a shit about), so I have decided that I am going to just get my own place. There are some decent one bedroom apartments in the city centre for reasonable price so I figure now is as good a time as any to go it alone. I figure its the only way that I can save any sort of friendship with my housemates because I am at boiling point with them lately. Even with a broken wrist I am still expected to clean up after them and it is driving me insane.

I hate being boring, but there isnt much more to fill you in on. Ive just been mainly resting up and getting pampered by Jay. Ooh, Glee premiered in the UK last night. I have been waiting to watch this for months and have resisted all urge to check online, and it finally came on yesterday. I have to say, based on episode one, I am hooked. It was brilliant. It’s totally not the normal type of show I would watch. I like Scifi and action or comedy, but this show was brilliant. I was even singing along. The humour in it is great and the cast is brilliant. If you haven’t watched it, then you must. It cheered me up no end last night.

On that note guys, I am going to head off and attempt to make a bacon sandwhich. I havent really been cooking for myself since I did my hand in, but nobody is here today and I am starving so I have to try for myself with the dodgy hand. I should just say though that usually I am a fantastic cook. Anyhoo, if you dont hear from me by the weekend, assume I burned the house down and died smelling of smoky bacon.

Ry

Today, after my CLC2293F exam, Gabe and I went to buy a cake for Reema’s birthday. We put it in the microwave and told Reema that we made dip for her and to check the microwave. Surprised she was. I don’t have time to upload photos from my camera, because it’s mugging/cramming session for all Western kids here. MEH!!!

i have been so so busy that i havent had a chance to get doing my 365 everyday tis past weekend and then i left my laptop in derry so had to save it all for now!!…

eightyone – thursday night…thankful to have all our choir concerts over and reconciled with a good friend after a bit of a falling out!

eightytwo – home sweet home!! for about an hour…ten celebrated one of my housemates 21st birthday dressed asa penguin…

eightythree – busy day in work but then enjoyed a night out for dinner for christmas with work people!

Wow, what a weekend so far.

As I said a couple of posts back, Jay has got me hooked onto all these new shows. Well because he was going away this weekend, and he knew I would be stuck in the house because of my injuries, he asked me to go meet him from work so that he could give me another boxset to see me through the weekend. I was only going to be seeing him for about 30 minutes but I figured it was worth it sinse I wouldnt be seeing him for FOUR WHOLE DAYS!!! :p

Anyways, so I drag myself through town to go meet him and when he got off the train he told me that he had cancelled his weekend away so that he could look after me. How nice is that? If I wasnt likely to break something else, I would have jumped on him right there on the platform. So he took me back to his, propped me up with pillows, cooked me dinner and just looked after me all night. I may as well have been in a full body cast, the fuss he was making. It was so lovely. We spent the night talking and giggling and just enjoying each other. It was perfect. He is an absolute angel.

Things seemed to progress further between us last night. In a good way. A really good way. It’s something that is so hard to put into words, but it felt like there were times when even though we werent speaking, it felt like a million words were being spoken between us. A realisation of feelings or something. Or affirmation. Thats a good word to sum it up I think. The evening was magical. I dont care how cheesy it sounds. If he carries on like this then I’m gunna put a ring on it. So to speak.

I stayed until about 5pm today and then I had to head home. Came into a war ground. Everyone arguing over Smelly Gav. I didnt stick around because I was in such a happy mood, so I went to run a bath and let them argue it out downstairs. I will find out what it was all over late on. Maybe add my few pennies in. For now though, I am in too good a mood to be mediating arguements.

Tomorrow I will be going back over to his for the afternoon. He says he has a few things planned and a big surprise for me. I love this feeling. The one where you just can’t get enough. I know this has been a particularly slushy post, but hey ho. There is enough bad stuff going on out there, so I am happy to share my happiness with you all.

Talking of ‘you all’ I just want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has been wishing me well, and to everyone who keeps coming back and reading my randomness, and leaving their comments. Its nice to know that people are enjoying it. I was going to do some individual thanks yous on the comments section earlier, but my blgger was acting like a lesbian and being difficult, so for some reason nothing was posting (and if I write all this and it doesnt post I will be having a BF)

Also, I decided earlier that I would choose a title based on the lyrics of whatever was playing on my iPod when I finished the post. Quite apropriately, its Love Man by Otis Reading, so thats what I am sticking at the top.

Enjoy your weekend guys.

Ry

Friday (night)

I NEVER stay in on weekend nights.  Like, ever.  But I have 2 huge things (a test and a project) due Monday and a term paper due Tuesday, and I didn’t figure I could cram all that into Sunday afternoon like I do with most homework.

Now I’m remembering why I go out on the weekends.  Because everyone else gets REALLY FUCKING LOUD.  At least if I was out and drunk right now I’d be having a good time, instead of doing no work/not sleeping anyway.  There’s a party going on right outside my window which is making it impossible to crash right now.  I kind of want to call security on them to bust it.  But I really don’t want to be “that girl”.  And it would be a bit hypocritical since any other weekend I’d be right there with ‘em.

Also, 2 of my housemates had 6ish people over here tonight, even though I asked them really nicely to try to keep the house quiet this weekend.  Maybe we have a different understanding of quiet, because I basically meant no more than them plus one.  Not drinking heavily with 5 BFFs.  Why couldn’t they hang out at someone else’s house?

AHHH.  I don’t think I’m being that unreasonable because I usually wouldn’t care AT ALL.  This weekend and this work is just really important to my academic success and graduation.  Also, I JUST GOT OVER being deathly sick, and am therefore behind in everything.

RARAR.

Em

a chat with a friend about life…made me feel better for about half an hour!

also heard some really amazing compositions at the composers concert this afternoon!!

and hada gorge night in with my housemate!!

Awwwww I’m in pain! Had a brutal morning at work. We had some drunken thug come in causing a scene and in his struggle to do a runner, I ended up pinned underneath him. He wasnt particularly heavy, but on the way down I caught the back of my neck on the filing cabinet and now it keeps clicking. The AO was trying to get me to wear a neck brace which was quite funny. I don’t think it is that bad, just a bit sore and I was complaining that it wouldnt go with the uniform. Its all about the accessories after all.

Had a lovely evening with Jay last night. I met him from work and he dragged me around town looking for ways to spend his money. I wouldnt have minded but he didnt end up buying anything and I was itching to splash out, but I have put the Visa into retirement until after christmas. We went back to his and he made me dinner and we just chilled out watching some tv and whatnot. I dont know why I dont just say we had sex. I must be starting to become a prude. I keep substituting the word sex for ‘whatnot’. There I go on another tangent….

Jay keeps asking to come over to mine but I am putting it off. He knows why. Its Smelly Gav. Jay says he doesnt mind but I dont want him to come over and have to sit in the stink if Gav happens to be home. Gav has to go away to work for a few days next week so maybe Jay can come over then. I’ve finally taken a stand against the mess as well. I did a massive clean on Sunday, top to bottom. Everything was sparkly and fresh. Once it was all done I told everyone that it was the last time I was going to do it, and so now I am just sitting down and watching the mess pile up. Lets see how long it takes before they get sick of it.

Two weeks today I am going away. I am going back to my mums over christams. I haven’t been home for ten months so I can’t wait to catch up with everyone. The longer I leave it, the more drinks people buy me when we go out, so I should have a few cheap nights this christmas. I talk about drinking a lot. I actually hardly do it, I just seem to have lots of drink fuelled stories. I am going to be hone for 8 days, which isnt very long, but all I can get off from work. It sucks though because the day before I get back, Jay is going away and so I wont be seeing him until the 3rd of January. We have lots of things planned in the run up to me going to my mums though, so it’s not all bad.

I dont know what to do with myself today. I was going to go to the gym, but I dont have the drive to get up and go. I’ve been dead lazy the last few days. Think I’ve only been 4 times in the last week or so. I have to try and go twice as much in the next few weeks so that I can pig out when I go home because my mother always accuses me of not eating properly and tries fattening me up like a prize pig, so I figure if I put the work in before I go home, it wont have such a bad effect on my waistline. I sound really pretentious, but I spent a fortune on new jeans last week and I am determined to be able to still fit in them in the new year.

Tonight I am meeting up with Shane to tell her my feelings on the whole baby thing. I spent ages trying to work out how I can get out of it, then it dawned on me that all I can do is be honest about my reservations and hope that she is ok with it. In the 20 years we have known each other, we have only ever had one real arguement, so I think we are solid enough that things wont get out of hand. I will update everyone on the progress of that one anyways.

I am going out this weekend and I can’t wait. I havent been out for the last three Saturdays and it has been doing my head in. Well, with the exception of last Saturday, which I spent in bed with Jay. that was pretty awesome. But yea, this Saturday is my friend Wez’s birthday. Its his 22nd. Well it isnt, it’s his 27th, but he stopped at 22 and so we keep having 22nd birthdays for him. I dont know why he chose 22. Its a bit random, but hey ho. Some people are just a little bit odd I guess.

Ry

Its December. December means Christmas and my birthday. Yay!

I’m getting incredibly excited about the next couple of weeks. Me and my housemates have a few good nights out planned before the end of term too and then I get to go home and see everyone I love and miss SO much!

Hearing more and more Christmas songs every day just reinforces the excitement and gets you in a really great mood. I have two Advent calendars, one chocolate, one boring pictures. The picture one came from my grandma.

Still having done NO Christmas shopping, I’m not panicking too much because I’ve bought wrapping paper. No actual presents to wrap up but I have bought the paper. That’s me thinking ahead.

I’m ready to go home now, despite my happiness at the moment. An online music magazine is regularly publishing articles I’ve written too, so that makes me happy! I’m also currently drinking Sprite. Maybe something to do with it?

The month of December is upon us all, well those of us that use the Gregorian calendar anyway. As is the way in Britain the temperature has plummeted and the wind and rain have picked up making people miserable and cold. I suppose that’s way non religious people celebrate Christmas so much, because if they didn’t they’d go mad this time of year because of the weather. Saying this, I quite like winter as a season.

As it’s been rather a long time since I last staggered blurry eyed into the strange world that is my blog, so I thought it high time that I get on with some blogging – like the good old days. Although I did have excuses lined up for my recent absences, I have since forgotten them – it appears that my memory is not what it once was, that and my true lack of motivation of late. An example of this is the fact that I wrote the first paragraph about a week ago and have only just decided to finish it.

Now, after a another pause in writing I’m back once again. This time I’m in the learning center at university at 23:00 on a Sunday night because if I’d stayed in my house I would have had to kill myself. I swear to any and all deities that I haven’t felt this truly upset in a very all time, if ever. All of this has come about because my ex (who has the room next to mine, bad move right?) has bought a guy round and the walls are very thin – surely I don’t have to explain further do I? It’s probably just my completely fucked head and only wanting anything that I can’t have or maybe it’s the fact that she left me and I didn’t want it end. Thankfully my housemates have stood by me, with reassuring texts such as: “The door is locked right?” Not their fault, after all not too long ago it was I that keeping people awake with her. Wow the psychological profile sure is starting to take shape isn’t it.

Of course all of this centers around one of my biggest flaws, that being my utter inability to form social, or any other kind of attachments with anybody. I spend most of last year complaining on my blog that I never went out with mates, but whenever the opportunity arose I’d decline and go back to being bored as fuck. It’s the same with women, oh by golly is it you ask? I’d never have guessed. I’m not one of these types that enjoys the chase and then gets bored once I succeed, I’m the other type – the one never has the courage the even ask, and even if by some miracle I stop being single the only thing I want then is be what I don’t like being. Perhaps that’s it, perhaps I just don’t like being. When I search for happiness and get it, it suddenly becomes what makes me miserable.

Well I’m going to end it there and go find a drink with a very high alcohol content. Not that I expect that any of you got this far with calling me a winy asshole and getting back to what you were doing, and honestly I don’t care I just wanted to write this all down

CraigE

have been really nice and mellow. Even though I had a lot of essays (my last essay was submitted yesterday, alhamdulillah!) I still had time to spend with my close friends who are of extreme importance in my life here at Western/Essex. This post is not in any coherent order, because I’m incoherent like that.

2 Saturdays ago, I met with Mariam and some other exchange students and we went to have pancakes for dinner.

i love home-made fries.

A few weeks ago, there was the meteor shower, and so we decided to go watch the meteor shower at 4am. Yes, we were so enthusiastic about it. I didn’t have class the next day, and the rest didn’t have early classes, so we went to TD Waterhouse to see the meteors. Was it worth staying up till 4am to watch the meteors? Yes. Was it worth the cold? Maybe.

This is Gabe. He is my official new best friend.

Everyone on the mats

I was actually under the blanket as well.

TD Waterhouse stadium carpark

It was very very very cold! I don’t recommend anyone walk around alone at 4am, unless you’re in a group of ≥5.

Last Thursday, Gabe, Ashley, Reema, Vivek and I went for a pancake dinner. No photos because we were famished and we were looking forward to the pancakes. Same pancake place as the previous time. On Saturday, I accompanied Ashley because she wanted to do some shopping at Old Navy because they were having a one-day sale. Vivek came over, bringing his Koko Krunch (sanggup I tell you) and so we decided to have a Koko Krunch party that night.

This is Vivek. Even though he doesn’t look like it, he’s actually jumping for joy because he has a box of Koko Krunch just for him, shipped all the way from Singapore.

Opening ceremony. There was fanfare and everything, a la NDP.

we got bored of waiting, so we took photos of ourselves.

2 very happy and contented kids.

Last night, it snowed! But only for a moment. All the snow melted today. Boo hoo!! Ashley keeps hoping and praying that it’ll snow just for me. I’m touched. We were sitting at our window and I said ‘I want to go outside and touch the snow!’ and both Ashley and Reema enthusiastically said ‘OK!’ The 3 of us got dressed in under 2 minutes and ran out of Essex. Vivek (who lives in London Hall) was skeptical, until he stepped out to join us. Did I mention that I love these people for entertaining my whims on the Canadian experience? I don’t recommend anyone running out at 1am alone, because that’s dangerous, except if you’re in the company of really good people, like my friends!

Catching snow with our tongues

I don’t know what we were doing. Flailing, probably.

Ashley asked if she could keep me. Mummy said no.

‘I’m singiiiiiiing in the… snow?’

Vivek graced us with his presence. He didn’t believe that it was snowing!

I don’t know why I agreed to this photo. But it looks nice.

Walking down the slope to TD Waterhouse

Skipping down the steep and slippery slope.

We were actually pointing to the back of his head because there was a lot of snow on it. Looks like we’re screaming ‘ICEBERG!!!!!!’ on the Titanic.

Reema was supposed to be in this photo, but she didn’t turn up.

Trying to catch snowflakes with our tongues.

The insane amount of snow stuck on me. Random things like to stick onto my coat, like ladybugs!

I LOVE THESE GIRLS SO VERY MUCH!!!

I told you there were a lot of photographs. It took me an hour to update this post. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHS!!

Love,
Zafirah

Afternoon everyone, or morning, or evening depending on where you are. Another eventful day today. I worked 5am until 10am and then had time to come home for a shower and had to go off into town. On the last Monday of every month I do some volunteer work at an organisation for gay teens who are having difficulties, and just sit and chat with them for a couple of hours. It’s usually pretty rewarding helping them to come out of their shells, but some of them have had a really horrific time. Most of them have had difficulty coming out and so have run away, or just need someone to talk to.

Today I was with a guy called Ste, who I have been speaking with for a little while. He has had a real shitty time lately. He came out to his parents about 2 months ago. He is only 16 and whan he told his parents, his stepdad attacked him and slashed his arm with a knife, so he spent the last 6 or 7 weeks in foster accomodation. He seems to be picking himself up though which is good. He didnt stay very long today, he just wanted to tell me that he had gotten himself an apprenticeship as a carpenter and was moving into a flat with his sister in a few weeks. It’s so nice to hear things like that. He is determined not to let things get him down. For such a young guy, his head is completely screwed on. Good for him.

I am having a couple of hours to chill this afternoon, then this evening I will be braving the cold and the great unwashed to go and start my christmas shopping. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! It does my head in though that every year it seems to start a bit earlier. Some of the shops have had xmas songs and decorations up sinse mid september. It does my head in to see it, because by the time it actually comes along I am sick of it. I am going away for christmas this year though, so I need to start my shopping a bit earlier. I tired online shopping last year but half of it didnt turn up until January, so I wont risk it again this year.

Still having issues with the smelly flatmate. I came home last night and there was a dead funny smell and I couldnt find where it was coming from until I went upstairs. I opened his bedroom door, and he had been sick the night before all over the floor, and just gone out and left it. If he was here when I got in I would have rubbed his nose in it, the dirty bastard. I want him to move out now. It’s just too much. He got up this morning, wearing yesterdays clothes and off he went in his car. It’s rank. No washing, no changing, nothing. It’s getting shocking now. I’m starting to gag everytime he comes into the room and telling him that he is a smelly fucker seems to have no effect. I think he thinks I am joking. I need to rally up the others who live here and get them all to sit down with him and have a word.

Ooh, I knew what I was going to ask. What do you get as a christening gift? My friend Cally is having her baby christened next week and I need gift ideas. My mum suggested a little bracelet or something, but I bet everyone will have the same idea. I need something original, so please give me some ideas. Thats all for now. I have some dancing to do. Can’t stop listening to the Sugababes new song. Have a listen for yourselves, it’s great. Have happy Monday’s everyone

Ry

just looked at my return flight details to singapore. and then i got really depressed. because it means that i AM returning home soon. and leaving all of this behind me, well, there were good things, and bad things. leaving here would probably be saying goodbye to most of the friends that i made here permanently. even though winston said that you can keep in contact with one another, but truth is, you don’t really share the experience as you would with them in person. what’s the point if they have to find out everything that you’ve done from facebook. so sad. will totally miss kiril and li sheng (ah tiong no. 2) because of all the fun and the talking in the kitchen during cooking time. joel, even though i don’t see him nowadays (haha. i can safely say that i’ve only seen him once a week — because he crosses the road when i get out from foederalismus class, weird, but i only say hi to him then), but we talked, and scared each other too. haha. Andras (still iffy about the spelling of his name) — same with talking to him in the kitchen during cooking time. and cveti — whom i initially thought was a guy (whoops) from the name.

then there are ed, cara, anna, line, stephane. i guess they’re lucky to be in europe, since it’s not THAT difficult to see each other if they travel. but for me? i’m on the other side of the world man.

still, the min who’s going back will be so much more different from the min who came. i can really say that i’ve really grown in more ways than one, and whatever happened on this trip really…matured me. haha. so deep right? especially when it comes from ME. wahaha.

but.. i still don’t want to lose this degree of freedom that i currently have. i don’t want to lose my friends which i’ve made here. i don’t want to end my exchange programme. whining like a kid, i know. but… after settling down here, moving back home will be like…

i think im starting to get over this hideous cold ive had all week!! still sore sinuses but i’m pretty sure its starting to clear up!!

had a gorge night with the housemates…starbucks an then a night in watchng hannah montana!! great wee movie!!

now for some sleep…hoping the blocked nose doesn’t return!!

night!!