The beautiful Generation Rwanda ladies!

… said the President of RAUW, the Rwandan Association of University Women, to one hundred or so women at the U.S. Ambassador’s house in Kigali. The Ambassador and his wife hosted a RAUW event in their home right before Christmas. The night was full of networking with Rwandan politicians and businesswomen, sharing stories over wine, and being part of RAUW’s atmosphere of joy and female empowerment without apology.

So, a bit of shocking news: I love hearing about women’s empowerment. I love hearing about the ways in which women are strengthening their confidence, setting ambitious goals, gaining a sense of solidarity with other women, and finding the power of their own voice. I’ve been to enough cliché, talking-at-you events and speeches about women’s rights for me to know what I like. I like it when women’s empowerment events are personal and relatable and grab you. I like it when I leave not only inspired, but also determined. At the end of the summer, I went with two of my best friends to SlutWalk DC. Last spring SlutWalks sprang up all across the world in reaction to a statement made by a Toronto policeman about sexual assault:

“Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”

SlutWalk DC

Victim-blaming at its finest. SlutWalks were a chance for thousands of people to gather together in solidarity with those who have experienced sexual assault, and stand behind the idea that no one asks to be sexually assaulted. At SlutWalk DC, speakers shared their experiences of rape and painful assault with honesty and emotion. They also shared campaigns of how to combat street harassment, homophobia, and the global “rape culture.” How to end the stigma against a woman embracing her own sexuality. How to end the silence. The reality is that most people know someone who has been sexually assaulted; I have good friends who have been, and I have been as well. SlutWalk DC reinforced my deep passion for gender equality; it energized and motivated me. I have rarely been so inspired. This to me is the epitome of an influential empowerment event.

A few weeks ago, right before leaving for Kilimanjaro, I put together an event for the Generation Rwanda women called How are you empowered?  I’m one of the advisors to Generation Rwanda’s amazing student organization called the WECAN Women’s Network, and I have wanted to help set up an event with them since I arrived here. At Generation Rwanda, there are women who are studying engineering, others who are in medicine, others who are already successful handbag designers. Some girls are bold, some very quiet, some have a fierce ambition, and some are still trying to figure out their passion. Through this event I wanted to celebrate the successes and powerful potential of these women, as well as create a forum for all of us to gain the energy, motivation, and concrete ideas to do even bigger things that collectively can create remarkable change. This workshop was not about telling these already brilliant women what they need to do to be strong. It was about highlighting a diverse range of sectors and personal qualities to show them that they already have the strength, innovation, and intelligence to succeed. Just like there is no set path to success, there is no set path to being empowered.

 Our two speakers were amazing. The first, Lucy, is the Marketing Director at The Service Mag, a magazine offering business ideas and information to the Rwandan public. I met Lucy after a networking event called Kigali Business Inspiration, and after having coffee with her I knew that she needed to speak at the first possible Generation Rwanda event I could arrange. She has a brightness and enthusiasm that comes through instantly. At our event, she shared her life story, centered around escaping her comfort zone. She left the security that her parents in Cameroon provided and came to Rwanda without friends or money. There were days where she would not eat, and would sleep on the floor of a new friend’s house or a church. But, despite not having a university degree, she found a job at The Service Mag, worked her way up through two promotions, and look at her now. She is a beautiful, strong, successful woman. As she stressed, no one can say she’s a failure, because she knows how far she’s come. Lucy had the spirit of a preacher, and during her presentation you could see the faces of even the quietest girls lighting up.

Our other speaker was Akaliza, a 25-year-old Rwandan woman. She was in many ways the opposite of Lucy, so soft-spoken and modest. She reminded of one of my best friends, who is so sweet and brilliant, but quiet about it. Akaliza said that she never saw herself as a leader, and never particularly aspired to be one. However, she is now the CEO and founder of Shaking Sun, an IT company that creates and markets websites. She received a Rwanda Development Board Business Excellence Award as the Woman Entrepreneur of the Year. Akaliza has such a unique passion, talking fervently of her vision for the future in African animation. While Lucy’s presentation focused on having the confidence to overcome challenges, Akaliza’s provided the motivation to believe that even as a young woman, you can truly achieve your goals.

Before the speakers, I had everyone in the room list the qualities they think of in an “empowered woman,” and (this was the hard part) say something that they themselves were proud of or good at. The answers ranged from “I am proud to be a woman” (cop out) to “I am proud to own my own moto bike” (legit) to “I am proud because I have developed into a strong and confident leader” (yes!).

I am so blown away by the Generation Rwanda ladies. We have a girl who started her own business with 5000 Rwandan francs (around $10) and now has 5 employees who are all HIV-positive or women who were not able to complete high school. We have a girl who I am convinced could be the future president if she wants to; she is so sharply bright with a wide-open heart, and is Minister of Gender at her university. Two other girls are so creative, and I love running into them just to see what they’ll be wearing. We have a girl who spoke in front of Ban Ki-Moon at the UN and now works as a journalist at the Kigali Times. Other girls are personally growing month by and month, opening up and asserting their opinions, improving their English, becoming more confident.

What’s more inspiring than this? What’s more empowering than this?

Recently Rwanda was named as the best place to be a female politician. In Rwanda, females make up the majority of parliamentarians, with 45 out of 80 seats. Does this represent social gender equality? Of course not. Does it represent a woman’s role in Rwanda? No. What is a woman’s role in Rwanda? Hmm. It’s about as vague as a woman’s role in the U.S. or anywhere else. This will be a discussion for another day.

While many girls at Generation Rwanda are typically shy (and shy is certainly the stereotype of a Rwandan woman), others stand out like flames in a dark room. Thinking back to high school, I was painfully shy… was it because I was a girl? Was it culture or socialization or nature? Was I treated differently than boys my age? Yes and no. Does the U.S. political system, career opportunities, social values reflect a sense of gender equality? Yes and no. The same can be said here. Again, another discussion for another day.

Ultimately, when I think of effective empowerment techniques, they don’t focus on culture or politics; they hit you on a deep and personal level. My favorite part of the How are you empowered? event was hearing Lucy talk about never being small. Never let yourself be small. You are capable of incredible, spectacular things, she stressed, so never let yourself be small in your own mind or to others. Realize your own worth; be certain and unapologetic. Realize your own strengths and follow your own joy. Make merry.  You are brave? Empathic? Creative? Great, own it and say it out loud.