Here are some silly pictures that Adrenna took at the wedding invitation assembly party back in November. Of course we didn’t stay on task. We all ended up pretty toasted and had to show off our mad hula hoop skillz.

I love these kids.

I visited London on Monday for 24-hours to distribute some presents and receive some too. The day started badly thanks to the wintry weather as my flight from Dublin was delayed two hours but when we finally got airborne and flew over England, it was worth it. The white landscape below was just perfect, like a model or a child’s playmat, segmented by fally-down fences or walls, glittering hedgerows and snaking roads. This is PROPER winter weather.

Walking out onto the tarmac at Stansted, it was as though I had arrived in Iceland as the flat area all around the runways was completely snowed under. The slush crunched under foot and the air was snapping about my ears as I rushed inside. I love this weather but I had to hurry, as the delay was in danger of ruining the surprise I was to receive.

I met Mikey and Joe at Liverpool Street Station, rushed into the underground and reached the stop where the Natural History Museum is – South Kensington, I think…? Mikey handed me a card and told me to open it: Inside was a ticket to the ice-rink at the Museum. Ice-skating in the snow was a concept which excited me no end – we had only a half hour left of our hour-long session thanks to Ryanair, but no matter. And I was hopeless, having not skated for probably ten or twelve years, but no matter. I held onto Mikey for dear life as Joe (being a dancer and, thus, more balanced and show-offy than us!) whizzed ahead of us.

On to Byron, a really nice grill in Soho with a very pretty waitress and top-notch onion rings, skin-on chips and hamburgers. They did have a weird mural of videos of people eating which made me vaguely self-conscious about how unattractive we look when we eat – even “Baywatch” models can look while shoving a burger down their gullets. But it proved both a tasty and reasonably-priced dinner. But Mikey paid all the same!

We walked back out into the December air and, as we had eaten quite early, I suggested either a pub or back to Mikey’s house for a warm night in with some board-games or cards. The others paused on Shaftesbury Avenue to consider this before Mikey handed me a second card and again told me to open it. Inside was a ticket to “A Frisky And Mannish Christmas”. I leapt about ten feet off the ground.

Now, for those of you who don’t know them, Frisky and Mannish were THE act to catch at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival, sweeping 5 star reviews from every side, packing out their venue in the Underbelly and amazing audiences with their mash-ups and mix-ups of music in their show “School Of Pop”. They link every song title they can think of which is a question, they put Kate Nash singing Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights”, they duet as Lily Allen and Noel Coward, and demonstrate the stalkerish nature of certain song lyrics. The show was a stunning display of musical artistry and comedic intelligence.

The Christmas show was a great mix of FandM’s own performances with those of some of their buddies from the cabaret circuit: Bruce Airhead, who clambered into a balloon in a leotard, danced and then popped the balloon to reveal he was fully-clothed as Santa Claus; a hula-girl who displayed remarkable stamina and skill in wowing the audience with her hula-hoop tricks; anti-stand-up comedian Angelos of “Shooting Stars” fame; Des O’Connor (not THAT one) who was our suave host and ukelele player; and the divine Puppini Sisters whose close-harmony singing of familiar favourites, not to mention their stunning good looks and beaming smiles, made for a superb climax to the night.

It was a lovely day in snowy London, full of lovely surprises and presents. I’ll link you to Frisky and Mannish, and to the Puppini’s as well. If you get snowed in this Christmas, at least you’ll have some songs and smiles to warm your cockles. Now, if only it would snow in DUBLIN, I’d be able to crack out my thermal cockles…

It’s funny though. I only got Mikey some socks.

Frisky And Mannish: http://www.friskyandmannish.co.uk/Frisky_and_Mannish/Frisky_and_Mannish.html

The Puppini Sisters: http://www.thepuppinisisters.com/

Christmas is almost upon us: that time of festivities, goodwill, and a little dash of magic. Or, more realistically, arguments, over-indulgence, and a little dash of wind. But, before you start setting the kitchen on fire, going to the local 24-hour petrol station for twenty packets of Hula Hoops and Peperami as the closest substitute to the aborted Christmas Dinner, arguing over the last After Eight in the box, and if it’s acceptable to consume After Eights at quarter to five in the afternoon, having to tell wide-eyed younger members of the family that Grandpa’s chronic flatulence is ‘reindeer on the roof’, taking another family member to hospital for injuries sustained whilst attempting to crack walnuts, arguing about who did the washing-up on Christmas Day 1983, and finally sobbing into the pair of humorous musical socks you received that now lend to your distress an inappropriately jaunty yet somehow amusing musical accompaniment, read this handy survival guide to the Christmas holidays.

1. Gift Ideas

Stuck for original gift ideas? Here’s an idea: don’t buy any. Better still, keep all of the Christmas presents you received the previous year unopened and unused. When Christmas comes round again, as it tends to do on an annual basis, re-wrap all of the gifts and return them to whoever bought you the items in the first place. Trust me: it’ll be the last thing they’ll expect. The look of surprise on their faces will be priceless – and after all, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

2. Christmas Dinner

Now, a lot of time and effort can be put into Christmas dinner. It is at the heart of the day, taking hours to prepare and minutes to consume. Why bother, when those valuable hours could otherwise be spent arguing and watching ‘Celebrity Strictly Come X-Factor Dancing Through the Keyhole in the Jungle with Derek Acorah and Big Brother’? Instead, save yourself time and energy by following the Rustbucket Christmas Menu.

Now, the  key components of any Christmas Dinner are meat, potatoes, vegetables, and a boozy pudding. So, you will need:

The aforementioned 20 packets of Hula Hoops and Peperami

An Oxo Vegetable Stock Cube

Some raisins

A match

Whisky

For the Christmas Dinner: Firstly, place the Hula Hoops on a plate, carefully arranging them in a concentric circle from the inside to the circumference. Then, smash them with your fist. Open the Peperami and discard the plastic wrapping (or, alternatively, you can use this later to make fashionable stockings for your daughter’s/niece’s/younger sister’s Bratz doll). Put the Peperami on top of the smashed Hula Hoops. Crumble the Oxo stock cube over the top. Add hot (not boiling) water. Serve.

Optional Extra: Take a swig of the whisky.

For the Dessert: For a simple but highly effective dessert, and an excellent centrepiece for the table, heap the raisins on a plate (they don’t have to be perfectly arranged; a haphazard arrangement adds to the charm of this pudding). Douse them in the whisky, then set light to them. Sure, you’ll have no eyebrows left, but it’ll add the perfect finishing touch to any meal.

3. Christmas Crackers

What Christmas would be complete without Christmas crackers? Now, these are the paper-and-cardboard things that go ‘bang!’, not the things that you eat. True, some crackers may taste a little like cardboard, but if they go ‘bang!’, you’re in trouble. It’s a universal rule that Christmas crackers must always contain the following gifts: a plastic moustache; a small plastic magnifying glass through which you can’t actually see anything at all, never mind magnified; a metal puzzle that no-one can solve, and may in fact just be a mistake that they threw in anyway; a plastic ring; basically, small and useless pieces of plastic. These are accompanied by a paper hat that YOU MUST WEAR, and a side-splitting joke along the lines of:

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Because there were maintenance works on the pavement and being practically-minded he didn’t want to fall into them, though if he’d fallen into them he probably would have sued the local Council for negligence, even though the works were clearly signposted and he would really have had to go out of his way to manage to fall into them, but then this joke would have gone on for a bit longer than it would otherwise have done and there is only limited space on this piece of paper, and as it happened everything was okay and the Chicken went on to have a nice day and got home to wherever it is that Chickens call home and had some seed cake for tea.

4. Christmas Entertainment

You have a house full of guests, but how do you keep them all entertained, from the youngest to the oldest? The answer: bugger them. They came round to your house, you prepared the Christmas Dinner (see # 2 above), displayed unparalleled generosity in returning their own presents to them (see #1 above): they should entertain you. The best way to achieve this is to throw them all outside into the garden (if you don’t have a garden, the street will do) and watch them shiver wretchedly outside whilst you scoff the remainder of the After Eights.

Merry Christmas!

Pariah Rustbucket.

In less than one week The Giddy Multitude will Consume WOW Cafe Theatre. Or we will consume at WOW. Or WOW will consume you, as it has many hearts and minds before us. But only in the best, most communal of ways.

We’ve got contortion, we’ve got burlesque, we’ve got music and dance and trash bags galore!! Hula hoops, unindentified glowing objects, and plenty a’booze a’flowin are all part of the fun. Don’t miss out, you’ll be deprived and spiritless without a liddy giddy fun in your holidays.

Dec. 17th 8 pm 59 E 4th St. $10. Presell recommended www.smarttix.com

Saw this on you tube. It’s a bit of a giggle

You are watching a portable television as you serve me. There are several drums and wind instruments playing music and you are engrossed. I take my time selecting the items I want. I pick things up, examine, think, then put them down again, listening and hiding from the rain. You are out of place in Exmouth Market. You sell what people actually want. I need Hula Hoops. I have chosen a flavour I usually avoid. Can I tell you this? No. I arrange my choices in the shape of a smiley face. I’m ready. You don’t even look at me.

At the supermaret they have an international section. In amongst the curry powders, strange flavoured noodles, Dutch biscuits and stuffed vine leaves lie the British foods. Hula-hoops, Jelly Tots, Double Deckers, Mushy peas and Jaffa cakes galore.
When I do the groceries by myself I often stray to this aisle. Nothing in it is ever on my list but the odd item will make its way to the trolley. The main problem is, while standing browsing the goodies on the shelf I usually find my eyes welling with tears. It would seem, without even knowing it, that a lot of my childhood memories are tied to these foods.
Next year Mr Pigalina and I are going over to England for a visit. I am worried that I may become a gibbering mess on the floor of Tescos.

spent too much time with mac in lap doing promo stuff today, and i feel more exhausted then if i ran a marathon.  which i couldn’t do even if i wanted to, as i am host to a bum ankle.  all i really made today were some september candles.  though it was a nice giant batch of them, and they do smell incredible.  except they made me hungry.  they smelled so good i just wanted to maybe eat six bagels and then take a nap.

instead, i had lunch w/ my daddy and then took a bike ride to target to try and find a hula hoop, as those are both low-impact activities that don’t put my foot in fits of pain.  & i was more then a bit excited about this hula hoop.  cavs season starts next week, and if i still have this ankle, there ain’t gonna be none of my patented bball samba to start this year.  hula hoop was going to replace it.  except the woman at target told me they only carry those in the summer…

so as far as the hours and hours of this boring online stuff, terra verde is so gonna hire a pr person.  he’s going to be tall, and beautiful.  oh, and good at pr, of course.  and computers.  jason had to help me today when i turned photo-upload remedial.  my time is just much better spent mixing soap, pouring wax, and/or hula hooping.  but back to the hot pr dude, so everyone is clear, sean can also totally find a cute chick to help him cut & polish our wine bottles…i love you baby.  this is somewhat of a test to see if you are still reading me…

read often & read hard,

melly

Standing on top of an old tree, the above man of steel (with a hula hoop?) welcomes visitors to the West of Scotland Science Park and the Garscube Sports Complex up on Maryhill Road, a 45 minute walk from the University. (They say 45 minutes, but who in their right mind would want to travel the entire distance on foot when there are buses that go on Maryhill Road?)

What bothers me is that I swear I’ve seen a very similar looking statue somewhere around campus or the University student halls but I just can’t figure out where. I’ve only been up to Garscube once in total so I’m not just remembering this same statue twice. Any ideas?

[Poll #5: What is the Nicest Building at Glasgow University?]
Click on the photo above for a larger version. Please rate the photo below!
© 2009 GlasgowUniPhoto.com

Hard to say who loves Frisbees more, people or dogs. Uploaded to Flickr by KCzarzasty.

Wham-O is probably best known for a product called the Pluto Platter. “Huh?” you ask. “What’s that?” That’s the name the original inventor used, but when Wham-O bought the rights, they gave it a livelier name – Frisbee.

Only a national craze could explain this photo. Uploaded by allhatnocattle.net.

Wham-O’s golden era was the late 1950s, when the company seemed capable of turning its every product into a national obsession. In 1958, company founders Arthur “Spud” Melin (you’ve got to love a company founded buy a guy named “Spud”) and Richard Knerr heard of Australian children using a bamboo ring for exercise. They made them in colors, and sold 25 million of them in four months. That product was – Hula Hoop.

Then the inventor boys came up with another idea that became a national craze. It was as simple as having a long strip of plastic that could be hosed down to allow kids to stay cool in the summer. For a while, every kid in America wanted their own – Slip ‘n Slide.

Wham-O continues in business to this day, having been bought by Kransco in 1982, which was then purchased by Mattel in 1994, spun off into independence again in 1997, and is now owned by a company called Cornerstone.

Oh, one funny story about another Wham-O product, the Superball, a ball that bounced uncontrollably. A large Superball made for promotional purposes was “accidentally” dropped from a 23rd story window in Australia. It bounced back up 15 stories, then plunged right into an open convertible. The car was totaled, but the ball was undamaged.

This video is amazing:

Wham-O, Frisbee, Hula Hoop, Slip ‘n Slide, and Superball are registered trademarks of Wham-O Inc.

Some people make mountains out of molehills,

 but what do people make molehills out of?

… I can think of nothing.

note: “mold hills” are made out of cheese … or the moon … or something.

double note: playing with a hula-hoop is exaggyrating!

notes to myself # 14

Watching “The Love Boat” and “Fantasy Island” does not classify as a good Friday night.
No way; no how; no never!

I just got done taping, photoing and putting up new designs of my collapsible fire hoops. I have not updated my fire hoop collection since last spring and felt that it was time to give everyone some new options to choose from.

I am doing the designs a little different this time, giving you the choice of making your hoop look the exact way you would like it. It has always kind of bugged me in the past that I would make 4 or 5 designs of a fire hoop and then sell all these same designs over the course of a few months. Doing this essentially gives many duplicate hoops and I think its great to be able to stand out from the crowd and show off the truly unique YOU, that know one else can copy no matter how hard they try. So why not extend this into your hoop choice as well?

You start with one of 6 different glitter, prismatic or holographic tapes and then you can pick what ever other colors you would like. You can even tell me what type of design you want, helix, double, anti-spin spiral, etc. This give you the freedom to make your collapsible fire hoop look different from your neighbors and not have to spend the extra cash fully customizing your hoop as shown here http://www.thespinsterz.com/fire-toys/build_a_hoop.htm

So go and check out my new fire hoop designs and get yourself into a new hoop that looks different from all the others.

For the readers of this blog, I am offering you a $25 dollar savings on the first 5 fire hoops that are purchased.
Just type in BLOGFH into the discount field to get your discount. Remember this is only for the first 5 hoops that are sold, if you type in the code and a discount does not show, that means that the 5 hoop mark has been met.

Thanks and enjoy your week!

Oh, and don’t forget about my Fire Hoop Workshop coming up the 3rd of October

Fairytale weddings, Diamond encrusted glasses, Vera wang gown – how cliche?

Surely ever girls most planned day of her life, at the age of 5 your parading round your bedroom dressed as a bride, lining up your barbies as the congregation and wearing a hula hoop as your wedding ring. It’s perfect in your head, limitless bank account, and the ’perfect’ male species happening to be the reason you get to do this all, then again at that age you don’t understand the concept of divorce or debt.

I’ve spent the whole summer with weddings shoved in my face, the release of ‘Bride Wars’ & ‘Maid of Honour’, My sisters unnatural obsession with ‘Don’t tell the bride’ and my own cousin getting hitched in the winter. An innocent conversation in the car earlier whether you are bothered about it all? Lead to my, I would but only for the day because I really don’t understand the need to get married comeback. Maybe it’s the newly found Philosopher in me, knocking back everyone who’s ever claimed ‘true love conquers all’ we all know thats a fallacious argument now.

Watching ‘don’t tell the bride’ you wonder why she’d place the most important day of a girls life, into the hands of her fiance, who seems to round up his football loving mates to organise a wedding! I’d plead insanity after that decision, no choosing the dress, no cake tasting, the china wouldn’t match the colour scheme and the shoes wouldn’t be made out of silk. Why not just declare your love for each other over an average meal if you’re going to ruin the day like that?!

Well some of us may wish, I hope I’m proven wrong on the true love front someday, until then we’ll dream of what life throws us at next; no doubt it won’t be a wedding.

1. I mentally bitch-slapped a guy in a porn shop yesterday. He looked at my ID and exclaimed “WOW! You do NOT look that old!” Which totally could have been a compliment if i was 10 years older, but is pretty insulting at the age I’m at. I won’t say what age he SAID I looked, but believe me, not flattering. I usually just smile and “mm” but yesterday I lost control. I stared him down like a cheetah might, and said pointedly, “huh, well, you look like you’re 55 or 60 maybe?” Confused, he said I was way off, he was only 45. “Yeah.” I replied, “But you LOOK 60,” at which point he got it, said “Sorry” like I was the only bitch in this situation, and let me go about my business.

2. When I left, the porn shop man told me he had meant it as a compliment. Nobody is that socially unaware. You tell me I’m too skinny, that I look too young, and then think I’m rude when I stand up for myself. Well fuckk you all up the ass with Jesus. You are the rude ones. You started it. Shut up and leave me alone.

3. If you’re going to take your dick out of me, pull the condom off and cum on my chest, PLEASE for the love of God ask me first. No, you cannot spurt your chauvinistic cum all over my chest without my permission.

4. Jack Daniels + Klondike Bars + hula hoops = best time ever. I highly recommend this combination to anyone at or above the legal drinking age of your location.

Just a quick entry today.     I had to take this picture of what looks like a hula hooping team enjoying their hoops on the mall.    In the picture is only like half of the people.

Current status: Story spinning okay

I’ve been working on a new novel idea, and I’m doing it differently this time. (Hopefully I’ll elaborate on that soon.) At the moment, I’m a little scared. Do you get scared right before you begin your first scene?

I’m so anxious, my chest wall presses up against my sternum. It’s a little tight in there, like maybe my ribs have morphed into squeezing tentacles. A friend reminded me to have fun with this new story. But I’m still taking it all too seriously, probably because I want this fiction-thing to work out. I’ve been disappointed over the last year. Losing agent, languishing finished manuscripts, writing grant fini and day-job sucking at my creative marrow…

I can’t avoid the writing forever — and by avoidance I mean engaging in endless story-development exercises — because at some point the head of steam compels me to set words on paper. I feel uncomfortable and itchy, just gotta start. I’m at the teetering point now. I’ve been here before. The discomfort is familiar, and I’m thankful for that. I’ve worked through it before and will work through it now. 

This discomfort in a good sign. The story has almost completed its initial gestation period.

This discomfort differs from that I felt at the beginning of the summer, when I thought I’d never have another story idea. Now that’s the truly scary place! Glad I’m past that.

Hula Hoops

Interesting to compare this with the previous Hula Hoops entry. This time, the Tidyman gets a more youthful, basketball themed treatment, complete with ‘Slam dunk your junk’ strapline, in comparison to the more reserved ‘bin your bag’ of the previous example.

Hula Hoops

From a packet of ready salted Hula Hoops crisps, the bin becomes a hula hoop.