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The 2009 Bah! Humbug! Christmas Card!

bigshotprof — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 20:01:22 +0000

T’was the night before Christmas, of 2009.

Pre-flight preparations were going just fine.

The gifts were all loaded, tied in and tied twice.

The coal and the toys labeled naughty and nice.

So I went back inside, sat with old Mrs. Claus

For our pre-flight alone time—one eggnog two straws.

We sat on the couch, and I took off my shoes.

I said “What should we watch?”

She said “How ‘bout Fox News?”

“I don’t want to watch news—all that damage and dreck.”

She said “This isn’t news. It’s a man named Glen Beck.

All the folks down there watch. Claim he’s rightfully scared.”

“Scared of what?” I inquired. “Sit back. Be prepared.”

So I looked at this fellow. He didn’t seem tough.

Just a regular guy, neither naughty nor gruff.

Just a nice looking fellow so simple, so meek.

Thought I saw—there it was—a small tear on his cheek.

“I’m sorry, dear viewers.” He spoke from the heart.

“But those leftists are tearing our country apart!

They want something for nothing. Don’t think of the bill.

With their secret agenda of peace and good will.

Don’t let them fool you, don’t fall for their ploy.

They mean Marxist regime when they say love and joy.

Don’t give something for nothing or just cause they ask.

If they come up to beg, you must take them to task.

‘May I please have a bike? Could I get Action Bob?’

Tell that toddler cum Trotsky ‘Bug off! Get a job!’

Merry Christmas we say, that’s the Christmas we know.

When we’re singing White Christmas, we ain’t thinking snow.

Well, as fun as that was I had work to get done.

Had some gifts to deliver before break of sun.

I shook off my Snuggie and reached for my boot

When my wife screamed “You think you’re still going, old coot?

Did you hear what he said? What they’re trying to do?

All those things he described? He was talking to you!

Is there snow in your ears, you incompetent poop?

You’re not Jolly Saint Nick; you’re a Communist dupe!

You are your workers fill hundreds of shelves

Taking work from God-fearing American elves.

You don’t see the erosion, the moral decay.

See the reindeer sneak out by the stable to ‘play.’

And Rudolph, that red-nose you trust in the night

Got that nose from a pound of Afghanistan White!

You’re their best propaganda; they’re laughing at you.

Oh. . . Feliz Navidad means “We’re coming for you!”

“But that guy’s a tool! He’s a regular Scrooge!”

“I would rather be that than a Che-loving Stooge!”

Then she snatched up my boots and my cold-weather junk

And locked them all up in her grandmother’s trunk.

And that’s when I knew that she meant what what I heard.

So I picked up my Snuggie then flipped her the bird.

And she heard me exclaim, as I walked to my bed:

“I’m cancelling the cable; watch Oprah instead.”

Bah, Humbug or How I Stopped Loving Christmas

marylauracarter — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 13:20:06 +0000

Lest any of you think I had a Christmas-deprived childhood, I assure you, that is not the case. My family always had a big Christmas with stuffed stockings, scads of presents around a beautifully decorated tree and plenty of Christmas eats. As a youngster, I received such gifts as bicycles, a pogo stick, complete cowgirl outfit, dollhouses… All this well documented by our dad, who set up glaring movie lights and filmed Christmas morning with his trusty 35mm camera.

These days, Christmas begins even before Black Friday–where shoppers risk bodily harm to the get the ultimate bargains. Consumer ads entice us to buy, buy, buy. No matter your financial situation, you are compelled to purchase: toys-broken or ignored by February, garish neckties, malodorous bath salts and other wasteful gifts for everyone on your list.

And, what about Christmas trees? Millions of perfectly good, oxygen creating trees are chopped down, hung with stuff until dry and ugly, then thrown away. Families burn up months’ worth of electricity festooning their homes with Christmas lights. Don’t forget the cookies, candy and cakes, oh my! The guy on the corner rings his bell and shouts “Merry Christmas!” Somehow he manages to keep his cool while I bombarded him with “What if I were Jewish, can’t you say Happy Hanukah? What if I was a Moslem? Not every one celebrates Christmas, ya’ know.”

And, let’s not forget Santa, that jolly old elf. “Be good and Santa will bring you what ever you want for Christmas.” Then, when you are eight or nine, “Ho, ho ho, just kidding, Santa’s not real!” How can a kid believe anything adults say ever again?

I’m not the Grinch. I don’t want to steal Christmas, I just want to tone it down and take off the pressure to spend too much, eat too much, and lie to the children. Let’s be family all the time, help those in need all year round, don’t wait for Christmas to call Granny and old friends.

Merry Christmas, dammitt!

Cheater

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fraudusa1000 — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:52:17 +0000

Mistletoe and Whine

Lee — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:56:31 +0000

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? ~Bill Watterson

So it’s nearing that time of year.

I’ve seen the Coke advert on the telly today, and heard Fairytale of New York on Radio 1 a few weeks ago.

Looks like I’ll actually have to start preparing for Christmas, possibly my least favourite of all pseudo-religious festivals.

I’m not big on anything that has its grounding in a religious celebration, or anything that can be summed up by an anthropomorphic personification, so Christmas is already on to a loser with me. Throw in the crass commercialisation (in Christmas’s defence it is not alone in this), and you’ve definitely lost me.

Don’t get me wrong, my middle name isn’t Ebenezer: I’ll buy presents for my loved (and not-so-loved) ones, and I’ll eat turkey with stuffing and drink Courvoisier/Baileys/Eggnog till I’m shitting snowflakes and reindeer. However, I do have some major issues with Christmas, three in fact.

Firstly, I can’t stand the commercialisation of it. I understand Christians celebrating, but hardly anyone I know can really call themselves a Christian. Midnight on Christmas Eve is the only time they go near a Church without it involving a bride or a corpse.

Secondly it’s Father Christmas. Who the fuck came up with this idea? It’s as ridiculous as the tooth fairy, Mickey Mouse, the easter bunny, the soul cake duck or any other holiday mascot (although it is the only one that has an international military organisation join in with the bullshit each year). But the thing that really irks me with Saint Nick is the way people seem to think that anyone who questions the jolly fat man is a humbug and deserves public humiliation. So what if I don’t want to believe that if I’ve been nice, a foreign bloke who can defy physics (both in flight and while sliding down my non-existant chimney), who will break into my house, and leave presents for me.

Last, but by no means least, it’s the way everyone in the world seems to think that as of mid-November they can suddenly start acting like a pretentious little child with the excuse being “…but, it’s Christmas”

Mind you, as I was reminded recently by The Hogfather;

Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.

As practice, we have to start out learning to believe the little lies. Like the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus, so that we can believe the big ones: Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.

We need to believe in things that aren’t true. How else can they become?

scammer

fraudusa1000 — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:48:10 +0000

Cheater

fraudusa1000 — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:37:54 +0000

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fraudusa1000 — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:35:24 +0000

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fraudusa1000 — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:34:09 +0000

Oh nativity camel, oh nativity camel, oh so soft like flannel

labgoneawry — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:02:24 +0000

Advent started on Sunday and officially kicked off the 2009 Christmas season here in Germany. Now,

'tis the season

drewsteenburg — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:42:11 +0000

It’s now December. Which means there are less shopping days left until Christmas than there were previously. Horrified by the announcement that we were to have a best decorated office competition, I started trawling the net for something decidedly anti-Christmas. I mean, I’m half Jewish, if we liked Christ we probably wouldn’t have had him killed. So, just before my colleagues came back from their lunch break at poundstretchers (festooned in tinsel and fairy lights like yuletide Al Qaeda, destined to spray festive shrapnel accross my desk) I found this.

It’s from a brilliant website I found called Spelling Mistakes Cost Lives, check it out.

Bah Humbug

kirstybarton — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:20:57 +0000

December 1st. Christmas carols on the radio. The pink feather fiber optic tree (NOT MINE) is up in the office. It is only a matter of time before the compulsory tinsel bedecked monitor decoration comes into force. Stuff the advent calendar, I am buying a new pair of shoes every day in the run up to Christmas.

I started today with another pair of boots – surely 3rd time lucky?

Cheater | bloody chiter

fraudusa1000 — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:25:53 +0000

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fraudusa1000 — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:24:39 +0000

The Eventual Mediocrity of Brilliant Debut Artists

cweeks88 — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:38:34 +0000

With bands like Vampire Weekend and Arctic Monkeys making mediocre follow-up albums, will the same happen to Fleet Foxes?

Vampire Weekend just came out with a new single “Cousins” — and what a disappointing pile of shit! You’d figure that after making their debut album with so many great tunes, they’d be bound to make a more brilliant follow-up album. Unfortunately, with “Cousins” it sounds like the sun just rose on a Monday morning for this skeleton crew. To be fair, Vampire Weekend are not the only band that seem to be facing this problem. Throughout the decade a whole lot of new Indie bands with brilliant debut albums have been popping up—where they have barely been able to create a worthy-enough follow up.

The list goes on and on with bands and artists that got their big break this decade on both sides of the pond. In Britain, bands like The Libertines and Arctic Monkeys each released debut albums that were universally adored by critics and new fans alike: Up The Bracket and Whatever People Say I Am, That Is What I Am Not—the latter of which is currently the UK’s fastest-selling debut album (note: Britain’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle recently topped this accolade with her I Dreamed a Dream album). Nevertheless, these two bands–led by the apparent songwriting genius’ Pete Doherty and Alex Turner – never seem to have been able to top their debuts with their later works. Even the most recent Arctic Monkey’s release Humbug still sounds more-or-less the same despite the incorporated Americana tinged sound and their longer hair, which I guess is supposed to make them look more mature both personally and musically.

The same has also occurred with North America-based bands. Arcade Fire is a shining example of this… or perhaps more a murkily shining example — since their brilliant debut is entitled Funeral. Nearly every single track on the album is unique in its own way with rich, atmospheric mix of instruments and especially the songwriting. From the quietly swaying “Crown of Love” to the mildly-demented rocker “Neighborhood # 3 (Power Out)” to the uplifting “Wake Up,” this band of Canadians probably created the best album of the decade. Unfortunately, this would make it nearly impossible for them top their debut–as they would release Neon Bible –an album which did have its charm but nowhere near the inspired power of Funeral.

The Fleet Foxes are currently facing this conundrum. With their impeccably produced and written self-titled debut album and their Sun Giant EP, the band no doubt recognizes that these works will probably be the bane of their music career. The Fleet Foxes album is just as good, if not better, than Arcade Fire’s debut. However, it is clear that there has been no report of their recording a new album’s worth of material, despite their performing new songs on their seemingly never-ending tour. Fortunately the band seems to acknowledge this with their cautious approach, as they have stated in their latest MySpace blog entry that they won’t be recording for a while. With this in mind, I have faith that this band will somehow be able to successfully reinvent themselves and pull off another brilliant album –unlike the aforementioned groups.

There is no doubt that fame and the sleazy music industry machine, as well as the over-exposure these groups get because of our era of YouTube,have led to the follow-up disappointments that these bands have produced. With the immediate fame that comes with making a classic debut, the hunger to continue pushing the musical boundaries is gone. There are little-known bands out there with followings that should be bigger like Rubblebucket, who, through constant touring and writing of new songs have proven to be constantly growing musically and performance-wise. This is something all the great artists have done ranging from Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd to guys like Radiohead and Wilco.

Great artists start out decent and then they develop and become great.

–Charlie Weeks

Overcoming the "Bah Humbug" Syndrome

laurasirnclark — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:22:13 +0000

Monday, November 30, 2009

by Laura Sirn-Clark

It’s that time of year again – time for an endless bombardment of holiday festivities. It’s Christmas, Christmas and more Christmas everywhere you go. While I do enjoy this time of year, I cannot help but detect a slight temperature reduction on my enthusiasm barometer as the cold December wind blows and the season draws near. My joyous and once obsessive nature toward the big day as a child, has turned into a work project that must be completed before an imminent deadline. It is a deadline that looms at the top of my to-do list and quickly arrives at the speed of light.

One day upon awakening, and while staring at the familiar ceiling, an inspirational idea creped into my mind like a thief and consumed my unarmed thoughts. “This year will be different”, I believed. I will avoid the stress and bypass the headaches that are listed in the fine print as the holiday’s ill side effects. I will enjoy the entire Christmas season effortlessly and pain-free. I will take hold of the Christmas spirit and relish in the comforts of the old familiar traditions. Was I still dreaming? Suddenly, reality hit like a falling brick upon hearing my children fight over a toy in the other room. It wasn’t a dream, but a possibility, if I could just figure out the solution to this seemingly impossible mission.

I’ve searched high and low for answers on how to handle stress and enjoy the holiday season. After hiking to the ends of the earth and back again, I’ve gathered up enough research that will hopefully help to resolve this meticulous matter. Here are some of my findings:

1. Avoid commercialism this Christmas – I know, this is easier said than done considering that we are bombarded by advertisements and media propaganda. However, do try to keep Christmas simple, and focus on the holiday traditions that are the most meaningful to you.

2. Complete your to-do list early – Instead of rushing at the last minute to buy gifts or to make food, buy earlier in the month and pre-plan your holiday delicacies. By preparing yourself ahead of time, you will be ready when the big day arrives, and you will be able to take the day in stride.

3. Pamper yourself – Don’t forget that you deserve a Christmas gift to you, from you! By pampering yourself, you will feel relaxed and happy enough to spread holiday joy to others.

4. Do the things that give you the most pleasure and joy – There is no need to do everything for everyone, or to attend every holiday party or exhibit in existence. Instead, slow down and choose a few holiday events that you will really enjoy, then really enjoy them.

5. Take shortcuts – There are no laws that state that we must bake overloaded amounts of cookies, or that our decorations must be better than our neighbor’s display. Instead, put a reasonable limit to the baking and decorating, and do just enough so that you and your family can enjoy your time together.

6. Visualize your perfect holiday – Our actions tend to follow our thoughts. If we believe that we will have a good time this Christmas, we really can have a good time!

7. Plan a post-Christmas event – Avoid the post-party let downs by planning a New Years party, or by scheduling a vacation. While the excitement of Christmas can be over quickly, realizing that life does go on can ease the post-Christmas blues.

8. Remember the “true” meaning of Christmas – The most important!

By following these steps, I am hoping that the holiday season will breeze by with ease and enjoyment. I hope to remove the “Bah Humbug” from my vocabulary and will be able to carry forth with a joyful and peaceful attitude. If however, I continue to feel overwhelmed and am not able to apply the above steps, I will have to move on to the 9^th and final step – To remember that this season, as stressful as it may seem, too shall pass.

Arctic Monkeys e a melhor música de 2009

feliperene — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 23:46:18 +0000

Já vou adiantar, trata-se da melhor música de 2009 na opinião deste que vos fala. Se Humbug não foi

Cheater | bloody chiter

fraudusa1000 — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:48:50 +0000

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fraudusa1000 — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:45:20 +0000

bloody chiter

fraudusa1000 — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:20:48 +0000

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fraudusa1000 — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:18:13 +0000

IT Cheater

fraudusa1000 — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:14:53 +0000

Secret Door - Arctic Monkeys

Angela Lau — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:38:04 +0000

Has anyone heard the new HUMBUG album yet?

IT IS FUCKING BRILLIANT.

Humbug is a departure from the Arctic Monkeys we were used to but yet not that radically different that you hate it. Well, that’s probably because the album kinda reminds you of what The Last Shadow Puppets would do.

And we all know the creative juices behind The Last Shadow Puppets, it’s a collaboration between Alex Turner (Arctic Monkeys) and that guy from The Rascals, Miles Kane and Producer James Ford. This little side project won Best New Artist from the MOJO Awards in 2008 – not bad for a side project huh.

It has been a long time since I was so obsessed with an album so much. The album started with My Propeller, which is also one of my favourites. Lyrically, Alex Turner proved he can be as cryptic or as blatant as he wants but this lyrical genius got all of us Monkeys fans guessing what he meant by the stuff he said in My Propeller. It probably deserves a post by itself which I will come to, soon enough. I hope

So….Secret Door. Brilliant song and beautiful voice. I think Secret Door is Alex Turner’s best song on the album; fantastic vocal performance and excellent song writing.

Enjoy