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Blogs about: Humor

A priest, a monk and a rabbi walk into a bar and sit next do a doctor. He listens to them tell a joke. “That was very humerus!” he says… Er, yeah, not very funny. So, no, we’re not quitting our day jobs. Hmm, how about we let let one of the masters speak, shall we? (*Cue Seinfeld theme song*) “To me the hardest part of being a professional football player is on the one hand you’re a millionaire. On the other, they blow a whistle and you have to run around after a football.” Now that’s funny. As Steve Martin said: “Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”

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A Few of the Superheroes I’ve Become.
MIKE IS HAPPY. RELATIVELY.

Lactose Intolerant Man Walks Down Stairs Sideways Man Black Socks with Running Shoes Man (Power: Able to repel 22 year old women in a single bound. Weakness: Actual running.) Backs Into The Car Ass-First Man Way Too Many Condiments Man You’re Really Going To Wear That Rollneck Sweater Again? Man (And his sidekick, Captain Blue Gingham Shirt.) Eye Roller The Amazing Mister Adequate The Human Tear Duct Spare Change-ling Immatureman Indecipherable Post-It® Note In My Pocket Man Captain Swears-Too-Much Have You Seen My Fucking Wallet? Man What Was I Saying Again? Man Untucks His Shirt After Lunch Man Makes His Wife Kill The Spider Man Underachiever Charmy The Bee The Napper •

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Seinfeld Episodes That Wouldn’t Work Today
Caffeinated & Random

I love Seinfeld. I’m not a super fan or obsessive about it (especially since the show ran while I was ages 2-11) but I’m always up for it, because it always makes me laugh. There’s a Seinfeld episode for every random life situation. That’s what’s so great about it. The show ended 15 years ago, but somehow it still resonates with people. Except for one minor thing: most episodes of Seinfeld would be impossible today. Think about it. Think of all those really great episodes, and all those moments that leave George, Elaine, Kramer and Jerry baffled, where you and I would just pull out a cell phone. Technology has sky-rocketed in the past 20 years, and a lot of their sticky situations could easily be averted with an iPhone. There are countless incidents where they needed to get a hold of one another in a pinch, or look up a movie time, or find some random factoid on the internet, and they could do that in a snap if they had smart phones. But with that addition

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Once Upon A Place . . .
Spirit Lights The Way

“Once upon a place, in a time long, long, ago . . .” Gertrude tugged on her grandmother’s sleeve, “How many years ago, Granny?” “Oh, too many years to count.” “More than seben?” “Yes.  More than SEV~en.” “I can count to SEVen!  One . . Two . . Three . . Four . . . um . . . SEB~en!” “Very good, Gertie.  What about Five and Six?” “Five and six, what?” “Didn’t you leave them out?” “Out of what?” “Shouldn’t it be . . . One . . . Two . . . Three . . .” “Oh, hurry, Granny.  I hear mom coming.  Tell me the rest of the story!” “Very well.  Once upon a place . . . “ “You already said that!” “I did, didn’t I?” “Hurry, Granny.  She’s coming!” “A young girl named Gertrude . . . “ “That’s MY name!” “Yes, it is.  You were named after your Great A

Ed… a man for all seasons…
Pouring My Art Out

We are today paying tribute to the man, the legend, the myth, that is Edward Hotspur. If you want to know more about Ed, go down to my post titled, ‘We will miss him’, from May 18th. In this post I did a eulogy for him because he told us he had died… sort of… But that post sums up the way I feel about Ed… sort of… In all honesty, the man is freekin brilliant. He can stuff words down your throat and make you laugh while you gag… literally… So today we are all hanging around his blog making him feel good about himself and jacking up his hit points. I am only going along with this plan because he didn’t tell us to do it, other people are behind it, so it isn’t as self-serving as it sounds. And because I hope someday they all do this for me again when I am here to enjoy it. Ed certainly doesn’t need out help. He is a phenomenon. He is an institution… (or he should be in one)… He is the real deal… just ask h

Random Summer Fashion Faux Pas
T. Nicole's Graham Cracker Crumbs

Happy Saturday my Lovelies! As always it is exceedingly hot and humid in Houston and with the heat comes the summer fashions, if they can be called that.  Yes, it is hot and we all gravitate to shorts, tanks, and flips.  However comfortable you may be trying to get, your shorts should not be able to double as underwear, your tanks should not showcase “Sideboob Hour”, and your flips should be a large enough size that half of your foot isn’t on the sidewalk, you may as well be barefoot.  For those of us who wear maxidresses or sundresses of any sort, wearing a dress does not excuse you from wearing the correct undergarments!  Bodyshapers come in breathable fabrics now, please use them accordingly.  It’s not cute to be jiggling and wobbling all over the place.  Last, but certainly not least,  seersucker is meant for small children and Col. Sanders, not grown a#$ folks! Please dress accordingly, keeping in mind that the rest of us have to look at you, mirrors are yo

The Assholes My Friends Meet On-Line
currylove
Diaper Dog
Cute and Funny Pet Photos
Life As They Know It – “Stuck”
Fantasy In Motion
Slept in late…very unusual for me.
Welcome to Melissa's blog
A Hootin’ and A Hollerin’ Hillbilly Brawl Garage Sale
B(itch) Log
Simple Thoughts #6
SIMPLE OBSERVATIONS
A non-scanning greetings card poem (sans sickbag)
Leander42

Written twenty years ago (before I wrote anything seriously). Found this afternoon during a garage clear-out. We got married. We’re still married. Doesn’t feel like twenty years. Not my best poem – but still my most valued. My bezzy oppo, is just the one for me. She blubs at yellow pages ads and likes champagne for tea. She bungie jumps off bridges. She drives an old MG. She sometimes falls off table tops, but likes to land on me. She’s crazy and she’s gorgeous. She is really off the wall. She often calls me shorty - cos she’s really really tall. I don’t know how she does it but she’s driving me berserk. She makes my heart go up and down, just like the lift at work. I have to stand upon a stool, to kiss her on the lips. Otherwise in stocking feet, I’d only reach her hips. This is all quite new to me, I like my women smaller, but my new bezzy oppo, is ten times better taller.

Permanent Job Opening : Mom / Dad
RaoWords

POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs money. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously s

10 reasons why building an App is like having a baby
doodlepanda

10) It feels that everyone you know is creating one9) You are most likely doing it in your spare time8) You most likely need a partner to do it7) You have to do everything yourself6) Your social life will cease to exist after you start creating one5) Sleep deprivation4) It will take about 9 months to create one3) Your creation will do something completely unexpected2) You will probably not be rewarded financially for doing it1) You still think your creation is the cutest/smartest/prettiest in the world, regardless what others might think   Sinbad Reader (新八达 · 阅读) is the best Chinese news reader for iPhone/iPad/iPod Touch. If you don’t believe us, click below to check it out from the App Store.

Characters and Stories | by Linda Brendle
LifeAfterCaregiving

We went to Bonham Wednesday so David could get his annual check-up at the VA facility. It’s a 150 miles round trip, but it’s a lot easier than driving to Dallas and fighting the traffic. Bonham is almost ten times bigger than Emory, but it still has a small town feel. Residents, especially the teenagers, probably feel like there’s nothing to do there, but there are lots of characters and lots of stories. David was scheduled for lab work, a chest x-ray, and an ECG between 12:30 and 1:30. He didn’t want to fast that long, so we arrived mid-morning. Unlike our experiences in Tampa, the waiting rooms were sparsely populated. The lab techs were undisturbed by David’s early arrival, and within 30 minutes, he was finished with his tests. His appointment with the doctor wasn’t until 2:00, and she was busier than the techs, so we had several hours to kill. Following the advice of the lady in the ECG lab, we headed for the T N T Café. It was reputed to be a great place to eat, plus they served b

Auto Sales Up Desptie “Uncertainty” but…
Ribbie's Weblog
I <3 Saturdays
Smoke Screen
bongodogblog
Gracie and the IQ Test!
simplyjuliana

Not that we [have the audacity to] venture to class or [even to] compare ourselves with some who exalt and furnish testimonials for themselves! However, when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely.  2 Corinthians 10:12 Amplified Bible Well since we have been on the subject of Gracie for two days now, I might as well “fess” up, AGAIN!  I gave Gracie an IQ test.  Now, you may ask, “Why would anyone in the world give a dog an IQ test??”  A week ago I would have asked the same thing!  But it all goes back to the thought life!  Funny how that “thought life” takes you in so many directions!!  I’ll give you some history on Gracie and it will help you understand a little more. One night,  I couldn’t sleep and I decided to get up and pray.  This always relaxes me and I get something accomplished, too so I “kill two birds with one stone”.  This

Dramatic Shenanigans
Anecdotal Tales

In “Anecdotal Tales”, stories will be told. Some will be fun, some will not. Some will be great, some will be less so. Some stories are true, some are merely possible. This is one of them. Dramatic Shenanigans Talk around the locker bays that year had focus quite a lot on Gerald and Velma.  The other high school students would slam their lockers in confusion; the metal doors already dented with years of abuse and sullied in glue residue and sharpie signatures.  As the bays of locker reverberated in response, the groups of teenagers would continue their gossiping.  How was it that a nobody on the radar could snag such a somebody like Gerald? The answer, had they bothered to ask the couple, was a simple one.  Gerald and Velma shared a love for practical jokes.  Gerald, ASB president and star of the drama club, used it as a way to perform.  He liked the big guffaws and bowling over with excitement when a well-executed prank was pulled off.  There had never been any proof that it was Geral