With today marking the last day in the month of November, I realized that I did not quite meet my goal for posting every day during my anniversary month.  However, I feel pretty good about my 23 posts (including today’s).

Unfortunately, today is a semi-non important blog day.  I can’t really think of anything of importance to share or discuss, other than how sweet my baby boy is.  The hubs and I are really getting the hang of this parenting thing… we love seeing what each day will bring.

The hubs’s Thanksgiving break is over and he is back at work… so it is just me and the little man today.  On the agenda?  L-A-U-N-D-R-Y.  And loads of it.  Isn’t it funny how much laundry one little baby can go through, causing you to spend more time on his laundry than your own?  Hence why I must stop blogging now and get myself in gear with the laundry situation here… especially while my little one is sleeping.

To make up for this post, I will work on taking pictures of our holiday decorating to share for tomorrow, the first day of December.  Christmas is right around the corner… Hooray!

Yeah….this is the song I have in mind whenever I think of this story about my mom. It’s fantastic. MY MOM WAS KUUUUNG FU FIIIGGGHHTTTING!!! HAAAH!! WU CHOP! Sort of.

So I wrote about how my mom thinks I need divine intervention in terms of relationship help. Well, now on to Part Two of the story.

Mommy is in Asia to rest and recuperate from her battle with cancer. What I didn’t expect was her to go off and seek divine intervention on my behalf. But then again, I don’t know why I didn’t see that coming. She is, after all, an Asian mom and I am her first born.

So she’s at this temple with one of her friends. They’ve known each other for a while….like…over 10 years. They’ve kept in touch all this time and have spent many enjoyable afternoons drinking tea and whatever else it is ladies their age do.

They decided to go to this temple because it specializes in love related matters. It also caters to the Japanese. The Japanese tourists who flock to that monastery are given special little packets. My mom is part Japanese so she got the little packets for me.

One of the treasures is this particular candy / cookie thing the monks bless because of what it says. The brand is called Jiovana and it’s this pink Madeleine cookie. What makes it so special is the fact that it’s colored pink.

You know.

White = Purity or “I Surrender”
Red = Love or Lust in the “Let’s Do The Horizontal Monkey Dance Now”
Pink = Romance but hopefully not of the Pepe Le Pew variety

Another reason why I think it’s so special is because of the words printed upon the wrapper. They read :

May the joy you share on your WEDDING DAY
Be the kind you’ll share all along life’s way

Pretty deep for a cookie wrapper, wouldn’t you say?

My mom’s friend thought so too. Then again, I don’t know if either the friend or my mom knows enough English to read all that and understand the meaning. I think they were just fixated on it because it’s the only pink thing the monastery offers.

My mom had spotted the cookie first and because she loves me so much, she reached for it. This is what she wishes for me and she hopes my ass will finally find or will finally find me. I super heart my mom. She super hearts me. Aaaw….warm and fuzzy feelings for all.

However, I’m thinking her thoughts are more in line with turning me into a factory that turns out grandchildren for her but that’s not the point of this particular story.

Her friend saw my mom obtain the treasure, PUTS HER HANDS ON MY MOM AND DEMANDS THAT MY MOM HAND OVER THE COOKIE!! WTF??!!!

Keep in mind that my mom has already closed her fingers around this treat. It’s in her hand.

Bitch was trying to pull my mom’s fingers apart!

When my mom told me someone had put her hands on her, I saw red and I was about to hop on the next flight over to Asia. NO ONE PUTS THEIR HANDS ON MY MOM!!!!

But no worries. My mom’s no pushover. She’s feisty! She tightens her kung-fu grip on the cookie as she demands an explanation from her friend.

From what I understand, the friend was screaming something about how I’m not even 30 yet (I wasn’t at the time of the Battle In The Buddhist Temple) but her older sister is already in her late 40’s, something about how the sister has never been married, desperately wants to be married, needs all the help she can get so my mom must hand over the cookie now.

The friend made the critical mistake of telling my mom to her face that I’m not important because I’m still young and I have plenty of time but the older sister’s clock of Tic’s and Toc’s is about to run out so that makes her a priority over me. Therefore, my mom should bow to the wisdom of whatever she’s spewing out and let her have the cookie.

My mom shoves her back and says in that voice that can make little kids pee in their pants “I don’t care if you’re my friend. If you know what’s good for you, you’re going to let go of my hand holding this cookie. In fact, you’re going to forget the cookie because, like En Vogue says, you’re never gonna get it, never gonna get it” and she did the sassy dance too.

Just kidding….although that would’ve been really funny if she actually did do that.

What she really said was :

“I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE MY FRIEND! I ALSO DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR SISTER! IT’S HER PROBLEM IF SHE’S NOT MARRIED, NOT MINE! I GOT THIS COOKIE FIRST SO BACK OFF!

IF YOU REALLY ARE MY FRIEND, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY DAUGHTER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT’S BEEN SINCE SHE’S HAD A BOYFRIEND?! HUUUUUHH??!! I’LL TELL YOU!!! TOO LONG! I WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR MY DAUGHTER AND SHE NEEDS ALL THE HELP SHE CAN GET BECAUSE SHE’S TOO STUBBORN TO LISTEN TO HER MOTHER!! I suggest you let me go. Now.”

In the end, my mom won because I got the care package in the mail. To my great surprise, the cookie made it through the entire battle intact and without even a crack in it. It’s a testament to both the manufacturer of the cookie and the happiness I’m going to enjoy that it remained unharmed.

But something bothers me about all this. My mother not only thinks I’ve run out of all human help and is now enlisting all the help of the Heavens to land me a man, but she’s willing to duke it out WITH her friend in a BUDDHIST TEMPLE of all places so that I can receive said help.

Talk about the power of a mother’s love. Dude, that’s a force you shouldn’t mess with. I was almost a little scared but I was laughing too hard to be properly frightened. It didn’t help when my mom was giggling along with me and asking me what I thought was so funny. I tried to tell her how I kept picturing her an as anime character beefing it out with her friend but I’m kind of glad I couldn’t get the words out.

I don’t think she would’ve been as amused as I was.

Oh, man. While I’m proud of my mom and I love her for wanting to help me (I totally pictured her walking off into the sunset with a samurai sword strapped to her waist), I’m just a little sad.

Is my mom right? Do I really need divine intervention in all matters related to the heart?

* insert emo.funkdafied music here *

Who knows? All I know is that no one should mess with my mom when she’s on a mission.

Next time, I’ll tell you the story of how she’s gone hunting for a husband for me. I’m telling you. Woman’s on a mission, man…

By the way, the cookie was DELICIOUS because it’s flavored with success. I ate every crumb and I was very happy.

I used to get a lot of pleasure out of being hit on.. I admit it. I liked the attention. I felt good when a guy flattered me with attention, I felt attractive and powerful. It’s very powerful being able to call the shots because pretty much… where anything physical is involved, the women calls the shots.

This weekend my husband took me out dancing. I used to go a LOT when I was single and still went some when I was not single. I had a whole ritual: pick a sexy but not revealing outfit, meet up with my girl friend, hit the club and get out on the dance floor…then scope out what guy I wanted to flirt with. Some times guys would seek me out and make a move. I felt so powerful being able to pick and chose.

This time when I went out, I was simply annoyed with the guys hitting on me. I am a friendly person but I certainly was not giving out any signals that invited any sort of chit chat or flirting from guys… yet as soon as my husband left me for 5 minutes there they were! I was really annoyed…it was obvious that I was with my husband, he and I danced together all night, we sat together, walked around together.. there was no mistaking it.

You might think the difference is that …I was there with my husband and that’s why it bothered me but that’s not it. There are a few elements here,  my husband.. he has bad knees but every once in a while he takes me out dancing because I love it and he knows it means a lot to me. He wouldn’t mind me going out with girlfriends but I prefer to go out with him so… he was willing to do what past relationships were not-he went dancing with me and actually danced.Also the fact that I preferred to go out with him and not my girlfriends. I wasn’t there with him to be smug and show off my hottie husband but because I love his company and he’s a blast to be with.

In the past I was looking for the attention. The real difference is me. I don’t gain a sense of power when I am able to control how a situation will proceed. I’m not amused to flirt with a guy and play the game. The difference, without a doubt, is me, and who I am. I am secure with me and and don’t need anyone outside myself to make me feel good about me. I am confident, not that I can go and attract a guy but I am confident, now, that I don’t need to. I know that I am building a powerful relationship with my husband and am creating valuable relationships with friends. I don’t need validation from other people to know that I am attractive or interesting. I don’t need to suck up all that attention like a sponge … I would get a false sense of myself …running on the steam of having my head filled up with flirtation and advances. When it got low… I would go out for more.

I don’t need to go suck up that false power anymore, I can find my energy from within and I can now use that energy to invest in relationships that have meaning and value to both involved.

Looking back, all that time spent looking for attention and thinking I was powerful was really a mask for all the insecurities I had and the desire for validation from others. I didn’t realize what a drain of energy I was, now I focus on giving energy from myself to help those around me find their value.

Most people try too hard at love. Love is not difficult.

Marriage is not a ball and chain. My husband is my best friend. We have years together without major fights, with many wonderful memories, and many more years of those wonderful memories to come. Spend some time finding a friend who can also be your lover, and you have it made. I’m only 20 – I was lucky to find my husband so early in life. It may take you longer, it may not. Just remember that marriage doesn’t have to be the misery it is said to be, and that you can create your own happiness.

(Unknown)

As a parent, all you can do is work hard, teach them well, and hope for the best.  Sometimes your kids don’t turn out quite as you hope they would but you love them regardless.  Sometimes you luck out and they’re upstanding citizens and productive members of society.  And other times, they don’t listen to a word you say, look and act like Bizarro you, and people wonder how you two are related.  In this case, it sucks to be you because your kid just turned out cooler than you.  Now make yourself scarce and go get him a juice box, little man and I have some business to discuss.

Her Highness Abigail prompted this article, when at post #751 she wondered that “…marriage seems like a raw deal for women.”

Of course it can be, but women are the relationship experts, so some blame attaches to them. They intuitively know how to manage and maintain a successful relationship. But that doesn’t mean they rely on their nature. She often ignores her man’s faults in courtship and then blames him as husband.

Also, for example, the wife can generate her own raw deal if she:

• Forgets that marriage predominantly serves mother and her children, but it has to be ‘bought and paid for’ by her as wife.
• Promotes equality over fairness in the home, e.g., dividing or expecting chore workload to be equal instead of settling for fairness to generate harmony. (Her relationship expertise endows her for success in knowing and settling differences, if she but drops any semblance of equality.)
• Determines the values to guide living in her home and negotiates requirements and expectations during courtship, e.g., church-going, raising kids, integrity, temporary separations, faithfulness, etc.
• Expects husband to be more like her or some other guy.
• Becomes something different than the gal the husband courted and married, or she expects him to become something different.

Raw deals are made and not born. Both he and she have coarse sandpaper to rub against sensitive emotions. But she’s better equipped than he to soothe the biggest irritations by feathering and nursing the edges into harmony.

P.S. Gold-diggers may have a better idea, as Abigail suggested, but they start with different objectives and values and end up with results different from what most women desire.

Ladies, don’t be with a guy whose clothes mainly consist of sweats. It says more about him, his priorities, and how he will treat you than you realize now.

Tonight the kids and I sat glued to the radio.

The station had solicited listeners’ top 10 rock songs of all time, compiled them by duplicate and played the top 1,000 in order, starting Wednesday morning.

We made our lists. We made predictions. The disc jockey would say, ‘Coming up next, a song by Queen,’ and we would all guess which it would be. Once, he said, ‘After the commercial, you’ll get a song that was written for a boy whose parents were divorcing, that’s become a popular sing-along.’

I totally guessed it.

We were in and out of the countdown for meals, sleep, and Thanksgiving, checking online to see what we missed, but today we turned it on for the top 40 throughout the house.

At number 19 I had to go grocery shopping. The kids had to call me each time a song came on while I was in the store.

Only one of the songs on my top 10 was in the overall top 10 — Back in Black by AC/DC, at No. 8. My son hit with No. 7, Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd.

All of us predicted Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin would be No. 1. It was — which brings me, finally, to my story of the day.

One year we were at our friends’ poolside on the Fourth of July. I was doing an acrostic puzzle. I love an acrostic puzzle.

The clue was “He wrote Stairway to Heaven,” 10 letters.

Ten letters? Don’t they mean nine, or 11?

I worked out the whole quote and transfered the letters. The answer: Neil Sedaka.

No way.

I showed it around, because by now everyone had been trying to think of someone with a 10-letter name who could have written it.

My husband said, “No way.” The Bonadimans said, “No way.” Guess what the Booths said.

I tucked that bit of astounding trivia in my brain and pulled it out occasionally, so I could hear people say, “No way.”

Then I got in the car with my mom one day, and NPR was interviewing songwriters. Steven Tyler was talking. Oh boy. My favorite.

Next up, the interviewer said, the writer of Stairway to Heaven.

“Oh, I know who that is,” I told Mom. “Neil Sedaka.”

“No way.”

She got to look right, because some other dude came on the radio and talked about how the song came to him.

I stopped pulling out this astounding trivia tidbit.

This year I was listening on another station to the author of “Sounds Like Teen Spirit, Stolen Melodies, Ripped-Off Riffs, and the Secret History of Rock and Roll.”

It turns out — and I know people are gonna start e-mailing me — but it turns out Led Zeppelin was a cover band.

Here’s where they stole Whole Lotta Love, and here’s the original version of the No. 1 rock song of all time.

The final word: Randy California wrote Stairway to Heaven.

That’s all the thinking I want to do about this song and its writer. I don’t even like Led Zeppelin.

World's worst dog, clearly disappointed in her mom for her poor goal completion

Well, these goals just aren’t going too well.  Not well at all, actually.  A quick summary of my progress, or lack thereof:

1 – Do something nice for our neighbors. Nope.  Oh, unless you count the incredible self-control I exercised in not staring at our creepy neighbor for more than a few seconds as he angrily paced his yard today.  (Normally I stare through the windows for a few minutes at least, trying to figure out what in the hell he’s doing out there.  What are you doing, neighbor?  Why not mow your lawn now, when it’s light out?  You’re outside, you’re not doing anything except angrily pacing…why wait until dark to mow?  So weird.)

2 – Exercise. Nope.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I did climb up to the attic about 100 times yesterday to bring down boxes of holiday decorations.

3 – Make a pie crust from scratch.  I’ve already admitted to failing on this one.  However, I did make the chocolate-bourbon-pecan filling and it was divine.

4 – Donate some time and take my daughter along for the ride. Not yet.  However, I will complete this goal at least once in December.  I promise.

5 – Donate to soldiers. As above.

6 – Perform random acts of kindness. Sadly, not yet.  At least, I don’t think so.  In my defense, I have been shut in the house with the flu since Wednesday afternoon.

7 – Eat breakfast.  I’ve started doing this.  Breakfast bars, mainly.

8 – Make all kinds of trifle. I’m not worried about this one.  There will be trifles-a-plenty in December.

9 – Watch my favorite Christmas movies. Yep.  I did have Holiday Inn on in the background today as I made dinner.  It was, as expected, as good as ever.

10 – Give my husband some kind of meaningful gift. I still have a few weeks to work on this one, but I’m stumped.   Must keep mulling this over.  I welcome suggestions (read: I am really stumped).

I’m not giving up.  I will complete these goals this December.

So, my hope is that you’ll read this update and say to yourself, “hey, there’s an honest lady who’s trying to do the right thing but has no problem admitting when she falls short.  I like her.”  Please don’t go for the other option and say to yourself, “hey, there’s one lazy lady with some serious trust issues when it comes to her neighbors”.  Now, the latter part of that last option may be true.  As for the former part, I swear I’m not lazy.  I’m just a regular lady with the flu (who is great at rationalizing).

My mom is hilarious. I think she temporarily gave up on getting me to give her a grand baby via the unconventional way. As in, she’s given up trying to talk me into being a single mother by storming and pillaging the sperm banks. Perhaps OctoMom kind of put things in perspective for her. God, I hope so. This is perhaps the only productive thing the OctoMom has done that I can think of. F’real….

So the whole grandbaby thing out of my womb is put on hold because she’s currently fixated on how to get me to land a husband. I told her the order goes like thus :

1. Meeting someone
2. Going on date(s) with said someone
3. DATING this person
4. Dating this person exclusively

…and then he pops the question and then we get married.

Then again, she was also the one who was half joking when she said she’d be okay with me as a single mother. Can you blame me for wanting to make sure she knows the right steps on how things go?

She’s tried everything. She wants to set me up with the sons of her friends…who happen to live in a whole ‘nother country. That’s right. You read it correctly.

C-O-U-N-T-R-Y.

Not “county”. Not “down the street”, “next door” or, hell, “a couple of states over”. She’s taking it to the level of Foreign Nations and stuff. Kind of makes the whole “dating” thing weird unless he wants to keep flying me out to see him or he wants to fly down here to see me.

I didn’t know why she suddenly stopped with the whole loving nagging thing…that is, until her plan was revealed to me.

It turns out there’s this temple in Taiwan that specializes in finding love for those who look for it. My mom has decided to enlist the powers of Heaven in helping me find a good man.

Yes, people. My mom has finally decided my ass needs all the help I can get because:

1. No earthly force is strong enough to sufficiently wear me down enough to succumb to any man besides the Sandman (and even he’s a bastard sometimes. Geez…)

2. I am beyond all human help. Only the gods and Divine intervention can save me now.

My mom goes to these monks and speaks with them in Japanese/Chinese. I don’t know if she explained my situation to those poor monks but if she did, I can imagine it sounding a little like this :

Si Fu, you don’t understand. My first born, my dragonfly of a daughter, is a sweet girl. She is so smart….she probably could’ve been a genius if I hadn’t dropped…never mind…

Si Fu, she says that to me. I’m her mother. Mei Da, Mei Xiao!

[rough translation = "no differentiation between the larger and the smaller of the two. Essentially, it means I'm not recognizing the fact that she's my elder thus worthy of respect. I think my Mommy feels like this sometimes because I'm always giggling and I run circles around her when we're discussing this issue. She loves me. I can tell. Haa haa haa! Back to the story]

My daughter says that like it’s the best excuse ever and then she has the nerve to tell me (HER MOTHER), ‘Oh, hey look! I’m technically not 30 yet! I’m still good to go’….and then she laugh at me.

Si Fu….what am I to do? Can you not help me help her in her quest to find love? Sure, she might not TELL me she’s looking for love but I’m her mother. I know best. I don’t care what she THINKS she knows. I know. I’m her mother.”

I think Si Fu might’ve felt bad for my mother because I get the following package in the mail.

Yummy yummy!! SUGARSUGARSUGAR!
FOR ME! I can haz it!
MINE MINE MINE GIVE TO ME NOW OMG
I super <3 the little pouch thingy.
I've no idea what it says.
Barney the Tapeworm super <3 the sugary treats

Yup. I apparently need a combo of not 1. Not 2. Heck, not even 3. I need an arsenal of 4 different heavenly amulets and, literally, blessed sugary goodness.

The first object is like an amulet. I looked inside it and found a spool of red thread. I'll explain this next time.

The next 3 are cookies and candies. I'll tell the funny story about how my mom almost threw down AT THE TEMPLE for the pink cookie. It's the one second to the left. My mom's GANGSTA!! One is a Japanese milk candy. I LOVE THIS STUFF!! The next one is a strawberry candy. I love that one too!!

It should be no surprise that I ate them all. It was yummy.

Let's see if all my mom's hard work pays off. ^___^

“Then I realized adultery’s wrong. So I told a tabloid.” Nicole Forrester, ecdysiast, friend of Josh Duhamel, husband of Fergie
“A lot of people ask me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I’m about $100,000 short.” Mickey Rooney
“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” George Carlin

Ron Woods’ wife just divorced him for adultery? No way. And poor Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s wife claims he is engaging in “shamelessly trashy” behavior encouraging attractive showgirls to run for Parliament. Of course, that wasn’t an issue when he first met his wife by seeing her topless in a play called “The Magnificent Cuckold” in Milan. No Siree.
And another thing. These geniuses at the State Capitol think that they are doing something really important by amending Section 812 of the Family Court Act to apply to more and more persons, animals and criminal statutes. It wasn’t bad enough that §842 of the Family Court Act was amended to include “companion animals” as protected by Orders of Protection. That prompted the Powers that Be at the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence and OCA (Office of Confused Adults) to feverishly work on amending the forms for a Family Offense Petition to include the names of all animals in the home, guppies included, even if there is no such allegation of abuse. “Sorry, ma’am, but we cannot get you before the judge until you remember the name of your fifth Goldfish.” Then last year they expanded the list of potential respondents to include those in an “intimate relationship” even if not sexual in nature, but not a “casual relationship nor ordinary fraternization”, whatever that means. At least one court has held that you can use this statute to get an Order of Protection in 2008 even if the “intimate relationship” ended in 2006 since the statute does not have any time limits. Another has held that a wife having sex with a man other than her husband cannot claim she had an “intimate relationship” for an Order of Protection because “the State maintains an abiding interest in the sanctity of the marital relationship.” Since when?
Now we have new claims that can form the basis of a Family Offense, each defined in the Penal Law: Forcible Touching, Sexual Misconduct, Sexual Abuse in the Second and Third Degree. These crimes are usually more easily proven within the context of Harassment or Disorderly Conduct, which already exist in the law. Of course, my favorite part of this whole exercise in futility is Section 130.20(3) of the Penal Law (Sexual Misconduct) which prohibits a person from engaging sexual conduct with a dead human body. I’m just trying to figure out how that constitutes a Family Offense against a person related by affinity, consanguinity or an “intimate relationship”. Let me know if you figure it out. Oh, yeah, this law also now requires Attorneys for Children, nee Law Guardians, to undergo training in domestic violence, which MUST include the dynamics of domestic violence on child support. Of course, there is no statistical evidence that such training exists, works or is effective, but what the hell. Where do I sign up?
Mark you calendars. January 31, 2010. That’s the day when the CSSA $80,000 cap becomes $130,000 much to the relief of calculator salesmen and custodial parents. Using the nifty title of “The Child Support Modernization Act”, the “cap” of $80,000 has been increased to $130,000 and increasing that amount every two years thereafter by some Cost of Living Adjustment. As we all know, the cap is not really a cap at all. Just ask David Bean, who successfully convinced the Third Department that 17% of his $1,000,000 yearly imputed income was excessive so they lowered his “cap” to $500,000, pounding him for over $7,000 in monthly child support for one child plus maintenance and educational costs. Or how about David Quinn who had to pay over $8,000 a month for two children (plus maintenance) calculated as 25% of the combined income up to $80,000 and 8% of his entire income above that. Problem was, his income was $1.1 million. Even sportscaster Jim Nantz had to only pay $1,000 per month child support in Connecticut, even though he got dinged for $864,000 in yearly lifetime maintenance. The CSSA just requires a court to enumerate the reasons for utilizing the child support percentages in excess of the cap, which is really the combined parental income up to $130,000. And by the way, the court can go below the cap if it is found to be “unjust and inappropriate”. But absent some creativity by Support Magistrates, get ready to readjust your calculators for the new, improved $130,000 cap for at least the next few years. One wonders if anyone is going to skate on the $80,000 cap on January 30, 2010. Not likely.
Finally, a word about my favorite Illinois matrimonial lawyer: Corri Fetman, the Lawyer of Love. This buxom 42 year old has taken out a series of billboard ads with her body and that of her personal trainer in full salacious view with the words, “Life’s short. Get a divorce.” followed by her office phone number and website address. This was followed by a similar ad that proclaimed, “Take control. Get a divorce.” Sounds good to me. If you go to her website, you will find the following: “Corri Fetman bares all for Playboy. Corri Fetman will appear in the February 2008 issue of Playboy magazine and playboy.com on January 11, 2008.” Of course this was before she sued Playboy for the sexual harassment by one if its executives and they sued her for utilizing their copyrighted phrase “Lawyer of Love”. Stay tuned. And by the way, thanks for asking, but no you won’t see my pectorals on any billboards on I-90 or I-787 anytime soon.
Feliz Navidad, y’all.
Technically “companion animal” is defined in §350 Agriculture and Markets Law as any dog or cat, and shall also mean any other domesticated animal normally maintained in or near the household of the owner or person who cares for such other domesticated animal. “Pet” or “companion animal” shall not include a “farm animal” as defined in this section. Near the household?
KD v. SH, Bronx Family Court October 27, 2009, unreported as of yet.
Jessica D. v. Jeremy H., 24 Misc. 3rd 6634 (Fam. Ct. Madison Co., 2009)
Bean v. Bean, 53 A.D.3rd 718 (3rd Dept., 2008)
Quinn v. Quinn, 61 A.D.3rd 1067 (3rd Dept., 2009)
Fgalawfirm.com

i feel like we’ve seen it all. like i am done with vacations forever. but after traveling over 1100 miles in a car with my kids and husband. for 6 days. staying at various hotels and relatives’ houses. i can’t help but wonder if i am even required to make sense at this point in time.

that being said. i loved this time i spent with my family. the colors of the leaves on the trees. the different kinds of sand on every beach we went to. i loved the architecture of the missions. the gardens filled with flowers. the fountains. the way the mist settles over the ocean just before sunset. the way the water looks when it hits the rocks. i loved all the different species of birds in all of their different habitats. i loved having my pockets filled with treasures by little and big hands. i love that our nature treasures were so plentiful that by the end of our trip that we put them in their very own bag. i love that my husband still puts his arm around me. and how even while i slept he was vigilant about beautiful picture spots. the first time i felt the truck come to a halt unexpectedly i woke up. not knowing why we were stopped. only to find myself in the middle of some perfect place that he felt  he needed to share with me and my camera. i love all of the unexpected twists and turns this trip took us on. it was refreshing and exhausting at the same time. and i love that we are home. sweet. home. and that it is the first sunday of advent. the sound of choppy Christmas carols being played on our piano. the comfort of our own bed. and i think that if anything, this trip made me want to find peace and simplicity in the weeks to come. the weeks in which together, we will wait for HIM.

father’s homily today talked a lot about the light. and the truth and those are two things that i really felt these past few days. as we travelled all over God’s green earth.

i have a new sense of appreciation for mary and joseph as they journeyed to Bethlehem. no modern conveniences to ease their burdens. no gps to tell them which way to go. with alternate routes for missed turns.

just a star. and a promise.

and my heart wells up with joy thinking about how that promise applies to us too. if only we purify our hearts. of all the clutter and nonsense. so we don’t miss that star….

My husband (I’ll call him Jerkface, because that’s the G-rated version of how I feel about him right now…if things get better, maybe he’ll graduate to a nicer name) and I have been together for more than a decade. We’ve been married for almost three years. We did things a bit backwards and had two children before the marriage thing. Our kids are great…they’re the only things that hold me together. They’re both super smart and have great hearts. They don’t deserve any of this.

Jerkface has always had a problem with addiction…it runs in his family. His grandfather was an alcoholic, his mother has a addiction to Xanax and god only knows what else (more about her later),  his cousin has his own heavy addiction to OxyContin. Before I even met him, Jerkface had a heroin habit, which he kicked. But he’s always had a preference towards pills. I was no angel when we met, either. We were very much into the party scene…extacy, lsd, special k, nitrous, coke, you name it. I was young and it was fun. I had no responsibilities and could throw my life away without affecting anyone. So Jerkface and I met when he was 19 and I was 20. We partied through 6 months, and then I got pregnant (oops). After that, I decided it was time to grow up. I quit all of the stuff, got a regular job and tried to fix the damage I had done to my life. Jerkface did the same, but never really quit the stuff. He still smoked pot (regularly) and occasionally popped pills. It was better, but the drug use was still present. He had his ups and downs, for sure, but there seemed to be more ups at that point. After a few months, we decided to get away from where we were living (no jobs, rent was too expensive) and moved in with his mother until we could find an apartment. Things went a bit downhill. His mother has quite the addiction to pills, and she has no qualms about sharing with her son. Jerkface started getting bad, and we moved across the country to get away from the temptations that Jerkface couldn’t resist and moved closer to my family up north.

Things were okay for a while. Jerkface got a good job, we found an apartment, I stayed home with the baby for a few months then also got a job as a receptionist. I even enrolled in a college degree program. After we met some locals, he got back into the recreational drug use.  We continued down this path for a few years. He began to use a bit more often, but it still didn’t seem to be anything that was too worrisome.

I got pregnant again and had a beautiful baby girl. After that, things got worse. Jerkface was out a lot doing god knows what. He was making a lot of money at his job, but was spending it almost as fast as he could make it. I had taken a waitressing job at night so we wouldn’t have to pay daycare for two small children. Jerkface seemed to resent that he had to stay home with the kids at night. We fought all of the time, and he constantly accused me of cheating on him (which I never ever did). He was paranoid and aggravated and made my life miserable. Eventually, he seemed to snap out of it, I went back to daytime work, and things were better again.

So we got married. It was one of the happiest times of my life. We had so much fun on our honeymoon and I felt like our life together would be nothing but sunshine. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for the storms to come rolling in.

I don’t know what it was, but almost as soon as we got back, he got back into drugs (OxyContin, and heroin, and any other opioid he could get his hands on)…bad. Maybe he realized that we were married and he could get away with more, I don’t know. He began spending all of his paycheck on a regular basis, leaving the bills to me. I had a decent job at this point, so it was doable…not easy, but doable. We fought a lot. He lied all of the time. I didn’t know what to do. I just lived with things as they were for a while. He got worse and worse. Eventually, his  paycheck wasn’t enough to cover his habits and he began dipping into my money. He would take cash out of my wallet without me knowing. Then he began using my debit card and taking money out of my account without permission. I changed my PIN and wouldn’t give it to him. He found other ways of stealing from me…he would take my card and, using it like a credit card (no PIN necessary), would buy cartons of cigarettes or WalMart gift cards and trade them for drugs. Checks bounced, overdraft fees piled up, and he denied, denied, denied. He would steal checks from my checkbook and write them to himself (if he knew I had money in my account) or to his dealers or to someone who thought he was their friend, convincing them to give him money in exchange for the check.

He would stay up all night and sleep all day, missing work. He was never around, unless he was sleeping on the couch. He eventually lost his job of 8 years because of his addiction. He got another job a month later, only to do the same thing, losing that job about a month after he started. This was all around the time when the bottom dropped out of the economy, and there were no more jobs to be found.

He continued stealing from me, we fought constantly. He convinced me that he was depressed, and that was why he was turning to drugs. e went to the doctor and was put on depression meds. They didn’t help, at least not for very long. He kept stealing and lying and using. It was the darkest time in my life. My mortgage was falling further and further behind. I couldn’t make enough money to keep us afloat. I cried, screamed, fought, yelled, guilted…nothing worked.

Things got a little better, and Jerkface seemed to be on the upswing. He had finally admitted he had a problem and it seemed like he was really trying to overcome. He had found a job and was going to work every day. I hoped it was all over. I was out of town on business for a week. I made the mistake of leaving my checkbook behind. During the 5 days I was gone, he wrote over $1000 in bad checks (knowing I had no money in my account). He had pulled the trick of convincing a friend to give him cash for a check (actually, a few checks). When the checks bounced, she called me, pissed. She threatened to go to the police and tell them that Jerkface was forging checks in my name unless he paid her back immediately (about $350). He didn’t have any money and I wasn’t giving him any more money to fix his problems. He ended up giving her his car, which was worth about 15 times what he owed her, to avoid her going to the cops.

I found out he pulled the same check scam with a 17 year old girl that lives in our neighborhood and with several other people. My account was so far overdrawn, I couldn’t bring it current soon enough, and the bank closed it. I still can’t get another checking account. My credit cards are all gone, because he was stealing so much money from me that I couldn’t pay them.

After that, I was done. I told him I wanted a divorce. He moved in with a friend down the street for a while (he took our remaining car and left me without transportation), and I tried to begin putting my life back together. After about a month, he came back. He wanted to get better. He wanted to have a normal life. He began going to NA meetings. He really tried at first. I believed him. I let him move back in and sleep on the couch and tried to help him through. It didn’t take long for him to slip. He began to steal and lie again. We’ve been through this cycle a couple of times. And that’s pretty much where we are now.

He tells me he’s trying to wean himself off the pills, but he can’t quit cold turkey or he’ll go through terrible withdrawals. He’s still spending way too much money, and I have my doubts about his convictions. Right now, I’m taking it day by day, and I have no idea what today will bring. He used last night (at least he’s not trying to hide it anymore) and right now he’s sleeping on the couch as our children watch cartoons next to him. It breaks my heart. I miss the real him. This other person he’s become sucks. He’s either a pill-induced annoying idiot, or sleeping, or a complete jerk. I just want him to come back. He was so funny and sweet and loving and fun. Now he’s completely consumed and will do anything to get what he needs. I just want my best friend back, and I don’t know what to do to find him. He’s becoming more and more lost inside his addiction.

 MEMOIRS

(Abridged)                                                                                         

By K.K.Subramanian

Waterfriend remembers his childhood

           Kunnathur Mana

My mother was born in a very illustrious family Kunnathur Padinjaredath.You can see the ancestral house near the Peruvanam temple south gopuram (gate)

I have vague memories of sitting upstairs; looking at the road. I must be four at that time.

The family came there in search of livelihood and became the tantry (main priest-they still are) of the temple. I can imagine mother (kali was her name-a goddess) walking towards the temple, holding the hands of the maid servant, almost naked, with only a plantain leaf strip to cover nakedness, not knowing what fate awaited her…tears swell in my eyes, even as I write these lines

She was married off at the tender age of thirteen or so to Subrahmanian Nambudiripad, aged forty plus, already having two wives, one living and the next one and her son still fresh in memory, and a daughter of mother’s age whom her brother married the same day, probably. Mother was dark, uncouth and short; my step sister was fair, lean and very handsome whom mother hated heartily!

I do not remember any one caring for her,  except her younger sister and some cousins. Uncle (eldest) never talked to her or even to her children (in all six, two died early). She had a sharp tongue and was outspoken but had a heart of gold. She was very lazy and father was the laziest!

I digressed…

Around 150 years ago, mother’s ancestor was married to the sister of the king of erstwhile Cochin State who was known as Shaktan Thampuran. He bestowed on the Kunnathur family tax free land. The family became rich.

Maternal grandfather was very intelligent, so too was my uncle. At that time a rich local Nambudiri of Chittoor mana established a school, where we all studied, and uncle was the first student, duly initiated before a lighted lamp etc. Of course the student was without a shirt! I had a few classmates, topless, in primary school. Grandmother was wise, cultured and well versed in puranas (old legends of Hindu religion).When she got angry and shouted like a lioness, her husband shivered like a mouse! She did like my mother, always told me to look after her well but did nothing when she needed assistance. In fact no one accompanied her when she left the house built by father, and we were travelling in a country boat, through the swollen river. Being a fool, I enjoyed the trip!…

Earliest memories centre around a small village Thalore, near Trichur. I was about four. Mother had given birth to a dead baby and so she continued to feed me. I just came in from the spacious orchard where I was playing, lay down in my mother’s lap and started sucking her big breast. (In those days our women folk did not wear blouse.) “Ma, who put sugar in your milk?” -I asked. She just pushed me off and that was the end breast feeding !

I had a playmate Bhagi about eight years or so . She was attached to our maid servant Madhavi. I always thought she was her daughter.

 One day the girl was mopping the kitchen floor. I said something .She didn’t listen and I gave a blow on her back with an iron ladle. The poor girl cried out aloud inviting the attention of mother and paternal grand mother I felt guilty and wretched. Perhaps that was the only time I used violence against any living creature…..

With just a piece of cloth tied like lady’s bikini, I used to accompany Madhavi to the grocery shop owned by a Tamil Brahmin .He would give a piece of jaggery. We never got chocolates in those days.

Father and mother slept in the upstairs bed room. I slept with them. Mother used to tell stories. Elder brother used to sleep with grandmother. He was her favourite. Paternal uncle Krishnaphan was an occasional visitor. We loved him, as he was a good storyteller. About Lilliputs we heard from him. He was dark and fat unlike another p. uncle Vasudevaphan who was slim and fair, the first person to go to school from K.K. family. He was teacher and a close friend of E.M.S. Namboodiripad.

One day an old lady came, covered up to the neck in pure white dhoti (in north India only a widow will dress in white) Do you know her? –they asked. When I blinked, they all laughed . I felt ashamed. It was mother’s ma. As a girl, she was born and brought up in the same house where we were staying temporarily-the great Veembur Kadalayil Mana (which was lying vacant at the time. Mahatma Gandhi visited the house in 1929). Father who was a good architect and astrologer was making our house near the river, about four miles away. One day brother and I accompanied him to see the construction work. My legs were paining like hell. I earned the reputation of having walked four miles when four years old.    

 At that time , another paternal uncle, Parameswaran by name, took me with him to fort Tripunithura where royal family members lived. By custom, only a nambudiri may marry a princess. And, in a nambudiri family only the eldest can marry; others may have legitimate relationship with women of other upper castes, the latter not entitled for a share of nambudiri property. They are not allowed to share meals with us.(My grandfather’s younger brother’s daughter was my schoolmate .I never knew about the blood relationship, though I somehow liked her. Of course I was too shy to talk to her! )

That is how uncle married a real princess and lived in Palace no.11. I was too small to notice the clean bed, the sumptuous food (at home we had it only on birthdays or during Onam) The great festival was going on at the Poornathrayeesha (Krishna) temple and there were any number of elephants (I wanted to become a mahout-I am never tired of watching these majestic animals)

An elephant was being fed. Uncle asked me-do you want to mount it . I shook my head. The mahout lifted me and handed over to his colleague sitting on the elephant. He placed me on its neck. I felt uncomfortable, its hair pricking my naked bottom and I being lifted up and down by the motion of its head while eating; still I enjoyed it .

One day we were taken to Akavoormana near river Periyar. We enjoyed playing in the shallow swift flowing water. I lay down in the water and was carried away some distance. Flapping my arms I managed to remain floating. Thus I learnt the rudiments of swimming. I do not know how to swim really. Like cattle only my head remains above water.

There were two young elephants there. As a baby Ramankutty used to roam about in the house and snatch things from the kitchen. Even now I like to have a baby elephant ….

Vasudevan uncle (the youngest among five brothers, father being the eldest) was working as teacher in Namboori Vidyalaya at Trichur. I would look with admiration  the fat books in his shelf. One day when I grow up I shall read them!

Savithri was born. I refused to see the baby. I wanted a brother. This dislike of girls remained for a long time to come.

When Vas uncle brought a wife I was too shy to meet her. Afterwards the words “cheriamme “automatically escaped from my mouth and all exclaimed “today it will rain” 

   Recently, during morning walk I reached the church and, turning right, easily located the arch, proclaiming entry towards the Shiv temple. I went through it and turned right. A little further, I had hardly turned left when I could easily spot the old gate as it was in 1937! It was something like a flashback in TV screen! The front yard was very small. (in my mind it was very big.)The main building was intact, though concretised. I saw mother’s bedroom upstairs where I slept. Through the left side I traced a few steps and saw the workplace where women husked rice .It was locked. I could easily see the rope swing and Bhagi and I playing there. The reddish brown cow must be somewhere nearby. Bhagi showed me how to pick silky smooth, egg shaped thing (she called it pattunni) from the cow’s skin. She would place it on a stone and crush it with another stone spilling blood. Ma must be in the kitchen. The great surprise was when I turned to the east courtyard and looked to the flight of steps leading to the orchard. I was expecting at least thirty steps. I could count hardly four! To the child everything appears on a mega screen. To the grown up, it is all on TV screen. The surroundings had been cut into plots and sold. There are flats now. But the main structure is unoccupied till now.

Originally, it belonged to Moothedath Kadalayil which was merged with Veembur Kadalayil. On shifting to Pazhai, the house was sold to Akavoor Mana, my paternal grand mother’s maiden house (illam). We were just living there. The Akavoor namboodiri even suggested,” sister, why don’t you live here, why build a new house?” But father wanted to be near our village. 

My husband is addicted to prescription painkillers, namely OxyContin. I’ve been battling this for several years. A few months ago, it came to mind that writing  about it might help me to process all of the crap I’ve gone through (and continue to go through). For me, one of the hardest things about this whole situation is feeling completely alone.

My husband has his first love (drugs), and as much as I try to be a part of his recovery, I’m not. I could never understand what he’s dealing with. I’ve never been very close with my family. My sister knows the most about my situation, but she lives across the country, and phone/email conversations just don’t translate very well. My life has been so consumed by this that I don’t have much of a network of friends for support, except for work friends, and unleashing all of this on them is embarrassing and not exactly good for my career. I’m a smart person, and I feel like anyone who knows what I’m going through just looks at me and wonders why the hell I don’t just leave him. I’ve become that girl…the one people feel sorry for, but not too sorry, because she ’s sticking around by choice. How sorry can you feel for someone like that? I know that much of it is probably in my head…that if I were to reach out, I could probably find support. I know that my shame and embarrassment facilitate my loneliness. But I’m not able to get past that just yet.

So I’m alone. And it’s hard…I’m faced with situations everyday that completely overwhelm me, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Even if I did, how could they relate unless they’ve been through it? I try to talk to my husband about how I feel, but he’s so consumed by his demons it doesn’t feel like I get through at all. I’ve become this solitary person (I’ve always been semi-solitary…but it has gotten worse lately). I’ve got all of this crap going on in my head that I need to process, and I’m sure there are other people out there who feel the same…there must be, right?

So I started this blog. Mainly to help me get my feelings down and to give me an outlet for my anger, frustrations, depression, fear, loneliness, rage, shame, and all of the other feelings that come along with living through the addiction of a loved one. And if someone else stumbles across this and they can relate, great! I know what it’s like to just need to know you’re not the only one going through this.

I’m not saying the way I’m dealing with my husband’s opiate addiction is right. I make mistakes all of the time…mistakes I know I shouldn’t be making, which are the worst kind. I just need a place to share my journey. I hope it helps.

Perhaps you wonder why so much misery exists in homes today? Generally, women are not doing their best. You’ve seen some of what follows, but togetherness adds context.

Domestic harmony comes from this:

• Wives/mothers dominate the home by recognizing husband as head of family, wife as second in command, mother as third, and father as fourth.
• Females are naturally hard-headed and soft-hearted. Wife’s hard-headedness, however, dominates mother’s soft-heartedness. The wife role takes priority over the mother role. Otherwise, she pushes husband toward somebody else.
• Submissiveness is not about obedience but about rank structure when agreement can’t be negotiated, but decisions must be made on important matters.
• Husbands with frequent and convenient access to sex made delightful by wife spend less time looking for it and more time following their missions in life—job, family, or hobby. Perhaps to a fault, but it’s usually better than his chasing skirts.

Disharmony arises out of the following whether kids are present or not:

• Mother admits her inability to be second in command by repeatedly or exasperatedly turning to father to solve routine, child discipline, or non-critical problems. 
• When husband/father overrules or reverses decisions of wife/mother, her effectiveness declines. Both she and the kids learn that she’s not respected by head of family. Her authority for discipline goes down, and kids learn to play parents against one another.
• When wife/mother overrules or shows disdain for decisions of husband/father, he’s driven to look for another home. Both he and the kids see that he’s not respected, and he swallows that as an escape pill.

Over the past few decades, harmony in the home has shifted toward disharmony. As a result, home life miseries intrude into everyday life. Perhaps not yours, but someone you know.

It is a well known fact that women are more violent than men, so I am not surprised that a woman goes and kills a newborn child. I would not have even posted this article on this site, except if I did not want to bring out the following gender bias:

Why did the police arrest the husband? A woman goes and kills her ex-husband’s child, and the police arrests both of them, why? Only the woman should have been arrested.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/News-Feed/northindia/Woman-kills-baby-of-husband-s-second-wife/Article1-478317.aspx

In a tragic incident, a woman allegedly killed a newborn baby at Dongli village in Tehri district just because he was the child of her husband’s second wife, police said in Dehradun on Friday.

The baby, who was repeatedly thrown to the ground, died instantly on Thursday.

Geeta, the second wife of Pushya, entered into wedlock some months back. She gave birth to a male child a few days ago.

Meanwhile, Pushya’s first wife Sumitra went to Dongli village where she allegedly picked up the child and threw him to the ground, after which he died instantly.

Police has arrested Sumitra and her husband Pushya. Pushya has five children from his earlier marriage.

My husband has a complicated relationship with his pillow. It started years ago when I discovered the joy of sleeping with a contour pillow. I expressed my joy to him – hoping he would share my jubilation – my excitement at finally finding a comfortable position for my neck – but he did not. He has a football neck and cannot share in my joy. At least he tells me he hates it and finds it most uncomfortable – I think he’s hiding something.

We recently discovered that sleeping slightly elevated with the contour pillow prevents his snoring – which I find to be essential to him being allowed to sleep with me – but somehow he does not. If he sleeps with a “flat” pillow he still snores. And that will never do.

A couple of nights ago – I was awakened in the middle of the night by the old familiar wheezing sound. I looked over at my sleepy husband and guess what? He had thrown out the contour pillow – pushed it clean to the side and was sleeping (noisily) on the mattress. Well I could hardly believe it! So I shook him and said, “Greg – what do you think you’re doing?” He then very sleepily said, “I don’t want it – I’ve cast out the bond woman”. Well that will never do, of course – and I told him that he better start loving the “bond woman” cause that’s the only one he’s getting and he better start loving her! He keeps insisting that he loves another – but I have told him “that’s too bad – she’s all he gets”

So he is trying to adjust – and to love the “bond woman” I think it is working – I have high hopes! And since he loves sleeping with me I’m sure he will learn to love her

What is your “bond woman”? Is it something that you’re fighting and “casting off” but it’s actually good for you? Just a thought…

Have a good night and sweet dreams!

God Bless

US citizen Aditya abducted by his mother and mother absconding in India for more than 2 Years and ordered by Supreme Court to take him back to US and settle the custody dispute with Aditya’s Father Mr Rav Chandran in US

V. Ravi Chandran vs Union Of India &Amp; Ors on 28 August, 2009

IN THE SUPREME COURT OF INDIA

               CRIMINAL ORIGINAL JURISDICTION

                    CRL.M.P.NO. 3401 OF 2009

                              IN

               WRIT PETITION (CRL.) NO. 112/2007

V. Ravi Chandran …Petitioner

                         Versus

Union of India & Ors. …Respondents

                                  ORDER

R.M.LODHA, J

           Should Central Bureau of Investigation be requested to

trace the minor child Master Adithya Chandran in the Habeas Corpus

petition filed by the father is the question presently before us?

2. Dr. Ravi Chandran -petitioner and Vijayashree Voora -

respondent no. 6 got married on December 14, 2000 at Tirupathi,

Andhra Pradesh according to Hindu rites. On July 1, 2002, a son -

Adithya was born out of the wedlock in United States of America.

The matrimonial discord arose between the petitioner and respondent

no. 6 soon thereafter. Respondent no. 6 approached the State of

New York Supreme Court in the month of July, 2003 for divorce and

                                                                       1

dissolution of marriage. On April 18, 2005, the State of New York

Supreme Court passed a consent order governing the issues of the

custody and guardianship of the minor Adithya. The Court granted

joint custody to the petitioner and respondent no. 6 and it was also

stipulated in the order to keep the other party informed about the

whereabouts of the child. On July 28, 2005, a separation agreement

was entered into between the petitioner and respondent no. 6 relying

on various provisions of Domestic Relations Law for distribution of

marital property, spouse maintenance and child support. As regards

custody of the minor son Adithya and parenting time, the parties

consented to the order dated April 18, 2005. On September 8, 2005,

the marriage between the petitioner and respondent no. 6 was

dissolved by the State of New York Supreme Court. Child Custody

order dated April 18, 2005 was incorporated in the order. Later on a

consent order was passed by the Family Court, State of New York

on June 18, 2007 whereby the petitioner and respondent no. 6 were

to have legal and physical custody of the minor child jointly. The

consent order provided that parties shall have alternative physical

custody of the minor child on a weekly basis.

                                                                   2

3. On June 28, 2007, respondent no. 6 brought minor

Adithya to India informing the petitioner that she will be residing with

her parents in Chennai. The petitioner approached Family Court,

State of New York for violation of the order by respondent no. 6

pertaining to visitation and custody of minor child. He also filed a

petition for modification of the custody order. By an order dated

August 16, 2007, the Family Court, State of New York granted sole

legal and physical custody of the minor Adithya to the petitioner

temporarily and by a further order dated August 8, 2007 ordered

respondent no. 6 to hand over custody of Master Adithya to the

petitioner. It transpires that the Family Court, State of New York has

issued child abuse non-bailable warrants against respondent no. 6.

4. In the month of September, 2007, the petitioner filed a

writ petition before this Court praying for a writ of Hebeas Corpus for

the production of minor son Adithya and for handing over the custody

with his passport to the petitioner. The petitioner has alleged that

the child has been illegally and unlawfully detained beyond his

motherland, USA in blatant violation of orders of US Courts.

5. In the Hebeas Corpus petition, the petitioner has

impleaded Union of India, States of Tamil Nadu and Andhra

                                                                       3

Pradesh, Director General of Police of these two States, wife -

Vijayashree Voora and her parents as party respondents.

6. On September 17, 2007, notice was issued to the

respondents. Subsequently the petitioner informed the Court that on

March 15, 2008, the respondent no. 6 abandoned her residence in

Dehradun and traveled in a rented car towards New Delhi and on the

way redirected herself to Agra. The next day she was last seen at

the entrance of Agra Cantonment Railway Station. Based on that,

this Court issued directions on April 28, 2008 to Senior

Superintendent of Police, Agra and Senior Superintendent of Police,

Union Territory of Chandigarh to trace the child and produce him in

this Court.

7. In the affidavit filed by the Senior Superintendent of

Police, Agra on September 16, 2008, it is stated that for tracing the

minor child Adithya and respondent no. 6, a massive search

operation was carried through out Agra and all hotels, guest houses

and other similar areas were checked but they could not be found

residing anywhere in Agra. He also stated that through District Crime

Record Bureau and all SHOs and SOs of police stations of District

Agra efforts have been made to trace out minor child and her

                                                                          4

mother and their photographs have also been published along with

their description in newspapers having wide circulation all over the

country but no clue of their whereabouts could be found.

8. Shri S.S. Srivastava, Senior Superintendent of Police,

Union Territory, Chandigarh has filed his affidavit on August 13,

2008. He has stated:

           “…All Station House Officers of Police Stations in Chandigarh
have been issued instructions vide letter No. 1057-5A/Crime Branch, U.T.
Chandigarh dated 3.8.2008 in which the photographs and description of Smt.
Vijayasree Voora and her son Adithya have been mentioned and they have been
directed to make efforts to trace the whereabouts of the above mentioned persons
and see if they are residing in any residential area, hotel, guest house, sarai.
Though beat system all such places in Chandigarh have been got thoroughly
checked and no such persons has been found to be residing in Chandigarh.

                  A special look out notice alongwith the

           photographs Smt. Vijayasree Voora and her son Aditya has been issued
vide No. 17011-

           17030/MOB/UT/A-III/dated, Chandigarh the 5.8.2008 in which directions
were issued to all SDPO’s and Station House Officers to maintain a sharp look
out to trace out the whereabouts of the above mentioned woman and her son and to
send their report on weekly basis about the details of the efforts made to trace
the above mentioned persons. A copy of the lookout notice is annexed and marked
ANNEXURE R-1 . All SHO’s of Police Station in Chandigarh have submitted their
reports after having thoroughly checked the area under their jurisdiction and
the whereabouts of the above mentioned woman and her child could not be traced
out in Chandigarh.

                                                                     5

                   On 8.8.2008 the photographs of Smt. Vijaysree Voora and her
son Adithya alongwith their description has been got published in Times of
India, one of the leading newspapers having wide circulation all over India.

                  The photographs and description of Smt.

           Vijaysree Voora and her son Aditya have also been got displayed in
Bharat Sarkar Doordarshan Kendra, Chandigarh and Delhi, TV Channels having
coverage throughout the country.

                  A team of police officers have been especially deputed from
Crime Branch, Chandigarh Police for tracing the whereabouts of Smt. Vijayasree
Voora and her son Aditya, who are regularly checking all the hotels, schools and
other places where there could be possibility of finding the above mentioned
woman and her child.”

9. Parents of respondent no. 6 have filed counter affidavit.

They have totally denied any knowledge or idea about whereabouts

of respondent no. 6 and minor child. In the counter affidavit they

stated thus:

                  “11. I submit that in view of the information narrated by
her about the harassment and cruelty (mental torture) caused by the petitioner
she had left my house without disclosing her whereabouts and I sincerely state
that I am not aware of her whereabouts and I am not able to communicate with
her.

                  12. I state from the annexures filed

           particularly annexure P-10 Colly dated 11.8.2007 refers to that in
response to conversation with this respondent mentioned in E-mail in para `I’ or
after. I submit that in one of the E-mail at annexure P-10 Colly the petitioner
addressed to Respondent No. 7 that:-

                                                                    6

                   “I have been trying to reach Aditya for the past several
weeks and Viji has completely cut me off from the life of Aditya. Mrs. Voora
(Your wife) informs me that she does not know where Viji and Aditya are”

                  I submit that this respondent from September itself had no
knowledge or awareness of the whereabouts of respondent no. 6 and her minor
child and that from ever since she left, he has no information at all about her
whereabouts nor he had any contacts or connection with this respondent, and we
are not able to trace her out and her minor child. Inspite of knowing all these
facts that these respondents are completely oblivious and in complete darkness
about her whereabouts even on today….”

10. In the affidavit filed by the Director General of

Police, Tamilnadu, it is stated that the respondent no. 6 and the

minor chilld were not found residing at No. 47, B.N. Road (North

Boag Road), T. Nagar, Chennai, and on that address, the parents of

respondent no. 6 are only residing.

11. The petitioner has filed a Misc. Petition (Crl.

M.P.3401 of 2009) on February 23, 2009 stating therein that as per

the Deccan Herald newspaper report dated February 18, 2009,

respondent no. 6 and the child were last seen in Bangalore. They

stayed at KES Lodge in Rajajinagar, Bangalore. On February 23,

2009, accordingly, this Court directed the Director General of Police,

Karnataka and Commissioner of Police, Bangalore to trace the child

                                                                     7

and produce before him this Court on the next date. By a further

order dated May 8, 2009, this Court directed the State of Karnataka

and particularly, Director General of Police, Karnataka to take

appropriate steps to trace the child. A copy of this order was also

sent to the Chief Secretary, State of Karnataka.

12. Shri S.N.Bidari, Commissioner of Police, Bangalore

city has filed his affidavit stating therein that all necessary steps

required in order to trace the missing child Master Adithya Chandran

and his mother Mrs. Vijayashree Voora have been taken but without

any success. In the affidavit, the details of the efforts made by

Karnataka Police have been set out thus:

           “2) It is submitted that the Police Inspector and his team of
Rajajinagar Police Station of Banagalore City visited KES Residency, 50th Cross,
3rd Block, Rajajinagar on 5.3.2009 and the said lady and master Adithya were not
found. On enquiry with one Shri Prabhakar, Manager of the said Residency, it was
learnt that Smt. Vijayashree Voora, mother of the child had left the residency
alongwith the child on 17.2.2009 and had not returned. …..

           3) It is submitted that the enquiry revealed that she went to Shiva
Temple, Old Airport Road, Bangalore in a private Qualais Vehicle from KES
Residency on 17.2. 2009. The enquiry revealed that she requested the manager for
help and she was told to come after Shivarathri festival. She left her luggage
in the temple and took shelter in the Manager’s residence for the night. The
next day i.e. on 18.2.2009, she left the temple and after two days, she
collected her baggage. Thereafter, there is no information about her whereabouts
and the child. The

                                                                            8

staff continued search in several places in Banagalore City, but the child
could not be traced.

4) It is submitted that the Police Sub -Inspector, Subramanaya Nagara Police
station went to Chennai on 4.3.2009 alongwith his staff and enquired with Smt.
A. Poornima and her husband Shri A. Ramesh R/o No. 13, North Bhoug Road, G.N.
Shetty Road, Chennai- 600 017. Smt. A. Poornima sister of Vijayashree Voora said
that her sister Vijayashree Voora had married one Sathya Narayana 18 years back.
After 5 years of marriage, she divorced her husband and again married one Dr. V.
Ravichandra (Petitioner) in a love marriage and they have one male child name
Master Aditya Chandran. Five years back, both of them got mutual divorce in USA
(where they were staying together_ and Smt. Vijashree Voora returned from
America. At that time, she came to Poornima’s residence and she and her husband
advised herand even her father also advised her, but she refused to heed to
their advice to reconcile with her husband and left the house and till today she
had not returned to their residence. Thereafter, her whereabouts are not known.
The statement of Smt. A. Poornima and her husband were recorded by the Police
Sub-Inspector, Subramanyanagara Police Station. The report of the Police Sub-
Inspector, Subramanyanagara Police Station is produced and marked as
ANNEXURE-R-2 AND R-2a. As per the instructions of Police Inspector, Mahalakshmi
Police Station, the Police Sub-Inspector, Rajajinagar Police Station visited
Tumkur on 5.3.2009 and enquired at 1) VARIN International Residential School,
Doddahosur Gate, Kunigal Road, Gulur Post, Tumkur 0572 118, 2) Prudence
International School, Hirehalli, Next to TVS Electronics, Tumkur, 3) Maruthi
Vidya Kendra, Belagumba Road, Tumkur, 4) Sri. Sri. Ravishankar Vidya Mandir,
Belagumba Road, Near TUD Office, Tumkur, 5) Sri. Siddaganga Mutt, Tumkur and
also enquired with the concerned persons of Samuka Residency, Sai Residency,
Vigneshwara Comforts and showed the photo of the child, but no useful
information was obtained. …..

                                                           9

5) It is submitted that on 5.3.2009, Police Sub- Inspector, Srirampura Police
Station visited Veda Vignan Maha Vidya Peeta and met Mr. Narendra Lamba, the
Administrator, Art of Living International Centre and showed photo of Adithya
Chandran. However, it was found that no such persons was stayng in the

      Ashram. …..

6) It is submitted that on 6.3.2009, the Poilice Sub-Inspector, Mahalakshmi
Layout Police Station, Bangalore alongwith staff visited Shri Sathya Sai Gokulam
at Kadugodi, Bangalore District, in search of missing boy and enquired with Mr.
Srinivas, Custodian of Ashram. It was reported that no such persons was staying
in the Ashrama. The PSI also visited Sir.

      Sathya Sai Institute of Medical Sciences, Whitefield and met Mr.Mohan Das,
Sr. Personnel Officer and PRO who informed that no such persons, by name Smt.
Vijayashree Voora or Master Aditya was admitted in the Hospital. The report of
the Police Sub- Inspector, Mahalakshmi layout, Police Station, is produced and
marked as Annexure-R5.

      The Asstt. Commissioner of Police, City Crime Record Bureau, Office of the
Comissioner of Police, Infantry Road, Bangalore was instructed on 18.3.2009 to
get the photo of Aditya Chandra published in the Criminal Intelligence Gazette
requesting all the

      concerned to trace the missing child. The Addl. Director General of
Police, State Crime Record Bureau, Bangalore was also requested to publish the
photograph of Master Aditya Chandran in `Talash’ and to transmit the said
information to all the Police Stations in the State and to trace the said
missing boy as early as possible.

7) The Respondent further submits that City crime Record Bureau on 31.3.2009
sent letter to the Deputy Inspector General of Police, State Crime Record Bureau
to publish the details of the missing persons in criminal Intelligence Gazette.

                                                           10

The Respondent further submits that on 16.4.2009 the Police Inspector,
Rajajinagar Police Station, wrote a letter to the State Crime Record Bureau,
Bangalore to verify and compare the particulars of the missing child in the
Talash record and on comparison a nil report was sent to Rajajinagar Police
Station on 17.4.2009. On 16.4.2009 the Assistant Commissioner of Police,
Malleshwaram, Bangalore wrote letter to the Commissioner of Police, Bangalore
requesting for publication of the missing child Master Adithya Chandran in
Kannada and English “daily news papers”. Further he also requested the
Commissioner of Police to send the details to all the District superintendents
of Police and Commissioners of Police of Hubli – Dharwad, Mysore and Railway
Superintendent of Police. Further, the Asstt. Commissioner of Police.
Malleshwaram, Bangalore, wrote letter to Commissioner of Police with a request
to address a letter to Doordarshan to Broadcast the particulars of the missing
child in Doordarshan. Deputy Commissioner of Police North Divilsion, Bangalore
City had sent e-mails to all Commissioners of Police, all Range Inspectors
General of Police, all Superintendents of Police including Railways all over
Karnataka State requesting them to look out for the missing child. An e-mail is
also sent to the Director, National Crime Record Bureau, New Delhi requesting
for look out of the missing child. ….

9) The respondent further submits that the Assistant Commissioner of Police,
Malleshwaram wrote a letter to All India Radio, with a request to Broadcast the
particulars of the missing child on air. …..

10) The respondent further submits that on 18.4.2009 the Public Relation Officer
in the Cadre of Deputy Commissioner of Police in the office of Commissioner of
Police released press note to all the Electronic Media and Print media
requesting for publication of the particulars of the missing child Master
Adithya Chandran on Air. The report regarding the Broadcast of the particulars
of the missing child in Doordarshan is also received. ……

                                                            11

            11) It is also further submitted that on 16.4.2009 itself the
details of the missing child were uploaded on Internet on Karnataka State

                  Police web page. The copy of the Web page is herewith produced
and marked as ANNEXURE-R20. It is also relevant to submit that all relevant
steps are taken to carry out the upload of the particulars of the missing child
Master Adhitya Chandran on National Crime Record Bureau with a request to send

                  information to all the state and Union Territory and forward
the information if any obtained in this regard to the Commission of Police,
Bangalore.

           12) It is further submitted that the Police officials attached to
Rajajinagar Police Station sent look out notices to Bangalore International
Airport Authorities, Railway Station and KSRTC Bus Stand to keep a look out for
the missing child. ……”

13. From the narration of aforesaid facts, it is abundantly

clear that despite efforts made by police officers and officials of

different States such as Senior Superintendent of Police, Agra,

Senior Superintendent of Police, U.T. of Chandigarh, Director

General of Police, Tamilnadu, Director General of Police, Karnataka

and Commissioner of Police, Bangalore City, the minor child Adithya

and respondent no. 6 could not be traced and their whereabouts

could not be found. It is almost two years since the notice was issued

by this Court but the child could not be produced. Respondent no. 6

is said to be mentally unstable and running round with the child from

one State to another. In the peculiar and extraordinary circumstances

                                                                       12

such as the present one, we are of the view that Central Investigating

Agency i.e., Central Bureau of Investigation may be assigned the task

of tracing minor Adithya Chandran and his production before this

Court. This has become all the more necessary for the protection of

health and safety of minor and because the police authorities of

various States are clueless about the whereabouts of respondent

no. 6 who has been moving with the child from one State to another.

14. We, accordingly, direct the registry of this Court to write a

letter to the Director, Central Bureau of Investigation requesting him

to trace minor Adithya Chandran. For the said purpose, he and the

officer nominated by him will enjoy all the powers of Police Officer

carrying out search and issue non-bailable warrants, if necessary,

and pick up minor Adithya Chandran wherever he is found without

interference from any one and to produce him before this Court with

his report.

15. Let the matter come up before the Court after six weeks

or earlier if the minor child Adithya Chandran is traced by the Central

Bureau of Investigation and produced before this Court.

                                                      ……………………J

                                                      (Tarun Chatterjee)

                                                                            13

                    ……………………J

                          (R. M. Lodha)

New Delhi

August 28, 2009.

Link Here :

http://www.indiankanoon.org/doc/312445/

If you read G-Fish regularly, you’ll know that Petey practically thinks his name is Ehzay Chamood (Hebrew for What a cutie!).  Girls and guys are powerless to his cuteness charms.  But so far, it hadn’t translated into putting a ring on my finger.

Until now?

There’s a very cute physical therapist I went out with back in April.  I really liked him.  It wasn’t just his (very good!) looks.  It was this über kindness & chill vibe he exuded.  So, I asked him out again, but he told me he had a boyfriend.

But did he really?  I had reason to suspect this wasn’t true.  Anyway, it doesn’t matter.  He lives in the neighborhood, and we have always been friendly when we bump into each other.

Well, last week, Pete and I ran into him and his dog on the island/walkway in the middle of a boulevard.  Of course, he was very taken with Pete.  We caught up while Petey and his dog played with one another.  I was thinking it, but rejoiced inside when he said Wow, they play so nice with one another.  You should both come over sometime, and we’ll have a coffee while the dogs play.

SCORE !!!

Even if he was thinking only of the dogs and not trying to just get me to come over - 

So what !?!

Petey and I are so going over there and colluding to make him my husband!  So, I waited a couple of days and then texted my future husband him Hey, Petey and I would really like to come over for a playdate.  He responded pretty quickly with Great!

So, we aimed for this weekend, but it didn’t happen, because I had such an incredibly booked weekend.  But we did speak, and we’re going to make the playdate happen this week.

Petey is eating filet mignon this week.