It’s Thanksgiving, which means we are in full holiday shopping swing.  I just wasted a lot of my work day because Amazon has some killer deals all week.  They are calling it Great Black Friday Deals, and they aren’t kidding.  You can find some amazing discounts there.  I picked up I am Legend for $2.00.  That’s what I’m talking about!  I also picked up some new accessories for my cell phone, a case for it and a headset for calls.

Now, I have the shopping bug!  I’ve already been to this site to buy some swaddling blankets.  They had great deals on aden + anais muslin wraps, which are phenomenal for helping a baby sleep long.  Now, I’m on the hunt for some other toys for my nieces and nephews, and I found some good deals here.  They have a great selection on Playmobil toys.  But instead of buying for just myself and family, I need to take care of my wife too.  I was thinking of getting her some Indian jewelry.  She rarely asks for anything special, but I know she really likes bangles and chandelier style earrings.

We have an odd and rather morbid fascination with the apocalypse. It seems that every year, there’s at least one blockbuster movie playing up the “World is at an End” motif. Just off the top of my head: Terminator 2, Independence Day, Armageddon, Deep Impact, End of Days, The Day the Earth Stood Still, 28 Days Later, The Matrix, I am Legend and so on and so on and so on and so on.

This year is no different with the release of “2012” based on the Mayan prediction that the world will come to an end on December 21^st, 2012 (12-21-12).

If memory serves me correctly, there’s been a few times in my brief life when the world was supposed to end.  There was Y2K of course, when computers were supposed to rise up and eat us.  There were those crazy Zetas, who warned that the Earth would stop rotating on its axis in 2003.  Most recently, a British group by the name of “The Lord’s Witnesses” promised that a final World War would destroy Earth on March 21, 2008.

These nuts have real balls.  If I were a delusional Nostradamus wannabe I’d pick a date like 2505 when I know for sure I wouldn’t be around. These Zetas and Lord’s Witnesses…what do they do now?  Did they all go back to their alpaca farms? Were they like…”Woe to you Jupiter’s moon! My life has been one big lie!” How many do you figure broke into investment banking, realizing that they’ve got to shine it on for just a while longer than expected?

The Book of Revelations promises signs for the coming apocalypse (see The Four Horsemen).  I’m a Christian, but at the same time I’m a skeptic.  Not about God’s ability to send us real and discernable signs. No, I’m skeptical about all those loonies who see the image of Jesus in their McSkillet Burritos.

But I have to admit that with 12-21-12 quickly approaching, I was a bit rattled when I heard the following news (as sure a sign of the apocalypse as I’ve ever seen):

The Oprah Winfrey Show to End September 2011

Said Winfrey: “I love this show. This show has been my life. And I love it enough to know when it’s time to say goodbye. Twenty-five years feels right in my bones, and it feels right in my spirit. It’s the perfect number—the exact right time. So I hope that you will take this 18-month ride with me right through to the final show.”

Winfrey continued, “So, the countdown to the end of The Oprah Winfrey Show starts now, and until that day in 2011 when it ends, I intend to soak up every meaningful, joy-filled moment with you.”

And so the countdown to the end of days has begun. So allow me to make MY predictions

On that fateful day, a couple things will happen. As soon as the curtain drops on her final show, Oprah will be beamed up to a spacecraft waiting to take her to New Earth located in the EL-RAM X System.

The rest of us will devolve into something like the following (just imagine a horde of dazed and purposeless women in place of the zombies).

Fill your canteens now, people.  Nuclear winter is coming.

What do you often hear when you think of an adapted movie?  The book was better.  Oh yes, and the book is almost always better.  Why this is, is nothing the film can stop.  The stories in novels are generally written that way because the author felt they could be told that way the best.  The same goes for graphic novels, musicals, plays and the like.  Each author felt that the medium they chose was the best for their work.  Changing mediums is always risky.

This article is not about me bitching that adaptations don’t do it right.  I know why film adaptations will always be different or, in the college student’s trump card-like excuse, I took a film and literature class.  These are the inexcusable changes to endings where it was actually detrimental to the film as a whole, at least in my opinion.  Get your geek goggles on, cuz it’s time for a list of five movies (in no particular order) that jacked it up.

Warning: CONTAINS SPOILERS

I Am Legend

The Book:

The story of I Am Legend is the story of scientist Robert Neville as he fights against zombie/vampires that are turned by a disease.  Heralded as a unique take on both fandom’s mythos and a dark look at humanity itself, the book is an excellent and quick read.  It has been adapted into three feature films, the most recent of which shares the same name.

The movie:

As far as movie adaptations goes, it’s pretty good for while, we slowly see a build up, development and plot threads laid throughout (a basic component of writing) leading up to the big reveal at the end.  At first, the monsters are viewed simply as that: terrifying monster that will murder and kill anything in their way.  As time goes by, we see they are actually clever creatures, capable of building traps, holding meetings and communicating.  They also seem to have a form of government with a clearly defined “leader”.  There’s also symbolism involving a butterfly laced throughout, linking Neville, his family and the vampires to each other.  Then the ending comes and…

Robert Neville blows everything up.

Why it was a stupid change:

Apparently, the studio didn’t like the original’s tone?  Test audience didn’t like it?  I’m not sure, but the reason it sucks is because it removes the entire point of the original story.  The point was that the vampires come and try to rescue a girl that Neville has taken and is experimenting on.  The big reveal here is that these are rational creatures on a rescue mission and that he is the monster from their legends.  A real “Oh Shit” moment to be sure.

We are supposed to sypathize with the creature

Instead, Neville tosses a grenade and dies as a martyr, essentially trashing every plot thread throughout the movie up to that point.  Hooray Hollywood.

Did they fix it?:  The original ending is on the DVD release.  Watch is as God intended.

Rambo

If you are a man you will read this book.

The Book:

The book Rambo is based off of, is called First Blood hence the subtitle of the original film.  In it, the character of Rambo is hitchhiking through a lonely Kentucky town, still wearing his Vietnam gear.  He is picked up and treated poorly by the sheriffs, shaved beaten and witness to abuse of others who are jailed there.  He escapes and hides in the mountains, killing anyone who comes after him in a manhunt, essentially reverting back into his soldier mode as he is pushed to the edge.  The book is powerful in its commentary on both the way soldiers returning from the war were treated and how the law often abuses its power, only because it presides over criminals.  John Rambo also dies.

This shouldn’t discourage you from reading the book.  Rambo is the shit.

The movie:

How could you abuse a face like that?

The movie sticks to its guns throughout just about everything, from conveying a strong sympathetic view of Rambo and a negative view of the sheriff’s department, right up to the climactic battles in the trees.  The only problem?  Rambo blows everything up at the end.

Why it was a stupid change:

Not so much a stupid change, I suppose, as it was a sleazy change.  After all, if Rambo dies, how would they make cash cow sequels?  I am of the opinion that if something is meant to be told in one go, then it should be.  It if is meant to have sequels then so be it.  I just hated seeing Rambo raped by Hollywood and Stallone for so long.

Though I woulnd't mind owning this figure

Did they fix it?:  As far as I understand, the uncut ending is on the DVD.

Blade Runner

The Book:

Blade Runner is based off of Phillip K. Dick’s Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Being a big fan of the man’s work, you know I am a sucker for good sci-fi and this book has it.  It’s all about an android bounty hunter named Rick Deckard (damn that is a cool name) who is charged with the task of “retiring” or shutting down six escaped Nexus-6 androids that are capable of showing human emotions.  As he tracks them down, Rick asks himself what qualifies being a human and if having emotions gives the androids the right to seek a quality of life.

The movie:

The movie originally kept the book’s ending, because Ridley Scott is awesome, where the android that Rick is illegally harboring, and falling in love with, will be put into the “sheepless sleep of death”.  Basically, it’s something of a bittersweet conclusion, like a lot of science fiction (think District 9).  The studio, deciding this was too bleak, changed the ending where it is revealed that she doesn’t have the program to self-terminate and they live happily ever after, thus crushing the entire reason anyone should read or watch the god damned thing.

Did they fix it?:  They released the original uncut ending, along with several other cuts of it on a super sexy box set, all for the low, low price of $78.99.

…Just read the damn book.

Smooth talk

I spy, with my little eye, a serial rapist

The book short story:

Smooth Talk is based off of the short story Where are you going, where have you been? by Joyce Carol Oats.  In it, a young girl named Connie is obsessed with acting like an adult and hanging out with the older kids and is subsequently stalked, raped and then killed.

The movie:

The same thing happens, with some embellishments and development to spread the story over two hours.  Then we get to the ending and Connie is just raped.  I know that sounds terrible, but the original impact of the story is that Connie is dead.  It makes the rereading chilling.  The first time you read it you don’t even notice the first line which states “Her name was Connie…”  By removing her death, the movie has something of a sweet conclusion where, in typical teen movie fashion, Connie is more grown up and accepting of her parents and sister.  Way to sugar coat rape, there, guys.

Rape is a great way to help young girls grow into womanhood and understand parental motivations.

Did they fix it?:  Nope.  The short story isn’t long.  Go read it.

Apocalypse Now

The book:

Apocalypse Now is based off of the incredibly famous Joseph Conrad novella Heart of Darkness, where a man named Marlow is sent up the Congo River to retrieve a rogue named Kurtz who has, essentially, stopped doing his job for an ivory transport company.  During his journey, Marlow encounters brutal slavery, cannibalism and the death of comrades.  Upon reaching Kurtz’s camp, Marlow realizes that the man has become a god of the people there, despite being close to death and gives Marlow the opportunity to take up the mantle.

The movie:

Instead of the Congo, the movie takes place in Vietnam as Willard is charged with the task of finding Kurtz and killing him.  During his journey upriver he comes across soldiers who have lost their minds and are shooting at nothing, innocent civilians gunned down during mass confusion, and a crazed leader who orders soldiers to surf in the middle of a battle.

You crazy man, you crazy!

This all leads to Willard finally finding Kurtz and getting the exact same offer.  In the original ending of the film, Willard agrees to it and takes up the mantle as king.

Did they fix it?:  Actually yes.  They scrapped the ending and instead have Willard killing Kurtz, Kurtz whispers the iconic line “the horror, the horror” and Willard leaves as The End by The Doors plays over the credits.  So I guess this is more of a movie that almost jacked up the last few minutes.

How about some old school sci-fi? Last man on Earth is based on the Richard Matheson science fiction classic “I am Legend”. It was later remade as “The Omega Man” with Charlton Heston.

D + Horror Movies = a really bad combo. Utter the words saw, chainshaw, paranormal activity, zombies in my vicinity and the odds are high that I will cringe. The boyfriend looooves these movies, horror and ninja movies — no, I don’t think our cinematic taste could get any different. After all, I Am Legend gave me nightmares for weeks and if I were to really start thinking about it right now, I’m pretty sure I’d have another tonight.

Anyways, so when the boyfriend informed me that we were going to see Zombieland tonight, I was a wee bit skeptical. Granted the only reason I didn’t put up a giant fight was the comedy-tinged buzz I’d heard. That and the fact that the 10-hour work days are about to spill into 7-day weeks — Friday night has to equal nice girlfriend night every now and then.

As for Zombieland, it’s safe to say I was pleasantly surprised. Jesse Eisenberg is as quirky and charming as always, and I’d say his character type is still a couple films shy of overplayed. I’m becoming a lil obsessed with Emma Stone, and seriously you can’t mess with Woody. If we glaze over the parts where I had to hide my eyes when the zombies got a bit too icky, I kinda sorta liked it.

I think I will leave it at that.

posted by D

this week was the debut of Lady GAGA’s new video Bad Romance directed by Francis Lawrence and styled by Nicola Formichetti.

lawrence, who has also worked with other artists such as: Britney Spears, Nelly Furtado, Janet Jackson, Gwen Stefani and the Pussycat Dolls to name a few. Besides working on music videos he has also directed feature films, his 2005 debut was the movie Constantine starring Keanu Reeves and recently I Am Legend starring Will Smith. With such a long list of clients and projects, he can now add the amazing miss Lady GAGA to his reference.

with lawrence behind GAGA’s team comes Nicola Formichetti’s styling work. Formichetti who works as an editor for a long list of amazing fashion magazines (Dazed & Confused, Vogue Hommes Japan, Another Man, V, V Man, Another) was born in Japan. his unique style, due to his upbringing is recognized around the fashion world, lending his powers to get great names like: Alexander McQueen, Rachel Barrett, Shinji Konishi, Vava Dudu, Franc Fernandez, Keko Hainswheeler, Benjamin Cho, Jaiden Rva James, Nasir Mazhar, Alex Noble, Carrera and RP Encore to contribute to the amazing and awe inspiring music video brought to you by the HAUS OF GAGA.

images taken from the blog of the stylist himself http://nicolaformichetti.blogspot.com/2009/11/lady-gaga-bad-romance-fashion-credits.html

personally i think the video is amazing but thats because i’ve become such a GAGA fan nowadays. her over the top stage presentation and fashion attitude is something influential to some of the now boring and “oh so serious” attitudes of some other pop stars. im sorry britney, but 3 is just not competing with this, was it ever?? well with the team of names just behind this video its hard not to, with the jackson thriller dance and early 90’s sound its hard not to get hypnotized into GAGAism. if not the clothes that pulled me in, it was surprisingly her eyes that got me as well, seeing how this was the first time i truly saw her bare without any strong makeup or sunglasses to cover them. im truly looking forward to GAGA’s next video although, hearing her newest single Alejandro, i dont think it will be such eyecandy, good song still but hmm…. ill have to wait and see, that is if there will be a video coming out for it. oh lady GAGA, so good! and to add to this new love i just found out that she was born just a day before me… minus 2 years. could it be destiny? lol.

lyx sends love to this amazing project. well done!

From the moment I noticed the gold mesh on her nails, this video had me hooked on its dose of absurdness!

(BTW, I checked the video out because Adam Lambert blogged about it on facebook!) One weirdo to another, its funny because I mentioned them both in my last Gaga post (which surprisingly has been the one post that still brings traffic to my blog!)

I have a few reasons for loving the song Bad Romance,

1. As I mentioned before, its simply catchy

2. The song has some crazy power that makes me wanna do some activity LOL

3. Can totally relate to the lyrics (mwahaha that is what having a never ending crush on the most unstable man on earth does to ya! you start relating to Lady Gaga’s lyrical madness! except I don’t want his disease if he has one :-| )

Anyway, back to the video! I’ve watched it a few times already and I think Francis Lawrence has done a cool job! His name sounded familiar so I googled and turns out he directed my favorite band’s music video for The Call! (which is one of my favorite BSB videos) AND he’s the director of I AM LEGEND (WILL SMITH!!)! and Constantine (KEANU REEVES!!)! My favorites again

I love her crazy eyes, at first I thought they’ve put make up on her eye lids so when she closes her eyes they look crazy but now I realized its some mental visual effect. Aliens meet supermodels meet Russian vodka sipping pimps is the theme here, very very very random indeed! I think the gold outfit she wears towards the end with those alien like shoes is fabulously freakishly cool! Its all the weirdness that makes me like her more and more. I’ve also noticed she’s quite a dancer. The best bit of the video is definitely the end where she’s lying on the bed next to a skeleton with the fire cracker in her mouth, its pretty funny. I love how the video goes from one emotion to another (the song in itself is pretty intense I feel) with every emotion backed up by a high dose of eccentricity. Its also good to see a few bits where the camera is focused on Gaga and she doesn’t have much make up on, gives you a chance to actually see for real how she looks like :-|

To be honest, I think Gaga is someone people love to hate and hate to love. She seems so out of the box, I’m actually starting to like it. I have always been a fan of the absurd, random, weird, strangeness in the world and this video satisfies that appetite of my random brain…it is so freaking random, turns my so very random brain to mush!

PS: I am really curious to see how this woman looks fully clothed for once! Really!!!

My google search for the day

well.. at least more people are bored.. than those that are extremely terrified of chinese people.  :/

George A. Romero was the first man to put flesh eating hordes of the undead onto celluloid in 1968 with Night of the Living Dead. Since then the pasty looking ones have taken on a life of their own (sic), with an endless army of the great exhumed hitting the big screen for our enjoyment and delectation.

Romero set the trend for the super low budget style of the zombie films we know and love today, creating the film on a budget of $114,000 and using a simple narrative, snappy writing, smart camera tricks and clever design and make-up to work with the constraints of his budget rather than against it. The end result was a film that took in a total of $30million worldwide.

Obviously, this seemed like the perfect amateur money making formula. But what the thousands of copy-cats failed to notice was that it was the immaculately constructed script and mythology that went into making Night of the Living Dead such an iconic, subversive piece of cinema, not just gratuitous brain-munching.

And so a new genre was born, the ultra-low budget, mainly god awful and predominantly straight-to-video zombie film. Here lies one of the greatest creations in cinema history, a place where you can enjoy a good 80 minutes of attention grabbing, nonsensical, cinematic bliss – with the most sublimely absurd titles known to man.

For the uninformed, here are some of my favourites:

• Space Zombie Bingo!!! (Three explanation marks, three!)
• Zombie Holocaust (simple, concise, effective)
• Zombie Strippers (for raising the bar of absurdity)
• Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! (a personal favourite and proof repetition gets you noticed)
• Zombie Honeymoon (never a good way to start married life)
• The Zombie Diaries (criminally undermined in the Bridget Jones series)
• Stubbs the Zombie in ‘Rebel Without a Pulse’ (no more explanation needed)
• Wu long tian shi zhao ji gui AKA Kung-Fu Zombie (because we all dreamed that, one day, someone would)
• Gay Zombie (because zombies swing both ways)
• Z: A Zombie Musical (who says the undead can’t sing and dance?)
• Zombie Vegetarians (representing team veggie)
• Get Along Little Zombie (a heartwarming tale of flesh eating youngsters)
• No. My Other Possessed-Zombie Girlfriend. (if there’s a better title out there, I sure as hell don’t know it)

And finally… A few more top zombie facts, zombie-fact-fans:

Although Romero was first to put flesh eating zombies to screen, the first big screen appearance of the zombie was in the 1932 film White Zombie, starring man-god Bela Lugosi as the wonderfully named voodoo master, Murder Legendre.

In writing Night of the Living Dead, Romero openly’ admits to ripping off Richard Matheson’s superb 1954 book, I Am Legend, which everyone should have read.

Despite having no end of trouble finding a distributor for the film (many of whom wanted a re-shot ‘Happy’ ending), Romero refused to change the original print or make cuts to get his film into cinemas and insisted it should be shown in its entirety.

The cause of the zombie outbreak is never explained throughout the film’s duration. This might be obvious to some but it’s a subtlety that lots of people miss – another reason why it is so great. The closest we get to an explanation is offered by a scientist citing radiation from a space probe – another nod to militant cold war tactics in the film.

The film was made using chocolate sauce for blood and cooked ham as a substitute for human flesh, with mortician’s wax as make up for the zombies.

There are nine characters named ‘Zombie-with-gun’ in sequel, Day of the Dead.

It has been remade twice, made 3d and treated in 2004 to produce a colour version of the original. All of these are rubbish.

Everyone can do a good zombie impression, with sound effects. But mine is best.

We’ve done our fair share of promoting zombies this month, positioning them as fun for the whole family in the form of our latest game, Zombie Pizza. We even went so far as to publish a roundtable asking if our pop culture has gone too far in taking the horror out of the walking dead. With zombies atop the box office and the best seller lists, it should surprise no one to learn that zombies are just as hot with teens and tweeners as with their developmentally-arrested parents. To zero-in on what makes zombies so damn cool, we went to the source — our resident (almost) teenager, Miles O’Connor.

Miles, the zombie-hunter

The son of Appy co-founder Paul O’Connor, Miles probably never had a chance at a normal life. Burdened by the nerd gene, and raised around videogames all his life, Miles was bound to grow up bent. But even the most ardent supporters of environment over heredity as the determining factor in personality would have to admit that Miles is unusually attracted to horror and the undead, even for someone of his geeky bloodline.

We caught up with Miles after he returned from seeing Zombieland with his old man (who won’t be winning Father of the Year any time soon, we know).

APPY: So, what did you think of Zombieland?

MILES: I’m very happy about it, it was more than I expected and I want to immediately go back and see it again.

APPY: To give us some context, tell us what other zombie pictures you’ve seen.

MILES: The Evil Dead series, Shaun of the Dead, I Am Legend … what else?

APPY: I Am Legend was without approval, by the way. You’ve seen the original Night of the Living Dead. No way would we turn you loose on these deconstructed zombie pictures without first seeing the original.

MILES: Ok, there you go.

APPY: Where does Zombieland rank for you?

MILES: I’d give it a ten out of ten. That was the best. I liked the way they kill zombies in the film. I liked the way he (Tallahassee) opens the car door on the zombie as he drives by, the way they hit zombies with golf clubs.

APPY: Can’t say I remember golf clubs, but if you say so … think was that an homage to Shaun of the Dead getting loose with a cricket bat?

Shaun faces a sticky wicket

(warning … Shaun of the Dead spoilers follow below)

MILES: It reminded me of Shaun. They obviously watched Shaun along with a couple other movies before they started directing.

APPY: This zombie business obviously isn’t scaring you … in the picture today, you were squirming and cheering like you were on a thrill ride. What is it about zombies that you find so fun?

MILES: I like the panic that they spread to people, and the way they act … the chasing and they won’t stop unless given a sudden blow to the head.

APPY: Why, you little … in our day, blows to the head were confined to the Three Stooges. Don’t you feel bad when zombies get killed? They used to be people.

MILES: Nah. I’d feel bad if it was an innocent person getting killed in the middle of changing into a zombie, but once they go bad, I like watching them get hurt.

APPY: Do they really get hurt?

MILES: No I don’t think so. Zombies don’t really feel anything.

APPY: Ever seen a zombie that seemed to have feelings?

MILES: Well, I don’t think I’ve seen any zombie movies where they build up a zombie relationship.

APPY: I guess you haven’t seen Day of the Dead yet –

MILES: You won’t let me!

Bub, from Day of the Dead … a thinking man’s zombie

APPY: — you’re not missing much, it’s not Master Romero’s strongest film — but in that picture, “Bub” definitely has feelings. What about Shaun of the Dead’s friend? At the end of the picture?

MILES: Yeah, that changes my feelings.

APPY: What’s different?

MILES: It’s because they build up a relationship between Shaun and Ed, but the joke is when he’s a zombie, he still acts the same as when he was alive.

APPY: I think the subtext of Shaun of the Dead is that we’re all zombies. Shaun’s life before the zombie attack was a kind of living death, to be sure. But for all that it was comedic, Shaun of the Dead has some dark, dark moments. Didn’t you feel bad when Shaun’s mother turned undead?

MILES: Of course I feel bad, I feel bad for when she turns and when she gets shot, but if she was out in the zombie crowd for an hour and then she came back I wouldn’t feel bad becaushe she’s a zombie already. Like when Pete, Shaun’s roomate changes, you don’t mind, it’s fun when he gets shot.

APPY: Now wait a second. We build up a relationship with Pete just like we do with Shaun’s mother. Why is it funny to see him change, but not funny when the mother changes?

MILES: Pete’s sort of yells at Shaun and criticizes him, so I guess that when he gets shot, he’s the guy that’s always chattermouthing, so it’s kind of fun. When he dies you’re kind of relieved.

APPY: Remind us to point your future college roommate toward this blog.

APPY: All right, let’s talk about Left 4 Dead. When we saw this game rolling out at PAX last year, it looked like a sharp little zombie shooter, but we had no idea it would become a daily obsession for you. Don’t you feel the slightest bit of remorse gunning down all those people?

MILES: I don’t feel bad for them because it’s a video game. The zombies look really great, but if you look carefully, some of them are the same. I don’t feel bad about it in Left 4 Dead because you never knew those people before they turned. I wish you could have your survivors turn undead when they die, but they didn’t do that in the game, which is why I curse them. I guess I should write a letter.

APPY: You just did. But it isn’t just zombie games where you kill lots of people. You’ve blasted a whole Reich’s-worth of Nazis to death in Call of Duty.

MILES: They do terrible things, don’t they deserve it?

APPY: You tell me. What’s the dividing line?

MILES: In a game like Grand Theft Auto, you’re just killing random people.

APPY: You’ve never played Grand Theft Auto.

MILES: I’ve played Crackdown, that’s about the same. And Destroy All Humans. I kind of feel bad because you’re electrifying people in that game, but they obviously don’t want you to feel bad for killing humans. When there are only three kinds of humans and they all look the same, you don’t feel bad for them when they die.

APPY: Is it a question of identity?

MILES: In a video game, they don’t have personality. They’re just zombies, they’re all the same, they all think the same way.

APPY: By the way, which is your favorite zombie videogame — Left 4 Dead or Zombie Pizza?

Zombie Pizza, for iPhone & iPod Touch

MILES: Left 4 Dead.

APPY: You little bastard. Zombie Pizza puts food on your table!

MILES: You taught me not to lie, Dad.

APPY: We’re not “Dad” here, remember? It’s Appy!

Miles, the zombie … with a shirt from Nightshade

APPY: What are the essential elements of a zombie movie?

MILES: Terror, in every zombie movie, but they didn’t really have that in Zombieland. The intense feeling of the zombies being outside and you can’t escape from wherever you are, zombies banging on the window and coming through the door. The intense feeling that you’re not immune to the infection so you can be infected that easily. You feel threatened by the thought that just being scratched can make you change.

APPY: Do you worry about changing into something or getting sick?

MILES: If I get the flu or something I’m happy because I get to stay home from school. But I don’t think there’s a z-virus out there yet.

APPY: Let’s talk about how zombie movies have changed. What do you remember about Night of the Living Dead?

MILES: I remember conflict.

APPY: What kind?

MILES: Arguments. The people were arguing. Didn’t have those kind of arguments in Zombieland, it was a little more about the zombies.

APPY: George Romero always used his zombie movies to tell us something about ourselves, and our attitudes toward each other. His movies are about how close we are to a total breakdown in civilization.

MILES: That’s like the message, right?

APPY: What’s the message of these new movies, like Shaun of the Dead or Zombieland?

MILES: Shaun was practically a human zombie until he had to start fighting them. The meaning of Zombieland … probably, I’m guessing, I don’t know, was there a message of Zombieland or was it just a movie?

APPY: Wasn’t it about trust and family and love? Appreciating the little things?

MILES: Yeah, in Zombieland they learn to trust each other.

APPY: What about consumerism? The need for things, the owning of things? Is this part of any of these films?

MILES: Twinkies. Yeah, Twinkies.

Twinkies … the ultimate treasure of Zombieland

APPY: Well, not quite what we were thinking. At one point in Zombieland, they’re in this expensive mansion full of cool stuff, but they just leave it. They also bust up a trading post full of stuff.

MILES: They decided they just needed to, they were probably stressed. Sometimes tipping things over can be fun.

APPY: But don’t people spend all their time trying to get those things?

MILES: Things they don’t need, yeah.

APPY: How about Dawn of the Dead? The heroes hole up in a shopping mall full of the things they most wanted when they were alive, but now …

MILES: Can I see Dawn of the Dead? I really want to see that.

APPY: No, not yet.

Dawn of the Dead told us what we already knew — shopping malls are full of zombies

APPY: So do zombie movies somehow ask us what it means to be human? Just being alive, being hungry, wanting things … is that what’s important in life? Because sometimes it seems that’s all we do. But when the apocalypse comes, it doesn’t mean anything any more.

MILES: It’s time to let go of all that and just survive. It probably means take what you need, don’t take what you want.

APPY: Maybe we don’t need the end of the world to decide that makes sense, right?

MILES: I guess.

APPY: So these new zombie movies almost make it seem fun to survive the end of the world?

MILES: Yes, it looks like a lot of fun. I’d love to just go and whack zombies, that would be fun.

cutting loose in Zombieland

MILES: They don’t treat it seriously. They were just trying to have fun and that’s why I liked it.

APPY: But what about the infection and the loved ones turning and the fear and the mass deaths?

MILES: You think too much, Dad. Lighten up, it’s not like Zombie Pizza is some big serious zombie game you know.

APPY: Go to bed, Miles!

Warning: Extreme randomness ahead.

So today we were randomly having a conversation about which actors we would want to save the world from invading alien zombies. Deep stuff I know. My A-Team would be as follows:

Daniel Craig:
Think about the two new Bond movies. He kills people even when he’s not supposed to. Those alien/zombies don’t stand a chance.

Gerald Butler:
300, Gamer, RocknRolla, Reign of Fire. This man is all that is man. Burly, bad ass, and a good singer to boot. Bonus points for being born in Scotland.

Will Smith:
Recommended by Taylor and Craig, I was pretty set against him at first. Fresh Prince and Hitch do nothing to boast about his apocalypse survival skills, but I think he’s finally out of his juvenile stages. Hancock, I Am Legend, and Men In Black (1 & 2) all attest to his butt-kicking skills.

Runner-ups:

Sylvester Stallone:
Freaking buffest 60 year-old I’ve ever seen. I’d take him, even at his grandpa age. You can’t beat Apollo Creed and take out an entire army of Burmese bad guys and not be considered for zombie-killer status.

Hugh Jackman:
Despite his extreme manliness exhibited in the latest X-Men, I don’t know if Hugh would be able to pull it off without his claws. As Taylor put it, “He’s a bit too much of a musical type person to save the world.”

Bruce Willis:
I don’t doubt Bruce’s world saving skills, the Die Hards and Armageddon proof they’re there. But I think they’re buried under a few too many years in the field. His age was showing in Live Free or Die Hard; he was way too slow getting up from jumping out of the police car.

Angelina Jolie:
That’s right. I listed a chick. She’ll kick your butt if you think otherwise. The Tomb Raider series, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Wanted are proof.

Also mentioned in the conversation:
Sean Connery, Michelle Rodriguez, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Samuel L. Jackson, and Jackie Chan.

So. The question of the day is, who is your A-Team that you’d trust to save the world? Leave a comment with your answer.

With Halloween only a few days away, you may be feeling the urge to watch a scary movie — ’tis the season! I’m not a big fan of the typical slasher movies or eery evil spiritual flicks, but I do love a good thriller or zombie movie, so here are my top picks for what to watch this weekend:

1. Zombieland. This movie is in theaters now, and it is hilarious. If you’re looking for a fun new zombie comedy, check it out.

2. Sean of the Dead. Another zombie flick, but definitely worth the rental fee. It’s a funny look at how a man tries to turn his life around by winning back his ex-girlfriend, reconciling his relationship with his mother, and dealing with an entire community that has returned from the dead to eat the living.

3. Scream. It’s an “oldie” from the 90s, but I think it stands the test of time. Scream is an intelligent version of the mindless teen horror/slasher films. After an anonymous killer guts two high school lovers, a mysterious rise in fear and rumors rise in a peaceful Californian town. A killer starts killing high school teenagers, with a young teenage girl, an eccentric and dramatic cop, and a selfish and ambitious reporter trying to investigate the murders.

4. I Am Legend. I wasn’t crazy about the ending of this film, but I have to admit it was a great movie. It was intense, well acted, and worth watching. Starring Will Smith it centers on the story of the sole survivor in NYC years after a plague kills most of humanity and transforms the rest into monsters.

It became apparent to me last night through reading many many dental articles, patient feedbacks, and situations similar to my swollen cheek that I may have fluid trapped inside that isn’t coming out.

So today at work I decided to chew a piece of Orbits Cinnamon Flava and fucking half-healed flesh over the extraction site just ripped open as if Ripley was venting her Hybrid Alien.

I bled. and bled. and bled. I started to worry. I couldn’t wait to get home and examine my mouth. I just couldn’t wait. This happened around 3pm. I had to bear the pain and uneasy feeling until 7pm which case I ate dinner via Gulps+Swallowing (No CHEWING) and soon began my mouth examination and discovered it wasn’t so bad after all. The gum flaps weren’t fully healed because I stupidly chewed a piece of gum.

I’ll have faith in my body’s healing factor. It’s not as good as Wolverine’s X-Factor but I’ll hope for it.

About work, I had many customers coming most of which were tourist asking for H1N1 Vaccine. If you don’t what that is, I suggest you go back to your cave.

Vaccine defined as an immunogen consisting of a suspension of weakened or dead pathogenic cells injected in order to stimulate the production of antibodies

This Swine Flu vaccine, although a viable preventable option. There hasn’t been any cases of trails. What could happen?

• Everyone becomes immune to the virus. or
• Zombie Apocalypse via

  

  “I am Legend starring Will Smith” but in our case starring “Barack Obama”

If the latter of the two does happen I’m going Left 4 Dead meets Fallout.

I personally object to getting the vaccine until…

those who’ve taken it to see for any side-effects such as flesh falling off, rotting corpse, and walking around like Cadaver.

This blog has gone hamster!

It’s freaky-deaky time.  This is where I get to highlight all the freaks who find my blog by typing kooky and insane search terms into their favorite search engine.  I’m not hating.  I’m just sharing the love and awesomeness of the freaks.   If this is your first time here, you may want to catch up on past posts because there are definitely some disturbing trends.

10. Shirtless Male Celebrity Searches (I’m bunching them together this week): zak bagans, ted kennedy, ryan buell, michael vick, rw, jerry Seinfeld, ed asner, brad sciullo – The list is growing every week, and I don’t know who RW is but I’m assuming (and hoping) that it’s not me.  Because 1. I’m not a celebrity and 2. I haven’t been shirtless since ’99, in real life or photos.

9. short man with tattoos – Bizarrely specific? Yes!  But you’ve got to admire the person who googled this.  They know what they want.

8. is jeff goldblum attractive? – If you have to ask… maybe the next freaky search Friday entry will help you answer your question.

7.ladies love jeff Goldblum – I have it on good authority that Jeff Goldblum actually is the person who googled this.

6. jeff goldblum awkward – Apparently ladies love awkward.  Again, I have it on good authority that this too was Mr. Goldblum.  Looks like he has a self-esteem problem.

5. did michael jackson fear prince – Let’s face it Prince is an imposing figure.  The make-up, the high heel shoes, the lace, the come hither stare… Wait, what was I talking about?

4. hamster 80s term – I was around in the 80s.  We called hamsters, hamsters.  In all fairness, they are probably referring to this 80’s dating video.

3. nude male celebrities – Apparently shirtless just won’t do for some people.

2. donna reed nude – Again?  Why?  I must know.

And the number 1 freakiest search term used to find my blog is:

1. Ed Asner nude – You remember that scene in I Am Legend where Will Smith sees the Fred mannequin on the street, and he gets out of his SUV and screams in a panicked voice, “No!  No!”  That’s exactly how I felt when I first saw Ed Asner nude in the list of search terms used to find my blog.  Now, I’m just numb… cold and numb… and frightened.

5 movies that were better than the book:

We all know them, heck some of us ARE them, those people who huff as soon as the credits roll and scoff, “The book was sooooooo much better!” Nothing wrecks the after-glow of a good movie quite like that line. OF COURSE the book was better, its a BOOK! There is a level of intimacy you experience with characters in a book that is rarely rivaled via the medium of movies. But there are a few exceptions where the movie really does come off better than the book, here are my 5 picks of movies that are actually better than the books they are based on:

1) Where the Wild Things Are:

Might as well come out of the gate swinging. Yes, i know Where the Wild Things Are is a beloved and timeless children’s book, a Caldecott winner and that Maurice Sendak is an artistic Genius. i love the book! i think it’s great. But when i read the book it feels like the story of a bratty kid who gets sent to his room, spends a few hours fantasizing and returns to reality to find his dinner waiting for him. When i saw the movie it felt much more profound: Bratty kid acts like brat, gets in trouble and embarks on a journey of imagination that reminds us all that our ideal life may not be exactly what we think it is, that we need to face down our inner demons because if we don’t we’ll deal with them till we do.

Book:     93% Awesome

Movie:    95%  Awesome

2) Ben Hur:

One of my all time favorite movies. This movie is an Epic movie in every sense of the word. i don’t think any other movie even touched on the scale of it’s story-telling until Peter Jackson took a break from making horrible slashers and took the risk of putting Tolkien’s trilogy onto film (L.O.T.R.: Book better than the movie: Book 110% Awesome. Movie: 98% Awesome).

Charlton Heston really gets absorbed by Judah Ben Hur in the movie, quite a feat considering Heston’s stature. The movie takes a few minutes to wind up, but then grabs me by the guts and won’t let me go till the ending. The pacing is slower than modern movies, but it’s got that golden age of cinema pacing that makes everything feel so much more grandiose. The book on the other hand has this slower pacing that makes it feel well, just slow. If you haven’t seen the movie watch it! And remember, that chariot race is 0% CGI & cost human lives to film!

Book: 33% Awesome

Movie: 98% Awesome

3) Flowers for Algernon (Charlie)

When i was in High School, for some reason that is beyond me, we were forced to watch Flowers for Algernon in my 10th grade health and P.E. Class. Knowing the nature of P.E. teachers who teach us not only their passion of propelling various spherical & near spherical objects of varying resiliencies through the air for competitive reasons; but also are forced by school boards to teach us miscellaneous facts about how our bodies work*, i’m sure that at least to some extent their motivations were: Hey, watching a movie would eat up 90 minutes of class time OR a week of health class (with the alternation between “Gym Days” & “Class Days”).

i remember it was quite an affair, they herded all the Health and P.E. classes into the auditorium (my school had 3 gyms & therefore i think as many health and P.E. classes running simultaneously) and for three days one week we sat on those dark stained wooden seats and watched Flowers for Algernon. The tale of a mentally retarded man, Charlie (which is the name of the book),  who receives an experimental treatment that augments his intelligence to Hawking-esque levels. But alas- only temporarily. i remember shedding tears as it wound down, and tears in a 10th grade Health & P.E. class are the equivalent to throwing a lacerated hemophiliac into a shark pool. It’s a tough movie to find, but worth the time to watch it, the book on the other hand feels like it was written by Charlie after his experimental treatments have concluded.

Book: (aka: Charlie)  20% Awesome

Movie: (aka: Flowers for Algernon)  75% Awesome

By the way; Algernon is a lab mouse that also receives the treatments in the story.

*why any legitimate educator would pick P.E. teachers to teach  us Sex Ed is beyond me! We take the men who were the jocks in their own school career and task them with laying the foundation for the budding sexual awareness of the youth of our nation? On what level does this seem like a good idea? English teachers are the ideal choice for that job, the same people that teach you to de-code Shakespeare, it’s scandalous some of the things they required us to read, and aspire to be novelists would be much more equipped to share what is euphemistically referred to as the birds and the bees.

4) I Am Legend

The Movie I Am Legend is a great little Sci-Fi romp into a post-apocalyptic world where a modified virus has transformed humanity into a sort of zombie/vampire jacked up on PCP sort of monstrosity. It follows Robert Neville, played by Will Smith* (who is a class A action movie guy- if you don’t hold Wild Wild West against him), as he seeks to find a cure for the virus. In the movie  he has depth and does things that i confess i would probably do if i lived in an abandoned NY city, like set up a small population of mannequins  at his most frequent haunts and do things just because you could, like tearing through Central Park in a super-charged GT Mustang or hitting golf balls of the U.S.S. Intrepid into the city.

Really the movie came of as smart and engaging and i rooted for Neville through the whole thing, crying when Sam (his beloved dog) dies and literally sitting on the edge of my seat earlier when he searches for her in a building packed full of the infected.

The book on the other hand… well it felt like it was written by a 17 year old to target an audience of 17 year olds. Humanity had turned into what is closer to more traditional vampires and well, there really wasn’t anything wildly creative about it. Had i read the book first i would have skipped the movie altogether and that would have been a mistake on my part. When i read the book, instead of rooting for the main character, i found myself anxiously waiting for the vampires to finally get around to killing his boring self. When he finally does die it is boring and inglorious.

Skip the book, rent the movie

Book: 10% Awesome

Movie: 95% Awesome

* Will Smith is also one of the few human beings that if, via a tear in the time space continuum found himself in a no-holds barred cage match against himself, 40 years old vs 25 years old; the 40 year old version would literally break the 25 year old version. Literally. Break. Him.

5) The Princess Bride

For two weeks running one of the greatest movies of all times makes an appearance in my senseless ramblings!

It’s hard to best a master-piece. Honestly i almost skipped this one (although i do think the movie is better than the book) because comparing the movie to the book is like comparing the Mona Lisa (painting) to whoever the real Mona Lisa (the model) was.

Like Where the Wild Things Are, there is nothing at all wrong with the book, it’s just that the movie is so near to perfect that it almost “goes the way of Enoch”- it walked with God and was no more! The book fills in some gaps, and by claiming to be an “abbreviated version of S. Morgenstern’s longer tale” peppered with Goldman’s commentary it pulls off the same schticky feel that the movie pulls off by cutting to a protesting Fred Savage, “Wait there isn’t more kissing is there?”

Read the book and watch the movie; or watch the movie and read the book; or watch the movie, read the book and watch the movie again; or read the book and watch the movie between chapters- over and over again…

Book:   99.8% Awesome

Movie:  100% Awesome (not from concentrate)

Well, there’s my 5 picks for Movies that are better than the books. My fellow humans ; do you have any picks for movie over book? If so let me know (so i can enjoy the movie without feeling guilty for skipping the book it’s based on!)

Reality

This week marked the beginning of our film projects at the HFF Konrad Wolf.  The assignment:  The approximately 100 incoming students are arbitrarily divided into 10 groups of 10 to shoot a 3-minute feature with only a DV camera + accessories at their disposal.  In addition, the students must work in an area that’s different from their Studiengang – cinematography students can’t do camera, acting student can’t act, etc.  We were all collectively given the topic for this year’s project of “Was bisher geschah” (“What happened before now”), which understandably gave us a lot of leeway to come up with ideas.  Most of the time, creative projects assembled arbitrarily seem to lead to artistic tension and inefficient action.  Ours has been quite the opposite:  we decided on a great idea within an hour of brainstorming (which I will disclose once the film is completed), everyone kind of naturally settled into their assorted changed-up roles, and production details were quickly arranged.  Even the first day of shooting went precisely according to plan and gave us some great starting footage.  I’d like to personally thank Alex, Anna, Laura, Maurice, Nick, Burkhart, Cate, Claudio and Veit for such a smooth and entertaining student film experience.  If only all productive endeavors ran like this!

Tuesday was something of a “play-date” – we were let loose inside the Studio Babelsberg Filmpark and given tours of the Babelsberg facilities.  This was a mixed experience for me.  I’ve been working with the legacy of the Babelsberg Studios starting from their genesis under Guido Seeber in 1912 to their Weimar artistic glory to their UFA Nazi heritage to the “totalizing workshop” of the DEFA in East Germany to their purchase by Vivendi and conversion into an international filmmaking prestige location.  So on the one hand, I was visiting very sacred ground for me: the origin point of what we consider to be major-league German studio cinema.  This is where Murnau developed those fantastic tracking shots in The Last Laugh (1924), Heinz Rühmann flitted about in Feuerzangenbowle (1944), Alfred Hirschmeier developed sets for Silent Star (1960), Herwig Kipping tore apart what remained of the GDR in Land Beyond the Rainbow (1991), and Roman Polanski depicted Nazi-occupied Warsaw in The Pianist (2002).  On the other hand, this was all very banal:  here’s the building where they keep the props, there’s the television studios, here’s the fake street for some scenes from Sonnenallee (1999), there’s some retired junk from our stunt show, here’s a few Universal Studios-esque rides, there’s some paraphernalia from assorted terrible German co-productions, here’s the wall where they shot part of the Baader-Meinhof Complex (2008), there’s a set of tourists who actually paid the 18 euros to see this stuff.  In many ways, the Museum für Film und Fernsehen was far more enticing.  Then again, my lack of enchantment might have stemmed from the itinerant hail landing on our heads as we meandered around outside.

On Wednesday night, I had a very nice evening with Sylvia Fischer, a prospective Ph.D. student who must have visited at least half-a-dozen U.S. schools in an effort to literally change her present way of life for the (intellectually) better.  We ate at a restaurant in Friedrichshain, a place with which I’m becoming more familiar by the day, and swapped tips about Berlin and U.S. graduate school respectively.  I’m always happy to meet up with assorted people in Berlin, and the city fortunately makes it quite easy to do so.

Some more observations:

• The consensus among both German nationals and foreign students is that the StaBi (the Berlin city library) kind of sucks and could be greatly improved in a myriad different ways.  Someone oughta form a committee…

• In terms of causing human discomfort, the moist cold of Berlin kicks the butt of the semi-dry cold in Massachusetts hands down, but Iowa in October is still worse than either.

• German waiters are very quick mathematicians (due to their regular dealings with split checks), and probably use much more of their brains than American waiters, whose job is nevertheless much more aggressively about both pleasing the customer and forcing them to leave the establishment.

• Dogs are people here.

Fantasy

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D (dir. Eric Brevig, USA 2008)

Thanks to the formidable resources the HFF Konrad Wolf has placed at our disposal so that we might produce and consume films, I saw this Brendan Fraser adventure flick for free and in glorious 3D.  Now our blogs are not yet 3D-image capable, but in this case I wish they were, because this film can only be described in 3D terms.  In effect, Eric Brevig (of Xena: Warrior Princess fame) created an almost encyclopedic homage to every major 3D trick in the book, from the “yo-yo in your face” to the “flying water droplets” to the “roller coaster” to the “suspend a floating object against a dramatic backdrop.”  Rather than evolving a “new” 3D vocabulary, Brevig seems content to offer a carnivalesque array of 3D attractions nestled in a skeletal, cliché-driven plot designed to get us from one effects sequence to another.  In this respect, the movie thoroughly succeeds from an effects angle, and Fraser proves himself as  the sympathetic human to whom special-FX-related events always seem to happen.

I am Legend (dir. Francis Lawrence, USA 2007)

This post-apocalyptic film was quite spectacularly bad, but instructively so.  The Last Man on Earth (1964) brought us Vincent Price as the doomed hero who would discover he is the villain.  The Omega Man (1971) brought us Charlton Heston in a similar idiom, except less adept at the task of acting.  But I Am Legend (2007) spins an elaborate escapist post-apocalyptic fantasy in which Will Smith becomes a Christ figure and unequivocally saves humanity with his selfless actions – more analogous to Byron Haskin’s 1953 Christian re-interpretation of H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds than to either of I Am Legend’s two predecessor adaptations of the Richard Matheson text.  All of the movie’s foregrounding of a decimated Manhattan isle aside, the chief focus is just how virtuous albeit lonely Will Smith is with his dog.  I don’t know what to make of it, other than as Hollywood dumping a pile of syrup on an otherwise perfectly serviceable parable about human decadence and then expecting an introspective piano score, edgy mise-èn-scene, and post-Bourne hand-held camera action sequences to convince us this is a serious work espousing something constructive.  It isn’t.

Destricted (dir. various, UK 2006)

I watched some of this with Steve Wilson before I left, but the HFF just so happened to have a copy on their shelf so I got to watch the rest.  Advertised as “the most controversial and sexually explicit film ever to receive an 18 certificate from the BBFC,” Destricted is a collection of seven short films from acclaimed art-film directors directly exploring pornography and sex in our times.  Larry Clark (Kids, Ken Park) provides us with interviews of young men about how they grew up with pornography, and then proceeds to cast a young man paired with a porn-star for some on-camera action.  Clark’s film highlights the indexical as well as the audience-performance aspects of pornography.  Gaspar Noé’s film (I Stand Alone, Irreversible) is a strobe-heavy exploration of a man sexually assaulting a blow-up doll in his room.  Sam Taylor-Wood’s film “Death Valley” is an actor candidly masturbating against the backdrop of, well, Death Valley.  Matthew Barney strapped himself naked inside some massive machine and shaped some pottery with his member.  Richard Prince distances the audience from a cliché porn flick with Boards of Canada-style ambient music and the fuzzy color distortion that one gets when one crosses film and digital video.  Marco Brambilla has a brilliant 2-minute clip of thousands of images from romance and pornography cut together to overload one’s senses with the conventions of the porn industry.  Marina Abramovic uses a combination of live action and animation to portray assorted Balkan superstitions involving the genitalia.  All in all a worthwhile view, but only if you’ve got the stomach for both the ugly bits and the strobe effects.

Red River (dir. Howard Hawks, USA 1948)

Whoever thinks Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain (2005) is the first gay cowboy movie has obviously never set eyes on this classic.  In the era when movies seemed to possess a cinematic subconsciousness and deep social subtext (Gilda, Fury, Casablanca, Some Like It Hot all spring to mind), Red River explores the macho manly activities of cattle-herding and trail-blazing from Texas to Missouri, as John Wayne and Montgomery Clift meanwhile develop one of the most bizarre, sexually repressed man-on-man relationships ever to hit the silver screen.  I watched it for the clear justifications for American imperialism, but it turned out to be far more entertaining in its subtext than its principle plot.

So I broke tradition this year and watched two movies, which are not horror movies during October, d’oh! “What are these movies?” you ask. Well believe it or not, I broke tradition for 17 Again (ugh!) and Whip It (which I enjoyed). Anyway, I’m back to all horror, all the time now until Halloween rolls around. Here are the films I’ve watched since my last post.

September 27, 2009

Torn Curtain (1966) Written by Brian Moore, directed by Alfred Hitchcock  2.5/5

Torn Curtain isn’t Hitchcock’s most thrilling film, though it does have an interesting plot, and it offers good performances by both Paul Newman and Julie Andrews. Like a lot of spy thrillers of it’s time it deals with Cold War politics/problems making the plot fairly predictable. It’s definitely not a must see film, but it’s not terrible either.

September 30, 2009

April Fool’s Day (1986) Directed by Fred Walton 3/5

If you’re looking for cheesy teen fare with a twist this film is great! I’ve been drawn to the cover of this film for years, but I’ve never actually checked it out. The minute the film starts rolling you know you’re in for campy fun, especially since the biggest names in the film are Deborah Foreman (Valley Girl) and Thomas F. Wilson (Back to the Future/Freaks and Geeks). Part comedy, part slasher film, part Scooby Do mystery this film is sure to entertain.

October 5, 2009

Omega Man (1971) Directed by Boris Sagal, written by John W. and Joyce H. Corrington, based on Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend 3/5

I am a big fan of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend and I have yet to see a film adaptation of the story that I like. For some reason every time someone attempts to make this into a film they have to mess with an essential part of the story or add contemporary issues, when the story is timeless as it is. This film is completely dated and though Charlton Heston plays a pretty good Robert Neville, too many things have been added to ruin the story, like “The Family” and their weird religious fervor. However, if I take it as just a film which has nothing to do with Matheson’s story then it’s ok. Nothing spectacular, but it’s entertaining nonetheless, offering a strong performance by Heston like most of his other movies from this period, so despite the fact that it’s dated I’ll give it 3 stars.

October 6, 2009

Don’t Look Now (1973) Directed by Nicolas Roeg, based on a story by Daphne Du Maurier 4/5

Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie star in this bizarre psychic thriller. After they lose their daughter Laura and John Baxter make a trip to Venice where John is working on restoring an old church. There Laura meets a couple of old women, one of whom claims to be psychic. Desperate to know how her daughter is doing, Laura asks the woman to perform a séance only to find out her husband is in mortal danger if he stays in Venice. Thinking she’s hysterical, John ignores her warnings, but when Laura goes back to London to visit their injured son who’s away at boarding school John begins to see strange things himself which make the viewer question his sanity. The whole thing is capped off with a strange and unpredictable ending which leaves a bevy of unanswered questions. Roeg uses cinematography to create some of the most interesting and surreal scenes in dark and engrossing film.

October 11, 2009

Dead Alive/Braindead (1992) Directed by Peter Jackson, written by Stephen Sinclair 2/5

So I finally watched this Peter Jackson bloodfest and I must say I was disappointed. I didn’t really know what to expect going in except for gore and lots of it. It vaguely reminded me of Sam Raimi’s work, except it paled in comparison. Like Raimi, Jackson tries to be funny, quirky and gross; except it wasn’t really that funny, it ran a little long and though the bizarre plot had potential, it quickly became something contrived. It was like watching The Man with the Screaming Brain all over again (Aaaaaaaah!). Don’t get me wrong, I love a good B-movie, but there are good B-movies and then there are B-movies that look like something a group of nerdy high school kids on acid would make in their backyard with a camcorder and incredible amounts of fake blood and unfortunately for Mr. Jackson I would probably like the film the kids on acid made more than this one. I’m giving this one 2/5 stars simply because I saw potential in it.

October 13, 2009

Zombieland (2009) Directed by Ruben Fleischer, written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick 4/5

This film is exactly what I was expecting – a little comedy, a little romance and a lot of action. Woody Harrelson is great as Tallahassee, a Twinkie hunting, gun loving zombie killer who teams up with the sweet, geeky Columbus, played by Jesse Eisenberg (a.k.a. the cute guy from Adventureland) after they run into each other on the highway. While hunting for Twinkies (and zombies) in a supermarket these two come across Wichita and Little Rock, a pair of resourceful sisters played by Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin respectively. But the world has become an “every man/woman for him/herself” kind of place which makes for a bumpy and exciting ride.

Inte nog med kvalförlusten, som åtminstone då för stunden värkte en aning, och min inte helt fantastiska insats på halvmaran. Helgen skulle igår avslutas i ett nästan komiskt potpurri av total misär…

Om man inte är så där överdrivet förtjust i tanken på att dö är I am legend med Will Smith inte att rekommendera. Det hade inte gått mer än en knapp kvart innan jag kände ett obehagligt tryck över bröstet. Hela mänskligheten så när som på Smith hade fallit offer för något virus och förintats och det kändes på intet sätt avlägset.

Filmen tog äntligen slut. Den var jävligt bra. Det var inte det. Men den lämnade en ganska oönskad eftersmak. Vad som brukar vara… slutet gott, allting gott var i det här fallet inte mycket mer än bara… slutet.

Slog direkt över till tv:n för att fylla skallen med något lite mer hoppfullt intryck…

Söndag kväll någon gång innan elva. Ettan… Närbild på en samling människokranium! Tvåan… Utsikt över öken bakom en soldat vid en kulspruta i en helikopter! Trean… Stillbild på kanalens logotyp prydd med Rosa bandet. Cancer…! Fyran… Närbild på foton av ihjälslagna småpojkar! Femman… En hysterisk scen med en massa grönklädda kirurger runt en människropp som förmodligen håller på att dö en jävlig död!

Vad i helvete är det frågan om?

I jakten på att försöka stilla min dödsångest framkallad av filmen möter jag på tjugo sekunder i fem kanaler… Döden, döden, döden, döden och sist men inte minst… Döden.

Det är inte så man skrattar ihjäl sig. Eller, jo. Det gjorde jag nästan. För det blev så hysteriskt olustigt att när jag av någon slags försvarsmekanism brast ut i hypnotiskt skratt, ja, då skrattade jag nästan ihjäl mig.

Återigen. Döden.

andra bloggar om döden, misär, i am legend, film, will smith, tv, krig, cancer, misshandel, dödsångest, skratt

I dag kan jeg vel ikke si at jeg har kastet bort dagen. Klokken åtte ble jeg vekket av at mor og søster skulle dra til Oslo. Like greit, siden jeg måtte vaske gulvene før Sindre kom på besøk.<3

Vi hadde et lite film-maraton, og vi så både Stormbreaker (som jeg har sett tre ganger på to uker), og I am legend. Jeg synes virkelig I.A.L er skummel jeg, og ihvertfall trist når han må ta livet av hunden sin. Kremt
Alltid koselig å være sammen med Sindre, og i dag var intet unntak.

Rundt klokken fem ble Sindre kastet på dør, for dagens planer var såvidt kommet i gang.
I dag var det nemlig fotballavslutning. I en ishall! Wow, jeg har faktisk ikke stått på skøyter(hockeyskøyter) på nesten to år, så jeg suck, med andre ord. Etter å ha knytet på meg skøytene og tatt på den nydelige hjelmen jeg fikk låne, entret jeg isen. Det var mislykket.
Skøytene bar tydelig preg av å ha ligget i kjelleren i to år. De var så utrolig sløve at jeg måtte få låe noen der. Og gjett hva størrelsen min ble.
Nei? 36. I know.

Slik følte jeg meg i dag.
Etter noen små og komiske fall, spiste vi pizza og kaker og koste oss.
Da jeg kom hjem i sted ble jeg møtt av en familie som sov på sofaen. Velkomsten var et trøtt grynt, men jeg fikk ihvertfall oppmerksomhet.

I morgen skal jeg muligens være sammen med cutiene mine Mia og Mariam, og så får jeg middagsbesøk av mormor og besse. Kanskje jeg også drar til Veronica på filmkveld?Viktig å bruke helgene ordentlig!

Night ppl.