This movie came out earlier this year, but I am just watching it. It’s so cute! One of my new favorites! And yes, I watch lots of kid movies. They make me happy!  Anyway, if you’re having a bad day (like I did today) this movie is perfect to help cheer you up a little. My day was horrible…terrible…no good…very bad…it sucked. I won’t go into all the details. Why ruin someone else’s day? Anyhoo, watch this movie. Do it for me. Please?

Philip:  Did you know that the Snuggie is a knock-off?

Me:  There was another one?

“Yeah, the Slanket was first.  It just didn’t take off like the Snuggie.”

“Maybe it’s the name.  Slanket.  That sounds dirty.  Like, ‘hey, you wanna slank?’”

“Yeah, slank you.”

“Ohhh!  That’s what I’ll do to stop saying fuck in front of Nate!  I’ll just say slank!” 

aside:  If only they had come up with a better name, or a catchy rhyme like the guys over at Snuggie.  Oh, and didnt charge like three times as much.  They have four different styles, and way more colors.  I totally want the Walk the slank pattern. 

Awesome.  I totally know what I’m gonna say when Philip tells me to slank off.

After reading a post a few weeks ago by Foggy Dew, in which he touched on how interesting it might be to be a window washer, I started thinking about alternative careers, myself. Now, I don’t know that I’d want to do any of these for an extended period of time (except maybe the last one), but for a week or so? Absolutely.

1. Massage Therapist

This is possibly the most vanilla of my possible career choices, but I do think it would be fun. In a purely unofficial capacity, I’ve already given out a fair share of massages to friends – and I enjoy it. (That’s not to say that I don’t a like a massage for me, too, from time to time.) I like working out the knots – getting that last little neck or back crack out.

And there are so many individual reactions to massages – vocal appreciation, shivers/twitches, even laughing when you hit those spots that are kind of ticklish, yet really need to be worked – that it makes for excellent people observing, too.

2. Baseball Umpire

I contemplated putting this one in as any kind of umpire/referee, but I think baseball might be the safest bet. I don’t want to be on the field/court/ice trying to stay out of the way of professional athletes. An umpire still has to dodge foul balls occasionally, but I like to think there’s a little less risk and a lot more perks. (Think: being the home plate umpire and seeing every player come up to the plate. Oh, those baseball pants…)

Also, considering some of the calls that have been made in this post-season, I think I’m pretty qualified. Or, at least, that I couldn’t mess up the calls anymore.

(Are there any female umpires, anyway?)

3. Construction Worker

I love power tools. I also love machinery. Maybe that’s kind of a weird thing to say. Whatever. At my high school job I got to learn how to operate a forklift and it was quite the rush. So I’d only want to do construction if I got a cool job driving one of the bulldozers or backhoes. I’m so not going to be that chick holding the Slow/Stop sign.

Please.

If she can do it...

4. “Voice”

Remember the Friends episode where Joey comments on the voice on Monica’s answering machine? (No? Just me?) “How cool would that be? ‘You have two new messages.’ ‘Please pass the pie.‘”

Okay, well I thought it was funny. And possibly one of the stranger/how-do-you-even-get-that jobs out there. Although, I suppose with more people just relying on their cell phones, answering machines are becoming more obsolete. Sad.

5. Map Creator for “Garmin – Adventure Mode”

Now this one, I think, has potential. I know that most people use their Garmins (or whatever GPS tool they have) to find directions to somewhere they’ve never been. You just want the fastest, most direct route. I get that. But when I was growing up, that wasn’t really the norm.

We used to play a car game that involved me closing my eyes after I buckled in, my parents taking all sorts of extra turns and back roads, and me trying to open my eyes just as we were pulling into the driveway. I wasn’t always successful, but the times I was, I was so proud. From any given point, I knew about a half dozen ways to get home. And from home, I knew at least three different ways to get to any mall, restaurant, friend’s house, etc.

So, I want a Garmin that doesn’t take me on the main roads. I want one that takes me by neighborhoods, through back lanes, and still pops me out by my destination in a comparable amount of time. And if I have to drive around constantly to find all those extra routes in order to create and test those adventure maps, well, so be it. I’ll take one for the team.

You rarely get this view on the highway

So, to steal again from Foggy – if you could choose an alternate career for a week (or, whatever time frame you desire), what would it be?

I actually have stuff to be depressed about, but whatever.

List 10 TV shows you like, in no specific order. Do this before reading the questions below.

1. Supernatural
2. Merlin
3. Glee
4. How I Met Your Mother
5. Big Bang Theory
6. CSI: Las Vegas
7. Psych
8. Criminal Minds
9. House
10. Gilmore Girls

1) – Who’s your favourite character in 1? (Supernatural)
CASTIEL. It used to be Dean, but. CASTIELLLL. I’m possibly the only fan who ditched one of the brothers in favor of the new guy, but. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS?? It also helps that I adore Misha Collins too, heh. (Okay, watching that vid makes Dean compete for my favoritism again D:)

2) – What’s your favourite ship in 2? (Merlin)
Um. Secret. But next would be Merlin/Morgana.

3) – What ship can’t you stand in 8? (Criminal Minds)
Er, I dunno, I don’t really think about ships on this show.

4) – What first drew you into 6? (CSI: Las Vegas)
I dunno what exactly, but I saw it on tv and I just started watching religiously. I miss this show, I wish I had time to watch it again. Need to watch from the beginning!

5) – Something that you loved about 3? (Glee)
Singing! I love music, so this is fun for me.

6) – Something that you hated about 5? (Big Bang Theory)
Nothing. I love this show A LOT.

7) – Favourite episode in 7? (Psych)
EEEEP, can’t remember. I think I’m somewhere in the middle of season 2 so far, but I last watched this months ago so I dunno anymore.

– Who’s your favourite character in 9? (House)
WILSON. Everyone probably loves house the most, and I love him too, but I love Wilson best.

9) – What’s your favourite ship in 10? (Gilmore Girls)
Luke/Lorelai <333

10) – What ship can’t you stand in 4? (HIMYM)
Ted/Karen UGHHH hate that girl.

11) – What first drew you into 10? (Gilmore Girls)
Like CSI, I just caught it on TV and started watching religiously. I loved how funny and witty Lorelai and Rory are.

12) – Something that you loved about 9? (House)
The House-Wilson dynamic. They’re BFFs but they have a funny way of showing it, lmao.

13) – Something that you hated about 7? (Psych)
Er, nothing? Haha. Why does this thing keep asking for things I hate about shows I absolutely love?

14) – Favourite episode in 2? (Merlin)
The Moment of Truth, Le Morte D’Arthur, The Mark of Nimueh, The Nightmare Begins

Man Vs. Food

While lying in the bed feeling like crap, I stumbled upon this little joy. Now, I love most cooking shows. COOKING shows. This show, however, may be the grossest show ever. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t imagine stuffing yourself like that or what, but it just makes me feel nauseous. Bless his heart for making a living, but he’s destroying his body. And I do believe I’d have to go and throw up after every meal if I did that.

It’s like being in an eating contest with every meal. It’s just so unhealthy and not natural. I just feel bad for the guy. I don’t really care what he’s winning by eating like that.

Ick.

Warning: If you don’t care about “One Tree Hill” or you have yet to watch the season seven premiere, leave now. This post will not interest you whatsoever. But, as a fan, it had to be written. You have been appropriately warned. Read on at your own risk.

Six years ago, the former Warner Bros. TV-station and I formed a strong bond thanks to “One Tree Hill.” With that series premiere, I was quickly engulfed in the lives of the Scott brothers – Nathan and Lucas – as well as the ever-changing love triangles that often arose. It didn’t take long before my ass was firmly planted in front of the television for one hour each week as a new episode aired. And that tradition has continued on, throughout all four of my college years even, ’til this moment.

Today, less than 24 hours after the season seven premiere, I’m feeling a strong disconnect from the love I once possessed for this teenage-esque drama.

Not only have my two favorite characters seemingly disappeared with little to no explanation – au revoir Peyton et Lucas* – but a few new faces have taken their places, also without adequate reasoning thus far. This disappoints me to the core. Likewise, the season has progressed 14 months ahead into the future - after a four year jump heading into season five – and much has changed in the mean time aside from the character lineup. I’m simply hoping the next several episodes will swiftly bring us loyal followers up to speed.

And need I mention the lackluster premiere as a whole? I hate to say this, especially as a six-year fan, but ::yawwwwwn:: I truly expected much more. These writers – if they are the same, as I assume – set the bar pretty damn high with some of the seasons past, and the onset of number seven has clearly not risen to the same heights yet. I see a long way to go before they even come close.

Sadly, before this premiere, I foresaw a very brief future for my favorite television show. Not only was its time slot (here on the East Coast) changed, nudged back an hour to 8 p.m., but two of its original and most popular actors reported their departure months ago, prior to the last season’s finale. I saw the demise coming, but fervently hoped the powers-that-be behind One Tree Hill - or 1th, as I affectionately call it – would step up their game and prove me wrong. I unfortunately have a strong feeling that they simply won’t be able to and this season may be the last for my beloved Monday-night venture.

– As a side note, my best friend ironically just texted me (she must be watching last night’s premiere now) with, “This is crap beyond crap.” She is also a loyal viewer and another left disappointed. –

So what did the rest of you 1th fans – you must be if you kept reading to this point – think of last night’s premiere? Did it meet your expectations? Or did it fall quite a bit short, as it did for myself? What kind of future do you predict for the now-CW show? How do you feel about the complete and utter removal of Lucas and Peyton**? Let me know. I’m dying to find out the reaction of others.

* I was trying to keep the post both broad and somewhat vague, rather than specific, but I have to mention this one key point (which I thought about after reading my post in its entirety): Can a show that was created surrounding the relationship of two half-brothers, Lucas and Nathan Scott, exist on the same premises if one of those brothers departs? Perhaps. But as someone who has regularly and repeatedly watched every episode, that brotherly bond, or lack thereof in the early seasons, remained a key factor in the show. Now that it’s gone, can One Tree Hill truly be the same? I’m sorry, but I think not.
** Another note, after the fact of writing, but the relationship between Lucas and Peyton and its formation has always been central to the plot of the show as a whole. Whether it was a love triangle between Peyton, Lucas and Brooke or simply the discovery of feelings for one another – or hell, the several times Lucas saved Peyton from disaster, such as the school shooting – that blossoming love was a vital element. Now it seems that they are trying to push viewers onto a new love between Brooke and Julian. I, for one, am resistant to this change and don’t think the same kind of dazzle will happen with “Brulian” or “Jooke” (who knows what it is) as did with “Leyton.”

From an early age, we are told by our mothers, grandmothers, teachers and countless others that “it’s what’s inside that counts” and ”don’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, one new dating reality show on ABC is pushing those idealistic concepts one step further by proving that looks truly do matter regardless of what people may want to believe.

“Dating in the Dark” premiered two weeks ago on Monday nights and, if you’ve yet to see it, I suggest tuning in for at least one episode* if you have an hour of your life to spare for non-thought-provoking television.

So what’s the general gist** here? Three male and three female contestants move into opposite wings of a house for several days, never having a single opportunity to see each other until the very last moments of the dating scenario. Rather, they meet in “the dark room” on one group date then single dates to decide if chemistry exists sans appearance.

Through the use of infrared/night-vision cameras, viewers are able to watch each awkward moment the contestants experience in the darkness. Yep, we see everything from the sad attempts to eat food in the pitch black room to the ass grabbing and haphazard kissing they engage in. Personally, I find this both amusing and somewhat intrusive, all which keep my eyes glued to the television.

Outwardly, one might think the reality show proves that you can fall for someone without having a clue what he or she looks like. Whether the contestants discover that through fun activities – eating an assortment of fruits or dancing, for example – conversation or simply making out, they are able to judge each other based on personality alone.

This is what we see, thanks to the infrared cameras. They, however, see complete blackness. Creeeeeeeepy.

… That is, until the big moment where each individual’s appearance is revealed to their “match” and both persons have to decide whether or not to continuing dating now that physical attraction is a factor.

The final ten minutes of each episode I’ve watched – three total, in case you were curious – have been more superficial than anything I’ve yet to see in my life***.

The majority of these men and women seriously grapple with the decision to “stay with the person they fell for in the dark, or leave them behind,” as the ABC Web site states. The viewer actually witnesses people experiencing a strange yet real struggle to decide how important the other individual’s appearance is. Some daters choose to depart while others stick around because the connection formed in the blackness prevailed. But did it?

I haven’t exactly watched enough episodes to completely judge, but, thus far, it seems as though the men and women who claim not to be entirely attracted to their date (yet choose to “meet them on the balcony” and continue dating) have this self-righteous attitude that they, unlike others, were able to put personality above appearance. As if they are doing their dates this huge favor by sticking around, and that part certainly disgusts me a bit****.

Either way, I find it all quite intriguing because the show, to some extent, does ask the “is love blind?” question, forcing us all to somewhat think about how important appearance is to a relationship. If in their shoes, would we be able to continue seeing someone we aren’t exactly lusting for just because of an emotional connection? Or would we, too, depart the house, never to see that person again? It’s something viewers likely cannot help but consider while watching.

If you’ve seen “Dating in the Dark,” I’d love to hear your thoughts about it, good or bad. And if you haven’t watched yet, do you think it’s something worth checking out? Lastly, what do you guys think about a reality show trying to answer relatively deep questions about the role of physical attraction?

* Unless you hate reality TV and/or dating shows. Then go watch CSI.
** Until this very moment, I thought “gist” was spelled with a J. Oops.
*** That’s likely a bit hyperbolic, but it fit well into my sentence.
**** Although, perhaps I’m simply reading into this television program a bit more than necessary, which is always a possibility.

The Fam

My friend Allen and I were talking about how the rest of the world views Kentucky natives.  He told a story of being overseas: “I met a girl from Australia and told her I was from the states.  She asked where, and I told her KY and asked if she’d heard of it.  She says, ‘Oh, just the normal dirt roads, no shoes, sleeping with your sister stuff.’”

Yeah.  Y’all know that I don’t sleep with family, right?  I drive a car, and went to college, and live in a house with a toilet.  Let’s just get that straight.  I know it’s hard to believe, since anytime you see a KY native on TV they look and sound like this

So, then the other night, I was watching America’s Got Talent, and I saw this guy.  He’s from Maysville, KY.  I was worried, just like every other time I see a Kentuckian on TV.  *Please don’t suck, please don’t suck*

I really don’t like country, but he’s good, and he proved Piers wrong.  Thank you.  But then Philip reminded me that most of the country probably needed subtitles.  Did y’all understand that?  So, what are your impressions of us?  What comes to your mind when you think of KY?

P.S.  And why does The Hoff want to know how many chickens he can catch?  Oh, right, because he’s freakin’ hammered!

P.P.S.  Of course he’s not too good at math!

We were flipiing through the channels Saturday night (all 8 of ’em) and he stopped on Barry Manilow singing the national anthem.  “What?”  He asks, “Why the hell do they have a british guy singing the national anthem?”

“Who, Barry Manilow?”

“That’s Barry Manilow?  Oh, I thought it was Rod Stewert.”

and, scene.

Days like this I’m ready to move back to Kansas City. Not because of my friends or the more affordable lifestyle, but because I need the sun. I cannot take anymore rain. It’s the sole reason that I would never move back to Portland. I LOVE Portland. Especially it’s proximity to the beach and the mountains. Where was I? (See, the rain is even starting to affect my brain.) Oh yeah, RAIN.

You see, it doesn’t rain this much in Kansas City. Ever. And it’ never this fucking cold in JUNE, either.I

I need summer and I need it now.

Today was supposed to be the end of the year picnic/pool party for the kids’ preschool. Thanks to today’s steady downpour it’s being postponed until next week. When Hot Guy will be out of town. Which begs the question. . . .

Am I really going to appear in public, in front of all the lovely skinny mommies, in a bathing suit?

See, if we still lived in Kansas City I would not being having this problem. The party would have been today and Hot Guy could have done bathing suit duty. And, it would be SUMMER.

Or, if we lived in Portland, no one would have planned an outdoor pool party for June. Problem solved.

This weather is so bad that not only am I in a bad mood about it, I’m POSTING about it. I’ve been reduced to posting about the weather. What will I post about next – poopy diapers?

On an unrelated note: Watching the Real Housewives of NJ is really disturbing me. Some of them live in a nearby town – a town where I know people. And they keep eating at restaurants in my hometown. Part of me is appalled that their behavior will forever be associated with my home and another part of me keeps thinking, “See? THIS is why you don’t have more friends here.”

When I was in third grade, each member of our class had to choose a famous person (broad, I know), and do a presentation – dressed up as whoever we were presenting on. We had a wide variety of characters – Jim Henson, Babe Ruth, Grandma Moses, Houdini. I, being the dork that I was (fine – am) was Marie Curie.

I also don't know why I thought that black dress was appropriate for a scientist...

I couldn’t begin to tell you what made me, a self-described writer at the time, choose to present on a scientist that no other third grader had ever heard of. But I did my research, memorized my speech, and even affected an accent that I deemed appropriate for the Polish born chemist/physicist. (Note: I can’t do accents. I got mocked. Rightly so.)

And it’s amazing – there’s so much from college that I wish I could remember, but can’t (course-wise…and otherwise), yet I still remember the basic facts of that presentation from over 15 years ago.

So fast forward to last night, when I was watching Jeopardy, and shouting answers at the television. Final Jeopardy came up, and I resigned myself to the idea that I wouldn’t get it – I mean it’s Final Jeopardy, afterall. But then:

“This element, formerly called Radium F, was renamed for the home country of the scientist who discovered it.“

And all of a sudden I was back in third grade, reciting facts about Marie Curie, her work with radioactivity, and her discovery of radium and polonium (like Poland! get it? get it?).

Even more exciting? Only one of the contestants got it right.

I’m pretty sure this shows that you only need an elementary school education to win at game shows. So who wants to try out with me?

I’ll take “Oregon Trail” for $1000, Alex.

…You HAVE to watch this. It’s a brand-spanking-new commercial from Wendy’s promoting their Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty, and it’s seriously a riot.

Backstreet Boys, anyone?

The marketing strategy surrounding the “Frosty Posse” is not only hilarious, but absolutely brilliant. And for a company that often seemingly relies on advertising their product quality above all else, it’s definitely straying from the norm. However, I think it just might pay off.

Now, am I going to run out immediately and purchase a Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty? Probably not, but hey, I’m not a coffee drinker – and quite possibly the only journalist who isn’t. But I have spent two days searching through YouTube to find this video before doing so this morning, and I’ve likely watched it ten three times already. Obviously there’s some sort of appeal there.

And to add to the hilarity of the “Frosty Posse,” I found the following video on YouTube to accompany the commercial. Apparently it’s a “behind the scenes” look at the making of their “music video.”

Personally, I think this was a great market ploy for Wendy’s and a nice change from their typical advertising, but what do you guys think? Was it a bit ridiculous? A little laughable? An excellent ad campaign? Or did the folks at Wendy’s fall a little short in their attempts? Let me know! 

Bryan: Hi honey, I’m home!

I had a tough day at the office. I want some special attention. Give daddy some sugar.

What do you mean you don’t put out until 7? What type of bulsh!t is that? I heard you were getting it on a 11 a.m. today in Boston. Yeah, sorry I “work” so that we could enjoy these nights together.

It’s now 6:43 and every second is passing by like a glacier. Or at glacial speeds, I should say. Dammit — I can’t even get my metaphors right. You’re driving me nuts.

I need a sandwich.

Let’s check the fridge. I got salami, lettuce and mustard. Cheese anywhere? Probably not. The last time we had cheese was on Opening Day, when your ass was free to anyone who wanted you. You’re all like “Order now for a special $30 off the regular season price”? And I was all like, isn’t this the regular season? Andyou said, shut up and order me, big boy. 1-888-Sports-In.
And I did.

Oh sh!t! There IS a slice of cheese. This is going to be the best sandwich ever!

Oh no do NOT tell me that…

What do you mean I’m out of bread? I’ve got like four slices left!

What?

You mean to say I came home Saturday night all drunk and ate FOUR SLICES OF BREAD’s worthy of hummus while catching the end of Giants/D-Backs? Why the f*** would I watch Giants/D-Backs?

Alright, alright, “because I could.” Fair enough.

Guess I’ll eat this salami by itself, then. (opens bag, sniffs, is repelled) Oh, I guess I won’t. (takes giant bite out of head of lettuce) Still got lettuce though.

What did you just say?

What’s wrong with eating lettuce?

What do you mean I’ll never get big and strong that way? Like you would know! You’re a freaking PAY-PER-VIEW PROGRAM. And one that WON’T SHOW ME A G*DDAMN BASEBALL GAME WHEN I WANT TO SEE ONE. LIKE NOW.

Fine, I’ll calm down. I wonder what’s on some other channel. (turns to Seinfeld) Oh, that George. He’s crazy. (twiddles thumbs) He probably should have bought the more expensive envelopes. (paces around room) Alright, alright! (switches back to main Extra Innings screen, which just shows the complete list of forthcoming games. It is 6:52)

FOUL GODS, WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME!

I’m getting a beer.

(does so) Ah yes, the pain disappears. (drinks in one sip) SEVEN MORE MINUTES? I’LL KILL YOU! (does that thing where you go to hit something but stop short, only to the cable box) Alright buddy, you want to play, I’ll play.

(switches to PBS, it’s the Nightly Business Report) I can do this all night. I just need some coffee… (falls asleep)

(Wakes up at 1 a.m., changes to Rockies/Dodgers in time to see the last pitch of 20-1 game) Yes, baseball! I love you!

Cable Box: “I love you too, Byron!”

There’s a good possibility I’m addicted to reality TV. I may not watch every show within the genre – such as From G’s to Gents, American Idol and anything on CBS – but my television wanders to reality shows more often than not, and I can’t always pinpoint why.

Sure, the drama isn’t staged and overly melodramatic like scripted television. That’s most certainly part of the appeal. But I think the other part is … well, screw it. There’s no point to today’s blog. I really just wanted some banter before posting this picture:

Landon Lueck – the fine hunk of man you see above* – is back!!!!!!! And yes, a picture that large was necessary, thank you very much.

As a Real World Season 15 (Philadelphia) alumni, he’s graced my television a few times in various MTV challenges before disappearing in 2005 following The Gauntlet II. But now, I could not be more excited that this nearly-30 year old is flaunting his hotness again on a weekly basis with the Duel II.

Would I probably watch the show even if his gorgeous self wasn’t there? That’s a strong possibility. But that body, oh that body, and his smile keep my ass firmly planted on the couch and in front of my 32-inch flatscreen TV at least one night per week.

So okay ladies – and fellas, of course – what reality TV stars make you swoon? …Oh, and you aren’t allowed to pick Landon. I called dibs.

* That is, if you even waited to look at the sexiness before reading. $10 says you didn’t. I wouldn’t have read a single word without staring looking at that picture first.

Every night, before I lay him down, Nate and I read 3 or 4 stories. The last one is always Goodnight Moon. It was always one of my favorites growing up. Now, whenever I read it all I can think of is this…

Does this happen to anyone else?

Wow, I totally missed Way Back Wednesday. I guess I’m a little off my game. So, here are a few random Carolinisms (no spell check, I do not mean creationism) for you.

1) A common theme when discussing weather patterns in central KY is for one person to say, “Wow, the weather’s been really screwy lately.”
Then the other person says, “You know what they say, if you don’t like the weather in KY, wait a day,” thinking that he is very clever and the other person hasd never heard this before. This is the most annoying and the most accurate thing to say. Tuesday it was 76. I was wearing a tank top (yes, I was that girl). This morning, I had about an inch of snow on my car. SERIOUSLY?! C’mon, man!

2) I, personally, have never paid for cable. Neither have I (or Philip) hooked our cable up illegally. That being said, we have been renting from the same family for over 5 years (3 different houses), who, apparently, like to hook up illegal cable at their rental houses. (I guess this is supposed to make up for the lack of repairs) (it does not) Now, the first two times we lost our cable with-in a matter of months, so I never got used to it, plus we had the bunny ears to fall back on. This time, however, we have gone 2 1/2 years.

I had a suspicion that it was going to happen when they did this DTV switch over thingy. And then it happened, three weeks ago, a cable guy showed up on my doorstep to sell me his services (ohh that sounded dirty), I declined, an hour later, I sat down to watch some reality trash while Nate was sleeping, and it was gone. Yep. And the worst thing, we were not prepared for the switch. Luckily, neither where four out of five of our local channels. But the one that I watch. The one that I need. The one that shows the two programs I can not live with out, they are no longer broadcasting in analog. No Beer and no TV make Homer go crazy!

3) Every year I’m with Philip, I get to know his family a little better. And while we all know how strange my family is, they are normal to me. So, the other night we were watching TV, a commercial for KIX came on. “Ohh, KIX, I forgot how good KIX is! We should get some for Nate.”
“I never had KIX.”
“Really?” with one arched eyebrow.
“Is it General Mills? Yeah, that’s why. My parents boycotted General Mills.”
“Why?” with a furrowed brow.
“Because, through church, they heard that GM supported abortion. What they didn’t realize is how many companies are actually owned by General Mills.”
“ummm, Oh. Kay.” rolls eyes.
aside: Philip was also not allowed to watch The Smurfs because the guy who created it had apparently sold his soul to the devil for the idea.* Yeah.

So, there you go, I think I’m all tapped out for now. Hope you had a good laugh at my (and Philip’s) expense!

*I tried to find a link for this–there is one website that keeps coming up, but I can’t get there–google it–it really happened although wikipedia makes no mention of it.

Move over Jon and Kate Gosselin. See you later Duggars. There’s a new family in TLC-town.

Following in the footsteps of some fairly-successful reality-TV households will not be an easy task, but the Hayes family and their soon-to-be-debuted show, “Table for 12,” seem ready for the undertaking. After all, three sets of multiples – Eric and Betty Hayes have two sets of twins and sextuplets – practically guarantees you one season in the TLC spotlight these days. Before you blink your eyes, the defamed Nadya Suleman and her 14 children, including a set of octuplets, will grace your HD-TV sets one hour per week (this is not on the agenda yet for TLC, but it’ll happen sooner or later, guaranteed!).

Whenever or however this fascination with outrageously large families started is beyond me, but it’s become fairly obvious over the last few years that it’s not disappearing. In fact, the charm and attraction just might be multiplying … by a lot.

If I wander over to TLC and “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ while my boyfriend lounges with me on the couch, he quickly refers to it as “the scariest show ever” before asking me to try another television option. Eight kids? In a country where the average family consists of approximately two children, four times as many can be a bit daunting, to say the least.

My favorite is Aaden, bottom left with the glasses. He's so cute!

But that’s part of the appeal; the fact that the majority of us will never have the same number of mouths to feed as a typical set of dinnerware China. So it becomes fairly interesting to watch another family react to that amount of stress and responsibility.

However, when the Duggars emerged with their small country-sized litter, I was a bit dismayed. Their family did not carry the same allure. Clearly with a dozen and a half children - their show was originally “17 Kids and Counting,” but then Mama Duggar gave birth and now they’re “18 Kids and Counting” – one becomes somewhat curious how any parents can cope. But after watching one episode and realizing that this family grew to 20 individuals (including parents) on purpose, the excitement swiftly fizzles.

My extended family isn't even this big.

Need I even mention the fact that they have a MASSIVE house and clearly enough money to adequately support their ginormus family? I thought not.

I will note, however, that what makes this family different than the others is their strict Christian values, their modest dress (they all dress alike though, and that is strange) and their willingness to continue having children until God takes away that ability (so bizarre!). This is one family that clearly sways away from the norm other than procreating repeatedly for 21 years.

Seeing the obvious success of these two families and their lives prominently displayed on cable television, TLC apparently decided another larger-than-usual family was just what their programming needed. Cue the Hayes horde.

I completely grasp the concept of taking something profitable and running with it, but a company can still attain repeated hits while remaining unique. Take “Little People, Big World” for example. How much airtime do little people truly get? Not much, and that’s what draws an audience into this specific show. But the Hayes? I’m sorry, but TLC’s preview of “Table for 12″ looks exactly like “Jon and Kate Plus 8,” except two extra kids are hanging out, waiting for supper time, and they all have red hair.

One show about a large family? Fabulous. Two? Still pretty decent since the families are quite different. Three? Well, it just might be too much of a good thing. I guess we’ll find out when the Hayes premiere later this month.

Like most people, I loathe being stuck in traffic. But it doesn’t generally make me angry, as I’ve realized the alternative to traffic: deserted areas called rural areas and inner cities filled with empty storefronts. Both of which make me nervous. The only time I get lose my “gee-this-sucks-I-guess-I’ll-sing-along-with-the-radio” attitude is when the traffic is due to rubbernecking. Then I get pissed.

I remember my first impassioned rant against those who slow to a crawl in order to stare at an accident scene. It was on I-95 in Connecticut and the accident had been particularly horrible. I spent the two hours it took to go thirty miles going off on those who needed to invade the victims’ privacy and dignity SO much that they were willing to ignore everyone else’s need to get somewhere, just so they could stare. (My poor roommate – a four hour drive that turned into six and probably felt like eight hours to her.)

Then last night I shushed my baby because I couldn’t hear the people on Toddlers and Tiaras. (for those of you who have lives – or standards – Toddlers and Tiaras is a show about little girls who participate in beauty pageants). I mean, I was also shushing him to calm him down because I’m such a devoted mother and all, but partly I wanted to listen to the delusional families on the show. And I realized that I am a total hypocrite.

Because what is reality TV but a chance to rubberneck while in the comfort of your own home?

Sure, some of the families/people seem pretty functional and normal (Jon and Kate Gosselin, I’m talking to you) but mostly you’ve got people who have some issues like dressing up their daughters like dolls or having 18 kids or wanting to go on the Rock of Love bus. And that’s just on basic cable – HBO could have it’s own freaky reality channel with Real Sex and Taxicab Confessions (not that I’ve ever recorded those shows. I’ve just heard. Really.)

So basically, I’m watching these shows to find out what horror will happen next. Just like all those a-holes on the highway, staring at accidents.

At least I’m not causing any traffic.

One of my new (within the past year) TV obsessions is NCIS. I started watching one day when there was a marathon on TBS and have been hooked ever since. But only recently have I started watching the new episodes.

Last night, I recognized not one, but two actors from other TV shows I used to watch, who I just couldn’t take seriously after seeing them in their past roles. (This may mean that I watch too much TV. We can revisit that later.)

1) Danneel Harris

Danneel as Rachel Gatina - teen soap brat and a half.

Don’t recognize the name? She was the bitch (one of them) on One Tree Hill. She was everything from bad girl to best friend to reformed to druggie to rehabbed. But to see her playing a lab assistant in NCIS? Well, Rachel Gatina wouldn’t be caught dead in a lab. Unless she was having sex there.

2) Chris Carmack

Ah, Luke Ward. Cheating boyfriend and badass jock extraordinaire of the O.C. Maybe his character last night wasn’t quite as much of a stretch. He was essentially a no-good ex-fiance. (Not for cheating this time, but for orchestrating the murder of his fiancee’s father. Some people are so picky.)

Maybe it’s just me that has trouble with this. I know actors usually don’t want to be typecast or pigeonholed. And I’m sure that these two appreciate the chance to move from teen soap to legit crime drama.

But I don’t think I can take seriously someone whose best known line is: “Welcome to the O.C., bitch!“

Sorry, Chris. Maybe next time.

I haven’t watched an inauguration since Clinton’s first. I was so happy and hopeful that day. But that’s nothing compared to how I feel today. Not simply because while I complained about the Republican presidencies of Reagan and Bush I, those complaints practically disappear when compared with my issues with this past administration.

I liked Clinton. I didn’t like Bush. But I never believed in either one of them. I never thought they were good men.

I believe in Barack Obama. I believe his is a good man as well as a brilliant one. I feel safe knowing he is president in a way that I’ve never felt before. I would like to bask in my happiness.

But I can’t do that and watch the news today.

Obama and Bush have handled this transition with class and sense. They handled the inauguration with class. But the talking heads – because it’s easier to comment on a lovely ceremony than to research and report on other news – are looking for conflict wherever they can find it. Now they’ve moved onto observing Gore and McCain at the luncheon, speculating on what they’re talking about. Hey, news professionals, they’re probably talking about how glad they are to finally be inside.

I think we need to be worrying less about the media having a liberal or conservative bias and worry more about how they have a stupidity bias. There are wars and conflicts going on all over the globe. It’s now come out that we tortured prisoners. We’re still in a financial and real estate mess – one that could always be explained better. The Steelers are going to be in the SuperBowl. So there’s PLENTY of serious news that they could be talking about. And instead CNN is telling me about what they’re eating at the luncheon and wondering what Senator Corbyn and Senator Clinton were talking about.

I read People magazine for gossip and info about luncheons. Or I watch E!. Doesn’t CNN have anything better to do?

I’ve mentioned my love for this show before. It's FINALLY back on regular TV, after a fall on DirecTV only. I stayed up late last night just to watch it with Hot Guy - it's one of the few shows we both like.