Edge of the World is about a small fishing village near the edge of the world where ‘the wind shrieked and howled through the empty streets and women and children huddled closer to their hearths,’ and where nobody smiled.  While other fishermen talk about their adventures, Toby McPhee keeps to himself and tries to forget what has happened.  Everyone in the village gets on with their lives; the women pray for the boats’ safe return and the children trudge to school.  Everything changes one day when Toby McPhee hauls in his fishing net and discovers more than just fish.  Each time he returns home with tiny pots of paint, which he uses to bring colour back into his life and the lives of the villagers.

Edge of the World is a magical story full of colour and hope.  Ian Trevaskis’ writing style is very descriptive and paints a picture for the reader, even without Wayne Harris’ illustrations.  You can sense the sadness of the village and it’s inhabitants from the opening lines, but the tone lightens as more colour gets introduced to the village.  Wayne Harris‘ illustrations are absolutely beautiful and it’s hard to believe that they were created digitally.  Wayne’s use of colour is very important to the story and he has shown this in the change in colour palette throughout the story.  In the beginning the colours are very muted and dull, but they get progressively brighter as the mood of Toby and the villagers change.  I’ve read this book at least 5 times so far and have got something new from each reading and viewing of the story.  It is a perfect picture book to study as a class (especially Year 7/8) as there as so many different aspects of the story, from the use of descriptive language to symbolism of different colour, that you could explore.   Walker Books have even created Teacher’s Notes to use with the book.

4 out of 5 stars

Last week we had a great discussion about the Friday Feedback piece submitted by Tania McCartney, so feel free to chime in with your comments at the end of any of the Friday Feedback posts including this one.

Your comments don’t have to agree with mine:) This segment is all about providing different perspectives and feedback and thought provoking discussion to help writers submitting their work to the segment, and readers of this blog.

As we all know, there are no hard and fast rules about writing. Everyone has different ways of doing things and it’s a case of deciding what works for you.

BULLROARER

The boys were led away from the campsite and through the trees. Each one had been marked with his totem and his body patterned with white ochre and clay. As he marched behind his protectors Warra-warra could hear the mournful sound of the sacred bullroarer, the turndum, growing louder and when he stepped into the clearing where the ceremony was to take place he could see the initiation tools laid out on a flat piece of bark. They gleamed dully in the firelight. Warra-warra took a deep breath and stood tall as one of the Elders, a man with a bushy white beard and his own scars of manhood, chose a sharpened stone and turned to face the initiates.

The Elder raised the stone to the stars and sang a deep and sombre song to the sky spirit while the men adorned with the sacred markings and Eagle’s feathers shuffled and danced around the boys.

excerpt from Bullroarer by Ian Trevaskis

MY FEEDBACK

This is a well written piece and an intriguing story, Ian and you set the scene well.

I think there’s opportunity however, to give the reader more to draw them further into the scene and your main character. I wanted to know how old Warra-warra was, and I think there are opportunities to do this when you talk about the initiation ceremony. Do all tribes intiate their boys into manhood at the same time? If so, at what age? How does Warra-warra feel about this? Is it something he has looked forward to for a while or does he fear it?

I also found the ‘led away’ (which indicates passiveness and not voluntary) contradicted later on when you said he marched behind his protectors.

I’m wondering if you could start this story with more of a hook and filter the details of the ceremony into the story as they relate to the action. For instance, what if you started with Warra-warra being initiated and make him the focus of the story right from the start?

Here’s an example:

Warra-warra tried not to quiver as he faced the Elder, a man with a bushy white beard and his own scars of manhood. Warra-warra’s mouth trembled as the Elder raised the sharpened stone.

He sang a deep and sombre song to the sky spirit while the men adorned with the sacred markings and Eagle’s feathers shuffled and danced around Warra-warra and the other boys.

This would automatically increase the tension as the reader wonders what’s going to happen to Warra-warra, and would draw the reader closer to him.

It would also give you the opportunity to show what’s going on in Warra-warra’s head as this is happening. If he’s afraid, you might show him shivering. If he’s excited, you might show him shifting from one foot to the other.

Or if you want to use more setting detail to start with, you could do something like this:

The mournful sound of the sacred bullroarer, the turndum, gripped Warra-warra as he stepped into the clearing where the ceremony was to take place. He shuddered as his eyes were drawn to the initiation tools laid out on a flat piece of bark.

This might not be how your character is really feeling in your story, but I have tried to use these as  examples of how you can make your setting more active, and show how your character feels at the same time.

Try and use your setting as part of an action sequence, not just setting detail on its own.

As he marched behind his protectors Warra-warra could hear the mournful sound of the sacred bullroarer, the turndum, growing louder and when he stepped into the clearing where the ceremony was to take place he could see the initiation tools laid out on a flat piece of bark.

You’re telling us what he can hear and see, but I don’t know how he feels about all this. Isn’t an initiation ceremony one of the most important events in a young man’s life? I think there’s room for action and reaction and more detail with relevance to the story.

For example, what kind of tools are they? Do they frighten him? Does he squirm? Does he fidget? I didn’t get a sense of how Warra-warra is feeling about his initiation. Is he afraid, excited?

Readers engage with characters more if they can relate on a deeper level – if they can feel what the character is feeling.

As I said, this is a well written piece Ian, but by making the setting and action work together and making Warra-warra the focus right from the start, I think readers will engage with your character and your story more.

I hope you have found this helpful.

DETAILS: A chook called Delilah wants to escape the humdrum life of the farmyard and experience some real adventure. A great book to read to little tackers.

For more information, please visit the author’s website.

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Details: After finding their way back to Pelican Bay Jake and Hannah must play the mystical hopscotch game again. Sent back to ancient Egypt by Kostas, the Game Master, their journey in the time of King Thutmose leads them to battle ancient spirits and evil tomb raiders. Will they ever make it home again? And even if they complete their task, will Jake want to return to Pelican Bay or will his desire to be the mighty warrior Jakanah keep him in ancient Egypt?

For more information, please visit the author’s website.

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This is a great book for fans of adventure in mid to upper primary.

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Details: After finding their way back to Pelican Bay Jake and Hannah must play the mystical hopscotch game again. Sent back to ancient Egypt by Kostas, the Game Master, their journey in the time of King Thutmose leads them to battle ancient spirits and evil tomb raiders. Will they ever make it home again? And even if they complete their task, will Jake want to return to Pelican Bay or will his desire to be the mighty warrior Jakanah keep him in ancient Egypt?

For more information, please visit the author’s website.

To bid, please leave a comment in the box below.

Details: When Hannah and Jake discover an ancient scroll in Kostas the Giant’s boathouse, they are intrigued. What does the rhyme mean? A simple game of hopscotch catapults them into a strange world.

Details: When Hannah and Jake discover an ancient scroll in Kostas the Giant’s boathouse, they are intrigued. What does the rhyme mean? A simple game of hopscotch catapults them into a strange world.