Ergo- here are some good things I have read lately. You should read them too.

The ever-inspiring Jay Johnson writes about what, exactly, it means that Jesus’ last act was to unite his mother with the beloved disciple in a new, unorthodox, family.

A really interesting post on “‘hipster racism’ or ‘ironic racism’—or, as I like to call it, racism” from Lindy West at Jezebel. As a white kid who grew up among other white kids, and then went to college in Utah, for crying out loud, I find this sort of insidious, middle-class, oblivious racism shockingly pervasive (hipster headdresses, anyone?), and this article thoroughly and mercilessly calls it on the carpet.

I think this is linked to from the aforementioned Jezebel article, but in case you miss it- a post on racism in the media recently. Horrifying and informative.

Furthermore, a critique of the aforementioned ironic racism piece talking about how “When we write like this and talk like this we risk turning the matter of racism into a mere matter of taste, of who’s cool and who’s uncool—and the internet is all too good at doing that.”

An interesting (and, as a chubby white woman, a little close to home) article about the cultural roots of women’s weight and perceived desirability to men.

On what it means to say “no” like a girl, and why it’s important that we, as women, learn to say “no” regularly and with meaning. Also, the spiritual necessity of boundaries.

And lastly, this is quite old by internet standards, but about two months ago there was a internet meme (I mainly saw it on twitter, myself) about sexual violence tagged #Ididnotreport . I was absolutely floored at the time, because at least two thirds of my friends, family, and co-workers (including some of the men) participated- it’s one thing to hear the statistics, and quite another to see your closest friends tweeting about how, exactly, they’ve been victimized. Informative article, though.

[Trigger warning for discussion of sexual violence]

Thursday 8^th March was International Women’s Day. You might have noticed that there were more articles about women in the papers. You probably heard at least one man say: “What about International Men’s Day then?”

At the University of Warwick, we celebrated with an inspiring five days of Women’s Week events. These events covered many of the topics that highlight why International Women’s Day is still so important: the glass ceiling, sexism in porn, domestic violence and much more.

The most resonant of these was a talk given by Sarah Learmonth from Coventry Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre (CRASAC).

CRASAC support 3,500 women, men and children every year, offering a telephone helpline, counselling and therapy groups, advocacy and outreach services.

At the risk of becoming ‘the one who bangs on about rape statistics all the time’, this is a huge part of the reason why International Women’s Day, and myriad other campaigns to highlight women’s issues, are still unfortunately so necessary.

At least 47,000 women are raped every year in the UK, and 1 in 4 women have experienced rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. 89% of rapes are never reported – even higher than the statistic cited by Uni Lad – and the UK’s rape conviction rates, at 6.5%, is one of the lowest in Europe.

The statistics for Coventry are truly shocking. Almost 10,000 children under the age of 16 are likely to have been raped or abused, and almost 4,000 women aged 16 and above are likely to have been raped or seriously sexually assaulted.

CRASAC’s records suggest that perpetrators of rape, in descending order of prevalence, are: acquaintance, parent, relative, ex-partner, sibling, partner, stranger. Yet, as Learmonth highlighted, rapes by strangers are far more likely to be reported to the police.

For Learmonth, a huge part of the reason for this reluctance to report lies with the culture of blame surrounding rape. One in three people in the UK still believe a woman is at least partly to blame for being raped if she had previously flirted with her attacker. One in three. Would you report it, if it happened to you? I’m not sure I would.

Last week Mumsnet launched their rape awareness campaign, We Believe You, with the results of a survey of Mumsnet members. The campaign, using the Twitter hashtag #WeBelieveYou, aims to tackle myths about rape which make many women reluctant to report these crimes.

Inspired by this campaign, an important and heart-breaking hashtag appeared on Twitter. #ididnotreport saw an overwhelming communal outpouring of experiences, with many women speaking out about occasions when they did not report rapes or sexual assaults.

The following are just some examples of the hundreds of tweets. Please be aware that this content may be triggering:

• #ididnotreport being assaulted at the age of 10 because I had already started to pick up on the message that girls shouldn’t be out alone.

• #ididnotreport the boy who took me on my first date.

• #ididnotreport the man who anally raped me. I didn’t think it was real rape because he hadn’t ejaculated. Besides, he was my boyfriend.

• #ididnotreport the man who groped between my legs when I was in travelling alone Rome aged 16. [sic]Still blame myself for getting in his car.

• #ididnotreport inapropriate [sic] behaviour by male classmates at school…thought I’d be seen as uptight and didn’t want the attention…

The recurring theme of so many of these tweets was a fear of not being believed, or even a fear of being blamed. The tweet that most stuck with me was: “#ididnotreport because the first thing someone asked me was what I was wearing. It was an orange bikini. I was 12.”

It’s wonderful that Twitter exists as a medium for sharing these experiences but I find it appalling that, in 2012, it’s still necessary to point out that rape is never the victim’s fault. Judging by some of the misogynistic comments that cropped up on that same hashtag, these things still need to be said.

Most distressingly, one male Twitter user in his mid-20s started replying to comments on the #ididnotreport hashtag, claiming that sex should be “expected” within relationships and that, if a woman fails to submit, her boyfriend or husband should be able to use force to claim their natural “right”.

With views like this around, it’s hardly surprising that so many women feel reluctant to speak out. In fact, it’s particularly understandable given the horrifying report that a 29 year old mother of four last week failed to quash her conviction for falsely retracting rape allegations against her husband.

According to the report in the Guardian, “The Welsh woman was jailed for eight months in November 2010 after she admitted perverting the course of justice for retracting accusations that her husband had repeatedly raped her. He had been charged with six counts of rape but the case was discontinued after she changed her position following, she says, extreme pressure from her husband and his sister. She was charged after later telling police it was the retraction that had been false.”

To all those people who tweeted #ididnotreport, to everyone who didn’t feel able to tweet, and to all those who have found the strength to report their attacks and tackle the criminal justice system, remember this: #WeBelieveYou.

CRASAC’s helpline is open Monday to Friday 10am – 2pm and Monday and Thursday 6pm-8pm. Telephone 024 7627 7777.

Elsewhere in England and Wales you can contact Rape Crisis on their freephone helpline 0808 802 9999, open 12 – 2.30pm and 7 – 9.30pm.

Written for The Student Journals

My own response is about being abused as a child, teenager, and then as an adult in an event that was totally seperate to any of the stuff i’d experienced as a young person. 

(its probably not the most poetically grammatically correct btw)

so here we are, my little poem 

#ididnotreport

#ididnotreport because who would have heard?

#ididnotreport because who would believe?

#ididnotreport because i could not utter a single word … 

#ididnotreport because it meant more punishment i’d receive.

#ididnotreport as I got older, for what would be the reason?

#ididnotreport as things moved on, but the memories remain,

#ididnotreport as years went by, and life moved into a new season,

#ididnotreport as i always felt i deserved the pain.

#ididnotreport because i had nothing left worth trying to save

#ididnotreport because nothing mattered to me any more 

#ididnotreport because i could never be that brave

#ididnotreport because even when i tried, someone always closed that door.

#ididnotreport for it had all gone plus more

#ididnotreport for everything i had left was taken

#ididnotreport for I had been shaken to the very core,

#ididnotreport for my whole life had  been broken. 

#ididnotreport but sometimes I wish I had. 

© Fragmentz

The #ididnotreport or “We Believe You” campaign is the brainchild of Mumsnet, an English parent to parent online community that connects parents across the world. In their own words the “We Believe You” campaign aims to:

“…shine a spotlight on the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women’s lives; (and)… pull apart the many myths surrounding rape, which make so many women feel that they will not be believed if they report this crime. “ 

After following both twitter feeds for a few days now I have to say that I am so proud of what this movement is accomplishing. It’s about time that we recognize the complexities of rape and sexual assault, it’s time we get comfortable breaking down the myths that surround it, and it’s time we recognize that it doesn’t matter what she wears, what she drank, or where she was, there is nothing that trumps explicit consent. I want to share this wildly powerful advertisement Jezebel posted a few weeks ago that speaks volumes to the nature of consent. In the advertisement you clearly hear the young woman say no and watch the male character disregard her. Some critics might say “hell, he got caught up in the moment” and to those critics I say “seriously?”. I hope that as a society we can move beyond the “I couldn’t help myself” excuse, because there is nothing more archaic, no more caveman, than to label a criminal act like rape as something uncontrollable. In amongst my social groups, I’ve personally witnessed guys joke about the effort it takes to  ”persuade” a women into bed and for all you gentleman reading this post, I’m going to tell you now, what I told them then  convincing a women to sleep with you isn’t a skill to be touted, it’s coercion. What we don’t often consider or communicate is the fact that more than 80% of women who are raped know their attacker and of that number 53% of perpetrators of serious sexual assaults are current partners or ex-partners of the victim. So fella’s, unless she shouts yes from the roof tops… be a man and walk away.

While reading through the #ididnotreport hashtag the most common themes are “I was too young”, “I thought it was my fault”, and “I didn’t think anyone would help”. What’s most tragic about these themes  is that they are representative of a culture where women carry the burden of others actions on our back. To my ladies who did not report I implore you to shed that burden and reclaim your power.

I hope that through this campaign people find peace, find a community, and find their voice. Just because you did not report then, does not mean you can’t share your voice now. Let’s bring rape and sexual assault into the mainstream conversation. Let’s talk about why our institutions make it so hard to hold perpetrators accountable and then let’s lobby to change it. It’s not easy being a woman in today’s society. We’re going to have to fight a lot of battles to gain equal ground, but it’s through campaigns like this and brave women who share their stories that we can make change that will get us there.

Luna Magazine

Today women and men from all over the world are using the Twitter hashtag #ididnotreport as a platform to share unreported incidents of sexual assault, many  for the very first time.

In 140 characters or less, hundreds of confessions ranging from date rape to child molestation have been made and predominantly by women. Over the course of the day, the sheer volume and variety of the assaults have been both confronting and frightening to read.

The trend follows last week’s International Women’s Day and appears to have begun in the UK.

Tweets have been pouring in all day in an overwhelming act of solidarity between victims and the general community; in an effort to liberate victims of the guilt and shame which is so prevelant following incidents of sexual assault.

While the confessions range from bad to extremely serious, the shocking realisation from it all is that sexual assault is everywhere, and a large proportion of victims aren’t speaking up about it for reasons of shame and self blame.

Certainly this comes as a massive eye opener for the general public as all of us, especially those who have never experienced it first-hand, discover just how strong the undercurrent of sexual assault really is in our society today.

Read below for a small sample of some of today’s confessions and responses:

The hashtag #ididnotreport is devastating. It comes with a serious trigger warning, but if you are feeling strong enough, check it out.

— The F-Word (@thefworduk) March 12, 2012

I wrote an #ididnotreport tweet and then I deleted it. Says it all really.

— Ellie Mae O’Hagan (@MissEllieMae) March 12, 2012

#ididnotreport because I was embarrassed and ashamed. I thought it was my fault, that I brought this on myself.

— kkrissyface (@kkrissyface) March 13, 2012

#ididnotreport because I lived with him and “everyone knows” it isn’t rape if you’re engaged

— Chris Miller (@thelittlepakeha) March 13, 2012

#ididnotreport because I told myself others have experienced much worse & so mine didn’t matter.

— Maximiliano (@enterblisstonia) March 13, 2012

#ididnotreport because I was too paralyzed with anxiety and depression to do anything let alone relive that experience by voicing it

— burrow (@burrow) March 13, 2012

Read article @ Luna Magazine