I was just speaking with a friend who just got results from her doctor, saying her liver enzymes were raised. The doctor advised her not to drink any alcohol.  I immediately asked, “Are you taking Ibuprofen?” I knew her knee had been hurting her, and she wasn’t one to avoid over the counter medications. Her response was, “but my doctor said Ibuprofen would not raise my enzymes like that.”

I feel like I’ve heard this type of story a hundred times. You or a friend go to the doctor and something is wrong, and the doctor never gets to the bottom of it. Why? I think the reason is because most doctors fail to listen or ask questions. They’re on a time schedule. They do a quick assessment. They make assumptions.  Not all doctors are like this but I feel that far too many are.

Though I’ve had some great doctors in my life, I’ve been disappointed just as many or more times.  One of these visits was when I was a fifteen years old. I had my wisdom teeth out. They weren’t quite in yet, but because of previous braces,it was suggested to remove the roots of the wisdoms before they formed, so my teeth wouldn’t become crooked again.  And despite how many times I went to the orthopedic surgeon to tell him I was in severe pain, he disregarded it, handing me heavier pain medications. I was taking codeine. The codeine didn’t help much, the pain was so bad. Finally the surgeon on my last visit realized I had an infection and after a few days of antibiotics, my pain was gone!  Had I simply believed the doctor was right and my pain was just a result of recovery, what could have happened if the infection had lasted longer?

For my friend, I knew she had gone in to see the doctor because her knees were bothering her.  She’s a dancer and her dancing is very hard on her knees.  I asked her how much ibuprofen she was taking each day.  Knowing painkillers don’t work that great when you’re having chronic severe pain, I knew it was highly likely she was taking too much.  It turned out she was taking over the maximum dosage. If the doctor had taken the time to really listen to his patient and ask questions, he would have figured this out. Instead, a patient with ill advice will continue taking the high dose of ibuprofen, further damaging her liver and her intestinal tract, later to find other chronic diseases up ahead.

I feel like our health system severely lacks preventative care. Without a doctor’s listening ear, problems go on unnoticed and as a result health care rises because ailments continue to spike. And when someone gets an ailment such as damaged intestines due to too much NSAIDs usage, autoimmune diseases like “leaky gut syndrome”, IBS, Crohn’s, Lupus, Fibromialgia and RA might be the result. Then what comes next? More painkillers, steroids and other various drugs that will further damage the body, causing more and more harm.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t say what’s best.  And because everyone’s chemistry is different, it’s hard to say how some people will react.  But I do think that other choices are out there before you hit the drugs.  Exhausting those choices first, in my opinion, is your best bet.  For my friend, I can think of a few  options off the top of my head that could help.  Strengthening the muscles around the knee offer as a natural knee brace.  I would suggest that she stops the painful movements in her dance class for a while and instead, works on reinforcing the muscles surrounding her knee.  I would make this physical therapy a top priority and a continuous effort.  Next, I would use a cream that’s great for the knees and will help bring down the inflammation.  And when she’s resting at home and in pain, I would recommend that she elevates her leg and wraps an ace bandage around her knee to help push the swelling out.

Beyond that, of course there’s supplements that will reduce the swelling in her knee instead of using painkillers.  For her liver, I would suggest considering three supplements that help the liver function.  That I know of, those are milk thistle, N-acetylcysteine and SAM-e.  SAM-e is particularly great because it would help her knee and her liver.  N-acetylcysteine is a little more complicated because it pulls out toxic metals and requires additional vitamin C.  Taking a supplement like Ultra Antioxidant from pro-health would cover the basics of what’s involved with this supplement in particular.

In the end, it’s important that you trust your doctor.  If your doctor is not listening and not asking questions, life is too short…find one who will!

“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” (Psalm 25:4-5 NIV)

Hope is such a key to my staying focused on the Lord. It is also one of God’s gifts that I can quickly lose sight of. How can I stray from the path where it lives? It seems to happen in the blink of a thought.

Yes, thoughts can rob me quickly. You all know those thoughts – fear of the future or fear of what the latest medical test will show or has shown. I rob the present of many joys, or at least peace, by jumping ahead of the Lord. Oh, how I hate it when I catch myself doing this. Yet, if these thoughts are not caught, they escalate and the feelings that accompany them do as well.

Like the psalmist, I plead for God to show me his ways and to teach me his paths. My hope is to be focused on God, not on tomorrow or on my circumstances. I must recognize any negative side trips from the path where he can teach me, by remembering that in all my days he has never forsaken me.

Some of my “tomorrows” did hold some harsh news. Yet, he was there to teach me how to keep walking with him through the rough times. I could not depend on my own strength or understanding. These were his deepest times of teaching me – an answer to this Psalm’s request.

Scripture tells us that there is faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love. I do not think my statement that hope is needed to keep me focused diminishes love. It is
God’s love that helps me to return to his path. My remembrance that he is my hope strengthens my faith. He beckons me to follow the triune pattern by putting all three gifts into their proper perspective — working as one as I stay hopeful in him.

Prayer: Lord, my deepest longing is that I stay steadfast as I hope in you and follow you, trusting you completely. Amen.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lynn Severance is a retired elementary classroom teacher. She lives in Lynnwood, Washington. She writes to encourage others as God has encouraged her during 26 years of living with daily physical challenges.

I know that sounds backwards. Counter-intuitive. Wrong somehow. But think about it.

I don’t remember which of my spiritual teachers asked me this question many, many years ago, or what the circumstances were, but I have thought about it often since and shared it with my own students and clients whenever appropriate.

If you’re sick, or hurt, it’s easy to think of all the things you will gain by getting well again. It’s kind of like a “bucket list” of sorts, and one would think that list would be motivation and inspiration enough to speed one’s healing.

But there’s a flip side to all this — and it’s not easy to look at. And that’s the list of all the things you will be giving UP when and if you get well. After all, when you’re sick or hurt, especially chronically or “permanently,” there are many unique aspects of your life that could be viewed as “desirable.” Like:

• you get waited on hand and foot
• you get to stay in bed all day
• you don’t have to cook, clean, or lift a finger
• you get to numb your pain or angst with drugs
• you can sleep as much as you want
• you have a good excuse for being depressed
• you don’t have to fulfill all those goals you created
• if your dreams don’t come true it’s not your fault
  
• people fawn over you and send you special gifts and food

Basically, you don’t have to do much of anything you don’t want to do. That’s a pretty insidious influence if you ask me. It’s the path of least resistance, in a way. And, if allowed,  it can be a detriment to healing, psychosomatically speaking.

For a long time there has been a negative connotation with the word “psychosomatic” in our culture. Technically, the word means  “pertaining to physical diseases, symptoms etc. which have mental causes,” but that has been twisted to imply that the mental aspect of disease is “disturbed.” That may or may not be the case, but there is also that little edge to it that says the person who is ill has created his illness on purpose somehow. Thus the quip, “Oh, it’s all in your mind!”

The derogatory way that phrase is used is total caca, but the premise behind it is truer than we ever imagined.

Quantum physics has proved that everything that we manifest in our bodies is, in fact, linked to our psyche. So there is, absolutely, a direct connection between our thoughts and emotions and our physical condition. The two cannot be separated. And, no matter how conscious or unconscious those thoughts and emotions are, they are a paramount influence on our overall health.

I’m rambling. But what I’m really trying to say here is that examining our list of what we’d give up if we got well — and, more importantly, why we might not want to give up those things — can bring great insight into how we view the world (and our part in it) and pinpoint a few beliefs we might like to modify.

This is a hard exercise, believe me, I’ve done it. But it’s worth the delving and can only expand your self-awareness.

Think about it.

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GETTING WELL CAN BE SO HARD SOMETIMES. HERE’S ANOTHER TINY TIP THAT MIGHT HELP IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE HEALING, AND IT MIGHT BE A TAD BIT EASIER THAN THE ABOVE:

The “Window of Normal Emotions”  – How It Can Help Us Heal

Rachel arrived slightly late Christmas morning, but it didn’t matter, I knew we would get there in time. She looked so pretty in her pretty beige jacket and gloves, and the glow of her good mood and humor just added to her charm. Gleaming with promise, was one of the brightest and warmest holidays that I can remember. We loaded Chance in his carrier, courtesy of Jo, hoping into the truck and began our journey.

Anticipating Christmas is something that I have done all my life. After little sleep I awoke with the feeling that it was going to be a good day. I gave myself an hour to get ready, since I had done most all the travel prep the night before.

First things first, my angel needed her coffee and a donut, so we stopped to fill her up. Then continued on to the freeway where we would make our two and a half hour drive up north to Springville, where my family lives. Traffic was light at 8:00 in the morning, lucky for us and we were both feeling good about that. Ah, the diamond lane… I love it. When I can use it.

Sitting shotgun, Rachel’s job was watching for the poky and being the DJ during the trip. Somehow she acquired this her vast knowledge of music. (Gee I wonder where?) We played everyone from Herb Albert to Marilyn Manson. MUST HAVE MUSIC!  Singing along was part of the fun and so we did. As a matter of fact I think we sang along enough to make the trip go by in half the time. Singing melody, harmonizing, making jokes, laughing. Off key, on key, hey where’s the key and who cares. We had so much fun. The way a little road trip should be. To be honest, we could have just made a day of that and it would have been enough for me. More happiness.. well.. there is none.

As we approached Springville, the Lake Success was low, and the mountains had snow on them as we drove east into the sun. It was so beautiful. We drove slowly through town and then made our way up the property line road to my parents house.

Happy  faces surrounded us as we parked, got out of the truck, unloaded Chance and the gifts, and then made our way to the nearest chairs where everyone was sitting around an open-pit fireplace just chilling out and having a good time talking. At the gathering it was just family. My sister Ann and her husband Roger, their three kids Ricky, Steven and Alex. My brother Donald and my Mom and Dad. (See that wasn’t too bad.)

Alex and Steven got new bikes for Christmas and were riding them around until they say Chance and then happily asked to take him off our hands. We happily obliged. Young boys still in elementary school and dogs, well there’s no happier combination. And as for Ricky, he’s a young man now, a year older than my daughter so as the groovy ones have it, they just hang, wonder around and try to keep from being bored.

Breaking out my Holgas, I started shooting all kinds of images. I have no idea what I have, but it will be fun to see what I captured while we were outside.

Many feelings come over me as I sit around and look at the mountains that surround us. The two most identifiable mountains are Maggie and Moses Mountains. They look down the long valley right into the bay view windows that surround the great room in the house. I used to sleep at night nestled between those two mountains as a teenager up in Balch Park when we owned the Pack Station up there. I was working for my parents as a tour guide. I would sing as I rode along the trails. Moses had a trail that from one point you could see the whole San Joaquin Valley. Maggie on the other hand-held lakes in her peaks and always had a watchful spirit about her. I would travel over and through her to get to Sequoia Crest, where we had our other Pack Station on the Western side  of the High Sierras. It would take a day to travel from Balch Park to Woody’s Pack Station. Life was so simple then. There were only me and my horses. Oh, and the tourist, who were always a pleasure. They just wanted to have a good time.

Back in the 1970’s in the rural mountain areas, there were no phones, no radio’s, no way to contact anyone with out riding for many hours for help. It was so different. So quit. Because you had to depend on yourself, you had to be on top of your game. In the back country you may not see anyone for days. You’re best friends and your life lines were the two to three forest rangers that you may have access to along the way between the National Forest and the Park system. It was an amazing way of life. And I hope to tell many stories of my travels in that place I have to call home. Those mountain ranges raised me. Four years as a tour guide, I started at the age of 13 until I was 17. Then made a break for the city to become a famous singer…. I’m sure you’ve heard of me right!

Big old oak trees and giant rocks are the sentential that stand guard and keep the history of our land, our family. And down at the start of the property where my sister built her house there sits a little pound where ducks and geese live. It is a paradise up there. A place for dreams, a place for a dreamer, and a retreat where i f needed, one could gather their senses and reclaim their health and sanity. It’s a healing place.

Turning our attention back into the house, everyone had breakfast and prepared for the traditional gift unwrapping. Over the years we have made it simple and mostly about fun. There were a few serious gifts, you know, personal things. Then the best part, Secret Santa. Everyone loves it, fights over the gifts and it’s a hoot. But something happened this year and the gifts were boring. No one wanted to fight or trade or anything… so next year it’s on. Good 20 dollar gifts must be found!

Paper was strewn everywhere, with the packaging and boxes, etc. There’s nothing more lonely than a lit empty Christmas Tree. But the day had to be done.

On another note there was one last surprise. My nephews Alex and Steven are musical prodigies. When I say this, when I use these words I’m not kidding. Alex was born singing Elvis and playing the guitar, as was Steven playing guitar, sax and who knows what else. Well, my brother gave them his first real drum kit yesterday as part of their Christmas gift. They both jumped on and I imagine in the next months there will be few bands that won’t be able to keep up with. It’s an amazing sight. We all just shake our heads and they just have a blast. That’s what music is about right!

Rachel gave me a healing necklace, with silver and turquoise, she gave me a healing stone and a little tiny worry doll. The worry doll I will be using a lot. The necklace, I won’t be taking off. And the stone with stay close to me.

And now I begin my Holidays, Christian and Jewish all over again. This was the end. Because a new life awaits me in 2010.

Last night my children and I had dinner together upstairs in our bedroom. My husband was off to Western Mass. to bring our lovey dog to his parents for Camp Callie.  Usually,  If we go away our sensitive dog, Callie, either stays at home and our neighbors and friends come in to feed her and walk her but this time the grandparents wanted to have the dog and take care of her. She loves them.

My son was in an absolutely celebratory mood, a Junior in High School, he also works every day after school, with the exception of “off limits Fridays.”  he came home happy, haven gotten a Christmas bonus from our lovely neighbors and he was thrilled. As a mom, I of course was thrilled for him. In addition to money they also gave him a huge selection of jelly bellies and a box of chocolate for the family.  Quite a lovely and thoughtful gift from his employers (our neighbors!)

I gave Tim money to get dinner for us and he went to his favorite place, Villarina’s, to gt some wraps for Jillian and for me. I can’t begin to express the love and fun that was at the meal as the three of us crowded around my bed and ate and talked. We were excited becauae we were going away for a few daysto Aruba, something that Tim had been looking forward to and had not been able to go for years. Our moods were bright with the promise of tomorrow and without the more formal seating of the kitchen table.

For pre-D, (pre-dessert)  Tim opened up his box of assorted jelly beans and started tasting them and of course, threw some to Jillian and to me. There was  laughter and joy and warmth I hadn’t felt in a long, long time. I felt like i hadn’t had this opportunity to just be with the kids for a long time. After all, I had been sick for almost two years. The jellybean dinner was the payoff. The opportunity to be with my two teenagers as we laughed, and teased each other and caught up on some old memories. This was worth more than any expensive dinner I could have gone too. This was living; this is what I meant to do.

I was home, with both children with me, not stressed, and full of fun. for a : holiday wish, you just can’t get better than this: a memory of fun, closeness,love and warmth and yes, at least 50 different flavors of jelly beans. Happy Holidays to all!

There is a good friend I have, David. He is going thru some pretty wicked family stuff at the moment. The kind that makes you sit back and breathe easier that it’s him and not you… He is stressed, he is worried. Yet, David still finds the time to read this blog, he still finds the time to comment, he still finds the time to comfort me. Love you David, thank you.

My father has been moved to a rehab (disguised as a nursing home). He simply won’t wake up. His blood sugar has been really high (from his tube feedings) and so apparently this makes him sleep all of the time. Today practically the whole family went to see him, we shaved him, cleared out the ear hair, the wacky eye brow hair, washed the gums… he woke a couple of times. He says he loves us. So we are still waundering in head injury land.

None of this takes away my grateful nature. I am grateful for my good friends (Amy, Donna, Diane, Jeffrey, David) and I am grateful for my family. I am having a good holiday in spite of bad falls, in spite of everything. Let’s all try to have a good day and make time for each other, like David.

I’m participating in the Best Of 2009 Blog Challenge.  Every day this month, I write something different about what’s happened this year.  Today, a special Christmas post about the best gift of 2009.  Also, there is another photo from today over at the Daily Photo.

This time last year, we left hospital in the winter sunshine, wondering what on earth we’d created and how we’d survive.  It’s been a wonderful year in many, many ways, but it’s been hard.  And we’re not doing it again.

Christmas this year has been all about David.

Paper was ripped and parcels were unwrapped.

Boxes were played in.

New garages were played with.

Footballs were hugged and headed.

And Wilfred had a great time with his sock monkey:

David’s favourite present (and our favourite of his!) is by far and away the simple, no-batteries-required, quiet football.  Mine is the morning of advanced driver training from Joe, and his was the wooden bricks that my parents bought for David!  The best thing ever, though, was spending Christmas as a family.  Here’s to many more to come.

12/25/09

We are on a much awaited for vacation in Aruba. I traveled with about 25 different medications in my wash kit. Some of whom I don’t remember why they were prescribed to me but I keep them as if they were a talisman.  I am taking the same medications here for my Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an auto immune disease, and a variety of other symptoms, fibromyalgia, a torn ligament, excruciating back spasms from having to wear the dreaded but classic “black boot”of the podiatric and orthopedic world for many months.

Back home, lying in my bed, day after day, I was always tired, achey and filled with pain.  I admit that the plane ride itself was exceedingly painful but I am off that plane now; and I feel ever so fine.

My Dr. a guru in NYC was considering prescribing me (self ) injectable medication, at a much higher dosage than the pill form I still take.   I had been considering it. I had been pondering how much is too much? Wondering if  I was at the half way point for feeling good, by HIS standards, if that wasn’t good enough.  But, what about MY standards? What about my level of pain and misery and feeling , always, like a patient and feeling good enough.

What about the mind/body experience? What happened after I dragged my worn out body, aching foot and excruciating back pain and came here?  I was minus the snow and ice, minus the bedroom I had been living in for almost two years and feeling very sorry for myself. I was determined that this vacation, “if we should be so blessed” would be the start of a new beginning for me. Despite the cane that came crashing on my head during the flight and injuring my eye, this was starting anew.

It was. It is.  So, who really defines what an illness is, a Dr. or the patient?  On the journal I keep for my Dr. at home, 1 being in really bad shape and 10 being something “I can never achieve” at home I am a solid 5, maybe 4.  The same symptoms and diagnosis in a beautiful new environment for a few sun-filled days and I am an 8 if not 9.  Do we look at things differently if we are in a different environment, or do we look at ourselves differently? If there is something beautiful to see does that help beautify the mind and body?  I feel good here, I feel warm here, I feel  something that I haven’t felt in over 2 years; I feel alive. And hopeful.

dedicated to Phylor who makes me think, and wonder.

Aruba, Merry Christmas, December 25, 2009

In the sparkling diamond crystals of the light blue water in the swimming pool, there swam a beautiful, little girl who decided she liked me. It’s funny isn’t it? Children can sense people who like them and are kind.  I’ve always loved to be around kids, they are so naiive with their blunt honesty. She paddled to me, we made faces at each other; we smiled and laughed a lot. We tried to communicate but it was very difficult. My Spanish is very limited and it turns out she spoke a dialect from Santo Domingo. I needed my daughter’s translation help for that explanation!

Selianne swam under the water, her curly, rippling,  long,  brown hair flowing behind her. She had that wonderful laugh, like tinkling crystal bells,  that innocent, sweet children have. We played a game, using mostly hand signals and a few Spanish words that delighted her. I had my sunglasses on top of my head, in the pool and she felt that it was a game in itself; she was greatly amused. One time she came  upon me by surprise, swimming underwater like a fish,  and lifted my glasses off my head. I think the way I squealed was as great of a joy as it was to actually take the sunglasses from me. It became our game.

Later, since I couldn’t understand her very much, I told her in pidgeon Spanish that I would try and get my “mija” my daughter to come and help us translate.  Jillian, 15 and beautiful,  walked over and I introduced them; Selianne was very excited being an 8 year old girl in the presence of a 15 year old, teenager!!  Selianne was shy at first but then started swimming again like  the cafe au lait little mermaid that she was.  When my daughter Jillian and Selianne were trying to talk and communicate I smiled to myself.  I remembered  Jillian at that young age who had been very shy and scared of all strangers; now coaxing a little girl to play and laugh.

I crept up the baby stairs in the pool, still clutching the children’s staircase to help my, once again, aching foot. Time heals all, but sometimes we grown-ups are supposed to remember not to overdo a good thing after a long illness. Sometimes, I do not act like a grown up at all. We walked half a mile into town and BACK with my foot and heel acting up and my back in occasionally painful spasms.  I loved walking to town, I loved feeling ALIVE after feeling so spent and achy and tired for so long.  I needed and craved the experience. We ended up eating at the infamous Smokey Joe’s BBQ place, Danny and I sharing a combination meat platter and Jillian, our, vegetarian, eating macaroni and cheese.

I admit, walking back to the hotel was murder. I was too proud to admit it and take a taxi so I walked ever so slowly, limping and stopping to watch children play in the street.  Bright green and blue iguana’s slithered across the sand and the bright touristy Christmas lights of Aruba, twinkling  green, red, orange and blue Christmas lights wrapped around palm trees. The only thing I saw in front of us, walking back for a moment or two on the sand at night, were the twinkling brilliance of two hundred  little stars against the deep, dark, black night.

Evolving into Christmas from dark to dawn. Presents have been wrapped and songs have been sung. Most everyone is sleeping now, though soon it won’t be long before the day begins, door bells ring bringing love to everyone.

This is what I wish for Christmas Day. A day when love and happiness finds a way into every heart. Healing and helping us make a new start, with a full and welcoming heart.

Expressing myself has been hard the past few days. Ups and downs seem to filter through the holidays, left with what most say is the stress to do the best that I can. I can tell you what it really is, it’s just that many changes keep me going, yet are wearing me down. So lately if I lack luster, and seem a little off, it’s not because I’ve lost interest, or something is wrong. An even existence is just not in the cards for me right now, so I will continue to write, and hope that I can express myself somehow.

Back to Christmas. Rachel and I have a long drive. Everyone in my family is looking forward to our arrival. I am hoping to stay cheerful and not get teary eyed as I have so many times this week. Filled with emotions that seem to ebb and flow, I try hard to hide while I wait for them to go. I see the look on faces when I’m caught and they’re caught by surprise by the tears that come from nowhere, with nowhere to hide. It’s not depression, not regret, not expectations that were never met. I think it comes from the deepest part of me, the part that is truly thankful for my friends and family.

So to all of you who read this blog, this journal of mine, and to those I haven’t notified yet only because I just haven’t had time or energy. You will never know how much you mean to me. Not only during the holidays and tomorrow but every minute of every day, I know there is someone out there thinking of me. And that’s a lot. I wish you joy, and peace and bliss. I wish that your dreams come true. And I wish you all the love you’ve given me too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT… tomorrows a big day… somehow now I have to sleep.

I’ve been reading Renegade’s Guide To God and today’s chapter was a reminder that we need to pray and expect that God will hear and grant requests. We don’t have because we do not ask.

Of course God gives in His own time and not ours but this morning as I was reading, I was reminded of my one prayer this Christmas. I have a cousin who has been battling cancer for a year and she has been in the hospital for the last ten weeks straight! My prayer was simply that she be home for Christmas. She has seven grandchildren from 4 to 16 and she should be home with them around the tree this Christmas.

I have dreams of her sitting on the floor with those little kids all bustling about her–her quiet 16 year old granddaughter, her middle school age three grandsons being big and boisterous and ornery and her three little granddaughters who are almost 7 (twins) and 4 with the boxes and paper flying everywhere.

That’s my prayer for Christmas.

Our ladies’ group went to see her last Friday and she sat in bed with her IV and her nutrition IV and various other pieces of hardware. She was looking well and in good spirits but only able to take some clear liquids and all this hardware and tubes in and tubes out…..

When we left, I hugged her and told her–”home for Christmas. I haven’t given up.”

Well, hadn’t I or had I just not realized that Christmas is soo soon and she was so far from solid food and being hardware and tube free.

Well, I don’t know about your god but my God is bigger than any sort of tubes or hardware. My God is too big to be contained in a universe and I figured that if she was to be home for Christmas, she would be home for Christmas.

This morning, however, as I read and prayed, I noted that this was Christmas Eve and if God was going to send her home for Christmas, it better be now.

That was at 8 this morning.

At 1, my pastor called. He had been to see my cousin and she was packing up to go home for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!

And answer to prayer? Certainly!!

Am I glad? Certainly!! I’m crying, I’m so happy.

Don’t abandon your prayers and don’t limit God.

My cousin will be spending Christmas with her children and grandchildren. Paper and presents and laughter and love will be present–and God will be the center of their Christmas as He has always been.

In fact, this year, He may appear a bit bigger and more loving than ever.

He does to me.

Have a blessed Christmas this year. And every year. And remember that God gives richly on Christmas–it was the day He chose to send His son to earth after all–what is worth more than that?

It’s twenty past twelve on the 25th of December, which means its now officially Christmas day.

It couldn’t feel any less Christmassy, even if it tried.

I feel like death. I can barely talk, my head hurts and im severely cold. The only thing taking my mind off this terrible cold/flu/swine flu is Call Of Duty, which I’m doing suprisingly well at =)

The worst thing is, the people I half expected to care about the fact I’m not well this Christmas, haven’t cared. It’s been the complete strangers at work who commented on me looking ill, and hoping I get better. One woman even came back today to pick something up, and aksed me if I felt any better today. How nice of her to remember I wasn’t well.

I hope everyone has a wicked day. Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas Eve, originally uploaded by magnum_lady.

This was taken this morning at around 9am.

It’s still freezing, it was -12 last night! My gas bottle keeps freezing up for my cooker so I have to keep pouring warm water over it.

Jono seems to be a bit brighter today and he has eaten more then usual so that’s good. Andy is much the same. The physiotherapist has told him to do these ‘pelvic thrust’ type exercises to try and get the curve into his back…..you should all be very thankful that you can’t see him do them!

People have been so good to us, it’s amazing. A man from the village went and did some shopping for us, because the roads are so bad and I can’t leave the house for any length of time. So we now have a chicken for tomorrows dinner.
I would usually have had something in the freezer but I have all sorts of microwavable things in there, thinking that Andy would be let home before we got back from Dublin. Anyway at least the cats get to have their dinner

This evening a friend of ours, who has helped a lot called with sweets and a bottle which was really kind.

My mum also called earlier today. Her old neighbour drove her up here. She was determined to give the kids their presents and she wants to spend Christmas Day on her own. We did invite her over but as it’s the first Christmas since my dad died she wants to be on her own.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and that Santa brings you everything you wish for xxx

Every of us is fragile, and there is no certainty you will wake up tomorrow in as good state as you are now while reading these words. As Buddha declared, everyone will eventually experience sickness, old age, and death. Even someone as talented as Edwyn with his amazing song A Girl Like You (1994)

If you do not know, at the age of 45+, Edwyn collapsed with aphasia

His spirit is still very strong, and he has utilized anything and everyone he could to help him to recover as much as possible. It is unethical to criticize such behaviour since survival instinct is hardwired in human brain. Survive regardless what is what we have been excellent at for all those thousands years

He had two great songs in his career (he started in 1976): A Girl Like You (1994) and another song (that I personally do not find that interesting)

It is not bad, actually, to have one good song after you. Because if you do not have a good song or good book or good whatever associated with you, people may not be so willing to help you with their attention, energy, money, and other form of support when you may acutely need it

You can watch it at Channel4 (UK) or on YouTube

Jonny Kennedy experienced an unbearable pain. For all his life. Not as punishment for mistake or something he did wrong. But just because he was born with a weird condition and medical technology allowed him to survive for 30+ years

Mind cannot handle absence of any reason for such pain. To do not have a reason brings more suffering than physiological pain itself

The only way he found to help him to deal with his conditions was to escape into imagination, use mind power to distract himself from harsh reality

The only rest he had was in his fantasies about happy afterlife

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10 NIV)

I was amazed when I looked up the Hebrew word for “still”. It means to abate, cease, be feeble, be weak or be faint. We try so hard to be strong, capable and able. Yet we know in our hearts we are anything but. How appealing is it to know straight from God’s mouth that we need not be any of those things – in fact, quite the opposite?

The word “know that I am God” is profound. When Moses asked God who shall I say sent me? God replied, “I Am who I Am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I Am has sent me to you.’” What an authoritative statement. God is not I was or I will be He is I AM. He is a right now God completely current with your life.

We tend to want to captain our lives. I know there is not a one of us that does not want to be healed and restored as quickly as possible. But will this bring the better life? Is this the greener grass on the other side of the fence? Maybe, I don’t know.

We must always remember God has purpose in all that He does. Do we trust Him? Do we know that He is God? God’s word confirms that healing is the bread of His children but as we wait on Him perseverance grows in our hearts. We keep walking in faith believing even though our bodies show no evidence.

I believe God is saying yet again, “Don’t worry, I know and I have it handled!” We have been given the unique privilege of knowing God in ways others without chronic illness will never know. We are totally and completely dependent on Him for everything all the time. And that is exactly the way He wants it!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Catherine Barron lives in Sheridan, Montana. She is semi retired and loves to read, write and her latest hobby outdoor photography although her first love will always be the word of God. She considers her fibromyalgia a formidable unrelenting teacher.

I’ve always been told it’s in the delivery. To some extent my experience has shown this to be true. Intention, attention and love though is at the creamy center, or the heart of meaning. Wishing I was a rich woman, I would give so much more, but I give what I can. In word, or deed, a gift, a promise that I hope to keep. I don’t like to break them. But they do get broken from time to time. Like my promise that I was healthy back in September. Boy, we were all surprised. Which leads me to the fact that we never know what’s around the corner, so make the best of today.

This year has been a strange year in every way for me. My life has changed in dramatic ways. Not where I live, but how I live and who I am. Forcing me to be much more frugal than in the past, and so I did the best I could in picking gifts that would be meaningful to those who were receiving them. And, those who received them other than my closest friends and family (we do secret santa), have been major contributors in keeping my life in order, and helping me get through this major cancer ordeal. The jobs of each and every person that I deal with on an almost daily basis is very specialized and highly valued. This is not to say that other jobs are not important, but I must say that when it’s your health involved, it takes on its own urgency or priority of importance. After all, we cannot do anything unless we have our health. It’s just not a silly caleche. It’s a fact.

I know my gifts were appreciated and loved. I am so grateful that I could give something that would make those who care for me all year-long a moment of happiness and joy. That’s what this gift giving holiday are all about. I get so much more out of giving, sometime I think the rules should be reversed.

Getting organized, making up my mind, putting things together and hand delivering everything was l little rough, but I made it through. Every step was worth it. Every smile and hug was love and happiness that I hold deeply in my heart. And everyone was so surprised. That was fun. I love to have the element of surprise. I am weak, yet I am strong, and as I said to my doctors secretary, “every day I’m not in the hospital, that I am doing something out in the world or in my home is a good day.” It doesn’t matter what it is. It could be just cleaning a drawer. It’s a gift. What I’m trying to say is that every moment we have, every moment we are here to take a breath on this wondrous earth, is a blessing. Looking around, everything is a miracle. It’s subtle, it’s overwhelming and this is what distracts us and allows us to go about our daily live without stopping to look in awe at every moment of every day. Forced, due to circumstances beyond our control.

Once realizing the urgency this temporary situation and fragile nature of the true state cancer lives in that time stops. Time stops and it changes. Priorities change, what was once important, is meaningless, and what seemed meaningless yesterday, you find yourself wishing you would have done something differently.

Because I am choosing to move into the future, using the past as a reference, I find there are times for apologies. Yet, living in the moment, and trying to choose the right path to walk down is an incredible freedom that opens doors, in the most elegant and graceful ways. No fighting, no frustration, no feeling of never, I just wait and wonder when. I have regrets, but funny thing is that I can see that they were also lessons, painful, hurtful, beyond anything I would want to feel again but I learned, or at least I hope I learned. There are no tests for that.

Once again it’s early, Christmas Eve, my family is blended, and it can be a bit confusing to me. Christmas on my Mothers side. Chanukah has passed on my daughter’s side and we’ve have what I consider the best of both worlds. It seems we get both chapters instead of one. Both equally beautiful.

I didn’t really sleep again last night, just cat napped here and there and thought about so many things that are happening in the world. Wishing as the new year approaches that there will be jobs opening for the jobless. Homes filled with light and love for the homeless. Bellies full of food for the hungary adults and children through out the world. I wish that cruelty would be a thing of the past, something people would think is unbelievable. But that will continue to be my wish. Sadly with all the troubles in the world there will not be peace. Peace can only come on an individual basis. Goodwill only happens when someone has a good heart and that’s not to say that hearts can’t be turned around. Change is everywhere. But there has to be space for change and a reason for change and a chance for change.

So softly night lights and candles light up the dresser in my room, much like an altar. It gives the most beautiful warm glow, making me feel warm, making my space inviting for my mind-body and spirit. It reflects in the mirrors until the dawn sneaks in and then it’s gone like magic. And I make my wishes, every night I make my wishes.

Is one for me? To be honest I’m not sure. Should I wish to be free of all this disease and hurt all around me? My first answer is yes, of course, I’m not crazy and I hate to be sick. I hate to sleep, I might miss something now. But there’s a part of me that wonders who am I to make a wish so grand. I’m not a saint, I’m not anyone at all. But I know in my heart that my problems and my life are very small things in comparison to all that is going on out there in the world. So, instead of praying for myself, I pray for everyone else. And I hope that there are those who pray for me. That’s my Christmas wish and it’s my New Year’s dream.

Life has a plan, I just have to hang on and see how it includes me.

Happy Christmas Eve!

A strong, vigorous and joyous man, Bill, in his late 60’s, was heading home after a family function when his car was suddenly struck by another car that ran a red light. Bill immediately lost consciousness and was eventually transported in ambulance to the hospital. Lucy, his older daughter was notified by the Police.  Bill was in critical condition.

Fortunately, three years ago, right after losing his wife, Bill had pre-planned for a time such like this. He had contacted the family attorney and asked him to prepare his Advance Health Care Directives (AHCD). In that document, Bill named Lucy, his next of kin, his Health Care Surrogate.

Commonly known as a “Living Will”, the AHCD is a legal document in which you state your medical preferences in case you become incapacitated or unable to speak, due to any illness, accident or medical condition. Do you want your life to be prolonged by artificial means? If so, to what extend and by what means? Do you want to receive blood transfusions, respiratory support or cardiac resuscitation?

And, what if you become unable to speak, how are you going to communicate your preferences to your medical providers?

This is when an AHCD comes into play. In an AHCD not only do you express your health care wishes but also you will appoint someone with power of attorney to make care and treatment decisions on your behalf. You will provide instructions for everything you have a concern for, regarding your health care. This document will speak for you when you are unable to communicate these decisions yourself. Your medical surrogate will act as your agent. He or she will be the voice that will speak out your decisions.

This is how an Advance Health Care Directive works. Before having your attorney draft your AHCD you should contact the person that you have in mind to serve as your medical surrogate. You must communicate to this person that you wish him or her to act as your agent and represent you in case of a medical emergency or situation that could result in your inability to communicate. You should tell this person what your preferences are regarding your health care preferences, such as the types of special treatment you want at the end of life, your desire for surgical procedures and organ donation, for example. You should obtain this person’s acceptance before making the appointment in writing. You should do the same with a second individual. This individual will be your alternate surrogate, that is, she or he will represent you before your medical providers, in case the first one is unavailable to take charge. You will then ask your attorney to prepare the form, according to your instructions. Or, you can prepare the form yourself, by getting a model on line from an expert in the field. You should give copies of your AHCD to each person named in it as your agent, to your primary care physician and keep your original in a safe place.

When choosing who you are going to designate as your medical surrogate, you should consider that person’s proximity to the area where you reside, to the hospitals in your neighborhood and to your medical providers’ facilities. You should take into consideration that person’s relationship to you and how much you can rely on him or her to take this responsibility. After all, this will be the person that will consent or refuse to any care, diagnostic and treatment medical service offered to address any physical or mental condition from which you might be suffering.

After been contacted by the Police, Lucy located her copy of her dad’s AHCD in her home’s safe and rushed to the Emergency Room. She identified herself and showed the document to the nurses at the station. The nurses made copies of the document, took note of Lucy’s contact information and filed Bill’s AHCD in his medical chart. Every time that a nurse or a doctor opened Bill’s chart, there was his AHCD.

Bill had six (6) broken ribs and some lacerations in his face and abdomen. He returned to consciousness after the effect of the sedatives. Lucy had fallen asleep on his beside. She had been able to get some rest, knowing that everything would be taken care of the exact same way his father had wished.

By considering your options early, you can ensure the quality of life that is important to you and avoid having your loved ones decide for you critical decisions under stress or in times of emotional turmoil.

Evane Abbassi, founder and author of Legendary Wills and Trusts 12-in-1 Software, has a Juris Doctoral Degree and holds an LLM degree in tax and estate planning. A degree that 6% of all lawyers hold. She is a Trustee for some of the wealthiest families in the US. Learn about her 12-in-1 Estate Planning Software or purchase it for only $99 at http://www.LegendaryWillsandTrusts.com.

“I suppose you think that persons who are as old as your father or myself are always thinking about very grave things, but I know that we are meditating on the same old themes that we did when we were ten years old, only we go more gravely about it.”          — H.D.T., letter to Emerson’s 10-year-old daughter Ellen in 1849

“Here I am, thirty-four years old, and yet my life is almost wholly unexpanded. How much is in the germ! There is such an interval between my ideal and the actual in many instances that I may say I am unborn. There is the instinct for society, but no society. Life is not long enough for one success. Within another thirty-four years that miracle can hardly take place [...] Is it important that I should mature as soon as an apple tree? Aye, as soon as an oak? May not my life in nature, in proportion as it is supernatural, be only the spring and infantile portion of my spirit’s life? Shall I turn my spring into summer? May I not sacrifice a hasty and petty completeness here to entireness there? If my curve is large, why bend it to a smaller circle?”                                  — H.D.T., July 19, 1851

Dear Henry –

Why indeed? Life’s short. Sorry for not having written. You’d frown upon me for the frenetic way in which I’ve passed this whole week! In the span of four days, I wired money internationally for the first time, wrote at least several dozen emails; almost all of them to overseas recipients, baked and sold more sugary foods than my over-caffeinated 28-year old system could reasonably handle (not through ingestion, but labor and distribution), and traveled two time zones eastward to visit my in-laws on 4 hours of sleep. I’m still exhausted and subconsciously awaiting H1N1 to take me to the next level.

I know full well, Henry, that this is nothing to be proud of. You were well-acquainted with life, aging, illness and death, through family experiences and your own reflections on human mortality. I have been reading some of them in your journal and wish I could be half as perceptive, as doing so would dispose me to lead a fuller life. You’re probably asking what sadistic strain in me drives me toward old age so prematurely. It’s really not intentional. Actually, I sometimes feel like an unwilling passenger on a freight train headed downhill and picking up speed. There’s no button I can hit to stop it; no brake for me to tap on to get it to slow down. I would definitely rather be home than on a ride which I know has to end somewhere.  And you would know it if you were watching me converse with Phil’s grandparents tonight.

I’m staying at their home in Crawfordsville, Indiana, for the Christmas holiday. After a lifetime of adventure, they are in possession of a glorious collection of fossils (mostly crinoids), half of which they had donated to the Crawfordsville Public Library for an educational exhibit. After visiting the library to see it and the book project to which they devote most of their free time, we came home and sat for an evening snack of cheese, crackers and chocolate – premature aging = premature death, right? – and stories.

And oh, what amazing stories were told. Richard, who is 83 or so, told us about how by a hair’s breadth he made it into the Navy instead of the Marines during World War II; how at Iwo Jima he was called to be a transport officer for the final wave of troop landings rather than chosen to fight and so was given a chance at survival, and about how by some miracle he survived two heart attacks and a surgery in his late age. His wife Doris is also 83 and sharp as a razor. She defeated cancer 2 years ago and is still swinging. Though she has had rheumatoid arthritis since 30, she still uses them like a normal person just by staying active. Later in the conversation, our thoughts shifted to what it means to grow old. What Doris said was so simple, and echoes in my head now: So you get old and sick? You do what you need to do to keep moving, or you give up and end it. It’s a choice.

Honestly my friend, I would be lying if I said I’m not afraid of getting old or sick. I glanced in the mirror the other day and felt both dismay and resignation when I saw that for the first time, a fine line had appeared on my face, right near the left corner of my mouth. Panicfest, right? No, not really. I remember thinking, so this is how it is. Throughout its run your machine loses oil around the hinges, gets rusty, pops its screws, and eventually – after a very long time, if you’re lucky or unlucky, depending on how you look at it – it goes kerplunk. You also get to watch everyone around you die. But dealing with such changes is what constitutes the fine art of life, which you mastered so well.

Teach me to slow down and savor it, Henry. Because sometimes it gets a little scary.

Your loyal successor on the freight train,

Hannah

P.S.  John Mayer, a modern singer and songwriter, wrote a song that inspired the appellation on this letter to you. It makes me just a little sad every time I hear it. 

No. We didn’t just decorate the tree. We did that a few weeks ago. No. It’s up but it’s been in a state of decline ever since. Our dear Zoe ferrets away the ornaments faster than you can say HAPPY HOLIDAYS! These photos were taken the night we initially decorated.

Their decorating skills have improved but their technique still needs a lot of work as evidenced by the photo below…

Ohhhh, I had such high hopes for this Christmas but we’ve all been sick with respiratory ailments. I’ve been unable to carry out many of my pre-holiday season plans. That’s a pity, too. But, at least I’ve managed to make some of the eggnoggiest eggnog poundcakes imaginable. That counts for something, I guess.

Now, I’m off to make myself a Benadryl and whiskey toddy. Let’s hope I dream of sugar plums, mmmmkay?

I am all packed. The garbage has been emptied, the January rent has been paid, the boarding passes have been printed. I am about to turn in so that I can try to get some sleep before the alarm goes off at 5 am. But my last thoughts tonight are not about my trip, they’re about my friend Cathy, whose mother is very sick and is in serious condition in the hospital battling complications from ovarian cancer and many of the same gastrointestinal assaults that Marty suffered.

If you’re inclined to pray, you might send one Cathy’s way. I am trying to bring the karma around that she showed me when Marty was sick at this time last year. It’s all I can do to wish people peace when they’re watching someone they love suffer. I know as Marty’s illness dragged on for months, that’s all I wanted for myself and for him. You never want to give up hope, but what you really desire is peace.

Take care of your health. If you’ve got it, nurture it.

Next post from Florida…

This December, Angel MedFlight has safely transported patients in some harsh winter conditions.  The weather can be unpredictable, but the Angel MedFlight medical crew is always ready for whatever Mother Nature throws their way.  And this month, she threw a lot of snow.

Descending into Jamestown, NY

On December 16, 2009, Angel MedFlight transports a patient to Jamestown, NY where the snow falling.  Even with a runway full of snow, the crew lands safely.  By the time they need to take off again, the snow had stopped falling.

Then on December 18, 2009, the medical crew transports a patient from West Palm Beach, FL to Baltimore, MD.  On the same day, a wicked storm was moving its way up the East Coast.

Surrounded by Snow in Baltimore, MD

Forecasters in Baltimore predicted 20 to 30 inches of snow to fall.  After safely transporting the patient to the receiving facility, the medical crew headed back out into the storm.  By the time the storm had passed, 21 inches of snow had fallen on Baltimore.  The medical crew had to wait until the Lear jet was dug out before they could take off and head back to Arizona.

View more Flying in a Winter Wonderland photos on Angel MedFlight’s Facebook page.

I bought a Spring Roll today and I ate it! Some irritating person in front of me at the Chinese counter in Selfridges spent an hour ordering everything imagineable (dude, you might as well just go to China) so the task took me a lot longer that I’d hoped and I had to stare at the sodding sweet and sour chicken that had made me sick once. I found eating it very unnerving having avoided it for such a long time, thinking that Chinese food made me sick. And, as a hypochondriac this is obviously the last thing I want to be.

Then I got very angry at the CBT for making me do this. I could have been having a perfectly good ordinary day. Instead I was forcing spring roll down my face that made me think of sick. After eating it I felt extremely anxious for an hour. I could feel my stomach churning, an acidic taste inside my mouth and adrenaline running all over my body. I began to get a headache from the tension in my shoulders. It was just gross.

There I was a grown woman, hyperventilating over a spring roll.

Once the anger, anxiety and adrenaline subsided I felt more relaxed. I even had sushi for lunch, a food I normally avoid on busy days because I think it carries a high sick risk. Busy days stress me out because I don’t like letting people down and the very thought of it makes me feel more frightened of getting ill.

Later that day, I was supposed to drive my mates to the middle of nowhere to go to a new North East London clubnight. Naturally I was a bit worried that if the spring roll I’d eaten that day would mean I’d get ill later and would let my friends down. Afterall, I was the designated driver. It was a good night though and oddly enough I felt really much more relaxed than usual after my oriental ordeal.