The bible thumping wackos are right: the only thing keeping me, a well-adjusted heterosexual that is very much in love with a member of the opposite sex, from engaging in full-fledged lesbian orgies straight out of Caligula, is shit like the Defense of Marriage Act and Prop 8.  Really, I’m only as straight as the law forces me to be.  Of course, I’m a plan-ahead type of chick, and if the Supreme Court rules that I can marry anyone, including a fellow toilet-sitter, I’m going to need tips on how to court them properly.  Thank God for How to Get a Girlfriend.  Which is ironic when you think about it, because it basically spits on His divine plan.  Just think, for the low price of 80 Microsoft Points, someone like me, an introverted autistic girl who took 22 years to get her first boyfriend, can learn the secrets that only the most debonair of ladies men would know.  This will certainly give me a leg up on all those house wives that will almost assuredly leave their husbands as society as we know it crumbles around us.

How to Get a Girlfriend presents players (and I sure plan on being a player if you catch my classy drift) with six questions related to picking up women.  And it is the same six questions every time, because men who seek dating advice from Xbox Live Indie Games featuring malformed anime girls on the cover art are notoriously slow learners.

The first question asked what you do if you see a cute girl in a bar.  I went with the option that most suited me: look really thirsty so that she would buy me a drink.

Shows what I know.

Of course!  It all makes sense.  So women are parasitic beings whose love, attention, and affection needs to be bought?  Oh my God.  I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME!  I can’t tell you what it means that we’re all really this simplistic and shallow.

The next question hypothesized that you would encounter a girl dancing, but you yourself are not a good dancer.  Wow.  This game really knows me.  Well, I’m an American and I was on Xbox Live at the time, so I figured I would call her a loser and tell her dancing sucks.  Wrong again.  As it turns out, dancing is vital, because if you can’t dance, you won’t know what to do with a girl in your arms.  Duly noted.  It would have been nice if it had been more specific about the type of dance you need to learn.  The closest I could find was square dancing lessons at the local Y.  Chicks dig that, right?

Next up, what do you do if you have a crush on a girl but she only considers you a friend?  I admit, this was a head scratcher.  Ultimately, I figured the right thing to do would be hit on her best friend to make her jealous.  But no, as it turns out, you should instead keep a distance on her.

That.. makes sense to me.  I mean, mysterious is way in vogue right now.  Think about it.  Those Twilight movies grossed like a bagillion dollars!  Sure, I’m not a hundred-plus-year-old-pedophile on the prowl for subservient chicks who can’t think or act for themselves, so those movies weren’t all that educational.  But hey, beggars can’t be choosers.  I’m not sure how the whole “mysterious” thing works with someone you’re already good friends with, but I guess that’s why I’m not the dating expert.

Next up: where do you take a girl on a first date?  I decided not to go with carnival.  Worst case is the girl really doesn’t like me and tells them I escaped from their sideshow.  Next thing you know, I’m stuck on the road, going to places like Sheboygan, watching meth producers pay two bits a gander to see the Amazingly Ugly Girl.  No thanks.  As it turns out, coffee is a good first date.  Not the movies.  Or ice skating.  Oh thank God.  So a first date won’t involve me falling on my ass repeatedly.  Weird, because if I met the chick at a bar, she would already be used to seeing that.

The next question deals with a subject matter important to all people in the hypothetical end of civilization homosexual apocalypse dating scenario:

With no option for “hire a hitman and have that bitch whacked”, I decided to go with the laxatives.  Not only was I wrong, but as it turns out I’ve been using the totally wrong descriptive language towards the women I’ve been courting.

I admit it.  I wouldn’t have thought to call (or even think of) any women I was trying to pick up “broads.”  But this is 2013.  Maybe it’s time we all embrace aggressive, obnoxious flirtation.

Finally, what do you do if a girl comes up to you and tells you she’s not really interested?  I actually know the answer to this, but my lawyer has advised me against going into detail here.  At least before the jury comes back with a verdict.

Final score?  0 for 6.  Well fuck, I guess I really did buy the right Xbox Live Indie Game dating guide, because I had a lot to learn.  With the knowledge I have acquired, I’m in an even better position now to commit a crime against nature.  Which I sort of already did when I paid $1 for this absolutely unfunny, unlikable, useless, sexist piece of shit game that was developed by a douchebag who wouldn’t know pussy if it sat on his mouth and queefed.

How to get a Girlfriend was developed by Fusion Gaming

80 Microsoft Points are waiting for the Supreme Court to legalize working on the sabbath so that I can do that without fear of being put to dea.. wait, what do you mean you can already do that? But the Bible says not to! You’re all a bunch of sinners and you’re going to Hell in the making of this review!

Randy has made huge advancements on the Schoolyard level with new models and an even more twisted level layout that is sure to challenge the players.  He also published a level kit to allow the other members to throw together a level layout as well in the same vain as a Lego set.  More on that to come later

David has begun working with ZBrush and will start taking his concepts from the drawing board and making them highly detailed 3D sculpted models. Before all that however he is going to Frankenstein some of the Pigeon concepts together to create our final protagonist.  Pic to be posted soon.

On another note, our webcomic series, Harbinger: The Sundering has picked up a new background artist in Beka Reed as well as making huge progress.

Marc is just finishing up on his character concepts and will be moving into finalization of the characters’ designs to be implemented.  Character concepts and more info to come.

Beka, our newest member, has come up with amazing layouts and designs for the castle city of Sigmund as well as some of its more notable landmarks and features.

As always be sure to follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr Deviant Art and this here blog site….And visit our main site too.

Toxic Creativity

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Something as simple as buying a hot dog from a food cart feels so different after playing Cart Life.

You start to wonder about the stats of the guy cooking the hot dogs. How many customers did he have that day? What time did he wake up in order to haul his cart to the centre of downtown? How often did he have to wait in line to update his permits?

Cart Life is an examination of the world through the eyes of a cart vendor. Doesn’t sound too exciting does it?

That’s the point.

In the game, there are a number of roles you can adopt, and each one puts you in a specific world view from the sidewalk. The roles are defined by gender, age, economic status, and race, and this Cart Life expects you to meet a deadline in each life.

Players can choose one of three roles in the game:

There’s Vinny, a coffee addict who already has his own cart to sell all kinds of food.

There’s Andrus, who wants to open up a newspaper stand somewhere in the city with his loving cat by his side.

Then there’s Melanie.

Richard Hofmeier

As Melanie, my objective was to earn about $1,000 before my court hearing, and to maintain a relationship with my daughter, Laura. Staying at your sister’s place is really the only viable option to starting up your business successfully.

At first, the game seems almost impossible to keep up with, as you face obstacles like bus fare, groceries, sleeping well, eating well, and maintaining relationships. But as you might imagine, it all starts to feel rather familiar.

My first playthrough of Cart Life was largely unsuccessful. I missed taking my daughter to school and bringing her home, I never even managed to get a cart set up, and I spent most of the game making small talk with the other characters. As your progress, the game becomes more and more overwhelming the less you plan out your day.

It’s mundane, stressful, and challenging. Just like real life. That’s the point.

Richard Hofmeier

These are the small touches that make Cart Life such a unique experience.

In a video game like Skyrim there are no deadlines for completing mythical quests. You are given full reign over the land and the ability to do whatever you like without having to pay attention to the world around your character, and how the environment has a clear effect on the character.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, Cart Life tasks you to organize, to plan, and to succeed by driving your efforts towards a single deadline.

It’s imperative for Melanie to be able to hold onto her daughter. If you lose custody of her, Melanie’s world falls apart.

It’s a faithful recreation of real life situations, and the consequences that come from neglecting responsibilities.

For instance, at the downtown government office you can pick up a $15.00 bus pass that will last you the week. Melanie only has so much money to spare on a day to day basis, and the pass becomes an essential tool for your survival. The only way you know about the pass is by inquiring about it and knowing full well that in places like Toronto, where I live, bus passes exist and serve the same purpose as they do in Cart Life.

If you don’t have enough money to pay for your bus pass each month, you can’t get to work, which means you might lose your job.

Talk about game over.

When I finally figured out what I had to do, it was already a few days into the game. I arrived at the government office to pick up my cart permit at 2 p.m. and Melanie was hungry. By the time my number had been called, Melanie was too tired to speak or make inquiries. She had to go home and call it a day. It was another unsuccessful attempt at keeping up with life.

Richard Hofmeier

After my fist unsuccessful attempt to make my deadline, I found myself going back to the game a few days later with a checklist of things I had to do. As a journalist, I find that having a notebook filled with articles that need to be written, games that need to be reviewed, and a shopping list for what I need when going home keeps my mind on track throughout the week. Cart Life is a game where you have to listen to what you are being told and you have to keep the details in your mind — or on a piece of paper beside you — if you want to succeed in the game.

Vending coffee on the street acts like a mini-game. You must interact with the customer to find out what he or she wants, you must grind the coffee beans, and you have to keep in mind that the customer’s patience in limited. There’s also the price. Depending on the quality of your ingredients, you have to keep track of your profits and your expenses.

In the game you have to decide what you are going to charge your patrons for coffee. It comes as no surprise that the cheaper your brew, the more customers you will get at your stall, but costs begin to pile up. Melanie’s story could serve as a pretty decent barista simulator.

With Melanie, I had a routine already set for my new game.

First off, I had to get a permit from Glenda in the downtown shopping district. That meant getting up early on the first day and going over to the government office — with a sandwich just in case hunger made Melanie tired. I managed to get a low number in the queue and successfully got my permit.

After this I headed up to the Walmart-like mega market and purchased an espresso machine. With about $500.00 already drained from my wallet it felt like I was going to be needing the pawn shop to make it through the next day. That night, I headed over to Alice in the machine shop and negotiated my way to getting my own cart. After a long day of work, Melanie arrived home, ate some leftovers, got undressed, brushed her teeth, showered, and the statistics screen rolled.

To quote Ice Cube, “it was a good day.”

For many players, it’s a shame that pen and paper video games — outside of the role-playing game genre — have almost ceased to exist. For players who remember a time who remember scrawling notes and codes on a pad beside the keyboard, keeping written schedule for your character in Cart Life will bring back fond memories with a realistic modern spin.

As the days pass, Melanie’s story evolves from being one about starting on her own to her relationship with her daughter. Picking Laura up at school gives you a chance to reassure her that she’ll be able to keep custody and that one day they’ll be living on their own again. Depending on your sister for help has always made Melanie feel a little guilty.

Melanie faces the same anxieties as any of us do in real world, and that’s the real point of Cart Life.

Cart Life mirrors everyday life. We run about focusing on deadlines to wake up, to go to work, to take care of our family, and to hustle until we’re so tired that sleep never feels like its enough.

Cart Life really is unlike anything else out there. I’ve never had a game that so pointedly puts you into a role and expects you to make its life work just like your own.

Cart Life is now available on Steam. There is a free-to-play version of the game, but think of Richard Hofmeier as a street vendor serving up a slice of life in the virtual world.

It’s really strange because the first Dead Sea was not God awful or anything.  I ultimately didn’t recommend it, because the gameplay was boring and repetitive.  But I think with some work, the concept of being stuck in the middle of the ocean with sharks out to turn you into the catch-of-the-day might be a good one.  When I heard the guys at Brave Men Games were working on a sequel, I was hoping they would try to mend the concept, which I think is salvageable.  The developers seemed to disagree with that assessment, because Dead Sea II is completely different from the original, with no real connection besides starring the same chick.  Actually, I think the “mutation” part refers to the girl, because that’s the only explanation for why she has the spray-on-tan from Hell, making her look like the love child of Courtney Stodden and Hulk Hogan.  How did she get that tan?  Didn’t she just spend, like, days bobbing around the ocean?  That wouldn’t have bronzed her.  That would have had her peeling a human onion.  A pickled human onion.

It’s also possible she’s in need a liver transplant. In which case, I’m sorry.

My biggest disappointment with Dead Sea 2 is that the original was a bad game merely because the mechanics were not fun.  It did give me hope that the developers were on the right track.  Instead, the sequel is broken to the point of being nearly unplayable.  Being attacked by giant mutant-shark-people-things might not be the worst idea, but the execution here is awful.  I searched around for viable pathways to make stealth kills on the enemies, but couldn’t find any without being detected.  When an enemy charges you, you have to perform a quick-time-event to escape.  However, sometimes I would push the correct button almost immediately and still die.  It seemed completely random when it would work.  Combine this with excruciating load times and I didn’t really feel the urge to press on.  I tried to finish one floor that had two mutant dudes for a good solid hour, but a combination of stuttering frame rate, broken quick-time-events, and demoralizing load times made me give up.  Maybe without technical hangups, Dead Sea 2 could have been decent.  Instead, it’s dead in the water.  Ba-ba-baaaaaaa.

Dead Sea II: Mutation was developed by Brave Men Games

80 Microsoft Points said this series has jumped shark in the making of this review.

• Step one: make sure your planned video game is actually a video game.
• Step two: Send a bribe to P.O. Box…………..

Actually, Loot Grinder didn’t make it past step one, so there’s no need to continue.  What it does manage to do is be one of the most baffling “games” I’ve ever played.  It’s menial data-entry from Hell.  Who would see the potential in taking a genre, removing the aspects of it that are most important to gamers, and then releasing it for mass consumption?  Dirt-eating insanity!  But that’s exactly what Loot Grinder is.  No story.  No characters to interact with.  No world to explore.  No hidden treasures.  No dungeons.  No plot twists.  No real dialog at all.  Thus, all that’s left is the grinding.  Also known as the least fun part of any game.  That’s why they called it “grinding” instead of “super fun happy time!”

I don’t remember any game making me yawn more. No, I didn’t finish it. I quit saving my progress and the first time I died after that, I decided I had seen enough. Two hours of utter tedium that should be avoided at all costs by anyone looking to have a good time.

They didn’t even get the whole grinding part right.    Without a world to explore, there’s no way you can hang out in a specific area, fighting guys you know you can beat.  That’s what I consider grinding to be.  Here, you could very well end up fighting guys who are well out-of-bounds for your party, get smacked down, and have to start over from your last save.  Money is too slow to be acquired.  Potions are way over-priced, and so is use of the inn.  Progress feels slow.  Upgrades are expensive enough to seem well out or reach.  And then there’s weird moments, like buying a spell only to find out that your particular dude can’t actually use that spell.  I bought a spell called Fire 1, but it turns out that’s for diamond wizard things, and my guy was a pearl wizard thing.  Unless I missed something, and I was looking very closely, there was no way of knowing that until I had already spent a large chunk of money on the spell.  It’s like buying a used car and not getting to know if there’s a dead body in the trunk until you pass your first police checkpoint.

Worst of all, the game only leaves in battles, but the battles are slow, basic, and boring.  Gaming traditionalists might appreciate them, since they’re lifted liberally from the 16-bit era.  Of course, those battles were palatable because they had the benefit of advancing the narrative.  Without that, the gameplay has no sense of achievement.  This is one of those “sounds like it might work” on paper concepts that probably shouldn’t have made it out of the planning stages.  Loot Grinder is one of the most boring ideas in gaming history and should only be put to use in weeding out which interns at the office are unsuited for redundant filing work.

Loot Grinder was developed by Pixel Polish Games

80 Microsoft Points said this game should come with one of those “may cause drowsiness” warnings in the making of this review.

I also did not want there to be a sequel.  I just figured that there was no way the joke could be stretched any further.  DLC Quest is pretty much a game without flaws, in the sense that it gives you just enough gameplay to not get too bored while waiting for the next gag to hit.  It gave players one hour worth of genuinely funny jokes, and ended before they started going flat.  It really felt like the joke had gone as far as it could.

Zombie sheep. Also known as Nintendo’s fanbase.

Still, everyone clamored for a sequel.  Not me.  I did everything I could to discourage it.  I asked creator Ben Kane nicely to not do it.  Then I asked not so nicely.  Then I made threats.  Then I blackmailed.  Then I  held his parents hostage.  Then I left a horse’s head in his bed.  Then I burned his house down.  Then I found out I was talking to the wrong Ben Kane.  Then I had to explain to the cops that I hadn’t grossly over-reacted to an ultimately trivial situation.  Then I had to make with the bribes.  By time I had tracked down the real Ben Kane, it was this morning and the sequel was already out.  Grumble.

Guess what?  My fears were for not.  DLC Quest: Live Freemium or Die is still quite funny, briskly paced, and offers genuine laughs.  Having said that, the best jokes clearly came in the original, where you had to get “DLC” just to be able to pause the game, or walk to the left.  It took absurdity to a new extreme.  The punchlines in Live Freemium feel more like run-of-the-mill gaming humor.  Well done, mind you, but still the type of jokes that can be done in any type of game.  Stuff like making guys speak with Canadian accents, or having a token NPC character that adds fuck-all to the game.  If the writing wasn’t so damn good, it would have really been a letdown, because this shit has been done before.

As a game, DLC Quest 2, like its predecessor, is as basic as buttered bread.  Jump around, collect coins, find the occasional secret room that contains more coins, and that’s pretty much it.  I’ve reviewed dozens of games at Indie Gamer Chick that have minimal gameplay and focus on the writing, but platforming is much more preferable to scrolling through menus, or pointing and clicking.  And I have to stress, the writing is sublime.  As an example, there’s a section of the game that focuses on fetch quests.  Such events in any game are guaranteed to induce cringes, and this was no different.  Then, just as tedium was about to settle in and make of mess of things, a brilliant punch-line to the whole sequence instantly defused me.  It was the biggest laugh of the whole game.  I actually shook my head in disbelief.  I can’t believe he made that part work the way he did.  He got me.

Add an extra thirty minutes to the playtime to find everything if you so wish.

Like the original, Live Freemium takes about an hour to finish.  Unlike the original, it doesn’t stay fresh to the end.  It doesn’t really get annoying or boring.  In fact, I didn’t think the game had run out of steam until right before the finale.  But, yes, the joke has officially ran its course.  It’s nothing short of remarkable that Ben Kane stretched it for over two hours before it grew stale.  His talent as a game designer is remarkable.  At the time of this writing, he has three games on the Indie Gamer Chick Leaderboard, ranked #19, #20, and #31.  That’s pretty damn impressive.  Thus, I officially proclaim Ben Kane and his Going Loud Studios the first recipient of the Indie Gamer Chick Certified Developer Who Doesn’t Suck Award.

Congratulations Ben.  But for God’s sake, don’t make another one.  I don’t care if this earns you enough money to buy a small nation.  Don’t make me put a horse’s head in your bed.  This time I’ll get it right.  How many Ben Kanes can there be?

DLC Quest: Live Freemium or Die was developed by Going Loud Studios

80 Microsoft Points said “no seriously, I know I doubted you before, but there is no possible way you can stretch out this joke for another episode.  Think of Naked Gun 3.  That shit was unwatchable” in the making of this review.

DLC Quest: Live Freemium or Die is Chick Approved and ranked on the Indie Gamer Chick Leaderboard. 

If someone were to present me with the task of summing up Antichamber in but a single word, I think I’d have to settle on ‘Abstract’… Everything about the game is just that: Its aesthetics; its use of stark white and vivid colours, is abstract. The way it juxtaposes an eerily unnatural world with a soundtrack comprised of birdsong, rustling leaves and gentle breezes, is abstract. Its mechanics are abstract, and, perhaps most importantly, the very way it makes you think, the way it manipulates your thoughts and behaviour, is the most abstract thing of all.

You see, when you begin playing Antichamber you quickly come to an intriguing – and maybe a little disturbing – epiphany… This game knows you, it knows how you think, it plays with how you think. Antichamber isn’t just a game to be played, it’s an experience that plays you. How does it do this? Well, it knows one very important aspect of who you are; you’re a gamer.

At first glance Antichamber is simply a first-person puzzle-platformer with some pretty cool visuals, something along the lines of the next Portal perhaps, but the ingenuity of its design makes it so much more than that. For me, Antichamber changed my expectations of what games, and brilliant game designers, are capable of.

Here’s the thing, Antichamber flies in the face of conventional gaming linearity… I was going to say something along the lines of “Antichamber presents the player with a series of chambers and puzzles they must traverse through”, but then I realised that I cannot really describe the game as such. The use of the world ‘series’ implies a sequential progression, and the word ‘must’ implies that the game pushes the player in a certain direction. Antichamber does neither of these things.

While yes, there is both a beginning and an end in Antichamber, and yes, to progress to the end the player must make their way through a bizarre Esher-esque map of chambers and puzzles, there is no set way to do this. The player is free to explore and tackle each area in pretty much whichever order they wish. There are of course some limitations; some areas can’t be completed without prior unlocking of a certain ability, but it’s down to you to find that out. The game doesn’t arbitrarily limit you, it doesn’t tell you where you can or can’t go, you instead work out where to go through exploration, curiosity, and trial and error… probably a lot of error. The very way you progress in Antichamber is a puzzle in itself.

What really makes Antichamber special though is how it not only rejects conventional linearity, but it rejects conventional game design completely. In fact, it makes use of the idea that, as a gamer, you probably think a certain way. Gaming has trained you to think about games, and progression in games, in a particular way. Antichamber knows this and tries to train you otherwise.

Here’s an example, you probably think that, just like the real world, game worlds fit into three dimensional space right? Up is up, down is down, left is left, right is right, the game world adheres to these concepts of spatial positioning and direction right? Nope, games have the luxury of not really having to adhere to these rules, it’s just that game designers tend not to utilise that potential. Probably because such level design is generally pretty useless when trying to create a traditional sense of progression within a game.

Games have taught is that in order to reach the end goal of a game we must keep pushing forward, whether we’re pushing forward in terms of narrative, character progression, or just levels. Antichamber instead teaches us that this is not necessarily the case; sometimes we have to step back to go forward, sometimes falling, failing, is necessary to proceed ever higher.

The game is difficult to describe without giving away too much information regarding how the puzzles work, and how they provide a genuinely mind-altering experience; I hardly want to spoil any of the particularly satisfying parts of the game for you guys. It’d be great if I felt it sufficient to simply say that most of the puzzles involve logic (or the abandoning of logic), platforming, use of movable blocks and switches, occasionally some clever use of momentum, and even visual perspective… but I can’t help but feel this doesn’t convey the sheer ingenuity of how this game has been designed.

Here’s an example of how my stupidity… *ahem* I mean, my traditional game design conditioned mind… Okay I mean stupidity, lead me to become stuck, FOR HOURS. I was attempting to make my way through a room within which were a series of doors, everything seemed pretty simple at first; I just had to activate the switches that would open said doors by placing little blue blocks inside the switches. However, my progress was thwarted upon reaching a door that required four blocks to open, four blocks!? At this point I only had one to use (the first ability you come across is a blue device that allows you to absorb, store, and place individual blocks), where was I supposed to find four? The hint on the wall, one of many illustrated signs that both help, hinder, encourage, and laugh at you throughout the game, mentioned something about how “what we leave behind may affect what’s in front of us”… or something like that… Eureka! I thought, I have to use the blocks I’ve left behind in the previous door switches.

That was when I became even more stumped, y’see, the previous doors and switches had been placed in such a way that it was impossible to retrieve a block from a switch without the corresponding door closing, and thus preventing you from reaching the four-block door. This predicament had me stuck for an embarrassingly long time, and yet, the solution was simple: I was so focused on moving forward, so stuck on the idea that I didn’t have enough blocks, that I failed to realise the extra block within a second switch before the four-block door. With this block I now had two at my disposal, still not enough to open the door, and in fact, by taking that second block I closed a door just before the last one… But, I had two blocks, two blocks opened up new possibilities. For instance, I couldn’t retrieve the previous blocks I needed without their doors closing right? Well, with two blocks I could now open the doors, use my extra block to wedge said doors open, and proceed to remove the previous blocks from their switches without closing off my path. This meant that, after making my way back in order to move forward, I had six blocks; two to open the penultimate door, four to open the last.

That puzzle was a relatively simple one, and yet, my inability to focus on anything but moving forward, moving linearly, is what caused me so much trouble. Other puzzles require you to simultaneously abandon and utilise logic. The last area I’ll talk about, so as to avoid spoiling too much, is an example of how Antichamber uses our preconceptions about three dimensional space and direction to confuse us.

Fairly early on in the game you’ll reach a set of corridors, all coloured in white, with a blue splash of colour signifying the beginning. You walk forwards and around the corner of the corridor, only to see blue again. Now, obviously your first thought is this “Oh, blue again, I wonder why this new bit is blue too”, the problem? It’s not a new bit, it’s the same, you’re back to the beginning. Logically, this makes no sense, you clearly headed in a direction away from where you started, but hey, as I said, conventional spatial concepts don’t work in Antichamber. So, after spending a while running round and round in circles, heading in all sorts of different directions in a vain attempt to make some progress, you might come to a certain realisation… These corridors are occasionally different colours, and as long as I follow the white corridors, I end up back at the beginning, oh, and what’s this? When I once again reach the beginning the corridor behind me turns green? Well, logically speaking, if following white gets me nowhere, then what about following green? Lo and behold, following the green areas and avoiding white does indeed bring you to a new area, in spite of the fact that you’ve just doubled back on yourself and wandered in directions that shouldn’t really take you anywhere.

Antichamber creates an illogical world that can only be traversed with the most abstract and obtuse logicalities. It’s an oddly pure experience, everything from the visual design, to the total lack of meaningful instruction, adds to the sense that this game is nothing but an experiment in player thought and interaction. The game isn’t bogged down or restricted by the need to tell a prewritten narrative, its mechanics are simple enough that, whereas other games need to restrict the player in order to prevent them from ‘breaking’ the game, there’s no need for such restrictions here. In Antichamber the player is free to progress in a variety of different ways, yes, there is an optimum path to the end of the game, but by and large, the player is free to tackle what they want, when they want. I myself, although having reached the “End” of the game, have yet to discover every single area and puzzle within the sprawling map.

So what exactly is Antichamber? What’s the point? Is it just an experiment in abstract, non-Euclidean game design? Is it a complex puzzle-platformer made simply to inspire, elate, and frustrate people? What’s it all about?

Well, throughout the game there seems to be a sombre underpinning of morality and advice. The aforementioned illustrated signs and hints are not only there to intrigue you, teach you, and encourage you; they’re also displayed on a wall at the beginning of the game as you discover them. On this wall it seems they form a story, a tale surrounding the trials and tribulations of someone’s life.

Life, that is what I can’t help but feel that Antichamber is about. It’s an easy conclusion to make, for a start, Antichamber debuted under a different name; “Hazard: The Journey of Life”, which makes things a little more obvious… Antichamber’s reflection of life isn’t just shown through the illustrated signs however. These signs, with their encouraging words of advice, are also of course hints for each puzzle. As such, it would seem that each puzzle in the game is not just an example of ingenious game design, but also a representation of different struggles and problems in modern life. Essentially, these illustrated words of wisdom seem to form a story about life back on that wall at the start hub of the game, but when you remember that these words also helped you to get through the game, you realise that each puzzle, each challenge, is also part of this story.

Of course, it’s pretty vague, and perhaps a little pretentious to just say “it’s a game about life”… So instead I’ll ramp up the pretentiousness factor and go on to say it’s a game about games! Oh yay, one of those.

As I said, Antichamber makes a point of rejecting traditional aspects of game design, particularly that of linear progression. Even if Antichamber isn’t intended to be a direct commentary about such an issue, I can’t help but feel that the game points out traditional games’ difficulties in representing real life. Traditionally designed games usually revolve around some form of linear progression, this tends to make games that are trying to be “realistic” actually seem pretty surreal. Life isn’t about linear progression, it’s not about relentlessly pushing forward, completing objectives, defeating the enemy, and reaching the end. I know this sounds a little cliched, but life is about the complexities, the experiences and events, the decisions you make and the way you perceive it, in short; life is about the journey and your interpretation of said journey.

Oddly enough, with this in mind, it would seem that Antichamber; a game so bizarre, so surreal, and so illogical that it couldn’t even begin to be described as in any way “realistic”, actually does a better job of approximating the journey of life than most games. It’s a game that makes you think, it makes you angry, happy, frustrated, depressed, inspired, and satisfied. Like life, it’s not simple, nothing is as easy as just pushing forward, sometimes you have to sit back and think, take a different perspective, come to terms with failure (a word that effectively doesn’t exist in Antichamber; often failing to succeed in a puzzle can just show you a new path to take), and deal with things in your own time, in your own way…. As long as your own way involves throwing logic to the wall, shattering it to pieces, and then desperately trying to piece it back together while you wrap your head around a world that wraps itself around you.

Antichamber is a game that, as a gamer, you need to play… Now… Do it.

Huh?  What do you mean this is a different game?  No.

Really?

(checks notes)

Well I’ll be damned.  It really is a sequel.

Awkward.

Even more awkward is the original Battle High that I played I sort of took a big dump on.  Perhaps an undeserved dump.  I was only on my second month as Indie Gamer Chick at that point, and the game was prominently featured in the Uprising event despite being completely unoriginal.  I think my expectations for the types of games in the Uprising (and XBLIGs in general) were misguided.  I thought I would be playing dozens of weird, exotic, experimental games.  Why?  Because I was (some would say “still am“) fucking stupid.

The beautiful truth about Xbox Live Indie Games is that the best titles typically are directly inspired by classic games and formulas.  So was I overly harsh on Mattrified Games?  Yes.  I’ll eat some humble pie and admit that I was wrong, and that Battle High was better than I said.  Their primary goal was to pay respectable tribute to a beloved genre, and I can’t deny they succeeded with Battle High.  I didn’t like it all that much, because I didn’t grow up with an endless stream of 2D fighters that were practically indistinguishable from one another.  I imagine if I had, I might have been more receptive towards it.  Sort like how my father keeps trying to sell me on the new Dallas.  I gave it a shot and thought that it was total crap.  My father watched the original and eats the shit up with a spoon.  The point being whether it’s crap or not is irrelevant to the target audience.

Not that I think Battle High 2 is crap.  It’s not.  If you’re into fighters, I seriously doubt you’ll find a better one on Xbox Live Indie Games.  It controls well.  I guess.  I mean, I would bet it controls much better on an arcade stick.  I had difficulty imputing even the simplest of moves.  Neither the standard Xbox 360 controller or the transforming d-pad one I have are suited for fighters.  But I already learned that lesson years ago when attempting to play Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 on XBLA.  I can hardly blame the developer for that.

Calling it a sequel is a bit of a stretch though.  It has basically the same graphics, same characters, same bonus games, same setting, and same controls as the original.  Maybe a new move here, or more emphasis on plot there, or a small handful of new characters.  But, it just doesn’t feel like an evolution.  Maybe more like a special edition, sort of how there were five fucking versions of Street Fighter II before they brought out Street Fighter III.  Put it this way.  If you looked at the two screenshots below, could you tell me which is the original and which is the sequel?  Is it this one?

Or this one?

The top shot is the new one.  The bottom one is the original.  See what I mean?  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Capcom made millions re-relasing the same game with minor tweaks.  If it’s good for them, it’s good for XBLIGs.

I guess there is one major difference I could point out: I had fun this time around.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been writing about XBLIGs for nearly two years, so I have a better understanding of the platform.  Originality is not the goal of every developer.  I imagine if you were a kid who played fighters and dreamed of making your own fighting game, your first goal on a platform like XBLIG would be to do just that.  That’s what Mattrified Games did with Battle High, and they did a damn good job.  Maybe Battle High is a glorified patch disguised as a sequel, but I enjoyed it, and I have little love in my heart for 2D fighters of the 90s.  I was weaned on Soul Caliber, Marvel vs Capcom 2, and God-awful 3D Mortal Kombat games.  I chalk my dislike of SNK-style fighters to a generational thing.  To me, they’re boring.  Just like how you guys hate the contributions of my generation, like um.. uhhhhhhh.. we had that thing where that guy did that thing that one time and um.. this review is over.

Battle High 2 was developed by Mattrified Games

80 Microsoft Points thought this game was about Matthew Riddle.  That dude always battled high in the making of this review.

Battle High 2 is Chick Approved and ranked on the Indie Gamer Chick Leaderboard.  No, I’m not retroactively putting Battle High 1 on there, unless you count Battle High 2 as Battle High 1.5, which I do.

I figured when I started Indie Gamer Chick, I would be neck-deep in original game concepts.  That’s not the case, of course.  Entirely original concepts are as rare as a Yeti.  Developers, even gutsy ones, tend to stick to what they know works, only making minor tweaks on established formulas.  Still, the occasional game centered around a new idea does pop up from time to time.  Such is the case here.  I asked around, and nobody had played anything like it (there were some games on the Commodore 64 that looked similar but turned out to be much different).  Great!  So how does this original idea fare?

No, you can’t make sense of this. I think you have a better chance of deciphering the Voynich manuscript.

Not so good.  The main gameplay problem is the background is simply too noisy.  On easy mode, you only have to keep track of the yellow balls and yellow lasers.  This by itself is a decent challenge, especially once the action speeds up.  On higher difficulties, you have three different colors of lasers, three colors of balls, and lots of background shit for those to bleed into.  If you can actually follow the action, your super vision could probably be put to better use in the fields of espionage or Lex Luthor foiling.  Despite decent enough play control, the action in this game is incomprehensible.

But, even if it wasn’t, I don’t think the concept lends itself well to a good game.  That’s the biggest sin Laser Fry commits: it simply is not fun, and probably doesn’t have the potential to ever be fun.  So, like most original ideas that flop, I’ll chalk Laser Fry up to being a worthy experiment that produced an undesirable product.  Sometimes you simply can’t know what will and won’t work until you try it.  It takes a brave person to begin with, who sees a void in innovation and says “I’m going to give this a shot!”  Like an egghead with a chemistry set.  Sometimes you accidentally cure cancer, and sometimes you blow yourself up.

Laser Fry was developed by GGGames

80 Microsoft Points thought the game would involve one of these and a random dude’s hair in the making of this review.

*More commonly called UCLA

I’m guessing that when you read the title, it doesn’t really give you much insight to what I will be talking about.

And, nor do I know what I will end up rambling on about – to be honest.

It is definitely something to do with gaming online anyways.

This is a new thing to me, and although I’ve seen people play these games, I don’t think I will ever truly really enjoy them until I start playing them too. So I guess, this is the next step of learning about them.

Of, course what I am talking about is the lovely online gaming community and all of its different types of games. There are so many different abbreviations to know – and at first I was totally baffled when hearing the lingo of a true gaming world.

But slowly, I’ve learnt quite a lot, and I am now talking to you guys to show you what I have learnt, in such a short space of time.

Firstly, the abbreviations….

• RPG – Role Playing Game: This is a game where you play a character, that is obvously not your own, a story put into a game with its own characters, and you play the main character of the story.
• MMOG – Massively Multiplayer Online Game: The name pretty much sums up what this is all about – a game where loads of people join into one game and are against each other or helping each other. Depends I suppose.
• FPS – First Person Shooter – again, it says it all in the name
• RTS – Real Time Strategy
• Sim – Simulations
• AAG – Action & Adventure Game: States the obvious really!
• MMORPG – Massively Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game – a combination of the first two abbreviations.
• Platform – The technology type you are playing the game on, i.e XBOX, PC, PS3,
• whatever – these are your platformsAhh, Lovely.These are just a few that I have picked up on so far. I really don’t know what else is out there to add, so please – feel free to include your own in the comments.

So, abbreviations are pretty cool, and they shorten the long ass words out, which is a lot better for us who cant be arsed to tell our listeners/viewers just what they mean.

So, that brings us onto the games themselves, the ones where we don’t really play them on the XBOX, PS3 or Nintendo consoles.

This could give those console freaks something else to wanna play, there actually are some really good Indie games out there to play. I’ve made a post on one of the online games – it was my very first blog, and I enjoyed watching my friend play, and also enjoyed the game itself. It was simple yet complicated at the same time.

A total mind-fuck.

Yeah, so…. Indie Games! They are independent games, hence where the shortened term came from, another typical short cut in the English language for us gamers.

They are usually created by people who are not massively rich, with thousands or millions of dollar, pounds, euros, whatever in the bank, but simple, working-class people like you. And my god, they are good at what they do – well some of them anyways.

These independent games do not have any publishers supporting them or funding them either, it is purely a geeky nerd sat at his desk hoping one day his game will storm the online world and make him the richest dude ever to live.

Well, maybe not the richest, but earn him a few thousand to make some sort of living – after all he or SHE – don’t wanna be sexist here, are spending their time creating beautiful imagery and putting it into a game for us nerds to play. Marvellous.

These are the people who get my respect. They are dedicated, and pour so much love into their games you can feel it and visually see it.

Indie games are therefore a lot smaller than the mainstream games we play, doesn’t matter what platform you use.

The guys who make these games use innovation and shit loads of creativity, and patience too, you gotta have patience for games that go wrong – because they are bound to somewhere along the lines. Practice makes perfect, right?

Indie games are like magazines in some cases, you try them, read them and then if you really like it carry on buying that particular brand or something just like it – for variation. And this is what it is like for indie games, there are so many to play, depends on your taste. Indie game makers – the developers is what I should call them, rely heavily on digital sales, people buying their games. The more people buy it, the more popular it gets.

Since the early days of the 2000s, indie gaming sales have sky-rocketed, and more people are using the PC platform to stream live games, pre-record and make blog type things – vlogs? I dunno. something like that, on YouTube. Stuff like this has only become better because of the new introduction of technology and the advancements it’s going through over the years, it increases sales, increases peoples interest too.

Games such as Braid, MineCraft and World of Goo are indie games and are pretty popular amongst online players. These are just a few of the ones that have become financially successful.

Indie game developers do not have controlling interests or creative limitations, nor do they require any publisher approvals, it is all done individually.

The most popular way of streaming games so others can watch is through a platform called Steam, I have many friends that use this – so I am guessing it is a pretty decent platform.

So to those who wanna start gaming, and enjoy the technical side of things, this is where you should start! I totally 100% recommend you start – I am looking into it, so then I can blog about my own experiences playing the games instead of watching someone play it and writing about experiences in watching.

So quick summary.

Abbrevations – Lazy language but effective for quick, instant approval into the world of geek and simple.

Indie Games – beautifully created, damn right cool to play, exudes love and passion, gets you addicted.

Streaming – People watch you, love you, and give you feedback. You can show how much you kick ass or suck ass. Depends on whether you re recruit or veteran – game talk coming out.

And finally, the platform that you need or should use to stream those kick ass games – STEAM!!!!

So, having not knowing where I would be going with this, I have rattled on for a while, I hope you found what I’ve written slightly interesting. And I also hope that you do indulge into a little more gaming.

What are you waiting for? There is a whole virtual games world to explore!

GO GO GO!!

<3

Live. Laugh. Love

Come on, now.  How often can we leave it at just that?

It looks the part, but Chronicles of the Fairy feels unfinished.

Chronicles of the Fairy isn’t really terrible, but it’s underwhelming or mediocre in so many ways that I simply have to shake my head in disappointment.  It looks like it should be good, and feels like it should be good.  But the six levels that take all of twenty minutes to complete are boring and uninspired in design.  The music is annoying, the enemies are all but useless, and lives are far too plentiful.  But what’s really awful is the collision detection on the spikes.  Levels are littered with spikes all over the place, with the main challenge being having to squeeze between them.  The problem with this is, the collision box for the spikes is not too generous.  It leads to many moments where you don’t come that close to the spikes and still take damage for them.  Imagine if real life was like that.  Imagine if, in football, getting to the three yard line was considered good enough for a touchdown.  Raving insanity!  Even if replacement referees apparently liked that idea.

Even if that wasn’t the case, 妖精冒険記 is boring.  The whole experience feels like the demo for what should be a larger game, or perhaps an early beta-build or proof-of-concept, as evidenced by the ball-and-chain swinging enemy who clipped right into a wall and got stuck.  There’s no challenge (even the spikes don’t make much difference when you’re tripping over extra lives every two feet), and no real reason to keep playing once you’re past the opening stage.  Then, just as it looks like the game might grow some teeth and ramp up in difficulty, it’s over.  It’s quite disappointing.  I was interested to check it out because it’s rare when a Japanese-developed XBLIG shows up on the marketplace.  It seemed like it might be exotic.  Instead, I feel like one of those chicks who gets a tramp stamp in Japanese characters that she thinks says “Free Spirit” and only later learns that it says “Insert Umbrella Below.”

妖精冒険記 (Chornicles of the Fairy) was developed by Yuwaka’s Soft

80 Microsoft Points said “maybe Kirbys are the tadpole stage of a fairy.  IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!” in the making of this review.

Why optimization is almost always a waste of time
Why data structures are bad
Why enormous code runs are better than modularity and function calls
Why most of the features of C++ are an impediment rather than a benefit

The main reason is that most of these things either greatly increase complexity and reduce maintainability, or that they simply waste huge amounts of development time.  He argues that optimizing for development time is, by far, the best optimization of all.

Completed NTS:TCG ship card.

What is the NTS:TCG?

The NTS:TCG is an exciting game of deep strategic space combat set in the rich Neo Tokyo Skies universe. Collect, trade and customise your gameplay experience through a selection of beautifully illustrated game cards. Construct your fleet, and lead it with your own personalised hero. With hundreds of cards and huge scope for strategy the possibilities are limitless.

Take the fight online and challenge a variety of AI and human opponents across multiple platforms (PC, Mac, Android and iOS). Face off in head to head combat (PvP and PvE) or compete in specialist challenge matches, there is something for everyone. Combine forces with fellow faction members and control the galaxy through an elegant territorial control system. Be the best, show off your achievements and reap the rewards it offers.

The Neo Tokyo Skies TCG Facebook Page.

Set in the distant future of the prosperous post Colonial Era of the NTS universe, players take on the role of a powerful Marked hero. With the power of the Reaper Quicksilver technology flowing through their veins, the immortal Marked take their mysterious hybrid capital ships into the very heart of conflict. Some fight for glory and credits, others for territory and state but some don’t seem to know why they are compelled to fight at all. Have they just been Reintegrated too many times and simply lost their minds or is something more sinister at work?…

The Project.

I started working on this project last year and so far it has developed very nicely in to a great card game. My friends and our local gaming community are still enjoying regular battles and we even just recently finished a mini tournament, which I am sad to say I didn’t win! The  project has changed shape many times since I came up with the idea but ultimately I’m still looking to release it as a series of multi-platform games for mobile and desktop.

I couldn’t find any recent photos of our games at the time of writing this post, but I thought I’d re-post these from the NTS:TCG Facebook Page so you can see a game in progress. For all those TCG fans out there, yes those are Pokemon cards we are using as backs. We found that we could see through our tests cards so this was to prevent us from cheating.

NTS:TCG Play Test 01

NTS:TCG Play Test 02

NTS:TCG Play Test 03

We’ve got a great physical game with a nice clearly defined rule book. We’ve got 4 main starter decks, “Guardian”, “Onslaught”  “Dominate” and “Stalker”, over 100 unique, balanced cards between the 4. We’ve also got about 60 other variant and “non-starter” cards that we mix in for good measure too. The game is fully playable as you’ve probably already gathered but right now the development on the electronic version of the game has stalled. The main reason for this is the lack of  card artwork. Our main artist had to drop out due to RL commitments and we had to let our freelance artist go due to his poor time keeping. Though we are quite cable of finishing the project with out it, no TCG is complete without some really good imagery. Since this was intended as a commercial venture, we put the project on hold until we were are guaranteed the assets we needed for the final release.  We are still looking for freelance artists so contact me if you want to get involved.

Actually, that sounds quite horrible.  Bad analogy.

“Hello Ma’am! Can we interest you in a copy of the Watchtower?”

Well, here’s their newest game: Investigate This.  You’re two young private detectives who get hired to investigate this super natural scarecrow that is trying to frighten a woman into selling her farm.  The difference between this and other Twist-EdGames?  It’s fucking boring.  The dialog has a tendency to drone on and on with inane banter that adds nothing to the plot and makes the characters come across like total twats.  The writing is also not up to the quality of previous games, despite the fact that there’s no soapbox this time around.  It just comes across like a really badly done Scooby Doo plot.  In fact, right during the big reveal at the end, just as I said that very line to Brian, the game made a Scooby Doo joke at its own expense.  I also felt the hedge maze stuff was more of a rehash of Lucky’s finale.  The final kick in the pants is the (required due to file size) 240MSP price tag.  It’s simply not worth it.  Thus, this becomes the first game of Twist-EdGames that I can’t recommend.  If I did so, I would need my head investigated for brain parasites.

Investigate This: Scarecrow! was developed by Twist-EdGames

240 Microsoft Points were hoping this game would star Batman in the making of this review.