I’m going to talk about Margot’s bathroom habits.

If you know me in the real world, you will know that bathroom habits are generally not my favorite topic of conversation.  I can’t even say the “f” word.  No, not the one that rhymes with duck, the other one.  The one that rhymes with dart.

So, it seems unusual how passionate I am about discussing Margot’s business.  But, I am.  And so is Todd.  I regularly have to stop myself from actually taking photos of Margot’s offerings.  It’s hard though, because sometimes I am just so. damn. proud.

That’s because Margot (who, in case you haven’t been keeping track, is 7 months old) regularly poops on the toilet.  I won’t even mention how often she pees on the potty, because she’s been doing that for months and it’s old news.  Every morning when she poops on the potty, I literally have to remind myself that it is NOT okay to take a picture to send to Todd.  That is what crazy people do… and I’m not cra… well… I guess I should go back to the beginning before declaring my sanity.

Elimination Communication

What is it? The name is terrible, I know.  But, that’s what people call it, so I’m sticking with the lingo.  It’s also referred to as “infant potty training,” which is kind of an inexact description.  Basically, it’s about communicating with your child about their elimination needs.  Elimination being fancy talk for going to the bathroom.  I welcome you to do some web searching if you want to have your mind totally blown about how many other cultures practice this and in how many other countries it is unheard of for babies to be in diapers past their 2nd birthdays.  It has recently gotten some attention as there was a NY Times article about it.

Before I start retelling our journey… I want you to know that we have never held our naked daughter between cars on a city street in order for her to poop.

Months 1-2

When Margot was first born we used (gasp) disposable diapers for a while because she was too tiny for her cloth diapers and we were displaced from our home for a while and then I was in the ICU and things were generally a bit chaotic.  But, we had read The Diaper Free Baby while I was still pregnant, and we knew that we wanted to give it a try.  So, early on we would hold our tiny, tiny girl over her potty chair during diaper changes whenever it occurred to us to do so.  We were very laid back about it.  No pressure on her, no pressure on us.  We started counting how many times she peed on the potty, and we would celebrate every time.  We talked about getting a sticker chart so we could see our progress.  We never got a chart and we quickly lost count.

When we held her over the potty we would say “psssssssss” as a cue word letting her know it was time to pee.  It felt really odd to do at first.  Now, it’s second nature, but we’ll get to that.

Months 3-5

I decided 3 months was a good time to ramp up her diaper free time.  She had been in her cloth diapers for a while, and we were catching a lot of pees during diaper changes.  I figured we just needed to get more in tune with her signals to start knowing when she needed to go instead of just randomly catching her pees.  So, we started letting her roam free for a few hours when we were both home and had the time to dedicate to watching her for signals.  When she was diaperless, we were pretty good at catching her pees in the potty, except when we weren’t.  It seemed like we had as many catches as we did misses, but that did not make the catches less thrilling.  I tell you, every time your tiny baby pees on the potty and you save one diaper from going in the wash, it’s like a little party. It really is.

Margot was pretty much always in a diaper.  We would still sit her on her potty chair (or hold her over the regular toilet) during changes and upon waking to give her “pottytunities” (dude, I know, the lingo is really terrible…) and we got a lot of catches this way. We still cued with “psssssss” and added some sign language in, but she hardly ever made eye contact during signing.  Occasionally she would pee right on cue and we would clap our hands and jump up and down, but it was probably more of a coincidence than actual communication.

Month 6 and beyond

Something important happened during month 6 that made us really ramp up the Elimination Communicating around here.  Solid foods.  Honestly, breastmilk diapers are lovely.  They have a slight (dare I say, “pleasant”) odor, and they are usually not very big because babies guts are made to digest breast milk and there’s really not very much waste at all.

When you start introducing food… it’s a whole other story.  We have liners that go in her diapers so that when she poops, we can just… lift it up off the diaper and flush it down the toilet (did you know you are technically supposed to remove any solid waste from disposable diapers before, well, disposing of them? Check the box.)  But, even that little task is not as pleasant as just dumping her potty into the toilet and flushing it away.  So, Margot and I started spending 90% of our time at home bottomless.  I put out a waterproof pad and we play and sing and read books and when she has to go she sits on the potty and goes.  And it works most of the time.  But, not all of the time (hence the waterproof pad).  Usually, when Margot pees on the pad, I know that I missed her cue.  To let me know she needs to go she usually just gets a little fussy and fidgety.  If she’s nursing, she pops on and off and I know to put her on the potty.  But, sometimes I’m not looking at her or I’m answering an e-mail on my iPod, or she was just on the potty two seconds ago and didn’t go so that can’t be why she’s fussing and then… she pees.

So, it’s not fool-proof, and I honestly can not be 100% in tune with her needs at every moment.

But, the great thing is… she poops on the potty almost every day.  We wake up, nurse, cuddle, and then we go to the potty.  She sits down, looks me in the eyes, and poops.  I say, gleefully, “you’re pooping on the potty” and I sign “poop” and “toilet” and I refrain from taking photos and a diaper is saved from going in the washing machine and all is right in the world.

She responds to the cue, now.  We take her upstairs and take off her diaper and it is dry as a bone, then we put her on the potty and say, “psssssss” and she goes.  It really works.  She waits until she is on the potty and then looks you right in the eyes as you “psssssss” and she pees.  And it feels so awesome to be able to give her what she is asking for.

We don’t have any plans for her to be completely diaper-free any time very soon, but our feeling is that every catch is an opportunity to make an association for her.  Even when we miss her cues and she ends up peeing in the carpet or a towel or whatever, it’s an opportunity to say it and sign it and put her on the potty so that she makes that connection.  And, it’s not really any more laundry to do than if she had peed in a cloth diaper.

We always use diapers when we are away from home, and we do not EC at night because we are all three cozy in our bed together and not one of us is keen on getting out of our little heaven.

I am sure we have a whole new adventure ahead of us as Margot is starting to crawl and I am excited to see if she will use her new-found mobility to take herself to the potty once she’s mastered exactly how to get around.

But, we’ve been asked a few times to write about this subject, so there it is.  Now you know why my baby is always naked.

we started with EC or infant potty training (IPT) at one week old and have evolved through cloth diapers and have fallen to the ol’ huggie. i have been kinda bummed about the “downward spiral,” per se, but that really isnt what elimination communication is about.when i would tell folks that O goes in the toilet, they would gasp in surprise and think it was for my convenience, when actually, it was for him.

it begins with holding a bowl underneath the infant when they are feeding so that you can learn their routines, cues & timing. when he would eliminate, i would make a “pssssssss” sound. o would often go potty every other feeding while he was feeding. if he didnt go, i would lay him out on a waterproof blanket and watch him to see if he squirmed, fussed or whatever before he peed or pooped–i would do that often anyway. then it evolved to knowing those cues, knowing his timing, and following my intuition–which blew me away! my little 2 mo old was pooping exclusively in the toilet, and go on the demand of the “pssssss” sound, yes like a cat in a litter box! my hub and i simply hold him over the toilet, facing the toilet and he goes. at 5 mo, o got his own toilet! he does wear diapers in between potty times, just in case. every diaper change i would hold him over the toilet and he would pee, (he never really had a “pee cue,” it has always been about timing.) he would pee so sporadically that his diapers were a little damp from time to time, but for the most part, he was going in the potty!

now, why do this you might ask? well, its to get the baby familiar with the muscles used to eliminate. i would hold him over the toilet and make his cue sound and he would always bear down and try, that is the part that 2 & 3 year olds dont quite grasp because they have never had to pay attention. with O familiar with the feeling, it was my hope that he would accept the idea of being on the potty a little sooner than 2 or 3 years old, and it was an opportunity for O and i to have an even deeper sense of communication. this is a method that has been used in Asia and Africa for…forever (and i tend to be partial to “other options,” so, so of course I was going to try EC.) rather than making potty time a big deal, like we do in the US, its just like any other of his needs. like eating, (rooting) & sleeping (rubbing eyes), potty-ing has cues, too. however, now that he beginning to have his own preferences, the whole potty thing, not so much on his list of “needs.”

i am convinced that teething and a cold could be the cause for the fuss involved with his negative response to potty time. you top that with his very busy nature, and its out the door. by no means am i forcing o to be on the potty, if he squirms and cries, then i take him off. its important that i listen to him. i can tell when he is distracted and just wants to stand or do other things, and when he is genuinely pissed that i’ve put him on the john. so, at the moment, i’d say that we are doing far less pee-ing on the toilet than ever before, and a lot less poops. again, with teething, the poop factor changes quite a bit. going once a night to 2x-3x a day sometimes makes catching  the numero dos potties waaaaaay hard. he would usually make a face or a particular sound when a pooper is coming, with these loosey-goosies, there is no cue, and that is when the cloth diaper went, “bye-bye!”

neither J or i want to deal with a soft “2″ in a cloth diaper, uuuuuuugggggghhhhh! we have the attachment on the toilet to spray it off, but when O is squirming like a mad man during every diaper change, its a nasty-ass mess! so, after breaking down at my local costco, (yes, i was nearly in tears!) I bought huggies. it isnt so much o’s backwards progress, its the fact that i hate paper & waste products in my house. we are a very low waste household and buying into the ol’ huggie makes me feel bummed. i could buy a more “green option,” but finances wont allow for me to purchase those. so, here we are half way through the pack i bought in mid march. we still use a few cloth diapers a day, and we catch probably half of o’s number “2′s.” some days i bring his potty with us around the house and let him play with out the diaper on. i use the sign for potty to check in with him and will have him sit to try, usually he is willing, as long as he has a toy in hand.. i am looking forward to warmer months so we can spend time outside un-diapered, it might be liberating for O to give it a whirl in nature.. lol

so, we arent completely done with IPT, just on a bit of a hiatus, i hope…

thoughts from any IPT moms?

(o was 4.5 months in the 4 photo frame, and nearly 6 mo in the 2nd photo.)

Resources, IPT by, Laurie Boucke and Diaper Free Baby by, Ingrid Bauer

In March, we welcomed our 2nd child to this world. This birth was a healing experience that I very much needed. It was as gentle a c-section as one can have. I am thankful to have had a wonderful husband by my side the entire time. I knew from the start of this pregnancy that I wanted to practice Elimination Communication (Infant Potty Training) from the start.

Only hours after delivery, my newborn pooped into a makeshift potty, a clear cup that the nurse provided. She continued to do so several times that night as she excreted out the meconium. Even my husband, as experienced as I in practicing EC since we did it with our first child from 12 weeks of age onwards, was able to read our newborn’s signals.

Her refusal to nurse or simply opening her eyes were great indicators those first few days. Now, as she continues to have more alert periods (not even 2 weeks old), she is lifting her legs to potty position or her grunts in addition to previous mentioned cues tell us she needs to potty. Thus far, she has not cried since birth. Complained some but no crying.

Our baby friendly life-style really helps to support EC. We baby-wear, bed share, breastfeed on demand, respond immediately to our children’ts needs and practice all the other attachment parenting principles.

Elimination Communication does not mean we do not use diapers. My little one still wears a cloth diaper to catch those occasional misses, mostly at night as she wakes and pees before I can get her to the potty. For those moments, I simply change her diaper immediately.

Ec totally fits my parenting belief. I never allowed my first child to wear her biological waste for any length of time, liquid or solid.  Luckily, I had my first child wearing cloth diapers which protected her from horrible diaper rashes so commonly caused by disposable diapers, the chemicals in them and in the store bought diaper wipes as well as the chemicals in diaper rash creams. We simply used water, wash clothes, and changed her diapers constantly. Doing that, my first child never had diaper rashes nor did she need diaper rash creams. Luckily for me, after twice a day washing cloth diapers for nearly 12 weeks, I learned about Infant Potty Training. Almost over night, she responded.

I was no longer ignoring 1/3 of her communications!

1/3 was my baby saying “I’m hungry”. 1/3 was saying “Hold me. Love me. Sleep near me.” and 1/3 was saying “I am uncomfortable. I need to go pee. My bottom is wet. My belly is upset. I need to make a stinkie”

I now understood why she refused to nurse or constantly nursed. Why at times she would complain and fuss and no matter what I did, nothing made her happy. She needed to use the potty.

Well, if you are interested in EC, here is the rest of our story followed by links to products I love and websites that are helpful.

http://childdrivenlearning.wordpress.com/ec-infant-potty-training/

http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/

http://continuum-family.com/

Ec Clothing I love

Homemade Baby Leg warmers -

http://chocolatehug.blogspot.com/2012/04/baby-leg-warmer-tutorial.html

http://prude

ntbaby.com/2010/02/baby-kid/guest-post-diy-baby-legwarmers-from-a-pair-of-socks-2/

Ecapants Cloth Diapers made especially for EC -

 http://hyenacart.com/stores/ecawarebaby/ind

http://www.ecawarebaby.com/ex.php

Baby Soy Kimono Gown Bundler - 

http://www.babysoyusa.com/detail.aspx?ProductID=417&ClassifyID=46

We began Elimination Communication when our son was 5 weeks old. Originally, we began looking into ECing before conception when I stumbled across a link on naturalbirthandbabycare.com. I knew I wanted to do cloth diapering when we eventually had children, then to discover we could do away with diapers, our at least the amount of diapers we would use, my mind was opened to the possibilities!

2 weeks post-pardom however, I felt I was doing good to just get my son in a cloth diaper, and I said as much to the author of the book I had purchased. Andrea Olson, author of “EC Simplified,” wrote a very reassuring email, and 5 weeks post-pardom, we began taking our son to potty in the bathroom sink! If you look into the book, you’ll understand more what I mean, we began pottying our son on a part time basis. Just to get going, whenever we would change a diaper, we would give him a “pottytunity” to try and go more if he had to, over the sink. The first three times we tried we were successful in having our son eliminate.

Now E is 5 months old and though we still have some wet dipes throughout the day and night, it’s nothing compared to what we had prior to beginning our EC journey. E actually enjoys going, we notice a certain confidence in his attitude, he does not like to feel dirty or wet, he gives us as much chance as possible to get him to the potty.

Now, our most recent excitement came in the form of purchasing his very own potty! He really is too heavy for me to hold over the sink, and having his own container to eliminate will also help us when we travel to give him a consistent place to “go.” We decided on the Baby B’Jorn smart potty and all of are enjoying this new little toilette!

Elimination training or natural infant hygiene is the practice of using timing, signals, cues and intuition to address the infant’s need to eliminate waste. Yes, potty training from birth! I found it hard to believe at first, but after watching my own friends do it with their children and many videos online, I now see it is totally possible!

Many countries in Asia, Europe, Africa, & South America have made elimination training a practice with their children. Half of the babies around the world are potty trained by 12 months. (Parenting Magazine) Here in the United States, the average age is 3 years. Studies have connected this with the introduction of disposable diapers in the 50′s. Along with several pediatricians recommending to let the child follow their own timetable as to when they were ready to give up diapers. The fact is, our babies are born ready. The best time to teach them is from birth- 4 months. They become used to soiling themselves in the diapers after this time, and the practice is not as easy to teach but can be done up to 18 months.

There are a wide range of benefits! Using less diapers is definitely one of them, which means saving money! Some parents choose to not use diapers at all, and some choose to use diapers as a back up till 12 months or so. I am going to still use cloth diapers for the first year until he can gain good control. Also you are more free of the problems like diaper rash, vulnerability to urinary tract infections, and potential delayed/difficult potty training. A lot of parents find it to be a great bonding opportunity between them and their baby. The position that is used to hold the baby over the toilet helps the infant go to the bathroom easily. Just as squatting for a mother in labor helps to relax the pelvic floor muscles. This is especially helpful for babies who seem to struggle with eliminating feces. It will leave your baby crying less from dirty diapers and the uncomfortable sensation that leaves them with. And best of all elimination training will give your baby a growing sense of independence. Once they are able to crawl around, you can encourage them to use the big girl/boy potty, giving them a sense of accomplishment at a young age.

So the benefits are great, yes, but how does it actually work? Of course it will take you a couple of weeks, maybe more, to learn exactly what your baby’s signals are before they eliminate. With patience and a little attention it can be done though.

Timing- Newborns can urinate up to every 10-20 minutes. So timing this in the beginning would definitely be helpful. As the child grows, the time between elimination grows as well. At six months, it is not uncommon for a baby to go over an hour between urinations. Bowel movements differ from child to child, some many times a day and some only once or twice. By 3 months, parents have reported their babies not eliminating feces until held into the squat position over the potty.

Signals- These can widely range from child to child. Some babies exhibit clear signals while some are harder to read. A lot of babies will become suddenly fussy, squirming, a particular cry or facial expression. While the baby learns and grows, they will become better at signaling you to when they need to go. From actually pointing to the potty, showing you a baby sign or a word that means potty.

Cues- At first the parent, or caregiver, will make their chosen elimination cue while the baby is urinating or defecating to create a relation between the two. Many parents use a “pss pss” sound for urinating and a “hmm hmm” for defecating. Some choose to use just one such as, “shh shh” for both. Some think that setting the baby over the toilet is a cue enough. Others use a baby sign as the child grows, like the letter “T” in sign language. (Making a fist with the thumb coming up between the pointer and middle finger, then waving from left to right.)

And of course, as you and your baby form a bond you will develop an intuition for their needs. As to when they are hungry, tired, or need to eliminate. Remain patient and persistent and I’m sure the work will pay off. Most parents think it would be “too much work”, but as with most babies, you are paying attention to them most of the day anyway. Why not use a few extra minutes each day to help benefit them, physically & mentally. It will also greatly benefit the parents in the long run!

I wanted to write this because I had never even heard of this practice till a few months ago! It was really amazing to me and I wanted to share this with other parents & parents-to-be. Below I attached links to helpful articles and videos for you to watch!
Best of luck in your elimination training journeys!

Helpful articles:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_infant-potty-training-what-it-is-and-how-to-do-it_1745035.bc?page=1

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/bye-bye-diapers

This lady wrote a book you can buy about techniques from her own experience:

http://ecsimplified.com/

Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_LDl8TZ31I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf_6WKpROnQ

Aren’t you wondering how EC is going now that Jenn left?  I wasn’t sure myself if I would continue.  First, I talked to my mom and heard myself saying that EC is a tremendous help in terms of communicating with Santiago, I am infinitely more in touch with him during the EC hours, which usually coincide with waking up and breastfeeding.  I don’t have to mourn my multi-tasking anymore because you really can’t multi-task and EC, the punishment is real.  

I would say I beat Santi today 3 to 2.  I caught three chi chis and he got me twice–once majorly.  Lactation consultants call kids born in the 37th week, the great pretenders, because they pretend to breastfeed but really are just using the boob as a pacifier.  He scored a point today when he was happily feeding at my trough and without pulling off, or falling off, or making a face, or anything he just covered me in his liquid glory.  It reminded me of a friend’s comment on Jenn’s blog, “That with all this talk of pee, I am starting to feel affectionate towards it.”  I mostly am too–which is pretty important because he gets me a lot.

Since Jenn left we had a 6-4, 2-2, rain day, 2-0, and 4-0 day.  I hold to my growing conviction that an hour a day is enough–more than enough.  I have been advocating for a decade that a minute matters, if you want to shape your attention.  If you sit, pause, and focus on seven singular inhales and exhales every single day–your life will change dramatically for the better–you will start showing up for more of it.  I have seen what writing for just ten minutes a day can do when you do it every single day for two years–writing improves, books get written, one’s attention transforms.  I have every reason to believe that giving Santi my undivided attention for one hour a day will change everything.  Stay tuned to find out how!

7AM It is our last day. I ask Lilia to wake-up Jenn and hope to take advantage of the morning hours. Like its second hand, I EC Santi in a potty on my bed before Jenn gets up. Lilia is on board, she proposes to place a gold medallion catching towel on the bed around the King’s throne.  She brings the potty, and sings the first line of La Cucaracha with me.  We are becoming home default ECers. She takes away the pot to clean it and I make two mental notes: first I need to tell her, again, to not leave Santi unattended in the lamb chair sleeping, covered in a blanket, wedged in with a mini pillow and with a non breathable burp cloth over his head which could easily cover his mouth—I am my mother’s daughter.  I also need to remind her that we converted to a cloth diaper family last night which means she uses them as well.  (Note to self, neither Lilia nor I know how to wash cloth diapers.  If I don’t tell her otherwise she will wash them with Santi’s regular clothes.  A voice inside says this is a bad idea).

10AM.  We have hiked beyond the slab, past the stump, and have miraculously made it to the mini-waterfall in my sacred forest.  Despite Jenn’s aversion to hiking, I think she is glad to see this.  Green vines, leaves, branches, bushes, and water (okay, not the water), envelop us.  We lean on my fallen meditation tree and take 10 pictures of us on the i-phone.  I am mostly present, but feel driven to get in and out of the forest reserve before the military police lock the fence-made door and we are locked in until tomorrow—it would be impossible to jump the fence with Santi in my wrap.  

11:30 AM.  We are having our third brunch of Jenn’s trip at my favorite cafe in town–Masa.  Jenn asks what to order, I tell her everything, literally everything is excellent.  We split a “canasta de pan.”  She tries the mandarine juice and then the grape juice with a slice of fried cheese.  I order the granola with yogurt.  It is homemade granola and truly the best I have ever had.  We go to the bathroom to change Santiago.  There is no changing table—who are these people?  What kind of restaurant doesn’t have a changing table?  We have started using cloth diapers.  Each layer of his outfit is wet, the cloth diaper seems to leak through and the diapers seem too big.  Jenn, ironically, doesn’t believe in cloth diapers and holds up a plastic diaper hoping to convince me to switch.  I hold my ground, suddenly becoming committed to the cloth diaper (who am I?).  We have three cloth diapers in our bag and I assume this will get us through the day.  We change him in mid-air taking turns wiping his red, redder, reddest little rump–what causes that?  I think it is too much wiping, later we will find out from the pediatrician and OBGYN that it is the use of the wipes–even the Naty unscented organic ones.  They recommend we use cold water and cotton balls.  By nightfall we will have switched.  Back at the table, Jenn reads Santiago the “Olivia” books we just bought.  They have black, red and white pictures, hilarious drawing of a pig, and good quotes.  She loves to hold Santi and I take a few minutes to write down notes from last night’s Nanny interview, which I want to be the core of a future blog post.

12:30 PM–We walk, at a meandering, lovely, present, no rush, free pace to the pediatrician’s office.  We stop to take picture with statues, to browse through the famous Colombian coffee shop Juan Valdez, and to peak in the restaurant that serves the best flan in town.  Jenn takes a picture because they have a wall of planted pots–Bogotá is full of them as the city is trying to constantly out green the next guy.

1:45  PM  The pediatrician is running late.  We go to the bathroom to change Principe.  He is soaked again, we change another cloth diaper, give him tummy time on the changing table while we wait, and just as I say–”He is about to pee.”  He pees all over me.  In the doctor’s office we learn all about why I shouldn’t drink milk, alcohol, or coffee.  We learn that his foreskin, walking reflex, and weight gain is all normal.  Santi has grown in five weeks to a proud 55 centimeters (from 49) and from 5 lbs 8 ozs to 8 lbs 3 ozs.  He remains in the normal range.  After explaining EC to the doctor, we place him on his examination table to let the doctor do his stuff.  Santi instantly pees on all of us, “Looks like you guys have some really good communication,” he jokes as we all throw our hands over his water gun to protect each of us from the line of fire.  This happens two additional times in the next 20 minutes.  

4:00 PM  I am at the OBGYN, the doctor inserts a metal vagina opener inside me and checks my c-section wound.  Jenn holds Santi and looks at my wound as well.  ”Wear a thick maxi pad on top of it to make the scar shrink,” he says.  I don’t really care about the scar, I can’t see it.  I wonder if I will try.  ”Your cervix has completely closed,” he says.  ”Can I swim then?”  ”One more week.”  What on earth takes so long for a cervix to really slam shut after only dilating to 8 CM.  The doctor agrees I can start trying to get pregnant in November, a month earlier than I thought.  This feels important to me as two close friends had miscarriages this month.  I will be 40 then–hopefully with the internal plumbing of a spry 34-year-old young woman.  We change him again, out of cloth diapers; we are dipping into our plastic stash now.

7:00 PM  Home after being out for 9 hours.  Exhausted, Jenn takes a shower.  Later, I take a bath to recover.  Santi peed fully on me one more time, as I held him after he fell off the boob and said without moving, “He is going to pee now.”  His pee was all over the recliner and me. At that moment I thought, “Damn, my mom was right, this couch should be covered with a sheet.” We have the best intentions of feeding Santi, leaving him with Lilia, and going salsa dancing for an hour or two.  I lie down at 8PM for some shuteye before we go out.  I get excited about a FB status update, “After spending the last 35 nights at home with Santiago, Amy leaves Santi with the nanny, puts on her first non-nursing bra in months, leaves the diaper bag behind and heads for the salsa bar.”  Somehow, it doesn’t happen.  I sleep straight through to 11:15.  Is Santi hungry? Is Jenn still awake?  Will I really be alone with him tomorrow, no friend, no family member to share his every move?  Can I let this just be as it is?  

Jenn picked up Santi duty a 5:30 as the nanny is lost somewhere between here and her village–something about a cow getting loose. I was glad Jenn offered and glad I took her up on it–no need for me to be superwoman!

At 8:30AM I woke to the sound of Jenn’s voice as she ran in my sleep cove. “He did it, he did it! Wanna see?” Still waking up, remembering that I am a mom, and that Jenn is in Colombia helping to train our family in EC, I come to, lean on my elbow to sit up, and saw a mustard yellow splash of glory. For Santi, the equivalent of an eighth of an ounce of Grey Poupon is a big deal.  I congratulated my co-madre and tried to get my bearings.

He hadn’t slept for nearly three hours and hadn’t eaten much since 1:10 AM. His 3 AM feeding was minimal.

Jen was fired up, motivated, thrilled as I slowly woke while putting him on the side lie feed.

We spent the morning catching as catch can pee after poo.  When we left the house for the hike we were three for three.  After taking Jenn to my beloved trail, we went for breakfast where I made the mistake of saying we were ten for ten, bating a thousand.  Jenn has always been the exaggeration police and wanted to correct my enthusiasm.  I told her it was best if we count in our own heads.  We are doing amazing and it is a lot of fun.  She is the lead and I don’t know if we will make it after she leaves.  

Although we intend to be Occasional ECers, meaning just ECing when it is convenient at home, and when we can pay full attention, we slipped into the next level, Partial ECing when we pulled out the whole show again in a restaurant.  Jenn says when ECing becomes our public default mode we enter a new category.  Just like last night at the Mariott, and without both being fully committed to it, Santi gave us the signal and we left our table and ran for the changing table.  Standing outside the women’s and men’s bathroom we sang La Cucaracha and dangled his little thighs over his opened diapers.  We were becoming defaulters.

Tonight, we are home on the couch, both dead tired and tempted to type all jjjjjjjjjjs for our daily blog posts.  She just handed me a diaperless Santi to feed while I type this sentence with one finger and he sucks and flicks my nipple with his tongue.

“I smell poo,” she moans.  “Nooooo,” I say, because I do too.

“Well we are going to need to do something about that,” Jenn says without looking up from the screen.

The night ends with a yellow mustard stain on the couch.

EC Day Four–I got home and went into full Karin mode.  I repacked the diaper bag for our next outing , laid out his clothes for bed, set both cribs up with his sleeping wraps, put away all the new bathroom props, folded the clothes in the dryer, and got ready to EC him when he woke up and we were on!

We were relaxed and confident and had a brilliant 90 minute session that was perfection.  When I de-Mobied him we put him in the position, the back to chest chair hold, held him over his new throne and sang our song.  Vavavoom it all came out.  We took a picture and Jenn and I both felt very proud.  

Then, while breast feeding, I knew when he was getting ready–wiggle wiggle.  We tried the advanced senior varsity move of holding him over the potty while simultaneously breastfeeding, this left us in an awkward position before he finally delatched.  His mouth on my left boob, his mid-section twisting over the potty, his family jewels all basically heading the right direction, and legs contorted over the sides of the potty.  We were all screwed up.  I released him into Jen who  had the better angle for the hold, we aimed his wonker down and boom we were two for two during focused EC time.  High-five! Then no joke, take three, when Jenn was in the other room, he delatched again and I knew what it was and caught his prize in the potty on my own.  

I think this is a breeze under a few conditions.  First, you have a commited co-madre to share the task, to sing and make it fun.  Second, we are happily just occasionally EC-ers, not trying to push ourselves and over do it with no intention of becoming full-timers.  Three, it really works that when he delatches, if the default is to assume he will eliminate something and act accordingly.  If he doesn’t and resists with the arched back, then we burp him.  I also got two burps out of the little man more easily.  I think what I am learning is a lot of the time when he is fussy, and I think he needs to burp it is in fact digestion.  So by going to digestion first, and then backing into burp as a second option we got five out five signals right tonight:) 

Feeling connected, which is the only point these days.

Post-script

Jenn and I gear up for a perfect night out with Santi–I had had a nap, we had fed, burped, ECed and put Santi in his PJs, finally put on jeans ourselves, picked up the pre-packed diaper bag and headed out for dessert, never intending to be traveling ECers, which is another level that we don’t aspire to reach this week.  We sat in the outdoor garden of  the JW Mariott, Santi happily sleeping in the Moby as we ate tiramisu and a chocolate mouse with sipping herbal tea in an outdoor garden filled with fountains–all falling water that descends with an arch reminds me of Santi.  

Jenn implored, “Whatever happens he can’t pee on the couch.” We had no intention of travel ECing, so I was’t worried.  But he got hungry, I started feeding him, and he gave us the look, we knew what was happening and just went into action.  We held the little guy, my boob still dangling in the open air, over a diaper and sang the songs.  He frowned and furrowed but no luck. We had given up, weren’t paying attention, and you know what the little angel did? –He left his mark for all the later guests who might come to sit calmly, by the fountains and enjoy an easy conversation on a chilly night in Bogotá.  I wonder if they will see the stain.

There is a Pema Chodron quote that Tara likes to use about how not living in the present, not being aware, in tune, and able to listen is like standing in front of a flowering tree full of birds with ear plugs in and a bag over your head.  You miss it, blind and deaf to the beauty around you.  I wonder if this is how I was towards children, especially babies, before I had one.  I didn’t see them, I didn’t talk about them, they were all around me, but their presence, and the conversations that go with them never reached me.  

All that has changed.  My ears are wide open and my eyes listen for ideas, guides, mentors and cues from the little man himself.

All month I have been meditating, listening to tons of Tara talks, and repeatedly setting my intention for the day.  It has always been the same– to bond with Santiago.  I feel vulnerable to not attaching, leaving him feeling unimportant because as a natural leader, boss, challenger, maverick (the Enneagram eight) this happens. Plenty of other people in my life have felt this way as I run around, busily building the ashram, writing a book, and strengthening Colombia’s response mechanism to five million victims of the armed conflict.  Similarly, my capacity to maintain intimate relationships with many dear friends can leave individuals feeling like I don’t need them in particular.  God forbid tender Santiago ever feel this way. 

Because I am sensitive to this narrative, I am a prime candidate for EC.  Breastfeeding is the most direct, solid, amazing, mind grabbing, connecting activity that Santiago and I have.  There is nothing that gives us even three percent of what breastfeeding does.  EC is another clear channel for me to connect and communicate with Principe.

I am 24 hours into the EC experiment and it is going very well.  Largely because Santi is an easy baby.  I don’t know how long this will last and I don’t know how easy he really is, but after reading a dear friend’s birth and breastfeeding story—mastitis, two years of depression, MRSA, I have a sense of what difficult might look like, so I am letting his easiness sink in and being grateful for it while it is here.

So when Jenn sat in the recliner in my room trying to convince me to give EC a try.  It wasn’t the cost savings or the environmental impact that hooked me.  It was the increased connection and bonding and communication with Saint Santi that I liked as well as the hope that this would help him be more embodied, cleaner, more in touch with his sexuality and cultivate stronger self esteem. 

We are never going to be full time ECers, but when we are home with the right amount of energy we can put in a few hours, we are game.  We did three hours yesterday and three hours today. It counts.  

Wonder twin powers activate–form of a mother-son connection.