In other News, I’m not in work today due to increased pain overnight that hasn’t shifted. This is draining and I’m hopeful that it have shifted by tomorrow. Any positive thoughts/prayers welcome for this!

Thanks for following this blog – it means a huge amount to us that so many people are concerned enough to follow the journey we are on.

Enemies Because of the Truth – Galations 4:12-20

Verse 12 -   Though Paul has been very stern with them; rebuking them for their departure from the truth of the gospel he still is calling them “brethren”.

“Beseech” is a word which means to “beg”, “petition” or “requests”, thus Paul is begging the people to get back to the gospel, away from the condemnation of the law which the Judaizers have deceived them.

Paul assures them that they have caused him no harm.  Paul’s interest is far greater than any personal harm.

Verses 13 – 14 -  The Christians of Galatia had accepted Paul when he was there and received the message of the gospel of Christ.  The “Infirmity of the flesh” he speaks of could be either a physical weakness of his own; or a weakness on their part.  Which ever it is the gospel was preached by Paul and received by the Galation – Gentiles.

The “Temptation” the apostle writes of could be the weak eyes he is often noted for, the trials of persecution he has experienced or the peril of his life through storms on board ships.  Paul commends them for accepting him as they would an angel of God or Christ Himself.

Veses 15 – 16 -  Upon the receiving of the gospel of Christ is the possible understanding of “Where is then the blessedness ye spake of?”  They had professed blessing and joy and peace in receiving Christ, but now; where is it.  When an individual or a whole community of believers leaves the gospel of Christ and puts themselves under the law; they lose the “blessedness” of the gospel.

The enemy loves to cause enmity between brethren; but that is not of God (Psalm 133:1-3).  Because Paul is challenging these believers, trying to convince them of the danger they are in; there are some who evidently are making him an enemy.  The truth is hated by the enemy.

Verses 17 – 18 -  The Judaizers had a zeal for what they taught.  Some of what the legalizers wanted was to isolate – “they would exclude you”; which seems to be the aim of any cult; ancient or modern; to hold on to their labors.

It is good to be “zealous” in good things “always”.  That zeal for God and the gospel needs to be present in one’s everyday life; not just when the apostle or pastor is present.

Verses 19 – 20 -  “My little children” Paul referring to the Gentiles as his spiritual children whom he has fed milk; and now they are needing some meat (Hebrews 5:12-14).  The apostle finds their departure from the gospel painful; comparing it even to a mother in labor of childbirth; as to birth them again.

Paul desires to be with the Galations, however, impossible.  He finds himself “to be at wits end” or “Stand in doubt of you”.  He is greatly perplexed by their backsliden condition.  As Christians of all ages should be about legalism.

-Tim A. Blankenship

Here I have combined some of his quotes which really stuck with me. Most of these quotes have been posted at the JGLM forum.

If your gospel isn’t touching others, it hasn’t touched you.

God will use you. Don’t think that he’ll just use you for headaches. He will use you to do ANYTHING that needs to be.

The power of God is mechanical.

You are God’s son, man’s servant, and the devil’s master.

The truth willl set you free, But first it will make you mad.

If you haven’t found a gospel worth dying for, you haven’t found a gospel worth living for.

When a son of God speaks, Heaven hears and agree. Hell hears and obey.

Healing isn’t a reward, it is a gift. You don’t work for it or earn it.

If your knowledge of the word of God exceeds your obedience to the word, you are a backslider

Be hard on self, easy on others. You can give them truth, but don’t expect others to consistently walk at a standard that you have set for yourself. If you set yourself with the standard of the Bible, that is good. But, give people mercy. Give them room to grow. Everybody doesn’t know what you know. Everybody hasn’t studied as much as you’ve studied. Everybody hasn’t been where you’ve been. So give them room.

People dont care how much you know, until the know how much you care.

True apostolic ministry doesn’t say ‘Come sit at my feet and let me be your father’…it says GO. Apostolic ministries don’t gather…they spread. When you gather, you build an empire. When you spread, you build the Kingdom of God.

Fasting doesn’t get you power. Fasting gets you out of the way so power can flow easier.

Healing is warfare!

A lot of people today would rather be lied to with a smile and soft words than to be told the truth without mincing words. They think that if their feelings get hurt then the person who hurt their feelings was not walking in love. This is the surest sign of spiritual immaturity.

Anything that prevents you from blessing of God is a devil for you to overcome and destroy.

Friends are like elevators, they will either take you up or bring you down, but they will never leave you in the same place.

Quit having faith in your faith.

God can’t say ‘No’ to a promise He’s already said ‘Yes’ to.

You will never be who you are supposed to be if you can’t forget who you used to be.

There is no reason why any person should not be healed.

You can’t have resurrection life until there is a death, and you won’t have a death until you decide that your old life is something you hate.

To the degree that your mind is renewed, is the degree that your life is transformed.

Exalt God…Exhort Men…Exhaust the devil.

The Name of Jesus and what it stands for and represents is ENOUGH to get ANY job done and ANY need met.

What we’ll give our eyes to, we’ll be doing.

Jesus only gave 2 reasons for failure, and every failure can be traced back to one of these: Unbelief or Traditions of Man.”

Jesus never said “gather up and sit” He said, “As you go, preach and heal”.

The reason why we’ll do greater works than Jesus is because we’re facing an enemy that’s already been defeated.

The Bible is a receipt of what was PAID FOR by Jesus.

You are not a leader if you will not say what you believe simply because you fear the consequences.

The fastest way to know what’s really in someone’s heart is to remove all restrictions.

Jesus said if you drink the water He gives, you will NEVER thirst again. You will never hunger or thirst. There is a difference between thirsting/ hungering and zeal. Thirsting keeps you waiting….Zeal gets you busy doing the Fathers will. If you thirst, you will be filled (no longer thirsting).

The church is so busy training people to go out, that they feel like they are doing something…when in fact, they are just staying busy but not going out to preach the Gospel, heal the sick, raise the dead and cast out demons!

If believing in God was the only requirement to get saved, then devils would be saved too. Devils believe and tremble when hearing His name and because they KNOW His power. Some Christians believe and don’t even tremble . Other Christians believe and obey. Which one are you?

If the harvest is ready, you are ripe!

You are made perfect as you work.

If you wake up on Sunday, and you do not go to Church, some Christians have a religious withdrawel because they are so addicted to their Sunday morning service and they are taught that if they do not go, then…… .

Train the way you want to fight, because that is the way you are going to fight!

No army ever won a war by showing how much it could suffer.

If you’re gonna talk it, live it.

Most people talk to God about their problems, when in reality, what you ought to do is talk to your problem about God.

Most people are trying to live a resurrected life without dying.

The greatest deliverance you ever get is from yourself. Forget yourself! Get over yourself!

The devil wants you on yourself.

Fasting is getting you out of yourself.

You are a Spirit, you have a soul, & you live in a body.

There is no part of you that is good. You have to die.

I don’t make decisions based on money. I go & know God will provide when I get there.

You can’t feed the hungry if you are hungry.

The fullness of God is him living IN us.

You do what you can where you are with what you’ve got.

A sin you will defend is a sin you are in. Jesus preached a gospel that made grown men walk away from everything they had.

There is no hinderance to God except YOU!

If you are HID IN CHRIST your life is hid in him, then the enemy can’t find you to put something on you.

Wherever you are the Kingdom of God is there.

God does NOT use the devil to spank you.

God has NEVER said anything negative about you.

When you make decisions based on money, then money is your God. Don’t make decisions based on money, make them based on God’s will for your life & the money will come.

If you want boldness, get sure.

Don’t hang on to the world. Touch the world, & hang on to God.

Knowledge puffs up, love builds up.

The devil in under our feet because he is under Jesus’ feet.

We are ordinary people who have an extraordinary God. The essence of Christianity is in the being, not in the doing.

Correction is for restoration, not for destruction. If you are going to error make one in His favor not against Him.

What is in you is BIGGER than what is outside of you.

Don’t follow signs. Let the signs follow you.

I don’t need revival. I am revived!

If you pray, believe, then receive.

Judge things. Not people.

To know the will of God, read the Bible. To be led by the Spirit, DO the Bible.

The first preacher of the gospel was a woman.

The world is waiting for us to grow up & show up.

My job, and the job of the five-fold ministry, is to work ourselves out of a job.

You find out what the Word of God says, you decide to agree with it and believe it. Then you begin doing it, you do it every time. You force yourself to do it, you force yourself to do it when you don’t feel like it. You never have to force yourself to do stuff you want to do. So discipline comes in when you don’t want to.

Training means doing what you’ve been taught; to practise and drill it, because when you get in the heat of the battle, you can’t THINK, you have to REACT, and you will react according to where the majority of your mind is.

An Old Covenant mindset says: “I’m not good enough. I don’t have enough. I need more…”.

No sooner did my back muscles start to relent, than I dislocated my shoulder. A week ago today was particularly frosty, and so I was picking my way home on my bike, until an emergency vehicle began to loom far behind me. Like a good fellow road user I pulled over into a handy layby to let them past and changed right down to my lower gear.

As I set off again, my chain slipped, causing me to fall forward and stop myself with my palms on my handlebars, landing hard. Something then happened in my left shoulder – a rapid procession of dislocation/relocation – and how I managed to get off my bike with only one useful arm and a cleat still engaged, I have yet to really work out. For a few days afterwards I was slinged up, and my rotator cuff still hurts occasionally, warmly.

Back and shoulder on the mend, yesterday I came down with a terrible cold. I felt it building all day: I was having difficulty answering straightforward questions, and my throat was occasionally sore. The crux came after an evening meeting with local sustainability people (nice in themselves, but scarcely what I was up for) and I decided – probably already feverish – to put a few posters up on the outside of the building where an event is going to happen this weekend.

The weather last night was wild, to put it simply, and so I arrived home wet, cold, and shivering far beyond the reaches of any central heating, thermals or blankets. Today I have been mostly insensible for, having had a feverish night of no sleep, and suffering from a temperature and stuffy head. Only in the past few hours has the fog lifted, yet I still feel exhausted.

One of my goals for autumn was “Keep fit.” I appreciate, in retrospect, that such a goal was neither clever nor – in the project-management sense – SMART. My efforts are now directed towards K. letting it be notched up as a failure: after all, had I done more back exercises; had I actually agreed with my boss to do resistance-band exercises with him when my shoulder first went in bed a month or so ago; and had I, well… vitamin C? Echinacea? Something, anyway: I can’t help feel that, while colds are hardly avoidable, they rarely hit me quite so hard.

Let’s be honest, I’ve hardly spent the past few weeks – let alone months – as an advertisement for healthy living, unless the narrative of said campaign is “survival against all odds.” And they’re never going to get that one past the focus groups.

“The desire for fame is the last infirmity cast off, even by the wise”

Tacitus

In all of this journey there have been highs and lows, it seems that, in my case, life has had to be cruel to be kind. The NHS with all its wonder and incredible technology has again thrown up a curve ball and I have another journey to undertake.

18 months ago I went to the GP as the pain in my back had noticeably worsened. I was referred to the Pain Specialist (not a Bond villain!) at the Bradford Royal Infirmary and after a few different interventions an MRI scan was done and last week I was told that there was something on the scan that needed looking at. I had been referred back to the surgeon who did my first surgery in 2003. After a nervous week of mainly lows, with some incredibly humbling support from friends and family, I have now had a meeting with the surgical staff at the hospital. I have been told that I need another major operation to remove whatever is there, it could be another tumour (probably benign with a small chance of it being malignant) or just scar tissue. However it’s complicated by the proximity of the tumour/tissue next to the spine and potentially in the spinal chord, so a neurosurgeon will need to be involved too.

The doctor I saw is hopeful that full recovery, without needing ongoing medication, is possible once the mass has been removed and I have recovered from the surgery. I have now been booked in for a CT scan and will await an outpatients appointment with the neurosurgeon followed by an operation in about 2 months time (i.e. Jan 2012).

This fills me with a mix of emotions, mainly scary ones but I choose to look at this without fear (in my opinion being scared is not the same as being fearful). I can’t say I’m looking forward to more surgery, I feel I have had my fair share of infirmity but nevertheless I must look for the positives. Being pain and drug free is the ultimate destination, I will try to get there whatever the road is I have to take. However when I get there I know that it isn’t the end of the journey, it has to be the beginning – a new beginning, a platform. We always carry the past with us wherever we go, I don’t want to forget it however much I didn’t enjoy the experience I know I am stronger and better for it.

If I had a pill to make it all have never happened I would probably (and only just) take it. We are all a sum of our experiences and I know that my identity is tied up in it all, I’m not defined by it rather, I am now at a place where my identity has given a shape to the experience. It was touch and go at times, but I stand now fully aware that who I am is not what I have experienced rather that experience is a new dimension or depth of me, fully shaped by my identity and that’s how it should and, hopefully always will, be.

More to follow as the journey unfolds. I’ll probably blog about the faith journey I’m on next, so feel free to pass that by if it’s of no interest to you!!!

I could only do part time work, 25 hours a week, and this hasn’t changed to this day, however I only did this job for one school term and then an opportunity I couldn’t resist came along…

Before I was signed off work I had started working for one of 3 or 4 multi-agency teams, based in school clusters.  The teams worked in one local high school and their cluster of ‘feeder’ primaries.  The one I was working for before the kerfuffle of pain and tumour was in the south of Leeds and now an opportunity presented itself and I was able to join the team in the west.  I started working alongside the sorts of young people that had been sent to the college placements with some incredibly talented, resourceful and caring colleagues.  At that time on the team we had a; Social Worker, Mental Health Professional (CAMHS), Youth Worker, School Exclusion Cover Team for both Primary and Secondary schools), Learning Mentor and others I have forgotten.  The work we were able to do ranged from case to case and we were able to support vulnerable young people and their families as they went through the struggle of schooling when facing incredible social and domestic challenges.

We worked with the kids that teachers understandably wanted out of their class as they lacked some the basic social and academic skills required to engage with learning.  A common student case we worked with would have been;

Jimmy – Year 10 (14/15 years old).

Reading age:

7 years

Domestic life:

• No father (in jail for domestic violence which Jimmy witnessed)
• Mother is a drug addict
• 4 siblings (from different fathers)
• older sister (16 years old) pregnant
• older brother permanently excluded from school
• 2 younger siblings.

School Life;

Excluded for fighting with other students, verbally abusing teachers, over sexualised and inappropriate behaviour, says he doesn’t care what happens to him.

Aspirations:

Either non-existent or Drug Dealer

Agencies involved:

• Social Care
• Youth Offending Team involved

This really isn’t an exaggeration, yes this might have been one of the more complex cases but we would regularly be working with children living in these situations.

Completely challenging but a real privilege to be able to support in some small way.

Within the first week of this job I was put on a training course telling me how to deliver a Parenting Course!

“…me, teaching Parenting? I don’t even have kids, how could I do that…?”

Nevertheless I did the training and started to deliver within the first month of being there. Flip this was a challenge! The closest thing to parenting I had ever done was looking after a dog and babysitting my niece and nephew for one weekend!  However the beauty of this course was that I didn’t teach parenting, we structured discussion and activities to either draw parenting principles out or look at psychological evidence for particular approaches and the look at how they could be applied in the context of the families we were working with.  Unbelievably it worked!  The parents would mostly come back week after week telling stories of success and, unless there had been external influences, barriers that could be overcome through brainstorming strategies to help achieve the next small step to success.

This was incredible, an amazing privilege and I was able to apply the same basic principles to the way I worked with young people.  For example Jimmy (described above) would come to a group of about 8 other challenging students in his year group and me and an incredible Youth Worker called Jane and do some work for us when they would refuse in any other setting.  By using simple things like specific praise when he did anything right, ignoring some of his unwanted behaviours that other teachers couldn’t ignore (e.g. one kid would come any lesson and ‘eff’ and ‘jeff’  about not doing any work and, as soon as he looked like he was going to engage with some work, we would praise his positive behaviour massively.

“Jimmy, I really appreciate that you have picked your pen up, you’re the first person ready to start and that shows me that you respect me and that makes me happy!” (believe it or not this was also coupled with a ‘Sponge Bob Square Pants’ sticker!)

After a while I noticed that my outlook on life had changed, I forgot that my pain controlled who I was and made sure that the pain and the drugs were controlled by my decisions and, as tough as it was, I was back, maybe I was 60% back, but that was 59% better than it was.  Working , with all the challenges I had to overcome, had made me remember who I was and my identity was now defined by the positive things in my life and that was the start of looking for a better future!

Firstly, I am now blogging on this subject as I have been diagnosed with a second Tumour in my back.  I remain hopeful that this is not as serious as my first tumour however, I feel the need to reflect on my journey this far.  Not to glorify past days or seek pity (that last thing I’m asking for is pity!) but as I try and make sense of the present and the future I must remind myself of the journey I have been on up to now.

Approximately 8 and a half years ago I went to my GP as I was having increasingly sharp shooting pains in my back.  It was something I had been living with since the age of about 10 or 11, that had always been put down to growing pains or bad posture, but it had become so bad I was unable to concentrate at work so I went to the doctor.

It’s the small details that stay with you in these moments – I remember in the waiting room there was a song on the radio that caught my at attention as it was  I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness it’s pure and simple cheesetastic rock music but, to the guitar player in me, it was simply  brilliant.  I went in and told the Dr. my story and he said that he thought it was a slipped disk but, because I had been feeling the pains since I was 10 or 11, he decided that an x-ray would be worthwhile just to rule anything more sinister out.

7 days later I received a call from the surgery asking me to go and see the Dr. regarding my x-ray results.  The Dr. showed me the x-ray and pointed to a shadow that had shown up and said that it needed further investigation.  He put a referral into the Chest Clinic and said that I should have an appointment in about 2 to 3 weeks.  This was scary, my head full of questions that had no answer;

Is it Cancer?

What will be needed; surgery, chemotherapy, radiography, medication?

Am I going to survive?

The wait for a chest clinic appointment was not 2 to 3 weeks, the next morning I had a call as I arrived in work;

Mr. Viner, the Dr has seen your referral and wants to see you this morning.  Can you come in?

This was much faster than I had ever thought and those questions were racing round my mind ten times louder and ten times scarier.  I called my parents and my girlfriend (now my wife!) and shared what was going on and went to the clinic.  The Dr. saw me and decided to refer me to a Thoracic Surgeon who saw me the next week and this was where the “Tumour” word was first used. He decided to take a Biopsy to determine what the Tumour was, I was not expecting the pain from the Biopsy being taken but it was like being shot twice in the back and from that moment forward I have suffered with pain in my back every day.

I remember having scan after scan; x-ray, MRI & CT, needle after needle in my veins and 6 weeks after the Dr’s appointment I went into hospital for Thoracic Surgery to remove the tumour.

When I came round, post surgery, I was not expecting to be on an Intensive Care Unit with; a tube down my throat breathing for me, machines all around me bleeping away and all manner of wires and needles going in and out of my veins.

“Scary.com”

The surgery had not gone well.

Because of the location of the tumour (which I had named ‘Gary’ for some reason) the surgery required the medical staff to collapse my left lung.  However, in theatre fluid in my body started to land on my right lung and start to drown me.  The skilled surgeons took 30 minutes to locate and deal with this and meant the surgery took 3 hours rather than 2 and a half.  However, after being stitched up and whilst in recovery my blood pressure was worryingly low, indicating that I was bleeding internally.  So I was rushed back into theatre and after a further 2 and a half hours the bleed was found and dealt with, because of this I was put on the Intensive Care Ward as a matter of course.

I was on the Intensive Care Ward for 3 days before being moved to the High Dependancy Unit for a further 3 or 4 days before being moved onto the ‘normal’ ward I was expecting to be on.  Slowly the various wires became less and less and after 11 days I was released from the hospital to convalesce at home.

Not a pleasant experience, and dark days followed.  I will blog on those days as this week unfolds.

1 There were present at that season some that told him of the Galilæans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.

2 And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilæans were sinners above all the Galilæans, because they suffered such things?

3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?

5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

6 He spake also this parable; A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came and sought fruit thereon, and found none.

7 Then said he unto the dresser of his vineyard, Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and find none: cut it down; why cumbereth it the ground?

8-9 And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung it: And if it bear fruit, well: and if not, then after that thou shalt cut it down.

10 And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath.

11 And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself.

12 And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.

13 And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.

14 And the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because that Jesus had healed on the sabbath day, and said unto the people, There are six days in which men ought to work: in them therefore come and be healed, and not on the sabbath day.

15 The Lord then answered him, and said, Thou hypocrite, doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or his ass from the stall, and lead him away to watering?

16 And ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day?

17 And when he had said these things, all his adversaries were ashamed: and all the people rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by him.

18 Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it?

19 It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.

20 And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God?

21 It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened.

22 And he went through the cities and villages, teaching, and journeying toward Jerusalem.

23-24 Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.

25-26 When once the master of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, Lord, Lord, open unto us; and he shall answer and say unto you, I know you not whence ye are: Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets.

27 But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity.

28 There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out.

29 And they shall come from the east, and from the west, and from the north, and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of God.

30 And, behold, there are last which shall be first, and there are first which shall be last.

31 The same day there came certain of the Pharisees, saying unto him, Get thee out, and depart hence: for Herod will kill thee.

32 And he said unto them, Go ye, and tell that fox, Behold, I cast out devils, and I do cures to day and to morrow, and the third day I shall be perfected.

33 Nevertheless I must walk to day, and to morrow, and the day following: for it cannot be that a prophet perish out of Jerusalem.

34 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!

35 Behold, your house is left unto you desolate: and verily I say unto you, Ye shall not see me, until the time come when ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord.

LUKE 14:1-35

1 And it came to pass, as he went into the house of one of the chief Pharisees to eat bread on the sabbath day, that they watched him.

2 And, behold, there was a certain man before him which had the dropsy.

3 And Jesus answering spake unto the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath day?

4-5 And they held their peace. And he took him, and healed him, and let him go; And answered them, saying, Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day?

6 And they could not answer him again to these things.

7-9 And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them, When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him; And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room.

10 But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee.

11 For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

12 Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee.

13-14 But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.

15 And when one of them that sat at meat with him heard these things, he said unto him, Blessed is he that shall eat bread in the kingdom of God.

16-17 Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many: And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.

18 And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.

19 And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.

20 And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.

21 So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.

22 And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.

23 And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.

24 For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.

25-26 And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?

29-30 Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.

31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand?

32 Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace.

33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.

34 Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned?

35 It is neither fit for the land, nor yet for the dunghill; but men cast it out. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

Reading 1 Rom 8:12-17

Brothers and sisters,
we are not debtors to the flesh,
to live according to the flesh.
For if you live according to the flesh, you will die,
but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body,
you will live.
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear,
but you received a spirit of adoption,
through which we cry, "Abba, Father!"
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit
that we are children of God,
and if children, then heirs,
heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ,
if only we suffer with him
so that we may also be glorified with him.

Responsorial Psalm Ps 68:2 and 4, 6-7ab, 20-21

R. (21a) Our God is the God of salvation.
God arises; his enemies are scattered,
and those who hate him flee before him.
But the just rejoice and exult before God;
they are glad and rejoice.
R. Our God is the God of salvation.
The father of orphans and the defender of widows
is God in his holy dwelling.
God gives a home to the forsaken;
he leads forth prisoners to prosperity.
R. Our God is the God of salvation.
Blessed day by day be the Lord,
who bears our burdens; God, who is our salvation.
God is a saving God for us;
the LORD, my Lord, controls the passageways of death.
R. Our God is the God of salvation.

Gospel Lk 13:10-17

Jesus was teaching in a synagogue on the sabbath.
And a woman was there who for eighteen years
had been crippled by a spirit;
she was bent over, completely incapable of standing erect.
When Jesus saw her, he called to her and said,
"Woman, you are set free of your infirmity."
He laid his hands on her,
and she at once stood up straight and glorified God.
But the leader of the synagogue,
indignant that Jesus had cured on the sabbath,
said to the crowd in reply,
"There are six days when work should be done.
Come on those days to be cured, not on the sabbath day."
The Lord said to him in reply, "Hypocrites!
Does not each one of you on the sabbath
untie his ox or his ass from the manger
and lead it out for watering?
This daughter of Abraham,
whom Satan has bound for eighteen years now,
ought she not to have been set free on the sabbath day
from this bondage?"
When he said this, all his adversaries were humiliated;
and the whole crowd rejoiced at all the splendid deeds done by him.

Lectionary for Mass for Use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, Copyright © 2001, 1998, 1997, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain © 1968, 1981, 1997, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

It turns out that the dreadful woman we had trouble with – suffered is too strong a word; our broad beans grew fairly well in pots in our own garden – has now taken to her bed. Permanently, as they say. This sort of tale only ever ends well for people who have a strong network of friends or family to help them out of their situation, and she has pretty much systematically alienated both.

I don’t know how to feel about this. I was half expecting it, but didn’t expect to feel how I did when the organizer mentioned it to me: flat, idly interested, as though overhearing someone else’s conversation on the bus. Now, I don’t know. Going back to the group – which I’ve occasionally felt like doing in the past year, although always shied away from any possible contact with her – would seem rather pointed now; getting in touch with her in any shape or form would be an exercise in futility.

Essentially, I feel like something ought to happen; which I suppose it is, but a little more distant from me than I would expect a plot (in which I’ve had a bit part) to do.

PEACE, PEACE (p. 43-48). THE LOVINGKINDNESSES OF THE LORD (p. 49-53). THOUGH HAND JOIN IN HAND (p. 53-61). BUT DAVID ENCOURAGED HIMSELF (p. 61-70). THE LORD GIVE THEE PEACE (p. 70-78). THE PEACE THAT PASSES UNDERSTANDING (p. 78-84).

BUT DAVID ENCOURAGED HIMSELF

And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire;

And had taken the women captives, that were therein:  they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way.

So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives.

Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep.

And David’s two wives were taken captives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite.

And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters:  but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.

And David said to Abiathar the priest, Ahimelech’s son, I pray thee, bring me hither the ephod [i.e., a garment from the full regalia of the High Priest that was adorned with holy objects used for divination, for asking questions and receiving answers from GOD].  And Abiathar brought thither the ephod to David.

And David inquired at the LORD, saying, Shall I pursue after this troop? shall I overtake them?  And he answered him, Pursue:  for thou shalt surely overtake them, and without fail recover all.

So David went, he and the six hundred men that were with him, and came to the brook Besor, where those that were left behind stayed.

But David pursued, he and four hundred men:  for two hundred abode behind, which were so faint that they could not go over the brook Besor.
1st Samuel 30:  1-10

     There is a definition of Peace where being at peace is understood as being reconciled to hardship, and unpleasant duty.  By contrast, there are definitions of War that focus on disobedience to authority, and the criminal rejection of duty.  To the extent that war-making is an inescapable and unavoidable duty to the State, many are at peace with War.  This can be seen today where the culture of a nation is structured to support continuous warfare; and where children and youth receive war-making as a rite of passage, instead of the onset of puberty, their first sexual adventures, or their first responsibilities in the world of work.  In warrior states, a young person’s adultness and maturity are measured by the eager acceptance, and fulfillment of military duty.  In cultures depending upon volunteer armies, young people often hesitate and refuse to seek military careers and service, for there is the unspoken understanding:  when one accepts the duty to War they must also accept (1) a duty to obey leaders who may be anonymous, whom they have not chosen for themselves, and whom they may not approve; (2) a duty to kill upon command; and (3) a duty to die—also, upon command.  These demands are repugnant to the believer in Christ, for no one besides the Creator is to be acknowledged as having authority and power to command human existence (either one’s living, or one’s dying).  Relationship to GOD defines and supplies value for conscience, duty, faith, freedom, leadership, obedience, peace, service, trust, truth, and worship.  It is written:

Blessed be the Lord God of Israel; for he hath visited and redeemed his people,

And hath raised up an horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David;

As he spake by the mouth of his holy prophets, which have been since the world began:

That we should be saved from our enemies, and from the hand of all that hate us;

To perform the mercy promised to our fathers, and to remember his holy covenant;

The oath which he sware to our father Abraham,

That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear,

In holiness and righteousness before him, all the days of our life.
Luke 1:  68-75

And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him,

And saying, Lord, my servant lieth home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented.

And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him.

The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof:  but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.

For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me:  and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.

When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.

And I say unto you, That many shall come from the east and west, and shall sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, in the kingdom of heaven.

But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness:  there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

And Jesus said unto the centurion, Go thy way; and as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee.  And his servant was healed in the selfsame hour.
Matthew 8:  5-13

Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?

But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.

Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.

I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh:  for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield ye your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.

For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.

What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed?  For the end of those things is death.

But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 6:  16-23

     The duty to War on behalf of the State is held to override any duty to establish Peace.  More than this, duties to the State are held priority above duty to oneself, duty to the Church, and duty to GOD.  One’s leaders and comrades are imposed as a necessary condition, and are rarely appointed by personal selection on the basis of compatibility, shared beliefs, or mutual admiration, liking and respect.  Having been forced upon those who follow, those who lead are often isolated by duty, yet, despite being alone, must overcome the enemies of all who War:  bereavement, fear, heartbreak, mistrust, rejection, uncertainty.  Because the duty to War disrupts and suspends one’s usual pattern of self-centered and self-chosen relationships, and requires that one benefit others without a personal knowledge of their character, their identity or their personality, the duty to War can be seen as a more correct fulfillment of the duty to Love.  By unselfish action and selfless thought, War is an ultimate act of love.  Given the need to depersonalize War, and to separate issues of personal accountability from issues of collective guilt and national honor, the action of the State becomes that of a “war machine”, where decisions and policies are enacted mechanically and impersonally, so that rarely do we find anger and hatred as motives in the waging of War.  Even so, the duty to War implies a duty to suppress such notions as the transforming power of Mercy, the sacredness of life, and the winning over of enemies by forbearance, by forgiveness, or by reason.  It must appear strange, then, that the duty to War also carries the primary duties of fellowship:  élan, esprit de corps, honor, and fidelity.  Consider the following:

And David recovered all that the Amalekites had carried away:  and David rescued his two wives.

And there was nothing lacking to them, neither small nor great, neither sons nor daughters, neither spoil, nor any thing that they had taken to them:  David recovered all.

And David took all the flocks and the herds, which they drave before those other cattle, and said, This is David’s spoil.

And David came to the two hundred men, which were so faint that they could not follow David, whom they had made also to abide at the brook Besor: and they went forth to meet David, and to meet the people that were with him: and when David came near to the people, he saluted them.

Then answered all the wicked men and men of Belial, of those that went with David, and said, Because they went not with us, we will not give them aught of the spoil that we have recovered, save to every man his wife and his children, that they may lead them away, and depart.

Then said David, Ye shall not do so, my brethren, with that which the LORD hath given us, who hath preserved us, and delivered the company that came against us into our hand.

For who will hearken unto you in this matter?  but as his part is that goeth down to the battle, so shall his part be that tarrieth by the stuff:  they shall part alike.

And it was so from that date forward, that he made it a statute and an ordinance for Israel unto this day.

And when David came to Ziklag, he sent of the spoil unto the elders of Judah, even to his friends, saying, Behold a present for you of the spoil of the enemies of the LORD;
1st Samuel 30:  18-26

     Can War be a reward from GOD?  Can War be a sign or a punishment from GOD?  Is there such a thing as a “good War” or “a righteous war?”  How can War that brings widespread human misery and suffering be regarded as an act of a righteous god?  Given the level of damage and destruction associated with War, many regard all war as criminal, lawless, and the unjust violation of human rights.  Those who make War are accounted as murderers and savages, and are held to be inhuman and uncivilized.  In fact, however, war typically proceeds on the basis of elaborate and highly developed codes and limits, perhaps, best described as martial law.  War-makers respond to a broad spectrum of systematically interwoven proscriptions intended to normalize and control military enterprise.  Included are such diverse elements as rules of engagement for the conduct of battle, conventions for the treatment of wounded and prisoners of war, and protocols for negotiating surrender and terms.  Taken together these help us to realize, War persists, at least in part, because there is a consensus to War, where consensus is a defining condition of acceptance.

     Consensus as a definition for “peace” is a desirable outcome for War.  However, consensus is rarely held to be a legitimate, identifiable goal to peace talks—as are agreement, closure and fulfillment (of all conditions and terms).  Currently, in the course of arbitration and negotiation of disputes, consensus describes the solution that is least satisfying, yet most acceptable to all parties; and, conversely, the solution that is most satisfying, yet least acceptable to all parties.  Discussion goes forward in the understanding that no one party engaged in the present dispute will accomplish or obtain any desired outcome that:

(1)    denies or dismisses out of hand the commitment, desire and interests of any other party (or parties) involved;

(2)    establishes any clear, continuing or permanent advantage by catastrophic loss(es) to any other party (or parties) involved;

(3)    awards control and ownership to any one party (or parties) involved without also acknowledging consequent damage to any other party (or parties) involved, without also identifying appropriate payment, remuneration or restitution to be made, and without also establishing a process and mechanism for fulfillment of the attendant obligation(s); or

(4)    deliberately antagonizes any other party to continue, intensify, or renew the present dispute, or to frustrate and undermine ongoing efforts to resolve the present conflict by damaging, destroying or incapacitating existing mechanisms and procedures to resolve the present conflict.

    Far from being failure, “nothing gained,” or merely “wasted time,” consensus is a valid outcome addressing the confluence of absolute conditions, and the nexus of shared needs.  All parties must accept, self-interests can be satisfied only by also committing to specific goals expressed by others in dispute, by offering meaningful benefits to others in dispute, and by selflessly providing satisfaction of priority needs expressed by others.  No one party is the winner; no single party is the loser.  All parties obtain desired results, however, only in part.  All parties obtain a meaningful framework that continues and preserves development and growth; however, all parties also accept limitations and restrictions to access, action and authority.  Thus, in consensus seeking all parties in dispute are challenged to firmly grasp the nature and full extent of both the needs of their opposition and their own needs as well as the limits to endurance and strength for themselves and for their opposition.  Consensus never emerges from ignorance, pride, selfishness, or weakness.  Consensus may not be achieved where any party in dispute is unable to suppress the condemnation and mistrust that automatically labels every offer and proposal from the opposition as dishonest, inadequate, insensitive and regressive.  Moreover, while seeking to articulate necessary changes and sacrifices that will establish proportion (rather than balance—e.g., 70/30 or 60/40, not 50/50) and maintain stability (rather than supremacy), the shaping of consensus speaks to tolerating together what is unbearable alone.  For this reason, typical questions from the consensus-finding process are:  Ignoring what you like or what you prefer, can you “live with” a given condition, or limitation?   What is absolutely essential for our agreement?   What is your “bottom line”, your sine qua non?

     Ego-driven and pride-driven organizations rarely promote consensus as effective or useful.  Leaders in such systems speak in terms of “achieving final victory”, “destroying all opposition”, or “losing and saving face”.  Citing atrocities, cruelties, hardships, and various personal losses, such leaders work to justify emotional behavior and irrational postures thereby revealing themselves as intractable and unforgiving.  These usually insist they are possessed of greater justification than all others in the dispute, and imply that they themselves possess greater moral authority and superiority than their opposition.  Even where the economics and politics of those in dispute are promoted through austere and secular facades, subtle, unspoken claims may be operative regarding privilege, rights, and status from GOD.  Thus, more than simply a claim that divine authority has been abrogated and offended, the parties in dispute repeatedly insinuate that their own divinity must now be acknowledged and appeased—and may, or may not, also openly assert that they themselves are divine (or innocent) by association, and that their divinity has been given by GOD.  The names we share for such claims and conduct when unsupported by GOD are BLASPHEMY, IDOLATRY, and REBELLION.

     Where we pierce the veils of pride, simplicity, and romantic ideal, we see that consensus is a major operating principle in the continuity and peace of families.  In fact, family peace is more the product of consensus than a product of natural affection, raw emotion, individual selflessness, or intellectual understanding.  Moreover, contrary to popular notions that successful marriage is achieved through compromise, it should be understood, successful marriage depends on achieving consensus where the interests of GOD are also taken into account.  This is peculiar, because families and households are not democratic in their structure and process, and are shaped primarily by the character, personality, and force of will found in the head of the household.  Many homes seem to function well only to the extent that the head of the house may be described as an autocrat, a dictator, a despot, or a tyrant; and the only contract for mutual support and agreement is an unspoken, unwritten consensus that no one will challenge the status quo.  In general, families operate according to models of linear authority wherein cooperation, obedience and power are displayed after patterns of hierarchy and obligation.  Included are both matriarchy (female-headed, mother-dominated) and patriarchy (male-headed, father-dominated) homes. 

     In order for governments and organizations to establish meaningful consensus, they must observe the same rule of organic interdependence displayed in family.  The needs of the full collective (i.e., the entity that results by combining all parties in dispute) have priority above the appetites, desires, or needs of any single individual, or combination of individuals contained within the full collective; and the only goal of the collective is to ensure its own continued existence.  Even though the collective may be no more than an ad hoc committee, members of the collective must make a commitment that will continue communication and preserve living relationship.  Common danger and shared peril force acceptance of symbiotic relationship.  Communication is driven by immediacy, rather than history, suspicion, tradition, or cultural arrogance.   Greater weight is given opportunity to establish integrity and trust than is given opportunity for punishment or revenge.  Consider the Scriptures:

Only by pride cometh contention:  but with the well advised is wisdom.
Proverbs 13:  10

He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him [i.e., carefully and closely looks into details of a matter; challenges conclusions or findings; investigates; thus, questions, demands full disclosure].

The lot [i.e., spiritual practice to resolve conflicts and settle disputes where the intent, purpose or will of GOD is identified by obtaining specific outcome(s) to otherwise random events such as throwing dice] causeth contentions to cease, and parteth between the mighty.
Proverbs 18:  17-18

The crisis (whatever it was) must have happened around the time that we were coping with our hellish journey through the snow, to see my parents over Christmas. A few weeks after we returned, we realised that he was no longer getting visitors, especially the occasional non-emergency ambulance that would sometimes park on the corner (in retrospect, not a great sign.) Builders came and went, and eventually a “for sale” sign went up. Certainly by the time the 2011 census happened, the house was utterly empty, with newly painted rooms visible through curtainless windows.

Being absent and stressed when whatever happened, happened; and there being considerable confusion over precisely who in the street is actually related to him: we’ve been somewhat reticent in asking around to work out whether he’s been moved into a home, or in with family, or whatever it was. Now, of course, it’s too late, and it would look odd, given that we think one of his relatives might have helped us make our car roadworthy before Christmas. Especially if we accidentally referred to him as “Bananaman” during whatever stilted conversation we struck up.

And now the “for sale” sign is recently down, which is what prompted this post. The last few sketches of his presence there are being erased. Someone is poised to move in and, despite the pre-sale redecoration, seems to be tearing the interior of the house to pieces. The work is sufficiently traumatic to the street’s infrastructure that our broadband has suddenly started being unreliable, roughly correlating with when noise is heard from across the road. We’ve had to ask the provider to increase noise filtering on the line. But more about that later.

Goodbye, Bananaman. We hope that you left our street under reasonably hopeful circumstances. And that you’re still getting plenty of vitamin B6, potassium and fibre.

Lewis was one of nearly a hundred competitors forming 18 teams vying for prizes in the 2011 Sheffield Care Home Games staged yesterday at Don Valley Stadium. This year’s categories included: mini-golf, skittles, dominoes, bowling, bar skittles and target throw. Activity Sheffield (part of the city council) and Sheffield Teaching Hospitals Care Homes Support Team organised this annual event, first held in 2008.

Teams and their supporters dressed to a 1950s theme this year, and, competition being keen, all chanted that they were there to win. Leader of Sheffield City Council Cllr Julie Dore officially opened proceedings before everyone warmed up with a few gentle chairobics.

Previously they were called “the Care Home Olympics” but successful lobbying of government by commercial interests a few years ago brought strict regulation of who can and cannot use the term “Olympics” – and even care home events run by the public sector are on the exclusion list. Ironically, yesterday’s Games were considered part of “Olympics Community Inspire” campaign, a national initiative to raise interest in the 2012 London Olympics through local communities’ sporting events.

Michelle Gibson of the Sheffield NHS Care Home Support Team didn’t know who ordered the name change when asked, understandably concentrating on getting the 2011 competition’s last-minute arrangements finalised. Finding precious time to speak to Finite Breaths, she said, “Before the dust has settled after the 2011 event we’ll be planning immediately for next year, encouraging links between homes and residents outside of their usual environments and providing activities away from the everyday care experience. Due to health and safety requirements, we can only invite 20 out of the city’s 92 care homes and it’s on a first come, first served basis, but we strive to make sure everyone gets a fair chance to take part.”

Caroline Twist is in charge of activities for people living at Northfield Nursing Care Home (representing the Crookes neighbourhood yesterday). Agreeing that organised events away from what can be perceived as institutionalised living is important, she said, “We believe strongly in developing opportunities for residents, their families and carers to bond through enjoying interaction with the outside world in an equal capacity. We raise funds all year round, including £810 at this month’s summer fayre, so that we can go on trips, for pub lunches and to special occasions like the Games.”

Ex- miner and marine commando Lewis was accompanied by fellow Northfield inhabitants Mary (who speaks four languages fluently) and Rose (who joked she was keeping quiet and out of trouble). With them were Caroline and care staff Sophie and Vanessa. Despite performing well in their chosen disciplines, Northfield just missed out on winning any major prizes. (Congratulations are due to winners Knowle Hill!)

Vanessa said her favourite part of the day was when Mary was dancing in her chair then later got a strike playing skittles. Sophie particularly enjoyed spending one-to-one time with Rose playing dominoes.

My own special moments included seeing Lewis (did I say he’s my dad?) having a great time competing in the target throw category. It was also good to be in the company of three dedicated carers and the two venerable sportswomen Mary and Rose.

In these times of nursing home closures and other scandals prevailing in the news, it’s refreshing that there’s a far different reality worth reporting from Sheffield.

GO! GO! NORTHFIELD!!!

(POSTSCRIPT: Sadly, Lewis passed away in May 2012)

Now that that’s out of the way…the other day I was waiting on the Metro and the song “Healer” came up on my playlist. I know, I know…I’m WAY late…and I’m sure much of the fanfare (both good and bad) surrounding this song has died down, but it’s new to me. #dontjudgeme! I’m usually not particularly partial to worship songs about healing. Don’t get me wrong, they’re great, and powerful, and I love that they exist…but, by God’s immense grace I’ve not really had many health problems in my life and so I don’t connect with them on the level that someone who has a history of battling infirmity would. I like them…but I don’t go seeking them out, ya feel me? Anyway, the aforementioned explanation is why I didn’t jump on the “most popular worship song of the week” bandwagon when “Healer” was climbing the Christian music charts, and why I’m just really experiencing it for the first time. But I digress.

So, I’m waiting on the Metro…”Healer” comes on…and as I listened to the lyrics they began to come alive to me in an interesting way and I get so blessed I began to weep right there in front of God and everybody. I’m not really a crier so bringing me to tears, particularly in a public, non-church setting, is quite the monumental feat.

What was the revelation, you ask?

Well…many times we hear the word “healing” and immediately associate it WHOLLY with physical healing. It’s the same mistake I made in my initial oversight of this song. That kind of thinking will cause us to miss out on some great and critical things that God wants to do in our lives.

Now…before I get nasty letters and angry villagers show up at my doorsteps with pitchforks and torches crying “heretic”, let me set the record straight. I AM IN NO WAY SEEKING TO DIMINISH THE IMPORTANCE AND TRUTH OF THE HEALING POWER OF GOD OVER PHYSICAL DISEASE AND INFIRMITY!!!! My God has all power over sickness and infirmity and the stripes on Jesus’ back paid for the physical healing of every individual that walks the face of this planet. There is no question there.

So what ARE you saying, you ask?

I’m saying that the capacity of God’s healing power not only covers physical healing…but reaches out FAR past the extremities of the of the parameters that contain every area of our lives! God’s healing power is the cure for EVERY sick or infirmed part of your existence…from your body, to your family situation, to your finances, to your career, to your emotions…ALL OF IT!

Regardless of what the writer of “Healer” is guilty of with regard to his promotion of the song, OR what you are I may feel about him…God was certainly speaking through him in the lyrics.

“I believe that You’re my portion. I believe You’re more than enough for me!”

In that one line of the chorus lies the key to the healing you seek in the various areas of your life. Life’s infirmities, no matter the area of life in which they manifest, all stem from lack. With regard to physical infirmity, the lack is obvious; “I don’t have the cure for this disease or condition,” but let’s look at other areas. Relationships. “Someone didn’t love me enough, ” or, “I lack the capacity to love my spouse in the way he or she deserves.” Finances. “I don’t have enough money to meet my needs and/or desires.” Career. “I haven’t achieved enough,” or, “I don’t have what it takes to succeed.” By and large, all of our various “infirmities” are a by-product of some feeling of lack.

So what, then, is the point, you ask? (tee hee…this is fun)

If all of your various “infirmities” are a by-product of a feeling of lack in a given area of life, then the “cure” is knowing where, or WHO, the source of that which meets your need in said area is. In short, your healing lies in a revelation of God as, as the song (and not-so-coincidentally the Word) says, “more than enough for [you]“

“I don’t have enough money right now…BUT…’MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL [MY] NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY BY CHRIST JESUS!’” Philippians 4:19

“Someone didn’t love me enough…BUT…’HEREIN IS LOVE, NOT THAT WE LOVED GOD, BUT THAT HE LOVED US, AND SENT HIS SON AS PROPITIATION FOR OUR SINS!!!’” 1 John 4:10

“I don’t have what it takes to succeed…BUT…’I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!’” Philippians 4:13

The point is this. In God’s love; in Jesus Christ’s death, resurrection, blood and stripes; and in the power of the Holy Spirit have we ALL fulfillment, and as such, the cure for not just our physical infirmities, but ALL of our infirmities. In a revelation of Him as “our portion” and as “more than enough” for us lies every sort of healing we could ever need.

Below is a link to the song. I hope it touches you as it has me.

i am tired.
tired of seeking answers
tired of paying doctors
tired of looking for remedies
tired of trying to live as if i were normal

i am tired.
tired of needing care
tired of soliciting assistance
tired of asking for prayer
tired of floundering in a sea of uncertainty

i am tired.
tired of getting noticed
tired of being ignored
tired of living marginalized
tired of attempting to prove ministry can exist with disability

i know it can
i know it does
i know others do it
somehow

but in my moments of extreme weakness
the grace of God which is supposed to be sufficient
seems other-worldly, and His people far away

i cannot seem to muster even the energy
to crawl, dusty, to Jesus
and to reach out in desperation to touch His hem

rather, i lie on my couch, hearing the voices
of the happy, jostling crowd
and i weep for the infirmity of my soul

How should one deal with getting old? It’s not about mid-life crisis or emptied nest syndrome. A friend of mine is turning 50 years old. 1/2 of her life is over. It’s like reaching the peak in life. Her body is changing; she is not as pretty as she was when she was young. Basically, she is starting to have low self esteem. What is the positive outlook of aging besides getting senior citizen discounts? How can she deal with her self esteem?

Grace

Dear Grace,
First we must acknowledge that self awareness mixed with growing old and eventual death can really suck. Beside the fact that humans are edible to various carnivores, bacteria, and bugs it is one of life’s cruelest ironies.

Sidestepping the suck factor, there are a number of ways that humans deal with it. Distractions and healthy denial are two tools. She needs to have enough things in her life to keep her mind busy and distracted and to make her time meaningful to her. All things are relative. If she’s helping the starving melatonin saturated children in Africa she won’t waste the energy fretting about what she looks like. Your friend probably has way too much time on her hands to even worry about these things.

I asked a 15 year old client of mine the other day, “How’s life?” She said, “I am using it up.” She is waiting. Waiting for things to change to something or someone she claims she has never seen, thought about or tried to conjure.

Don’t forget to add great parking spots to your list of geriatric benefits.

Dr. Brilliant cliché

The Granny Doctor begs to differ about the “growing old sucks” thing. She has had a very different experience. The 50′s are when life starts! That is, if you are looking to be a person and not a bimbo draped on some bozo’s arm.

But let’s talk turkey. The thing that is the worst about growing old is the infirmity of the flesh. We lose our skin elasticity and become more susceptible to illness and disease. However, that is only if you let things run their “natural course”.

Granny is going to give you a little lesson right now. There is a principle of the universe that she believes should be taught in elementary school, along with the three R’s: The Law of Seven. A concept based on ancient sufi knowledge and re-explored by Gurdjieff and Ouspensky in the 19th and 20th centuries, it is illustrated most simply by the Octave. In music, in order to get from A to the octave above A, there will always be two spots at which the vibration of the notes slow down. These are the half steps in a major scale. In life, the same thing happens. When you try to get from one point to the next, the vibration of your intent will slow down at least twice. In order to continue in a straight line to your goal, it is up to you to supply the extra energy to bring the vibrations up to speed again. If you do not, you will veer just slightly from your course and start again. The vibration slow down will come again. Again, you will veer slightly. Before you know it, you have gone around in a circle or ended up way off your mark. This explains how the Catholic Church could begin an ecclesiastic reform that ended up instead as a witch hunt. And it explains why most people just can’t make things happen. When the vibrations slow down in their intent, they veer. Americans are most excellent at veering since they expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter with no effort on their part.

Aging is nothing but the Law of Seven in action. The vibrations are slowing down as you go from birth to death. If you accept and submit to the slow down you will begin a downward spiral that leads to infirmity and a wheelchair. If you take it upon yourself to supply the extra energy, the vibrations will speed up again. This energy can come from many things- interests in life, new skills, charity, travel… The fact is, we are only as old as we allow ourselves to feel.

The Granny Doctor doesn’t look nearly as good as she did in her 20′s, but she wouldn’t exchange what she has learned and the experience and skills she has gathered for anything. When her joints started going, she added daily yoga to her routine. When her shape started changing, she honed her diet and developed a better exercise routine. She has managed to stay the same size she was in high school. Anyone can do this if they open their eyes and look around. For just about any liability of age, there is a routine you can superimpose to improve the condition. Plus, you should have a lot more time to explore your options than you did when you were younger!

You can’t stop age, and we will all die. But the quality of your life is not determined by your circumstances. As Dr. Cliché often says, we are all responsible for our own happiness. If you focus on the negative, your life will be negative. If you focus on supplying that extra energy, you will continue on your path.
Nobody expects you to look like a model when you are old. It takes a lot of pressure off. You are still perfectly capable of learning and doing new things. Revel in the dignity and clout of your age. In time, you will learn to love it. We are creatures of habit. You are in the habit of being young. Get into the habit of being an elder. You may be surprised at how great it can be.

What we should be focusing on instead is what the 1,000 years mean in ruling and reigning in this world with Christ Jesus in heavenly places. That is to take authority over the devil as Christ is waiting for us to do. Heb 10:12-13 “But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God; From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool”. The church has thrown down their weapons and walked off the battlefield when we were given the victory. We are to put on the whole amour of God stand in full battle amour and stand against the schemes of the devil. He has already been defeated and can do nothing unless the Lord allows him to do it, and this is allowed only so you will stand up and take authority over him as you were commanded to do. These are some of the demons, devils, and satan’s cohorts that we should be taking authority over in each of us, our family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, city, state, country, and world leaders.

Common Demon Groupings

1. Bitterness               2. Rebellion               3. Strife              4. Control
resentment                     self-will                       contention          possessiveness
hatred                             stubbornness               bickering              dominance
unforgiveness                 disobedience                argument              witchcraft violence                          anti-submissiveness     quarreling
temper                                                                 fighting
anger
retaliation
murder

5. Retaliation            6. Accusation           7. Rejection         8. Insecurity
destruction                       judging                    fear of rejection           inferiority
spite                                 criticism                     self-rejection                self-pity
hatred                              faultfinding                                                   loneliness
sadism                                                                                                   timidity
hurt                                                                                                        shyness
cruelty                                                                                                  inadequacy

9. Jealousy               10. Withdrawal         11.Escape             12. Passivity
envy                                  pouting                       indifference                  funk
suspicion                        daydreaming               sleepiness                   indifference
distrust                            fantasy                          passivity                   listlessness
selfishness                        pretension                    alcohol                       lethargy
*********                          unreality                       drugs

13. Depression          14. Heaviness           15. Worry          16. Nervousness
despair                                 gloom                        anxiety                      tension
despondency                       burden                         fear                         headache
discouragement                 distrust                         dread                   nervous habits
defeatism                                                            apprehension              restlessness
dejection                                                                                                  excitement
hopelessness                                                                                              insomnia
insomnia                                                                                                      roving
morbidity

17. Mental Illness     18. Persecution    19.Sensitiveness    20. Paranoia
insanity                              unfairness                 self-awareness           jealousy
madness                       fear of judgment               fear of man                envy
mania                      fear of condemnation     fear of disapproval          suspicion
retardation                  fear of accusation                                                 distrust
senility                           fear of reproof                                                  persecution
schizophrenia                   sensitiveness                                                        fears
paranoia                                                                                                confrontation
hallucinations

21. Indecision             22. Confusion             23. Doubt           24. Deception
procrastination               frustration                      unbelief                self-decpection
compromise                    incoherence                 skepticism               self-seduction
confusion                                                                                                     pride
forgetfulness
indifference

25. Mind Binding  26. Mind Idolatry  27. Fear of Authority  28. Fear
confusion                       intellectualism                     lying                       all fears
fear of man                    rationalization                    deceit                    all phobia
fear of failure                       pride                                                             hysteria
occult spirits                          ego
spiritism spirits

29. Perfection          30.pride          31. affectation          32. Covetousness
pride                                 ego                       theatrics                          stealing
vanity                            vanity                    playacting                      kleptomania
ego                             self-righteous          sophistication                  material lust
frustration                  haughtiness             pretension                           greed
criticism                      importance                                                      discontent
irritability                      arrogance
intolerance
anger

33. Grief          34. Competition       35. Impatience       36. False Burden
sorrow                    driving spirit                    agitation                  false responsibilty
heartache                 argument                     frustration                 false compassion
heartbreak                  pride                           intolerance
crying                             ego                          resentment
sadness                                                             criticism
cruelty

37. Inheritance        38. Fatigue              39. Infirmity              40. Death
physical                           tiredness                         sickness
emotional                       weariness                        diseases
mental                              laziness                            illness
curses                                                                        death

41. Cursing           42. Addiction         43. Gluttony       44. Hyper-activity
blasphemy                     nicotine                 nervousness                  restlessness
course jesting                alcohol               compulsive eating          driving spirit
gossip                             drugs                       resentment                  pressure

45.Cults             46. self-Accusation      47. Guilt       48. Sexual Impurity
jehovah’s witness         self-hatred              condemnation                  lust
christian science    self-condemnation              shame                   fantasy lust
rosicrucianism                                              unworthiness             masturbation
unitarianism                                                embarrassment         homosexuality
masons                                                                                                lesbianism
evening star                                                                                         adultery
all lodges                                                                                             fornication
secret societies                                                                                        incest
all denominations                                                                                 harlotry
catholic-pope-jesuits                                                                                rape
mormonism                                                                                          exposure
charismatic movement                                                                         frigidity

49. Occult          50. Religious          51. Spiritism           52. False Religions
ouija board                ritualism                      seance                          buddhism
palmistry                   formalism                 spirit guide                       taoism
handwriting-             legalism                     necromancy                    hinduism
analysis                     traditions                     reiki master                    new agers
automatic-               false doctrines                kundalini                          islam
handwriting                 errors                           yoga                              judaism
esp                                seduction                                                          shintoism
hypnotism                   religiosity                                                       confucianism
horoscope               book of mormon                                                    kabbalah
astrology                         talmud                                                              wiccan
fortune telling                  koran                                                         satan worship
water witching             cathecism                                                      luciferianism
tarot cards                                                                                                 nwo
pendulum-pentagrams
witchcraft
black magic
white magic
conjuration
incantation
charms
fetishes

You can get a list to print out which was written about 35 years ago. I have added a few new things under 50. 51. & 52 that we come against in this present day.

http://www.chosenexplosion.com/Training%20Center/Pathways%20to%20Freedom/Microsoft%20Word%20-%20Appendix%20G%20Demon%20Groupings.pdf

he made me weak…that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for help…that I might do great things;

I was given infirmity…that I might do better things.
I asked for riches,,,that I might be happy;

I was given poverty…that I might be wise.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;

I was given life…that might enjoy all things.
I was given nothing I asked for, but everything I hoped for. 

Despite myself, my prayers were answered. 

I am among all men most richly blessed.

You know when we don’t get something that we’ve asked for we like to blame the Lord. The bible says ask and ye shall receive. but don’t you think the Almighty knows what we need more than we know what we need? I truly believe that everything that happens in our lives is a blessing from the Lord, this poem says it all.

“Dear child, rejoice in your weaknesses. Take peace within your sorrows. Don’t you know that’s when I’m strongest? That is when I am able to move the most freely within your life. Don’t allow yourself to be broken down, because you believe you have failed. No. Strive forward, little one, keep walking. Don’t worry if you falter or fall.

“Don’t you know that I have you in my hands? That you are safe under my wings? Don’t you know that I would never leave you, nor forsake you? I am here, little child, and I am stronger than you, more knowledgeable than you, and by far more powerful. Don’t you think I can handle the weight of your burdens? Don’t you think I can handle the cares that you carry? Allow yourself your weaknesses. Don’t try to hide them away. I am strong when you are weak. I am greatest when you are least. Rejoice in your infirmities. Be at peace.

“For the kingdom of God is for such as you – those who are hurt, and breaking; the weak and the infirm. I have not come for the healed, but for those who need a healer. So rejoice, I have come for you.”

Other times, though, it’s a bit more stilted. He gets tired easily, and I’m often more peopled out than I realise when I first pick up the phone to dial. So I quickly run out of things to say, and there’s a second or two of what you might call dead air. I think Granddad’s used to that embarrassment in different situations, though, as he has techniques to bring the call to a rapid close.

I’m always sad when that happens: whereas I once rang him out of a sense of duty, I now ring him out of choice. So if I fear I’ve left him imagining the worst about my motives for ringing—maybe: did his mother just ask him to?—then I feel like a bit of a failure. What do you say, though, when you’ve nothing to say? When you were both born in a culture where men don’t chat?

(Could I ever say what’s really on my mind? “I love you, you sweet old man. Don’t die. Not ever.” I don’t think so, although it would make a change from discussing the weather in Lancashire.)

Image via Wikipedia

Life, as you have known it, is done.

I’ve been facing this sudden reality for about the past two months. My divorced mother, 76, who lives in a very far away city in Canada — I am just north of New York City — now must move into a nursing home. I have someone there sharing power of attorney with me, but even so it has become an unpaid, draining, overwhelming, full-time job demanding almost daily decisions, all of them with major consequences.

None of which are anything I have ever faced before or have a frame of reference for.

I’m the only child.

If you have not yet entered this specific obstacle course, a few things you need to think about:

Does your parent have a will? Do you know where it is and who is the executor?

Have they, in advance, designated a power of attorney?

Do they, or you, have a written inventory of all their belongings and which they might want to keep when they have to trade a home for one room?

What do they want to do with all ephemera — photos, letters, documents? Have you or they sorted through it and identified what is important or of sentimental value? Identified who’s who in the photos?

Who will handle your parent’s affairs financially?

Do they have long-term care insurance? (Do you?)

Have you discussed any of this with your parent?

Do you have anyone, like a geriatric care manager, to help you if you are trying to deal with all of this from a distance?

Here’s what we’ve faced:

She fell in the hospital, breaking her hip in the emergency room

Surgery to repair her hip and months of rehab and physical therapy to regain strength and mobility

Another fall in the hospital, which protested there was no way they could prevent yet another one

Bowel surgery and a colostomy

She has COPD and heart problems as a result

She has early, for now, mild dementia and trouble with short-term memory

The learning curve is vertical!

These are just some of the many people I’ve spoken to in the past three months:

Two nurses, doctors (at least four, so far), physical therapist, occupational therapist, nursing home staff at four homes while seeking a suitable and available bed, hospital social worker, hospital risk manager, attorney, realtor, notary for the buyers for her apartment; auction house coming to appraise and sell her things; Salvation army for picking up the rest, movers to move her into the nursing home, airline (for my flight); car rental (for my visit), UPS (for packing and shipping back here whatever I can take or keep), bank staff to try and arrange handling of her finances…

The only thing keeping me sane is knowing many other women also going through this hell or who have already gone through it, and who kindly offer compassion, humor and advice.

It is a maelstrom of grief, fear, sadness, confusion, anger, frustration, loss. And the cost is staggering — $6,000 a month for one room. Yes, a nursing home room is definitely much cheaper elsewhere, but she is not physically able to move and emotionally would not want to as her friends are in this city.

Have you been through this?

How did you cope?