The icebergs are crying.

Even though I haven’t been talking to you, I have been doing the other half of my job unpaid hobby: watching TV. Here’s a round up of some recent thoughts, observations, criticisms, witticisms, whatnots, and what-have-yous. Enjoy, and comment below. Because I said so.

How I Met Your Mother

Robin: try harder.

Maybe it’s because she has nothing to do, maybe it’s because she has to wake up and start living her life, but I think Robin Sherbatsky could really use a some sparkle this season.

GRIMM

Kill Hank. And Adalind. They are just so evil and annoying. You can sort out which is which. You know what? Captain Renard is bugging me, too, even though he speaks such wonderful French. And Juliette is kind of a wimp, so she can go as well.

Just keep Nick. And Monroe.

I stay or else.

The Mindy Project

Less Shauna and more Gwen?

I hope it’s because Amanda Setton was offered a huge movie deal and not because they want to pave the way for Mindy and Danny.

By the way, it looks like everyone who watched the Gynaecologist episode felt just as embarrassed as Danny, because they awkwardly avoided Mindy the next week.

New Girl

Stop making Jess and Nick fight.

The actors clearly do not believe what they are doing. I don’t think the characters do, either (see The Argument (but is it really?)).

In fact, just stop making everyone fight.

Psych

Psych…Psych doesn’t premier until February.

RELEASE IT SOONER.

Parks and Recreation

Please give Chris Traeger something to live for already.

Burn Notice

Michael Weston killing Tom Card in cold blood.

Isn’t the whole premise of the show that Michael is innocent? I’m gonna call it. Burn Notice has just jumped the shark.

Dr. Cox is now dead.

Spy

Keep doing what you’re doing.

But also, why did Philip become Philip?

Numb3rs

I like this show.

Arrested Development

Two words: fourth season.

It ain’t easy, bein’ white..

The Vampire Diaries

A real post on this is coming soon. As in, Thursday. As in, CB and I are going to duke it out over Damon and Stefan.

Bring popcorn.

2 Broke Girls

As Samuel Johnson said, puns are the lowest form of humour.

But also, I just peed my pants.

And I love Kat. I mean, Max.

Criminal Minds

Not watching it any more.

Mandy Patinkin interestingly said, “It was very destructive to my soul.”

“I thought it was something very different. I never thought they were going to kill and rape all these women every night, every day, week after week, year after year.”

After watching the first few episodes of this season (a serial killer…then child-rapists combined with vengeance murderers…then a family killer) I was like: I’m with Patinkin.

PS. That moment when you realize Gideon was Inigo Montoya.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Has it just gotten grosser?

Normally I laugh hysterically, but this season I have been fighting nausea.

Person of Interest

Going to watch this.

CB says, “It’s such a good show. So well written and acted. Great story lines, a lot of twists and turns without being weighty, good humor, awesomeness and hotness in every episode…it’s pretty much the perfect show.”

So, what do you watch? What do you think we should see? Tell us below!

And here, in his greatest scene from his greatest screen role.

It’s also Ben Stiller’s day. It’s not just that Simple Jack is a fine satirical statement on what an actor will do to get an Oscar nod. It’s that the actor is punished by being forced to play Simple Jack. At gunpoint. In Kabuki make-up.

It’s a big day for great satirists. First, Mark Twain. A nice quick tribute from Hal Holbrook, who played him well and frequently.

And some great Twain quotes; there are of course scads more on Brainy Quote.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

Then there’s Jonathan Swift.

Much to discover at this website, including “A Modest Proposal”. Whenever I teach this, students are still very shaken by it. Brilliant.

With The Verdict, bday man David Mamet proved he could write a movie that was every bit as good as his plays.

On the political front, remember when politicians could actually inspire you with their leadership, words, and actions? Happy bday to the awesome Shirley Chisholm.

And now for a 180. Billy Idol, may all your weddings, and birthdays, be white. If you so choose, of course.

Rounding out with the underrated and very fine Robert Guillaume, here on the all-but-forgotten Soap. Trust me, it broke ground.

(Sidenote: Some strong man needs to come along and snatch that woman up… BUT I digress.)

Anyhoo, this is for her:

In other news….. I have a lot of Real Life stuff to do next few days, BUT thought you ought to know, started your Valentine’s short and I’m framing Third Time’s the Charm (Book 3 of The Downey Trilogy). Exciting, huh?

See? Even Al Capone is excited for MORE Mickey Downey!

First off, let me thank “The Management” for allowing me to proceed with this post. The check is in the mail…oh, should I have not said that…?

OK. You may have noticed, or have been completely oblivious to, my use of the phrase “God-thingy” when referring to…well, the God-thingy in my posts. I realize I haven’t done it consistently, but I’m still “a work in progress”. I think I have done it enough to warrant some explanation. If not, well, you’re gonna get one anyway.

Contrary to possible belief…I’ve never been very popular… I’m NOT purposefully trying to be a Mr. Smartypants. I’m not doing it to be disrespectful, or unholy, or blasphemous or any other term that would indicate that I don’t care. My guess, and strong belief, is that there are not a lot of us out there that have a true handle on this God-thingy. Sure…we’ve heard the stories in the scriptures, we’ve participated in the Christmas pageants, we’ve sang the “churchy” songs, even watched The Ten Commandments with Yul Brenner and Charlton Heston…but sometimes, when no one is watching…we shake our heads and quietly say…

Who are you?

Unless you’ve heard a voice reply… “I’m the Batman…” you’re probably in the same boat with everyone else that wonders this down in their heart of hearts, soul of souls, and rock of ages…we’re just afraid to admit it because we don’t want to appear to not be cool or not to have it together or be a “good” <insert name of your preferred religious denomination here>.

Folks throughout history have given different, and sometimes confusing, names to this God-thingy. All of the people who have ever written down their experiences and encounters with this God-thingy, whether those writings have become canonized scripture or not, have struggled with the words and phrases…the images…the feelings…the emotions…of what that encounter was like. They’ve wrestled with language and culture and thoughts and sometimes they were pinned in the first round, other times they made it to the semi-finals. Even if you believe that sacred writings are literally what they say…there are expressions of this God-thingy that still leave us wondering. Even the Jewish people, that some would suggest had an inside track with the God-thingy, don’t have the EXACT name for the God-thingy. They got it pretty close apparently with the whole YHWH thing, sans vowels,  but the closest we get from that is Yahweh, which we can’t accept…so we say Jehovah…and even that is still kinda lacking.

YHWH

This God-thingy has been named Father, Mother, Son, compared to various and sundry animals, professions, foods and drinks, has been counted as one…no, make that two…wait…make that three separate personages…but wait, they are one. Right?

Don’t tell me that isn’t confusing.

They’ve used metaphors to try to bring to our understanding what this God-thingy is MOST like…so we can comprehend it more…become closer to it…not be afraid of it. People have been doing this for centuries. Some people got it right, others were close, and others were just shooting in the dark…in the wrong direction…with blanks.

We name something to give it definition in our minds. Through naming we create characteristics and qualities of objects in our environment. We can then create relationships with these objects in our environment based upon that name. If something is a “Parent” there are certain relational expectations that we have about that object named “Parent”.

We are temporal and finite creatures, whether we want to admit it or not. We have to put everything we encounter into a nice, manageable container (i.e. name) so that everything is OK. If we can’t define it…maybe it really doesn’t exist…it’s just your imagination…it’s not real.

Knowledge and understanding of this God-thingy is, for the most part, handed down from generation to generation. It’s learned…usually as children…in the same way we are taught language, and numbers, and not to stick something metal into an electrical outlet…we are taught a certain framework for looking at the world. We all get our own particular shade of rose colored glasses through which we see our world. Sometimes they are a nice pair of glasses and sometimes they are so scratched up you can’t see clearly at all.

For a long time, many people believed that names held power. Some still do today, but for most of us…a name is just something to call our children when they misbehave, or something you write on a piece of paper to buy a new car, something to put on a tag that says “Hello My Name Is” (don’t say Inigo Montoya) at a training seminar for work.

…you killed my Father…prepare to die.

When I don’t use an Officially Sanctioned Moniker (OSM) for the God-thingy, it’s not that I’m denying it’s power or afraid of invoking the name or anything like that. When I use this term, I’m acknowledging MY reality…

I’m still working on understanding what this God-thingy is and how I relate to it.

I’d like us to turn to the Christian hymn “Faith of Our Fathers”…not sure what number it is in your Hymnal, but that’s really not the point at this point. It’s a very nice hymn. Well conceived lyrics…nice melody…a bit difficult to dance to though. The song speaks of, strangely enough, the “Faith of our Fathers” and suggests that having their faith is sufficient for us…or that we need to have a faith such as theirs. I would offer that “Faith of our Fathers”…was ok for them…but I need my OWN FAITH. I can’t rely, solely on the experience of others in my spiritual life…whether they are the “Founding Fathers (or Mothers)” or even my parents or grandparents. They have had their own life experiences that have led them to THEIR understandings…and I MUST HAVE my own as well.

I need my own Burning Bush…my own Rainbow after a Flood…my own Manna in the Desert.

Countless others, before me, have strained their spiritual eyes to see more of this God-thingy. It would be foolish for me not to, at least, listen to what they have and haven’t discovered as they looked. There are innumerable “good books” out there that reflect individual (and group) encounters with this God-thingy. Some of them are named “Sacred” and “Holy” by people and others are not.

Here’s the quote from a famous author to make it appear that I’m very intelligent…

How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book. The book exists for us, perchance, that will explain our miracles and reveal new ones. The at present unutterable things we may find somewhere uttered. — Henry David Thoreau

(Read Walden by Henry David Thoreau, if you haven’t already…it’s worth the time.)

Spend some quality time with a book (or Nook) and find out what others have named this God-thingy. Don’t just listen to the scriptures…they may only give you one type of lens to see. Search for those other books that give glimpses of this God-thingy, maybe in a new light…it’s quite possible given the sheer volume of religious and spiritual books out there that, as H.D. (e.g.  Henry David) said…”the book exists for us, perchance, that will explain our miracles and reveal new ones…”.

Nutshell ?

You are on your OWN spiritual journey. You are responsible for the condition of your relationship with this God-thingy. Find your OWN spiritual encounters with this God-thingy…and when you have them… Write them down…that’s what scriptures really are, ultimately.

Read them again and again…and see if they can’t help you Name the One-Who-Cannot-Be-Named…so far.

As for me?

I figure I have a deal with this God-Thingy…no comments about my use of “God-thingy” and sense of humor and I don’t mention the platypus…What IS THAT!?

A Duck…an Otter…a Beaver…a Venomous Snake?

It’s a duck…an otter…a beaver…a venemous snake…

I think that this God-thingy just smiles quietly to itself every time I name it…God-thingy…and that just makes me smile back.

It was a delightful dinner thanks to the sweet man I shared it with. Happy weekend!

In one of the most memorable scenes from “The Princess Bride,” Inigo Montoya, Westley’s match with the sword turned ally against the evil Prince Humperdinck, finally gets his revenge against the six-fingered swordsman who killed his father. His whole life has been preparing for this moment, and he succeeds, even though he takes a sword to the chest. Staggering and holding back the blood with one hand he defends himself with the other. He does this by repeating what has become his mantra: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Softly at first, then gaining strength from his resolve each time he says it, he suddenly turns the aggressor, all the while repeating, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Until his opponent, master swordsman of the evil Humperdinck cries out, “Stop saying that!”

Finally unhanded by Inigo, the swordsman offers him anything he wants in exchange for his life and Inigo runs him through proclaiming the only thing he wants he can never receive… his father back.

It’s an unforgettable picture of courage and determination that could be brought to mind in our struggle against our greatest enemy… ourselves.

This recent Catch series began with Marti burying me next to my father. That was not a show of disrespect, but an acknowledgment that we all participate in some way in the sins of our fathers – particular weaknesses of the flesh against which we struggle. The only way out is to put the old self to death, as Paul says in Romans 6:11, “count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” And with even stronger language two chapters later he writes: “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live” (Romans 8:13).

“You put to death…” that sounds an awful lot like running that guy through, and “that guy” is of course ourselves, i.e. our selfish selves, our lazy selves, or our disobedient selves, or for us husbands, it’s any part of ourselves that keeps us from loving the wife of our youth. Put it to death. Run it through. Don’t let anything stop you.

And if it helps, you might try something like: “Hello, my name is the born again John Fischer. You represent the sins of my father. Prepare to die!” or “Hello, my name is John Fischer. You are the little man keeping me from the big plans God has for me. Prepare to die!” or “Hello, my name is John Fischer. You are personal indulgence against the will of my Father in heaven. Prepare to die!” Put anything you need victory over in there, and run it through in the power of the Spirit.

Of course, in the story, Inigo secured only his revenge – a sort of hollow victory in that it can’t bring back what he really wants. Our stakes are much higher and long lasting – good for eternity, a life of purpose, the love of our families and the salvation of many.

You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Sonia has an admirer at our hotel who reminds me of Inigo Montoya from the Princess Bride. In fact he reminds me of him so much that I can’t look at him without laughing and choking on my tea.

It started the day we arrived in Jaipur. We went for a late supper and he was at our table before we even sat down. He completely ignored me. I don’t think he even saw me and started talking to her.

He asked where she was from and of course she said Canada. He returned five minutes later with a origami napkin of what was supposed to be a Canada goose, but looked more like an ostrich with a broken neck, and proudly placed it in front of her.

I got nothing. Didn’t even get a regular napkin.

Throughout the course of the meal, he was never more than two feet away and would come by to check on her every couple of minutes. I was beside my myself. I could not stop laughing. She is too polite for her own good and was answering all his questions and being nice.

She ate faster than she has ever eaten in her entire life (always the last one to leave the table) and we went off to our room.

In the morning, at breakfast, she was still not convinced that he is smitten with her until we walked in the door and he appeared out of thin air. Poof-just like that. He then waited on us (oh he recognizes my existence now) even though it was a buffet and there were other people in the restaurant.

Now, this takes the cake. We arrived for supper tonight and saw that the best table on the roof was reserved, so we took the one beside it. We wondered who reserved it and thought it was kind of sweet. Maybe a couple was celebrating their anniversary or something. There was even a candle on the table-none of the other tables have candles.

Of course he managed to come by our table about 15 times within half an hour, always smiling like a moron. When we were about to leave he informed us that he had reserved a table for us. Bwahahahahahaha!

That was our table! He reserved a table for us and we didn’t even know about it. None of the other servers knew about it either. They removed the reserve sign after about an hour because no one showed up.

When he’s not asking if we need more naan, or chai or whatever else they have he is always lurking close by. He also asked what time we will be having breakfast and when we’re checking out, so that he can be there of course.

I couldn’t bring myself to take a picture of him, so this one of Inigo Montoya will have to convey the hilarity of this situation. Imagine a pint sized Inigo Montoya – are you laughing yet cause I am.

ML

In case you’re confused in the comment section about the name “Chris,” that was my original nom de plume for the blog – which I wrote this and earlier posts under.

I was just reading NPR’s All Things Considered, and Mandy Patinkin is interviewed about the movie and that line. He said the director, Rob Reiner, told the actors to hold back one card in their hand and that card was fun.

Mandy Patinkin said “and the one card was the twinkle in their eye. The one card was the fun they knew was underneath everything they were saying. And I never forgot that image—that there was always a little secret, and that secret was the fun.”

Every once in a while the secret is fun, and that’s the best. I don’t think kids respond to anything like a fun secret—talk about rising to the occasion.

He said something else in the interview that I wanted to share. He met Andre the Giant (who played Fezzik) one day, and the next day he was looking at Andre and couldn’t figure out what was different. Was it makeup? Then he realized that Andre, all seven-and-a-half feet and 500 pounds of him, looked normal size. He couldn’t believe that his brain had normalized him after meeting him and talking to him and becoming his friend. It reminded me of the power to normalize difference with a shared conversation and an open heart.

I realize that probably sounds corny, but the story really touched me. It’s also Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend, so I’m hopeful that we can all get along in this world. I think much of understanding something is not based on our knowledge, but our perception of the event. Normalizing difference is something I see with kids and it makes me realize that they’re not hiding any cards, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Yes, it’s been 25 years since Mandy Patinkin’s Princess Bride performance became a fixture of pop culture — so he and his co-stars celebrated with a special screening at the 50th Annual New York Film Festival. Movieline was on the red carpet and heard from Patinkin himself as well as Cary Elwes how that famous sword fight came to be! Watch now.

Director/producer Rob Reiner also revealed how the movie was released without ANY publicity.  No trailer?  No poster?  No commercials?  INCONCEIVABLE!

Check out the video below to reminisce along with Inigo and Westley…

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A reunion of the Princess Bride’s cast is packed with just as much adventure, it seems – give or take a few R.O.U.S.  And to celebrate the modern classic’s 25^th anniversary, this week has seen the release of a new Princess Bride Blu-ray as well as a special gathering of the stars, director and screenwriter at the New York Film Festival.

“It was wonderful, WONDERFUL. It’s so nice to see all the faces together again after 25 years, we’ve not been in the same room with the director, with Rob [Reiner], since the premiere 25 years ago at the Toronto film festival,” Cary Elwes told canada.com by phone, the morning after taking part in a Princess Bride Q&A at the New York Film Fest. (Elwes would be the 49-year-old actor best known as The Man In Black, The Dread Pirate Roberts or “My Dear Sweet Westley” — depending on which Princess Bride character you speak to.)

Here, we run through some of the behind-the-scenes memories Elwes was willing to share — along with fresh trivia picked up during the last few days of 25^th anniversary celebrations.  The story of The Princess Bride’s anniversary week has turned up anecdotes on everything –from fencing to miracles.

Fred Savage: you’ll want to stay up for this.

Fencing
Since the film’s release, Elwes says that he’s received countless letters from fans. “Oh, it’s kids mostly drawing pictures of me sword fighting,” he told canada.com of what they send him. “And they want to know, you know, can I still fence.”

During filming, Elwes and his sparring partner Mandy Patinkin (Inigo Montoya), reportedly trained for six months — coached by the likes of Bob Anderson, an Olympic fencer perhaps best known for wielding Darth Vader’s light sabre.  The result was The Princess Bride’s famous two-handed duel.

So, to repeat that burning fan question, can Elwes still fence?
“No, of course not,” he said, dismissing the suggestion. “I mean, if I picked it up again, perhaps, with a good trainer I could probably get back in the swing of things, but no.”

Torture
Will there or won’t there be a Princess Bride sequel? That question has been small torture for fans, sure. But it’s seems to have been greater agony for Princess Bride author, William Goldman — who wrote both the 1973 book and the screenplay. In some editions of the novel, an introduction to a second volume, called Buttercup’s Baby, is included. It opens with the kidnapping of Buttercup and Westley’s daughter, Waverly — but further chapters have not followed.

Elwes told canada.com that he spoke with Goldman about the sequel during the reunion screening at the New York Film Festival this week.

“I was just curious. I just wanted to pick his brain, find out what he’s doing, what he’s up to, I was just curious,” he said. “He told me last night it’s just too hard. He’s finding he’s hit a wall. I think he has writer’s block on it.”

And the L.A. Times reports Goldman himself talked to the NYFF crowd about his difficulties with the sequel. “I’m desperate to make it and write it and I don’t know how,” said Goldman. “I would love to make it, more than anything else I’ve not written.”

Elwes, however, wasn’t game for imagining where he sees his character, Westley, 25 years in the future.

“I would not DEIGN to suggest to Mr. Goldman what I would do with the story. It would be — insulting. I just couldn’t do that. He’s an Oscar winning writer and a national treasure at that. And if he can’t lick it, no one can.”

If ever a script for a sequel surfaced, however, the Dread Pirate Roberts might come out of retirement.

“If the powers that be came to me and asked me I would certainly consider it, yeah, sure.”

Revenge

“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” It’s the line Mandy Patinkin hears from fans every day. As he told the audience at the New York Film Festival reunion:  “Little kids, their parents, their grandparents ask me to say it.” And, he says, “I never let them down.”

Giants

Andre the Giant, known as lovable Brute Squad “brawn” Fezzik, passed away in 1993, but according to reports, the actor was fondly remembered during the NYFF Q&A. During the event, Mandy Patinkin shared a favourite anecdote with the crowd –  one about shooting on the “Cliffs of Insanity.” The scene features Fezzik (Andre) scaling a cliff by rope with Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), Inigo (Patinkin) and the kidnapped Princess Buttercup (Robin Wright) slung on his back.

“Wally [Shawn] was very nervous that day that he was going to ruin the day’s shooting because of his fear of heights,” Patinkin told the NYFF crowd (as per Flavorwire.com). “And there he was on this, in this Medieval ‘Snuggly’ on Andre’s stomach…and he was really quite frightened. And Andre, in his inevitable beauty, just patted him on his head, and on his back, and he said, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.’”

Monsters

I’m just going to post a photo of a shrieking eel. After 25 years, they still give me nightmares.

Chases
The 25^th anniversary Blu-ray of The Princess Bride features Elwes’ video diary from the film set — a special feature that first arrived with the 2001 DVD release. The actor doesn’t remember how many tapes he went through, but he told canada.com that he recently asked 20^th Century Fox for his original home movies so he can go through them again. “I haven’t seen it [the footage] since the day I shot it so I’m going to try to find out what they have and try to look at it again.”

Getting access to a video camera in the mid ‘80s, though, required a bit of a wild chase, Elwes said. “I had to go through the production office, find a local production rental that had video cameras, rent the one – and it was one of the ones you have to lug on your shoulder,” he recalled.  “I noticed there was no one filming the behind the scenes. So I thought, I’d better get on to it,” he explained.

Was there a behind-the-scenes moment he wishes he had captured?

“I think I got most of it. Obviously, I couldn’t film myself much,” he told canada.com. “I’m very glad I did [take video on the set], you know, it’s a wonderful memory.”

True Love
To quote the Princess Bride, Westley and Buttercup’s embrace in the grand finale went a little something like this:

“Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”

Robin Wright would probably agree.

“Oh, I was so in love with him, oh, my God,” said Wright on the Today Show this week, talking about her co-star, Elwes. And when asked if she ever requested extra takes, Wright confirmed the long-standing rumour. “Yes, that is true,” she admitted. But Elwes, who was also appearing on the program, had a different P.O.V.  “I think that was me,” he said.

Miracles
“It’s pretty amazing. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, is what I always tell people,” Elwes told canada.com, speaking about the Princess Bride’s enduring popularity. “It’s just – you’re lucky as an actor to have any movie resonate at all, and this one, you know, seems to go on from generation to generation.  … I’m very grateful the fans come up to me and want a photograph taken or autographs. Honestly, I feel very blessed as an actor I don’t take it for granted at all.”

The Princess Bride 25^th Anniversary Blu-ray is available now.

This professional disregard by his peers seemed not to bother Bonetti much. Clearly not shy about his prowess with the sword, he was a noted trash talker having once gone so far as to claim that he could cut any button off the shirt of any Englishman with one flick of his rapier. This boast would later be immortalized by William Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet. In Scene 4 of Act 2, Mercutio refers mockingly to Tybalt as “the very butcher of a silk button,” which many critics suggest is a clear reference to Rocco Bonetti.

But that is not Bonetti’s greatest claim to literary fame. He also appears in The Princess Bride, that “classic tale of true love and high adventure” by Florinese literary genius “S. Morgenstern.” Most of you will, of course, recognize this work from the “abridgement” by William Goldman that became the greatest movie ever made.

The film celebrated the 25th anniversary of its release at the New York Film Festival this past week. If you don’t agree with me that it’s the best movie ever made, perhaps you haven’t seen it (if you live under a rock or are under the age of 6). Or maybe you just haven’t seen it in a long while. If that’s the case, you should revisit it. Trust me. You’ll love it. Or you’ll remember how much you loved it the first 117 times you saw it (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here).

On Tuesday, October 2, director Rob Reiner and screenwriter William Goldman gathered with cast members Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Billy Crystal, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Carol Kane, and Wallace Shawn at a special showing of the film, followed by questions and answers. And even though I couldn’t be there in person, in my heart I was there. Because I have seen The Princess Bride way more than 117 times. I literally have every line of every scene from beginning to end memorized, and can deliver any of them at a moment’s notice. Seriously, you can test me, though I should warn you that my Spanish accent is even more ridiculous than Mandy Patinkin’s.

The Cliffs of Insanity
(Or Ireland’s Cliffs of Moher if you insist)

Of all the amazing dialogue in all the great scenes that make me laugh out loud even after 25 years, I think my favorite lines (and I know I’m not alone here) come from the fencing duel between the mysterious man in black and Inigo Montoya atop the Cliffs of Insanity. I love this scene not just for its impressive choreography, but also for the brilliant juxtaposition of a battle to the death with a respectful and practical conversation between fencing masters.

Just in case your memory is a little fuzzy (and for some reason you didn’t stop reading in order to immediately go watch it again as soon as I told you to, which is what you should have done), the battle begins after a nice chat in which Inigo allows the man he will soon try to kill a chance to catch his breath. As the two begin to duel (left-handed for an added challenge), Inigo says, “You are using Bonetti’s defense against me, uh?” to which the Man in Black replies, “I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.” As the duel continues, other fencing masters are casually mentioned as well, including: Ridolfo Capo Ferro, Gérard Thibault, and Camillo Agrippa, all notable masters of their times.

It certainly comes as no surprise to me that The Princess Bride is a well-researched and totally reliable source of historical information (kind of like this blog). In the past 25 years, numerous fencers and fencing experts have claimed that they started in the sport precisely because they were inspired by the movie. I don’t know much about fencing, but The Princess Bride has taught me the elements of a great story: fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, true love, and perhaps even a limited amount of kissing. Throw in some wildly imaginative characters and witty dialogue and you have an instant classic on your hands.

But at this point I’m guessing you still have a couple of questions for me. First, did I really place The Princess Bride in the same classic literary category as Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet? Yes. I make no apologies for that.

And second, what became of the talented and arrogant Rocco Bonetti? In 1587, Bonetti engaged in a duel, just outside of his own fencing college, with a man by the name of Austen Bagger. Bonetti died shortly after from wounds received in the duel. Rumors indicate that Bagger was quite drunk at the time of the battle, suggesting that Bonetti’s defense may not have been all it was cracked up to be. Then again, maybe it just wasn’t fitting for that particular terrain.

Just to show you what I mean by ‘Back Kick’, in case you didn’t get it.

So, I’ve mentioned before that I practice martial arts.  I have been for a long time (approaching twenty years now), and I’ve practiced a few different styles in that time.  However, currently I take (and often help teach) a class in Aikido-Jujitsu Ryu, which is an art that focuses on throws and locks.  I was working with one of our students on some kick defenses (throws that begin with an opponent trying to kick you) that he’s working on.  One of these was a throw off of a back kick (… this should be pretty obvious…) that involved the nage (defender) reaching through the uke’s (attacker) legs and grabbing… well, whatever he can find, then pulling very, very hard.  The uke generally flips and winds up on his back (at least if he’s smart), and even then the technique is very painful.  Generally, as the uke, we make our belts very accessible so that the nage has something to grab, and I did this.  The student did grab my belt, but he got a handful of… well… more delicate things as well… then he pulled… very, very hard.  I spent the next couple of minutes limping and yelling at the student not to apologize for performing a technique correctly.  Honestly, I really don’t know if he was trying to apologize or not… I wasn’t exactly paying attention at the time… but this student has a habit of apologizing whenever he thinks he’s hurt someone.  This happened about twenty-four hours before I wrote this post, and as I write I’m still hurting a little bit. So, why do I bring this up? Well… for one it’s a great story, and seriously, who can resist reading a post with this title.  However, aside from that, a lot of fantasy and action fiction has a… well, let’s just say a creative relationship with the reality of physical injury.

The man who can fight without his tendons…

I was watching the Princess Bride the other day (which is a great movie), and I was amazed (as I always am) to watch Inigo Montoya fight masterfully, even though he had just had a foot of steel rammed through his liver… and both shoulders… yeah.  In writing we can often get away with a lot, but we have to remember two things: 1) some people are going to realize that you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, and 2) what you write influences what people believe. I’ve written about the first issue before. Whatever you’re writing about, if you don’t do your research, and if you don’t take the time to actually think through what you write, then someone, somewhere is going to catch it. Different people will catch different things. A hydrologist might point out that your rivers are impossible. A botanist might catch that you’ve written a jungle plant into a desert setting. A martial artist might catch that the fight you’re describing isn’t actually possible, and a doctor might point out that a person couldn’t actually stand with the wounds you’ve described, much less fight a healthy opponent to a draw. Sometimes you can get away with this, Princess Bride does so because the entire movie has a facetious, slightly ridiculous air, and this fight fits right in.  However, sometimes doesn’t mean always.

So… who exactly is cleaning up after this?

However, what I want to talk about today is responsibility in writing. I don’t know about you, but whenever I watch an action movie in the back of my mind I’m silently calculating the personal and financial tole that the character’s actions inflict. Some movies recognize this and handle it well. The Avengers is a good example of this. Many of the battles in the movie take place in relatively obscure locations where literal to no collateral damage is possible, and even though the final battle in New York City does devastating damage to that icon of American consumerism, this tole is recognized in several ways. 1) The heroes generally do their best to avoid unnecessary destruction of personal property (with the exception of the Hulk), 2) The personal tole is not only recognized, but turned into a integral part of the movie both through the death of Agent Coleson, and through the scenes featuring Captain America (in particular) going out of his way to preserve the lives of the citizenry, 3) The collateral damage that does take place throughout the move is briefly addressed in some of the new commentary featured at the end of the movie, and both voices calling for the characters to do their part in the clean-up, and voices calling for the heroes to be thanked for their actions are heard.

Compare this to Live Free or Die Hard, in which the ‘heroic’ John McClane causes massive collateral damage, apparently without concern, throughout Washington D.C. in an effort to ‘save the world’, and in which the lingering effects massive collateral damage is simply ignored throughout the movie. While some books and movies do a good job of bringing across the notion that actions, even actions taken for nominally ‘right’ reasons, have consequences, many bring across the notion that only the action matters, and the consequences don’t exist… an attitude that can be seen filtering down throughout our culture.

What’dya mean I blew up Washington?

Now, does this mean that movies like Live Free or Die Hard and Princess Bride have no place in modern culture? Absolutely not. While writers, filmmakers, and any other artists have a responsibility to consider the messages that they are presenting, we as consumers also have a responsibility to consider those messages, and determine what place they have in our lives.  Neal Postman argued that television was the great evil because it turned everything into entertainment, and the populace simply swallowed whatever messages were presented (I know I’ve talked about Postman before). He was correct in this, when we do not consider the entertainment that we take in, and make the time to reflect on the messages portrayed through it and their place in our lives, then we destroy ourselves, and the blame for this cannot lie solely on the feet of the producers of entertainment.

However, as a writer, it is your responsibility to present messages that you want your readers enacting in their lives, not simply messages that get their attention and titillate them. While accuracy in the enacting of violence might seem to be a minor issue in this pursuit, it often isn’t.  After all, our culture seems increasingly incapable to distinguish fantasy from reality, and if John McClane can drive a car off a ramp into a helicopter without consequence, what couldn’t we…

Obviously, this is an extreme reaction. A better might be, if the A-Team can fire off a thousand rounds without hurting anyone, then why can’t I (your seven year old son) play with your revolver.  After all, it’s not like guns hurt people. While we must balance realism with appropriateness for our audience, repeatedly presenting unrealistic situations for the sake of appropriateness is just as, if not more, harmful. Just something to think about.

10 Reasons to Like The Princess Bride

1. “As you wish” (especially when said as tumbling down hill)
2. “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
3. “Inconceivable.”
4. “Rodents of unusual size? I don’t think they exist.”
5. “He’s only mostly dead.”
6. “True love”
7. Swordplay left handed and then right handed.
8. Both drinks had poison
9. Names like Buttercup, the Dread Pirate Roberts, Miracle Max, and Prince Humperdinck
10. A grandfather reading to his sick grandson, but skipping the kissing scenes at grandson’s request

Aside from being remarkably quotable, The Princess Bride has likeable and memorable characters (like Fezzik) and just memorable characters (like Vizzini), a great swashbuckling scene, a sweet giant, a fairy tale feel, and a touching frame story. To my surprise, it’s actually based on the 1973 fantasy novel of the same name by William Goldman, who wrote the screenplay for the movie. I have the book, though I’ve never read it. The book’s cover announces it is an abridgement (though its size belies that) of a work by S. Morgenstern. Don’t be fooled: there’s no such unabridged book or such an author. That’s just part of the fun.

What do you like about The Princess Bride? Have you read the book?

Jaz: Last month a friend confessed that she’d never seen The Princess Bride. “Inconceivable!” I thought. Hasn’t everyone watched this film?

Sadly, no. And for those who haven’t, I have this to say: you must watch this film at least once in your life. Add it to your bucket list (or whatever else you call it). For my part, I’ve seen it one too many times – and still the “game of wits” scene never fails to make me laugh. The Princess Bride has everything one could wish for in a fairy-tale swashbuckler: corny, dominating theme music, quirky loveable characters, cheesy special effects, over-the-top acting, improbable situations, and of course, plenty of swashbuckling swashbucklingness.

As I recall, the film was – overall – pretty faithful to the book. It omitted Prince Humperdinck’s former matrimonial interest, a woman obsessed with hats, and tweaked the ending to make it more palatable to American audiences (in the book the story ends with Inigo’s life in peril as they are pursued by Humperdinck’s men). Sorry, spoiler. You know me.

Another thing I like about The Princess Bride is how it revolves around a grandfather, the narrator, reading aloud to his young grandson who’s in bed with a cold. Every so often the boy interrupts when the story gets mushy: “They’re kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?” and, “Is this a kissing book?”

Well, is it a kissing film? It’s a little bit of that, and so much more. But you’ll have to find out the rest for yourself.