And now onto this week’s topic.

So this weekend I had a huge 180degree shift in how I’d been interpreting a relationship, and I want to share this as it may help you if you have any issues with a parent or loved one. Let’s face it, that’s probably most of us.

My father wasn’t around much when I was a kid. He worked fairly long hours, came home around 8pm, and wouldn’t hang out with me or my bro. At weekends he was busy with a personal project. When he was around, he had anger issues, kept himself to himself, and could be very controlling. Lord knows he had his issues, but unfortunately at the time didn’t deal with them. I’d interpreted this as ‘my father doesn’t want anything to do with me’, or ‘he doesn’t care about my feelings’ etc. I think it’s pretty common for children of ‘absent’ parents to start to question their own self-worth and if their parents really loved or wanted them.

Whilst I’d acknowledged that he worked hard to provide for us financially, and I could understand on that level why he did what he did, I just still had those issues of thinking ‘you know, if he liked me as a person then he would have wanted to have spent time with me and treated me nicely. Issues or no issues, why did he behave the way he did towards me when i was a cute bundle of joy?’ !

Then I had this recent light bulb moment which was like blasting clean white light into the past. It pretty much rocked my world.

My father wasn’t deliberately neglecting me emotionally (I,e not spending time with me) because he didn’t want to be with me.  No, he was avoiding being present in my life because he was scared of being an inadequate father, and scared he might screw me up.

If you’re scared you might hurt someone, what do you do? You probably avoid them! If you’re scared of screwing up (as a parent, as an employee, as a spouse etc) what might you do? Shrink from the relationship, or try to avoid that role altogether. You don’t think you’re worth being in relationship with that person.

When I saw this situation from this perspective, I realised none of what my dad had done was ‘about me’ – meaning, he didn’t choose to stay away or be controlling because I was bad, or smelt funny, or wasn’t good enough to have his time spent on me. It was about his fears, which manifested in avoiding his kids and using control to ‘manage’ the situation rather than create emotional bonds.

I felt waves of relief with this insight. All the ‘was it me? Wasn’t I loveable?’ BS is fading fast. It’s liberating. Good enough? I always was! I didn’t do anything wrong, durr.  And I feel more compassion towards my father because I can see that even though oftentimes it was hard for me, in his own way he felt he was protecting me from himself and his issues, the best he could. His actions, whilst hurtful, didn’t come from a malicious place. He acted on his own idea that he wasn’t good enough to be a good parent

So, my takeaway is this: Is there someone significant in your life, maybe a parent, that didn’t treat you the way you deserved to be treated, or even hurt you? If so, what do you think their biggest fear was, that was driving their behaviour?

It could be anything from the fear of being an inadequate parent or failing as a parent, to the fear of feeling empty inside and needing meaning in their life, to the fear of abandonment, to the fear of not being loved back.

It could even be based on this person not wanting you to go through something they did, to the point of unhealthy behaviour eg. a mother who was bullied for being overweight as a kid might now be obsessing over her daughter being slim, because she’s scared her daughter might get bullied if she’s not slim. And this can then manifest in the daughter getting body image issues or eating disorders. – not because the mother is mean and only values her daughter on how she looks, but because the mother has a deeply felt fear around her daughter being picked on due to how she looks, and wanting to protect her from that.

This is not to say that their behaviour is ‘right’, instead it helps to understand that their motives probably came from a ‘good’ place underneath it all – wanting to protect you from something, even protecting you from themselves or their own fear.

I hope this helps. It’s really helping me. It’s like a whole new paradigm shift.

May your perceiptions shift massively,

S xo

Need some coaching for the summer? Have an issue that keeps repeating itself that you want to blast through before 2012 is out? Get in touch, let’s shift that perceiption and clear the way for you to move forward! Email me at s_l_byrne@hotmail.com

During this deliberate, one-day-at-a-time journey toward July 13th, my intention is to deepen my understanding of the human impulse toward harm, and, to explore every available practice that impedes that impulse.

So far, I have unearthed the depth of my own fear of being harmed – and how that fear can drive me to harm myself and others.  Not in hugely violent ways.  In ways like: pushing away or running away from situations and people when a small-ish instance of harm makes me feel greatly threatened – and then feeling the painful consequences of those self-generated losses.

I’m wondering if this sounds familiar to anyone…

*  *  *

Over the past 50+ days, I have curiously and patiently observed my impulse to Get The F*** Out.

I have been hurt – seriously hurt – too many times in life.  So it takes great effort to remain in a situation where I sense potential harm.  I must be acutely aware of my own fear’s ability to make something look worse than it is.  I must investigate.  I must root myself in trust, gain counsel and stay the course.  Life itself turns into a practice in times like these.

Maybe one day, all this practice will pay off and I’ll be able to just peacefully hang out in life.  Until then, “practice makes perfect.”  Or perhaps – practice makes acceptably imperfect.

Over the past 50+ days:

- I navigated a lot of loss (mine and others’) without getting too hypersensitive in or reactive to non-related situations.  I was mindful that painful situations can bring out the worst in me – but don’t have to.  I remembered to take good care of myself during the stress, in order to focus on my friends’ struggles, take my own pain out of the middle and be of service to others.  Among other things, I attended lots of yoga classes, workshops and Kirtan.

- I left a part-time job where someone verbally attacked me during the above-mentioned time of loss.  I was coached by others to separate the attacker’s action from the attacker herself (just like in Sutra 1.33), to have compassion and to return.  In the end, I just didn’t have the strength to potentially endure more hostility.  I’ll admit that I wish I’d taken a break instead of leaving altogether; because today I could walk in as strong as ever.  And now I am without that income, which causes stress.  Live and learn.

- I resolutely stayed with a rather rewarding part-time job despite challenges.  There are just some situations where the pros far outweigh the cons.  And in this case, my own fears created imaginary “cons.”  Thankfully they were elbowed out by very real pros: the faith I have in my talents, the support I receive from leadership and co-workers, and the security of working with a very caring and committed team.  Chanting the “Asato Ma” definitely helped clear my mind, so I could see that I would not be harmed there!

- I walked away from a difficult conversation with a friend and have not touched base since.  I definitely felt the threat of being emotionally harmed; but I am not yet certain what in the world actually happened to build to that point.  I just knew I felt triggered and had to get out.  So I did.  As in all conflicts with tried-and-true friends, I hope for reconciliation.  But for now, I need some time.

- I ended a dating relationship.  I stayed present long enough to discern whether my fears were telling me stories; I gained counsel because my dating experience is thin; and I was able to recognize simple incompatibility.  No fooling myself until the discomfort became conflict or blame or harm.  No disappearing act.  Just an honest explanation and a respectful good-bye.

- I minded my own business when witnessing violence in my ‘hood, instead of being triggered into interference, which could lead to being harmed – among other things.  This is a huge area of growth for this paradoxically street-tough yogini.

In all of these situations, something existed that made me feel potentially threatened.  In my habit patterns, my options would be to get out, push away or close in – and therefore cause harm to others and myself.  Instead (when I could) I paused, took a breath, grounded myself – then used the tools of gaining counsel, trusting self-knowledge, exercising discernment and surrendering to the care of a higher being.  If I made a mistake along the way, I examined my motives, explained my actions, took responsibility for any harm I caused and offered amends.  And I felt love, compassion and forgiveness toward myself despite these mistakes.

I continued to grow toward Ahimsa.

So yes, I come from a challenging background which at times triggers a huge fear of being harmed.  But as luck would have it, I have been placed on a path that has been chock-full of opportunities for, tools for and teachers of transformation, healing and growth.  I have no option but to bounce along.

If I always get the f*** out, I don’t have a chance for growth.  But if I reprogram this default reaction and stick around, I can change my next response.

*  *  *

50 days of observation has reinforced my belief that people cause harm when they are in pain. 

Pain is inevitable.  And because painful situations will always occur – IF we want to decrease the cycle of harm and violence by increasing our own inner peace – we need tools for working through and addressing our own pain before we inflict it upon others.  We also need tools for deep acceptance, compassion and forgiveness when we do lash out, in our naturally imperfect humanness.

Yoga gives us positive alternatives to living in emotional pain.  Yoga is a safe venue for releasing pain.  Yoga cultivates inner peace despite pain.  Yoga reinforces non-violence as a resolution against causing more pain.

In the coming 40-something days, I will be sharing “Peace Tools” – a series of blogs sharing the yogic and related practices that help me stick around when I want to run, open my mind when I want to judge and take a breath when I want to control.  Basically, “Peace Tools” are my favorite practices for cultivating an accountable and serene life – despite painful situations, painful inflictions and painful emotions – so I can hopefully feed into a cycle of peace and non-violence.

Ahimsa Now!

OM Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

*  *  *

The Roots of “Ahimsa Now: 100 Days of Intention”

“Ahimsa” is a Sanskrit word meaning, “Avoidance of Violence.”  It is mentioned in many ancient texts, including the Yoga Sutras, a collection of aphorisms handed down by yogic sage Patanjali approximately 5- to 7-thousand years ago.  In the Sutras, Ahimsa is one of the “Yama” – five recommended abstentions, or rules of conduct rooted in abstinence.  The five Yama comprise the first limb of Patanjali’s prescribed Eight Limbs of Yoga.

Avoidance of something takes great effort.  And if violence were not naturally inherent in human beings, we wouldn’t have to try to avoid it.  So, dreaming of launching Ahimsa Now – a nonprofit whose mission is rooted in Ahimsa – my responsibility is to come to understand the human impulse toward violence, and, to explore every available practice that impedes that impulse.

Let the exploration begin.

Reblogged from Mental Health Blog:

I think I could do this one minute meditation and be more consistent with daily meditating.

Feelings and moods start out as sensations in the body. A sensation — say, a heaviness in the chest, a twinging of the heart, or a tightness in the throat — arises in the body and you think, “That’s stress. I’m stressed.” Or whatever mental/emotional condition you’ve come to associate with a particular physical state. Once you’ve had that thought, labeled that sensation, a whole host of emotions associated with that label begins to well up within you and takes you deeper into whatever mental state you’ve assigned to those sensations. Thoughts and emotions start to ping and feed off of each other, making you feel hopelessly mired in a particular mood. Much of this is reflexive. We don’t even recognize there’s a certain process at work when a sensation besets us and we immediately conclude that we’re anxious or stressed or sad or…anything. But it is a process, one of which we can become aware and begin to observe and gently alter.

In the past, I would have scoffed at such a notion. But at this point, I’ve done too much reading, of both the spiritual and more technically therapeutic (guidebooks for behavioral-cognitive techniques like ACT and DBT), and had too many conversations about this with therapists I respect, to write off this knowledge as hooey. Sensation begets thought, thought begets feeling. It can happen in one fell swoop if you’re not paying attention. But if you are aware, you can begin to see the way the mind and body work together to create certain “realities” for us — realities we repeatedly cling to and validate to the point that we can imagine no other ways of being and responding to life. If you start to locate emotions in your body, however, you can learn to catch the process of emotion-making as it happens. And once you are able to do that, you can work on redirecting that energy towards greater awareness and inner peace. I wouldn’t tell you this is true if I hadn’t experienced it myself.

The other day, I was sitting in my room watching TV and that old boogeyman “stress” began to creep up on me. My first thought was to panic and become discouraged. But I stopped everything I was doing in that moment, including thinking about being stressed, and asked myself, “What’s going on in my body right now? What is the bodily source of this feeling I’ve labelled ‘stress’?” Immediately, I located discomfort and a hectic movement in my chest. I observed it, how it felt dense and constricting, yet also active and almost overflowing. I focused on that feeling for awhile, telling myself, “This is only a physical sensation. It has no meaning. It’s neither good nor bad, and I accept it without jumping to attach anything — especially an emotion — to it.” And I genuinely felt better after that. I felt lighter. If an emotion arose, I simply returned to my body and repeated, “This is just a physical sensation.” That seemed to redirect things a little bit. The task before me now is to keep striving for awareness and remember to come back to my body whenever I find myself in the sway of negative emotions.

I feel ever compelled to stress that I’m learning as I go and that this grand experiment of mine is a work in progress. I’m by no means an expert. If you’re looking for experts, I again suggest Cheri Huber, Tara Brach, or any of Marsha Linehan’s work about DBT (Dialectical-Behavioral Therapy). I worry that I present myself as some sort of pro or am getting too preachy in my posts. Lord knows I still struggle. I’m still trying to deconstruct and reconstruct the human being that is me. I still turn to food and drink — far more than I’d like — to escape from certain emotions. I’m no picture of inner-peace and unflappability. But I’m learning things about myself and how I work and making small, but important, breakthroughs in how I function. I share them here not to speak at people and bore them with haughty lessons on living, but to track my own progress, to make it more real to me, and to hopefully provide some insights that might be of value to someone else’s journey. It took me years — well over a decade — to get to this point in my every day practice. I’ve been carrying around much of this information for just as long, and it doesn’t seem to have taken root until now. I’m a bitty shoot, with teeny, tiny leaves, reaching toward the sun and hoping a mighty rain storm doesn’t wipe me out. But it’s better than slumbering beneath the dirt and only dreaming of light.

As for you all reading, take what works for you and leave the rest. I don’t mind.

Each new dawn brings with it a new day. If you are feeling particularly challenged at this time, know that it will soon pass and be replaced with something even better. Trust that any problems or challenge are merely an illusion to help you find new ideas and new thoughts to make your birth experience even better.The mental energy of your thoughts sometimes seems to feel like it is thwarting your path, however we wish to reassure you that this is not the case. Each challenge is really the support to help you complete the tasks at hand.

Do some exercises such as Tai Chi, Qigong, or Yoga to help your peace of mind, your general well-being, and your spiritual growth. This helps to move your energy and clear your mind, as well as giving your body some much needed oxygen to help purge old or stagnant energy. After a session of music and movement, take a moment to think of all that you desire. Ask yourself ‘why’ you want it, and as you do, the Universe feels the activation of that energy and brings it your way that much quicker. Anything you can imagine being, doing or having can be yours. Keep your spirits and heart in a high vibrating state of love.

Affirmation: “I can be, do or have anything I can visualize doing, being or having.”

Have a blessed day and know you are loved and supported, always, the angels

Thank you, Mahalo, Merci, Gracias, Vielen Dank, Grazie, Спасибо, Obrigado, 谢谢, Dank, 謝謝, Chokran,Děkuji,Kiitos

Article Copyright ©2012 by Sharon Taphorn All rights reserved.

There are many things that determine our lives for better or worse. Parents play a huge role of course, our environment, influences and peers also play a role

One view is that the way we interpret what happens to us has a greater impact on our quality of life than the events themselves. A Swiss psychologist, author and teacher, Yves-Alexandre Thalmann, cites the metaphor of the glass that’s either half full or half empty.

“Our brains are programmed to make sense of everything around us and that happens to us. We spend our lives interpreting facts,’ he explains. ‘These interpretations, positive or negative, generate corresponding emotions. These emotions determine our behaviour, the way we see life, and our relationships with others.’ For example, if it’s raining, you could say to yourself, ‘That’s today ruined,’ and be in a bad mood all day. Or you could say, ‘Great, it’s a chance to spend a cosy day at home,’ and this lighter mood will be much easier for those around you to live with”

As a CBT therapist, I work on the basis that our thoughts play a huge role in the way we see life and consequently how happy we are. While we should be very careful about dismissing negative thoughts completely, a programme of looking at things rationally can really help us to accept and find happiness in what we have…increase self-esteem and be more assertive. All cognitive behavioural approaches are based on the same idea: that our phobias, relationship difficulties and even our addictions are often linked to ‘cognitive distortions’ (or false beliefs that we have turned into facts) that we need to do something about. This is a practical way of looking at increasing happiness in what can be a routine and rather stressful everyday life. It has nothing to do with the Hedonistic pursuit of ultimate happiness which tends to be very individual (and material). When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.  Being grateful for the good things that are already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness.  And that’s without having to go out and buy or acquire anything new.  It makes sense.  You will have a hard time ever being happy if you aren’t thankful for what you already have and are able to recognise it.

When it comes to “thinking ourselves happy”, I wonder how many people place that responsibility on other people’s shoulders. I have always been of the opinion that nobody can change the way we feel or our lives except ourselves. We are truly responsible for everything we feel and consequently do. This is what led Thalmann to develop his theory based on an apparently simple premise: why not select the positive interpretations, which boost our wellbeing, and focus exclusively on them? ‘It’s a question of using free will to put our own spin on hard facts,’ he says. ‘Facts can’t be altered, as much as we might wish they could, but their significance is not contained within them – that is the story we tell about them. So you might as well link facts with plausible favourable explanations. I call it telling yourself nice stories.’

According to the results of a long-term study in Germany, happiness has more to do with our personal choices than it does with our genetic make-up. An international group of researchers analysed data gathered by the German Socio-Economic Panel Survey (SOEP) from its widespread study of 60,000 Germans over 25 years. They found that altruistic goals were more important than money, and that focusing on family, social activities, exercise, religion, and working the right amount were good choices to ensure happiness. The results show that it’s easier for people to become unhappier due to terrible life events, and much harder for people to improve their satisfaction with life by making the right choices – but that’s the area the researchers are most excited about.

“What’s new in our study is we are looking at choices you have, and what we demonstrate is choices makes the difference,”

Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a Counseling psychologist in private practice working with individuals, couples, groups and companies. Apart from seeing clients face-to-face, Dr Jenner also runs a thriving online therapy business bringing help to those who are housebound or located in rural locations where therapy is difficult to find. For more information , follow the link to his website HERE

Want to know more about Dr Nicholas Jenner? Check out what his clients say….HERE

“Happiness is Inner Peace”
-Kusumakarah “Kush” Drinkwater

I found this image in a post published in lforlazarus blog (The disease you should want to catch). The image says the author of the text is unknown, but with a little research I found Saskia Davis’ website, in which she explains how the original text about Inner Peace Syndrome came to be. There is also an original poster with the “symptoms” of the disease that everyone ought to catch! Saskia says:

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many already have been exposed;  and it is possible that people, everywhere,  could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what, up to now,  has been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Signs & Symptoms of Inner Peace

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences

An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in judging self

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others

A loss of interest in conflict

A loss of ability to worry

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature

Frequent attacks of smiling

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

An increased susceptibility to love extended by others and the uncontrollable urge to extend it

WARNING

If you have some or all of the above symptoms, be advised that your condition of inner peace may be too far advanced to be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk. © 1984

When your thoughts are clear and directed, the lag time in your creating is lessened. Ask yourself, “What do I desire to create in my life right now?” Feel it, visualize it as already being yours and how your life will feel when it arrives, and then pay attention to the signs that are put on your path to help you along the way. Keep your thoughts positive and trust that it will come.

Any negative thoughts that come into your mind should immediately be transformed into more desired thoughts. Don’t do things that you don’t really want to do. Keep yourself in a place of feeling good and you will naturally attract them to you. Reach for stars and watch what happens.

Affirmation: “Nothing is more important than feeling good and satisfied with a job well done.”

Have a blessed day and know you are loved and supported, always, the angels

Thank you, Mahalo, Merci, Gracias, Vielen Dank, Grazie, Спасибо, Obrigado, 谢谢, Dank, 謝謝, Chokran,Děkuji,Kiitos

  Article Copyright ©2012 by Sharon TaphornAll rights reserved.

  www.playingwiththeuniverse.com

This sequence is for anyone who has had a stressful week or just needs to unwind, and rest their body, mind and spirit.       

 This is a great compliment if you are in the flow of practicing Yang Yoga and never resting and rejuvinating yourself. 

The practice will include meditation, breathing to connect mind and body and

floor postures to settle in and let go of anything that does not serve you. 

Devote this hour to yourself to relax, renew and energize your whole body system!    You will feel refreshed and ready for the week ahead!

*For this class, you will need your mat, yoga blocks, a bolster or two bed pillows, a blanket and a tie or strap if available.  Some props will be provided, but if you have any of these items it would be a great help.

Looking forward to seeing you!

Namaste,

Tammy

This has puzzled, and quite frankly, frustrated me. How can three to ten days of ‘vacation’ relieve the stress from the rest of the year’s work cycle? Many times, especially as a young adult struggling to make it into a successful life situation, the allotted days away from the chaos of a job include a family event which the vacation is planned around. One of the reasons, in fact, that I have never bothered to move far from family is the knowledge that every small bit of vacation time will be spent visiting people I don’t usually get to see instead of taking off to a new and exotic place to explore. I do not know how others do this. But then, I spend a lot of time with my extended family and perhaps would feel differently if I did not get to see them all on a weekly basis.

When it is time to go away somewhere, I am rarely thoroughly prepared. Packing is a last minute occurrence, including a search for various items such as passport, sunscreen, a white purse, or the video camera charger, and I rarely have the funds to buy new attire for whatever the destination. Invariably I face incredible stress during the days leading up to the trip. I have also learned that if I do not leave a clean house to come home to, more stress and tears will pile onto the homecoming at the end of such a break from stress and painful obligation to follow someone else’s plans. Not to mention the fact that now the vacation is over and now it is back to work and the normal stressful routine that will hopefully lead into another break.

So with such build up before and after traditional vacation time, where is the relaxing part? It’s like hoping for a sick day then being a miserable sick person on the day off! I have had little opportunity to spend time in a wealthy manner – both life and vacation require all hands and little luxury. It seems that a week or two after coming home, even from a very good time, the great feelings are gone and I am ready for another break. So what can I do about it?

On my last vacation, there occurred a few hours where I was in such a relaxed mood, in such a state of peace and tranquility, that I pondered how on Earth I could hold on to the moment. Perhaps these people who gain energy from vacation have figured out how to bottle up the beauty and joy of a nice vacation and sip on it during their tedious chores and obligations. I spent so much concentration, however, on trying to figure out how to remember and hold onto the feeling that I ultimately lost the peace itself in worrying about situations waiting for me at my front door. I took a look at the key things that I like about vacation to see what made it so special.

1. People smiling. I don’t think we see enough smiles on an every day basis.
2.

(to be continued)

My brand, L FOR LAZARUS, is aimed at women who love fashion but more importantly have an inner confidence and their own sense of style.  And I believe that every single women (and man) is beautiful.  I just think we all have to become confident in who we are, and encourage those around us to do the same – that way everyone can let their inner beauty shine through.

Maybe inner peace and inner beauty are one and the same thing.  I like to think of them as a disease.   And I’m genuinely working hard, every single day, to catch all the symptoms of this inner peace.  Truth is, it’s pretty tough and I don’t think I’ll ever get there.  But the endeavour of trying, one day at a time, feel amazing.

Good luck on your personal journey to inner peace and beauty.

My partner sent me this, and I absolutely adore it (and him of course )

-Ralph Waldo Emerson-

What an awesome day!  I spent it entirely out doors working on my gardening projects.  Got a few transplants done and a few extra bean seeds poked into the beds.  The majority of the day went into that great gaping scar on the lawn that I call a flower bed.  I dug 12 holes in it for the daisies to move into.  Mike dug out the daisies for me and placed them into their new homes.  They were not impressed let me tell you.  It is so hot in the sun today…just 25 degrees on the thermometer but the sun is wicked hot.  We laid a plastic tarp over the entire bed and cut out holes where the daisies sit.  In that short length of time the heat gushing out from under the tarp as we cut the holes was incredible.  Needless to say the daisies are still quite a wilted mess even after 2 hours of dribble watering from the watering set up that Mike made to bring water to each daisy plant.  I know that Shastas are very hardy and will eventually bounce back but they look very sad still.  I only got about 1/2 of the rocks back on top of the tarp and simply had to stop.  The rest will still be there tomorrow…waiting.

I am baked…literally.  There is a suspicious pink glow to my arms that is no doubt a sunburn.  It was so worth the effort though and when the daisies recover and bloom it will be lovely.  I so enjoy the whole physicality of gardening and yard work and will likely sleep like a rock as a result.  That is another bonus to a wholesome physical day.  The dogs love it when we spend a lot of time outside with them too.  Right now we have 3 extra dogs boarding for the weekend.  There are 2 Japanese Mastiffs and 1 Corso all big, big dogs but they get along well with our two  Standard Poodles.  The only issue when doing yard work with a number of dogs is taking the time to assertively point and state “get off”.  They do like to be close and involved.

I hope that every one out there has enjoyed a delightful Saturday too!  All of my boosted energy. inner peace, well being  and good, “good day” feelings are now released out to you all, a tad late in the day but there you go!

Today’s “stone” is Day 147   good day, good feelings, spent, invigorated, exhausted, content

Sometimes you feel tied down to a situation or person because they feel safe or we are honouring an obligation. However these circumstances can lead to being untrue to your authentic self and you are acting the way you feel you should in order to keep the status-quo. To be free, you must rediscover your authentic self and walk away from that which no longer serves you or the good of all.

The angels ask you to realize that you are free – living in freedom is simply a shift of mindset or attitude. Do not be afraid to let go of the familiar, for the new cannot come in until the old and worn out has been released. Transformation is a vulnerable time, so take extra good care of yourself as you change.

Everything you do in your life is by choice, and you are free to choose again. The next time you begin to think “I have to”, stop and explore new ways of thinking, doing, and being. Explore and experiment with new thoughts and ideas. Ask your angels to help guide you to complete tasks with a new attitude so you don’t feel trapped or we can guide you to do something completely new in a way that brings you the freedom and joy you desire.

Affirmation:”I welcome new adventures and opportunities into my life.”

Have a blessed day and know you are loved and supported, always, the angels

Thank you, Mahalo, Merci, Gracias, Vielen Dank, Grazie, Спасибо, Obrigado, 谢谢, Dank, 謝謝, Chokran,Děkuji,Kiitos

  Article Copyright ©2012 by Sharon TaphornAll rights reserved.

  www.playingwiththeuniverse.com

About six months ago my laptop started to have ever-so-slightly-irritating malfunctions. The left-hand mouse button had to be pressed quite hard to work, the integrated webcam stopped working, and the screen would flicker if it wasn’t at the right angle. I could still use my laptop, there were just these minor niggles. Because getting it repaired would mean being laptop-less for potentially 2 weeks (noooo!) I just put up with these things – I’d rather have my not-quite-right laptop than be without for a couple of weeks.

This week the mouse button situation had got so bad that I had to use all my strength to even make it work. My fingers were aching, even my shoulder was starting to strain. Enough is enough! I called repairs and they’re gonna be taking my laptop away tomorrow to be fixed.

This little episode made me think about how I, and perhaps others, let things get to the point of unbearability (hope that’s a word) before we take action or get things fixed.

Some of us may be so good at ‘putting up with’, enduring, living with low-level inconvenience for a long time (rather than going through a higher level of inconvenience for a short burst), that it takes great ‘pain’ to make us tackle the problem.

Rather than ‘stopping the rot’ earlier on, there’s a tendency to endure until it gets so bad that action is unavoidable. Does this ring true for you at all in any area of your life? Finances, living conditions, relationships, health/wellness? What are you putting up with and how bad does it have to get until you make a change?

I took a very quick scope of other places in my life where I had let this happen – from the minor (putting up with an old bed til I started getting backache) to the major (living in debt til my available credit ran out). Clearly, some part of me in certain areas likes to avoid sorting things out until forced to – until ‘the last straw’.

Where does this tendency come from? It’s not true for everything, and I’m sure if you can relate to this behaviour on some levels it’s not true for all areas of your life either.

I did what any good gold-digger does – got out my flashlight and looked to who/which situations early on gave me this idea that the best way to handle things is to ‘put up with until dire’ rather than ‘tackle head-on as soon as trouble arises’.

Not wanting to name names but immediately one person in my family springs to mind. They stayed in a long-term relationship for way.too.long, a relationship that was damaging, because they hoped things would one day get better. Despite all the dysfunctional behaviour and pain, they held on. The only reason they got out of the relationship was when their partner left them!

This person also suffered a chronic health issue which they, to an extent, ‘put up with’ – they received medication for it but did not explore alternative measures to try and help. Decades passed. It took a recent accident to motivate them to reach out for alternative treatments, physiotherapy, psycho-sematic inquiry etc.

I know of another family member who worked a job they couldn’t stand, suffered from behavioural problems, and wouldn’t seek outside help (therapy) until they lost everything (their job, financial security, their partner etc). It took a major life upheaval for them to turn things around – rather than sorting out their work situation and getting therapy earlier.

So my ‘put up with til super-bad’ behaviour is likely to be learned behaviour (these people are close relatives). That makes me feel a little more peaceful – learned behaviour can always be changed.

So if you are ‘putting up with’ some sort of BS – big or small – where did you pick up this tendency? Who taught you that it’s better to put up with low-level discomfort until it turns into a bigger problem? Once you’ve uncovered that, you can then start to create a new script for yourself – one that says ‘if I see problems, no matter how small, I will intervene to prevent them turning into a chronic problem or turning into a major problem’. This could be through seeing the truth for what it is, enquiry into what options you have, then taking the best right step to change, remedy, or leave the situation.

I hope this helps you in some way. I think for some people it’s quite common to stay in a situation until it gets unbearable. We suffer until we are literally pushed. This is of course learnt behaviour, and once you bring awareness to that, you can decide for yourself that you are no longer willing to make this behaviour your chosen behaviour anymore.

If any of this resonated with you, if you have stayed in situations waaay longer than you ‘should’ have, or if you have learnt this lesson the hard way and have tips on how to ‘stop the rot’ early, please leave a comment below

S xo

So far it works. I’m getting the text reminders and I’ve gone and written my entries of the things I’m grateful for in my life.

So for this challenge, I will write in my online gratitude journal every day for the next seven days. Seems easy enough. I haven’t tried, but I’m wondering if you can actually TEXT the entry in without having to go to the website and login. I’ll check it out and report back one way or the other.

And yes, this means you.  You, specifically, are necessary for the success of this world we all live in.  There is something unique about your exact combination of insights and experiences that only you can explore.  There’s a special kind of understanding to be found from living in your exact spot in the world, that only you can sort out.  The simple fact that you are here puts some hefty responsibilities on you to embrace whatever you find in your core self, and learn to live in accordance with it.  You’re already having an impact on the world just by having been born into it, in ways you may never notice until you start to look.

The problem is, we’re kept so distracted that we don’t generally know how to look.  And when we do start, we’re actively discouraged by the idea that we can think there’s anything special about us unless some Very Important People tell us so.  There’s this revulsion to the idea somehow, so much so that people can get offended by those who seek their own authentic self, and start accusing those others of thinking they’re superior, or betraying their past, or whatnot.

I guess maybe it’s fear, the fear that the status quo may be pushed aside, that maybe there’s something they should be reaching for but haven’t found the right way to go about it.  I really don’t know.  But I do know that you must never be ashamed of what makes you feel peaceful, joyful, and lighter just for being a part of.  This is where your power lies, and while you don’t need to cause havoc, you do need to explore these inspirations without worrying about whether they don’t fit in with the way you’re “supposed to” think and act and feel.

Actually, if I may, I’ll tell you how you’re “supposed to” think and feel.  You are supposed to think through your goals and values, and make sure they build up a sense of harmony inside your own head.  You are supposed to act in accordance with what seems truly right, no matter the pressures to choose otherwise.  You are supposed to feel at home in your own skin, loving your own heart no matter how much you’re afraid you may have gone astray, and feeling how that heart extends this love to those around you.  Everything else is just details.

If you decide to pursue these as your goals, this will put you more in harmony with your innately special nature.  And if anybody out there tries to tell you that there’s nothing special about just trying to be yourself, challenge them to try it with you.  After you’ve both been at it for a month or three, then stuck it through the inevitable backsliding-hurdles once or twice, to go a full year of ups and downs without letting up on your quest, then ask them how easy that was.

And then see if they’ll join you in helping others try it, too.

Personally, this is exactly what I’m working on right now.  If you’d like to join me, leave a comment (and it can be private if you ask because I moderate them).  Don’t sweat it if you find this long after I post this, because unless you happen to find a “Blog Closed” post on the front page, I’m still around, and still working on my path, and would love to keep you company on yours.

<3

Sitting at a computer for long periods often causes neck and shoulder stiffness and occasionally lower back pain. Do these stretches every hour or so throughout the day, or whenever you feel stiff. Photocopy this and keep it in a drawer. Also, be sure to get up and walk around the office whenever you think of it. You’ll feel better! Happy Friday!!!!

Hold the stretch for 30 seconds or until you feel the muscle relax………..

Click here to check out this Stretchware Software

Shelter Publications Online

Eating is part of my spiritual path. Choosing, preparing and eating mindfully bring me in balance. When I ignore this, I swing out of balance. And the internal  bickering begins, throwing my inner peace out.

When I was in Ghana, there were times we didn’t have a lot of food or money. I was amazed that my friends there would wait for several hours for good food, rather than eat cheap cookies and crappy food. This taught me something about patience and valuing the food we eat.

Eating junk food creates a junk body and a junk mind. Is there any other way it could be?