I was working on an employee engagement project a few years ago, looking to introduce a new measurement tool.  The plan was for a twice yearly survey to gauge employee views on the business and more importantly their reported levels of motivation and satisfaction.

I was the project lead which involved persuading the respective boards of the companies within the group covering 52,000 employees with a turnover of c.£5bn.  One of the MDs was renowned as being tough, to the point, analytical and generally twice as bright as anyone else on the planet.  Before going to see her I prepared my shit.  I knew the facts, the figures, the data, the correlations, the business case was as tight as a gnat’s chuff. I was an HR ninja ready to pounce.

I sat through the presentation delivering seamlessly despite her flicking back and forth through the pages of the presentation, scribbling, frowning, huffing and puffing.  I got to the end and concluded my reasons for needing to introduce this model and the importance of measuring engagement.  I asked if she had any questions.

“I’ve looked at the data” she said, “and quite frankly I’m not convinced.  It’s all well and good putting this together but you can’t prove causal link”.  My heart sank.  “In fact” she went on, “most of this seems to be pulled together to try and justify some sort of nebulous argument for something that you know can’t be proved”. My heart popped. “When actually, instinctively we know this is the right thing to do anyway, regardless of the data.  So let’s stop talking and make this happen”.

I have often asked HR people throughout my career, “What does your gut tell you?” to the point of being mocked at times (yes I know who you are and where you live).  And I had forgotten the importance of relying on instinct, on a sense of what feels right because I was so tied up in trying to prove something.  It was a salutary lesson, that regardless of level, regardless of profession….some things just feel right.

This came back to me in a discussion with a range of HR professionals and consultants whilst I was being preached to about the importance of building a strong business case and being able to justify HR to business leaders in terms that they understood.  “What about instinct….about gut feel?” I asked “I call it the tummy test” came a voice from the back.  “I ask myself does it pass the tummy test and if so, I do it”.

And that, dear friends, is as good as any other reason out there……

Man has strong instinct to fulfil his basic needs…as and when they arise. As a rule we should. Our body and mind too present their basic needs in their own ways. We should understand the language and try to attend them as quickly as possible..so that

the needs dont become problems to us on a long stay.

As per a reference from an Ayurvedic text-Yoga Ratnakara, our body presents to us 4 basic essential needs daily.

“Shareere Jaayate Nithyam Vaanchaa Nrinaam Chaturvidha.

Bubhukshaa Cha Pipaasa Cha Sushuptaa Surataspruha” [Yo.Ra]

They are as below said:

*Bubhukshaa – Hunger or demand of food.

*Pipaasaa – Thirst or desire for water.

*Sushupta – Sleep or a call to rest the body and mind.

*Surata – Desire to have Sex.

These needs or desires when manifested should not be controlled or postponed. They should neither be taken in excess nor in minimum.

Hunger is a call from the body to supply nutrition…so as to replace the body tissues which are being lost during the wear and tear mechanism of metabolism in the body. We should see that proper quality and quantity of food is supplied in time for the smooth functioning of the body and mind.

Likewise Thirst…indicates fluid loss and a demand from the body to replace it. We should take adequate amounts of water to keep the system hydrated. Water in large or less quantities barring the need of the body produces harmful effects on the body. Sleep gives us physical and mental relaxation from the day long activities and prepares us for the next day.

Disturbance of sleep schedules or patterns will produce serious consequences at psycho somatic levels…from a simple fatigue to a greater depression.

Sex is a basic instinct of man…and gives relaxation to body and mind. Suppressed sexual desires or controlling at demand from the inner self might produce lack of sexual urge, loss of libido, impotence, sterility and many mental disorders. Sex is a natural stressbuster…when limits are not broken.

The above said needs of the body and mind are natural phenomenons required for our healthy living…and obeying them at time costs nothing. We forget or ignore them many times…and when we face some health problems related to them consequentially…we dont even have a clue so as to what produced them.

When health is in our hands…why let it slip off? Lets try to understand the language of our body…as it tells us….in its own way…..

A propos de la communication virtuelle, je commence  à y penser davantage  depuis que je suis venue à Saint-Etienne. Cela a été et demeure le seul outil pour le contact avec mes relations. Cela donne à penser  sur ce qui est important dans le dialogue avec les gens. Internet facilite la communication et fournit des occasions de communiquer avec des gens qui seraient autrement inaccessibles. Mais est-ce que sur Internet la personne ne disparaît-elle pas ? Internet permet la création et le changement de son identité, et d’adopter des identités multiples.

La communication virtuelle a beaucoup d’avantages. Premièrement, la vitesse d’échange des informations. Mais c’est aussi, à mon avis, l’une des principales raisons de la rapidité du mode de vie moderne, ce qui conduira à un grand stress. L’esprit des gens est quelque peu faussé, ils n’ont pas de temps pour s’arrêter, regarder ce qui se passe autour et en général, pourquoi ils sont dans un état de si grand stress. 
La culture lettone n’est pas caractérisée par  le toucher. Donc, en principe, il est possible d’être satisfait seulement avec quelques lettres et appels Skype. Peut-être que la chose est que les gens conservent encore une sorte d’instinct, et ils ont la nécessité d’embrasser  ou de toucher l’épaule. C’est une autre question. A l’école, je l’ai déjà appris : les scientifiques ont calculé que chaque personne a besoin de 24 caresses par jour pour maintenir l’estime de soi, se sentir aimé et être en bonne santé.
Peut-être qu’après des années, les personnes et la technologie évolueront de sorte qu’il sera possible de déterminer le sentiment précis sans contact physique. Je ne sais pas s’il faut protester contre ce développement, à la fin, toutes ces choses en voie de développement sont relativement naturelles. Un retour à l’âge de pierre ? Serait-ce une bonne solution ? Je sens déjà que cela n’est pas ma volonté. Donc soyez d’accord avec le meurtrier de la communication organique. Et étreignez quelqu’un.

 Krista OSE, étudiante lettone, 3° année design

   O carte excepţională de Suzanne Collins unde prin prisma deformată a cruzimii şi a instinctului de supravieţuire împins la extrem poţi zări cum palpită – vie, puternică, emoţionantă cea mai profundă umanitate . Nişte arene romane aflate în sălbăticie şi un grup de adolescenţi care trebuie să se lupte până la moarte, până când va rămâne un singur învingător – dar această regulă va fi schimbată de eroii romanului – Peeta şi Katniss, însă victoria lor nu reprezintă decât începutul unei aventuri care va continua în celelalte volume ale seriei . E o carte care se citeşte cap-coadă cu sufletul la gură, cu un ritm alert, tensionant, antrenant şi care mai presus de toate te face să participi într-un procent de 100% la ceea ce se întâmplă în arenă, la viaţa personajelor care par extrem de vii, ieşind cumva din paginile cărţii într-un fel de realitate paralelă – ficţională şi semnificativă totodată .

   De multe ori ajungi să citeşti rândurile cărţii cu lacrimi în ochi de emoţie, de furie, de frustrare, de milă şi de o grămadă de alte trăiri pe care autoarea acestui roman extraordinar ştie să le suscite în sufletul cititorului cu o deosebită măiestrie, cu o artă a scriiturii de nota 10 – practic Katniss pare atât de vie, de reală încât de multe ori simţi impulsul nebunesc de a participa alături de ea la tot ce i se întâmplă, de a o ajuta cumva, de a o susţine, de a o iubi . Fără a avea calităţi excepţionale – Katniss – eroina principală a romanului te face să o îndrăgeşti din prima clipă, ea fiind în primul rând o supravieţuitoare, însă una cu pronunţate trăsături umane, lăsând totuşi deschisă în finalul primului volum întrebarea dacă pentru a supravieţui cu orice preţ poţi ajunge până acolo încât să mimezi dragostea cea mai sinceră şi autentică – probabil că această întrebare îsi va afla răspunsul în volumele următoare ale seriei, volume pe care ard de nerăbdare să le citesc .

   Jocurile Foamei – o carte pe care n-o poţi lăsa din mână până n-o termini, o carte care te face să trăieşti aşa cum puţine carţi ştiu şi o pot face .

Werkelijk te gek voor woorden, maar alle winterkleding is reeds uitverkocht. Een ware run heeft plaatsgevonden op onze outlet.

Heerlijk is wel dat we nu al bezig zijn met het “life” zetten van de zomer.

Dagelijks komen er nieuwe items bij….

en wees nou eerlijk….. zomerkleding is veel leuker !

www.vintagekids.nl

Werkelijk te gek voor woorden, maar alle winterkleding is reeds uitverkocht. Een ware run heeft plaatsgevonden op onze outlet.

Heerlijk is wel dat we nu al bezig zijn met het “life” zetten van de zomer.

Dagelijks komen er nieuwe items bij….

en wees nou eerlijk….. zomerkleding is veel leuker !

www.vintagekids.nl

Sexual attraction explained (Human Instinct series)

Friends Link : home psychologynetworks.wordpress.com http://network-advice-network.blogspot.com/ http://life-coaching-network.blogspot.com

My friend set me up with a guy who was living in a halfway house. We started dating and to me he wasn’t the guy who had been in jail for assault with a weapon – he was the charming, positive, happy, and loving guy that treated me well. So when he called me from jail saying he had been wrongfully arrested for assault…I believed him. Yep. Because it wasn’t in my nature to distrust people and because I had the feelings of loving and happy attached to him.

I only shoot when I am moved by the moment itself.  Regardless of the subject, my camera simply becomes my translator of the moment as I experience it.  Instinctively maneuvering myself and my lens to embrace the moment fully, through framing, perspective, and ambient lighting, I ‘dance’ with my camera.  Like a first kiss, a moment cannot live again.  Thus I only have an instant to capture that moment… no re-takes… either I caught it or I did not.

Black and white photography has always held an added dimension of wonder for me.  The hushed unfolding of the moment, without the distraction of color, leads me straight to the story itself.

Color photography recently became a renewed form of storytelling for me.  The energy of color, whether bold or subdued, can heighten the sensory connection to the moment.

Regardless of your own preference for color or black and white photography, I invite you to ‘dance’ with the moment as you view my images.

Spiritflow – 2007

You’re stupid. You’ve admitted it, and now you’re seeking help. I want to congratulate you! That’s the first step towards making your stupid life better.
First thing’s first though; you are stupid and will be forever. This book will not change that. This book will however, mask your stupidity from the rest of the world and may lead to promotions, dating, new job opportunities, more friends, and definitely more confidence!
It’s not easy to fool people when you’re stupid. Especially people who aren’t stupid. Let’s call this type of people “Smart” people, shall we? Smart people are very quick to pick up on the fact that you’re stupid. You’ve got to be perfect from the beginning around them, or else they will see you as a sheep in wolf’s clothing. That’s an example of a “smart” idea: a truncated and intentionally-reversed extended metaphor using the structure of a simile. You scoffed at things like this in school, but metaphors, similes, and other clever literary devices are a fundamental part of smart people conversation. Similes and metaphors are discussed in detail later in this book, so we won’t worry about them now.
Instead, what we’ll focus on now is the face you made after reading that sentence about the wolf and the sheep. You scrunched your nose tightly and rolled your eyes around in the hopes that your brain would explain why I was talking about animals. If you are smarter, but still stupid, you waited to make the face until I started talking about all that simile and metaphor stuff. This frowny-eye-rolling is a common face that stupid people make when presented with something that bores them or something they don’t understand. This book is about fixing stupid habits just like that face!
Most of the stupid habits you have are based on your stupid instincts. Right now, I want you to close your mouth, and breathe through your nose. TRUST ME, you won’t suffocate! Go ahead and try it. You see? Now you know you can trust me.
It’s not necessary to understand WHY I want you to do the things I want you to do. The important thing is that you DO them and practice them, over and over, for the rest of your life. Most of these things will be difficult. Breathing through your nose alone will take years for you to master. You currently breathe through your mouth because the “instinct” part of your brain is looking out for your survival. This is because the cognitive or “thinking” part of your brain isn’t capable of making good decisions. Stupid people like yourself are prone to doing things directly opposed to your own survival. For instance, I’m sure you’ve found yourself at one time or another in a single-person competition for stuffing the most miniature marshmallows into your nose to see how many will fit. Since this is literally smothering yourself for no reason, your brain makes you breathe out of your mouth, since it figures you’ll live longer that way.
Don’t worry! You will still be able to indulge all of your fun, stupid impulses. I’ll simply teach you how to save them for “private time”, or “stupid friend hang-out time.” when you’re around other people as stupid, or more stupid, than you are. This book is full of helpful, good habits like “stupid friend hang-out time”. However, every habit will take practice to master, so I want you to make a promise with me.
Go ahead and read this out loud: “I promise that I will follow the instructions in this book. I promise that I will practice every day, and that I won’t give up, no matter how frustrating it is for my stupid brain. Sincerely, me!”
There. You’ve just made a promise to both you and I. You said it out loud, so you have to stick to it. It’s too late to turn back now, which is wonderful, because you’re going to have a great new life! (if you think you and I are the same person, or opposite people from when this introduction began, you’re still reading out loud. Please stop reading out loud.)
To create a sense of familiarity, which will subconsciously compel you to finish the rest of the chapters through recognition, despite your short attention span, Just for fun, I’ll give you a brief overview of the topics we will cover in-depth during the rest of this guide.
The first half of this book is all about breaking down and hiding the stupid things you do:
Chapter 1 is what you’re reading right now.
In chapter 2, I will tell you tricks to keep your stupid life separate from your new smart life. This will be an ongoing process. You will learn to enjoy top 40 music and Michael Bay movies secretly while alone or with a few select stupid friends, instead of loudly and in front of everyone.
In chapter 3, I’ll teach you how to shut your mouth before it says the stupid thing you just thought. You’ll learn to use silence with making faces to pretend that you’re deep in thought.
The second half of this book is all about the tricks you can use to pretend you’re smart:
In chapter 4, we’ll reread the first half of the book, because you’ll have skipped ahead, thinking you didn’t need to learn those techniques and “do homework from a stupid book”.
In chapter 5, you get a makeover! As fun as it seems, this will actually be one of the hardest sections of the book, and one of the most important. You will learn to dress in a “nerd costume” for the rest of your life. Calm down! Stop wrinkling your face, stop chewing your lip, quit punching whatever you’re punching, and listen up. You know deep down that “nerds” are the very smartest of smart people. The benefit of looking like a nerd is that smart people will assume you are socially awkward instead of stupid and will therefore more readily ignore whenever you slip up and do stupid things.
In chapter 6, I’ll discuss using props to appear smart. We will discuss scavenging techniques for smart props, including making habits for success. You’ll learn how to search local coffee shops every morning for partially-completed crossword puzzles to spend the rest of the day pretending to fill out. Tips like this will give silent proof of your “smarts” when people might otherwise see through your smart costume.
In chapter 7, I’ll help you get into the habit of saying smart things and inventing opinions. It DOESN’T MATTER what your opinions are. The only important thing is to NEVER CHANGE YOUR MIND about your opinions. You’ll learn to be condescending about other people’s opinions. I’ll even teach you phrases to use if you get into hot water with someone such as “I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree!” You’ll also learn to memorize a single generic quote to use at parties and whenever you want to impress someone of the opposite sex.
The third half of this book is all about using your newfound techniques to SECURE your future:
In chapter 8, I’ll give you a lie detector test to be sure you’ve read every chapter thoroughly. If not, i’ll remind you that you made a promise to me, and make you go back and read what you skipped.
In chapter 9, I’ll teach you about material investments. It’s important to invest in “things” and “stuff” that will make you appear smart for the rest of your life: a modestly large house, a slightly above-average car, and many more material things. Your stupid thinking is right in assuming the more things you own, the better; but you have to own the RIGHT KINDS of things! Filling your house with the right long-term props is very important. You’ll learn about chess and backgammon boards. You’ll check prices on pianos and expensive-looking (but not extravagant!) artwork.
In chapter 10, you’ll hire an accountant and do EXACTLY what they tell you do with your money. I’ll tell you briefly what a saving account is and why it’s better not to run out and spend every paycheck immediately on liquor and clubbing. Even though you won’t understand right away why this is bad; when you see how savings and investments lead to MORE liquor, you’ll be happy you listened.
In chapter 11, you’ll invent a new category of people you can look down on for the rest of your life, like “Liberal Elites” or “Right Wing Fascists”. This is a prime time to hire a writer to write a book with your name on it! Tell everyone you wrote the book. This is key.
In our last chapter, chapter 12, you’ll make the most important investment in your future; tricking a beautiful INTELLIGENT person into loving and marrying you. This will be the most difficult thing you will EVER do and it will take all the resources you’ve built and all the techniques you’ve learned. You will master keeping your stupid life and your smart life separate by passing off your stupidity once and for all as something else. We will discuss faking Asperger’s Syndrome, Social Anxiety Disorder, and the like.
By the end of this book, you will be a new person; a person you’ve invented. You will be successful beyond belief, and you’ll have someone who loves you for the rest of your life.
Does this sound too good to be true? Well guess what? I’M A STUPID JUST LIKE YOU! Or at least, I used to be. But following my own system, I’ve made a wonderful, explosive new life as a SMART! I’m CEO of my own Fortune 500 company, I have a syndicated talk radio show, I’m married to a supermodel, I live in a mansion in Beverly Hills, and I have three somewhat intelligent children. I’m sure you don’t believe me, but it’s true. All the “smart” phrases I’ve used in this book were painfully constructed over several years using a dictionary, a smart writer friend, and the help of my brilliant wife. My system worked for me! IT WILL WORK FOR YOU!!!

To write funny material, you need to know why people laugh. There are several theories and explanations. But no single theory or reasons explains why we laugh. We often laugh because of surprise, the need to release stress, or the need to feel superior to others.

Humour is also subjective. What one person finds funny another person will view as tasteless or offensive. For instance, some find the animated comedy show “South Park” to be hilarious. Others find this show offensive, even obscene.

Many comic or humour writers rely on trial and error to determine what makes their audiences laugh. Essentially, if the material gets laughs, it is funny. Furthermore, the material works.

But there is a better way to understand why people laugh: Learn the theories and explanations, and then write funny material based on this knowledge.

In the book, “Comedy Writing Secrets”, author Mel Helitzer provides several explanations why people laugh. Here is a summary:

• Surprise. We laugh when we are surprised. For instance, we laugh at a joke, anecdote, or story when it has a surprise ending. We laugh at people’s behaviour when it surprises us. We laugh at ourselves when we are surprised by our own follies.

According Helitzer, surprise is one of the most universally accepted formulas for humour. Furthermore, laughter decreases the more we hear the same type of joke, or sitcom, or comic sketch. An audience appreciates authenticity or originality—which requires the element of surprise. And if the audience can predict the ending, the comic material will get few laughs. So, the need for surprise is important.

• Incongruity. We laugh because our expectations of a situation or event or stimuli is inconsistent with the actual outcome. The incongruity can be a result of speech, behaviour, or character of a person. Often, an incongruous situation creates a comic effect because the audience is surprised or feels superior. Incongruity can take the form of a joke, comic sketch, or comic plot.

• Superiority. This theory suggests that we laugh at others to feel superior to them. The humorist often mocks the behaviour of those in authority, such as politicians or experts. The humorist ridicules those with higher socioeconomic standing, such as the very rich and famous. The humorist also mocks those who have higher intelligence, prestige, public recognition. According this theory of humour, we mock or ridicule others to equalize an unequal position. 

• Emotional Release. We laugh to release tension and reduce stress. For instance, we laugh at our own gaffes. We also attend public events, such as a comedy club, for the purpose of having a few laughs, which results in an emotional release. Or, we go out for a few beers with friends and tell jokes to reduce stress and to relieve tension.

• Regression. According to Freud, we laugh to express socially inappropriate feelings, thoughts, and behaviours that that we intentionally control. As adults, we regress to an earlier stage of development to adopt a playful mood or immature behaviour.

• Puzzle Solving. According to Helitzer, we often laugh after solving a puzzle, completing a difficult assignment, or gaining a sudden insight that solves a problem. 

• Instinct. Laughter is a biological instinct. It is hardwired into our brains. Laughter is also difficult to consciously control. For instance, try asking someone to laugh. Most people are unable to laugh on command. To laugh, we require an external stimulus that is amusing or humorous.

 There are other theories and explanations of why people laugh:

• Humour as a form of social criticism. We laugh when others are mocked or ridiculed for vice or folly.

In a group setting, our humour is directed downward to social groups that don’t conform to our norms, values, rules, ethics, and morality.

Humorists such as Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and Oscar Wilde used their wit to call attention to inappropriate and deviant behaviour.

Late night TV shows, such as The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien or The Late Show with David Letterman, use humour as a form of social criticism. They mock the follies and vices and stupidity of public figures and celebrities.

According to Freud, humour is used to maintain the status quo and to ridicule deviant behaviour.

• Humour as a form of therapy.  Laughter itself is a form of therapy.  It is a medicine of sorts, in the sense that it improves our physical and mental well-being. It can reduce pain and suffering. It can reduce stress. After a good laugh, we usually feels better.

 There are laughter coaches and humour seminars teaching healthcare professionals how to use humour as a form of therapy to help the sick cope with illness and disease.

Humour is used to help those with mental illness, especially those who are depressed. One technique is to encourage the depressed client to watch funny TV shows and comedy movies.

• Coping Strategy. We laugh to cope with adversity or tragedy. We also laugh to cope with fear and anxiety. Those who have a sense of humour tend to be more optimistic and happier.

• Contagion Theory. Laughter is contagious. When others laugh in a social setting, you will usually laugh too. 

 To write humour, you need to know why people laugh. Once you know why, you can write material that creates a comic effect. 

Analyzing Why People Laugh

 You can analyze comedy material to understand why people laugh. Here is how:

1. Read a comedy book, such as the bestseller “I Am American” by Stephen Colbert. Highlight the sections of the book that you find funny. For each section, answer the following: Why is the material funny? Is it the element of surprise? Incongruity? Superiority? Or some other reason?
2. Watch a favourite comedy movie, such as “Wedding Crashers.” For each scene that you find funny, answer the following: Why is the material funny? Is it the element of surprise? Incongruity? Superiority? Or some other reason?
3. Select an article or column in the newspaper or magazine that is funny. Determine why you find it funny by answering the following questions: Why is the material funny? Is it the element of surprise? Incongruity? Superiority? Or some other reason?

 Once you learn why people laugh, you can use your knowledge to write funny material. Knowledge is power.

Fusion necklace for a delicate top layer

Two time Grammy nominee Amerie shows off her wardrobe of curve-hugging designs, thrown up against a wild array of accessories of leather and studs!  She loves contrasting the soft and the hard, as evident in her new album In Love and War, a eclectic tribute to hip hop and rock and roll.

But check out her beautiful NECKLACE LAYER in the video below!  We love the multiple lengths of small chain.  TWIST-IFY the look with the Fusion necklace for the short layer and TWO Instinct Chic necklaces hooked together for the long layer.  Add in your favorite mid-length tiny beaded necklace for texture and you have a feminine style with just enough edge to be… irreverent!

video from elle.com

Instinct: 1: a natural or inherent aptitude, impulse, or capacity.  That’s the definition in Merriam Webster’s dictionary.  I was truly led by my instinct Friday night into Saturday morning.  I was supposed to go out at 8pm Friday, but at the last-minute I called our friend and told her not to come over and to take care of Myles.  I decided I was too tired to go out.  So instead I watched the Wallace & Gromit movie for the 10th time with Myles and we ate popcorn and hung out until it was time for him to go to bed.  Eight o’clock came and I put Myles to bed as usual, but this time he was a little fussy.  I thought it was because he didn’t want to go to bed, so I let him cry for a little.  He finally went to sleep and then woke up crying around 9:00pm and then again at 10:30pm.  Mind you have to be at work at 3am so I was counting down the hours until the alarm would go off as Myles cried.  I finally noticed him reaching for his ear and immediately thought crap maybe he has an ear infection.  I’ve heard horror stories from other parents about the non-stop crying and not being able to soothe the pain and sure enough it became my reality.  I gave Myles some Tylenol and it helped for a minute, but the relief didn’t seem to last long. So, I called his doctor’s answering service to see how what to do next.  They called back 20 minutes later and asked a series of questions about his ears and his symptoms.  One questions was does one ear look bigger than the other? I couldn’t tell from being deliriously tired and also because I didn’t have my glasses on.  My husband said yes one of his ears did look bigger than the other and the woman on the phone said we needed to take him to the ER.

At this point, it was about 1:30am and now there’s no chance I was going to work.  We took him to a small hospital nearby our house so there was no wait.  We saw an old crotchy doctor who said he saw nothing going on with his ears and that Myles probably had just an earache.  He gave us some pain medicine, told us to follow-up with his pediatrician and sent us on our merry way.  So this is what a $100 co-pay gets you!!!!  This didn’t sit well with me at all.  I woke up first thing and called a pediatrician open on Saturday’s.  I took Myles in to see Dr. Roe and told him what happened.  He checked out Myles’ ears and said he had a double ear infection.  He wrote us a prescription and I left feeling relieved like I did the right thing.   Dr. Roe also told me next time don’t go to the ER because they don’t always like treating little kids and next time take him to the Children’s Hospital.  He also told me where I could get Myles’ prescription for FREE.  Yes, FREE!  This was the first time we saw this doctor and I decided he is someone we would definitely see again.

Anyway, while this may sound like one of those routine sick kid stories for me it wasn’t.  I learned a few things like… do drive the extra 10-15 minutes to that Children’s Hospital in the middle of the night for better care.  Our first reaction was to take him to the closest hospital, but now we know.  My other point is listen to your instinct and don’t always accept what doctor’s tell you.    Call me crazy, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see the child had an infection in at least one ear. What if we just listened to that crazy ER doctor!!!   Also, I didn’t feel good about him being doped up and sleepy from the medicine they prescribed in the ER.  I felt strongly it was necessary to get another opinion, and it was worth it.  If I hadn’t we would’ve been in for a second night of screaming and crying and no sleep all over again.  Sometimes we as parents know better when it comes to the health and treatment of our kids.  I can’t explain it’s just something you feel in every fiber of your being.  We have to not only listen to ourselves, but sometimes we have to make others listen to us until we get what’s needed for our kids.  That’s what I took away from this whole experience.  So, I thought it was worth sharing with other first-time parents like myself.

“The TRUTH will always set you free… removing assumptions, bringing you to reality, eliminating all denial that you’ve carried in your heart, and reiterating that human instinct is powerful – your innate sixth sense… and when you find TRUTH take that gift and move forward to a positive direction…” – Chrysantha

“Good dude – I know you love me like cooked food
Even though a nigga gotta move like a crook move…”
-Jay Z, Song Cry

I’ve met a few and also far too many “crooks” in my lifetime, but not the kind of robs you of money or possesions, but the CROOK WHO STEALS YOUR HEART.  I met my ultimate crook, in my most recent relationship and as much as I want to hate him I can’t because he taught me valuable lessons in how to identify a “shady” ill-intentioned man from far away.  When giving my girlfriends advice or even identifying situations I am in, I seemed to have coined this term, “he moves like a crook” which often refers back to the ultimate crook in my life – my ex.  I observed him lie to everyone around him, his BM, his family, his friends, and me.  I watched him be attentive to his phone, but barely text me back in a timely manner when we were not together.  I listened to him switch his mood and suddenly become irritated and angry when making excuses to not see his son when his BM was on the phone.  I watched him twist the truth to make someone else feel like they were wrong when they were really right.  I observed him “tell on himself” when he was cheating on me behind my back.  I’ve dropped him off at his BM’s house time and time again to see his son, when he was really being picked up by someone else a minute after I left.  I picked up on his sudden switches of mood and began to recognize those as moments where whoever he was cheating on me with was giving him a hard time for not answering their calls or flaking on their plans.  I’ve observed him turn off his phone for the rest of the night and he would in turn do that to me when he was not home.  I’ve heard him call every woman on his jock a “psycho stalker” when in fact he is the one pursuing them and they knew nothing about me, and the ones who did were told that I was the “psycho ex”.

There are a lot of warning signs we deny ourselves when we are in a unstable relationship where boundaries have not been set or a title has not been established.  I’ve never been big on titles, but the advantage of having one means that you and your person are on the same page and have loving intentions for one another.  It creates necessary boundaries needed in a relationship to foster TRUST.  It says to the world, “I am committed to this person, our relationship, and our life together.”

There is nothing worse than knowing that someone you care about is lying to you or keeping something from you but you JUST CAN’T PINPOINT IT.  There’s that horrible feeling in your gut – when your heart sinks to your stomach when you try to catch your breath.  It’s even worse when you know the Truth but you deny it because the thought of losing that person is too unimaginable.  The Truth is in your face, but your distort reality with assumptions and what if’s to convince yourself to stay.

“It was only a matter of time that the lying, manipulation, cheating, disrespecting and bipolarism came out.. but by then it was too late.. I already felt invested and I was in the game.  I think that’s part of the technique, they pull you in and then make you crazy by confusing you with blows to the left and right… to the point where you can no longer make your own decisions and the very foundation of values that you built for yourself is long forgotten out of the desperation of making things work.”

So we deny our instincts to protect our hearts and keep our ego from being hurt; but why? Our instinct is a natural gift that ensures our survival.  And although Love won’t kill you, per se, Love does have the ability to make you crazy and forget your goals, the very goals that help you move forward in your life.  Instincts contribute to self-preservation in all aspects of our selves.  Time and time again, hindsight shows us that our instincts have already told us what our minds were still trying to figure out.  Instinct is an extrasensory perception of reality; and often times, because it is not tangible we continue to deny what our gut tells us.  We often place ourselves on the road to disaster when we deny our hunches – when we do not listen to the dialogue beneath the dialogue.

Looking back, you realize that everything would have explained itself if you had only stopped interrupting.

-Jason Chen

My friend Jason, posted this quote on his Facebook wall this morning and it is so fitting to what I am writing today.  We continuously interrupt our instincts because facing the truth is too difficult specially if the outcome is undesirable.  Like I said earlier, our hunches have already figured out what our mind is still trying to work out… and perhaps our biggest enemy is our hearts!  We tend to follow our hearts versus what time-tested lessons we already carry in our minds are telling us.  Believe me when I say that I am not preaching, I have also been victim to my own instinctual ignorance! Time and time again, I would have saved myself from unnecessary heartache or drama if Ihad just listened to what my istincts were telling me.  I have learned my lesson and I will never abandon and ignore them ever again!

Is your partner a crook?  If so, let him or her go!  Trust.

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dankzij ons Celine

another workspace picture…