Just want to make it simple. An intense emotion is a vast oversimplification within the vastness of reality.

The benefits of intense exercise among school children are examined by researchers from the University of the West of Scotland…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: school social studies. The blog is also related to: school charter.

Leaning towards the computer screen, consistently looking down as we type on a laptop, and tensing up as we type can all cause neck pain. Here are some poses we can do right at our desk, frequently during the hour to keep our necks limber and reduce neck strain.

Deep, Calming Breathing

Still your mind and think only about your breathing. You want to stretch, awaken, and alleviate stress and the pain. Breathe in and out through your nose (not your mouth). Take a deep breath in: slowly fill the chest with air, imagining that you are pulling in joy, love, peace, and light. Deeply and completely exhale the breath: you will actually use your abdominal muscles to push the breath out, imagining that you are expelling all toxins, stress, and tension. Keep taking those breaths until you feel yourself relax.

Neck Rolls

After about three to five minutes, add head movements to your breathing:

When you inhale, lift your face to the ceiling, and when you are ready to exhale, slowly put your chin to chest. Do this movement 3 times each way for a total of 6. Don’t rush.

On your last exhale, with your chin to your chest,  roll your head around until your right ear is above your red shoulders (make sure your shoulders are down and not hunched up near your ear). You will feel a stretch in your neck and as your neck is stretching, extend your left hand out to your side with your fingers tinted on the mat. Take a couple of deep breaths, and then roll your head to the left side, so that your left ear is over your left shoulder. Note: As you roll your head from side to side, roll it in the front of your body with your chin to your chest. This movement is an exhale. You can alternate back and forth from each side.

When you are ready, do an entire slow neck roll, matching your breathing to your movement. Inhale when your face and head are up and exhale when your face and head are down.

Having always been interested in all types of philosophy, I’ve borrowed a book from a musician friend of mine called “The Mysticism of Sound and Music, the Sufi Teaching of Hazrat Inayat Kahn”. Since being in school, my mind has really opened up and Im beginning to look at everything from a designers point of view. I have realized that my mojo-amplification and ability to develop high-level concepts comes from my knowledge of different philosophies. I decided that I was going to read this book with my designer hat on and see what I could get from the book that would assist me with my career. 

The exceedingly nut-shelled version of Sufism is that the world and everything in it is made up of vibrations, ergo, everything is music. The teachings of Inayat Kahn (1882-1927) are popular among musicians, as you may of guessed, and apparently after reading his book one will perceive his own actions as music. I cannot comment on this as I am only on page 46 out of 304, but I will be sure to let you know upon completion of said book.

Last night at approximately 1:32 am, I came upon his essay ‘The Spiritual Significance of Colour and Sound”. In it, he writes of Harmony being a fact, not something one can point out. “Harmony is the result of the relation between colour and colour, the relation between sound and sound, and the relation between colour and sound”. We love certain colours throughout our lives, and as we grow or evolve, we lose contact with those colours. (There was a time when I was enamored by green. Lime green in particular. Currently I am more partial to purple.)
He says whether or not one is attracted to a certain colour “depends upon a person’s condition, whether he is emotional, passionate, romantic, warm or cold, whether sympathetic or agreeable”.  As I was reading this I was thinking  ‘makes sense.’ Depending on your mood you’re attracted to certain colours. Its also been proved that interacting with certain colours can effect your mood, hence colour theory 101.
If you’re designing something that is to convey romanticism, it probably wont be neon green, pink, orange and yellow. As the designer you know colour is so important and to envoke those emotions you may chose deeper, richer, colours such as dark red, purple or gold. They user may not be feeling romantic, but after interacting with your piece they should feel how you intended them to feel. At this point, what I read had only confirmed something I already knew. Then, I read this;

There are some whom striking colours appeal, to others pale colours. The reason is that striking colours have intense vibrations; the pale colours have smooth and harmonious vibrations, and it is according to the emotional condition of the man that he enjoys certain colours.

You may think that that has merely reconfirmed something I already knew as I did. I know from my experiences reading about different philosophies that there is always something on every page that can help you to grow as a designer. Philosophy helps you to open your mind and view the world from a different perspective. I completed the essay and to my dismay, I had read all out the spiritual significance of colour and not learned anything! I re-read the entire essay and when I came to the above quote and realized how it could assist me with my career;

It means that when presenting your work to a client, what they say regarding colour in your design has absolutely nothing to do with you, even if the whole design community agrees that sea foam is the only answer. How do you go about convincing someone that sea foam is the inevitable solution when they are vibrating on the neon green/ pink/ orange/ yellow level?! When you hear things like “I just don’t like it” or “It should be blue/ purple/ burgundy” its not only because they just don’t know any better, it is because according to their mood and their evolutional stage in their life (or their wife’s or mother in law’s), it is the inevitable answer to the problem. I don’t know if you’ll find this as profound as I did, but knowing this it may help to diffuse squabbles with clients over colour, or to simply not get so frustrated when they pull the ‘my wife thinks’ card. Its a way you can understand the guys in suits across the table whether you choose to believe that our actions are music or not.  

Check his writing out online at www.sufimessage.com

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Auszug vom Original-Gutachten:

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(Here you find a complete description of this diamond)

Maße (Durchmesser, Oberteil-Höhe, Unterteil-Höhe, Tafeldurchmesser), Schliff-Variationen, Proportionen, Kalette, Rundiste (gerieben, poliert, facettiert, Stärke), Schliffausführung, Symmetrie, Politur, Fluoreszenz, eventuelle Bemerkungen wie fransige Rundiste, Extrafacetten, Polierstreifen, Wachstumsebenen, innere Merkmale, geringfügige äußere Merkmale usw.
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HRD  (Hoge Raad voor Diamant, Antwerp Diamond High Council)
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This is a photo taken two years ago.  I just waited until I was inspired to do some post processing on it so that I can display again.  I have come to realize how much I love the digital manipulation techniques and studying the pro’s like Gary Land, Dave Hill and Dave Hamilton.  However, I do enjoy photographing families, engagements and weddings, as well as plain old portraits.  There are instances where the digital manipulation is fun and completely warranted, but not all the time.

One tip for all of you though is, never delete your pictures and always keep them either as a RAW file or TIFF.  Jpeg’s tend to pixelate over time, no matter if you keep it on a DVD or external hard drive.  Yes, the RAW and TIFF files are huge, but if you shot the photo RAW, you have the entire information of the photo in the file, uncompressed.  There are times when the photo you will take is better shot as a jpeg, but generally, it would be best to shoot RAW all the time.

I’ve given myself photo assignments to increase my portfolio, and make sure I stay sharp.  So stay tuned.  If you would like some portraits, don’t hesitate to call either.  Until next time.

Y’all remember Dramatic Chipmunk/Prairie Dog/Gopher/Groundhog? (I haven’t decided whether to refer to our favorite internet rodent by his actual species or the more common misnomers that have, unfortunately, stuck like wood chips to the back of a hoodie.) If you do, you must have encountered every variation of Dramatic Anything. There are playlists out there dedicated to the original, and the offshoots range from cats to dogs to even Senator John McCain.

I stumbled across this video while simply reminiscing about the days of EGADS our fuzzy friend. This dog is beyond simply dramatic. This dog is hypnotic, hysteric, and chock full of lulz.

Most of the comedy comes right from the canine’s mysterious blue eyes. The curl of the upper lip certainly helps the stare and its inherent intensity. At first viewing, I thought the video editor may have overdone the special effects on those coveted cupcakes, but as I really took stock of the effects themselves, placing the stare as much in the background as the optic powers would allow me (the magnetism is uncanny) I saw the effects’ enhancement of the video. By being over the top, this brings the nature of Stains’ stare into (ahem) focus. Alone, this pet would be ogle-worthy, with the music, floating cupcakes, glowing icing, and a shameless reference to Einstein’s relativity research, we’ve got something that should have reached meme status when it came onto the scene a year ago. More videos of awkward stares and glowing baked goods should pop up before I die, lest I leave this earth unsatisfied.

Well after “cold and flu” and “ache and pain”, I am here being transparent.  How do I feel right now about my classes?  I enjoy them individually.  Each class in itself is fun and enjoyable!  I am learning something new every time.  And I love learning.  But I am having a problem with the collective; trying to manage assignments for all classes and still juggle other responsibilities outside of school. 

The coursework and homework  is presented to me in such a way that you would think that each class is the only class I have and the instructions are not made clear.  Granted every class is important in the overall curriculum, there should be a grouping of courses according to majors.  That way, I would not have two intense drawing classes (I have never drawn before in my life) alongside two intense computer courses.  Maybe the administration would offer a general course for non-majors alongside those intense courses like the big universities.   I understand the pace of the coursework.  I have no complaints about abiding to a 11-week quarter system versus a 16-week semester system.  But what I am finding is that there is no need for a 4-hour class. 

Here lately, lecture time is over within the first hour and then we are stuck in class for another 3.  If a student leaves early, the instructor is offended.  I can’t work in a classroom setting sitting at a 3×3 desk with neighbors to the left of me and neighbors to the right of me.  Oh, and don’t forget about Johnny sitting across from me.  We can’t have headphones either. I would rather sit here for an hour and leave to go work on my project alone.  I have my objective and deadline.  Bam, I am done.  Some instructors facilitate that.    Most don’t.

What do you do?  I am going to push through.  Keep doing my best and hope that in the end it will all be worth it.

OMG!

So what’s it about?: A young girl is pregnant with her second child by her father, lives with monster of a mother, and lives a life where chaos ensues every second.

The Good: This film is freaking amazing.  The acting is awesome, the script is perfect, the cinematography is really cool.  Hand an Oscar to the make-up artist now.  And while your at it, give one to Mo’Nique as well, because anybody who can play the most horrible character ever written deserves one.  Gabourey Sidibe?  Where the hell did they find this chick.  She’s amazing!  And, thankfully, there are some great moments of comedy strewn in to this horror fest.  And frankly this is a movie that needed to be made.  Because, even though based on an entirely fictional novel, it is probably one of the most real feeling movies I’ve seen, even more so than movies based on actual events (like Schindler’s List and Taking Woodstock).

The Bad: It is really, really, really hard to watch.  This is the only movie I’ve ever seen that was labeled horror that had people screaming in the audience.  There were times I wanted to walk out and just curl up in a corner somewhere it was just so grueling.  And the title is a little pretentious (but, don’t worry, the film is not).

The Verdict: You HAVE to go see it.  ’Nuff said.

As you may have gathered from my previous post, last night was a cause for great excitement and anticipation to me.  I was finally going to see Mastodon, one of my favorite bands and one that I have been listening to from the release of their first album.  Converge (a more recently-discovered favorite), High On Fire (one of the better bands on my obscure-music radar) and Dethklok (watch Metalocalypse if you don’t know who they are) are currently on tour with Mastodon and shared the stage with them last night at Austin City Music Hall.

Yesterday afternoon, after finishing an unavoidable, unfortunate in-class writing assignment, my compatriots and I (roommate Andrew, friends Justin and Jimmy) loaded up in my humble but dependable Dodge Neon and hit the road for Austin.  We made pretty good time (until we actually got into town, that is) and grabbed a bite to eat at my aunt’s house before heading over to the concert, earplugs in hand and hearts steeled for the musical onslaught to come.

Due to the delay in departure caused by the aforementioned writing assignment, we didn’t arrive at Austin City Music Hall until 7:30 or so (the doors opened at 6 and High On Fire had been scheduled to start at 6:30).  I was a little disappointed at missing High On Fire, but as we entered and I heard the opening strains of Converge’s “Worms Will Feed/Rats Will Feast” I knew that we were in for an incredible night.

Converge, in a word, are intense.  Jacob Bannon flung himself around the stage with abandon, swinging the mic wildly by its cord and catching it with a tattooed hand just in time to deliver one of his guttural near-shrieks that seemed to issue forth from some kind of possessed beast rather than a man.  From time to time he would bang his head wildly along to the cacophony behind him, releasing a spray of sweat and water in a vicious arc that shone in the stage lights like a liquid halo.  Kurt Ballou and Nate Newton were in perfect sync with madman drummer Ben Koller, as if the six arms playing the guitar, bass and drum kit belonged to the same man rather than three.

Converge dish out an inimitable blend of hardcore punk, thrash metal, and grind that’s intricately technical yet rippingly raw and elemental, and is a little difficult to come to grips with at first. In fact, the Austin crowd seemed to be unsure about how to react to the audio assault taking place onstage before them, and most people stood around trying to figure out just what to think about it.  Meanwhile, I threw myself into the experience as Bannon warned the crowd (in a disarming normal tone that was so completely opposite the raging harbinger of doom that we had just seen) that they had four more songs to throw at us.  Starting with “Dark Horse” from their latest record Axe To Fall, Converge tore into the last part of their set with ferocious energy, wrapping up with the impossibly raw “Concubine” from their seminal album Jane Doe.  The whole thing might have taken six minutes – that may give you an idea about their speed.

We were given a brief respite from more musical attack while Mastodon set up.  There appeared to be some problem with the video screen on the stage, and a technician spent a good 15 minutes trying to fix it back up again while crowd cheered him on when a section of the screen popped back into view.

Then the lights dimmed and Mastodon strode forth onto the stage.

The intro to “Oblivion” began, and the dynamic buildup of the song whipped the crowd (whose mosh pit had coalesced directly in front of where we were standing – how lucky) into a furor that crashed down in a wave of bodies when the first bars of the verse hit.  “I flew beyond the sun before it was time,” drummer Brann Dailor sang, and we sang with him.  Each successive track from Crack the Skye caused a greater and greater reaction, and I was sucked into the circle of headbanging, shoving fans more than once.

Behind the band, up on the video screen, a series of video clips played that correlated with each song, mirroring the spacey concept story of the album and upping the atmospheric factor of the show tenfold.  Each track was played flawlessly, each complex arrangement (including two tracks exceeding ten minutes in length) executed with energy and dedication.  Hearing the songs on CD is awesome, but hearing Mastodon unleash them live was something else entirely.  The heavier tracks (like “Ghosts of Karelia” and “Crack the Skye”) were so much heavier at the show, I could hardly believe it.

After somehow playing through all 50 minutes of Crack the Skye without missing a note or faltering in their vocal delivery, Mastodon exited the stage for a brief but moody keyboard interlude while they got their gear set up for the older tracks that I knew were coming.  I was probably looking forward to hearing those even more than I had been the new album, especially with the element of surprise – which songs will they play?

The band stepped back out on stage to a roaring crowd that wasn’t ready for them to leave, and then Brent Hinds kicked out the frenzied opening guitar lick to “Circle of Cysquatch” from Blood Mountain as that album’s three-faced demon-deer artwork appeared onscreen.  The change of pace to the older, more aggressive Mastodon instigated even more madness in the mosh pit.  When the weighty breakdown at the end of the song was over, there was a moment of anticipation before a great white whale filled the screen and Brent floored the crowd with the incredibly technical intro to “Aqua Dementia” from Leviathan.  I was once again astounded at the effortless manner in which they performed these complex songs at breakneck speed and reminded again why I like Mastodon so much.

After “Aqua Dementia” was over, everyone knew what was coming.  Mastodon would delve deep into their oldest debut-album material and absolutely flatten everyone with its sheer dirty Southern-metal brutality – and sure enough, as the exploding horse artwork from their 2002 release Remission faded onto the screen, they dropped “Where Strides the Behemoth” (one of my favorite tracks from that record) on us like a ten-ton hammer.  After shouting along to the closing lines of the song, I turned to Andrew and voiced my hope about the next track – would they?  Could the possibly play it?  Would I be so lucky?

I was so lucky.  The gristly, rust-covered guitar intro to “Mother Puncher” started and I jumped up and down like a little girl who just got told that yes, she really was getting a pony for her birthday.  The lengthy instrumental opening to the song gave way to the raw, sludgy verses that I knew every shouted syllable of and ended like a knockout blow in the dirtiest MMA fight you’ve ever seen.  Over 80 minutes of Mastodon.  This is definitely what I had paid for, and so much more.

I’ll spare you such detail about Dethklok (though they were hilarious and blindingly proficient on their instruments) even though most of you have probably stopped reading already.  They were certainly entertaining, and the crowd was nearly as responsive as they had been during Mastodon’s set.  They ripped through the most brutal tracks in the universe (as they would say) like “Murmaider”, “Thunderhorse” and “Pull the Plug” while animated music videos for the cartoon band played behind, ending with the fan-hating death metal anthem, “Fansong.”  There were several funny interludes, and the whole set kind of came off as one really long episode of the show, which is in no way a bad thing.

We left the venue with ears brutalized, our necks sore from headbanging, and our throats raw from cheering and shouting along.  This was, far and away, the best concert I’ve enjoyed to date.  My only regrets are missing High On Fire and part of Converge’s set (both unavoidable – thanks a lot, ENGR 482) and not having a camera, though being without one was probably wise given the moshy nature of the crowd around us.

I know this is an incredibly long post, so if you’ve made it here to the end, I congratulate and thank you.  I hope that I’ve given you an idea of how intense, how fun, and how metal last night’s concert really was.  There is no doubt in my mind – it was the metallest of them all.

ahhhhh. I hate myself. Well, no, I love myself, but I hate myself for liking Jedward so much. :s

why why why why why? *cyber slap*

they’re actually keeping me sooooo entertained. I loves it. and i’m starting to think they might actually be getting good… GO JEDWARD!

urgh I’ve losted my phone… I realy hope it shows up soon. life without a phone is like a tree without a trunk… its actually suiciding me. I have no idea where it could be… I have no idea whos wireless I could be on at the moment either… :s that kinda worries me… everyone around here has protection so… ahh well… it means i can msn, and blog and ‘Weet. so lifes ok.

I think somethings wrong with my stomach, but I can’t realy say, because I’m not a doctor. Either way, its been making some pretty weird noises, and now, on top of that, it hurts. and not just a little bit, its realy, realy bad. its bareable, but it feels realy deep. like somebodys poking realy hard a couple of inches down from the center of my ribs.

I have some pretty amaising new ideas for a story… i’m considering turning them into a mini blog kinda thing… but i’m not to sure yet… either way, they’re pretty intense…

changed some bits around on here earlier, but i’m not to sure if i like them yet… i’ll see. you’ll know I don’t like them when they disappear…

Night… or untill later, anywasy, people.

Xx. Keep On Loving. xX

Have you mistaken my wordplay for intellectual foreplay? Then you do not understand how brief the pleasure of epiphany can be.

In Japan’s early history, a serious disregard for manners could be punishable by death, and any samurai could kill any common person who failed to show him proper respect. The Japanese were required to behave in precisely prescribed ways—wearing permitted clothing, walking only a certain way, sleeping with their heads pointing in a certain direction and legs arranged a particular way. Eating, greeting, gesturing with hands, opening doors and many work tasks had to be done in assigned ways without deviation. Conduct became a measure of morality, and virtue in manners was visible for all to see. Even today, the code of conduct plays a significant role in the lives of the Japanese. Many societies, not Japan alone, have a prescribed form and manner for every familiar situation that might arise. Unforeseen situations can cause intense embarrassment or discomfort. Throughout East Asia, actions are judged by the manner in which they are performed. More important than the accomplishment of a task is the question of how someone went about trying to complete the task: Did he act sincerely? More important than winning the race is the grace of the runner. More important than expertise is the way one gets along with others. More important than profits is harmony. In contrast, Westerners and particularly Americans are more concerned with the principles of things, hard “measures” and objective facts. Although rules of ethics are extremely important, we are more goal oriented than method-conscious, we say “a good loser is a loser.”

One aspect of form is the concept of “face.” Much has been written about “face-saving” in Japan and China, but face-saving is important absolutely everywhere. The difference is only a matter of degree and nuance. Where an American might feel a little guilty or inadequate, an Asian, Arab or South American may feel deep shame and humiliation. What an American might see as a little honest and constructive criticism, the foreigner may take as a devastating blow to pride and dignity. A foreigner is likely to be sensitive to feelings of others in transactions that an American would consider strictly impersonal, such as returning a defective product or switching hairdressers. The traveler simply must be more conscious of saying things or behaving in ways that cannot be taken as disrespect, criticism or humiliation. In some countries it seems just about anything can be taken personally, even such indirect affronts as not taking your shoes off in a mosque or complaining about the heat.

Harmony with the environment can be as important as sensitivity to people in some cultures. In Japan a woman wears a soft pastel dress to a flower show so as not to take away from the beauty of the flowers. In countries where people believe in reincarnation they are careful about all forms of life. In India, for example, people are careful not to swallow gnats or step on ants—one might be a relative.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, Lectures, Line of Sight.

Amig@s de ElBara Metal, me congratula y a la vez me siento mal de darles la noticia de este post.

La buena: Fear Factory ha resurgido después de muchas especulaciones, la alineación mosntruosa con la que cuentan ahora es de lo más perro que haya visto yo (Burton C. Bell, Byron Stroud, GENE HOGLAN y DINO CAZARES), osea, perdón, pero no mamen! Este renovado FF carga de nuevo con una nueva canción titulada Powershifter y promenten que Mechanize, su nuevo disco que se espera para febrero de 2010, será un retorno a lo más pesado del grupo en muchos años.

La otra noticia es que ellos vendrán a tocar a México el próximo 13 de diciembre en el Hard Rock Live del DF, me caga porque una vez más no podré verlos en vivo, sin embargo para aquellos que tengan los tamaños, apúntense, es un espectáculo incomparable garantizado.

El nuevo track, que es un verdadero quebrantahuesos, está en esta dirección, ni se lo piensen.

Carpe diem!

My heart strugs on this. I don’t have either. I feel like I’m just co-existing with everyone else on earth. Co-existing/creating tension with people in my house. Co-existing with people at school. Co-existing with people at youth group. Co-existing with people in small group.

And it’s not because I’m not myself or I’m not whatever. But at the same time, we weren’t meant to do this thing called life alone. It’s not right for me not to have fellowship. It’s not right for me to be missing out on “relationships that could be happening.”  But that’s where I am right now.

And I don’t think it’s because I’m un-Christian, even though that is the message I’m getting from Church. They preach about fellowship all-the-freaking-time at church. And knowing that I am not in a place where I can be in fellowship breaks my heart. Knowing there aren’t people who understand me that are my age breaks my heart.   All the depression this has caused breaks my heart. The grief of broken relationships breaks my heart. Not having friends breaks my heart. Knowing that I’ve been legitimately abandoned by people I love breaks my heart. It hurts. The pain cuts deep. Really, really deep.

We are meant to be in fellowship with one another but that isn’t why we were made.

We were made for fellowship with God. We are made for His Pleasure and Purpose.

But it’s hard to keep that intact with life. Everything. My self-image. My lack of relationships. My pain. My suffering. My grief. Whatever. It’s hard. Muy difficult.

DIFFICULTY.

And I’m not sure any of this will get any easier.

boo.

But at least I am not alone. For He is here. And he can wash away my fears and wipe my tears away.

At least God is ultimate quality.

Quality is my heart’s deepest desire. What’s your heart’s deepest desire?

trying to see the bright side, praying for quality, and looking up towards God,

coop

“I’m scared to look cuz I’m scared to see
I’m scared of you cuz I’m scared of me”

“Fear” – Jazmine Sullivan

I could have quoted the whole damn song for this post, to be honest – the lyrics are so well-written and true. (Give it a listen sometime – I’m sure it’s on youtube.) The last few days, I’ve been thinking that I sorta scare myself in some ways.  The intensity of the feelings I have for the man I want, whom I can never have.  But it’s not really about that.

He’s not single.  If we ever did get together, it would be the destruction of a family, the trust and love and everything that’s been built into that.  I’ve been privileged enough, even after us only knowing each other for 2 months, to witness that first hand when I’ve been invited round to his house.  When I was a child, I used to resent my father for never being there, and I used to be somewhat scared of him when he was.  To see the kind of man, husband and father that my friend is, really tells me that that he is who I want to be in 10 years.  He’s an inspiration.  And yet, why can’t I stop these feelings?  Why am I so selfish as to even consider risking destroying the family he’s built, and depriving a young son (3 years old) of the very same things I didn’t have, when I know first-hand how miserable it is to grow up with a father who is only physically there a small amount of the time, and emotionally absent during even those times?  That’s what scares me about myself.

He’s in my dreams near enough every night. We text each other a lot when we’re not physically together. I haven’t felt this way about anyone since the teenage crushes I went through (you know what it’s like – we’ve all been there), and it scares me that rather than having grown up and gotten past these kinds of feelings, I can still get wrapped up in them.  Most of the time, to have such a close bond with someone and to share the same sense of humour and emotional insights (despite our different lives) brings me such joy and security. In my current desolate home situation (and the lengthy boredom that is my placement at the moment!), it’s a light in the darkness.  But occasionally, when I’m alone I miss him so much.  When he texts me, it lights up my morning or evening. It feels like we are linked, even across the distance. And when he doesn’t text me, I’m almost devastated and I start getting paranoid that I’ve done something to harm our friendship.  Yep, it’s textbook infatuation. So what do I do with it?

It scares me that I don’t know.  Feelings aren’t something you can just make go away with the click of a finger.  And I don’t want to change anything about our relationship – it’s precious and rare! Although I guess I’m quite a popular person, I still consider myself to have but a handful of truly close friends, and I don’t want to stop him from becoming one of them. So I am not willing to be apart from him, and I don’t know if that is necessarily the answer. I’m never going to reveal my feelings for fear of alienating him – not that we don’t flirt! Our relationship can be quite suggestive and flirtatious. But I try and monitor myself so it’s not OTT – and he reciprocates plenty!  So there’s an innocence and a fun to it, which is enjoyable. I don’t want to jeopardise that either by being too honest and full-on, nor by suddenly becoming aloof. It would hurt him and it would not be genuine.  So I guess I have to continue and wait for my feelings to fade and rationale to win out… and try not to do anything stupid. And while I may be scared at the fantasies in my head possibly coming true, I know that I can hold back.  Most of the time. Hopefully my fears are unfounded.

(clicky) Quiet Storm (album download) (clicky)

Here’s part 3 of the track walkthrough for my new album Quiet Storm.  Enjoy, download the album if you haven’t heard it (at the link above or the one at the foot of the page) and find parts 1 & 2 of the track walkthrough too, if you haven’t read those.

12. Rain (Interlude)

This was nothing more than a simple segue between “Quiet Storm”, and the literal idea of a storm, and the next track, “Jump Off (Part II)” which has a very dark, sad feel.  I thought that the rain was effective, atmospheric, and also reminds me of the interludes on Janet Jackson’s janet. album where there would be short, simple interludes of rain and wind which would keep the mood flowing.

13.  Jump Off (Part II)

This song is another of my favourite songs on the album, and is one of the more personal tracks also.  Lyrically, it discusses feeling like even when you fall for people, they can tell you the nicest things but by next week, you’re old news and they’re onto the next.  It’s about feeling used, even if you were down for it at the time, but realising that just because someone tells you that you’re beautiful or that they love you, doesn’t mean they mean it.  So in the song, I’m wondering whether even in all my dalliances over the past couple of years, I’ve let my heart get hurt all the time when it was just about sex and I should have just focused on the fun.  Musically, I like the combination of the deep beats and the music box / piano over the top, which gives it a combination of darkness and fragility.  Originally, the song was going to be a straightforward R&B ballad (and you can hear a snippet of the original version on my High Fashion mixtape), but having heard The-Dream’s original version of Mariah Carey’s “H.A.T.E.U.” (as well as the snippet of her version, on the fantastic Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel) I was inspired to totally revamp the track, restructuring the lyrics somewhat as well as making the music much more R&B and much more emotional and sensitive.  I think it worked, and I was so pleased with the way that this track turned out.

14. Devastate Me

This song is based on a track that is allegedly an instrumental from Britney Spears’ Blackout sessions (IMO, her best album along with In The Zone), since I found it on a mixtape with lots of other songs.  If you listen closely in the background, then you can hear what sounds like tiny snatches of Britney’s voice once or twice.  Anyway, I liked the dark, intense feel of the track, along with its pulsing beats and menacing strings, so I just decided to write some lyrics over the top of it.  The idea of feeling devastated seemed to go with the dramatic nature of the music, and lyrically the song speaks about somebody having you wrapped around their finger, and even though you might be in love with them or have formed some attachment to that person, you still know that they’re not necessarily good for you, and at any moment they could let you down or leave you in the dust, and you’ve put so much effort into loving them that you’re left with nothing – devastated.  The idea of knowing this is where the line “you done tricked me twice so the shame is not on you” comes in – you know exactly what you’re letting yourself in for, you just can’t make yourself resist, however hard you try.  It’s a tricky and intense situation!

15. Kissing You

This song was a really happy accident!  Some of the tracks on here took months of planning and development to come to fruition production-wise, whereas this took maybe a day or so.  I remember waking up in the morning and just having the refrain “Kissing you…. all I can think of is” going round and round in my brain.  One of the songs that inspired the whole nocturnal, R&B/dark concept of the album (when I was deciding what kind of feel I wanted to explore for my next project) was the track “When We Kiss (Missing You)” by an old girl group, Solid Harmonie, which I used to listen to when I was about 13 or 14!  So I doubt many people will recognise the sample of that song, which is what this track is based upon.  The deep, sparse bass and Japanese martial-arts type yell are from that song, as well as the bridge (which sneakily uses the girls’ vocals as backing, while I sing over the top).  I accentuated the oriental aspect of the production by adding some piano and shamisen to the mix, as well as extra beats towards the end.  I wanted the song to be mysterious, as its about an obsession that you can’t explain or logically untangle, but something that you can’t resist and just have to follow.  It’s where your heart rules your head, be it through lust or love.  The song is focused on the physical (a kiss) but also the emotional, of a love arriving when you least expect it and taking over your world.  The negative (as explored in “Jump Off (Part II)” and “Devastate Me”) ceding to the positive (this song and the next).  Love triumphing.  This song is one of the sexier songs on the record, even though it’s not really about sex.  It’s one of my favourites too, as it really has that mysterious, nocturnal feel that I wanted to be the overarching theme of the album.  It’s subtle, yet intense.

16. In Love

Like the last track, this song is largely built upon a girl-group sample.  In this case, it’s Mis-Teeq’s “It’s Beginning To Feel Like Love”, which was an album track from Eye Candy.  I liked the spacey feel of the song (a track that didn’t make it into the album or the mixtape was actually called “Space”), and I wanted to write a ballad that was very chilled, that you could relax to.  I said that I thought “Secret” was possibly the most romantic track on Quiet Storm, but perhaps this gives it a run for its money.  It’s just about how happy love can make you feel, and how unexpected the intensity of that happiness can be.  It’s about feeling untouchable in the midst of love, and about all your pain being healed by your feelings for that other person, and their reciprocation of those feelings towards you.  It’s a very optimistic, healing track lyrically, and the calmness of the production adds to that.  I added in some piano (again!) in the bridge to give it a little extra kick towards the end.

17. Come Home To Me

For me, this track is definitely going to be a single from Quiet Storm.  It’s very short and sweet, very immediate, and the beat is quite reggae-inspired, despite the overall feel of the production being straightforward R&B/pop.  The thunder rumbling at the very start of the song fits in with the overarching idea of a “Quiet Storm”, but it also represents the lyrical motif of the song, saying that although we had storms in the past, it’s time to get over it.  It’s about a lover who may have been unfaithful or made mistakes, so you had a bust-up, but now you’re ready to forgive them and give things another try.  It’s about recognising that sometimes, even though we may try to be strong and independent, ultimately we have to forgive someone’s transgressions and not cut our nose off to spite our face.  That’s not always the right message, and sometimes someone may do something too serious to be able to let them back in.  But when it’s the little things that cause a breakup, with time you can see whether it’s really worth being alone or whether it’s better to forgive and make up.  The song steals from Rihanna’s “Umbrella” towards the end, with the “forever ever ever eh eh eh” at the end – that was just a little bit of fun!  The backing vocals in the second verse are also inspired from a nu-classic Janet Jackson track, “Take Care”, from her 20 Y.O. album, which IMO is one of her best works and seriously underrated – another track which infused the concept and production within my album.

The final part, iv, coming soon!  Keep it locked, and thankyou all for the support once again.

(clicky) Quiet Storm (album download) (clicky)

Here’s a slideshow tut for the Edgy Smoky look I did a few days ago.  One day I”ll get the lighting right so I can use my camera to do a live video.  But for now this works!

Thanks for watching!

I think sometimes we get into a mindset, an unhealthy one, where we think being “spiritual” means we must have a heavy heart, or be very emotional, or have some sort of extreme breakthrough during prayer or praise, but I disagree.

Joy, freedom, and a light heart are things to be desired; we shouldn’t go into spiritual atmospheres thinking they must be some extremely intense thing. Its OK, and even necessary, to enter the Throneroom with a sense of lightheartedness, because to be burdened constantly is to be unbalanced. I could be wrong, but it does seem that balance is a very Biblical concept; and so, even in the realm of spirituality, we must learn to be balanced in the way we approach God and in the state in which we allow our heart to remain. In other words, counter a heavy, burdened heart with one full of freedom, praise, and adoration.

In the same way we cry and yearn for God, we should also smile and laugh in His presence. I think that is a much more accurate depiction of our response to Him, and I think He is pleased with that kind of worship.