so THAT’S what Kanye meant by “…champagne wishes, 30 white bitches…” lol i like it. and yes Drake being all over the place is good too.

I guess being up this late/early has its perks.

NahRight? had it firstt!

I am feeling like crap, so instead of a normal update, here’s a comic:

superpoop.com

I hate when people tell you to “just cheer up”. Because life is just that simple, isn’t it! But it is nice when people care enough to actually try and cheer you up. Ladies and gentlemen, I care.

Up first, a little something from Adam Buxton. As described on YouTube, “A short film by Adam Buxton dealing with the likelihood of a rat being able to control a cook and the ramifications thereof.” Pure genius.

Joe Cornish tells Adam an hilarious joke.

And Brian Blessed demands a roast (as Henry 8.0)

I hope these made you smile.

Rihanna & Adam Sandberg as Shy Ronnie

yeah that was corny but so are her pants.

was a funny skit though. i wish she hadn’t cut her hair.

“i shoulda paid Kanyeeeee”

Somebody’s roommate found this on Craigslist. Hall of Fame worthy.

Satanic Sexual Ritual
Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM PDT

Looking for a woman with evil appetites.
Somebody’s roommate found this on Craigslist. Mos def Hall of Fame worthy.

We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)
Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord’s Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens.

Must be into anal. For that is Satan’s Alley. Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer’s Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat)
Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)
Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes.
Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul)
Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the “Power of Beezlebub” coursing thru my lower intestines.

The perfect encounter will be this:

Meeting you at one of our local eatery’s. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my “Sacrifice Altar” (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it’s hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings) Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord’s Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself! After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms.

If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing “love” together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!!

Hails to the Evil One!!

1. To the intrepid Googler who searched for “zajebiscie English”:

Please specify your query. Otherwise I might not be able to halp you.

2. To the intrepid Googler who looked for “how to deconvert fundie”:

I’m afraid there is no one fool-proof method to do so. If they are bright, try using Dawkins (or Dawkins’ arguments). If they’re absolutely, completely thick, you can still use Dawkins’ books to beat them to death with.

It will be rather ineffectual re: deconversion, but nonetheless very satisfying.

3. To the curious Googler who looked for “what’s bad about cognitive science major”:

Absolutely nothing, I assure you. Cognitive science is a very interesting and useful field of study. Good luck!

4. To the brave Googler(s) who searched for “sendaianonymous”:

Hi thar!

loooooooooooooooove it.
apparantly that’s Drake on the background vocals. UGH the chorus has me HOOOOOOOOOKED. Yes, I’m a softy.

Download Here

found at UHTN

I was gonna go ahead and do this thing where I rant about him because he is my FAVORITE RAPPER AAAAH but I just came across this lil thing on Complex.Com – hilarity, so enjoy.

If “December 4th” sounds familiar, it might be because it’s a Jay-Z song. And it’s a Jay-Z song, as any rap fan can tell you, because it’s his birthday. And today’s not just ANY birthday, it’s his big 4-0, so let us be the first (even though we’re probably not) to wish Jiggaman a very happy birthday, and many more on Channel 4, and Frankenstein on Channel 9, etc. etc. etc. In fact, we’ve tried to pass the birthday tidings onto YOU, our loyal readers, by leaking the tracklisting from the surprise mixtape Jay’s dropping tonight*.

See, with such a momentous occasion at hand, and as he gracefully transitioned into middle age, he realized that he’d be going through some changes in his life, as any aging man would. So he went back and re-recorded some of his greatest hits, with new titles and new lyrics, to reflect those changes. So read on for the tracklisting, and a sample verse that we were able to get our hands on. And again, Mr. Carter: happy birthday, and please don’t dismantle our company after reading this. It’s all love!

TRACKLISTING

1. Polident As Usual
2. Blue Magic (The Viagra Song)
3. Empire Prostate of Mine
4. Is That Yo Bitch? For Real, Where Are My Glasses?
5. Nap Game/Crack Game
6. Moment of Claritin
7. 99 Puddings
8. Can’t Knock the Shuffleboard
9. Never Change (Thanks to Depends)
10. Izzo (A.A.R.P.)
11. Can I Get A…What Was I Saying Again?
12. Pension, Social Security, Hoes
13. Bingo Boys (And The Winner Is)
14. Grandpop 4 Roc
15. Cholesterol Report
16. (Please Roll Me Out Into the) Sunshine
17. Combover

I’m a die hard fan and I don’t think it’s offensive. Stupid = anybody taking up anger FOR this man. I’ll be suprised if he even reads it. Jay doesn’t seem liek the type to a) go online and look for shit or b) give a shit if anybody came crying to him about it anyway.

I digress.

Complex had me ROLLING with this one. and yes, there is MOREE. They parodied Jay-Z’s track “Takeover” from the Blueprint as “Combover” lyrics and all.

sim⋅i⋅le
 Spelled Pronunciation [sim-uh-lee]

–noun
1. a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, as in “she is like a rose.” Compare metaphor.
2. an instance of such a figure of speech or a use of words exemplifying it.
3. its like, when you know like, you like want to like, say something is like, like something else even though like, it might not like, be really like it? like

i just love how he doesn’t care he’s running around stage in a Max costume from Where the Wild Things Are.

I think GaGa shoulda came out in that hat from the Bad Romance video – it reminds me too much of Max’s crown from the story. #justsayin’

Gracias DatNewCudi for the videoo.

i’d smoke too if I had to put up with those corny Edward Cullen lines on the reg.

thanks ArabParrot

via my second shelf life

Thank God for parents!  Isn’t it great they always Love you know matter what!  I always wondered why my dads hair turned grey so soon!  Where did that time go!  I am so blessed to be in the middle 50’s and still have both of my parents.  I really try and cherish each moment I can talk to them on the telephone and tell them that I truly Love them.  The holidays are such memory makers aren’t they?  Those of you with small children and those of you with adult children. Make the most of the time we never know what tomorrow holds!

I always get to thinking at this time of the year what if I don’t have them next Thanksgiving or Christmas!  For those of you that have lost your parents or loved ones, I can only hurt inside.  I have lost before too!  I lost a husband and a daughter. My husband died at 55 with Bone Cancer (No…he never smoked a day of his life!) My daughter died from crib death.  Ok..enough about me!

What I am really trying to get at is what am I going to get them for Christmas? A single parent, one income, house taxes due, personal taxes due,etc.etc.  You get the picture!

They really don’t need anything. A gift basket? With fruit? With Chocolates? They don’t need automobiles (Thank God diffidently don’t have the income for that!)  Got any great ideas? No don’t send me any ideas on making money on the internet they are not interested in computers that much except to stay in touch.

Ok…I’m ready give me some ideas!!

Thanks for your in put..need fairly soon.

Mona

So I got a new job today. More precisely, I got to go permanent after contracting for 14 months at a place where time has flown by in the best possible way. In the official announcement this afternoon, my new manager mentioned that I came to them with 15 years of experience working on the web. All very surreal as I mused on a) how long 15 years is and b) what a different direction my career — my whole life — would have taken, had I not been ‘desperate’ enough to turn to the Internet as a source of friends in a new town.

Looking back on my digital life, it occurred to me tonight that some of the first things I ever posted online were poems. Poems of lust and loss that poured out of me as fast as I could post them, not things I’d already written longhand or kept stored on floppy disk. (Because of course that was your average “high-tech” person’s backup solution in 1994. Tee hee.) But yeah, back to the poems. That unexpected, easy willingness to expose myself online rather surprised me.

Then again, when you consider the explosion of websites and apps such as…

• my yahoo
• blogger
• myspace
• flickr
• etsy
• blurb
• twitter

…one of the Internet’s most enduring qualities is its revolutionary broadening of the means, and the potential reach, of self-expression. Of artistry. Of feeling. You know, those things we used to keep locked up inside, while making our living doing the more mundane things the world was willing to pay us for. And someday, maybe if we were really lucky, and tried really hard, we’d ‘get published’ and, at long last, achieve immortality. But now? Au contraire! I literally spend a part of every day sharing something about myself or taking a headlong dive into someone else’s life. And it all happens online, of course.

See, the corner of the web I like best is the one where we all have a voice (and call ourselves ‘writers’, ‘photographers’, ‘artists’, ‘comedians’ or ‘collectors’) as we show off to — and riff off of — one another. It’s funny to think that the celebrities I follow are no longer the ones splashed on billboards and magazines; these days, they’re the ones who craft the funniest/most poignant blog posts, crochet the twee-est baby quilts, take endless photos of men with impossibly ornate mustaches, and so on… *They* are the ‘cool kids’ now

Just this morning, however, I felt an uncomfortable mixture of disdain and desire creep into the shower with me, as I reflected on the new ‘celebrities’ I follow who sell ad space and hold giveaway contests on their blogs. Such a strange thing to do, I thought. Shouldn’t that be considered kind of… I don’t know… uncouth? Like having a corporate sponsor for your wedding? (“And now it’s time the happy couple’s first dance! Brought to you by Kitchy-Brand pressure cookers!”) But as the day progressed and I continued to chew on it, I had to retract my opinion as disingenuous. Making money off ads on your personal website? And how is that different than writing advertising copy for a living? Because you can hide behind the anonymity of the latter? So: better just to be out in the open about it?

Hmph. Sometimes I hate ambiguity They say that women are unhappier than ever these days. They say it may be because we just *care* more. Enough to think twice (or three times or ten) about whether something we thought or did or said was the right thing. It’s all very very complicated, but a big chunk of what gets churned out online represents the space in which we’re hashing these things out, together.

Anyway, this has been my web. (Brought to you by our sponsor, Al Gore It’s messy and it’s weird and it can be ugly at times but, on the whole, it’s still beautiful.

Eminem has graced the cover of Complex Magazine for their December/January issue and I don’t think I’ve been this hype since Kid Cudi and Kanye were on the cover.

I have always had a huge appreciation for Eminem’s music. This man has come into rap as the ‘white rapper’ and completely twisted it around; people don’t see his color anymore. I never hear anyone say Em’s good for a white guy – cus he’s better than a lot of YOUR favorite rappers.

I had made sure to grab the issue of Vibe with him on it because it featured the story of his addiction and basically how he bounced back. It was a very serious interview and the story was great. However, Complex does this thing when they interview rappers where no matter what the content it feels like you’re reading a candid conversation between friends. It’s personable (if that’s even a word). You can kinda tell this wasn’t all about just Em’s bounce back from addiction – it’s the 360 Eminem has made from his Slim Shady LP to now and what the future holds for this intelligent man who fell in the wrong things and had enough strength to get his life back in order before his life took over him.

The cover story written by Noah Callahan-Bever was great. I had to sneak the read in during my psychology class because school’s got me by the huevos and it was such a great read. Complex is the only magazine (other then what used to be Vibe, which i heard is making a comeback?) I buy every issue of. Not because I’m aiming at an internship, that’s just a dream, but their shit is ill. I read the stories – catch a few jokes – and put my boys onto some good clothes while I’m at it.

If you know “shit about shit” as Noah so gracefully mentions, you’ll go out and buy this issue.

favorite Eminem song EVER but trust me.. I got on Slim Shady LP & Marshall Mathers LP binges, i basically know every word to every song & a few skits lol

ps: The Relapse 2 : Refill Drops December 21st if I’m not mistaken (i’ll fix that if I’m wrong) – just make sure you buy it lol

Prospective client: $400 for a logo?! Why are you so expensive? My nephew has Photoshop—I can just get him to do it.

Me: Does your nephew have Microsoft Word?

Prospective client: Yes.

Me: Then have him write you a novel while he’s at it.

at Clients from Hell

***

Divine Twine, for when your packages need to look like you care.

via How About Orange

***

Molly’s back! Hooray!!!

***

WoW is like Kudzu: Indexed.com

***

Finally — luxury clothing rental for women!

via Unclutterer.com

***

David Tennant is my new TV boyfriend. I’m glad to see more of him than the tongue-sticky-outiness he displayed in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (as Barty Crouch. Jr.)…and I saw a lot of him, because we watched the first three seasons of Doctor Who last week, plus the Season 4 Christmas special and an episode of Torchwood. (Dear Xboxlive: You and Netflix make a lovely couple. I hope you stay together forever.)

via Graham, who likes to watch TV with me

***

That is all. Work’s busy, school’s winding down for the term (and is therefore busy), and I’ve got less than a month to get those holiday plans sorted.

It may be the “silly season”, but this time of year doesn’t seem to be much fun for everyone at all. I’m not the only one who is suddenly unemployed, as it seems (hi there, potential employers!). Anyone who is employed is bearing the brunt of end of year shopping madness. And a lot of people including myself have caught the dreaded summer flu. Because you know what’s more fun than a heat wave? Feeling lethargic and having a fever as well. It’s like having two Brisbane summers at the same time!

But instead of endlessly bitching about my problems, I thought I’d cheer both myself and everybody else up with something that always makes me happy.

Something that always puts a smile on my face.
Something that makes me love humanity again.
Something that makes me feel like everything is all right with the world.

And something that makes me proud to be Asian.

Japanese Game Shows.

The Japanese have the pop culture game down pat. Their horror movies are scarier. Their cute things are cuter. Their video games are more awesome. Their porn is… weird and occasionally horrifying. And their game shows are FREAKIN’ SUGOI!*

Here are some of my favourites that always cheer me up when I feel down.

Brain Wall

Do you remember a show called Hole in the Wall? It was a pretty amusing concept, but failed to take off in Australia. I discovered that we had it all wrong. The Japanese did it better with Brain Wall. They do it with shiny body suits that severely compromise one’s dignity, near-impossible challenges orchestrated to specifically make contestants lose (with hilarious results) and the Japanese version of Darryl Somers. Beat that, dude from Getaway.

(Or maybe it’s the real Daryl Somers doing “Asianface”?)

The “Hit Dudes in the Nuts” Game

Pay no heed to the name. I have no idea what this game is called, what the point is and most importantly: if there are any winners. I don’t think there are.

From what I can gather, contestants must say a tongue twister in a certain amount of time. If they stuff it up, they get hit in the balls with a … um… “hit-dudes-in-the-balls” machine. All of them. Even the guy that gets it right.

Personally, I would have loved to have seen the pitch for patenting this remarkable piece of technology. (“Instead of wasting time using your own foot to give someone a sharp one-two to the gonads, why not let a machine do it for you?” “BRILLIANT. This will revolutionise the entertainment sphere forever.”)

I thoroughly enjoy showing this one to my male friends.

Silent Library

The ball-whacking machine, and other injuries directed at the testicles, makes a comeback in Silent Library. Contestants draw cards. Whoever draws the skull card is must do an embarrassing and painful deed. But they can’t laugh, or even scream “ow, the burning wasabi up my nostrils is really uncomfortable!” Because it’s a library. Be quiet. People are trying to read here! Perhaps it is a social comment on restrictive Japanese etiquette culture. I have no idea, but my friend Brenden wants to play this sometime. I’m scared.

Japanese Game Show Compilation

This video is a medley of Japanese game show hilarity. All right, so a lot of these aren’t really “game shows” as such, but that doesn’t invalidate the hilarity.

The main themes seem to revolve around
1. Scaring the shit out of people
2. Embarrassing the unsuspecting public.

Basically, it’s Candid Camera on acid.

My favourite parts are the suspicious port-a-loos and the screaming flash mobs.

Flash mobs, in case you’re not up on your “bizarre 00’s trends”, is when a lot of people get together to do something weird in public – a movement I can totally get behind. You may have heard of the mass pillow fight, or the silent disco. I would personally love to go to a silent disco and you should take me to one at once. It sounds awesome and extremely appropriate for people like me who accidentally forget they’re in public and sing and dance along to their mp3 players on public transport, in the middle of crowded university computer labs, walking through the Queen St Mall…

So the next time you write that bullshit resume about how you’re a “team player” or deal with another customer throwing a tantrum over the specifics of their Christmas shopping or try to look attractive with sweat and snot dribbling down your face while thinking, “Golly, life sure does suck right now”, watch a Japanese game show.

Because if these contestants can leap through moving walls in ridiculous body suits, get smacked in the balls, be tortured by their friends, get shot out into the ocean while doing a number two and are still able to laugh and put the results on national television, then surely life can’t be too bad.

In your face, Eddie McGuire.

I leave you with this video, which is just so… interesting… that I’ll let it speak for itself.

* Japanese for “incredible” or “awesome”.

Found this most excellent gallery of black and white shots of the Oregon Manifest Constuctor’s Challenge over at the PDX Cross website.

Matter of fact, if you have some time check out any of the  galleries at the website for some very nice b&w cycling pics.

The Constructor’s Challenge took place outside of Portland back in early October and was an effort to revive the technical trials from 1930’s France with an urban prejudice. The idea was to take the constructor’s bikes and put them to the test on a 77 mile course in an attempt to find the best urban bicycle of the bunch. Ride, pick up a 6 pack, ride some more, pick up some party snacks, hope your bike doesn’t come apart, ride some more to the finish. Great idea. It’s always cool to see what builders come up with and putting them to the test in a real world environment can only be a good thing for urban cyclists and the industry.

I am at a Hilton in Wisconsin for a conference.

Actually, I am in the middle of the conference RIGHT NOW (shhhh do not tell on me,) and I wanted to say something:

“MOM! The hotel folds the toilet paper into little points! LITTLE POINTS JUST LIKE YOU DO!”

That is all.

Never a dull moment in Harrisonburg! Oh wait, are we talking about the Turkey Capital? The same place where Walmartin’ is a verb? So something indeed very exciting and slightly panicking happened while at home in the ‘burg for the Thanksgiving holidays. Contrary to popular belief, I was not cooking.

Turns out we had a suspected gas leak, so mother dearest called 911, and asked the operator specifically to NOT send trucks. So obviously she sent 4.

As they came blaring up our dead-end street, The Twin and I ran for cover, due to sheer mortification. The troops came in FULL gear (hats, oxygen tanks, masks, etc.) and rather disappointingly did not resemble anything that I had learned about firemen from the internets.

After it seemed improbable that the house was going to spontaneously combust from a gas leak, I took the opportunity to inquire if the firemen had slid down the pole for us. (No).

The house was eventually cleared by the firemen and gas guy. We are saved!!

While killing some time checking out the Rough Riders website I found this link to a gallery of camping photos from San Diego’s Velo Cult bike shop. These guys look like they know how to have fun. Black and white pics of killer gravel roads, steel bikes, wool jerseys, old school cleats, ect.  Such nice goggles too!

The store site has a peck of sweet looking vintage rides for sale also including a Mercian, a couple of Nobilettes, Gitanes, an old Masi and more. Dear Santa…

Click the pic and check it out.