Tune Him In, Turn Him On: Using Intuition to Find and Keep the Man of Your Dreams

By Servet Hasan

Published December 1, 2009 (Paperback) Llewellyn Worldwide

My son said yesterday, “Mom, you’re a witch.” Calmly.  With love in his voice, so I knew he didn’t mean the Margaret Hamilton kind.  I protested.  “You are,” he said, “You’re the most pure person I know, and when you’re really yourself, amazing things happen.”

So why do I need a book to remind me to use what’s God-given?  Tune Him In, Turn Him On arrived today, on time, as do most of the books I need and want most.  Servet Hasan says in her book that she comes from a long line of psychics, and that we all have this intuitive ability.  We just have to respect it — and listen to it!  Yeah. But.  I’ve spent a lifetime ignoring the magic I hear and see and feel — when it comes to the men who enter my romantic life.

Servet Hasan tells how to go out of body, into the body of the man we’re interested in — and sense him out.  Ask questions, and receive answers.  Respectfully.  She says he won’t know, but I have done this kind of thing before, and the guy nearly always calls me at that moment.  A bit spooky. If you have questions about a relationship, get quiet, and ask in your head — staying open to perceive the answers.  Trust your intuition. Another variation – reach out through your third eye and enter his heart chakra to sense his spirit.

Burn that past baggage, and monitor your thoughts.  If you’re hearing “nobody is going to want me,” you are to replace that thought immediately with something like “I naturally attract loving relationships into my life.”  Yay!  Doesn’t that feel awesome already.  Relationships, she says, have to be on all three levels – physical, spiritual and psychological.  She also says, like my friend Marianne Comaroto, to love yourself enough to marry yourself.

Servet is  happy to kick your butt if you’re hanging onto the wrong guy or nagging a guy.  She emphatically tells you to use your intuition to sense what is truly going on.  What a liberating stance.

As I read the book, my older son stopped by, saying he was headed out.  I noticed the Red Bull.  I stopped, and “read” him, and picked up that his ego was in command, and that his body didn’t really want that high level of caffeine.  So I told him.  He brushed it off, took off with his Red Bull, and I just got a text that said, “You were right.”

He’ll be okay.  So will I – now that I know I can use my intuition on men.

On the 24th of this month, Emblaze Mobile announced their new smartphone running on the relatively unknown Access Linux Platform (ALP). Developed from scratch in close cooperation with OS developers, the First ELSE have taken them two years to develop but the end result has turned out quite attractive.

Powered by the TI OMAP 3430 platform the First Else will share the same CPU and graphics accelerator with devices such as the iPhone 3GS, Nokia N900 and Samsung i8910 Omnia HD. The handset packs an impressive 3.5″ capacitive LCD touchscreen display with a resolution of 854 x 480 pixels.

The 5-megapixel camera of the First Else is able to capture 480p (which could either mean VGA or WVGA) video at 30fps. Network connectivity is perfectly covered, with both HSDPA and EDGE onboard.

The First ELSE has the Access Linux Platform (ALP) 3 in its core, which is LiMo compliant and has support for classic Palm OS and Java apps. But on top of ALP, ELSE Mobile have put a new UI called ELSE Intuition.

Here’s how it works in action. You can see they’ve revamped the “old-school idea” of a Main Menu and all you need to select an item is a single thumb Touch, Slide & Release action. They’ve called that concept sPlay.

The new UI is task-oriented and is supposed to deliver an unmatched user experience. Yet it seems that the whole press event was dedicated to it being able to outdo the iPhone and Android devices. However looking at those first screenshots we are almost willing to believe that the First Else will, in fact, try to push the envelope, rather than be content with beating the old dogs at their own game.

Else are also working on a self-branded media store to facilitate the distribution of multimedia content for the platform. Of course there will also be an App store (you can’t do without one these days) and the SDK will be made available at launch in Q2 of 2010. There’s no word however on how much it would cost.

A little backgrounder is definitely due when so many new names are involved. Access is the company developing the Access Linux Platform (ALP) for several years now.

ELSE Mobile is an independent company (previously known as Emblaze Mobile) that has been involved into developing a new smartphone based on the ALP. So far, they’ve had two concurrent projects – Edelweiss and Monolith (the second one in cooperation with Sharp). Edelweis has even been close to launch in Russia last year and it was detailed in various news sources.

Anyways, since then, both projects have been remapped to produce smartphones some time in 2009 and since their results have not been actively advertised, we guess they’ve either been dumped or one of them has become the First ELSE.

Watch the commercials of First Else

[GSMArena]

Friday November 27, 2009 By Kevin Morrow

Actually it already has been done. I have this concept of time which leads me to believe that there really is no time. I feel that anything I want to do is already done and I just have to catch up with it. When I think about doing things I remember this – “Be, Do, Have.” This implies to me that there is no time.

Other people have told me what they think I should be doing. I’ve even been told what I was doing was not giving me knowledge or putting money in my pocket. I understood where this came from because I observe levels of mind in interactions. Had I been only about money, this comment would have motivated me to become a better salesman. That’s not what I am however, I am not a salesman. Money is not my motivation, in fact motivation does not have the same meaning to me anymore.

Inspiration is what I relate to the most. I feel that it comes from the spirit. Any belief I have tends to limit me to a perception. The trouble of limiting myself to a perception is that when you I’m more aware and something that required more awareness comes along, I’m not be able to accept it.

So if I’m going to believe something, I might as well chose to believe in something that will not limit my awareness. That’s what I mean when I say I have an open mind.

Here is how I experience reality.

This is just within my mind, and it doesn’t mean that it’s true to anyone else. This is how I chose not to limit my mind. I see reality as if it’s one big dream. Life is like a video game being played within the minds of people. I use these terms to create a visualization within the minds of those who read this. I think there are fundamental basic rules and then the player believes in what they choose to be reality.

In this life there is a physical aspect and a spiritual aspect. I cannot function well in this reality without being balanced within those realms. I see that everyone has a mind and that the minds are similar in how they perceive and construct reality.

I also realize that I’m the only one conscious in my reality. Meaning there are other players in the game, but I am the only one consciously perceiving from my eyes, and through my point of awareness. Where that point is I cannot tell you, but as you can see, you are reading this from your point of awareness.

So, it seems that reality can be molded like clay. Therefore the mind can be molded like clay. I feel that my mind should be molded to benefit the highest good of myself and of all people. This is my reality. I see this reality as already being done. I’m just catching up to it.

ONE MIND…

The above is a segue into my belief in one mind. Of course language and words can be misinterpreted, so let me explain what I mean. I don’t believe that anybody is separate from me. I feel as though the one point of awareness is shared by all as if there is one mind.

The reason I say this is because the more I look outside of myself and see separation, the more I see dysfunction. I see unity in great teams, families, projects, and even gangs have an element of unity. In all themes there is general acceptance to one frame of mind.

So it seems that at a deeper level, maybe the one mind is fragmented and therefore experiencing in many different forms. Just like I was not the homeless man on the freeway in Vegas, I could see myself as him and therefore I had to help him. If I saw him as insignificant or as something negative, I would not have helped him. But I saw no purposeful reason to not help him. I was looking for any way that I could help him.

Some people call what I’m talking about “The watcher of the thoughts.” That is the consciousness. The consciousness must be in another realm of existence than that of physicality. So words like awareness have been formed to describe that which we are discussing. The people that seem to be outside of me, eat, sleep, and use the restroom just like me. No matter how rich or how poor they are. This to me is a sign of the “real” reality.

I have dreams, and I awake from the dreams into a physical reality. Sometimes I don’t remember the dreams. How do I know that I don’t wake up from physical reality as if it’s a dream and I just don’t remember it? I don’t. There must be a reason for that.

The reality of pain

I feel as though reality is in the mind. What you believe to see is what you see. What you believe you can have is what you have. What I believe I can be I am at any point in time.This is possible because there really is no time, everything happens now. When in pain, I believe in the pain until I have reason to believe that it’s gone. I have literally believed pain to disappear and it did.

This leads me to feel as though anything I want to accomplish is already done. Anything in consciousness that has been done can be done. Anything that can be done through consciousness, can be done. Essentially everything has been done, or will be done, in the realm of conscious ability. Great projects are formed first in the mind, which means they can be done when aligned with physicality.

Physical reality is slower than mental reality because its vibration is much denser. Look into the world and you can see evaporated water moves faster than raindrops. Observe your own self and you will see thoughts move faster than your hand.

There are different levels of thought, it takes thought for you to move your hand in the first place. Once I believe something is “possible” that already was “possible” it becomes automatic. Just like moving my hand.
In order for my consciousness to win something like the lottery, the money would have to come to me not from a form of lack, and FOR the greater good of myself and others. Otherwise I don’t believe its possible for me.

Intentionally, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Who I am right now at this very moment is ready for something like that to happen. But what are the deeper levels of belief? What are the deeper levels of direction? Those are the true questions.

Conflict in relationships and between minds

I occasionally witness conflicts in relationships and between minds because they feel they are separate. As things that are separate they operate for survival of self. Whether it be ego identification or something else. To me this is my mind working itself out. I have to forgive things that I think matter and heal my mind. Therefore what I do to others is like I’m doing it to myself.

“Peoples judgments are more about you than they are about themselves.”

There is this show on TV that my sister watches called “Bad Girls Club.” The girls on the show tend to have a lot of pain. Pain comes from fear of separation. A good majority of the women on the show hurt other people because they are hurting on the inside and don’t know how to heal it.
The mind mirrors into reality what is being fed to it. So if your hurting you will see and create more hurt.

I see this within my own mind. I see that there are things that I may believe as true that may be hurting me, so I must forgive them and move on. What’s the purpose of holding on to something like that?

It’s not my fault syndrome

Anything you want to accomplish can be done. But when you blame others for it not happening, or say it’s not your fault, you create this reality in your mind. I have to be responsible for my reality. My thoughts and beliefs create it. Separation creates pain, so I have to heal my pain. If I blame it on other people, I’m really blaming it on myself.

Doing that creates a cycle within minds and it gets repeated over and over. The same way it does within your mind. That’s why I say “One Mind.”

Perceptions of reality

Perception always limits awareness. It narrows awareness down to a point of view. A perception is like sitting in the nose bleeds at a basketball game or sitting court side. Awareness is seeing the game from all possible angles with no distinctions. This is something the mind may not be able to comprehend, therefore it operates through perception.

Fear is a perception

Anything I want to do can be done, and is done. That is a perception, because it leaves the idea that it can’t be done, which is also a perception. Why wouldn’t something be accomplished? Take the time to ask yourself the question. The only reason something would not be able to be accomplished is because for some reason fear becomes reality.

Fear is a perception, if I were to look at something I wanted to do from all awareness at once, why would I be aware of the fact that it can’t be done? What’s the purpose of seeing that way? To me there isn’t a purpose to that.

If I’m experiencing in a physical world and I have the choice of operating from a source of love, faith, and belief, why would I chose fear?

So what is it that I Want to Do?

I’m doing what I want to do right now. Some people see it as weird because of what it appears to be. Some see it as cool because what it appears to be to them. To me it appears to be what I want to do. I see it as healing the minds of others and my own at the same time. I provide content that’s interesting and follow my intuition. I have created my own job. The things I need are already inside of me, and are provided to me right now. As fact my reality that appears outside of me reflects my beliefs. The things within in me that I have already, appear available to me in my outer reality. This includes, money,transportation,tools,people, and anything else needed to be of overall good to all.

My articles get better as I write them, and I do what I say I will do. As I provide more truth and more value, my income mirrors that. Right now I have no worries about money because I know that I’m never poor. I’m always rich no matter what my physical world may say at the moment.

College completed faster than “normal” happens in my awareness because I believe it to be possible. This is something I see as possible within myself. Money flows to me in avalanches of abundance because I provide value from my spirit. Not because I lack money, but because I believe myself to be valuable. I see others as apart of me and anyone in my awareness is there for me to help in some way, or vice versa.

Some may not understand because it’s not the main stream approach to reality, and that’s okay. To me it means I have limitless potential. Every person I meet is an opportunity to heal the one mind. Everything I think,do, and believe, is opportunity to heal. I feel so much love right now.

The whole world was singing that day in the park, but nobody was listening. No human being, at least. They were all magnificently trained to listen to each other, in their multitude of parallel languages and media outputs, but they had lost the ability to hear even the blaring clamor of a scorching sunset or the relentless whisper of the wind. Human language had come to define their existence. If it could not be expressed in words, then it must not be real. In most cases, it would pass right under the radar of consideration altogether.

But the sound of a tree falling in the woods still resounds, even if no man is there to hear it. So nature continued its elegant discourse, as was its purpose, patiently awaiting the kindred response of man.

I was humming a tranquil melody that mild autumn afternoon when Sophia nonchalantly settled on the park bench next to me. She opened her American History book and immediately gave all her attention to the words on the page. Unaware of my gaze, she made frustrated faces at the black and white print.

Sophia was an intelligent young woman. She worked hard and played fair. But life didn’t seem to respond in kind to her earnest intentions. School was always a struggle for her, with grades that did not reflect the effort she exerted. Solace came in the form of art classes, where she did not feel the same pressure of having her intelligence measured and judged. Instead, she was free to simply let her hands be moved to create her own truth, one that could not truly be measured or judged. She relished these moments and was grateful for the creative outlet.

What Sophia did not appreciate or even realize, however, was that her hands were not moving of their own will, nor was she herself willing them to move in any particular direction. Instead, her hands were listening to the world and speaking its truth in the curves and shades of her sketches. The world was crying out to her through her very own limbs. But she didn’t even know that she was supposed to be listening.

Of all the subjects she studied in school, mathematics was the strangest. It seemed, to her, purely rational and yet so magical at the same time. The laws and formulas and equations all made so much sense. But why? Why should there be any such laws at all? And how did these laws simply exist, without any intervention of man, other than to uncover them for their own personal use? She shook the feeling and continued on reading the next paragraph in her history book. There was no reason to be thinking about math at the moment anyhow.

Sophia had taken an American History class in high school, and also studied the subject in elementary school at one point. But now, in her freshman year of college, she was learning it all over again. The same history, recounted in different words. How many different ways could you say the same thing? Was there a mathematical formula for that?

An unsettling ripple of energy surged through her, and she felt compelled to begin doodling in the margins of her textbook. It started out as an oblong geometric shape, then thin wisps of texture began to form on either side, and in a moment she could name the sketch as the image of a butterfly. It was in that moment, as the neurons in her brain relayed to her consciousness that her hand had just created a butterfly, that I swooped down from the branch of my oak tree and skimmed by her just closely enough to gently brush the perimeter of my left uppermost wing against the blushing flesh of her right cheekbone. She never even caught a glimpse of me before I fluttered off along another whisper of air. But she had felt me. She knew I was there. She believed in my existence.

In the days that followed, Sophia would try to describe her experience in many different ways, with different words and shapes and colors and sounds. And although she would never quite succeed in replicating that moment, she somehow knew that this was not her true aim. There was something more important than trying to define our interaction that day. It was the fact that she knew, and I knew, that the next time I spoke to Sophia, she would listen.

I’m beginning the journey of discovering my own intuition.
So, tonight I am sitting in my large open framed pyramid doing some quiet time and meditation. My cats often join me during this time. Scootie, the female of the 2 cats, is actively involved in this process.
While I was giving her some healing energy with my hands, I saw the usual dark space… seems like outer space… and then the serpents… serpents of fire… they were doing the dance of the double helix in front of me.. all ablaze. Dunno what it means yet, but it was very cool

Thursday November 26, 2009 By Kevin Morrow

A couple years ago I set out on a mission to BE MYSELF. I really didn’t know exactly what I meant, but I knew it was something I needed to do. I felt like I was doing what other people were telling me, and not what I felt was right for me.

To be yourself you have to let a lot of things that don’t matter go. I have slowly realized this. I feel like a lot of people measure progress by time. Like four years from high school you graduate college and that is an accomplishment. I tend to see things a little differently. I think that your progress is really an uncovering of your self.

But it seems to me the more I hold on to things that are restricted by time, the more I am measuring my growth based on something that fades away. Every accomplishment will eventually fade away with time.

I have to ask myself, “What is self improvement really?” What does it mean to me?

My answer has to do with my mind and the reality that I experience. In order for me to do this I feel like I have to live my self image. Which at times has a lot to do with money. I look at money though and I see something that I would not want my self image to represent. As far as the the paper material.

I feel as if my self image is much bigger than I actualize. I know this to be due to how my mind sees reality. The thing is, if I put my self image value into material things that pass away, I am building a foundation on a spider web. Another way to put it it, “I’m skating on thin ice.” So what is the strongest foundation.

For me my strongest foundation has been that I know I can do better. I know I can be more loving in all aspects of my life. I feel that love is my real self image. But if I limit myself to something then I’m not open to other possibilities.

Also, when I identify money with my self image, something else shows up. The idea of loss. If I need money that means I’m lacking something, and when I have money that means it’s possible to lose it. This is where worry shows up.

A lot of people tell me that they are afraid to lose money, or they are afraid to lose their boyfriend/girlfriend, and this really makes me think. If I identify with money as my personal growth, I’ll limit myself from a lot of experiences.

I have told myself that I’m no longer afraid to be a what I know I can be. Instead of studying other people, I studied myself and then I compared my thoughts to those who were in positions I viewed as “high achievements.”

I have to ask myself what is it that I think I have to achieve? Me, and nobody else, what do I have to achieve? I had no answer for myself.

The only thing I know for certain is that I want to strengthen my faith in the higher power. In my mind I feel as though I don’t have to strengthen my faith. I feel like I just have to remember it.

Now I have come to a good solution within my mind. This is how I can live my life without being afraid. If I live my life out of unconditional love, remember my faith in the higher power/which in turn strengthens my faith in the higher power, I will have my real achievement.

Imagine I have no fear of money, therefore situations appear to mirror that reality in my life. This means to that however the money comes to me, I will not be afraid to lose it. I’m not afraid to lose it because I know that no matter what happens I will always have it. Why? Well because I’m not afraid to lose it.

If your not afraid to lose something, it must mean you have it. Either that or you don’t have it, or don’t care for it, but I used the first example as an illustration.

Worry and doubt are the opposites of FAITH

I’ve learned in my life that worry and doubt are the opposites of faith. The things I have faith in happening, actually happen in my life. This is something I rolled around my thoughts until the light bulb clicked.

There is a difference between me being a multimillionaire that thinks the money is who I am, and being a multimillionaire that knows the money is just a material tool. The more I feel the money is who I am, the more depressed I can get about the amount I have right now. But if I don’t look at it like that, I open myself up to infinite possibility.

My relationship with basketball has helped heal my mind…

The best examples I can give come from my relationship with basketball. I use to identify who I was with how I could play basketball. This was very shaky with me because my self image definitely is bigger than the current situation looks like. The key though, is that it only appears that way if that’s how I’m looking at it.

Today it doesn’t make sense to me that I put my self worth into how I perform on the court. There will be on days and off days. Some days I will dominate the court and some days I may not. So where does my self worth rest? To me it’s in who I help, and how I contribute to the team, whether physically or mentally or both.

That is a big challenge to me. I don’t want to dominate other people, I want to help everyone be their best, and in turn be my best at the same time. I also have a different view of domination. I see it as will-power instead. The will to win, the will to overcome defense, the will to overcome mental lapses. That’s what I view what some call domination. When I play against someone, I want them to make me better.

I see myself in people I know…

A lot of people I know play college ball, play pro ball, and I up until this blog I haven’t played as I see myself. These are creations of my mind. Because I get thrilled when I see somebody I know playing college ball or pro ball, all I want to do is help them become better in any way I can.

I love to see people live their dreams, its fun. I know a guy right now who plays basketball in northern Cali, and I think that he has the ability to play in the NBA. Maybe apart of me sees myself in him or something. Maybe that’s what happens when I see anybody I know playing college or pro. I think to myself, if I were them I would want to know that other people believed in me.

I know a few players who lived in my same city who are playing overseas and or about to. It brings a smile across my face. Something that they may never know, but I know. I feel it within me everyday.

It may sound strange but this is my blog and I put it all out there. I had a conversation about rappers calling themselves the king of rap, or even the God of rap as Jay-z would say.The thing with that is, there can never be a clear winner, and they are claiming something that will fade away. What is the point?

And what good is being a King if you don’t help other people?
I’m not saying they don’t do these things, I was just throwing the idea out there.

Check this out, if I put my worth into how I can play basketball, then anytime I’m defeated I may feel as though I’m nothing. Instead I should remember that I am SOMETHING, and focus on what should be done to win the next game.

I’ve been there. I can play basketball with the best of players. But when I identify and look at my situation then depressed feelings come in because my current situation is not what it could be. These are all things of that past that I no longer do. But I’m using my past to illustrate how the mind shapes its reality.

These are all images in the mind. I play the game because it’s fun. To me it’s fun when everyone on the team is on the same page, and the highlights are flowing, and the defense is intense. I love the energy of the game. But if I think that’s who I am, I become vulnerable to things that are counterproductive to who I think I am. Unless of course I know who I am.

I only view it as self improvement when I’m identifying with things that are subject to change. If I base my self-image off of things like love, teamwork,making others better, and contributing to the overall good of all, then I feel a true sense of accomplishment. It seems that’s just who I am.

I could play for any team in the NBA and contribute to them mentally and physically and I know I would contribute in a positive way. Where I am mentally I can feel this as true reality. Even if I didn’t play, I know that mentally I could help any team just based on how I view reality.

When I say things like this, it’s like I’m remembering myself.
When I set out on this journey that’s what I intended to do. I felt like I knew there was a greater me waiting to be uncovered.

It’s like coming out of amnesia, the whole time people are telling you who you are or were, but you have to uncover who you are for yourself. And who you are is always there no matter what. Everything that’s not real fades away, while everything that’s real lives on. That sentence is deeper than it looks for those that view themselves as “thinkers.”

Thank you for reading.

-Kevin

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dream guides are the beings that are with you in dreams that often come loosely disguised as someone you know well.  The guide forms the role of companion and if you were pushed to physically describe the person you were with you would find that you couldn’t – that they were just a voice and a presence.  Dream guides are companions escorting you through the vortices and changes of realities experienced as you move in and out-of-body and in and out of consciousness.  The role of a guide is that of a teacher or to enlighten.

We have guides in this physical reality yet we find it difficult to listen as we have trained ourselves to shut off from our intuitive voices as these messages often don’t make logical sense and are often contrary to your expectations.

Often when you are not listening to the voice of guide in this reality the guide will appear in a dream and impart its message directly through source (god). These dream beings are like cosmic midwives birthing one into different realities and realms of consciousness and explaining the meaning of things along the way.

I am not sure where I am going with this but I think becoming a mother means not lying. We all need a slight buffer of half-truths to keep moving forward, yes? But the deeper lies. Sure, addiction is the number one denial, but other ones are less visible. For example, sometimes we lie as to whether we are working towards community or remaining stuck in self-analysis. True that our largest job is to move beyond our early years and their influence, especially if those years were more burden than joy. But you do move on and so the talk stops and then anyone needs to walk the talk instead. I feel like that now. Too much talk right now bores me and I prefer to engage in action. Mind you, we’re looking at thoughtful action here not mindless busy-ness.

What kinds of lies do children detect? They know so much more than we do because they run on pure intuition–that lightning quick understanding we often see return to us as adults if we reinvite the creative process into our lives, again. Sometimes we lose that. Maybe that’s one sort of lie a child knows is real. When we engage in work that dulls rather than shines us. They know and they stop asking about work over time. I have seen this.

Children definitely detect when an adult feels irritated from needing a smoke or another substance to quell the craving. That’s usually when an adult voice is raised too quickly or dinner is served abruptly. I’ve also seen kids make a beeline for their rooms in this moody environment. Similar is when a relationship cracks. A couple’s anger wears down a child’s confidence. They start to self-blame and lose trust in going to their parents for help. From a child’s point of view, how can an adult who fights all the time possibly help me? I’ll just stay out the way so matters don’t become worse.

I am certain–even if that sounds cocky–that the child(ren) I raise will not experience these lies. That’s probably the biggest gift of becoming a mom at a relatively older age, 44. My lying days are completely over.

An adult’s arrogance often drives him or her to rationalize that a child will not understand the presented lie. They know. I had the honor one time to help raise a little girl from birth. Her first three months she couldn’t really see. At least that’s what the mostly modern medical world claims. But I had the sense she could see by the way she clutched a hand, turned her head, pushed a foot, and sometimes turned to “stare” at you absorbing all of you–was kind of eerie actually. She saw the world through patterns–bottles, baths, and music. No earth-shattering insights here; I simply remember while watching her grow that we begin so much like we end–toothless, diapers, and cataracts. Some mornings she even looked like a wrinkly old man! Those were super fun days learning how to see all over again by observing her learn the world without eyesight.

So, as I prepare to become a mother, I will try to lie as little as possible. I’m striving to leave my ego far, far behind. My finances are in order, check. Need to secure the right housing, check. Continue to develop in my line of work, check. Adequate health insurance, check. Drive a safe and reliable car, check. Strive for emotional honesty, check. Ready to have lots of fun, check. Two months ago I made the promise on this Web site that a newborn would arrive in my arms within a year and perhaps that will come true. We’ll see. Just an intuition this might come true–no lie.

Thanksgiving an opportunity to intuite

Don’t mind revealing to you that if you notice the time stamp on the blog, I’m really writing the night of the 25th, but WordPress logs time according to Eastern, so this is officially a Thanksgiving Day post.

And since I also just watched the Julie & Julia movie, while many intuitive thoughts were put on hold as I followed the plot intensely, once the movie came to an end, I couldn’t help writing this reminder that, Thanksgiving, even more so than other normal, regular days, is a great opportunity to intuit. Intuit through the smell of the food (and of the people you’re spending Thanksgiving with   ), and the sight and sound around the occasion, and the memories. Use all these as your intuitive information, to answer your pressing own questions.

Please have a happily intuitive Thanksgiving. ~

~Bonny Lin, Intuitive & Medium

That’s it — enough.
I can get a lot more naked than I am right now, so watch me;
Let them raise their brows, but I’m about to go for broke.
No more playing to their pessimistic bets.

So much time just burning,
Sitting quiet, counting other people’s cards.
Well, I apologize.
Didn’t mean to drag this out, but
Who we kidding?
All you do is lose unless you risk enough to win.

So, fuck these poker faces, look me in the eye.
That’s right –
I’m smiling.
And I’m finished asking anybody else
How I should play my cards.
This round,
When it comes back to me,
You’re getting everything that I’ve been holding back;
I think I figured out what’s in your hand.

Integrity is Key to Intuition

Having integrity is crucial for being a great intuitive.

First of all, integrity is beyond just being honest. It’s “walking the talk”.

In addition, integrity is beyond a moral issue. It just *is*. Being an intuitive is being connected to the universal energy. The universe doesn’t compromise. If it did, life would have ceased to exist by now. Dis-eases in our body & mind are caused by the cells lacking “integrity”, thus “workability”.

As you are tuned in more to your inner guidance, and the universal wisdom, you will go through a phase when you seem to have lower tolerance for certain people & events, simply because they are not “up to par”. The next phase would be having even more compassion to the frailty of life, people & circumstances, regardless of how the old you would judge them, and replace that with pure, heart energy of compassion – while you yourself live & act in a place of integrity.

~ May this be another day of discoverying your own great gift of intuition. ~

Photo Credit: Agni Max

Just like training your muscle, and learning to sing properly when you never did, tapping into your intuition takes practice before you will see the result.

Each new day is a new opportunity to flex your intuition muscle.

~ May this be a spiritually fulfilled day for you ~

Intuition skills require practice

Photo Credit: FA.RO

I’ve been working with Westwind Farm Studio to develop recorded guided meditations on subjects like Love, Abundance, Confidence, and Courage.

We had the idea of taking the personal divine messages that I receive for my clients, and turning them into meditations. Then we thought: what if I just asked for divine information on each subject, and we incorporated it into the meditation?

Spark! Good Idea!

I sat at my desk, cleared my mind, and brought myself into a deep meditative state.

Then I asked, “God, tell me about Love.” and then I just started typing. I started typing so fast that my spelling and words were all over the place.  The universe had so much to say to me about love, about how to feel it. About why we don’t feel it.

Love. Love. Love.

The divine download wasn’t as gooey as I thought it would be. It was deeply practical.

Here’s a snippet:

“When you feel out of the flow of love, it is because you’ve forgetton the joy in which you were created. You’ve not remembered to see the divinity of those around you.”

This was not what I expected. It’s much more useful.  There’s something tangible here to work with.

Remembering to see the divinity of those around you.

I like that. It is hard to see the divine sometimes. It is hard to be in the experience of love when we are seeing behavior that bugs and irritates.

The universe knows that we are distracted by the surface behaviors, by the irritating and sometimes harmful ways we treat one another.  So to hear, “Remember to see”, is a piece of advice that brings us into a moment of clarity.

Remember to See

Remembering to look for the hidden spark of divine within each of us helps us to love one another.

This idea helps put the little problems in perspective, and gives a path to peace through the big ones.

Today- think about someone who bugs you. Then remember to see the divine within them. You may find yourself looking at them differently.

If that’s too hard, think about someone who does not bug you. Remember to see the divine within them.

Then, turn around and look in the mirror.

Hey You!

Do you see your divine spark? Do you remember the joy in which you were created? Not just with your birth here. With your entry into the universe at the beginning. (That’s so woo-woo. And SO AWESOME.)

Let’s go there! Let’s go there in our minds.  Imagine, Spirit cupping his hands and blowing, and a spark appearing. Woo! That’s you! Look at you! Yay! You’re Here! YOU’RE HERE!

(Or, for those agnostics out there,  imagine stars lighting up, glowing, and within the stardust, there you are.  For our bodies are literally made of stars. )

Remember? Remember to see?  Please remember to see.  Seeing is Loving.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

During each intuitive guidance session, we ask our divine sources (Creator, angels and guides) for insight on the issues at hand. They gently tell us what’s what.  It’s amazing and useful (which are two of my favorite words in the English language).  Sign up for session if you feel it’s the right next step for you.

This theorem is relatively simple. “Differentiation and integration re inverse processes. Integrals are antiderivatives. The derivative of an integral is the function.” These are just a few of the ways to state the theorem. Antiderivatives, the concept the theorem revolves about, are relatively algorithmic and easy to calculate (first apply the rules, then u-substitution, then integration by parts, then partials, etc.).

I’m going to take a closer look at the theorem. Derivatives and integrals are both defined in terms of limits, but they are otherwise unrelated. A derivative is the slope of the tangent line at a point; an integral is an area. It is not obvious that the derivative (d/dx) of an integral (from a to x of f(t) dt) is the original function f(x). 

Let’s consider the following exercise. Suppose I am given the graph of a function g’(x) (x-axis labeled, y-axis also labeled) and I would like to sketch an antiderivative given that point (a,b) is on the antiderivative g(x). In practice, this is a simple routine exercise; we determine where the antiderivative g(x) is concave upwards, concave downwards, increasing, and decreasing based on the given graph; then we sketch. However, I am more interested in the amount of increase and decrease; differential calculus does not provide us with this information. 

Suppose I start with the given point (a,b) and assume that g(x) is increasing and concave upwards until a point (c,d). Let me divide the subinterval [a,c] into n subintervals, where n is a very large number. I note values of g’(x) at the midpoints of the subintervals (midpoints to get a goodapproximation of the entire subinterval) and use this as the slope for the subinterval on the graph of g(x). This results in a series of tiny lines that closely approximate the function g(x). Intuitively, it should be obvious that as n becomes closer to infinity, the lines become better and better approximations. That is, with infinity subintervals, we can produce an exact graph of g(x).

This exercise may seem pointless; after all, a sketch of g(x) without amounts of increase/decrease is useful for most purposes. However, I will examine this a bit closer. With infinity subintervals, I am looking at all real values along [a,c]. In addition, each value can represent the distance of a line segment from the x-axis to  the graph of g’(x). Intuitively, infinity line segments can make up an area…. suggesting an integral.

I have intuitively proven that the amount of increase from a point (a,b) on the graph of g(x) is the integral from a to c of g’(x), one version of the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. While this is not rigorous, it is an interesting viewpoint on the theorem. The regular proof of this theorem would involve the Mean Value Theorem and subintervals as well, but it would not appeal to the intuitive mind.

Below I have attached an illustrative picture. The point is (0,0), g(x) is the purple function, and g’(x) is the blue function. You can observe that my above predictions are true (it is easiest to view this if the graph is printed and you draw in the lines, the subintervals, and the area).

Have you ever met someone that makes a stressful situation more stressful? Or, maybe even someone that challenges you in every way possible? This person might not necessary be spiteful, but keeps you on trial day in and day out.

You know, the argue for the sake of arguing type. – I know how you feel. Just the thought of being challenged evokes various feelings – not to mention the task of dealing with each and every small fire that arises. How do you handle it? As a leader, what can you do?

After about a two month hiatus from the blogosphere, I’m back and want to briefly dance around the topic of being a quiet leader. There’s no need to be deep. On a surface level, when faced with a tough situation or when challenged by a person similar to the description above, there’s only one road to take – the patient one.

So, what is patience? I’m sure you have an idea, but have you ever actually read the definition of patience? You should. To keep it light, let’s check with our friends from Wikipedia:

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

Good stuff right? Especially when you know you achieve it on a daily basis. The notion that one must be patient is obviously not new. Leaders have exuded this characteristic for centuries. Nonetheless, amid the noise and haste it never hurts to know that others face the same noise and same challenges… and seek the same direction through patience.

As Max Ehrmann’s points out in my favorite poem, the Desiderata:

“Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”

As strong, viable leaders we owe it to ourselves to carry on with tact and to lead with prudence. When others around us challenge everything, both physically and mentally, smile and remember that being patient is what makes you different than the others around you. And, being different is not bad at all.

So there you have it… patience one day at a time. And, of course, Choose to Be Better.

Enjoy the Ride,

Marcus

Many of time, you have achieved significant, And always asked question to yourself, Am i really doing the right things on right place? The answer comes yes or no. this is all called as Your rewards. Which has given by you.

A guy near to railways station, polishing the shoes of his customer , not to get the reward, to get the money, but on a sudden one person came for polish and said him, Hay you do the maverick work, i love the way you do, Thanks !. The polish man shocked and worked as hard as he did before. What he got in a sudden , Rewards , which gives him a courage to follow the right way of excellence.

We all want to feel good , want appreciation, rewards, success. Why dont we start from now to rewards other. That change the life of two person, The first one, who is getting rewards and the second one, who is giving. Life is concise for those , who is not living 100%. Life is a reward for those who live each second as a each new moments.

Most people know the feeling of being disconnected, beside yourself, all over the shop, it is like being off track on a side rail somewhere with life passing you by. Here are some simple ways to foster and re ignite your Connection in your daily life.

As you wake in the morning take a moment to step into your day consciously. Say thank you, be in appreciation, voice an affirmation with feeling – I am enough

Enjoy some time with like-minded people.

Do one thing different every day:  This signals the universe you are ready for change.

Follow your intuition or gut instinct, everyone has it, it is usually the quiet whisper or that feeling that is trying to direct you to go down a specific path. Sometimes it can be really subtle and you wonder if it’s real, “if you’re wondering about it, it is real”

Decide how you want to feel and do something that moves you in that direction, just one thing.

“You have two voices with which you speak: your MindVoice and your SoulVoice. These two voices are also — all the time — speaking to you. Which voice you listen to will determine which voice you speak with. Listen  and speak   SoulVoice. This will vastly improve your personal communications — to say nothing of your mood.

Make your last thoughts of the day self supportive and encouraging, you are going to be sleeping with them all night. Suggestions – Show me a better way.  The unlimited resources of the Divine Source are at my disposal.  Thanks for all the amazing people in my day.  Bring on the miracles.  Let me wake feeling refreshed and renewed. Show me the next step.

The cheerful holiday ad, music & commercials are all around us. You can’t help but feeling the impending joyful, fun time, and yet also the chilly air on your face, with a piercing “cooling” effect in your fiber.

Besides feeling the cold in the air, what else did you notice today? Make a mental note. What are your six senses picking up? Therefore, what is your sixth sense, aka intuition attempting to tell you?

~ May today inspires you to use your own sixth sense ~

Using Your Sixth Sense Intuition in the Cold

Photo Credit: DerNetteAlex

Monday November 23, 2009   By Kevin Morrow

What a day I had yesterday. I played in an all day tournament at the University of California Irvine, I had a lot of fun. There was a lot of action during the day, from the interesting mellow drama of my transportation, to the mini series of events during the games. Throughout it all I learned a lot of new things about myself and about reality.

I began the day on a journey from Corona to San Bernardino then back to Irvine. I really didn’t know where the ARC (Anteater Recreation Center) was but I had a general idea of where the school was from memory. As I left to Irvine from San Bernardino I ended up in a construction area that had the freeway narrowed down to one lane. Normally I would be worried and panicking, because I was supposed to be at the gym at 9Am, and let’s just say…”I wasn’t going to make it there by 9Am.”

So instead of worrying, I kicked back, put on some music that reminded me of happiness, and I went with the flow. After I made it through the traffic it was straight coasting all the way through. Time flies when you are having, fun, or maybe it doesn’t exist. I eventually arrived at the campus of UCI and I had no idea where to go.

This was yet another example of how worrying would get me  nowhere. The cool thing was I just felt my way to the center. I had no directions and I had never been there before. I was tempted to ask these two ladies where it was but something told me to go with my gut. As a backup plan I would ask someone, because there was no shortage of people walking around, but I decided to go with my instincts.

Somehow by listening to my inner compass I found the ARC without a problem. Which was a huge relief, instantly I began to realize that maybe I know things that I don’t think I know. All of this goes well with previous things I have blogged about. But anyway, back to the subject.

The tournament ends and I have to go back to San bernardino, which is about an hour or more from where I was. It was dark outside and I found myself lost. Not really lost, but confused I guess you could say. I didn’t feel a knowing for where I was. Plus I didn’t know the street names. All I knew was I needed to get back to the 73 freeway.

So I head out in a direction and I feel like I am headed the wrong direction on a street named Culver, but I second guess myself and keep going. I decided to stop at a gas station and admit to myself that I didn’t know where I was. I go inside of the gas station in an attempt to ask directions.

I’m literally waiting in line for ten minutes behind this guy who is having a full on conversation with the clerk. I was tempted for a second to get angry, but then I calmed myself. I thought to myself, “What’s the point in being upset, I’m here this is happening right now so just chill and relax. Stop worrying there is nothing you can do to change it, so change your attitude. Enjoy this moment, maybe you will learn something. Besides your anger is in your imagination anyway.”

As soon as I finish that dialogue in my head, another clerk comes out from the back and asks to help me. I slide myself over to him and explain that I somehow got turned around and I’m looking for the 73 freeway. The clerk looks at me and has no answer, he looks at the other clerk, who also has no answer. Before I can even think, the same guy who was in front of me starts politely explaining to me where the 73 freeway was. All I had to do was turn around on Culver and keep going until I ran into it.

I thanked the gentleman three times and left him with a “Have a great night!” This was really cool to me, because I realized that without worrying everything worked itself out. But wait, there is more, this is were the story gets even better. I go all the way down Culver for what seemed like forever and I get to the 73 freeway.

Now before when I came up the 73 I didn’t have to pay a toll, and so I wasn’t event thinking about having to pay a toll. It was the last thing to cross my mind. I’m not paying attention to signs, I just hop on the onramp because I’m already late as it is getting back to San Bernardino. Then I start seeing these lights and a sign that says toll. I’m like “uh oh,” because I have no money on me. All I have is my debit card which is in the negative at the moment.

Naturally I start getting worried because there is this big sign that says $500 fine for people who go through the toll without paying. So for a brief 30 seconds I get worried. I mean how do I turn around on an onramp? So I start to calm down and I decide that I should just back up slowly with my hazards on because at this point I’m the only person on the road. I actually found 20 cents in the car but the toll was $1. So I’m calmed down and start telling myself not to worry because there is always a solution.

Then I see the headlights of a car, they pull up right behind me. Im sitting there, I look back in the rear view, they look at me, I look at them, they look at me, I look at them…I thought to myself that I was in a good situation because the young lady behind me was a pretty one and I could feel that she had a genuine care for others. All materialistic things aside however I thought to myself it would be awkward if I got out the car and asked for her help.

“So I looked back and said “Would you mind if I backed up and turned around?”

She said  “No I can back up, do you need me to?”

I was like “Yeah I’m a little lost and I wasn’t aware that this was a toll, I don’t have any cash on me.”

This young lady says not to “worry” about it she has a dollar in change to spare me.

I was like wow.

All I could say was Thank you several times, and I wished her a great night.

Out of all the people to run into at that time when there was nobody else on the road.She even told me she only hops on this part of the freeway to go down a couple exits.

And that my friends is how NOT worrying saved me from a $500 Fine.

We recognized each other immediately, even though we had only shared a few pictures online.  I smiled widely and waved.  We hugged and it felt wonderful…he was a bear.  But he didn’t stay cuddly for long.  He grabbed the hair on the back of my head and pulled hard.  He knew that was just what he had to do to own me from that moment on.  We kissed and it felt so right.  But although originally I had intended to join him for a beer and talk, I soon had another idea entirely.  We walked, holding hands from time to time.  All the while my insides were churning with excitement and a little bit of fear.  Knowing all Chuck really wanted to do was cut my clothes off and rape me made my pussy tingle in spite of itself.
Finally I steered him away from the crowds and down a dark alley I knew of.  It was nice and quiet just as I’d hoped.  He knew just what was on my mind, he pushed me against the wall and grabbed my neck while kissing me.  “You know I could do anything I want to you right now,” he growled.
“Yes,” I sighed, already my pussy dripped with arousal.  He kissed me hard.  Despite the fact that we were both living out a fantasy, we felt a little bit nervous and exposed.  Every noise made us worry about being seen or getting caught.  So we walked deeper into the alley and stumbled across a little fenced in atrium.  Chuck wanted to go in but I was still nervous.  “Let’s go in there,” he said.
“I don’t know, the fence kinda makes it look like this would be trespassing,” I hesitated.  Partly because I was afraid of trespassing and partly because I knew he could probably get away with raping me in there.
Eventually he lured me inside and things got really heated.  My memory fails me of every detail, when I get into subspace my mind kind of shuts down and gives way to my body.  We kissed more…he stopped at one point and said, “We haven’t really negotiated this scene so I just want to say that you can safeword at any time…what words do you like to use?”
“The colors are fine,” I managed to pant out.  I was trembling and breathless as he told me what a slut I was and asked me how much I liked to fool around where any body could see us.  He bit me and slapped me, all of which made me crazy.
He pointed to the ground and said, “You’d like it if I tore your clothes off right now and took you right here, wouldn’t you?”
“I can’t…” I stuttered.  He knew I wasn’t on birth control.
“I didn’t say can you, I said you want to don’t you?”
“Yes,” I gulped.
“You’re so wet right now aren’t you?”
“Yes I am.”
He jammed his hand down my skirt and found it to be so true.  He held me up from behind because my legs could barely hold me.  My eyes searched around for a minute to see if someone might be looking before I was to aroused to care.  I clutched him as my clit exploded.  As he continued to work me, I squirted hard.
“Look at you, you’re coming right here in the street where anyone could see you,” Chuck said.  “How many times did you come?”
“Twice,” I said.
“Well those were the only freebies you’re going to get, from now on you have to ask permission, do you understand?”
“Yes, I understand, Sir,” I whispered.
“Not sure if I can get my magic fingers at just the right angle here.”  He managed to work a couple fingers inside me and to my surprise as well, found the g-spot.
Suddenly I became terrified, I can’t control my g-spot orgasms, especially when I am as aroused as I was in that moment.  “No, please,” I begged, “I can’t control them.”  I started struggling, he had told me that he wanted me to fight…I know he must have liked it, knowing I was terrified that he would make me orgasm uncontrollably.  Or maybe he was just looking forward to the punishment.
He was spitting out a tirade of words, telling me what a slut I was and I was loving it.  Then he said, “That’s all you’re good for, a wet whole to be used.”
I pushed my head into his shoulder and whimpered, “No, please don’t say that.”  I really meant it but I was curious what his reaction would be since I hadn’t used the safeword.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I went to far.”  Since it was our first time playing together I enjoyed seeing his tender side leak through his violent side.  But I made a mental note that if we were going to do the rape scene under NO circumstances should he break “character” unless I safe worded.  At this point I was sure it would be safe to act that out…and I couldn’t wait.
He grabbed me and slammed me back against the fence.  It made a very dramatic noise when my head hit it but it didn’t hurt at all, “I’m so sorry, are you ok?”
I laughed, thinking for a brief moment he felt the fear that he had just accidentally bashed my head in.  I assured him I was ok and we moved on, giggling a bit.
“I was wondering,” I said, “How bad my punishment would be if I grabbed your crotch right now.”
“Why don’t you find out?”
What I really longed to do was drop to my knees and take it in my mouth right that minute but I knew he would not allow that.  So I worked it through his pants until he let me unfasten his belt and touch it with my fingers.  He had worked me into a frenzy on line by telling me that his cock was uncut.  I had only been with one uncircumcised man before and I found it wonderful.  It broke my heart that most American boys were deprived a part of their sexual organs.  He only let me handle it for a few minutes.
The hour was getting late and I knew I had to be getting back.  I said something about it but Chuck had other ideas.  His hand were pinching my nipples and his hand was twisted in my hair, pulling it hard again.  There was no way I was going anywhere.  Next thing I knew, in a flash he had exposed my breasts and I screamed, automatically going to cover them, “Oh no, it’s cold.”  When we first started talking about how he’d like to “force” me to do things and wanted me to struggle, I did not even know if I could do it.  When I get turned on I just want to please and comply.  But clearly knew how to bring it out in me.  I wanted what he was doing but I accessed that part of me that allowed me to struggle.
I wish I could remember more details…every moment was so delicious.  “I’ve never done anything like this before,” he chuckled.
“Neither have I,” I said.
“I thought you said you used to have sex in public all the time,” he said.
“Oh, right…well I haven’t done anything like this since I was a minor,” I corrected.  Those memories of hot teen sex anywhere we could get it were so long gone that it seemed like another person, another lifetime.   And it certainly didn’t have anything to do with BDSM.
We walked back to the car, talking and flirting.  He talked some more about how even though he liked submissive women, the last thing he wanted was for me to lie there and take it.  He wanted to see my spirit, my spunk.
I had wondered before if Jason would want me to struggle.  I think part of him knew if I got too excited, struggled too much I could most likely hurt him…he is strong but I outweigh him.  Chuck, on the other hand, was big enough and strong enough to take me down if I struggled hard.  I still felt comfortable if things got out of hand that I knew enough tricks stop him.  But now I knew that would not be necessary.  He had showed me his D as well as his heart.
When we got to the car, I remember him grabbing my neck, choking me right there on the sidewalk where several people gave us funny looks.  I have expected the police to arrive…I hoped the people who saw us could tell that I was loving every minute of it.  Then he started spanking me.  It stung so well, I knew when he got me alone my ass was going to get it.  I tried to get away from him, working some more on that spirit he wanted to see.
I tried to hug him good bye but he grabbed me and started to pull me away from the car.  “Remember you can safeword at any time,” he said, “Or you can just say, I really have to go.”
“I really have to go,” I said firmly but sadly.  I didn’t want to destroy the chance that I could see him again by getting carried away at our first meeting.

… and I must let it all out. I think this is why I haven’t been able to write at all lately.

I’ve been living in my head too much. Thinking. Pondering.

But not acting on my thoughts or my intuition.

As you can see from my last post (both in content and the frequency with which I’ve updated this blog lately), I’ve been stuck here for a while.

I arrived at Phu Quoc Island (Vietnam) this morning, and being near the sea has helped me put some of my thoughts together (the vastness of the ocean tends to do that for me). I’m glad to get some much needed rest and time to really and honestly reflect, without shying away from what’s going on inside me.

I’ve been traveling with the guys for a little over a month. Despite it being fun, for a while, I’ve been feeling a  restlessness I haven’t been able to shake. Even though everything is beautiful and I’m visiting many new and exciting places, I’m not enjoying my journey 100%.

There’s something missing.

Traveling with other people, I feel like I’m always following someone else’s path, doing what someone else wants to do, hanging out with the people others want to hang out with, eating where others want to eat, and on and on..

In short, I’ve been compromising for the sake of the group. While it felt right at first, I no longer find joy in it because I don’t like the way I’m behaving.

Eating unhealthy food. Being judgemental. Letting myself be drawn into arguments about unimportant matters. Letting my wounded ego take over when someone says something hurtful. Feeling stagnant and out of place.

It’s not always the breaking of my good habits . It also has to do with the fact that, in being in a group, it’s harder to meet people on the same wavelength as me. The guys are adventurous, and we all love to go trekking and stuff like that.

But they’re not into yoga. They’re not into meditation. They’re not into spirituality, faith, or a holistic lifestyle.

So I’m starved, and I don’t feel like I’m being me.

It’s tiring. Exhausting even.

It zaps all my energy and enthusiasm for the rest of my trip, and I keep wondering if I should just cut it short and head home.

I miss my life in New York. I miss my routine. I miss my friends. I miss the afternoons reading at El Beit with a delicious cappuccino. I miss counseling. I miss learning.

I miss knowing in my bones, my heart, and my soul that I am living my purpose, and in accordance with my values.

Right now, I feel like I’m just traveling for traveling’s sake. But the type of trip I wanted was more of a spiritual journey.

This morning, during the ferry crossing from Rach Gia, one of the guys and I were talking about which beaches we wanted to go to. I mentioned I would love to go to one of the beaches in the south of the island because I had heard there were no other people there. The idea of having the whole beach to myself is very appealing.

He wondered out loud why a deserted beach would be so attractive to people. In his opinion, a whole beach for himself would be nice, but he would want to have people around after a short while.

I told him that, for me, a beach all to myself is appealing because it’s a place where you can be by yourself with nature unspoiled by the touch of man. A place where you can be in awe and appreciation at the wonder of the vastness and creativity of nature.

He said he thought it was the opposite: that a deserted beach appealed to people because it somehow gave them a sense of power.

While that may be the case for some, I disagree. For me, the appeal lies in being one with nature, attaining a sense of peace.

And once this thought popped into my head, it struck me that I didn’t need a deserted beach to be at peace. It’s nice to have that experience, but I don’t need it.

I would still like to visit this part of the island, but I know I can find peace anywhere.

The peace I seek is found within me.

This, again, made me wonder why I’m still traveling. I know that, whatever I am searching for, I will find inside me.

Furthermore, I felt a deeper sense of peace, and closer to what I seek, back in Brooklyn.

So I am torn.

Torn because I feel I lost my way and the energy I felt shinning so strongly from within me at the beginning of this journey is dimmed, and I want it back. Torn because, despite this, I still want to visit a lot of places before I go home.

Part of me thinks I should just go back home. This doesn’t feel right anymore. I feel I’m just drifting, following the currents of a path not my own.

But perhaps the solution isn’t to head home, but to break away from the group and travel on my own. Follow my own intuition. Make my own decisions.

I think re-reading “The Alchemist” (which I just finished last night), helped me tremendously.

And also, even though we haven’t met up here in Vietnam yet, the proximity of my friend Yvonne has been an inspiration.

I met her while traveling in New Zealand and was hoping to see her again while we both traveled in Southeast Asia. I knew that, by this time, she would probably be in the same region as me. Turns out, she just got to Phu Quoc yesterday and is staying until November 27^th!

Like I said, I haven’t run into her yet. But her nearby presence reminded me of her fierce independence, which I admire. In my head, I had a “conversation” with her, as I know she would ask me why not just travel on my own.

This thought has popped up a couple of times before, but I haven’t taken it seriously out of fear: first, fear for my security, second, fear of being lonely, and, third, because traveling alone is more expensive.

But, while taking precautions is important, I know I shouldn’t base my decisions on fear. Plus, my fears and insecurities about it are a good indication that this would be the right path to follow.

Especially because, asides from the “scary”, there is also… the “exhilarating”!