By Dr. Caron Goode

While saying “I love you” expresses how you feel to your child, when you’re able to clearly communicate your love in a tangible way that your child understands, there’s no chance your child will miss the message. Considering your child’s interactive style when showing expressions of love helps assure that your child, without a doubt, feels love, cared for and connected.

Many parents, especially those of multiples, recognize that each child has  his or her way of learning about the world. During the toddler years, for example, a parent may recognize that one child has more success learning a new skill when he tackles it on his own, while another has more success when modeling the activity after mom or dad.

This is because each child interacts with their world differently. In fact, there are four separate and distinct categories of interactive styles. These groups include achievers, thinkers, harmonizers and influencers. While there are bits and pieces of each interactive style in all of our children, children typically exhibit one or two dominant styles that direct how they interact with their world. 

For this reason, it should be no surprise that a child’s interactive style also influences how they feel and receive love. Once you understand what your child’s interactive style is, you clearly speak their love language, connect with them on a deeper level and tangibly demonstrate your love for them in a way they’ll understand and appreciate.

Achievers tend to be children who have a great need for freedom and self-expression. These children shy away from talking about their problems and feelings, and instead love the challenge of trying something new and achieving a goal. Achievers tend to be independent and appreciate all that is concrete. They often don’t like to show or receive much affection. Parents of achievers can tangibly show their child by love by giving gifts, offering positive, purposeful praise and by acknowledging and recognizing their child’s achievements. Also don’t be afraid to challenge them to something new. They thrive on learning experientially.

Thinkers tend to be children who thoroughly examine issues. These children tend to be non-competitive with others, but set high standards for themselves. They are great team members, and loved to be involved in family activities. Thinkers tend to be perfectionists and value relationships, intimacy and trust. Parents of thinkers can tangibly show their child love by spending time with their child, discussing issues of interest, read books and magazines together, demonstrating understanding and speaking lots of positive words of affirmation to their child.

Harmonizers tend to be children who are the peacemakers of the family. These children tend to internalize their feelings and worry about those close to them. Harmonizers crave stability and value relationships. Parents of harmonizers can tangibly show their child love by setting up a weekly “date night” where they spend time doing something special together, by giving gifts, by demonstrating trust, and by modeling open and honest communication.

Influencers tend to be children who are creative and artistic. These children tend to be dreamers and love being the center of attention. Influencers tend to be affectionate and like to be around others.  Parents of influencers can tangibly show their child love by supporting and fostering their creative spirit, by sharing an interest in the arts, by doing something creative together, like an art project or writing a song, by showing lots of affection and by actively engaging their child in doing things of interest to him.

All children have a deep desire to feel loved, accepted and liked by their parents. When children experience a warm and loving parental relationship, they have increased self-esteem and confidence. Children who feel good about themselves are less likely to seek out negative attention or to engage in risky social behaviors. Considering your child’s interactive style when showing expression of love can help assure that your child, without a doubt, feels love, cared for and connected.

Dr. Goode is a licensed counselor, author of a dozen books, speaker, and parent
coach.  She is the founder of and serves on the faculty of the Academy for Coaching Parents International (www.acpi.biz). She has recently co-authored (with Tara Paterson)
the award-winning book, Raising Intuitive Children and Nurture Your Child’s Gift. Both are available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

© 2010 by Dr. Caron Goode. You may reprint this article, leaving as is without changes, unless you receive permission from Dr. Goode. Email: carongoode@mac.com.

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming!”  Preparing for
holidays” can be like preparing for a revolution.  Perhaps you are one
of those people who decorate for the holidays prior to Thanksgiving. 
Perhaps you haven’t yet started your holiday decorating.  Whether or
not you have begun decorating for the forthcoming holidays, this
column may alter how you think about decorating for any holiday. 

So you have taken on the task of decorating the home for the
holidays.  How can you do it without strife?  You know that no matter
what the decorative touch, someone is likely to take offense at the
symbolism, be irritated by the colors, allergic to the odors, or
loudly object to the clutter.

The majority of us spend most of our lives attempting to fulfill our
need for affiliation, achievement and recognition.  That is a painful
eternity if the home atmosphere or physical environment breeds fear,
anger, cynicism and resentment, instead of beauty, fun, humor and joy.
Creating a beautiful and balanced environment is one way you can
express your love and care for yourself and for the others who share
your living space.

Everybody invites (or provokes) negative attention, only when they
believe positive is unavailable, because negative attention is
emotionally more satisfying than no attention at all.  The deepest
human need is for appreciative acknowledgment.  More than sex or
money, the two things people will work for are praise and recognition.
Put all these ideas together, and you will want to decorate your home
in such a way as to affirm and acknowledge all those who spend time
there.  How are you going to do that?

Begin by asking a direct question of all those who share your home:
Will you tell me what kind of holiday decorations bring you the most
delight?”  Affirm them by genuinely listening to their responses. 
Thank them for helping you to understand what reminds them of fun and
enjoyment.  Promise them you will consider their preferences as you
begin decorating the home.  Invite them to participate in the process,
or bring to you those decorative objects they most enjoy.  If they do
the latter, make certain you acknowledge them for acting on their
preferences.  Even if you don’t use their particular decoration, they
can always keep it displayed in their personal space.  Even if the
decorations are objectionable to some, they will not be as likely to
give voice to their negativity, if they feel they have been considered
and appreciated in the decorating process.

Ask for feedback as you begin decorating.  “Does this wreath look
best here or over there?”  “Will you let me know where you would put
this tree (pumpkin, candle-holder, card…whatever)?”  Genuinely
compliment them on their decorative taste.  If they express no
preference, at least they will feel you have considered them.

Any group becomes negative if the leader grabs the lion’s share of
the credit for the good work that has been done.  Families are no
exception.  There are three simple points to keep in mind:  If
something goes wrong with your decorating, it is your fault.  If it
turns out all right, “we did it.”  If it turns out great, everyone
else did it.  If you keep these three principles in mind as you begin
decorating, you are much less likely to have “strife” over the
decorative outcome.

Emotionally involve yourself in the decorating.  Emotionally detach
from the outcome.  Consider your decorating and decorations as gifts
you offer others.  You want the gifts to be of value to the
recipients.  So make certain you are aware of what your family members
value about how their living-space appears.  Put your most positive
emotions into your decorating.  Invest all the love and care you can. 
Once you have expressed your best, give it away totally to others
without any further emotional attachment or expectations.  Whether
people appreciate you, or the way the home looks becomes irrelevant. 
What others think of you or your decorations becomes none of your
business.  You have decorated the home in the most caring way you
know.  You have no power to control how others respond to it.  You are
free to respond to the decorated home-environment as you choose.  So
are others.

Decorate for the holidays?  No.  Decorate for yourself.  Decorate
for others’ delight.  Decorate for expressing yourself.  Decorate for
joy.  Decorate for sharing.  Decorate for beauty.  Decorate for
creating quality relationships.  While you’re at it…decorate your
life!  Then the possibility of strife-filled holidays, let alone a
family revolution, is greatly diminished.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”).  Initial coaching sessions are free. E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

A few weeks ago, a boy named “Falcon” was thought to have been
launched thousands of feet in the air while inside a “flying saucer”
[a balloon filled with helium].  The incident later turned out to be a
“publicity stunt.” During the balloon’s flight, I got to thinking
about how we launch our children into adulthood.  How do we equip our
children with the necessary character traits that will allow them to
become adults who are fulfilled and thriving?

In his book, “Courage, the backbone of leadership,” Gus Lee with
Diane Elliott-Lee writes, “In our families, universities, schools,
communities, and institutions, we accidentally canceled our central
national life quality program — character development.” Recent
scandals in business, the financial world and politics seem to clearly
demonstrate that as a nation, we have neglected to launch our kids
into adulthood with the character qualities required to reflect a
“national character” based on time-honored values. 

Lee goes on to write, “…we have treated the observations of Moses,
Aristotle, and Confucius as academic trivia questions instead of as
demonstrated truths defining the quality of life.  We actually began
to believe that we no longer needed wisdom.” 

What is some of that wisdom we need to give to our children?  Lee
believes it is contained in two “simple concepts.”  According to him,
principled behavior as adults has two parts: “(1) the establishment of
high core values and (2) courageous behaviors in alignment with those
core values.”

What are some of those “core values” principled parents want to
instill in their children?  Here are a few suggestions.

1. Through your actions, demonstrate to your children, the courage to
stand for those values that have been advocated for thousands of
years.  Aristotle once taught that “courage virtue” was not only the
foundation for happiness, it was the essence of life itself.

2. Learn from the experience of others…those less fortunate than
you as well as from those more fortunate.  It will allow you to
strengthen your compassion for all.

3. Treat all relationships as precious.  It is only within our
relationships that we are able to become fully human… and humane. 
Life is not really about you.  It is about the quality of the
relationships you have and how you contribute to it.

4. Work through any negative habits and “issues” as soon as you can. 
From your childhood, take only those mental, emotional, spiritual and
behavioral habits that equally serve your own best interests and the
best interests of everyone else.  Subordinate your own ego for the
benefit of the larger community.

5. Strive to enhance and improve your emotional intelligence.  
Sometimes, your heart will serve you in ways better than knowledge and
rationality can.

6. Become aware that the “worst of times” can teach you valuable
lessons, reveal important insights, and open you to positive growth.

7. Keep a balance between humility and self-confidence.  Listen! 
Listen to yourself.  Listen more to heroes of history.  Listen to your
parents, your teachers, your colleagues and your intuition.

8. Develop those character qualities that will allow you to trust
yourself in all situations.

9. Demand excellent conduct from others…beginning with yourself and
your own behavior.

10. Practice the virtue of behaving toward others in precisely the
same manner as you want them to treat you.  That is the “golden rule”
of life itself.

If we practiced the above “wise values,” not only could we change
the nature of our national character, we would launch our children
into a thriving adulthood.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.
 
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”).  Initial coaching sessions are free.  E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FREE Before They Know It All: Talking to Your Tweens and Teens about Sexuality Seminar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 
By The damaging “Hook-Up” culture is powerful and parents need to understand the decisions their children are faced with before they can be influential leaders.
 
Research with teens consistently tells us that teens want to know what their parents believe regarding the major issues that confront them.

FREE Before They Know It All: Talking to Your Tweens and Teens about Sexuality

• Are you a parent who has been dreading the “big talk” about sex with your tween or teen?
• Are you wondering when is the right time to talk to your kids about sex?
• Are you an educator that needs guidance in talking to tweens and teens about sex?
• Are you concerned about what children are learning about sexuality in our hook-up, friends-with-benefits culture?

Find our FREE podcast, How To Talk to Tweens and Teens About Sex, and sign up today for our FREE tele-seminar Before They Know It All: Talking to Your Tweens and Teens about Sexuality!

When: Tuesday, December 8th, 2009, 8 PM ET or Wednesday, December 16, 2009, 8 PM ET 
Cost:  FREE

Simply fill out the registration form and you will automatically receive information on how to join on the date of your seminar.

Language patterns apparent from the start; babies pick up traits in womb LiveScience
 
By Charles Q. Choi
Special to LiveScience

From their very first days, the cries of newborns already bear the mark of the language their parents speak, scientists now find.

French newborns tend to cry with rising melody patterns, slowly increasing in pitch from the beginning to the end, whereas German newborns seem to prefer falling melody patterns, findings that are both consistent with differences between the languages.

This suggests infants begin picking up elements of language in the womb, long before their first babble or coo.

Prenatal exposure

Prenatal exposure to language was known to influence newborns. For instance, past research showed they preferred their mother’s voice over those of others.

Still, researchers thought infants did not imitate sounds until much later on. Although three-month-old babies can match vowel sounds that adults make, this skill depends on vocal control just not physically possible much earlier.

However, when scientists recorded and analyzed the cries of 60 healthy newborns when they were three to five days old — 30 born into French-speaking families, 30 into German-speaking ones — their analysis revealed clear differences in the melodies of their cries based on their native tongue.

Imitating Mom
 
The way babies imitate melody patterns relies just on a command over their voiceboxes they had before birth, instead of the more advanced control of their vocal tracts they need for vowel sounds. As such, they can begin mimicking their mothers “at that early age,” said researcher Kathleen Wermke, a medical anthropologist at the University of Würzburg in Germany.

“Newborns are probably highly motivated to imitate their mother’s behavior in order to attract her and hence to foster bonding,” Wermke said.

The researchers conjecture that the development of spoken language is rooted in melody, and that these findings support their idea. “Music and language might have co-evolved for a certain time during evolution and share a primordial form of communication system,” Wermke told LiveScience.

Contributed by ACPI Parent Coach Sedef Orsel.

Sedef Orsel is a bilingual ACPI Certified Coach® for Parents and Families, and a Certified Connection Parenting Facilitator.

sedef”in web’deki yeni adresi:
http://www.cocukluyuzbiz.com
ve
sedefin turkce blog adresi/sedef’s blog in turkish:
http://parentcoach-sedef.blogspot.com/

please check sedef’s new website:
http://www.coachsedef.com

sedef’s blog in english/sedefin ingilizce blog adresi:
http://parentcoachsedef.blogspot.com/

By Corrin Howe

(In the first two installment of this series, I introduced Jonathan who, as an infant and toddler, was a puzzle to us. He was intellectually superior to his peers but developmentally behind them. The last article explained this disparity through the diagnosis of Apserger’s Syndrome. Today’s post follows Jonathan through his elementary school years.)

The learning specialist at Jonathan’s school frustrates me to no end. She works with Jonathan in kindergarten. Jonathan’s general education teacher sent Jonathan to the specialist because he was not a “fluent reader.” Fluency is a measure the school uses to help children to ultimately comprehend what they read. The school also measures “automaticity” which is basically “fluency” for math, how fast a child can recall math facts.

I really appreciate the specialist’s willingness to work with us. She makes herself available to meet with me. She also gives us plenty of resources to help Jonathan at home. However, she cannot or will not answer my on-going question.

“I understand the school uses fluency and automaticity as benchmarks for a child’s ability to obtain the higher skill. Is it possible that these are not good measures for Jonathan?” I not only ask this question of the learning specialist, but every team member for his Individualized Educational Plan.

Every time I asks her, she responds “I work with children who have automaticity in math, but don’t understand the higher concept. For example, I can put out 24 manipulatives (little physical objects used in math) and arrange them into two equal groups and ask the child to count. They will tell me “Twelve plus twelve equals 24.” Then I’ll break the same 24 cubes into four equal groups. The child will still have to count each and every cube.”

I explain I believe Jonathan understand the concept; however, he is slow to process. In the end I think the learning specialist and I fail to communicate. After the third meeting with her, and receiving the same answer, I went on line and purchased the exact manipuliatives she uses in her example.

I dump them on the kitchen table. I pull out 24 and arranged them into two equal groups. I ask Jonathan how many there are. He doesn’t even count. He says, “You have two groups of 12 which makes 24.” I arrange them again into four groups. Jonathan says, “You have four groups of six which is 24.” I rearrange them again into three groups. Jonathan sighs, “Unless you add or take away from the pile, you will always have 24 no matter how you arrange them.” He was in first grade.

In second grade he come home and asks me, “Mom what’s negative eight minus eight?” I turn the question around. “I don’t know, Jonathan. You tell me.” He says, “Negative 16!”

I keep up with the “standards” or the curriculum taught at each grade level in our state. Furthermore, I have a son who is seven years older than Jonathan. So I know Jonathan didn’t learn this in school. I reply, “Very good Jonathan. Where did you learn that?”

“I taught myself,” he answers. (Apparently this is a familiar phrase at school as several of the IEP team members repeat his declaration.)

He has an acute ability to pick up pieces of information and file them away in his brain. Then he’ll pick up another piece of information which he’ll put with the filed piece of information and make a “leap.”

Knowing Jonathan didn’t learn negative math in second grade I request a conference with his teacher. It turns out Jonathan learned about negative temperatures in science during a study of thermometers and weather. During the same week, in math, the class learned how to use number lines to help them solve math equations. When I describe Jonathan’s leap into negative math, his teacher’s head snaps back in disbelief.

My dad visits Jonathan’s classroom during “Grandparent’s Day” at school. The teacher gives the student and their grandparents a problem to resolve. It is a trick since there was no solution to the problem. However, Jonathan comes up with a reasonable solution. The teacher brags to my dad how Jonathan often “thinks outside the box” to resolve problems. The teacher also explains how Jonathan is usually the first to answer challenge math questions and often the only one to answer it correctly. Many of his peers still can’t answer the question even after the teacher walks them through the steps to resolve the problem.

Now in fourth grade, Jonathan’s teacher teaches Jonathan sixth grade level math skills. Jonathan completes simple algebra equations, which in our school district is an “honors math” skill even for sixth grade.

For the first time since Kindergarten, a teacher answers my question. The answer is “no.” Fluency and automaticity are not good measures for Jonathan. The fourth grade math teach observes that Jonathan knows the answer, he just needs extra time to work it out. In fact, probably a more accurate statement is, Jonathan often knows the answer immediately, he needs the extra time to translate the answer from his own “language” into one the rest of us can understand.

He is just now articulating he “thinks” and “sees” in terms of numbers and not words. I do believe he thinks in ways other than words. I can see how he would articulate he sees in numbers, but I believe he actually sees pictures or entire objects. He then has to “search the file cabinet” for the words which go with his picture.

I believe this because he went five years not being able to “access” the word “dinner.” Upon some research, I asked Jonathan to find the word “dinner” in his brain. His eyes rolled to the top of his head for a discernable but brief period. When he had the word, I suggested he “file” it in a place he’d be able to access it. For nearly a year he had immediate access to the word “dinner.” Then he lost the word again. We went through the same exercise. He’s not lost the word sense.

Corrie Howe started her professional career as a journalist and freelance writer. She stopped writing for money twenty years ago and became a stay-at-home mother of three children ranging from 7 to 17. The middle son has Asperger’s Syndrome which she blogs about at Just Because My Pickle Talks Doesn’t Make Me An Idiot.

By Corrin Howe

(In the first installment of this series, I introduced Jonathan who, as an infant and toddler, was a puzzle to us. He was intellectually superior to his peers but developmentally behind them. Today’s post follows Jonathan from toddler through his preschool years.)

Our state mandated that all public schools offer all-day Kindergarten by a certain school year. Our county decided to phase in the mandate as school construction opened the necessary space to accommodate the influx of students. Jonathan’s home school received the first construction funds, putting him on track to be enrolled in the first all day kindergarten class.

Even though Jonathan was only three and a half years old at the time, I knew he wouldn’t be ready for all day kindergarten without some help. I tried to enroll him in various half day preschool programs; however, he failed to meet the first requirement – potty trained. We worked on potty training for nearly a year and a half with no discernable end in sight.

My husband was active duty military at the time, so the entire family was under the care of military doctors in the base clinic. If I recall correctly, the pediatric clinic was filled beyond capacity, so Jonathan was moved into the “family clinic” for his care. So, one day when I was seeing the doctor, I mentioned my concern about Jonathan’s development. She asked me a few questions and then administered some basic developmental tests to Jonathan.

She handed me a referral to Walter Reed Army Hospital, which was the closest full service hospital to our military base. She sent us to the Child Development Clinic. We sat on a waiting list for four months. While we waited for an available appointment day, the clinic sent us a package of paperwork to complete and return.

I think I cried with joy and relief as I read through the questions. During the last three and a half years, I would share things about Jonathan with my friends. They would try to comfort and reassure me with the standard phrase, “(Their child’s name) is the same way. I wouldn’t worry about it.” It didn’t matter what behavior I wanted to insert. “Jonathan screams when I cut his nails.” “Jonathan acts like I’m ripping his limbs out when I put him in the bathtub.” “Jonathan always covers his ears and complains when we turn on household appliances.” I was frustrated with my friends because they didn’t seem to give me credit for the other two children I had who didn’t behave the same way.

The surveys addressed all the behaviors which concerned me and more. The day finally came when we saw the child psychologist. She gave us a diagnosis which finally explained the wide disparity between Jonathan’s developmental delays and his intellectual advancements. Asperger’s Syndrome. While not all people diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome have superior intellectual capabilities, Jonathan happens to be one who does.

Two years after this diagnosis, we received the same diagnosis from a private civilian psychologist, who also administered IQ tests as part of his evaluation. Jonathan tests at the low end of the “superior” range in non-verbal areas and average to high average in verbal areas. Since this intellectual testing, his school administered two other IQ and cognitive assessments in which the scores were consistent with earlier findings. Interestingly, Jonathan’s lowest scores and highest scores in these kinds of assessments are consistently two standard deviations apart, indicating a verbal learning disability.

Testing only confirmed what we observed about Jonathan. He didn’t start talking until he was twenty-five months old. He had trouble with figurative language. If I said, “Hold your horses!” He’d be upset with me. “I don’t have any horses!” The original psychologist told us to avoid idioms, but it is really hard. One day Jonathan was telling a whopper of a story. My husband just nodded and said, “Uh huh. I didn’t just fall off a turnip truck you know.” Jonathan exclaimed, “What?” Scott caught himself and regrouped, “I mean, I wasn’t born yesterday.” Again Jonathan demanded, “What?’ Finally, Scott chuckled at himself, “I mean I think you’re making up a story.”

However, Jonathan would sit in the furthest seat in the mini-van and quiz me, “Mama, what’s four plus four take away two?” I learned early in his life to turn the question back on him, “I don’t know. You tell me.” He said, “Six!” He was only four at the time. I told this to his new preschool vice principal. The VP’s eyes popped out of his head, “What TV shows is he watching?”

His older brother thought he was smart because he was in 6th grade algebra. Not to be outshined by his four year old brother, Joshua taunted Jonathan, “But you don’t know what three squared is.” Of course, Jonathan didn’t know the answer, but he wanted to know. He quizzed my husband for the next 20 minutes about squaring all single digit numbers. At the end of the twenty minutes, Jonathan was able to square numbers himself. And from that day on, he understood that two squared was – “two, two times.” And three squared was counting “three three times.” As long has he had enough fingers and toes at his disposal, he could figure out the square of numbers himself.

The diagnosing psychologist told us that Jonathan was “one step” below “Rainman” as she tried to explain Asperger’s to us. When he was about four, we noticed Jonathan seemed to “count” or estimate very fast or very accurately. I dumped a bag of M&Ms on the table. We played various math games. At one point we were down to just a pile of red and blue candies on the table. I asked him to count out twenty for me. He looked at the pile and in one swipe of the hand he said, “There.” I counted. It was twenty. He didn’t even count (at least it didn’t seem he had time to county).

In preschool, he went through a second set of IEP evaluations when we asked for speech services. The school psychologist said he completed puzzle tests at four years old that many of the ten year olds she tested couldn’t complete.

Jonathan’s original diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome was enough to qualify him for preschool in a mainstream setting in our local public school. However, our push for speech and language services resulted in a loss of his Individualized Education Plan. His high IQ and lack of behavioral problems convinced the school team Jonathan no longer fit the eligibility requirements under the Individuals with Disabilities Educational Act.

We spent the summer between his preschool and kindergarten year fighting with the school board for reconsideration of their position on Jonathan’s need for speech and language services.

Corrie Howe started her professional career as a journalist and freelance writer. She stopped writing for money twenty years ago and became a stay-at-home mother of three children ranging from 7 to 17. The middle son has Asperger’s Syndrome which she blogs about at Just Because My Pickle Talks Doesn’t Make Me An Idiot.

By Corrin Howe

One of the primary logos associated with autism is a puzzle with a piece missing. I love the idea of a puzzle because it defines many moments of our nine-year journey with autism. Three weeks after birth Jonathan started crying everyday like clockwork from 4:00 p.m. to between 8 to 10:00 p.m. My husband and I fell into our bed only two or three days into this ten-month period of daily crying.

“You had a baby before. What do you think is wrong?” my husband asked.

“Josh was an easy baby. He didn’t do this. But I looked it up in a baby book today. I think it might be colic,” I answered.

We tried everything. We read everything. We asked for advice. We talked to the doctor. Nothing seemed to console the inconsolable infant. We began to realize that noise, activity and large numbers of people were the triggers for hours of crying to follow.

Then our son turned a year old. Instead of crying all night long, he stopped communicating. We only knew he was awake if we checked on him. I often wondered how long he’d sit in the dark in his crib waiting for someone to come get him.

At that age my other two children were crawling out of the crib, crawling out of the stroller and climbing over baby safety gates, Jonathan sat basically where I put him. For a while I really enjoyed how easy he was. I didn’t have to worry about leaving him alone. I didn’t go nuts having to put all my pots and pans back into the cabinets after he pulled them all out. I could put him in a stroller and walk for miles and he’d sit content with a box of raisins and his bottle.

Then came the days when I started to worry about the fact he wasn’t trying to crawl. He wasn’t trying to investigate all the “not for Jonathan” items in the house. When he was ten months old he said “ball” and “Bob” appropriately. Then he stopped saying these two words. He was 17 months old and he wasn’t saying anything, not even “Mama” or “Dada.”

However, when he did start to crawl, he crawled immediately. I’d lived in this house for almost two years and had never seen any of my friend’s crawling infants attempt the step between my kitchen and living room. One day I left Jonathan in the living room to check on food in the kitchen. Jonathan didn’t like being left along and let me know about it. When I didn’t come back to get him, he crawled to me. On his first time he attempted to crawl, he crawled from the living room into the kitchen including climbing the step up into the kitchen.

There were other things like this over the years. He couldn’t or didn’t do something. He didn’t even attempt to do it. Then one day he decided he would do it. And he did. Perfectly. It was this way with crawling. It was this way with walking. It was this way with opening doors in the house.

At his 24-month check up, he still wasn’t talking. The doctor suggested we start the protocol evaluation for autism. The first evaluation was for hearing. Since my older son had severe ear infections, two sets of tubes and was in the process of hearing tests, I knew Jonathan’s issue wasn’t hearing. However, the doctor insisted we follow the protocol.

We went to the test. Jonathan was placed in a sound proof booth with huge earphones placed on his head. Remember, he’s not verbal, so I wasn’t sure how they were going to test his hearing. The lady sat outside a two-way glass and pushed hundreds of buttons. At the end of the test, Jonathan was declared to have a thirty percent hearing loss. I asked the basis of the opinion. The doctor explained she was looking for Jonathan’s eyes to look to the side of his head where the noise was played. I knew Jonathan was more fascinated with what she was doing outside the booth than he was about the noises. The doctor recommended immediate tubes in the ears. I picked up my toddler and left. I never went back. I told the referring physician I wasn’t going through her protocol any longer.

By the end of the month Jonathan was saying “Mama” and “Dada.” Two months later (when he was twenty-seven months old) out of nowhere he said, “Josh pushed and I bumped my head.” We were in a hotel lobby with my in-laws. We all almost fell off our chairs. He went from no words to seven word sentences in three months.

And so it went for the first three and a half years of Jonathan’s life. On the one hand he was behind his peers when it came to meeting developmental milestones like smiling, crawling, talking, potty training, etc. Yet, on the other hand, he was, in many ways, so far ahead of his peers.

Even without the ability to talk, he was fascinated with the alphabet. He’d indicate his desire for me to write out the alphabet over and over and over again. He liked seeing me draw the letters. He could point out the letters if I asked him to point them out.

He was putting together jig-saw-puzzles.

He was playing practical jokes. Who expects a three year old to purposely hide a puzzle piece until everyone gives up looking for it? Then he calmly pulls it out from under his leg. Who expects a three year old to hide his favorite blanket in a hotel nightstand and sit there calmly while two adults and two teenagers search and back-track the entire hotel for an hour? And when everyone falls onto the double beds panicked about what the night holds without the treasured blanket, he walks over to the bottom drawer and triumphantly pulls out the blanket and announces with a huge smile, “Here it is!”

How could a little guy be so smart while being so far behind? Look for future posts to find out.

Corrie Howe started her professional career as a journalist and freelance writer. She stopped writing for money twenty years ago and became a stay-at-home mother of three children ranging from 7 to 17. The middle son has Asperger’s Syndrome which she blogs about at Just Because My Pickle Talks Doesn’t Make Me An Idiot.

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

The mental health profession is beginning to recognize the need for
people to include their spiritual life in any treatment or therapy
they might seek.  Until recently, the term “spirit” conjured up
concepts such as ghosts, mental aberrations, religious beliefs or
cults.  Now, however, science is beginning to acknowledge the
importance of body energy, its energy fields and what psychological
factors modify such fields.  Some of these factors have previously
been exclusively the domain of “spiritual” people.  Not so anymore!

The value of a healthy spiritual life is being recognized by almost
everyone who has had any experience addressing the psychological, or
mental and emotional problems of others.  Clinical psychologist and
Buddhist monk, Jack Kornfield, in his book, “A Path With Heart”
writes: “When I began working at a state mental hospital while
studying for my Ph.D., I naively thought I might teach meditation to
some of the patients.  It quickly became obvious that meditation was
not what they needed.

“But then I discovered a whole large population at this hospital who
desperately needed meditation: the psychiatrists, psychologists,
social workers, psychiatric nurses, mental health aides, and others. 
…Not many among these caregivers seemed to know firsthand in their
own psyches the powerful forces that the patients were encountering,
yet this is a very basic lesson in meditation: facing our own greed,
unworthiness, rage, paranoia, and grandiosity, and the opening of
wisdom and fearlessness beyond these forces.  The staff could all have
greatly benefited from meditation as a way of facing within themselves
the psychic forces that were unleashed in their patients.  From this
they would have brought a new understanding and compassion to their
work and their patients.”

All traditional spiritual paths, some practiced for thousands of
years, seek to transform and liberate consciousness.  There are
generally two very different approaches on how to accomplish this. 
One traditional view teaches that we need to attain profoundly altered
states of consciousness in order to discover a “transcendent” vision
of what life is all about.  The stereotype of this spiritual seeker is
one who goes to the cave or mountaintop, withdraws from the world,
meditates for hours on end, and finally becomes “enlightened.” This
view is referred to as the “transcendent path of spirituality.” And
certainly, the value of this way is the great inspiration and forceful
vision it can bring to our lives.

The second great spiritual view is called the “path of spiritual
immanence.  This school teaches that one needs to bring the value of
spiritual awakening down from the mountain and inject it in every
moment of our daily lives.  It believes that we need to infuse our
whole life with a sense of the sacred and truly live from moment to
moment fully involved in the daily activities we each encounter.

Both of these spiritual traditions, have certain psychologically
beneficial and healthy aspects.  Almost any spiritual tradition
contains certain “truths” and methods for realizing them.

Regardless of which religious or mystical path one chooses, the
benefits one derives from pursuit of a spiritual practice can include:

—-The development of compassion for self and others.  Such
compassion is based not on seeking some ideal of perfection.  Rather
it is simply based on the capacity to “Let go and to love, to open the
heart to all that Is.”

——The strengthening of the human virtues of kindness, patience,
flexibility, self–awareness and self–acceptance, understanding,
wisdom and knowledge.

——Probably the best psychological benefit of spiritual pursuits
is the loss of fear.  As one’s spiritual life evolves, his fear
diminishes.  Almost all common psychological problems are
fundamentally based on fear.  Lose your fear, and you become
spiritually well.  Become spiritually mature and you lose your fear.

As a mental health professional, I can attest to the value of these
traditional spiritual endeavors.  Hopefully, we will continue to seek
out their benefits to us as living beings.  Perhaps we are actually
spiritual beings creating a physical experience, rather than a
physical being seeking a spiritual experience.  Wouldn’t that shift in
perception transform your life?! Such a transformation in everyone’s
self-concept might just save the human species from extinction.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”). E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

Using awareness to deviate from learned parenting behaviors.

I remember the very moment that my daughter was born barely 9 years ago. It’s not a moment most mothers would ever forget, but I remember my exact thought…”It’s time to grow up – today.” It’s not that I felt overly immature at the moment just before that, but the immediate knowing that this tiny being was wholly dependent on me and would grow to learn from my every move was cathartic and intimidating at the same time.

A rush of emotions and thoughts came in despite the fact that I had just given birth — a beautiful, natural, gentle birth, but exhausting nonetheless. I knew at that very moment that it was up to me to break a long history of common parenting styles which I did not intend to follow. I had no idea just how difficult that would prove to be.

Generations of habits, repeat behaviors and semi-conscious parenting were deeper in my psyche than I knew or cared to admit. As my daughter grew and my son was born, the daily stress of parenting brought out the very reactions that I swore would never escape my lips; they fell out or were just barely caught in the nick of time. I quickly learned two important things: 1) I was parenting by design; and 2) it was going to require 24/7 awareness if I was going to succeed in gentle, respectful and non-violent parenting.

I recall one story that my daughter always asks me to repeat. I’m not sure why she likes this story, but it’s almost as if she is reminding me that I’m doing okay and making right choices. My husband was on the road touring with a band and complete exhaustion was becoming a normal existence for me. My newborn son had just been released from NICU with a heart defect, and he and I were both decompressing from a bit of ICU psychosis. Needless to say, sleep was a rare treat. I was making dinner and took out some tater tots and put them on the cookie sheet on the stove. My daughter got angry at me because she wanted to eat them out of the bag (she was 3), so she reached up and yanked the cookie sheet off of the stove and the tater tots went flying. I had an immediate reaction and reached my up hand preparing to spank her with about as much force as I could muster when (as if in slow motion) I had a last minute awareness of what I was about to do and instead scooped her up and gave her a big hug. I was shaking and crying. And she was laughing. She gave me a big hug and never knew how close she came to becoming yet another child victim of corporal punishment.

I knew at that moment that it was possible to change the course of history and make new decisions in how we parent our children. I know that the abused grow to become the abuser, but I also know that this is a choice. But, it requires awareness – awareness and intention. We must first set the intention to parent in a gentle, loving manner. Every day I wake up and tell myself that I’m going to parent with love and patience and listen with an open heart. Every night I go to bed and forgive myself for anything that slipped through. And every day, I take responsibility for my actions, make amends for any actions or words that fall outside the scope of what I consider loving and gentle (holding myself to a high standard on that definition) and acknowledge to my children when it was me, not them, who brought out any transgression.

Doreen Fisher is a musician, home educator, business owner and philanthropist. She lives in Dallas with her husband, their 2 incredibly intuitive children, Sammy the cat and Tibblett the bunny. dfisher@parentinginawareness.com;  www.parentinginawareness.com; www.rainbowoutsourcing.com; www.pientre.com

Discipline, only after love, is the most important thing a parent can give a child. However, discipline is not to be confused with punishment. Punishment is probably the least effective thing a parent can offer a child. Punishment only teaches children to lie, make excuses, learn ways to avoid being caught, and resent authority as well as create innumerable emotional problems. It is generally arbitrarily administered and designed to create suffering, which is not our natural state of being.

Discipline is the ability to control oneself and one’s actions. Discipline is based on a partnership with the child in a movement towards being able to express the best that is within oneself. Discipline is allowing natural consequences to occur, providing help to the child when needed to get past those natural consequences. Most deeply spiritual people have had to exercise supreme discipline in regards to their physical and mental endurance during their preparations, which causes them to draw upon their spiritual strength to bear up under their ordeals. Edgar Cayce himself was told that he developed the ability to go outside his body in order to heal his wounds.

Parents can best teach discipline when they do not fake reality. In remembering the Law of Self, we are to know the truth of our beings. We do not pretend that things are otherwise than what they are. Maslow heralded this ability in his eight characteristics of the self-actualized person:  the ability to shed defense mechanisms.

Conflict Resolution: Conflict is inevitable. It helps us to face our shortcomings, develops strength of character, and helps us define our values. What is important is that we are able to resolve conflict without verbal or emotional violence. The first step to resolving a conflict that occurs within the family is to decide just whose problem the conflict is. Too often the parents take ownership of all conflicts, attempting to settle them for their children. If the conflict is between two of the children in the family, then the problem is theirs to resolve. While the skill of resolving conflict requires initial guidance, the children will eventually be able to resolve conflicts, if indeed the situations escalate to that level, independently. Based on the Creative Conflict Resolution program and the teaching of Joseph Bruchac of the Abenaki tribe, here are the three questions that need to be asked:

1. What happened?

Each child needs to state their version of what happened. The other child cannot interrupt (a talking stick is often helpful during this as only the person who holds the stick can talk… parents cannot even interrupt!). Children soon learn that each person has a slightly, if not drastically, different version of the event!

2. What did I do to contribute to the problem?

This is probably the most difficult part for the child. Names cannot be mentioned during this part. Thus the child cannot say “He knocked down my building so I hit him.”  She hit him because she became lost in her emotions, and she needs to say it this way so that she takes responsibility for her actions. Sometimes the child needs to say simply, “I acted like a victim and let her wreck everything.”  Sometimes the child needs to say, “I teased him until he could not take it any more. I went too far.”

Being able to state honestly how she contributed to the problem goes a long ways towards shedding defense mechanisms. Defense mechanisms are a great deterrent to solving conflicts as so much time and much energy is wasted trying to get past them.

3. What I need from you to get along from this point on.

This is when the parent must relinquish all control. The children will come to terms as to how they will get along. After all, getting along is the goal… not punishment!  Sometimes a simple “sorry” suffices. Sometimes doing the other child’s chore is enough.

When the conflict is between the parent and child, the parent at this step most often wants to know how s/he will know that this will not happen again. This is a time to talk about trust and how important it is to a family being strong. This is a time to talk about how important it is that the parent can depend upon the child to keep the family strong and walking in peace. This is the time to talk about how very important it is that no one pushes another beyond what they can endure as that is not the way of love, but rather the way of being destructive.

Susan Gale, co-author of Psychic Children and Soulful Parenting, is the manager of A Place of Light in Cherry Valley, MA.  With 30+ years of professional experience working with families as a teacher, camp director and owner of a children’s center that included a pre-K through grade accredited school, she currently helps people of all ages understand, develop and control their intuitive gifts.  For more info, please visit www.placeoflight.net.

Everywhere I go, I hear people talking about one thing or another that they are afraid of. It seems to be at the forefront of everyone’s mind lately. I am afraid of this, or that, the flu, other people, change, leaving a job they hate, or partner they no longer relate too. The list goes on and on. In fact, they are so afraid, they simply do not move at all. They sit still and freeze, and this affects us on all levels. Fear has this way of paralyzing you to the point where you will not do anything. Simply put, if you are afraid, you will stay the same. We won’t live, we won’t change, we won’t question what we are told, and we will do whatever anyone else tells us because we are sacred.

We walk around with this eternal question of “OH NO, What should I do?” and we hand over our personal sense of power to anyone willing to offer us guidance. We throw away our intuition, our common sense, and look to what everyone else is doing instead.

This is the true danger of the fear mindset. It causes us to step out of our power center, where we have a strong sense of who we are, and where our balance lives, into a state of unbalanced living where power is put outside of us. In response as energy bodies, our vibration lowers, our light dims, and all kinds of things can then come in, including the flu and other dis-eases.

When we do get sick, use it as an opportunity to take a look at where your life is unbalanced, and why. Then make the necessary changes to regain balance, and nurture yourself, until your health and stronger vibration/light has returned.

It always surprises me how many people who live in fear forget to laugh, and take themselves too seriously. However, if you think about it, it would make perfect sense, because when you are in fear, you do take life and yourself too seriously because it is a threat to your very existence. Laughter and lightheartedness are hard to come by when you are in fear. Two of your natural born qualities that keep you happy, balanced and healthy.

We all fall prey to Fear; it is a great teacher. A very hard taskmaster. It will ask things of you and push you through boundaries you never even realized you had. It is when you get stuck in fear that depression develops, ill health and a variety of other physical manifestations. All asking you to stop, look and learn.

We may not be conscious of being afraid. Fear manifests in a plethora of ways in our lives. How we judge others, how we criticize ourselves, why we stay in abusive or unsatisfying relationships, or unfulfilled jobs. It is why we find any excuse not to move forward with our dreams and yearnings. It is why we look at ourselves in the mirror with any other emotion except pure unconditional love. It is why we cringe in the corner afraid to move on any level in our lives.

Facing your fears head on, and conquering them like a good enemy is a wonderful way to move through the heart of your fears, so you can find the gold treasure that awaits in the lessons it has to teach you. The energy hold it has on you and your life then vaporizes leaving you clear, balanced and for the better because of it.

When we find others in a state of fear, we have to seek the mirror for ourselves. Instead of trying to solve it for them, or run away because we fear being close to people who are afraid, look at the why for yourself.

Having compassion for others in fear means you have compassion for yourself when you are afraid. But remember compassion does not mean you have to take on their situation, simply witnessing it and loving them unconditionally is enough.

So instead of avoiding fear, when they surface, or you see fear mirrored back to you by the situations in your life, stop, look and learn.

Recipe for Fear Relief:

1 Cup of Laughter

3 Ounces of Silliness

4 boxes of Creative Expression

1 stick of Nature

Bake until you learn something new about yourself

Hillary Raimo teaches, lectures, and has written on a variety of empowerment issues related to multi-dimentional healing and spirituality. As host The Hillary Raimo Show: Matters for Mind, Body & Spirit now heard in over 29 countries worldwide, she speaks on a variety of topics related to higher consciousness. Hillary teaches at a variety of venues nationwide, and leads tours to sacred sites worldwide. www.hillaryraimo.com for details

Everywhere I go, I hear people talking about one thing or another that they are afraid of. It seems to be at the forefront of everyone’s mind lately. I am afraid of this, or that, the flu, other people, change, leaving a job they hate, or partner they no longer relate too. The list goes on and on. In fact, they are so afraid, they simply do not move at all. They sit still and freeze, and this affects us on all levels. Fear has this way of paralyzing you to the point where you will not do anything. Simply put, if you are afraid, you will stay the same. We won’t live, we won’t change, we won’t question what we are told, and we will do whatever anyone else tells us because we are sacred.

We walk around with this eternal question of “OH NO, What should I do?” and we hand over our personal sense of power to anyone willing to offer us guidance. We throw away our intuition, our common sense, and look to what everyone else is doing instead.

This is the true danger of the fear mindset. It causes us to step out of our power center, where we have a strong sense of who we are, and where our balance lives, into a state of unbalanced living where power is put outside of us. In response as energy bodies, our vibration lowers, our light dims, and all kinds of things can then come in, including the flu and other dis-eases.

When we do get sick, use it as an opportunity to take a look at where your life is unbalanced, and why. Then make the necessary changes to regain balance, and nurture yourself, until your health and stronger vibration/light has returned.

It always surprises me how many people who live in fear forget to laugh, and take themselves too seriously. However, if you think about it, it would make perfect sense, because when you are in fear, you do take life and yourself too seriously because it is a threat to your very existence. Laughter and lightheartedness are hard to come by when you are in fear. Two of your natural born qualities that keep you happy, balanced and healthy.

We all fall prey to Fear; it is a great teacher. A very hard taskmaster. It will ask things of you and push you through boundaries you never even realized you had. It is when you get stuck in fear that depression develops, ill health and a variety of other physical manifestations. All asking you to stop, look and learn.

We may not be conscious of being afraid. Fear manifests in a plethora of ways in our lives. How we judge others, how we criticize ourselves, why we stay in abusive or unsatisfying relationships, or unfulfilled jobs. It is why we find any excuse not to move forward with our dreams, and yearnings. It is why we look at ourselves in the mirror with any other emotion except pure unconditional love. It is why we cringe in the corner afraid to move on any level in our lives.

Facing your fears head on, and conquering them like a good enemy is a wonderful way to move through the heart of your fears, so you can find the gold treasure that awaits in the lessons it has to teach you. The energy hold it has on you and your life then vaporizes leaving you clear, balanced and for the better because of it.

But remember compassion does not mean you have to take on their situation, simply witnessing it and loving them unconditionally is enough.

So instead of avoiding fear, when they surface, or you see fear mirrored back to you by the situations in your life, stop, look and learn.

Recipe for Fear Relief:

1 Cup of Laughter

3 Ounces of Silliness

4 boxes of Creative Expression

1 stick of Nature

Bake until you learn something new about yourself

Hillary Raimo teaches, lectures, and has written on a variety of empowerment issues related to multi-dimentional healing and spirituality. As host The Hillary Raimo Show: Matters for Mind, Body & Spirit now heard in over 29 countries worldwide, she speaks on a variety of topics related to higher consciousness. Hillary teaches at a variety of venues nationwide, and leads tours to sacred sites worldwide. www.hillaryraimo.com for details

The world is beginning to comprehend the healing vibration of the Universe, which resonates within all people, places, and things. Incorporating vibration techniques can be done in a myriad of ways; simply follow your intuition as to what might work for your family.

Several of my clients whose children are considered by doctors to be on the “Autism Spectrum” report their kids as having a sensitivity and fondness for vibration in appliances, stones, and specific places on their property.  I have found it is best to let children take the lead and support what they are naturally drawn to. One child in particular collected rocks and felt comforted by them. It wasn’t until the mother took a closer look did she realize each rock had bits of quartz embedded somewhere in them. It was then easy to acknowledge her child naturally gravitated toward these healing stones. I have seen similar traits in other children with regard to shells, leaves, shapes, and colors.

My client, Don, not only uses his intuitive energy skills with his children, but also with his father, who has Alzheimer’s disease. Slowly watching his dad deteriorate in awareness and communication abilities at a nursing facility has been painful for Don. Constantly striving to remain connected, he brings in items from home, realizing the energy of certain favorite things stir a reaction from his father and even stimulate conversation about their past. A beloved religious medallion seems to provide the most comfort and healing for them both. Their shared energetic connection, called the Field of Intuitive Harmony, is there for all to explore, regardless to whether you are the parent…or the child. Don demonstrates this beautifully by tapping into the vibrations and honoring the energetic connections with items from he and his father’s life.

Remember, everything has a vibration. Your resonance with an object, person, or thing may offer you a unique opportunity to tap into Divine energy. Here are some suggestions on how you can experience good vibrations:

• Decorate yourself and your home with natural stones and crystals for their beauty and healing properties.
  • Use a quartz crystal, tuning fork, or vibrating massager to activate your own or your family’s energy centers.
  • Play with rocks! As a family, collect and track your sensitivity to certain stones. Why do you like them? How do they make you feel? Head out on a field trip to a rock museum or a local quarry.
  • Go for a walk in the woods to tap into the Earth’s energies. Dowse for water, minerals, or even caves. Make it a fun outing for the whole family.
  • When you feel resonance within your body, ask your higher self for more details and expect the answer to come to you. Resonance is often experienced as the lift in our heart, the bounce in our step or even a subtle all over vibration. It is a feeling of deep connectedness.

Deb Snyder, PhD is the author of Intuitive Parenting (Beyond Words 2010) and the creator of the HeartGlow method. She is an inspirational speaker and teacher to groups large and small and offers instruction on intuitive parenting in private sessions, classes and seminars throughout the country. FMI visit www.heartglowparenting.com

by Danielle Koprowski
 
When we come into a different level of consciousness about our parenting many of us see all the ways in which we would like to be different as parents. Often times we know better. We know we do not want to yell, to be snippy, controlling or punitive yet we find ourselves doing these things anyway.

Many parents wonder why it is that now that they know better, they don’t always do better.

What if one day you learned that it was far superior to brush your teeth with your non-dominate hand. You decide to brush your teeth with your non-dominate hand for the rest of your life. How do you think you would do? Would it feel awkward? How long would it take you to be as good at brushing as you are with your other hand? How many times would you go into the bathroom, grab the brush with your dominate hand and start brushing? After the first month would you forget and go back to the dominate hand?

What we learned about parenting we learned from our parents 20, 30 years ago and it is the hard wired in our brain much like brushing our teeth with our dominate hand. I am sure with time, practice and commitment you could learn to brush your teeth with your other hand. In the process, would you question yourself about why it is so challenging? Would you judge yourself when you used the “wrong” hand?

Being the parents we aspire to be is no different. It takes time, practice and commitment. Have compassion for yourself, understand that even when we know better we are still just learning and practicing a new way.

This week, ask yourself, “Why do I have compassion for myself as a parent?”
 

Danielle Koprowski
Free To Be Parenting Support
ACPI Certified Coach for Parents and Families
www.freetobeparenting.com

When we were kids, we envisioned ourselves becoming great parents, living wonderful lives and having a career that we could be satisfied with when we got old. Want to know if you’re all grown up? Hear what Gary Robertson will share about the big topic concerns on what kids really want—and need—from parents. Dr. Caron Goode is gifted Coach with a heart for assisting others to effect lasting transformation through spiritual coaching, books, classes and seminars. Caron’s continuous education, experience in psychology and professional writing makes her a great resource for parents wishing to create and maintain a nurturing relationship with their children. During her career, Jean Tracy developed character building concepts that continue to benefit parents and children through her line of parent/child discussion books, practical parenting tools, and marriage eBook.

Time:  11 am pst

Date:  Thursday, Sept 3

Place:  Listen Live at http://www.modavox.com/voiceamerica/vepisode.aspx?aid=40801

by Dr. Caron B. Goode
www.acpi.biz

Unfortunately, many children today do not know where their food comes from. Many would even draw a blank if you pointed to a jar of canned veggies and asked them how they ended up on the store shelf. The good news is you can change that! With the nice weather on your side, you can coach your kids to play an active role in growing their own fresh produce.
 
For parents who are struggling with getting their kids to eat veggies, growing a vegetable garden may provide for more than summer fun. In fact, when kids feel like they have an active role in growing their own produce, they may be more interested in eating it.  One case in point was my family’s move to a new home in Virginia. My mother-in-law loved to plant, and at 75 years of age, she had vigor that embarrassed the rest of us. In our desire to help her plant snap peas and beans, spinach and melons, my two children and I found a bond to share with our wise elder. Two hours in a garden one afternoon turned into months of sharing the watering, picking and cooking our produce.
 
Gardening also provides an opportunity for children to learn many valuable life skills. Children can learn practical, hands-on science lessons and can learn about caring for living things, simply by planting and tending to a garden. Growing fresh vegetables also encourages healthy eating habits, which is critical during a time when childhood obesity is a national epidemic.  And with the prize of fresh produce at the end, these are lessons kids won’t soon forget!
 
To get started producing your own produce, gather the kids and try planting these no fail veggies in your garden. If you don’t have space to start a garden in your backyard, these veggies will even grow well in a pot on your deck.

Leafy Lettuce.  Plant lettuce seeds in shallow soil, covering them with about ½ inch of soil. Water until soil is moist. Be sure to check the seed packaging so you can allow enough space in-between seeds for your lettuce to grow. Lettuce is usually ready to harvest about 80 days after planting the seeds. With leafy lettuce, simply remove the outer lettuce leaves when you’re ready to eat it so your lettuce will continue to grow.

Carrots. Sprinkle carrot seeds on top of the soil and gently water them into the soil. Carrots need to be planted in sandy soil mix that drains well and is free from stones and debris. You’ll need to weed around your carrots often, to prevent overcrowding. Carrots also require lots of water and are ready to be picked 65-75 days after the seeds are planted.

Radishes.  Radish seeds should be planted about three inches deep, one and a half inches apart. Water your radishes until the soil is moist. Radishes are ready to eat in about one month’s time.

Crookedneck Squash.  Till soil until crumbly and fine.  Squash grow best in rich soil that drains well. Make a small mound with the soil and plant 4 to 5 seeds, each one inch deep. Water seeds regularly to keep soil moist. Summer squash is ready to be harvested 45 to 50 days after planting.

Sweet Peas.  Space sweet pea seeds one inch apart and plant two inches deep in a mound of soil. Place your peas in direct sunlight and water only when the soil is dry. Sweet peas are ready 55-70 days after planting.

If you don’t mind putting in a little extra effort, most plants will benefit from adding compost or organic fungicide to the soil.
 
Once your produce is ready to pick, you can have a grand time creating custom made salads and snacking on fresh treats. If a love of gardening takes root, coach your kids to develop entrepreneurial skills by setting up a farm stand and selling fresh grown vegetables to family and friends. You can even coach them to barter with other gardening neighbors for veggies they haven’t yet grown.
 
The dirt on gardening with kids is this. More than veggies will grow when you garden with your kids.  Your children will grow in their abilities to care and tend to things of the earth and in their sense of personal and global responsibility.  Their sense of self-worth will also bloom with pride from a gardening job well done.  Good fun in the sun! You can’t beat it.

Dr. Caron Goode is an inspirational speaker, spiritual coach, and prolific author of fifteen books. Gifted with compassion and a deep desire to assist others in expressing their passion and potential, Dr. Goode has become a well-respected leader in the parent coaching industry. She directs the Academy for Coaching Parents International that trains students in Heartwise™ parent coaching. Dr. Goode is called on by the media as a parenting and coaching expert. Most recently she has appeared in Women’s World (01-09) and Fort Worth Child magazine (01-09). Dr. Goode has shared her holistic approach to achieving parenting success and negotiating relationships. Dr. Goode holds the titles of National Certified Counselor and Diplomat of the American Psychotherapy Association.

Dr. Caron Goode
www.acpi.biz
 
On the surface, coaching kids to do chores seems like no more than getting children to pick up around the house, Coaching kids to pitch in regularly with household maintenance instills important values, teaches life lessons and basic domestic skills. Each skill listed in this article has an italicized affirmation for you and you child to put on index cards and read together each day to reinforce the team work of a family.

Children feel like they truly belong to their family unit. Having kids do chores helps a child feel connected to their family. Assigning chores allows each member of the family to share responsibility in the day to day operations of home life, which sends these messages

We value you as a family member.
You matter; you contribution matters. 
You are unique and important to the overall success of the family’s day.

 
From teaching responsibility to encouraging independence, chores instill important values in children, such as…

Responsibility. Chores teach kids that they are responsible for their personal items like clothes and toys. If I don’t pick up my things and put them in their place I may lose track of them. 

Teamwork. Chores teach kids that a group of people with a common goal can accomplish much. When everyone does their share of tidying up the house gets clean quicker.

Self-reliance. Chores teach kids that there are some things you must depend on yourself to do. If I want a neat bed and I don’t make it, no one is going to make it for me.

Confidence.  Chores teach kids to have an “I can do it” attitude. Completing age-appropriate tasks can be fun!

Community. Chores teach kids the importance of community living. If I know how to be an active member of my family community, I will be able to be an active member of my school or work community.

Independence.  Chores teach kids that they are capable of doing some things on their own. As I get older, there are more things I can do without a grownups help.  Chores also teach kids important life lessons that are best taught in the safety net of home.
 
Organization.  Chores teach kids that when everything has its place, it’s easy to find things.  When I know where things are I won’t have to waste time searching for them.
 
Structure. Chores teach kids that specific things must be done specific ways.  When I do it right the first time, I won’t have to do it again.
 
Prioritization.  Chores teach kids that sometimes we have to do the things that aren’t fun first. If I want to have a friend over, I need to pick up my play area first.  Chores also help kids teach life skills, basic domestic tasks that all adults must learn to master.  Basic life skills that can be taught through chores include:
 
Cooking. Chores teach kids how to prepare meals and snacks. I can make my own snack when I am hungry.
Cleaning. Chores teach kids how maintain a healthy home. When I see crumbs on the floor I should pick them up so that bugs don’t eat them.
Laundry. Chores teach kids how to care for their clothing. My clothes don’t magically appear clean. 

And the great thing about chores is that even the youngest member of the family can do their part. 

Children as young as one can:

 Help put small toys in a large bin for clean up
 Help make a bed
 Help put clothes in hamper
 Put cup on table or highchair (rather than floor when done)

Children as young as two can:
 
 Clean up small spills
 Put books on a shelf
 Help sort laundry
 Carry small items from car to house
 
Children as young as three can:

 Help set the table
 Empty paper trash cans
 Fold socks
 Put spoons and forks away

Children as young as four can:

 Clear table
 Rinse dishes
 Help vacuum
 Dust

Children as young as five can:

 Set table
 Help prepare meals
 Make a bowl of cereal
 Help feed a baby
 
So as you take part in the annual rite of passage we call Spring Cleaning, get your kids involved.

To motivate your children to do chores:

Consider posting a Spring Cleaning chore chart.  Make a grid and list each family member’s name across the top and chores down the side. As a chore is completed, allow your child to place a sticker or checkmark next to it. After the Spring Cleaning is complete, carry on with a weekly chore chart for the family.

Make chores fun. Have chore races or make up silly songs to sing as you do your chores. The cleanup song has been known to motivate even the most uncooperative toddlers to pick up their toys.

Offer a family reward. Once everyone’s done their job, prepare a favorite meal, play a favorite family game or go on a family outing or adventure.

Spring Cleaning provides the perfect opportunity to introduce your children to chores. Cease the moment! You’ll be thankful you did!

Dr. Caron Goode is gifted with compassion in assisting others to effect lasting transformation through spiritual coaching, books, classes and seminars. Caron’s continuous education, experience in psychology and professional writing makes her a great resource for parents wishing to create and maintain a nurturing relationship their children. She has positioned the Academy for Coaching Parents International (www.acpi.biz) at the forefront of the parent coaching movement to disseminate the coaching model of empowerment for parents. Newest book – Raising Intuitive Children by Goode and Paterson.

10 Super Backyard Games that Equal Family Fun

Dr. Caron Goode
www.acpi.biz

Days and becoming longer and staying lighter. Families have more time to reconnect after an otherwise disjointed day. Winter is officially over and the sounds of spring are beckoning families to the great outdoors. What better way to de-stress, than to run around with the kids in your own backyard and spend quality time with the family. If you play hard, you’ll even work off those extra lattes you were sipping to stay awake during those cold winter months. In addition, what better way to encourage a love of being active and outdoors? If you’re ready to enjoy the warmer weather and have some backyard fun, grab the kids, head outside and play a few of these super fun, family-friendly games.

Hide and Seek. An oldie, but goodie, set up the backyard boundaries and have at it. Choose one person to be the seeker and have him count to 20 while everyone else hides. The last person to be found becomes the seeker.
 
Pick Pocket Tag. Stick a strip of fabric into the back pocket or waistband of each family member. Everyone chases each other, trying to grab the strip of fabric, without getting their own fabric strip taken. The person with the most fabric strips at the end of the game wins.

Hide the Bones.  This is a favorite game of parenting author, Michelle LaRowe, 2004 International Nanny Association Nanny of the Year. Purchase some small, plastic bones from your local party store and hide them throughout the backyard. Give each person a pail and let them collect the bones. The one who has the most wins. While bones add a bit of humor, plastic eggs are a great seasonable substitute if bones aren’t available.

Hop Scotch. Let the kids choose their favorite color of chalk and draw the hop scotch layout in your driveway.  Draw 3 single squares, 1 double square, 2 single squares, 1 double square and 1 single square. Remind the kids that one foot goes in each square. If you’re feeling creative, have the kids find sticks to create your hop scotch board on the grass in the backyard.

Freeze Dance. When the music starts, have everyone do their silliest dance. When it stops, freeze. The last person left in their frozen position wins!

Off to the Races. Race by hopping, crawling, or running to the other side of the lawn. The first one to reach the finish line wins.

Shark Attack. Place hula hoops on the ground to serve as dens for the fish. Select one person to be the shark. When the shark calls out “Fishies, fishies, cross my ocean” the fish move out of their den and try to make it to another den.  If the shark tags the fish while outside of a den, the fish becomes a shark.  The last fish left becomes the shark.

Team Tag. Let the youngest family member be “it” first. Once he tags someone, they join hands and keep tagging people until everyone has joined hands.

Capture the Flag. Divide the lawn into two sides, with a team of family members on each side. Both teams have three minutes to hide their flags. The goal is to capture the other team’s flag without getting caught. If you get caught, you have to go to jail, where you can only be freed by getting tagged out by a member of your team. The first team to capture the other team’s flag and bring it back to their side wins.

Duck, Duck Goose.  Everyone sits in a circle, facing inwards, while the ducker taps each person lightly on the head, saying either duck or goose. When the ducker says goose, the person who was tapped gets up and chases the ducker. If the ducker gets all the way around the circle and back to the goose’s spot, without getting tagged, the goose becomes the new ducker. If the goose catches the ducker, the ducker continues being the ducker.

Now that Spring is really here, coach the family to have some big, backyard fun. Now is the time enjoy the weather and to enjoy each other outside.

Dr. Goode is gifted with compassion in assisting others to effect lasting transformation through spiritual coaching, books, classes and seminars. Caron’s continuous education, experience in psychology and professional writing makes her a great resource for parents wishing to create and maintain a nurturing relationship their children. She has positioned the Academy for Coaching Parents International (www.acpi.biz) at the forefront of the parent coaching movement to disseminate the coaching model of empowerment for parents. Newest book – Raising Intuitive Children at www.raisingintuitivechilren.com

News Channel 8 in DC for the segment about Raising Intuitive Children with Tara Paterson

  Raising Intuitive Children

Get your free chapter of Raising Intuitive Children today!

JaiKaur is Honored to Welcome Tara Paterson and Caron Goode LIVE Mothers Day Special with the Author of Raising Intuitive Children
 
Date:  Friday, May 8th
 
Time: 1:00PM
 
Listen:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jaikaur
 
Get free chapter of Raising Intuitive Children at www.raisingintuitivechildren.com.

by Tara Paterson

I have known from the time I was pregnant with my seven year old son, Caden, I would eventually homeschool him.  I can remember conversations on the phone with my mom about all of the reasons it was the right thing to do (having no knowledge he would turn out to be a highly psychic child).

Recently, we have been presented with the reality that if he continues in public school, he will have to be held back in 2nd grade.  I always knew this could be a possibility, but knowing what I do about his greater ability to see the “whole” of a situation (and in most cases life), I know a traditional school setting is no longer a viable option if I want to keep his psychic gifts open and manageable.

This year is a turning point for his psychic connection.  As Dr. Goode and I discuss in our book Raising Intuitive Children, between the ages of 7 and 8, psychic children make decisions based on their support system whether or not they will remain open or begin to shut down their gifts.  What occurred to me in our situation with Caden, is how school is not an option that will support him with staying connected to his psychic abilities.

Funny how things can trigger the deeper knowing we already have within us. Earlier this week, my husband became aware of the way in which his psychic gifts were shut down and how it showed up in his life in the form of petit mal seizures for over four years.  By discussing his own discovery, we both realized if we keep Caden in public school he will either have to close off some of what he knows to cope on a day to day basis or we need to remove him from the environment entirely.

Caden is what we refer to as an empathic- intuitive with strong psychic abilities and the impact the school environment has had on both his nervous system and his energy has had an enormous affect on his ability to focus on the linear tasks the school requires of a child his age.

Being empathic he:

• reads others
• feels others
• defines himself in relation to others
• needs energetic boundaries
• emotional management skills
• self-identification
• and confidence

Caden absorbs what goes on around him in school from the constant chatter of all of the students, to the kid whose picking on one of his friend’s, to the kid getting in trouble with the teacher, and once at home he will often melt down from all of the energetic chaos he absorbed.   It makes getting through the day for a child with his sensitivities a challenge all on its own.

So our decision has become an obvious one if we want to continue to nurture his psychic abilities.  We put his health at risk (such as my husband’s experience with seizures from shutting his down; at the same age I might add)  if we continue to expect him to cope with a school environment that is not yet ready to understand a child with these sensitivities.

And intuitively I knew homeschooling was the outcome in utero. Be patient and pay attention to those nudges and feelings.  When its time, your kids will give you the answers.  Be willing to remain open to their needs!

By Tara Paterson
I have been amazed at how quick some parents are to accuse other people’s kids of being a part of something they didn’t actually witness for themselves and how at ease they are with taking on the attitude- “my child would never do that.” 

One of the incidents involving my son and his mouth took on an even bigger issue than even I realized.  To give a Reader’s Digest version of the incident, he was accused of saying some things I intuitively knew were not things my son would say.  I also recognized a few things I knew he would say.

I received a phone call from a mom in the neighborhood full of accusations and demeaning undertones directed toward my son.  By the time I got to the bottom of the whole situation and found out one of his friend’s said much of what was in question (per his friend’s confession), my son was once again in tears and hurt he had been accused of something he didn’t say.  Here was part of our conversation:

“This is where “guilt by association” gets you into trouble,” I said.

“But it’s not fair.  I didn’t say those things.”

“I understand, but they know who you are and you’re the name that was given.”

“Well that’s stupid.  That’s judging a book by its cover.”  And I have to agree.

Since this incident, not only has my older son been accused of being a troublemaker, but now my younger son was accused of being one, because he’s his younger brother. It took me a bit of time to get over the feelings this incident has stirred in me, because I know my children and I know what they are capable of. 

Have I seen changes in my son since he began middle school? You bet I have, but I have also seen a child pull away and come right back because he’s been given the space to be authentic to who he is. 

Have I questioned the parenting journey I have chosen; one of being intuitive and parenting through connection and love not coercion and fear?  You bet I have.  It’s hard to feel like you are alone when parenting outside of the box.  I recognize the old style of punishing children and restricting all of their choices based on the concept “that we know what’s best,” is no longer going to work.  Research now shows that parents need to honor and respect their children not strip them of their dignity.  What I realized about this incident is how dangerous the old ways of parenting can be to the very core of our children.  My choice is to parent intuitively; my girlfriend calls it radical parenting.
 
Whether we want to admit it or not, our children will do and say things we don’t approve of when they’re with their friends.  Whether they are trying to be cool, reciting a line from a movie, or trying to impress older kids, they are tempted at times to act differently than the way we taught them to behave.  I have been a witness to many instances where kids have said and done things their parents would never have believed their child would do or say, but don’t be fooled into thinking your child isn’t one of those kids, because as the old saying goes- kids will be kids!

Another warning to parents who turn a blind eye to what their kids are capable of.  If your child is caught doing something inappropriate by your family’s own values or standards, it’s probably because they aren’t making a real effort to “get away” with something; if you’re missing it, they are most likely good at sneaking around or keeping something from you. Be concerned.. 

© 2009 by Tara Paterson ACPI™ Certified Coach for Parents, All Rights Reserved

By Tara Paterson
“You can’t go around being what everyone wants you to be, living your life through other people’s rules, and expect to be happy and have inner peace.” –Dr. Wayne Dyer

I remember what it was like to struggle as an intuitive young person.   In an excerpt from Raising Intuitive Children, a book I co-authored with Dr. Goode, I recall an example of how as an intuitive person, I was viewed by my peers and what the world around me felt like.

“As an intuitive high school student, I always felt different from the other kids I went to school with. I was disappointed when I sensed a student being fake or inauthentic. I had an uncanny way of knowing when other students were gossiping or being cruel to myself or others. I quickly learned I wasn’t able to conform to one of the “cliques,” which often left me feeling like an outcast. I became an easy target for being picked on because I didn’t have the ability to change my personality. High school was an emotionally challenging time for my intuitive style.

“I also recall a time when girlfriends of mine were cruel to me. I remember being the target of a Halloween prank during my junior year of high school; when several girls decided it would be funny to egg me in the face at point blank range. What hurt most was that the one I thought was one of my best friend’s was part of the cruelty. Is this what having friends is like?”

Such incidences of bullying are common for intuitive and sensitive children and teens, even adults. The truth is we can only be authentic and true to our nature, because that’s all an intuitive child knows how to be; cruelty is a learned behavior.

My oldest son began middle school this year and has had similar struggles maintaining his authentic self.  Recently, we’ve had a few incidents in which he has flexed his muscles of being a tween aged boy.  He’s gotten in trouble for saying some things we have deemed inappropriate in our house and was caught texting in school.  Nothing major and certainly nothing we have been overly concerned about.

In a two week period however, I received several calls from his teachers about assignments he wasn’t turning in and his talkativeness during class.  The frequency of the calls (4 in 2 weeks) began to concern me so I sat down to connect with him and get to the bottom of what was going on.  Fortunately, this child is communicative and has an easy time expressing his feelings.  In this instance, it took a little more prodding, but what I uncovered was how he was feeling around some of the kids in school.

There had been a few times prior to this where he had shared the behaviors of some of the kids and at times how he was the target of their comments.  In this situation, he had been a witness to some of the cruelty directed toward other kids and not wanting to be the recipient, he had kept quiet.  A text book example of feeling like you’re caught between a rock and a hard place.  I could relate to how he was feeling; when you can intuit things about the other kids you want to stay off of their radar, because you inevitably feel like you are next on the list for being attacked.
 
To sit across from this normally confident child and see his feelings pour out over the cruelty he was witnessing was heartbreaking.  Knowing he didn’t approve, but couldn’t intervene was obviously going against his authentic nature and showing up by his falling behind in his school work.  I discussed this with a few close friends to get their opinions about ways to guide him with how to handle this situation.  For me, it was hitting too close to home to be impartial to his experience. 

Their suggestions were informative and helpful.  The first suggestion was for him to create his role in this dynamic. 
• How could he avoid condoning their behaviors without becoming the target? 
• What would give him the confidence he needed to be authentic and how would that look to him?

My close friend shared a story about her own daughter’s experience with needing to fit in with the group, but not wanting to drink alcohol.  They identified a role for her that enabled her to be a part of the group, but not pressured to do what the other kids were doing.  She became the designated driver to avoid the pressure to drink. 

The second suggestion I received was to encourage my son to stay out of the drama.  Encourage him to vocalize his objection- “I don’t do drama,” or “I don’t get into drama like this.”  Words he could use that would empower him to feel confident enough to rise above the cruelty without the fear of becoming the next target. In this instance, he is viewed as the neutral party by everyone involved. 

It’s no laughing matter, but the kid who remains neutral could be the one who throws a lifeline to the one’s being picked on.  As parents, we hate to see any child being hurt and we especially don’t like to see our own children crumble under the pressure of their peers when it comes to standing up for another, but the backlash kids face today is often much worse than the feeling of being the hero.

So here’s what kids are facing in school with their peers, what about outside of school? Find out in my next post!